So true What do you do when things just get worst. It's like they don't want to hear it. The addiction is so strong? I know I'm co dependent and I'm just not living because.of all the trauma
@@debbiebolek2117 yes, same in my life due to trauma (of narc mother & emotional not present father), i had to go nc since i was dying, i'm very ill. i don't blame, i forgive, and need to stay away or i won't survive this
blaming i don't do anymore (narc mother, emotional not present father), it's gotten me so ill these ways of living, i did not know any better, thanks to good people like Gabor & many others on the web, i learned how it all 'worked', and why i'm so drained, chronic ill & scared, with no contact & forgiveness i can heal, it will be the rest of my life hard work, i've 'wasted' so much of my life & my health due to it tho. One can say what happend without blaming.
Can I blame if my mum knew what she was putting us through? I have forgiven her, a long time ago but I do still blame her because she knew what was happening but didn't do anything to protect us. I'm now a single parent with no support & no family. Anytime I move forward I end up back in the same situation with the same sad mood feeling I'm not good enough. I am constantly ill as are my children. Even though my children haven't been through the trauma I suffered, they do suffer the same way I do 😢
"Healthy self-esteem is not about proving yourself and others that you are worthy of unconditional love, it's about identifying and letting go all the beliefs, experiences and traumas that ever convinced you otherwise".❤
That was Huge! I hope folks stay with the podcast long enough to really get that. For it means it’s okay not to contact a family member and check on them
Yes I agree. Gabor is clearly a lovely thoughtful person but I don’t find his perspective satisfying, there is a bit more to it. I wish Mel would interview Mark Wollyn who wrote It Didn’t Start With You about his research into Inter generational trauma.
As a parent of a child with ADHD this was a difficult episode to listen to. A lot of guilty feelings. However an important episode for self reflection. I have a bigger role to play in supporting my son’s challenges than I realized, a role where my emotional regulation can help to ease his reaction to his environment. Yup, hard to hear but so valuable.
Sarah, you did something hard today and were accountable. you have nothing to feel guilty for-we’re all doing our best and keen to grow and learn-and the fact that its so apparent that you are, makes you a very loving and supportive parent-no child goes unscathed, you re teaching him, through example, to grow and learn-and we never stop-and that is the best thing ever! God bless ❤
This just puts a negative light on ADHD. I have ADHD and my kids do as well. I want them to understand their brain was made like that for a good reason. People with ADHD hundreds of years ago would may have been the hunters. Our brains gave us the capacity to do amazing things in a tribe. My psychologist said I would have thrived years ago but our world right now is so overwhelming and stressful. On top of that, our food is processed so much and it’s hard to maintain a healthy diet for our brains to function properly. If neurodivergence came mostly from trauma etc. then we would all have it. No parent is perfect!
@carlab..... Dr.Russel is c o n c e n t r a t i n g in the pharmacological side ......! He gets financial support of the producers of ADHS/ ADD meds. Yes, he talks convincingly , but rather c o l d...... For my intuition Dr.Russel is w a y w a y too close to pharmaceutical Industry........
I’ve been a counsellor for 10 years and I have been identifying this in my clients. This is the first time I’ve listened to this guy and yay, he is supporting what I’ve been thinking ! Brilliant
His extensive work is absolutely brilliant! Dr. Maté is a gift to this planet! Please, do not stop here, and keep looking into all his materials (books, podcasts, tedtalks)!
I'm 58 yo. I grew up in a tremendously toxic and chaotic home. After tons of therapy, as I watched my friend's children grow into adults; I was in my late 30'early 40s; I realized: Parenting is the most important job on the planet.... Full. Stop. **I've never had children of my own; but i have had three happy-happy dogs**
Ahhh, my friends laugh at me for zoning out, switching to a random topic, getting anxiety about things they dont worry about, looking at worst case scenarios! And now i understand i probably also had ADHD as a kid. I was constantly yelled at in class, pulled up for not paying attention, berated by teachers and parents, called dumb all my childhood, told over and over again I would be a failure! When all i wanted was attention from my parents, and i never got so much as 10 minutes of quality time. My mom probably had severe depression, and dad was so busy with work he couldn't care. So i turned rebellious, breaking every rule I could! Dangerous in my teens! I ensured my child didn't face any of that, spent so much time talking to her, playing with her and teaching her essentials of being a good human!
I a survivor of severe abuse, neglect and abandonment from age 5 to 15 when My mother had passed away and I was devastated especially because I wasn’t safe anywhere near the rest of my family so they abandoned me. I have been following Gabor for many years and he has played a huge role in me still being here. It’s a very lonely journey living with so much shame and subconscious trauma. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until last year and I’m in my mid 40’s. I knew and was tested and diagnosed with CPTSD which isn’t even recognised in the DSM5 but because I could never ever pay attention and other signs of ADHD. There are many cross over symptoms of having either or both diagnosis. Gabor is a trailblazer because he questions things and you can see his brain just ticking over and myself and thousands and thousands of others are still here because of his actions and words to bring exposure to this extremely underrated and invalidated topic. Thank you much for the amazing interview
I am so sorry for what you went through, and thank you for sharing your difficult story. You sound like an incredibly strong woman ❤🙏 I am giving you the biggest hug right now 🫠 x
Do not give up! You are doing amazing! The enemy is trying to destroy You from childhood because You are very important. Remember that You are that 1 sperm who reaches the egg❤
I am sending you some extra love and hugs! This planet is better because you are here! I hope you can find some healing and get the peace you deserve! 💗✌️💗
@@sunnyjohansen1958 Thst is so beautifully kind. Right back at you. It’s wonderful how people connect through such important issues for some people or someone they know. I had way too much shame to ever comment until about a year ago. All I want to do is help and inspire others thst healing is possible and my heart is so set on building my own free creative paint day once a month for anyone who wants to join. It will be a safe environment either on the beach or in a beautiful park. It will be a very safe space for people to get just a glimmer of how painting and meditation have some amazing healing benefits and bringing people together to start a community of people who are keen to connect and I will be providing all of the supplies. I’m so excited but I now know I have to (we all do) to get to a place of authenticity so we are able to function before we can be at our best to help others. We all have our own things to work through and if we have compassion and understanding without judgement then we as humans can help each other to make our world a better place to live for generations to come. I may sound a bit woo woo or spiritual however I have to believe that we all have a mission here and the first step is to listen and learn. I am sending everyone so much positive energy and wish everyone the best in their journeys ❤️🩹
I'm only halfway through, and without hyperbole, I think this might be the most positively impactful thing I've ever listened to. I've been bawling my eyes out right from the beginning, and I'm going to watch it with my 15yo boy on Saturday. Perhaps I will have stopped crying by then? 😁 Your videos have helped me no end. I'm 47 and was only diagnosed myself 6 months ago. Thank you x infinity for your hard work and brilliant content 🩷🩷🩷
Same here Im a teen mother and my now teen son is diagnosed and I can't stop crying and the mom guilt that I brought him into a world where I wasn't prepared but him telling me thank you for keeping me gives me strength and motivation to move forward. We will listen to this again together.
I cried almost the whole way through. I’ve been so hard on myself. Doesn’t matter how it’s what I do with it now. Don’t waste to much time on the past. Acceptance, respect and commitment.
Have multiple sclerosis and decide from this moment to say no, be authentic and heal my childhood trauma wish I return to this comment year later and say have no ms super healthy
When I was pregnant with my son, I remember one of the nurses telling me calm mother calm baby. She said the Mom’s that were very anxiety ridden had babies that cried a lot and showed that anxious trait.
@@rebekah1836 I had the same. I lived alone the first 7 months of my pregnancy. Then moved overseas to be with the father of my baby, and it was live everything turned dark and grey. It was horrible, and he treated me horribly. My baby was very calm as long as she was with me, but not with anyone else. I hate myself for bringing a baby to go through all that. She is a very calm, sweet and smart child. I am so sorry about what you and your baby went through 💔
It makes total sense to me now why stress will make people just shut down and lose their executive function. It’s screws with our ability to use dopamine.
It’s still so stigmatized that there are still people punishing us. Thank you for putting this information out there so that we can all be on the same page. Also doesn’t help that our foods or the foods that people can afford are stuffed with preservatives - chemicals and tripping up our bodies from being able to be completely healthy.
simply put: You are constantly absorbing and observing your environment. If you grow to innerstand this, you will learn when to observe what doesn’t serve you and release it and seek what does. I hope that helps someone🫶🏾✨ Love this dialogue‼️
As a child in the 1960s, I was scapegoated at home as well as in every other childhood setting, due to my then-undiagnosable neurodivergence, as well as my early-developing art talent. It took me till age 58 to be able to access trauma-informed therapy & finally begin to find real healing
HOLY CRAP, MEL!! I feel like I’ve just been hit with a stun gun!! There’s too much to unpack here on just one listen!! I will definitely be racking up the views with this episode. There are no words to describe what Dr. Maté has revealed to us. Pure gold!! Deepest gratitude to you both!! ⭐️🌟✨
My ex-husband wasn’t always nice to me during my pregnancy and even after the baby was born. My child cried all the time and didn’t want to sleep alone. She had to constantly be breastfed or sleep on my chest. After I separated from my ex, he continued to harass me for 3-4 years and our poor child suffered in between. One day he just left our lives and left me exhausted with an anxious and troubled child. I’m glad still that he’s not here tormenting us, but I will never forgive him for all the pain and suffering he caused.
Ha ha, duh, babies naturally want to breastfeed all the time and sleep on their mom's bare chest! Human milk is thinner than other mammal's milk. That's why human babies need to breastfeed so frequently. As for co-sleeping, it's what humans evolved to do: attachment parenting is what it's called. Go look up Darcia Narvaez, Ronald Goldman, and anthropologist James J Mckenna of Notre Dame University's Mother Child Sleep Laboratory's work on breastsleeping. He wrote a book titled "Safe Infant Sleep"
I’ve been through the same thing about 10 years ago. My 16 year old daughter and I have healed together and are very very close. You have done the right thing by leaving!
Dr. Gábor Máté is so powerful. His words give me the whys, and that's so liberating. (Being Hungarian, it's a privilege to me that I can listen to him in my native language as well.)
I absolutely LOVE Gabor Maté and I'm so glad you had him on as a guest. This is a huge valuable addition to your podcast and you are one of the better people to interview him
Gabor Mate is an absolute treasure. Although we should not blame parents in general, some parents DO mean harm and DO cause harm. It's so important to acknowledge that as well. Thank you Gabor and Mel for this insightful dialogue 💛💛💛
True, but I think that in America we live in a culture in which so many people feel guilty about everything that is wrong in their lives that they automatically get defensive when someone is explaining the role they play in their environment. I know Gabor doesn’t mean to blame parents, he means to show us that we’re not powerless. That we can play a role in improving our own and our kids’ condition.
This was one of the best episodes! And the book"When the body says no" is among the top books in our modern society. Thank you Mel and thank you Dr Gabor Mate 🙏🏻 what you are doing is priceless. I'm eternally grateful
THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH FOR THIS INCREDIBLE INTERVIEW ! Every cell of my body was nodding with relief and joy for one hour straight. Not because it was fun to hear but because FINALLY everything makes sense now. I am a 45 y.o. MS and late-diagnosed ADHD survivor working day by day to transform my life for the better, and these words catapulted my progress by one billion steps faster to where I want to go. And that place is to feel safe within myself! I love you Mel, and I love you Gabor! What you do truly matters.
totally (sad) truth, ii had to learn it myself, never a health profess like yourself, gave me any idea, advice, insight etc, about 'all this', ihad to figure it all out, thanks to good pple like Gabor i 'learned' what really was going on
It’s so much more complicated than that. Both my children have celiac disease. They are too little to be codependent. Their GI specialist said Celiac has skyrocketed in children in the last two years. Most likely this is because of the highly processed food we are eating. There are many factors to consider
So thrilled to see you interview Gabor, as I completely believe his analysis. I have ADHD with strengths & weaknesses but restoring the health of my nervous system with yoga, continually resetting my vagus nerve, paying attention to my diet and having adapted my life has given me a good health and happiness (without medication) ❤
Absolutely! Adhd can get better, especially with diet, exercising regularly and nervous system regulation. But it doesn't go away and that's neither the "goal" - there are many precious traits that adhd brings, too, let's not forget that.
Im crying because I am a Canadian woman, 38+ years old, born with Arthritis throughout my entire body, came from a broken home and after multiple abusive partners, I am a single Mama of 4 beautiful, SOULFUL children.
Sorry to hear that.. 😢What about you mother?! Did she have arthritis?! I wonder that because the pregnant woman’s body tries to protect the child more often than not. Yet.. it’s either her whole body had inflamed joints and created the same in you, or you were born with “loaded gun”, as Gabor says and the environment pulled the trigger
My (old)dad has actually said to me (also old) within last five years, “Grief shared is grief doubled.” This is the human journey and condition. I am constantly checking myself to be sure I’m not suffering unnecessarily. It’s in my hands at this point. No matter why it all went down. This is lesson I keep learning. Moments. Again.
So true now it is entirely up to us. This topic is eye opening for me and what u r saying is wow to me because i had that my mom had the most difficult pregnancy and she wished death because of the situation. Fortunately i lived with my aunt from age 9 or so and from 35 i was into personal development which explains why i am in a "Better Position"cos the circumstances i went through and my life are not adding.my life turned better than i would expected bcos i took charge and i am filled with so much gratitude right now. What an eye opening topic this
Gabor is a hero. I found his first book on the most obscure book store shelf inside a shitty detox center years ago. The Body Keeps The Score. It’s heavy on science and medicine (I’m a nurse so I loved it) but it was the first time I ever truly felt understood. Truly. It’s a pleasure to see him everywhere now.
Yep! My bad. I stand corrected. It IS an amazing book however. 😎 Gabor is such a gem though. For sure. I've yet to read his newest book. I find him amazingly informative and so sensible. He is able to "make it make sense".
Abusive parents I've been in pain since 18 years old !!! I had cancer stage3 I'm now cancer free for 6 years!!!! I believe my depression and anxiety left my body vulnerable 2 getting cancer mind body connections are real!!!
When my son was young I went through a divorce and things were very unstable and then had a very toxic relationship and my son was extremely adhd and behavior issues. Years later we have a very peaceful and stable life and he is happy and healthy and shows no behavior or adhd anymore. ❤
This is so needed. My uni tutor asked me if I have additional learning needs the other week because I always drift off in thought, so now I’m in the process of getting diagnosed for adhd possibly autism. So Disorganised so emotionally unstable. I’m 41 imagine
I'm 41 and have ADHD and anxiety and I work at a fast-paced agency. Medication, resources and management tools (like the Pomodoro Method) really help. 10 minutes of meditation each morning has also changed my life. Lastly, if you're not being incredibly kind, patient and compassionate with yourself, start immediately! Your brain just works differently, and that's okay. Good luck with everything!
I feel you, girl. I'm 43. Same thing. I'm not getting diagnosed, but I feel there is something of the sort. Let's ask ourselves the questions that Dr. Mate suggests and start our healing journeys. Healing is possible. It's available to all of us.
My husband has ADHD and I have cptsd, over the 12 years of our marriage I've come to realize we have the same struggles. We use different names for it and the only difference that makes is the outlook of correction. The general idea with ADHD is that you're stuck with it and nothing can change it and it results in feeling helpless. With cptsd the general idea is it's malleable and can be corrected and results in hope. Thank you Dr. Mate for this talk, we need to hear this desperately.
He is very far behind the research on ADHD. Like 50 years!!!L Pleas listen to Dr. Barkley! Gabor Mate might be an expert on trauma. And his own experience of it . Fine. BUT: what he says about ADHD is completely WRONG and harm the ADHD community terribly! Just because you have ADHD yourself doesn’t make you an expert on the subject !!He is obviously not up to date about ADHD. NO, adhd is not because of bad parenting, it is a neurological disorder. There are numerous scientific proof s of this!!! Please listen to Dr. Barkley. He knows his stuff!!! ruclips.net/video/bO19LWJ0ZnM/видео.htmlsi=ob5QtvuszNw6WBzV
Thank you for always ending on "I love you". And so genuinely. Not something we hear enough. Makes me want to cry every time and I watch you almost daily
I have thyroid disease and what Dr Mate describes is me to a T. My sister has Fibromyalgia and she is also a very giving person. I feel sad for all of us who have experienced these illnesses because we didn't set boundaries and didnt know how to but also happy and grateful that the link to changing this is so clear and accessible. I hope many of us can change our lives with this new knowledge. Great video Mel and team❤❤
me too....both...and now a third, diagnosed 3 years ago, a rare blood disorder, auto immune based, doc says. i take pills for the thyroid. fibro i live day to day with, the third i am upping vitamin intake and praying.
I dealt with the same denials in our school system, and after begging them to test my kids for YEARS....I finally had them tested at a private practice and they are both autistic w/varying degrees of ADHD. It is maddening to feels as if your child's school is not at all actually interested in their learning. If they were, they'd care that they weren't connecting with them for the past 8 yrs!!
I am currently in this predicament. My son absolutely has adhd, but the school keep trying to tell me they don't see anything, however my son is feeling down, not supported, absolutely hates going to school and at home he let's loose! I see every adhd characteristic in him and I'm pretty sure that I have it also. I've been fighting with the school for 5 years and they won't help me. I've now gone down a private route and awaiting an assessment... fingers crossed
I had the honor of meeting Dr. Mate two years ago in a seminar he held promoting his book in Basel and his kind & giving nature is a gift to humanity. Thank you for having him as a guest, I always learn listening to him. Great talk 🙏🙏🙏
You can’t even guess how this video helped a mother who’s suffering from postpartum depression and can’t heal because of blaming herself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🥹🙏🏻
First doctor sent me to a dermatologist and no blood work 5 yrs ago for psoriasis.3yrs later different doctor said my arthritis bms and psoriasis was from getting older, no blood work. Today I went to a new doctor right away I told her all the symptoms and that I was told I had an immune problem. She was astounded not one doctor ordered bloodwork. After 5 yrs of feeling like crap and thinking it’s my age (I’m 40) I’m finally going for bloodwork and a rheumatologist. 🤦♀️
Gabor Matte is a national treasure. It is wonderful that his work has found an international audience and that the positive influence he has created in Vancouver is being shared. Such a wonderful thought leader. Thank you for this episode❤🇨🇦
I have been diagnosed with Achalasia (paralyzed esophagus) and Grave’s Disease in the past 2 years. I had a chaotic childhood with multiple traumas that continued through my adult life. This all makes sense! Thank you!!!
I recently got diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis as well as mental health conditions. This makes sense as well because I experienced bullying, problems with teachers at school, not saying no to people and handled group projects on my own, traumas, chaotic family and problems, but all I did was endure it and didn’t show to anybody I was having those problems and didn’t complain. When I got to experience the environment that I want, suddenly all of past problems resurfaced on me physically and mentally. Now, I’m facing severe health anxiety overall so I really wanna go to therapy.
My body is on fight-or-flight as well even until now which sucks and made me overthink more but I’m trying to not feed my autoimmune disease with more stress. However, adult life is wired on stress so I mostly rely on medications now and steroids which sucks.
100% agree with this comment. You cannot talk about humanity and trauma while turning a blind eye to genocide. Dr Mate is the genuine article and I have huge respect for his wisdom and humanity.
This man is life changing. You are life changing Mel. Both of you and all your other speakers help us become better human beings for our families, for others and most importantly for ourselves. Thank you.
I just turned 50 and researching for my nephew as we felt he has adhd - in doing so had an epiphany “bloody hell! How long have I had ADHD?” Thanks Mel
It's too bad that my son was diagnosed after he was already addicted. He was already self medicating. I'm glad this info is out there now and hopefully helps going forward.
OMG! What a great interview. As a later diagnosed person with ADHD and aware of Dr. Mate's work, this conversation is very welcome. I'm unable to take medication and seek to better understand how to manage the condition. Leave it to my friend Mel to ask all of my questions!
Thank you both so much, I understand why at 61yrs I have MS & was considering checking out of this world. I need to watch more, to learn more so I can become authentic ME & start to love myself.❤
Mel, I have to tell you, RIGHT NOW I am experiencing the biggest light bulb moment of my life. Thank you a thousand times over for this specific episode.... OMG🎉
The more I listen the more I hurt for how children who are denied childhood by social circumstances then by society. The Parents and we as a society as a whole have such a huge role to play in developing Future Brain development and coping mechanisms.
I’m Mexican 1st generation. Youngest, currently in therapy working on my childhood trauma!! And just found out I have ADHDon top of also having Hashimotos!!!
Family of origin - the foundation of all development and conditioning. This video content is not unique to just females - males may have similar conditioning as well depending on environment. Brilliant and sound advice that more doctors need to be aware of. Thank you!
This is a phenomenally transformational episode. I usually listen to podcasts while cooking or driving, but I had sit and give this my complete attention and I have grown better in just an hour ❤ Thank You for doing this 🙏🏼
Shopping addicts…. I have adhd and I love shopping. The dopamine feeling of buying things either for me or my friends or family. It makes me feel good.
Im soo glad i let go of attachment to others and out comes for myself, my health over everything self preservation over everything, connections can be replaced with better more fulfilling ones
My heart is breaking for my 2 and 4 year old right now. They have no hope of not having to struggle with adhd if this is true. I was incredibly stressed through pregnancy, was abused, and have adhd myself. I feel so guilty I’m such a huge contributor to my kids future struggle.
Hi Kelsey , the most important thing is that you recognise it and remember, you did not have a choice in either childhood or abusive situations. You had to adapt to the situation and find (adhd symptoms) coping mechanisms for it . Non of it is your fault but now, our role is to take the responsibility for our behaviour and actions and heal, so we can help our children to heal ❤
I feel your pain, I just posted a similar thing re my pregnancy and mental abuse, my daughter who is 12, is ADHD and has anger she struggles to control, I too felt broken listening to this, but the abuse was not our fault, and we can do what we can moving forward to help make our environments better, for all the family, please be kind to yourself and I will try to be with me! X
Girl and do you think guilt, self compassion and self loathing are even helping? Also you don't need to "struggle" with ADHD, you have to learn to roll with it, it can empower you if you just accept yourself and stop trying to be "normal" and to fit in. Accept yourself, have a radical acceptance of reality and use it to your advantage. Jesus 🙄
don't feel guilt--it's a waste of time. as my doctor told me "stop beating yourself up!" he's briliant. multiple ADHD family members, autism and ocd, the whole family, i am saying the whole family YES. and it all falls into place watching this video. i am very thankful for finding this somehow tonite and seeing these messages too. Just don't feel guilty, it will overlap moving forward correctly.
I found the video 3 weeks ago right when it was released and I finally finished it today. I watch the podcast mindfully and stop whenever I need a pause to reflect. I write down important information and I quote what you and Dr. Gabor Maté say in some of those important sentences. For me, this podcast feels like a mini workshop where I listen and study from two great teachers. I feel humble enough to know this at the age of 26 and the information that I gained today helps me tremendously in my healing journey. Deep down, I know that this is just the first start, and I am very excited. From the bottom of my heart I would like to thank you for making this video 🥰
Just Wow. It brought emotions within me when he said that he works to stay in his relationship and is a better man because of it. Rae is a lucky woman.
As I'm watching this, tear's are streaming down my face. Everything Dr. Gabor has mentioned hits home for me. He has also made me realize that I have an addiction. The worst part is that I am totally alone now. I have a number of autoimmune diseases, with no support whatsoever, apart from an amazing doctor
♥dr Maté, he has so much wisdom - when you feel he helps you as well, he gives lots of talks & has amazing books. Complex trauma here (heavily ill & chronic diseases), it took me most of my life to figure out why i'm so ill... yes mom narcist (and dad) have their trauma's too, oh i heard them often... sadly they've put them on their children (no one has children on her side). No one understands me bc how they 'show' themselves 'in public' is totally different... love from Belgium. PS : indeed NEVER a doctor has 'thought or mentioned' i could suffer from trauma, it would have saved me a third or half of my life...sigh...
OMG, Mel! Thank you for having Dr Gabor Mate' on your show - I have read all his books, he knows his 💩 but, thank you! I couldn't click onto this vid fast enough.
Love that you had Dr Gabor Mate on, he's the real deal, been listening to him for years, he speaks what I've intuitively been knowing and trying to share with others as a psychotherapist for a while so its always refreshing and validating to hear his knowledge and expertise, as a doctor and as an adult child, one who experienced an adverse childhood. I appreciate his transparency and AUTHENTICITY! I am in such alignment with his approach. Thank you Gabor and Thank You Mel ❤ for your BEAUTIFUL AUTHENTICITY, too!
Dr. Maté is brilliant. I always knew thay all my issues and conditions came from neglect, being unsafe...this talk truly brought it home for me. Thank you m, thank you, thank you. I love you too, Mel. ❤
Yes! I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 54. I lost my Mother to cancer at age 3. Whole lot of coping since. My therapist told me to get a photo of my 3YO self and put it up on the wall, then ask that younger self what he needs. Then she wisely added "it's probably not a beer." 😂 Truth! Thanks for all you do, Mel! In so many ways, you are like the female version of me! 😂 Very inspiring!
I cried the whole time. Like every word he said, explained why i lived like that. Simply searching for people to love me and give me the attention i seeked, started smoking pot cuz it was the only thing that made me relax and get a calm mind (i stopped it tho because of the anxiety and paranoia it gave me). the calming and releasing part of stress and overstimulation should've been understood from family and parents but instead they gave me more bad feelings of beeing like i was rather than supporting me to find a way to live normal. Now i get why the regulation with addictive stuff. This is really crazy wow..
"Ask why the suffering, not why the addiction" insightful
Mind blowing!
@@annswallow2247 I wrote that down. a real I can't believe it moment
Yes!!
Of course❤
"We're hurting people for having been hurt. Then they act out this hurt and we blame them for it rather than understand what it's all about." 🎯
So true
What do you do when things just get worst. It's like they don't want to hear it. The addiction is so strong? I know I'm co dependent and I'm just not living because.of all the trauma
@@debbiebolek2117 yes, same in my life due to trauma (of narc mother & emotional not present father), i had to go nc since i was dying, i'm very ill. i don't blame, i forgive, and need to stay away or i won't survive this
blaming i don't do anymore (narc mother, emotional not present father), it's gotten me so ill these ways of living, i did not know any better, thanks to good people like Gabor & many others on the web, i learned how it all 'worked', and why i'm so drained, chronic ill & scared, with no contact & forgiveness i can heal, it will be the rest of my life hard work, i've 'wasted' so much of my life & my health due to it tho. One can say what happend without blaming.
Can I blame if my mum knew what she was putting us through? I have forgiven her, a long time ago but I do still blame her because she knew what was happening but didn't do anything to protect us. I'm now a single parent with no support & no family. Anytime I move forward I end up back in the same situation with the same sad mood feeling I'm not good enough. I am constantly ill as are my children. Even though my children haven't been through the trauma I suffered, they do suffer the same way I do 😢
@kirstierowan2752 It's a vicious cycle.. Just a suggestion, do you believe in Jesus? How about seeking out a good church?
"Healthy self-esteem is not about proving yourself and others that you are worthy of unconditional love, it's about identifying and letting go all the beliefs, experiences and traumas that ever convinced you otherwise".❤
It is liberating ✨
🎶🤸💃🌱🌻
This ❤
Powerful ❤️🙏🏽
@@26Obsidianhow do you do this? 🙏❣️
"Choose AUTHENTICITY over ATTACHMENT." "FREE".
💯💯
That was Huge! I hope folks stay with the podcast long enough to really get that. For it means it’s okay not to contact a family member and check on them
1000000% 👌🏼
Time marker?
50:40 @@zitaelise
"The genetics loads the gun, the Environment pulls the trigger." I find this metaphor quite on point!
Yes I agree. Gabor is clearly a lovely thoughtful person but I don’t find his perspective satisfying, there is a bit more to it. I wish Mel would interview Mark Wollyn who wrote It Didn’t Start With You about his research into Inter generational trauma.
Exactly
Exactly 💯
Not just the environment ; sometimes a physical or psychological shock can start many symptoms that were in the genetic material.
So very sad
60 years ago parents had no clue about this impact on their kids. They just pushed through everything and let the chips fall where they may.
My cousin calls it benevolent neglect.
And therapists accuse you of being righteous.
Find a good one...please...one that believes you
Set decor using fake books?? I'm sure Mel has a real library...
Still happening today in most homes.
As a parent of a child with ADHD this was a difficult episode to listen to. A lot of guilty feelings. However an important episode for self reflection. I have a bigger role to play in supporting my son’s challenges than I realized, a role where my emotional regulation can help to ease his reaction to his environment. Yup, hard to hear but so valuable.
Sarah, you did something hard today and were accountable. you have nothing to feel guilty for-we’re all doing our best and keen to grow and learn-and the fact that its so apparent that you are, makes you a very loving and supportive parent-no child goes unscathed, you re teaching him, through example, to grow and learn-and we never stop-and that is the best thing ever! God bless ❤
It might also be helpful to watch Dr. Russell Barkley's critique of Dr. Gabor Mate's opinion on ADHD for another perspective.
This just puts a negative light on ADHD. I have ADHD and my kids do as well. I want them to understand their brain was made like that for a good reason. People with ADHD hundreds of years ago would may have been the hunters. Our brains gave us the capacity to do amazing things in a tribe. My psychologist said I would have thrived years ago but our world right now is so overwhelming and stressful. On top of that, our food is processed so much and it’s hard to maintain a healthy diet for our brains to function properly.
If neurodivergence came mostly from trauma etc. then we would all have it. No parent is perfect!
@carlab.....
Dr.Russel is c o n c e n t r a t i n g in the pharmacological side ......!
He gets financial support of the producers of ADHS/ ADD meds.
Yes, he talks convincingly , but rather c o l d......
For my intuition Dr.Russel is w a y w a y too close to pharmaceutical Industry........
@@siglindeknihnitski2108why would considering and studying all different factors of the cause of ADHD put a negative light on it?
I’ve been a counsellor for 10 years and I have been identifying this in my clients. This is the first time I’ve listened to this guy and yay, he is supporting what I’ve been thinking ! Brilliant
His extensive work is absolutely brilliant! Dr. Maté is a gift to this planet! Please, do not stop here, and keep looking into all his materials (books, podcasts, tedtalks)!
I'm hopeful that more people in your profession will become aware of this💖💖💖
I recommend reading his book "the Myth of Normal" !!
As a student psychologist I’m happy you found him ! He has confirmed all of what I’ve grown to know and I hope to meet him in this journey 🫶🏾
You’ve been a counsellor for THAT long and never heard of Gabor Mate?? Are you qualified or do you just call yourself a counsellor?
I'm 58 yo. I grew up in a tremendously toxic and chaotic home. After tons of therapy, as I watched my friend's children grow into adults; I was in my late 30'early 40s; I realized: Parenting is the most important job on the planet.... Full. Stop.
**I've never had children of my own; but i have had three happy-happy dogs**
God bless
My brother didn’t have children either. I realize I shouldn’t had had any either.
Ahhh, my friends laugh at me for zoning out, switching to a random topic, getting anxiety about things they dont worry about, looking at worst case scenarios! And now i understand i probably also had ADHD as a kid. I was constantly yelled at in class, pulled up for not paying attention, berated by teachers and parents, called dumb all my childhood, told over and over again I would be a failure! When all i wanted was attention from my parents, and i never got so much as 10 minutes of quality time. My mom probably had severe depression, and dad was so busy with work he couldn't care. So i turned rebellious, breaking every rule I could! Dangerous in my teens! I ensured my child didn't face any of that, spent so much time talking to her, playing with her and teaching her essentials of being a good human!
I hope your daughter forgets all the bad. I had 3 sons in that. They were older than yours and I was to blame.
Me to 😢😢😢God bless us one and all💔
I almost screamed when I saw you have Gabor as your guest! Wow, I love you Mel ❤
EXACTLYYYYY❤❤❤❤❤❤
Me too :)
Me TOO!
Me too love Gabor mate
Me too❤
I a survivor of severe abuse, neglect and abandonment from age 5 to 15 when My mother had passed away and I was devastated especially because I wasn’t safe anywhere near the rest of my family so they abandoned me. I have been following Gabor for many years and he has played a huge role in me still being here. It’s a very lonely journey living with so much shame and subconscious trauma. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until last year and I’m in my mid 40’s. I knew and was tested and diagnosed with CPTSD which isn’t even recognised in the DSM5 but because I could never ever pay attention and other signs of ADHD. There are many cross over symptoms of having either or both diagnosis. Gabor is a trailblazer because he questions things and you can see his brain just ticking over and myself and thousands and thousands of others are still here because of his actions and words to bring exposure to this extremely underrated and invalidated topic.
Thank you much for the amazing interview
I am so sorry for what you went through, and thank you for sharing your difficult story. You sound like an incredibly strong woman ❤🙏 I am giving you the biggest hug right now 🫠 x
Do not give up! You are doing amazing! The enemy is trying to destroy You from childhood because You are very important. Remember that You are that 1 sperm who reaches the egg❤
Thank you. It means a lot to get replies. I wasn’t expecting this and I’m very grateful. Sending you lots of positive vibes
I am sending you some extra love and hugs! This planet is better because you are here! I hope you can find some healing and get the peace you deserve! 💗✌️💗
@@sunnyjohansen1958 Thst is so beautifully kind. Right back at you. It’s wonderful how people connect through such important issues for some people or someone they know. I had way too much shame to ever comment until about a year ago. All I want to do is help and inspire others thst healing is possible and my heart is so set on building my own free creative paint day once a month for anyone who wants to join. It will be a safe environment either on the beach or in a beautiful park. It will be a very safe space for people to get just a glimmer of how painting and meditation have some amazing healing benefits and bringing people together to start a community of people who are keen to connect and I will be providing all of the supplies. I’m so excited but I now know I have to (we all do) to get to a place of authenticity so we are able to function before we can be at our best to help others. We all have our own things to work through and if we have compassion and understanding without judgement then we as humans can help each other to make our world a better place to live for generations to come. I may sound a bit woo woo or spiritual however I have to believe that we all have a mission here and the first step is to listen and learn. I am sending everyone so much positive energy and wish everyone the best in their journeys ❤️🩹
I have rheumatoid arthritis, Fibromyalgia and Chronic fatigue syndrome..... Still struggle to say no but I'm working on it because this wonderful man.
Learning how to place boundaries has been one of the hardest things to do but in the end has improved my sanity tremendously
Energy healing cured my fibromyalgia and human design showed me I’m a manifestor and my body needs rest in the middle of the day.
Same here.. CFS and Fibromyalgia
There's a book called "The Body Keeps the Score" and many of these things people are afflicted by start with our thoughts.
I mean if u are not eating well, have no energy, are not moving, u feel intense relational stress. I imagine u feel like u are pinned down, stuck.
He deserves the Nobel Peace Prize
Parents, teachers, medical professionals need to know this as they care for children.
“We hurt people for being hurt.” Ouch. Sad, but true.
I'm only halfway through, and without hyperbole, I think this might be the most positively impactful thing I've ever listened to. I've been bawling my eyes out right from the beginning, and I'm going to watch it with my 15yo boy on Saturday. Perhaps I will have stopped crying by then? 😁 Your videos have helped me no end. I'm 47 and was only diagnosed myself 6 months ago. Thank you x infinity for your hard work and brilliant content 🩷🩷🩷
Same here❤
Same here Im a teen mother and my now teen son is diagnosed and I can't stop crying and the mom guilt that I brought him into a world where I wasn't prepared but him telling me thank you for keeping me gives me strength and motivation to move forward. We will listen to this again together.
@@YesGarza-n5c this is touching!All best to you 😍
I am also the same thing about. She is fab to describe any thoughts and anything.
I’m a counselor at an elementary school. Everyone needs to hear this. Thank you 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
I cried almost the whole way through.
I’ve been so hard on myself.
Doesn’t matter how it’s what I do with it now.
Don’t waste to much time on the past.
Acceptance, respect and commitment.
Forgiveness of self too what I need more work on
Have multiple sclerosis and decide from this moment to say no, be authentic and heal my childhood trauma wish I return to this comment year later and say have no ms super healthy
When I was pregnant with my son, I remember one of the nurses telling me calm mother calm baby. She said the Mom’s that were very anxiety ridden had babies that cried a lot and showed that anxious trait.
This was my fear during my last pregnancy. Crying every day from the middle of the 2nd trimester because my husband turned into a horrible person!
Isn't it so easy always put the blame on the mothers? Why not going back further?
@@rebekah1836 I had the same. I lived alone the first 7 months of my pregnancy. Then moved overseas to be with the father of my baby, and it was live everything turned dark and grey. It was horrible, and he treated me horribly. My baby was very calm as long as she was with me, but not with anyone else. I hate myself for bringing a baby to go through all that. She is a very calm, sweet and smart child.
I am so sorry about what you and your baby went through 💔
@sabinewetzel2272 is not blame. It's helping her see her role in her child's life so she can get help if needed
Easy to say but it was not my fault that my pregnancy was stressful.
It makes total sense to me now why stress will make people just shut down and lose their executive function. It’s screws with our ability to use dopamine.
It’s still so stigmatized that there are still people punishing us. Thank you for putting this information out there so that we can all be on the same page. Also doesn’t help that our foods or the foods that people can afford are stuffed with preservatives - chemicals and tripping up our bodies from being able to be completely healthy.
simply put: You are constantly absorbing and observing your environment. If you grow to innerstand this, you will learn when to observe what doesn’t serve you and release it and seek what does. I hope that helps someone🫶🏾✨
Love this dialogue‼️
As a child in the 1960s, I was scapegoated at home as well as in every other childhood setting, due to my then-undiagnosable neurodivergence, as well as my early-developing art talent. It took me till age 58 to be able to access trauma-informed therapy & finally begin to find real healing
HOLY CRAP, MEL!! I feel like I’ve just been hit with a stun gun!! There’s too much to unpack here on just one listen!! I will definitely be racking up the views with this episode. There are no words to describe what Dr. Maté has revealed to us. Pure gold!! Deepest gratitude to you both!! ⭐️🌟✨
I have already listened to this twice back to back. 2am. Will be sharing this with my children n friends. We are all suffering in some way.
My ex-husband wasn’t always nice to me during my pregnancy and even after the baby was born. My child cried all the time and didn’t want to sleep alone. She had to constantly be breastfed or sleep on my chest. After I separated from my ex, he continued to harass me for 3-4 years and our poor child suffered in between. One day he just left our lives and left me exhausted with an anxious and troubled child. I’m glad still that he’s not here tormenting us, but I will never forgive him for all the pain and suffering he caused.
Ha ha, duh, babies naturally want to breastfeed all the time and sleep on their mom's bare chest! Human milk is thinner than other mammal's milk. That's why human babies need to breastfeed so frequently. As for co-sleeping, it's what humans evolved to do: attachment parenting is what it's called. Go look up Darcia Narvaez, Ronald Goldman, and anthropologist James J Mckenna of Notre Dame University's Mother Child Sleep Laboratory's work on breastsleeping. He wrote a book titled "Safe Infant Sleep"
I’ve been through the same thing about 10 years ago. My 16 year old daughter and I have healed together and are very very close. You have done the right thing by leaving!
Lupus, here. Went to kidneys, thyroid, muscles, joints, and brain. Seizures for years. Still trying. But I’m still trying.
That's all we can do ❤
My husband suffers from lupus, and since he was a boy, he would suffer from horrible legs' pains over the years. Today isn't different.
May you be filled with love and kindness.
May you be well.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be happy.
💕
@ thank you. And same to you. *high five*.
Check out Dr Brooke Goldner. I wish you all the best.
Dr. Gábor Máté is so powerful. His words give me the whys, and that's so liberating. (Being Hungarian, it's a privilege to me that I can listen to him in my native language as well.)
I absolutely LOVE Gabor Maté and I'm so glad you had him on as a guest. This is a huge valuable addition to your podcast and you are one of the better people to interview him
Gabor Mate is an absolute treasure. Although we should not blame parents in general, some parents DO mean harm and DO cause harm. It's so important to acknowledge that as well.
Thank you Gabor and Mel for this insightful dialogue 💛💛💛
truth, i dont blame anymore, its a sad truth what u write tho
True, but I think that in America we live in a culture in which so many people feel guilty about everything that is wrong in their lives that they automatically get defensive when someone is explaining the role they play in their environment. I know Gabor doesn’t mean to blame parents, he means to show us that we’re not powerless. That we can play a role in improving our own and our kids’ condition.
This was one of the best episodes! And the book"When the body says no" is among the top books in our modern society. Thank you Mel and thank you Dr Gabor Mate 🙏🏻 what you are doing is priceless. I'm eternally grateful
such a compassionate man, what a doctor truly is someone who wants to heal. I hope he's teaching at the medical schools.
@@trinitytwo14992 I genuinely wish he would teach in ALL schools & especially in Churches! PLEASE...in the Mighty Name of Jesus Christ ✝️🙏
"Don't ask why the addiction, ask why the pain. If you want to understand the pain, look at the person's life and not their genes"
THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH FOR THIS INCREDIBLE INTERVIEW ! Every cell of my body was nodding with relief and joy for one hour straight. Not because it was fun to hear but because FINALLY everything makes sense now. I am a 45 y.o. MS and late-diagnosed ADHD survivor working day by day to transform my life for the better, and these words catapulted my progress by one billion steps faster to where I want to go. And that place is to feel safe within myself! I love you Mel, and I love you Gabor! What you do truly matters.
People with autoimmune disease are codependent in my experience without exception. I say this as a health professional of over 30 years.
Like codependent with autoimune disorder ? Or codepemdent with parents/husband/wife/relatives? Thank You
@@KRISPATT-Aicicodependancy to others, I've seen it as well
@ Thank You!
totally (sad) truth, ii had to learn it myself, never a health profess like yourself, gave me any idea, advice, insight etc, about 'all this', ihad to figure it all out, thanks to good pple like Gabor i 'learned' what really was going on
It’s so much more complicated than that. Both my children have celiac disease. They are too little to be codependent. Their GI specialist said Celiac has skyrocketed in children in the last two years. Most likely this is because of the highly processed food we are eating. There are many factors to consider
So thrilled to see you interview Gabor, as I completely believe his analysis. I have ADHD with strengths & weaknesses but restoring the health of my nervous system with yoga, continually resetting my vagus nerve, paying attention to my diet and having adapted my life has given me a good health and happiness (without medication) ❤
Fantastic
Absolutely! Adhd can get better, especially with diet, exercising regularly and nervous system regulation. But it doesn't go away and that's neither the "goal" - there are many precious traits that adhd brings, too, let's not forget that.
Im crying because I am a Canadian woman, 38+ years old, born with Arthritis throughout my entire body, came from a broken home and after multiple abusive partners, I am a single Mama of 4 beautiful, SOULFUL children.
🙏🏻❤️
Hello beautiful and courageous soul!
Graceful greetings from California ☀️
❤🎉
@@ashhughes3851 God 🙌
Sorry to hear that.. 😢What about you mother?! Did she have arthritis?! I wonder that because the pregnant woman’s body tries to protect the child more often than not. Yet.. it’s either her whole body had inflamed joints and created the same in you, or you were born with “loaded gun”, as Gabor says and the environment pulled the trigger
We need to keep this doctor with respect because all his words are healing us.
My (old)dad has actually said to me (also old) within last five years, “Grief shared is grief doubled.” This is the human journey and condition. I am constantly checking myself to be sure I’m not suffering unnecessarily. It’s in my hands at this point. No matter why it all went down. This is lesson I keep learning. Moments. Again.
The saying is, grief shared is grief divided.
Complete opposite meaning.
Check
Out!
So true now it is entirely up to us. This topic is eye opening for me and what u r saying is wow to me because i had that my mom had the most difficult pregnancy and she wished death because of the situation. Fortunately i lived with my aunt from age 9 or so and from 35 i was into personal development which explains why i am in a "Better Position"cos the circumstances i went through and my life are not adding.my life turned better than i would expected bcos i took charge and i am filled with so much gratitude right now. What an eye opening topic this
Gabor is a hero. I found his first book on the most obscure book store shelf inside a shitty detox center years ago. The Body Keeps The Score. It’s heavy on science and medicine (I’m a nurse so I loved it) but it was the first time I ever truly felt understood. Truly. It’s a pleasure to see him everywhere now.
The Body Keeps the Score is written by Bessel Van Der Kolk
The Body Keeps the Score is written by Bessel van der Kolk
Yep! My bad. I stand corrected. It IS an amazing book however. 😎 Gabor is such a gem though. For sure. I've yet to read his newest book. I find him amazingly informative and so sensible. He is able to "make it make sense".
Abusive parents I've been in pain since 18 years old !!! I had cancer stage3 I'm now cancer free for 6 years!!!! I believe my depression and anxiety left my body vulnerable 2 getting cancer mind body connections are real!!!
🌞💕🌷🌷🌷🌈✨️
Dr Maté is a gift. Thrilled to see him with Mel!
When my son was young I went through a divorce and things were very unstable and then had a very toxic relationship and my son was extremely adhd and behavior issues. Years later we have a very peaceful and stable life and he is happy and healthy and shows no behavior or adhd anymore. ❤
This is so needed. My uni tutor asked me if I have additional learning needs the other week because I always drift off in thought, so now I’m in the process of getting diagnosed for adhd possibly autism. So Disorganised so emotionally unstable. I’m 41 imagine
May I ask what is a uni tutor, please? Thank you.
@ sorry, university lecturer
@@concreterose3225 Thanks!
I'm 41 and have ADHD and anxiety and I work at a fast-paced agency. Medication, resources and management tools (like the Pomodoro Method) really help.
10 minutes of meditation each morning has also changed my life.
Lastly, if you're not being incredibly kind, patient and compassionate with yourself, start immediately! Your brain just works differently, and that's okay.
Good luck with everything!
I feel you, girl. I'm 43. Same thing. I'm not getting diagnosed, but I feel there is something of the sort. Let's ask ourselves the questions that Dr. Mate suggests and start our healing journeys. Healing is possible. It's available to all of us.
My husband has ADHD and I have cptsd, over the 12 years of our marriage I've come to realize we have the same struggles. We use different names for it and the only difference that makes is the outlook of correction. The general idea with ADHD is that you're stuck with it and nothing can change it and it results in feeling helpless. With cptsd the general idea is it's malleable and can be corrected and results in hope.
Thank you Dr. Mate for this talk, we need to hear this desperately.
Before I leave this earth I want to meet Dr Gabor Mate! Love and admire him so much❤
Thank you for having Dr Mate on your podcast. He is so far ahead of his time.
He is very far behind the research on ADHD. Like 50 years!!!L Pleas listen to Dr. Barkley! Gabor Mate might be an expert on trauma. And his own experience of it . Fine. BUT: what he says about ADHD is completely WRONG and harm the ADHD community terribly! Just because you have ADHD yourself doesn’t make you an expert on the subject !!He is obviously not up to date about ADHD. NO, adhd is not because of bad parenting, it is a neurological disorder. There are numerous scientific proof s of this!!! Please listen to Dr. Barkley. He knows his stuff!!! ruclips.net/video/bO19LWJ0ZnM/видео.htmlsi=ob5QtvuszNw6WBzV
Thank you for always ending on "I love you". And so genuinely. Not something we hear enough. Makes me want to cry every time and I watch you almost daily
I seldom listen to a full podcast… this one I couldn’t turn off… so powerful. ..and certainly helpful … many thanks …to both .
This podcast was Amazing!
I kept replaying sections because they're sooooooo powerful!
You two just helped me!
Thank you so much!
Me Too !
I have thyroid disease and what Dr Mate describes is me to a T. My sister has Fibromyalgia and she is also a very giving person. I feel sad for all of us who have experienced these illnesses because we didn't set boundaries and didnt know how to but also happy and grateful that the link to changing this is so clear and accessible. I hope many of us can change our lives with this new knowledge. Great video Mel and team❤❤
Omg, identical issues
me too....both...and now a third, diagnosed 3 years ago, a rare blood disorder, auto immune based, doc says. i take pills for the thyroid. fibro i live day to day with, the third i am upping vitamin intake and praying.
@@verb7571 me too, and now a third.
I dealt with the same denials in our school system, and after begging them to test my kids for YEARS....I finally had them tested at a private practice and they are both autistic w/varying degrees of ADHD. It is maddening to feels as if your child's school is not at all actually interested in their learning. If they were, they'd care that they weren't connecting with them for the past 8 yrs!!
I am currently in this predicament. My son absolutely has adhd, but the school keep trying to tell me they don't see anything, however my son is feeling down, not supported, absolutely hates going to school and at home he let's loose! I see every adhd characteristic in him and I'm pretty sure that I have it also. I've been fighting with the school for 5 years and they won't help me. I've now gone down a private route and awaiting an assessment... fingers crossed
I had the honor of meeting Dr. Mate two years ago in a seminar he held promoting his book in Basel and his kind & giving nature is a gift to humanity. Thank you for having him as a guest, I always learn listening to him. Great talk 🙏🙏🙏
You can’t even guess how this video helped a mother who’s suffering from postpartum depression and can’t heal because of blaming herself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🥹🙏🏻
Get yourself grounded honey. Be your own best friend. You've got this. Do little things that give you a sense of accomplishment. 💖
First doctor sent me to a dermatologist and no blood work 5 yrs ago for psoriasis.3yrs later different doctor said my arthritis bms and psoriasis was from getting older, no blood work. Today I went to a new doctor right away I told her all the symptoms and that I was told I had an immune problem. She was astounded not one doctor ordered bloodwork. After 5 yrs of feeling like crap and thinking it’s my age (I’m 40) I’m finally going for bloodwork and a rheumatologist. 🤦♀️
Gabor Matte is a national treasure. It is wonderful that his work has found an international audience and that the positive influence he has created in Vancouver is being shared. Such a wonderful thought leader. Thank you for this episode❤🇨🇦
I have been diagnosed with Achalasia (paralyzed esophagus) and Grave’s Disease in the past 2 years. I had a chaotic childhood with multiple traumas that continued through my adult life. This all makes sense! Thank you!!!
I recently got diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis as well as mental health conditions. This makes sense as well because I experienced bullying, problems with teachers at school, not saying no to people and handled group projects on my own, traumas, chaotic family and problems, but all I did was endure it and didn’t show to anybody I was having those problems and didn’t complain. When I got to experience the environment that I want, suddenly all of past problems resurfaced on me physically and mentally. Now, I’m facing severe health anxiety overall so I really wanna go to therapy.
My body is on fight-or-flight as well even until now which sucks and made me overthink more but I’m trying to not feed my autoimmune disease with more stress. However, adult life is wired on stress so I mostly rely on medications now and steroids which sucks.
Learn Sudarshan Kriya from Art of Living
My admiration for Dr. Mate` doubled when I learned of his moral stance against Zionism. Thanks for having him on your show!
🙌🏼
100% agree with this comment. You cannot talk about humanity and trauma while turning a blind eye to genocide. Dr Mate is the genuine article and I have huge respect for his wisdom and humanity.
Exactly, thank you! That makes him even more wonderful ❤
Absolutely... that situation is full of trauma and needs a deeper understanding than the politicians and media can ever manage.
This man is life changing. You are life changing Mel. Both of you and all your other speakers help us become better human beings for our families, for others and most importantly for ourselves. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing these gifts with the world! Blessings. Namaste. 🙏🙏
Thank you both so much 💓
I could spend hours and hours just listening to dr Gabor Mate. And learning.
I just turned 50 and researching for my nephew as we felt he has adhd - in doing so had an epiphany “bloody hell! How long have I had ADHD?” Thanks Mel
It's too bad that my son was diagnosed after he was already addicted. He was already self medicating. I'm glad this info is out there now and hopefully helps going forward.
Mel, your last sentence hit me hard! Hearing the words “I love you” are miraculous! Thank you for you and for this amazing video! ❤
OMG! What a great interview. As a later diagnosed person with ADHD and aware of Dr. Mate's work, this conversation is very welcome. I'm unable to take medication and seek to better understand how to manage the condition. Leave it to my friend Mel to ask all of my questions!
Omega 3/fish oil is a better threatment than meds..
I could listen to him all day. His voice is so calming
Thank you both so much, I understand why at 61yrs I have MS & was considering checking out of this world. I need to watch more, to learn more so I can become authentic ME & start to love myself.❤
Research the link between MS and parasites. You will be stunned.
Ive been an addict since i was 15. Ive been clean 15 years but other addictions have taken over me. Stunted my growth .
Mel, I have to tell you, RIGHT NOW I am experiencing the biggest light bulb moment of my life. Thank you a thousand times over for this specific episode.... OMG🎉
The more I listen the more I hurt for how children who are denied childhood by social circumstances then by society. The Parents and we as a society as a whole have such a huge role to play in developing Future Brain development and coping mechanisms.
I’m Mexican 1st generation. Youngest, currently in therapy working on my childhood trauma!! And just found out I have ADHDon top of also having Hashimotos!!!
I discovered Dr. Mate about a couple of years ago. The man has helped changed my life! So grateful for him and anyone who helps spread his wisdom. 👏🏼
Family of origin - the foundation of all development and conditioning.
This video content is not unique to just females - males may have similar conditioning as well depending on environment. Brilliant and sound advice that more doctors need to be aware of.
Thank you!
Thank you God bless you Doctor Gabor!❤
This is a phenomenally transformational episode. I usually listen to podcasts while cooking or driving, but I had sit and give this my complete attention and I have grown better in just an hour ❤ Thank You for doing this 🙏🏼
Mel has been a go to for me for the last few years and it was amazing to listen to the wisdom of Dr. Gabor Mate.. What an incredible podcast.
choosing attachment over authenticity = WOW.
I’m so grateful for this reframe! 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️
Shopping addicts…. I have adhd and I love shopping. The dopamine feeling of buying things either for me or my friends or family. It makes me feel good.
Oh my God, this is me. How did it take until the age of 61 for me to realize this. 🤯😮
Don't be hard on yourself ❤
yes, me too, and many of us, thanks to Gabor & other great people we can at least learn... oh i so understand your reaction🙏
Yeah but better now babe … 61 is not old ….you got time
Im soo glad i let go of attachment to others and out comes for myself, my health over everything self preservation over everything, connections can be replaced with better more fulfilling ones
My heart is breaking for my 2 and 4 year old right now. They have no hope of not having to struggle with adhd if this is true. I was incredibly stressed through pregnancy, was abused, and have adhd myself. I feel so guilty I’m such a huge contributor to my kids future struggle.
Hi Kelsey , the most important thing is that you recognise it and remember, you did not have a choice in either childhood or abusive situations. You had to adapt to the situation and find (adhd symptoms) coping mechanisms for it . Non of it is your fault but now, our role is to take the responsibility for our behaviour and actions and heal, so we can help our children to heal ❤
@@Justkelseyagain you can turn it around 🤍 having your awareness is the first step
I feel your pain, I just posted a similar thing re my pregnancy and mental abuse, my daughter who is 12, is ADHD and has anger she struggles to control, I too felt broken listening to this, but the abuse was not our fault, and we can do what we can moving forward to help make our environments better, for all the family, please be kind to yourself and I will try to be with me! X
Girl and do you think guilt, self compassion and self loathing are even helping? Also you don't need to "struggle" with ADHD, you have to learn to roll with it, it can empower you if you just accept yourself and stop trying to be "normal" and to fit in. Accept yourself, have a radical acceptance of reality and use it to your advantage. Jesus 🙄
don't feel guilt--it's a waste of time. as my doctor told me "stop beating yourself up!" he's briliant. multiple ADHD family members, autism and ocd, the whole family, i am saying the whole family YES. and it all falls into place watching this video. i am very thankful for finding this somehow tonite and seeing these messages too. Just don't feel guilty, it will overlap moving forward correctly.
I found the video 3 weeks ago right when it was released and I finally finished it today. I watch the podcast mindfully and stop whenever I need a pause to reflect. I write down important information and I quote what you and Dr. Gabor Maté say in some of those important sentences. For me, this podcast feels like a mini workshop where I listen and study from two great teachers. I feel humble enough to know this at the age of 26 and the information that I gained today helps me tremendously in my healing journey. Deep down, I know that this is just the first start, and I am very excited.
From the bottom of my heart I would like to thank you for making this video 🥰
Two of my favorite people on one podcast!? Mel and Dr Maté have been so instrumental to my journey of healing and growth!
This was awesome, Mel! I am one of those women Gabor talked about. His information has set me free! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Just Wow. It brought emotions within me when he said that he works to stay in his relationship and is a better man because of it. Rae is a lucky woman.
As I'm watching this, tear's are streaming down my face. Everything Dr. Gabor has mentioned hits home for me. He has also made me realize that I have an addiction. The worst part is that I am totally alone now. I have a number of autoimmune diseases, with no support whatsoever, apart from an amazing doctor
♥dr Maté, he has so much wisdom - when you feel he helps you as well, he gives lots of talks & has amazing books. Complex trauma here (heavily ill & chronic diseases), it took me most of my life to figure out why i'm so ill... yes mom narcist (and dad) have their trauma's too, oh i heard them often... sadly they've put them on their children (no one has children on her side). No one understands me bc how they 'show' themselves 'in public' is totally different... love from Belgium. PS : indeed NEVER a doctor has 'thought or mentioned' i could suffer from trauma, it would have saved me a third or half of my life...sigh...
Thanks
I have Dr Maté´s book and he´s truly a gift to humanity. Thank you Mel for having him🙏
What a lesson! If what I learned today doesn't change me, nothing will.
OMG, Mel! Thank you for having Dr Gabor Mate' on your show - I have read all his books, he knows his 💩 but, thank you! I couldn't click onto this vid fast enough.
Everything in life that challenges us always drills down to our emotions.
Love that you had Dr Gabor Mate on, he's the real deal, been listening to him for years, he speaks what I've intuitively been knowing and trying to share with others as a psychotherapist for a while so its always refreshing and validating to hear his knowledge and expertise, as a doctor and as an adult child, one who experienced an adverse childhood. I appreciate his transparency and AUTHENTICITY! I am in such alignment with his approach. Thank you Gabor and Thank You Mel ❤ for your BEAUTIFUL AUTHENTICITY, too!
So wonderful information, thank you so much ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Dr. Maté is brilliant. I always knew thay all my issues and conditions came from neglect, being unsafe...this talk truly brought it home for me. Thank you m, thank you, thank you. I love you too, Mel. ❤
Yes! I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 54. I lost my Mother to cancer at age 3. Whole lot of coping since. My therapist told me to get a photo of my 3YO self and put it up on the wall, then ask that younger self what he needs. Then she wisely added "it's probably not a beer." 😂 Truth! Thanks for all you do, Mel! In so many ways, you are like the female version of me! 😂 Very inspiring!
Thank you Mel for bringing Dr. Gabor Mate onto your podcast...love listening to him, Thank you Dr. Gabor
Thank you, Mel, for bringing Dr. Gabor Mate to your broadcast! I absolutely love you for doing this!!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing invaluable insight on these conditions.
I truly believe Dr. G is spot on about ADD & addiction.
I cried the whole time. Like every word he said, explained why i lived like that. Simply searching for people to love me and give me the attention i seeked, started smoking pot cuz it was the only thing that made me relax and get a calm mind (i stopped it tho because of the anxiety and paranoia it gave me). the calming and releasing part of stress and overstimulation should've been understood from family and parents but instead they gave me more bad feelings of beeing like i was rather than supporting me to find a way to live normal. Now i get why the regulation with addictive stuff. This is really crazy wow..