Coping with Guilt After Ending a Toxic Relationship
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2022
- Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com Coping with Guilt After Ending Toxic Relationship
#Guilt #ToxicRelationship Counseling #relationshipadvice
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Anger is a reaction to a threat.
Guilt is anger at yourself for something you think you should have done, but didn’t or shouldn’t have done but did.
Guilt indicates you did something that threatens your self esteem and/or causes you to fear being judged and rejected.
Sometimes it is appropriate to feel guilty because we did do something wrong.
Other times we may feel guilty for something that is out of our control
When a relationship ends it is almost always painful.
We often second-guess ourselves and minimize or deny the problems to try to convince ourselves to go back (and stop the discomfort) Sometimes “known” pain is less terrifying than unknown pain.
Guilt is another way we may try to convince ourselves to go back. If something is “all our fault” then maybe we can fix it and stop the pain.
Unfortunately, when relationships end, it is often the result of multiple factors, some of which are out of our control.
When evaluating what is going on, consider your part, their part, the influence of other people and the circumstances.
A healthy, meaningful relationship will bring out the best in you instead of causing distress or bringing out the worst.
Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
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Learn more in this playlist: ruclips.net/video/R2k_ykuthbE/видео.html
This video is so so helpful and clarifying. It addresses ALL the narratives that run through an empaths mind that keep them stuck. Stuck in hope, stuck in not loving yourself, stuck in false narratives, stuck in feeling responsible for a grown adults toxic behavior. People need to listen again and again to these clarifying truths. It doesn’t matter if the partner has ptsd, CPTSD, Narcissism, covert narcissism, or is somewhere on the NPD spectrum or is just selfish. Offer them a great therapist, tell them about EMDR, tell them you are not qualified to help them and that unless these start therapy you cannot participate in the “chaos”any longer.
I appreciate you watching the video.
I appreciate you comment!
You mentioned it already but when I look at past relationships I sometimes find myself thinking, "If only I had said things the right way." or "If only I had been more assertive." The truth of the matter is neither of these options would have made any difference. I like where you state something to the effect of it takes two people to make a relationship work. Each contributes the same amount most of the time.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
Excellent video, Dr. Snipes! I would love to see one on differentiating between a simply toxic relationship and an outright abusive one. It is a fine line that is *really* hard to see when you are in the middle of it. I think it is really important for people to know when a situation has become potentially dangerous. Thank you so much for putting these resources out here! :)
Toxic or abusive… either way my friend…. Get out of it. Both are unhealthy for you.
Thank you for the flower and fence example. This helped me greatly.
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching.
Thank you so much Dr. Dawn-Elise, this video was exactly what I needed to hear today. Sometimes it helps to hear common sense out loud!
You are so welcome!
Hey… I hardly comment on videos but this one spoke to me. I ended my longest term relationship I have ever had, 2 1/2 years, a month ago… it got unhealthy for the both of us but I can’t help but feel guilty for my part to play. I was addicted to marijuana and relapsed after getting back together with this girl a a year and a half in. Things were going great for two months while I was sober, but my relapse and continued use destroyed the relationship slowly over time… she couldn’t set boundaries despite me asking her to, so I guess that would be her part to play, but when I weigh out her parts to play against mine, I just objectively outweigh her in terms of problematic behaviour…. The guilt of how toxic I was is killing me.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=guilt
Thank you! Such great information. Really what I needed to hear. This validated some of my thoughts concerning the end of a very toxic relationship.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Divine timing... I have been healing from your videos these past weeks..Grateful 🙏
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
If he's an ex I don't need him back and I have the Ancestors to provide for me. Thoughtful nonetheless 😉
Thank you, I needed to see this video, for I have been guilty for taking a stand in a toxic relationship...
You are so welcome
Thank you Doc. You have an impressive power of talking very directly and give good advice on very specific situations. I was feeling really devasted, and I really did felt spoken to here. Everything you say is always 100% on point and you somehow always understand me. Thank you for you work!
You are very welcome
Thank you Dr. Snipes. Very helpful information
Thanks for watching.
Great wonderful information thank you Doc Snipes! You explain things so clearly and articulately 🙌🏻🌞
Ty so much
Thank you for a wonderful channel. I am watching and learning so much, and you explain things so perfectly that it finally all makes sense. 🙏🏻
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thanks!
Thanks so much for the tip. I really appreciate it.
Thanks so much for this, I ended my relationship with my mom last summer and recently have guilt setting in as I found out she is sick with Covid, and its been 2 weeks for her. I have no idea what her condition is, and feeling lots of guilt. Everything you have said about boundary violations, control and power, and this hits hard, as she is definately BPD/ Narcisstic. Thanks
Thanks for watching and commenting.
These videos are absolutely amazing! Thanks doc! You are opening up my eyes to my own value.
Great to hear! Thanks for watching.
Thank you so much. The way you communicate is so supportive, I really like that about you. 💛
I try. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thank you! Very helpful
You're welcome! Thanks for watching
So very helpful, thank you x
You're so welcome!
Thank you so so much for your Chanel and your content
You are so welcome. Thanks for watching.
I have donated to your channel Doc Snipes because I can attest that you have been a great help to me. I want to thank you so much for helping me thru the videos that you do. Wishing u more happiness
Much appreciated! Thanks for watching.
This was helpful. Thank you. My spouse is addicted to alcohol and other things. I just can't live in the chaos anymore.
You’re welcome. Thank you for watching
Makes sense to me.
Timing is everything.
Thanks for watching.
This was so good! I got so many good journal prompts that I know are going to help me!
Thanks for watching
Thank you for freeing me 🕊
You are so welcome! I am grateful to have been of service and I appreciate you watching the video
thank you for this video god bless you
You are so welcome!
Going through a divorce where there was a lot of control and towards the end lots of emotional, verbal and even teetering towards physical abuse. Husband didn't want a divorce and keeps reminding me that I gave up. Even though I know about the abuse and that he isn't going to change. He keeps reminding me he was changing and he knew the issues and I am going to miss out. 12 years of being together. I teetered back and forth a lot... Just leaning into the divorce now but definitely filled with so much guilt.
It’s awful that you went through all that for 12 years. I am sorry you are struggling with guilt and I appreciate you watching the video.
Not a word about society shaming people that have a divorce.. specially "religious" people shaming others
That’s another subject entirely….
I have been on the “wrong side” of this toxic relationship with my former partner who sincerely tried helping me in every possible way she could and I still ultimately didn’t make the consistent changes or try hard enough to. I’ve struggled with substance use and I’ve been trying to maintain sobriety but I’ve been struggling with letting go and it’s really in both of our best interests to. It’s just been hard to accept and move on. I’m still holding on to hope she’d reach out to me and try being friends as I’ve sought treatment and haven’t stopped trying to make changes.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Good lord, it's like you were reading my life history. Several, if not all, of these points hit hard. Thank you. This video provides clear analysis and guidance. Can you make a video on dysfunctional relationships among siblings?
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Hey
So true!!!!!
Thanks for watching.
Im really struggling with walking away from my dad ...he's older but he right fights and does not respect my boundaries.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I’m so sad but it’s for the best but I feel so guilty why?!!!!! Help
I am sorry about that and I am grateful for you watching the video. Guilt is anger at self. Why are you angry at yourself?
I love it!! Do you do private therapy?! I’m looking for someone like you! I like the way you think 💭🌼
Too kind. Sorry, I am not taking new patients right now.
-You can find other therapists via Psychology Today search:
allceus.com/Psychology_Today_Therapist_Search
Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Why do I feel so guilty for leaving a functioning alcoholic. 2 years of breaking up and going back to her and she chose the drink
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Feeling guilty for leaving a functioning alcoholic partner is a complex emotional response that can stem from several factors:
Reasons for Guilt
Fear of Abandonment: You might feel like you're abandoning someone who needs help. This fear is common in relationships involving addiction, where the non-addicted partner often feels responsible for the well-being of the addicted partner.
Manipulation and Dependency: Functioning alcoholics may manipulate their partners into feeling indispensable. They might create crises or drama to make you feel needed, which can lead to guilt when you decide to leave.
Codependency: If you have codependent tendencies, you might believe that it's your responsibility to fix or change the other person. When this doesn't happen, it can lead to feelings of guilt.
Self-Anger: Guilt is often a form of self-anger for not meeting your own expectations or for doing something you think you shouldn't have done. This can be exacerbated by the alcoholic partner's attempts to make you feel responsible for their situation.
Coping with Guilt
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize that feeling guilty is a natural response but doesn't necessarily reflect the reality of the situation.
Set Boundaries: Understand that the alcoholic's recovery is their responsibility, not yours. Setting boundaries can help you manage feelings of guilt.
Reflect on the Relationship: Consider whether the relationship was healthy and if the problems were reconcilable. Sometimes, ending a relationship is the healthiest choice for both parties.
Seek Support: Talking to a therapist or joining a support group can provide you with the tools to process your guilt and move forward.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your own mental health and well-being. Leaving a toxic or unhealthy relationship, even with a functioning alcoholic, is a step towards a healthier life for yourself. If you have any further questions or need more detailed explanations, feel free to use allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
I'm getting better at it
Awesome. Thank you for watching the video and for sharing
I just informed my wife I want a divorce. She accused me of not doing enough to save it. So that’s what I’m dealing with now. Soooo guilty. Making a list of everything I did to save it. Not huge but not tiny either.
Best wishes to you. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
👍👋❤
Thanks
It scares me when you talk about brain damage caused by stress.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Doc Snipes - thank you. It’s a lot, overwhelming sometimes.
Perhaps we should talk.
But that’s severe prolonged stress from childhood when the brain is still forming. But abusive is still damaging to your health so get out.
@@lreevesnyc21 - stuff in my head is broken.
I have lost everything.
guilt is a sign of shyzophrenia , so maybe that's that, lol
Thanks for watching.
She’s amazing 💎 I learn so much from her .
Thanks for watching. I really appreciate it.