I always thought in a healthy relationship we discover depths and faults in each other. Not so with a narc: the more you know about them, the more they hate you. You’re not supposed to figure them out.
Just another fella making stuff up and acting like he’s knowledgable, whilst simultaneously demonstrating what little value there is in his knowledge. Standard behaviour for a Grannon victim.
@@samuelfoston4556 if you have ever experienced being in a close relationship with a narcissist (family members, friends etc.) then you would know that the above comment is accurate. You don't need to have a PhD in psychology to understand the damage done by narcissists - you just need to have live through it.
No, we are not supposed figure them out, in their minds we are stupid and weak, and not at all that we are kind, caring and patient too much for our good. We rather delude ourselves for a period of time than admit that these kind of creatures can exist. When narcs get figured out by us, their ego can't bare the fact that stupid and weak are actually them.
Absolutely, they have created this world around them that they really believe is real. But it is all in their head. Their flawed connection to reality leads them to understand the world only on their terms. They get frustrated when you don't submit to their world view, because it shows your strength and their lack of reality. They envy your ability to live in reality and manage the issues that come with life. They cannot accept what challenges them. It is like watching a petulant child having a fit. To a certain extent, they are annoying.
So this person I know whos been smearing my name claims to have bipolar. I can identify that it is CLEARLY covert narcissism because they given the bipolar sob story etc. She is so sneaky its actually unbelievable the change in her. She struggles with not having attention.
@@NoMoreHeroesAnymore1334 Do you get the child at all? Get a friend over to take the child out back where you've music on, as soon as they arrive. Have a camera with recorder set up where it's a surefire bet the narc will stand. Stay very calm but provoke them by saying something softly that would seem innocuous but you know will set them off into a crazy rage, have police on speed dial and Bob's your uncle. Get inventive but safety first. Dig up any dirt on them you can use and be well organised so it's 💯proof evidence. What was that you found in your child's backpack?! A bound diary, date and time stamped is good for Court. 👮♂️😠😈🤬👮♀️✌️
@@louisegarner8888 Definitely! That is Exactly what I did here. Take pictures, record the conversations, take screenshots of text history, things like that. I did have issues with the cops though, my small city cops Suck and always took his side.....Until only once and Finally spoke with and later came when I called was a female cop. The male cops with her were a disgrace, as I explained what took place when they arrived, 'Thats not what we hurd, we hurd you going off and snapping at him from the outside of the window when we got here', yes dummy- when You Got here. You weren't here just prior to hear or see what took place by him that lead me to yell like that you hurd. Are you that narrow minded or on your male ego high horse? He was choking me but just because there was no signs they thought I was lying when I brought it up in my first earlier call that night.
My lil sister is a narc. She's 37. Years after year she's more into lying, threatening, and abusing. At the end she just feels more entitled than ever. Crazy!
When I finally couldn’t stand it and wrote a long text telling him how he hurt me and how I thought he was narcissistic, he blocked me and told me he didn’t trust me. He didn’t like that I saw through him. I’m now a threat, to exposing him for who he is.
I told my ex years ago that I had figured him out and that he couldn't lie to me anymore, so just give it up. He then packed a suitcase and left and never returned, not even for the rest of his stuff. Of course little did I know at the time his new supply was all ready to go.
Do the thin skinned narcissist always have “health issues”? I can’t get over how many health issues this person had. From nasal passages being clogged to gout, and heart burn. If I ever said I have some health issue like I’m really tired or a pain somewhere (which was rare) within minutes or hours without fail he came up with some problem himself. It was like he always had to be in pain above me, the attention was all about him. It was exhausting, I felt more like his mother than his gf.
I would say a Narcissist is more likely to at least imply that you are whinging about your own health problems before one upping you. A sick partner is too good an opportunity to miss because you are vulnerable at the time. If this guy didn't try to make you feel worse in some way then not a Narcissist, even a fragile. Maybe just an unfortunate attention seeking hangover from childhood.
I found that no-one was allowed to suffer or endure more pain than him..I used my pain or illness "as a way to gain sympathy" , even when I hadn't told anyone that I was illl...but he had felt genuine, life ending pain that he found his own way out of...
The narc i know always has health issues, it was a way of getting more attention because he would get looked after and pandered to. He would go to the doctor's/hospital for tests everything would come back OK. Also anything that he did have was the 'worse case the doctor had seen'.
Richard, you, BY FAR, are the BEST source of information on NPD that I have come across and the level of understanding i have been able to achieve thanks to you has been a blessing and a lifesaver
@@oldboy-g8y i tried the nice root for the longest time. Shrugging off criticisms and trying to be civil. That of course got me only more of the same. So instead of taking it inwards I bounced it back. First I left then I called him out on his lies and shamed him for it. Said he was a child…. Weak and an ungrateful____. Then all the truths came out of him. Tit for tat baby! There is no winning with a narc. Just leave and say you peace when you are in a safe place.
@@oldboy-g8yBy exposing their lies, deceit in such a way and with evidence they simply cannot refute or deny. Once you've blown their cover, you are no longer of any value and they will resent and loathe you for it. They will try to make you pay dearly for ruining their image, crumbling their fake world and will discard you in the cruelest way possible. These narcs move on to the next victim at the speed of light because they always have backups/replacements waiting on the back burner, or shelf.
@@verumbellator6899Yes something similar worked for me face them with it ,they have to come out of hiding but watch your opportunity softly ,there's a time and a place use wisdom stay safe too Just my humble opinions ( I've taken alot of flak narcissism is every where these days )
My lil sister is a narc. She's 37. Years after year she's more into lying, threatening, and abusing. the more surprising thing is that she feels more entitled than ever. Sick!!😳
Brilliant! I have learned so much from you. I know you must get tired of narcissist videos. I'm so fascinated though. I've been out of my relationship for quite some time. However, I'm still so mind blown by the happenings during the relationship that I study narcissism. I also study myself and consistently work to improve. Your blunt videos have helped keep me strong and persevere through it all. Thank you!
he obviously learned on his own with the help of those around him, like all successful connoisseurs of narcissists ... anyone who has not had contact with them does not even know what a narcissist is
When he was caught red handed cheating and others were witnesses to it....he broke a 10 year sobriety and had to go to rehab. In his 30 days he was FORCED to look inside with intense therapy, no drugs, no alcohol and no family. He came home a different man BUT then the mask when back on and he returned to who he was. I left him in May. It's been such a painful journey but I know there will be a light at the end
They become a predictable bore for anyone remotely recovered from a BPD or just plain old healthy having a first encounter with one. They are a house of cards I recently engaged with a covert narc. It has been a fascinating unravelling . The disengagement was swift and graceful on my end. . Now the narrative is imploding as efforts at triangulation and reality checks are setting in. Still…. Disappointing I will miss the philosophical chats and psychological and esoteric shares. Never should have made love after a year of talking and listening. The cues were there . My empathetic ass showed up only to show me empathy is a foil . A tin foil hat for us “weirdo” different folk who seek affirmation when we are having a motivation / creative block. Procrastination is an invitation for these types. Just saying,, Idle hands Idealism Idolatry Idle minds The Id. God save the ego
@@jennyadee913 It was kinda hard to follow most of your comment but the end was interesting, then I read it again and it became very clear , I too have empathy and allowed it to be used and abused , I know my heart and dont need to prove how understanding I am , Big difference between *having* emphathy & being a full blown empath ...A narcissist will also have a hard time with intimacy = into *me* See
Am listening to our Richard from a nice village in Lorraine, France, where thousands of mirabelle (plum) trees are blooming everywhere in the countryside just now 🌸
I absolutely agree that our current societal 'norms' have created the conditions that allow narcissistic behaviours to exist largely unchecked. My ex-boyfriend was a classic case in point - he much preferred his online life as it allowed him greater control & manipulation over others than his real self ever could 😥✨
So true. 'My' narc was my cyberstalker - much easier to do when you're sat behind a keyboard hacking someone's phone & accounts. It was literally a living a hell. He has his own RUclips channel (how I met him) where he props up his ego given the sheer banality of his own real world existence. He's about 30 & im in my late 30s; no way would've I been sat on social media all day at his age, like, get a life.
I am just learning about npd and am shocked that the person that says they love you can be so cruel. My stories are exactly what all of your videos say. They truly never think they do anything wrong, and lie lie lie even when the truth is in their face. It’s painful because I wanted to be loved so much that I looked past all the negative behaviour for years.
"Human needs aren't being met, BECAUSE we've succeeded as a species" is a truly profound and real statement. In addition to a great resource on dealing with toxic people, you are a philosopher too, Richard. Keep up the good work! Watching from Canada.
I am pretty sure that my ex is both covert and grandiose. Within our relationship, he'd act like he was the smartest man alive, I and the children were beneath him. He'd talk to me as if I was incapable of doing anything on my own. But with others, he would be very humble. He'd act like the victim, tell his family that I was emotionally abusive, that I trapped him, that he does everything, and I do nothing. Any sort of criticism was met with hostility. He'd idealise any new person that came into his life, bosses, acquaintances, members, and leaders of a religious organization we used to be a part of. Literally, anyone that he liked something about was idealized. Once he saw some flaw with them, he quickly dropped them and ghosted them. He did the same with me. When we first met, he idealized me. As soon as he saw my flaws, I was devalued. He presented this false persona of being humble, kind, helpful, the victim of circumstance, and the black sheep of the family that no one wanted to talk to. He would pay for others when he first met them (even if we didnt have the money to do so and without talking to me about it first), when we first met I had to put my elderly dog down and couldnt afford the cremation costs, my mother refused to lend me the money for it, so he offered to pay. I accepted and he held that over my head when I tried to leave him after he'd become emotionally abusive. He told his family that I used him for his kindness, that I was emotionally abusive, that I'd trapped him by getting pregnant (despite our children being planned and he was the one that brought up us having kids together first and how much he wanted to be a father). Everything I'd say or do was eventually held over my head. He deflected, projected and in some instances simply lied in order to look like he was a good guy who was trying to be a good father and partner despite having a partner that treated him horribly. In reality it was the other way around. He once told me that he was so critical of me because he was very self critical, that I didnt deserve respect because I wasnt a respectable person, he would hone in on my flaws and insecurities and make fun of me for them. When I pointed out his flaws he got mad, he got so mad. He made sure I was wholly dependent on him, I had no money of my own, everything was in either his or his parents name, I wasnt allowed to work (he threatened to sleep with someone else, and take the car I was using from me), whenever I would try to leave he'd take my car keys, my phone, my bank cards, anything I'd need to be independent. I had nothing that was my own. Everything revolved around him and what he wanted. My wants and needs were unimportant. If i voiced any concerns, feelings, opinions, I was told that I was too emotional, I was always looking for something to be wrong, I had no idea what I was talking about, I made him miserable, I simply couldnt be happy. He often told me it wasnt on him to validate me, that me seeking reassurance and compliments was annoying him. Every time I started to pull away he'd act wounded and hurt, and do everything I'd been asking for, only to devalue me again once he was sure I was reeled back in. Trauma bonds are vicous in so many ways. Your entire perception is warped, there is nothing outside of the narcissist, you lose your sense of self, your entire identity. It took me a couple years to realize that and gather the strength and courage to leave.
the one in and out of my life was frighteningly dangerous, his anger came fast and furious like throwing a flame onto alcohol, he was capable of anything in that moment, then it would pass, these people are unpredictable and you need to be on your guard at all times.
I just want to say THANK YOU!! I have been seeking help with my trauma bond for years!!! It's been HELL on earth. With that said, I just started your course on getting out of "trauma bond," and for the first time, I felt like I was on the path to recovery! Words can not express my gratitude towards you!! You are truly amazing!!!
Richard, I just realized that because I had an experience with a narcissist this was a big gap that I was missing in my personality to be able to deal with the world now I’m a completely different person. I’m so strong now I feel so adult and courageous.
I agree. Slightly similar Story here... I was massively triggered by the abuse from a female Narc... and I mean, I caused a shit storm lol.. She ghosted and spent the next few months on cloud nine, fully fuelled from my emotional Narc supply. I spent the next 18 months figuring out why I allowed myself to be triggered to such a degree (abandonment trauma) and then shone the light on all of that... and then educated myself on NPD... Now, when I'm out in the wild, it's like having vision like the matrix haha... you see people's code, and dodge those bullets just like neo 😂. She has wandered back into my life via a triangulation, and is full of rage because "I'm not the person she thought I was" haha... All she gets from me, is cold, hard silence, and a thank you for healing a part of myself. Take care
People develop narcissism due to trauma. Tribal communities are not immune to trauma. No community is entirely capable of preventing this. Many contemporary anthropologists have studied the Inuit and Aleut peoples, whose homeland is commonly known as southern Alaska. They seem to be resilient to trauma and quite constructive in their anger management when raising children with their traditional practices. They tell many stories to their children about good behavior like most cultures’ parents do, but there is a tongue-in-cheek tone to it, that it’s deliberately made comedically big and exaggerated. If a child hits a parent, they will behave very theatrically, grabbing the hurt spot and saying “Ouch, it hurts me so much! My poor, poor face! Why do you hurt me?” And if they are in the public eye, the acting is exactly the same as if it were private. People don’t stop to watch, it’s considered very normal as a way to give children a conscience without shame. And the best thing about this is that it encourages the child to communicate their own needs in this big way, AND if they’re feeling sad or mad, they can sort of stage their communication out in a way that’s accepted. As kids get older, that behavior gets less exaggerated, to the point where Europeans interacting with these cultures in the era of polar exploration had a first impression that they were quite stoic. But they have these sort of roleplaying ideas to teach kids emotions, and then in adulthood the average person is so attuned to emotional cues that they can be displayed much smaller. I just thought this was so interesting because it doesn’t preach to the child - Inuit and Aleut elders simply trust the child to develop healthy emotions by having these clear signposts to follow. You don’t have to be from an Alaskan Native tribe to try this with your own kids. It might be difficult for passersby to understand in a public setting, so you don’t have the same collective knowledge of this idea - but as long as you’re not actively shaming your child, it encourages them to have critical thinking and help themselves to be emotionally healthy.
Telling people to give up hope on a narcissist that they can change can sound bad in and of itself, but actually can save someone from wasting so much of their life on a person who will only continue to cause damage and wreak havoc month after month, year after year whilst waiting for the change that will never come.
@@erismana2105 an opinion isn’t “not all of them” it would be more like “I don’t think all of them are.” You were stating it as if you have some insight. They’re demons. They have a seared conscience -reprobates. Read your Bible.
Unfortunately my mum is a narcissist and she doesn’t love me. Explains, exactly why I have been depressed and disassociated for years and haven’t managed to get better. 😞😖 she’s been subtly emotionally abusing me. Onwards and upwards I guess, no contact from here on.
@@opticalman6417 when you cut them of will they make a smear campaign against you. ?? I have never cut of my mum before but thinking it’s what has to be done for my mental health.
You absolutely have to be your own advocate, and DO NOT depend on any positive energy nor communication from your family when you go no-contact. Stand firm in your recovery, and choose your family and friends as though your life depends on it, because it does. The sooner we realize this, and stay headstrong about it, the easier our recovery will be.
I was with who I suspect was a covert narcissist for 4years. He always played the victim, always someone out to get him etc. It has been 4 months since he left me and I now realise that I knew basically nothing about him. We never lived together, cause my parents lived with me as my mom was very sick. She died last year Oct., I became depressed and between him, my grieving dad and my kids, he started complaining I wasn't paying enough attention to him. My explaining my depression, my other responsibilities fell on deaf ears. He didn't try to help, or actually showed much empathy. So he started a month long online affair with a woman on the other side of the country, while still telling me he loves me until the day before she packed up her life and moved with her little daughter to live with him. (Think she has issues too). From what I have heard his personality has done a 180° degree turn with her, suddenly he is in incredible debt etc. It just boggles the mind🙄
Thank you for the work you do and the effort that you give in the process. Brilliant Conversation. I believe, just as you pointed out, the power of numbers in small groups forces accountability. Not everyone has Integrity. I say this out loud quite a bit, that if there had been a third party present in the majority of arguments regarding morality with family members, friends and significant others, those disagreements would have ended much sooner, and with less resistance. Exceptionally less gaslighting for sure. Unfortunately my dichotomy always has me feeling sorry for the aggressor because I realize it is in fact not their fault, but a trait that has either been passed down through generations (and/or) caused from trauma. This has always led to giving eternal forgiveness, yet always being the only one to ever apologize.
Don't feel sorry for them as they know exactly what they are doing as they know right from wrong as society dictates this. Feeling sorry for them makes you an easy target by a narcissist. It lays your life wide for a narcissist to come in and invade and destroy your life. You have to hold them accountable as this will prevent a hostile takeover of your piece, happiness, and causing total destruction in your life.
I've noticed they've used my good characteristics against me, they would say I don't have any to me,but they've use my empathy against me,its funny how they know your not a bad person, but continue doing horrible things
6:30 Narcissistic mortification: if that small window of opportunity opens, of the narc's total collapse and abandonment of all support and flying monkeys, they may be open to seeking some feedback or therapy. But my experience showed me it's like a rubber band. The awareness is temporary. It stretches enough to self-soothe and but snaps back to their normal.- MAGAville, Pennsyltucky
There is no hope. They will never see any fault in any of their actions and will always twist themselves some sort of justification of why they frauded or exploited someone else. Everything they do will always be justified in their minds, regardless how corrupt, illegal, morally wrong it ever is, they will always have their excuses and finger pointing planned ahead of time. Professional con artists 😢
My mother changed in prison. I'm not qualified to say she was fully a narcissist... I don't think so. (I suspect I have the most docile of the narcissistic tendencies myself now from her, if you could rate those qualifiers that don't hurt others by the ones that do.) I have very good relationships but maybe I'm a little fantasy prone? Idk. (Someone would have to come tell me I'm imagining things if that were the case. So far so good! 😅 ) Maybe her story is context-specific, as you taught me a few months ago. Context specific narcissism, I mean, due to alcohol. I love her still... that will never change. There is no denying how much she's changed during her time in lock up. I always feel like she makes sure to hang up on good terms. It's tangible- her efforts. I also value that principle "don't go to bed angry" ❤... so it's something we've both been working on and I'm really glad for it. It finally feels like I have my mother back.
The narcissist in my life is from South America and his family is very tribe like and I noticed over the years that they support his narcissism. They are not allowed to talk about feelings or it’s not supported
Wow Richard you hit the nail on the head, in a tribe there are many care givers so it would be hard for a child to without love/warmth. I’ve got avoidant personality disorder and growing up my mum literally did the bare minimum for me. She had zero interest in me and was physically aggressive towards me if I tried to bond with her. I learnt to stay well out of her way. Yet it was like this weird world where we were so isolated in London with so many people surrounding me that could have stepped in and provided me with a loving caregiver but my experience as a child had been reduced to just my mum and siblings because of the modern day set up. People need community and I’m proof of that. Not all of us are blessed to have functional parents so we need the extended family to step in and provide support. The state is supposed to be that safety net but they fail children and vulnerable people time and time again. What I would have given as a child to have someone hug me after school. The sad truth is I know there are good people out there who would have but I was out of reach and sight to the rest of the world. Thank you for bringing these topics to light 🙏🏼
Yes, this. Not having love or any chance of rescue from my dysfunctional home life, with a narcissistic mother that forced my poor dad into a life of alcoholism, I reached the solid conclusion that, as an adult, I have no need or patience for the ignorant advice from the willfully ignorant.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No child should be subjected to it. I think you're still somewhat stuck in that cycle though. The state is not supposed to be the safety net. The community is the safety net. In a community people say "let's work together and help this person". In a government-centric system people say "let's force people to help at gunpoint (state tax collector), then sit back and not be bothered to do anything else". It's lack of connection that allows abuse.
I have been surrounded by Narcs my whole life including my parents and have become quite humbled by them because of multiple attacks! I originally thought they were tricksters but your description of the behavior patterns and their self has changed my understanding. The tactics are bazaar and your video has clearly explained why.
I can relate.I hope you can get out and move on and be happy! You deserve it! I gave them all love for 40+ years, finally had enough and cut all of them off. I'm still in therapy, but I can finally be ME and I love my life! You can do it!
Man you're good! You described my ex that took me years to 'See'. I look back and think 'damn, am I stupid' but at the time when that occured I had allot going on with much limitations to resolve them. Now I look back that I was meant to go through that as a life's lesson. Life is like that, you repeat lessons until you get it right. And when you look back you will be proud of what you went through and learned from that can Help others.
I was thinking this morning about how bizarre it was that I couldn't see it when I was in it and I had no awareness of the changes in myself. It's not us! We didn't look for it because it's not how we think or feel. I'm am coming to the belief that it is demonic!!
Same here but it was my parents. Ones is dead now but the one that is alive has gone off the deep end over nothing that is real because they want to have control of things that are not theirs to control.
@@thecustodian1023 I can understand what you're describing as it sounds similar to my mother. I could never figure out if she was this kind of person (narcissist) or the trauma she went through before we were born. 'Family' can be found all around you of course though, from friends to acquaintance (just wish more in the world could realize this)
@@crystalclear5397 Yea, my friends have been awesome through all of this, but the family is either brainwashed by their BS and does not want to look at the mountain of evidence I have against them now. Or they just want to stay out of it in hopes the narcs don't come after them next if they do take me out. The rest seem to have no clue any of this has been running out for nearly two-plus years, which says everyone in the immediate family has put a lot of effort into making sure this all stays under the radar.
Grannon is pathological. I’d recommend Dr Romani and Dr Carter and avoid feeding whatever pathology is feeding this guy. He’s suckering a lot of venerable people to feed his own ego.
i dont think im narcissitic but i do think i have attributes/tendencies like most people do. grew up with both sides of my family being narcisstic. i knew at a young age that something wasnt right but couldnt ever really put my finger on it. i knew that the way i was raised wasnt right and made a vow to my self that i will not treat my kids the way i was nor the people around me. i do want to better and understand my self as i do see some of the things mentioned in your videos actions of my self. i really appreciate your time and efforts that you put forth to educate.
I totally agree, it truly does take a village to bring up a child. If we have no where to turn for what we need those needs go unfulfilled, and that leads to a messy head!
This perfectly describes what I experience and see in a ‘friend’ after many years of self-education on the topic Finally free No chance of being hooked for a third time No chance It took co-dependency training and assessment and a commitment to self-differentiation My mother is a narcissist addict Wasted many years trying to help her Grew up and just found new narcs
I have been looking into narcissisms for last couple of weeks and how can I change this of myself . I need help , I often find that my ego just builds up as self defense , my mind is going on auto mode , this is damaging my relationships , so I found that mid level people pleasing works . I am scared of feeling important to someone and make them disappointed , so they would trow me out. My upringing was just trauma after a trauma , until I left home after I decided to leave at age of 15.
From my experience a TRUE Narcissist could Care Less about EVERYTHING EXCEPT 1 THING.....REPUTATION! Without its Grandiose Reputation it can't Weave its Evil Web
Never really heard of narcissism in the 60’s,70’s and 80’s. It probably was there with abusive husbands. Did the internet bring it out more with people and self absorbed or the knowledge of the internet? Grown men age 65 ish are narcissists, did they experience trauma or idolizing from parents in the 50’s and 60’s?
Narcissism was alive and well always. It was just not widely understood or talked about back then. With the internet and social media we have so much more access to information and the ability to share it than we did previously. Before, if you were living with a narcissist you probably just thought You were the crazy one and had no one to turn to for help.
Being in lockdown during Covid with a grandiose narcissistic spouse who besides manager also is an artist, was a true f*cking nightmare. I always thought he was depressed because he missed his admiration on stage, now i know it's called narcissistic depletion. 🙏🏻
With the birth of social media, people don't have to deal with this nonsense anymore. People are happy just having their cell phone and no human interaction.
That’s a dangerous and damaging assumption. Humans are social beings. This is just as important to our species’ history as our capacity for reason, if not more so. Our nervous systems are wired for social interaction. Even commenting this, you disprove yourself a little bit. It’s an interaction. Why comment unless you expect others to read what you are saying?
I have been thinking I could talk to her and try and get some truths and when she freaks I calmly let her know we can talk about some things or for my own healing I could put out a dating a covert narcissist video with some video clips that would screw up all her lies to others too. (Face blurred of corse). Then I watched your number 7. Hmmmm. Letting go with no explanation is hard.
This is gonna sound weird but does anyone find Richard attractive? I have to say being attracted to someone other than a narc is like blessing to me at the moment lol. I usually find very intelligent men & women attractive which he is; this is so refreshing! Sorry Richard, I still love your content 😊
Regarding my ex, I believe that his small circle of "friends" are just like him. They can each be the ultimate male, all in control, and God's gift to humanity, while socializing together. But for their own families, oh no, as they know that we are "in the know", and our homes are the battlegrounds where they wreak havoc on their victims. Their double-life is a necessity for their existence.
Lived with one my whole life....my mother was one and the guy i married is one too...in fact i hate them and do not believe they are even human...wish i had a million dollars to get away...alas i know that aint going to happen...death is the only escape from these vermin And They Are EveryWhere!!!!!!!!
Narcissism in a tribe is of course very well possible. A kid can feel rejected anywhere, in any culture, at any time. Narcissism is as old as human kind and certainly not only a product of our 'depraved' times.
I find all of those truths you bought out(& I have experienced them) hheartbreaking...I understand we need to really get to know someone now....But very deep within me,I feel sorry fir them and their twisted view of others... And I am in massive debt as a disability pendioner( physical)..,was physically abused...But because I know 1 was narcissistically parentally abused...and the othe literally abused as a refugee...I just feel for them... And ,No...I no longer have contact with either,but I care... I still care in the sense of what made them the way they are... It breaks my heart... I forgive 100%.. But yes..keep away.... Honestly this planet needs healing... Thank you...I apologise about spelling errors...It is spinal damage..I actually can spell well... Thank yourself and all others for the work you do...😊
They always have backups because they fear abandonment so much. They can't ever trust anyone, but fear being alone and discarded so they will present a wonderful, generous and kind fake persona to reel in victims/narc supply so that they always have someone. They don't want to be discarded, but they have no problem with discarding others if they threaten their fake world and expose them.
One of my narcs would sleep for days whenever they felt they weren't getting what they wanted from their supply. Another would rage and "punish" others for not going along with their plans for them. Sick, sick people!
Of course right when you get to talking about alienation the video cut it off. Way to get my attention. I would think that alienation breeds narcism, and from my experience I can see it happening. It’s really difficult to separate social media/screens/ AI from narcissism. It is so obvious that the constant “threat” narcissistic individuals suffer from is a result of having to constantly feel the need to compete with others for resources. Sad way to live and is so damaging to the people who are victimized to such thinking. I struggle with being around people even talking about this topic because they love to throw around the word narcissism and really cannot see that, they themselves, are included. Attentions spans are slim to none. Discipline has to be cultivated. Thank you for what you do Richard 🙏 I would kill to work/study underneath you.
The person I know could not and would not watch horror films; ride roller coasters; and slept all throughout the day. Now I know why he was so exhausted...all the lying, living a fake life and hyper vigilance made him really tired.
Yep. Afraid of the dark, so they stay out all night. Destroyed a 4 decade family business gambling and such. Sad stuff....I saw some soul peek out here and there, but quickly overtaken by this demonic stronghold called narcissism, but it's certainly as much spiritual as it is psychological.
I RECOGNIZED how my ex alway creating situation even we in the hart of our sleeping, if I pull the blanket, he will woks up like ghost and kidnape the blanket ! it's cold in Canada during the winter
I would have to imagine it’s incredibly difficult to develop that false self when you have so many eyes on you seeing and hearing everything. You couldn’t just say something happened that didn’t happen, everyone else saw it too. Everyone knows everything about everyone
You know, I don't know about that. There are so many situations like with church rapes, family abuse, toxic bosses, corrupt politicians, etc etc, where everyone knows, but turn a blind eye and just walk the other way. At the end of the day it's about people deciding who they are. Less about oh we're less communal or isolated. If people just had their priorities straight simply because that's the right thing to do, the world would be a better place. But people aren't like that. It's always, what's in it for me? Will this good act put me in an advantageous or disadvantageous social position and what have you.
Comment down below where you are watching from (Let's push this algorithm) 😎
Middle of America - suburbs of Kansas City (:
Glasgow
Dorset, UK
Ireland
Ohio
I always thought in a healthy relationship we discover depths and faults in each other. Not so with a narc: the more you know about them, the more they hate you. You’re not supposed to figure them out.
Just another fella making stuff up and acting like he’s knowledgable, whilst simultaneously demonstrating what little value there is in his knowledge.
Standard behaviour for a Grannon victim.
@@samuelfoston4556 if you have ever experienced being in a close relationship with a narcissist (family members, friends etc.) then you would know that the above comment is accurate. You don't need to have a PhD in psychology to understand the damage done by narcissists - you just need to have live through it.
No, we are not supposed figure them out, in their minds we are stupid and weak, and not at all that we are kind, caring and patient too much for our good. We rather delude ourselves for a period of time than admit that these kind of creatures can exist.
When narcs get figured out by us, their ego can't bare the fact that stupid and weak are actually them.
They have an agenda and it’s all by design. So no sympathy whatsoever.
Totally true fed up of narcassism!! xx
Absolutely, they have created this world around them that they really believe is real. But it is all in their head. Their flawed connection to reality leads them to understand the world only on their terms. They get frustrated when you don't submit to their world view, because it shows your strength and their lack of reality. They envy your ability to live in reality and manage the issues that come with life. They cannot accept what challenges them. It is like watching a petulant child having a fit. To a certain extent, they are annoying.
A petulant child with adult-level resources to throw around at will.
@@thecustodian1023 so much truth to this! My narc gf will literally go through our money some days! I don't trust her with our money at all.
the indugenious guys from amazon rainforest offered to kill Klaus Kinsky while making a movie there 😂
You're a beautiful soul btw. Watching from NY
So this person I know whos been smearing my name claims to have bipolar. I can identify that it is CLEARLY covert narcissism because they given the bipolar sob story etc. She is so sneaky its actually unbelievable the change in her. She struggles with not having attention.
If the Devil can't get to you, He will send a Narcissist. TRUTH!!
A snake or rapist too. Or a mask wearing liar in different forms.
OOHHHHHH! So that is what my whole life has been about! I MUST be something SPECIAL! I have no choice but to finally ACCEPT that now! Thank you!
that means the devil is always around us
The devil send his workers and if he cant get to you through them! then he comes to you disguised in human form as a Narcissist!!
"That's the fact, Jack!"
Narc weaknesses :
1 Addicted to false self
2 False narrative
3 Impressionable
4 Thin skinned, labile moods
5 Reliant on others
All of these. Now how do we free a minor child from their clutches without infinite money? Oh...right.
@@NoMoreHeroesAnymore1334 Do you get the child at all? Get a friend over to take the child out back where you've music on, as soon as they arrive. Have a camera with recorder set up where it's a surefire bet the narc will stand. Stay very calm but provoke them by saying something softly that would seem innocuous but you know will set them off into a crazy rage, have police on speed dial and Bob's your uncle. Get inventive but safety first. Dig up any dirt on them you can use and be well organised so it's 💯proof evidence. What was that you found in your child's backpack?! A bound diary, date and time stamped is good for Court. 👮♂️😠😈🤬👮♀️✌️
@@louisegarner8888 Definitely! That is Exactly what I did here. Take pictures, record the conversations, take screenshots of text history, things like that. I did have issues with the cops though, my small city cops Suck and always took his side.....Until only once and Finally spoke with and later came when I called was a female cop. The male cops with her were a disgrace, as I explained what took place when they arrived, 'Thats not what we hurd, we hurd you going off and snapping at him from the outside of the window when we got here', yes dummy- when You Got here. You weren't here just prior to hear or see what took place by him that lead me to yell like that you hurd. Are you that narrow minded or on your male ego high horse? He was choking me but just because there was no signs they thought I was lying when I brought it up in my first earlier call that night.
Yup thats human behaviour alright!
@@andreaslandgren1681 Nope, it's called exposing the inhumane monster for who and what they really are, legally.
I say, run away when you have the chance. Confrontation is not only pointless but dangerous.
Win the conflict by avoiding it.
My lil sister is a narc. She's 37. Years after year she's more into lying, threatening, and abusing. At the end she just feels more entitled than ever. Crazy!
For the algorithm! Richard is the only coach, that wants you to actually get to a point where, you no longer watch his videos on narcissism.
When I finally couldn’t stand it and wrote a long text telling him how he hurt me and how I thought he was narcissistic, he blocked me and told me he didn’t trust me. He didn’t like that I saw through him. I’m now a threat, to exposing him for who he is.
I told my ex years ago that I had figured him out and that he couldn't lie to me anymore, so just give it up. He then packed a suitcase and left and never returned, not even for the rest of his stuff. Of course little did I know at the time his new supply was all ready to go.
Same! TWO of them blocked me instantly! Anyone innocent has no reason to disappear!
@@freedomwarrior5087you are lucky! They disappear when caught!
Do the thin skinned narcissist always have “health issues”? I can’t get over how many health issues this person had. From nasal passages being clogged to gout, and heart burn. If I ever said I have some health issue like I’m really tired or a pain somewhere (which was rare) within minutes or hours without fail he came up with some problem himself. It was like he always had to be in pain above me, the attention was all about him. It was exhausting, I felt more like his mother than his gf.
So close to the bone.
I would say a Narcissist is more likely to at least imply that you are whinging about your own health problems before one upping you. A sick partner is too good an opportunity to miss because you are vulnerable at the time. If this guy didn't try to make you feel worse in some way then not a Narcissist, even a fragile. Maybe just an unfortunate attention seeking hangover from childhood.
I found that no-one was allowed to suffer or endure more pain than him..I used my pain or illness "as a way to gain sympathy" , even when I hadn't told anyone that I was illl...but he had felt genuine, life ending pain that he found his own way out of...
The narc i know always has health issues, it was a way of getting more attention because he would get looked after and pandered to. He would go to the doctor's/hospital for tests everything would come back OK. Also anything that he did have was the 'worse case the doctor had seen'.
the narcissist is knew always had an issue with everything he needed a bubble but he was also overweight and didnt take care of himself
Richard, you, BY FAR, are the BEST source of information on NPD that I have come across and the level of understanding i have been able to achieve thanks to you has been a blessing and a lifesaver
I left the narcissist and when I held them accountable for their lies, using certain tactics, their true self showed! So true.
what did you do to hod them accountable ? what actions ?
@@oldboy-g8y i tried the nice root for the longest time. Shrugging off criticisms and trying to be civil. That of course got me only more of the same. So instead of taking it inwards I bounced it back. First I left then I called him out on his lies and shamed him for it. Said he was a child…. Weak and an ungrateful____. Then all the truths came out of him. Tit for tat baby! There is no winning with a narc. Just leave and say you peace when you are in a safe place.
@@oldboy-g8yBy exposing their lies, deceit in such a way and with evidence they simply cannot refute or deny. Once you've blown their cover, you are no longer of any value and they will resent and loathe you for it. They will try to make you pay dearly for ruining their image, crumbling their fake world and will discard you in the cruelest way possible. These narcs move on to the next victim at the speed of light because they always have backups/replacements waiting on the back burner, or shelf.
@@verumbellator6899Yes something similar worked for me face them with it ,they have to come out of hiding but watch your opportunity softly ,there's a time and a place use wisdom stay safe too
Just my humble opinions ( I've taken alot of flak narcissism is every where these days )
My lil sister is a narc. She's 37. Years after year she's more into lying, threatening, and abusing. the more surprising thing is that she feels more entitled than ever. Sick!!😳
But they can never be ashamed or feel anything because they just dump you and head away...no truth, no depth and no justice. He tore out my soul.
They only feel shame if their BS is shown to a crowd.
Never confront alone.
May God bess your soul ❤
Yes please who lack self worth and respect.
They are unable to achieve success …and are jealous of people who have WORTH!
@nexult5733 So on point.
The only thing that seems like it could help is having the Narcissist fear, legitimately, being publicly shamed and called out for their behavior.
Ehhhh. From experience, it often just increases the rage. Depends if they have other sources of supply.
Brilliant! I have learned so much from you. I know you must get tired of narcissist videos. I'm so fascinated though. I've been out of my relationship for quite some time. However, I'm still so mind blown by the happenings during the relationship that I study narcissism. I also study myself and consistently work to improve. Your blunt videos have helped keep me strong and persevere through it all. Thank you!
Me too! Well said!!
he obviously learned on his own with the help of those around him, like all successful connoisseurs of narcissists ... anyone who has not had contact with them does not even know what a narcissist is
When he was caught red handed cheating and others were witnesses to it....he broke a 10 year sobriety and had to go to rehab. In his 30 days he was FORCED to look inside with intense therapy, no drugs, no alcohol and no family. He came home a different man BUT then the mask when back on and he returned to who he was. I left him in May. It's been such a painful journey but I know there will be a light at the end
Im so so sorry. I know that pain :-( trying to find the 9
9:13 pointless trying to get them to wake up… tried marriage counselling with mine. Made it much clearer that it was time to leave.
Once you see their patterns they really don’t seem that smart
They become a predictable bore for anyone remotely recovered from a BPD or just plain old healthy having a first encounter with one. They are a house of cards I recently engaged with a covert narc. It has been a fascinating unravelling . The disengagement was swift and graceful on my end. . Now the narrative is imploding as efforts at triangulation and reality checks are setting in. Still…. Disappointing
I will miss the philosophical chats and psychological and esoteric shares.
Never should have made love after a year of talking and listening. The cues were there . My empathetic ass showed up only to show me empathy is a foil .
A tin foil hat for us “weirdo” different folk who seek affirmation when we are having a motivation / creative block.
Procrastination is an invitation for these types.
Just saying,,
Idle hands
Idealism
Idolatry
Idle minds
The Id.
God save the ego
@@jennyadee913
It was kinda hard to follow most of your comment but the end was interesting, then I read it again and it became very clear , I too have empathy and allowed it to be used and abused , I know my heart and dont need to prove how understanding I am , Big difference between *having* emphathy & being a full blown empath ...A narcissist will also have a hard time with intimacy = into *me* See
@@jennyadee913 So you knew he was a narc and you let him lay all that pipe in you anyway huh? Kinky
If you want to go through life with kindness and compassion, you have to be willing to defend yourself often when the jackals come out.
Wow! This guy really goes even deeper than I understood before. He really hits the nail on the head.
Am listening to our Richard from a nice village in Lorraine, France, where thousands of mirabelle (plum) trees are blooming everywhere in the countryside just now 🌸
Sounds like a dream, wish I
was there also, I need an escape 👒
I agree: it takes a village not only to raise kids, but to keep parents accountable.
I absolutely agree that our current societal 'norms' have created the conditions that allow narcissistic behaviours to exist largely unchecked. My ex-boyfriend was a classic case in point - he much preferred his online life as it allowed him greater control & manipulation over others than his real self ever could 😥✨
So true. 'My' narc was my cyberstalker - much easier to do when you're sat behind a keyboard hacking someone's phone & accounts. It was literally a living a hell. He has his own RUclips channel (how I met him) where he props up his ego given the sheer banality of his own real world existence. He's about 30 & im in my late 30s; no way would've I been sat on social media all day at his age, like, get a life.
I am just learning about npd and am shocked that the person that says they love you can be so cruel. My stories are exactly what all of your videos say. They truly never think they do anything wrong, and lie lie lie even when the truth is in their face. It’s painful because I wanted to be loved so much that I looked past all the negative behaviour for years.
Keep learning hun, and make your getaway plan.
Good luck.
Christi
"Human needs aren't being met, BECAUSE we've succeeded as a species" is a truly profound and real statement. In addition to a great resource on dealing with toxic people, you are a philosopher too, Richard. Keep up the good work! Watching from Canada.
I am pretty sure that my ex is both covert and grandiose.
Within our relationship, he'd act like he was the smartest man alive, I and the children were beneath him. He'd talk to me as if I was incapable of doing anything on my own.
But with others, he would be very humble. He'd act like the victim, tell his family that I was emotionally abusive, that I trapped him, that he does everything, and I do nothing.
Any sort of criticism was met with hostility. He'd idealise any new person that came into his life, bosses, acquaintances, members, and leaders of a religious organization we used to be a part of. Literally, anyone that he liked something about was idealized. Once he saw some flaw with them, he quickly dropped them and ghosted them. He did the same with me. When we first met, he idealized me. As soon as he saw my flaws, I was devalued.
He presented this false persona of being humble, kind, helpful, the victim of circumstance, and the black sheep of the family that no one wanted to talk to.
He would pay for others when he first met them (even if we didnt have the money to do so and without talking to me about it first), when we first met I had to put my elderly dog down and couldnt afford the cremation costs, my mother refused to lend me the money for it, so he offered to pay. I accepted and he held that over my head when I tried to leave him after he'd become emotionally abusive. He told his family that I used him for his kindness, that I was emotionally abusive, that I'd trapped him by getting pregnant (despite our children being planned and he was the one that brought up us having kids together first and how much he wanted to be a father). Everything I'd say or do was eventually held over my head. He deflected, projected and in some instances simply lied in order to look like he was a good guy who was trying to be a good father and partner despite having a partner that treated him horribly. In reality it was the other way around.
He once told me that he was so critical of me because he was very self critical, that I didnt deserve respect because I wasnt a respectable person, he would hone in on my flaws and insecurities and make fun of me for them. When I pointed out his flaws he got mad, he got so mad. He made sure I was wholly dependent on him, I had no money of my own, everything was in either his or his parents name, I wasnt allowed to work (he threatened to sleep with someone else, and take the car I was using from me), whenever I would try to leave he'd take my car keys, my phone, my bank cards, anything I'd need to be independent. I had nothing that was my own. Everything revolved around him and what he wanted. My wants and needs were unimportant. If i voiced any concerns, feelings, opinions, I was told that I was too emotional, I was always looking for something to be wrong, I had no idea what I was talking about, I made him miserable, I simply couldnt be happy. He often told me it wasnt on him to validate me, that me seeking reassurance and compliments was annoying him. Every time I started to pull away he'd act wounded and hurt, and do everything I'd been asking for, only to devalue me again once he was sure I was reeled back in. Trauma bonds are vicous in so many ways. Your entire perception is warped, there is nothing outside of the narcissist, you lose your sense of self, your entire identity. It took me a couple years to realize that and gather the strength and courage to leave.
the one in and out of my life was frighteningly dangerous, his anger came fast and furious like throwing a flame onto alcohol, he was capable of anything in that moment, then it would pass, these people are unpredictable and you need to be on your guard at all times.
Like a rabid dog
I just want to say THANK YOU!! I have been seeking help with my trauma bond for years!!! It's been HELL on earth. With that said, I just started your course on getting out of "trauma bond," and for the first time, I felt like I was on the path to recovery! Words can not express my gratitude towards you!! You are truly amazing!!!
Richard, I just realized that because I had an experience with a narcissist this was a big gap that I was missing in my personality to be able to deal with the world now I’m a completely different person. I’m so strong now I feel so adult and courageous.
I agree. Slightly similar Story here... I was massively triggered by the abuse from a female Narc... and I mean, I caused a shit storm lol..
She ghosted and spent the next few months on cloud nine, fully fuelled from my emotional Narc supply. I spent the next 18 months figuring out why I allowed myself to be triggered to such a degree (abandonment trauma) and then shone the light on all of that... and then educated myself on NPD...
Now, when I'm out in the wild, it's like having vision like the matrix haha... you see people's code, and dodge those bullets just like neo 😂.
She has wandered back into my life via a triangulation, and is full of rage because "I'm not the person she thought I was" haha...
All she gets from me, is cold, hard silence, and a thank you for healing a part of myself.
Take care
Seems it is rampant in all tribes great or small. Cain and Abel. Cant escape it. Only accountability and morality helps.
Tribal, or small communities, are a natural way to live. Narcissistic personality wouldn't develop because the trauma would be lessened.
People develop narcissism due to trauma. Tribal communities are not immune to trauma. No community is entirely capable of preventing this.
Many contemporary anthropologists have studied the Inuit and Aleut peoples, whose homeland is commonly known as southern Alaska. They seem to be resilient to trauma and quite constructive in their anger management when raising children with their traditional practices.
They tell many stories to their children about good behavior like most cultures’ parents do, but there is a tongue-in-cheek tone to it, that it’s deliberately made comedically big and exaggerated.
If a child hits a parent, they will behave very theatrically, grabbing the hurt spot and saying “Ouch, it hurts me so much! My poor, poor face! Why do you hurt me?” And if they are in the public eye, the acting is exactly the same as if it were private. People don’t stop to watch, it’s considered very normal as a way to give children a conscience without shame.
And the best thing about this is that it encourages the child to communicate their own needs in this big way, AND if they’re feeling sad or mad, they can sort of stage their communication out in a way that’s accepted.
As kids get older, that behavior gets less exaggerated, to the point where Europeans interacting with these cultures in the era of polar exploration had a first impression that they were quite stoic. But they have these sort of roleplaying ideas to teach kids emotions, and then in adulthood the average person is so attuned to emotional cues that they can be displayed much smaller.
I just thought this was so interesting because it doesn’t preach to the child - Inuit and Aleut elders simply trust the child to develop healthy emotions by having these clear signposts to follow.
You don’t have to be from an Alaskan Native tribe to try this with your own kids. It might be difficult for passersby to understand in a public setting, so you don’t have the same collective knowledge of this idea - but as long as you’re not actively shaming your child, it encourages them to have critical thinking and help themselves to be emotionally healthy.
I'm listening this from my soul
Telling people to give up hope on a narcissist that they can change can sound bad in and of itself, but actually can save someone from wasting so much of their life on a person who will only continue to cause damage and wreak havoc month after month, year after year whilst waiting for the change that will never come.
They’re demon infested. RUN.
Not always
@@erismana2105 you must be one as well.
@@carolovesteven I gave a simple opinion and you call me a narcissist.. lol
Ok Karen
@@erismana2105 an opinion isn’t “not all of them” it would be more like “I don’t think all of them are.” You were stating it as if you have some insight. They’re demons. They have a seared conscience -reprobates. Read your Bible.
@@erismana2105 I just read your cover photo. Loll. I had it right. 🎯 narc.
Unfortunately my mum is a narcissist and she doesn’t love me. Explains, exactly why I have been depressed and disassociated for years and haven’t managed to get better. 😞😖 she’s been subtly emotionally abusing me. Onwards and upwards I guess, no contact from here on.
and the rest of you family think she a lovly caring person
@@opticalman6417 when you cut them of will they make a smear campaign against you. ?? I have never cut of my mum before but thinking it’s what has to be done for my mental health.
You absolutely have to be your own advocate, and DO NOT depend on any positive energy nor communication from your family when you go no-contact. Stand firm in your recovery, and choose your family and friends as though your life depends on it, because it does.
The sooner we realize this, and stay headstrong about it, the easier our recovery will be.
What zodiac sign is your mom? Just curious.
@@AN-fg4cd Aries
I was with who I suspect was a covert narcissist for 4years. He always played the victim, always someone out to get him etc. It has been 4 months since he left me and I now realise that I knew basically nothing about him. We never lived together, cause my parents lived with me as my mom was very sick. She died last year Oct., I became depressed and between him, my grieving dad and my kids, he started complaining I wasn't paying enough attention to him. My explaining my depression, my other responsibilities fell on deaf ears. He didn't try to help, or actually showed much empathy. So he started a month long online affair with a woman on the other side of the country, while still telling me he loves me until the day before she packed up her life and moved with her little daughter to live with him. (Think she has issues too). From what I have heard his personality has done a 180° degree turn with her, suddenly he is in incredible debt etc. It just boggles the mind🙄
That question about society making it easier for NPDs to succeed was such a good one. That’s deep!
Thank you for the work you do and the effort that you give in the process. Brilliant Conversation. I believe, just as you pointed out, the power of numbers in small groups forces accountability. Not everyone has Integrity. I say this out loud quite a bit, that if there had been a third party present in the majority of arguments regarding morality with family members, friends and significant others, those disagreements would have ended much sooner, and with less resistance. Exceptionally less gaslighting for sure. Unfortunately my dichotomy always has me feeling sorry for the aggressor because I realize it is in fact not their fault, but a trait that has either been passed down through generations (and/or) caused from trauma. This has always led to giving eternal forgiveness, yet always being the only one to ever apologize.
Don't feel sorry for them as they know exactly what they are doing as they know right from wrong as society dictates this. Feeling sorry for them makes you an easy target by a narcissist. It lays your life wide for a narcissist to come in and invade and destroy your life. You have to hold them accountable as this will prevent a hostile takeover of your piece, happiness, and causing total destruction in your life.
I've noticed they've used my good characteristics against me, they would say I don't have any to me,but they've use my empathy against me,its funny how they know your not a bad person, but continue doing horrible things
6:30 Narcissistic mortification: if that small window of opportunity opens, of the narc's total collapse and abandonment of all support and flying monkeys, they may be open to seeking some feedback or therapy.
But my experience showed me it's like a rubber band. The awareness is temporary. It stretches enough to self-soothe and but snaps back to their normal.- MAGAville, Pennsyltucky
There is no hope. They will never see any fault in any of their actions and will always twist themselves some sort of justification of why they frauded or exploited someone else. Everything they do will always be justified in their minds, regardless how corrupt, illegal, morally wrong it ever is, they will always have their excuses and finger pointing planned ahead of time. Professional con artists 😢
We all just milk cows 🥴🤣🤣🤣🤷🏻♀️
My mother changed in prison. I'm not qualified to say she was fully a narcissist... I don't think so. (I suspect I have the most docile of the narcissistic tendencies myself now from her, if you could rate those qualifiers that don't hurt others by the ones that do.) I have very good relationships but maybe I'm a little fantasy prone? Idk. (Someone would have to come tell me I'm imagining things if that were the case. So far so good! 😅 )
Maybe her story is context-specific, as you taught me a few months ago. Context specific narcissism, I mean, due to alcohol. I love her still... that will never change.
There is no denying how much she's changed during her time in lock up. I always feel like she makes sure to hang up on good terms. It's tangible- her efforts. I also value that principle "don't go to bed angry" ❤... so it's something we've both been working on and I'm really glad for it. It finally feels like I have my mother back.
The narcissist in my life is from South America and his family is very tribe like and I noticed over the years that they support his narcissism. They are not allowed to talk about feelings or it’s not supported
The more I do the more useless I supposedly am and the worst I'm treated but I know the truth. I'll be free some day.
Wow Richard you hit the nail on the head, in a tribe there are many care givers so it would be hard for a child to without love/warmth. I’ve got avoidant personality disorder and growing up my mum literally did the bare minimum for me. She had zero interest in me and was physically aggressive towards me if I tried to bond with her. I learnt to stay well out of her way. Yet it was like this weird world where we were so isolated in London with so many people surrounding me that could have stepped in and provided me with a loving caregiver but my experience as a child had been reduced to just my mum and siblings because of the modern day set up.
People need community and I’m proof of that. Not all of us are blessed to have functional parents so we need the extended family to step in and provide support. The state is supposed to be that safety net but they fail children and vulnerable people time and time again. What I would have given as a child to have someone hug me after school. The sad truth is I know there are good people out there who would have but I was out of reach and sight to the rest of the world. Thank you for bringing these topics to light 🙏🏼
When we need help they give us a pamphlet and ask us to take a survey. (I'm in the US) we're statistics
Ellie
Similar. I'm avoidance also.
Yes, this. Not having love or any chance of rescue from my dysfunctional home life, with a narcissistic mother that forced my poor dad into a life of alcoholism, I reached the solid conclusion that, as an adult, I have no need or patience for the ignorant advice from the willfully ignorant.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No child should be subjected to it. I think you're still somewhat stuck in that cycle though. The state is not supposed to be the safety net. The community is the safety net. In a community people say "let's work together and help this person". In a government-centric system people say "let's force people to help at gunpoint (state tax collector), then sit back and not be bothered to do anything else". It's lack of connection that allows abuse.
Sadly the system and even mental health carers have not caught up with narcissist
It’s quite a new learning curb isn’t it
I have been surrounded by Narcs my whole life including my parents and have become quite humbled by them because of multiple attacks! I originally thought they were tricksters but your description of the behavior patterns and their self has changed my understanding. The tactics are bazaar and your video has clearly explained why.
I can relate.I hope you can get out and move on and be happy! You deserve it! I gave them all love for 40+ years, finally had enough and cut all of them off. I'm still in therapy, but I can finally be ME and I love my life! You can do it!
@@SKCothrenArt you are amazing. you always were.
@@GrowtopiaCreamlady what a beautiful message. Thank you.
Man you're good! You described my ex that took me years to 'See'. I look back and think 'damn, am I stupid' but at the time when that occured I had allot going on with much limitations to resolve them. Now I look back that I was meant to go through that as a life's lesson. Life is like that, you repeat lessons until you get it right. And when you look back you will be proud of what you went through and learned from that can Help others.
I was thinking this morning about how bizarre it was that I couldn't see it when I was in it and I had no awareness of the changes in myself. It's not us! We didn't look for it because it's not how we think or feel. I'm am coming to the belief that it is demonic!!
Same here but it was my parents. Ones is dead now but the one that is alive has gone off the deep end over nothing that is real because they want to have control of things that are not theirs to control.
@@thecustodian1023 I can understand what you're describing as it sounds similar to my mother. I could never figure out if she was this kind of person (narcissist) or the trauma she went through before we were born. 'Family' can be found all around you of course though, from friends to acquaintance (just wish more in the world could realize this)
@@crystalclear5397 Yea, my friends have been awesome through all of this, but the family is either brainwashed by their BS and does not want to look at the mountain of evidence I have against them now.
Or they just want to stay out of it in hopes the narcs don't come after them next if they do take me out.
The rest seem to have no clue any of this has been running out for nearly two-plus years, which says everyone in the immediate family has put a lot of effort into making sure this all stays under the radar.
You just described the entire police department I worked in. Needless to say they destroyed my life and livelihood.
Narcissism, part of our culture? Definitely!
We LOVE you Richard!!!!!! Thanks for all your hard work and sharing this info with us and helping us deal with these people.
Grannon is pathological. I’d recommend Dr Romani and Dr Carter and avoid feeding whatever pathology is feeding this guy. He’s suckering a lot of venerable people to feed his own ego.
i dont think im narcissitic but i do think i have attributes/tendencies like most people do. grew up with both sides of my family being narcisstic. i knew at a young age that something wasnt right but couldnt ever really put my finger on it. i knew that the way i was raised wasnt right and made a vow to my self that i will not treat my kids the way i was nor the people around me. i do want to better and understand my self as i do see some of the things mentioned in your videos actions of my self. i really appreciate your time and efforts that you put forth to educate.
I'm listening from New Orleans LA, US :)
I totally agree, it truly does take a village to bring up a child. If we have no where to turn for what we need those needs go unfulfilled, and that leads to a messy head!
This perfectly describes what I experience and see in a ‘friend’ after many years of self-education on the topic
Finally free
No chance of being hooked for a third time
No chance
It took co-dependency training and assessment and a commitment to self-differentiation
My mother is a narcissist addict
Wasted many years trying to help her
Grew up and just found new narcs
That is not true! I’m from Africa and lived in “huts” people were just as abusive as they are in the U.S. This disease is widespread.
❤
Michelangelo’s David used as an image of the fragmented narcissist? A character who represents the literal opposite of the narcissistic personality.
I have been looking into narcissisms for last couple of weeks and how can I change this of myself . I need help , I often find that my ego just builds up as self defense , my mind is going on auto mode , this is damaging my relationships , so I found that mid level people pleasing works . I am scared of feeling important to someone and make them disappointed , so they would trow me out.
My upringing was just trauma after a trauma , until I left home after I decided to leave at age of 15.
From my experience a TRUE Narcissist could Care Less about EVERYTHING EXCEPT 1 THING.....REPUTATION! Without its Grandiose Reputation it can't Weave its Evil Web
Watching the adolescent discontent and sideshow of an adult, an ex, after they've been called out on their undiagnosed NPD...shocking
Never really heard of narcissism in the 60’s,70’s and 80’s. It probably was there with abusive husbands. Did the internet bring it out more with people and self absorbed or the knowledge of the internet? Grown men age 65 ish are narcissists, did they experience trauma or idolizing from parents in the 50’s and 60’s?
Narcissism was alive and well always. It was just not widely understood or talked about back then. With the internet and social media we have so much more access to information and the ability to share it than we did previously. Before, if you were living with a narcissist you probably just thought You were the crazy one and had no one to turn to for help.
Being in lockdown during Covid with a grandiose narcissistic spouse who besides manager also is an artist, was a true f*cking nightmare.
I always thought he was depressed because he missed his admiration on stage, now i know it's called narcissistic depletion. 🙏🏻
Hello 👋 how are you doing!!?
Fabulous video.....very much enjoyed the content. The ideas put forward are thought provoking. Thanks.
This was helpful very enlightening. Thank you for putting this out.
With the birth of social media, people don't have to deal with this nonsense anymore. People are happy just having their cell phone and no human interaction.
That’s a dangerous and damaging assumption. Humans are social beings. This is just as important to our species’ history as our capacity for reason, if not more so. Our nervous systems are wired for social interaction.
Even commenting this, you disprove yourself a little bit. It’s an interaction. Why comment unless you expect others to read what you are saying?
@@emilysmith2965 So
I have been thinking I could talk to her and try and get some truths and when she freaks I calmly let her know we can talk about some things or for my own healing I could put out a dating a covert narcissist video with some video clips that would screw up all her lies to others too. (Face blurred of corse). Then I watched your number 7. Hmmmm. Letting go with no explanation is hard.
This is gonna sound weird but does anyone find Richard attractive? I have to say being attracted to someone other than a narc is like blessing to me at the moment lol. I usually find very intelligent men & women attractive which he is; this is so refreshing! Sorry Richard, I still love your content 😊
People are much more selfish these days. So People dont want to help each other
From Missouri, USA. This video is "bloody brilliant"!
what can you do to push a narcissistic partner from depletion to mortification. With a view to seeking intervention?
Thank you Richard.
Remember thinking before the age of 10 and then after the age of 15; wanting another family to bring me in to be their own.
How long can a narcissist carry on this charade before the people around him see it for what it is?
Him…? 😂😂😂
Regarding my ex, I believe that his small circle of "friends" are just like him. They can each be the ultimate male, all in control, and God's gift to humanity, while socializing together. But for their own families, oh no, as they know that we are "in the know", and our homes are the battlegrounds where they wreak havoc on their victims. Their double-life is a necessity for their existence.
highly recommend the unplug-course. let the misery and drama end and start to be human (again). ✌️
Lived with one my whole life....my mother was one and the guy i married is one too...in fact i hate them and do not believe they are even human...wish i had a million dollars to get away...alas i know that aint going to happen...death is the only escape from these vermin And They Are EveryWhere!!!!!!!!
Hello from New York City🍎
Watching from New Zealand 🇳🇿
Watching from Finland❤️😍
Amazing video thank you so much🙌‼️🙏❤️🥰
Narcissism in a tribe is of course very well possible. A kid can feel rejected anywhere, in any culture, at any time. Narcissism is as old as human kind and certainly not only a product of our 'depraved' times.
They need the false self, and it is their need to uphold that that causes all the $hit!! If they dropped that, it'd be so much better for everyone.
I find all of those truths you bought out(& I have experienced them) hheartbreaking...I understand we need to really get to know someone now....But very deep within me,I feel sorry fir them and their twisted view of others...
And I am in massive debt as a disability pendioner( physical)..,was physically abused...But because I know 1 was narcissistically parentally abused...and the othe literally abused as a refugee...I just feel for them...
And ,No...I no longer have contact with either,but I care...
I still care in the sense of what made them the way they are...
It breaks my heart...
I forgive 100%..
But yes..keep away....
Honestly this planet needs healing...
Thank you...I apologise about spelling errors...It is spinal damage..I actually can spell well...
Thank yourself and all others for the work you do...😊
Most people don’t abandon the narcissist as they usually have people surrounding them since they present their false self to most people
They always have backups because they fear abandonment so much. They can't ever trust anyone, but fear being alone and discarded so they will present a wonderful, generous and kind fake persona to reel in victims/narc supply so that they always have someone. They don't want to be discarded, but they have no problem with discarding others if they threaten their fake world and expose them.
I always love the perspective you bring to the table.
I actually understand what your saying about them getting off on reactions,much appreciated 😎
Thankyou. I will tell him some of this. 84 this month. 40yrs of horror
This is one of the most important videos l have seen. Thank you Richard this is so true.
What if the tribe is narcissistic and acting also as a cult.
One of my narcs would sleep for days whenever they felt they weren't getting what they wanted from their supply. Another would rage and "punish" others for not going along with their plans for them. Sick, sick people!
Watching this from Somerset UK 👍 Thank you Richard 🙏💛
What happens when your adult child w NPD has a therapist who buys ALL that she says and enables her to cont behaviors?
Good one! Useful. Thanks.🙏🏾
Listening from Germany Cologne 🧚🏽♂
One of the best at talking about NPD . This information is GOLDEN
Of course right when you get to talking about alienation the video cut it off. Way to get my attention. I would think that alienation breeds narcism, and from my experience I can see it happening. It’s really difficult to separate social media/screens/ AI from narcissism. It is so obvious that the constant “threat” narcissistic individuals suffer from is a result of having to constantly feel the need to compete with others for resources. Sad way to live and is so damaging to the people who are victimized to such thinking. I struggle with being around people even talking about this topic because they love to throw around the word narcissism and really cannot see that, they themselves, are included. Attentions spans are slim to none. Discipline has to be cultivated. Thank you for what you do Richard 🙏 I would kill to work/study underneath you.
Marietjie South Africa
They are actually very predictable as well ..
Yes When you Fully Understand NPD 100%
The person I know could not and would not watch horror films; ride roller coasters; and slept all throughout the day. Now I know why he was so exhausted...all the lying, living a fake life and hyper vigilance made him really tired.
Yep. Afraid of the dark, so they stay out all night. Destroyed a 4 decade family business gambling and such. Sad stuff....I saw some soul peek out here and there, but quickly overtaken by this demonic stronghold called narcissism, but it's certainly as much spiritual as it is psychological.
NZ Rasta here ❤️❤️💛💛💚💚
I RECOGNIZED how my ex alway creating situation even we in the hart of our sleeping, if I pull the blanket, he will woks up like ghost and kidnape the blanket ! it's cold in Canada during the winter
Mine too
Truly informative and enlightening. Thank you.
I would have to imagine it’s incredibly difficult to develop that false self when you have so many eyes on you seeing and hearing everything. You couldn’t just say something happened that didn’t happen, everyone else saw it too. Everyone knows everything about everyone
That's why they isolate you from friends and family.
You know, I don't know about that. There are so many situations like with church rapes, family abuse, toxic bosses, corrupt politicians, etc etc, where everyone knows, but turn a blind eye and just walk the other way. At the end of the day it's about people deciding who they are. Less about oh we're less communal or isolated. If people just had their priorities straight simply because that's the right thing to do, the world would be a better place. But people aren't like that. It's always, what's in it for me? Will this good act put me in an advantageous or disadvantageous social position and what have you.
@@jordanferguson2254 that is very true my friend I’ve seen that for myself as well.
But they have a bunch of flying monkeys agreeing and nodding; and justifying most of these monsters.
@@cndytie it’s so true. I’ve even seen it in my own family it’s just hard to imagine. It’s like a tour of psychosis