LIMERENCE: Does Obsession Fade When Love is Finally Reciprocated?
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- Опубликовано: 26 июн 2024
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Limerence is an unhealthy obsession or infatuation with someone who doesn't love you back. But what happens when your "limerent object" loves you back? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who finally leaves her old relationship and discovers the man whose love she's craved for years loves her back. Find out what happens, and how I help her navigate the shift.
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“Limerence is all the phenomenon of falling in love but becoming attached to someone who you’re not really with, so it’s like this hemorrhaging of your life force out into nothing.” 😮💨
Yes! You hit the nail on the head. That's why it's so important to get out of it as soon as possible and in any way possible. We only have so much time allotted to us in this lifetime. To throw away that precious time on a limerent relationship is a personal tragedy. It happened to me and I'm here to say if I could get out of it, anyone can. I had it bad for five years.
@@redwoods7370 I have had it 14 years. No real relationships because of it. I am still having it but 80% of it is gone after help from a healer friend. My only sadness is that when I completely let go of it, what else is there? I dont think I will find real love because it's not easy these days. And on top, I have so much improvements to make in my own personality still after all these years.
I am sixty years old and just heard of the term "Limerence" this week. You mean there is a NAME for the thing that kept me alive as a kid and yet made my adult relationships difficult if not impossible? For some reason just being able to name it and explain what it does, has already made my life better. Thank you for this video, Anna.
Me too!
Totally agree and understand ❤
Same here!
Suffered from this for years and it was some terrible realization that I wasn’t just uniquely broken and there were many others like me out there. All suffering from limerence or had been in it’s terrible cage.
61 and just learned about limerence a few days ago from her. I have watched many more of her videos and they are excellent. I am betting on myself and it being never too late!
I absolutely agree, limerence is NOT love; it's addiction. The only remedies I've found for it are: (1) build my life until it's bigger and more exciting than the addiction/limerence; and (2) cultivate a relationship that's so genuine and compelling that the fairytale is lame by comparison. I found delicious partnership with my late beloved spouse, and life-building is pretty much an ongoing thing. Doing this, and knowing this, I'm able to keep staying the royal F away from a married man who seems to enjoy how much I admire him, and keep on meeting men who are available.
Wow seeing you say limerence is not love it's addiction is really helping me feel better about this breakup with my former limerent object. It is going to make getting over this 2 year long "relationship", easier for me I think. I'm going to screenshot this comment and come back to it when I am feeling weak. So glad I am discovering these truths
Wow. Thank you for this..👏👏
I think limerence is a life-long "addiction" for those who had unhealthy upbringing. It is as if the "high" of the limerent feelings, temporarily distracts the person from their own C-PTSD/ self sabotaging thoughts. Few other things have the same potency...
Yep
Yes, mine started when I was very young, I had a trash cold hearted mother who only had kids to seem normal. Because ppl without kids are seen as weird, so I got to deal with her resentment of being a mother. I would image I had a loving mother that actually wanted me and loved spending time with me. All her cold mean words of how much she regretted having me that burned in my heart. I rewrote it to her saying the opposite. Who knew it was called limerence and it would keep me stuck and isolated most of my life.
Addiction is a response to stress + vitamin and mineral deficiencies such as magnesium deficiency, b12 deficiency, vitamin d3 deficiency, Iodine deficiency, lack of quality probiotic in diet, amino acid deficiencies, coq10 deficiencies, and Omega 3 EPA DHA deficiencies.
Get all your vitamins and minerals tested through your insurance or out of pocket through a privately owned company that sells blood tests then go to your local lab in your neighborhood and get your blood tested.
You would be surprised at the increased level of resiliency that results from having all your bloodwork brought into the optimal blood range levels through food and quality supplements.
When you have stabilized vitamin and mineral blood levels and your gut microbiome is repopulated with adequate amounts of friendly gut bacteria you will have re-energized your mitochondria to make enough energy to function more optimally and switch off your genes that make you vulnerable and susceptible to certain mental and physical health challenges. Your mind begins to clear. Your strength and vitality begin to return as your thinking begins to become clearer and you are able to start making good choices for yourself that are healthy long term investments into your own future that set you up for success and longevity in your work and personal life.
Get a blood test.
Take your vitamins.
Watch your responses to trauma triggers both past and present begin to fade into normal memories of mild unpleasantness like the time you stubbed your toe on the coffee table but not reliving it or reliving the pain through flashbacks, just a flat affect like, "Oh ya I remember that, that sucked. Glad that's all over now!"
And by stress I mean childhood trauma brought on by narcissistic, abusive, neglectful, or caregivers who abandoned the addict. Limerance is an addiction caused by being raised in interpersonally emotionally hostile environments with abusive negligent caregivers AND vitamin deficiencies.
Once you are away from the bad caregivers you are still addicted to people because your body is still depleted of vital nutrients.
Once we have adequate nutrition restored and replenished to our cells we are able to feel good on our own without being starved for an external dopamine hit from an old, long lost, emotionally unavailable ex flame🔥 .
Who needs a toxic ex when you got magnesium glycinate, B12 methylcobalamine, Vitamin D3, Omega 3 DHA EPA, and a probiotic?!💁♀️
And optimal levels of a complete amino acid profile to boot! 😃☝️👢
I really wish I discovered what limerence is when I was 21. Life could have been different!
I guess life WILL be different - whatever age you are NOW, you don’t have to say, “I wish I discovered limerence when I was X (current age) years old”
The journey is only the journey when it starts, whenever that is.
I say that because at 25 I wish I’d eead about it at 16, but I still see it as a high honor to begin NOW.
I was about your age when I experienced my first limerent episode. I wrote it off as a crush or as manic depression. I was a lot more resilient back then so I was able to get past it. Not so much now...
same.
But knowing what it is doesn't really change experience with it. Your awareness doesn't mean it disappears.
discovered it at 13, im 15 now. Im confused, how does learning the term help? and what if you dont want help?
Just because you have feelings doesn’t mean you need to act on them
What may be missing in this discussion is the underlying pain in the feeling of limerence. When I made myself snap out of a severe case of one in my 20's the pain and emptiness and hallow feeling was unbearable, almost like dying. Maybe not the drug but that existential feeling of death and emptiness must be explored. When, I faced my childhood as clearly as I could, painfully, like the scream into the night, I have stopped ever needing a day dream.
@@tarotcelebgossip Hi. My world fell apart in a total destruction. Everything that I had believed to be true was taken away. It is known that when that happens you revert to the first pains of abandonment in childhood and I found myself reliving a lot of repressed memories looking at them like pieces of puzzles that needed to be integrated into myself. It has taken courage to just stay with it all and work through it with new eyes and a great deal of self compassion. It has been an 8 year journey. I am simply not the person I was.
I have had this all my life.
@@marierose6792 Wow, you are so right. There's a certain level of addiction to the pain, simply because that deep rooted subconscious pain needs to be felt and expressed.
I commend you for being so brave to sit with them all as it takes a lot of courage and perseverance to do that...
I'm glad you feel free from it now...
@@souldancersbyjennifer Yes, I had purchased a program by Malonie Tonia Evans that has a healing section that works by taking you back and reexperiencing the trauma, but having you there as an adult and lifting you , in your visualization, out of there to safety. I have to admit, that having done it ones was so stress inducing. I really could not carry on with her program because I was not that brave. But it set the stage, for me in my own way, to break the spell, of being a helpless little child. I carried this on, even with memories I could never face.
Learning about me, and why I did what I did, has and will be a life long journey. Thank you for your comment.
@@marierose6792 same here... Knowing it's a cycle. Enjoy the healed parts, and the deeper stuffs arising to be healed...
Thank you for sharing your story. Wish you well on your journey.
Wow, this lady (Cena) is lucky. I had a chance to date my limerence guy once, and it was a horrible letdown. My limerence had been blinding me. Once we got together, it turned out he didn’t care about me, wasn’t romantically interested in me, was emotionally abusive, and only wanted to have sex. Hah! It was a helpful experience, though, cause it let me see limerence for what it truly is: a lie we tell ourselves because we’re so desperate for love and attention.
@@justsomeyoutuber222 Well said!
@@justsomeyoutuber222 i have a question. Does a married man with a happy family life can have limerance as well? Even if their partner is respectful and adores them? Bcz someone i know seem to have it.
@@thepointlesswords290yup
❤
@@thepointlesswords290I can answer your question: Yes, certainly. I don’t believe it can happen unless we want it to happen. There might be a fleeting reason, or an idea which might have caused some temporary unhappiness with the current releationship. Maybe you can’t choose who it will happen with, but I think deep down there is a need for something which is unfulfilled. Limerance, I believe, is caused by having a hole which needs to be filled, and the “object” of it is idealistically thought of as being the thing that can solve all of your problems, which makes the feeling ethereal, and absolutely impossible to ignore.
I ended up marrying someone I was limerant for, getting what I wanted felt great at first, but I soon began to have the same fantasies about other women, just all the time. I couldn't appreciate my wife at all and began to resent her. Of course, I had no idea of this concept of limerance at the time and just blamed it on falling out of love. In my childhood I went through a lot physical abuse, was molested, my mother died when I was eight, and my father when I was 24. I'm 41 now, divorced and dealing with drug and alcohol addiction, I guess I've still got a lot of stuff to work through, but I'm grateful for stuff like this, I really feel like being able to name my issues and see what I'm dealing with makes a huge difference and I really think I'm doing things better, feeling better and acting better. Thank you!
❤
Well done for coping and reaching out for new concepts. You deserve love and admiration. Looking after others is a tangible source of soul therapy for those of us who have suffered and feel defeated sometimes. Ironically selflessness is an unlikely antidote :)
That's infatuation & lust. Limerance is an obsession & doesn't really get very far (esp. to the point of marriage)
I've had a lot of limerent relationships, however, if the person seems interested, that limerence stops and not the avoidant part of me kicks in and I began pushing the person away. I want a relationship in my head but not in reality, because then I have to deal with emotions. Coming up there was no such thing as emotions, you were weak and stupid if you allowed someone to hurt you. So, emotions make me very uncomfortable, as does being loved or have to depend on someone else. Man, I'm all messed up.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this, we understand as few others can. If you're interested, Anna offers a course on how to create more connected relationships that sounds like a great fit for you. Here is the link if you want to check it out :) bit.ly/CCF_Connection -Calista@TeamFairy
This is exactly me my entire life.
Same how do we heal and break the pattern
that's me, it's a mess. I'm so sad, that I don't seem to be able to have a healthy loving relationship..
Me too. Being asked to spend money on a course is an insult to your intelligence and dignity. Everybody deserves love ❤️
*Warning* : do not let your LO know that you're 'sweet' on them! There's energy vampires out there that _will_ manipulate you for whatever they see fit.
I got used by an arrogant 'man' for an ego boost. Thank God he didn't use me in the bedroom, as I suppose some of you had though.😒
agree, but at the same time when you're facing the truth of who they are, the limerence start to fade. At least it worked very well for me, even though the pain of feeling used and manipulated felt horrible when I realized it
@@auroraborealis6398 yup! Huge👁opener. All his beauty was on the outside; I learned that he treats everyone badly. And _THAT_ is his problem, not mine.
Same. I didn’t care what he thought because my feelings were so strong. I honestly think he slept with every girl except me back in the day. I was hooked emotionally but I was smart enough to know I wanted a boyfriend, not a one-night stand. I think scores of girls weren’t so smart:
ITS ALMOST LIKE WE FEEL MORE COMFORT IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
BECAUSE ITS WHAT WE KNEW -- HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE WAS....
☹️
That's because when you expect pain the stress from expecting it and not getting it increases and becomes as worse (if not worse) than the expected pain. By getting it the person aleviates the anxiety of the expectation.
Hence why people repeat patterns over and over they've been conditioned to. If they can't change the pattern then they choose to succumb to it and take it out of the way as soon as possible.
Limerance isn't an abusive relationship, it's obsession with a faux relationship
Long before i knew about trauma, i thought of "limerence" as my own secret Heroin. That utterly amazing feeling of imagining you are "in love". Feelings SO intense that you can't even look at the object of your high flown fantasies.
Then the huge depression until the next limerence appears on the horizon, bursting with lights and all the chivalry of Camelot.
Now SO shaming to realise that it was all just an illusion, another aspect of a stupid, fecking mental illness.
Unfortunately the 'coming down' phase is way longer than the high.
I feel like, as a person with emotional wounds, it’s sometimes hard for me to discern between romantic feelings and fondness.
Sometimes, I first get crushes on people and then realize that I don’t have any romantic interest - they were just nice to me. When you are starved for connection (or your brain is used to being starved) you kinda hoard any love you can find. So when someone actually listens and asks about your life, it feels really nice.
But, you can take a step back and realize, “he just asked me about my job. Those aren’t flying sparks, that’s just being friendly.” Not in a sad way; it’s great to enjoy connection and pleasant interactions! It just doesn’t mean that every interaction is romantic.
Brains are funny.
When you are so used to social interactions being hostile or grating, having one go well feels so nice that you think it must be love. It might be love, but not romantic. They are showing you kindness and interest, which is inherently expressing love.
On another note, if you are used to romantic relationships being one-sided pipe dreams, a real relationship feels really weird. Like, “you’re not leaving? You’re real, and want to be here with me? I don’t have to just pretend you like me and beg for your attention??”
I love this!
I think our baseline love that we hold is so low that those micro-bursts of affection give us such a huge spike where as for a normal person, they are a mere blip. When people say to love yourself, I think I now understand just the extent to which I must do that so that there is a always a small ocean of love inside me for myself.
Brilliant comment. Thank you.
Wow! Your summation is everything I wanted to say and think but couldn’t articulate.. I’m screen shotting this to help me. ❤️ thank you ❤
Absolutely agree. It reminds me of these lyrics from a Jewel song:
"A heart can hallucinate when it's completely starved for love
Can even turn monsters into angel's from above"
All I kept thinking throughout this video is "please don't ruin this". As a limerant person myself who has never been in a real life relationship, I've always wondered if my obsessions will go away in the event I was actually loved back, I never considered this issue persists even when you got together with the object of your obsession. She's so lucky she go to have a REAL loving relationship with a guy she was limerant with in the first place, but limerance can make you so delusional, I really hope she doesn't get confused and ruins what she has
Limerance is "like this hemorrhaging of your life force out into nothing". What a powerful way of putting it - I'm writing it out and sticking it on the fridge!
I’m a middle aged woman who has been having this limerence all my life and just learned about it! And I am so happy to know it wasn’t love at all so it’s perfectly ok that they never loved me! I can’t wait to discuss this with my therapist. Learning about limerence has been so eye opening. Thank you!
I have only seen her 3 times. She is pretty great so far.
@@menotyou6254 RUclips has made come around to the thought that therapy isn’t helpful for people who don’t have disorders. What we need is to identify and learn techniques to deal with others’ disordered behavior. Maybe life coaches have their place.
@@genxx2724 you actually do work/ assignments in therapy. many therapy modalities even have workbook for practice.
The comment section is commendable. It's really therapeutic reading all these stories. Wish everyone was aware of this condition at their teenage phase however better someday than never. Hope all heal together. Social media does have a positive side too ❤
Im going through limerence right now but i am finding that being in this obsessive fantasy world, it boosts my self esteem and makes it easier to lose weight. I make an effort with my appearance everyday and dont feel as tempted to binge eat because of how powerful limerence is. Without it, my life would lack a certain excitement and personal motivation.
Wow. This really resonated with me. Without my limerence, without hope. What is it all for? What am I working towards? Who do I look pretty for? Why keep the house clean? I’d be so depressed….I think that’s why I choose to stay in my fantasy. How can I build a life worth living where I don’t need it anymore? 🤷🏽♀️
My name is carmen too :)
I have a fantasy limerance problem myself. It helps me cope with my loneliness, anxiety and depression which does stem from an awful lonely childhood. However I am married and have children so i have to constantly remind myself that my fantasy life is a delusion...i have to take control of it when I feel it coming on. But I also find that my fantasy self is the vision of myself I want to produce, i do use it as a referance point when i think about who I am and want to be...its my true self in my opinion, the women I never got the chance to become. Little by little im becoming my fantasy self in real life...while caring for my family, being grateful and caring for my husband, my real life love. This thing is how we survived our miserable childhood, so it's hard to master but I think as we become more aware of what this is..we can overcome it.
I was in that stage too. Then when he kept ignoring me I slipped into hermit mode & gained back all the weight I lost & barely left the house. Hair & nails not done, no makeup anymore, no jewelry or perfume. No more of the come- hither 'spells' we women marinate ourselves with to attract a 'prince'.
Be Careful.
❤
❤@@TopSecretInformations
Before even watching this. My experience is when they love you back--you don't want it and don't know what to do with it. It was the fantasy that was exciting about it. 46 year old woman here.
Having limerent objects switches if you dont heal... you getting a relationship doesnt stop the potential of it popping up again because you STIPL HAVE THE DISORDERED PHILOSOPHY OF LOVE!
Let's see, if they show the tiniest glimpse of stability, I begin to mentally picking them apart. How they talk, eat, dress, until I'm not the least bit attracted to them.
I got emotionally stuck on a handsome, charming one as a teenager. He came back to town in a leadership position 30 years later and he’s the most vile narcissist I’m ever seen. Now I can’t even be in the same room with him or look at his picture. It’s not shame at myself or anything. I just see him with adult eyes, and he’s awful. Look closely, girls.
My main limerent experience was partially fueled by how much I craved the guy's positive family structure and his mother hoping I would marry her son from a young age 😅😅 I'm always glad I was self-aware enough to analyze myself, my feelings, the family influences, and what really fueled my unrequited crush, especially since now he and his family totally stand for the opposite of what I value politically; had we gotten together, we certainly would not have lasted in the long run. I tried asking him out years ago after graduation, because I knew it was then or never, and his lack of an ability to give me a straight-forward "no" was all I needed to be set free, and my life is so much better for it. Every now and then I wonder about him and his family (which is still connected to mine), and I had one or two much shorter limerent crushes after that experience, but I was fortunately able to grow through much of the family trauma that fueled those kinds of feelings and am currently in a very healthy marriage with someone who is so supportive whenever I am still hurting. My heart goes out to those still caught up in it, but you CAN grow past it and find healthy, worthwhile, loving connections.
Trauma has various hydra phases and sometimes comes out as Lashing out, fantacy, avoidance and isolation, overindulgence and lack of self control, panic attacks...etc
Yes, it can look like all those things.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairythis is what made me destroy my past romantic relationships and i blamed myself all the time. My ex Gf left with my child & she just kept stonewalling & ignoring me despite apologizing and trying to tell her that i was struggling with my emotions. Anyways its been 2 years now & your content has really helped me see what was wrong with all my childhood trauma
I have never experienced reciprocal love. I feel awkward when people are kind or nice to me probably because no one has been authentically good to me & my family of origin have all been cold & cruel to me. I don't know how to act normal socially.
Me neither. It's kinda weird. I can't imagine what it would be like other than embarrassing!
I've been with my limerence partner for a year now. He's the most beautiful, loving, kind, romantic, STABLE and HEALTHY man I've ever met, nonetheless dated. He's completely transformed the way I see love, and has shown me that the love I'd dreamt about as a child, and the possibility of someone loving me in the way I need to be loved, is real and attainable in this world. What's in this video is my biggest fear about us.... that I would end up like this woman in the video and get limerent about another unavailable man. I've been in obsessive love just as much if not more now that we're together than I ever was before when we weren't (and it helps that he's obsessed with me, but in a healthy way that made me feel comfortable sharing how obsessed with him I was lol). I really hope I can focus on my obsession with him and how he's changed me instead, forever... maybe that's the secret?! Lol 😭
listen to this smart lady!! I lost my husband of 20 years because of Limerance addiction. Glad there’s info like this out there now to help bring people away from shame and confusion, and into a sense of understanding about what’s going on. The 19 year old is not worth it. Regret is hard to live with, and despite how much someone loves you, they don’t always take you back
I've been limerant on a different someone pretty much my whole life, and it always ended in dissapointment, pain, rejection, or activating my avoidant feelings. But there was one who, once explored, there was a genuine connection and we had so much in common. But I was in a limerant, abu***e relationship at the time. So I didnt put stock into those feelings until I had gotten free from that. But then we spent time together, and my fear and avoidant feelings kicked in even stronger, and I completely abandoned them, even though it was the most painful thing Ive ever done to/for myself. I've healed so much, I've changed so much in the last 7 years, but I guess not, because I still want another chance with him. I'm sick. I feel like I only know how to limerate. Real love scares me, but I want it so much. I want to have that monotomy with someonem yes I mean monotony. And monogomy.
I say I'm a tortured artist, a romantic, but I'm just sick and always lookimg for an escape from my own head.
You're in the right place. If you're interested, try Anna's Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD course: bit.ly/3IBbrv7. You can also watch more of Anna's videos about limerence here: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=limerence
Nika@TeamFairy
Wow, fancy hearing this at age 72. I was obsessed with the same man from age 25 for about 40 years when I suddenly realized I didn't feel that way any more. Never had a successful or enduring relationship with anyone else. It wasn't entirely fantasy as he did seduce me. I seemed to get imprinted like a duckling.
It must have been some damn good d
Lack of self-love and seeking validation from others. This was a difficult letter to listen to.
One thing that helped me a lot in limerance is to be aware of the deepest feelings are you addicted to. Usually, it's the feeling of longing, then to get sober from this feeling in all other areas of life. If it's a positive feeling like a feeling (significance, love, passion ..etc) then cultivate this feeling from within and focus to feel it in another area of life.
I married someone I met during an intense period of limerence, who is also rather limerent himself. Unfortunately, limerence has a way of informing just about every sort of interaction with in a relationship and even a marriage, at least if your trauma is still unhealed. I even think that if we ever end up breaking up, that too, will be a decision based on magical thinking.
3:09 "and when one goes away my brain always finds a new one"
I've never heard anyone describe their limerence so accurately to mine.
This is EXACTLY what I've been going through my whole life. I'm 24 and I still have such strong memories of a girl I met when I was 15. She was the first person that made me feel mutually liked. Only after my 3rd gf did the obsession with her fade but the limerence has only moved on to the 3rd gf and she's now my emotionally abusive ex. The absolute worst relationship in my life.
I thought at first that feeling I was struggling with towards someone was limerence but I figured out it wasn’t it was just straight up trauma bonding. It was involving a music teacher that I really enjoyed because they were fulfilling my denied musical ability from my abusive childhood. My mother is narcissistic and I got to do what she wanted and was into, sports. Other than her my moms side is musically gifted and many play multiple instruments. I only got to express my musical drive at her parents my grandparents house on their piano which I taught myself to play by ear. I wanted a lot to play with my relatives when they played together but never did because I felt inferior not having my own instrument or lessons and only getting to play from time to time at my grandparents. But I’d play for hours there. When my children were grown I found a teacher to teach me fiddle. He also taught guitar and mandolin and in time I took those as well. It was like heaven to me. If I played fiddle he’d accompany me on guitar and then we’d switch parts. It was like really playing together with a friend. I did develop a crush on him but it was not a huge deal. It was innocent. It was not consuming. I had fun with him each week and then didn’t think of him again until next time. Until he started trying to entice me. He started giving me very suggestive songs about sex with a married woman which I am among other things. At first I doubted my judgement and thought maybe he could just be clueless but after a couple of months of tension which quickly grew into an obsession with him and what was going on I texted him a song that communicated no. Then he came to lesson sulky and sulked that time and the next and repeated a line from the song to hint that he’d listened to it. He told me his heart was broken.
He tried to turn me on with dirty songs and emotionally manipulate me and it affected me. I was tempted briefly but I realized that he was bad. That he exploited students me being one and mostly then I was just heartbroken that the person I came to feel love toward because they were filling a hole for me and thought really took an interest in me and cared was really a dirt bag who didn’t care and wanted to take advantage of me.
The intense feelings toward him started after he started in on me with these manipulations that I wasn’t sure about and confused me at first and made me very anxious and at times turned and afraid. I didn’t know what was happening to me but luckily I found the book The Betrayal Bond and saw that exactly what he described was what was happening to me. It has helped me to get to the place of peace and healing. I was abused as a child my father beat me and was mostly physically violent though he Leo did things to shame and humiliate me, my mom was mostly psychological abuse and neglect. So it made sense that it’s easy for me to get trauma bonded. Like Patrick Carnes says in the book when the trauma bonded person realizes they have to say goodbye, that the person they thought was good is actually a dangerous exploitive person the grief is overwhelming because they’ve already suffered many losses in their life. He was right on the money. I avoided leaving as long as I could hoping that somehow magically things would turn around. But I was feeling horrible: hurt, devastated, anxious and stressed while at the same time obsessive feelings of longing and love and attachment. It was tormenting. I knew if I stayed I would feel bad and if I left I would feel worse and it was going to be really painful but I knew instinctively I guess that eventually I would heal and come out of it and be ok but if I stayed it would just continue. So I quit and said goodbye. At some point, I think it was like 3/4 months in I found Patrick Carnes book. I wrote the perpetrator a letter and got everything off my chest about how I felt about his betrayal of the trust and my vulnerability and the effects that I was dealing with from it. It really helped me to get better. It was mostly about me and to help me. I hoped it might make an impact on him in a positive way but if it didn’t it didn’t matter it helped me heal.
Your comment was super helpful and described my situation perfectly. Thank you for sharing
I want to tell the woman who wrote to the Fairy she doesn't have to quit her job at all.
I know the Fairy tells something different, but I experienced something similar and there is no need to take real action on limerence.
Limerence simply means you shine all your love and good thoughts to a person. Like you send all your energy to him.
You can heal limerence very fast and there is no need to make drastic changes in your life because of it.
The only need is that you train yourself to stay with your feeling. Of course, not when you are around the person, but when you are not around them. You simply feel the love you are sending out. You soak into the feeling and let love flow. You can even feel like bathing in that warm light feeling. What we limerent people often do, is forgetting our bodies and being mentally gone to the place of limerence. Ignoring the present and what we do in the moment.
But allow yourself to feel the love you are feeling for that person. The love comes not from them, you produce it inside your body, and so you can allow yourself to feel your feelings. Just watch it flow, go with your love thoughts.
When you really feel love for that person, you know about them, about their life. Love will always be honest with you. If you really love someone, you cannot hurt them, you cannot take them away from their current life. Because it is this life you fell in love with.
If you are not able to see yourself at a loving place in their life, than you know there is no need to change anything. Go with your dreams and wantings, think about what would change in your and his life if you were to be a couple. What is the price? What would go, who would you have to let go? What would will he have to change in order to be with you? Is this ok? Is it worth the price? Does it look like you in this new relationship? Who would you become, who would he be? Go with the flow in all details. In your thoughts.
You will get clear and you will get out. You will still be found of him, but it will be no drama, after all this process. It will become a calm friendly peaceful work relationship, you will not want to change anything and you don't have to confess anything to anybody.
Just send him in your thoughts your love with blessings, enjoy this feeling flowing through you.
You will see how it naturally fades away.
Thank you for this comment!
She said herself that it’s hard to avoid this person because they are connected through their job and social situations. You have to cut that out for a least some time
Thats what I did, I used the love for creative inspiration in my life, it was much better than trying to cut it off mechanically. It evolved into an inspiration for my own life
@@emiigarzon I also hear she doesn't want to quit her job. I see no good reason to get herself into even more stress because of the work situation.
And after all, her problem are her feelings at this moment. If she quits her job, she has to start new at a place where maybe nobody knows her. But nobody can run away from their own feelings, they won't disappear if she is somewhere else.
I would advise her to boldly take care of her feelings, confront and comfort them. Some are like little children, they need our attention and care.
@@sumari972 Coming back to read your comment and as a professional body worker and energy healer, I completely agree with most of it.💗
However I was in a toxic work/romantic situation a couple years ago and moving away (running away) quite literally saved me emotionally and mentally. Yes, I had to confront it eventually and it is resolved but taking a step back for your health and wellness is so much more important than letting yourself be consumed by it. To each their own, we are all on our own custom path ✨✨
Yes it’s what people with abandonment wounds do. They function on the stimuli of abandonment, limerence fulfills that hole. Once love shows up the abandonment isn’t getting the stimuli any longer and the person losses interest. I wish everyone healing but dating someone with abandonment or neglect wounds who makes no effort to consciously heal, will make for a very exciting, fun blissful entanglement than eventually ends in just as much disappointment.
My goodness Anna, more and more relating every time, these are my peeps!! I do the exact same thing!!! A younger beautiful man from work, I was with a decent man at the time. First the butterfly whenever he was around was crazy, I was wondering what the heck was going on with me (this was several years ago). Eventually though, I acted on it, the intense obsession was undeniable as it became LITERALLY painful inside my chest like it was going to bring me to my knees no joke, if I didn't see him, or if I wasn't at least near him. It continued for awhile, he seemed to really like me too. I knew this was just too much, the incredible high to depths of misery. I had to stop seeing him. The guilt was too much, I went cold turkey. His home was near enough to where I drove by it daily, I took a different route, to my NEW job, I HAD to quit, even the music I had to change as there were so many things that reminded me of him. It wasn't easy but, it became so much easier as time went by, not seeing him helped a lot. It became a huge relief, to feel some peace again no matter how much I'd occasionally crave "just one hit" I knew I couldn't and began going to AA as well, alcohol and love addiction can easily apply to the step work. I tried a "sex and love" group but it was too different all the mostly men there for their sex addiction and women mostly for their love addiction. I knew these being together, for me, wouldn't work. Exactly what Anna talks about here is the only true way to free yourself of this addiction, it absolutely works!!! It IS the easier, softer way!!! :-) Thank you Anna, you've helped me more than I could ever articulate!!!!♡
This is such a good example of limerance. I only heard of the term two years ago and my BFF and I determined it was the boyfriends, not me haha! Now I realize it was me too, almost all the time since I was in school. I'm now 62 so you can imagine how many times thus has happened.
My childhood wasn't really bad, so I wonder why I felt like that. I'm sure my parents had issues and I felt the brunt of it, but nothing abusive. They loved me and did a lot for me, provided me with everything they could, love, food, financial, and schooling. I don't know why I'm like this!
I have been doing dr Gabor mates course compassionate inquiry. If you are wondering, I’m sure it will provide the answers. His RUclips videos too maybe I’m not sure
@@Kynamagic90 thank you for recommending him. Some amazing realizations!
This is painful to listen to. I feel so bad for her 💔 I wasted over 15 years of my life on ONE limerant (sp?) fantasy guy. It’s now been 5 years since no contact and it still aches. I avoid new people because I will just “attach” to another one.
same. I am not getting stuck on another merry-go-round that's anything but merry.
Dont avoid new people , develop Skills and WillPower , i ended a 16 yr old Limerence . Fell for a brand new one and it was sooooo intoxicating that it Actually helped a lottt to overcome the Emptiness and Hurt which had come with the ending of that 16-yr one . But this time i was well-armed , i spent few days in this Super High state , and decided that i WONT CHASE this new person if she shows clear signs of DisInterest ... she indirectly showed no interest but i allowed myself to try for 1-2 times , she said NO , hence as i had promised myself this wont turn into another 16 yr Rollercoaster of misery and highs , i stopped contact - COMPLETELY, it feels bad , but guess what - it feels really bad for a FEW DAYS , and if u keep chasing it might feel bad for 16 Fucking yrs .... just 1 week back i found another L.O. and was again on CLOUD 9 , was sooo high that the Happiness wudnt let me sleep , she even showed Interest , but got a Clear Sign this won't work , hence decided to end this and decided again that I WON'T CHASE !!!!!!! this time it felt bad for even lesser days ... the Formula is Simple - u get out when Red Flags show up , their NonReciprocatiom is the biggest Red Flag , and expect to Feel Bad , just remember that Few Days of this Intense Bad feeling and Hurt is faaaaaaar better than Many years of Limerence.
It's like you're constantly reaching for something that isn't real, but you're always reaching for it, and you're addicted to reaching.
After being treated as someone elses LO, it has really helped me to see this from a different perspective in my own struggle with it.
I'm so glad that I learned about the actual word for what I struggled with all of my teen and adult life, because I always heard about drug and sex addiction, but would tell people I struggle with fantasy addiction. They usually don't understand, so I'm happy to have found my people here and my hope is that we can all be finally, fully free from this and enjoy our every day, REAL lives ❤
This channel has changed my life for the better. ❤
We hope you stick around. Jack@TeamFairy
"the smallest interactions had me riding a high for hours". God! Yes!
Yes, almost immediately. Limerence is about an inner fantasy world not about wanting to get together with someone, genuinely.
Absolutely! I'm having a real grasp of it right now. When I got limerant for a girl at work I really wanted us to get together but when she started noticing that I'm into her and showed some interest in turn I got hesitant and sabotaged myself only to get even more desperate to be with her after she eventually rejected me
Wow. I have often thought about past love interests that I would rather have the HOPE than the "NO," which resulted in not wanting to clarify if feelings were returned.
Thank you for that piece to the puzzle Anna!
Fantastic sympatheic advice for that young Lady. What a compassionate person you are. Greetings and admiration for what you do from Scotland!
Anna, Anna!! What would I DO without you these past 2 years? You are an angel among us. Thank you from my heart to yours for all of your help! You have helped me more than any therapist. I love you. God bless you.THANK YOU!!!!! ❤🙏🏽🧚🏻♀
This is so unbelievably painful yet relatable and real for those of us with childhood trauma
great video, and such an honest letter writer. There are no excuses for behaviour, and she wants to deal with her own habit in order to save what appears to be a healthy relationship. I still have some of my own emotional addictions, traceable to my horrible upbringing. But I'm not a child any more, and have been working on being both compassionate and a bit more assertive with wounded little me. Thanks Anna.
I have had several limerence related episodes in my life. Happy to have a term for it now😊
anna, this is wonderful advice, and i hope with all my heart that cena follows it.
Oh god this is so much like my story. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤
Yup - the best cure for limerence is to actually be in a real life relationship with that person!
I love this tough love ❤️ she saved me with this
I was later engaged to someone I was in limerence with. It turned out horribly toxic with him abusing and cheating on me so I left him. Once I left, I was relieved but he hoovered me back in and I fell back IN to limerence! However, it sounds very similar to a trauma bond….🤔. Anyway, I’m still dealing with this horrible toxic bond nearly a year after the relationship ended…
Can you get obsessive thoughts about an imagined person you created in your mind? That's how my obsessive thoughts about love started. It gave me comfort and safety to help with my trauma wounds. I have a mild OCD and part of my obsessive thoughts are about this fantasy.
There must be a Definite corelation betweem OCD and Limerence , since i too have suffered from both and nor mild bur Moderate-to-Severe .
Also i feel what u r saying is possible. 2 times i have behome Limerent just by looking at a Few Pics of the Limerent Object , and my goodness the Highs (or Hits) were so damn Intoxicating, i never met these 2 in person, so what u r saying is very much possible .
Its a funny thing...Because when the person that I am dreaming about gives me sings that he likes me back, I reject it and run away😅
What a helpful perspective - thank you!
Anna, You’re brilliant
Wow my heart goes out to her! That sounds like a really thorny situation. It is definitely scary to think that even in a loving relationship the limerence can still follow you :/
Anna you are just brilliant!
Not always, I met a woman in a class a while ago who was married where her love was reciprocated but I guess the flame faded and she became completely obsessed with the teacher. I was not ‘allowed’ to talk about the relationship struggles I was having at the time, but she was completely focused on so-called spiritual experiences she was having with the teacher. I didn’t know it was called Limerence at the time, I just realized it was after finding this channel. 🙏🏼🌺
She probably thought she and the teacher were also "twin flames". That's Limerence 2.0
@@ClearandHealthyBoundaries I know 😇 I didn’t want to tarnish the Pure TF journey of Inner Union between the Divine Feminine & Divine Masculine with spiritual Limerence 🙏🏼
@@aaloha2902 lol
@@ClearandHealthyBoundaries I've done so much limerinceing the last years 😂😂 if that's even a word. The last one was my 'Twin-Flame' limerance, wow that one was heavy.
Limerance...the power of words. This word may be the one reason I am alone, estranged, single, never married- and....
Great pieces of advice! Spot on, very direct, and very doable. Thank you.
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Therapy and Support Groups help too.. This also works for me...
See I don't think they ever do love you back...
“Haemorrhaging your life force into nothing”.
WOW.
Problem with "real" relationships and limerant relationships,,,,is that "real"/material/physical/financial responsibility type of relationships are Dull, Painful, TOO real and to Cognizant for it to be enjoyable, unlike the Limerant relationships full of Honey, fuzzy flow, no financial/domestic chores, no real physical "reality", just Sweet Imagined World of Bliss. That's WHY people are into Limerant Love Live, movies, Porn, video games, cartoons, TV shows, social media. Because it's Physically easy and Painless, with no physical responsibility. It's really painful Realm we are in -mental vs. MATERIAL.
There's just so many of us out there?
How come we never meet?
I'm happy to give this feeling a name. I had limerance with an unhealthy situation ship i had with a younger man. I was extremely obsessed. I finally after him neglecting me enough cut it off. I obsessed for a month strongly afterwards. I was so needy and desperate for some type of love.
In my experience, my limerence ended when my ex decided he wanted to be with me. After 2 years of chasing him. We switched positions and he fell “in love” with me (in quotes because he’s the fight type in Pete walker’s book, def a narcissist, just wanted to possess me) wanted to get married, etc. I lost interest.
The traumatized tango.
I ended a limerence relationshipnship in which I was hurt emotionally ND physically.
I've been healing and growing in knowledge of myself and why I kept getting trauma bonded. It was so hard it took me several weeks to go no contact and I feel so much confident and able to protect myself with discerning and doing what was good for me. I had to go against obsession. It was hard. I tried, went back etc and finally I just felt free with no desire to see him or try to make it work
The Enneagram is a wonderful tool to understand ourselves and our funny behaviours developed in childhood in relation to our particular personality and temperament. Cena sounds like a enneagram type 4.
Anna, will you discuss strategies for mother's day?
I’ve been through limerence and this video pointed something out for me. I know I’m healing because I want a real relationship with someone, I even wanted one with my LO. I want to get past infatuation and into real love where there’s mutual acceptance of flaws and imperfections but at a slow and steady pace. I realize my LO can’t do that because they are addicted to the feeling of limerence, which is something I don’t like to feel any longer than necessary. It’s uncomfortable when it lingers too long. So glad I watched this cuz it made so much sense for me.
This is why I avoid serious relationships with Women... I easily become Obsessed and Limerent.. I just bury myself into my work and Hobby of Model Car Building in order to cope.. and both are therapeutic for me too ..
One can never say the right thing, even when BSing. It's only when it seems horrible, or making you look bad, do they become interested, if not seeming blissful inside.
How are people in relationships but obsessed about other people at the same time? How does this work exactly?
I know this is not the same for me, however I get hyperfixated On people, especially whomever I have a crush on. A minute doesn't go by without me thinking about them. I always think about the conversation we just had recently.
Only by seeing the title of this video I had to take a deep deep breath 😅
Limerence, Seems more like temptation, you have to distract yourself the second you have those thought of somebody else, I call it changing the channel, you clean out a closet, listen to a lecture, go do a workout, pray, but you have to be honest with yourself…..that your fantasy is not reality…..and you messing up , is you messing YOU up……but I get the fantasy life thing, I was ignored throughout childhood, and I never felt heard or loved, same thing for my parents’ lives, history repeats itself…..and so the family chain of pIn goes, right…..they tried to be better for me , but they really Had no clue, if only they had the tools to be aware, right? This here, makes me feel so much better, everybody is damaged to one degree or another….gotta forgive the past and move on.✨🙏✨
I find myself in a situation where I had a very strong Limerence state for a person. he felt for me as well, although at the time he was facing financial difficulties and was on an important point in his therapy because of his CPTSD. So it didn’t worked. It's been a year now and our lives have become increasingly stable and he has expressed interest again and would like to take the time to get to know me and us. is it even healthy to get involved in a relationship if i was in such a strong state of limerence before?
@@paulgauthier7033 thanks and I finished the videos and she‘s saying something different and I will go with her
I don't know, is this even limerence if he felt for you and expresses interest now? From what you say it seems you were just unable to enter a relationship. It's at the very least different from most cases of limerence.
You can try and see where it goes, but understand that the pedestal we put people on is something they can rare live up to.
I feel this ..
Omg I so recognize this and the fear of the writer to get into another limerence for some other guy. I released The safest place for me to be is in situationships with unailable men and in fantasy land cause a real relationship suffocates me total death fears engulve me then or i get an obsession with someone else while in a relationship or I completely lose myself in that relationship. So being with someone who is not really there for me emotionally feels safe for me. I an now getting emdr on my childhood. I want to stop the limerence unhealthy relationships the self abandonment the stress around intimacy and relationships and everything it is just killing my soul
My former LO is named Mark. Whew, I was sick about him. I had it so bad.
No, please don't give me hope!!
That's how I feel 😳
Iam the lucky one comment section, since last 5 yrs i was obsessive about her she rejected me 2yrs ago yet iam happy that i know its not love its limerance
..."It's like this hemmoraging of your life force out into nothing." ...Wow. Thank you.
I'm too arrogant to have forever limerence towards someone, LMAO!
I am opening a door that's been slammed shut 30 years. Of decisions I made to be used. Since 13 with a 21yr old.I feel I won't make it, the shame is overwhelming.
Limerant people like people that don't like them. Because it's their way out of having to be 'assaulted' by other possible romantic prospects. As bad as it is limerance provides a predictable emotional rollercoaster and a stable emotional investment. It's the inner relationship that matters to them - they use the state of limerance to get what they need, emotionally speaking. It has nothing to do with the other person.
At this point in my 65 years, I am content with what I know is a fantasy relationship. I don't want to feel, risk, interact with real people. I rarely leave my apartment and feel like this is my safe place. I have more of a relationship with my cat than with any human. I know this is not everyone's cup of tea, but I will gladly give up the outside world to have a fortress.
"if you were to disclose, you would get shut down by the other person" ...is bizarre.
Its happening to me for the first time at age 50. I was so confused cuz I knew it wasn't full blown love (yet), even though Ive never really been in love I knew something was off. I had no control over intrusive thoughts of my world crashing in if I didn't get this man to want to be with me. I really began to act out of character, saying things I really regret. I had severe heart palpitations so bad It felt like a heart attack, I developed a type of narcolepsy where when I start thinking about this man I nod off to sleep sometimes Id be in traffic and had to pull over!!!! I thought its some kind of wild love spell. Im still very scared of how this felt. I was tearful often couldn't sleep and developed bags under my eyes that you won't believe from dreams about him that kept waking me up. He seems like a great man but things really went too far mentally on my end. I have neglected doing alot of important things like paying bills on time or attending gatherings because I wanted to sit around and wait to hear from him. But he never reciprocated similar feelings in return. He was very kind but reserved and clear that he doesn't feel the same as I was feeling. I usually am very in control but this was a wild ride because I was suffering from an extreme fear that he would reject me and that Im not good enough for him. I wasnt looking for a relationship but when it came to him I felt like I was ready for marriage!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You might like Daily Practice, it can help reduce racing thoughts and generally find peace of mind. It is also a technique that led to Anna's own healing and she uses it to this day. Here's a link to the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you because I thought I was past this but it keeps resurfacing. 😞
The only thing that bothers me is how there's been a weird shift in how we treat someone who is now supposed to be considered an adult as a "kid".
I know so many people that have become adults that wish people would see them as adults. See them as capable. Give them a chance to make mistakes in life instead of infantilizibg them. It's worst for the ones I knew that are adults, but we're malnourished growing up and are under 5'3 and have very small breasts. And of course they will have that cute face until a minimum of 25, but even later in life if they keep their skin looking pretty with a routine.
I know the point is "they have a huge gap in what the younger one has learned, and so there's a power imbalance", but at the same time, if this situation weren't cheating or limerance, I would say so long as the person with more experience is making sure to let the younger one have good boundaries, the only issue will usually end up being that the younger one often has less emotional maturity, which sucks and makes you not want that.
It sucks to date someone that hasn't gone out in the world and worked out some of their wildness, gone to therapy to work on themself, gotten an education to get themselves further along in life, dated several people to learn more about how to treat you by the time they meet you, doesn't have a car, doesn't have a license, is still living with their parents (that's actually common deeper in life now, but it can still be a red flag), blows their money on video games, doesn't know what they want out of life yet... And often if they seem more mature, that's the trauma talking. The thing that forced them to grow up faster to protect themselves and their siblings if they had any.
Even so, inexperienced is not the same as kid. They aren't a kid anymore when they reach 18.
The main issues I have is that she was wanting to cheat on her long time partner, was experiencing limerance which means even if she left him for the younger guy and the younger guy dated her... It would never last and it would happen again with some other guy, and the probably biggest issue I had is she thought of him as a kid, and still was starting to think of him that way.
It's not inappropriate for her to like him despite the age gap, but if you think of a certain age group as children (even if they aren't), then they are off limits to you for sex and romance. It'd really put the younger person off and creep them out if you're dating them and calling them kid at the same time. It may make them question if the only reason you're interested is due to their age. That's when this becomes a problem. This wasn't how she meant anything, but the younger person could easily misunderstand the intentions.
I feel like I obsesses about love and other things . A while ago around last month I think I meet my twin flame at first I was really looking to be her friend and everything went well that whole day we met even though we were talking on discord with our friends they mentioned if they wanted to offer me a ride to our group therapy and I had told her I wanted to get to know her first . After that we went to the mall and had a great time like I mentioned before . A shortly after she messaged me out of the blue and let me know she noticed some signs of me crushing and noticed maybe some of attachment some how . She said she wants to be friends and stuff and nothing more . Now I think that her rejection felt like hope for once and I want to know if this is not in my head and maybe I had love at first sight with out realizing and I held my feeling in for her with out noticing I would fall hard because I was willing to change and tired of falling fast or coming of strong all the time. I feel like that it was not our time yet I feel like in my mind but I hope that is not me over thinking the situation we are still friends. She has been through the same things as well I think she was trying to tell me something much more in her own way. I find my self waiting for them and willing to finally be friends with someone.
How does one go through and anniversary or birthday? I feel like I’m mostly fine but then those months are hard :(
I don't know why but this is actually such a depressing thing to happen to people. I am also the adult child of addicts and narcissists who absolutely shouldnt have had kids. There are a lot of people out there who have kids to appear 'normal' but i am very dubious of parents now. I think a lot of people shouldn't have kids
There were four of us girls in our family, only one of us had kids. And those adult kids are messed up. It's generational. Good on us for not mindlessly having kids💖
@@stacyjaye6350 absolutely. Many parents think they are much more capable than what they are. I refuse to traumatize another being. It's the ultimate selfish act
@@stacyjaye6350 we have five girls and I'm the oldest so I relate a lot
@@almightybeanchild I listen to a few different healing channels, I thought this was from a different one 😂 I'm sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa. 💪⚔️🫂☮️. 🤠
I’m autistic and so was my ex and we both had problems growing up and we both wanted love. Me I was picky with guys I wanted and I had so many crushes on a lot of guys I knew wasn’t going to happen and I’m pretty sure he did too. But when we met I wasn’t attracted to him at first and he was limerent towards me and one day we kissed on a dare and we sorta clicked and we decided to give eachother a try, I wasn’t sure at first because I had two reasons not to date him, one was I wasn’t sure he was capable of being anything and I was afraid if I did fall for him and we became happy and everything falls apart. But after awhile I began to feel so much for him and I never felt so free and happy and I thought we actually had a future together. But then after two years I’ve started noticing a pattern, we’re also actors and we did a show together before the pandemic and there was another new girl and she was fun and a good actress but the way he looked at her and talked about her it made me feel uneasy because it was almost with every conversation we had and then he would get upset when she wouldn’t talk to him and I was getting annoyed, so I talked with her and she told me how uncomfortable she was with him (plus she was dating someone) and I just tried to defend him so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea. But he still wouldn’t stop obsessing over her I even heard from another friend who was friends with the girl and she told me how clinging he was with her, that drove me to see one of my ex’s not for sex but for comfort and he would get flirty but he told me not to cheat (sadly I probably was cheating) but my boyfriend at the time eyeing another girl so what’s the harm and sadly I did cheat with another guy friend but it was just a kiss but I told my boyfriend right away and he forgave me, I thought that was to good to be true that I was the bad girlfriend and he was the faithful one despite his obsession with the other girl, but I felt we should take a break and see other people to see if we really deserved each other and he agreed and I started seeing my ex and a few other guys who secretly crushed on me (no sex) because after all we tried I was still a virgin, he on the other hand had sex with an older woman before we dated but sadly he was still in contact with her and at first I thought it just a casual friendship with his old first experience and I tried being accepting of it but she wasn’t being nice to me and I was suspicious of them, but by the time we broke up he started confessing that he was crushing on the actress and he cheated with the older woman and I didn’t know what to think other then feeling betrayed and gaslit I even thought he was seeing one of my best friends but luckily they weren’t but he still was seeing the older woman and I know I shouldn’t care because we were broken up but just finding out what he was doing with her just felt me the wrong way, and we were trying to fix ourselves and get back together but I wanted him to cut contact with her but he wouldn’t, so I made a lie to get rid of her and he believed me and I thought that was it, sadly I didn’t feel guilty for it but sad that he believed me. We were back together and working things out but we were getting worse over the years with our families our friends and our financial problems and I still couldn’t trust him because he was always surrounded by girls and I didn’t like that (I know guys can have friends with girls) but with him he’s friends with to many girls and most of his guy friends are gay, so even though I loved him and I probably shouldn’t have given him another chance but some part of me wanted it to work so we tried couples counseling and I thought it was working but the less we went the more it stopped, sadly I could tell he was slipping away from me and we did another show and another woman came around and she was older and a mother and I knew the moment she walked in he was already eyeing her even confessed to wanting her back, I was so angry and I began to to hate both her and him because she had to come around and him for always wanting another woman’s attention and now he recently broke up with me on Valentine’s Day and all of a sudden he thinks he’s finally finding himself and loving himself (which he still could have done even with me) but he was crushing on another actress who I knew he was but he kept denying it and I ended up finding videos on how to impress a crush, how to except your crush’s rejection and how to avoid getting caught cheating and yes it was invasion of privacy but he shouldn’t have been watching those in the first place, I know in the back of my mind he’s no longer good for me but I still love him and he’s my best friend but if he doesn’t stop this pattern I’m not gonna be happy and not trust him ever, I’ve even tried cutting him off and blocking him but he doesn’t even notice and whenever we see eachother in person he still tries to get me back (not together) but he claims to work on our friendship but to me I’m pass that and I’m still upset with him, and even though we barely broke up he’s already wanting to date and he wants to date the other actress even though she’s out of his league and not even the slightest interest in him but my guess is he got lucky with me and the older woman and now he wants that to happen with her. His limerence is overwhelming and I can’t take it anymore and before we point out the obvious do things for myself learn for myself and all that jazz I’ve always depended on myself and taken care of myself I just wanted someone else to do it for a change and he did for awhile but the he felt like he was forced too, I was raised to believe a man provides and takes care of his girl and she do the same but now it’s become co depending and relying and now I don’t know what to do.
CCF…could you answer this one question, can we who are limerence suffers get rid of it, can we be free of this cancerous crap ??