LIMERENCE Flourishes When Grief and Loneliness Are Filling Your Life
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- Опубликовано: 23 авг 2022
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Limerence is a painful state of romantic obsession or infatuation with someone you are not WITH. In this video I respond to a letter from a nun who has fallen in love with someone she helped, and must now face the grief that has haunted her all her life.
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Wow I'm not alone. I always referred to this as "unrequited love", never knew there was a psychological term for it. It would be nice to have something real & reciprocal some day.
So glad you're here, sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
That would be the nicest thing, to have someone love me as much as I love them.
@@dixienormous6969 I have that. But the situation is so fked. I'm married, mistress is 12 yrs younger and she's living with her bf. I love her, and I think that she loves me although she won't really express that verbally but she does show it and she's made tremendous effort to see me. But my life is a mess and she deserves a better man. Not sure which situation is worse tbh.
@@freddyperla7944
That’s actually the same thing- depression is motivating your decisions.
I felt this. 💯 I definitely have this feeling. I want reciprocated love so bad. It sucks not experiencing a real relationship especially as an adult. I crave it.
Limerance is certainly a type of depression. I think I have dealt with it on and off my entire life. It was always my escape in my mind, a place I could go where someone “perfect” might treat me well. It led to so much pain and heartbreak and honestly I think kept me from healthy relationships with others and with myself.
Yes dreamed of the perfect person too
Oh dear, I understand this totally. 😥
@@innervoice3009 i88df
Df
F
Same for me x
Yes. It happened to me too.
In my experience, limerance is depression in disguise. It's a hiding place you make all shiny and decorate any way you want, the way you can't do anything else. It's basically weaving yourself the prettiest of spider webs, never realizing you're the fly.
i dont like that. it makes too much sense. so many levels of bad
That's poetic 🥲🖤
damn. bars.
Beautifully written
“Limerence is like a depression” - wow, that hit me hard
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Poets have written about this exact concept, although it’s usually romanticized as unrequited love. I remember sitting in a high school A.P. English class in 1999. We were told to read “I Find No Peace” by Sir Thomas Wyatt. The teacher called on several students. No one could correctly interpret it. Our teacher was getting extremely annoyed. I raised my hand and explained it. I understood the poem perfectly because I had lived it. Limerence was my escape from a childhood of abuse, including a grandparent who sexually abused me. “I find no peace, but all my war is done …”
You write beautifully
I had similar experiences and limerence served me well back then. It is such a relief to be able to see it now through adult eyes and with the knowledge I can let it go and find other beautiful ways to walk my journey as a grown up.
Peace be with you.
wow
Reminds me of the time I worked as a stagehand on a rare Sondheim musical called Passion, which is an adaptation of a 19th century Italian novella called Fosca. The main character (the titular Fosca) very obviously suffers from limerence, as well as C-PTSD. All of my colleagues completely misunderstood and derided this one character, but I related so much to Fosca that I was inspired to read the original story. I could understand her and her motivations completely and thus have empathy for her rather than instant derision and mockery. The fact that none of my colleagues had empathy for this character really goes to show the abnormality and isolation of having this trauma.
Hearing that once limerence gets its claws into a relationship it kills any chance of friendship in the future is so sad to hear. Not only do we have to grieve the relationship that never happened (the full closeness we fantasized about), but we also have to grieve the loss of the relatively limited friendship and closeness that we actually did experience with the person.
wow this hurts
You just described EXACTLY how I feel.
The friendship has a chance if you can in some way overcome the limerence, if it's even possible...
That sentence did hit hard for me too.
@@genussmensch4683 yea, but now here I am 5 months later, and I’m ok with it. I never really wanted to be friends with her, I wanted to date her. Having her as a friend would just be painful. It would hog up too much of my emotional bandwidth, leaving me less available for other people who may come along. It still hurts and may hurt forever, but I grew so much as a result of that pain, I’m still grateful that it happened.
After being free from limerence, at last, I hope I NEVER feel that awful feeling ever again. I wouldn’t trade this peace for anything!
Well said!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I hope I NEVER FEEL IT AGAIN EITHER!!
Thank you, this gives me hope
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
Having that freedom is everything! So much clarity and being able to be present!
Watching this video made me realise I suffered from limerence most of my life. My parents were both narcissists and they constantly fought and treated me and my sisters badly. Physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse. My mother was always angry and taking out her misery on us and neither of my parents showed us any love or affection or support or compassion. As a female child, not getting love and support from your dad wounds you ways you can't imagine. As an adult and an impressionable teenager, I always locked onto any potential romantic partner with laser vision and would do anything for them. Always trying to get them to like and love me. Which they never did because I was desperate and lonely and insecure, so they would use me and leave or make me promises they never kept and disappeared into their own lives. I would constantly put my life on hold while I waited for them to come back and offer me everything. Always believing their lies, listening to songs that reminded me of them, watching romantic movies and daydreaming about how that could be us. I would give men sex to make them stay and moulded myself into whatever type of personality I thought they wanted so I could be their "perfect" woman. Of course, none of that worked and I just ended up alone and heartbroken but doomed to repeat the pattern over and over again.
My last romantic relationship ended up being with a narcissist. I allowed myself to be strung along for about 10 years. Being devalued and verbally abused and lied to and kept in the dark about everything while he gave me scraps of scraps and promising love and marriage and a life I'd only seen in movies. It was my sister who asked me if I'd like to go on a personal healing journey with her, and I said yes. Just before the pandemic hit, we began trying to heal the wounds of the past. We started with Louise Hay's teachings and moved through others who spoke to our souls and each day we worked through our childhood issues and the wounds inflicted on us by our parents and past lovers. After a lifetime of chasing men to love me and fill the void inside me, I discovered nobody can do that, you have to love yourself and fill that void yourself. I found being creative helped: painting, sewing, knitting, adult colouring books, gardening and constant application of forgiveness and gratitude and giving to myself all the things I was looking for externally. Love, acceptance, forgiveness, respect, compassion, support - all those things must be given to yourself first or you'll never be able to attract that in any external relationships,
And then a strange thing happened. By doing all that for myself, I found that my need/desire for a romantic relationship completely disappeared and I felt happier and more at peace than at any time in my life. Now, I'm truly happily single and flourishing. Being compassionate and kind comes easy now but it's a daily application of my beliefs and the things I learned. Control what you think - you can change your perspective to see the world as a good place but it takes daily work. Listen to your feelings - if you're feeling anything negative, that's something that needs attention to get you back to being in a peaceful calm state. I'm not perfect, I slip and get annoyed and angry and have uncharitable thoughts. But the contrast between that state and the usual happy calm state I'm in is so great that it's loud alarm in my head now and I immediately tend to the management of my emotional life. Because my perspective has changed, I'm attracting lots of amazing things into my life and all the negative people and situations I experienced before don't appear any more because my vibrational energy is such that it's impossible for them to be in my life.
As far as romance goes, I'm open to the idea but not pursuing it because I come first in my life. If there is to be someone in the future, it will be a normal natural adult relationship instead of the romantic, unrealistic fairy tale I used to crave. And if he raises any red flags, it'll be "thank you, next". Thank you for this video, it's just another piece in the puzzle that has been my life to date. And for that, I'm thankful to you.
Thank you for this thorough comment. I appreciate the hurdles you conquered in your life just to have that balance you needed to find peace from the chaos of Limerance.
I hate to hear how much pain you had to experience, but I'm glad you were able to push through and get your life back. I'm proud of you. 🩷✨️
I've taken a screenshot of this message because I want to keep to look back on for ways to stay resilient. So, thank you.
So proud of you 👏
Thanks a bunch for sharing your powerful story. It was very moving and I'm glad you did the work to be in a happier place. So proud of you ❤
This is the most awesome comment on RUclips ever
Agreed beautifully written. Congratulations on getting to the other side of this.
In addition to my childhood trauma being a catalyst for limerence, I also experienced a fantasy about romantic love brought on by the popular media of the time. Growing up in the late 50's and early 60's, I read stories and watched movies with the Disney princesses finding their prince and similar stories on TV of idealized love, heard endless streams of love songs on the radio, and heard the teenagers around me talking about going to the prom, and older girls planning their wedding. It all set me up. I never understood that love is an everyday kind of thing that is actually sometimes boring because you have to do it even when you don't feel like it. I am blessed with a wonderful, understanding husband who has made his decision to love me - in an everyday kind of way, every day. So, as I recover from my childhood trauma, I am discovering the real meaning of love.
YES. Thank you for sharing this. I think we don’t speak enough about that romantic love myth and what it does to us. I am so very happy for you, that you can experience real love.
How beautiful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
A reasonable, realistic kind of love. No sensationalism!
Christine Litvak,
Yes!
The Feminine Mystique.
Ozzie and Harriet!
Programming!
We ARE enough!
That is so sweet! And yes, Disney actually did set us up for lots of failures as women. Who, after all, would just go marry a random stranger after being awakened by a kiss from them ahem, (Snow White!) Also, High School Musical was no better.
I just want to be important enough for someone to want to be with me. Not to just be “interested in” and then forgotten about. I just want connection and romanticize interactions. I just want things to be real but the only way it’s real is to imagine it.
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! If you haven't already, try Anna's free Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
"nothing can replace what we lost when we were babies" hard words to hear but necessary... Thanks for this...
Jesus can replace it and heal you. All you have to do is ask. He did it for me and He can do it for you
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981
Yes!!!😊
That means we can't heal properly ourselves?
@@swethaprethyu5338 It does NOT. In fact looking to external saviors is how some of us got into this mess.
It triggers so much anger in me when I come across this kind of saccharine Christian proselytizing on self-help channels, because some of us were traumatized due to our childhood indoctrination, e.g. the self-loathing messages we received from doctrines like original sin, and the fact that "Jesus" or "God" was in fact *our first unavailable limerant object.* I cannot believe people still aggressively peddle this destructive scam to hurting people. I can't wait for the day that Religious Trauma Syndrome makes it into the DSM as a recognized disorder so people stop treating all "faith" as benign.
Nobody can love like our Heavenly Dad and pressing into His love and realising what His Father heart goes through for us I think can heal our hearts here before we get to fully appreciate the depth of it when in His presence.
I've experienced limerence a couple of times and I didn't know it was until I've found your videos. I hate that I'm always so intense and can't just like someone, I immediately put them on a pedestal and their actions are the only indicator of my feelings: they are nice to me: I am happy. They act distant: I feel total blackness in my gut. The second someone shows interest me, I walk into the fire , but that interest often comes from manipulation and love bombing, so you'll end up with depression and a broken heart either way :")
It takes work to change this cycle but you can do it :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you :)
Omg @goddarn you described how I operate perfectly. Being aware of what is actually happening psychologically inside of me and course correcting with my internal narrative helps quite a bit. Good luck on your healing journey. ❤
hey its my story..I experienced exactly same but now everything is very different I started vauing myself and putting myself on "pedestal". I put boundaries with everyone doesn't matter who even with family members. I don't rush 'Liking" or "loving" someone anymore. You should definilty try self love hypnosis it will heal you so fast.
@@crystalthrower898 We're all in the same boat! Thank you, good luck on your healing journey too❤
Limerence = depression. I've had it since I was a young girl., and its exhausting. You've walked through hell, and when you speak, it's from the heart. Thanks ❤
I’m just here to offer Sophie some love and virtual hugs because she didn’t deserve the life she had growing up.
How kind, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This made me cry, its so beautiful to acknowledge that like you did
You are more than a therapist, you have walked through the fire Anna many times, you speak with authentic wisdom and a purity of Conscious compassion. Thank you.
Thank you for supporting the Fairy :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you
Controversial opinion: She should leave the nunnery for a period.
Amen.
I can t say I m pious nor do I lead a devout sacramental life. All I do is try to keep the commandments, many times I fail but I make sure I send blessings to my enemies ( people who might offend me or sth), I ask God to give me forgiveness for those who have hurt me and forgive me for my sins. Maybe the key is to not think u r perfect, to try and see who u r hurting in every day life( maybe unknowingly). Many times we yell at our spouse or our kids and we think it s OK. Well it s not, bc we r hurting others. We need to try to accept others with their faults,just like we have faults, they have too. And I ask God specifically for what I want in my prayer. For example, I ask for joy ( as I was getting up depressed). Some things happened to me quickly, some others happened gradually, like my relief from anxiety and healing from nervous breakdown happened to me gradually
I never knew what to call limerence. I never even felt like I could talk about it to my therapist, that’s how ashamed I was. Thank you.
You're welcome! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have always kept journals, since before I could even write. I went back and read my journals from age 9-19, and they were all filled with romantic idealizations of boys. By age 20, it had spiraled into an addiction. I think it was a coping mechanism, something to focus on as a substitute for my narcissistic father. Now I am trying to process the grief of a father who completely cut me off emotionally when I was "bad." There's no heartbreak like that.
Great you're now doing the work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Similar situation to me I thought I fell in love when I was 11, was just limerence. Been struggling obsessing over guys ever since. I had a narcissistic mother who I don’t speak to anymore.
So painful, but such important inner work.
Wow. I have same kind of. Is it possible to channel all thid energy into something beautiful?
So true, this happened to me too.
I've spent my entire childhood in my imagination, and my teenage years in a constant state of limerence. A deep seated fear of abandonment and this permanent identity void was mostly at the root of this. I will not elaborate on my life's circumstances, but I can say that today, while in my first stable, safe and healthy (yet passionate!) relationship it felt definitely scary at first. It was way out of my comfort zone: there is no obsession, no drifting off to my fantasy world. It's definitely a process to build a sense of safety in yourself because it's a years long coping mechanism, but once you start getting there, you START getting there. I know I started healing when my emotions stopped swinging between extremes (with no medication), and when this need for an obsession ceased. Well-explained video!
Thank you for sharing! Glad you're hear and healing.
Nika@TeamFairy
I would love to talk to you . I’m going trough a breakup of a boyfriend and friend and it’s like I’m obsessed with them . I have had so many broken relationships that I think I will never have a good one and even if I do I will probably sabotage bc I’m afraid of getting hurt again
My life's story. But the difference being I had a plutonic obsession with a sibling. But all this is in the past. I am at a happy place now.
How to overcome this ??? I’m aways depressed so I NEED to go to the fantasy world otherwise I’ll die of sadness
"You're just human, your humanity is beautiful, and i accept you"
God i wish i could hear that more❤
God I am grateful for finding your channel... your talks are so grounding and helpful... blessing and luck find their way to you for helping so many people.
I guess I'm here because I don't have that obsession anymore
Ya I used to have lots of crushes in my teen and college years. Oh that's what that was! 😅
Me too!!!
Does ist suddenly disappear? I have been in limerence for two years and a half and it makes my life like a hell
@@MaRiAm936 no you just gradually get interested in other stuff...
How did you get rid of it??
Ugh, I’ve struggled a lot with limerence in life. It’s really soul crushing and I’m so glad I’ve worked to heal that part of me. The worst of it was after my dad died and I ended the abusive relationship I was in. I fantasized about and idealized someone I met online. It was easier to believe the fantasy than the huge red flags that he was probably not a great person (for me) and not at all interested in building a relationship with me.
Now it’s hard to believe that I was so hung up on him. I am engaged to a wonderful guy who shares my feelings and it feels so good!
Victory!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow. I could have written that fact pattern myself. Dont want to say I’m out of the woods yet but feeling better as well. Also, Congrats!
Congrats Gracie!!!! ❤️
Wow 💚 ... I hope to be in a great relationship one day instead of fantasizing & cyber-stalking 🌞 How did you heal?
@@chosenqueen5109 thanks for asking! I started investing in myself and loving myself. I did a lot to improve myself so I’ll try not to overwhelm or bore you!
It started slowly with more exercising and reviving my hobby of painting. I tuned into my spiritual side with meditation and affirmations. I healed my attachment from fearful (disorganized) attachment to secure attachment. I learned to love and nurture my inner child. I developed better boundaries and I forgave myself for all the stupid stuff I’ve done. I cut out everything I could that was toxic. I accepted loss for what it was, instead of chasing after the idea that people or situations should be different or better.
I also had ‘princess pamper days’ where I bought a perfume, cooked a healthy but indulgent meal, gave myself a massage, had a bubble bath with champagne and wore lingerie to bed and made sure I was so happy that I didn’t feel like I needed anyone else.
On my worst days I forced myself out of bed, put on a pretty dress, did my hair and go for a long walk. I held my head high, smiled at everyone I met and told myself I had value and I deserve better.
Slowly I noticed improvements in myself and I felt the need to obsess about other people to lessen.
She relied on him for happiness since he helped her grieve her mother's loss. She developed an attachment.
Sophia (or Sofia) I'm a monk, ordained for 26 years. I agree with Anna what you are going through is very normal although I know it's difficult and painful. Even for ordained people we sometimes go through periods of sorrow and longing just as everyone else does. At times when we're in pain inside it's natural to long for healing from something or someone outside ourself. The truth is your path will get you through this and your peace and inner wellbeing will come back. Your vocation as a nun is wonderful and special and not the cause of this, as Anna has pointed out. Go through this as best you can and on the other side of the pain is more peace than you have felt before.
I really appreciated how compassionate, empathic and caring Anna's response was and how supportive she was of your vocation. Blessings and prayers for you, and everyone.
Thank you!
thank you for being kind to sophia as well. this is what we need.
Well said Father, I second that. ❤
obsession is not love. obsession is the result of childhood traumas that isn't healed. Healing and forgiveness is very crucial to have a better life.
I've been obsessed with someone for a year now and it really hurts. I want to stop it, but don't know how... It's making me feel miserable. My childhood was definitely a bad experience. Neglected and bullied by one of my parents, and the other didn't protect me... even other family members knew about it and did nothing to help me. I don't trust people...
"...you give love to so many people, you're a friend to all, a mother to all..."
But who gives love to her, support to her? Who's a mother to her?
Here's someone who did seem to give her the support she needed, the friendship she needed...
Very good point, she might find healing in building some relationship where someone else would take care of her, an appropriate relationship, for instance: an older nun.
The gap left by her mother needs to be filled.
All she needs is love,.., validation.
All any of us need is love.
Once I got on medication, my limerance went away. I was not neglected at all. I had an imbalance in my brain.
I've done this for so much of my life. So many of my relationships are just fantasies that happen in my head.
Limerance has been a problem for me for a long time. I have a profound unmet emotional need leftover from my dad.
Oh my god. Wouldve been great to know all this 20 years ago.
Thank you for watching. Glad you are here now.
Nika@TeamFairy
I cried throughout this entire video. I have dealt with similar circumstances. Sending everyone love who reads this 🙏🏽
Im a very spiritual person and I think maybe sometimes the decision of being a nun (I wanted that) is a way to justify the fear of being abandoned. Is a beautiful place to service others and give love but maybe because of our fear to be rejected or abandoned, we decide to be “unable” to others. Sophia is very brave in identifying and addressing her situation. Blessings for both of you, Sophia and you, and everybody that reads this message. You are Gods tool for healing in this world ❤
When you’re no longer excited by all the sweet conversations that a teenager would be, and when you see the mismatch between actions and words, know you’re healing. Thank god I worked on my childhood issues this year and learnt so much about them that I have dodged bullet twice with two guys recently when I saw the patterns. I feel free and liberated from the need to seek emotional validation from another person, especially by falling for below average guys who never had anything to offer, except sweet talks
Wowww truee
Nuns are people too! As many of us here I can relate. I have a toddler, and it saddens me every day that my mother was so negligent of me at this age. And older ages. And all the abuse from her and others. The limerance in my head gives me shame inside. This channel is changing my life. Best of luck to the Sister!
Appreciate you sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
For me it's an addiction and old kid wounds...healing after awhile and no contact set me free. I feel so much better 5 years later. Don't look for unavailable ppl and dangerous liaisons is my lesson
Dangerous liasons ...
How true is that ? That's it with me every time... And the obsession is more than I can bear 🧸🧸
@@donpeace894 Well for me it was always dangerous liaisons...literally got into all forms of emotional and financial danger due to these liaisons. I'm a recovering alcoholic and ACA so I reframe everything through these lenses. Not sure where you are exactly at although I wish you the best.
@@krisscanlon4051 I'm better thank you. Much better. I wish you the best also
You mean emotionally unavailable people are the worst
5 years later!!!!! OMG!!!!😭😭😂
I have experienced limerance many times throughout my life. I didn't know what it was until last year.
I used to let myself get fully immersed in it while dreaming in my sleep. It was great when I was in high school because I was lucid dreaming and creating a world in which I was loved and shown affection
I've been limerent, and now I'm at a place where I can actually hear about it and not feel anxious because I see the light at the end of the tunnel. This year I've been on a journey of remothering myself, forgiving my parents for the ways I felt my upbrnging contributed to my attachment style and my thinking around love. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I can be single and not longing and longing for a healing love. Because the job of healing is mine and a lover isnt magically going to fix everything in my life through their love. Mending and rebuilding a genuine love for myself is the best healing I could ever do and that I've been doing. When I get into my next relationship it'll be with a person who treats me well because I know how to treat me well feels like. I will not self abandon, I will show up with integrity and give from a place of love and not desperation to be loved.
Your comment literally describes my current mindset. Having been married to an emotional unavailable man for 9 years. Then, being limerent to someone who displayed the same traits short after getting divorce. I found out about limerance, attachment styles, unhealed childhood wounds, and everything makes so much more sense now. I'm currently enjoying a relationship with myself, which I'd never had and giving myself all the love I didn't give myself before nor did I get from my parents and my ex-husband. As an adult I should no longer depend on others for my emotional needs to be taken care of.
I’ve connected with your comment so much because I feel I am on this journey currently. The more I learn about limerance, childhood wounds and loneliness, the more I can be aware and correct these coping mechanisms. It’s hard honestly, I’m going to have to learn how to love myself as well. But I’m looking forward to seeing that light at the end of the tunnel😊
Limerance has fogged me my whole life. Working on it. Thank you Anna.
Don't give up :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I just got back to my house after a night over at a guy's place. We met 6 months ago, became friends and I started liking him/seeing him differently a few weeks ago, told him and we discussed it before anything physical happened. It's the first time ever I haven't been idealizing, romanticising and obsessing over someone. Things went softly and peacefully and I'm really proud to have come to this point. Thank you for your work and great content ☀️
Yay!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had never heard the word limerance before watching this channel. I have been through this and it took years to pull out of it. Hard years. Luckily he moved across the country and I forced myself to go off Facebook permanently. My heart goes out to anyone experiencing this.
I think what you said about displaced grief is such a big deal. In our heads, as creatures who are primed to look at possibilities and problem solve, there is a scenario where the relationship is possible no matter how unlikely but the situation we're grieving can't be changed. Our traumas have already happened and can't unhappen. The person we've lost isn't coming back. Our mind wants to cling to a possibility for happiness that's tangible whereas healing and happiness are very abstract and difficult to conceptualize until progress has already started happening. Our minds do a better job of recognizing them in hindsight. If we haven't gotten there yet we might have a tendency to cling to that person who's right there in front of us in the now, even if they're not really available in that way.
Well said!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Limerance spanning years, coupled with the low self-esteem over her rejection when meeting someone new and then "comparing" them to my limerant object leads to a very lonely life. Thanks for articulating these overwhelming emotions in me!
Yeah i struggle with this..I never knew this..Was in abusive relationships and it was bad..I latched onto the first guy that showed me the smallest of affection but he wasnt into me and only wanted a good time..My mom was 16 when she got pregnant with me..17 when she had me..She was a kid having a kid..So she was struggling and being a single parent..She also was abused and not supported and so she tried her best..I have the issue of wearing my heart on mt sleeve and ive cried for years over the rejection from the other guy..Ive been single for years because i want to heal and work on myself..I dont feel fit for a romantic relationship because i end up codepemdent..Now i am building myself back up.
Rooting for you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've always been this way, and I feel like I take so much longer to heal. I've pushed everyone away. My anxiety is crippling and I'm one week away from being homeless. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I feel nothing but shame and it's reinforced by the few people left in my life. Social support is an enigma to me. It causes so much pain. 😭
Search for the light. God, safety(emotionally) and love ( not from a man) are there, close. Sometimes you have to search for a while. God bless you.
You can do this. It's going to be so hard at times but you are able to get through it. One step at a time.
🌻sending you bunch of hugs and healing energy.
🌻sending you bunch of hugs and healing energy.
🌻sending you bunch of hugs and healing energy.
I have a similar story to Sophia. At two months I was sent to a neighbour to breast-feed for three weeks while my mom was in the hospital. My mom suffered postpartum and depression after complete hysterectomy. The doctors lied to her about taking her ovaries. I was mostly emotionally detached / neglected in my relationship with my mom or emotionally abused by my much older sister. I would love to see a video on the impact of sibling abuse. None of this has been brought to the open In my family, also catholic and mostly in denial. Listening to this video brings my experience to light and sheds importance on it. I have also often been in a state of codependence, depression or Limerence. Reach out to me Sophia if you would like to be a penpal 💕
Thank you for reaching out to Sophia!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes, I would love to see a video about siblings impact on children too. Thank you for your story, you are very strong 🌻✨
I too would like a video on sibling abuse. I am the youngest of 3 girls and my middle sister was often moody with a quick temper. I idolized her even though she’d beat me up just about everyday of the week and 2X’s on Sunday. All 3 of us grew up in a household with an excessively punitive and emotionally uninvested father who also molested us and (in my humble opinion) a narcissistic emotionally unavailable mother, though I know that term gets thrown around a lot unfairly.
As the youngest, I was low man on the totem pole and always felt powerless and had no voice.
My middle sister usually took the brunt of my father’s crap bc she was outspoken whereas my older sister and I cowered. But I paid for her unhappiness by being the target of her anger. Funny/ironic side note: I outgrew everyone in my household, including my father. They seemed so powerful back then.
Can that happen? I had a partial hysterectomy (supposedly with ovaries and cervix intact) and I went into menopause immediately. I’ve had nightmares about the idea that perhaps my doc took more than he said he did. I mean, how would I know?! 🥺
I would like to see a video on sibling abuse as well. I have 3 older siblings, and there is a 7 year gap between me and the youngest of them. They hated me back then, and I know that had a big effect on me. I don’t blame them though. Our father was definitely abusive, but he liked us all when we were little. (maybe 6 and under?) So, when they were pre-teens/teens and he was being awful to them, he still liked me. They had to have resented me for that. But, when I was a pre-teen, and he was being awful to me, they had all moved out, and I had to deal with him on my own.
I have mixed views on limerence because what "we" want is pretty much what everyone else wants but never had as children. We have a problem because we don't know how to make it happen with the skills we have because our parents didn't have them. I do think it is love but it is saddled with a lot of hopes and expectations to heal the missing love of our childhood.
Thank you so much for this video!! It makes so much sense.
Im not sure if this falls into limerence exactly but I had a very lonely childhood and often felt emotionally neglected and lonely, and watching my parents constantly fight made me fear marriage and relationships. I always retreated to imaginings of not only a perfect partner (often based on a fictional character or celebrity crush) and also an idealized version of myself, and my ideal life. It was like my mental sanctuary, to retreat to this “imaginary” life where everything was perfect. It didn’t help that I had attention problems and often daydreamed and couldn’t pay attention in school ( I was good at reading/studying and got good grades so no one noticed).
I just feel like because I had this inner “ideal” life that I used as a safety blanket, it prevented me from having real dreams and goals, because 1. I felt like they weren’t realistic or attainable for me and 2. It was easier to use my imagination to have my needs met than to actually go after them or ask for them.
It makes me sad because as an adult in my late 20s, I feel like life passed me by and I want to create a better life for myself, and not one that I need to escape from with inner daydreams and idealization. But I also have this learned helplessness where I don’t know where to begin. Thanks to content like yours, I hope I can find my way ❤
Thanks for sharing! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Omg..this is me.. except parents fighting part
This describes me exactly👌🏾 Are you sure we didn't live the same life?
@@brittanys5969 thanks for saying that! I’m glad I’m not the only one :)
Wow, everything you wrote is very relatable. I never really considered myself emotionally neglected, but I did feel lonely and un-seen and misunderstood, and as a result overwhelmed, a lot... But now I do notice some signs of emotional neglect and even slight abuse from my parents. I think what makes it hard for me to really see it is bc my mom always told us about her own traumatic past and how much her parents neglected and mistreated her... How dare we complain, if relatively speaking we had it much better? It seems that whole doubt of my own judgment is a result of gaslighting and emotional abuse...
Seeing this is showing me, how hard I have worked on myself and how far I have come. I never had a word for that obsession and it's almost like now that I do, it will help me to let go of it entirely. It has been a long and bumpy road, filled with pain and emptiness. Now I'm 40 and I'm finally aware of my wounds and unhealthy attachments. Thank you for your video.
I'm so glad you are able to celebrate your progress!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I struggled severely with OCD as well as limerence it was a nightmare. I am just now realizing it has been happening most of my life. Now I realize its unhealthy and not realistic.
You are on your way to freedom!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes, I grew up with emotional neglect from both parents. Thanks for the video.
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This just made me cry because it made me realize my pain and the cause
This really resonated with me. I came to the conclusion myself that when I am ruminating and potentially limerent for people, it's when I am having a mental health crisis. This confirmed that. I am another person who suffered neglect and emotional abuse as a child and early loss of parents. Makes sense for it to be connected. I think this is linked to fearful avoidant attachment style too.
Thank you for putting a name to this very painful behavior. 🙏 I had no idea this was as result of childhood neglect.
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Hey Sophia.
I hope you visit this video's comment section once in a while.
I'm sorry for your experience, and I pray you get all the guidance and support you need to overcome it.
I relate to your story. Particularly crying at the feelings you had when you realised you were limerent.
What helped me overcome limerence as a whole was:
1. I engaged my feelings for him. I journaled my feelings for the person, and wrote letters about how I felt to him that I never shared with him.
2. Whenever I was idealising him or what I thought he could give me, I would pause myself and ask if this is something I can provide for myself. If yes, I ask myself how and go ahead and attempt. If no, I put it in prayer, and seek God to take care of it for me.
3. I made a mantra for myself:
"Two things will happen. Either I end up with him or wake up one morning and decide he isn't what I want".
Being that your a nun, your mantra will be different. Seek the ultimate state that you know is a truth you can achieve, and keep reminding yourself of it whenever the feeling comes up.
4. Grieve your mother's death. Grieve all that you could've had that you never did, and all that you wished you had that you can't.
5. Engage in little things you love for yourself. As a nun, this will be different from my process. However, make room and time for little things that are just for and about you.
As a giver, that empty feeling comes from the part of you that's starved for your own attention and care. Direct some of your energy; a moment at a time, a step at a time; to yourself. It will fill up bit by bit, until you wake up one day and it's just an impulse because your system is used to it.
It took me 5 years to overcome being limerent as my default. I'm still a work in progress, but I'm able to healthily engage my relationships without being limerent. And the ones that trigger it in me, I'm able to regulate myself enough to stay grounded.
I wish you love and the best of all you need.
Take care.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
No.2 ❤❤❤❤
The worst part about limerence is that once you become aware of it, you cannot know anymore the distinction of a potential partner or a limerent object. 😭😭😭😭😭
You can definitely do that look for red flags and how they treat you
Romantic obsession.
AKA Co Dependence.
Yes, for myself, definitely changed perspectives when change up the view.
💖 Thank you Anna and Crappy Fams Team.
Although it's not codependency....quite different. It's a whole other layer of dysfunction.
No, thats not what co dependence means
Most painful feeling to deal with. This made me vulnerable to narcissists and toxic people. I am 47 now and it took me so many years to realise.why I am experiencing this... Too painful. Led to self sabotaging....God gifted me with so many qualities but I didnt do justice to myself. Glad Fairy.... You are saving lives.❤
I went through this exact same thing lol. But I’m now going to start going to therapy, working out, eating healthier and being in nature more. I’m grateful because I realised my childhood wounds and I’m working through them. We meet everyone for a reason and I’ve realised rejection is redirection !!! There’s always better out there and a bigger and better picture I just can’t see it right now but I will ❤
I'm amazed there wasn't yet a comment from me here. Your limerence counsel is pure oxygen for me. Limerence flourishing when grief and loneliness are filling life? I feel like the bloody poster child for this: the slow death of my beloved husband after only 13 years, from Alzheimer's; moving 750 miles to care for him full time, leaving behind all professional contacts, projects, and friends; Covid making my isolation complete. This great, gaping wound of a heart. Enter magnetizing hunk who knows his appeal, made his marriage known at the beginning of our work time on an uncommon skill I needed, and my options limited. Then he became my "knight in shining armor" by volunteering to sell my unneeded related equipment, handing me all the cash. My hero! Let's trowel it on even thicker. Why can't we just puke these feelings out to get rid of them? I'm okay; I've honored my own heart, his wife and their bond, even with HIS beckoning verbal tests. We finished last summer and I avoid him. I'm out and about, taking classes, meeting folks, dating "online," meeting a few for coffee. I'm OUT there, and damn it EVERYONE is so drab after him. I'm not giving up; I'm not going to be consigned to anyone's "backup," isolated even more by having to hide myself from his "real" world. Screw THAT; I've seen how wretched that is. It's just hard, for now. Rant over. Thanks. I feel better.
This is so interesting. I spent most of my life experiencing this. Each obsession was very real and very painful and completely unattainable. Finally I put myself Into therapy because of it and spent many years unraveling lots of childhood programming. We didn’t exactly pinpoint it to your explanation but it’s 100% accurate in my situation and Thank you for posting this connection for others too. I’m now in an amazing real and mutually loving relationship. You can retrain your brain, it’s so much easier now…
I just want to say thank you for making these videos. From an early age, I grew up in a stressful environment with two very anxious parents who were not at all happy in their marriage. As the tenth of eleven children, I watched my nine older siblings fight anorexia, anxiety, and depression as I grew up. I remembered distinctly the sound of my Dad's voice yelling at my mom or my siblings. To get to the point, I was best friends with a guy as a kid. He liked me and I liked him, and he was my first real friend. We told each other about our feelings when we were just ten years old, and would write each other love notes. His feelings were so strong for me I became frightened ( I know realize I was so afraid because I hadn't had someone openly express how much they cared about me like that) so I cut it off. We grew apart, and I developed crushes on other guys. Those did not last, seeing as my feelings for Daniel began to fester up. Freshman year of high school I acknowledged my feelings for him and told him how I felt. He no longer felt the same way for me. So we went out separate ways. As time unfolded, we became friends again. There was always a tension after that. I experienced severe depression and anxiety through high school as well as a deep "love" for Daniel. All through high school I obsessed over him. I even have the current job at a grocery store because I knew I would be able to be his coworker. Limerence has dictated so much in my life. But I'm tired. I want to be happy. And I can't be happy with limerence. I look him in the eyes and now can begin to say "I want out". I want to actually love someone. And be loved. Not only that, I want to be able to move past my trauma, and not let it have the final say in the thing I hold most dear:my relationships. I plan to move to Colorado this year, and I'm hoping the distance will help. Anyway, just thought ide share. 16 years of limerence does alot of damage. But I want to change. And I haven't always been able to say that
So glad you were brave enough to say you want to change, you can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Holy shit sorry to cuss but FINALLY, someone told me what I had to hear. All this time, I have been suffering from limerence, and the results are catastrophic. When I began Inner Child Therapy, I realized that it's not me, but my child crying for attention. Writing a story About a man I liked who got engaged recently exposed that this isn't me. This is a behavior that alerts me my inner child is kicking. I am now working on putting more love inwards. I hope to one day overcome limerence and not just "move on". This makes me cry. I am remembering a lot of the hurtful things in childhood--and also the good
I left my emotionally abusive ex so many times! Each time I felt something that can only be described as panic. I knew he wasn't good for me but going back to him was so much easier and it temporarily relieved the panic and distress I was feeling.
It was madness! I hate to admit this but it took him punching me in the face for me to finally not have the excuse to go back to him.
I now understand that panic feeling to be limerence. This channel has given me so much information, in addition to purchasing Pete Walker's book.
Glad the content is helping!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm here because I'm currently experiencing limerance. Never knew this terminology 'limerance', until I researched my condition. Videos like this help me sort out my thoughts.
We are glad you feel supported here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This video is a revelation! It's such a relief to know that my condition has a name, a cause and that there are others who suffer from it.
Exactly how I’m feeling now! It is so nice to have a term for it, and to begin to feel understood.
I recently heard a program featuring an author called Lisa Turkhurst (sp?) (I think the book she was being featured about was called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes) and she said something along the lines of, "Mental health is an unwavering commitment to reality." Reality.
In light of what I've heard so far in this video, that begins to make more sense.
I felt to share it here because it seems connected. I hope it helps 💛🌻
Wow! This one line seems so profound!
This is all new to me but it makes so much sense and helps me understand the obsesessions I've had, usually to men who are unavailable, and despite being married to a perfectly nice man who is very loyal. It sounds so selfish and I've felt so evil having these thoughts over the years. Now i see it in the context of emotional deprivation as an infant and i feel differently towards that part of me. Makes it kind of ridiculous in a way, like i need to just stop it and get a grip. At the same time I'm so sad that mother didn’t get it right for me.
I am just coming out of limerence for a priest. The scales have fallen from my eyes and I feel like I'm no longer under a spell. My faith is stronger than the obsession but when he did something inappropriate it shocked me that he was capable of it. Worst of all HE lit the match that started a fire in my heart to fall for him and I'm only realising now in therapy that he never intended to love me. He wanted both worlds. Limerence is one of the most destructive states to stay in.
Glad you are getting free of that one!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh my gosh I am suffering through this now very similar story. How did you get out of it?
I'm currently in the process of making a formal complaint. He will be so shocked but I have to do it so that other women aren't in this position. There is a lot of crying and mixed emotions but i know it will pass. Prayer is a must :)
@@juliap5635 Hi, i how you can get through this, because it doesn't end well with these situations. I confronted him when he started touching my hand when giving me communion. It was so shocking that he would use the eucharist for his own fleshly desire. Keep praying and I'll be praying for you too.
You are an adult who got emotionally involved with another adult. Did he force you? Did he abuse you? Why are you going to complain about that? C’mom…would you still complain if he had left his priesthood to satisfy your desires?
Thank you for this video, it had confirmed something that I already kind of knew. 2 years ago I was in the same situation as Sophia, except I'm not a nun. I met a guy online and we became sort of friends with a potential for more but the situation was very complicated. Two weeks after we met my mum died - I had a very complicated relationship with my mum and at times loved her more than anything, but we were kind of estranged before her death. I was surprised cause I didn't grieve much for her. The guy I met filled the void in my heart and although we never met in real life - he lives on a different continent, he was my emotional crutch even though I never talked to him about my loss. Then three months after my mum's death he broke things off and I spent the next 7 months literally feeling like I was in hell. I couldn't even name the feelings - I was in the darkest place of my entire life, felt suicidal to a point where I wasn't sure I'd live to see the next morning. A gaping hole inside me was such that I couldn't see anything but darkness and every day was filled with pain I cannot describe. I was in therapy then but my therapist didn't understand that I was for the first time in my life afraid I might kill myself. And there was nothing that could subside the pain - it was like living in hell, I never knew you can feel this way and I've been battling severe depression since I was 14 - this was a thousand times worse. But nothing could compare to the pain and struggle I was in. Evenings were the worst. There was no escape, I was on my own with nothing but my thoughts. I'd pace my living room feeling like I was going to go insane (literally). It took me seven months till one day I woke up and realised the feeling was gone. Just like that, nothing has changed. It progressively became easier and by the end of the year I was feeling like my old depressed self again - which comparing to how I felt for the first seven months of the year was a blessing. I was never in love with the guy, I knew that. But I bonded with him and became very attached. When my mum died he filled the emotional hole and gave me a sense of safety just through the text messages we were exchanging daily. When he was gone the overwhelming grief hit me with all its force. The loneliness, sadness, depression like never before, all the horrible feelings that have been hiding inside also because of the relationship that I had with my mum when she was alive - all of this surfaced at once. It was the worst time of my life and I have a lot to choose from. To this day I fear that this feeling might one day come back. It hasn't in a year and a half but the fear is still there. I did want to add if Sophia should ever read this that I am now close friends with the guy. We reconnected in a non-romantic way, he is with someone else and I am single. I appreciate him but I've never been in love with him, he is a great person and I am grateful he's in my life. I often develop this strange non-love feeling for different people in my life - even one woman though I am straight, and I can never name it. I know it's not love but some adoring feeling for these people and I feel so empty when they're gone. The video gave me a great insight into what this might be and yes, it's probably just the need for connection and attention that I never had as a child. Once someone gives it to me, even though I know it's the wrong person, I feel good when they're in my life in some way, it's addictive and I find it hard to move on. It's never love but it is literally like a drug - it fills some void in you and you feel whole for a moment, and it feels amazing and then don't want to let go even though you know it's not healthy. Luckily I am a very strong person and in spite of the pain that separation causes I've always made the right decision. The pain at times was excruciating but being with the wrong or unattainable person is painful too. And at least when you leave them alone the pain will last for a while but soon will start to subside; if you choose to stay it will last for as long as you stay and then when things end as they inevitably will, you'll still have to deal with the pain of separation on top of it
Thank you for sharing! Glad you're here.
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is how i feel too.
Heartbreak after heartbreak it’s like we are feeling all the pain that we didn’t growing up because of numbness isn’t it.
Pain is not bottomless though.
Today i’m starting to realise that getting the guys that i love is not the solution.
I don’t like to talk of limerence.
It’s love what i feel.
Thank you fairy of childhood traumas. ❤️
This is how i feel too.
Heartbreak after heartbreak it’s like we are feeling all the pain that we didn’t growing up because of numbness isn’t it.
Pain is not bottomless though.
Today i’m starting to realise that getting the guys that i love is not the solution.
I don’t like to talk of limerence.
It’s love what i feel.
Thank you fairy of childhood traumas. ❤️
Thank you for this informative video! I'm 52 and I had an emotionally unavailable mom and a dad that was mostly loving but occasionally verbally and physically abusive. I suffered with limerence my entire adult life and it really is excruciatingly painful. In the past I obsessed over an ex boyfriend for almost 7 yrs every single day! It was all consuming:( what finally healed me was finding an amazing coach on RUclips named Abby Ruston she helped me to heal my inner child basically re-parenting my inner child. Its been so life changing! I no longer obsesss and ruminate in relationships. I know my worth and value now, I understand that the things I experienced growing up had nothing to do with my worthiness. I wish you all peace, love and light on your journey❤
So true. I actually have time for hobbies now.
Thats great!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is a beautiful opportunity for you, Sophia ( and maybe viewers) to turn to God for healing and grace. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted (modern translation: traumatized).. Please ask God to come to you now in your time of profound need. You have given so much to others and now it is time to ask for His Grace and loving kindness during your suffering, if you only ask. (I know non-believers will have a hard time with this comment.)
MY HEART dropped at 2:20 when she read out "I fell in love with someone 17 years...." because I was worried that limerence could last that long.
It can. Mine is going on 26 years. It’s waxed and waned, but it’s still there, and I think it will always be.
This guy and I are limerant over each other. It's a very repressed connection and we are either very close or extremely avoidant. Both of us have abandoned wounds. This is really helping me see what's happening.
Glad it was helpful! Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes, yes, yes!
When I get limerence I know I am projecting some hidden emotions of mine on a person who does or expresses what I am hiding.
(When I get limerent I tend to look at my inside, how I feel, and not at the other person. Because, if I look at the other person, I will get lost in a maze and go crazy or do crazy stuff which I will regret. But if I look inside myself I get to see that it is me projecting a hidden trait of mine on someone else.)
It sounds so messed up but it really works for me, to look at myself because I am projecting my own self on someone else when I get limerent.
The daily practice helped me do much, journaling and also thinking of things from my own perspective helped me alot with limerence.
Also the best help was comparing the illusion person with the real person.
And another help was to acknowledge that I like something someone does, like how they speak or how they dress.
Thank you for this amazing channel.
Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker.
Your English is great and your encouraging message is loud and clear!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy :)
Some very good advice.. thank you
because of my childhood I tell my teen I will always be there for her. I will never throw her away. And she can be herself with me. I love your videos!!
I went thru limerence during my dark night of the soul. As I heal it fades
I’m in menopause. All of my whimsical emotions are gone. I have no real libido. It seems like romance is more about hormones. Worried about this because I’d, technically, like to have another serious relationship, and yet, I don’t. 🤷🏽♀️
Had anyone heard of Limerance in the 80s or 90s? If I had known about this when I was in my teens and 20s, my life might have been so different. The only unhealthy coping mechanism that caused more loss in my life was Alcohol Use Disorder. Words are not enough to express the regret over time lost and the emotional pain I experienced for 4 decades because of Limerance. Thank you for these videos.
Glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
That's the benefit one is getting out of social media and internet worldwide.
Do you still have Limerence?
Its definitely a new term. I never heard of it until last year or so. And I've been through the dictionary and researched psychology for years.
I experienced limerence for a two year period and was unable to move on until I cut him out of my life completely. I wish you all well and so appreciate this content. I beat myself up for so long and didn’t realize my unhappiness at the time made me vulnerable to this scenario.
I don’t know if anyone will see this months later, but I went thru something similar and I have a faith that I leaned on to get me out of the cycle… I literally could not leave this person alone and all I could do was PRAY with all my heart, to God, to my mom (who had also recently passed) and begged them to help me leave him alone bc I just couldn’t. It worked (so far, it’s been 2 years and I haven’t had a limerance experience)
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
What I am struck by is how much empathy you show when reading out and replying to these people. It is truly moving and quite frankly inspiring. Thank you so much for your channel
Wow, thank you
Thank you for this video ❤ Limerence is certainly a form of depression...I used it to escape from both my childhood trauma and the trauma from my mentally ill husband. I got myself into an impossible situation, and the grief I felt when that ended suddenly was the worst I've ever felt. Limerence is like drug addiction, and has to be dealt with in similar ways. Sophia is a brave lady in a tough place...I hope she leans on God and her community to help her through it. Thank you for your compassion to her.
Thank you for throwing some support to Sophia :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You helped me the most last year. Actually, your videos made me snap out of my limerence. Made me realise the trauma I had been through but never believed to be true. Now, I feel the opposite. I am kind of averse to dating/relationships, having had such crazy bad experiences. But reading people's lovely stories here of how they went from being limerent to finding someone emotionally healthy and mature gives me hope.
Sending you encouragement! Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
ive struggle w limerence, she's my best friend for 6 years, it was really bad at the beginning, but i stuck through because of how much i care for her, and stayed strong for her even though it was painful for me. slowly after time and going to different colleges i was able to heal, it comes back every so often though when we meet or have a convo, but i try not to hold on to that fantasy too long and catch myself before i spiral. it helps to shift the focus from the person back to yourself, and how to work on yourself so you are not reaching for something external (the person) to heal you, but to address the root issues within that are causing the limerence. another thing i do is not give into that fantasy, realize it's just like an irrational thought from anxiety (CTB) and to instead imagine what actually being with that person would be like, even exaggerate it by convincing yourself it could be bad, imagine the arguments you might have or the things u disagree on and how it would ruin what friendship you have right now ... just something that helps me take the magic out of that daydream that is unrealistic... (basically you dont want to streghthen that synapse, trigger that connection which streghtens the obsession, try to catch yourself thinking about them and halt it, sometimes this means stop having contact for now / forever)
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
I had never heard of limerence before watching this channel, and my heart breaks for Sophia. My older sister suspects that my mom had postpartum depression after I was born because she foisted me on my sister frequently. In fact, I have few memories of time spent with my mom before the age of five; it’s all my sister, who is 11 years older. My mom became a great mother, but perhaps the damage was done. I have had fantasies for years about all kinds of men, including celebrities, but in these fantasies, I’m never me. I’m someone younger, beautiful, popular, and accomplished. These relationships are romantic but not sexual. I’ve been doing this since I was 10, and all my real relationships have been unsuccessful ones. They’re never as good as the fantasy, and the real me never lives up to the dream girl.
Glad you're here looking for more :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Such a great video. I learned about limerence a couple years ago and all my behaviors suddenly made sense! Obsessive thoughts about men I would date, creating fantasies when all I was getting were crumbs.
I was adopted at 5 weeks old and taken from my birth mother and put in a
nursery with probably the bare minimum in care and nurturing. I could relate to Sophia’s story.
The good news is I’m better, and have managed to work through the limerence. Sometimes I have to monitor my thoughts with dating but Healing is possible!
Thank you for sharing your story Elsa. How did you heal yourself...?
@@yuk498 lots of therapy and CCHFairy has been extremely helpful and stabilizing.
I was not adopted but my mom is cold and always she wasobssed with my father who alwasy cheated other and she and my father were always abusiev with horrible words towards me. and they were mirroring their hat and insecurities on me and the all myeline said things which was not true I felt like everything I feared and said or did were wrong ... I am coming from a culture which is oppressive and two-faced. people say one thing and do other...even though alwasy feared things very very conservative , all my life I felt like I was walking around naked so on.. I could not connect with opposite sex . I alwasy had crush to someone from far away. after my divorce , I though I met someone , now I know he was a narsistic charmer. however , I could not forget him... just yesterday and today I was so upset again thinking why this person was not nice to me... I even cried today.
How did you do it? What's the fastest way? It's 4 am and i couldnt sleep properly because that someone didn't communicate with me just one day. I hate being like this :c
Hard to hear this and not remember having these feelings and how crazymaking they were. Anna, as usual, you get right to the core of calling this what it is. It's not an old Hollywood movie, it's a waste of life energy. I hope we all keep growing and understanding.
I feel like nothing is going to help. It's so painful . It is a burden it is horrible.
The CPTSD part of our brain says it's hopeless. Fight that!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I know Limerence is hitting me because while shopping or anything that normally relaxes me my mind will start playing love songs. I have been sick so thats why I have not started your chat group yet. It is hard to focus right now. I love these videos thank you.
I can’t relate at all to the childhood troubles. My parents were and are excellent people.
Yet this term limerance describes my life. It is comforting to know that this is established and studied, that I’m not alone in this. I feel like I’m incomplete, and I entertain the idea that if I were with someone, life would be more worth living, even though ironically I feel that I’m incapable of having a relationship, as I’m not a whole person.
Did your parents put you in daycare as a baby, or put you through sleep training as an infant, leaving you for hours alone? Would they be honest to you if they did that?
It does seem contradictory to claim that you have excellent parents (not just normal good parents) and yet you feel like you are not a whole person and you are not capable of love. Something is missing in this story. Where is that missing part of you? Maybe look into disassociation, see if you ever experience it.
I've struggled with limerance my entire life.
I've gotten control of it to a certain extent...just have to come to grips with the fact that I'm not who that person wants.
Glad you are here, there is a lot of support in CCF and you can try out this free course bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
Dear Fairy, could you do a video about all those women who, like Sofia, don't have children-many of them because trauma prevented them from creating healthy relationships-but are trying to be mothers and sisters to many and give love nonetheless? Thanks
Noted :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am just now learning about Limerence...and it makes SO MUCH SENSE. Every time I would fall in love with people, especially because most of the time they would at least start out as long-distance relationships, I would obsess about them. It was almost as if I couldn't think about anything else. And then because I would have these fantasies about them (which would lead me to believe I was very much in love with them WAY too early), it would greatly contribute to me overlooking red flags. I'm in therapy now trying to work through childhood trauma and this helps me better understand why I felt so obsessive about romantic partners or potential romantic partners. Thank you so much for helping those of us with childhood wounds better understand.
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I couldn’t have found this at a better time. Over the past 3 years I’ve been wanting to understand what I’d been going through. 2 separate individuals later and I feel so unrecognizable. I’ve seen depression in several forms; this is most definitely a form of it and it’s the worst I’ve ever experienced.
Limerence.. I don’t really care for labels but learning about this validated so much inside of me I didn’t think would ever find the light of day. This came at a perfect time because I’m about to part ways with someone whom I’ve really gotten to know over the past year and a half, and whom I’ve grown more fond of. The validation from this video may have just saved our current and future relationship. Thank you.
Limerance sucks. It's especially crap when you don't have a typical brain as the feelings of "love" are the most intense feelings I think it's possible for a human to experience - not even mania comes close.
I really admire the woman who wrote in. It takes a great deal of vulnerability to show this side of yourself and especially for a woman of her position as a nun, i wouldn’t expect this level of openness in regards to her emotions ❤
Thanks for sharing your support! Julie@TeamFairy
I've turned someone down that I was also infatuated with - turns out I wanted the fantasy not the reality. I recognize it's an escape!
Wow, I've struggled with this since I was very young. Occasionally it still happens now and I am 41. Someone commented about it even happening with fictional characters. Maybe this is a safe way to explore through writing, and even enjoy to some extent the feelings?