Omfgggggg. The part around 32:40 about the cutlery. Wow dude. WOW. I will clean my own table at restaurants...basically completely bus it. I’m obsessive about it and people who eat with me are often like dude. Tf are you doing. I’m usually like it’s the nice thing to do - we aren’t better than the servers, etc. but hearing you talk about the cutlery thing made me go whoa. The codependency really does creep in everywhere!! 💡 🤯 👌🏼
The best way to get away from a narcissist is to disengage.... the more you fight them the more enmrshed and stay enmeshed with them and life is short to not live your own life.
*was/were* at this point for me (hopefully that's true for many or most others here). I do come back to some channels and still watch current uploads here and there. I enjoy watching and listening to good presentations. This channel has always been quality-even and sometimes especially the vids from over a decade ago. It's been quite interesting and educational (and fun!) having seen and been watching from the start. I've always appreciated the humor (and seeing the real frustration you didn't hide-it takes guts to let others see authentic and unedited emotion for others to judge, but more importantly, it encourages others that it is ok to do so, because they will most certainly do the same, should they begin making YT vids by themselves). I am still taking class, so to speak, as I may attempt to create some online content vs consuming more of it. Richard, you've been, and still are, an excellent teacher in many ways. Many thanks to you and to all who have been a part of your team. 🎉
Your channel is a never ending rabbit hole into my own codependent psyche. I found your channel after the breakup/discard - I was obsessed with condemning her- but now I’m only focused on why the hell I engaged in that dynamic with her. So much weird shit was going on emotionally and mentally inside me and with her Thank you!
This was a great insight, so glad I drove 5 hours round trip. So great to be able to attend and meet everyone who shares motivation to be healthy and evolve. Thank you Richard 👊
"Let the other person grow." Huge point Richard made here. If your actions keep someone else from learning something that you already know how to do, then your stealing experiences from them for your own selfish needs. Let them do it and support them with encouragement and direction, but don't do it for them! This has been the hardest conditioning to break so far, but the most worthwhile in my opinion. Another great talk Richard!
Starting kit to understanding love for codependents (if you don't have kids): dog. Try dog. I understood fast (emotionally). 3 months later the narc (boyfriend at the time) made me choose between him and the dog. I chose dog. 2 years later: one of the greatest lessons I ever learnt. I write this with one dog to my left, another to my right. Still learning how love is done right. We never knew how. But we can learn.
I absolutely agree. If we have a codependent relationship with our own father, or none at all, how can we expect to ever have a loving and fulfilling relationship with our real father, God
If you want to think of baseline energy in positive and negative simplicity. A narc is like a negative charge, force or potential if you will.. searching for a positively charged polarity to complete a circit.
Strange it doesn't hit me.. I was in a very abusive relationship and I think i was the real me.. Very real.. The only thing waa that i was trying to talk in a higher more childish voice than my real voice is.. Don't know why. Maybe because i don't like my voice
I actually did that yesterday. I came back from the gym, I came to the realization that my connection wasn't real, I felt a rush of adrenaline & vomited as he walked in the door 😔✨
It just clicked with me, my father was an alki and abandoned mum, me and my two sisters, I was 7. My mother was an alki and I had to up to a point realise I had to take care of myself. I couldn't make friends because I was ashamed of what was going on in the house. Our house was a complete dump and I was too ashamed to bring anyone round. Living like this till I was 16 I was then so grateful for anyone showing any interest in me. I had no boundaries because any relationship was better than what I'd come from. I was an open book for anyone to graffiti on. The shame of being brought up in a dump by an alcoholic neglectful parent is where my trauma is rooted. I got outta there when I was 16 but I'm now just getting out of the trauma. Thanks for all the really informative videos you post. I'm getting out of it gradually.
Wow 😳 “psychologists don’t know how to break conditioned responses” really helped me to understand how hard codependency conditioned responses are to overwrite! Giving myself incredible compassion for all of my efforts to date to overcome... feels like an anchor at times. I’m gaining on it tho! The recent 30 day challenge helped with my emotional literacy, discipline moving forward with values, goals and associated positive emotions. THANK YOU. I look forward “summoning the self”!
35 years married. I was just used. I was to Young to understand this. I am 72. Now I am happy for 20 years. Recorded. And today I got it. I was codependent. In conditioned. Life but I did have my 3 daughters. Recently I stopped depending on them to show me love all the time. I am free but I do find myself. Alone.
Yeah, hits hard. I guess for healthy people love is deciding to live side by side with someone you value, are attracted to, admire. Retaining your own personality while benefiting from and uplifting the other. Partnership. I think we codependents overly identify with the other to the sacrifice of ourselves which feels like merging, but its just consumption of the other.
My family was so messed up. My Mom married a former military man fresh out of Vietnam. He was abusive and I was his target at the age of 6. My mother did nothing to protect me. He began by abusing my cat, making it known that he hated her( probably because I loved her). He would throw her against the walls. He would kick our dogs with his heavy boots and sped the car up if he saw a stray dog in the neighborhood. He would try to hit them .. all the while, I’m screaming in the backseat of the car. Great guy huh? To top it all off, I was told to call him Dad because he would like that. So, as I get older and become a teenager I have had enough physical and verbal abuse. So, I don’t keep quiet... I say what I think to him to the horror of my Mom. No one has ever stood up to this bully before. I do, and he beats me black and blue one night . He is punching me and looks at me and says,” I’m going to put you in the hospital”. A short time later he had a massive heart attack and guess who ended up in hospital? That was 40 years ago. I didn’t care then. Still don’t. This is why I watch these videos. This type of trauma lasts a lifetime. I can remember it like it was yesterday. He ruined my childhood with his rage.
Ignorance is bliss and I don't have it anymore. I'm on high alert around narcissists and feel deep dread when a new 'friend' showers me with praise, affection and the subtle demand that I'm perfect. I always have my running shoes on. Tired of knowing narcissists so well.
I don't want to be antagonistic Colleen, but always having running shoes ready demands that anyone new is perfect for you. You can not treat new people according to the fear that others created. While it is good and healthy to watch for possible mishaps, we must also maintain enough mercy for healthy imperfections.
I watch the behavior panel to learn techniques to spot a liar. It has helped me navigate who is presenting a false narrative and to stay away from them.
OMG ping, ping, ping! Lights on! Just realised that so few people are their real authentic selves including me. I can’t be Cheryl it’s not safe, even with close friends if I speak from my heart, how I really feel, they recoil, now I understand why. The only person who I’ve been able to talk to from my heart was a dear friend with terminal cancer and the process had brought him to his self. His heart was open and it was safe for me to open mine to him, it was a truly wonderful experience. ❤️🤗✨
At 55 this is a complete game changer for me sir, you are enabling me to stop hating myself. I grew up absolutely terrified of my father due to witnessing his drunken anger, emotional and physical abuse to my mother. I had to think about every word before i opened my mouth. When he came back from the pub we hid upstairs with our hands over our ears until he fell asleep then crept downstairs again. Its no surprise to me now that I have been singled out for bullying in my entire childhood and adult life and completely unable to find the strength to defend myself in any way. Just took it. I have been hard on myself my whole life as i am one of those children raised to 'not be silly' and 'Just get on with it'...I have never allowed myself to even consider that this has traumatised me until now but yes, thats what it was.
When I was living with the narcissist, I'd run to my room, lock it and sit in the cupboard, and my hands over my ears after he just came home after work, I didn't want to hear the unprovoked rage he'd erupt into. He deserves to be jail for what he did to me.
This is fantastic. You’re a rare gem. Your raison d’être was to be there for the thousands that need your teachings. Thank you for your study and your ability to eloquently share your knowledge, nay gift. What I’d give to be in your live class. You’re wise and hilarious too.
I am feeling less people pleasing and finding a deeper voice within... it does stop me from ~helping, ~melding, YUK and although alone, I feel more at ease, no lonely not lonesome, but a bit stronger, saying NO helps so much thank you for your efforts to be really clear and upfront with the truth without clinical jargon to confuse... much work daily within, but love my choice to say NO .
I'm a child that grew with child parents. They had 6 of us at 26. They fought like cat and dog. Us kids were just tossed to one side when they were knocking hell out of each other just left too are own devices. I stepped in at a young age as a sibling parent to 5 younger children. My 3 relationships at the age 50 were with narc's. 👀
Yes, Richard helped me heal from a Narcissistic abusive relationship and helped me find my value, he is brilliant, credible,personable, hilarious and real. I am forever grateful and I wish I had known him 20 years ago.
They’re free Alaina however my partner said it was an expensive evening by the time we’d had a meal and mocktails in Kimos and I’d navigated wrongly up the Mersey tunnel four times 😂
I find this so interesting, makes me very reflective on why I let my ex narcissist play the games. from my truma and detachment growing up made me give so much to try and avoid abandonment. This is perfect for the narcissist, she saw vulnerability. Thankfully self focus with counselling has made me realised you don't need to be a pleaser to me loved.
Appreciate all the info you share.ty... Plant based diet/supplements, dancing, singing out loud to myself.. and always remembering to laugh has been very helpful.. You have such a knowledgeable ,fun & authentic energy. Helps intake the info.😊
I have heard that a child decides at a young age if they like the results of being evil( power) or being nice (powerless) from their parents, and then that becomes their personality. Has anyone heard this?
If they are brought up in a shame based atmosphere a narcissistic personality will form..children are who they are by the age of 7 i believe..you need a fishing license to fish thou anyone can have a child..teach them well and always be kind they are little sponges and absorb there surrounding..God protect them all today and always...
Narcissists dont have wants, they dont have a self to "want" from...yesssss. i spent a year with a narcissistic guy and he could NEVER tell me what he wanted! So maddening! Thank you for this video!
So basically traumatized people (with awful parents) don't know what love is? And they think that "love" feels like when their parents abused them and every now and then, gave just some crumbs of what they needed, carelessly throwing them over their shoulder, looking the other way, like you were air. If even that. Real love is something they have never experienced so they don't know what it is. It feels familiar when you get into that situation.
Oh Richard, 🥰 my ex husbands youngest son with his new wife is autistic…and he is the coolest most unique little genius I’ve ever met. With numbers and music and so many other things..he’s just an amazing little dude. I adore him and love spending time with him. If you ever get the chance to spend time with or get to know any autistic kids..do it!! You will not regret it. They are amazing humans. ❤️ They will blow your mind. My little buddy is such a gentle little compassionate guy as well. No matter HOW guarded you are, he will take your face in his hands and absolutely melt your heart as he DEMOLISHES your walls when he looks into your eyes. ❤ I just adore him 🥰
I overeat when feel oppressed, hurt.. I comfort myself with food & overspending & quantity of doing so depends from my stress levels... I feel immature...
I used to be like that. To the point I was bulimic. Even at that time, I realized it was trauma. Whenever I felt down, food was my only friend. It has been years now I'm able to set my life more disciplined.
"We've never known love". "We are fusing and merging". This struck a chord. Born into it and 13 relationships (and half a century later), is it even still possible to finally come alive? I desire love. I am moving in a good direction, towards a goal state of love. Thank you for all you do and give. I am trying to balance getting ofF the computer more, like you advised but still learn to encourage my very slow, incremental progress...I AM THANKFUL FOR PROGRESS. It is written, love never fails. We shall see! Fusing and merging truth makes me sick to realize.
This is such a great talk with amazing insights into codependency and insights into why some are people pleasers. Also, loved the points of narcissism in various cultures and professions which many don't speak about. Richard should be invited by schools, universities and TED to speak on human psychology.
Where were you 10 years ago when I needed this the most? I have to say I'm super proud I've researched all of this info myself and hopefully done the healing!! It's great to clarify though by watching your vids! Brilliant and funny!
@@AmandaMG6 I'm sure that was a rhetorical question. No matter how long he's been around, some of us weren't ready back then. I did some self help stuff way back in the 90s and while I thought I'd figured a lot out, it doesn't come close to what I've learned from Richie just since I found him a couple years ago. We can have the info at our fingertips, but unless we're ready for it, it means little. I AM glad I found him, though!
When you got to minute 43.00 and talked about how you can gauge someone's level of trauma by how far they've travelled I burst in laughter because I have traversed 2 continents from where my trauma began 😂. I'm like this guy, is so spot on ❤
Hmmm. I find myself saying no to people all the time, however I do find myself physically becoming meek, at times and I cannot speak unless asked, it’s freeze/not fawn I suppose. However I can say “I’d like to leave now” or “no thanks that is boring to me right now” quite easily to most and all people. This is quite a drastic change from where I was even two years ago. I find I do not feel guilty about disliking people anymore and I almost feel quite safe to take breaks from conversations/ the best thing to do if one notices a strange abuse in another is to get away, take a walk, stretch, eat, sleep and ask dreams to assist in safety of the relationship.
Wow, feeling guilty about disliking people; i had that really bad like something bad was going to happen to me for thinking that way. Its virtually gone now at 55 but i had it really bad for so many years, even when someone was really awful to me i would just blame myself! Where does that come from?
I have Aspergers and I have some NPD traits. I think Aspergers and NPD can be inter-related. After a huge period of time living co-dependently finally I feel “defrosted”, thanks to my little son. I woke up. How emotionally stupid I’ve been.🙈 Now I’m 33 and I’m learning emotional literacy and boundaries from the very beginning like I’m 2 or 3 years old. Also I do some practice in anthroposophy (by Rudolf Steiner), which says autism is caused by a weak “SELF”. I strengthen it with a Steiner’s course of the Art of speech and course of kindergarten teachers and I find it very good. Your channel is so helpful, Richard, like a breath of fresh air.👍
So honest in your teaching Richard- you are the opposite of most “thought leaders” I have experienced who’s motto is- if you can’t do it Coach it!” Your integrity and honesty about how difficult this level of healing truly is and the required activities to continue to make progress is scary but true and I appreciate someone who walks his talk!
PERFECT conversations today! It was like everything said was the first time I internalized my codependent child and felt I could control my conditioning. Thank. You
Psychedelics have been possibly one of the most important tools that enabled myself to heal from the adverse childhood experiences that helped form someone with chronic codependance issues..(mind you i have given up on any relationships of an intimate nature..lol) prefer a relationship with myself !! 😉
When my dad yelled at me. I froze and i had so much adrenaline pumping that seconds where like minutes and i started shaking, i remember that my brother once had to roundhouse kick him in the face because he cornered him and my brother too is psychopathic and very much into Martial arts from when he was very young and weapons (the only presents i ever got from my brother was butterfly knifes, ninja stars, etc...). So the abuse and tyranny came from my father (i still live at home and i'm 35 now how nice) and i coped with it by fawning and freezing and now i am an addict for decades..... My brother made it out of the house but he literally had to knock him unconscious...... My sister is 28 a drug addict like me and we live both still at home with our lovely parents. At least now i understand a little better why i'm so screwed because my whole life i blamed myself for my behaviour but my father was so terrifying to me that i really have deep trauma still and whatever i try to do and cant seem to get away from home or from my addiction to benzos and opiates. And of course from my parents point of view its all their childrens fault. I was a very very good student but when i had to choose a career, i just could not do that. Because i never had "my own opinion" i was never allowed to be myself when i was young therefore i can be many things to perfection except be myself. My father is defintely a narcissist or even a narcissistic psychopath, i'm not sure. He has a violent temper, he had a black belt in Judo, a PHD and (the austrian equivalent to) an MBA so i had to be a A+ student or i'd risk him flipping out. He's also very physically intimidating especially when he was younger plus in his mind everyone is an idiot or worse and only his point of view is valid. He regularly brings people to tears like his sisters etc. Now my life is pretty screwed up BUT i found a way to gain some space for myself since i began to read the bible and stopped watching TV for entertainment purposes (i do watch documentaries though if they are informative and bring some new information to me). I started 12 years ago when i disconnected my TV from the cable box. I was so deep in drugs back then that most of my friends i grew up with are dead now..... In my life i had so many near fatal accidents it's unbelievable. I broke my hands 6 times (once i broke both my arms), i nearly suffocated 3 times, i nearly drowned once, i had a few very bad car crashes. My whole youth was escaping my emotions thru alcohol and marijuana, later it was Benzos and morphine. I am an addict now for 20 years. What should i do?
Nithyananda satsung. Daily yoga. A shamanic course. All would benefit u i believe as i ve had a similar path and they helped me. Yr awareness and survival so far are commendable. You are a warrior! Good luck 💚
@Alexander Eichenauer This is no coincidence that you were revealed about Narcissistic Personality Disorder..Glad that you read the bible the word of God..Only the peace of Jesus Christ the son of God can break you free from these demonic chains.Stay in him and ask the Holy Spirit of God for his wisdom and knowledge on which path you should take and ask Jesus to restore you and build you up.Only God’s true love can restore you and comfort you.Pray to your father in heaven in your heart about this.Your earthly father may be destructive and may have tried his best to destroy you as a person but your father in heaven who is the Creator of the universe builds you up and binds your wound and helps you grow for the better.Just focus on your heavenly father...My father is a Narcissist as well but i focus on my heavenly father and the best response is no contact..Hope this helps you...May the Peace of Jesus Christ be with you
This lesson is a compendium. It is precious like water in the desert. I will keep your suggestions and thoughts in my soul, ready to be accessed in critical moments in my life.
I HAVE BEEN TAKING BABY STEPS WITH SAYING NO OUT LOUD AND IN MY HEAD!! MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HAD TO TELL MYSELF ITS NOT MY PROBLEM JUST LET IT GO IS AMAZING!! I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I ACTUALLY WALKED AROUND LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO HELP THROUGH OUT MY DAY!! WHAT AN EYE OPENER!! THANK YOU SOO VERY MUCH!! NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO EXHAUSTED AND HOW I HAVE BEEN TRIGGERING MY FIBROMIALGIA!! I'M LEARNING TO STAY IN MY LANE!!
I believe tribal consciousness is deeply embedded for survival and to be "accepted" thats why so many people are afraid to show the public multiple sides to their personality. I believe in interdependence. we are all interdependent. never truly independent.
I had absolutely wonderful, amazing parents. I came from a very well to do, catholic family. We wanted for nothing and we were educated in private schools, learnt additional skills of our choice, also. I had the most wonderful life till I met my ex husband. He was 19 and I was 21 when we married. I had married an ugly, very cruel, l narcissistic young man.. I had NO IDEA what I'd got myself into. I didn't understand the abuse from his father. Or the fact, as adults all 3 boys who were physically beaten, yet still spoke to their hugely abusive narcissistic father. I could never get my head around this disfunctional family. His mother took great pleasure, in stirring the father into punishing their sons in unbelievable beatings. All 3 sons had drug and alcohol problems in adulthood. Of the 3 brothers we were the only pair married for 21 years of absolute narcissistic abuse to myself and then our 2 children. The abuse and crulity to our 2 children was horrific. The best thing I did was take my 2 children and left, and never looked back. Weve been NO CONTACT for 22 years now. And finally in peace.
Wow, that is the most eloquent statement, my long term marriage was a virtual reality. So Spot On! I lived like a fawn response then woke up and realized LMAO! You are too funny (so romantic that your torturer gives you a day off!). 😂😂😂😂. Trauma bonding is exactly right! Addictive and intense, hence called Love BOMBING! 💥💯. Relationship Trauma; It’s the Hot Mess of hot messes!
I feel so late to the party.... I just came across his content over the last couple weeks since I left a mentally abusive marriage and..... goodness. His content has been so helpful.
This is so powerful. It is that evil and schizophrenic hope that it's going to be good this time despite the fact that both of us are killing each other with our so called love. I'm never going back to this, it is hell.
Richard is a fucking legend! He talks about co-dependency in a really accessible way and he makes sure you realise you're not off the hook. As in recovery is up to you and it is possible!. His dark humour is refreshing and is a recovery tool in itself because when you laugh it releases some of the self resentment and resentment of others. Thank you Richard in case you didn't know you're a fucking legend!
Spot on for me when you said just love everyone all the time no boundaries. Also I recalled a winter my mom had just bought me a new red coat from Benton. I saw a homeless person who used to hang by my high school. I took it off and gave it to her. My parents were so mad. So many examples like this. When I don't help the memories build up and haunt me.
A few months back I sat with my counsellor and revealed I didn't know what love truly felt like. As a young kid, the association that should have formed for love instead formed out of abuse and fear. When I see someone highly attractive that same fear response rages in my body instead of being drawn into a moment of connection and flirting. It is one of the conditioned patterns I've been working on changing but have so far only started on the journey of healing this dysfunctional trigger and somatic response. Please can you explore this damage done to our "love circuitry" in childhood and give us your thoughts and experiences on ways to heal to the point where it is possible to feel and experience true love. What is love anyway? Videos on these topics would be incredibly beneficial. Thank you Richard for being a trail blazing thought leader in narc abuse recovery.
Your part about never having known love, except perhaps if you've had kids, interests me. I loved my kids the easiest out of everybody. Well, I still do love my kids. It's not past tense. LOL But, as they grew older and into teens and then adults, I found it harder to feel that 'easy' love. Not because of them, but because of me and my inability to attach properly. I'll always love them, and I'll always be protective and concerned, but I'll also always probably be somewhat aloof. Not sure if that makes sense.
@@mariamurphy4631 It's something I've thought about here and there. I know they've probably always thought there was something wrong with them, but there wasn't. There was something wrong with me.
This sentiment about being somewhat aloof.... I feel this is a good thing for them. Time and space for them to mute our voices and choose for themselves how they will be. It just feels less than to us because we believe ourselves to be inadequate.
Space Fairy my maternal grandmother’s Dad died there. So you can see how these Gulag jokes are hurtful to me and other Russians. It’s an equivalent to Holocaust topic to Jewish people. Could you please consider apologizing? Even if you simply repeat after Richard....
Space Fairy both places where people were killed in mass. Horrendous terrifying historical events. Not a joke content. Not to be used with “Face of tears of Joy” and Thumbs up“”emoji
The new course , haven’t done the in video links yet, please check it out here spartanlifecoach.com/summoning-the-self/
Omfgggggg. The part around 32:40 about the cutlery. Wow dude. WOW. I will clean my own table at restaurants...basically completely bus it. I’m obsessive about it and people who eat with me are often like dude. Tf are you doing. I’m usually like it’s the nice thing to do - we aren’t better than the servers, etc. but hearing you talk about the cutlery thing made me go whoa. The codependency really does creep in everywhere!! 💡 🤯 👌🏼
When was this seminar held?
did you take down the post of resisting threat (a car pulls up and they pull out a gun and say "get in.")
Tal Brott it’s called “how to deal with bullies “
Tal ruclips.net/video/pcMAHDOLfng/видео.html
This guy is amazing. I feel like he's my best friend I never had.
Same 😅
He is like my older brother I never had.
I love him also💜🤍
Nobody is coming to save you
Sorry that was my inner narcissism showing up
Yes, when you’ve the fear of abandonment, you vibrate it and people use it.
Sanna Johanna, you look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀🌹🌹
great share
That's a great way of describing it.
There is NO counsellor with Richard's wisdom on youtube.
Richard is unique
"The only difference between the people in this room and people outside is the people in here *Know they are abused (traumatized)"
I know!
The best way to get away from a narcissist is to disengage.... the more you fight them the more enmrshed and stay enmeshed with them and life is short to not live your own life.
@@sueb6662 Yes!
*was/were* at this point for me (hopefully that's true for many or most others here). I do come back to some channels and still watch current uploads here and there. I enjoy watching and listening to good presentations. This channel has always been quality-even and sometimes especially the vids from over a decade ago. It's been quite interesting and educational (and fun!) having seen and been watching from the start. I've always appreciated the humor (and seeing the real frustration you didn't hide-it takes guts to let others see authentic and unedited emotion for others to judge, but more importantly, it encourages others that it is ok to do so, because they will most certainly do the same, should they begin making YT vids by themselves). I am still taking class, so to speak, as I may attempt to create some online content vs consuming more of it. Richard, you've been, and still are, an excellent teacher in many ways. Many thanks to you and to all who have been a part of your team. 🎉
It wouldn't let ME put a * ? THAT is too fking funny! 👀🌝✅️😂
❤, EmberEmojiaMaxima
I read this and found it interestingly true.
Forgiveness is the absence of bitterness not necessarily reconciliation
❤
Your channel is a never ending rabbit hole into my own codependent psyche. I found your channel after the breakup/discard - I was obsessed with condemning her- but now I’m only focused on why the hell I engaged in that dynamic with her. So much weird shit was going on emotionally and mentally inside me and with her
Thank you!
This was a great insight, so glad I drove 5 hours round trip. So great to be able to attend and meet everyone who shares motivation to be healthy and evolve. Thank you Richard 👊
Simon Thompson lucky you!
Nice to meet you sir
Where was this?
Lucky guy!
"Compassion, GOOD.
"Neuroses, NOT GOOD"
Perfect!
"Let the other person grow." Huge point Richard made here. If your actions keep someone else from learning something that you already know how to do, then your stealing experiences from them for your own selfish needs. Let them do it and support them with encouragement and direction, but don't do it for them! This has been the hardest conditioning to break so far, but the most worthwhile in my opinion. Another great talk Richard!
This point stood out to me too.
My parenting book calls it overindulgence and classifies it as abuse. I am inclined to agree. A very devastating form of abuse in fact.
Great share
I said "No" to a tiny ask from a friend, and started shaking all over for several minutes
Oof. I totally know the feeling.
Starting kit to understanding love for codependents (if you don't have kids): dog. Try dog. I understood fast (emotionally). 3 months later the narc (boyfriend at the time) made me choose between him and the dog. I chose dog. 2 years later: one of the greatest lessons I ever learnt. I write this with one dog to my left, another to my right. Still learning how love is done right. We never knew how. But we can learn.
I’m so desperate for a pet, for mental health reasons and just because I love cats and dogs. But not allowed them in my flat :(
wow who the hell makes someone choose between them and a damn dog?
@@ricoco7891 Narcs.
Happy you chose the dog 😊😁🎉
Chris me too. Try helping in the shelter ❤️
The idea that in boundary-less giving, both parties are poisoned… mind blown.
I still am not convinced there’s not a spiritual force at work in this disorder
there is your soul is in grief howling for connection like a lost baby wolf
I absolutely agree. If we have a codependent relationship with our own father, or none at all, how can we expect to ever have a loving and fulfilling relationship with our real father, God
If you want to think of baseline energy in positive and negative simplicity. A narc is like a negative charge, force or potential if you will.. searching for a positively charged polarity to complete a circit.
Does it matter in terms of recovery?
"Social Media has trained us to be avatars of ourselves"
The self is an idol.
Social media has allowed millions of random people to become our introjects, if we let them.
"Don't eat me, eat this false self" hit so hard.
Scary when i realized i never was real...abuse mustve started in infancy...damn...
Strange it doesn't hit me.. I was in a very abusive relationship and I think i was the real me.. Very real.. The only thing waa that i was trying to talk in a higher more childish voice than my real voice is.. Don't know why. Maybe because i don't like my voice
I actually did that yesterday. I came back from the gym, I came to the realization that my connection wasn't real, I felt a rush of adrenaline & vomited as he walked in the door 😔✨
I am totally enthrolled by the way you manage to be real and therefore, open. This is such a rare experience.
I remember when I had my son feeling and saying now I know what love is!!
It just clicked with me, my father was an alki and abandoned mum, me and my two sisters, I was 7. My mother was an alki and I had to up to a point realise I had to take care of myself. I couldn't make friends because I was ashamed of what was going on in the house. Our house was a complete dump and I was too ashamed to bring anyone round. Living like this till I was 16 I was then so grateful for anyone showing any interest in me. I had no boundaries because any relationship was better than what I'd come from. I was an open book for anyone to graffiti on. The shame of being brought up in a dump by an alcoholic neglectful parent is where my trauma is rooted. I got outta there when I was 16 but I'm now just getting out of the trauma.
Thanks for all the really informative videos you post. I'm getting out of it gradually.
Love and peace
To you Wendy
I relate more than you could ever imagine.
Wow 😳 “psychologists don’t know how to break conditioned responses” really helped me to understand how hard codependency conditioned responses are to overwrite! Giving myself incredible compassion for all of my efforts to date to overcome... feels like an anchor at times. I’m gaining on it tho! The recent 30 day challenge helped with my emotional literacy, discipline moving forward with values, goals and associated positive emotions. THANK YOU. I look forward “summoning the self”!
35 years married. I was just used. I was to Young to understand this. I am 72. Now I am happy for 20 years. Recorded. And today I got it. I was codependent. In conditioned. Life but I did have my 3 daughters. Recently I stopped depending on them to show me love all the time. I am free but I do find myself. Alone.
OMG. I am so old but still a child in my life looking for freedom. I declare it. To myself. Haaa crazy
I truly love myself now and my freedom.
Margarita Galarza I’m happy you know freedom! 💕💕💕 Time to do some living. Never too old!
"I'm lonely, let me merge with you." this made me cry. Its what i think romantic love is. What is romantic love if it isn't merging with someone?
Yeah, hits hard. I guess for healthy people love is deciding to live side by side with someone you value, are attracted to, admire. Retaining your own personality while benefiting from and uplifting the other. Partnership. I think we codependents overly identify with the other to the sacrifice of ourselves which feels like merging, but its just consumption of the other.
💖💖💖💖
To merge can mean …welcome into my lane to start but use your own lane as we drive side by side. Boundaries are very important
My family was so messed up. My Mom married a former military man fresh out of Vietnam. He was abusive and I was his target at the age of 6. My mother did nothing to protect me.
He began by abusing my cat, making it known that he hated her( probably because I loved her). He would throw her against the walls. He would kick our dogs with his heavy boots and sped the car up if he saw a stray dog in the neighborhood. He would try to hit them .. all the while, I’m screaming in the backseat of the car. Great guy huh?
To top it all off, I was told to call him Dad because he would like that.
So, as I get older and become a teenager I have had enough physical and verbal abuse. So, I don’t keep quiet... I say what I think to him to the horror of my Mom. No one has ever stood up to this bully before. I do, and he beats me black and blue one night . He is punching me and looks at me and says,” I’m going to put you in the hospital”.
A short time later he had a massive heart attack and guess who ended up in hospital? That was 40 years ago. I didn’t care then. Still don’t.
This is why I watch these videos. This type of trauma lasts a lifetime. I can remember it like it was yesterday.
He ruined my childhood with his rage.
I'm deeply sorry for this. I hope you have a great life now and healing. ❤🙏
I'm so sorry you went through that. I have memories of things my father did that come up even after all these years.
I truly understand.
Ignorance is bliss and I don't have it anymore. I'm on high alert around narcissists and feel deep dread when a new 'friend' showers me with praise, affection and the subtle demand that I'm perfect. I always have my running shoes on. Tired of knowing narcissists so well.
I don't want to be antagonistic Colleen, but always having running shoes ready demands that anyone new is perfect for you. You can not treat new people according to the fear that others created. While it is good and healthy to watch for possible mishaps, we must also maintain enough mercy for healthy imperfections.
Me too.. I feel you!
I watch the behavior panel to learn techniques to spot a liar. It has helped me navigate who is presenting a false narrative and to stay away from them.
@@traceycurtis1005 where do I find this?
@@theelizardqueen here on RUclips
OMG ping, ping, ping! Lights on! Just realised that so few people are their real authentic selves including me. I can’t be Cheryl it’s not safe, even with close friends if I speak from my heart, how I really feel, they recoil, now I understand why. The only person who I’ve been able to talk to from my heart was a dear friend with terminal cancer and the process had brought him to his self. His heart was open and it was safe for me to open mine to him, it was a truly wonderful experience. ❤️🤗✨
At 55 this is a complete game changer for me sir, you are enabling me to stop hating myself. I grew up absolutely terrified of my father due to witnessing his drunken anger, emotional and physical abuse to my mother. I had to think about every word before i opened my mouth. When he came back from the pub we hid upstairs with our hands over our ears until he fell asleep then crept downstairs again. Its no surprise to me now that I have been singled out for bullying in my entire childhood and adult life and completely unable to find the strength to defend myself in any way. Just took it. I have been hard on myself my whole life as i am one of those children raised to 'not be silly' and 'Just get on with it'...I have never allowed myself to even consider that this has traumatised me until now but yes, thats what it was.
When I was living with the narcissist, I'd run to my room, lock it and sit in the cupboard, and my hands over my ears after he just came home after work, I didn't want to hear the unprovoked rage he'd erupt into. He deserves to be jail for what he did to me.
Wow
My childhood was identical and I didn't even know until recently that my partners were bullies
Big sigh ❤
I have so much compassion for you!
@@melisentiapheiffer3034your fault for staying
Listening to this in 2023 and from the internet and video comments from Sam V you now don't have that friendship.....
This is fantastic. You’re a rare gem. Your raison d’être was to be there for the thousands that need your teachings. Thank you for your study and your ability to eloquently share your knowledge, nay gift. What I’d give to be in your live class. You’re wise and hilarious too.
@@Sh0n0 ok you twisted my arm. He’s very handsome too. LOL. I’m a sapiophile.
Thank you Richard. I could watch and listen to you ALL day! You are brilliantly blunt and real!
YOU ARE SOOO RIGHT!! I was not discarded till I stopped feeding him.
😅
All of this s opened my eyes Probably saved my sanity Sometimes painful. I didn’t think I could watch but I did
I am feeling less people pleasing and finding a deeper voice within... it does stop me from ~helping, ~melding, YUK
and although alone, I feel more at ease, no lonely not lonesome, but a bit stronger, saying NO helps so much
thank you for your efforts to be really clear and upfront with the truth without clinical jargon to confuse...
much work daily within, but love my choice to say NO .
I'm a child that grew with child parents. They had 6 of us at 26. They fought like cat and dog. Us kids were just tossed to one side when they were knocking hell out of each other just left too are own devices. I stepped in at a young age as a sibling parent to 5 younger children. My 3 relationships at the age 50 were with narc's. 👀
So many notable quotables. Making us laugh so much is one of the therapeutic ingredients :D Thank you!
Yes, Richard helped me heal from a Narcissistic abusive relationship and helped me find my value, he is brilliant, credible,personable, hilarious and real. I am forever grateful and I wish I had known him 20 years ago.
I came to this. Was brilliant. Thank you Richard 😊
Thanks for coming
L DIGBY do you have to pay for these lectures?
Ric is at a TKO thought level to me; I always have to pause his classes and savour the point. Wd struggle live- wd keep hvg to leave for an OMG break!
They’re free Alaina however my partner said it was an expensive evening by the time we’d had a meal and mocktails in Kimos and I’d navigated wrongly up the Mersey tunnel four times 😂
Haha sound like a great evening.
The new level of awareness I have: I don’t attract narcissists. I say yes to them. You are so dead on about this stuff
My bookmarks:
32:44 Safety as the main root of neurosis
33:40 Q&A starts: "Addiction related to trauma?" and pathology as entrained behaviour
Good, wise, material Richard, the codependency in psychiatric nursing is mind bending
Philip John I'm an adult nurse...wow. its so true isn't it? Bitter...ouch.
I'm very thankful that I had very good parents.
Please come to the states!
Yes, I agree!
His mama must be SO PROUD of her boy ;) thanks for being in this world 🌍 U have helped in more ways than you could imagine 💕
Richard got me out of my depression, I am so grateful.🙂
I find this so interesting, makes me very reflective on why I let my ex narcissist play the games. from my truma and detachment growing up made me give so much to try and avoid abandonment. This is perfect for the narcissist, she saw vulnerability. Thankfully self focus with counselling has made me realised you don't need to be a pleaser to me loved.
Appreciate all the info you share.ty...
Plant based diet/supplements, dancing, singing out loud to myself.. and always remembering to laugh has been very helpful..
You have such a knowledgeable ,fun & authentic energy. Helps intake the info.😊
I have heard that a child decides at a young age if they like the results of being evil( power) or being nice (powerless) from their parents, and then that becomes their personality. Has anyone heard this?
Yup
That would explain a lot for me if it is true
If they are brought up in a shame based atmosphere a narcissistic personality will form..children are who they are by the age of 7 i believe..you need a fishing license to fish thou anyone can have a child..teach them well and always be kind they are little sponges and absorb there surrounding..God protect them all today and always...
@@tarabland3506 can you explain why a shame based atmosphere would lead to a narcissistic personality?
"No you don't understand Richie, he had a difficult childhood. This tiiime is the reeeal time." XD Richard! That's hilarious.
This subconscious that that drives codependent behavior is very difficult to overcome. Even when i realize I’m doing it, it seems scarier to stop...
me too. sadness
Narcissists dont have wants, they dont have a self to "want" from...yesssss. i spent a year with a narcissistic guy and he could NEVER tell me what he wanted! So maddening! Thank you for this video!
So basically traumatized people (with awful parents) don't know what love is? And they think that "love" feels like when their parents abused them and every now and then, gave just some crumbs of what they needed, carelessly throwing them over their shoulder, looking the other way, like you were air. If even that. Real love is something they have never experienced so they don't know what it is. It feels familiar when you get into that situation.
YES! UNBELIEVABLE SADNESS
Oh Richard, 🥰 my ex husbands youngest son with his new wife is autistic…and he is the coolest most unique little genius I’ve ever met. With numbers and music and so many other things..he’s just an amazing little dude. I adore him and love spending time with him. If you ever get the chance to spend time with or get to know any autistic kids..do it!! You will not regret it. They are amazing humans. ❤️ They will blow your mind. My little buddy is such a gentle little compassionate guy as well. No matter HOW guarded you are, he will take your face in his hands and absolutely melt your heart as he DEMOLISHES your walls when he looks into your eyes. ❤ I just adore him 🥰
I overeat when feel oppressed, hurt.. I comfort myself with food & overspending & quantity of doing so depends from my stress levels... I feel immature...
I used to be like that. To the point I was bulimic.
Even at that time, I realized it was trauma. Whenever I felt down, food was my only friend. It has been years now I'm able to set my life more disciplined.
I wish I could have gone to this.
Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks! :)
"We've never known love". "We are fusing and merging". This struck a chord. Born into it and 13 relationships (and half a century later), is it even still possible to finally come alive? I desire love. I am moving in a good direction, towards a goal state of love. Thank you for all you do and give. I am trying to balance getting ofF the computer more, like you advised but still learn to encourage my very slow, incremental progress...I AM THANKFUL FOR PROGRESS. It is written, love never fails. We shall see! Fusing and merging truth makes me sick to realize.
Whenever I listen to your teachings I feel like I am given a key and can finally unlock and make sense of things. Thank you so much.
This is such a great talk with amazing insights into codependency and insights into why some are people pleasers. Also, loved the points of narcissism in various cultures and professions which many don't speak about. Richard should be invited by schools, universities and TED to speak on human psychology.
Infantile Projections 💯
Priceless 👏
Richard you are phenomenal. I can’t thank you enough.
Morgan Pan,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Where were you 10 years ago when I needed this the most? I have to say I'm super proud I've researched all of this info myself and hopefully done the healing!! It's great to clarify though by watching your vids! Brilliant and funny!
I've asked myself the same question, but I know I wasn't ready back then.
Agree. 10 years ago would have been awesome. But , I don’t think I would have been able to grasp it. 💖
He’s been here for many years now. I’d guess 7/8
@@AmandaMG6 I'm sure that was a rhetorical question. No matter how long he's been around, some of us weren't ready back then. I did some self help stuff way back in the 90s and while I thought I'd figured a lot out, it doesn't come close to what I've learned from Richie just since I found him a couple years ago. We can have the info at our fingertips, but unless we're ready for it, it means little. I AM glad I found him, though!
This is so spot on. This explains why my brother in law has never divorced my sister. Even after over 30 years marriage. Always saw him as a door mat
When you got to minute 43.00 and talked about how you can gauge someone's level of trauma by how far they've travelled I burst in laughter because I have traversed 2 continents from where my trauma began 😂. I'm like this guy, is so spot on ❤
Great stuff Richard. P.S.: My husband's from the Wirral! love from Anna Runkle in the US!
ANNA! So good to see you here, you gift to the globe, you 💖
Hmmm. I find myself saying no to people all the time, however I do find myself physically becoming meek, at times and I cannot speak unless asked, it’s freeze/not fawn I suppose. However I can say “I’d like to leave now” or “no thanks that is boring to me right now” quite easily to most and all people. This is quite a drastic change from where I was even two years ago. I find I do not feel guilty about disliking people anymore and I almost feel quite safe to take breaks from conversations/ the best thing to do if one notices a strange abuse in another is to get away, take a walk, stretch, eat, sleep and ask dreams to assist in safety of the relationship.
Wow, feeling guilty about disliking people; i had that really bad like something bad was going to happen to me for thinking that way. Its virtually gone now at 55 but i had it really bad for so many years, even when someone was really awful to me i would just blame myself! Where does that come from?
Truth! I never loved until I had my first child at 43 and shortly thereafter went No Contact with maternal and paternal family
it was not about narcs looks - I was deliussional about his "golden heart" 💛. which is worse...
I have Aspergers and I have some NPD traits. I think Aspergers and NPD can be inter-related.
After a huge period of time living co-dependently finally I feel “defrosted”, thanks to my little son. I woke up. How emotionally stupid I’ve been.🙈 Now I’m 33 and I’m learning emotional literacy and boundaries from the very beginning like I’m 2 or 3 years old.
Also I do some practice in anthroposophy (by Rudolf Steiner), which says autism is caused by a weak “SELF”. I strengthen it with a Steiner’s course of the Art of speech and course of kindergarten teachers and I find it very good. Your channel is so helpful, Richard, like a breath of fresh air.👍
Do you have a link to the course you describe please?
So honest in your teaching Richard- you are the opposite of most “thought leaders” I have experienced who’s motto is- if you can’t do it Coach it!”
Your integrity and honesty about how difficult this level of healing truly is and the required activities to continue to make progress is scary but true and I appreciate someone who walks his talk!
Looking at it as a master/slave dynamic was EVERyTHING for me.
A friend of mine dated an astronaut for a short while and he said he became one as he wanted to be one to get away from his family!
Geraldine Skinner,hope you are with a good man!😍😍😍😊
Thank you for your interesting talks. Keep laughing, smiling, and teaching. Best wishes.
Richard is a badass. I could listen to him talk all day... I have before. Lol
PERFECT conversations today! It was like everything said was the first time I internalized my codependent child and felt I could control my conditioning. Thank. You
This is so eye-opening! You are insanely intelligent re. all this. Wow.
Psychedelics have been possibly one of the most important tools that enabled myself to heal from the adverse childhood experiences that helped form someone with chronic codependance issues..(mind you i have given up on any relationships of an intimate nature..lol) prefer a relationship with myself !! 😉
How do you safety do this. I've been told it can help with my trauma.
When my dad yelled at me. I froze and i had so much adrenaline pumping that seconds where like minutes and i started shaking, i remember that my brother once had to roundhouse kick him in the face because he cornered him and my brother too is psychopathic and very much into Martial arts from when he was very young and weapons (the only presents i ever got from my brother was butterfly knifes, ninja stars, etc...).
So the abuse and tyranny came from my father (i still live at home and i'm 35 now how nice) and i coped with it by fawning and freezing and now i am an addict for decades.....
My brother made it out of the house but he literally had to knock him unconscious......
My sister is 28 a drug addict like me and we live both still at home with our lovely parents.
At least now i understand a little better why i'm so screwed because my whole life i blamed myself for my behaviour but my father was so terrifying to me that i really have deep trauma still and whatever i try to do and cant seem to get away from home or from my addiction to benzos and opiates.
And of course from my parents point of view its all their childrens fault.
I was a very very good student but when i had to choose a career, i just could not do that. Because i never had "my own opinion" i was never allowed to be myself when i was young therefore i can be many things to perfection except be myself.
My father is defintely a narcissist or even a narcissistic psychopath, i'm not sure. He has a violent temper, he had a black belt in Judo, a PHD and (the austrian equivalent to) an MBA so i had to be a A+ student or i'd risk him flipping out. He's also very physically intimidating especially when he was younger plus in his mind everyone is an idiot or worse and only his point of view is valid.
He regularly brings people to tears like his sisters etc.
Now my life is pretty screwed up BUT i found a way to gain some space for myself since i began to read the bible and stopped watching TV for entertainment purposes (i do watch documentaries though if they are informative and bring some new information to me). I started 12 years ago when i disconnected my TV from the cable box.
I was so deep in drugs back then that most of my friends i grew up with are dead now.....
In my life i had so many near fatal accidents it's unbelievable. I broke my hands 6 times (once i broke both my arms), i nearly suffocated 3 times, i nearly drowned once, i had a few very bad car crashes. My whole youth was escaping my emotions thru alcohol and marijuana, later it was Benzos and morphine.
I am an addict now for 20 years.
What should i do?
Nithyananda satsung. Daily yoga. A shamanic course. All would benefit u i believe as i ve had a similar path and they helped me. Yr awareness and survival so far are commendable. You are a warrior! Good luck 💚
@@patduffyforever Thanks I will look into that. Greetings from Austria
Don't give up about your goals in life! we are body, mind and soul! Keep searching and trying to get better day by day. Cheers!
@@sicobain no I will not give up. I've survived too much to give up now. Thx
@Alexander Eichenauer This is no coincidence that you were revealed about Narcissistic Personality Disorder..Glad that you read the bible the word of God..Only the peace of Jesus Christ the son of God can break you free from these demonic chains.Stay in him and ask the Holy Spirit of God for his wisdom and knowledge on which path you should take and ask Jesus to restore you and build you up.Only God’s true love can restore you and comfort you.Pray to your father in heaven in your heart about this.Your earthly father may be destructive and may have tried his best to destroy you as a person but your father in heaven who is the Creator of the universe builds you up and binds your wound and helps you grow for the better.Just focus on your heavenly father...My father is a Narcissist as well but i focus on my heavenly father and the best response is no contact..Hope this helps you...May the Peace of Jesus Christ be with you
If I ever come across a man like Richard and become friends in real life, it's going to be a f****g miracle
I'm 46 and feel low & no motivation to do extra just simply things in life...
This lesson is a compendium. It is precious like water in the desert. I will keep your suggestions and thoughts in my soul, ready to be accessed in critical moments in my life.
I HAVE BEEN TAKING BABY STEPS WITH SAYING NO OUT LOUD AND IN MY HEAD!! MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HAD TO TELL MYSELF ITS NOT MY PROBLEM JUST LET IT GO IS AMAZING!! I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I ACTUALLY WALKED AROUND LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO HELP THROUGH OUT MY DAY!! WHAT AN EYE OPENER!! THANK YOU SOO VERY MUCH!! NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO EXHAUSTED AND HOW I HAVE BEEN TRIGGERING MY FIBROMIALGIA!! I'M LEARNING TO STAY IN MY LANE!!
I need to learn this I to have fibro 💪💪💪 and also cptsd it's a struggle that's for real x
Perfect timing. Fell asleep listening to your videos last night... Best dreams, thank you Beloved ☯️💚
I believe tribal consciousness is deeply embedded for survival and to be "accepted" thats why so many people are afraid to show the public multiple sides to their personality. I believe in interdependence. we are all interdependent. never truly independent.
Of course we're social beings.
I only clicked for the flexed triceps in the thumbnail 😂
I had absolutely wonderful, amazing parents. I came from a very well to do, catholic family. We wanted for nothing and we were educated in private schools, learnt additional skills of our choice, also. I had the most wonderful life till I met my ex husband. He was 19 and I was 21 when we married. I had married an ugly, very cruel, l narcissistic young man.. I had NO IDEA what I'd got myself into. I didn't understand the abuse from his father. Or the fact, as adults all 3 boys who were physically beaten, yet still spoke to their hugely abusive narcissistic father. I could never get my head around this disfunctional family. His mother took great pleasure, in stirring the father into punishing their sons in unbelievable beatings. All 3 sons had drug and alcohol problems in adulthood. Of the 3 brothers we were the only pair married for 21 years of absolute narcissistic abuse to myself and then our 2 children. The abuse and crulity to our 2 children was horrific. The best thing I did was take my 2 children and left, and never looked back. Weve been NO CONTACT for 22 years now. And finally in peace.
Your transformation in such a short time is unbelievable and absolutely adoreable. Thanks for everything, you are such a great rolemodel!
Wow, that is the most eloquent statement, my long term marriage was a virtual reality. So Spot On! I lived like a fawn response then woke up and realized LMAO! You are too funny (so romantic that your torturer gives you a day off!). 😂😂😂😂. Trauma bonding is exactly right! Addictive and intense, hence called Love BOMBING! 💥💯. Relationship Trauma; It’s the Hot Mess of hot messes!
I very much appreciate your work. Thank you
You won't let your self experience real love until after you've had kids, hit the nail on the head for me.
I feel so late to the party.... I just came across his content over the last couple weeks since I left a mentally abusive marriage and..... goodness. His content has been so helpful.
This is so powerful. It is that evil and schizophrenic hope that it's going to be good this time despite the fact that both of us are killing each other with our so called love. I'm never going back to this, it is hell.
Richard is a fucking legend! He talks about co-dependency in a really accessible way and he makes sure you realise you're not off the hook. As in recovery is up to you and it is possible!.
His dark humour is refreshing and is a recovery tool in itself because when you laugh it releases some of the self resentment and resentment of others.
Thank you Richard in case you didn't know you're a fucking legend!
Language???? Not necessary.... Use a better form of vocabulary...
Thank You Richard for posting the video.
X
Excellent talk and right on the mark! You described codependency so accurately!
I felt like you were talking directly to me.
There are also therapists, that try to harmonies the insight of trauma in childhood by giving the parent a reason and make it a small thing.
Spot on for me when you said just love everyone all the time no boundaries. Also I recalled a winter my mom had just bought me a new red coat from Benton. I saw a homeless person who used to hang by my high school. I took it off and gave it to her. My parents were so mad. So many examples like this. When I don't help the memories build up and haunt me.
A few months back I sat with my counsellor and revealed I didn't know what love truly felt like. As a young kid, the association that should have formed for love instead formed out of abuse and fear. When I see someone highly attractive that same fear response rages in my body instead of being drawn into a moment of connection and flirting. It is one of the conditioned patterns I've been working on changing but have so far only started on the journey of healing this dysfunctional trigger and somatic response.
Please can you explore this damage done to our "love circuitry" in childhood and give us your thoughts and experiences on ways to heal to the point where it is possible to feel and experience true love. What is love anyway? Videos on these topics would be incredibly beneficial.
Thank you Richard for being a trail blazing thought leader in narc abuse recovery.
Your part about never having known love, except perhaps if you've had kids, interests me. I loved my kids the easiest out of everybody. Well, I still do love my kids. It's not past tense. LOL But, as they grew older and into teens and then adults, I found it harder to feel that 'easy' love. Not because of them, but because of me and my inability to attach properly. I'll always love them, and I'll always be protective and concerned, but I'll also always probably be somewhat aloof. Not sure if that makes sense.
Right. There. Too.
@@mariamurphy4631 It's something I've thought about here and there. I know they've probably always thought there was something wrong with them, but there wasn't. There was something wrong with me.
That’s how I feel too but I’m grateful that I had the experience of real love but I guess cat Stevens sang it beautifully with cats in the cradle
This sentiment about being somewhat aloof.... I feel this is a good thing for them. Time and space for them to mute our voices and choose for themselves how they will be. It just feels less than to us because we believe ourselves to be inadequate.
@@mariamurphy4631 how is that good
It's funny, but I really felt that "I need shoes" example. I literally felt the urge rise up in me to find you some shoes, right now. Right now!
This was great from the first second to the last. You have a way with words! My past makes so much sense when I listen to you
I think that the fixations are responses to the childhood trauma, too
If you ever do start a retreat, you must call it "Gulag" 😂👍
Gulag of Re-education for Codependent Dissidents against personal sovereignty
Gulag mental health system?
Space Fairy my maternal grandmother’s Dad died there. So you can see how these Gulag jokes are hurtful to me and other Russians. It’s an equivalent to Holocaust topic to Jewish people. Could you please consider apologizing? Even if you simply repeat after Richard....
Elena Razenko , so this comment is " antisemitic" ?
I find the word Holocaust offensive. Seriously. it means "burnt offering"
Space Fairy both places where people were killed in mass. Horrendous terrifying historical events. Not a joke content. Not to be used with “Face of tears of Joy” and Thumbs up“”emoji