How to Recover From a Lifetime of Self-Suppression
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- Опубликовано: 12 окт 2023
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Tyrannical parents have this terrible way of invalidating you as a kid, and then leaving you unable to validate yourself long after you’re grown up and away from them. Some people become angry and tyrannical themselves, while others suppress all that. You may have come to believe that if you're "nice" and "helpful" enough, people will love and accept you. Instead, you lose touch with who you really are. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who has walked on eggshells all his life, and is ready to get real.
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I LIT UP when you inverted the negatives into what positive outcomes lay ahead. You really are a fairy! 🤔
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Anna, I’ve had therapy for 8 years, have spent $50,000 on it, can finish my therapists sentences. 10 videos of yours 3 years ago before I burnt my life to ground with undiagnosed cPTSD would have done me more good than the above. Your videos are both painful and very good. And probably most of all your empathy and the community. I’m a dude and share them unabashedly to my male friends. Thank you.
Thank you for the strength of your words here. I'm glad you are here, an I mean it.
❤
Thank you for sharing this here. It's hard for me to admit out out loud how much CPTSD has hurt my life & reading comments like this, makes me feel more comfortable. Anna you are saint like. Thank you for helping so many of us heal ❤
💛
❤ me too. @@charlotte5671
One thing I recognized as you talked, I often don't express myself in the moment, because in the moment I'm not sure how I feel. I need to get away, be alone, and then I know. I'd like to get better at knowing, in the present moment, how I feel so I can share more authentically.
The Daily Practice can help sort through things that feel confusing. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Calista@TeamFairy
That is a beautiful piece of wisdom. How often we suffer because we don't simply take a minute.
I thought this was true for me, until I realised that I was essentially gaslighting myself. I was bypassing my initial sense of how I felt, my intuition if you will, in order to be easy/people pleasing. Somatic work reeeally helped me!
I feel the same way. To recognize how I feel in a moment and say something in the same moment is going to take maybe a lot of practice. Or more connecting in myself.
I'm the same. I go on auto-pilot when having to react or respond in public. I switch off and can only begin to process how I feel when I'm alone. THEN I can later on express or articulate it (if I wish to).
I'm working on easing my reclusivness. I just realized today that my whole persona outside my house is one big apology for being me.
Wow I relate to this comment so much ❤ .
@@hshfyugaewfjkKSsame! I'm now being self-accepting and at times, not being apologetic!
@
Wendylovespitties,
hshfyugaewfjkKS,
& charmedprince
ditto ditto ditto
I wish all 4 of us could get together and have dinner
You all are just the sort of people that I would want to leave my house for an evening out
Most sincerely from
The Great Lake State of Michigan 🐢
One big apology for being me. Phew boy.
The invalidation lead me to destroy any chance of reconciliation with the most amazing women who tried to love me. I just make things worse. I'm isolated because I'm self isolating to insulate myself even from support. Thank you for your efforts in fighting against my own interests. I think you are my Athena. Shaking the spear of enlightenment at the dragon of ignorance
I stopped drinking 21 years ago. No AA or medication. I have no reason for celebration at all. I'm just sober for a long time
I really resonate with this and actively working to better myself for similar reasoning. I thank you for your openness.
Feel you on that
@@riaanvanwyk175 Doing it alone is an incredible feat. You should be proud of yourself because not everyone can pull that off. I applaud you. Keep going. The road is long and hard, but we'll pull through ) :)
I’m getting like that. Had a lot of peace when in complete isolation (aside from my kids being around). Started trying to interact more with other family and it was like family went into attack mode, making comments about private things about me in family group chat. Making comments basically saying they weren’t going to respond to a question I had about a Bible topic they brought up saying I’m not knowledgeable enough to deserve a response. I’m like wow! And people will hound me about why I’m so quiet. Look what happens when I say anything. It’s used to demean me.
Adding “Love is not just something people say, it’s a verb” to my list of Anna’s best quotes 😊
"Love will remain Scarce as long as you keep fitting yourself to crap" resonates with me as well
~My Mom only rarely has comforted me when im having a hard time~Usually, if she responds, its annoyance, accompanied by saying things like, 'Well, i dont know what you want me to do'~It has taken me decades to learn not to ever tell her when anything bad happens, or that im having a hard time~
Your mother must be the same woman that raised me because my mom would always tell me exactly the same thing😅🥲
@@arisheik11 ~What really bothers me about it, is that she is super supportive of everyone else?!~
@@kathyingram3061 not necessarily supportive but more understanding of others, i guess.
I mean, it felt like she was willing to sympathise with everyone around except for me.
It felt like in her eyes i was always the one at fault, no matter what, always the lying, cheating one or just the weakling who couldn't stand up for themselves. It didn't matter if everything i was saying was true.
There was a point when i was being bullied at school. I told her about it and all she said was "Well, that's just you letting them treat you that way, you have to toughen up". Maybe that was true, but i came to her for support and got this instead..
Now i don't tell her anything that happens in my life, good or bad, but she genuinely doesn't understand why.
@@arisheik11 ~If she notices & even comments that you stopped telling her things, that kinda seems to indicate she would like you to tell her things?~I would take that as that she wants to hear about things with you?~With my Mom, its clearly a burden to hear about anything in my life that isnt light & happy~Yet, she reaches out to others to support & help them, regularly~It hurts~
@@kathyingram3061 Well, my case is not so different, actually.
She only wants to hear good things so she could go brag about it to someone else.
She always points out how well things are going for others, her colleges, their children and so on.
But apparently, i give her nothing to go with.
And yeah, she also doesn't want to hear anything negative from me. In that situation she either stares at her phone and pretends like she didn't hear me talk, starts to sigh profoundly or yawn showing her disinterest and, eventually, she says something like "well, you have to toughen up" or smh.
So yeah, i totally understand that feeling of being a burden
Unless you have had good relationships modeled for you its hard to create one for yourself. ❤
Well said, and so true.
Difficult, yes. Impossible, no.
💕@@susanwilliams70
Yes, because this stigma of " not lovable " seems to be imprinted on us and
" healthy " people seem to see or sense that and stay away from us/ push us away..
@@mellifergoldyes its like we were culled from the herd in a way.
I was raised in the Gaslight Affect, i married the Gaslight Affect, now I'm living MY life on MY choices with MY voice. I don't want to date, remarry, nothing. I want to have my life the way I want it not someone else's voice or mind bending garbage they think they can shove down my throat. It is what it is and I'm moving forward.
We never dated, and he told people we were together when we weren't. Kept crossing boundaries and calling it caring, any time I was nice he took it as a sign I wanted him. Found out from facts that he lied about important information to control me.
A few days ago I realized that, for the first time, I caught myself daydreaming about one day finding a partner who is actually good enough for me and who is on my level, rather than the other way around (me daydreaming about finally being on *his* level and good enough for him). In the past I was always viewing a situation through the lens of me not being good enough for him. I was always in the position of asking myself how I could do better or be better to be worthy of my desired partner. It was always about what I was bringing to the table and not what he was bringing to the table. It's only been a few days since I first realized this, but I know I've hit some sort of milestone.
What if the question was never "How can I become good enough for him?". What if the question always should have been: "Where is the guy who will finally be worthy of me?"
Jimmy, I feel like you're so close to a major breakthrough. Your self-awareness is a gift. You mentioned that you're not sure whether alcohol was making your stress worse or helping with it. I believe that you coped with your circumstances in ways that you knew how to--including drinking. Which you've now outgrown. So CONGRATS on your sobriety. It's a beautfiul testament to how far you've already come! Wishing you the best!
Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
Sober 16 years. It's a necessity but not everything. These videos helped me through the parental neglect. What came first. Chicken or egg?
Quitting alcohol has been so beneficial in my social-emotional health
I relate so hard to almost every aspect of this, I could have written this letter myself! I hope you're doing well my friend, we'll get through this!
Thanks for sharing these words of encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Please pleasing was what I had ended up doing and all it did was attract a lot of narcissistic and toxic friendships. I know better now
My father wasn't "good at family" either. You can't be good at anything if you don't try.
I like that moment where Anna talks about trying being enough. Trying is one of the things I struggle with because of my incessant need to be perfect from the start. The Nike slogan of "Just Do It" is really true. Just do it, even if it's not perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to be done. I've let so much of my life pass me by because I didn't try. In high school, I had a history teacher who used to throw out aphorisms to us. One that always stuck with me was "Trying is just an excuse for failure." And well, twenty plus years later, my traumatized brain still thinks that. Why try if you can't/won't succeed? Couple that with pathological perfectionism from childhood trauma and WHOA NELLY. No wonder I'm such a mess and haven't gotten anywhere in my life. Failure is okay too. At some point, however failure needs to be replaced with successes. Even tiny ones.
I tried -- to help everyone else. I tried -- to fix everyone else. I didn't try much for myself because growing up and in my marriage I was treated like I didn't matter and everyone else's problems were more important than my own.
Jimmy's statement of "she's mean, but I want to help her" resonates deeply with me. I'm trying to stop that codependent crap and be kind to myself. It's hard. I don't know how to turn that compassion I have for others onto myself. All those decades of telling myself I'm fine, I'm okay, others have worse problems than I do -- they were lies. They were lies to survive. I'm not trustworthy for myself. How can others trust me?
Jimmy, massive props to you for quitting drinking! To any of you reading this, whatever you're battling with, you can overcome it. Bless you all. Love *is* a verb. Love yourself. You're worth it too.
Thanks, Anna.
Wow Ms. Balanced Soother
1 year of sobriety before relationship. AA recommends.
Jimmy, you seem like such a great guy. Your letter was heartbreaking but also humorous in parts. Wishing you the best and congrats on your sobriety!
Spoiler alert. It's me. Thank you, I actually submitted this letter over a year ago and was surprised to get an email that the letter was chosen! I am still sober! Still single and loving it, though it took a while. In other news my mother finally left my father this time last year as well. We've been able to reconnect without him in the way and she's able to focus on herself and not her narcissistic, controlling, verbally abusive husband.
@@hardly_working so happy to hear this!!! 😊 thanks for responding!
Your hair looks so good today! 😊
Just wanted to add to Jimmy, "you are a MUCH BETTER MAN than your Dad !" You are also a much better son than either parent really can understand. If they did understand, things might change, but they probably will never get it while they are still on this planet, so just realize you can be better and happy and together whether they ever understand or validate you or even apologize. Go on without them
I’m constantly amazed at the quality of the people who write to Anna. A central theme is that they’re all trying to fix themselves. Fix themselves from problems caused by awful parents. I see and hear so many things that are from my own childhood too. I told my mum at 13 that I wished I was dead. I got yelled at, smacked and the next school day she ensured the school counsellor saw me. He was the most useless ineffective man. At 13 I knew that. And my dying comment was never ever spoken about again. I regularly wish I had taken my life. But I didn’t. Almost 50 years have passed.
wow yup this is exactly what happened to me, its crazy to realize so late in lilife why i act the way i do and its all shaped by my childhood
I'm so glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy
the next step is to realize that….as late as you may think that it is….you STILL have a chance to be truly happy at least once before you leave this world.
the earlier stuff was probably caused by others. from this point of awareness, the ball is now in your court. the ultimate final act of self destruction if you solve this and still don’t use this opportunity.
Exactly like my dad…so much so that for a quick minute I wondered if my brother was the letter writer. Like “Jimmy” I was terrified of my dad as a kid (still have the occasional nightmare about him to this day and I’m 41 years old)
A few years ago he was diagnosed with cancer and during my penultimate visit, unbeknownst to me, he thought it was his last Christmas. It was the first visit where there was no fighting, no name calling and I wasn’t walking on eggshells. He was kind and gentle and I thought he had changed. So…when my birthday came around I decided to spend a month with them. Now that he’s better he has reverted back to type, cruel, no filter and volatile. Started picking fights on day one and brought me to tears on my birthday. When I returned home my only thought was if my own father can’t tolerate me then I really must be defective and worthless, I might as well binge on what makes me feel whole, a menagerie of drugs. Thank goodness I found the strength to tone it down but still struggle. It’s so hurtful that I have to admit to myself that he will never change and it might be best to accept reality and just say goodbye. 😢
I think you just fell for his behavior change that happened when he thought he was going to die and he was scared. Unfortunately, that's not a real change; he's just reacting to his circumstances. I read a quote somewhere that went, "Just because you forgive your parents doesn't mean you need to spend more time with them." I try to live by that quote. My parents, especially my mother, is extremely critical and finds opportunities to try to blame me for random things. I've done a lot of work to forgive her for past hurt. It's made the relationship slightly easier but every step still feels like a major struggle. I don't have any hope that I can tolerate time with her more than the occasional visits now. Even now, I do it because she's my mom, I don't want to have regrets, and no contact didn't really work for me. It's so tough. Hang in there!
Nobody who is defective and worthless could write with such honesty or self awareness and bring me to tears the way you have here.
I saw a quote recently that said, "Forgive your parents for not giving you the love you needed, and forgive yourself for trying to find that love in all the wrong places."
Much love ❤
Just a note of support for letter writer. You sound like a great guy, smart and perceptive. You are a catch. Anna's advice is great as always. Best of luck to you.
Thanks for sharing these kind words with the letter-writer :) -Calista@TeamFairy
It's because the whole self help domain is full of facile phrases like what you "deserve" - without taking any stock of whether or how you can realistically attain this thing - that it becomes so ignorable. It's magical thinking that bypasses the entire struggle. So much advice is given from the perspective of someone on top of a mountain telling everyone down below at base camp to just relax and enjoy the breathtaking view. They think they're telling you how to get there when they're actually just telling you what it will look like once you finally arrive
Only the smartest people I've ever met don't fall for the word "deserve". It's tripped me up since I was a kid. It's a weird, fantastically abused word. Just telling someone that they deserve something is up there with "just be yourself" as far as useless advice that could drive you to the outer depths of philosophy without returning an actionable understanding
Jimmy is a great writer!
And he sounds like a nice man too.
"Ashamed, unsupported, afraid to be herself, and afraid to express herself." I was invalidated, grossly humiliated and abused physically, mentally and emotionally by both parents. Grew up to be a people - pleaser, ashamed of my background, my "home," my family, everything. I stuttered dreadfully. One of the reasons I dont write my problems to you is, that there were so many and so all- encompassing, I wudnt know how to write. Grateful for these words. This is how I learn about myself. Word by word.
I’ve been listening to your videos every night. It is such a comfort to know I’m not alone out there. That there are in fact so many out there that have the same familiar pain and trauma. Even though I’ve never met you or any of these people it’s so validating to hear their stories and to hear your empathetic insight.. thank you dear lady!!!
Thank you for being a part of our community here!
Nika@TeamFairy
It’s only one minute up. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy for another video! ❤
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You really just post the exact videos I need… thanks you!!
I'm so glad! Thank you for taking the time to comment :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
I am very moved by his letter too.. 😢 pleased to hear he can distinguish between the young parts who were not loved helpfully and his adult self now with attachment injuries and scar tissue influencing his choices.. so self aware, and such a brave letter. Bravo young man
I have autism, and am still a lot more like Jimmie than his girlfriend, because I grew up with the same dad behaviors. It is partly because of my autism that I used to let people use and abuse me; I still have a hard time "getting" sarcasm because it just isn't in me. It is so difficult reading people's intentions. I have also never gone back with people after breaking up. Once I'm done, I'm done. It sounds like she has other issues, and I'm glad for you that you got away from her.
The first 30 seconds. I was just thinking about my siblings parenting style. And I did grow up like that too. Never asked any questions for shame, now I have to learn everything as an adult. It does impact so many things.
Anna, I had a guy like this in my life a few years ago. Chased me even when I was mean to him. I realized later on he had a girlfriend one after another and intuited he did this bc he was lost and unsure of himself -- the reason why I didn't trust him.
Love your videos Anna.
I dated a guy who manipulated me into self suppression (and i unconcuously went unlong with it bc of my own codependenxy/CPTSD) and then would criticize me and say he couldnt trust me bc of the way id self suppress. But then later id try to get honest respectfully, he would go right back to manipulating by saying things like "so you dont feel supported and i must be a piece of s---?" And would imply we shouldnt be together. Or hed say he understood but then would qyietly abandon me for a period of days or weeks and make cruel passive aggressive comments. Took me a long time to finally see the pattern and get out.
I just hope that that isnt what shes doing in this letter when she accused him of being inauthentic and Anna agreed with her observation. Someone can make an accurate observation ("You self suppress and arent honest!") But still be using that truthful observation to manipulate you ("see this is why i cant trust you and do XYZ" *meanwhile ill continue to do things to encourage u to self suppress bc i feel uncomfortable self reflecting and want you to do all the work*
Sounds like a severely insecure person who conditioned you to his mood swings.
After 28 years of living with gaslighting and emotional manipulation, It feels like I should have a black belt in this stuff, however I keep just letting my guard down, it's so frustrating
Anna. Thank you for being you and for what you do.💗
I can most definitely relate to this.. After suppessing my anger toward my " friend" that molested me at age 12,I have finally decided to deal with the anger I have toward him and the wish to harm him... This anger bubbled about a week ago when I was stressed out about trsnsportation issues-( Broken down car and unable to get rides)...
We are hurt.
We are damaged because of other people's actions, ways, and means.
We are not mistakes.
We are not dumb.
We are not horrible people.
We are innocent human beings reacting to the world around us.
The wars we have fought, are for no reason. They are created by the leaders at be. They decide when who fights who.
We are not God's mistakes.
We are Our Creator's Masterpieces of this Universe. We are good. We are handsome. We are beautiful. We are couragous. We are loving, and kind.
We are human beings deserving of having lovable people in our lives, deserving to be loved, and deserving to earn a decent wage by using our gifts in life. God Bless.
What a beautiful letter. With a lot of insight, even if it means confusion about the feelings or situations. I guess lots of us have it. I found a lot of tenderness in that letter towards Jimmy himself and others, too. So stay tender :) And sober :) That's a huge thing
You might want to consider learning more about neurodivergent people. There's a lot of us with PTSD and CPTSD, and in relationships and other social situations neurodivergent women are expected to be mind readers.
What she said may not have been "mean," but she may have also been at her wits end with being told in the moment that something was okay only to have him blow up later over it. She's not his therapist, and she's not obligated to stay in a relationship that may be doing active emotional harm.
We (neurodivergent people) tend to take people at their word, and it's usually a massive mistake to do so. In some cases, therapy (or rather bad therapists) can exponentially compound our trauma, and social difficulties because they can't be bothered to do a little research on our experience. The way you talk about neurodivergent people is disturbingly consistent. We watch these videos too, and it's painful to hear some of the assumptions you make about us.
I’ve been hearing this term neuro divergent a lot lately. What is this?
I'm a neurodivergent and I don't feel this way. She did say that it's not clear if his ex is autistic or not and she talked about it based on HIS experience, the person she is responding to. In my opinion if his ex's bluntness/insensitivity (autism or not) is hurting him, then it IS a bad fit and that's what Anna said.
I don't think she shaded neurodivergent people ,she is just seeing it from the neurotypical point of view because she she is responding to a neurotypical person.
I too am neurodivergent, but I don’t agree with you. We DO have a problem with bluntness that borders on cruelty & a mind blindness that makes us very self centered. We often don’t get our effect on others, so assume it doesn’t exist & it’s not our responsibility. This can lead to only prioritizing our feelings/needs. We have to intellectually recognize this, as it’s usually not intuitive. But it can be learned if companionship is important to us.
For me, I noticed she said laziness and procrastination were part of our “bad side.” As someone with ADHD, I think that’s unhelpful for neurodivergent people. I’ve heard that there is no such thing as laziness, but it’s your subconscious telling you something. Same with procrastination. It doesn’t happen for no reason. And it’s not necessarily “bad” and people shouldn’t be shamed for those things. It’s a coping mechanism.
My heart goes out to you. I surely relate, and wanted you to know you are not the only one. So many of us are similar to each other. We are not alone.
For whatever reason, the world hadn't found out about this CPTSD subject yet, and for whatever reason "they" didn't really tell us about all of this until now.
I believe we truly need to find the meaning of loving ourselves first. We can't love another until we have figured this out.
16 years sober. Worked the steps but had no idea i had CPTSD. I made breakthroughs i didnt know excisted. Thankyou. I an recomended your chanel to others suffering at meetings. Carefully chosen of cource.
You are on the right path Jimmy. The healing journey starts painfully, then gets ugly then becomes amazingly beautiful. Wish you all the best!
Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for your help as Covid reared up some nasty revelations in me. Now just realizing I just was doing superficial work, not going deep, writing things down, talking to my inner child, re-arranging scenes in my head for the better. So I've been medatating, , completed some classes in personal development ,coaching & inner engineering😮❤The self sabotage part is so elusive to me because I m not recognizing HOW Im doing it. Help!! Please
A good book on self sabotage it "The Mountian Is You" it easy to read and I really like that the author gives ideas on how to change the behavior. All the best in your journey.
One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Calista@TeamFairy
Best of luck to Jimmy. He has a very vivid and enjoyable way of expressing himself. Not that I want to take away from Anna's business but I do recommend Thais Gibson's (Personal developent school) videos on attachment styles, she gets into so many details about certain behaviors related to different attachment styles in different situations. Been very helpful for awareness even though I'm not sold on her reprogramming solutions.
I try to forget but I can’t forget.
At 21:43 ... DAYUM GIRL! You just dropped a freakn wisdom b*mb on my CPTSD head! WOOOOOO!!! Dang I even rewound that part to hear it again so I can ABSORB IT. Thank you Anna ♡
This has been the hardest and most seemingly insurmountable challenge in my life. Thank God for neuroplasticity!!
Not all your knowledge applies, but thank you childhood fairy! Your videos are shifting perspectives
Love everything, yall do Anna
Jimmy I'm sending you a hug.
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes yes yes. Abandoned literally here, yes. Haaaaahhh well. Been doing the work, sobriety, therapy etc. Had to look in the mirror yesterfay and breathe deep and tell child me to calm down, its not really happening. Your safe, its ok. Whew, it worked. Its challenging to accept it worked but i do. Ok. My new fav channel. ❤️👍💪
Ive accepted i will always have some form of trauma. The cPTSD, is unbearable still have 17 years of several treatments. It makes me not myself, it makes me hate myself. I can't imagine living like this the rest of my life.
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! Daily Practice is a good tool to help sort out things like this. Give it a try if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Yep.
This describes my father 2 the "T"...he would tell me I'm worthless as tits on a bull 😅....
That sounds hard! You're in the right place :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
This channel has changed my life ❤
My dad used to say that 😂
Its amazing how many of our fathers were cut from the same cloth
I can relate to that.
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Wow this letter sounds like my childhood situation. 😢.
You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Can you please do a video to deal with "bottling up then exploding"? I ĥreally need help with this.
I had this experience today. Now I float between elation and dispair. The guilt comes from the catastrophic and inevitable explosion
Here are several videos on dysregulation that you may find helpful:
ruclips.net/video/BDQ3pDjOOk4/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/Ez2hTvGsDK8/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/8LNxy035NsU/видео.html
-Calista@TeamFairy
I'm in a 12step program. The first thing I had to do is become my own best friend. I was always trying to get someone to feel that place.
Because I am a Christian I like to remind myself that all I deserve is an eternity of death. Anything I get instead of death is in fact a gift from God. Helps me be more thankful for everyone and everything in my life. Plus it lights people up when you tell them they helped you and you thank them!! Win win!!!
Interesting perspective.
What do you do when most of your trauma was caused by a Pentecostal Holiness church school and the ACE/PACE curriculum? I'm not Christian anymore, but when you know God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Devil more than yourself, where do you start. I remember always putting myself down for God's glory.
At one point in my life I realized that I could never do to others what Christians said God will to us. And I realized that if I couldn’t do it, and I am only a flawed human made in His image, there is no way God could be that cruel. Then I began to believe in a loving God that loves me, all of us, unconditionally. Start there. God is 1000 percent on your side.
Two of my kids and myself has autism. For some people with it they need to learn how to show empathy for others. If someone is an adult and has a problem with this they need to work on this with possible therapies before getting with someone and expecting them to endure the feeling of not being loved or cared about. I think I am very nice to people. My oldest son is and my youngest still a kid has to learn and work on things. We stayed with a woman with autism for a couple of weeks and while some things I could understand and forgive she was also very emotionally abusive and I dont feel like it could be excused. If the person who wrote the letter including an autistic partner read this I hope this is helpful.
Also with a caring autistic person they may not realize something they said or did was hurtful so having this openness to tell them and they having the openness to take in what you are saying and try to do better is very important. An example would be I made a very funny joke at a very bad timing to a friend who was trying to talk about her really bad day. I just needed a kind reminder that was not a good time to be telling jokes. I never wanted to hurt her with that.
Similar my stepfather wanted a son he was disapointed always making stupid remarks about having daughters.Me and my sister were made feel like we were burdens , we got abused daily yelled at slapped everything we did was annoying we were not allowed to make any noise tip toed around.Now that I'm grown and I have my own child i can see the extent of our abuse , they didnt care if we lived or died.I live with them rn but I'm the one who tries to get away, but my mother always invents ways to get me stay I can see now why, she told me if I hold my mouth shut nothing will happen to me so my guess is they are afraid that I will expose them.
Someone close to me had anger issues, she went to hypnotherapy and it's been great and has helped her very much. She is so pleased with the result.
Wow this seems like me honestly
perfectly explains an area where I need to investigate inside myself
You got this! We're all sending you encouragement :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
Trying is legitimate
Does an abusive marriage always be connected to an abusive childhood? Sometimes people with good childhood get into an abusive marriage. This leads to trauma bcz f thr abuse. I see these symptoms in such people. 9:22
Because of past abuses-( Molested by a "friend",verbally abusive father,Traumatic Brain Injury from a bad car accident,And the murder of a dear female friend by her fiance),I avoid relationships with women..
At age 53 BTW...
From an old woman, Tombi. I don't blame you, and I avoid relationships with men. But it's a hard way to live isn't it (in some ways). One thing that helps me feel better is to learn something, read a history or science type book and learn something. Lots of interesting stuff to learn. Best of wishes to you.
@tomtbi I have a similar trauma experience and I pray that you can continue to find healing in your journey. TBI is hard to navigate especially while dealing with grief and CPTSD . I am so grateful to hear that you are working on yourself. ❤
Love is caring and caring is doing- everything else is cheap sentimental twaddle.
Sigh. I was always walking on eggshells as a kid and now people have to walk on eggshells when near me. I don't want to be like this anymore. The growing pains are fucking real. It's worth it in the end when shit will click for me. God damn I hate being awkward.
We completely understand! You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have been doing this all my life and it's gotten me nowhere.
I didn't (still don't) consciously suppress my emotions and memories; I unconsciously repressed them, and still do. Repression is harder to deal with since I don't know I'm doing it. Will the Daily Practice still work?
Yes! The Daily Practice will help you put your thoughts, feelings and emotions into words so that you become aware of them. I highly recommend trying this course. It's free and you can find it here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Hello! Ive been wondering if Hypnotherapy helps heal PTSD? It’s expensive in my country, not sure if it’s worth the investment 🥹 could you please share your thoughts on this?🙏🏻🧚♀️❤️
Can you be abandoned as an adult? I've heard it in this video, but I've also heard in other videos that you can't. I totally feel you can.
😊😊😊😊😊
Did will smith write this?
I'm 55 and can honestly say women cannot be pleased. It's not the eggshells of your youth, now it is a carrot hanging in front of the donkey to make him walk.
Serena Van Der Woodsen hair you have I see
You cannot help her.
Case representing is best thing. But when it happens in every vidio its little boring.
1:45 Gosh, my dad told me that I should've been born a boy, a son, I'd make a good man. I was a 15-year-old petite girl...
Edit: Having a daughter is lesser than having a son. I always got good grades and my bother was naughty and his grades at school were bad. That's why in China and India people check the gender of the fetus before birth and terminate pregnancy if it's a girl. Being a daughter I was a disappointment.
That sounds very hard! You're in the right place now :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
I'd be an awesome man, I just know it. Lots of nasty surgery involved though 😧
@@klarmy8824 That's not what he meant. Having a daughter is lesser than having a son. I always got good grades and my bother was naughty and his grades at school were bad. That's why in China and India people check the gender of the fetus before birth and terminate pregnancy if it's a girl. Being a daughter I was a disappointment.
I was a disappointment too, being a daughter and a homely one at that. I guess I didn't read and understand what you said thoroughly. Apologies for the misunderstanding, but I still do think I would be an awesome man lol. @@OpenlyBritish
Do you like cats?
Hard not to luv ur viewers' letters, but they just sound a little too professionally written
Well they're not.
That said, I can't accept letters that aren't easy to read and understand.
Likely written in many cases by folks who went through some therapy, where they had labels applied to them by the therapist or read self-help books and self-analyzed/labeled.
I’ve listened to every single “letter video” (some on multiple occasions) and haven’t found that to be the case. They’re simply written by those who strive to be better and probably have years of trauma work under their belts.
Sounds to me like a couple of people here are deflecting rather than hearing the message and relating.
Your hiding in her chaos. Shes a line of coke when your in withdrawal. You need to feel the pain and not hide in hers.
I have watched many of your videos as i am struggling at the moment, but is it just me that can not find a video on how to "reregulate", every video seems to explain the symtoms, but unless you pay $200+, there is no practical help.
Donot try churchs . Try Jesus .
Your channel always reminds me that you’re not in this alone. Healing from limerence and addiction because of my father not being there is an hourly dance. What hit home was how said 0:01 . I always thought and still think highly of myself but I’m afraid to ruffle feathers. The energy I get when I stand in my truth irritates people and it makes me want to be alone and isolate. This started as a child . Im realizing that my solitude feels better when I’m alone and I’ve stood up for myself vs being alone because I take on the victim role and run and hide. Total different energy for me. As I tip toe out into the world I’m being tested to see if my boundaries and love for myself will stand the test of time. I know how I deserve to be treated and like you said, “if it doesn’t make the cut, it’s a no”. Being that stern in the past would make me feel bad, and people would guilt trip me. Standing up for yourself and reclaiming your power is work..work that I’m tired of running from. 🙈🫶🏾✨ Thank you for this ❤
1 year of sobriety before relationship. AA recommends.