So many hugs to you. I haven't experienced this in a while, but it used to be constant. It has gotten better for me as I've gotten older and have healed some things. Not to say it won't come back, just to say that everything is temporary & it won't always feel this bad.
Everything In This Video Is True Things to Try: 1. Leave notes around your home, car, wallet or purse that say, 'Limerence'. Because sometimes you WILL forget reality and slip back into 'what if' thinking. 2. Walk. Not motivated? Don't want to be around people? You can still walk in a large park and enjoy nature,'listen to music on your headphones while still being in solitude. Fresh air & exercise is important and simply walking will help. Got a dog? Even better. Take a walk or a drive together. 3. Housework. Anything from dusting to laundry to re-arranging your furniture or painting your walls a different color. It's good to be busy & appreciate a lovely, inspiring clean home. 4. Sketch, paint, sculpt, sing, play an instrument. Even if you're 'not any good' so what. Creative outlets are also therapy. No one has to see or hear you so try it anyway. 5. Stay away from where your LO works, lives or hangs out. Do Not look them up online either. This will burn you further. How can you heal from a burn when you keep putting yourself in the flames? 6. Abandon your curiosity about them. _They do not care about you_ , most likely they are afraid of you. Stop caring about what they got going on in their life.. you're ignoring your healing while wasting more time on their bs. 7. Make yourself try to get back into your hobbies you ditched. May it be gardening, sewing, sports, etc. Pinterest is one app that can help you get inspired again. 8. Confront yourself about your limerence while having a campfire or a nice hot bubblebath. A soothing setting to think really helps relax you to confront the reality of facing your limerence. And lastly, I strongly suggest staying away from drugs and alcohol while you face your limerence. It will not 'help' you cope. I tried 🥃,☘️, &🍄's many times and it always throws you back to square one. Stay sober, stay regulated and if you have to Check yourself by setting reminders for yourself to not slip into magic thinking again, so what?! Do what you got to do to heal. Tell ya what, I bet you the moon that your limerence isn't as bad as mine for I easily could've been incarcerated for the crazy schitt I've done. Don't get as low as I have become. Reverse your trauma by healing & swim to the surface.
Its been 2 weeks ever since I stumbled to your videos. Having this behavior properly named had really helped me to stop being in the fantasy world in my head. Everytime I would drift back to my LO or I call "Entity" I would literally whisper the word "Limerence" at least 3 times and I snap back to reality. I know it sounds crazy specially in public spaces but it really helps!
I feel like I’ve been living in a limmerence fantasy world for the past 46 years. I used cannabis for many years and I feel like it helped but also held me there and kept me happy while I was there.
There was a traumatic event in my life and I turned to a substance that seemed harmless. I don’t mean to talk trash on cannabis I support using it versus pills alcohol ect.
I seen my LO the other day after 12 yrs. and i felt my mind going back into a back hole of limerence. I will try this if a encounter happens again so I can stay free of it thank you .
I will try it. I go in phases where I can be very rational for months and then something will trigger me and I will go back to the lala land thinking about LO and dissecting his behavior from 2 years ago. Then I go back to these videos and snap out of it. It literally has to be unlearned because it's a conditioned behavior. The one thing I am adamant about is NOT going on his social media, ever!
I was limerent for four years with someone before finding the Crappy Childhood channel. I fell hard with the whole Twin Flame magical thinking (I even spent money to “get him back” into my life) and oh boy was I obsessed with tarot readings on RUclips 24/7 looking for a sign or any little communication, post reaction - then the constant ghosting on Facebook/Meta from him was the high that kept me isolated from taking care of my kids and their father (we’re coparenting and we still live together at the time). New Year’s Day, 2021. The Crappy Childhood channel popped up on my feed watched a couple of videos educated myself on Limerence. This was the day my healing began. I have to admit breaking free from your own mental illusion will be hard in the beginning and very painful, there is no other way but to completely let them go, and go no contact, block - I took a step further and deleted all of my social media accounts, but it’s worth it and very peaceful on the other side. Best thing I’ve done for myself, I have faith that You can do the same to take your healing seriously. 🖤
It's so hard, but you have allow yourself to have something going for you that gives your life meaning and purpose. My life has gotten very empty without my chosen dream career of being an author and I have become very limerent as a result. I'm going back to the writing, despite how difficult it is for me to find any energy or time to actually do it anymore, but just having that plan is enough to help ease my limerence already. I also forgive myself for my silly beliefs because I can't help it right now. I know they are not based on reality and I keep reminding myself of that, and it helps. But, I have to be very lenient on myself and not beat myself up for still carrying around such magical thinking. I'm doing the best that I can and, honestly, I'm not suffering anymore. That's something, at least.
My will to live kicked in when I was attacked badly, on the street, by people. In a way I'm grateful for the experience. The dog, in a way, was your angel!
I hadn't been in a relationship in over ten years & I thought I knew myself well but when I fell into a casual relationship, I got confused & descended into a limerant hell. I knew I was gaslighting myself but the drought had been so long, I succumbed. I'm not exactly out of it- it still pops up but I know with time it'll fade. At least I have a term for it now.
Thank you Anna! Since i discovered that limerence was the cause of my suffering my life shifted completely. It's crazy that this phenomenon is mostly ignored by the mental health community and that the common culture is actually geared towards this destructive beahviour. I see this happening all the time with friends that put themselves in situations that are completely hopeless, because our common culture thinks that it's the normal process of finding a partner. I thought that too before finding your videos! Thank you for speaking up against the common beliefs and for helping us all get real with ourselves and the world❤ much love
As a teen/young adult, I had MAJOR limerence. No trauma that I was conscious of, but it must be there somewhere. I have borderline personality disorder. I look back now and realize how crazy I must have looked to others and my limerent 'objects'. I outgrew it all slowly, though - with the help of friends, time, luck, and divine grace. Now I'm about to celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary with my best friend. That will always be a major part of me that I accept, but I have changed and gained perspective.
This was very helpful for me. I've been limerent over the same (married) person for a year and a half now, my longest ever. I'm forgiving myself, remembering my childhood and my parents' neglect, the loss of my beloved spouse over two years ago, and my loneliness at also moving away from everyone and everything familiar then. I know I'm a golden candidate for this state of mind right now. My comfort is that I'm not self-isolating, I'm going out for various activities and am dating, even if everyone after him is still unhappily pretty lackluster. I'm trying to give myself time and opportunity to keep some part of my head in the real world.
What about 'reverse' limerance? Let's say the LO responds and eventually capitulates to the limerant, thinking they have found someone who loves them totally and unconditionally. However, because limerance is ephemeral, the limerant loses interest when reality intervenes and the LO starts wanting a realistic relationship. The limerant makes some pithy excuse like 'I've changed' to dump the LO. Then the roles reverse. The LO becomes the limerant, and the limerant becomes the LO.
I have spent 4 years thinking of someone all day every day.. I don’t even want this person but I feel like it triggered my trauma and I can’t stop it.. I haven’t even spoken to this person in years but the thoughts just won’t stop
I’m not on social media at all just watch RUclips videos occasionally..I have tried reiki, meditation, visualization of cord cutting, praying, etc and I still wake up during the night thinking of this person and many times throughout the day.. I have no explanation for it but it’s driving me mad
maybe without that obsession you would stop working and living, so don't hate yourself for it as long as you know you reached out that person rejected you and you know its never going to happen I feel like it comes up whenever I'm super lonely, but the more hobbies I do, or work I want to make more money, I think of that person less, and I don't hate myself for loving someone who is perfect, maybe internally that person is driving me to improve my deficiencies and that makes them different from the people who intentionally broke us, forgive everyone even yourself and push yourself to grow and heal but don't hate the stupid stuff you do as long as you know your boundaries
I love your advise to make my life great and then I don’t need the “savior” / object of limerence any more. My mother had much more CPTSD and limerence than I do. Sadly she died of Multiple Sclerosis and never got this great knowledge and never learned about the daily practice. I am so grateful that I found this channel. ❤
It feels like lately there are so many untruths in myself and in the world. I’m ready to see and live an authentic life with open eyes, whatever that may be. The closest I know is the love I share with my kids and my dog. ❤ Thank you for videos on this subject.
I love this subject. I'm the sort of person who does need a "label" in order to deal with [it]. It answers, "why". If I know why I can identify a whole host of stuff and [it] gets dealt with consequentially. I don't think I will ever be "limerent free". It's my hope. Why I say, "limerent!" to snap myself back to real life. Thanks, Fairy.
I have learned more about my behavior from listening to you, than going to therapy. Therapy has helped me to cope and get through emotional land-minds. However, I know more about identifying these behaviors and understanding why I keep getting into the wrong relationships
So glad you're watching! The knowledge of it makes a big difference. To start sorting things out further, you can try the free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice and if you want to look deeper at issues with romance, Anna has a full Dating & Relationships course: bit.ly/CCF-Dating Thanks for being here! Julie@TeamFairy
Thanks CCF. I was the LO. I was also neglected as a child. I rejected this man because I knew getting together with him will end up disastrous. Super proud I made that call. Trust me it was hard as he was physically attractive 😏
Your videos on limerence have been priceless to me. I definitely didn't see CPTSD being the fuel to my limerence fire. What a can worms that has opened on top of major withdrawals from my mystical limerent partner while in No Contact. Being a love addict is a real thing!
If that Limerant Object becomes somebody you function well doing Very Everyday things with, perhaps you’ve found LOVE. Without the VE, all you’ve got is the LO.
Thank you.. finally explains it. I did it with healing practitioners because it felt like a safe place from stress & a bad relationship. Very bad depression for a couple years after he moved away but my mom also died a few weeks prior. I'm trying to keep it as friends with occasional messages. This is such a mind game we do to ourselves! Please talk more about this. I need to pull out of this. My trauma is from a narcissist abusive relationship since i was 18.
My LO is a narcissist, so there were constant mixed messages. I wasted 37 years of my life-and we were both married to other people. Thankfully it's over and I'm working on healing. I thought there was something wrong with me. My therapist had to tell me I was emotionally neglected and abused my whole life.
Maybe we do this because it's so hard to find a true loving relationship. It always feels good to be in love but when the reality hits its a hard crash
You are so right real life could never be as good as the fantasy we build up in our minds. Everything fits with my experiences over the years. They are all you see all you want so even if someone perfect for you to get into a relationship with came along you wouldn’t see them in that way. It’s all consuming.
I knew I did this - that it was a repeat behaviour but never had a word for it or a reason for it. Thank you so much! This is very helpful. Trying to understand where it's coming from.
Thank you Anna, you described this perfectly, how it makes you burning out yourself. I'm learning this slowly. I was aware of my huge childhood trauma but lately it shocked me again how deep it is and how it surfaces again in certain situations. Putting the focus back on myself and building up a life in an empty nest is especially hard. I finally succeeded in killing the hope for the limerent object that lasted far far too long. Before I went I blew up the whole case, I became very open - not even mainly about feelings but observations and how dishonest it all was in every manner. It is a married person who behaved exactly as you described. I wanted him to admit responsibility for his side of the story, his half but it wasn't harsh, I knew I co-created and re-created this. In a weird way I can call myself lucky for receiving a very cold, dismissive, avoidant reaction which pointed at me again like I'm the only crazy one here. I went through a deep depression and grieving which wasn't about the limerence, it was about me. Desperate for love and attention, being manipulated and re-traumatized. The self-deception part was the hardest. I came out of it much stronger than I was and with lots of boundaries but the recovery is really like one step at a time, at snail pace. Committing to the promises to myself and keeping it up is hard when you're coming out of exhaustion.
I've definitely had limerence with men but it was requited and deep feelings were shared on both sides. However, it usually started out long-distance and when we came together and made it real it slowly became disastrous because the fantasy shattered.
Thank you for your wisdom and insights ma'am!!!! I hate knowing this about myself but I also appreciate it. I get a bit more realistic when I feel the glimmer nowadays. This was beautiful
This time I actually can't draw a clear line if it is limerence or smth real. It definitely took a limerence measures at one point, but I feel the worst is over. I still sometimes have quite hyped feelings for her (female friend) but it really is starting to calm down and take some realistic picture. Meaning - it's not just one-sided thing in my head anymore. She knows I am thrilled about her and also seems to be understanding about me being deeply into her. She's not using this anyhow badly. But I can clearly see she's not quite sure what to make of this. Feels like she has given it a slow go and seems to enjoy our time spent together. It feels such a relief that I don't have to hide like every single feeling. Sometimes I just still have to regulate thoughts and feelings, because they still can be intense and take over. I just try to be realistic and keep it simple and sincere. Not to put any pressure to other side. It's just my thing I need to get over from. Do you think it's a good idea to let her know I have such problem? Or what are your advice in general? To cut this friendship off? My hopes are that it all will have a positive outcome and I can finally experience a spontaneous, natural, uncontidional and honest friendship.... without being limerent. Rally miss the acceptance, respect, simplicity and fun in relationsips.
Oh my word fabulous lady! I have experienced this. He was a dude who was 20 years younger than me who used me for ( the bit) of money I had. I could not understand it! But now I do 😊THANKYOU bless you 🙏 🎉xxxxx
Hi, I've watched a few of your videos and I really like what you do and I have resinated with a lot of what you've said. My situation is a little different in that I am a gay women and I think suppressed feelings become such a habit. I have ricocheted from one unrequited love to another for many years. I have loved (or think its love ) many flirtatious women who may or may not have felt the same and am very tempted to get involved with someone who has overtly come on to me but I over think everything, on top of that she manages a resort in Bali and I live in Sydney Australia, maybe my feelings are limmerence.
I cringe listening to this😬 I've done everything on the list😢 the worst one I feel is when someone gave me signs/ told me they're not interested and I took it as " I want you to fight for me more" so I did, I tried harder😱 it must have been very creepy and made them very uncomfortable 😳 ...never mind, at least I now know what it means and swear not to do it again 🙏 also I've had it done to me recently by my friend I definitely know it's true and how awful if feels on the receiving end 😢
What about being in a narcissistic relationship where the person is drip feeding you going hot and cold. You become limerence and trauma bonded to the person. Because the relationship is so confusing and invalidating.
Hello, I'm new to you and your channel but my oh my if this not the answers I have been seeking. This is the 1st time I've even heard of cptsd. I mean every video I've watched so far has been word for word my life. I'm astounded at this really, but I would love to know how I can write to you about an issue I'm currently having. Thanks so much for your time.
my recent limerence episode is complicated . i have 2 men im interested in. one is completely unobtainable as much younger and one who is more my age, i think likes me. the younger one to me is so attractive i am at risk of making a complete fool of myself .the older one is lovely but is v shy. i'd go out with him if he asked me. but the mega attraction fot the younger one would still be there. does this mean i'm healing but not quite there yet?
Something interesting about me, all my times of limerence ends in a major imagined fiasco breaking the relationship and fighting to stay in it. I wonder why that is
Interesting indeed. & that's other-worldly for me. My limerences usually last 3.5 yrs per LO. Then I loose interest & they slowly fade out of my fantasies.
How do I deal with a friend overcome with Limerence for several years, 2 different guys? She doesn't think there is any problem. In fact, she has stopped sharing parts of her life with anyone with something to say that doesn't egg her on in her dillusion. You are the first person I have seen with a word of exactly what she is going through. Help please. 😌
Hey guys, can I ask a question? Is it limerance if I was with someone I thought was my soulmate and then he broke up with me, went back to his ex, but book marked me for a year… then came back to me and we ended up have a beautiful relationship - I was with him when his father passed and became best friends with his mom and was very involved in his family… I felt like I was ready to settle down with him, but towards the end of the year, I felt him getting kind of manic. I figured he was having some emotional stuff cuz of his father and doing a lot of psychedelics over the summer, but one day when I was working out of the country, he just disappeared. And his friend told me that he got engaged to his ex and then he married her 2 months later. I spent a yea r getting over it but I still think of him every day… sometimes I think it’s limerance but our relationship was not fake… so I don’t know what to call this… I miss him and I still have no idea how he could have done it, but I feel like he’s not well and I worry about him. Am I Crazy? Am I limerànt? What do you guys think?
You're not limerant. You were played by an awful person and im so sorry you endured that. Sounds to me he had feelings the whole time for his ex and was probably still around her. I think you fell in love but need to realise that ship has sailed. Take the lessons for it. Stay away from people who use substances or psychedelics - these people are usually cheaters and use these episodes to lie about their whereabouts. You deserve so much more and have a massive heart to have dated him after he went back to his ex the first time. I hope you meet someone special who will reciprocate those feelings. Do not take that man back ever. He is a user.
I don't know because all you did was talk about him. Can't help if all you describe is a dumb-ass dude who doesn't know what he wants. Doesn't sound limerent though.
CPTSD has killed my dating life. 0/27 date acceptances in 11 years Realistically I'll never have another date, let alone a relationship, ever again. You'll all say there's still a chance. BS. I haven't worked since l was falsely accused. Great talking point, IKR.
My girlfriend showed me your channel. A few months back I got a disorderly conduct case when I had snapped and took me to long to stem back to reality. I woke up in a cell. The next day I was released,since I was arrested without a phone and my girlfriend wasn't apparently allowed to come get me because she is considered "the victim" in the case, I walked over 7 miles to get home in almost 110 weather in Arizona. She found me laying in my own throw up, passed out a mile from home. I guess you can say I finally had an eye opener I had a problem. I'm just lucky we were able to work things through and move forward. I've been to many therapists but didn't want to go through it again but accepted that I needed it. Thank you for giving me hope that there are good ones out there.
This is gold! Magic thinking to avoid the pains of reality... Thank you .❤
I’m dealing with this as you speak & it’s killing me. I wish I could be normal & stop obsessing.
😢
Me too , beginning to be long term self hatred
Same.
So many hugs to you. I haven't experienced this in a while, but it used to be constant. It has gotten better for me as I've gotten older and have healed some things. Not to say it won't come back, just to say that everything is temporary & it won't always feel this bad.
Been there so many times. Sending you loving thoughts
Everything In This Video Is True
Things to Try:
1. Leave notes around your home, car, wallet or purse that say, 'Limerence'. Because sometimes you WILL forget reality and slip back into 'what if' thinking.
2. Walk. Not motivated? Don't want to be around people? You can still walk in a large park and enjoy nature,'listen to music on your headphones while still being in solitude. Fresh air & exercise is important and simply walking will help. Got a dog? Even better. Take a walk or a drive together.
3. Housework. Anything from dusting to laundry to re-arranging your furniture or painting your walls a different color. It's good to be busy & appreciate a lovely, inspiring clean home.
4. Sketch, paint, sculpt, sing, play an instrument. Even if you're 'not any good' so what. Creative outlets are also therapy. No one has to see or hear you so try it anyway.
5. Stay away from where your LO works, lives or hangs out. Do Not look them up online either. This will burn you further. How can you heal from a burn when you keep putting yourself in the flames?
6. Abandon your curiosity about them. _They do not care about you_ , most likely they are afraid of you. Stop caring about what they got going on in their life.. you're ignoring your healing while wasting more time on their bs.
7. Make yourself try to get back into your hobbies you ditched. May it be gardening, sewing, sports, etc. Pinterest is one app that can help you get inspired again.
8. Confront yourself about your limerence while having a campfire or a nice hot bubblebath. A soothing setting to think really helps relax you to confront the reality of facing your limerence.
And lastly, I strongly suggest staying away from drugs and alcohol while you face your limerence. It will not 'help' you cope. I tried 🥃,☘️, &🍄's many times and it always throws you back to square one.
Stay sober, stay regulated and if you have to Check yourself by setting reminders for yourself to not slip into magic thinking again, so what?! Do what you got to do to heal.
Tell ya what, I bet you the moon that your limerence isn't as bad as mine for I easily could've been incarcerated for the crazy schitt I've done. Don't get as low as I have become. Reverse your trauma by healing & swim to the surface.
Excellent advice!! ♥️♥️
Most important of all give yourself the love you have been so far chasing in the LO. Choose yourself and choose reality.
Thank you so much ❤
❤
@@liodemirror1775 you're welcome, hon how are you doing these days?
I have done this all my life in all situations, and I am 72. I have never heard anyone even hint to this. Thank you.
❤
Its been 2 weeks ever since I stumbled to your videos. Having this behavior properly named had really helped me to stop being in the fantasy world in my head. Everytime I would drift back to my LO or I call "Entity" I would literally whisper the word "Limerence" at least 3 times and I snap back to reality. I know it sounds crazy specially in public spaces but it really helps!
Beautiful.
I feel like I’ve been living in a limmerence fantasy world for the past 46 years. I used cannabis for many years and I feel like it helped but also held me there and kept me happy while I was there.
There was a traumatic event in my life and I turned to a substance that seemed harmless. I don’t mean to talk trash on cannabis I support using it versus pills alcohol ect.
I seen my LO the other day after 12 yrs. and i felt my mind going back into a back hole of limerence. I will try this if a encounter happens again so I can stay free of it thank you .
I will try it. I go in phases where I can be very rational for months and then something will trigger me and I will go back to the lala land thinking about LO and dissecting his behavior from 2 years ago. Then I go back to these videos and snap out of it. It literally has to be unlearned because it's a conditioned behavior. The one thing I am adamant about is NOT going on his social media, ever!
I was limerent for four years with someone before finding the Crappy Childhood channel. I fell hard with the whole Twin Flame magical thinking (I even spent money to “get him back” into my life) and oh boy was I obsessed with tarot readings on RUclips 24/7 looking for a sign or any little communication, post reaction - then the constant ghosting on Facebook/Meta from him was the high that kept me isolated from taking care of my kids and their father (we’re coparenting and we still live together at the time).
New Year’s Day, 2021. The Crappy Childhood channel popped up on my feed watched a couple of videos educated myself on Limerence. This was the day my healing began. I have to admit breaking free from your own mental illusion will be hard in the beginning and very painful, there is no other way but to completely let them go, and go no contact, block - I took a step further and deleted all of my social media accounts, but it’s worth it and very peaceful on the other side. Best thing I’ve done for myself, I have faith that You can do the same to take your healing seriously. 🖤
Beautiful.
❤
It's so hard, but you have allow yourself to have something going for you that gives your life meaning and purpose. My life has gotten very empty without my chosen dream career of being an author and I have become very limerent as a result. I'm going back to the writing, despite how difficult it is for me to find any energy or time to actually do it anymore, but just having that plan is enough to help ease my limerence already. I also forgive myself for my silly beliefs because I can't help it right now. I know they are not based on reality and I keep reminding myself of that, and it helps. But, I have to be very lenient on myself and not beat myself up for still carrying around such magical thinking. I'm doing the best that I can and, honestly, I'm not suffering anymore. That's something, at least.
My will to live kicked in when I was attacked badly, on the street, by people. In a way I'm grateful for the experience. The dog, in a way, was your angel!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyUh?
I hadn't been in a relationship in over ten years & I thought I knew myself well but when I fell into a casual relationship, I got confused & descended into a limerant hell. I knew I was gaslighting myself but the drought had been so long, I succumbed. I'm not exactly out of it- it still pops up but I know with time it'll fade. At least I have a term for it now.
Thank you Anna! Since i discovered that limerence was the cause of my suffering my life shifted completely. It's crazy that this phenomenon is mostly ignored by the mental health community and that the common culture is actually geared towards this destructive beahviour. I see this happening all the time with friends that put themselves in situations that are completely hopeless, because our common culture thinks that it's the normal process of finding a partner. I thought that too before finding your videos! Thank you for speaking up against the common beliefs and for helping us all get real with ourselves and the world❤ much love
As a teen/young adult, I had MAJOR limerence. No trauma that I was conscious of, but it must be there somewhere. I have borderline personality disorder. I look back now and realize how crazy I must have looked to others and my limerent 'objects'. I outgrew it all slowly, though - with the help of friends, time, luck, and divine grace. Now I'm about to celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary with my best friend. That will always be a major part of me that I accept, but I have changed and gained perspective.
This was very helpful for me. I've been limerent over the same (married) person for a year and a half now, my longest ever. I'm forgiving myself, remembering my childhood and my parents' neglect, the loss of my beloved spouse over two years ago, and my loneliness at also moving away from everyone and everything familiar then. I know I'm a golden candidate for this state of mind right now. My comfort is that I'm not self-isolating, I'm going out for various activities and am dating, even if everyone after him is still unhappily pretty lackluster. I'm trying to give myself time and opportunity to keep some part of my head in the real world.
Strength and love to you! ❤️
Thank you.@@kristiinakapinen2071
What about 'reverse' limerance? Let's say the LO responds and eventually capitulates to the limerant, thinking they have found someone who loves them totally and unconditionally. However, because limerance is ephemeral, the limerant loses interest when reality intervenes and the LO starts wanting a realistic relationship. The limerant makes some pithy excuse like 'I've changed' to dump the LO. Then the roles reverse. The LO becomes the limerant, and the limerant becomes the LO.
I have spent 4 years thinking of someone all day every day.. I don’t even want this person but I feel like it triggered my trauma and I can’t stop it.. I haven’t even spoken to this person in years but the thoughts just won’t stop
I’m not on social media at all just watch RUclips videos occasionally..I have tried reiki, meditation, visualization of cord cutting, praying, etc and I still wake up during the night thinking of this person and many times throughout the day.. I have no explanation for it but it’s driving me mad
@@akferren1pray. To Jesus to help you
maybe without that obsession you would stop working and living, so don't hate yourself for it as long as you know you reached out that person rejected you and you know its never going to happen I feel like it comes up whenever I'm super lonely, but the more hobbies I do, or work I want to make more money, I think of that person less, and I don't hate myself for loving someone who is perfect, maybe internally that person is driving me to improve my deficiencies and that makes them different from the people who intentionally broke us, forgive everyone even yourself and push yourself to grow and heal but don't hate the stupid stuff you do as long as you know your boundaries
I love your advise to make my life great and then I don’t need the “savior” / object of limerence any more.
My mother had much more CPTSD and limerence than I do. Sadly she died of Multiple Sclerosis and never got this great knowledge and never learned about the daily practice. I am so grateful that I found this channel. ❤
It feels like lately there are so many untruths in myself and in the world. I’m ready to see and live an authentic life with open eyes, whatever that may be. The closest I know is the love I share with my kids and my dog. ❤ Thank you for videos on this subject.
11:11 ' _Hopium is a helluva drug_ '
😂😂
I love this subject. I'm the sort of person who does need a "label" in order to deal with [it]. It answers, "why". If I know why I can identify a whole host of stuff and [it] gets dealt with consequentially. I don't think I will ever be "limerent free". It's my hope. Why I say, "limerent!" to snap myself back to real life. Thanks, Fairy.
I have learned more about my behavior from listening to you, than going to therapy. Therapy has helped me to cope and get through emotional land-minds. However, I know more about identifying these behaviors and understanding why I keep getting into the wrong relationships
I first heard of limerance from your channel a few months ago. I feel that learning about limerance is half the healing.
So glad you're watching! The knowledge of it makes a big difference. To start sorting things out further, you can try the free Daily Practice:
bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
and if you want to look deeper at issues with romance, Anna has a full Dating & Relationships course:
bit.ly/CCF-Dating
Thanks for being here!
Julie@TeamFairy
Great point 🎉😊
Thanks CCF. I was the LO. I was also neglected as a child. I rejected this man because I knew getting together with him will end up disastrous. Super proud I made that call. Trust me it was hard as he was physically attractive 😏
Your videos on limerence have been priceless to me. I definitely didn't see CPTSD being the fuel to my limerence fire. What a can worms that has opened on top of major withdrawals from my mystical limerent partner while in No Contact. Being a love addict is a real thing!
If that Limerant Object becomes somebody you function well doing Very Everyday things with, perhaps you’ve found LOVE. Without the VE, all you’ve got is the LO.
Thank you.. finally explains it. I did it with healing practitioners because it felt like a safe place from stress & a bad relationship. Very bad depression for a couple years after he moved away but my mom also died a few weeks prior. I'm trying to keep it as friends with occasional messages.
This is such a mind game we do to ourselves! Please talk more about this. I need to pull out of this. My trauma is from a narcissist abusive relationship since i was 18.
My LO is a narcissist, so there were constant mixed messages. I wasted 37 years of my life-and we were both married to other people. Thankfully it's over and I'm working on healing.
I thought there was something wrong with me. My therapist had to tell me I was emotionally neglected and abused my whole life.
Healing is hard, isn't it? It has been for me.
I've not had a traumatic childhood or parental neglect of any kind but I still recognize these signs and behaviors as something I've gone through.
Is it even possible for us emotionally neglected limerence prone people to experience real love?
Of course!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyPRAY FOR US
Maybe we do this because it's so hard to find a true loving relationship. It always feels good to be in love but when the reality hits its a hard crash
I’m 58 and just learning this! Wow! Now I can recognize it if it comes up again!
Thank you so much for all the work you do, Anna ❤ I love how you explain things. This topic feels enlightening.
You are so right real life could never be as good as the fantasy we build up in our minds. Everything fits with my experiences over the years.
They are all you see all you want so even if someone perfect for you to get into a relationship with came along you wouldn’t see them in that way. It’s all consuming.
Oh man, I did the tarot card reading. Makes me cringe now.
Oh gosh I know that needing hope and mind flip sooo well! Thank you for talking about this ❤
My God I am SO effed up internally smh
Limerence ruined my love life. I need to get help but never heard of anyone speak about this.
I’m glad you’re here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I knew I did this - that it was a repeat behaviour but never had a word for it or a reason for it. Thank you so much! This is very helpful. Trying to understand where it's coming from.
Thank you Anna, you described this perfectly, how it makes you burning out yourself. I'm learning this slowly. I was aware of my huge childhood trauma but lately it shocked me again how deep it is and how it surfaces again in certain situations. Putting the focus back on myself and building up a life in an empty nest is especially hard. I finally succeeded in killing the hope for the limerent object that lasted far far too long. Before I went I blew up the whole case, I became very open - not even mainly about feelings but observations and how dishonest it all was in every manner. It is a married person who behaved exactly as you described. I wanted him to admit responsibility for his side of the story, his half but it wasn't harsh, I knew I co-created and re-created this. In a weird way I can call myself lucky for receiving a very cold, dismissive, avoidant reaction which pointed at me again like I'm the only crazy one here. I went through a deep depression and grieving which wasn't about the limerence, it was about me. Desperate for love and attention, being manipulated and re-traumatized. The self-deception part was the hardest. I came out of it much stronger than I was and with lots of boundaries but the recovery is really like one step at a time, at snail pace. Committing to the promises to myself and keeping it up is hard when you're coming out of exhaustion.
I just love the way you use gestures, makes you so authentic
I am excited to watch this later! I journaled just last night on ways I could tell between attachment and love!😮
I've definitely had limerence with men but it was requited and deep feelings were shared on both sides. However, it usually started out long-distance and when we came together and made it real it slowly became disastrous because the fantasy shattered.
😮you totally described me and I knew something was off, but didn’t know why or what it was…thank you
Thank you for your wisdom and insights ma'am!!!! I hate knowing this about myself but I also appreciate it. I get a bit more realistic when I feel the glimmer nowadays. This was beautiful
Yep, nailed it
~♡~Your hair looks great like this!!!~♡~
This explains a lot! How do you know when you're in love then if it doesn't feel like that magical high?
Eventually the pain and despair gets so bad that you have to end it, or die. Never again!
This time I actually can't draw a clear line if it is limerence or smth real. It definitely took a limerence measures at one point, but I feel the worst is over. I still sometimes have quite hyped feelings for her (female friend) but it really is starting to calm down and take some realistic picture. Meaning - it's not just one-sided thing in my head anymore. She knows I am thrilled about her and also seems to be understanding about me being deeply into her. She's not using this anyhow badly. But I can clearly see she's not quite sure what to make of this. Feels like she has given it a slow go and seems to enjoy our time spent together. It feels such a relief that I don't have to hide like every single feeling. Sometimes I just still have to regulate thoughts and feelings, because they still can be intense and take over. I just try to be realistic and keep it simple and sincere. Not to put any pressure to other side. It's just my thing I need to get over from.
Do you think it's a good idea to let her know I have such problem? Or what are your advice in general? To cut this friendship off? My hopes are that it all will have a positive outcome and I can finally experience a spontaneous, natural, uncontidional and honest friendship.... without being limerent. Rally miss the acceptance, respect, simplicity and fun in relationsips.
I can't tell the difference anymore.....I'm such a dreamer...what is real?
Oh my word fabulous lady! I have experienced this. He was a dude who was 20 years younger than me who used me for ( the bit) of money I had. I could not understand it! But now I do 😊THANKYOU bless you 🙏 🎉xxxxx
Oh dear.... that sounds like me. Don't feel so weird now... thanks.
She ghosted me and then after two months i broke no contact to ask her to be friends and she said no and ive been crying all day
but your profile picture is cool!
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand.
Awww 2 months 😢😢
Cut that cord love! And you did it during venus retrograde.
My condolences, but the consolation is your heart knows now. ❤❤
@@saveit7257 😂this made me feel better thankyou
Yeah, it wasn't really friendship you wanted.
Can you feel limerence towards your ex partner that you ended the relationship with?
Yes, dealing with this right now….I’ll sabotage a relationship, push them away purposely then want them back. It’s insane.
Hi, I've watched a few of your videos and I really like what you do and I have resinated with a lot of what you've said. My situation is a little different in that I am a gay women and I think suppressed feelings become such a habit. I have ricocheted from one unrequited love to another for many years. I have loved (or think its love ) many flirtatious women who may or may not have felt the same and am very tempted to get involved with someone who has overtly come on to me but I over think everything, on top of that she manages a resort in Bali and I live in Sydney Australia, maybe my feelings are limmerence.
Your videos have helped me bear my limerance. Thank you so much.
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
I cringe listening to this😬 I've done everything on the list😢 the worst one I feel is when someone gave me signs/ told me they're not interested and I took it as " I want you to fight for me more" so I did, I tried harder😱 it must have been very creepy and made them very uncomfortable 😳 ...never mind, at least I now know what it means and swear not to do it again 🙏 also I've had it done to me recently by my friend I definitely know it's true and how awful if feels on the receiving end 😢
Great video as always
What about being in a narcissistic relationship where the person is drip feeding you going hot and cold. You become limerence and trauma bonded to the person. Because the relationship is so confusing and invalidating.
Hello, I'm new to you and your channel but my oh my if this not the answers I have been seeking. This is the 1st time I've even heard of cptsd. I mean every video I've watched so far has been word for word my life. I'm astounded at this really, but I would love to know how I can write to you about an issue I'm currently having. Thanks so much for your time.
Welcome to the channel! You can write to Anna here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
-Calista@TeamFairy
At 10:15 , when married people feed off the energy, those are called emotional affairs on their part, aren't they?
Yep.
thanks
my recent limerence episode is complicated . i have 2 men im interested in. one is completely unobtainable as much younger and one who is more my age, i think likes me. the younger one to me is so attractive i am at risk of making a complete fool of myself .the older one is lovely but is v shy. i'd go out with him if he asked me. but the mega attraction fot the younger one would still be there. does this mean i'm healing but not quite there yet?
kinda funny my LO posted an article about twin flames on HIS social media. Wonder who he's limerant over?
Argghhh so hard to listen to...this is me up to just before the last bits but my mum and my sisters did the last bit urghh what a waisye of life 😢
Something interesting about me, all my times of limerence ends in a major imagined fiasco breaking the relationship and fighting to stay in it. I wonder why that is
Interesting indeed. & that's other-worldly for me. My limerences usually last 3.5 yrs per LO. Then I loose interest & they slowly fade out of my fantasies.
How do I deal with a friend overcome with Limerence for several years, 2 different guys? She doesn't think there is any problem. In fact, she has stopped sharing parts of her life with anyone with something to say that doesn't egg her on in her dillusion. You are the first person I have seen with a word of exactly what she is going through. Help please. 😌
Forward this video to her.
What is the solution please tell me ?
Hey guys, can I ask a question? Is it limerance if I was with someone I thought was my soulmate and then he broke up with me, went back to his ex, but book marked me for a year… then came back to me and we ended up have a beautiful relationship - I was with him when his father passed and became best friends with his mom and was very involved in his family… I felt like I was ready to settle down with him, but towards the end of the year, I felt him getting kind of manic. I figured he was having some emotional stuff cuz of his father and doing a lot of psychedelics over the summer, but one day when I was working out of the country, he just disappeared. And his friend told me that he got engaged to his ex and then he married her 2 months later. I spent a yea r getting over it but I still think of him every day… sometimes I think it’s limerance but our relationship was not fake… so I don’t know what to call this… I miss him and I still have no idea how he could have done it, but I feel like he’s not well and I worry about him. Am I
Crazy? Am I limerànt? What do you guys think?
You're not limerant. You were played by an awful person and im so sorry you endured that. Sounds to me he had feelings the whole time for his ex and was probably still around her.
I think you fell in love but need to realise that ship has sailed. Take the lessons for it. Stay away from people who use substances or psychedelics - these people are usually cheaters and use these episodes to lie about their whereabouts.
You deserve so much more and have a massive heart to have dated him after he went back to his ex the first time.
I hope you meet someone special who will reciprocate those feelings.
Do not take that man back ever. He is a user.
I don't know because all you did was talk about him.
Can't help if all you describe is a dumb-ass dude who doesn't know what he wants.
Doesn't sound limerent though.
He was a narcissist
I’m so sorry that happened to you. 😔
@@ms.meshiagibson how do you know. I don't think anyone can assess that over one person comment on a RUclips post. 🙄
CPTSD has killed my dating life. 0/27 date acceptances in 11 years
Realistically I'll never have another date, let alone a relationship, ever again.
You'll all say there's still a chance. BS. I haven't worked since l was falsely accused. Great talking point, IKR.
How is that that different from bpd fp
I'd say limerence is a symptom associated with both BPD fp and emotionally neglected people
❤
I think my LO is literally my soulmate! He’s perfect! I’m addicted and I can’t get over him! 😢
Jesus fudgy christ. This make so much sense.
Been here, done that, fed by nonsense Tarot wafflers.
Same. It was easy to make their stories resonate. I wasted so much time on that bs😒
🤎
My girlfriend showed me your channel. A few months back I got a disorderly conduct case when I had snapped and took me to long to stem back to reality. I woke up in a cell. The next day I was released,since I was arrested without a phone and my girlfriend wasn't apparently allowed to come get me because she is considered "the victim" in the case, I walked over 7 miles to get home in almost 110 weather in Arizona. She found me laying in my own throw up, passed out a mile from home. I guess you can say I finally had an eye opener I had a problem. I'm just lucky we were able to work things through and move forward. I've been to many therapists but didn't want to go through it again but accepted that I needed it. Thank you for giving me hope that there are good ones out there.