I started saying" NO" noticed ppl got more malicious and nasty it was like a shock to them difficult for them to accept. 3 years later of no contact etc they are desperate for a reaction that I won't give
Is it loud like that tho?? I remember when I had to use the br at work and asked a co worker to cover me..he said very loudly NO. I front of everyone and they were smiling. I was surprised and remember wondering why he got so loud. We had just had a meeting over br breaks and thats the first time I had asked him. Anyway I think sometimes its just a simple request..and like they saw, in setting boundaries for the first time, most people tend to go overboard...
This hit so hard. The part where you talk about pretending to want to do something you really don’t want to do. Grooming me to be a people pleaser and later on in life this made me vulnerable to some pretty sadistic abuse. Thank you for this!
Richard said something about how trauma often leaves people feeling bewildered or lacking confidence in any sense of order, nothing woks. I can relate. I have been in a freeze state for 4 yeas now.
After years of therapy that didnt really help, you have given me the tools to go from surviving to thriving. Thank you doesn't convey the depths of my gratitude Richard . You're a legend !
Oh what a relief it is to be able to look at a situation/behaviour whether it is between me and me or between me and other people and say "IT'S WRONG. I DON'T LIKE IT. I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT". Thank you 🙏
To quote the late Ravi Zacharias on dualism," I've got news for you friend-- Even in India we look both ways before crossing the street because it's EITHER the bus OR me. Not both!"
Your intergrity and spirit and deep inner vision to share your own vulnerability makes you one of the greatest teachers of this time.Much respect to you!
Hey Richard, a huge shout out for the 30 day challenge that just wrapped up! Went in a basket case, came out a different person; found my old self! Much respect!!!
Excellent work, Dean! I’m so pleased to read that. I’m on day 5 and by day 2 I felt enormously different, already! It’s funny to think of Richard saying, “You must do this 5 times a day” and me wondering if I’ll find it tough to stick with it and then finding myself doing it about every 30 minutes or more, haha! My habits have changed, I’ve become spectacularly more aware of my thoughts and feelings and how they might be linked. It’s just so, so good. High five! :)
@@lisabeaumont it only gets better, l am walking proof. Stick with it, take care of yourself with rest and nutrition, and believe! Great things await Lisa, thanks for your support!
I'm in tears as I listen to this video. My life is so jacked up because my world is jacked up. I need to change the way I think so the way I feel can change. I need to be positive and healthy I need to heal.
I can't believe this is 2 years old. This is by far THE BEST description of why we need boundaries AND HOW to set them. I needed this so bad right now. So bad. Thank you Richard and bless you for sharing. 💚🙏
All this healing, shadow work, inner healing, practicing to do/say what I feel versus reacting from triggers and wounds makes me feel brave, strong and empowered to trust what I feel and speak up when it's not okay.
Richard, I began following your teaching development in early 2017. Much of my personal journey coincides with yours in uncanny ways, though unique in nuance. May you remain courageous in your work and tender in your heart because what you are choosing to do with your life is having a major, positive impact in mine and I'm sure the lives of numerous others. You matter more than you know, Mr. Grannon.....more than you know. Well done with these lessons and your developing Fortress!
Glad to hear my daily morning talk with myself before journal and tuning my dial a little more towards "selfish" is actually good for me. I wasn't so sure! 😱🙏🗽
I believe in you and in return started to believe in myself. My wake up moment was when you said - no one is coming to save you. My flashbacks were several times a day and everything triggered me. Two months of effort, attention and application of work, your work - has started to change my life. Thank you for being you and sharing your knowledge.
Hey. Thats my Line! lol I said on a friend of mines youtube channel when I realized that was holding us back, a couple of years ago..Good to see I was right then if he said it. And great minds think alike..😄😄
Thank you, Richard. I shall have more faith in myself in future. Most of my family members make up their minds about pretty much everything instantly and anyone who questions the morality of a particular decision is a troublemaker and a subject for casting shame upon. I was also relieved to hear that talking to myself out loud is not weird at all. I have done it since I was a child, as it helps to soothe me and to work through issues that are worrying me. So, I shall keep on doing it, even if others do find it odd.
Maaike Vermoen in Russia, we have a saying “khochetsya - perekhochetsya” (lol try saying this 5 times amirite) which means “what you want is silly and meaningless, you don’t really need it and soon you will forget you wanted it”. Implied meaning: you don’t know what’s good for you but I know. It’s has a patronizing connotation and basically serves to devalue your wants. It was used by my parents quite a lot 😆
I was always told when I wanted something, "just be grateful for what you have." It took me until my mid twenties to learn that gratitude wasn't acting like I didn't want something I wanted... Once I realized it I started saying thank you for everything. 🙏🏻
After years of so called spiritual bypassing and suffering in my inner prison I find this approach and methodology extremely releasing. For those still hesitant to take action - I can report from my personal experience. I am at the 30th day of healing the superego and will now come back the 30 day challenge. 10000% recommended. Now is the best time ever. I am learning so much. The beginning was harsh. However, each day it is less and less the fight I against I. It is more and more a mindful dance between the many parts of myself that I am getting to know. Let's do the right thing. Let's break through.
Thanks for your comment Sandra. Day 6 here and it's definitely feeling difficult and painful, so it is encouraging to read you saying the beginning was harsh . I've learned a lot so far but have a feeling it's going to be a lot of work to really deal with some of this stuff and really heal and come out the other side.
@@Johannastairwellstudio I did HEALING SUPEREGO course and now the the 30 DAY CHALLENGE. I have been also dealing with emotional flashbacks in parallel (PDF with instructions).
@@succytash you are courageous! I can say I have been having the same perspective up-till today, that the stuff in front of me is like a massive mountain and I wondered if I can ever climb it. I follow the 30Dchallenge course and today's exercise invites to think of the limiting stiff beliefs we are sending to our selves and how we can reformulate them with more openness and humbleness. So the more liberating and positive way would be to say, as for instance, 'I am learning to heal in my own unique way' (so it is not a huge mountain anymore, it is a journey and I am surrendering to its unique, yess at times really painful, but also inspiring, surprising, sacred... trajectory). Can you feel the difference?
I love how Richard videos went through the same process as I did - in the same time period as these videos were made. I see in the corner his newest video, created on June 6 2024, 4 hours ago and it is named "Narcissistic Torture Tears you apart". In the beginning when we realize that there is CPTSD - we will be focused on our physical symptoms, on our trauma responses - usually fawning - and we will realize that it is obvious that trauma stems from the ACE. HOWEVER we still do not see in this period - that todays triggers stem from toxic people. And it is not a matter of cutting toxic people off - because in most cases we won't be able to cut toxic people - because if we do that- we would be isolated and alone and withing trauma like we were for years already. There are so many toxic people - and we do not have money enough to run away from them every 5 minutes and to change our jobs every week. And healing the trauma means realizing that the problem with trauma stems from toxic people around us in real time - and then the next realization is that our boundaries mean in real time - that we change our perspective how we perceive toxic people. The idea is to place them in our mind in the background. And that is incredibly hard to understand how - because toxic people are toxic. They are covert - so they will appear to us as friends and as help and saviors. They will say things which will make us ashamed and guilty - they will target our moral and ethical standards and our errors and mistakes. So it will be un-natural to place someone critical and hysterical in the background and take the crown from their head and move them from the pedestal - because they bait. They hook us up to worry. Yet it is only when we learn about trauma for year or two or more - that we realize that ALL our psychological issues which we struggle - stem from us placing the toxic people in the front - we place them on pedestal because this is how we are secure of them - by having them in our view area. It will feel unnatural uneasy and strange to ignore them and their criticism - to do our job at robotic level - and place the toxic people to be nothing more than a blimp on our radar - while our energy and focus goes onto our ideas and projects. That is the only boundary that we can have with psychopathic evil monsters who are protected by the law and system - so they are not in prison/mental institutions.
The world is traumatized to a certain extent, I truly believe that, and this is the time that humankind is healing the traumas from all our lifetimes. Thank you for your work!!
great vid. Thank you, I really appreciate it. Brought a tear to my eye. 20 years with a narc, choosing the route of no conflict 95% of the time. I got trampled over. You just explained exactly what I need to do to have any hope of living a normal life. I willingly chose to live in chaos. Well then again I didn't know any other way, so instead of searching out help, it was easier just to claim that i wanted to live like that rather than admit to myself that I didn't have a clue what I was doing. Being noble and strong and good, and saying no when its difficult too, in fear of being humiliated and abandoned is a very hard thing for me to do. But I can say from 46 years of experience living in chaos with zero boundaries, being good and noble would have been been the easier softer way in the end. Ive completely crashed and burned. I'm a 6ft 100kg man that is not afraid of physical conflict, and Ive been reduced to curling up in a ball in bed hiding from the world for many years. completely mentally and emotionally and physically beaten.I'm so glad Ive found you on here. I just signed up on your website and downloaded a book you recommended, Ive started my journey out of this mess. Ive learnt more about myself today than ever before in my entire life. What you are doing is helping me so much. Thank you.
Good for you! I’m currently making my way out of an abusive relationship , was in it for almost 20 years. Can I please have the name of the book? Thanks. 🙏
I'm with a malignant narcissist for almost 20 years. This person was always promising to marry me, but never did. He even had the nerve to suggest we go for fertility treatment to conceive children, but we are still not married. He recently confessed that he prefers a relationship without intimacy and commitment. He is the worst kind of abuser because of the severe abuse that he experienced in his childhood as a result of his pathologically sick pig of a mother. Him and his twin want nothing to do with their mother. I always thought he had multiple personality disorder, but it's actually NPD.
I didn't know my ex narc was evil at the beginning. I was 19 with no clue that these types existed and how they operated. I'm glad I'm healing from deep within and creating my own philosophy to help my kids develop their own philosophy separate from mine. This is brilliant work, Richard.
I had no idea my ex spouse was capable of the things he has done. A covert Narc/ psychopath. Now, I have no idea how many decades he was having affairs, etc. He locked me out of accounts, took my money. I trusted him. I was traumatised by his physical abuse then finding evidence of affairs. I never joined him in anything immoral, he knew how to hide it. He retired, discarded me and took everything. It is common today. Easy finding new supply online for him. He plays an excellent role for new women.
Whole Spirit ...your story is my story! I lived through the same thing with my sociopathic ex husband. I’m teaching our children what is good and evil. They are seeing evil in their own father and get confused by his words and behavior with are polar opposite. They are growing in faith and creating boundaries with my encouragement. I didn’t know these types of people existed either. I believe I was married to satan. My ex continues with his facade! I pray God exposes him in a big way to save other women!!!
Thank you, Richard! Thinking of the thousand of dollars and hours I’ve spent on “therapy” over the past three years, with the result of further trauma, has me indignant. I hear you when you say that licensed therapists won’t and probably shouldn’t venture into the morality of their clients’ situations. (When you see a Christian therapist, you think that’s what you’re getting. But, that’s a hard no. 😂) What I needed, and I suspect lots of others need, is a life coach, a hand, a pen, and some paper. I wish I could take the money I’ve spent and send it to you, or a philanthropy of your choice. ❤️
Your present voice is such a force that is truly equipping humanity for evolution. No-doubt your up coming book is going to be a real gem for authentic empowerment 1💛
🙏🙏 so much good info as.always, especially this last part on choosing passivity. only one thing I disagree on this particular talk, we don't always know what we are getting Into as adults, especially for those of us with childhood trauma, which grow up constantly doubting ourselves 💙
@@Mary-zr2uy My friend , being aware of that is a good enough reason to step back and check-in with self and explore your emotions honestly at a core level. It is there where the truth resides 1💛
I started talking to myself when my ADD was so bad I literally stood in one place spinning around unable to make a decision and stick to it long enough to carry it out. I said, things like, now i am walking, now i am sitting, now i am driving to the hardware store, now im sad and stuck, now my back is hurting, etc. Then i added lists , then simple goals...and a daily routine and structure as u suggested for thriving in the lockdown . Thank u Richard.
I'm going to do this too. I have ADD and my life is chaotic. I feel like I am spinning, unable to make a decision and stick with it. All if this info feels overwhelming to me. Thank you for breaking it down into digestible bits.
I used to think all people were innately good and that it was their bad choices and past traumas that made them "bad/evil" . After being involved with a severe NPD, I know for sure that there are "bad/evil" people. Thank you for reassuring me of this reality.🤗
One of the biggest hurdles for me was the fear of the unknown, I didn't know what was going to happen to me when I stopped playing my designated role, turns out not much, except that my entire family has accommodated my desire to distance myself by distancing themselves from me, I still feel lost but it's better than feeling angry.
I hope that I can state this correctly. Family are (just) other people, who you are related to through blood, or physicality. But the illusion is that that fact gives family members a pass to be abusive. Many families choose a scapegoat. My choice was to walk away from my family because there was no benefit to being involved with them. Is that sad? Yes...but I choose that over bowing to a group consciousness which I can't (and don't want to) relate to. Lots of narcissism in my family. Gaslighting, the "winner/loser" mindset, judgments, etc.When what we desire and want from our family members is acceptance,and love. Some people and some families just aren't loving, and of course it can be generational.
Mine have/had me programmed that I can't "survive" in this world without them. But same time they empowered me a lot to serve their own egos, so I have a lot of experience and accomplishments to rely on.
This is so relevant for my life. My covert Narcissistic mother would frequently complain about my Narcissistic verbally abusive father but any time I voiced a complaint about him, she shut me down with, “He’s your father and he loves you in his way.” I never realized how among many other incidents, I doubted my own perceptions. As an adult, I’ve never felt the right or if it was appropriate to question or assert myself when someone exhibited certain behaviors. Does anyone else feel powerless as I do when people come to your house? Workmen or friends, I respond to rude behavior by freezing.
I've recently found myself talking to myself out in public which can be embarrassing. hahahaha Usually I relegate my private chats to when I'm at home where I talk to myself, my pets, the plants, and everything in general. LOL
This ties really well into my spiritual journey. 3D World is dualistic.. it just is!!.. and I can see how this method for managing the backdoor sneakiness of the ego/mind while trying to become more Zen👌Thank you xx
Richard I have to say that I personally growing up and then living most of my adult years in highly abusive environments though covert, was taught early on to be other focused. Now I think, and I am sure I am not alone in this struggle to connect to myself, and my own inner emotions. Looking for some semblance of ground and trying to right ourselves to stand against it all. I lost touch with myself and who I am here and now with this existence. Putting others first because I felt they were more deserving. Many of us have lived our lives as if in apology. Thank you for your videos and your humor that also keeps me going. If you can laugh and find that illusive silver lining that is the saving GRACE. My gratitude.
You've moral philosophy digestible and knowable. You are correct. I have a moral compass but as an empath find boundaries to be difficult. When you said that we have been condition to feel we can not say no, that resonated with me. I was trained at my mother's knee to not say no, please everyone, and do as I was told. Since my parents were upright moral people that was not a problem for me as aza child. However, I was fodder to the narcissist who chose me specifically for those reasons. My narc played into my moral up bringing and so I that he was a good but later showed his true colors. By this point in time I was in deep. It has taken me many years to free myself from this unholy bond. I am taking this time of sheltering in place to do internal work so I can live my life according to my own standards. Thank you for this wonderful lesson.
Thank you. I was in a yoga cult and they fried my boundaries with telling me to embrace "non-judgement". They were running sex trafficking on the side...
Coraticum tried and true methodology . I too was in a cult here in Australia , they used the divide and conquer method as well to gain power and control. And most of the members were people like me who had intense childhood trauma perpetrated from a N parent and so were easily manipulated emotionally because of the CPTSD. Well done you on getting out
Broken boundaries - I want to make you do something you don’t want to do and I want you to pretend you want to do this. Wow learning about this this is huge. I really appreciate you being able to put into words what is going on. Up until your channel I could only explain it in words like “they messed with my head”.
I was often taken advantage of by people and as a result, I lost my personality because I always said YES and YES to others. There were never any limits. The video gave me more clarity and context about it. When reflecting on my values years ago, I could identify good and evil. The results. I am living a much happier life. This video makes totally makes sense. Thank you!!!
Solid gold Richard. I'm on 48hr fast, will have this on repeat on the headphones doing a big walk tomorrow. Getting my strength and boundaries built up, setting intent and closer to agency a bit more with each new day. Thanks again for everything.
Maaaaan you are a blessing to humanity! I see you! And THANK YOU for doing what you are doing. We both know how needed this is in all communities! You are easy and fun to watch and easy to hear. Keep up the bang up job, good sir!🙏🏼🫶🏼🙌🏼❤️💪🏼
Seriously who else watched this video and now has a crush on Richard ??? 🤣🤣 lols!! He is so amazing the way he explains things and just the way he talks and is !! I'm now going to find it so much easier to free myself from my narc watching his channel every day! Lmaooo
I didn't think I would find someone I enjoyed listening to as much as I enjoy listening to Jordan Peterson, until I found your content. However, while I find JBP a little heavy sometimes, your videos have a lightheartedness and a hopefulness to them. I lay back on my couch on a Sunday afternoon, close my eyes and listen, and occasionally smile. The things you say comfort me and give me hope that I will heal and find joy for life again.
35:14 😔😢 the crux of it. Demonic and without a shred of mercy to the pleading. Ever. I am full of gratitude now though Richard . Thank you 🙏 I hope you know how appreciated and valued you are 🤗 this gift you are giving that is so helpful and healing to us teaches us not only moral compass consequences but the gift of generosity . Fortress is my new normal . Hand is my new normal . I will never ever be balled up in a corner again. I will never ever get it wrong again. I’m already seeing it and making the appropriate rejections . It’s a fair bit for me as it’s a lifetime of it but I know consistency is key 🔑 it’s happening. Thank you!!!!! 🤗
In my humble opinion, it's your intuition and your gut that will lead you to what's right and what's wrong. If you can start to tune into its voice, become familiar with what it sounds like, help it to grow louder and more confident, your intuition will almost never lead you astray. It will tell you clearly what's ok and what's not ok for you.
Great discourse, thankyou for your work. Goodness is inherent in the human being. Let Love be thy guide. Trauma suffered from people that have turned their back on goodness as a strategy to fortify their ego from the feeling of vulnerability is what leads us astray. The greatest human asset is open-hearted vulnerability, full-feeling enjoyment of the life-force coursing through our bodies. This vulnerable sensitivity does not mean we become an exploitable pushover, it is an artful exercise of remaining open with strength. It is a heroic gesture. Be the lion, not the wounded gazelle. Best wishes to all in your journey.
That was amazing. I have had difficulty explaining to friends who haven’t experienced trauma that boundaries are key, this educates both sides of the spectrum.Thank you thank you for articulating the subject area so eloquently . X
Yup I identify with this from having a controlling Father that was highly critical and at times physically and emotionally abusive. A Mother who was absent from boundaries in protecting herself from this . I grew up believing I was a bad person and I was the source of the problem , a problem child. Leading me to make poor life choices and that life happens to me and a victim of external sources. It creating self doubt and belief of myself and holding others accountable when things went wrong because I was without boundaries and had no clue about discernment or assertiveness. Instead would be a people pleaser and partake in things or situations that were not always for my betterment or wanted to do until things reached boiling point and then I would explode. I grew up thinking no one would like me if they really knew me. I really resonate with this .
Wow, Richard. This is the first video of yours that I have watched, and I never comment on anything on social media, but I feel like this requires a comment. In this video not only did you summarise a huge amount of complex information (including ageless wisdom), you also unpacked a seriously deep and complicated issue in a grounded and digestible way. It is obvious that you speak from experience and self education fuelled by passion. Regardless of the extent of your knowledge, it was your humility and authenticity that kept me watching. It is clear which team you are on. Thank you.
OMG!!! how mind blowing. During arguments with my hubby I would say "oh, when you do this it brings back memories and ...." my inner critic has always been horrible and mean. I'm mean to myself and always felt undeserving of love, happiness, and success but still desperately wanted those things. Its insanity. I'm just happy to have found this - I've had a feeling something inside me was broken but didn't know what.
3 minutes in and I’m crying with realisation. It seems so simple but this has been a massive journey for me, “You’re not allowed to to criticise the other person so you lose your moral system”. I grew up in an abusive house hold in childhood and have just come out of an abusive relationship, this is the first time I’ve realised how my experiences are connected. It’s been a long road to get to this point. Thank you Richard I have just come across your content recently and it is so helpful as it is bringing together my empirical realisations, as well as positive input and from friends and family and learning through Councelling. Thank you so much. 🙏
Fantastic lecture. How can people walk into a abattoir day in and day out. Hear the cries and see the pleading eyes for mercy and just keep going. The humans who inflict the pain to the animal's souls die. Over time THEY become murderers, BPD, Bipolar, PTSD, narcissists and psychopaths and fully dysfunctional. The biggest crime against humanity are born in slaughterhouses. Karma at work Sowing and reaping Your lectures are the best in this world. You truly have a gift Richard Grannon
My ex actually used to say ‘ that’s just your perception, I have mine’ oh and then ‘ and that’s ok’- infuriating devaluation from a highly manipulative person.
Apparently, his perceptions of cheating in marriage were very different from mine. And, according to him’ and that’s ok’ - I’m thankful for my strong moral compass- I’d be flailing all over life without it , I struggle being disciplined enough to try to always implement my values and principles and living them just so I don’t have to deal with the twisting feeling in my stomach that seems that follow when I don’t live from my best intentions. Defining morals, values, and principles should be taught in schools and should be the main topic of all couples pre long term commitment.
My narcissist boyfriend tried to get me to engage in illegal activity and I refused. He didn't mention it again for about a month then tried again and again I said no, and this time my no was said more sternly. For this and many other reasons, he is no longer my boyfriend. But, I am left traumatized and that's why I'm here watching these videos.
''It's me'' - I don't know how long you two were a couple, but I suppose, from what you wrote, that it was not for a very long time (perhaps a few months or a year, at the most) - which is GOOD. Because the longer you stay in a realtionship with the narcissist the worse it gets. And soon you think it just can't get any worse, but it does. So, congratulation on your strong reaction (on both occasions you mention, and probably on many more, of some other, but twisted nature) and I promise you, you''ll get over it, soon. Just don't fall in a trap, when he comes back to you and tries to get you in his trap(s), again. They do NOT change. Ever. Or better: if they do, they change for the worse! Stay strong, keep healing. Richard is among the best, around here, to help you in the process. I've had severe troubles, with a person, whom I finally recognized as a covert narcissist (the worst predator there is, they say and I agree). It took me seven years, before realizing what he was. When I finally did, I cut him off, completelly, and went no contact. After that, it took me two years (yes, 2 years) to even start healing. I felt half crazy, during these two years, almost all the time ... and totally lost. From a person, who had very strong morals and personal believes, before meeting him, I somehow became a person, who was not sure about anything, anymore. Not even about what I think or feel (yes, it was really really bad, total chaos). Well, now it's a bit more than three years, since I went no contact and I finally can say, I do feel better, more myself, again, not so confused, anymore ... much better. I guess, with time, I'll get even better (heal more), but I am perfectly sure, I'll never be the same person, ever again. He changed me. For the better. Which, sadly, does not mean, I FEEL better, now. But i AM a better person. A person, who will never again try to help somebody, who does not appreciate that help, who lies and makes up things, and always sees only him/herself, as a victim. No way. There are enough people, who do not act this way and they are the ONLY ones, who deserve to be helped. All others are just not worth it. And if you keep helping them, you soon FEEL, something is very, VERY wrong. You feel it in your guts and you feel it stronger, and stronger. You can become severly ill, if you don't stop your trying ... So, stay strong! And don't forget: You''ll be good, soon! :)
I can not believe I found you this evening. EVERYTHING you are saying makes perfect sense to me. This is where I am right now and I feel I am clawing my way back to society. I was absolutely shattered by life but now the pcs. Are beginning to fall into place. I beginning to see the light because of angels like YOU! Thank you my friend!!!
Richard I don’t know if you’ll see this your video I am watching is older…. However thank you! ❤ you have taught me so much through the CPTSD and NARC teachings over the last few months. All direct concise no fluff. You’re a blessing in my life and you make me laugh…. Which is outstanding Cuz it’s heavy stuff. Thanking God for you in my prayers 🙌🏻🕊️🔥✨
This was excellent. I think our collective 'weakness of goodness' is what has contributed to social apathy that has allowed the more aggressive narcissistic types in governments around the world to get away with allowing people to live beneath the poverty line. When is it okay to let a woman who has worked hard all her life and raised successful (tax paying) children, live in financial hardship and threatened homelessness just because she is ageing and her skill set no longer valued? When has it ever been okay to lock people up because they are stateless (refugees)? When has it been okay to see children raised in poverty and domestic violence because it's easier to pretend it's someone else's problem. Our collective 'goodness muscles' have become weak and flaccid and we as a result we are weak and prone to bullying by agenda led governments. Lots of food for thought here, Richard. Thanks as always.
I just found this channel and have been binge watching it. I have troubles and he has troubles so "we" have troubles. I am learning so much about myself and my ex and what I can do. I have benefited so much from this so far. God bless you.
436 comments most beginning with “thank you Richard” Man oh man hope you know how much you are LOVED!!! Thank you Richard, you have helped me to reveal the evil manipulator I once was, such a heavy burden to a light, now not afraid to say Woah Nellie to myself, giving myself permission to say yes or no. Putting the hammer away, tossing out the nails. A self preservation ugly way to live. I can honestly say I didn’t know, I was trying to breath. Again thank you for releasing my much hidden sick agenda. ☮️ Peace brother.
I did an online personality disorder test it came back as high in borderline trait, avoident, dependant. I feel better after working your courses, set the reminder on my phone, listen to the hypno audios etc. It's really challenging and I'm going for good enough not perfect. Feel like I'm spitting in God's face every time I'm positive or force a reframe over a negative thought, urge, or repeating a positive affirmation. So pissed off at all the counsellors and therapists for not giving me the tools to manage all this year's ago, attended therapy on and off since 2011. RG and training to be a therapist myself has been the only thing which has helped. I hope once I'm further along the path I can come back and help others. Always felt something was wrong with the world but it was my psychology AND the world. Got into Icke years ago and from there, studied ten million other subjects from there all of it helped to realise who how and why the world works, dark traid leaders big business etc. Trauma is the great awakening, been forced to reflect so much enduces an expansion of consciousness. Thank you for your vicarious time and attention keep fighting the demons of the apocalypse!
One way to start practicing morals is to attend codependents anonymous meetings. My personal experience is: it's right there where you reflect on yourself and your attitudes and actions.
I felt so validated at the end when you explained that most everyone will choose the path of "passive peace" in order to not cause a fight. I have done this a million times, over big and small things. It's contributed to my poor sense of self. When I don't stand up for anything, then who am I really. I become defined by the loudest voice in the room. Thank god, I've been working on this stuff for years, and have developed the inner dialogue and trust of my instincts/values/perception to say something when I need to.
"And what is good, Phaedrus, And what is not good- Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?" -Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values (Phaedrus, #1) Cheers Richard, brilliant as always 🍻
I have lived for most of my life under other peoples rules, not being allowed to speak of this, but pretending all is good, now I am compelled to point out the evil.
Beautifully put, love, thank you. No ability for so long to say "no" without the threat of re-instigation of the original trauma (withhold of the love, sensation of being punished, re-experience of soul loss). As a child, no ability to say no to the father, and no ability to say no to the masculine partner. No sense of 'what is true for me in this moment?" Movement into self-inquiry became the whole focus of this life many years ago. Boundaries did not need to be established, even with the awareness that boundaries were extremely absent in relationship with intimate partners. From self love, boundaries arise without judgment of anything. No subject/object reference point for boundaries because the boundaries are not established through defense of self protection, but rather from an objective truth of what is simply not kind in the moment. Very simple. Pre-thought, pre-me, pre-dualistic mind positioning. Pre-cellular memory of a trauma induced, addictive state. Beliefs are positions. We do not need any moral position in order to be free of trauma-based dynamics. We only need to deconstruct identification with the wounded ego construct. You are very handsome by the way. :) Heather
A moral philosophy is just knowing what u want and what u dont, what is ok and what is not, what makes u feel good and what feels bad within our minds, hearts and souls. This is the hardest thing to figure out for a codependent, my mind is blank since i always allowed others to tell me one way or another what is ok or not...😢
Yes!!! I hear you!!! I am doing this work shop and while I’m discovering how complex my triggers are, I think a lot of it is stemming from no being able to commit to exactly what it is I want? Anyway- just wanted to say you’re not alone!! Take care xxx
This goes along with the idea of “right concentration”. I think too often, our attention is split, especially with social media, apps, texts, emails ect. For us to build a wall, boundaries internal or external, we need to concentrate on the act of building the wall. I’ve been watching “Black Sails”, this one episode, Captain Flint starts to attack the walls of Nassau’ fort. He gets council from the former fort general, that it would take 10 months to repair the external walls, and another year for the internal walls. Both are important. Skin needs bones, and bones need skin.
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
I've talked to myself my whole life. I call it a staff meeting.
Lol
hahhhaaaaha good one!
Excellent! 😊
@@LadyMaryTalbot Me too. 👍💕
Great job
I started saying" NO" noticed ppl got more malicious and nasty it was like a shock to them difficult for them to accept. 3 years later of no contact etc they are desperate for a reaction that I won't give
Well done, if you keep working on yourself, in the near future you won't give a sh$t if they are looking for your reaction
Read the following on a RUclips comment, and love it so much I keep repeating it - 'No' is a complete sentence".
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Is it loud like that tho?? I remember when I had to use the br at work and asked a co worker to cover me..he said very loudly NO. I front of everyone and they were smiling. I was surprised and remember wondering why he got so loud. We had just had a meeting over br breaks and thats the first time I had asked him. Anyway I think sometimes its just a simple request..and like they saw, in setting boundaries for the first time, most people tend to go overboard...
@@SusanaXpeace2u so how did you deal with being triggered. Asking for a friend 🤣
Chop off their eyelids!? 🤣
Love the humor interspersed into a serious topic of discussion. Thanks 😄
This hit so hard. The part where you talk about pretending to want to do something you really don’t want to do. Grooming me to be a people pleaser and later on in life this made me vulnerable to some pretty sadistic abuse.
Thank you for this!
This was so perfect as an example
You’re a wonderful teacher ✊
Agree
He’s a wonderful *fucking* teacher 😂
🤐
The best!
Richard said something about how trauma often leaves people feeling bewildered or lacking confidence in any sense of order, nothing woks. I can relate. I have been in a freeze state for 4 yeas now.
Modern dating will give you anxiety and trauma if you don’t have a strong boundary.
Well put
@@Ana-rb7wsMore power to you. Keep going strong
Definitely
lol yuek true
It always sucked.
After years of therapy that didnt really help, you have given me the tools to go from surviving to thriving.
Thank you doesn't convey the depths of my gratitude Richard . You're a legend !
Oh what a relief it is to be able to look at a situation/behaviour whether it is between me and me or between me and other people and say "IT'S WRONG. I DON'T LIKE IT. I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT".
Thank you 🙏
💯
To quote the late Ravi Zacharias on dualism," I've got news for you friend-- Even in India we look both ways before crossing the street because it's EITHER the bus OR me. Not both!"
Perfect 😂
😂😅
Turns out that Ravi spent his life stepping in front of God's longsuffering bus.
Ha! Good one! The way I look at it is, heaven may be non-dual, but here on earth - we have contrast. This realm is dualistic by nature.
Your intergrity and spirit and deep inner vision to share your own vulnerability makes you one of the greatest teachers of this time.Much respect to you!
Here here
When my inner voice came in and was audible to me was a huge turning point.
Hey Richard, a huge shout out for the 30 day challenge that just wrapped up! Went in a basket case, came out a different person; found my old self! Much respect!!!
Day 6 here. Thanks for your comment it gives me hope.
@@succytash you can do it, please stick with it. You are worth it!
Excellent work, Dean! I’m so pleased to read that. I’m on day 5 and by day 2 I felt enormously different, already! It’s funny to think of Richard saying, “You must do this 5 times a day” and me wondering if I’ll find it tough to stick with it and then finding myself doing it about every 30 minutes or more, haha! My habits have changed, I’ve become spectacularly more aware of my thoughts and feelings and how they might be linked. It’s just so, so good. High five! :)
@@lisabeaumont it only gets better, l am walking proof. Stick with it, take care of yourself with rest and nutrition, and believe! Great things await Lisa, thanks for your support!
I'm on my 5th day and already noticing. Much love and healing Dean,
I'm in tears as I listen to this video. My life is so jacked up because my world is jacked up. I need to change the way I think so the way I feel can change. I need to be positive and healthy I need to heal.
I’m with you....I think we have been exposed to the wrong people......walk, fuckin walk away.:)
Melissa 🙏
Good luck on the journey home :)
I can't believe this is 2 years old. This is by far THE BEST description of why we need boundaries AND HOW to set them. I needed this so bad right now. So bad. Thank you Richard and bless you for sharing. 💚🙏
All this healing, shadow work, inner healing, practicing to do/say what I feel versus reacting from triggers and wounds makes me feel brave, strong and empowered to trust what I feel and speak up when it's not okay.
To world lacks goodness and needs more people to stand up for their values and be righteous against evil. 👍🏼🌷
Can't even articulate how grateful I am... Ty Good Sir!
Once again you just saved my life. . . I turned 50 today.
Proud (and very thankful) member of 💥TEAM GRANNON💥!!! Let’s gooooo!!
Richard, I began following your teaching development in early 2017. Much of my personal journey coincides with yours in uncanny ways, though unique in nuance. May you remain courageous in your work and tender in your heart because what you are choosing to do with your life is having a major, positive impact in mine and I'm sure the lives of numerous others. You matter more than you know, Mr. Grannon.....more than you know. Well done with these lessons and your developing Fortress!
“You matter more than you know, Mr Grannon” - Yes!
Yes total gratitude
Absolutely 💯 percent in agreement. Richard your videos are so enlightening and uplifting.
Absolutely.
Helping me for years now
Glad to hear my daily morning talk with myself before journal and tuning my dial a little more towards "selfish" is actually good for me. I wasn't so sure! 😱🙏🗽
I believe in you and in return started to believe in myself. My wake up moment was when you said - no one is coming to save you. My flashbacks were several times a day and everything triggered me. Two months of effort, attention and application of work, your work - has started to change my life. Thank you for being you and sharing your knowledge.
I'm happy for you🌹
Hey. Thats my Line! lol I said on a friend of mines youtube channel when I realized that was holding us back, a couple of years ago..Good to see I was right then if he said it. And great minds think alike..😄😄
@@venusbonjour9303 ok, what year was that? Maybe I wasnt the first lol
Thank you, Richard. I shall have more faith in myself in future. Most of my family members make up their minds about pretty much everything instantly and anyone who questions the morality of a particular decision is a troublemaker and a subject for casting shame upon. I was also relieved to hear that talking to myself out loud is not weird at all. I have done it since I was a child, as it helps to soothe me and to work through issues that are worrying me. So, I shall keep on doing it, even if others do find it odd.
"jij hebt niks te willen" it's the Dutch way of saying "you are not allowed to want" I heard it often during my youth.
Ge mocht dag zeggen 😅
Yes! Ours was “Askers don’t getters”, meaning, if you ask you don’t get. I mean, how arse-about-elbow is that?!
Maaike Vermoen in Russia, we have a saying “khochetsya - perekhochetsya” (lol try saying this 5 times amirite) which means “what you want is silly and meaningless, you don’t really need it and soon you will forget you wanted it”. Implied meaning: you don’t know what’s good for you but I know. It’s has a patronizing connotation and basically serves to devalue your wants. It was used by my parents quite a lot 😆
There is a similar saying in polish:children and fish don’t have a voice/say.... I grew up with this fucked up quote. Absolutely hate it!
I was always told when I wanted something, "just be grateful for what you have." It took me until my mid twenties to learn that gratitude wasn't acting like I didn't want something I wanted... Once I realized it I started saying thank you for everything. 🙏🏻
Thank you Richard, I need this so much. All the teaching that is lacking when we're growing up. You're a blessing to the world.
After years of so called spiritual bypassing and suffering in my inner prison I find this approach and methodology extremely releasing. For those still hesitant to take action - I can report from my personal experience. I am at the 30th day of healing the superego and will now come back the 30 day challenge. 10000% recommended. Now is the best time ever.
I am learning so much. The beginning was harsh. However, each day it is less and less the fight I against I. It is more and more a mindful dance between the many parts of myself that I am getting to know.
Let's do the right thing. Let's break through.
Grand rising 👍🏼
Thanks for your comment Sandra. Day 6 here and it's definitely feeling difficult and painful, so it is encouraging to read you saying the beginning was harsh . I've learned a lot so far but have a feeling it's going to be a lot of work to really deal with some of this stuff and really heal and come out the other side.
Sandra Betelgeuse what course are you doing?
@@Johannastairwellstudio I did HEALING SUPEREGO course and now the the 30 DAY CHALLENGE. I have been also dealing with emotional flashbacks in parallel (PDF with instructions).
@@succytash you are courageous! I can say I have been having the same perspective up-till today, that the stuff in front of me is like a massive mountain and I wondered if I can ever climb it. I follow the 30Dchallenge course and today's exercise invites to think of the limiting stiff beliefs we are sending to our selves and how we can reformulate them with more openness and humbleness. So the more liberating and positive way would be to say, as for instance, 'I am learning to heal in my own unique way' (so it is not a huge mountain anymore, it is a journey and I am surrendering to its unique, yess at times really painful, but also inspiring, surprising, sacred... trajectory). Can you feel the difference?
I love how Richard videos went through the same process as I did - in the same time period as these videos were made.
I see in the corner his newest video, created on June 6 2024, 4 hours ago and it is named "Narcissistic Torture Tears you apart".
In the beginning when we realize that there is CPTSD - we will be focused on our physical symptoms, on our trauma responses - usually fawning - and we will realize that it is obvious that trauma stems from the ACE.
HOWEVER we still do not see in this period - that todays triggers stem from toxic people.
And it is not a matter of cutting toxic people off - because in most cases we won't be able to cut toxic people - because if we do that- we would be isolated and alone and withing trauma like we were for years already. There are so many toxic people - and we do not have money enough to run away from them every 5 minutes and to change our jobs every week.
And healing the trauma means realizing that the problem with trauma stems from toxic people around us in real time - and then the next realization is that our boundaries mean in real time - that we change our perspective how we perceive toxic people. The idea is to place them in our mind in the background.
And that is incredibly hard to understand how -
because toxic people are toxic.
They are covert - so they will appear to us as friends and as help and saviors.
They will say things which will make us ashamed and guilty - they will target our moral and ethical standards and our errors and mistakes.
So it will be un-natural to place someone critical and hysterical in the background and take the crown from their head and move them from the pedestal - because they bait. They hook us up to worry.
Yet it is only when we learn about trauma for year or two or more - that we realize that ALL our psychological issues which we struggle - stem from us placing the toxic people in the front - we place them on pedestal because this is how we are secure of them - by having them in our view area.
It will feel unnatural uneasy and strange to ignore them and their criticism -
to do our job at robotic level - and place the toxic people to be nothing more than a blimp on our radar - while our energy and focus goes onto our ideas and projects. That is the only boundary that we can have with psychopathic evil monsters who are protected by the law and system - so they are not in prison/mental institutions.
The world is traumatized to a certain extent, I truly believe that, and this is the time that humankind is healing the traumas from all our lifetimes. Thank you for your work!!
Absolutely.. it’s why it’s so torturous
Richard on spot.....Boundaries, anytime I lowered my boundaries I would be sick for days, someone pist in my punch...❤️
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is when good people do nothing."
Like with pedophilia. Just sayin..
@@scarletsummer3526indeed Standing against all predatory behaviour
@@RavenStealstheNight United 👍🏼
Celibate and no dating working on healing my inner child wounds. Mom and brother both took their life
great vid. Thank you, I really appreciate it. Brought a tear to my eye. 20 years with a narc, choosing the route of no conflict 95% of the time. I got trampled over. You just explained exactly what I need to do to have any hope of living a normal life. I willingly chose to live in chaos. Well then again I didn't know any other way, so instead of searching out help, it was easier just to claim that i wanted to live like that rather than admit to myself that I didn't have a clue what I was doing. Being noble and strong and good, and saying no when its difficult too, in fear of being humiliated and abandoned is a very hard thing for me to do. But I can say from 46 years of experience living in chaos with zero boundaries, being good and noble would have been been the easier softer way in the end. Ive completely crashed and burned. I'm a 6ft 100kg man that is not afraid of physical conflict, and Ive been reduced to curling up in a ball in bed hiding from the world for many years. completely mentally and emotionally and physically beaten.I'm so glad Ive found you on here. I just signed up on your website and downloaded a book you recommended, Ive started my journey out of this mess. Ive learnt more about myself today than ever before in my entire life. What you are doing is helping me so much. Thank you.
Gods abundant blessings upon ur new life.
@@jacinta8642 I survived! I wrote that over 2 years ago. My life is completely different now. Life is good.
Good for you! I’m currently making my way out of an abusive relationship , was in it for almost 20 years. Can I please have the name of the book? Thanks. 🙏
I'm with a malignant narcissist for almost 20 years. This person was always promising to marry me, but never did. He even had the nerve to suggest we go for fertility treatment to conceive children, but we are still not married. He recently confessed that he prefers a relationship without intimacy and commitment. He is the worst kind of abuser because of the severe abuse that he experienced in his childhood as a result of his pathologically sick pig of a mother. Him and his twin want nothing to do with their mother. I always thought he had multiple personality disorder, but it's actually NPD.
I'm so grateful to you for having created this course. THANK YOU.
I didn't know my ex narc was evil at the beginning. I was 19 with no clue that these types existed and how they operated. I'm glad I'm healing from deep within and creating my own philosophy to help my kids develop their own philosophy separate from mine. This is brilliant work, Richard.
I am trying to do the same for my son, glad you brought this up Leah.
I had no idea my ex spouse was capable of the things he has done. A covert Narc/ psychopath. Now, I have no idea how many decades he was having affairs, etc. He locked me out of accounts, took my money.
I trusted him. I was traumatised by his physical abuse then finding evidence of affairs. I never joined him in anything immoral, he knew how to hide it. He retired, discarded me and took everything. It is common today. Easy finding new supply online for him. He plays an excellent role for new women.
Whole Spirit ...your story is my story! I lived through the same thing with my sociopathic ex husband. I’m teaching our children what is good and evil. They are seeing evil in their own father and get confused by his words and behavior with are polar opposite. They are growing in faith and creating boundaries with my encouragement. I didn’t know these types of people existed either. I believe I was married to satan. My ex continues with his facade! I pray God exposes him in a big way to save other women!!!
2 lots of boundaries, external and internal. Never looked at it like that. Thanks.
Thank you, Richard! Thinking of the thousand of dollars and hours I’ve spent on “therapy” over the past three years, with the result of further trauma, has me indignant. I hear you when you say that licensed therapists won’t and probably shouldn’t venture into the morality of their clients’ situations. (When you see a Christian therapist, you think that’s what you’re getting. But, that’s a hard no. 😂) What I needed, and I suspect lots of others need, is a life coach, a hand, a pen, and some paper. I wish I could take the money I’ve spent and send it to you, or a philanthropy of your choice. ❤️
"Talking to yourself" I was born with that skill....done that all my life
Your present voice is such a force that is truly equipping humanity for evolution. No-doubt your up coming book is going to be a real gem for authentic empowerment 1💛
🙏🙏 so much good info as.always, especially this last part on choosing passivity. only one thing I disagree on this particular talk, we don't always know what we are getting Into as adults, especially for those of us with childhood trauma, which grow up constantly doubting ourselves 💙
@@Mary-zr2uy My friend , being aware of that is a good enough reason to step back and check-in with self and explore your emotions honestly at a core level. It is there where the truth resides 1💛
It's the last 10 minutes that's so important. You are truly brilliant Richard, I love what you do.
I started talking to myself when my ADD was so bad I literally stood in one place spinning around unable to make a decision and stick to it long enough to carry it out. I said, things like, now i am walking, now i am sitting, now i am driving to the hardware store, now im sad and stuck, now my back is hurting, etc. Then i added lists , then simple goals...and a daily routine and structure as u suggested for thriving in the lockdown . Thank u Richard.
I'm going to do this too. I have ADD and my life is chaotic. I feel like I am spinning, unable to make a decision and stick with it. All if this info feels overwhelming to me. Thank you for breaking it down into digestible bits.
I used to think all people were innately good and that it was their bad choices and past traumas that made them "bad/evil" . After being involved with a severe NPD, I know for sure that there are "bad/evil" people. Thank you for reassuring me of this reality.🤗
One of the biggest hurdles for me was the fear of the unknown, I didn't know what was going to happen to me when I stopped playing my designated role, turns out not much, except that my entire family has accommodated my desire to distance myself by distancing themselves from me, I still feel lost but it's better than feeling angry.
I hope that I can state this correctly. Family are (just) other people, who you are related to through blood, or physicality. But the illusion is that that fact gives family members a pass to be abusive. Many families choose a scapegoat. My choice was to walk away from my family because there was no benefit to being involved with them. Is that sad? Yes...but I choose that over bowing to a group consciousness which I can't (and don't want to) relate to. Lots of narcissism in my family. Gaslighting, the "winner/loser" mindset, judgments, etc.When what we desire and want from our family members is acceptance,and love. Some people and some families just aren't loving, and of course it can be generational.
Mine have/had me programmed that I can't "survive" in this world without them. But same time they empowered me a lot to serve their own egos, so I have a lot of experience and accomplishments to rely on.
Krystal Bombshell same. Focusing on goals and accomplishments now that I can be proud of, once I realized those things I did weren’t really my desire
This is so relevant for my life. My covert Narcissistic mother would frequently complain about my Narcissistic verbally abusive father but any time I voiced a complaint about him, she shut me down with, “He’s your father and he loves you in his way.” I never realized how among many other incidents, I doubted my own perceptions. As an adult, I’ve never felt the right or if it was appropriate to question or assert myself when someone exhibited certain behaviors. Does anyone else feel powerless as I do when people come to your house? Workmen or friends, I respond to rude behavior by freezing.
Richard: Slightly controversial: I want you to develop the skill of talking to yourself.
Me: There are people who don’t talk to themselves??
Einstein talked to himself
sparkleinCO Woah, he and I are so alike; sometimes I even have his hairstyle!
I've recently found myself talking to myself out in public which can be embarrassing. hahahaha Usually I relegate my private chats to when I'm at home where I talk to myself, my pets, the plants, and everything in general. LOL
I believe there is a bunch of people out there holding a phone but talking to themselves lol
@@danielemartini I should try that! LOL
This ties really well into my spiritual journey. 3D World is dualistic.. it just is!!.. and I can see how this method for managing the backdoor sneakiness of the ego/mind while trying to become more Zen👌Thank you xx
Richard I have to say that I personally growing up and then living most of my adult years in highly abusive environments though covert, was taught early on to be other focused. Now I think, and I am sure I am not alone in this struggle to connect to myself, and my own inner emotions. Looking for some semblance of ground and trying to right ourselves to stand against it all. I lost touch with myself and who I am here and now with this existence. Putting others first because I felt they were more deserving. Many of us have lived our lives as if in apology. Thank you for your videos and your humor that also keeps me going. If you can laugh and find that illusive silver lining that is the saving GRACE. My gratitude.
You've moral philosophy digestible and knowable. You are correct. I have a moral compass but as an empath find boundaries to be difficult. When you said that we have been condition to feel we can not say no, that resonated with me. I was trained at my mother's knee to not say no, please everyone, and do as I was told. Since my parents were upright moral people that was not a problem for me as aza child. However, I was fodder to the narcissist who chose me specifically for those reasons. My narc played into my moral up bringing and so I that he was a good but later showed his true colors. By this point in time I was in deep. It has taken me many years to free myself from this unholy bond. I am taking this time of sheltering in place to do internal work so I can live my life according to my own standards. Thank you for this wonderful lesson.
Thank you. I was in a yoga cult and they fried my boundaries with telling me to embrace "non-judgement". They were running sex trafficking on the side...
Omg!
NXIVM was the local brand of what you may be pointing to, in Canada/US. Some of the ringleaders are doing time now, as far as I know.
Coraticum tried and true methodology . I too was in a cult here in Australia , they used the divide and conquer method as well to gain power and control. And most of the members were people like me who had intense childhood trauma perpetrated from a N parent and so were easily manipulated emotionally because of the CPTSD. Well done you on getting out
Hopefully you got out safely
As a mother I’m very proud of you you are very strong and you have come along way. Keep up the good work son
Broken boundaries - I want to make you do something you don’t want to do and I want you to pretend you want to do this. Wow learning about this this is huge. I really appreciate you being able to put into words what is going on. Up until your channel I could only explain it in words like “they messed with my head”.
I was often taken advantage of by people and as a result, I lost my personality because I always said YES and YES to others. There were never any limits. The video gave me more clarity and context about it. When reflecting on my values years ago, I could identify good and evil. The results. I am living a much happier life. This video makes totally makes sense. Thank you!!!
Solid gold Richard. I'm on 48hr fast, will have this on repeat on the headphones doing a big walk tomorrow. Getting my strength and boundaries built up, setting intent and closer to agency a bit more with each new day. Thanks again for everything.
More power to you👍🏼
Maaaaan you are a blessing to humanity! I see you! And THANK YOU for doing what you are doing. We both know how needed this is in all communities! You are easy and fun to watch and easy to hear. Keep up the bang up job, good sir!🙏🏼🫶🏼🙌🏼❤️💪🏼
Seriously who else watched this video and now has a crush on Richard ??? 🤣🤣 lols!! He is so amazing the way he explains things and just the way he talks and is !! I'm now going to find it so much easier to free myself from my narc watching his channel every day! Lmaooo
I certainly have a brain crush !
Hahahaha....atta girl...love the sense of humour!
😂Yes he is totally likeable😂❤.
Well, this is the second video I see of him but I have to admit he is very good looking 😳😅
Don't make a teacher a flawless God. He wouldn't want that sort of fawning praise, and neither should you.
I didn't think I would find someone I enjoyed listening to as much as I enjoy listening to Jordan Peterson, until I found your content. However, while I find JBP a little heavy sometimes, your videos have a lightheartedness and a hopefulness to them. I lay back on my couch on a Sunday afternoon, close my eyes and listen, and occasionally smile. The things you say comfort me and give me hope that I will heal and find joy for life again.
35:14 😔😢 the crux of it. Demonic and without a shred of mercy to the pleading. Ever.
I am full of gratitude now though Richard . Thank you 🙏 I hope you know how appreciated and valued you are 🤗 this gift you are giving that is so helpful and healing to us teaches us not only moral compass consequences but the gift of generosity . Fortress is my new normal . Hand is my new normal . I will never ever be balled up in a corner again. I will never ever get it wrong again. I’m already seeing it and making the appropriate rejections . It’s a fair bit for me as it’s a lifetime of it but I know consistency is key 🔑 it’s happening. Thank you!!!!! 🤗
Girlonthetools Yes! Be more Wolf. 🙂
In my humble opinion, it's your intuition and your gut that will lead you to what's right and what's wrong. If you can start to tune into its voice, become familiar with what it sounds like, help it to grow louder and more confident, your intuition will almost never lead you astray. It will tell you clearly what's ok and what's not ok for you.
You are born for a Cause.
Thank you🙏🙏🙏💖💖💖🌹🌹🌹
Great discourse, thankyou for your work. Goodness is inherent in the human being. Let Love be thy guide. Trauma suffered from people that have turned their back on goodness as a strategy to fortify their ego from the feeling of vulnerability is what leads us astray. The greatest human asset is open-hearted vulnerability, full-feeling enjoyment of the life-force coursing through our bodies. This vulnerable sensitivity does not mean we become an exploitable pushover, it is an artful exercise of remaining open with strength. It is a heroic gesture. Be the lion, not the wounded gazelle. Best wishes to all in your journey.
Yet another punch in the gut. Great teaching Richard. I've tolerated way too much b's from siblings & spouse. One more step toward healing.
This is so good. Thank you, Richard Grannon, for this video and all the rest.
That was amazing. I have had difficulty explaining to friends who haven’t experienced trauma that boundaries are key, this educates both sides of the spectrum.Thank you thank you for articulating the subject area so eloquently . X
Yup I identify with this from having a controlling Father that was highly critical and at times physically and emotionally abusive. A Mother who was absent from boundaries in protecting herself from this . I grew up believing I was a bad person and I was the source of the problem , a problem child. Leading me to make poor life choices and that life happens to me and a victim of external sources. It creating self doubt and belief of myself and holding others accountable when things went wrong because I was without boundaries and had no clue about discernment or assertiveness. Instead would be a people pleaser and partake in things or situations that were not always for my betterment or wanted to do until things reached boiling point and then I would explode. I grew up thinking no one would like me if they really knew me. I really resonate with this .
Wow, Richard. This is the first video of yours that I have watched, and I never comment on anything on social media, but I feel like this requires a comment. In this video not only did you summarise a huge amount of complex information (including ageless wisdom), you also unpacked a seriously deep and complicated issue in a grounded and digestible way. It is obvious that you speak from experience and self education fuelled by passion. Regardless of the extent of your knowledge, it was your humility and authenticity that kept me watching. It is clear which team you are on. Thank you.
Thanks Richard. I don't care what Dr G said about you. You are enlightened and helping humanity progress...M
OMG!!! how mind blowing. During arguments with my hubby I would say "oh, when you do this it brings back memories and ...." my inner critic has always been horrible and mean. I'm mean to myself and always felt undeserving of love, happiness, and success but still desperately wanted those things. Its insanity.
I'm just happy to have found this - I've had a feeling something inside me was broken but didn't know what.
Love love love calling out charlatans 🙌🙌 obviously more over I love the info and help.. so practical and grounded in reality and totally doable 🙏 xx
3 minutes in and I’m crying with realisation. It seems so simple but this has been a massive journey for me, “You’re not allowed to to criticise the other person so you lose your moral system”. I grew up in an abusive house hold in childhood and have just come out of an abusive relationship, this is the first time I’ve realised how my experiences are connected. It’s been a long road to get to this point. Thank you Richard I have just come across your content recently and it is so helpful as it is bringing together my empirical realisations, as well as positive input and from friends and family and learning through Councelling. Thank you so much. 🙏
Fantastic lecture.
How can people walk into a abattoir day in and day out.
Hear the cries and see the pleading eyes for mercy and just keep going.
The humans who inflict the pain to the animal's souls die.
Over time THEY become murderers, BPD, Bipolar, PTSD, narcissists and psychopaths and fully dysfunctional.
The biggest crime against humanity are born in slaughterhouses.
Karma at work
Sowing and reaping
Your lectures are the best in this world.
You truly have a gift Richard Grannon
My ex actually used to say ‘ that’s just your perception, I have mine’ oh and then ‘ and that’s ok’- infuriating devaluation from a highly manipulative person.
Apparently, his perceptions of cheating in marriage were very different from mine. And, according to him’ and that’s ok’ -
I’m thankful for my strong moral compass- I’d be flailing all over life without it , I struggle being disciplined enough to try to always implement my values and principles and living them just so I don’t have to deal with the twisting feeling in my stomach that seems that follow when I don’t live from my best intentions.
Defining morals, values, and principles should be taught in schools and should be the main topic of all couples pre long term commitment.
Richard Grannon is the best!
My narcissist boyfriend tried to get me to engage in illegal activity and I refused. He didn't mention it again for about a month then tried again and again I said no, and this time my no was said more sternly. For this and many other reasons, he is no longer my boyfriend.
But, I am left traumatized and that's why I'm here watching these videos.
Bravo ! You are on your way. Keep up the good work. blessings as you move forward.
Well done for doing the right thing and rescuing yourself in the long run
''It's me'' - I don't know how long you two were a couple, but I suppose, from what you wrote, that it was not for a very long time (perhaps a few months or a year, at the most) - which is GOOD. Because the longer you stay in a realtionship with the narcissist the worse it gets. And soon you think it just can't get any worse, but it does. So, congratulation on your strong reaction (on both occasions you mention, and probably on many more, of some other, but twisted nature) and I promise you, you''ll get over it, soon. Just don't fall in a trap, when he comes back to you and tries to get you in his trap(s), again. They do NOT change. Ever. Or better: if they do, they change for the worse! Stay strong, keep healing. Richard is among the best, around here, to help you in the process.
I've had severe troubles, with a person, whom I finally recognized as a covert narcissist (the worst predator there is, they say and I agree). It took me seven years, before realizing what he was. When I finally did, I cut him off, completelly, and went no contact. After that, it took me two years (yes, 2 years) to even start healing. I felt half crazy, during these two years, almost all the time ... and totally lost. From a person, who had very strong morals and personal believes, before meeting him, I somehow became a person, who was not sure about anything, anymore. Not even about what I think or feel (yes, it was really really bad, total chaos). Well, now it's a bit more than three years, since I went no contact and I finally can say, I do feel better, more myself, again, not so confused, anymore ... much better.
I guess, with time, I'll get even better (heal more), but I am perfectly sure, I'll never be the same person, ever again. He changed me. For the better. Which, sadly, does not mean, I FEEL better, now. But i AM a better person. A person, who will never again try to help somebody, who does not appreciate that help, who lies and makes up things, and always sees only him/herself, as a victim. No way. There are enough people, who do not act this way and they are the ONLY ones, who deserve to be helped. All others are just not worth it. And if you keep helping them, you soon FEEL, something is very, VERY wrong. You feel it in your guts and you feel it stronger, and stronger. You can become severly ill, if you don't stop your trying ...
So, stay strong! And don't forget: You''ll be good, soon! :)
I can not believe I found you this evening. EVERYTHING you are saying makes perfect sense to me. This is where I am right now and I feel I am clawing my way back to society. I was absolutely shattered by life but now the pcs. Are beginning to fall into place. I beginning to see the light because of angels like YOU! Thank you my friend!!!
I've done this and found strength to end my relationship. Was tough, my boundaries were being broken, but I've done it now. Thank you xxx
Richard I don’t know if you’ll see this your video I am watching is older…. However thank you! ❤ you have taught me so much through the CPTSD and NARC teachings over the last few months. All direct concise no fluff. You’re a blessing in my life and you make me laugh…. Which is outstanding Cuz it’s heavy stuff. Thanking God for you in my prayers 🙌🏻🕊️🔥✨
This was excellent. I think our collective 'weakness of goodness' is what has contributed to social apathy that has allowed the more aggressive narcissistic types in governments around the world to get away with allowing people to live beneath the poverty line. When is it okay to let a woman who has worked hard all her life and raised successful (tax paying) children, live in financial hardship and threatened homelessness just because she is ageing and her skill set no longer valued? When has it ever been okay to lock people up because they are stateless (refugees)? When has it been okay to see children raised in poverty and domestic violence because it's easier to pretend it's someone else's problem. Our collective 'goodness muscles' have become weak and flaccid and we as a result we are weak and prone to bullying by agenda led governments. Lots of food for thought here, Richard. Thanks as always.
The title says it all. Every time I cross my boundaries, 100%, I regret it every time.
the road less travelled. lonely on the path to rightousness. thank you for this video.
Bravo. A mighty fortress in beliefs, moral philosophy, and values.
I just found this channel and have been binge watching it. I have troubles and he has troubles so
"we" have troubles. I am learning so much about myself and my ex and what I can do. I have benefited so much from this so far. God bless you.
People should have this sort of thing as standard in high school education. Great work!
436 comments most beginning with “thank you Richard”
Man oh man hope you know how much you are LOVED!!!
Thank you Richard, you have helped me to reveal the evil manipulator
I once was, such a heavy burden to a light, now not afraid to say Woah Nellie
to myself, giving myself permission to say yes or no. Putting the hammer away, tossing out the nails. A self preservation ugly way to live. I can honestly say I didn’t know, I was trying to breath. Again thank you for releasing my much hidden sick agenda. ☮️ Peace brother.
This is the video that has just lead to “my moment” where it has all made sense. Literally it’s been as simple as that
Thanks for this, Richard. The world needs to hear this.....like yesterday !!!
OMG! I love him for the “…you’ll piss in the punch” analogy. Grannon is divine.
I’ve spent the entire afternoon going through this series. Thank you. Deeply and profoundly-thank you.
I did an online personality disorder test it came back as high in borderline trait, avoident, dependant. I feel better after working your courses, set the reminder on my phone, listen to the hypno audios etc. It's really challenging and I'm going for good enough not perfect. Feel like I'm spitting in God's face every time I'm positive or force a reframe over a negative thought, urge, or repeating a positive affirmation. So pissed off at all the counsellors and therapists for not giving me the tools to manage all this year's ago, attended therapy on and off since 2011. RG and training to be a therapist myself has been the only thing which has helped. I hope once I'm further along the path I can come back and help others. Always felt something was wrong with the world but it was my psychology AND the world. Got into Icke years ago and from there, studied ten million other subjects from there all of it helped to realise who how and why the world works, dark traid leaders big business etc. Trauma is the great awakening, been forced to reflect so much enduces an expansion of consciousness. Thank you for your vicarious time and attention keep fighting the demons of the apocalypse!
Yeah, I didn’t think you could do it again. Once again you blew my socks off!
One way to start practicing morals is to attend codependents anonymous meetings. My personal experience is: it's right there where you reflect on yourself and your attitudes and actions.
Thank you..you've been helping me heal and deal for the last couple years...the flashbacks can be hell some days.
I felt so validated at the end when you explained that most everyone will choose the path of "passive peace" in order to not cause a fight. I have done this a million times, over big and small things. It's contributed to my poor sense of self. When I don't stand up for anything, then who am I really. I become defined by the loudest voice in the room. Thank god, I've been working on this stuff for years, and have developed the inner dialogue and trust of my instincts/values/perception to say something when I need to.
Always look forward to your lessons and seeing your bright sunny face :) hope you are well. Blessed be ❤️
"And what is good, Phaedrus,
And what is not good-
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?"
-Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values (Phaedrus, #1)
Cheers Richard, brilliant as always 🍻
I have lived for most of my life under other peoples rules, not being allowed to speak of this, but pretending all is good, now I am compelled to point out the evil.
Beautifully put, love, thank you. No ability for so long to say "no" without the threat of re-instigation of the original trauma (withhold of the love, sensation of being punished, re-experience of soul loss). As a child, no ability to say no to the father, and no ability to say no to the masculine partner. No sense of 'what is true for me in this moment?" Movement into self-inquiry became the whole focus of this life many years ago. Boundaries did not need to be established, even with the awareness that boundaries were extremely absent in relationship with intimate partners. From self love, boundaries arise without judgment of anything. No subject/object reference point for boundaries because the boundaries are not established through defense of self protection, but rather from an objective truth of what is simply not kind in the moment. Very simple. Pre-thought, pre-me, pre-dualistic mind positioning. Pre-cellular memory of a trauma induced, addictive state. Beliefs are positions. We do not need any moral position in order to be free of trauma-based dynamics. We only need to deconstruct identification with the wounded ego construct. You are very handsome by the way. :) Heather
I have a feeling this could be the beginning of something really wonderful...Thank you
A moral philosophy is just knowing what u want and what u dont, what is ok and what is not, what makes u feel good and what feels bad within our minds, hearts and souls. This is the hardest thing to figure out for a codependent, my mind is blank since i always allowed others to tell me one way or another what is ok or not...😢
Yes!!! I hear you!!! I am doing this work shop and while I’m discovering how complex my triggers are, I think a lot of it is stemming from no being able to commit to exactly what it is I want? Anyway- just wanted to say you’re not alone!! Take care xxx
This goes along with the idea of “right concentration”. I think too often, our attention is split, especially with social media, apps, texts, emails ect. For us to build a wall, boundaries internal or external, we need to concentrate on the act of building the wall. I’ve been watching “Black Sails”, this one episode, Captain Flint starts to attack the walls of Nassau’ fort. He gets council from the former fort general, that it would take 10 months to repair the external walls, and another year for the internal walls.
Both are important. Skin needs bones, and bones need skin.