Lets Talk About Death & Dying with Caitlin Doughty
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- Опубликовано: 30 май 2016
- “Let’s Talk About” is a series of conversations hosted by the Sacramento Public Library. The series features important topics that are often unspoken or taboo.
In this conversation, we shake the taboo off of Death & Dying with modern mortician and author of “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” Caitlin Doughty. Joining her is volunteer law enforcement chaplain Jenny Ebinger.
This event took place on May 15, 2016, at the Central Library.
For more information about past and upcoming “Let’s Talk About” events, visit www.letstalksacramento.org 
Развлечения
Deathlings here? Sound off friends! 🙌🏽
Here 🙌
Hear here!
* Bentham’s head *
Here! Come back to Sac, Caitlyn!
Yep!
As a die hard fan of Caitlyn I'm so glad this exists
such a deathling - :)
Melissa Harding I see what you did there...lol.
The Dead is no fun game and The Dead serious very much as well
@@jessicaallec7669 learning about death is fun
Groupie here!
As a high school teacher I 100% support the idea of sex education followed by death education in their junior year.
Such a great idea! Every kid, regardless of gender, should also take home ec. Kids are clueless about costs, expenditures, cooking, saving, work ethics, sewing/repairs. Auto shop used to be good for all, but with everything electronic, that is a speciality and not a home fix as easily.
Much respect goes towards the lady in blue. She's been through alot.
Do you mean the volunteer ? I like her a lot
I just wish she’d had the microphone a little closer to hear her better.
And a lot of protein shakes, dead squats, bench pressings, and snappin' into Slim Jim's.
@@IwasBlueb4 you I
@@Chalor. her biceps are definitely impressive
In regards to grief, one of my friends helped me out a lot when I lost my mom. She said:
There are going to be people telling you to let it out, and people telling you to hold it in. Don't listen to either of them. Do what feels natural to you. If you need to cry, then cry. If you feel the need to stay strong, then do it. Only you can tell what is right for you, so figure it out, and do it.
Yes, indeed, Jay...but id like to add that crying and grieving is not the opposite of strength
Figuring it out is the hard part.
Jay Johnson I lost my daughter to a brain tumor & people who don’t know what to say should just say nothing.
@@IwasBlueb4 I didn't mean to imply that it was. That's just what people say when they mean you shouldn't cry, or breakdown.
I actually printed off an Advance Directive today and plan on filling it out with my planned agent later. Also I am a woodworker and have decided to build my own coffin (not casket) so I can be sure that the cost is less on my family and that it is as green a burial as possible. I'm 26... It's never too early to plan for the inevitable.
I think that is very smart and very kind to your family. I took a dangerous trip and was very anxious about it but after I took care of my affairs, I felt much better knowing it would be easier for my family if something happened. Merry Christmas 🎄 and long life to you!
I’ve told my kids I would prefer a coffin vs casket, but I’ve also told them not to spend too much on stuff that’s gonna get buried 6 feet under.
Also, watching things play out at my mother in law’s funeral, I learned that funerals are very much for the living and that I won’t be around to voice any objections should my children choose a different funeral than I might plan for myself. Short of adding me to the compost pile with the dead pigs, I’m ok with that.
Oh thats dope i kind of wanna make my own coffin now tbh
Caitlin Doughty is so straight forward and honest about the end of life. It's pretty cool! Thank you for the enlightening discussions.
Funny...cos I read her so differently to most people on here....I find her to be morbid....a lover of power and control....she almost takes delight when using words such as casket, embalming, corpse....watch the strange smile just at those moments....She seems to like her job a little too much !! So very different from the other lady, who is a volunteer for the police force ...she talks about death is such a dignified way
@@IwasBlueb4 I bet you never worked with death and dying people. Most of them are like that. Death is nothing to be romanticized and the nature of it is quite graphic. Do you know what a "dead person" looks like? Exactly, they look like a corpse. There's and there's both something beautiful and something graphic to it, but shutting up about the graphic sound of it just makes it awkward and honestly a bit ridiculous.
My heart hurts for the woman who talked about the cold reception that she had in caring for her baby after death. I hope more people in the funeral industry will create more soothing and gentle environments for families.
So sad. My mom called her funeral director her new best friend he was so wonderful. I hope for that as well.
Just like Elvira is the Mistress of the Dark, Caitlyn is the Mistress of the Mortuary.
I LOVE that comparison! Lol!! She is indeed!😁
And now I need a crossover episode.
She needs to gift us her in black lace lingerie
A friend was five when her grandfather passed away. Her mother explained that a coffin was the box they were going to put Grandpa in. She started to quietly chant, 'Bob in a box. Bob in a box.' I love her for that.
I probably shouldn't laugh so hard at that but for some reason that's cracked me up
tetsubo57
I know this is a late reply, but I just now saw your comment. As much as I would like to view it as cute...I just can't.
My step-grandfather...of whom he and my grandmother raised me from an infant...passed away from cancer in 1994. He was the first man I ever loved, he was Dad to me and I adored him so much! I have never got over losing him.
His name was, Bob.
It's really interesting how truly in tune this child was with the deceased. Children truly have a sixth sense.
@@StyxNyx1 nor can I
I love you for that comment
I can’t imagine doing what you do. My ex husband committed suicide and was a police officer and the first responders were his friends /coworkers. My heart still hurts and i will never be the same. Remember we are ALL loved
My daughter is married to a Bosnian Muslim man. ( For those not familiar, the Bosnian culture is more European than Middle Eastern, though it is a mixture of both.) While they were engaged, his mother died a long, painful death from cancer, and it was devastating for all of us. But I have to say, I admire the way that their culture treats death. After she passed away, she remained in the home for several hours so visitors could see her for the last time. Then the women of the family had an opportunity to wash and prepare the body in a beautiful and intimate way. She had to be buried in 24 hours, so the preparation, religious service, and burial were all in the same place, at the residence of the imam, so unlike our culture the body was never “taken away” at any time. Yes, it is true the women had to stand off at a distance during the burial, but they did have the privilege of having the last contact with their mother.
Then after 40 days they had another service, and then a final one after a year. This was a wonderful way to acknowledge the grief of the living and give closure to the process.
I think it’s a beautiful ritual and even though extremely sad, it all felt very good and right.
I just wanted to share this story to show how different cultures deal with death, and how removed Western society has become from the process. As a matter of fact, the experience had such a profound effect on me that since then I have reflected on what I want for my funeral, and I have decided that now I want a regular burial and not a cremation.
A beautiful tradition
Thank you for sharing...That was beautiful.....It made me think of Biblical times...
Sounds super civilized.
Similar with the russian culture. For them, the 40 days represents the duration that the soul is still earth bound
@@darkdiddler1439 except for that bit about making the women do all the work and then banishing them to "stand at a distance".
The Edinburgh University Medical School does the same thing. My husband died at the end of 2018, and his wish was to be accepted as what they call a ‘silent teacher’. They hold a service at Greyfriars Kirk in Edinburgh, in honour of the ‘volunters’ where the students and family of the ‘cadavers’ gather. Pictures of the volunteers are there to bring home the humanity of the bodies they work on.
Two of my favourite things: public libraries and Caitlin!
When my father died, i was 24 years old... as a nurse I washed him, dressed him... fast... because I didn‘t wanted to feel him getting cold.. he was aware of diing... he talked about it.. that helped so much... but his cold hands I never touched... I wanted to keep the memory of his warm hands
Hugs
My grandfather raised me along with my grandma. He didnt want to be in a nursing home so his doctor ordered a hospital bed for his house and it was put in the living room facing the door so he could see who was coming and going and be in the middle of what was going on (we didnt want him stuck in a backroom). Home health would come take his vitals twice a week but at 21 I did most of his caring. Being bedridden he relied on me for everything. He had golblatter issues and would have diarrhea so bad that it would spread to the very edge of the disposable chucks. He would cry with shame about me having to change him (which made me want to cry seeing him so sad) but I would tell him that he changed me when I was an infant and bathed me so it's only right that I do it for him. He passed about a year later and though it was for the best ( he HATED being bedridden) I still miss him and would have had no problem taking care of him for however long his life would have lasted. I still miss him and tearing up right now thinking of him but it's best to think about the good times and remember that they're in a better place
I had two police officers show up at 1.oclock to tell me my son was killed at 7 pm . I was alone, I wish a Chaplin had been with them. They were so uncomfortable . I needed. A hug .
Let’s talk about death, babyyyy... let’s talk about embalming... let’s talk about all the forceps and the caskets.. you and meeee 🎶
Did you mean your death and the casket for your body, Mr. Pierce ?
Your going to hell 😂😂
All the good things and the bad things that may be ,
lets try to hide froooooom death
Try to hide frumdeath baby
@@daniellavigne4019 c a n' t. h e l p.
I t!!! I G O T T A LAUGH!!!! 😁😂😂😂 4am hit me just so! Lol!!
*I LOVE WHAT CAITLIN SAID AROUND **30:00**... WHEN YOU HAVE UNPLEASANT FEELINGS OR UNEASY FEELINGS, AND YOURE SAD, YOU NEED TO FEEL THAT EMOTION AND DONT SUPPRESS IT OR TRY TO DETACH FROM IT. IF YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING, FKN CRY. IF YOU WANT TO SCREAM, SCREAM... (TRY TO DO IT INTO A PILLOW OR SOMEWHERE THAT WONT MAKE IT SEEM SKETCHY).. IF YOU WANT TO BE SILENT, BE SILENT. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT THE ONLY WAY TO GET THROUGH SOMETHING IS TO ACTUALLY GO THROUGH IT AND FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS. THEYRE THERE FOR A REASON. I SUPPRESSED MY EMOTIONS WHEN MY BEST FRIEND DIED IN A TRAGIC, FREAK ACCIDENT WHEN HE WAS ONLY 16 YEARS OLD, AND I WAS 18.. I STARTED USING DRUGS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULDNT DEAL WITH OR BEAR THE GRIEF I WAS FEELING, SINCE HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND OF FOUR YEARS, AND I USED HEROIN FOR 8 YEARS TO TRY TO JUST DEAL. OR TO DO WHAT I THOUGHT WAS DEALING WITH THE GRIEF AND MISERY BY NUMBING MYSELF. WEIRD THING WAS, I STILL CRIED EVERY NIGHT FOR SIX MONTHS STRAIGHT, BUT IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 9 YEARS NOW, AND I HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 2, AND IM STILL GRIEVING HIS LOSS. AND I DEFINITELY ATTRIBUTE THAT TO NOT LETTING MYSELF FULLY FEEL THE SADNESS OF HIS LOSS. IM ALSO AN OVERLY SENSITIVE WRECK, BUT I WISH I HAD LET MYSELF GO THROUGH THE PROCESS, BECAUSE IM 28 AND I STILL FIND MYSELF NOT WANTING TO LET HIM GO. AND ITS BEEN ALMOST A DECADE. THATS NOT NORMAL, I KNOW, BUT NOW I TELL EVERYONE.. IF YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING, FKN CRY! IF YOU FEEL LIKE YELLING, YELL (DO IT APPROPRIATELY, OF COURSE), IF YOU ARE STRESSED AND WANT TO PUNCH A PILLOW, YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT PILLOW. THAT REALLY HELPS ALLEVIATE SOME OF THE WEIGHT OF THE EMOTIONS, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF KEEPING THEM IN AND DOWN YOURE LETTING THEM OUT. WHICH I THINK CAN BE VERY FREEING. ITS ALSO PROBABLY ANNOYING AS HELL TO EVERYONE AROUND ME CAUSE I CRY ON THE DAILY, BUT I REFUSE TO PUSH THOSE EMOTIONS DOWN ANYMORE. I RATHER BE A WALKING BALL OF SADNESS THEN BE A WRECKING BALL OF ANGER.. BC WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET THAT KETTLE FILL UP WITH BOILING WATER.. ONE DAY THE LID WILL POP OFF AND YOULL FIND YOURSELF THROWING ALL YOUR LOVED POSSESSIONS AT YOUR WALL AND YELLING SO LOUD THAT THE NEIGHBORS WILL CALL THE POLICE. AHEM. YEAH, I WAS BAD. LET THOSE EMOTIONS FLOW RIGHT THROUGH YOU PEOPLE! LET EM FLOW AND THEN LET EM GO! THIS WAS A WONDERFUL VIDEO.*
There is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to grief. Anyone who pushes you to "suck it up" or gets annoyed because you're not "over it" in a certain timeframe is horrid and useless in your life, especially in time of need. Let yourself feel, because if you fight or deny those emotions instead of working through them, they will work against you. As Caitlin once said, we each grieve differently in our own "snowflake of despair." I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hate that you were made to believe your feelings weren't valid. I'm very happy and proud of you for getting clean and taking care of yourself like I wish someone had when it occurred. I know I'm just some stranger online, but I truly hope you have a better support system around you as you move forward. Regardless, here's a hug for the road and I wish you all the best on your journey 💚
I love your comment and yes so true.... Someone told me to move on, a few days after my husbands death....she made me so angry....I was never able to see her as a friend after that... she was saying it very abruptly, too.... Terrible advice, anyway...The person NEEDS to grieve, freely, to be able to recuperate
@@IwasBlueb4 Few days after? That's insane
Why are you shouting?
Too short, please try to write some more. Also, you forgot to use italics...
A friend who died of a rare cancer really wanted his body to be donated to science, because he learned that one thing that was slowing advances in treating the form of cancer he had was that scientists didn't have much tissue with that form of cancer to study. However, he died at home. He wasn't made aware before his death that to donate his tissues he needed to die in the hospital so his body could be refrigerated immediately. Something to be aware of in advance.
I suppose things are different in other countries but a friend of mine died last year and donated his body to science for the same reason as yours. But the coffin was carried off after the funeral mass a few days later. His closest sister accompanied him on that journey while his wife stayed with the rest of the family and their newborn granddaughter. We're in Ireland.
I love the energy Caitlin brings to the subject.
Thank you for having the interpreter there!
These two wonderful women do not have a career. They have a calling.
Every human anatomy class should do what Indiana university does. That’s brilliant
Definitely.
I love hearing and talking about death and “morbid” things. I find it so interesting and fascinating!
Millie Maye you need to watch her YT channel “Ask a Mortician” seriously!
Angeline JoVan I do! I’ve been subscribed since last year and I’m bloody obsessed!😂🤦🏽♀️
I was really super close to my grandma that passed away. At home. She was sick but it was still fairly sudden. I was 6. I begged for the paramedics and my mom to let me back in the bedroom to see my grandma. I remember everything. I'm 30 now. I remember the calm that came over me through the tears, of course I was heartbroken but I remember holding her hand, kissing her cheek and then telling my mom "it's ok grandma is not in any pain now and she's with Jesus." All at 6 years old.. I'm so glad and I to this day still CHERISH that experience. I'm still so thankful to my mom for letting me go back in that room even though she didn't want me to at first and the paramedic said " let her if she wants to or you'll end up regretting it"
I am so happy that I had that time with my grandma, so I definitely say if a child feels like being involved with the body of their family/friend, let them. It's so healing, even as a child. 💙❤️
As a child, most of my relatives had open casket Catholic funerals, and there were a bunch of them. It was a wonderful way to say good bye. Myself, I think a sheet and field sounds good.
I went and found and listened to the Moth piece that Caitlin referenced, about the little girl who wanted to see the body of her best friend who had died. It's an incredible piece and worth your time!
@holly w
Link please? 🙃
I got excited for a brief moment when I spotted the ASL interpreter! Then saddened when she was not kept in frame
I am so sorry but I only clicked to hear Caitlyn but...gggiiirrrlll....that sign language interpreter is fucking awesome. Just saying.
Anytime people actually remember to make stuff accessible is awesome.
Library goals
I just found this. What a solid, smart pair of experts to talk about a subject we don't often talk about. Thank you for holding this discussion, and thank you to the two speakers for sharing your message and experiences.
My 97-year-old parents died a month apart from each other. Oddly, this seemed to have been a more comfortable condition than it might have been if they passed further apart in time. (76 years of marriage!). Papa went, and Mama decided to go.
We really enjoyed watching this! The sign language interpreter was awesome too!
Just a few months before my 16th birthday my father died unexpectedly. He was 45. He always talked about where he wanted to be buried, what he wanted to be dressed, the type of service, etc. As a child I thought it a bit macabre but when we were stunned by his death we knew everything he wanted, down to the music. It made it so much easier for us and allowed us to mourn his death and not doubt our choices.
NOTE TO SELF:
Have sympathy! Control empathy!
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Love the sympathy vs. empathy concept.as well as "the only way out is -through".. I don't envy the Chaplin in this interview, as it is so hard to share the spot light with a brilliant mind like Caitlin. Thanks for being my inspiration and drive as I finish my Mortuary Degree 2020!
When I lost my Nonna, I was in the room with my hubby and my BFF… we all agreed that it was she was gone, her vessel was there but it was just her vessel, the nurses said we could have all the time we wanted with her… but Nonna was always with us regardless of he vessel. We felt so much better because she never left, it was just her ‘meat-sac’ that was left… she’s now cremated and in our house always… just because she desiccated doesn’t mean she can’t help around the house…. She’s always with us and it feels so close. I wouldn’t change anything.
Caitlin, Your open casual discussions of death are very consoling and desensitizing. Thank You!
Much love to the woman in blue! ❤ She seems to have passion and compassion for her community
My ISD in highschool did an "every fifteen minutes' type program called "Shattered Dreams", they did it right before prom. Sadly, they rotated the HS that participated each year (it was recorded and every school got to watch it later, but only one school got to stage it) and by the time I was in HS, there were 6 HS's in the ISD so I did not get the chance to see my school host it. I grew up in a Dallas Suburb that probably had more than enough money to stage it at every school each year and I think it would have been more impactful. We actually had kids get pulled out of class during class, put into a body bag by police/EMT and wheeled out on a gurney. Then they came back in all black and "dead" makeup and couldn't speak or interact. My oldest sister got to participate and be one of the kids pulled out of class, and they had a cop and a Chaplin go to my parent's house (They knew ahead of time) to tell my parents that my sister had "died", and she had to write her own obituary and eulogy and she said that it was one of the most amazing but difficult experiences she's had to do.
Plano?
*CAITLIN IS SERIOUSLY MY NEW FAVORITE RUclipsR. WHICH IS KINDA WEIRD, B/C JUST THINKING ABOUT DEATH MAKES MY HEART ACHE AND I LITERALLY TREMBLE FEAR, AND YEAH, ILL BE HONEST, SIMPLY THINKING ABOUT ANYONE OR ANY CREATURE I LOVE OR EVEN JUST KNOW WELL MAKES ME CRY. IM DEFINITELY A C.D GROUPIE, THOUGH!! HER INSIGHT, HER CHARISMA, HER HUMOR, HER UNAPOLOGETIC APPROACH IN TEACHING AND TELLING US ABOUT THE BIGGEST AND MOST INEXORABLE REALITY OF LIFE. I JUST LOVE HER TO DEATH, HONESTLY. PUN INTENDED.*
Gel M WHY ARE YOU YELLING!
Please do another with these two. Loved it was so informative even though I am from Ontario
The whole conversation regarding grief and going headlong into it is incredibly helpful.
Deathling here! I loved hearing all the great questions! It’s definitely made me think about what I need to do to have a good death and take control of what comes next. My two oldest daughters who aren’t speaking so I know that leaving any room for interpretation will cause a fight just because they’ll refuse to agree with one another. That’s why I plan to name my youngest daughter as the one in charge of doing what needs to be done in every area. Financial, death plans, and everything else.
Caitlin you are absolutely adorable, a wonderful human being, and such a classy lady. We need people like you in any place, with your kind human touch: understanding and understatement, to put in two words.
When my husband was diagnosed w/ a very rare form of cancer that took him in less than 4 months we didn't have long to plan, but I carried out his every his wish & want right down to the songs he wanted played @ his memorial service.
He decided to donate his body to the University bc no research had been done in the US on his cancer due to the rarity of it.
That was 10 yrs. ago. I still have his cremains with me today. Maybe someday I'll be able to spread them by the lake where he loved to fish with his dad & brothers, but not today.
RIP GLB. LOVE U FOREVER
The grief process of just getting in the muck is so true. My sister died 11 months and I am now starting to feel the sun, so to speak.
These days, I make it a part of my "daily carry" gear, to include a small USB drive that has emergency instructions on it. (contact information, etc.) Hopefully, if I were in an accident or some other unexpected death or injury, someone at the hospital, or perhaps the police, would find that.
Mike James Maybe you could start a company where people could get little implants with people's info in it- like they put in animals in case they get lost maybe they could be returned. Just a thought.
Wow, that's a neat idea. Put all your wants & desires in the event of your death. You could check out the USB drive one has on their person, in the event of their death, for specific instructions for processing the body. What an idea! You should really tell people about this one.
Oh, Mike.....What a great idea.....You look ahead , much like an eagle and prepare wisely and very organized.... Truly admirable
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣douchey
Such a thoughtful idea. Brilliant
Through a strange twist of circumstances I ended up being in charge of my ex at my home and his care as he died from cancer. We were lucky we became friends again during his treatment , that helped mentally but, having to put him in hospice was hard. He died holding my hand with me telling him it was ok to go. The death was not the hard part. It was a privilege to be there to support him as he crossed. The hard part is what follows, it is extremely important that the person you want to carry out your wishes for disposal of remains is on board with the plan. I had pre arranged his cremation with his consent, but for the rest, I just couldnt do it. I was done. So we did part of it. His son, sisters and I quietly released his ashes at the Marina he loved and called it good. I still carry guilt that I couldnt follow through with the rest, but, I hope he knows I did the best I could for what he asked of me given our circumstances.
I strongly disagree with the gentleman’s view on the open casket viewing. I’ve been to several funerals, including all four of my grandparents. In my country it is not standard to have bodies embalmed, therefore they weren’t. They looked, obviously, dead, but not very different that how they look in life. When I think of them, never do I think of how they looked lying in the coffin, I always remember our time together and the happy memories we shared.
Than*
Same. I saw my grandparents in their coffins. They had both been embalmed. It was good to see them, have closure, know they're definitely dead. I saw my grandfather dead before his embalming, too, and it was hardly traumatic. My memories are of them alive, though, not of their dead body.
Brava !! I so agree...I find the embalming creepy, unnessesary….money making business...open casket too
people don't realize what it is all about until you experience it
I lost my preciouse Mama and Daddy two years ago. Mother was killed in a car accident and she was my Daddy's care giver. He was very ill and died five weeks to the day of Mom's passing.
We had lost my Sister, age 44, due to complications of MS, just 10 months before Mama and Daddy's deaths.
I didn't even know where to start. I never asked about my parents business because that's just how they were and I respected that. But I wish so badly that we all had sat down together and talked about this subject.
The only reason I kept from just falling apart was my Husband and Son's.
You never know how strong you can be until we lose the ones we love.
There are so many things going on at once, it's mind blowing.
I worked in EMS for almost 2 decades and when I would see the Doc going to brake the news to a family that the patient had died, I would take that time to go clean our unit.
That's why I'm liking the library staff 💕 Thank you so much for an incredible inspirating 1.5 hour on RUclips with you from Norway ❤️
This is so important. I’ve never even considered there was another option for a funeral. My brother died by suicide. We were given no option to ever see him and it’s been so hard on all of us. One day he was here then was just gone. Totally gut wrenching.
I didn't expect this to make me cry.
also, the ASL translator changed halfway through & at first I thought she had somehow dyed her hair during the presentation lol
I understand people who aren't prepared. My best friend died 4 years ago ( accidental) & his twin brother & older sister asked me what music he liked because they didn't know. I was able to give them a list of his favourites because I spent so much time with him & at his funeral they played everything I'd sugested. His family were pleased & I'm glad I could help. I would prefer to have him still with us, but what can you do.
Caitlin is amazing. I wish she was in business in the UK! I'd love to meet her one day. Thank you Caitlin for your humour about this still ridiculously taboo subject. Love from Liz in Lancashire xxx
YES, please talk about this ❤❤❤
You talked about the misplaced anger...this is something medical personnel get slammed with constantly. As a nurse you’d think it was my totally fault their dad has cancer, or their child has a concussion.
I’m upset because my mom passed a year before her sister (my aunt) and at her sisters wake, nothing was mentioned of my mom. Even in my aunts obituary, my mom wasn’t mentioned but her grand kids unborn children were 🤷♀️ It’s just something I’m going to have to get over. It’s just so strange on how much of a hold it has on me. Clearly, it’s the living who have omitted my mother and it’s not the dead and I have a problem with that 🥺
I honestly wish I knew all of this information when my dad died. Love Caitlin shes sooooo awesome!
I'm not at all surprised that kids are the ones that ask the best questions. That seems to be the case no matter the topic. They've not yet learned what all is considered to be offensive or insensitive, so they just ask whatever they want to know. And what the kids ask is usually something the adults are wondering about too, but wouldn't dare ask.
I volunteered at a zoo many years ago. Every time I presented a turtle for an encounter, the kids always asked, "how do turtles poop?" Meaning how do they poop without getting it in their shell. the parents were always aghast that their child would ask such a thing, and were always quick to hush their child and apologize.
l Always said, "you all know you were wondering the same thing, right?"
so geeked that they had an ASL interpreter at the event. Wish she could have been kept in frame.
I believe we need to talk more about those subjects about which we are uncomfortable, or else, stigma grows, and unscrupulous people will exploit our silence and ignorance.
I really hope you have her back. I really wanted to come but I sadly had class.
i love this so much already, just for the subject matter, but the fact that this discussion is deaf/HOH-friendly... Wow! All the love to the organizers of this event and interpreters everywhere ❤️
I have noticed that even at her book events she either has an sign langue or a screen.
love this, we have already made our funeral home arrangements and paid for!
I’m a Deathling!
Thank you to everyone for putting this out so the public could hear it these things are really important. If there's a part two love to hear it thank you
What a terrific program. Will revisit soon. Thank you for your insights.
Amazing thank you all so much !
Thank you so much for sharing this discussion!
Wow, I learned so much from this talk. Thank you. I've heard a lot from Caitlin, but I had not heard some of the discuss specifics of her business. So much respect to both of these ladies.
I'm sad I didn't see this video much earlier. I loved that you talked about the Every 15 Minutes program. I did makeup for a number of those in California for years, going back to the early 1990's when they started doing the program. My Aunt is a school administrator in Sacramento and we've talked about me and my partner that I work with going down there to do it again. It was really impactful for the parents and the students who participated. They would start out the day a little lighthearted but by the end that was not the general feeling anymore. Parents would cry when they were taken to "identify" their children's bodies. It was not a presentation to them anymore, it was real. I can only speak for myself but I know we had some very greivous injuries on the students we worked with, we utilized prosthetics and makeup to make it look as convincing as we could. The firefighters we worked with told us they were afraid to move the limbs of the students because they saw protruding bone and didn't want to make some injuries worse. They told us many times that the students we made up looked like they do in a real fatality accident. While I'm proud of the quality of work we did, I'm also proud of the fact that it got people talking. I brought my daughter with me the last time I did one and it was a catalyst for her to talk about this stuff too, she was 13 at the time, I never worry that there is a part of this we haven't discussed. Being death positive has been so much easier for my family with your books, and videos, as well as these experiences we did together.
WOW! THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH!!
This taught me quite a bit. I've started making a list of my final wishes and thoughts on my Advanced Directive. More and more I really want to take care of these decisions so my son doesn't have to worry.
Thank you for your videos Caitlyn! You have really opened my eyes! :) :) :)
When I was in high school, we had a course on driver's ed. Our "death education" was called "Death on the Highway." Whoa.
I’m a Caitlin groupie!! I sub to her channel, I plan on getting her book soon as I can find it at a local bookstore.
I am a huge fan of Caitlin. I absolutely loved this talk! I really loved what Jenny Ebinger brought to the table as well. Knowing this information really takes a lot of fear away from the death process and when you remove the fear, you give yourself the freedom to live the life you want every day. Thanks ladies, and thanks to the Sacremento Public Library for normalizing conversations like this and making it available to everyone.
I can sure relate to the lady in blue...very sad at only 55 my wife died at 50 and it was a financial and emotionally disaster
I hope you’re doing better now Mark. That sounds really difficult.
I ADORE the librarian. I’m a librarian and we are superheroes. And I almost died, no pun intended, when Caitlin said “poop show because we’re in a library.” You can swear in a lib, Caitlin. Public librarians, have seen and heard it all.
Excellent discussion thank you for posting this.
It's so true what they are saying about needing to be somewhat detached to not get too emotionall involved so you can do your job. I spent many years in handling and teaching medical billing. My job was to make sure that people with extreme medical problems who needed to have hospice or transplant drugs, or tube feeding in the home, were able to get their treatment covered by insurance. I handled many patient cases where the insurance company bills were over 250k a month; difficult cases. So I was often in very close contact with the family to keep this process running smoothly. (The more expensive a drug or treatment, the more difficult to get insurance to coverit)
So I had a child patient, a toddler, on hospice. All of the chart notes say things like: The patient is experiencing an increase in pain. No where in a chart does one ever write " The child this, or the baby did that" so I was unprepared. So I was getting ready the bill the recent treatment, and pulled the chart notes, and ir said " The baby died this morning". All of a sudden it was like a punch in the stomach, and I was in tears. I had to go get air for 15 minutes away from my desk. I couldn't stop picturing the baby's death in my mind. Yes, it can be very hard to distance yourself from these things.
My family is medical background and we have that "humor" It honestly helps cope with the things you see. My brother is EMS. He has seen severed body parts and things he probably hasn't talked about. Not to mention he went over seas and came back with an even more shelled personality. My mom and I have been on calls where brain matter was all over. My mom held her hand and talked to her until she passed. The things you see can be horrifying but someone has to do it. I am the type not to handle children's death because of my little girls. Yet adult death is tragic but not so mentally hard for me. PTSD is a real thing. So humor is a thing. But also counciling and talking in real talk sessions is vital.
Awesome presentation. Caitlin, you are super.
I'm a life insurance agent and I literally ask every single client or prospective client if they want to be cremated, buried or both. I just met with a 79 y/o man that had NEVER thought about how he wanted to be treated postmortem. So I encouraged him and all my clients to talk to their families about their wishes. "5 wishes" really helps with this conversation.
Really great program, Sac Library! It’s my ambition to become a death doula when I retire. Super important work and conversation. ❤️
This was so informative, a great, vital conversation with wonderful points. I love the Ask A Mortician channel and Caitlyn's books. Caitlyn's father sounds exactly like my mother. Doesn't handle much of anything when it comes to dealing w/the household bills or Tech. Good thing I already live at home. I've worked in a funeral home, i understand the definite need for pre-planning, and for all sorts of reasons i'm prepared for the bulk of it all to fall on me. Actually, I help a lot with handling bills and accounts and all that, so in the event I die before anyone, I need to leave lists of passwords and everything for them. I want to prepare my own death care plans, but nobody else wants to think about it. They get testy and ask if I want them to die so soon. Sigh. The former Coroner who said there's a lot of anger and even surprises like 2nd families is SO TRUE. It comes out in the Funeral home and at the viewings.
I just discovered Caitlin’s books & videos and have been binging like crazy (books in the way! Thanks Amazon!).
I really, really enjoyed this talk & I am thankful that they included a chaplain in the discussion (specifically a female chaplain) to add different perspectives to the mix. My Masters is in Pastoral Care so I feel like her work and philosophy really resonates with me. Before becoming disabled, I was a chaplain at a very busy hospital and they kept us hopping and the calls ran the gamut of really scary or really stupid. I worked on Friday nights which we referred to GCF nights (GCF - Gaston County’s Finest) as all the crazies came out of the woodwork. On the flip side, I had the opportunity to be alongside the families before, during and after death. One of the most powerful experiences of my life started when I got a call in the middle of the night. This may have been one of the first shifts I had working solo. It was around 2:30/3am so I pulled myself together as best I could and reported to the unit where the family matriarch had just died. In the majority of the death calls I handled in the middle of the night, there may be one or two family members there to do the paperwork so that the Uber Hearse can whisk them away to the morgue of their choice and the family would come together for the viewing at the funeral home. This call was not like that at all. It was a large African American family and there easily could have been easily 30-40 people from ages 2 to 82 at 3am. They were in no rush. They wanted time. As I stood in that room with this family, one person started the Lord’s Prayer and within moments everyone joined in and it turned into this incredibly profound experience. I almost felt as though I needed to remove my shoes as I was on holy ground. It was such an intimate moment which was far different than the more detached reality “sterile” experiences I had had at that point in my chaplaincy.
A New Kind of Normal 'mm,,'''''
Huge huge respect for Caitlyn and the lady chaplain. It's so refreshing and enlightening to hear death be talked about openly and pragmaticly. I'm a massive Caitlyn fan
Great presentation by the way. I am obcessed with death and dying. Have read every book relating to dying. Love listening to this.
I really like this sister knowledge of this makes me learn so much and there's other opportunities you can do when someone passes away
That was very informative great discussion
Lucee Blake I made a short vid eo film on this topic, low fi in quality, to see it and leave some comments or thoughts, simply type in........ 'Death the great taboo'
Please continue to do this again & again & again & again!
Rivkah, I am inspired by how emotionally healthy and high functioning you are. My family is coming up on a year of losing my nephew right before his 25th birthday. It has left a deep scar on us and such deep sorrow daily. Im wondering how you have been able to not want to die after such losses? Life is void of joy and full of pain. I don't see a lot of hope. I appreciate all of this information and being able to sit in on this important conversation. I love Caitlin so much thank you!
Caitlin starts at 5:52.
Omg I have that exact same dress! It's one of my favourite dresses
My was career military father made a list of who needed to be contacted along with phone numbers. When he passed, I discovered that his list had never been updated and was absolutely useless. Make sure that information stays crrent!
My husband died suddenly at 56 years old of a stroke. Our 5 children and myself served as his pall bearers. We didn't even consider asking anyone else. We all just felt that it was the last thing we would do as a complete family. Our children are all adults and my husband and I were empty nesters and somehow that act gave my kids and I a bond like no other. I can't really explain it.
Hi Caitlyn:
I really enjoy your videos! Found you almost a year ago, and you’ve become a favourite! Without writing a book about it, I’ll try and be concise. Senior (79 3/4), lot of loss in my life. Parents, granddaughter, son, husbands! Earlier in life was afraid of death, but no more!
My late darling & I made out directives earlier, pre-arranged funeral service, etc., direct cremation p, with ashes placed in a niche. ( door can be carved on, like a stone) in a columbarium. I sat with my husband as he left this world and I pray mine will be as great. We each have (had) strong faith, know it’s all in the hands of our Creator. So, totally no fears of dying- it’s living that can be a “bitch”. Stay safe, we all really need your calm informative presentations! 👏👏🇨🇦🇨🇦💕🌹
I,m glad you talk about young people , well dying. I buried quite a few of my close friends. Both men & women when I was young. Car accidents, drink & drug overdoses & a few from disease cancer ect. I'm very lucky I survived things I shouln't have & now I'm 48 & wonder how did I get to this age. I must be here for some reason. I'm still working on that. I hope that I'm here for a good reason. I have 2 daughters & 3 grand kids. Maybe thats why I'm still here.
I am a retired psychiatric technician/nurse. Before I worked in maximum security forensic psychiatric facilities, I was a hospice case manager. The reason I changed my major from music performance, education at 23 years old was that I took care of my father as he died from Pancreatic cancer. Working as an LVN and then a psychiatric technician with both the dying and the seriously mentally ill, has given me a deep way of thinking about life,death, and the processes of the path. I am also a Caitlyn fan!!!