The best mental health clinician I've been fortunate to work with (for depression and suicidal ideation) was a psychiatrist, who was extremely adept at "reading between the lines" and helping me to clarify feelings and thoughts I wasn't very good at expressing or processing. She had all eight of these attributes, and more. When she moved from the US to Costa Rica with her husband, three years into therapy, I was devastated. But after she left, I realized that she had taught me so much, and that I could function pretty well, using the therapeutic gifts she had given me. She was the greatest blessing and worth her weight in gold!
@@joanne7sb It's taken a lifetime Joanne, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had to take many years to try to figure it out. Having a counselor is great, but there's only so much you can vocalize and much of what's been experienced has been imprinted on the soul, and there's just not a way (at least that I've found) to articulate that. BTW: Thank you.
Rebecca Phillips warmth and genuineness is very important. I also think that sometimes it’s easy to expect a certain response from a therapist and when it doesn’t happen it can feel like they don’t care. Therapist aren’t our friends and have an obligation to challenge distorted thinking. Over empathetic therapists can be a disservice if it’s not balance with holding us accountable.
Knowing when to stop talking is huge. I once went to a counselor who wanted to share *her* life story! That was her stated reason for becoming a counselor! I was happy to hear her particular story if it applied to me, but I couldn't believe she stated it as the reason for her to become a counselor. It was so upside down.
I wish for you the greatest of success. My life is made up of 2 chapters: pre/post therapy. So, yes: we have the power to make our lives better. You can be an assist 😊
Do You think being a therapist has made you grow and face your own hurt or what blocks self love. Freud said therapist heal with love so my thing is that the therapist should be pretty tight with their own psyche and emotional vulnerability. Has being a therapist made you stronger in this way?
My old therapist used to tell me that I taught her more than she taught me. While this was sort of flattering, i found it to be unprofessional & dismissive of my struggles. Because of my intelligence level, according to her, I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. She would also get offended when I would challenge her belief systems (bluntly but politely). I never felt like I accomplished anything after sessions. I was dismissed when I brought up that I suspected I have Aspergers, and she thought I was mentally insane when I told her about my synesthesia, which is a neurological condition one is born with, not a mental illness. Very frustrating. Maybe with these tips I will be able to find a therapist I resonate with. I have had 4 different ones and none of them were productive for me. I like your presentation style.
Oyy this resonates too much. I’ve had a couple therapists (short lived), who would tell me how smart and what a capacity for deep thinking I had or whatever... and I was just like, cool, well if I’m so damn smart then why am I so sad, can we get to that now please? Never got anything out of therapy. Tried again recently for the first time in like, ten years, because I get some depression surrounding physical illness issues, and also how hard it’s been to get a diagnosis, therefore proper treatment, despite absolutely knowing what I have- there are just no specialists within several states distance apparently. So she hears this and immediately is like, “That must be so hard, not knowing what’s wrong must be so confusing, of course your father would have a hard time understanding your pain” ... sorry what? My father? Did you hear anything about the thousand lab tests and referrals lady? THANKS FOR THE MINIMIZATION. Sorry, venting, just made the call to stop seeing her yesterday. That’s why I’m here. Onto the next!
natalie j try existential therapists- that field of inquiry necesitates a lot of information and life experience,they can usually handle smarter clients
Therapists generally aren't supposed to diagnose Asperger's , which is on the autism spectrum. That is done by neurologists, licenced psychiatrists, licensed psychologists, and a few others. As far as learning from you, Dr. Grande says a good clinician will hear about your individual presentation and go find out more about it. It would be difficult to find a therapist who already knew about a joint presentation of autism and synesthesia because both are neurological and synesthesia is not in the DSM. You could find a therapist to work on what it is like to live with these conditions, and help you create strategies to navigate life more smoothly and respond to issues with better emotional regulation. But a counselor is not qualified to medically manage neurological conditions.
I get the rest of what you're saying, but as far as " I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. " I'm like this too and frankly, it's on us to be honest.
Excellent list. I've been doing counseling for a little while and I appreciate your points. I'd add being willing to admit mistakes and openness to trying new approaches when one doesn't work to this list.
@@DrGrande well even if not quite, it's interesting how we all automatically construct an ideal (or set of ideals) of what it is to embody the proper way of being. Hopefully we each get proper socialization to give us a Super-ego that is pro-social, wise, courageous, etc.. I thought the insight about the Super-ego was pretty bang-on as a low resolution construct (along with Id and Ego). It's like Jordan Peterson says, our highest ideals are a judge. We compare our actions against it always, well when reflective at least. I wonder if psychopaths and narcissists believe that they ARE ALREADY their ideal or even the universal ideal. In my own previous neurotic life, I found I had good ideals, but that it was impossible to think myself into approaching any of those ideals in my way of being... in fact, I may have been becoming more wretched under the tremendous stress. The super-ego was a cruel judge and I was paralyzed with circular intrusive thoughts: an amygdalic grande library of humiliations to recount, each episode-review I was hoping to see that it was not as bad as it seemed the last 100 times I revisited the memory. I became withdrawn and avoidant. The way to break it wasn't by thinking my way out if it, at least not on it's own. It required positive social encounters and warm feedback from others and from a more positive and forgiving internal voice growing in volume and identifying possible cognitive distortions. I gradually dis-inhibited myself and bootstrapped a personality I could respect. How I got into that suffering state is a long story, as is the ways I got out. It's really helpful to have this series to provide further insight. I will help my daughter and future children to learn how to navigate around modern dangers and find their courage. Thank-you Dr. Grande, you are a cool cat and you're doing us a lot of good by passing forward some knowledge and wisdom!
My best counselors were compassionate and showed genuine interest in me and my issues. They also set goals for me and guided me toward making healthy changes in my life. They gave me homework and effective methods for changing thought processes and behaviors. For example, EFT was one technique/tool that actually helped change negative emotions.
Im in college right now to become a psychologist. It makes me really confident and happy that my personality dimensions are congruent to a good counselor. Thank you Dr. Grande, gives me another great reason to do this as a career
Interesting video. I agree with those signs you picked. My therapist now is great and I’m loving working with her. While I listened to your video, I was remembering times she did those things. She goes back to previous topics and I appreciate she remembers the things I talk about; she’s okay with silence, which I think is nice too because it respects me “needing some time to organize my thoughts” sometimes; she also challenges me and points out things I’m trying to express that contradict what I’m saying, for example.
I've had a few therapists whom I thought genuinely cared and who were kind and accepting of me. I had a few who seemed dismissive of me, to the point of feeling disliked by them. One was very realistic, but she was very cold and clinical. The turning point for me was when I was beginning to cry at the end of a session and she pretty abruptly said time was up and ushered me out, without addressing that. I had a few who were nice, but who never challenged my negative thoughts, to the point of enabling severely disturbing and irrational thoughts and behaviors. I've never had a therapist who was simultaneously warm and caring to me, kind and empathetic, and who also challenged me or helped me question my thoughts. My last therapist was pretty good, I think she truly cared, but she also let me go off on my own and kind of process everything myself. She was there more as a guide. I have a ton of self-awareness and insights, so it seemed like I was doing most of the work to come to conclusions or insights, and she would just chime in to point those in the track of mindfulness or whatever program we were basing stuff on. It was nice, but it didn't do much for me. I mean to be fair, I made a lot of progress, but most of it was done on my own outside of therapy. That's why I stopped going after maybe 8 months. It wasn't worth it to go talk to her because after a while I felt like I could do what she was doing on my own. I still feel like I could benefit from talking to a mental health professional, but I don't want blind agreeableness or a weak understanding. To be frank, I feel like there are a lot of people who go to therapy to deal with one or two specific issues, maybe situational, and they need someone to guide them in that situation for the time, they need someone to listen to them and validate them and their feelings. I feel like too many therapists only really do the listening part and validating part, and don't do the actual specific work part. I don't need to go to a therapist to vent or express my emotions to someone. If I go to a therapist, its to work through some chronic , comorid, and complicated mental illnesses and life events. I don't need to vent to a therapist; I need their help actually instructing me on how to work and improve these things. And so right now I am working on many skills I learned in therapy, but it was from group DBT therapy, not from individual therapy. If I had no social supports then yes, being able to vent to a therapist would be useful, as it is for many people. But I want concrete advice, opinions, suggestions, feedback, not just unconditional positive regard.
I am pretty confused why you would view the therapy in your second paragraph so negatively. That dynamic sounds very fruitful and promising to me. Someone helping you help yourself seems like the best case scenario, ofc you need to do most of the work! Once you are able to help yourself you don't need her anymore, i thought that was the goal of therapy. Noone will ever be always genuinely happy, being able to help yourself through it sounds amazing. From what I can tell, I feel like she really helped you, you might just not realize it. Stay strong and keep working on yourself!
Rob Halford what does “the work” mean to you? The therapist is not supposed to solve our problems but to guide and support you find ways to solve problems ourselves. Isn’t making progress the point of therapy? No one wants to be in therapy forever. Or at least I don’t think they do. I think some people look to therapists to “fix” people which is not the case.
As regards to the second paragraph. We make deeper connections in our brain when we are able to learn and recognize our own flaws and behavior. The deeper the connections you have in error processing your own thoughts and behavior the more self aware you will be when those thoughts or behavior arise.
I absolutely agree with you 100% Some people go to therapy just to be heard and that is their therapy Most people I feel need real solutions and compassion
My counselor is fairly new in the field and that made me a little apprehensive since I was worried i would be quite a challenge for her as far as me having a personality disorder but she is displaying all 8 signs ☺ thanks for this.
My head is filled with all sorts of neurological differences including Autism and Tourettes, and my clinical worker (I tend to refer to her as my therapist) is always ready to learn and grow along side me, I bring in new ideas and techniques all the time and she responds so positively to it. ☺️☺️☺️
Great list. it helps me understand what has made my counselor so great. He consistently practices each of these qualities with me. I chuckled about the first item - being willing to challenge a client. In one of my early sessions with him, I told him what I thought. He was quiet for a moment then asked "So is everything you think true?" BOOM! It felt like a really nice dope slap. I had no choice but to sheepishly reply "well, I guess not" :) I have been seeing him for 6 months and have experienced more healing and freedom than I could have imagined.
Number 6 is something I REALLY need to work on. And I agree Dr. Grande, the pressure to fill the silence is very pressing especially at this point in our careers where we are being graded and observed. However, even in our mock sessions I have learned to allow at least some silence and time to understand what my client is saying to me. Sometimes I think when we answer to quickly to a client we lose some insight to what they are saying to us because we are already formulating a response to what they have said.
I also need to work on the use of silence and also becoming comfortable with empathetically challenging an individual. As Dr. Grande pointed out the clients are there for help and without pointing out incongruencies we are doing a disservice.
Seems like being graded and observed changes the dynamic of the session. I've noticed that what I say on camera is a little different from off camera. For instance I'll notice a non verbal behavior, but may not say anything right then, but turn the camera off and I'm like "What was that?" That's my growing edge. Thanks
AGREE! And this reality can lead us to be re-traumatized. I have found that they are often dismissive in response to grappling with narcissists and having CPTSD
@@nancywutzke5392 I'm sorry to hear! It is really hard, and discouraging. All I can say is that it is worth it to keep looking and trust your gut when you find someone that you feel more at ease with. Wishing you the best of luck!
As a counselor in training, challenging a client can be difficult but I've come to learn the necessity and have found an empathetic way of doing so. Being realistic is also a quality that I've come to learn is a necessity which can go hand in hand with challenging a client's ambiguous cognitions. It requires balance of positive and negative emotions to help a client remain aware of their reality when necessary. Furthermore, silence is a salient skill in counseling as it provides the client the opportunity and space to elaborate and process as well for the counselor the ability to track the conversation. The skills that Dr. Grande has discussed are important to be an effective and competent counselor.
As I watched the video I had a better understanding of the importance of challenging a client as a counselor. I feel that being realistic helps with congruence and builds a rapport to help the client feel comfortable speaking about their real life situations because as stated in the video not all situations will turn out great but the counselor could help find alternative or work through the concerns. Well rounded counselors are important as the clients come in with issues that they really are trying to work through and just need assistance to help them in the process.
Thank you for this topic. I have often wondered if I still have it in me to return to my field of Social Worker, now in my 60's. You checked off many areas I have grown in and I was weak in the first 30 years. Your assessment is a great evaluation not only clients should look too but potential Therapists and Counselors!
I always wondered what those long pauses were for. I thought they were always waiting for me to add more. I hadn't considered that they may need a moment. This will help me get my money's worth for my sessions, so thank you.
Thank you so much for these videos on mistakes and bad therapy, I've been treated a team of therapists who refused to admit to any mistakes and acted like I owed them my trust, even after I had a traumatic experience in therapy, and videos like these are really helping me to regain perspective.
I've seen other professionals on RUclips analyze the movie versions of their field. It would be cool if you did something like that. You could call it: "Psychoanalysis in the movies" or something. Maybe do "Good Will Hunting" as your first movie. Just a thought.
I think a basic quality in a Counsellor is having Rapport with the client if they dont have that then the therapy wont work. Also Counsellors need to stop rescuing and keeping a client dependent in order to make money. Counselors can also become burnt out with 'compassion fatigue' and need to balance how many counselling hours they spend with clients.
I have been in contact with different counsellors since 13 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I will never forget the best counsellor I had, and the reason why she was the best for me, it is because she made me feel that she truly cared. She even got emotional at some point, and that made me feel that it was ok for me not to be always pretending that I was fine. That my feelings were valid. I remember she sometimes looked at me and didn't say anything, just gave me that space for me to settle. And what a caring and loving way she had to ask the right questions to make me realise where some issues were coming from. When you come from an outside world where bipolar disorder is linked to danger and crime by so many people, feeling cared about is life.
This resonates so much with me. My previous counselor (who came through a social work background) often showed emotional empathy and compassion. This never felt to me like she was 'making it about herself' as one might fear, and in effect showed me that what I was going through was indeed an emotionally rife situation and worth *feeling.* For clients prone to over-intellectualization and numbness as coping mechanisms, it this kind of emotional mirroring might actually help one give oneself permission to feel. That said, I suppose that some people might respond better to a stoic or neutral face; maybe those folks would even experience the outward emotional expression as ungrounding or unsafe! It really must depend on the client.
i think it was refreshing to hear that counselors have to be realistic, especially the part where you mentioned how depressed people tend to be more realistic. I think that this ability to see things realistically can be very useful for a counselor working with a client dealing with depression. Of course, you wouldnt want to wallow in the depression with the client, but i feel that it could be beneficial to think realistically with them and kind of have an idea of what they are experiencing from one's own experience. I feel that this would be helpful for the client because it is real, genuine empathy created by experience.
Therapy can be very helpful, but also very easily corrupted field. After bad experiences with two diferent therapists, i gave up on looking for personal counceling. I do search for information that might help me though, and i have learned a lot from this channel.
My therapist was the worst, but what he had was compassion. I was suffering from anxiety, and depression, and it was a great relief to have compassion from a professional. I took proactive interest in my own healing more he did, which is good for me, but may have been bad for another patient. SO i guess at the end of the Day God is great, for sending us people who we need at the right time!
I am a college student and my major is psychology, I choose this because I can not count how many people I do not know talk to me about their lives, I do all these every time. So with this, I think I I may be a good counselor
There is no point challenging a client unless 1) you know him/her enough to be able to fairly ascertain his/her thought patterns, and 2) you know when and how to do it. A client needs to feel safe enough before s/he can face an issue without being judged or steered.
Love your videos. Currently in grad school for MHC and I learn so much more in depth by watching. Thx, really appreciate it! Keep growing out the Sigmund beard btw lol
It's really intetesting! Maybe I should have picked counseling instead of law haha I also think some of those qualities are useful in every day life and for everyone? For example, I'm the type of person that always tries to see the good in a situation, often too much, I tend to ignore or downplay the bad, and I know that it doesn't help people around me and myself equally so I guess it's good to be aware of it and try working on it?
I really like how Dr. Grande pointed out that just because these are some of the signs of a good counselor and that the list is not exhaustive be any means. I especially related to number three-being realistic. I interpreted this to mean that it is ok to be human. As a professional there is a line that we can not cross. If we are having problems in our personal life we certainly can not use a therapy session with a client to talk about our problems but it is ok to be human and to feel our emotions. This also makes us more empathetic to what our clients are going through. I also understand this to mean that sometimes bad things happen and that sometimes our clients need to feel uncomfortable emotions.
Thank you for your energy in making so many interesting videos Dr. Grande 👍 I appreciate this video also very much. Being realistic is indeed an important sign of a good counselor, I think also.
Thank you. I feel much better about my counselor now. Glad I haven’t wasted two years. I wish there was more diagnosis and guidance though. Still feel I spend too much time talking and not enough guidance.
I have the same issue she touched on cpstd, and anxiety. However we don't speak about what brought that about. Just current day things and getting through them. I believe she don't want me to feel labeled. And perhaps going over stuff from childhood is actually not helpful. She must be using cognitive behavior therapy in any event I do think she's the best thing since Sliced bread.
1. 👂👂👂listening , 2. rogerian reflective talk promotes positive engagement, 3. challenge the clients personal values behavior conflicts with societal norms , 4. knowledge of dsm and research, 5. remember the aim of the client and goal for both, 6. ability to parry projection transference, 7. boundary respect, 8. acknowledge individual phenomenology ie they are not the same as any prior client or case study though some symptoms may dovetail, 9. Ability to parse the layer cake of the clients experiential shadow, 10 ability to direct client toward some intermediate and long term goals ie process development, 11. Avoid Personal aggrandizement as a miracle worker or failure to break through clients defenses, 12 . Realistically a counselor helps more with coping and adjustments than cures, 13. knowledge of physical health and pharmacology more often than not theres an associative physical symptom . 14. 👂🦉👀🙌🤜🤛😀😁😂🤣😃😄😅😆😉😊😋😎😍😘🥰😗😙😚☺️🙂🤗🤩🤔🤨😐😑😶🙄😏😣😥😮🤐😯😪😫😴😌😛😜😝🤤😒😓😔😕🙃🤑😲☹🙁😖😞😟😤😢😭😦😧😨😩🤯😬😰😱🥵🥶😳🤪😵😡😠🤬😷🤒🤕🤢🤮🤧😇🤠🥳🥴🥺🤥🤫🤭🧐🤓☻😈👿🤡👹👺💀☠👻 logotherapy .
1:. He's Todd Grande 2: He's Todd Grande 3: He's Todd Grande 4: He's Todd Grande 5: He's Todd Grande 6: He's Todd Grande 7: He's Todd Grande 8: He's Todd Grande
I've had many counsellors over the years two of them would not proceed until I got rid of my only friend, not boyfriend because he had a alcohol issue. I've hated drinking so I was in no danger. I'm glad I left them as he and his present day wife 20 yrs later are my best friend. For the past 10 years I have a counsrllor who I truly believe likes me as a person and respects me. She's a wee bit agreeable but it may come with the territory of why I see her :) good insights I enjoyed that.
Excellent advice dash right on the money! Many clinicians don’t follow these patterns. I find it a clinician that is also well read in literature, especially classical literature, I think gives them some more depth and sense of empathy in a while rounding us to the practice and discipline
The best therapists I had drew from personal experience. They were able to heal from some major trauma in their lives, and without going into too much personal detail, gave me practical hands-on suggestions that I was able to apply successfully to my own life.
I greatly appreciate your ability to remain objective and to consider the strengths and weaknesses of every approach; your refusal to subscribe to a binary is beacon of light in the mental health world. Objectivity is an under-appreciated trait in many mental health professionals. I was glad to hear you say that the goal of counselors should not necessarily be to get the client out of therapy in a timely manner. That was a major stumbling block I had with a former counselor, who stated during our first session that her goal was to make it so that I didn’t need her anymore. I felt very dismissed by that, considering she had barely even met me and I hadn’t even begun to discuss the extent of my reasons for seeing her. Every client is an individual and the sign of a good counselor is the ability to adapt their language and methods to be most effective in the context at hand. It’s a balancing act, but the best counselors rise to that challenge.
On topic of challenging a patient: To be honest. If a therapist does not challenge the patient enough, this often makes the therapist seem untrustworthy in the eyes of the patient. For example, once in my therapy, I told my therapist that I dont think I should use tinder. He told me this is a good idea, not to use tinder, because he is doubtful that tinder works in my case. Then, 2 months later, I told him, that I started using tinder, he said that was a great idea of me to use tinder and this was the best decision I could make. Then, I was unsuccessfull at tinder and stopped using it, and he told me that not using tinder was a good idea. I told him, doing something and not doing the exact same thing can not be both good ideas at the same time, and that I now have suspicion that you do not really care about what I do.
I’d also like to add the most important sign of a good counsellor is they have done/are doing their own internal work on themselves so that the contents of their psyche does not spill out into sessions with clients in a way that may be damaging.
Would you agree that counseling is a mix of both art and science? Seems to be the case, considering all the avenues that one can take, both negative and positive.
Sincere caring, curiosity, charisma, humor, open heart listening, and reminding the person, if but subconsciously, that they are ok just the way they are. Above all, Love. I can envision myself a counselor and these are my thoughts and I most sadly believe school would fill my mind with maps the soul doesn't care for. Any ideas? Could I do a short program and perhaps jump into an internship and get going instead of going 6 years into financial debt?
I learned a lot about using silence many years ago because of weekly sessions with a guy who had been in prison for 10 years and was only in his mid-30s. He was a very deliberate thinker and took his time telling me things about his life. I learned that, if I could just sit quiet a little longer, I'd get more of the story at his pace. I focused on breathing slowly to calm down my own anxiety about how long he took to answer questions and explain things and I was able to be silent and wait. It was a wonderful experience working with him.
What about A) intake forms and getting background info before you start? B) Giving patients "homework" between sessions? C) Differences/ specializing I couples vs individuals? I'm generally not impressed with counselors- too hard to put too much in one hour a week without a deep dive and something that the counseled person needs to do between sessions.
Dear Dr. Grande, another highly informational video that exceeded my expectations... Which are pretty damn high, since I've already grown accustomed to your level and range of expertise. 😎👍
I've never seen a therapist that actually did research on a case; once I met a physician that did. I think most therapists believe that being a cousellor involves keeping the flow, keeping interacting with the patient, and never get around to doing research on their patients' cases. This is quite close to making it look like an art, rather than a science, as pointed out in the video about signs of a bad therapist. But it's always hard to know to what extent this is true or it is just your narcissism speaking.
I don't know how natural this is for the field, but I would posit that another good sign is when the counselor very frequently continues their education, going on seminars and trainings even after years of practice. It points to the desire to stay curious, up to date and not have too rigid of an image of their own competence.
It is good point precisely for counsellor, not to take over the session and turn it about themselves and not give any chance or minimum chance to listen to the clients. I have experience seeing a counsellor who will unload all her problems on to me and I had no chance of even talking about why i was there. I never went back.
I'm starting counseling again tomorrow. After about a year. Yrs ago when I was 20ish counselors were impeccable. Truly. I healed so much. Today 2 decades later as I revisit issues at new stages of my life- my last two in 2 yes were something from twolite zone. One was in her car on her phone screaming I've been there for you!! As I was informing her I was choosing to move on. She often cancelled last minute one time she said she was at a funeral and forgot. Ugh. The other counselor sat and glanced at her smart watch and talk about her young daughter. I had never in my 1st 20yrs ever had anything remotely close to happening. Tomorrow when I go I will kindly let my new therapist know my expectations as she will let me know her. I pray for a perfect fit ( think she had been practicing in FL about 15 to 20 yrs ) She does emdr and is faith based; that is a good start for me. Thank you Dr Grande for the support. I am healing from d.i.d.
I’ve been in the field as a counselor for about a year, running my own groups & responsible for a caseload. This video, like a lot of others, has been insightful & so much of what you said ruminates with me. Thank you for taking the time to help educate the community🙏
I’ve never had a good counselor. I’ve had one good session- and it was 2 minutes of the session. The therapist was direct with me and said I can come off as cold based on my aloofness which was something I didn’t know at that time- that was good but then he forgot sessions and when I wanted to discharge he was totally relieved it seemed
Thank you for this information. A major theme that seems to repeat throughout most of the signs is the need for balance. A good counselor needs to not be too lax or too rigid and be able to move about the continuum. While watching this video I also got the sense that trusting own's intuitions and following up with those feelings may be appropriate in many instances. As you mentioned being off-the-mark is not always bad and may be more beneficial than missing an opportunity to connect or explore an idea that is important. I am hopeful that these skills become easier with time.
Lisa, I agree with you that many of the eight signs listed appear to be skills that can only be "sharpened" through practice. I think our CRPs would be an excellent scenario to begin implementing these skills in. That way we are free to try these new techniques in a safe and controlled environment.
Lisa, as new learning counselors there are many things that we are learning . I felt some comfort from the fact that we as counselors don't have to get it right all the time and as we develop those relationships with our clients we will have a respectful relationship that allows for honest and open conversation.
As someone who is studying to become a licensed counselor, I really appreciated Dr. Grande’s representation of a good counselor. As a have learned, it can be easy to get in your own head, being unsure of when to challenge the client, and feeling pressured to constantly fill the silence due to the awkwardness or need to implement your newly learned skills as Dr. Grande mentioned. Additionally, I resonated with Dr. Grande’s ideas on the concept of being able to point something out that the client may be trying to communicate but not directly saying it. Having completed role play demonstrations and discussing the sessions with my peers, it is evident that in many cases those acting as the counselor, myself included, are hesitant to point out specific behaviors or possible concerns to the client due to the fact that we are unsure of how the individual may respond. Additionally, many hold the idea that if a client wished to discuss a specific issue they would bring up the topic themselves. However, that is not always the case. I find that within the counseling profession, there will be numerous incidents where the client is very much introverted, and therefore may hold back information, even if they wish to discuss it, due to the fact that they feel as though the counselor is uninterested or doesn’t care about their situation. For this reason, it is important for counselor to get to know their clients and be able to identify specific behaviors that may suggest a client is hesitant to communicate something. Therefore, it is necessary for the counselor to feel comfortable and confident in the therapeutic relationship with the client, in order to be able to bring such behavior and resistance to the clients attention, so that the client feels safe discussing difficult topics.
Marisa-you and I have talked about this a lot. We have both felt pressure to say "something" at times when it may not be necessary and even deter the flow of the session. And I agree that a client is not always willing to bring things up in therapy themselves but they really want to explore. I have experienced this myself as a client and I was always frustrated that the counselor didn't ask me about certain things. However, I realize that even though we are counselors (in the making) we wont ever be able to read minds so we have to be very observant and truly know and understand our clients to be effective with this skill.
Love the videos always. I was laughing at the thought of you listing the signs of a good counselor mainly pertaining to you. "Sign number one is if your counselor wears glasses. Number two, you can find the counselor on youtube. Number 3, a last name that can be translated into the word "large" is a very good indication of a good counselor."
Very helpful and validating too. My third try at a counselor -- about halfway thru our 1st session said: 'Earth to Lynda...Earth to Lynda...' and I loved him for it (normal patient/counselor respect). He gave me homework! And I did It and It Helped. Wow. That was years ago and now whenever I get too burdened and distracted I think of him and I return to earth. He's moved on to greater things now and so have I. Damn you're good.
Every person needs a different type of councler. I was abused as a child, as a client, there are times where I kinda become that scared child again. My best match is a lady I found who has worked with children and the school system. She knows how to press or back off as needed. She understands where I am coming from.
What about a counselor that won't tell you, or discuss the truth about what is.. or what was amatter with people in your life. They need to explain what was wrong with others that hurt you. My coulsner did not do this, i had to Google,read about others, and their mental health problems.
I recently had a therapist tell me, "you don't seem to have any ptsd about anything so we're going to keep it all positive from here, okay? No negativity from here." I knew I was done with her.
thank you for another great video. You kind of pointed this out, however I think it could be more clarified that therapist should not be your friend. I went through a terrible divorce and have been the recipient of a lot of parental alienation for many years. I am biased I know, but I quit seeing two therapists after my wife left because I felt that they just wanted to agree with me and were too much on my side. I was looking for someone who was willing to point out my flaws and was willing to say the hard stuff.
Throughout the video Dr. Grande informed counselors that being honest with the client is acceptable and apart of being an effective counselor. Within society there is a negative connotation with being honest in a manner which would portray one as less knowledgeable. However, as a counselor being honest with clients about issues such as not having all of the information regarding a topic is appropriate because the counselor doesn’t want to over step there boundaries or cause harm to the client. Dr. Grande ensure that practices such as these are indicators of effective counselors.
Something I know I need to address is sticking to the original topic that is the main reason why the client came to me. Often times it's difficult for me to determine if the primary topic the client speaks about is the true reason they have come to see me or if it is a way for them to talk about something that doesn't bother them in an attempt to avoid speaking about something more serious. I suppose that is something that will come with more practice and an enhanced understanding of the material. Overall, this video gave me great insight as to what to look for in a counselor/therapist as I have never been to one and would not know where to begin when thinking in terms of what to look for in one.
I went to a counselor when I was having a hard time with depression and I hated it. The guy just sat there and said ( how do you feel about that )or (and how did that make you feel) at the end of the session I would be so angry I would have to sit in my car for a few minutes and calm down before I could go home.
Each of these eight signs seem so straight-forward and basic, yet many counselors in the profession fall short of mastering all eight. Just because someone has their degree or achieved licensure does not mean they have no room for improvement. Assuming the position of a counselor also means committing oneself to a life-long learning process.
Constantly improving is something that should be prevalent in a good counselor. Researching, educating, and collaborating with other counselors are a few ways to achieve this. I agree that assuming the position of a counselor is a life-long learning process because it can enhance our intellectual capacity which can improve our interactions with helping clients. It should be a goal for all counselors to strive for well-roundedness and be proficient in many important areas.
I agree with you Ashley. I think that many professionals in the field do fall short when it comes to mastering these skills. Counseling, like many professions, is always changing and new theories and techniques are being integrated. Counselors, especially new counselors, will always encounter a client with symptoms of a disorder that they may not be familiar with and in order to remain effective, its imperative to continue learning and expanding our own knowledge in the field.
Thank you for posting this, I’m am currently trying out new counselors. I live with P.T.S.D. as a survivor of childhood domestic violence and a physical disability. This current counselor seemed to steam roll out her plan that consisted of higher self advocacy through action (not a bad thing for sure). What I had a hard time communicating to her was the emotional consequences of not only being chronically ill but having to receive care from a broken healthcare industry that prioritizes profit and their stakeholders over patients. I was denied a medication I was on last year that was effectively treating my physical ailment because the insurance companies didn’t want to pay for it. Not only was my hope of getting the chance to finally be able to make a life for myself after a lifetime of disability was crushed but my illness became excruciatingly painful; leaving me bedridden. I have been dealing with severe anger and depression. I had to bring up the topic several times until she finally focused on what I was saying, her comment in response being “So you want to go backwards?” I feel my emotional experiences are being neglected while I’m being piled on with homework and assignments that I can’t keep up with due to my emotional and mental state.
The Problem is especially present when a councelor agrees with everything the Patient does and the Patient notices it. This completely undermines the authority of a councelor.
How will u determine a disease is psychosomatic, I have a condition called aquagenic pruritus, that means contact with water produces severe skin itching. The problem precipitates after bath or after sweat. I had visited a counceller and he told me not to itch whatever the intensity of the itching. I tried that for few days and found it so difficult that I have to stop the therapist advise and stoped seeing him again. I have seen many dermatologist and they have told me that my disease is not psychogenic and it is real. My question is how will u determine a condition is psychogenic or not. Thank you 😊
It sounds psychogenic to me. What was the dermatologists treatment? The itching is coming form the brain and conditioned neural pathways. Your brain now associates water with itching>. The problem is to the water but the FEAR of water. Think about it....have you ever heard of an allergy to water??? Our bodies are composed of water. We drink water. We were in a sac of water etc in utero.
@@rlabarbera it is real since I got lymphoma i occasionally get Pruitis after I don't dry off enough. Some r more prone. Ice cubes and a cream was issued for my problem. It is not always psychogenic
Do you think my therapist is bad? I just seen them for the first time and they said, since my husband is 7 years older than me, they said why couldn't they find someone their own age? Why is he with you? Does he like younger girls? He then talked about his daughter wanting to date an older guy. He said there is something wrong if you're wanting to date someone that much older. I really don't wanna have to switch therapists because I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I don't want a bad therapist either. He also said it's not my place to drop off my step son at his mom's when he has to go back.
The best medicine is laughter .possible if we has a good cousellor but if she or he can be realistic but high extrversion.it is ok if there is somebody with high intelligence but good with people and know how to please them.there always be somebody who has problems and someone who wants to hear problems.people need advice and good psychology play good parts in real daily life.
I had an issues with a coneslor whom acted inappropriately with me til this day. I think she took couristy too far and I am glad I ended the sessions. I met someone wonderful counselors after her. She did not research as well as she thought, I am grateful for this video. She went like "gut feeling." Lol.
A counselor has recovered from a specific mental illness, and has it under control with meds and therapy. The client has the the same diagnosis. Is it helpful to let the client know you have struggled with the disorder in the past, and learned to overcome it?
And don't forget being reliable. I had a therapist cancel on me twice within the last week at the very last minute. The latest cancellation was yesterday (20 mins before my appointment, saying she had a procedure done the day before & that she wasn't feeling well and needed to cancel) & she hasn't contacted me to reschedule. Now I'm not so sure she's trustworthy...
Great video. Number 5 and 6 are my particular favorite points. As an aspiring counselor I am glad I like research! This is a great video for clients seeking counseling as well.
I did not mean for it to land here, but I'm glad if my 2 requests about search keywords and kids on medications make sense here! And now, today, I will also show this lovely video to my 19 year old friend / neighbor who helps me. Thanks everyday, Dr. Grande.
For me it was very weird that I had five sessions with a homeopathic doctor and the topic of fairness came up often. I had always had to deal with unjust treatment in my life. Guess what: She sent me the a bill at the end of the 5 sessions and I noticed that she had charged me too much. I was really angry. The last 3 follow-up visits had been just 5 minutes each but she had forgotten it and had charged the full price. I wrote her to protest and she detracted 100 euros from the bill... I found her behaviour to be very unprofessional.
It took a male counselor to tell me my ex husband was very condescending and at that point I started looking up "condescending husband " and it led me straight to narcisism channels. It saved my life and I called the husband out on it and he disappeared and we never spoke again. I never knew that term" condescending or narcisist .' Had been to 5 females and they used the term controlling and it did me no good. It took that one counselor to use a new word for me to look into that showed me the truth. He was also very upfront asking me if my goal is to save the marriage . I said yes and he kinda shook his head and said let's prepare for it not happening ( he knew from what I told him this was not just a controlling man but a Chris Watts personality to a T, without the murder. I appreciated that and his honestly. It's like kid sucking all the sugar coat off a lemon head then giving it to you to bite Into. That's the real deal .
Hmm- I’ve had limited experience in marriage counseling but I thought the therapist should be neutral- their job is not to give you their opinion on whether you should stay married- it’s to help you in the process of making that decision yourself
I think the ability to focus on the main issue and to bring the conversation back to that is THE marker for a good counselor. It can seem like in session you can get wrapped up in any variety of segways. The ability to refocus the client back to the main problem really shows that the counselor can track these side topics all while being in tuned with the actual problem of the client.
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The best mental health clinician I've been fortunate to work with (for depression and suicidal ideation) was a psychiatrist, who was extremely adept at "reading between the lines" and helping me to clarify feelings and thoughts I wasn't very good at expressing or processing. She had all eight of these attributes, and more. When she moved from the US to Costa Rica with her husband, three years into therapy, I was devastated. But after she left, I realized that she had taught me so much, and that I could function pretty well, using the therapeutic gifts she had given me. She was the greatest blessing and worth her weight in gold!
So she abandoned you and or her patients?
I like your list but I think you are forgetting personal warmth and genuine caring.
Good point!
That's the one thing missing from all of the counselors I've seen through the years. I finally gave up and educated myself on what my problems were.
@@melindac3368 that's sad to hear, but glad you are still working at it.
@@joanne7sb It's taken a lifetime Joanne, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had to take many years to try to figure it out. Having a counselor is great, but there's only so much you can vocalize and much of what's been experienced has been imprinted on the soul, and there's just not a way (at least that I've found) to articulate that. BTW: Thank you.
Rebecca Phillips warmth and genuineness is very important. I also think that sometimes it’s easy to expect a certain response from a therapist and when it doesn’t happen it can feel like they don’t care. Therapist aren’t our friends and have an obligation to challenge distorted thinking. Over empathetic therapists can be a disservice if it’s not balance with holding us accountable.
Knowing when to stop talking is huge.
I once went to a counselor who wanted to share *her* life story!
That was her stated reason for becoming a counselor!
I was happy to hear her particular story if it applied to me, but I couldn't believe she stated it as the reason for her to become a counselor. It was so upside down.
Understand and feeling the same way, my TS (male) and I just listen otherwise when I want to talk is reaction is that I'm not ok...etc...
Sounds like she was just trying to make you comfortable but definitely crossed a line and shared too much information.
I couldn't imagine this! It is expensive for a person to pay for a session! That is their time!!
I once had a psychologist who said he became a psychologist so that he could be the center of attention. 🙄
@@justinedse3314 true, but also it's important to mention that a single session is usually nowhere close to solving the problem.
Thank you for both videos
• Eight signs of a good counselor
• Six signs of a bad counselor
As a future counselor, this is extremely helpful. Thank you!
You are most welcome!
I agree! Reassuring.
You're entering a very noble field. And your guidance is needed now more than at any other time. And it works. I'm living proof.
I wish for you the greatest of success. My life is made up of 2 chapters: pre/post therapy. So, yes: we have the power to make our lives better. You can be an assist 😊
Do You think being a therapist has made you grow and face your own hurt or what blocks self love. Freud said therapist heal with love so my thing is that the therapist should be pretty tight with their own psyche and emotional vulnerability. Has being a therapist made you stronger in this way?
My old therapist used to tell me that I taught her more than she taught me. While this was sort of flattering, i found it to be unprofessional & dismissive of my struggles. Because of my intelligence level, according to her, I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. She would also get offended when I would challenge her belief systems (bluntly but politely). I never felt like I accomplished anything after sessions. I was dismissed when I brought up that I suspected I have Aspergers, and she thought I was mentally insane when I told her about my synesthesia, which is a neurological condition one is born with, not a mental illness. Very frustrating.
Maybe with these tips I will be able to find a therapist I resonate with. I have had 4 different ones and none of them were productive for me.
I like your presentation style.
Christina M try older ones theyre more experienced laid back and can calibrate and morph better to suit you
Oyy this resonates too much. I’ve had a couple therapists (short lived), who would tell me how smart and what a capacity for deep thinking I had or whatever... and I was just like, cool, well if I’m so damn smart then why am I so sad, can we get to that now please? Never got anything out of therapy.
Tried again recently for the first time in like, ten years, because I get some depression surrounding physical illness issues, and also how hard it’s been to get a diagnosis, therefore proper treatment, despite absolutely knowing what I have- there are just no specialists within several states distance apparently. So she hears this and immediately is like, “That must be so hard, not knowing what’s wrong must be so confusing, of course your father would have a hard time understanding your pain” ... sorry what? My father? Did you hear anything about the thousand lab tests and referrals lady? THANKS FOR THE MINIMIZATION.
Sorry, venting, just made the call to stop seeing her yesterday. That’s why I’m here. Onto the next!
natalie j try existential therapists- that field of inquiry necesitates a lot of information and life experience,they can usually handle smarter clients
Therapists generally aren't supposed to diagnose Asperger's , which is on the autism spectrum. That is done by neurologists, licenced psychiatrists, licensed psychologists, and a few others.
As far as learning from you, Dr. Grande says a good clinician will hear about your individual presentation and go find out more about it. It would be difficult to find a therapist who already knew about a joint presentation of autism and synesthesia because both are neurological and synesthesia is not in the DSM.
You could find a therapist to work on what it is like to live with these conditions, and help you create strategies to navigate life more smoothly and respond to issues with better emotional regulation. But a counselor is not qualified to medically manage neurological conditions.
I get the rest of what you're saying, but as far as " I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. " I'm like this too and frankly, it's on us to be honest.
Excellent list. I've been doing counseling for a little while and I appreciate your points. I'd add being willing to admit mistakes and openness to trying new approaches when one doesn't work to this list.
Dr. Grande have you just described yourself to a tee? 😋
Lol right on.
Lol, you are too kind.
@@DrGrande well even if not quite, it's interesting how we all automatically construct an ideal (or set of ideals) of what it is to embody the proper way of being. Hopefully we each get proper socialization to give us a Super-ego that is pro-social, wise, courageous, etc.. I thought the insight about the Super-ego was pretty bang-on as a low resolution construct (along with Id and Ego).
It's like Jordan Peterson says, our highest ideals are a judge. We compare our actions against it always, well when reflective at least. I wonder if psychopaths and narcissists believe that they ARE ALREADY their ideal or even the universal ideal.
In my own previous neurotic life, I found I had good ideals, but that it was impossible to think myself into approaching any of those ideals in my way of being... in fact, I may have been becoming more wretched under the tremendous stress. The super-ego was a cruel judge and I was paralyzed with circular intrusive thoughts: an amygdalic grande library of humiliations to recount, each episode-review I was hoping to see that it was not as bad as it seemed the last 100 times I revisited the memory. I became withdrawn and avoidant. The way to break it wasn't by thinking my way out if it, at least not on it's own. It required positive social encounters and warm feedback from others and from a more positive and forgiving internal voice growing in volume and identifying possible cognitive distortions. I gradually dis-inhibited myself and bootstrapped a personality I could respect. How I got into that suffering state is a long story, as is the ways I got out.
It's really helpful to have this series to provide further insight. I will help my daughter and future children to learn how to navigate around modern dangers and find their courage.
Thank-you Dr. Grande, you are a cool cat and you're doing us a lot of good by passing forward some knowledge and wisdom!
He is very good. I would like to know what his credentials are just out of curiosity
My best counselors were compassionate and showed genuine interest in me and my issues. They also set goals for me and guided me toward making healthy changes in my life. They gave me homework and effective methods for changing thought processes and behaviors. For example, EFT was one technique/tool that actually helped change negative emotions.
Im in college right now to become a psychologist. It makes me really confident and happy that my personality dimensions are congruent to a good counselor. Thank you Dr. Grande, gives me another great reason to do this as a career
Interesting video. I agree with those signs you picked. My therapist now is great and I’m loving working with her. While I listened to your video, I was remembering times she did those things. She goes back to previous topics and I appreciate she remembers the things I talk about; she’s okay with silence, which I think is nice too because it respects me “needing some time to organize my thoughts” sometimes; she also challenges me and points out things I’m trying to express that contradict what I’m saying, for example.
I've had a few therapists whom I thought genuinely cared and who were kind and accepting of me. I had a few who seemed dismissive of me, to the point of feeling disliked by them. One was very realistic, but she was very cold and clinical. The turning point for me was when I was beginning to cry at the end of a session and she pretty abruptly said time was up and ushered me out, without addressing that.
I had a few who were nice, but who never challenged my negative thoughts, to the point of enabling severely disturbing and irrational thoughts and behaviors. I've never had a therapist who was simultaneously warm and caring to me, kind and empathetic, and who also challenged me or helped me question my thoughts. My last therapist was pretty good, I think she truly cared, but she also let me go off on my own and kind of process everything myself. She was there more as a guide. I have a ton of self-awareness and insights, so it seemed like I was doing most of the work to come to conclusions or insights, and she would just chime in to point those in the track of mindfulness or whatever program we were basing stuff on. It was nice, but it didn't do much for me. I mean to be fair, I made a lot of progress, but most of it was done on my own outside of therapy. That's why I stopped going after maybe 8 months. It wasn't worth it to go talk to her because after a while I felt like I could do what she was doing on my own. I still feel like I could benefit from talking to a mental health professional, but I don't want blind agreeableness or a weak understanding.
To be frank, I feel like there are a lot of people who go to therapy to deal with one or two specific issues, maybe situational, and they need someone to guide them in that situation for the time, they need someone to listen to them and validate them and their feelings. I feel like too many therapists only really do the listening part and validating part, and don't do the actual specific work part. I don't need to go to a therapist to vent or express my emotions to someone. If I go to a therapist, its to work through some chronic , comorid, and complicated mental illnesses and life events. I don't need to vent to a therapist; I need their help actually instructing me on how to work and improve these things. And so right now I am working on many skills I learned in therapy, but it was from group DBT therapy, not from individual therapy. If I had no social supports then yes, being able to vent to a therapist would be useful, as it is for many people. But I want concrete advice, opinions, suggestions, feedback, not just unconditional positive regard.
I am pretty confused why you would view the therapy in your second paragraph so negatively. That dynamic sounds very fruitful and promising to me. Someone helping you help yourself seems like the best case scenario, ofc you need to do most of the work! Once you are able to help yourself you don't need her anymore, i thought that was the goal of therapy. Noone will ever be always genuinely happy, being able to help yourself through it sounds amazing. From what I can tell, I feel like she really helped you, you might just not realize it. Stay strong and keep working on yourself!
Rob Halford what does “the work” mean to you? The therapist is not supposed to solve our problems but to guide and support you find ways to solve problems ourselves. Isn’t making progress the point of therapy? No one wants to be in therapy forever. Or at least I don’t think they do. I think some people look to therapists to “fix” people which is not the case.
That will help me to become better therapist.
As regards to the second paragraph. We make deeper connections in our brain when we are able to learn and recognize our own flaws and behavior. The deeper the connections you have in error processing your own thoughts and behavior the more self aware you will be when those thoughts or behavior arise.
I absolutely agree with you 100%
Some people go to therapy just to be heard and that is their therapy
Most people I feel need real solutions and compassion
My counselor is fairly new in the field and that made me a little apprehensive since I was worried i would be quite a challenge for her as far as me having a personality disorder but she is displaying all 8 signs ☺ thanks for this.
I wish you were my counselor! These are great tips
My head is filled with all sorts of neurological differences including Autism and Tourettes, and my clinical worker (I tend to refer to her as my therapist) is always ready to learn and grow along side me, I bring in new ideas and techniques all the time and she responds so positively to it. ☺️☺️☺️
Great list. it helps me understand what has made my counselor so great. He consistently practices each of these qualities with me. I chuckled about the first item - being willing to challenge a client. In one of my early sessions with him, I told him what I thought. He was quiet for a moment then asked "So is everything you think true?" BOOM! It felt like a really nice dope slap. I had no choice but to sheepishly reply "well, I guess not" :) I have been seeing him for 6 months and have experienced more healing and freedom than I could have imagined.
Could you do a video about signs of a good therapeutic relationship?
Number 6 is something I REALLY need to work on. And I agree Dr. Grande, the pressure to fill the silence is very pressing especially at this point in our careers where we are being graded and observed. However, even in our mock sessions I have learned to allow at least some silence and time to understand what my client is saying to me. Sometimes I think when we answer to quickly to a client we lose some insight to what they are saying to us because we are already formulating a response to what they have said.
I also need to work on the use of silence and also becoming comfortable with empathetically challenging an individual. As Dr. Grande pointed out the clients are there for help and without pointing out incongruencies we are doing a disservice.
Seems like being graded and observed changes the dynamic of the session. I've noticed that what I say on camera is a little different from off camera. For instance I'll notice a non verbal behavior, but may not say anything right then, but turn the camera off and I'm like "What was that?" That's my growing edge. Thanks
I love how Proffessional this guy is always. He is always so consistent. I wud love to have some counciling from him.
A good counselor, in terms of narcissist abuse or C-PTSD ( PTSD DSM5 ) is very hard to find.
AGREE! And this reality can lead us to be re-traumatized. I have found that they are often dismissive in response to grappling with narcissists and having CPTSD
@@drebugsita Wow! Same here. I've been thru several and I'm about to give up. This pandemic isn't making matters better either. I'm getting worse.
@@nancywutzke5392 I'm sorry to hear! It is really hard, and discouraging. All I can say is that it is worth it to keep looking and trust your gut when you find someone that you feel more at ease with. Wishing you the best of luck!
@@nancywutzke5392 are you feeling better now?
As a counselor in training, challenging a client can be difficult but I've come to learn the necessity and have found an empathetic way of doing so. Being realistic is also a quality that I've come to learn is a necessity which can go hand in hand with challenging a client's ambiguous cognitions. It requires balance of positive and negative emotions to help a client remain aware of their reality when necessary. Furthermore, silence is a salient skill in counseling as it provides the client the opportunity and space to elaborate and process as well for the counselor the ability to track the conversation. The skills that Dr. Grande has discussed are important to be an effective and competent counselor.
As
I watched the video I had a better understanding of the importance of
challenging a client as a counselor. I feel that being realistic helps with
congruence and builds a rapport to help the client feel comfortable speaking
about their real life situations because as stated in the video not all
situations will turn out great but the counselor could help find alternative or
work through the concerns. Well rounded counselors are important as the clients
come in with issues that they really are trying to work through and just need
assistance to help them in the process.
Thank you for this topic. I have often wondered if I still have it in me to return to my field of Social Worker, now in my 60's. You checked off many areas I have grown in and I was weak in the first 30 years. Your assessment is a great evaluation not only clients should look too but potential Therapists and Counselors!
I always wondered what those long pauses were for. I thought they were always waiting for me to add more. I hadn't considered that they may need a moment. This will help me get my money's worth for my sessions, so thank you.
Would you please do a video on EMDR? Your input would be much appreciated. 🙏
Thank you so much for these videos on mistakes and bad therapy, I've been treated a team of therapists who refused to admit to any mistakes and acted like I owed them my trust, even after I had a traumatic experience in therapy, and videos like these are really helping me to regain perspective.
I've seen other professionals on RUclips analyze the movie versions of their field. It would be cool if you did something like that. You could call it: "Psychoanalysis in the movies" or something. Maybe do "Good Will Hunting" as your first movie. Just a thought.
I'd love to see this as well....
he just diid GWH
I think a basic quality in a Counsellor is having Rapport with the client if they dont have that then the therapy wont work. Also Counsellors need to stop rescuing and keeping a client dependent in order to make money. Counselors can also become burnt out with 'compassion fatigue' and need to balance how many counselling hours they spend with clients.
I have been in contact with different counsellors since 13 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I will never forget the best counsellor I had, and the reason why she was the best for me, it is because she made me feel that she truly cared. She even got emotional at some point, and that made me feel that it was ok for me not to be always pretending that I was fine. That my feelings were valid. I remember she sometimes looked at me and didn't say anything, just gave me that space for me to settle. And what a caring and loving way she had to ask the right questions to make me realise where some issues were coming from. When you come from an outside world where bipolar disorder is linked to danger and crime by so many people, feeling cared about is life.
This resonates so much with me. My previous counselor (who came through a social work background) often showed emotional empathy and compassion. This never felt to me like she was 'making it about herself' as one might fear, and in effect showed me that what I was going through was indeed an emotionally rife situation and worth *feeling.* For clients prone to over-intellectualization and numbness as coping mechanisms, it this kind of emotional mirroring might actually help one give oneself permission to feel.
That said, I suppose that some people might respond better to a stoic or neutral face; maybe those folks would even experience the outward emotional expression as ungrounding or unsafe! It really must depend on the client.
i think it was refreshing to hear that counselors have to be realistic, especially the part where you mentioned how depressed people tend to be more realistic. I think that this ability to see things realistically can be very useful for a counselor working with a client dealing with depression. Of course, you wouldnt want to wallow in the depression with the client, but i feel that it could be beneficial to think realistically with them and kind of have an idea of what they are experiencing from one's own experience. I feel that this would be helpful for the client because it is real, genuine empathy created by experience.
I agree with what you are saying about depressed people being more realistic
Therapy can be very helpful, but also very easily corrupted field. After bad experiences with two diferent therapists, i gave up on looking for personal counceling. I do search for information that might help me though, and i have learned a lot from this channel.
My therapist was the worst, but what he had was compassion. I was suffering from anxiety, and depression, and it was a great relief to have compassion from a professional. I took proactive interest in my own healing more he did, which is good for me, but may have been bad for another patient. SO i guess at the end of the Day God is great, for sending us people who we need at the right time!
I am a college student and my major is psychology, I choose this because I can not count how many people I do not know talk to me about their lives, I do all these every time. So with this, I think I I may be a good counselor
You are very thorough and pleasant in speech. Obviously a good counselor Thank-you.
There is no point challenging a client unless 1) you know him/her enough to be able to fairly ascertain his/her thought patterns, and 2) you know when and how to do it. A client needs to feel safe enough before s/he can face an issue without being judged or steered.
Love your videos. Currently in grad school for MHC and I learn so much more in depth by watching. Thx, really appreciate it! Keep growing out the Sigmund beard btw lol
Thank you so much!
I really enjoy your videos. I don’t always pay attention but your physical language makes me feel quite comfortable.
thank you. I'm starting therapy with a new counselor on Monday. I can usually tell if the " fit" is right and this video will be of help too.
You're welcome!
It's really intetesting! Maybe I should have picked counseling instead of law haha
I also think some of those qualities are useful in every day life and for everyone?
For example, I'm the type of person that always tries to see the good in a situation, often too much, I tend to ignore or downplay the bad, and I know that it doesn't help people around me and myself equally so I guess it's good to be aware of it and try working on it?
I really like how Dr. Grande pointed out that just because these are some of the signs of a good counselor and that the list is not exhaustive be any means. I especially related to number three-being realistic. I interpreted this to mean that it is ok to be human. As a professional there is a line that we can not cross. If we are having problems in our personal life we certainly can not use a therapy session with a client to talk about our problems but it is ok to be human and to feel our emotions. This also makes us more empathetic to what our clients are going through. I also understand this to mean that sometimes bad things happen and that sometimes our clients need to feel uncomfortable emotions.
Thank you for your energy in making so many interesting videos Dr. Grande 👍
I appreciate this video also very much.
Being realistic is indeed an important sign of a good counselor, I think also.
You're welcome!
I had a counselor who learned EMDR to treat me, meant the world to me and it helped immensely.
Omg sounds like a dream. I am here searching for one taking clients and my insurance wishing my therapist would learn it.
EMDR was very helpful to me. And the positive changes have lasted for 0 years
Bless that counsellor.
Nice. A lot of ppl dismiss that as quackery. It's an emerging science.
@@signespencer6887 0 years? Is that a typo?
Thank you. I feel much better about my counselor now. Glad I haven’t wasted two years. I wish there was more diagnosis and guidance though. Still feel I spend too much time talking and not enough guidance.
I have the same issue she touched on cpstd, and anxiety. However we don't speak about what brought that about. Just current day things and getting through them. I believe she don't want me to feel labeled. And perhaps going over stuff from childhood is actually not helpful. She must be using cognitive behavior therapy in any event I do think she's the best thing since Sliced bread.
1. 👂👂👂listening , 2. rogerian reflective talk promotes positive engagement, 3. challenge the clients personal values behavior conflicts with societal norms , 4. knowledge of dsm and research, 5. remember the aim of the client and goal for both, 6. ability to parry projection transference, 7. boundary respect, 8. acknowledge individual phenomenology ie they are not the same as any prior client or case study though some symptoms may dovetail, 9. Ability to parse the layer cake of the clients experiential shadow, 10 ability to direct client toward some intermediate and long term goals ie process development, 11. Avoid Personal aggrandizement as a miracle worker or failure to break through clients defenses, 12 . Realistically a counselor helps more with coping and adjustments than cures, 13. knowledge of physical health and pharmacology more often than not theres an associative physical symptom . 14. 👂🦉👀🙌🤜🤛😀😁😂🤣😃😄😅😆😉😊😋😎😍😘🥰😗😙😚☺️🙂🤗🤩🤔🤨😐😑😶🙄😏😣😥😮🤐😯😪😫😴😌😛😜😝🤤😒😓😔😕🙃🤑😲☹🙁😖😞😟😤😢😭😦😧😨😩🤯😬😰😱🥵🥶😳🤪😵😡😠🤬😷🤒🤕🤢🤮🤧😇🤠🥳🥴🥺🤥🤫🤭🧐🤓☻😈👿🤡👹👺💀☠👻 logotherapy .
You clearly model all 8!
Yep!
Thank you!
1:. He's Todd Grande
2: He's Todd Grande
3: He's Todd Grande
4: He's Todd Grande
5: He's Todd Grande
6: He's Todd Grande
7: He's Todd Grande
8: He's Todd Grande
I've had many counsellors over the years two of them would not proceed until I got rid of my only friend, not boyfriend because he had a alcohol issue. I've hated drinking so I was in no danger. I'm glad I left them as he and his present day wife 20 yrs later are my best friend. For the past 10 years I have a counsrllor who I truly believe likes me as a person and respects me. She's a wee bit agreeable but it may come with the territory of why I see her :) good insights I enjoyed that.
Excellent advice dash right on the money! Many clinicians don’t follow these patterns. I find it a clinician that is also well read in literature, especially classical literature, I think gives them some more depth and sense of empathy in a while rounding us to the practice and discipline
The best therapists I had drew from personal experience. They were able to heal from some major trauma in their lives, and without going into too much personal detail, gave me practical hands-on suggestions that I was able to apply successfully to my own life.
I agree. I don't even trust talking to a therapist who hasn't gone through trauma or other issues themselves
I greatly appreciate your ability to remain objective and to consider the strengths and weaknesses of every approach; your refusal to subscribe to a binary is beacon of light in the mental health world. Objectivity is an under-appreciated trait in many mental health professionals.
I was glad to hear you say that the goal of counselors should not necessarily be to get the client out of therapy in a timely manner. That was a major stumbling block I had with a former counselor, who stated during our first session that her goal was to make it so that I didn’t need her anymore. I felt very dismissed by that, considering she had barely even met me and I hadn’t even begun to discuss the extent of my reasons for seeing her.
Every client is an individual and the sign of a good counselor is the ability to adapt their language and methods to be most effective in the context at hand. It’s a balancing act, but the best counselors rise to that challenge.
On topic of challenging a patient: To be honest. If a therapist does not challenge the patient enough, this often makes the therapist seem untrustworthy in the eyes of the patient.
For example, once in my therapy, I told my therapist that I dont think I should use tinder. He told me this is a good idea, not to use tinder, because he is doubtful that tinder works in my case. Then, 2 months later, I told him, that I started using tinder, he said that was a great idea of me to use tinder and this was the best decision I could make. Then, I was unsuccessfull at tinder and stopped using it, and he told me that not using tinder was a good idea.
I told him, doing something and not doing the exact same thing can not be both good ideas at the same time, and that I now have suspicion that you do not really care about what I do.
GREAT video for someone sussing out a new counselor. Thank you so much Dr. Grande.
I’d also like to add the most important sign of a good counsellor is they have done/are doing their own internal work on themselves so that the contents of their psyche does not spill out into sessions with clients in a way that may be damaging.
Would you agree that counseling is a mix of both art and science? Seems to be the case, considering all the avenues that one can take, both negative and positive.
Sincere caring, curiosity, charisma, humor, open heart listening, and reminding the person, if but subconsciously, that they are ok just the way they are.
Above all, Love.
I can envision myself a counselor and these are my thoughts and I most sadly believe school would fill my mind with maps the soul doesn't care for. Any ideas? Could I do a short program and perhaps jump into an internship and get going instead of going 6 years into financial debt?
I learned a lot about using silence many years ago because of weekly sessions with a guy who had been in prison for 10 years and was only in his mid-30s. He was a very deliberate thinker and took his time telling me things about his life. I learned that, if I could just sit quiet a little longer, I'd get more of the story at his pace. I focused on breathing slowly to calm down my own anxiety about how long he took to answer questions and explain things and I was able to be silent and wait. It was a wonderful experience working with him.
Love that!
What about A) intake forms and getting background info before you start? B) Giving patients "homework" between sessions? C) Differences/ specializing I couples vs individuals? I'm generally not impressed with counselors- too hard to put too much in one hour a week without a deep dive and something that the counseled person needs to do between sessions.
I bet you have all these things, that you're an amazing counselor... wish I lived closer!
Dear Dr. Grande, another highly informational video that exceeded my expectations... Which are pretty damn high, since I've already grown accustomed to your level and range of expertise. 😎👍
Thank you for this! I am currently experiencing some of these issues mentioned. It helped a lot.
Thanks 🙏 Dr. Grande. This was very interesting and helpful. 💗
I've never seen a therapist that actually did research on a case; once I met a physician that did. I think most therapists believe that being a cousellor involves keeping the flow, keeping interacting with the patient, and never get around to doing research on their patients' cases. This is quite close to making it look like an art, rather than a science, as pointed out in the video about signs of a bad therapist. But it's always hard to know to what extent this is true or it is just your narcissism speaking.
My counselor said my problem was just going to go away. 29 years later it is still here.
I don't know how natural this is for the field, but I would posit that another good sign is when the counselor very frequently continues their education, going on seminars and trainings even after years of practice.
It points to the desire to stay curious, up to date and not have too rigid of an image of their own competence.
It is good point precisely for counsellor, not to take over the session and turn it about themselves and not give any chance or minimum chance to listen to the clients. I have experience seeing a counsellor who will unload all her problems on to me and I had no chance of even talking about why i was there. I never went back.
I'm starting counseling again tomorrow. After about a year. Yrs ago when I was 20ish counselors were impeccable. Truly. I healed so much. Today 2 decades later as I revisit issues at new stages of my life- my last two in 2 yes were something from twolite zone. One was in her car on her phone screaming I've been there for you!! As I was informing her I was choosing to move on. She often cancelled last minute one time she said she was at a funeral and forgot. Ugh. The other counselor sat and glanced at her smart watch and talk about her young daughter. I had never in my 1st 20yrs ever had anything remotely close to happening. Tomorrow when I go I will kindly let my new therapist know my expectations as she will let me know her. I pray for a perfect fit ( think she had been practicing in FL about 15 to 20 yrs ) She does emdr and is faith based; that is a good start for me.
Thank you Dr Grande for the support. I am healing from d.i.d.
I’ve been in the field as a counselor for about a year, running my own groups & responsible for a caseload. This video, like a lot of others, has been insightful & so much of what you said ruminates with me. Thank you for taking the time to help educate the community🙏
I’ve never had a good counselor. I’ve had one good session- and it was 2 minutes of the session. The therapist was direct with me and said I can come off as cold based on my aloofness which was something I didn’t know at that time- that was good but then he forgot sessions and when I wanted to discharge he was totally relieved it seemed
Thank you for this information. A major theme that seems to repeat throughout most of the signs is the need for balance. A good counselor needs to not be too lax or too rigid and be able to move about the continuum. While watching this video I also got the sense that trusting own's intuitions and following up with those feelings may be appropriate in many instances. As you mentioned being off-the-mark is not always bad and may be more beneficial than missing an opportunity to connect or explore an idea that is important. I am hopeful that these skills become easier with time.
Lisa, I agree with you that many of the eight signs listed appear to be skills that can only be "sharpened" through practice. I think our CRPs would be an excellent scenario to begin implementing these skills in. That way we are free to try these new techniques in a safe and controlled environment.
Lisa, as new learning counselors there are many things that we are learning . I felt some comfort from the fact that we as counselors don't have to get it right all the time and as we develop those relationships with our clients we will have a respectful relationship that allows for honest and open conversation.
As someone who is studying to become a licensed counselor, I really appreciated Dr. Grande’s representation of a good counselor. As a have learned, it can be easy to get in your own head, being unsure of when to challenge the client, and feeling pressured to constantly fill the silence due to the awkwardness or need to implement your newly learned skills as Dr. Grande mentioned. Additionally, I resonated with Dr. Grande’s ideas on the concept of being able to point something out that the client may be trying to communicate but not directly saying it. Having completed role play demonstrations and discussing the sessions with my peers, it is evident that in many cases those acting as the counselor, myself included, are hesitant to point out specific behaviors or possible concerns to the client due to the fact that we are unsure of how the individual may respond. Additionally, many hold the idea that if a client wished to discuss a specific issue they would bring up the topic themselves. However, that is not always the case. I find that within the counseling profession, there will be numerous incidents where the client is very much introverted, and therefore may hold back information, even if they wish to discuss it, due to the fact that they feel as though the counselor is uninterested or doesn’t care about their situation. For this reason, it is important for counselor to get to know their clients and be able to identify specific behaviors that may suggest a client is hesitant to communicate something. Therefore, it is necessary for the counselor to feel comfortable and confident in the therapeutic relationship with the client, in order to be able to bring such behavior and resistance to the clients attention, so that the client feels safe discussing difficult topics.
Marisa-you and I have talked about this a lot. We have both felt pressure to say "something" at times when it may not be necessary and even deter the flow of the session. And I agree that a client is not always willing to bring things up in therapy themselves but they really want to explore. I have experienced this myself as a client and I was always frustrated that the counselor didn't ask me about certain things. However, I realize that even though we are counselors (in the making) we wont ever be able to read minds so we have to be very observant and truly know and understand our clients to be effective with this skill.
Love the videos always. I was laughing at the thought of you listing the signs of a good counselor mainly pertaining to you.
"Sign number one is if your counselor wears glasses. Number two, you can find the counselor on youtube. Number 3, a last name that can be translated into the word "large" is a very good indication of a good counselor."
It's not easy to be a councelor, bless their hearts
🤣🤣🤣 OH PLEASE!
No job is easy!!!
And many jobs are much much harder for less per hour!!!
Very helpful and validating too. My third try at a counselor -- about halfway thru our 1st session said:
'Earth to Lynda...Earth to Lynda...' and I loved him for it (normal patient/counselor respect).
He gave me homework! And I did It and It Helped. Wow. That was years ago and now whenever I get too burdened and distracted I think of him and I return to earth. He's moved on to greater things now and so have I.
Damn you're good.
Every person needs a different type of councler. I was abused as a child, as a client, there are times where I kinda become that scared child again. My best match is a lady I found who has worked with children and the school system. She knows how to press or back off as needed. She understands where I am coming from.
What about a counselor that won't tell you, or discuss the truth about what is.. or what was amatter with people in your life. They need to explain what was wrong with others that hurt you. My coulsner did not do this, i had to Google,read about others, and their mental health problems.
I recently had a therapist tell me, "you don't seem to have any ptsd about anything so we're going to keep it all positive from here, okay? No negativity from here." I knew I was done with her.
thank you for another great video.
You kind of pointed this out, however I think it could be more clarified that therapist should not be your friend. I went through a terrible divorce and have been the recipient of a lot of parental alienation for many years. I am biased I know, but I quit seeing two therapists after my wife left because I felt that they just wanted to agree with me and were too much on my side. I was looking for someone who was willing to point out my flaws and was willing to say the hard stuff.
Throughout the video Dr. Grande informed counselors that being honest with the client is acceptable and apart of being an effective counselor. Within society there is a negative connotation with being honest in a manner which would portray one as less knowledgeable. However, as a counselor being honest with clients about issues such as not having all of the information regarding a topic is appropriate because the counselor doesn’t want to over step there boundaries or cause harm to the client. Dr. Grande ensure that practices such as these are indicators of effective counselors.
Something I know I need to address is sticking to the original topic that is the main reason why the client came to me. Often times it's difficult for me to determine if the primary topic the client speaks about is the true reason they have come to see me or if it is a way for them to talk about something that doesn't bother them in an attempt to avoid speaking about something more serious. I suppose that is something that will come with more practice and an enhanced understanding of the material. Overall, this video gave me great insight as to what to look for in a counselor/therapist as I have never been to one and would not know where to begin when thinking in terms of what to look for in one.
I found out yesterday that I have CPTSD and it explains why I pull my hair out and isolate myself
Thank you, very helpful.
I went to a counselor when I was having a hard time with depression and I hated it. The guy just sat there and said ( how do you feel about that )or (and how did that make you feel) at the end of the session I would be so angry I would have to sit in my car for a few minutes and calm down before I could go home.
Each of these eight signs seem so straight-forward and basic, yet many counselors in the profession fall short of mastering all eight. Just because someone has their degree or achieved licensure does not mean they have no room for improvement. Assuming the position of a counselor also means committing oneself to a life-long learning process.
Constantly improving is something that should be prevalent in a good counselor. Researching, educating, and collaborating with other counselors are a few ways to achieve this. I agree that assuming the position of a counselor is a life-long learning process because it can enhance our intellectual capacity which can improve our interactions with helping clients. It should be a goal for all counselors to strive for well-roundedness and be proficient in many important areas.
I agree with you Ashley. I think that many professionals in the field do fall short when it comes to mastering these skills. Counseling, like many professions, is always changing and new theories and techniques are being integrated. Counselors, especially new counselors, will always encounter a client with symptoms of a disorder that they may not be familiar with and in order to remain effective, its imperative to continue learning and expanding our own knowledge in the field.
Thank you for posting this, I’m am currently trying out new counselors. I live with P.T.S.D. as a survivor of childhood domestic violence and a physical disability. This current counselor seemed to steam roll out her plan that consisted of higher self advocacy through action (not a bad thing for sure). What I had a hard time communicating to her was the emotional consequences of not only being chronically ill but having to receive care from a broken healthcare industry that prioritizes profit and their stakeholders over patients.
I was denied a medication I was on last year that was effectively treating my physical ailment because the insurance companies didn’t want to pay for it. Not only was my hope of getting the chance to finally be able to make a life for myself after a lifetime of disability was crushed but my illness became excruciatingly painful; leaving me bedridden. I have been dealing with severe anger and depression. I had to bring up the topic several times until she finally focused on what I was saying, her comment in response being “So you want to go backwards?”
I feel my emotional experiences are being neglected while I’m being piled on with homework and assignments that I can’t keep up with due to my emotional and mental state.
Lance Armstrong would be a great review lots of material
The Problem is especially present when a councelor agrees with everything the Patient does and the Patient notices it. This completely undermines the authority of a councelor.
8:21 educational process is really helpful. Thanks.
How will u determine a disease is psychosomatic, I have a condition called aquagenic pruritus, that means contact with water produces severe skin itching. The problem precipitates after bath or after sweat. I had visited a counceller and he told me not to itch whatever the intensity of the itching. I tried that for few days and found it so difficult that I have to stop the therapist advise and stoped seeing him again. I have seen many dermatologist and they have told me that my disease is not psychogenic and it is real. My question is how will u determine a condition is psychogenic or not. Thank you 😊
It sounds psychogenic to me. What was the dermatologists treatment? The itching is coming form the brain and conditioned neural pathways. Your brain now associates water with itching>. The problem is to the water but the FEAR of water. Think about it....have you ever heard of an allergy to water??? Our bodies are composed of water. We drink water. We were in a sac of water etc in utero.
@@rlabarbera it is real since I got lymphoma i occasionally get Pruitis after I don't dry off enough. Some r more prone. Ice cubes and a cream was issued for my problem. It is not always psychogenic
Do you think my therapist is bad? I just seen them for the first time and they said, since my husband is 7 years older than me, they said why couldn't they find someone their own age? Why is he with you? Does he like younger girls? He then talked about his daughter wanting to date an older guy. He said there is something wrong if you're wanting to date someone that much older. I really don't wanna have to switch therapists because I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I don't want a bad therapist either. He also said it's not my place to drop off my step son at his mom's when he has to go back.
The best medicine is laughter .possible if we has a good cousellor but if she or he can be realistic but high extrversion.it is ok if there is somebody with high intelligence but good with people and know how to please them.there always be somebody who has problems and someone who wants to hear problems.people need advice and good psychology play good parts in real daily life.
I've gone to many and each has had a different diagnosis. I finally decided to diagnose/ lable myself as just ME!!
I had an issues with a coneslor whom acted inappropriately with me til this day. I think she took couristy too far and I am glad I ended the sessions. I met someone wonderful counselors after her. She did not research as well as she thought, I am grateful for this video. She went like "gut feeling." Lol.
A counselor has recovered from a specific mental illness, and has it under control with meds and therapy.
The client has the the same diagnosis. Is it helpful to let the client know you have struggled with the disorder in the past, and learned to overcome it?
And don't forget being reliable. I had a therapist cancel on me twice within the last week at the very last minute. The latest cancellation was yesterday (20 mins before my appointment, saying she had a procedure done the day before & that she wasn't feeling well and needed to cancel) & she hasn't contacted me to reschedule. Now I'm not so sure she's trustworthy...
Great video. Number 5 and 6 are my particular favorite points. As an aspiring counselor I am glad I like research! This is a great video for clients seeking counseling as well.
A counselor who's not oblivious is always a good thing. Shades of Dr. Grande's humor to come, LOL.
I did not mean for it to land here, but I'm glad if my 2 requests about search keywords and kids on medications make sense here! And now, today, I will also show this lovely video to my 19 year old friend / neighbor who helps me.
Thanks everyday, Dr. Grande.
For me it was very weird that I had five sessions with a homeopathic doctor and the topic of fairness came up often. I had always had to deal with unjust treatment in my life. Guess what: She sent me the a bill at the end of the 5 sessions and I noticed that she had charged me too much. I was really angry. The last 3 follow-up visits had been just 5 minutes each but she had forgotten it and had charged the full price. I wrote her to protest and she detracted 100 euros from the bill... I found her behaviour to be very unprofessional.
It took a male counselor to tell me my ex husband was very condescending and at that point I started looking up "condescending husband " and it led me straight to narcisism channels. It saved my life and I called the husband out on it and he disappeared and we never spoke again. I never knew that term" condescending or narcisist .' Had been to 5 females and they used the term controlling and it did me no good. It took that one counselor to use a new word for me to look into that showed me the truth. He was also very upfront asking me if my goal is to save the marriage . I said yes and he kinda shook his head and said let's prepare for it not happening ( he knew from what I told him this was not just a controlling man but a Chris Watts personality to a T, without the murder. I appreciated that and his honestly. It's like kid sucking all the sugar coat off a lemon head then giving it to you to bite Into. That's the real deal .
Hmm- I’ve had limited experience in marriage counseling but I thought the therapist should be neutral- their job is not to give you their opinion on whether you should stay married- it’s to help you in the process of making that decision yourself
I think the ability to focus on the main issue and to bring the conversation back to that is THE marker for a good counselor. It can seem like in session you can get wrapped up in any variety of segways. The ability to refocus the client back to the main problem really shows that the counselor can track these side topics all while being in tuned with the actual problem of the client.