Should you attend a family funeral when you are estranged?
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 31 июл 2024
- #narcissism #scapegoat #toxicrelationships #abuserecovery #narcissisticparents #survivor #codependency #estrangement #family
Like the video? Check out my blog: www.thescapegoatclub.com/blog
Thank you for watching. If you are dealing with a toxic relationship, please look after yourself and get professional help if you are able.
Please drop me a line below to tell me what you think, what your experiences are and if there is anything you’d like me to cover. I can’t do this without your support. I hope you like the video and subscribe to the channel if you enjoy the content. And if you can make a financial contribution towards making the videos, no matter how small, please check out www.patreon.com/thescapegoatclub.
Much love, Chess xxx
*************************************************
This is a personal account of my experiences. I am not diagnosing anybody in my family as narcissistic. If you are in danger of physical abuse & harm, from others or yourself, please contact your local emergency services immediately.
**************************************************
DISCLAIMER: The information contained within the RUclips channel 'The Scapegoat Club' is not a substitute for professional advice such as a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or other therapist. The information provided by the RUclips channel 'The Scapegoat Club' does not constitute legal or professional advice nor is it intended to be. Only a trained medical professional can diagnose psychological or medical conditions.
Do NOT attend.get away from them.
They will harrass u and fight u at that funeral.
They will make snarky comments at u to push ur buttons
💯💯💯
Spot on with truth…Thank you..
Been there done that..
The vultures in my family (three sisters) have had their claws out for me for years,and am so happy we don’t live near each other,to be around those toxic people.
Both of my toxic parents are gone-sisters still around in their misery..
Me? Very happy with my family of three,i.e. daughter and son-in-law
The estranged family member are a distant memory ..I love it..🥰
Keep in mind,related by blood does not a family make..
Shed the guilt..Life is too short.
Thanks! Needed to hear that!
Definitely
Hi I went to my estranged mother's funeral a few months ago. I coped well on the day, but felt traumatised for weeks afterwards. My estranged brothers are fighting over her will, and both wanted to recruit me to their side. I have opted out of getting involved. I don't expect my mother to have left me anything. My brothers are both entitled narcissists.
When your estranges they will try to cut you out or even steal the inheritance
I just talked about this yesterday at therapy! Its like the stigma that comes with going NC with parents. I already grieved loosing my mother via therapy, shes still around. I dont want to rehash/reopen things.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in letting things go and not looking to reopen problems. Glad you are moving on and finding some peace.
💯💯💯
No!! When my sister's husband died she was very nasty. To hell with her!
As of now, due to multiple health issues from trauma, and finally healing, I will not be attending the funerals of family members. There will be sadness and I will grieve, but I will spend time in nature with God. Great video!
Hey Chess, your channel is going so well! Your little friend is cute. This is a question that plagues me. Sometimes I think funerals are for the living and to support those attending. However, if you are estranged from the deceased, it would be bitter sweet. You would be mourning the relationship that should have been. I think for me I wouldn’t go because it would be a hornets nest and I would probably mourn on my own and maybe go someplace where I had at least one good memory of a time I shared with that person.
Thanks for your comment! And wise words. I think for those of us who don't have a strong connection to funerals, then mourning in our own way, in safety, is a very good idea.
I didn't go to my maternal Grandmother's funeral which was about 5 years ago now I am fine.
I also didn't go to my sister's funerals about 3 years ago(yes, two of them because of family drama).
The first one was put on my by my middle sister that is the second worst narcissist to my mom. She doesn't talk to my mom either. She had a 8 to 10 people there. Including my oldest sister's daughter and friends. I didn't attend, but out of curiosity I did find a video of it online. My middle sister stood up and told stories of them two. But made sure the stories mostly focused on herself. I just shook my head while watching. Laughed a few times, because I know she'll never change. She'll always be a self centered. I haven't spoken to her for 16 or 17 years. The dead sister the same. They always treated me like the third wheel.
Anyway, my mom had a separate memorial for her which my aunt ( the only family member I speak to) a uncle, and a few friends attended, from what my aunt said. She said it was nice and about my oldest sister. I have been estranged from my mom for about 12 years. I know it probably was very hard on my mom, as that was her favorite child that died.
So don't worry about attending funerals of estranged family members. You're better off.
Don't go for the dead person - they dead
I did. I wish I hadn't. If you do, keep your expectations low.
Thank you…I love your comments..
Thank you! Got a lot from you video thanks!
Glad it helped!
Am preparing for when a toxic relative goes, if it is before me. I suffered so much narcissistic abuse from her for years, I finally went no contact and it has been peaceful ever since. I have already grieved the relationship that never was. As with most narcissists, she has portrayed herself to family and friends as some kind of saint. If I did attend the funeral I would no doubt be berated for cutting off contact with her. So, when the time comes, if I am still here, I will not attend and try not to feel guilty over it. The relatives I loved most and who loved me are all long gone. And my sweet cat died last November. Very sad.
Jess !!!! Omg I did this…..I told a few family members to be ready for the slander campaign. Afterwards they came back to me and said….what was said was so horrific that they couldn’t repeat it and I should cut myself off. I told them back that I told you it would be bad. BUT one family member who I didn’t prepare took me aside and said how can you do this to your mother and let her lose all this weight…I spat my drink out and laughed and said, wow, she actually used her anorexia against me as it’s a thing that at family events my mum gets upset her weight is always acknowledged. She used me to hide her eating disorder weight loss. Other people said that was probably the nicest thing she said. You cannot stop the slander campaign. You cannot stop what people think. So attend if you want to say goodbye is my advice
Again...please let me offer a different perspective! I know all too well my mom is a NARC. I spent an hour talking to my GP Wednesday and cried my eyes out as she has dementia (24/7 caregiver) yet KNEW she stole my car, keys and wallet to go on a joy ride.
It is a horrible place to be. I found her after (not being allowed to drive for the last 6 1/2 years) and she almost ran over me at a fast food place as she sped around the parking lot. I was devastated and called 911 and I was patted down twice and put in the back of the police car to get a ride home and when they found her which is exactly where I said she would be and they found her several hours later at the hotel as I told them. They were about to put out a Maddie alert. She was fully conscious of what she did and could careless the trauma she caused me!!! I was livid as I have had no help from my half sister in 6 1/2 years.
I never wanted to be in this situation...EVER!!! But I feel a sense of obligation and duty as there is no one else. I have C-PTSD yet I still give because I want to live with no regrets. Sorry it has been a terrible week. Thankfully the doctor could see through her lies (since 2018) and was very compassionate as I told him my past trauma so he could see this is NOT dementia but WHO SHE IS!!! She clearly has mental issues yet I do not feel I can abandon her even though I was always the SG and sis was the GC.
Please pray for me as I am truly suffering!!!
I'm so sorry to hear your difficult situation. I understand wanting to have no regrets, and also that you need to look after your safety and wellbeing. I hope you can find a way to balance the fine line between the two. We can also regret not looking after ourselves when others continue to harm us.
I'll be so confused when my mother finally passes. I forgive her but actually having her in my life is really unhealthy for me. She's always been too mentally ill to care for children, animals, family. I know this now and I know I need to forgive her for abusing me. It's so hard for me to do. She is human and flawed just like me or anyone else. But interacting on a regular basis is not in the cards. It's been 3 years, I had a baby who is 2 who she'll never meet. I wouldn't even know how to try to talk to her at this point. Better to let it go completely. I feel this intuition but I wonder if I will actually regret it when she passes. I'm really not sure.
It sounds really hard. It sounds like you know what is right for you now. I think that wisdom will steer you well when it comes to future decisions too. Wishing you well.
In three weeks I'm flying out to see my parents(both in their 80s) after estrangement of 15 years. I'm doing it to be proactive because I know in 5-10 years they will eventually pass on. I'm also estranged from my three siblings and my sister is bringing them to the cafe where we're going to meet.... they live with her. They are all part of a cult religion that controls every facet of their lives and I just couldn't be a part of that environment anymore. But time is short now and I'm in a much more healthy place from the estrangement. My father was the person I had the most normal relationship with. So I'm mainly going to see him and resolve some things.
It sounds like this is a good decision for where you are now. I wish you all the best with the visit and you get some resolution. I hope it goes well!
@@thescapegoatclub Thank you
Just send some flowers
Thank you for making this video. Those of us that have gone no contact have mourned the relationship that never was… or are in a phase of mourning. Funerals are for the living… so I’ll decide what’s best for me at the time, unless I go first. I have my wishes clearly stated in my will and health directive.
❤️🩹 wishing you well. Thank you for your comment.
Im trying not 2 fall 4u😢
Good plan- I'm married and have lots of annoying qualities!
U will probably be unwelcomed?
Probably!
Jess !!!! Omg I did this…..I told a few family members to be ready for the slander campaign. Afterwards they came back to me and said….what was said was so horrific that they couldn’t repeat it and I should cut myself off. I told them back that I told you it would be bad. BUT one family member who I didn’t prepare took me aside and said how can you do this to your mother and let her lose all this weight…I spat my drink out and laughed and said, wow, she actually used her anorexia against me as it’s a thing that at family events my mum gets upset her weight is always acknowledged. She used me to hide her eating disorder weight loss. Other people said that was probably the nicest thing she said. You cannot stop the slander campaign. You cannot stop what people think. So attend if you want to say goodbye is my advice