People Pleasing: Keep It From Making You Miserable

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  • Опубликовано: 16 дек 2021
  • Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com #PeoplePleasing : Keep It From Making You Miserable #codependency #abandonment
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    Doc Snipes
    ​Examine how people pleasing protected you in the past
    ​Explore the relationships that taught you to people please
    ​How do All or nothing thinking, personalization, catastrophizing, mind reading contribute to your belief that you must people please to be safe or loved?
    ​What are some distress tolerant thoughts you can tell yourself to help deal with anxiety when you set boundaries?
    Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
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Комментарии • 181

  • @DocSnipes
    @DocSnipes  9 месяцев назад

    👌More videos can be found on this topic at
    ruclips.net/p/PLcB3trehXswjN2zcpIhN-HNNlLBlPlYoE&si=WqecsyRyerwnWfwb
    ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com
    👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

  • @ArtMusicLife15
    @ArtMusicLife15 2 года назад +45

    I'm a people pleaser because I actually have an intense fear of others being upset with me.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +5

      Thanks for watching.

    • @Clevelandsteamer324
      @Clevelandsteamer324 9 месяцев назад +2

      Embrace conflict

    • @Elisabeth19031978
      @Elisabeth19031978 9 месяцев назад

      Me too.

    • @douglaz74
      @douglaz74 7 месяцев назад +1

      I used this be like you so I am going to break it to you conflict is a natural part of relationships. Narcissistic temp tantrums are not normal nor are they the proper way to fight.

  • @anju8376
    @anju8376 2 года назад +41

    I was beaten down and forced to become a people pleaser by my volatile narcissistic mother and my violent spoiled younger sister. Their tantrums made me scared for my life. Being a nice/giving person opened me up to so much pain and confusion but I won in the end. I am the good guy. They will never again get the gift of my love or empathy. Younger sis beat the shit out of me for no reason over pandemic when I needed support. They will never be there for me. I have been alone and unsafe for my entire life and I just figured that out at 30.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +8

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

    • @TranscendingTrauma
      @TranscendingTrauma 2 года назад +6

      Sounds like my life/family. It took me until I was in my fifties to realize the dysfunction! My mom is passed and I am no contact with my sister. Repairing the unhealthy patterns I learned from those experiences. May you learn to unravel the compulsive mess that was forced upon you 🙏❤️

    • @GodsChosenMekAmoR
      @GodsChosenMekAmoR Год назад +5

      I understand. Happy for you. I’m 40 and was blown away to know I’ve been mistreated all my life. Never knew what boundaries were. Prob Family scapegoat even if it wasn’t a horrible family dynamic there were still toxic things at various times. Led me to marry a narcissist but I divorced him two years ago thus starting this journey of self discovery. Their pain and mistreatment was my blessing in disguise. I’m so at peace and healthy now. Stay encouraged on your journey. It is the minority when you decide to be healthy but good for you 👏👏👏

    • @anju8376
      @anju8376 Год назад +1

      wow my heart goes out to you all. it helps me to know im not alone in this. 🖤

    • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
      @CynthiaSchoenbauer Год назад

      Yes, we are the good guys. No matter what they say or try to blame on us.

  • @sweettoothmarie7304
    @sweettoothmarie7304 2 года назад +8

    People pleasers often have low energy because they are out and about making every body else happy other than themselves

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +3

      Thanks for watching.

  • @prosperity0119
    @prosperity0119 2 года назад +18

    This is really such a perfect motivation for me as people pleaser.. I’m still working on it but sometimes anxiety gets in me..I have to listen this video multiple times to sink in my mind.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.

  • @rachelwelch490
    @rachelwelch490 2 года назад +24

    I used to be like this years that therapy helped me move past this , went through almost every type of childhood abused and like you can think of I still go to therapy and I don't want to go back to hurting myself by pleasing others

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +2

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

    • @mykemac8068
      @mykemac8068 Год назад +1

      @babskaz74 hope things are going well

    • @mykemac8068
      @mykemac8068 Год назад +1

      @babskaz74 awesome!!! One day at a time 🙂. Happy new year my friend

    • @Clevelandsteamer324
      @Clevelandsteamer324 9 месяцев назад

      Be careful picking the right counselor. Many have their own disorders

  • @lughlamhfada2523
    @lughlamhfada2523 2 года назад +5

    I like to think of being nice, and being kind as completely different things. Changed the way I related to the concept.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching!

  • @tammyb8742
    @tammyb8742 Год назад +4

    I grew up with two alcoholic parents that used to beat on each other from time to time and on my brother and sister but never on me. I never felt that speaking out would get me in trouble but it never did any good so I learned to keep my mouth shut. After my dad left my mother was rarely home so I basically raised myself however she made it very obvious when I made her unhappy and would withhold affection. It has taken me YEARS to find myself and put distance between myself and my family so I can get a different perspective and especially learn boundaries. One of my first professional jobs was in healthcare and not knowing how to keep boundaries and being a people pleaser I burnt out so hard and so fast and developed a drinking problem. Now I am self-employed, sober and still working on myself, all I can say is I'm so glad I never had children because I would have just most likely continued the cycle.

  • @tatucorreia
    @tatucorreia 2 года назад +6

    Realy well explained. I must take accountability and change this behaviour.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @cathyrosa79
    @cathyrosa79 2 года назад +11

    Thank you so much ♡ this helps put things in perspective. Knowledge is power. So is self compassion ♡

  • @DocSnipes
    @DocSnipes  2 года назад +35

    ​Examine how people pleasing protected you in the past
    ​Explore the relationships that taught you to people please
    ​How do All or nothing thinking, personalization, catastrophizing, mind reading contribute to your belief that you must people please to be safe or loved?
    ​What are some distress tolerant thoughts you can tell yourself to help deal with anxiety when you set boundaries?
    ​The first step in addressing people pleasing is understanding why you do it...what function does that behavior serve to help you feel safe?
    ​The next step is to develop tools like self esteem and distress tolerance skills that help you address anxiety that comes with starting to set boundaries and trying to take care of yourself.

    • @summerdior5477
      @summerdior5477 2 года назад +1

      The next step is to develop tools like self esteem and distress tolerance skills that help you address anxiety that comes with starting to set boundaries and trying to take care of yourself. Thank you !!!!!!!!! I needed this !!!!!

    • @anissa.j3339
      @anissa.j3339 2 года назад

      Hello Dr Snipes, thank you for sharing this video ! You mention that people pleasers are lacking sense of self as they behave as chameleons. Do you happen to have a video available on how to develop your sense of self as an adult ? Thank you

    • @powerdither7309
      @powerdither7309 2 года назад

      this is really half baked

  • @jrosner6123
    @jrosner6123 2 года назад +4

    I am guilty of some of this. I have a hard time saying no, but cannot possibly fulfill every commitment fully- and this leads to a heavy crash, and resentment. Certain types pick up on this trait, and will use you as an emotional dumping ground-

  • @violamarufu2748
    @violamarufu2748 Год назад +3

    Thank you 😊. I am a docile people pleaser and I didn't haven't this perspective that it's a problem until I realised I never get anything from anywhere. The root causes where insecurity about finances and depending on siblings in many ways. It's a long story. I did it thinking it would bring peace. But I have realised I have to work it out.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад +1

      I appreciate you watching

    • @violamarufu2748
      @violamarufu2748 Год назад

      @@DocSnipes I shared with my kids who are teenagers and they thought it was an eye opener. Thank you

  • @Iquey
    @Iquey 2 года назад +6

    Couldn't have posted this at a better time . Thanks Doc Snipes!

  • @estelleschneider9033
    @estelleschneider9033 2 года назад +5

    I find setting limits so difficult..ftom my childhood the family dynamics were not healthy
    I set a limit with a friend who dies take advantage of me.. 2x
    She became defensive
    Starting defending with all her goodness
    When I only made a request to stop doing some things
    I see it ss her not wanting to take responsibility and for me to change my course and be who she wants me ti be and
    Manipulate
    I will keep activating my boundary muscle
    This is for espevially older people
    I am older and am frustrated at my late life I still am struggling to set them..it has hurt my life
    So all keep working at it...Health relatiobships

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for sharing. Wishing you, peace, health, and, happiness.

  • @anitach5901
    @anitach5901 2 года назад +5

    I was pleaser , but i have changed it . And what happened ,they abandoned me . I led to anxiety and depression .

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @EnjoyingYourLifeWithJesus
    @EnjoyingYourLifeWithJesus Год назад +2

    Thank You Dr. Dawn for talking about this! This was the story of My life. Praise God not anymore. Lorelle is taking care of Lorelle now!

  • @jaylaw.7660
    @jaylaw.7660 2 года назад +16

    It’s like you get me, a feeling of understanding almost. Wow, I feel so overwhelmed because people never reciprocate this behavior (understanding). But, you, as a stranger on the outside looking in GET it & I am so grateful for you. I would argue that this is an important curriculum and should be taught in school. But then everybody wouldn’t be responsible for they own behavior would they? 😩😔

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @tbjwmd
    @tbjwmd 2 года назад +10

    This is such a helpful video! Thank you so much for your direct and effective presentation style ♥️

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      You are so welcome! Thanks for watching.

  • @menotyou6254
    @menotyou6254 2 года назад +4

    That was incredibly profound that you do not have the right Or ability depending on circumstance to step in and take somebody else’s pain away yet that you can sit with them create the space for them to give their pain away and not to you just give it away. That is the healthiest way I have heard in the simplest way to be there as a friend as a family member as a wellness practitioner that is a incredible summary of health and wellness being expressed to encourage somebody’s health and wellness in them and to not hold up your need for value in their situation thank you so much. And as we all know if somebody steps in and fixes your situation usually it does transpire again because “ we “didn’t get the lesson. Mahalo

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @asing197
    @asing197 Год назад +2

    Dr. Snipes,
    Can't tell you how much you have helped me in last 2-3 years of downward spiral in my life!
    Thank you so much for your help.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад +1

      You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help. What have you found most helpful from the video?

    • @asing197
      @asing197 Год назад

      @@DocSnipes How to control overthinking catastrophic thoughts. Why I think and feel the way I do.

  • @thadmatson4754
    @thadmatson4754 Год назад +2

    I have had a lifetime of this! Recently reaching out to friends and their inability to even grasp what i am going through made me cut off nearly all former ‘so-called’ friends. They were never friends and never had the capacity to consider anothers needs, problems, or struggles. As a people pleaser it is a constant issue. For example, i call friends to check in in them, normal stuff. If i don’t call them, i could go a lifetime without anyone ever even asking hey how are things?? That is called zero friends. Zero people even think or wonder hey what is up with that person? Its insane. I am a caring loving person who feels i consider others, wish someone else would feel the same for me! Zero!!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      I am so sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video.

  • @katieg7679
    @katieg7679 9 месяцев назад +2

    I remember back in the day I thought people pleasing was just some weird behavior pattern that I fell into somehow. Then going to therapy and realizing Oh, I was parentified...Oh, my family is very enmeshed...Oh, I have a fear of abandonment...It's a long road but awareness is the first step, feeling your feelings about it is the next, and it's going to be very painful but it will be okay because at some point you will have relationships that actually feel good.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  9 месяцев назад

      Thank you for watching and for sharing

  • @JohnSmith-xr5mj
    @JohnSmith-xr5mj 2 года назад +7

    Thank you doc Snipes, very helpful and insightful as always! ❤️

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @osocuda9660
    @osocuda9660 2 года назад +4

    Doc you are the greatest appreciate you for everything that you do please continue I am very grateful for all of the very insightful informative and inspiring inspiration and knowledge that I am receiving from you once again thank you very much

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @mymobilesa7184
    @mymobilesa7184 2 года назад +3

    Excellent presentation..just loved every bit of it

  • @lamarmana1530
    @lamarmana1530 7 месяцев назад

    i've always felt the need to be loved and sort of accept by others and myself. i came here hopping i can know myself better and what are my problems and that someday i will stop people pleasing. i knew i was a people pleaser long time ago but this video made me realize things. when you said people pleaser's dont often know themselves and they need words of information like your good, your loved, your doing alright,ect....i don't know myself what i want in the future what i love what like or dislike and this these things often makes me feel a little depressed. thank you for making the time and effort to make this beautiful video it really helped me.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  7 месяцев назад

      You’re most welcome. I am glad the video was helpful

  • @kumifoliola7234
    @kumifoliola7234 Год назад +2

    Thank you so much for sharing, this video and all your other videos, it's helping me heal my inner child & really take control of my life now.
    I have lived most of my life pleasing others. And it all starts with my childhood trauma, generational family beliefs, unspoken and so on.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      So welcome. I appreciate you watching

  • @jaylaw.7660
    @jaylaw.7660 2 года назад +8

    This is one of the truest videos I have ever watched. This issue is affecting me greatly right now! And you Doctor Snipes are so resourceful 🙂 have a beautiful day!🌹😘🥰

  • @TristineBarry
    @TristineBarry 2 года назад +1

    Yes THANK YOU so much Doc Snipes for all you are and do. 😊

  • @itsallaboutjesuschrist9500
    @itsallaboutjesuschrist9500 Год назад +1

    Very thankful for this channel!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use first to address people pleasing?

  • @kimberlymccracken747
    @kimberlymccracken747 2 года назад +1

    Thank you Doctor Snipes 👍

  • @jaylaw.7660
    @jaylaw.7660 2 года назад +6

    My parents were on drugs, so yes I can see where I picked up this behavior. 📝 thanks!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching and commenting.

  • @MrMattias87
    @MrMattias87 2 года назад +6

    Would "keeping the peace" a form of people pleasing?

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +4

      It can be when taken to extremes

  • @tccincrj2866
    @tccincrj2866 2 года назад

    Thank you very much!

  • @GodsChosenMekAmoR
    @GodsChosenMekAmoR Год назад +1

    This is amazinggggg! When I first started therapy I said people pleaser No wayyyyy but oh myyyyy did I find out I wasn’t as confident as I thought. I am learning how to balance out my sincere heart and love for helping vs is anything about this a need. I have learned so much in therapy and you are saying everything my therapist teaching me as well. It has worked wonders and even as an extrovert I now highly value my alone time, having my own boundaries, coming into my voice in a healthy way that shows my love for me, and being overall happy and settled within. I also recognize my ways have affected my children. I’m going to share this video so we can discuss. This is such wisdom and as always THANK YOU DR SNIPES for taking the time to post this. I appreciate your work 👏👏👏👑

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching

  • @wrightdavid5737
    @wrightdavid5737 4 месяца назад

    Many thanks for your help and support in my application process of recovery 🙏 .😊

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  4 месяца назад

      You’re most welcome. Grateful to be of service

  • @billthelen6524
    @billthelen6524 Год назад +1

    I have found that l need to please other people needs first, I still find that true today. Most of the time, I feel like I need to do for others. I do this so I can be okay being myself. I'm a constant apologizer. I often feel burnt out because I place other people first. I am the one who doesn't accept positive affirmation from others. Even though at the same time, I want to be recognized. PACER is an excellent reminder to take care of ourselves. The example of the square breathing to slow ourselves down so we can get into our wise mind. The distress tolerance skills of self-soothing our senses I have found to be an excellent way to get into my wise mind. Thank you Dr. Snipes.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад +1

      I am sorry about that, Bill. The strategies you’ve mentioned are awesome. You’ve come a long way and I am grateful to be part of your journey.

    • @billthelen6524
      @billthelen6524 Год назад

      @@DocSnipes
      Thank you Dr. Snipes. I am grateful that I have found your channel. Through your videos, you have been very helpful to me.

  • @keariewashburn4680
    @keariewashburn4680 Год назад +1

    I have this problem because I don't want some bomb going off. After a while, as I have said and shown people I do have a breaking point. When that happens, I don't like it but it is a must. They will end up feeling the " eggshell" dance and forced in a way to think before they act. If they don't get it, they just get the consequences. They won't get the " nicey" part or actually as much from me. I still have to work on this and I'm better than I used to be. I really like my time away from them to do what I like that lowers my stress and have some joy. PAINTING. I'm a retired nurse and I want to be able to get out of my head for a bit.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад +1

      Thank you for watching the video.

  • @Ayaanyadaan
    @Ayaanyadaan Год назад

    It was great and educative presentation. Thank you!!

  • @Red23165
    @Red23165 2 года назад +3

    Looking forward to watching your video

  • @teresahopemiller1008
    @teresahopemiller1008 2 года назад +1

    I sms people pleaser.I had not liked conflict till I learned of the positive side. I learned through college that I come off to others as a martyr. I don't like that. but they could be right. I would rather be a positive person. Not come off so victimized either. You films are the best most insightful and full of knowledge.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @joelethridge7864
    @joelethridge7864 2 года назад

    Another great video! Thanks!

  • @kirstinstrand6292
    @kirstinstrand6292 2 года назад +1

    I shared this vid with the PP's I care about, and who are unaware. Thank you! Edit: As a former PP, unwinding these issues takes courage. (Best thing I have done.)

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for sharing! Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

    • @leahflower9924
      @leahflower9924 Год назад

      Not to call anyone out but my mom is a people pleaser and I'm the scapegoat and I'm the only one that sees through her everyone wherever I go will compliment my mom because she was always doing something for someone but she was actually full of rage and spite everyone was always unfair to her and no one could match what she did always passive aggressive

  • @avinashmantri7899
    @avinashmantri7899 8 месяцев назад

    Extremely helpful

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  8 месяцев назад

      Glad to hear! Thanks for watching the video

  • @gailwhite4464
    @gailwhite4464 Год назад

    Wow she described me so much.

  • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
    @CynthiaSchoenbauer Год назад +3

    This is remarkably enlightening! I noticed things were not right, but no one told me what was wrong. I have been a people-pleaser! I am actually very ashamed about it and I have been that way at my job. I am working to figure out why I went into that mode very early on in life. I must have been horribly afraid. I lost my entire self trying to survive by constantly fixing "mistakes" in me and in what I did. I am not yet sure what that is, but I went into a hole and have not really completely emerged. It is very, very strange. I lost the identity that I loved sooo much! I really want me back. I miss me very much. I am even getting "mushy" about it! I have been blind to what my life has been about.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад +2

      I am sorry you feel estranged from that version of you from the past. Can you identify what might have caused this rupture? Keep in mind that that version of yourself is still there and you can try making a list of all the things that younger versions of yourself enjoyed doing and start doing them. Start taking care of your thoughts, wants and needs and put things in your environment that bring you joy.

    • @user-iq5xi7cn9k
      @user-iq5xi7cn9k Год назад

      Update ?

  • @snowshen902
    @snowshen902 5 месяцев назад

    I just ended my 5 years of relationship because I'm not happy anymore. I broke the other person's heart because he didn't understand why. Now I understand my behavior issue is that I am a people pleaser. Thank you.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  5 месяцев назад

      You’re welcome. Thanks for watching the video

  • @sivonparansun
    @sivonparansun 11 месяцев назад

    Very insightful

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  11 месяцев назад

      I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. How will you keep people pleasing from making you miserable?

  • @jaylaw.7660
    @jaylaw.7660 2 года назад +7

    So emotionally mature! Wow, I’m going to make a goal to become like that, you inspire me.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching and commenting.

  • @ROGERSHYU
    @ROGERSHYU 5 месяцев назад

    Thanks for this content. It helped me a lot

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  5 месяцев назад

      Glad it helped!

  • @boostmobile9249
    @boostmobile9249 2 года назад +1

    Be of service for people.
    Being Cordial & Be Courteously to your neighbor. Spiritual life.
    Services. Businesses offering service. Horrible lifestyles. Religious training to serve, practicing kindness.

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 2 года назад +1

    Just say No and set boundaries and have realistic expectations. Respect myself first

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching!

  • @excxmoody
    @excxmoody 9 месяцев назад

    This is why I keep telling myself not to ever go on another blind date. Ended up constantly not doing things I wanted to do just to please them. Take for example after the relationship...trying to co parent with that person...basically having to do the same thing but that time in a courtroom simply to see my kid again. Also happens with one of my parents because they're likely manic bipolar you never know what's going to happen and having to just please them. Sort of like lately, been trying to merely shop online and it feels the same damn way.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  8 месяцев назад

      Thank you for watching the video and for sharing

  • @amanullahbayat2101
    @amanullahbayat2101 Год назад

    Very helpful thanks a lot

  • @kurt6410
    @kurt6410 2 года назад +5

    I'm really looking forward to this one

    • @Eyezofdarkfire
      @Eyezofdarkfire 2 года назад +1

      Same here!!! Can’t wait!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      Thanks for watching.

    • @Red23165
      @Red23165 2 года назад +2

      @@DocSnipes welcome be safe

  • @colourMeHappy06_22
    @colourMeHappy06_22 Год назад +1

    Thank you y

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?

  • @DocSnipes
    @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

    What is one of your favorite songs that helps you feel empowered?

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      "Respect" by Aretha Franklin

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      “Try” by Colbie Caillat

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Taylor Swift Shake it Off

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Aaron Tippin Kiss HTis

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      Kelly Clarkson "Stronger"

  • @Lifestyle-zz2wd
    @Lifestyle-zz2wd Год назад +1

    You deserve millions of subscribers

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      I am so grateful for your kind words, as I am for you, being here and watching videos. If you like the video, please feel free to share it, to help spread the word. Thank you!

  • @jaylaw.7660
    @jaylaw.7660 2 года назад +3

    You explain things so clearly. I trust you and appreciate you❤️

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for your kind words!

  • @estelleschneider9033
    @estelleschneider9033 2 года назад +2

    Thank You so much Dr Snipes..your Video has blessed me and many
    On this painful learned behavior ..it has kept me from God's best ..I felt Our Lord put me here this morning..I have struggled with my loving NO .. I pray to locate the real authentic me
    You arw God sent
    May God Bless You !!!
    Jeremiah 29:11 KJV
    11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Bless you as well.
      I also have another RUclips Channel:
      Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study
      ruclips.net/channel/UCYYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg
      Please consider liking and subscribing.

  • @sweettoothmarie7304
    @sweettoothmarie7304 2 года назад +1

    This is so insightful. Hope you can do video on how to say no..

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching. Thanks for the suggestion. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @hanifjones4914
    @hanifjones4914 7 месяцев назад

    i feel gutted being called out like this. lol, what a mess i'm in

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  7 месяцев назад

      I am sorry you are struggling with this. Thank you for watching the video

  • @CrisTK1
    @CrisTK1 2 месяца назад

    OMG
    I'm a people pleaser. I always do more at my jobs and get promises that I'll be promoted, but this never happens. They promote new comers and always use me for different tasks😢I always do what they say, take overtime, and cover when someone is sick. I suffer because I feel unappreciated. Maybe it is time to think of myself now?!
    Could it be developed in my childhood because I always tried to be a good daughter for my parents to be happy, a good pupil at school so I make my teachers proud and now a good employer to be respected?

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 месяца назад

      Thank you for watching the video. Yes, people pleasing could have been developed in your childhood

  • @elisaturi7529
    @elisaturi7529 2 года назад +1

    It is better to give than to receive but... Yes no draining

  • @goodenoughgirl8102
    @goodenoughgirl8102 2 года назад +3

    I think what I had for a long time was more like “monster appeasement.” Not like trying to make others happy but just do what people want Bcuz if I don’t, I’d fear getting clobbered or retaliated on. Kinda like people pleasing but for diff reasons. Not sure what the term is for that tho. Maybe it’s more like “peace makers.” Of course, it’s obvious to me that it’s Bcuz of the bully narc parent primarily and then for a long time after that getting bullied even more. Other times people would work on me with various sob stories, like this oh I’m gonna die if YOU don’t help me RIGHT NOW kinda stuff. Always so urgent. I finally said to myself...well die then. Ugh. Idc. 🙄 🤮 And now the bullies can now just have my middle finger. Lol. Got sick to death of both tho. Mostly my motivation was fear and wanting to just be safe or fear about someone else’s calamitous ruin and wanting them to be safe.
    Also wasn’t awfully hard for me to say no to average people. Folks who don’t put so much pressure on me. Was harder to say no to these toxic folks who act like they’re gonna die and are just so extra pitiful. Of course was even harder to say no when they were coercive or pushy and bullish. Some folks just suck tho and they push or pull on folks REALLY hard. They’d be a giant pill for anyone. My main solution was realizing the feeling of toxic people and all their “urgent momentary pressure” coming at me and pushing against that “getting sucked in” feeling and then getting an attitude and telling a lot of folks no or to just let me think about it for awhile (with the intent of saying no later from a further distance from them WITHOUT the pressure cooker feeling as if to let it dissipate). Most jerks are never that patient anyways and find another sucker to drain. It’s like the trash takes itself out for me. Lol. I don’t think now I’m any people pleaser so much but I had very often wound up around so many toxic people. I just didn’t know how to combat that constant high pressure I got so much of. And I didn’t know how to stop being surrounded by so much toxic. But so it goes with Narcs. It’s like a sick black hole vortex always trying to suck you in like a vacuum or a strong magnet. I had to find a way to get that target off my head with those types. And yah. That was pretty much just boundaries. Too many thieves and robbers and pillagers were getting past my broken fence. I complied until the straw broke the camel’s back and then I kind of snapped and started wanting to defy pretty much everyone and their brother. They pushed me over some edge I guess, and I just got extremely fed up with all of it and these days I don’t mind dropping the F bomb on some folks and plenty of other expletives and maybe telling them to go where Satan lives if they think they’re gonna try and mess with me and be so pushy and ugly like that. Also I just had to learn that some folks won’t take no for an answer without a pretty hard smack down. And very good to learn the principles of self defense also. If someone is being threatening to me, it’s ok to go gloves off. “Nice” can get thrown out the window along with all the usual “rules” in that case. The principle being that if someone tried to attack me in my own home at gunpoint, if I had to kill them it would be justifiable homicide. Same goes for maybe killing someone with my words and attitude...if I had to in self defense. It’s just not safe for me to be “nice” to everyone and that’s just how I see it now. I now give back to folks what they bring to me. If it’s good they get my good side. If it’s bad, they get my “bad” side. And the chronic or extreme pity mongers just get a quarter so they can go call someone else who actually “cares.” Lol. I learned it Bcuz I had to. I was really tired of getting my ass kicked all over the place for so very long and pretty soon, I knew it was just gonna be the death of me if I didn’t find some real solutions. If you’re cut and bleeding and bruised all over tho, at some point you just have nothing left to lose by fighting back anyways. Or when the blood suckers take your last drop of blood, something has to give. And there’s just a fine line with self accusations too. Sometimes it’s “people pleasing” but other times you’re just surrounded by a horde of blood sucking vampires and you were never to blame for that. But at the same time, all that predatory blood letting these sickos try to do to you has still got to be stopped.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      Thanks for watching.

  • @mjs1557
    @mjs1557 Год назад

    The one about you need to take care of yourself first before you can help others is an excellent point. I wish our politicians in Washington City would understand that point. Why can’t we make sure our citizens here in the United States are taken care of first before we try to help the rest of the world. If they could think that way we’d be in much better shape.

  • @Crashtechs
    @Crashtechs 2 года назад +2

    My most recent ex girlfriend has all of these characteristics. Nothing I said would help, I miss her very much but I know now the person I fell in love with is a mystery

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching and commenting.

  • @jaylaw.7660
    @jaylaw.7660 2 года назад +3

    I really like your content. 🙂

  • @sunflower6434
    @sunflower6434 2 года назад +1

    People pleaser = co-dependency = dependency personality.
    Told me me heaps right there.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

  • @emilyjeanpierre7272
    @emilyjeanpierre7272 2 года назад +2

    I have a question if you say no but if people make you feel guilty. What are you supposed to do?

    • @mstwelvedeadlycyns
      @mstwelvedeadlycyns 2 года назад +1

      If you permit the feeling of feeling guilty, then they have authority over you. End it love!

  • @USMARSHALL2011
    @USMARSHALL2011 2 года назад

    Cool

  • @brianfreeman7510
    @brianfreeman7510 Год назад +1

    I feel I have to please to be loved. Hell even that doesn't work obviously lol

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад +1

      I am sorry about that. What tips will you use first to address people pleasing?

    • @brianfreeman7510
      @brianfreeman7510 Год назад

      @@DocSnipes I'm actually not sure what to do... especially when I am looking for love hard. I'm a target it seems

  • @chandellevidal7826
    @chandellevidal7826 2 года назад

    But how do we catch it? So we can stop passing in people pleasing.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching!

  • @adelinafarias1468
    @adelinafarias1468 2 года назад

    Some of this can be true

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching.

  • @jaylaw.7660
    @jaylaw.7660 2 года назад +5

    You seem like you would be a great lawyer😂🤣 it’s because of your assertiveness and your ability to point out right from wrong Lol and the way you discern facts haha Lol

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +2

      Ty That is a first time compliment I think. :)

  • @freemonfitzdeassresq9373
    @freemonfitzdeassresq9373 2 года назад +3

    I want to hear you speak more

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      I have hundreds of videos out there :)

  • @luisgarz4091
    @luisgarz4091 2 года назад

    😉

  • @mitchnidey2453
    @mitchnidey2453 2 года назад

    Saints of God ....we are all called to be person pleasers...we are all called to please him who has ordained us ..Jesus Christ is our Addonai...being a Christian requires us to do good for everyone we meet or that we know, without expecting rewards..we are called to be the hands and feet of Christ...it is his approval we seek. You've never thought about ministering to an angel of God...or have you? Maybe you are called to live and be an angel of God? To God be the glory! Our rewards are in the heavens...lay not up your treasures on earth. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also

  • @mariamontoya3318
    @mariamontoya3318 2 года назад +4

    I ain't a people pleaser.🤣🤣🤣
    The only one you should always please is God.
    🇮🇱 I 🇮🇱 AM 🇮🇱 ISRAEL 🇮🇱