Is It Offensive To NOT Go To A Funeral?
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- Опубликовано: 4 авг 2021
- Bert Weiss went to his friend's funeral yesterday, but had a thought...is it offensive if you DON'T go to a funeral because you already have the closure you need and it's going to be emotionally draining for you?
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![“Do I go to parents funeral?” [obligation & guilt for the family scapegoat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OozzAawpelI/mqdefault.jpg)
![“Do I go to parents funeral?” [obligation & guilt for the family scapegoat]](/img/tr.png)
Your own mental health is the most important thing to address . If you chose not to go it's up to you
Facts
I do not wish to go to funerals. I went to 2 as an adult, one for my grandmother at my mother’s insistence, and one for an employee out of respect for his family who expected my presence. But I didn’t even attend my parents’ funerals and I grieve in my own way.
It's hard going to a funeral for someone you barely see
I've had a lot of funerals in my family and stopped going years ago because I can't handle it. You sit in a chair and look at a corpse. It's not disrespectful to not cross your own boundaries.
The funeral is for the grieving family, not for the visitors. My son died in a horrific accident and trust me, I did not want to be there.The hundreds of friends, stories, memories, jokes and love I saw at his funeral, kept me from completely losing my mind.
For all the reasons listed here, when I pass away I'm being cremated and my ashes will be scattered by the funeral director. My family is scattered some in CA, some in OR, some back east, I'm in Montana. I don't want people to have to travel here with everything being so expensive now. To me it makes more sense to have the funeral director scatter my ashes. I feel my loved ones can celebrate my life however they choose. Go to a nice restaurant, listen to our favorite songs simple things that hopefully will make them smile a little bit.
There are numerous ways to honour the deceased and/or support the most bereaved. The funeral is not the most important thing that one can do to recognize the death. Many people show up at the memorial but do nothing the other 364 days of the year. Grief doesn't end when the funeral is over.
I DO NOT ATTEND FUNERALS. NONE. Unless I am forced.
@K10 guilt trip me.
@@K10officialnot necessarily
Funerals can not be mandatory.
@@eunicestone838 Tell them to go to hell.
I never go to funerals either
My father-in-laws funeral is today. We haven’t spoken in 15 years or so and before that never really got to know one another. My husband didnt have a relationship with him except for the last couple of years. I feel very uncomfortable showing up to his funeral so i dont think Im going to go. My husband says he understands (not sure if thats true). My thoughts have always been, if there’s no real relationship when we are alive then dont show up to my funeral and vise versa. So im helping the family behind the scenes and hoping the rest of the family doesnt get offended and understands. I THINK they will but ya never know. I personally dont even want a funeral or anything. Spend as little as possible and remember the good times!
Leslie, that's what people need to understand. The decisions you make, how you feel, how you believe, and what you think has totally 100% to do with you and 0% to do with others. People are so quick to judge and take offense to things or situations that may not involve them. Which I find absurd btw.
It's not really offensive, depending on the reasoning behind it.
To me, my mother was "dead" years before her funeral. I live thousands of miles away, and wouldn't have attended if I lived in the same city. I should waste money and time traveling there, and seeing relatives I wasn't close to? Forget it. I forgave her for all the ways she damaged me (she was Borderline Personality Disorder, and alternated between anger and depression all her life). I prayed for her soul, that's all that really matters. That was 2016, this is 2023. No regrets.
On the other hand, not only did I attend, but I helped the family of my best friend (her broken hearted brother; their parents were dead, and she died unmarried age 60) arrange the funeral and greet the distant cousins and all her students and friends who wanted to pay their respects to a woman who was a great teacher and mentor. That was 2007. I miss her still, she was closer than a sister. We met when I transferred to her school when we were both 12 years old.
Thank you for this.
This was complete confirmation. THE EXACT situation has happened to me (when you were explaining about your mother)
She just died and I do not want to be apart of any arrangements. Damaged me since I was a kid, I'm now 28. I've healed and forgiven her.
She lives cross country also, faced a lot of mental/health issues..
It's unfortunate, but it was what it was. RIP to her... No hard feelings...
Also crazy because my last ever interaction with her was in fact 2016... 2023 and she's now transitioned.
And also, sorry for you and her loss. I know how hard it is when a best friend loses a heavily loved one. Been through this as well.
@@miravsyou Thank you for your perceptive and gracious comment. I have discovered that there are more people dealing with this kind of situation than I had previously thought. A bleak comment on the decline and fall of the "American Dream" which was predicated on "normal", traditional & supportive family structure.
Depends on your relationship with the family of deceased, if you’re close with them must go and if you’re not don’t have to
You have a right not to attend whether you are close with them or not.
Her family killed her quicker than the cancer..my daughter..couldn't see them face to face after living in their hell house for 4 months..terrible people..all but the baby..narcissists all of them but the youngest..
I had a seperate ceremony on her birthday..planted a memorial garden for her to be with me always..
I dont want a funeral
Thank you for sharing
I don't want people to feel guilt and obligation to attend MY funeral
Thanks, Bert. This is HARD AS HECK to find.
Great question!
I just want whatever is cheapest without a service or obit.
I just don’t know what to say at funerals.
You don't need to say a thing. Your silence presence with or without a hug is enough.
You should go if you had a close relationship with the dead person (friendship, romantic, familiar) if that's not the case then think if the dead person is related to someone you care and that person is going to be at the funeral, in both cases yes... you should probably go. Otherwise I don't think you are obligated to go.
So we are still in the time of covid and flu and we are elderly. We have a close friend who died and we are thinking of not going because of this.
I never thought about the fact that funerals would be apart of adulting!! This is not something people prepare you for-- making the decision to go or not. Like how you're close to someone when you're younger and then you're not over the years and then you feel obligated to go when they die. I regret not going to my great aunt's funeral but I made that decision not to go because it was my first year or two being a young adult in charge of my own finances and in my head I needed to stay home, save money and keep working, but my great aunt and I were close where I wish I had gone but I think more so I wish I had gone to visit her while she was alive because my whole family went to visit her and I chose not to because of finances. I justified it by saying she has Alzheimer's I don't want to see her in that state, I'm not hurting her because she'll see my brothers and my everyone else is going to visit so she doesn't need ME. My parents were made at me but they're the ones who taught me to be a penny pincher and no one offered to help me financially to go. I regret it. But one good thing is a person could think of funerals as a family and friends reunion as they often are and that can be wonderful
Funerals are for paying your respects ...
The older I get. And the more services I've attended over the years. I've come to terms with death. Something I cannot explain. It comes with age and that's it. As you grow you will learn what it means and you will not know any sooner. Best of luck. Enjoy what you have. Growing up sucks guys... Sorry to disappoint you......
Can i steal your comment without going to jail for it. I love it so much becsuse it is "golden".
Its about the family, not the deceased. If you dont go and show respect and empathy to the family because of being selfish then you are a waste, you will taste it in your own. My husband died and I will always remember those who came to his funeral and showed their respect and empathy to our family I will always care and help them. And I will always remember the close family members who used a cheap excuse for not going. What goes around, comes around.
Respect how?? Do people actually spend time with the deceased when they are living
@@jennifer742011nope they only get out of the blue love for you only when your dead
If you don't go to people's funerals they won't go to yours.
But if that's there reaction would you honestly want them there anyway?
but… they’ll already be dead LOL
That's the whole point
He won’t know who attends.
@@IamParalegal exactly. It's a really old joke