The impact of trauma on a child brain (not integrated until 6-9 yrs of age), is that it splits the right side of the brain into a fragment, that contains those feelings that were too unbearable for the child to take, if this happens enough, the child brain can split the left side of the brain, the everyday self, and this can cause DID, where the child creates alters to hold the traumatic memories separate (dissociative amnesia) to keep the child safe. The brain is always trying to protect us, the body always wants to look after itself ('auto-immune' is not the body turning it is the body fighting systemic pathogenic infection but thats for another day, sigh). PTSD is literally splitting, where the body split an emotional fragment to contain those feelings which were too much for the self. The reason, I feel, that talk therapy fails traumatised individuals, is they come at trauma and its resulting emotional dysregulation from an intellectual perspective. Yet the fragmented self is emotional, and it feels intense shame/guilt/pain.. The way I found to integrate, is when I feel triggered (CPTSD) I use my observing self to validate the triggered part of my system (fragmented emotional part), I accept it with unconditional love, I ask that part of me what it needs, I embrace it and protect it, I emotionally regulate inwardly through COMPASSION for all parts of my self. I understand, that those spilt parts, split to protect me, and for that I am thankful, loving, and meet with grace.
Tell me what you know about autoimmune! I have PTSD and multiple autoimmune disorders. The doctors always say “we don’t know why the body creates antibodies against itself”
@@jessicaadorn Gabor Maté has talked about autoimmune disorders a lot. The general sense is that extreme emotional suppression plays a big factor, but I'm sure there's more to it. Inauthenticity might be an additional part.
@@jessicaadorn "The body keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Koff is extremely useful to explain somatic illness ...... I also have auto immune disease after a lifetime of trauma.
About 2 years ago (5 years post trauma treatment and emdr), some of my very early memories have come back. It’s really hard putting memories together when you’re missing over half of your life but the memory of when I trauma split is surprisingly clear. I was pacing the cul de sac of my neighborhood thinking out loud (yes talking to myself and no doubt looking like an insane 1st grader.) It was right after an incident of emotional and psychological abuse from my mom and brother (the abuse started as soon as my emotional gifts started to appear, 3 or 4). My thoughts and emotions were like an erupting volcano, I had no idea what to do and I was this little 6 or 7 yr old having a panic attack on the street. Then a split second later, like magic, I became emotionally numb. One second I felt like I was dying and the next second I became unemotional and very maturely decided “I’ll change who I am so they don’t have any reason to hurt me anymore.” My gifted brain was forced into a structural dissociation and I think gradually, I developed dissociative identity disorder because I had to change my personality at any given moment in order to avoid abuse (which never really worked). I’m 42 now and live in complete isolation with a broken nervous system and complete apathy, unless I’m triggered. I have no idea how many “alters” I have. Too many memories are missing to piece it together and there isn’t a manual on what differences make an alter. From what I can tell, I think the alter that has been conscious the longest is shame and self hate (carries all of my shame and self hate). She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 27 at the 1st mental hospital. Then there is neurodivergent mom that was created when I came home one night to my mom screaming at my 5 year old son while he was in a complete meltdown and my dad was screaming that my mom shoved a dirty sock in his mouth to get him to “shut up”. It was complete chaos and in that moment my mind created the perfect mom for her autistic child so we could escape my parents house and become self sufficient. I silently picked up my screaming son, took him to his room and rocked him to sleep while saying “this was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are a good boy.” Over and over. 6 months later, we were able to move out. The best I can do right now treatment-wise, being a single mom is journaling, mindful introspection, isolation and self care. I’m not gonna lie, I struggle every day but it’s almost impossible finding useful treatment for this…it’s even harder finding professionals that understand DID. I do hope that improves eventually. Oh, I was born a highly sensitive, emotionally intense/gifted, hyper empathetic, and was most probably on the autism spectrum. I grew up in an abusive house with a covert narcissistic mom and brother (2 years older and born just constantly bitter and angry vs my happy and overly agreeable nature). The scapegoating, emotional, psychological and physical (brother) abuse started around pre-school. Although my brother started hurting me the second I was born really.
As challenging, or as unappealing, as this may be, do not give up, hope in finding a good therapist to help you on your journey. Even if it’s a matter of expense, there are kind, caring, effective therapists out there who will work with you financially. I know, because I split after the suicide of my father when I was eight years old. It took me a few years to find the right therapist, but he has stuck with me through everything, and I owe him a lot.
absolutely. i had that split as a child. i remember it happening. later, as a career paramedic i asked that shielding self to hold more and more pain, guilt, etc until she fell apart. self harm and eating disorders became our way to maintain that control. emdr therapy helped w my physical ptsd symptoms, panic attacks and the like, but couldnt put my shielding self back together. she had lost her confidence and questioned her ability to keep us safe. and then i came out as transgender. discovering that truth about myself/ves brought the loving vulnerable me to the front. i convinced her to trust people to trust our friends. when i was run out of my fire dept we began to fight. both of my fronting selves convinced that they owned the truth and consequently knew the proper course of action while the me that i consider to be Me was stuck in the backseat watching them fight for the wheel.
I was thinking that my splitting also has to do with my personality, where I am happy and bubbly but on the other hand I am forlorn and withdrawn. I would be happy for my parent when they wanted me to be for them and if something was going wrong for them I would become sad or concerned but also I would just appear however they wanted me to feel.
Thank you for your articulation of inner conflict. I agree that stillness and acknowledging or at least, observing the inner conflict from a place of quiet compassion, acceptance, and love is a rewarding path to well-being.
Beautifully articulated here, thanks for the advice. I do think splitting is a deeply embodied process also, especially with violent trauma. For me, the use of EFT (tapping) really helped liberate the frozen parts of the psyche that might not have otherwise shown up for this well suggested dialogue!
By god did I need this in my life... I've been in intenral conflict with this for yearss or so and I wasn't sure what the language was. (As why do I keep doing this to myself - ) and repeat ... due to this I've been in constant self destruction day in nd out -- thank you for explaining and giving examples and ways to overcome them 🙌 And I don't know about others here but I feel more human and normal to know its normal of the spilt LOL I have bpd and ptsd.. probably complex.. but even so to hear its normal psyche thing it kinda feels like a sort of reliefto hear -- p.s love how calm and grounded you are and simply complex topics such as this --
truly incredible video. thank you for sharing this with us. i really hope your channel grows more and more because everyone should know about this. i'm struggling with this a lot right now and have been trying to understand myself better, and this video is exactly what i needed at this time. i am making notes on your video so i can refer back to it and truly implement it into my day to day. thank you once again!
Helpful examples of fragmentation and integration of them with healthy patient interaction between the fragments in quiet safe comfortable inner environment. Thankyou
Thank you for this information you explain everything in a way that makes sense. Your voice and manner are soothing. You are helping people to heal. Keep up this great work,keep your videos coming.
This is exactly what I'm experiencing right now and trying to resolve. But I would say I think both parts are protectors. One is the fight/fawn active part the other is the freeze/flee passive part. When something goes wrong instead of putting any blame outwardly one part will always blame the other. "You should have done this." Or "You should have just stayed quiet." Etc. Awareness and acceptance doesn't seem to be enough because both sides want to feel safe and don't trust the other. Its hard to learn to trust yourself when every decision feels wrong. It feels like an impossible puzzle.
I think it can seem impossible to resolve Rhiannon. I have found that disidentifying from either side (not picking favorites) while validating both is a very effective way to relate.
Thanks, Dr. Maloney. Very concise, which my productive persona needed to acquiesce to the morning rest and intake needing persona still demands, lol. I’m down this road away and asa personal and professional development coach, I am seeing the “shadow work” / Inner Child Outter Child / Adult Self conversations bring really big weekly changes. I’ll be referring my members to this video
it’s a very strange thing.. i went through integration in 2012 after years of trauma. then in 2018 it all came crashing down, and i’m in a integrative part of my life again. so i can deduct from this that it isn’t a ‘one time thing,’ yes? :O what’s interesting is this time in my second integration, i def am more wiser and knowledgeable. you know? ugh. i can’t really use words rn lol but it’s strange, it’s like life is just happening and integration is happening on its own for me, both times. it’s like i became my own observer and my own therapist both times. which leads me to believe that the psyche and mental health and psychology definitely has roots in spirituality. at least for me it does :) because it feels like on my mind there are two different entities. one is more masculine, and the other is more feminine. one has action, and the other wants to just ‘be.’ yes! i resonate more with the action side. but i want what i call ‘her’ (my feminine side/the just being/compassionate side) to be in slightly more control. but i’m seeing that a perfect balance is probably the best right?
I love this video. I am really being helped by your channel and am blessed by finding it. Thank you so much for your content and the effort you've put in to create material that is quality and able to reach and help a large group of people easily. I wish you the best in the desires you have. I mentioned your channel to a pysch I know in Arizona in the US and he thought he had heard of your channel. I thought you might like to know that. This has me thinking about bipolar. I've heard that there seems to a connection between fear of abandonment and bipolar. I wonder if there is a split something like, endless drive for accomplishment to prove worthiness or value/endless ability to take care of yourself and your own needs and the needs of others and the flip side of hurt/helplessness/inability to have needs met by yourself or others/exhausted to dysfunction.
This is one of the most helpful videos regarding self work I have seen on YT and I have really watched a lot of them... You are truly a wonderful teacher!!! THANK YOU! Could you please make a video about journaling prompts that would help integrate the split parts? I have just recently discovered the shadow/persona work... I have already had improvements doing the work. Personally I think there are some things in these two methods that are lacking. The shadow/ persona work doesn't account for the shadow needing guidance from the adult part of us/being childlike ( it makes sense it's childlike as we've disowned it being children) and in the inner child work doesn't account for the fact that the adult part of us is not really a totally perfect parent and it needs to change too. And in the inner child work the integration is much slower, I think. It would be really interesing to combine the two approaches. Thank you again and hoping for your channel to grow quickly!!!
I wish id heard this first part years ago. I always believed i couldnt have DID because i believed i didnt have trauma. I do. Im struggling with feeling very fractured at the moment as ive realised how split i am through therapy. It is so painful to not know who you are.
It's not about compromise t's not about cooperation it's about transformation. Which comes through acknowledgment and acceptance of the wounded self and as you do your wounded self transforms into healing.
2me visionnage de vidéo : I didn't know I was, I am identifiés with m'y protective part, that is agressive ans lazy, procrastinative and vert powerful (autoritaire) :u don't deserve,, so I'm livind un thé "unacheaved" ,d'inachevé. Thank u son much.
Probably main reason for failing relationships, when you come off as uncertain, unclear and disconnected(through dissosiation) or Even as hypocrit as the fragments Are not connected and aligned.
At 5:20 you said that the vulnerable inner child typically identifies with the independent protector (Avoidant Protector or Angry Protector), but for me, my child continues to identify with the vulnerable sensitive self, as it always has because that’s what it has always been… and I see my Protectors as just that- something that was “created” and not “original to who I am”. Yet they are still not yet reconciled, and so your teaching about them disliking each other and being in conflict along with the imagery is helpful for me. 5:19
In me they don't really hate each other. It seems like the protector is just trying to rigidly set up conditions so that it can rest and then the little child it's protecting that just wants to love everything can at least love something and not get itself hurt.
Its kinda like masculine and feminine energy in us.the masculine its a go go go(the head) and feminine slowly gentle(heart,body).Balance them together and all is well😁
My stepdaughter would split and I would call her lazy, because I didn’t have a word for it, except to compare hit to the times she was such a motivated “machine” at school and in sports but she also had a streak where she would just give up on her emotional side. I feel so bad I couldn’t help her through her parents’ co-parenting animosity. I could watch her just split emotionally and personally.
@@iamthefiremanjj yeah I know, my point is that she was extremely talented and focused and also she was extremely lazy and unfocused, she was diagnosed with adhd and I would witness massive swings. I didn’t know what it was but she was under a lot of abuse from a narcissistic parent. I would joke around with her and say “lazy” in a way that wasn’t accusatory, I would also comment on how great she was at her course work and of course I feel guilty because I had to witness narcissistic abuse of a child and I could do nothing about it so I go over every aspect of my relationship with her trying to figure out how I failed her, yet I know I did all I could do, I should have healed myself and not let myself become hyper focused on protecting her.
This is interesting, I have both of these sides. I need more sleep but I can’t figure out how to rest or relax. I did just figure out that this may also be part of my personality, the happy go lucky and the forlorn withdrawn. I’m going to do some work with this in writing. Thank you for the analysis.
actually i would say we are stronger emotionally and physically as babies...they are very resilient ....they bounce off their heads and are fine, smiling, happy , laughing
Lazy is a myth and a harmful one at that. As long as you call yourself lazy you're retraumatizing yourself and replaying your abusers messages. You're not lazy. You're struggling and you need help.
I wish I could have this much control over the conflicting sides of my trauma damaged brain - I have lived with untreated trauma for 5 years . The 2 opposing sided of my brain are desperately needing help and needing to be productive- the helpless side wins out a lot although I identify with the other side
I don't think this theory makes sense i keep hearing about splitting but i think this is the different aspects of yourself and the dark and light sides you're feeling but you just don't know how to manage it and deal with it then use them together. We all have multiple different aspects and personalities in there because we're a very dynamic and multifaceted species, as the saying goes it's like we have multiple people in one body lol everyone feels this all the time, we're not quite that simple as only having two sides or only the light and the dark we're pretty complex beings. Learning about cptd which i definitely have it's crazy how confused you can be and how much you actually don't know and how that effects how you identify yourself and perceive things, like you can't even describe or put a name to things even some of your feelings until you find the right information you identify with. Even searching up the definition of words to see what it means to figure out if that is how you feel, i didn't even know that despair is what i feel a lot and i didn't actually understand what it really means until then. Not being able to form relationships you just haven't been taught any social skills or had anything explained to you how to navigate, manage, and deal with different situations with different people especially the negative type of people you've always been surrounded with you've no idea how to deal with it. When we should be taught how from day 1 of our lives and i'd say we all know how that feels these days. Things do feel more disconnected because we haven't been able to learn or make the connections between things yet but there are certainly connections and relations between things. Things start to make more and more sense though as you learn things and form the right connections between everything.
Formidable years my niece is still 6 and is already having alters she has a mommy her and an imaginary friend “sharka”. She’s had gut health issues since a toddler. And freak night terrors she can not be woke from. My sister won’t take her to get psych help or assessment. It worries me what can I do. I have my own trauma and split I am healing and want to help but don’t want to do damage. I’m still learning for myself.
Yes, at some point; via the grace of God, we search out how to understand our traumas. This searching out and understanding is a must. Once you understand your trauma, you can now use that same trauma to strengthen you. It's actually quite beautiful! God designed us to be able to take what the Devil meant for evil for us and turn/transmute that evil INTO GOOD😀😃!! It's absolutely brilliant and mind boggling how we are absolutely created in the image if God. The ability to take evil snd make it good is literally a god-like power of protection/self preservation that we are born with!! A fantastic gift of/from the creator of the universe!!! Just wrap your mind around that folks! Really consider this FACT! THERE IS NO REASON TO STAY DAMAGED ONCE YOUVE IDENTIFIED AND UNDERSTOOD THE DAMAGE!!! WE HAVE THE ABSOLUTE POWER AND ABILITY TO REVERSE THE CURSE AND REPAIR ANY DAMAGE/TRAUMA THAT WEVE BEEN THROUGH!!! WOW!! It feels so good to be aware of this power!!
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy yes it really is! God gave us an immune system...and indeed this system is absolutely brilliant in its design! We're still discovering it's amazing properties! This immune/defense system extends to our psyche as well!!! We know how the human body repairs itself both internally and externally via various specific cell types, now once we extend that understanding to the mind...WOW... I get chills thinking about it, we begin to understand that yes, God has not forgotten about our psyches!!!! He has indeed given us, or extended, our immune system to INCLUDE the spirit, the MIND! It's absolutely fascinating. Are you familiar with Robert Monroe's work? He...as well as other academics...speak about the spirit body. Well, this is a while other subject, but this body is very real in the sense that it does exist and is quantifiable. But I digress. Yes sir, OUR IMMUNE SYSTEM EXTENDS TO THE PSYCHE AS WELL!!!
Maybe your god could use his infinite power to protect people from abuse instead of expecting us to magic the effect of it away ourselves? Feels like that would be more efficient. Good for you, for finding a coping mechanism that seems to work for you, tho 👍
If this split happens very early on I think that's where borderline and autism come from. I think the children who identify with their feelings and refuse to give up hope of emotional connection identify with the vulnerable and hurt part, and that's where borderline comes from. The very young children who decide that their feelings don't matter to anyone and proceed to throw away the rememberance that emotional connection is a thing and they want it become autistic.
I know it's very complex thinking about the origins of these conditions. But I think you're on to something. I've heard so many explanations regarding the cause' of BPD. Yours seems more compassionate than most. The impact of trauma in the pre-verbal stage of development is almost completely unknown.
This is wrong. Borderline is just a gender specific twist on narcissism, which is where people shut down, and live in the constant pursuit of control and power when they identify with the protector. The entire narcissist construct IS the protector. Unfortunately, the protector becomes their entire identity because that vulnerable part is shattered. Narcs are formed very early, often from birth. Those who identify with the vulnerable part tend to be co-dependant, often times have C-PTSD, or both. I know first hand, because I’ve lived and experienced every word I’ve written here. We need to start getting correct information out there and start to understand how society and families are set up to roll out generational trauma. Our entire society is becoming more and more narc, sociopath, or just depressed and apathetic. The autism thing is interesting though. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if that’s true….
@@angelamossucco2190 I'm not sure if you deleted your comment, but if you have a serious interest in what I wrote, look up HG Tudor and search for related vids. He has a vid "HG Tudor, Borderline", that explains that part, and he is 100% accurate not only on that account, but everything. Many vids about the narc construct and how it's not just a part, it is their entire being, and it protects at all costs. Narcs do not possess a vulnerable side, if some element of it does exist, you will never see it. Borderline is a nice term for narc as HG points out. The psychology community is not infallible, nor are they immune to playing with terms for a desired result. Women can't be narcs, because they have no empathy, only guys have no empathy right? Ahhh...women are borderline, a totally vague term that very few people even understand what it actually means. Because it's a made up term to shield the idea of how woman are "supposed to be". Percentage of women to men narc is roughly 50/50 as HG points out, because the world is roughly 50/50 men and women, as are families, where narcs are born and breed. Trauma is not gender specific, and that's exactly what we're talking about: family trauma. Kick out the terms and that's what you're left with. Except we as a society are conditioned to fit things into terms, and that's where our trauma goes to die as a societal whole. Because that's the point: argue over terms and who knows more, instead of doing something about it! So we do nothing. Sam Vinkin, another self aware narc, is great too, and he's pretty funny and interesting to listen too.
Hi, could you please talk about abandonment trauma? Abandoned by father at 4 and mother at 17 to immigration😒 what are the consequences and how do I reintegtate?
In your clinical experience would you say that individuals who work on reintegration notice consistent improvements either day by day or maybe week to week, or do they have big breakthroughs spaced out over multiple months?
How does over protecitive mother play a role in this ? Im adult and still treated like a child . It makes me feel stupid and like i cant make my own decisions . Been working on it but she makes it super difficult even when i point out the behavior
What happen if you have an adult side and a child side and you validate them both, but the child comes out when you are faced with paperwork to sign and you become over trusting and fear the inability to bring the adult to the forefront to protect you from people who are taking advantage of your trust?
Hi Amy. Good question. A few thoughts I have. Trust is not something that is developed instantly. The parent part will typically (and understandably) be guarded around the child part. It's not about completely dropping defenses indiscriminately. This is done gradually, with discernment, over time. Patience with all our reactions is very helpful too 🙏🙏
In terms of relating to both sides, the approach is to treat them as equals. This means we either negate them or validate them both equally. Personally I find validating both is the better approach. Ultimately we come to see both as being based in genuine needs and both start to compliment one another rather than conflict.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy thanks for your response. But what if one part of my psyche came about from a situation where I had to fight to survive for a few years? This side of me is very angry and extremely violent. When I was tapped into this side everything happening around me felt like it was just a bad dream and not real. This side of me was so extreme however that some of my buddies were absolutely horrified and disgusted at what I did so they avoided me. I absolutely hate this side of myself. I don’t want this part to ever see the light of day again unless my life depends on it because it could get me in a lot of trouble so I usually just shut down mentally instead if someone is yelling at me or flips me off on the highway for example. Anyways my question is, how would you suggest I integrate this side? Should I try to eradicate this side instead?
@@BimmerWon i wonder if having compassion for that side but explaining to it that it cannot be in charge is the way rather than denying the right of it (feeling-wise) to exist. And using deliberate tactics such as described in Pete Walker’s book *CPTSD* - or using Biofeedback to accept that part’s feelings *while calming the feelings also* would help. Literally accepting a child’s feelings while ultimately helping them to calm down and make decisions integrating thinking and feelings is the job of a parent. So it’s kind of like reparenting
@@angelamossucco2190 but it’s a protector, which means it will be the one that pops up and tries to protect against the nightmare from happening again. it’s trying to protect, in other words, to survive.
Question So is this a learning video for individuals experiencing and working on their self and something being worked out in your head, self talk? or am I not understanding or is this a educational video for professionals
Hi Valerie. I think the answer is mainly for individual or personal use. If the video helps any profession people working in the area, that's a real bonus of course!
I've had this internal battle between these two parts my entire life, but since the pandemic began, the "protector" part has been in complete control and has taken a wrecking ball through my entire life. Thing is, I need that protector, but I'd like to get to a point where it's a little less dominant and can relax a little.
Thank you a lot. J'ai compris maintenant pourquoi j'ai un 3e partie , qui est toujours contre moi , depuis toujours. Quand j'étais petite j'avais pejr de moi même quand ma mère sortait et m'enfermait a clé a la maison. C'est très dur pour d'avoir écrit ce souvenir, j'ai même fait arreter le message plusieurs fois. Thé shadow mind. L' EFT avec Nathalie Moreira et Robert Smith m'a énormément aidée a y accéder.Merci .Gratitude.
Deep work on memories such as this is very profound. It can be exhausting at times to go that deep. Its great you've found something that helps. EFT can be fantastic for body work. Somatic body work for trauma is really what's required. It's important to have support as we do it I feel. Thanks for sharing.
Lazy is kind of an inaccurate, violent term so would we also want to reframe this to something that fits our story? For example, a kid is feeling exhausted and stressed and cannot get the motivation to do what a parent said/demanded/asked... and the parent sees this and verbally attacks them by name-calling (violent communication). Would you say something like, "hey, it sounds like you felt exhausted and could not put in the effort to get things done as expected--it must really hurt to be called lazy, like it's who you are. You are not a lazy person--you are a person who had other needs and these are worth respecting"? There are song lyrics in Nonviolent Communication that outlines the "lazy" judgment--"Was he a lazy man or did he just do things we label "lazy"?...What some of us call lazy; some call tired or easy-going"
I'm yet to hear a good definition of 'lazy' that is not entirely subjective. It's a meaningless word, used to shame and control. We can do a lot better. I'm a huge fan of NVC also 🙏🙏
I think we should all just STFU up about trauma and instead find ways to rise above it. I have not found one video that tells us how to do that. I’d like to see, in real time, a therapist deal with a client who has severe trauma hence see firsthand how the therapist, the modality, and the traumatized person has freed himself or herself from trauma. Until then, it’s just talk.
🥺❤️🩹💓🙏🕊️ Anything even our thoughts reactions and other issues of beliefs and experiences or lack of the right side spirit issues world veiws and programming conditioning issues and how we are also knowing or behaviours towards each other etc...
And issuess with the 5:58 saviour protector beliefs... And if when we don't be well with doing right/wrong etc and the balance harmony... Or feeling split issues with time and other and self... And having to love and serve In loving and serving taking care of each other connection spirit/Atittude issues etc... and productive... Or yes agendas in truth and lies in good/bad issues and manipulating postive/negative... Being awake/awakened/waking up and putting asleep... Energy spiritual relationship issues too... And also issues with being sincere "good" genuine characteristics Or wise... And not being evil ticked manipulating and playing/played around issues... Passive or giving up issues Or spiritually attacking/attack or what is enertaining or what we are enertaining and being feed/programmed and doing and not doing in going through along or against and the issues 😕 and telling ourselves the good/bad truth and lies etc... in the small and big things and when it's everything being effected and not just one or a few things and issues in being genuine good/bad true or fake and evil 😔 Yep and getting tired to try and even fight against the issues too or resistance so much conflict or one gives up and takes over but still something else takes over and controlling issues and excuses fighting to not do😕 or issues with the protection if you because you are not listening to do right or you good part issues or also the side of The true loving God source Spirit Creator and most high love protection and being unconditional but still having conflicts in going against the right issues to be protected or fall or in trouble issues etc causing other trouble issues and cycles or family generational issues and curses
Our other getting caught up upset without the right spirit timeing connection relationship issues or where I'm going messed up and mad because of my thoughts and actions wrong with things or not listening Obeying instructions in the right spirit and loving beliefs or treating my self and others right or better issues and being stuck cycles or messing up Or we not in a good right harmony or flow within each other causing psychological and other failing negative programming conditioning issues for blaming each other or being in a wrong or hopeless and not surrendering accepting or living up to the right spirit standards or brave ways of beliefs or social company connection standards etc. true and genuine honest and good or rebellious and doing our own messed up and trying/not trying well or weakness stronger and better ways issues and in the matrix...
And then me being spoilt and complaining about me negative or life "hard life" cry baby issues but then told stop it and how others had it rough and tough situations in life 😔 and over think and shut off down care and not connect and think how we are or get introuble from not following well.. The collective consciousness/unconscious issues... 20:40 self focused issues or consumption control/controlling serving in love issues and what are we badly doing and consumed with and mad or shutdown or ignores and suppress as like narsissitic issues and our needs and acts as victim and cause or being mentally messed in congative dissonance issues or incongruent... habits and discipline flexabilty balance harmony issues and managing right and well/ok in all areas... And wish all growing up good great and not as bad and evil effected or fake ❤️🩹💓🙏
Or issues with being an illusion of the conflict of fighting within or split mentally just the persona and being one-sided in the lower shadow self? Or issues of what has taken over in the shadow and having issues with towards light side characteristics etc. or being the fool and told shut up from speaking up or back about issues but then also turned towards the negative or gaslighting and avoiding issues or bring up topics and beliefs issues negatively and other things... (Told subconsciously or trigger programming conditioning and beliefs issues... In choosing or being made into the bad one)
On gaurd fear or mad negative issues with Or getting irritated picky at our behaviour land thoughts actions words and beliefs etc (especially mine being messed up or wrong in the avoiding or lazy procrastinate not connecting and communicating genuine good... "Listening" issues etc)
The impact of trauma on a child brain (not integrated until 6-9 yrs of age), is that it splits the right side of the brain into a fragment, that contains those feelings that were too unbearable for the child to take, if this happens enough, the child brain can split the left side of the brain, the everyday self, and this can cause DID, where the child creates alters to hold the traumatic memories separate (dissociative amnesia) to keep the child safe. The brain is always trying to protect us, the body always wants to look after itself ('auto-immune' is not the body turning it is the body fighting systemic pathogenic infection but thats for another day, sigh). PTSD is literally splitting, where the body split an emotional fragment to contain those feelings which were too much for the self. The reason, I feel, that talk therapy fails traumatised individuals, is they come at trauma and its resulting emotional dysregulation from an intellectual perspective. Yet the fragmented self is emotional, and it feels intense shame/guilt/pain.. The way I found to integrate, is when I feel triggered (CPTSD) I use my observing self to validate the triggered part of my system (fragmented emotional part), I accept it with unconditional love, I ask that part of me what it needs, I embrace it and protect it, I emotionally regulate inwardly through COMPASSION for all parts of my self. I understand, that those spilt parts, split to protect me, and for that I am thankful, loving, and meet with grace.
Tell me what you know about autoimmune! I have PTSD and multiple autoimmune disorders. The doctors always say “we don’t know why the body creates antibodies against itself”
@@jessicaadorn Gabor Maté has talked about autoimmune disorders a lot. The general sense is that extreme emotional suppression plays a big factor, but I'm sure there's more to it. Inauthenticity might be an additional part.
@@jessicaadorn "The body keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Koff is extremely useful to explain somatic illness ...... I also have auto immune disease after a lifetime of trauma.
THIS SO MUCH
About 2 years ago (5 years post trauma treatment and emdr), some of my very early memories have come back. It’s really hard putting memories together when you’re missing over half of your life but the memory of when I trauma split is surprisingly clear.
I was pacing the cul de sac of my neighborhood thinking out loud (yes talking to myself and no doubt looking like an insane 1st grader.) It was right after an incident of emotional and psychological abuse from my mom and brother (the abuse started as soon as my emotional gifts started to appear, 3 or 4).
My thoughts and emotions were like an erupting volcano, I had no idea what to do and I was this little 6 or 7 yr old having a panic attack on the street. Then a split second later, like magic, I became emotionally numb. One second I felt like I was dying and the next second I became unemotional and very maturely decided “I’ll change who I am so they don’t have any reason to hurt me anymore.”
My gifted brain was forced into a structural dissociation and I think gradually, I developed dissociative identity disorder because I had to change my personality at any given moment in order to avoid abuse (which never really worked). I’m 42 now and live in complete isolation with a broken nervous system and complete apathy, unless I’m triggered.
I have no idea how many “alters” I have. Too many memories are missing to piece it together and there isn’t a manual on what differences make an alter. From what I can tell, I think the alter that has been conscious the longest is shame and self hate (carries all of my shame and self hate). She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 27 at the 1st mental hospital.
Then there is neurodivergent mom that was created when I came home one night to my mom screaming at my 5 year old son while he was in a complete meltdown and my dad was screaming that my mom shoved a dirty sock in his mouth to get him to “shut up”. It was complete chaos and in that moment my mind created the perfect mom for her autistic child so we could escape my parents house and become self sufficient. I silently picked up my screaming son, took him to his room and rocked him to sleep while saying “this was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are a good boy.” Over and over. 6 months later, we were able to move out.
The best I can do right now treatment-wise, being a single mom is journaling, mindful introspection, isolation and self care. I’m not gonna lie, I struggle every day but it’s almost impossible finding useful treatment for this…it’s even harder finding professionals that understand DID. I do hope that improves eventually.
Oh, I was born a highly sensitive, emotionally intense/gifted, hyper empathetic, and was most probably on the autism spectrum. I grew up in an abusive house with a covert narcissistic mom and brother (2 years older and born just constantly bitter and angry vs my happy and overly agreeable nature). The scapegoating, emotional, psychological and physical (brother) abuse started around pre-school. Although my brother started hurting me the second I was born really.
Your story is healing me, thank you.
As challenging, or as unappealing, as this may be, do not give up, hope in finding a good therapist to help you on your journey. Even if it’s a matter of expense, there are kind, caring, effective therapists out there who will work with you financially. I know, because I split after the suicide of my father when I was eight years old. It took me a few years to find the right therapist, but he has stuck with me through everything, and I owe him a lot.
i love it doesnt have silly music and noises , and distracting animations. and has clear audio.
makes it so much easy to view to me.
thanks a lot.
absolutely. i had that split as a child. i remember it happening. later, as a career paramedic i asked that shielding self to hold more and more pain, guilt, etc until she fell apart. self harm and eating disorders became our way to maintain that control. emdr therapy helped w my physical ptsd symptoms, panic attacks and the like, but couldnt put my shielding self back together. she had lost her confidence and questioned her ability to keep us safe. and then i came out as transgender. discovering that truth about myself/ves brought the loving vulnerable me to the front. i convinced her to trust people to trust our friends. when i was run out of my fire dept we began to fight. both of my fronting selves convinced that they owned the truth and consequently knew the proper course of action while the me that i consider to be Me was stuck in the backseat watching them fight for the wheel.
I went through that this year. A battle goin on within.
This gave my the final piece of the puzzle. Thank you so much. The power of my own personality......
So welcome. That's really great!
Trauma is not only about neglect, abuse, disconnected emotionally, but also parents strict regulations and projections and projective identification
I was thinking that my splitting also has to do with my personality, where I am happy and bubbly but on the other hand I am forlorn and withdrawn. I would be happy for my parent when they wanted me to be for them and if something was going wrong for them I would become sad or concerned but also I would just appear however they wanted me to feel.
The examples are heartbreakingly sad. However, the explanation is very clear and helps me understand a lot. Thank you.
Thank you for your articulation of inner conflict. I agree that stillness and acknowledging or at least, observing the inner conflict from a place of quiet compassion, acceptance, and love is a rewarding path to well-being.
Very welcome 🙏
Beautifully articulated here, thanks for the advice. I do think splitting is a deeply embodied process also, especially with violent trauma. For me, the use of EFT (tapping) really helped liberate the frozen parts of the psyche that might not have otherwise shown up for this well suggested dialogue!
Absolutely tremendous! You broke this whole process down to a level that I could truly understand! I appreciate the life changing content!
Very welcome Danny. Appreciate your feedback!
By god did I need this in my life... I've been in intenral conflict with this for yearss or so and I wasn't sure what the language was. (As why do I keep doing this to myself - ) and repeat ... due to this I've been in constant self destruction day in nd out -- thank you for explaining and giving examples and ways to overcome them 🙌 And I don't know about others here but I feel more human and normal to know its normal of the spilt LOL I have bpd and ptsd.. probably complex.. but even so to hear its normal psyche thing it kinda feels like a sort of reliefto hear -- p.s love how calm and grounded you are and simply complex topics such as this --
Thanks so much. Really appreciate your encouragement and insightful feedback 🙏
truly incredible video. thank you for sharing this with us. i really hope your channel grows more and more because everyone should know about this. i'm struggling with this a lot right now and have been trying to understand myself better, and this video is exactly what i needed at this time. i am making notes on your video so i can refer back to it and truly implement it into my day to day. thank you once again!
You are so welcome! Thank you for sharing here 🙏
This Video changed my life! Sending you all the love ❤ in the 🌎... Thanks David,,,
Beautiful. You're very welcome 🙏
Helpful examples of fragmentation and integration of them with healthy patient interaction between the fragments in quiet safe comfortable inner environment. Thankyou
Thank you for this information you explain everything in a way that makes sense. Your voice and manner are soothing. You are helping people to heal. Keep up this great work,keep your videos coming.
i cannot fanthom how much this video has helped me... and will (most of all)!
This is exactly what I'm experiencing right now and trying to resolve. But I would say I think both parts are protectors. One is the fight/fawn active part the other is the freeze/flee passive part.
When something goes wrong instead of putting any blame outwardly one part will always blame the other. "You should have done this." Or "You should have just stayed quiet." Etc. Awareness and acceptance doesn't seem to be enough because both sides want to feel safe and don't trust the other. Its hard to learn to trust yourself when every decision feels wrong. It feels like an impossible puzzle.
I think it can seem impossible to resolve Rhiannon. I have found that disidentifying from either side (not picking favorites) while validating both is a very effective way to relate.
Thanks, Dr. Maloney. Very concise, which my productive persona needed to acquiesce to the morning rest and intake needing persona still demands, lol. I’m down this road away and asa personal and professional development coach, I am seeing the “shadow work” / Inner Child Outter Child / Adult Self conversations bring really big weekly changes. I’ll be referring my members to this video
Thank you Mike. Appreciate you sharing.
This video changed my life thank you
Amazing. Great to hear 🙏
Thanks David! Your videos are awesome
Thanks as always 🙏
I watched four of your RUclips’s now and they made my day. You are completely original , my compliments !
Thank you sincerely. Lovely comment 🙏
it’s a very strange thing.. i went through integration in 2012 after years of trauma.
then in 2018 it all came crashing down, and i’m in a integrative part of my life again.
so i can deduct from this that it isn’t a ‘one time thing,’ yes? :O
what’s interesting is this time in my second integration, i def am more wiser and knowledgeable. you know? ugh. i can’t really use words rn lol
but it’s strange, it’s like life is just happening and integration is happening on its own for me, both times. it’s like i became my own observer and my own therapist both times.
which leads me to believe that the psyche and mental health and psychology definitely has roots in spirituality. at least for me it does :)
because it feels like on my mind there are two different entities. one is more masculine, and the other is more feminine. one has action, and the other wants to just ‘be.’
yes! i resonate more with the action side. but i want what i call ‘her’ (my feminine side/the just being/compassionate side) to be in slightly more control. but i’m seeing that a perfect balance is probably the best right?
I love this video. I am really being helped by your channel and am blessed by finding it. Thank you so much for your content and the effort you've put in to create material that is quality and able to reach and help a large group of people easily. I wish you the best in the desires you have. I mentioned your channel to a pysch I know in Arizona in the US and he thought he had heard of your channel. I thought you might like to know that.
This has me thinking about bipolar. I've heard that there seems to a connection between fear of abandonment and bipolar. I wonder if there is a split something like, endless drive for accomplishment to prove worthiness or value/endless ability to take care of yourself and your own needs and the needs of others and the flip side of hurt/helplessness/inability to have needs met by yourself or others/exhausted to dysfunction.
This is one of the most helpful videos regarding self work I have seen on YT and I have really watched a lot of them... You are truly a wonderful teacher!!! THANK YOU!
Could you please make a video about journaling prompts that would help integrate the split parts?
I have just recently discovered the shadow/persona work... I have already had improvements doing the work. Personally I think there are some things in these two methods that are lacking. The shadow/ persona work doesn't account for the shadow needing guidance from the adult part of us/being childlike ( it makes sense it's childlike as we've disowned it being children) and in the inner child work doesn't account for the fact that the adult part of us is not really a totally perfect parent and it needs to change too. And in the inner child work the integration is much slower, I think.
It would be really interesing to combine the two approaches.
Thank you again and hoping for your channel to grow quickly!!!
Thank you doctor, ill look into it
very well explained, your voice is great
Many thanks Jonathan 🙏
I wish id heard this first part years ago. I always believed i couldnt have DID because i believed i didnt have trauma. I do. Im struggling with feeling very fractured at the moment as ive realised how split i am through therapy. It is so painful to not know who you are.
Knowing this can be such a big thing for us 🙏🙏🙏
What a great explanation. Thank you
Thanks Kat!
It's not about compromise t's not about cooperation it's about transformation. Which comes through acknowledgment and acceptance of the wounded self and as you do your wounded self transforms into healing.
Just say,
You are right…
I am right
We are right…
good one, thank you.
Thank You. 🙂
Thank you so much
2me visionnage de vidéo : I didn't know I was, I am identifiés with m'y protective part, that is agressive ans lazy, procrastinative and vert powerful (autoritaire) :u don't deserve,, so I'm livind un thé "unacheaved" ,d'inachevé. Thank u son much.
You are very welcome Chosily. So glad you found this one helpful 🙏
This must be why affirmations don't work for traumatized people whose psyche has been split. Hmmm... interesting.
Agreed Erin.
😳🤯
Probably main reason for failing relationships, when you come off as uncertain, unclear and disconnected(through dissosiation) or Even as hypocrit as the fragments Are not connected and aligned.
I am your 2k'th subscriber❤
Thanks Minish! That's great 👍
At 5:20 you said that the vulnerable inner child typically identifies with the independent protector (Avoidant Protector or Angry Protector), but for me, my child continues to identify with the vulnerable sensitive self, as it always has because that’s what it has always been… and I see my Protectors as just that- something that was “created” and not “original to who I am”. Yet they are still not yet reconciled, and so your teaching about them disliking each other and being in conflict along with the imagery is helpful for me. 5:19
Very glad this gave some insight 🙏
In me they don't really hate each other. It seems like the protector is just trying to rigidly set up conditions so that it can rest and then the little child it's protecting that just wants to love everything can at least love something and not get itself hurt.
Thank you 🙏🏻
You’re welcome 😊
Its kinda like masculine and feminine energy in us.the masculine its a go go go(the head) and feminine slowly gentle(heart,body).Balance them together and all is well😁
My stepdaughter would split and I would call her lazy, because I didn’t have a word for it, except to compare hit to the times she was such a motivated “machine” at school and in sports but she also had a streak where she would just give up on her emotional side. I feel so bad I couldn’t help her through her parents’ co-parenting animosity. I could watch her just split emotionally and personally.
Way to help her out
@@iamthefiremanjj yeah I know, my point is that she was extremely talented and focused and also she was extremely lazy and unfocused, she was diagnosed with adhd and I would witness massive swings. I didn’t know what it was but she was under a lot of abuse from a narcissistic parent. I would joke around with her and say “lazy” in a way that wasn’t accusatory, I would also comment on how great she was at her course work and of course I feel guilty because I had to witness narcissistic abuse of a child and I could do nothing about it so I go over every aspect of my relationship with her trying to figure out how I failed her, yet I know I did all I could do, I should have healed myself and not let myself become hyper focused on protecting her.
@@ArtsCraftsAntiquity i hope you find freedom from guilt because you did the best you knew with what you had
This is interesting, I have both of these sides. I need more sleep but I can’t figure out how to rest or relax. I did just figure out that this may also be part of my personality, the happy go lucky and the forlorn withdrawn. I’m going to do some work with this in writing. Thank you for the analysis.
Thanks for sharing! You're very welcome.
actually i would say we are stronger emotionally and physically as babies...they are very resilient ....they bounce off their heads and are fine, smiling, happy , laughing
Thank you. Many parts. Excavation of the psych. Slowly, but surely. Never linear growth. Expect the unexpected. Every day.
100%
Awesome 💓
Thanks Rachel
I was going to write a book on procrastination
The lazy part of me definitely takes over 😂 working on it tho!!
Lazy is a myth and a harmful one at that. As long as you call yourself lazy you're retraumatizing yourself and replaying your abusers messages. You're not lazy. You're struggling and you need help.
I wish I could have this much control over the conflicting sides of my trauma damaged brain - I have lived with untreated trauma for 5 years . The 2 opposing sided of my brain are desperately needing help and needing to be productive- the helpless side wins out a lot although I identify with the other side
I don't think this theory makes sense i keep hearing about splitting but i think this is the different aspects of yourself and the dark and light sides you're feeling but you just don't know how to manage it and deal with it then use them together. We all have multiple different aspects and personalities in there because we're a very dynamic and multifaceted species, as the saying goes it's like we have multiple people in one body lol everyone feels this all the time, we're not quite that simple as only having two sides or only the light and the dark we're pretty complex beings.
Learning about cptd which i definitely have it's crazy how confused you can be and how much you actually don't know and how that effects how you identify yourself and perceive things, like you can't even describe or put a name to things even some of your feelings until you find the right information you identify with. Even searching up the definition of words to see what it means to figure out if that is how you feel, i didn't even know that despair is what i feel a lot and i didn't actually understand what it really means until then.
Not being able to form relationships you just haven't been taught any social skills or had anything explained to you how to navigate, manage, and deal with different situations with different people especially the negative type of people you've always been surrounded with you've no idea how to deal with it. When we should be taught how from day 1 of our lives and i'd say we all know how that feels these days.
Things do feel more disconnected because we haven't been able to learn or make the connections between things yet but there are certainly connections and relations between things. Things start to make more and more sense though as you learn things and form the right connections between everything.
Emotional neglect in an adult relationship can feel familiar and difficult to address.
Thanks
Welcome!
Formidable years my niece is still 6 and is already having alters she has a mommy her and an imaginary friend “sharka”. She’s had gut health issues since a toddler. And freak night terrors she can not be woke from. My sister won’t take her to get psych help or assessment. It worries me what can I do. I have my own trauma and split I am healing and want to help but don’t want to do damage. I’m still learning for myself.
Yes, at some point; via the grace of God, we search out how to understand our traumas. This searching out and understanding is a must. Once you understand your trauma, you can now use that same trauma to strengthen you. It's actually quite beautiful! God designed us to be able to take what the Devil meant for evil for us and turn/transmute that evil INTO GOOD😀😃!! It's absolutely brilliant and mind boggling how we are absolutely created in the image if God. The ability to take evil snd make it good is literally a god-like power of protection/self preservation that we are born with!! A fantastic gift of/from the creator of the universe!!! Just wrap your mind around that folks! Really consider this FACT! THERE IS NO REASON TO STAY DAMAGED ONCE YOUVE IDENTIFIED AND UNDERSTOOD THE DAMAGE!!! WE HAVE THE ABSOLUTE POWER AND ABILITY TO REVERSE THE CURSE AND REPAIR ANY DAMAGE/TRAUMA THAT WEVE BEEN THROUGH!!! WOW!! It feels so good to be aware of this power!!
Powerful!
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy yes it really is! God gave us an immune system...and indeed this system is absolutely brilliant in its design! We're still discovering it's amazing properties! This immune/defense system extends to our psyche as well!!! We know how the human body repairs itself both internally and externally via various specific cell types, now once we extend that understanding to the mind...WOW... I get chills thinking about it, we begin to understand that yes, God has not forgotten about our psyches!!!! He has indeed given us, or extended, our immune system to INCLUDE the spirit, the MIND! It's absolutely fascinating. Are you familiar with Robert Monroe's work? He...as well as other academics...speak about the spirit body. Well, this is a while other subject, but this body is very real in the sense that it does exist and is quantifiable. But I digress. Yes sir, OUR IMMUNE SYSTEM EXTENDS TO THE PSYCHE AS WELL!!!
Maybe your god could use his infinite power to protect people from abuse instead of expecting us to magic the effect of it away ourselves? Feels like that would be more efficient.
Good for you, for finding a coping mechanism that seems to work for you, tho 👍
@@RenTheWren search out these attributes I speak of within yourself...they are there... utilize them.
If this split happens very early on I think that's where borderline and autism come from. I think the children who identify with their feelings and refuse to give up hope of emotional connection identify with the vulnerable and hurt part, and that's where borderline comes from. The very young children who decide that their feelings don't matter to anyone and proceed to throw away the rememberance that emotional connection is a thing and they want it become autistic.
I know it's very complex thinking about the origins of these conditions. But I think you're on to something. I've heard so many explanations regarding the cause' of BPD. Yours seems more compassionate than most. The impact of trauma in the pre-verbal stage of development is almost completely unknown.
Wow
I agree with BPD but Autism is genetic, it's likely an autistic child's mother and father or other family members have undiagnosed autism too
This is wrong. Borderline is just a gender specific twist on narcissism, which is where people shut down, and live in the constant pursuit of control and power when they identify with the protector. The entire narcissist construct IS the protector. Unfortunately, the protector becomes their entire identity because that vulnerable part is shattered. Narcs are formed very early, often from birth.
Those who identify with the vulnerable part tend to be co-dependant, often times have C-PTSD, or both.
I know first hand, because I’ve lived and experienced every word I’ve written here.
We need to start getting correct information out there and start to understand how society and families are set up to roll out generational trauma. Our entire society is becoming more and more narc, sociopath, or just depressed and apathetic.
The autism thing is interesting though. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if that’s true….
@@angelamossucco2190 I'm not sure if you deleted your comment, but if you have a serious interest in what I wrote, look up HG Tudor and search for related vids. He has a vid "HG Tudor, Borderline", that explains that part, and he is 100% accurate not only on that account, but everything. Many vids about the narc construct and how it's not just a part, it is their entire being, and it protects at all costs. Narcs do not possess a vulnerable side, if some element of it does exist, you will never see it. Borderline is a nice term for narc as HG points out.
The psychology community is not infallible, nor are they immune to playing with terms for a desired result. Women can't be narcs, because they have no empathy, only guys have no empathy right? Ahhh...women are borderline, a totally vague term that very few people even understand what it actually means. Because it's a made up term to shield the idea of how woman are "supposed to be".
Percentage of women to men narc is roughly 50/50 as HG points out, because the world is roughly 50/50 men and women, as are families, where narcs are born and breed. Trauma is not gender specific, and that's exactly what we're talking about: family trauma. Kick out the terms and that's what you're left with. Except we as a society are conditioned to fit things into terms, and that's where our trauma goes to die as a societal whole. Because that's the point: argue over terms and who knows more, instead of doing something about it! So we do nothing.
Sam Vinkin, another self aware narc, is great too, and he's pretty funny and interesting to listen too.
Hi, could you please talk about abandonment trauma? Abandoned by father at 4 and mother at 17 to immigration😒 what are the consequences and how do I reintegtate?
In your clinical experience would you say that individuals who work on reintegration notice consistent improvements either day by day or maybe week to week, or do they have big breakthroughs spaced out over multiple months?
I cannot understand identity...I will never have one....my father beat me up even before I was conscious
9:43 that is relaxing
I have no memories of my childhood before my teenage years. I wonder if this is because of a split?
So is schizophrenia is hypertraumatized soul?
sounds legit.
Can buying your course (5 emotional needs) explain this in detail and have practical examples to help resolve these issues?
Hi. Yes, the course is helpful. My free eBook 'Forget Happiness' is essentially the same material also and I've had some good feedback on it.
How does over protecitive mother play a role in this ? Im adult and still treated like a child . It makes me feel stupid and like i cant make my own decisions . Been working on it but she makes it super difficult even when i point out the behavior
What happen if you have an adult side and a child side and you validate them both, but the child comes out when you are faced with paperwork to sign and you become over trusting and fear the inability to bring the adult to the forefront to protect you from people who are taking advantage of your trust?
Hi Amy. Good question. A few thoughts I have. Trust is not something that is developed instantly. The parent part will typically (and understandably) be guarded around the child part. It's not about completely dropping defenses indiscriminately. This is done gradually, with discernment, over time. Patience with all our reactions is very helpful too 🙏🙏
❤
How do I facilitate cooperation and integration of both parts want opposite things?
In terms of relating to both sides, the approach is to treat them as equals. This means we either negate them or validate them both equally. Personally I find validating both is the better approach. Ultimately we come to see both as being based in genuine needs and both start to compliment one another rather than conflict.
Is there anyone who can help me to deal with maladaptive daydreaming??
What do you mean by reconcile? Combine the two?
Yes, to reconcile is to bring an end to conflict by bringing together. Hope that makes sense.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy thanks for your response. But what if one part of my psyche came about from a situation where I had to fight to survive for a few years? This side of me is very angry and extremely violent. When I was tapped into this side everything happening around me felt like it was just a bad dream and not real. This side of me was so extreme however that some of my buddies were absolutely horrified and disgusted at what I did so they avoided me.
I absolutely hate this side of myself. I don’t want this part to ever see the light of day again unless my life depends on it because it could get me in a lot of trouble so I usually just shut down mentally instead if someone is yelling at me or flips me off on the highway for example. Anyways my question is, how would you suggest I integrate this side? Should I try to eradicate this side instead?
@@BimmerWon i wonder if having compassion for that side but explaining to it that it cannot be in charge is the way rather than denying the right of it (feeling-wise) to exist. And using deliberate tactics such as described in Pete Walker’s book *CPTSD*
- or using Biofeedback to accept that part’s feelings *while calming the feelings also* would help. Literally accepting a child’s feelings while ultimately helping them to calm down and make decisions integrating thinking and feelings is the job of a parent. So it’s kind of like reparenting
@@angelamossucco2190 but it’s a protector, which means it will be the one that pops up and tries to protect against the nightmare from happening again. it’s trying to protect, in other words, to survive.
Question
So is this a learning video for individuals experiencing and working on their self and something being worked out in your head, self talk? or am I not understanding or is this a educational video for professionals
Hi Valerie. I think the answer is mainly for individual or personal use. If the video helps any profession people working in the area, that's a real bonus of course!
Everyone can use it.
I've had this internal battle between these two parts my entire life, but since the pandemic began, the "protector" part has been in complete control and has taken a wrecking ball through my entire life. Thing is, I need that protector, but I'd like to get to a point where it's a little less dominant and can relax a little.
Thanks for sharing 🙏
So we’re not trying to heal the trauma, we’re trying to manage it and live with it?
I think we shift from dealing with it (as best we can) to eventually healing it at a deeper level. Both are natural and understandable.
Thank you a lot. J'ai compris maintenant pourquoi j'ai un 3e partie , qui est toujours contre moi , depuis toujours. Quand j'étais petite j'avais pejr de moi même quand ma mère sortait et m'enfermait a clé a la maison. C'est très dur pour d'avoir écrit ce souvenir, j'ai même fait arreter le message plusieurs fois. Thé shadow mind. L' EFT avec Nathalie Moreira et Robert Smith m'a énormément aidée a y accéder.Merci .Gratitude.
Deep work on memories such as this is very profound. It can be exhausting at times to go that deep. Its great you've found something that helps. EFT can be fantastic for body work. Somatic body work for trauma is really what's required. It's important to have support as we do it I feel. Thanks for sharing.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy thank you., thank you.
@@chosilyfala1483 🙏
Lazy is kind of an inaccurate, violent term so would we also want to reframe this to something that fits our story? For example, a kid is feeling exhausted and stressed and cannot get the motivation to do what a parent said/demanded/asked... and the parent sees this and verbally attacks them by name-calling (violent communication). Would you say something like, "hey, it sounds like you felt exhausted and could not put in the effort to get things done as expected--it must really hurt to be called lazy, like it's who you are. You are not a lazy person--you are a person who had other needs and these are worth respecting"?
There are song lyrics in Nonviolent Communication that outlines the "lazy" judgment--"Was he a lazy man or did he just do things we label "lazy"?...What some of us call lazy; some call tired or easy-going"
I'm yet to hear a good definition of 'lazy' that is not entirely subjective. It's a meaningless word, used to shame and control. We can do a lot better. I'm a huge fan of NVC also 🙏🙏
I think we should all just STFU up about trauma and instead find ways to rise above it. I have not found one video that tells us how to do that. I’d like to see, in real time, a therapist deal with a client who has severe trauma hence see firsthand how the therapist, the modality, and the traumatized person has freed himself or herself from trauma. Until then, it’s just talk.
ALL RECONCILIATION HAPPENS AT THE CROSS!
🥺❤️🩹💓🙏🕊️
Anything even our thoughts reactions and other issues of beliefs and experiences or lack of the right side spirit issues world veiws and programming conditioning issues and how we are also knowing or behaviours towards each other etc...
And issuess with the 5:58 saviour protector beliefs... And if when we don't be well with doing right/wrong etc and the balance harmony... Or feeling split issues with time and other and self... And having to love and serve In loving and serving taking care of each other connection spirit/Atittude issues etc... and productive...
Or yes agendas in truth and lies in good/bad issues and manipulating postive/negative...
Being awake/awakened/waking up and putting asleep... Energy spiritual relationship issues too...
And also issues with being sincere "good" genuine characteristics
Or wise... And not being evil ticked manipulating and playing/played around issues... Passive or giving up issues
Or spiritually attacking/attack or what is enertaining or what we are enertaining and being feed/programmed and doing and not doing in going through along or against and the issues 😕 and telling ourselves the good/bad truth and lies etc... in the small and big things and when it's everything being effected and not just one or a few things and issues in being genuine good/bad true or fake and evil 😔
Yep and getting tired to try and even fight against the issues too or resistance so much conflict or one gives up and takes over but still something else takes over and controlling issues and excuses fighting to not do😕 or issues with the protection if you because you are not listening to do right or you good part issues or also the side of The true loving God source Spirit Creator and most high love protection and being unconditional but still having conflicts in going against the right issues to be protected or fall or in trouble issues etc causing other trouble issues and cycles or family generational issues and curses
Our other getting caught up upset without the right spirit timeing connection relationship issues or where I'm going messed up and mad because of my thoughts and actions wrong with things or not listening Obeying instructions in the right spirit and loving beliefs or treating my self and others right or better issues and being stuck cycles or messing up
Or we not in a good right harmony or flow within each other causing psychological and other failing negative programming conditioning issues for blaming each other or being in a wrong or hopeless and not surrendering accepting or living up to the right spirit standards or brave ways of beliefs or social company connection standards etc. true and genuine honest and good or rebellious and doing our own messed up and trying/not trying well or weakness stronger and better ways issues and in the matrix...
And then me being spoilt and complaining about me negative or life "hard life" cry baby issues but then told stop it and how others had it rough and tough situations in life 😔 and over think and shut off down care and not connect and think how we are or get introuble from not following well..
The collective consciousness/unconscious issues...
20:40 self focused issues or consumption control/controlling serving in love issues and what are we badly doing and consumed with and mad or shutdown or ignores and suppress as like narsissitic issues and our needs and acts as victim and cause or being mentally messed in congative dissonance issues or incongruent... habits and discipline flexabilty balance harmony issues and managing right and well/ok in all areas...
And wish all growing up good great and not as bad and evil effected or fake ❤️🩹💓🙏
Or issues with being an illusion of the conflict of fighting within or split mentally just the persona and being one-sided in the lower shadow self?
Or issues of what has taken over in the shadow and having issues with towards light side characteristics etc. or being the fool and told shut up from speaking up or back about issues but then also turned towards the negative or gaslighting and avoiding issues or bring up topics and beliefs issues negatively and other things... (Told subconsciously or trigger programming conditioning and beliefs issues... In choosing or being made into the bad one)
On gaurd fear or mad negative issues with
Or getting irritated picky at our behaviour land thoughts actions words and beliefs etc (especially mine being messed up or wrong in the avoiding or lazy procrastinate not connecting and communicating genuine good... "Listening" issues etc)