Why You Fall For Unavailable People
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
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The need for love and security is SO strong that some people will do anything to feel like they’re in a relationship. If you attach to people you know are unavailable, and then structure your life around that person -- your hopes and plans -- hoping to preserve the feeling that they really are THE ONE, it's important you watch this video. I respond to a letter from a woman who hopes that by loving someone unconditionally, she can win their love in return.
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Another hit!!! Anna the videos you and your team put out have been one of my biggest assets in recovery, thank you SO MUCH for sharing your thoughts!! I love your approach to dating and relationships, it's self-respecting as well as respecting the other person and their agency. I've always believed that two good people can have a bad relationship. It's so important to be firmly grounded in reality so you're not dumping your energy onto someone who never asked for that.
AZ❤@
Need to point out that it's equally unhealthy on the person we're pouring our energy into that they don't stop it or have boundaries. They drink it up as the opposite side of the coin. In many cases in my experience, they are so unhealthy they don't feel good enough for us and keep us on a string to avoid getting deeper and showing their true selves. It's a toxic spiral!
Oprah said “When people tell you who they are, believe them.” So, RUN and pour that love into yourself. ❤
It’s actually a Maya Angelou quote.
Yeah I'm working on making my love for myself to be enough... I would like to be in a relationship but I want to love myself and give myself what I think a man would give me.
Ew Oprah
How do you feel about Oprah now she's shown who she is though.. don't be fooled by Oprah.
@@PaulaW-wq1khThe what was originally by Maya Angelou
It's so clear that he is not interested. I don't think I have ever been that bad, and I have allowed some mess in my life. Girl please walk away from this.
It’s more clear to see it when others do it than ourselves.
But I agree if someone said “I can’t,” I’d be OUT.
At least this guy didn’t string her along.
Responding to someone who is clearly going through mental and emotional issues with "I have never been that bad" is so mean. Yikes! I was scrolling the comments and had to stop to address this. I hope they don't see this comment.
@@gabrielle8571 agreed
It's literally a litmus test - if you feel you can't live without someone- it means you are having a break with reality.
In our society, acting all codependent and have a fantasy about the other person is considered “love”.
Yeah, the media, the industry has destroyed it. If a boy talks with a girl, or vice versa, it's "romance" , it's "oh that boy and that girl sitting in a tree, KISSIN"( I interrupt: Oh shut the f**k up!(sorry I was watching a sitcom))
Two comments. As others have said, it is strange that he is on a dating site and claims that he has agoraphobia. I smell something fishy. Secondly, relationships that began with the feeling of "rescuing" someone, end up very badly, in my experience. In the drama triangle, the rescuer shifts to getting prosecuted , many times. Basically, he was not into you. Work on accepting that it is part of life. He did you a big favour. He could have exploited your attempts to give and give and give. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you for having such empathy. It very much makes up for the people subtly judging her by saying they were never that bad.
I have such an issue with putting my time and energy into those who love what I give, but don’t love me.
Wow perfectly put, and same here
To the writer of the letter: I feel for you, sis, you're not alone with your struggle, and you'll heal. ❤ You're one cute, devoted, lovable person, please don't "leak" your romantic energies, wait for the right person and until that moment arrives: love and prioritize yourself ❤
You can't "save" something that isn't there.
Woah ❤️🙌
Limerence is why I avoid relationships and put most of my effort into my Model Car Building Hobby... It has been very good for my self esteem and has taught me a lot...
This woman’s letter was so honest & innocent, & Anna was so compassionate in advising her, it made me burst into tears! Idk why it made me emotional, but I found it touching.
I know gen Z is “younger” due to being online so much, but I can’t imagine being so innocent at age 26 that she’s only kissed 2 men. At 26 I was a practicing attorney & my partner worked in a big financial firm. Our life was cosmopolitan but also complex. I think perhaps folks who haven’t had much experience should focus on the first few dates rather than spending their lives with someone. Also, if you’re not ready to have physical intimacy before marriage, you prob shouldn’t date a 36yo man unless he’s very religious or otherwise shares your views. Good luck ❤
I can relate! This letter and Anna’s caring, but honest response really touched my heart. By 26, I was a mom of 2 already divorced. And I still didn’t know SH-T about life. 😌
Thank you so much for this. The only person we should give love and trust unconditionally is ourselves.
I think the moral is more, “if you think you love someone after meeting them once and only knowing them for two months, you’re misguided.”
Also dogs.
After so many years of fantasy relationships/one sided relationships and not getting our needs met, we will eventually come to realize that the only person that can really help us and give us what we need is ourselves. It is a matter of learning to stay out of our emotions and stay in logic and reality.
Another awesome vid! Thank you so much, Ms. Anna, for getting us grounded and on the right path.
Ana I don't know how you responded to this with so much tact and empathy. I guess that's why you're so good at what you do. I was getting 'mummy energy' all throughout the letter. I stay away from people like this men AND women, they are the kind of people that will do things for you for no reason and then suddenly start a fight over how you don't appreciate them or won't do what they want. No no no no no. 🙅♀
@ebbyc. I was starting to feel like I was the only one. These are people I head for the hills. So much expectation with each so called kind gesture. Each gesture coming with strings attached. I can sense it from a distance before I get approached.
I'm actually going through something similar with a girlfriend of mine, we've been friends for a couple of yrs and in the past 6 months or so she leaves my text messages on read and doesn't answer sometimes for a couple of wks, just a few wks ago we made plans to look into places to go away for the weekend so we both took off from work and then she went away with her husband and never let me know just never replied to my texts! its so hurtful. I've completely walked away this time instead of texting something like "hey, everything ok?" I can't be friends with someone that disregards me like that😢
Good for you.
I find myself congratulating myself because I'm not as delusional anymore (that sounds mean) as the writer. But I've been damned close to it: thinking I was going to "heal" someone with my love, etc. We DO get things out of order. I know now, after eight wonderful years with my late mate, that we do help each other heal, AFTER we've given the relationship time to develop in mutual intent, and to grow and strengthen. But first we have to do the long walk of letting each other be who we really are. That is hard for us dented folks. You were kind to speak carefully but plainly to her. I hope she takes your advice. Her life will only get better.
Its sad really. I've picked so many bad "partners" that I've become unavailable myself.
Me too
@@gal1885 hey you never know, one day in our healing process we'll get to a point where we can be fully available and present for a romantic relationship if we so choose. At this point, I'd rather heal
Same!
This is exactly where I am rn! I can’t seem to actually give anyone the time of day now no matter how hard they try due to so many bad experiences & they eventually give up so I never get to see the full potential of any relationship or love interest
Oh boy there are so many issues here! and of course there are different degrees to these types of scenarios. I'd say this is a level 10! sounds like her issues are very deep. I've dated men in the past who were emotionally unavailable but not to this degree. The really important take away here is doing the inner work, building self confidence, and knowing your worth! Knowing when to walk away from someone. I used to think a few little breadcrumbs was better than none and thankfully I've healed enough to know that its the exact opposite! you're better off alone and spending that energy on yourself and the people who are capable of loving you back.
My professional life is very damaged bc 12 years ago I behaved like this girl with the difference that the person I stalked after one kiss, was public and influential in my field. I even didn't have her contact, I kept bothering her friend. From time to time people still come to laugh at me about what they heard. I know I have to forgive myself, like this girl I didn't know what I was doing :( Shame has been difficult to overcome and my career might never take off
@@villaineramatriarchy Thank you, really appreciate your lovely words and book suggestion, I'll definitely check it
This is more common than you think. I had a gay coworker in customer service who was into a sales rep that he used to assist, said rep was in another country and had to travel to our country for an event, we had never seen him in person but he looked insanely attractive in pictures (like, better than most of Hollywood attractive). My coworker was going through a breakup from his high school sweetheart / someone he had been with most of his life and in a vulnerable situation so he proceeded to tell the whole office that this sales rep guy was also into him, that he was planning to meet him when he visited and later move to his country so that they could be together. The guy just wanted to see him to thank him for his assistance, which helped him save face in front of his clients and meet his sales goals, he never said it was romantic and he wasn't even gay. My coworker went through a huge embarrassment, not just in front of us, but the other sales reps laughed about this for years and kept teasing the guy with my coworker. And the funny thing is that the same thing happened to me, I also believed that the same guy liked me because of the way he looked at me when he met me in person (I was actually running away from him because I liked him and was nervous and didn't want him or my coworkers to find out) and I cried for two years watching tarot readings that claimed that he was my twin flame and that we were in separation 😂 I was also clearly feeling limerence for him too and I'm not sure if his peers knew but they probably laughed their ass off if they did. None of us works at that company right now and I unfollowed and removed from my followers everyone involved. I am not telling you to escape this situation, but you can't spend the rest of your life feeling like she is bringing you down. There must be a way for you to do what you want to do without this story coming back to bite you in the arse. You are a different person now and you cannot control that some cruel people still see you as such. Maybe start a new life at a different city? I don't know, I'm just giving my unsolicited opinion 😅
If it is possible, you might want to relocate and start a new in a new place. You will feel brand new and free if you're no longer around these people who are still doing this to you after all this time.
Just read the comment calling you "agony aunt" sheesh! Well I'm glad the person who wrote this letter has you to help them out. Also these examples that can seem extreme serve as templates for occurences in our own lives even if theyre not exactly the same. When you talked about characterizing co-dependency as harmless and well meaning at the end, that was a key for me! It helped me get over my guilt over ending friendships in the past that I had guilted myself into.
Thanks so much.
GREAT advice, Anna. This letter was so revealing about the young lady. It's really important to create a life you don't want to escape from. My take is that her life is so lacking and deprived that she takes scraps.
It made me sad. My heart breaks 💔 for this young ladym
So sorry to hear about what's going on. I used to be similar to this way. It's like the first meeting and kiss sparked a feeling of belonging that she wants to hang on to that for dear life. Must be some deep deep abandonment going on under the surface. Hope she is okay after all this. Wish her all the best.
Wonderful email, you go deeper than any "dating coach" I know and you're doing it with ease, very insightful, thank you ccf🙏
🙌
"love is something that happens in the present time reality"💛❤️💛
This letter made me realize I need to be more kind. I find behavior like this very irksome, not sure if I would have responded so tactfully.
This is so clear for people whom had lived and experienced alot in life. Indeed all are clear signs that that man isn't interested in you. Tip: when he takes so long so respond to simple basic questions, straightforward he is not sure what he wants. So run, run away.
Kinda off topic, but about dating.... Anyone else wonder if you'll ever meet someone in this surfacey, digital age without going online, especially as a person with CPTSD? I listen to a lot of the letters Anna gets, and the very fact that any of these women can even get into a relationship of any sort is impossible for me imagine for myself. They must be very attractive or very flirty or just surrounded by men in their daily lives - or maybe they're just really good at hiding their trauma (I'm not, nor do I want to hide anything). For me, as a 40+ single mom with CPTSD, who is only mildly attractive (not downing myself, just being realistic), I find it difficult to see how I can ever even date again, much less be in a committed relationship. At the rate I meet single, healthy guys of any sort, it'll be a miracle to find a man who finds me attractive, has a cohesive personality, is available, and wants to commit (& who I also find attractive). I've done the online dating thing, and it's exactly how Anna describes here. Imo, it's a complete waste of time, but it seems the only place to meet available men (even if they're lying). I involve myself in all kinds of activities within mixed groups (in person and online), and the only guys I find that have anything in common with me are ones I meet from other states (via online trainings and educational groups I'm involved in) - so that's not gonna work. All in all, I think it would take an act of God - and maybe that is indeed what I'm waiting for. 😂
I'm 18 and I already feel this way. My city is pretty small. And talking to too many people even through texts drains my energy. 😢😢😢
I am in my late 30's, also a single mom and I have been single for 12 years since I broke up with the baby daddy. I have recently come to realize of my subconscious blocks. The first block, seeing myself as a product just because society ingrains in us that our social currency is our beauty and if I was hot, I wouldn't be single. Yeah, I probably wouldn't be, but if I had low self-esteem I would only attract men who just want to sleep with me. We can only get as much love as we give ourselves, I clearly don't see a supermodel when I look in the mirror, but I see someone cute and lovable and try showing up for myself in the way I would want someone to show up for me. The second block is that I don't perceive masculine energy as safe. I still think of men as liars, unstable, fickle and aggressive and that pretty much describes the way my dad was to my mom. I am still working on this on therapy. The third block for me was that I was afraid of dating again because I didn't want anyone to hurt me, so I would crush like a teenager on some unavailable dude and if anyone liked me, I would dismiss them over petty reasons. You mention that you are signed on multiple activities, that's great but you have to go because you enjoy it, because you feel good, not because you could meet some guy there. Be the energy that you want to attract ❤❤❤
@@Bogotaeverything All of the blocks you've listed here are representative of so many things so many of us are navigating- though the variables may be different. Thank you for being so detailed and sharing your experience. It's giving me a lot to think about.
Anna, this was remarkable insight on your part. Thanks for doing the right thing by your viewers. Sometimes the answer is sad, but necessary.❤.
I have done this with friendships. Not as extreme, but I’m attracted to friendships that are mostly one sided.
Gosh, I so relate to this!!! Thanks fairy for the share. Also, writer, the book "safe people" by henry cloud has been really comforting for me, and I recommend it. Gosh also getting in recovery communities is so beautiful and wonderful, and starts to slowly fill our hearts back up.
What kind of group are you finding help in?
Sometimes i wish i had said "its therapy time" to my friends in the past, when i knew they where in a bad spot, but i couldnt really convey it als clearly as Anna.
For me it certainly was "therapy time" a number of times in my life. I am glad i am in a better spot, but not healed enough that i dont get into limerant attachement. But on the other hand..healed enough that i can understand very quickly what is happening and continue to take the appropriate steps. This channel helped A LOT. Which means taking care of my CPTSD and healing really any sorts of addictions.. from love to food to process.
I also had another epiphany the other day. When i look into my "love life" i cant helpt but feel that even the crush i had as a little kid in elementary school was already a limerant attachement and entangled with my CTPSD. She felt unreachable.. it felt impossible.. even as the 7 year old boy.. and it was a lot of fantasy envoveld! Then wehn she did invite my to her birthday party...again i was 7 or 8 years old.. i felt so sick that i couldnt even play with her and the other kids. So i think that my attachement wounds were already there back then and must have been there for quite some time. Of course i didnt realize this as a kid.. only now with lots of therapy and knowledge about my upbringing and the family dynamics.
Good fantasies are months long vacations to the Mediterranean and unicorn rides into the sunset. Mal-adaptive fantasies are building up a person to an ideal when they aren't enough for you now.
Yes... to 26-year old... you're severely codependent and insecure to even want a relationship with someone 10 years older, who isn't pursuing you equally. Stop dating until you greatly increase your self-value.
Edward is very clear what he wants. He’s not leading her on or anything.
Keep moving "Erin"! Not worth the effort. No return on your investment.
I do wonder why he's even on a dating site.
Your hair looks amazing Anna! Thanks for the work you do.
Thank you so much for your videos and courses! I know I’m becoming a healthier version of myself because I can catch all the red flags in theses situations now😅 due to therapy, readings and your videos I have the power, self love and confidence to walk away from unavailable people early on and not feel bad about myself for it❤
Thank you for this video.I have got my answer from the universe. Time to move on and lead a healthy life.
While helping many mentally broken guys i can tell you that one thing they want and still think about is sex. Its such a fundamental thing in mens life, such a huge urge to have it that theu gonfir it despite hiw they feel.
I don't even try and be with people that i can't be with cause its wrong to even think about wanting to be with someone that you can't be with
Thank you Anna, I love your advice about being grounded in reality and this is where true love happens.
I have an interesting case where I have got to know someone a little and I’m comfortable with them can be myself but the lime rance I’ve had for another person for about 9 years keeps rearing itself like it’s desperate to cling on. I don’t know why I can’t let go of it.
Fairy I am so excited. I get deregulated and lose my temper and lash out. Because of your counsel I know now what is happening. I realise I'm getting flooded and I don't act out. I thought I was a bad person.
Congratulations on your progress! Julie@TeamFairy
It's simple. This man is not into her. She's in huge denial, she need help. It's not a love.
@@ebbyc1817 what
Yep, the best yet. I've watched countless video's on this- many of yours. But, somehow today this letter explained co-dependency better to me. This is pretty close to what I've been dealing with for 4 years now. I hear- I don't want to be in a relationship, I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I only want sex from you. You're not the one for me. I'm constantly feeling hurt or confused. I walk away for months at a time, but when we see each other at a party etc- I forget all about the pain and suffering and start the wheel turning all over again. We are 'friends' now and sometimes with benefits when he tells me, " I'm so into you, I love you, can't you see it in my eyes", but the next day it's back to the way it was. We are both co-dependent and working on our issues. I just don't want to believe that he isn't the one. My friends see it ..... but I don't yet! I'm also in CODA. Thanks again!
He is not co-dependent, he's not there to save you from anything, you are not his project or his charity case, he's a narc and he's using you 😐
I agree. I was relieved when I saw that she posted this video yesterday. Please work the love addicts program. That way you can be healthier and be able to find a healthy relationship some day, rather than be single in your 50’s. I found love addicts anonymous too late. I was past child bearing age. But it’s not too late for me to learn to be happy and have healthy relationships with both men and women. Some day I may find a man I love and who reciprocated that love. The love addiction made be waste time when I was younger.
Thank you for sharing your experience. -TeamFairy
my aunt has been doing the daily practice, even without the meditation, and she is vastly improving. thank you CCF
I feel like this situation is mainly addressed to women but I am having this situation as a man. I am always attracted to cool girls. Which like I feel like very few are available
🎉❤Thank you! That part when you say if the other person is not putting in the effort to be with you. ! Anna that's a Big Red Truck .. 18 months is a reasonable amount of time. These are the reasons Miss Fairy your set apart, from mainstream therapy, you hit it the ole one two🤜 the problem, with the answer or "cure" I love it!!
Wow. I’ve gotten a lot of clarity from this. Thanks!
This might sound cruel, but agoraphobia is an absolute “no” for me. I need to go “out” on dates, as in literally “out of the house”. Otherwise I’ll become clinically neurotic.
Oh my. I sure have & want to hear what you have to share. Now that I have, my situation is quite different, but, no more healthy & I know from this that I need to watch more to learn about limerence.
I’m addicted to your videos
To everyone with a good heart, be patient and you'll be appreciated wholly some day!
I let out a scream after reading the title and thumbnail…… lol you’re so right 😂🥲
Phenomenal video😊
you are helping me alot. Thank you for your time.
I’m currently in a relationship where I feel neglected by him not making time for me and when I set up a day to spend time with him he makes excuses to not see me.
I hate to say this, but you are not in a relationship, or at least not in one the other person wants to be in. You deserve much better, switch the focus back to yourself.
@@Bogotaeverything we ended up breaking up and I’m focusing on myself for now.
He loved bombed me. The first date came on so strong. Then all of a sudden, a couple of weeks later, so he didn't want a relationship. I kept thinking he would change. What a waste of my time. I know so much better now. He turned out to be a narcissist
I was this person and it makes sense at the time but now it sounds insane 😮 I've been working on me and figuring out my crap😢
One of your best videos, thank you!
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Extremely helpful!
This guy is clearly not into the letter writer. Her response of “I’m here to stay” sounds more like stalking and/or harrassment. Is she 100% certain he is agoraphobic? Maybe he just told her that out of frustration to make her go away. He said he saw no future with her… not sure how she does not get that.
This guy is nice. Some men would just use her for all she is worth for multiple years and not want her really at all.
It's not like he's nice, maybe he just wanted a Tinder date to go to his house for him to get laid and here she is after a kiss demanding him to commit to her and treating him like he's a charity case, like she needs people to need her. At least he's not a narc, one would have used her and destroyed her, this guy is just being upfront about his lack of interest
People don't understand that the beginning of meeting someone, the courting part, is where you get to know the person without hugging and kissing and sex. If you can become friends without all of that, then you have this window of opportunity where you can actually learn about each other. Fall in love with their idiosyncronicities. When you can fall in love with the idiotic ways they might do things is when you actually have unconditional love. So, all in all, the courting portion of dating is going to be the result of whether or not you can have unconditional love for this person or not. Without unconditional love in a relationship? It will fail. Unconditional love is the longevity that you'll get to experience in a healthy relationship. Constantly shoving aside your view about how this or how that is not love.
A relationship is not about sacrificing yourself. It's about opening up to each other and becoming one. It is about loving each other for all they are. Sometimes we realize this far too late, and the one you love dies and passes on, and you never get to tell them how you really feel. Don't learn the hard way. Take the time that's necessary to get to know someone. People need to be able to let their guards down, and feel loved even when they are strong and lean and mean and can flip the world upside down. We all need love. No one is perfect, but we are all here for the same purpose; to learn, to live, and to love each other no matter our skin color, and no matter religious or spiritual beliefs.
Cling addiction seems like a more helpful term... love addiction is a bit misleading imo
I use an eye mask too. I use eye eco though. Their masks were originally designed for Sjögren's syndrome but it works great for me. My eye doesn't close all the way.
I think this guy lied about the agoraphobia and possibly depression too as a way not to take her out in public. I’d guess he has zero interest in anything other than sex and saw he was going to need to have some kind of plot so she’d accept it.
Agreed 100%. He’s 36yo who’s had multi-year committed relationships before & he met a 26yo for 1 date. She fell in love w/ him, told him he’s only the 2nd man she ever kissed, she doesn’t believe in being physical before marriage & not to treat her like “toilet paper.” 😂 So to avoid hurting her & wasting money dating someone who’s too young & innocent for him, he’s tried to let her down easy. Part of me thinks it serves him right bc 10 years is a huge age difference in modern society & he shouldn’t be lying to her, but I bet the guy is a bit sketched out by her pursuit of him. He should’ve just said “I enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m looking for someone who has a background more similar to mine” or something 🤷🏼♀️
If he has agoraphobia, why is he even dating?
good question.
if he has agoraphobia, why is she dating HIM.
Everyone gets lonely and when you are in a bad mental place you won't make very good decisions.
can you do a video on dealing with a lot of issues and then becoming more secure later in like and then starting to date, almost like for the first time with little experience but being older. People talk about people who havent had long term relationships as if we are to be avoided at all costs or something
it's not so much that such people should be avoided, it's like trying to get a job, over a certain age, if you haven't had one job for more than, a year, every employer is going to hesitate to employ you. People use past experience as an indicator of future behaviour. and just like with a job, one would have to work harder to convince the other person that they are, reliable.
Good topic, and as I got older I was encouraged by news of a distant relative who married late in life but very happily.
What if your affraid of being hurt so thats why you don't even try to have a close relationship with anybody
I've been hurt alot in my life i dont have any friends and it hurts so much.i need to know that the only friend i have is Jesus
@@user-ug5wc5ru8lthere are lots of online forums for Christian’s to make friends & find support. You might want to check those out & never know who’ll you’ll meet whether just platonic friends or maybe more. Good luck & God bless ❤
I cringe listening to her story...I was once this person, always bombarding with text, not letting them come to me, offering to cook and bring food to them, offering to sleep in my place when their car broke...😬😬😬 then I got resentful at them for not reciprocating me efforts 😬 when I finally let them go all angry and feeling used they told me they want a relationship with me😳 but I was so disgusted with myself and soooo resentful with them that I said no. It was 4 years ago and to this day I cringe thinking about my behaviour, it was a turning point in my life though I started to work on myself and never did that again with anyone else🥲 lesson learnt 😅
Unaware codependents are not even conscious of what they are doing.
I realized I was like this once but I grew up with an NPD mom and as a parentified child. It’s trauma based too and all we know when you don’t have the experience
Thanks Anna ..This is so enlightening ✨
Poor woman... we can all delude ourselves
Another excellent video, thank you.❤🙏❤
Great video!
This is not anything except a woman falling for a man who needs to get psychiatric treatment indefinitely. This man is currently unfit for a committed relationship. Full stop.
Sorry, what? He has agoraphobia but has previously dated local celebrities? These things don't seem to go together.
A guy having been in a relationship for 4 years does NOT automatically mean that he can sustain a relationship. Because it's possible the previous person was also severely codependent 🙃
This is true for me...
A great video…. 🌸🌸🌸🌸
I think she is fishing in the wrong pond. She has a very clear idea of what she wants which is something from another era. She is innocent and should be on dating sites for more religious or conservative people who share her old-fashioned values. I don’t think she needs a therapist to talk her out of her convictions.
Thanks Anna
I am at timestamp 3:37 and I want play the game of predicting what Anna will say. I could be wrong of course. I am saying no no no to this guy. I think we try too hard and settle for so much less than we deserve (dare I say deserve). Probably from our childhood. Idk
Whst was this "Gentleman" doing on a dating site if he doesn't want a relationship??
As much as he struggles, she is blind to all of it.
I totally empathize with the writer of that email and I wish her well, but isn't what she has been doing called Love bombing? In just two months and that high level of attachment and love; some people cannot take it and some people even become doubtful of that closeness too soon. I hope she finds someone that really deserves her.
How about he could possibly be playing her hoping she might give in and feel incredibly sorry for his depression and agoraphobia, and maybe--just maybe she will give in and have passionate sex with him, and he will have conquered his quest.
I think her answers are okay, because he probably acted super interested until she said no sex unless we become more than friends...in time.
I think she did say the right stuff setting boundaries, and he is sort of giving it right back, but hoping to get her to feel bad for him and give in.
she didn't say "no sex" though, she said " I don't want to be treated like a....." something something, that's a very very different kind of energy. That's a demanding energy. Like, just leave him alone.
@@ebbyc1817no, she said no sex until marriage!
@@kimlarso That is a demand.
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years and I’ll admit we have hard times, but I love him more than anything but sadly he’s been seeking comfort from other women even admitted to having a physical attraction to another woman but wouldn’t tell me who she is but I already know who it is, and that makes me feel unattractive and unappreciated and unloved. But I can’t help but feel like I drove him into her arms because I haven’t appreciated him not that I’m not proud of him I just worry he’ll get himself into trouble but right now, after hearing this I’m not gonna let him touch me unless he removes those feelings if he claims to love me or if he’ll ever get over her. What to do
He’s probably making all of that up to nicely. Just miss her. She definitely needs therapy! I was yelling at her while watching this video lol. Poor thing has seen some trauma.
Is having agoraphobia mean they are unavailable?
Good question, agoraphobia has a lot of restrictions. In this case, even though she is willing to always go to him, he doesn't want her to come over!
So many red flags here, but she cannot see them due to the rose tinted glasses she's wearing.
Trouble is there's no available ones either.
11 years no partner. I'd sell the lot to have a partner. Trouble is all I own is a car.
At getting to this stage of life and finding out I have CPTSD and trying to overcome years of entrenched behaviours doesn't go well for me.
And now I've been metaphorically punched in the gut with really bad news so I'm about to give up on life.
I see no future
Is it weird that I can tell that you're a man just by your use of words ?
(I'm trying to make you laugh. Btw. 😊🙂 )
@@ebbyc1817 l haven't worked for 6 years. And now l find the lawyer (no win, no pay) has fucked up my case.
As for being a man l reckon CPTSD doesn't respect gender, race, religion.
I probably not feeling like a laugh atm. I really just want to die. My life was shit and it continues to be shit. When l eat food it feels like a waste. A waste of time, money, effort.
@@Chapps1941 oh. ok then.
:I
Dear chapps, I am sorry you are feeling so down and by the time you read this,if you read this, that you are feeling somewhat better.
Baby Girl, you should've have to work so hard for your love to be returned. Please, think about how you would want your daughter to be treated. You sound very codependent and that leaves you open to being treated as a doormat and toilet paper.
I’m so confused of codependency. I thought that as long as it’s mutual and both parties are somewhat growing together and dependent on each other.
I think you're confusing the terms "codependency" and normal, healthy "interdependence." Interdependence is simply having close, reciprocal relationships. "Codependency" is something different and unhealthy. You can read more about it on the Codependents Anonymous website. coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/
Julie@TeamFairy
3 minutes in and some of these videos are just hard to watch. No offense to the creator, you are doing good work. Just that the lady is torturing herself and its hard to watch
I think he's playing the victim because he knows she has empathy,maybe he doesn't have agora phobia,it's just a way of making her conviniently go to his place and have sex,i might sound paranoid but i get a bad vibe.
It’s clear that Erin is naive and should meet more people. He isn’t perfect but enhanced his good qualities, remaining elusive enough to catch her interest.
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She desperately needs to have a happy medium. . Maybe choosing to not have any relationship and just have a few friends is the best answer as well as therapy,CODA and support groups.. A hobby might me of help as well. .