Just found out I have CPTSD at 40 yrs old and I wasn't having panic attacks, I was having Emotional Flashbacks... Watching this in tears mate. Thank you.
I found myself laughing out loud to a stand up comedy set I was watching on RUclips. That’s not happened in a while! Caught me by surprise but what a joy.
Thank you for all the work that you do. Literally who else do you know who posts daily content often times an hour long just for free and who maintains such a degree of consistency and quality. It's a gift that keeps on giving, one of my favorite and interesting channels to follow.
*BUMP* yessssss I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumble upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now!!
@@churchtroll I started off following a number of channels on narcissism but I have lost interest in many (they are focused on dealing with narcissists and less on dealing with yourself) and have gravitated to listening to Richard and, Sam Vaknin as well, because the discussions are deeper and more philosophical.
Rage and anger are better than despair. There is no healthy function for despair. Some of us have to work up to healthy rage and anger to begin healing. Thank you for the work you do.
Also, you don’t have to forgive. All this forgiveness bullshit, it’s garbage. Some people can never be forgiven, esp if they’ve never even tried to apologise or repair the damage they did.
@@dotdashdotdash I think just start with forgiving yourself for allowing the abuse, and for not knowing. It's not about others, it's about how you relate to and interact with yourself. Send some compassion inwards.
Launa Casey whilst I completely agree with self compassion, I absolutely did not “allow” the abuse. There was no consent. That word may be right for you but I don’t think it fits for most childhood trauma.
The core wound of parental rejection is behind all of our CPTSD. As infants when we suffer from attachment trauma it causes fear in humans because if we are not loved we wont be taken care of and we might die. When our primary carer is also verbally and physically abusing us it causes blind hopeless terror and obsessive compulsive people pleasing behaviour and the need to fix everyone and everything. If we can get these feelings to surface and connect to our conscious mind with the reason behind them, I call it a feeling realisation, then that is the beginning of the end of CPTSD. I say beginning of the end because after this you will have to deal with anger and letting it all go, that need for justice, you'll have to find a way that allows you to achieve that. In recent months that is what I have experienced. I worked on getting what was in my subconscious to surface (using affirmations) then had to work on how to forgive to set myself free from it all once and for all. I suppose this is what Pete Walkers methodology aims at achieving, getting the core feelings in our subconscious to surface so we can become aware of them, acknowledge, validate, grieve and finally be free of them. This is what all victims of abuse need to heal and to finally be free.
"What if the screaming voices in your head are lying? What would happen if you questioned it or screamed back?!" That was one of the best advice I've ever got for a counselor couple of years ago,at that time I thought that I couldn't be helped. Excellent video! Thank you 🙏
I´m using Cancel, cancel. And than positive cheerleader/positive parent voice. And touching fingers like during meditation. .... . It´s great. It worth the work, guys. Fingers crossed for you all. :-)
I have been doing this for over a year now. In the past, I would literally go into my very private backyard, away from “them”, and have a serious go at that voice. I used to believe that everyone had this obnoxious voice in their head. 😳. What a stunner to discover that’s not the truth. Eyes wide open now. I can honestly say, It only happens sporadically these days. Thank goodness. It happens only when I am seriously triggered, now days. I find it ironic that I learned a saying from “them” decades ago. “Better to part in anger, than not at all.” ❤️✌️❤️
I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumbled upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now! Thank you for the resources and methods you give to us freely! I've been dying for 48 years. I was the scapegoat...two narcissistic parents. No Contact for a few years, and only very limited contact for many, many years. But I couldn't get the Inner Critic out of my head and couldn't stop feeling like I'm in a war zone. I've learned so much, why I attract narcissists and codependent people, Boundary Crossers. BCs are everywhere...omg. Now, I read them pretty quickly and set boundaries. I just don't want to continue living wounded, but to come out of the scars and thrive. Thank you!
This is great. Very useful. Funny story: a couple years ago, I dove into befriending my inner critic, using guided meditation. The critic's voice began to change. Instead of calling me lazy or useless, he started giving me rational feedback - things that are true, like "You suck at fixing cars," or "You have terrible handwriting." I found that, just like external feedback, it wasn't painful if it was true. It's the inner critic's lies that cause me pain. I can accept my actual faults. I have no interest in fixing cars.
Man Richard I hope you see my comment. I just wanted to say, parts work has changed my life the few times I’ve done it. But your info is like parts work 2.0. I’ve been meaning to get Pete’s book and now I’m definitely going to. Out of all the psychology and metaphysics and philosophy I’ve sifted through, yours is truly grounded and wholistic. The last year has been like my entire life of trauma on crack in a short condensed period of time, and I finally find myself completely dismantling despite having thought I was doing okay and managing. People seek me for zen advice and psychological wisdom but I am on my knees at this point. I’m so fucking grateful for your work as I am actively doing it and I’m already noticing a difference very very fast. Keep doing this shit! Please and thank you. I hope you sleep well at night, knowing that you are a light in the dark. Be at peace my friend
This will sound kinda crazy... I used to say DELETE out loud when I would realize I was talking shit to myself, in my head. I got the idea from seeing someone do a pattern interupt to quit smoking. They would snap a rubber band on their wrist to distract them from wanting a cigarette. I settled for saying DELETE or STOP out loud and then would deliberatly think of something that made me happy. Now Im kinda looking forward to yelling at the people that did me dirty, back when I was little. Ive never gotten to do it IRL so it may be pretty cathartic.
Wow!! Earlier today I shut up my inner critic, he was telling me to apologise to other people for being mean, but I told him to get out of my head!! He left.
Problem with communication and interaction with inner critic is the same as for communication with predatory personalities like narcs. We enter into Shared fantasy - even when we try to block it. Especially when we fight it. It is counter-intuitive and this is what keeps us trapped in trauma. Jung said What we resist, will persist. The solution is to change our perspective on it - and see it as annoyance, acknowledge inner critic and toxic people as part of life and let it be in the background while our focus shifts into our energy and our tasks.
What a beautiful, brilliant revelation when you asked the inner critic what use it is to repeat the same 44 message. It doesn't have an answer, because it's a recording. Wow...See this is just one of the ways my humble, humble self believes in you, because you present information we are supposed to already know in new, eye opening, exciting ways.
Add ways to "ground" yourself for when the grief & rage become so extremely overwhelming...you are forced to take some type of action. Drinking/drugging...cutting...breaking things...eating disorders...There's an endless list of ways we try to COPE. It takes time to heal and I needed ways to get out of the flashback, to "get out of my head" so I could deal with and process just a part of it. 100 gallons instead of the tsunami. Thank You Richard...
Constantly doing this for one’s self protection, I believe it doesn’t allow the pain and stress to manifest. With no pain or stress, no need for the 4-Fs. Which are damaging to one’s self. Self parenting, protecting your inner child! I pray I am interpreting this correctly! If I am, this already gives me hope! Thank you. 🙏
At the risk of being thought of as a know it all, cuz I don’t, Gratitude was equally important. And finally, I’m grateful to have an opportunity to learn from @RichardGrannon
Been following you since 2017 but its only now in 2021 after am i able to understand what you saying.the trauma had numbed me so much . Now the tears are unstoppable. Thanks Richard.
"...it's not even like artificial intelligence, it's a recording." Never a truer word...that was my mistake; giving the inner critic undue importance. There's no doubt that thoughts are powerful. They are the software by which we enslave or free ourselves. My experience validates the idea that the inner critic eventually shrinks into insignificance. I wasn't as effective with part two, good reparenting, but I became very good at embodying that role for my sister, another self-attack expert. So good that I've had to become kinder to myself to remain congruent with the way I treat her.
I had hypnosis to take me back to the first memory of my mothers narcistic rage, outside of myself i said to myself 'its not your fault' and laughed at the absurdity of her anger. This simple act was the start of reparenting myself, very effective for cptsd
I *KNEW* anger was a good strategy!!! I love the folded-arms philosophy response to the inner critic, I do that with actual people and it works great, I'm SO going to do that to the gollumasshole! Thanks, Richard and Pete!! ❤️💪🏻❤️
I've bought his book today morning. Actually I have been using Shut Up method for last 6 years and it works well for me. I also used to visualise an ugly dwarf with red nose sitting on the top of my shoe and each time my inner critic started I just kick him hard and then I laugh or just smile to myself. Worked well too.
About a year ago, I tried to nail down the exact wording of the critic, instead of just a feeling, and came up with: "I'm a POS on the sidewalk." Only today, I started wondering, why the sidewalk? My first memory in life is me partly lying on the sidewalk in the sunshine watching a few ants go by and feeling good. Now how can that small child be a POS? Big breakthrough dear sir. Tears of joy. There are symbols and recordings, and we can separate from these.
I love "get thee behind me Satan" its helped me laugh and enforce the back the hell off state of mind. The child feeling completely abandoned and alone was the despair that kept hooking me. Thankyou so much.
Giving ones self the permission to have a open and honest two way discussion with oneself is an excellent way to resolve dichotomy.. Thank you Sir Walker for your you're generosity and to you Sir Richard for your energy on providing a simplistic solution🎯
Thank you Richard and Pete Walker for this.I have been in therapy before and thought I had worked though this but with two Narcissistic relationships it has reactivated and has become quite nasty. These are great tool for fighting back and start hearing our true inner voice that has our welfare in mind.
I am so good at ignoring the issue at hand, this is the light in my forest. Thank you, Richard. And as for your crossed finger reminder my friends, don't be ashamed of God; He won't be ashamed of you.
This so very helpful. However, as a child my anger was deemed unacceptable so I learned to not show it. Obviously this took its toll. Now I have to learn how to express my anger.
Fascinating and powerful stuff!! Thank you Richard and thank you Pete Walker! Last week I caught my inner critic off guard. It was chastising me when I was sitting down to write and unusually, I recognised what was happening and shouted 'SHUT THE FU**K UP! YOU DON'T GET TO SPEAK TO ME!' and it fecked off right away :) Most of the time I don't realise when it is my inner critic. Starting HTSE course this week. I'm gonna kick it's ass for as long as it takes.
A great metaphore for inner critic is Saruman eating king of Rohan from inside. And how the king changes when released from a spell and whispers of Wormtongue... good to imagine we release from the spell too :)
Richard! This is so bazaar as I took on this exact strategy and it helped but then inevitably the "inner child" would return. After YEARS of struggling with it I tried a more "Zen" approach and learned to accept my Inner Child and comfort it (make it feel safe). The approach actually brought back wonder and joy that I thought I would never see again. / This was a whole process in and of it'self but the results where permanent. Is it possible that different approaches for different folks? The Zen method was WAY harder as well as it took a level of honest & self reflection (meditation) that I think most people would struggle with. Food for thought buddy. Love your work! My favorite on RUclips btw. Cheers!
You're right different approaches work for different people. After years of working on healing I found using a combination of Louise Hay's positive affirmations and Eckhart Tolle's methods of meditation worked for me. It brought up all the trauma in my subconscious to my awareness and in this way I was able to work through them and dissolve them away.
See what Richard Schwartz, founder of internal family systems says on this. The most humane and helpful approach I’ve ever come across. That inner critic is a part of you, literally a ‘part’ within the internal family of parts we all have. Your experience is universal and it’s brave of you to share.
Thank you, really good that the Fortress mental health protection system exists and great that Pete Walker has contributed in this way. CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving really helped me, you quoted it so often I bought and read it despite being unable to focus and concentrate on any other books at the time. Your work is going from strength to strength and continues to provide much needed actionable information in an accessible way. I am so looking forward to reading your book. Truly grateful for all you do.
Thanks RG! Improving my English since I am not a native speaker. So, I'll be starting to read "From surviving to thriving" next week!!! Excellent information on this disidentification process.
When you said the inner critic is a recording it makes me think back to the 90s with John Bradshaw talking about recordings/tapes. The tapes keep playing in your head. It's nice to be able to tie what I learned in the 90s in with what you say some 20-ish years later.
Now this is getting fun! I'm travelling back to all kinds of scenarios and sticking up for myself like it's real! The tone of my voice comes out deeper and more authoritative and I love it! Thank you for sharing this gift and thank you to Mr. Walker, as well! Me and my little consciousness time machine! Weeeee! 🤣😂🧚♀️
I've been doing this for a while now but didn't think of it as reparenting, more like ruminating but stuff happen doing it. I changed my old reactions of letting a bossy person take control to being disgusted of their behavior, attitude and I knew it was a healthy response! I know I will stop being attracted to bullies continuing on this path and that feels great. At times I am pissed that I have to interact with them now and then but I chose to think of it as lessons, like little tests on my way. Ok, one more test, how did I handle it at that time? What did I feel, how did I act or did I choose not to act/react because I actually was in control. I get tired of the bullshit but I'm tired period from burnout so it's just one more brick to carry around. At least I have so much higher hope in my future social life from doing his psycho education. Thank you Richard and Pete Walker!
Thank you so much Richard. I have purchased Pete Walkers book. I have purchased the Emotional Literacy Course, which I needed in order to keep growing. I was a person that if someone asked me how I feel, I had NO idea and was even shocked to be asked, dumb founded and speachless. I'm into all of it deep! Thank you both!
thank you for pressing forward with your ministry helping those of us moving in a good direction towards a goal state living in the fullness of life but struggling to overcome fundamental damage to our psyche. thank you it's all-powerful teachings and making a difference in me along with so many others. .. then it's a ripple effect. be encouraged I'm very grateful
Telling your inner critic to shut up is potentially damaging. Why? Because that voice may be a dissociated part of you who is in pain. Instead, you may have to connect to that part and find out why it is in pain. This is true for people who, beyond CPTSD, also have significant dissociative disorders (like me). I've learned I have a dozen such parts and instead of many inner critics, I have a family of parts who are much more at peace. I used to fight the inner critics. I got me nowhere. Now I recognize them as parts of me. If you have dissociative issues, saying "shut up" is very dangerous. It's like going back to you as a child and telling the child to shut up. I love your videos but this advice bothers me. I will say that one of my parts used to act like my mother because that was the defence mechanism it adopted. That part doesn't act like that anymore. For all my dissociated parts, I have identified the pain they hold from childhood and transmuted the energy associated with it for healthy purposes.
Exactly! I prefer IFS approach. All parts have to be heard, integrated and never tell 'shut up'! But it can be done only when someone has strong adult part. It is long process but with compassion and understanding it is possible to go through defenders to the core (inner child).
@@joannanew3847 You explained that so much more succinctly than me! As you say, it's a long road. Being the adult part, I had to firstly realize that and then become strong in myself. I swear that the parts were all "in on it", revealing things to me slowly enough that I could handle it all.
Hellp Mr. Grannon, I thank you for your valuable contribution. I still have two questions though that are really bugging me: 1. What if your toxified Super Ego already got to a point where it is able to force you to do things just because you want to show it that you are 'boss' but you weirdly and VERY unpleasantly have a strong feeling that the super ego will win and that you are weak? I hope I could communicate my point somewhat intelligible, but in a nutshell: How does one deal with a hyper intelligent psychopath of a super ego within whose attempts o humiliate are so frighteningly on point that I begin to feel I have another (demonic person) inside me? It really feels and behaves like a person, not just recordings, it is so crazymaking... This literally drives me crazy... 2. And kind of a similar question: What happens if this psychopath in my head has either made me lose to it 'miraculously' in the sense that it made me do something very difficult and unlikely just to make me lose and feel humiliated OR even worse: it tells me something uncomfortably challenging and something in THE OUTSIDE WORLD happens exactly as it wanted it to occur just so that i become very nervous and fail!!! HHOW CAN THIS BE??? THIS VOICE SOMETIMES REALLY FEELS LIKE IT HAS INFLUENCE ON THE WORLD JUST TO HUMILIATE ME? IS THIS STILL CPTSD OR HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO SONETHING WORSE?? :(
I think I’ve partially adopted this by speaking to myself in the kind way my girlfriend would speak to me. I thought I was a bit loopy for doing this but now after your video I know I need to take it further and develop the protective side.
At about 17:16, it would have helped to have you give a reminder(it is a lot of stuff coming at some of us! I was adopted by parents who didn't know how to love unconditionally, + being adopted you have no real mirrors for yourself as you go through childhood-it is very lonely for a lot of us. And I had/have ADHD, so they thought I wasn't intelligent.) "Remember, these thoughts are coming from how your parents loved you etc" This is fantastic btw.
Yesterday while having emotional flashbacks- I pictured the traumatic incident as an old vhs recording. I prayed with a friend that I might put it back on the memory shelf and pick another tape. It gave me some relief. When my inner critic reared her ugly head later that day- I tried to run away from her from within. As you might guess, I simply ran in circles. Next time this happens- I think I'll picture the giant OZ face and motion with my hands that I am pulling the curtain open or maybe just click my heels together when the rage recording kicks in. Thanks for the enlightening vid.
Yes, I have done that in my imagination...have done that so many times until these emotions and feelings were gone and now I do not have any of these trigers....It was loooong tough journey, but worked for me, so it can work for others too ☀💖🤗
This is great! When I created "ideal parent" few monts ego, I spontaneously had the experience of reliving my past in my childhood and I got so mud at my father who beat me, I beat him up .I was there in two forms: child and adult me. I was wondering afterwords if this was good or bad? But it felt good, so I assumed it was ok! Thank you Richard, you are a life saver!!!
@@suzanahas4740 you can do it ! go deep inside, remember something from your childhoo,something small,anything, the memories will come more and more!my poor bustard is also dead, it dosn´t matter because your unconscious don´t know the difference . just go there and smash his nose!
christina czarnecki You made me laugh. I tried, but it made me cry... I only feel compassion for him... I have a different understanding of the whole situation now... as a kid he was beaten regularly..his mom was asking him to read the Bible while he was kneeling on the walnut hard outer shells, so his father would get back from war alive... he became alcoholic later in life and hatred his parents vehemently...especially his mom..and he was projecting his fury on us..especially on my mom..
Just now,I'm reading Pete Walker's book on Cptsd and working on my toxic patterns of childhood, the road is a hard one but Pete's book is encouraging 🙏 Though, I heard about shrinking the critic after watching Richard's videos, thank you, Richard🙏After that,I've begun digging into information and one Russian psychologist and psychotherapist talked about Pete Walker's book on her channel, a pity I haven't found this book earlier, really helpful 👍🌹
Richard, it is extremely beautiful your approach to the subject matter.. I can really feel it..what is happening in here is that people are starting to integrate themselves into their normal routines after surviving the Pandemic and they realize that they are overweight, they smoke too much, they drink too much alcohol, they shop too much,etc, etc and they realize that now.. now..as they look around and see something different and in good physical condition around them. Pure insanity.. this adjustment period..really.. I am so sorry for the chaos .. Thank you, so much Richard.
Unfortunately ,the good people are super critical of themselves. And the evil people have no inner critic. I am scolding my inner critic to stop overeacting.
Brilliant idea to question the critic because that's what narcs do..... totally depend on you yet they try and annihilate you at the same time which you'd have thought would have not been to their benefit - counter-productive, suicide even for them if you go down. Nice one, thank you. xxx Do appreciate the time and effort and self-revelation which goes into all your videos, you're priceless. xx Thanks again. x
This information is so useful. Being told I am dumb by my inner critic which has been instilled in me by both parents even to this very day at their ripe old age of 90 and 95! It never stops. I love you for this information, this will help me so much with my self esteem and healing.
Thanks for this. I don't have CPTSD but I am studying various mental illnesses. This was an excellent explanation and very helpful for my education on CPTSD.
I was blown away by the simplicity of the idea that I don't protect myself because my parents didn't protect me.
Parents, siblings, best friends, boyfriends. Nobody protected this child. Therefore I must not be worth protecting
Msg received
@@recoveringsoul755 now return it!!! 💪💁🏼♀️🙅🏼♀️
@@Deelitee return what, to whom? Parents are gone and I've forgiven them
@@recoveringsoul755 I just mean you are worth protecting. 🫶🏻
@@Deelitee OK thank you. You are too. I don't believe people are disposable, but lately it seems I am in the minority. Very tragic
Just found out I have CPTSD at 40 yrs old and I wasn't having panic attacks, I was having Emotional Flashbacks...
Watching this in tears mate. Thank you.
I'd have died without you. You taught me how to laugh freely , as well as live freely, THANK YOU
Mae West Me 2❤️💥🤗
+1
I found myself laughing out loud to a stand up comedy set I was watching on RUclips. That’s not happened in a while! Caught me by surprise but what a joy.
I was getting to the limit..
Nos I have hope
Thanks yo Richard
Laura Mundy yay. Laughter is the best medicine ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for all the work that you do. Literally who else do you know who posts daily content often times an hour long just for free and who maintains such a degree of consistency and quality. It's a gift that keeps on giving, one of my favorite and interesting channels to follow.
Tomas Pilgrim yep agreed. Genuinely wants to help us all heal!
*BUMP* yessssss
I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumble upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now!!
Agree...Richard is a brilliant man with an accessible side which adds to his being a truly compassionate human being💛
@@churchtroll I started off following a number of channels on narcissism but I have lost interest in many (they are focused on dealing with narcissists and less on dealing with yourself) and have gravitated to listening to Richard and, Sam Vaknin as well, because the discussions are deeper and more philosophical.
Rage and anger are better than despair. There is no healthy function for despair. Some of us have to work up to healthy rage and anger to begin healing. Thank you for the work you do.
YeZ ! Anger, is the inner being standing up for oneself !
Also, you don’t have to forgive. All this forgiveness bullshit, it’s garbage. Some people can never be forgiven, esp if they’ve never even tried to apologise or repair the damage they did.
@@dotdashdotdash I think just start with forgiving yourself for allowing the abuse, and for not knowing. It's not about others, it's about how you relate to and interact with yourself. Send some compassion inwards.
Launa Casey whilst I completely agree with self compassion, I absolutely did not “allow” the abuse. There was no consent. That word may be right for you but I don’t think it fits for most childhood trauma.
@@cbettles oh, I meant the self abuse...at some point you realize how horrible you've been to yourself, which needs acknowledgement and forgiveness.
Pete Walker is so kind and generous. And so are you. Thank you both ❤️💪
my inner critic told me: "you can´t change the past!" I told him to shut up, because I just DID change my past!!! HA!
😉😁👍💓
@@gracetoglory5020 😂👍🏼
The present changes the past based on our new perception.
The core wound of parental rejection is behind all of our CPTSD.
As infants when we suffer from attachment trauma it causes fear in humans because if we are not loved we wont be taken care of and we might die.
When our primary carer is also verbally and physically abusing us it causes blind hopeless terror and obsessive compulsive people pleasing behaviour and the need to fix everyone and everything.
If we can get these feelings to surface and connect to our conscious mind with the reason behind them, I call it a feeling realisation, then that is the beginning of the end of CPTSD. I say beginning of the end because after this you will have to deal with anger and letting it all go, that need for justice, you'll have to find a way that allows you to achieve that.
In recent months that is what I have experienced. I worked on getting what was in my subconscious to surface (using affirmations) then had to work on how to forgive to set myself free from it all once and for all.
I suppose this is what Pete Walkers methodology aims at achieving, getting the core feelings in our subconscious to surface so we can become aware of them, acknowledge, validate, grieve and finally be free of them.
This is what all victims of abuse need to heal and to finally be free.
Thank you for explaining it so well. Wishing you healing and happiness always. :-)
Don’t forget the reparenting ❤️❤️❤️❤️🔥🔥🔥❤️
@@ananita6888 Thank you I wish you healing and happiness as well. We will all get there :)
Your words resonate with me Ana. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I wish you well on your journey. We seekers will get there. We have to. M
thank you. 🎯good verbalization of this "thing ".
Pete Walker's book is the best book I ever read. Game changer
Also thinking of the inner critic as just a recording is brilliant.
Or more specifically, the toxic super ego.
Indeed!
I jumped at that. So True
"What if the screaming voices in your head are lying? What would happen if you questioned it or screamed back?!" That was one of the best advice I've ever got for a counselor couple of years ago,at that time I thought that I couldn't be helped.
Excellent video! Thank you 🙏
I´m using Cancel, cancel. And than positive cheerleader/positive parent voice. And touching fingers like during meditation. .... . It´s great. It worth the work, guys. Fingers crossed for you all. :-)
I have been doing this for over a year now. In the past, I would literally go into my very private backyard, away from “them”, and have a serious go at that voice. I used to believe that everyone had this obnoxious voice in their head. 😳. What a stunner to discover that’s not the truth. Eyes wide open now. I can honestly say, It only happens sporadically these days. Thank goodness. It happens only when I am seriously triggered, now days. I find it ironic that I learned a saying from “them” decades ago. “Better to part in anger, than not at all.” ❤️✌️❤️
Yes I thought everyone had that voice too. Very encouraging to read about your progress!
@20 20 Really is a wondrous thing to see the collective coming into itself cos that's what makes us whole 1💚
“Better to part in anger, than not at all.” - Love this. Thank you!
to realize there’s a life without this voice is so foreign but hopeful to me my gosh
Re-L you have found the right place!!! You are on a better path. Stick with us. ❤️❤️❤️
Man, you were born to bring light to people’s lives. This is brilliant.
I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumbled upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now!
Thank you for the resources and methods you give to us freely! I've been dying for 48 years. I was the scapegoat...two narcissistic parents. No Contact for a few years, and only very limited contact for many, many years. But I couldn't get the Inner Critic out of my head and couldn't stop feeling like I'm in a war zone. I've learned so much, why I attract narcissists and codependent people, Boundary Crossers. BCs are everywhere...omg. Now, I read them pretty quickly and set boundaries. I just don't want to continue living wounded, but to come out of the scars and thrive. Thank you!
This is great. Very useful. Funny story: a couple years ago, I dove into befriending my inner critic, using guided meditation. The critic's voice began to change. Instead of calling me lazy or useless, he started giving me rational feedback - things that are true, like "You suck at fixing cars," or "You have terrible handwriting."
I found that, just like external feedback, it wasn't painful if it was true. It's the inner critic's lies that cause me pain. I can accept my actual faults. I have no interest in fixing cars.
Me too. I always ask, is it true?
Man Richard I hope you see my comment. I just wanted to say, parts work has changed my life the few times I’ve done it. But your info is like parts work 2.0. I’ve been meaning to get Pete’s book and now I’m definitely going to. Out of all the psychology and metaphysics and philosophy I’ve sifted through, yours is truly grounded and wholistic. The last year has been like my entire life of trauma on crack in a short condensed period of time, and I finally find myself completely dismantling despite having thought I was doing okay and managing. People seek me for zen advice and psychological wisdom but I am on my knees at this point. I’m so fucking grateful for your work as I am actively doing it and I’m already noticing a difference very very fast. Keep doing this shit! Please and thank you. I hope you sleep well at night, knowing that you are a light in the dark. Be at peace my friend
This will sound kinda crazy... I used to say DELETE out loud when I would realize I was talking shit to myself, in my head. I got the idea from seeing someone do a pattern interupt to quit smoking. They would snap a rubber band on their wrist to distract them from wanting a cigarette. I settled for saying DELETE or STOP out loud and then would deliberatly think of something that made me happy.
Now Im kinda looking forward to yelling at the people that did me dirty, back when I was little. Ive never gotten to do it IRL so it may be pretty cathartic.
Wow!! Earlier today I shut up my inner critic, he was telling me to apologise to other people for being mean, but I told him to get out of my head!! He left.
Same happened to me in a supermarket. So odd that Richard mentioned a supermarket in this video , take care Cameron x
If we are mean to someone, they probably asked for it.
Problem with communication and interaction with inner critic is the same as for communication with predatory personalities like narcs.
We enter into Shared fantasy - even when we try to block it. Especially when we fight it. It is counter-intuitive and this is what keeps us trapped in trauma. Jung said What we resist, will persist.
The solution is to change our perspective on it - and see it as annoyance, acknowledge inner critic and toxic people as part of life and let it be in the background while our focus shifts into our energy and our tasks.
What a beautiful, brilliant revelation when you asked the inner critic what use it is to repeat the same 44 message. It doesn't have an answer, because it's a recording. Wow...See this is just one of the ways my humble, humble self believes in you, because you present information we are supposed to already know in new, eye opening, exciting ways.
The same 44 message...🤣no... I'm sorry that's just mine that's just my crazy critic! She's always giving me 44 messages when I would do!
Add ways to "ground" yourself for when the grief & rage become so extremely overwhelming...you are forced to take some type of action. Drinking/drugging...cutting...breaking things...eating disorders...There's an endless list of ways we try to COPE. It takes time to heal and I needed ways to get out of the flashback, to "get out of my head" so I could deal with and process just a part of it. 100 gallons instead of the tsunami.
Thank You Richard...
I'm learning to protect myself by cutting ties to relationships that leave me feeling worthless. We teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate.
I love that after all those years there's so much kindness and common sense in this man!
Constantly doing this for one’s self protection, I believe it doesn’t allow the pain and stress to manifest. With no pain or stress, no need for the 4-Fs. Which are damaging to one’s self. Self parenting, protecting your inner child! I pray I am interpreting this correctly! If I am, this already gives me hope! Thank you. 🙏
At the risk of being thought of as a know it all, cuz I don’t, Gratitude was equally important. And finally, I’m grateful to have an opportunity to learn from @RichardGrannon
Pete Walker's books, "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" and "The Tao of Fully Feeling" are amazing. I need to reread them.
Been following you since 2017 but its only now in 2021 after am i able to understand what you saying.the trauma had numbed me so much . Now the tears are unstoppable. Thanks Richard.
"...it's not even like artificial intelligence, it's a recording." Never a truer word...that was my mistake; giving the inner critic undue importance. There's no doubt that thoughts are powerful. They are the software by which we enslave or free ourselves. My experience validates the idea that the inner critic eventually shrinks into insignificance. I wasn't as effective with part two, good reparenting, but I became very good at embodying that role for my sister, another self-attack expert. So good that I've had to become kinder to myself to remain congruent with the way I treat her.
Ché perhaps another go????all the best. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Every day, every day...All the best to you too! @@majordeezee1659
@stevenstrumpf7 So true!
Pete Walker and Gavin De Becker have given humankind great gifts with their books.
:) Pete Walker’s book was pivotal in my recovery. Thanks for sharing his work.
Thank you Richard. Really helpful, talking back to the inner critic. Also having you as an ally when it starts, I don't think I'm alone anymore.
I had hypnosis to take me back to the first memory of my mothers narcistic rage, outside of myself i said to myself 'its not your fault' and laughed at the absurdity of her anger. This simple act was the start of reparenting myself, very effective for cptsd
Get behind the satan!
I *KNEW* anger was a good strategy!!! I love the folded-arms philosophy response to the inner critic, I do that with actual people and it works great, I'm SO going to do that to the gollumasshole! Thanks, Richard and Pete!! ❤️💪🏻❤️
Gollumasshole! :-D
I've bought his book today morning. Actually I have been using Shut Up method for last 6 years and it works well for me. I also used to visualise an ugly dwarf with red nose sitting on the top of my shoe and each time my inner critic started I just kick him hard and then I laugh or just smile to myself. Worked well too.
The visualising of any cartoonist character does not help me. I visualise THEM. I address THEM. One of them is dead and I don't mind.
Awesome!
Ugly red dwarf lol good for you 😊
About a year ago, I tried to nail down the exact wording of the critic, instead of just a feeling, and came up with: "I'm a POS on the sidewalk." Only today, I started wondering, why the sidewalk? My first memory in life is me partly lying on the sidewalk in the sunshine watching a few ants go by and feeling good. Now how can that small child be a POS? Big breakthrough dear sir. Tears of joy. There are symbols and recordings, and we can separate from these.
I love that you use humor as part of your teaching
I love "get thee behind me Satan" its helped me laugh and enforce the back the hell off state of mind. The child feeling completely abandoned and alone was the despair that kept hooking me. Thankyou so much.
Twice through so far, I'm listening again right now....
May the 4th Be with both you and Pete with gratitude 🙏
A world without freedom is not a world.
Thank You Richard. ~Peace
Thank you for your time Richard!
You flipping crack me up everytime. 😂😂🧡
☺️ Thanks for making this video! 👍
Giving ones self the permission to have a open and honest two way discussion with oneself is an excellent way to resolve dichotomy..
Thank you Sir Walker for your you're generosity and to you Sir Richard for your energy on providing a simplistic solution🎯
Thank you Richard and Pete Walker for this.I have been in therapy before and thought I had worked though this but with two Narcissistic relationships it has reactivated and has become quite nasty. These are great tool for fighting back and start hearing our true inner voice that has our welfare in mind.
Thank you Richard!!!
I am so good at ignoring the issue at hand, this is the light in my forest. Thank you, Richard. And as for your crossed finger reminder my friends, don't be ashamed of God; He won't be ashamed of you.
The last part is Awesome Richard. It's kinda... don't resist, let it dissolve on itself.
This so very helpful. However, as a child my anger was deemed unacceptable so I learned to not show it. Obviously this took its toll. Now I have to learn how to express my anger.
Thank you Richard. 💖 And a big shout out to Pete Walker too 💖
This is most helpful for where I am at right now.
Thank you so much, Pete walker and Richard, I can't express just how helpful this is right now!😊
I have so been waiting for this
Fascinating and powerful stuff!! Thank you Richard and thank you Pete Walker! Last week I caught my inner critic off guard. It was chastising me when I was sitting down to write and unusually, I recognised what was happening and shouted 'SHUT THE FU**K UP! YOU DON'T GET TO SPEAK TO ME!' and it fecked off right away :) Most of the time I don't realise when it is my inner critic. Starting HTSE course this week. I'm gonna kick it's ass for as long as it takes.
This is immensely helpful! Thank you, Richard and Pete!!!
Listening to you is helping me heal. Thank you
Richard, your pioneering spirit and courage inspire me to keep trying to heal. Thank you.
A great metaphore for inner critic is Saruman eating king of Rohan from inside. And how the king changes when released from a spell and whispers of Wormtongue... good to imagine we release from the spell too :)
Richard! This is so bazaar as I took on this exact strategy and it helped but then inevitably the "inner child" would return. After YEARS of struggling with it I tried a more "Zen" approach and learned to accept my Inner Child and comfort it (make it feel safe). The approach actually brought back wonder and joy that I thought I would never see again. / This was a whole process in and of it'self but the results where permanent. Is it possible that different approaches for different folks? The Zen method was WAY harder as well as it took a level of honest & self reflection (meditation) that I think most people would struggle with. Food for thought buddy. Love your work! My favorite on RUclips btw. Cheers!
PalaNickers Yes, I find that focusing on self compassion has helped the most.
You're right different approaches work for different people. After years of working on healing I found using a combination of Louise Hay's positive affirmations and Eckhart Tolle's methods of meditation worked for me.
It brought up all the trauma in my subconscious to my awareness and in this way I was able to work through them and dissolve them away.
See what Richard Schwartz, founder of internal family systems says on this. The most humane and helpful approach I’ve ever come across. That inner critic is a part of you, literally a ‘part’ within the internal family of parts we all have. Your experience is universal and it’s brave of you to share.
I have the book and the Tao of fully feeling x
Thank you, really good that the Fortress mental health protection system exists and great that Pete Walker has contributed in this way. CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving really helped me, you quoted it so often I bought and read it despite being unable to focus and concentrate on any other books at the time. Your work is going from strength to strength and continues to provide much needed actionable information in an accessible way. I am so looking forward to reading your book. Truly grateful for all you do.
Roots Home me 2 ❤️
Thanks RG! Improving my English since I am not a native speaker. So, I'll be starting to read "From surviving to thriving" next week!!! Excellent information on this disidentification process.
you deliver, fresh, authentic, personal experience coming from a place of peace. thank you.thank you.
Nothing is “Always” True...that helps SO MUCH!
When you said the inner critic is a recording it makes me think back to the 90s with John Bradshaw talking about recordings/tapes. The tapes keep playing in your head. It's nice to be able to tie what I learned in the 90s in with what you say some 20-ish years later.
Now this is getting fun! I'm travelling back to all kinds of scenarios and sticking up for myself like it's real! The tone of my voice comes out deeper and more authoritative and I love it! Thank you for sharing this gift and thank you to Mr. Walker, as well! Me and my little consciousness time machine! Weeeee! 🤣😂🧚♀️
Pete Walkers book www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/
His website www.pete-walker.com/index.htm
I've been doing this for a while now but didn't think of it as reparenting, more like ruminating but stuff happen doing it.
I changed my old reactions of letting a bossy person take control to being disgusted of their behavior, attitude and I knew it was a healthy response!
I know I will stop being attracted to bullies continuing on this path and that feels great.
At times I am pissed that I have to interact with them now and then but I chose to think of it as lessons, like little tests on my way. Ok, one more test, how did I handle it at that time? What did I feel, how did I act or did I choose not to act/react because I actually was in control.
I get tired of the bullshit but I'm tired period from burnout so it's just one more brick to carry around. At least I have so much higher hope in my future social life from doing his psycho education.
Thank you Richard and Pete Walker!
Education for the soul.
Thank you so much Richard. I have purchased Pete Walkers book. I have purchased the Emotional Literacy Course, which I needed in order to keep growing. I was a person that if someone asked me how I feel, I had NO idea and was even shocked to be asked, dumb founded and speachless. I'm into all of it deep! Thank you both!
thank you for pressing forward with your ministry helping those of us moving in a good direction towards a goal state living in the fullness of life but struggling to overcome fundamental damage to our psyche. thank you it's all-powerful teachings and making a difference in me along with so many others. .. then it's a ripple effect. be encouraged I'm very grateful
Telling your inner critic to shut up is potentially damaging. Why? Because that voice may be a dissociated part of you who is in pain. Instead, you may have to connect to that part and find out why it is in pain. This is true for people who, beyond CPTSD, also have significant dissociative disorders (like me). I've learned I have a dozen such parts and instead of many inner critics, I have a family of parts who are much more at peace. I used to fight the inner critics. I got me nowhere. Now I recognize them as parts of me. If you have dissociative issues, saying "shut up" is very dangerous. It's like going back to you as a child and telling the child to shut up. I love your videos but this advice bothers me. I will say that one of my parts used to act like my mother because that was the defence mechanism it adopted. That part doesn't act like that anymore. For all my dissociated parts, I have identified the pain they hold from childhood and transmuted the energy associated with it for healthy purposes.
Enlighten Scientific, this is helpful to me. Thank you for sharing this viewpoint.
@20 20 ruclips.net/video/DqWG4xC3S-I/видео.html
this is good information too. ...i think i can recognize this in myself ... thank you
Exactly! I prefer IFS approach. All parts have to be heard, integrated and never tell 'shut up'! But it can be done only when someone has strong adult part. It is long process but with compassion and understanding it is possible to go through defenders to the core (inner child).
@@joannanew3847 You explained that so much more succinctly than me! As you say, it's a long road. Being the adult part, I had to firstly realize that and then become strong in myself. I swear that the parts were all "in on it", revealing things to me slowly enough that I could handle it all.
That was wonderful. Thank you Richard. I have tried questioning my inner critic on a number of occasions and I have found it very effective.
Hellp Mr. Grannon, I thank you for your valuable contribution.
I still have two questions though that are really bugging me:
1. What if your toxified Super Ego already got to a point where it is able to force you to do things just because you want to show it that you are 'boss' but you weirdly and VERY unpleasantly have a strong feeling that the super ego will win and that you are weak? I hope I could communicate my point somewhat intelligible, but in a nutshell: How does one deal with a hyper intelligent psychopath of a super ego within whose attempts o humiliate are so frighteningly on point that I begin to feel I have another (demonic person) inside me? It really feels and behaves like a person, not just recordings, it is so crazymaking... This literally drives me crazy...
2. And kind of a similar question: What happens if this psychopath in my head has either made me lose to it 'miraculously' in the sense that it made me do something very difficult and unlikely just to make me lose and feel humiliated OR even worse: it tells me something uncomfortably challenging and something in THE OUTSIDE WORLD happens exactly as it wanted it to occur just so that i become very nervous and fail!!! HHOW CAN THIS BE???
THIS VOICE SOMETIMES REALLY FEELS LIKE IT HAS INFLUENCE ON THE WORLD JUST TO HUMILIATE ME?
IS THIS STILL CPTSD OR HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO SONETHING WORSE?? :(
Thank you! Much appreciated!
I want to thank you for helping me to get through my tough times the last couple years. Very very much appreciated. You are beautiful in every way.
Thank you for being you! Your education helps but your authenticity makes the education that much better.
Thank you from the heart Richard and also Pete. What I needed to hear and learn.
I think I’ve partially adopted this by speaking to myself in the kind way my girlfriend would speak to me. I thought I was a bit loopy for doing this but now after your video I know I need to take it further and develop the protective side.
If she reads this she’s going to be well freaked out.
I guess that’s still a bit codependent and I need to make it my own 😅😂
I do sometimes talk to my inner child as a loving supportive mom
At about 17:16, it would have helped to have you give a reminder(it is a lot of stuff coming at some of us! I was adopted by parents who didn't know how to love unconditionally, + being adopted you have no real mirrors for yourself as you go through childhood-it is very lonely for a lot of us. And I had/have ADHD, so they thought I wasn't intelligent.) "Remember, these thoughts are coming from how your parents loved you etc" This is fantastic btw.
My body started rocking in circles when listening to this, I guess I am upgrading :) forever grateful to your soul
Yesterday while having emotional flashbacks- I pictured the traumatic incident as an old vhs recording. I prayed with a friend that I might put it back on the memory shelf and pick another tape. It gave me some relief. When my inner critic reared her ugly head later that day- I tried to run away from her from within. As you might guess, I simply ran in circles. Next time this happens- I think I'll picture the giant OZ face and motion with my hands that I am pulling the curtain open or maybe just click my heels together when the rage recording kicks in. Thanks for the enlightening vid.
Just found u. Thankd so much for staying with the fortress. My life is turning around ANNND it makez sense
Yes, I have done that in my imagination...have done that so many times until these emotions and feelings were gone and now I do not have any of these trigers....It was loooong tough journey, but worked for me, so it can work for others too ☀💖🤗
And yes, when you start to make fun of those past events, you are healing for sure or you are completely above it 😆😉👍👊💖
This is great! When I created "ideal parent" few monts ego, I spontaneously had the experience of reliving my past in my childhood and I got so mud at my father who beat me, I beat him up .I was there in two forms: child and adult me. I was wondering afterwords if this was good or bad? But it felt good, so I assumed it was ok! Thank you Richard, you are a life saver!!!
christina czarnecki could you please come beat mine, too? I so much wished I could do it when I was a kid...poor bastard...he is gone now...
@@suzanahas4740 you can do it ! go deep inside, remember something from your childhoo,something small,anything, the memories will come more and more!my poor bustard is also dead, it dosn´t matter because your unconscious don´t know the difference . just go there and smash his nose!
Suzana Has is he now??? Do it anyway. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👍
christina czarnecki agreed. Well said. 🔥🔥🔥🔥❤️
christina czarnecki You made me laugh. I tried, but it made me cry... I only feel compassion for him... I have a different understanding of the whole situation now... as a kid he was beaten regularly..his mom was asking him to read the Bible while he was kneeling on the walnut hard outer shells, so his father would get back from war alive... he became alcoholic later in life and hatred his parents vehemently...especially his mom..and he was projecting his fury on us..especially on my mom..
As ever helpful, congruent & authentic - thank you
You are being so nice and friendly with your terrorizing inner voice🙂. Almost like an understanding loving friend.
Thank you for sharing Richard 🙏 this is very very important to me, cant wait to see a part two.
Very Good as always! We talk to ourselves internally, how our parents did and we need to stop it!
Just now,I'm reading Pete Walker's book on Cptsd and working on my toxic patterns of childhood, the road is a hard one but Pete's book is encouraging 🙏 Though, I heard about shrinking the critic after watching Richard's videos, thank you, Richard🙏After that,I've begun digging into information and one Russian psychologist and psychotherapist talked about Pete Walker's book on her channel, a pity I haven't found this book earlier, really helpful 👍🌹
Richard, it is extremely beautiful your approach to the subject matter.. I can really feel it..what is happening in here is that people are starting to integrate themselves into their normal routines after surviving the Pandemic and they realize that they are overweight, they smoke too much, they drink too much alcohol, they shop too much,etc, etc and they realize that now.. now..as they look around and see something different and in good physical condition around them. Pure insanity.. this adjustment period..really.. I am so sorry for the chaos .. Thank you, so much Richard.
How about giving the inner critic the finger? LOL🤣
Unfortunately ,the good people are super critical of themselves. And the evil people have no inner critic. I am scolding my inner critic to stop overeacting.
This will be my external symbolic action. 🙂
You are such a blessing Richard. I Thank You so much. Happy I found you. Praying for you!
This was super helpful. Thank you! Your hand nemonic helped me identify my flashbacks. You're invaluable Richard. 🙏
Brilliant idea to question the critic because that's what narcs do..... totally depend on you yet they try and annihilate you at the same time which you'd have thought would have not been to their benefit - counter-productive, suicide even for them if you go down. Nice one, thank you. xxx Do appreciate the time and effort and self-revelation which goes into all your videos, you're priceless. xx Thanks again. x
😊 so good and with the right amount of humour. This will stay with me, especially questioning the 'recordings' validity.
This information is so useful. Being told I am dumb by my inner critic which has been instilled in me by both parents even to this very day at their ripe old age of 90 and 95! It never stops. I love you for this information, this will help me so much with my self esteem and healing.
Hi Richard, thanks so much for all of your work and sharing with us.
Thanks for this. I don't have CPTSD but I am studying various mental illnesses. This was an excellent explanation and very helpful for my education on CPTSD.