This is a hard one to explain to others; the lack of protection, lack of support growing up. Feeling isolated and vulnerable, putting us into a state of fight or flight.
I have been dealing with healing this all my life. It is so damaging because it is so difficult to detect. How is a small child to know what she is supposed to get and thus recognise what is missing, and thus the trauma.
@@hsuontaa Thank you for your sharing, so true. The child instinctively knows what she needs but without the maturity to understand the problem, tends to blame themself. Then it gets internalised, becomes inner critic, low self-worth, magnet for neglectful relationships.
A parent can take care of a child in all other ways except emotionally, and appear to all the world as a perfect parent. The child does not have the wherewithal to understand what is going on, but knows something is missing and feels sad. When the child gets old enough to figure things out, trying to explain to others often fails because people tend to look on the outside, and see a well-dressed, well-fed person, and may even blame the child for "feeling sorry for themselves". This is why emotional neglect and abuse almost never get mentioned nor dealt with in our society. People don't see the bruises because they are on the inside - not the outside.
Thank you for your comments. So true, you have summed up so well such an important aspect of this trauma, and why it is often never recognised. It is why I created the quiz on my website, Do you have hidden childhood trauma.
I wish I knew this when I was stuck in it even after physically removing myself until I broke at 42 and had focused so much energy on my parents problems going around in circles to still realise that after healing they wont change and I still have to deal with them and they will annoy me and try to push my buttons even if only engaging in a transactional manner for the rest of my life until they pass 🎉🫣 joy. Oh well hopefully awareness and moments of peace I get to enjoy now that I did not before. Thanks for your video
Thank Graham, lots of growth for you dealing with such immature parents. Good idea to keep resolving issues with your internalised parents before the outer ones pass. Best wishes
I think one example is the parent who notices you, doesn't interact with you very much unless you please them, and even after you please them, they give you a half nod and token small smile. It's like you barely met the criteria to be pleasing, but not quite. You are never enough. But the truth is you are enough, just not for them because they are a mess.
Yes you are so right. Like being keep dangling on a hook, hoping for more acceptance. Very manipulative. The inner child needs to hear the truth from our adult self for those empty places to be filled.
I taught in an upper crust girls boarding school for two years and was a so-called "housemother", living in the student residence. What I saw there was a huge eye-opener. Girls from rich families who simply could not get the attention they craved from their parents. Some of them acted out by setting fires, taking pills or stealing. Their parents were presidents of banks, CEOs, diplomats, and so on. The only students who really benefitted from boarding school were the girls who were already well brought up when they arrived. By that, I mean loved, cared for and supported by their parents.
Those are some of the saddest cases of messed up teenagers. I once met a girl who had come into care at a residential drug and alcohol rehab on account of her behaviour. Dad was a high earning, high achieving CEO type. Mum was busy spending Dads money, and although she went to one of the most prestigious private schools on offer, it was painstakingly clear why this girl was a wreck.
i literally told my parents as a kid i wished they'd just beat me as at least it'd be easier to explain how messed up things were instead of their psychological games & self absorption - the impacts of their omission only started to become apparent to me once i was a parent & moreso now that i'm in my 1st real attempted long term partnership (as opposed to relationships that were more sort of nice at the time but without any real attempt to build something more sustainable) - thank you for this 💚
Yes, it would have been easier if there were bruises and blood! That sort of projection of trauma does take maturity to see, face and heal out. Godspeed on your healing journey, soul warrior
Thanks James I have the results of physical trauma and violence, but it’s the omission trauma and being ignored that I often struggle with. Which also includes not being able to bond as a newborn due to being 10 weeks premature in the 60’s, so they didn’t let the parents hold the babies then, and my first 3 months was spent like this.
This really resonates with me! My adopted daughter was in a hospital for the first month of her life before she was placed in a children's home. We received her at 5 months. The thought of her laying there in that hospital bed with no one to hold and comfort her except at bottle time is so heartbreaking! I am absolutely certain it is the primary source of all her behavioral issues. The helplessness she must have felt when she cried and no one comforted her... I wish you strength and healing 🙏🏽
Thank you for sharing. I'm 61 too! Good vintage! Have you done deep inner child hypnotherapy? I have found that one of the most helpful things from the psychology angle.
@@lottielane2486 So true Lottie. It is not the trauma alone that determines how a person comes out, it is the strength or weakness of the personality, soul connection too. The narcissistic type is a weak person, having to bully, blame, control others to feel strong.
My mother was about 3 years old, emotionally seen. Which means that my sister and I have been taking care of her (parentification). I consider that also a form of the neglect or not emotionally or otherwise being available from the side of my mother. She had an anxiety disorder and pretty much high narcissistic behaviour, and anxiety-agression combination. Hard to deal with.
Thank you so much for sharing. You had to deal with both severe emotional, psychological neglect and projective attack. You must be a true soul warrior.
My Dad said; "I gave you a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food on the table." Age 14-I replied; "I could have got that from an orphanage." He walked off.
Thank you Susannah. I love your response to his dismissive remark! Many people never find the strength to face and own their traumatic stress, so deny, dismiss, pass on to their children. I hope your healing journey is going well.
Sorry to hear. People defend against their own pain by projecting and denying. Fortunately we can witness and heal completely without their acknowledgment. Godspeed to you on your healing journey.
As an abused, neglected, unloved, terrorized child ..we are not even aware...we know we dont feel loved but its hard to articulate...we go to a friends house and the family laughs, jokes, are happy, say they love each other...then you know...but you still dont have the tools...you leave home with an empty tool box, you either figure it out and fill your toolbox w good tools to pass onto your kids and mates, or you leave that empty toolbox outside to rust and stay empty...like your heart and soul....and you unconsciously seek out mates that also have no toolboxes, or have one that is in worse shape than yours😢 because it feels normal....😢😢😢😢😢
So true! You just summarised so much of what happens for the traumatised child. You are a soul warrior, because you went through all that but are creating better for yourself and others. Thank you for sharing mate.
I'm now 70, I stayed 27 years with a man whose parents who provided food and shelter....and i was finally able to say 18 years later that his father was the worst person I've ever known, brilliant, rich, but also very wounded.....
i'm sorry 💚 do you find people often have a hard time actually accepting your "parent" acted like that? i'd get so frustrated when sharing about my kid's other parent as seems most couldn't truly comprehend some parents seriously don't "try their best" or "deep down love their kid" etc. at least my "parents" taught me that my "dad" abandoned me with my deeply disturbed "mom" for a year (until i contacted him to propose a way he could pay substantially less than he was for child support but still not have to let me live with him, lol) because i warned him i had to get to work & hung up on him yelling at me because i'd racked up long distance charges on the phone line he had to call me without having to talk to my mom even though i pointed out i couldn't pay him back if i lost my job 🤪 that dynamic hasn't ever really improved there are too many examples with my "mom" to even begin 🙄 some people *really* shouldn't be able to procreate
Honestly I gasped. It's hard imagine how damaged and lacking a mother must be to inflict such cruelty on her child. And for so long. Unbelievably sad and infuriating. I'm so very sorry you had to endure that and hope you're healing and living better now.
MISSION may be the RX for OMISSION? As children, we may not feel a sense of PURPOSE, or a sense of MISSIION (In earlier times, children were given WORK FUNCTIONS, earning money, etc) ======================================================== TNX
Emotion code is an energy psychology modality using muscle testing to identify and release trapped emotions. Developed by Bradley Nelson, well researched. I have found it effective personally. Thanks for asking!
This is wonderful except the part where every family is a bit dysfunctional. That's not correct. There are perfectly healthy and functional families. They should not be sidelined or dismissed.
Thank you Meribel, I was repeating an old psychology idea, that all families are a bit dysfunctional. I look forward to a world where healthy, loving families are the norm, and all children can develop in security and safety. I celebrate those families with you.
Exactly correct.....i didn't suffer from that as a child....Now for the past decade in a very emotionally neglect...avoidance, it keeps one in fight,flight, freeze.... horrifying ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
This is a hard one to explain to others; the lack of protection, lack of support growing up. Feeling isolated and vulnerable, putting us into a state of fight or flight.
Exactly! It is why is can get so buried in our experience, so overlooked yet pervasive and very damaging
I have been dealing with healing this all my life. It is so damaging because it is so difficult to detect. How is a small child to know what she is supposed to get and thus recognise what is missing, and thus the trauma.
@@hsuontaa Thank you for your sharing, so true. The child instinctively knows what she needs but without the maturity to understand the problem, tends to blame themself. Then it gets internalised, becomes inner critic, low self-worth, magnet for neglectful relationships.
Yes 😞💔
A parent can take care of a child in all other ways except emotionally, and appear to all the world as a perfect parent. The child does not have the wherewithal to understand what is going on, but knows something is missing and feels sad. When the child gets old enough to figure things out, trying to explain to others often fails because people tend to look on the outside, and see a well-dressed, well-fed person, and may even blame the child for "feeling sorry for themselves". This is why emotional neglect and abuse almost never get mentioned nor dealt with in our society. People don't see the bruises because they are on the inside - not the outside.
Thank you for your comments. So true, you have summed up so well such an important aspect of this trauma, and why it is often never recognised. It is why I created the quiz on my website, Do you have hidden childhood trauma.
I wish I knew this when I was stuck in it even after physically removing myself until I broke at 42 and had focused so much energy on my parents problems going around in circles to still realise that after healing they wont change and I still have to deal with them and they will annoy me and try to push my buttons even if only engaging in a transactional manner for the rest of my life until they pass 🎉🫣 joy. Oh well hopefully awareness and moments of peace I get to enjoy now that I did not before. Thanks for your video
Thank Graham, lots of growth for you dealing with such immature parents. Good idea to keep resolving issues with your internalised parents before the outer ones pass. Best wishes
I think one example is the parent who notices you, doesn't interact with you very much unless you please them, and even after you please them, they give you a half nod and token small smile. It's like you barely met the criteria to be pleasing, but not quite. You are never enough. But the truth is you are enough, just not for them because they are a mess.
Yes you are so right. Like being keep dangling on a hook, hoping for more acceptance. Very manipulative. The inner child needs to hear the truth from our adult self for those empty places to be filled.
I taught in an upper crust girls boarding school for two years and was a so-called "housemother", living in the student residence. What I saw there was a huge eye-opener. Girls from rich families who simply could not get the attention they craved from their parents. Some of them acted out by setting fires, taking pills or stealing. Their parents were presidents of banks, CEOs, diplomats, and so on. The only students who really benefitted from boarding school were the girls who were already well brought up when they arrived. By that, I mean loved, cared for and supported by their parents.
Thank you for sharing this Mary, you had front row seats to witness the effects of parenting. Tragic for the 'lucky' rich girls.
Those are some of the saddest cases of messed up teenagers. I once met a girl who had come into care at a residential drug and alcohol rehab on account of her behaviour. Dad was a high earning, high achieving CEO type. Mum was busy spending Dads money, and although she went to one of the most prestigious private schools on offer, it was painstakingly clear why this girl was a wreck.
@@neurodeviant Thank you for sharing that story, another strong example of neglect traumatic stress
i literally told my parents as a kid i wished they'd just beat me as at least it'd be easier to explain how messed up things were instead of their psychological games & self absorption - the impacts of their omission only started to become apparent to me once i was a parent & moreso now that i'm in my 1st real attempted long term partnership (as opposed to relationships that were more sort of nice at the time but without any real attempt to build something more sustainable) - thank you for this 💚
Yes, it would have been easier if there were bruises and blood! That sort of projection of trauma does take maturity to see, face and heal out. Godspeed on your healing journey, soul warrior
Thanks James I have the results of physical trauma and violence, but it’s the omission trauma and being ignored that I often struggle with. Which also includes not being able to bond as a newborn due to being 10 weeks premature in the 60’s, so they didn’t let the parents hold the babies then, and my first 3 months was spent like this.
Oh my goodness! That prem baby trauma sits so deep, with everything else on top of it. Hope your healing journey is going well, soul warrior
This really resonates with me! My adopted daughter was in a hospital for the first month of her life before she was placed in a children's home. We received her at 5 months. The thought of her laying there in that hospital bed with no one to hold and comfort her except at bottle time is so heartbreaking! I am absolutely certain it is the primary source of all her behavioral issues. The helplessness she must have felt when she cried and no one comforted her... I wish you strength and healing 🙏🏽
Turned to isolation as a coping mechanism. At 61 I dont know how to turn this around. Spent thousands on so many modalities.
Thank you for sharing. I'm 61 too! Good vintage! Have you done deep inner child hypnotherapy? I have found that one of the most helpful things from the psychology angle.
Great explanation, James. Yes no child should be ignored. Very hidden trauma as you have explained. Thankyou for these great videos
Yes Fee, it is so important to acknowledge the hidden aspect too.
Ahh, do you see the antimatter too?
These traumas can result in a child becoming a very narcisstic adult. Unaware of their entitled behaviours. Blaming everyone but themselves.
@@lottielane2486 So true Lottie. It is not the trauma alone that determines how a person comes out, it is the strength or weakness of the personality, soul connection too. The narcissistic type is a weak person, having to bully, blame, control others to feel strong.
@@AwakenTherapyYes. Thank you. Never thought of them that way before. But you are so right.
My mother was about 3 years old, emotionally seen. Which means that my sister and I have been taking care of her (parentification). I consider that also a form of the neglect or not emotionally or otherwise being available from the side of my mother. She had an anxiety disorder and pretty much high narcissistic behaviour, and anxiety-agression combination. Hard to deal with.
Thank you so much for sharing. You had to deal with both severe emotional, psychological neglect and projective attack. You must be a true soul warrior.
I had 13 yes's. Now subbing and looking through your videos. Thank you, I've been lookjng for this for a long time. Thank you for doing this.
So welcome, pleased they are helpful to you.
My Dad said; "I gave you a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food on the table." Age 14-I replied; "I could have got that from an orphanage." He walked off.
Thank you Susannah. I love your response to his dismissive remark! Many people never find the strength to face and own their traumatic stress, so deny, dismiss, pass on to their children. I hope your healing journey is going well.
This is what happened to me....hard to grasp that my family treated me this way.....AND WILL NEVER ADMIT IT!!
Sorry to hear. People defend against their own pain by projecting and denying. Fortunately we can witness and heal completely without their acknowledgment. Godspeed to you on your healing journey.
@@AwakenTherapy thank you...!!!
As an abused, neglected, unloved, terrorized child ..we are not even aware...we know we dont feel loved but its hard to articulate...we go to a friends house and the family laughs, jokes, are happy, say they love each other...then you know...but you still dont have the tools...you leave home with an empty tool box, you either figure it out and fill your toolbox w good tools to pass onto your kids and mates, or you leave that empty toolbox outside to rust and stay empty...like your heart and soul....and you unconsciously seek out mates that also have no toolboxes, or have one that is in worse shape than yours😢 because it feels normal....😢😢😢😢😢
So true! You just summarised so much of what happens for the traumatised child. You are a soul warrior, because you went through all that but are creating better for yourself and others. Thank you for sharing mate.
So well said.
I'm now 70, I stayed 27 years with a man whose parents who provided food and shelter....and i was finally able to say 18 years later that his father was the worst person I've ever known, brilliant, rich, but also very wounded.....
Thank you for sharing Nancy. Sounds like a journey going through that and then leaving. Godspeed to you.
My mother did not speak to me, look at me, or respond to me for 2 to 3 years as a child under the age of 12 because i did something to disappoint her.
i'm sorry 💚 do you find people often have a hard time actually accepting your "parent" acted like that? i'd get so frustrated when sharing about my kid's other parent as seems most couldn't truly comprehend some parents seriously don't "try their best" or "deep down love their kid" etc. at least my "parents" taught me that
my "dad" abandoned me with my deeply disturbed "mom" for a year (until i contacted him to propose a way he could pay substantially less than he was for child support but still not have to let me live with him, lol) because i warned him i had to get to work & hung up on him yelling at me because i'd racked up long distance charges on the phone line he had to call me without having to talk to my mom even though i pointed out i couldn't pay him back if i lost my job 🤪 that dynamic hasn't ever really improved
there are too many examples with my "mom" to even begin 🙄 some people *really* shouldn't be able to procreate
Resentment for a lifetime because I questioned things. It happens.
Honestly I gasped. It's hard imagine how damaged and lacking a mother must be to inflict such cruelty on her child. And for so long. Unbelievably sad and infuriating. I'm so very sorry you had to endure that and hope you're healing and living better now.
So sorry to hear. That is extreme projection from your mother to you of her own abandonment trauma. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Huge challenges you have endured! How is your healing journey going, soul warrior.
MISSION may be the RX for OMISSION?
As children, we may not feel a sense of PURPOSE, or a sense of MISSIION
(In earlier times, children were given WORK FUNCTIONS, earning money, etc)
======================================================== TNX
Now I hold back and deny
Remember Debbie, loving attention will always heal. Best wishes on your healing journey.
What is Emotion Code?
Emotion code is an energy psychology modality using muscle testing to identify and release trapped emotions. Developed by Bradley Nelson, well researched. I have found it effective personally. Thanks for asking!
This is wonderful except the part where every family is a bit dysfunctional. That's not correct. There are perfectly healthy and functional families. They should not be sidelined or dismissed.
Thank you Meribel, I was repeating an old psychology idea, that all families are a bit dysfunctional. I look forward to a world where healthy, loving families are the norm, and all children can develop in security and safety. I celebrate those families with you.
Exactly correct.....i didn't suffer from that as a child....Now for the past decade in a very emotionally neglect...avoidance, it keeps one in fight,flight, freeze.... horrifying ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Sorry to hear. Godspeed as you find the strength, courage and self-love to resolve your situation.