1. obsessively thinking about them 2:07 2. insecurity and / or shyness in their presence 2:47 3. putting them on a pedestal 3:31 4. emotional dependency 4:30 5. longing for reciprocation 4:50 6. fantasizing reciprocation 5:06 I hope I could help! (:
at this point, i dont even know what love is. there's crush, infatuation, "best friends", lust and just when i thought i understood love, here we are. Limerence.
@@VacunaVenom I agree with this definition. You want to see that person you love succeed and you encourage and support them from the sidelines. You don't put them on a pedestal. You acknowledge their flaws and that they're human just as you are. You fight either a little or a lot (not constantly. If it's constant, please seek out couples therapy. It should never become physical. Leave if it does.) and harsh words are said but love is being able to sit down with them, talk it out, and admitting you were wrong or compromising with them.
This fucking hit me like a ton of bricks. Like a METRIC TON. I get into limerence every single time I like someone, fictional or not. It's insane, I'm so glad this has an explanation
This was my entire childhood. I’m 27 and I’m just now beginning to understand how unhealthy it all is. This is probably why I have a fear of intimacy because of how badly I idolize my crushes. Thanks for this.
Same, this signs had been around me since 7 if I could roughly remember!!! 😬 Is there a possibility that traumatic childhood experiences could have been one of the reason to this? 😭
@@daemilee1497 maybe because i was rarely shown affection in my childhood my father was never there for me and i was molested at maybe 7 or 8 so i became too attached to these 7 men and this happens so yeah might be
You are in love with a fantasy relationship and it doesn’t really matter who the other person is, as long as they are the opposite of the family members who gave you your childhood trauma.
Just to clarify, when a person has romantic feelings for someone else, things like strong desire, fantasizing about your crush, feeling unusually shy around them, admiring their positive qualities, and feeling heartbroken over rejection are totally normal. Normal romantic feelings only cross over into limerance territory when they’re taken to unhealthy extremes.
It's so hard to draw the line though. I have been missing one guy for 6 years now (actually I started missing him like 2 years ago, before that I was just angry at him and he wasn't so present in my mind). The thing is, I might just be stuck because he never gave me the chance to talk things out, so the obsession might just disappear after one talk with him. Therefore I'm not sure if it's an addiction. I also don't put him on a pedestal, but he is the only person whoes flaws I'm willing to accept. And I want him to be well, even if I'm not gonna be together with him... What do you think about that situation?
Limerance is basically be in love, period, is only a word used to undermine valid emotions when are not reciprocal, when are reciprocal are called love
Limerence is downright one of the worst things I've ever experienced. There are so many similarities to when I used to be addicted to alcohol. The constant cravings, aching and longing, nothing else mattering, convincing myself its normal and f*** did it ruin what self esteem I once had. For my first and hopefully only LO the initial highs were unreal, like opioids and amphetamine but the inevitable come downs left me so emotionally and physically wrecked. An endless cycle driven by encounters and fantasies. I loved and hated it. And I just couldn't step off the damn rollercoaster. The song 'under your spell' by desire perfectly describes the state I was in. In the end it was unreciprocated and waking up from the illusion was a very long and painful process that felt never-ending. But I'm here today to say that it does get better in time, that there is hope. I feel in control of myself again and have moments of peace. But its still there in the background, and I think it'll always be a part of me. I do know that I am absolutely terrified of this happening again with somebody else. I hope that we all find freedom from this. Update: Can confidently say I've fully recovered and it has not come back for over a year. No contact is the way initially but also knowing the warning signs that its about to happen, and working out the root cause - for me it is was filling an unmet need, a void that I am now able to fill.
I really think that I go through this a lot especially since I have an obsession with having a crush or feeling that spark in your chest. I really hope to learn how to just be fine without the feeling of wanting to be hugged or being told things by other people to feel better. people who are like me, I hope that you can live with the love and care that you provide for yourself instead of waiting for the day a person could make you feel worthy.
Yeah I struggle with the same thing. I think I depend too much on other people to feel happy. I love crushes because they make me excited about everything, and when they disappear I long after the feeling of having a crush again. Which might be why I get crushes so easily, because I crave that feeling so it takes very little for me to fall for someone
It happens to me as well, like I want it so much, but what can I do to stop it? I don't want that, and all the time it comes back. I just want to be fine by myself and focus on my personal growth :(
I just got home from a meeting with my married (with children) beautiful Russian therapist. Ive been seeing her for about 3 uears now. And today I admitted to her I have been having consistent, daily intrusive thoughts about her that cause me physiological symptoms ive never experienced with anyone else ive ever been with in my life, like cold chills, racing heart, and feeling like my "blood is on fire", all the same time, but in the most amazingly pleasurable way. Anyway it took me akmoat 2 years to admit this as I did today, and once I had explained these things, she goes (in her lovely Russian accent), "Have you ever heard of 'Lumerence'?" And rhen when i searched it and found nothing she goes "OH, sorry, I meant 'Linerence', with an 'i'. I think you may be experiencing this with me." And when I read the definition it was the nost shocking and confusing and relieving and terrifying feeling ive ever felt. God damn being a human is insane.
I had a hardcore crush from age 11 to 18 on the same person. When I finally confessed to them, I was turned down. I thought I would never escape them, but I DID finally. The best way to overcome it is to focus on their flaws, and stop convincing yourself you love the whole person. You don't.
Good advice. I got rejected by my crush as well and it is freeing. I had an inkling she wasn't interested, but it's nice to make things black and white.
@mothman8300 I laughed because your sarcasm is on point in your original comment. I also laughed because I can miserably relate and it can all feel so fucked going thru this, it's so sad it's almost comical type thing. Just wanted to relay it may not have been lol'ing at you, but with you. Take care.
I’m so stuck in limerence...So I’m just gonna be friends with my crush. But limerence is definitely a pain. Makes me want to stop having emotions to begin with sometimes. Wish me luck getting over it.
My advice is for you to be clear & honest with him/her. It might be or not be reciprocated, that's life. Keep moving forward. You deserve to be happy, to feel, to experience, to live. Don't get stuck with it, there's millions of persons in the world. Live.
Weird because as soon as I recognized that this was unhealthy I wanted to get out of it. Sure, it might have been a few months but I think I'm making progress now.
I’ve just found myself in the middle of this condition recently. The way I snapped out of it was through realizing that I have a love addiction, and then looking up videos on RUclips helping people cope and heal from this sad condition. It’s due to emotional childhood trauma and just through the awareness of it, I am already finding myself experiencing a higher level of consciousness and healing.
I went through a difficult childhood too,lak of self love and care from my mom and family,I always find it myself getting to limerence 😢❤, and just when I started healing,I started noticing that when im happy I dont get into them ❤ Healing your traumas is the real cure❤
I also found it helped to keep reminding myself that it is limerance, not a star crossed epic romance. And watching lots videos about limerance, while reducing looking at photos of them etc. If you find yourself thinking about them, you can treat yourself kindly - its not your fault you've had trauma or are depressed. Then you can switch your focus to something else interesting or absorbing, like uplifting music, or just making a cup of tea, or baking, or watering your plants.
I'd love to see a video on how to cope with limerence? It's quite hard because I always "fall in love" with people whom I've minimum interactions with and of course it's never reciprocate otherwise I stop caring about them, which makes me feel like I'm heartbroken 99% of the time, I haven't had a boyfriend and I'm on my early twenties bc it's I don't trust or "feel" the same with people who are emotionally available (which I do understand why after watching this video bc I felt related so hard with limerence). Please and thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Ps. I've tried to get professional help but they always dismiss this specific topic stating that I'm too young anyways to worry about it (I'm 24 y.o) but I don't get to actually really interact with people bc I'm so busy being heartbroken...
There's a book that I've been reading, as I've just begun to move on from a 7 year limerance, that I find very helpful. They actually discuss why we sometimes tend to not be attracted to people who are emotionally available. It's called Deeper Dating by Ken Page
Honestly that's something I've been wondering about this channel. Don't get me wrong, they've made so many insightful videos on various conditions and their symptoms, raising awareness on the hidden nooks and crannies of mental health is so important in this time. Though by the end of them, I just can't help but feel like "okay thanks so much for the info, I've definitely learned some things about myself! but any tips on how to get better? No?? Oh okay then, video's over." 😅 Idk that's just me. Of course, some wisdoms are probably best consulted with the Google. Research rabbit holes are always fun. ✨
@@skullydynamo7159 I felt the same way 😂 I'm like okay. I have this. It's a problem and other people have it so at least I'm not alone. But... now what? Honestly it's been a combination of therapy and indepdent self reflection. I personally journal, meditate and practice spirituality but I also read and watch media from psychologists and therapists as well. On a personal level I try to practice self love, gratitude and positivity but in a non toxic way because I allow myself to feel my emotions when need be. Even if it's crying or being angry. I wish you the best of luck in life, love and your journey of growing as a person!
Spot on. It nearly age 50, I have just begun to tackle Limerence. I had never even heard of it before a month ago. I had given up on dating, relationships, and marriage long ago. When an old flame reached out, and painful emotions welled up, it was a wake up call to get healed. I had neglected reality, and fallen deep into escapism/fantasy of different kinds. I knew in my head I needed to take better care of myself, but just couldn't get past the inertia that had set in over the years. The painful broken heart of a Limerent Experience got me to move it. I'm looking into healing childhood trauma, where Limerence has roots, joined a helpful support group, and am trying to take better care of myself in real life--eating healthier, exercise, spiritual practice, and cleaning up the house. Finding meaningfulness in life is important, too. Limerence is an understandable attempt to fill that void. Thank you Psych2Go 💚
This is *EXACTLY* why I am skeptical of infatuation and falling in love at this point in my life even though it feels good (a lot like being high, actually). At least as often as not, these emotions result from an illusion. We project the traits we hope and wish for in a romantic partner but havent found onto this other person -- essentially falling in "love" with someone who is mostly a figment of our own imaginations! -- even though the other person actually might not have any interest in being or doing any of these things (or at least not with us) and is under absolutely no obligation whatsoever to measure up to these fantasies we have. Really, there's something more than a bit egocentric about all this because it focuses almost exclusively on what you want this other person to be and to do and doesn't pay any attention to what the other person might want (which will most likely differ from what YOU think the person should want) -- but basically regarding other people as.playthings, as possessions, or as puppets disregards and disrespects their humanity and has nothing to do with real love..
Yes - total illusion. The only difference between limerence and falling in love is in the former, it is a solo act. Whereas in the latter, typically, both people are projecting their idea of perfection onto one another. REAL LOVE exists in reality. Limerernce and falling in love, exist in fantasy.
It was my childhood... I was escaping from reality and my depression. It gave me energy to exist. I still have this grief to cope with from the past, that haunts me. The objects of my addiction were so idealized by me, that I didn't even find out they were acting in a narcisstic way to me. 'Loving' them was taboo in our relationship and they were probably draining energy from me and fixing their low self-esteem. It's good to know this addiction has a name.
Hope y'all are doing okay, toxic love and obsession is unhealthy. If that person doesn't want you, that's okay, you're awesome enough that if you want another partner, you *WILL* find someone!! ^^ You're such an amazing person it's insane to think that there isn't someone crushing on you out there, or if you believe in soulmates, who knows, you can meet them at any time!! Let fate decide. If someone you trusted was cheating on you or broke up with you for a stupid reason, I'm sincerely sorry, but in the long run, good. They aren't worth you anyway. Love you all and hope you're doing okay, life is tough and often cruel but thew are so many people who will be there for you. Good luck!! ^^ 💖
@@voguexperimental the person towards you feel those feelings is called “the limerent object”, because they are who receive the action of limerence... I don’t know if I said it in the best and clearest way, maybe not, haha. But you can look it up 😉
I'm here to help. I've struggled with this for well over a decade so I know how it feels. Tips: 1. Socialize more, either with people you know or meet new people. If you're introverted like me and only talk to a handful of people, it'll be harder for you to come out of this. 2. Even just getting outdoors by yourself will help. When you are in your room it's so much more harder to stop fantasizing. 3. Treat yourself by working on some aspect that will make you value yourself more. For me it's exercise. 4. Journal, so that there is a closure to your thoughts. You can even write about the horny fantasies you have. It will reduce the feelings. 5. Be mindful of their flaws, both physical and character flaws. You need to know they are not as great as you thought so that you free yourself There are more points I can mention, but it's not for everyone.
I developed an unhealthy crush on a friend during the pandemic. It developed into limerence fairly quickly. I took it upon myself to dissect the feelings into 1) needs 2)drives and 3) wants. Drives are instincts. Like sexual urges based on hormonal cycles. My hormones have always been stupid powerful, and my sexual drive strongest just after my period and into my furtile stage. So I kept a journal and kept myself busy or otherwise occupied 😎 at these times. The needs vs wants I had to break down and work through. I spoke with friends, talked to my therapist, and worked on filling needs through other means. This helped relieve some of the mental and emotional pressures. I started shadow work to discover "why's" and find healthier paths - like learning to love myself. So the occasional compliments had *less* power over me. I found other outlets to provide less hyper focused forced socialization that the pandemic dropped on us. I realized I was also "touch starved" so dove into my fluffy blankets. It wasn't perfect. But it helped.
I've got limericks, bad. A circus performer named Brian / Once smiled as he rode on a lion. / They came back from the ride / But with Brian inside, / And the smile on the face of the lion.
There once was a man from Peru / Who dreamt that he swallowed his shoe. / He woke up in fright / In the mid of the night / To learn that his dream had come true!
Used to obsess over this guy, then my friend told me he didn't like me, and I dropped my obsession. It was really strange, but I feel much better and I don't freak out around him anymore! Also, we hang out as friends now! :)
That’s good to hear, good for you. I struggle with this though, the expectation part. I’m seeking help and realizing that I need to focus on myself first. Talking to people I find attractive and being there friend is something I could never get over even today. For some of us it’s hard, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to cope one day healthily.
I struggled a lot this this when I was younger. The last time I had this kind of relationship really opened up my eyes about this pattern of mine. I didn’t realize it was a problem until I met this friend in college. How we met was very serendipitous and I was under the impression he liked me back. Over time, my feelings for him grew and he was picking up on that. Long story short, he knew he had that power over me, so he would do things to try to get a rise out of me or get whatever supply he needed from me at that time. I realized he was a narcissist and I was really codependent on him. I would go through these intense cycles of feeling guilty for anything I had done to contribute to the toxicity, anger at him for things he would do, then still longing for his forgiveness, continue the fantasies in my head, and then get frustrated when I couldn’t decode any cryptic or passive things he would say. This cycle went on for a long time, which led to me cutting off and reinstating the friendship over and over again. Looking back on this friendship, it still pains me with the amount of time I spent fantasizing about this guy. He didn’t treat me well and I still thought that that’s what I deserved. We haven’t talked in almost a year, and it feels nice that we’re no longer friends. Sometimes I still think about him, but now in a much more realistic view. He wasn’t the guy who I thought he was, partially because he wasn’t truthful with who he was either. To anyone that has read this, please know that you’re not alone. It sucks to have to go through this intense attachment with someone, but I promise you that it gets better! Therapy, journaling, and being honest with myself really helped me get out of this hole. I believe all of this stems from being emotionally/physically neglected as a child: all we want is someone to tell us that they love us! Remember, YOU are worthy of a healthy love. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to do get yourself better. :)
Thanks 🙂 My takeaway from this is how important communication is and why it's so important for couples to be open to each other. My contribution is adding that gathering different opinions from loved ones helps significantly
Wow. I like how you related your childhood experiences with wanting love and receiving emotional/ physical neglect, with this situation you had in college. That’s… hard stuff - to say the least. I’ve been through similar experiences. And the fact that you vulnerably shared that on here - amazes me. Thank you for sharing what is working for you: journaling, therapy, and being honest with yourself. Journaling has helped me immensely, and being honest with myself is a crucial ongoing battle. I’ve struggled to initiate therapy.. but I hope one day I will do it. Going back to your example, I’m appreciative you are in a place where you can look back and recognize what was healthy and unhealthy with the young man. I realize this is an ongoing process, so I just want to encourage you to keep going 🙂. It takes a lot, but in the end I hope it is worth it 😌. Take care hun 💪
Oh my gosh, I love this “open to each other” and “communication” piece. I struggle with being vulnerable to those I care about because I do not trust people. I don’t even trust myself. This struggle is deep rooted. I gotta work on it - just struggling to currently. I recognize the importance of communication and being transparent… and I think there are so many nuances with these topics ☺️. For example: finding those we trust. - Why do we trust them? - Is it safe to share with that individual? - Are people even ones that would be best to put our trust in? If yes - why? If no - why? - What is the best framework/ example of trust? Vulnerability? Communication? Yeah 🤓. I love these topics 😊. So fascinating to me. I agree with your statement “gathering different opinions from loved ones helps significantly”, and I want to add: consider their advice carefully. Humans are capable of giving great advice and offering comforting words in great times of need, but we are limited. Sometimes people don’t know how to help. Sometimes, what we think may be best.. isn’t. So I encourage us to recognize our limitations 😊. The pros and cons of our actions/ the advice. This also gets me thinking about God and what I’ve read about him 🤔😑 (thinking face). Maybe.. God would be a good one to put trust in.. buuuut I’m still investigating.. and very uneasy on this topic 😑 (thinking face).. so we will see. Logically.. if God is real - it would make sense to me that the creator of trust would be the best source to learn from. Hmm Okay, I just went on all kinds a’ rabbit holes ☺️. Thanks for sharing your comment Aaron What are y’all’s thoughts? Do ya have anything to add? Feel free 😊
@@aaronlindsey2219 You’re welcome?! 😂 At the time I tried my best to communicate what was bothering me with him, but that usually led to him gaslighting me or just not taking accountability for their actions. Talking about this with loved ones definitely helped with validating what I was feeling and experiencing. Thanks for your contribution! 😊
I went through this last year for months, and unlike crushes where they leave you giddy, limerence actually kills you inside. You're addicted to an idea of someone and since that idea is intangible, you can't just put is aside like cocaine
And you can hardly talk about it to anyone, because most people don't understand what you are talking about. I am in the middle of healing and getting out of it and remembering moments when I thought back then: "yeah, he loves me, too." I now see as: "Na, he said "hy" and went his way..." So, the personal illusion is insane to me and realizing it I really wonder who actually is living in so called reality.
This video made me realize I may have been experiencing limerance for over a year now. There's a person that I simply cannot stop thinking about, even though I know she doesn't have the same feelings for me. I thought it was just a good friendship at first, then I thought I had a crush on her but it's lasting for so long that I think it's limerance now.
“You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women chasing money.” Get to work and stay on your purpose, King Kevin! Stop idolizing any woman, and watch her become interested in you. It may sound simplistic that men need respect and women need attention, but it’s true. Recommended reading: “The Rational Male,” and “Preventative Medicine” by Rollo Tomassi. It will save you and all good men loads of heartache and waste of time/money with bad women.
@@jessitabonita Thank you so much for your comment. You really helped me feel better with your words. I suffer from low self-esteem in addition to the "limerance", and I was never able to tell her how I really feel about her. Somewhere in my mind I still think that "maybe if I told her she could like me", but I never had the courage because I know she loves another person. It's hard when the person you like is also your friend. I'll try looking for the books you recommended me to see if it could help. Thank you very much!
@@kevinkite3418 No, stop! She’s trying to redpill you! www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Positive-Masculinity-ebook/dp/B0748N6NW7 Her claim sounds simplistic because it is-case in point, the fact that it is impossible to respect someone without also giving them attention. Don’t fall for the trap-I promise you it’s possible to chase your dreams and find your purpose without demonizing equality and pigeonholing yourself into “conventional masculinity”.
I know what it’s like to feel the pain of rejection. Please hang on. There are no easy answers to that, so don’t trust anyone who claims to have them all.
@@theoneonyoutube4925 Thank you so much! A friend told me about this "redpill" concept once, but this never seemed like the right way to see things for me. I believe there's many ways in which men and women can be happy in a relationship and there's no definitive answer to that. But sometimes it's really hard to deal with your feelings when you love someone without being loved in return for a long time... Thank you for your words.
1) obsessively thinking about them 2:07 2) insecurity and / or shyness in their presence 2:47 3) putting them on a pedestal 3:31 4) emotional dependency 4:30 5) longing for reciprocation 4:50 6) fantasizing reciprocation 5:06
Can't believe this video has been up for a full year, and I NEVER SAW IT UNTIL NOW! I just learned about limerence a few days ago, but I've had it for about 20 years! I couldn't have found out about this SOON enough! Please DO MORE!
I read Tennov’s book Love and Limerence many years ago. This video makes it sound like a pathology. It’s not quite the same as love addiction but can be one component. Limerence in itself is a pretty natural phenomenon. I guess it just depends on how long it goes on for in some individuals before it becomes a real problem. Tennov’s book is merely descriptive, not diagnostic. Personally I feel sorry for anyone who’s never felt this way. It can be painful but also magical, and channeled into some fine creativity. But just like any drug, you have to ween off it eventually.
You feel sorry that some people do not experience it, meanwhile saying it is like a drug. You hear yourself, do you? "Oh, I feel so sorry for you that you never got drunk to thorw up and damage your body but the feeling in your brain is so really awesome. I feel soooo sorry for you littel creature..." Seriously, choosing illusion over reality when it comes down to feelings is the basic ingedrient for all the bad in the world. But yeah, go ahead...awesome feeling. Everyone should experience it...
I just got out 6 years of limerence & actually found someone I love. It's so wild to me now that I spent such a long time in such an unhealthy experience, thinking it was love.
I used to really be like this. That is, until I told my crush I’ve had for years I liked her. I noticed how obsessive I could be like, how jealous I could be, and I think her rejecting me and keeping me as a friend helped me see that a bit. I still like her a lot, and I don’t think I’ll be over quickly. At this point I want her to be happy and comfortable with our friendship, and I think moving past the fake “perfect person” who I was obsessed with is a good way to stay friends. I won’t lie that sometimes I make up scenarios in my head of if they actually liked me. It’s tempting, but I still have no need for reciprocation, or a want for it. I want them to be comfortable and I think getting over how obsessive that crush was is the important step. Good luck to any other people who experience it in a more negative way:)) have a good day.
It happens to me, because I feel lonely, and all that stuff, I want friends for support and i don't like being isolated. And when i crush someone, I feel relieved, happy, but I get sad when they don't feel the same way.
Limerence changes you as a person. Especially when you're emotional and intense, to say that the kind of impact in your life is big would be an understatement. It drives you mad, literally forcing you to evolve. Don't even start with if you're a poet.
I don't know I've given my son lots of attention and love his whole life but he recently went through limerence with this girl he liked. I think everyone has been in limerence when they first date but don't see it until later when it gets out of control.
It is common, it helps fill the void… It feels good to have anyone love you, or wven have a target to project the fantasy of someone loving you on… I’m trying to break this pattern right now.
I've been on both sides of this coin, and I gotta say... it's unnerving, no matter what side you're on. I became obsessed with this girl in high school, so distracted by my own thoughts that I couldn't even focus on school work, or even my job (I lived & worked on a farm, and almost got run over by a cow because I was too busy daydreaming; that's how dangerous it could be). We dated for a while, but I could go from ecstatically happy to full-on nervous breakdown at the drop of a hat. I was a mess, yet I kind of enjoyed that messy feeling. It was like an addiction; no matter how terrible the lows were, I couldn't wait to get that incredible feeling back, to get my "fix" of imaginary love. It wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. I thought I found my soul mate... so I was devastated when she broke up with me. I started abusing drugs to try numbing the pain and covering up my shortcomings. I blamed all my pain on her... but the problem was me. I was sick in the head, and did nothing to make things better. I put so much pressure on her when we were together, that it was no wonder she didn't want to be with me anymore. Fast-forward almost 2 decades, and I get into these relationships with women who seem to fall for me almost instantly, claiming I'm some perfect specimen of a man (which I know I'm not), that I was saving their lives (which I wasn't), one even telling me she wanted to have my children after being together a whole *2 days,* and it just made me very uncomfortable. these relationships never last very long, and I still don't know the best way to deal with them, other than to avoid relationships altogether (which isn't healthy, either). sometimes, I think Karma is kicking my ass for not dealing with my issues properly when I was younger, and now I'm getting the payback from it.
After hearing about limerence , I think I should just stop being too emotional about Love , having feeling for the one who doesn't feel the same way towards me , it's just hurts like hell .
limerence may be painful sometimes, but without my feelings i would feel dead. that's why on the other side is hard for me to get rid of it. sometimes it seems like nothing brings me so much excitement and happiness, nothing makes me stop feeling derealisation as much as him. Well, that's perfect conditions to develop an addiction. I'm exhausted, life is too hectic for me, i wish i was never born.
Oh I hope your feeling stronger. Really feel for you. I've got this going on I'm my life too. I'm full of lust and longing. But I know I love myself more. I'm changing hours at work so less contact and I'm ignoring him. And really looking at all the things I want to explore for my own creative life. Down somewhere deep inside you, you love yourself more💞 Keep digging deep into yourself it will work.❤
There's no hope for me.... I've been trapped in Limerence as long as I can remember I just didn't know it had a technical name all this time But even still in saying all of that... I'm very happy that this has been discovered, and classified as a diagnosis. I might have no hope or confidence or even live in a world meant for me anymore, but that doesn't mean my younger siblings and friends once they reach the age I'm at now, they don't have to suffer like I do. I hope that they see this and learn from it the importance of casting these feelings out in time, before it's too late. And I also hope this adorable little channel continues to help people in ways that are both simple yet effective.
Heyy I found Jesus 11 months ago. Didn’t grow up Christian but he still found me. I know it’s hard! I’m going through it but just want to let you know that I serve the God of the impossible because Jesus can redeem, renew and restore anything and yes I mean ANY THING like literally. You can serve him too. Don’t do this alone Jesus helped and is helping me do it with him. You don’t have to carry this weight alone Peter 5:7 casting all your anxieties on him (Jesus), because he cares for you.
Wow! I really could have used this video in high school. I'm still getting over a crush that I have had for over 10 years. It's gotten better now, considering the fact I don't think about them every day. Even if I do end up thinking about them, I just say a prayer for them and try to think about something else quick. This was a really great video! Please keep up the good work! I love your videos and Psyche to Go is often the highlight of my daily RUclips usage!
Thank you for this video on Limerence. It was especially helpful, to me - and was, as always, very clear and concise. My experience of limerence felt to me like the descriptions of other addictions I have seen or heard about. I experienced limerence as extremely tenacious; and I couldn't get free of it all by myself. It took a lot of my own effort, for sure - sometimes-painful struggles (ups and downs, failures and eventual successes). But it took other people, committed to the same goals (of freedom, inner peace, self-respect and sanity), to "get there". And even with that, the possibility of relapse still seems always to "be there", biding its time, sometimes for years. ... Good thing, I guess, that my experiences of limerence contained quite a lot of misery. That makes it easier now to recognize what's happening, to remember what will follow if I don't do what I need to do, before the thing gets ahold of me again.
Guys. I had serious limerence for 2 years. It was a serious condition that impacted my life terribly. I got therapy (for general purposes) and I didn't know it was called limerence but my therapist suggested it was. I actually healed. My therapist saved my life (I went through two others before I found her). I actually am able to not be like this anymore. It was debilitating how badly it consumed my life even though I thought I was happy. Looking back, there's a better way, and I could not have done it without help. If you have this problem, you need help. Don't be ashamed. You don't have to be ashamed. Get help.
Growing up I was never interested in dating or marriage. I noticed certain individuals, but those times were less than I can count on one hand and held my emotional attention for no more than a week. Four years ago was different. I starting becoming enamored with a woman I had been acquainted with for a couple years. I wondered to myself what I was feeling. After a vivid dream where I shared a passionate kiss with her I knew, or at least I thought I knew, what I felt for her. My entire life never being interested in anyone to suddenly feel this way; the dream felt like a sign. However, what started as a dream grew into a nightmare. Because I often had dreams about her I was literally thinking about her day and night. I always felt small around her. She was so awesome! I considered her my role model; smart, strong, and seemed to always have it together. She was the warrior I wanted to be! I knew right away that the likelihood of us being together was zero or close to it. despite what the cold facts of reality were telling me I desperately wanted things to be different. That against all odds that god, fairies, or whatever divine forces may or may not exist could prove my past cynicism and reality wrong. As I continued to ride hope I continually fell into despair. After a painful ordeal between us I decided to give up my feelings for her, but turning off feelings isn't as easy as snapping your fingers or turning a switch. Time has passed, the feelings are gone, the dream has faded. I have only found recently that what I felt wasn't love, but some sort of sickness. My heart aches because the feelings I thought I had for the first time I never truly had to begin with. Right now I am working very hard on trying to love myself, make the most of the life I have, and be the best person I can be. Because in the end no matter the outcome I will be living with myself for the rest of my life.
This is the first time I have fully related to one of your videos involving love/romance. My friends never fully understood it when I told them that I often ended up looking back on past loves in such a negative light because I just remembered them as times where I couldn’t function as a full fledged adult. I even lost one of my jobs due to constantly thinking about a man I thought I loved and now that I don’t feel the same way it’s nothing but regret.
Im my younger years I would chase people if I liked them. But over time I have learned if people don't want me then ill leave them Be and go with those who like me and value me.
So do you still get limerent over some women but walk away anyway in spite of the deep sadness that may follow or do you just no longer become limerent over anyone?
This video is highly recommended for Marinette and Cat noir Anyone else thinks the same? :) Edit: Oh man holy sh*t mom I'm famous as miraculous ladybug is!!! Edit2: Thomas Astruc u better take this video and include it in ur show so that many miraculers can also become Psych2goers😃😈 Edit 3: Don't mind me I'm just increasing the popularity of Psych2go that Psych2go deserves hehe
So glad I found this video, thank you! I never knew this was the name for it, the closest info I found was about love sickness. Thought I was going mad. I fall for people and sometimes have these love addictions for years, they never go away until I become interested in someone else and the cycle just repeats. I always fall for people I can’t have and always attract people I’m not interested in. For instance, at school My love addiction was a teacher for 4 years.
I’ve spent the last two years feeling like this over a girl who had to go on her own path. For so long I’ve felt like I was strange for not being able to more on. Despite all the pain it’s caused me it’s good to finally know that I’m not alone.
I have a few thoughts about this... 1. Think of all the great love songs (and breakup songs) we have are due to the feelings of love and longing! It would be a sad world without those songs and each of us knowing and connecting to the emotions in those songs! So many songs about love and loss! 2. And it's funny how songs or music can be the sound track to a relationship. I was reminded about that last night as I listened to David Gray's album White Ladder, after not listening to that album for years. It took me back to one of the most profound releationships of my life. I was immediately transported back to the intense feeling of love and the journey I had with that particular person. 3. Isnt it better to have loved and lost better than to never have loved at all? 4. Some of the most magical moments of my life have been when I've had a crush and then been told by my crush that they felt the same way... it is like mana from heaven! 5. I guess the fall from heaven is the knowledge that those feelings are just a chemical reaction born from ignorance and once you get to know a person and their faults those feelings will fade and can lead you to the depths of hell! ♥
This video definitely makes sense. I have OCD (not the want everything clean all the time kind). I don't feel like going into all the details here, but if you want to know more just do some research on the different types of OCD and what it really is. I feel like i also have limerence, which makes sense bc it's similar to some OCD symptoms. I've been obsessed over the same person for almost 6 years now. It will temporarily get better but always comes back. Any trigger and i'm back down the rabbit hole again. Ruminating, questioning things, asking why. This is someone I have met in real life and briefly dated but we haven't seen each other since. I got so emotionally and mentally invested. It's a long story, but i just want to find the strength to be better and stay better.
I used to suffer from codependency dissorder. It’s important to talk to a therapist about trauma from childhood ( neglect, rejection from care takers). Our mind creates a fiction about other people to create a sence of control. This serves us well as children, because we where in real danger and where litteraly helpless. But as adults we no longer need the fantasy. We must learn from scratch to see the world and people « as it is». God’s, super hero’s, perfect love and so on are fictions created by the mind to make us survive in a hostile environment. Work on your trauma. Go deep into the « dirth» om your memories/emotions. This « enlightonment» of your mind will gradualy take you into « the real world». A imperfect, impermanent but beautyfull world, full of both wonders and horrors. And you learn to accept that this is also our nature. Good luck ❤
I probably am in the limiar of this... mostly my crushes were platonic, and fearing of rejection, I got used to fantasisy and overly exaggerate our interaction, searching a meaning to something little. This always lead to me realizing that it was all in my head and eventually distancing myself from the person to the extent of cut all contact. (sticking with a little hope to be seeked but, 90% of the time it's fruitless and the other 10% the person wanted me near to some extend for me to keep feeding their ego)
i never realized that a friend of mine might have this towards me. He’s like a brother to me not a boyfriend, he’s been “crushing” on me for 7 years now. I can’t help but feel bad about rejecting him. I really do like him but not like that.. poor dude, this video sounds exactly like him. Just thought i’d share my story ^^
This has been a living hell, it ruined what friendship I had with someone and over the last 3 years and destroyed my mind. Got diagnosed with CPTSD and OCD with the intrusive thoughts and "fantasies" mostly non sexual but just a life with said person the ups and downs and all that too. It hurts so bad that i had to cut her out of my life and it got so much worse because i effectively ghosted her, eventually went back to apologise but the damage was done it was too late to even repair the friendship and the excessive shame and guilt of doing such a thing to someone who trusted you and all you feel like was a liar the entire time of trying to be a friend. It's horrible, both sides were hurt and losing a friendship in the process due to my problems and illness just makes things worse.
After watching a few of these videos. I am getting a crush on the narrator. She sounds so smart and pretty. Like one of those ladies who does not even know she beautiful. Wakes up with bed head and looks prettier then the night before when she was dressed up for the dance. Thank you for taking your time to work on these videos to help people. It is a huge blessing.
Love addiction literally destroys everything. It actually has the opposite effect of what it's supposed to achieve: it doesn't make the addicted loved. It makes them unloved.
I was honestly unloved for a while mainly because I had a bit of an inferiority complex from being bullied constantly in middle school. Fixed that and now I exude at least 4 inches of aura above my relatively short stature. Still single but I have hobbies and passions and can talk to people for hours as an introvert. I actually love myself now which is a step in the right direction. One must imagine me happy
i do have a love addiction. and it sucks. as much as i want to get rid of it, i just can't. It's so frustrating thinking about them literally ALL THE TIME. I really want to get over it otherwise i know it will block anything new to come into my life but i just seem to lack the willpower to do so. ugh.
Don’t let this video make you feel bad. I truly believe that most people hold onto someone from the past, but eventually move onto somebody else. Although that person is still in their heart, subconsciously.
Not necessarily. If you're doing it in a destructive way to avoid your problems or it makes you depressed (not sad or bummed out but depressed for real) or it turns in to this "addiction" then yes treatment would be desirable. But If it's not causing harm to your life and you're just sad about someone then no you don't need treatment. It's just heartache
Ek I’m an artist, so I run on passion… sometimes these people go to far. It’s good to feel these kind of things. Hah they want a bunch of brainless, feelingless, zombies out there. Oh great, how do we get rid of every emotion and feeling? It’s called unrequited love, actually a human thing. God I’m so sick of this. Turn us into robots already, like “they” want. Emotions create art and move people…sigh”
@@ashlieschmehl7150 yeah I was wanting to say something like that, but it’s so hard to want to continuously put myself out there to people that already made their decision based off of someone or a channel that they want to believe in. Especially because people are very sensitive to how things are worded. I’m glad you said something. It’s getting a little harder lately because of all of this pull and push energy the past couple of months but as long as we hold onto our awareness I know we can make it through, and eventually people will start thinking individually. Take care
Omg, thank u so much for this. It can be really hard having this along with maladaptive daydreaming. I exhaust myself most mornings, and even dance at times daydreaming about showing off to my LO (limerence object). What recently bothered me is not living my life because of this.
I don't know if it's destiny that I found this channel a few days ago, but I'm very glad I did it, since a few months ago I have realized that little by little I have fallen in love with my coworker and every day I become more obsessed with her, and for the last 15 days I have tried to find a way to get rid of this feeling, but every time I make progress and start to detach from her, something happens, suddenly she is super nice to me or tells me to go out to eat something and that makes me so happy that ruins all my progress. Many times I have even exploded and done or said things that any other person would walk away for, but she is still there, I have even told her that if she prefers to be alone or if she really does not like to go out with me she better tell me and she always tells me that it is not for me and that someday we will have fun but I know she only tell me that to sound nice and we are never gonna go out to someplace and have a nice day, but I see when she goes out with other people and in the days that she supposedly likes to rest at home, why not be direct?, it would be easier for me, because she goes from being cold or ignoring me to out of the blue looking for me and being really friendly. I feel like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of moving away and coming back to her, I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore, not even food tastes good to me, I watch videos or clean the house all day long to distract myself and not think about her but it's very difficult. I hope soon to get out of this and get my life back, and the videos of the channel help me a lot to see things about me that I thought did not affect me, thank you very much, love from mexico.
Having experienced years of a reciprocated limerant relationship I've found it helpful to apply the "wanting the best" sentiment as I gradually step back from it. It helps give the extrication a well-meaning motive, and to achieve a transformation of the relationship, rather than a termination (which isn't always needed).
Hey there! I'd like to request a video titled " How comparing ourselves to others can affect us ". I'm currently struggling a bit with that topic and I would be really happy if you could create something like that. I'm a big fan of psych2go and these videos really helped me a lot! I hope you will see and acknowledge my message! Have a good day
This was me in middle school and high school. I was well aware that I was in this situation, but I didn't know there was a word for it, and I didn't understand that it was unhealthy. It severely affected me not only during that time, but in the year and a half after I graduated after I never saw her any more and knew I probably never would again. I hope people in a similar situation see this video and realize they need to let go. It's impossible to have a romantic relationship with someone if you get too big a head start on it.
This happened to me from december 2019 to july 2020, (specially during lockdown). I even went to therapy, but it is still hard to avoid it. Specially when that person did not say "yes" or "no" to me, she told me to wait some years. Try being realistic, vibe with the moment and do things that prevent you from daydreaming (working out helped me a lot, try different hobbies and set some goals/projects). Try to seek support from your loved ones and go to therapy. Hope you are doing great! If not, I hope you'll recover. ❤️
I just wanna say thank you to everyone on this channel, you guys do an amazing job at discussing mental health. I truly appreciate it, its never bs or lies, its always facts
Somehow this reminds me of my favourite quote from Shakespear: "I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano, a stage where every man must play a part. And mine a sad one."
I think a lot of people with relate when I say that it’s so hard to explain to people why this hurts so badly without sounding petty. this hell started for me at 11 years old over another girl. it’s just so weird because you wouldn’t usually think a child could become so infatuated with another child (in my case she was a little older than me) that it could take over their life and take from a healthy growing environment that children need. still affects me now but at that time especially it was so emotionally and mentally taxing. This is a real thing. I was clinically diagnosed with c-ptsd at 15
This is true as hell, because last year when school was starting back again in 2020, I just all of a sudden start thinking and begin to have feelings for this one girl from my school during quarantine, even though despite the fact that I saw her a couple of times and spoke to each other just for four or five seconds, and we accidentally bumped into each other after class ended and I was getting my backpack, she then said "sorry ^w^" very happily and smiled while saying it, and then I said it's fine, this was in early 2020 some time before school shutdown because of covid, then months later when school was starting up (it was online school) and just out of nowhere I just start having feelings for her even despite us not knowing each other personally. I've been thinking about her ever since August something 2020 to this day in 2021 and I just can't stop thinking about her, but if school ever starts again and it opens back up then I will be able to see her if possible because I first seen her in 10th grade and she looked a little older then me (I was 15 at the time) and she looked like she was 16 or 17 years old. But god I'm hoping she was actually in the same grade as me (I'm in 11th grade) and hoping she was in 11th grade too and not in 12th grade, if she was in 12th grade then she would have graduated high school and I wouldn't be able to see her again :( but the thing is I don't really know what grade she was really in, but still it's possible she is in the same grade as me right now, and I really just want to see her again and talk to her and go slowly before getting into a relationship with her. If you wanna know what she looks like she has nice blonde hair and white skin and I think she also had green eyes too ^w^ but I can't remember because my memory of seeing her is too faint and kinda blurry qwq
I spent most my life avoiding substances. Only recently found out about limerence and realised it had been there a while. I little while ago i met someone and fell for them quite naturally and then it developed into limerence. As of 3 days ago i called her and told her about it. We decided we could be friends and she never realized that when i asked her out it was asking her on a date. I had to tell her because i didn’t want to build a relationship on limerence. And after our talk i feel like i have escaped most of the symptoms. But what hurts the most is that for what it feels like i ended our relationships chances by myself even though its been the very substance of an addiction. No regrets though…
i recently went through such a state, and i can say that there is no better freind than knowledge in such times: find out about your crush as much as you can. you may find out that the object of your love is someone with a very different mindset and set of ethics than your own. you don't want to end up drained and abused by manipulators. be aware that falling in love has the falling part first. you won't fall if you take the right steps. also be aware that by falling to the right person rather than moving away, you become an unwilling accomplice to the wrongs that they may do to others. there can be nothing more empowering in the life of a bad person than the presence of a good person that has joined the dark side. in this day and age, with so much pressure for conformity, and the preference in the media for an emphasis on moral ambiguity, people forgot to ask themselves:"who am i really? what do i want from life? what are the values that i believe in? do they motivate me to become a better person, for myself and others? do the people in my life reflect any decency toward me and others? people are not born perfect, but they can become better. your approach to love should be based on this perspective.
Damn, I have definitely experienced this. For me I think it developed as a response to being overweight, being told it affected my worth and would have an negative effect on my love life. So any time I felt myself start to crush on some one, I would “crush” (repress) those feelings because I didn’t deserve them and had no chance in hell. It didn’t stop me from having my own personal fan fiction and hoping they would be the one to prove my insecurities wrong. Yeah I’m emotionally stunted in this area. Still never been with someone, at this point being single is familiar and safe. The only thing stopping me from dating now is the paranoia I get from listening to true crime…I’m so glad I’m meeting with my therapist next week I definitely need to show her this 😂 😭
Tbh, it feels like I've suffered from love addition for all my life, with way too many "unhealthy" thoughts and habits as a reaction to it. So far, the best medicine I've used is to learn to be independent and self-loving; being careful not to venture into any extremes like arrogance or isolation, but still enough to say that I don't need them, and I love myself enough to not put them above my personal well-being.
Its been 8 years.... 2 years since they cut me out of their life. This video gave me closure, I have a problem and I understand that now. Thank you. Hopefully I can improve my future relationships with this knowledge, no more day dreaming.
I'm also going through this condition and it's tough. Like it's said here. When it's also unrequited love, the condition is much worse. The fact that we don't even get to know them well enough makes us cook up unrealistic ideas about them, their personality, their body etc. They would be the most perfect human for us, and the fact that we'll never get to know the real them will result in us sticking to the unrealistic image we have about them. We start comparing our lives with theirs'. We feel as if we're missing out on a lot in our life. I also suffer from OCD and I think limerence and OCD is one of the worst combo a person can have, and it's taking a huge toll on my mental well-being
Right in time I was just talking to myself about her and how our friendship get worse from 2020 to now. And guess who was mentally sat with me in my sofa while I was talking about her for no one. Yeah guess it right: my mental projection of her.
Ow. One of the rules I created that got me out (and that stops me getting back in) is: no imaginary conversations, except rehearsals of things I really intend to say.
I used to have a crush on this girl in my neighborhood when we were kids. However, I never got along with her family or her family’s friends and she often ignored me. Fast forward 13 years later and out of the blue she got hired at my job and we worked together for almost 3 years. It was awkward, she had a boyfriend and it hurt to have to work in the cubicle next to her everyday. The good thing is we all got let go because of COVID and this past year I reflected on my time there. Sometimes pain will help you realize and focus on what YOU need to do to get better, which is what I’m doing now and getting help. I was very unprofessional towards her during our time working together by giving her too much cold shoulders and making it even more awkward. Cool thing is now I can move on and grow, that all we can really do.
I think I developed this after getting very close with my friend when I was younger. We were too young to date but we both knew that we liked each other, we were just shy about it. From 4th to 6th grade we’d exchange gifts and relax on the tables afterschool. We often talked about problems at home, did homework together, shared food etc. We were a source of comfort and connection for each other. I haven’t been able to connect with someone as much as I did with her and it has really affected my view on how relationships work. She moved away a long time ago and certain things would still remind me of her
Well... this explains a lot. The two years of pain and self harm, when I was 15-17, are finally explained. Good thing it went by and I got out of it either way. Damn... I was really obsessed back then (._. )
Going on tons of dates with a wide variety of people helps! ☺️ (Even with those you're not wholly attracted to) You start to realize that it's the traits that person possesses that are attractive to you and you may surprise yourself in things that your current crush doesn't have that you wish you would have in a lasting relationship
I've had two crushes in my life so far. One was in school. We became close friends and started to spend a lot of time together. At that time I didn't know how to manage my feelings at all, so I fell in love with her to the extent that I was depressed for a long time. It took me about 6 years to overcome my love addiction. Another one almost drove me to suicide. And only when I caught myself thinking about how I was gonna kill myself, I realized that my mindset isn't right. I'm still trying to "detach" from this person (she is my friendo, we met online and never seen each other in real life), but I'm feeling much better now. I understood that it's necessary to pay close attention to your thoughts and feelings, to be in a state of constant self evaluation. It helps to control everything that happens in your mind.
1. obsessively thinking about them 2:07
2. insecurity and / or shyness in their presence 2:47
3. putting them on a pedestal 3:31
4. emotional dependency 4:30
5. longing for reciprocation 4:50
6. fantasizing reciprocation 5:06
I hope I could help! (:
Thanks!
Thanks for putting this together!
Wow time travel
Thanks time traveller! 🚀🚀🚀
Yup I definitely have that T_T
at this point, i dont even know what love is. there's crush, infatuation, "best friends", lust and just when i thought i understood love, here we are. Limerence.
Same situation here buddy..I finally got a term for what I have been experiencing for the past 6 years
Yeah..heard ya I thought I finally understood what ❤️ is too..but now hearing all this..sigh..guess I got a lot more to learn(´-﹏-`；)
yeah it really sucks right now i'm just so tired of it all
@@VacunaVenom yes i think that's really accurate
@@VacunaVenom I agree with this definition. You want to see that person you love succeed and you encourage and support them from the sidelines. You don't put them on a pedestal. You acknowledge their flaws and that they're human just as you are. You fight either a little or a lot (not constantly. If it's constant, please seek out couples therapy. It should never become physical. Leave if it does.) and harsh words are said but love is being able to sit down with them, talk it out, and admitting you were wrong or compromising with them.
This fucking hit me like a ton of bricks. Like a METRIC TON. I get into limerence every single time I like someone, fictional or not. It's insane, I'm so glad this has an explanation
Lmao ikr
Me too, its literally describing my whole friendship i have with my crush. (ō-ō)
Same, I probably had it since middle school. It happened to me with a celebrity even
Same
Me too.
But I really don't know what to do now that I know this.
Because I don't want to tell anyone and my family doesn't take this shit seriously
OH MY GOD SO THERE’S ACTUALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS AND IM NOT JUST CRAZY
I know, right?
Feels better and a huge relief, right?! We just need to cancel these out step by step,one by one.
IKR
MOOOD! I went through this in my teen years when I had an extremely huge crush.
Same
This was my entire childhood. I’m 27 and I’m just now beginning to understand how unhealthy it all is. This is probably why I have a fear of intimacy because of how badly I idolize my crushes. Thanks for this.
Same, this signs had been around me since 7 if I could roughly remember!!! 😬 Is there a possibility that traumatic childhood experiences could have been one of the reason to this? 😭
@@daemilee1497 I’m not sure. It could be. For me, I felt like I had a fairly good childhood, but was still susceptible to it.
@@daemilee1497 maybe because i was rarely shown affection in my childhood my father was never there for me and i was molested at maybe 7 or 8 so i became too attached to these 7 men and this happens so yeah might be
You just described exactly how I feel.
@@daemilee1497 yes ! Traumatic childhood experiences are a major reason for them
You are not in love with the person, you are in love with the feeling of being in love
Like an addict
Then why that particular person?
You are in love with a fantasy relationship and it doesn’t really matter who the other person is, as long as they are the opposite of the family members who gave you your childhood trauma.
or in love with the idea of this person. Part of putting this person on a pedestal I think
@@ayanabeads1614 oof this hits hard
Just to clarify, when a person has romantic feelings for someone else, things like strong desire, fantasizing about your crush, feeling unusually shy around them, admiring their positive qualities, and feeling heartbroken over rejection are totally normal. Normal romantic feelings only cross over into limerance territory when they’re taken to unhealthy extremes.
Yep.
Thank God! Someone said this. 🙄 I thought I am addicted. 😂
It's so hard to draw the line though. I have been missing one guy for 6 years now (actually I started missing him like 2 years ago, before that I was just angry at him and he wasn't so present in my mind). The thing is, I might just be stuck because he never gave me the chance to talk things out, so the obsession might just disappear after one talk with him. Therefore I'm not sure if it's an addiction. I also don't put him on a pedestal, but he is the only person whoes flaws I'm willing to accept. And I want him to be well, even if I'm not gonna be together with him... What do you think about that situation?
Thank you for this
Yeah, watching this I was like, "Oh, I kinda relate, but not to that extreme..." So thanks for pointing this out for those who aren't sure.
oh shoot, i didn’t know this was a thing. i had a “crush” on a friend for like 6 years, this explains it
Bro-
Is your pfp Ranboo as a Lemon Demon album cover
O-O
Because that is very awesome
@ Whispurr C4t yes thank you i found it on Pinterest and set it as my wallpapers too XD
@@hannahisadisaster337 epic lol
6 years damn
same (but only 3 years)
ok but can we appreciate how psych2Go always has a voice actor who sounds like a therapist-
yeah
trueee
I'm gonna be blunt and say that this one sounds kind of annoying, a huge contrast from the usual soothing one
soft...
@@yamatanoorochi3149 yeah agreed
Limerance is basically be in love, period, is only a word used to undermine valid emotions when are not reciprocal, when are reciprocal are called love
that was what i needed to hear ily
Limerence is downright one of the worst things I've ever experienced. There are so many similarities to when I used to be addicted to alcohol. The constant cravings, aching and longing, nothing else mattering, convincing myself its normal and f*** did it ruin what self esteem I once had. For my first and hopefully only LO the initial highs were unreal, like opioids and amphetamine but the inevitable come downs left me so emotionally and physically wrecked. An endless cycle driven by encounters and fantasies. I loved and hated it. And I just couldn't step off the damn rollercoaster. The song 'under your spell' by desire perfectly describes the state I was in.
In the end it was unreciprocated and waking up from the illusion was a very long and painful process that felt never-ending. But I'm here today to say that it does get better in time, that there is hope. I feel in control of myself again and have moments of peace. But its still there in the background, and I think it'll always be a part of me. I do know that I am absolutely terrified of this happening again with somebody else. I hope that we all find freedom from this.
Update: Can confidently say I've fully recovered and it has not come back for over a year. No contact is the way initially but also knowing the warning signs that its about to happen, and working out the root cause - for me it is was filling an unmet need, a void that I am now able to fill.
❤️
how are you doing now?
@@chlebek2958 hey thanks for asking. It's gone. I'm officially limerence free - no contact seemed to work :)
@@shark1834 happy for you!
damn so I'm trapped then haha, my LO and I are working together and no way I'm quitting : D
@@chlebek2958 thank you! Wow that's tough couldn't imagine how I'd cope. All the best to you anyway :)
I really think that I go through this a lot especially since I have an obsession with having a crush or feeling that spark in your chest. I really hope to learn how to just be fine without the feeling of wanting to be hugged or being told things by other people to feel better. people who are like me, I hope that you can live with the love and care that you provide for yourself instead of waiting for the day a person could make you feel worthy.
Yeah I struggle with the same thing. I think I depend too much on other people to feel happy. I love crushes because they make me excited about everything, and when they disappear I long after the feeling of having a crush again. Which might be why I get crushes so easily, because I crave that feeling so it takes very little for me to fall for someone
Ugh this hit harder then the video 😫😭 I’m the same way and it sucks because I don’t know how to be ok with out wanting this feeling
Oh so I'm not the only one who gets that chest feeling?
@@jasona2007 sometimes I get literal chest pain when I have a crush on someone I can’t have, like physical heart ache😪
It happens to me as well, like I want it so much, but what can I do to stop it? I don't want that, and all the time it comes back. I just want to be fine by myself and focus on my personal growth :(
I just got home from a meeting with my married (with children) beautiful Russian therapist. Ive been seeing her for about 3 uears now. And today I admitted to her I have been having consistent, daily intrusive thoughts about her that cause me physiological symptoms ive never experienced with anyone else ive ever been with in my life, like cold chills, racing heart, and feeling like my "blood is on fire", all the same time, but in the most amazingly pleasurable way. Anyway it took me akmoat 2 years to admit this as I did today, and once I had explained these things, she goes (in her lovely Russian accent), "Have you ever heard of 'Lumerence'?" And rhen when i searched it and found nothing she goes "OH, sorry, I meant 'Linerence', with an 'i'. I think you may be experiencing this with me." And when I read the definition it was the nost shocking and confusing and relieving and terrifying feeling ive ever felt. God damn being a human is insane.
I had a hardcore crush from age 11 to 18 on the same person. When I finally confessed to them, I was turned down. I thought I would never escape them, but I DID finally. The best way to overcome it is to focus on their flaws, and stop convincing yourself you love the whole person. You don't.
good advice
Ur honesty and courage to confront your feelings with your crush, set you free.
Thank you for sharing this!
Good advice. I got rejected by my crush as well and it is freeing. I had an inkling she wasn't interested, but it's nice to make things black and white.
You do not overcome limerance you solve it by facing your childhood trauma.
This combined with 16 years of unceasing depression, a lack of any other real friends, or any meaningful hobbies makes for a real fun time.
Lol
@@starcatcher3691 Wasn't really a laughing matter mate.
@mothman8300 I laughed because your sarcasm is on point in your original comment. I also laughed because I can miserably relate and it can all feel so fucked going thru this, it's so sad it's almost comical type thing. Just wanted to relay it may not have been lol'ing at you, but with you. Take care.
This hits different when you only have a crush on fictional characters.
😭😭😭 ikr
✋😭 that hurts man
J an jfjd don't even get me started ✋😫
Are u an INFP? 👀
Interact with real people: ✋😟
Waifu's and Husbando's:👈😫
I’m so stuck in limerence...So I’m just gonna be friends with my crush. But limerence is definitely a pain. Makes me want to stop having emotions to begin with sometimes. Wish me luck getting over it.
You can do it!!💖💖
We believe in you!❤
My advice is for you to be clear & honest with him/her. It might be or not be reciprocated, that's life. Keep moving forward. You deserve to be happy, to feel, to experience, to live. Don't get stuck with it, there's millions of persons in the world. Live.
I think I have been once or twice myself now.. myself (;;;・_・)
Same.. but i was already rejected. Still limerence and don't know what to do about it, since his still around.
The "best" thing about it that you don't even want anything or anyone to help you to get out of this condition, you know it's right even if it's hell
I know, right
Weird because as soon as I recognized that this was unhealthy I wanted to get out of it.
Sure, it might have been a few months but I think I'm making progress now.
@@dibkle I’m happy for you
@@vanbi9430 thank you.
@@dibkle it just means it wasn't strong enough to force you into thinking that the only possible acceptable outcome is to be with that person
Bruh who else be staying up night and thinking of him/her and just cant sleep but imagine fake scenarios
-raises both hands-
This has been me
Lock tf in, that solves it good
I’ve just found myself in the middle of this condition recently. The way I snapped out of it was through realizing that I have a love addiction, and then looking up videos on RUclips helping people cope and heal from this sad condition. It’s due to emotional childhood trauma and just through the awareness of it, I am already finding myself experiencing a higher level of consciousness and healing.
It also helps to not let yourself think about them or talk about them or anything.
Thanks for sharing. I recommend Love and Limerence by Tennov to learn about this phenomenon
This ❤
I went through a difficult childhood too,lak of self love and care from my mom and family,I always find it myself getting to limerence 😢❤, and just when I started healing,I started noticing that when im happy I dont get into them ❤ Healing your traumas is the real cure❤
I also found it helped to keep reminding myself that it is limerance, not a star crossed epic romance. And watching lots videos about limerance, while reducing looking at photos of them etc.
If you find yourself thinking about them, you can treat yourself kindly - its not your fault you've had trauma or are depressed. Then you can switch your focus to something else interesting or absorbing, like uplifting music, or just making a cup of tea, or baking, or watering your plants.
The amount of time travelers in Psych2go has is insane.
yesss
@@maxim_ssc 😂
Wait i already liked this?
@@nakshatramusic21 XD
Truee😮
I'd love to see a video on how to cope with limerence? It's quite hard because I always "fall in love" with people whom I've minimum interactions with and of course it's never reciprocate otherwise I stop caring about them, which makes me feel like I'm heartbroken 99% of the time, I haven't had a boyfriend and I'm on my early twenties bc it's I don't trust or "feel" the same with people who are emotionally available (which I do understand why after watching this video bc I felt related so hard with limerence).
Please and thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Ps. I've tried to get professional help but they always dismiss this specific topic stating that I'm too young anyways to worry about it (I'm 24 y.o) but I don't get to actually really interact with people bc I'm so busy being heartbroken...
There's a book that I've been reading, as I've just begun to move on from a 7 year limerance, that I find very helpful. They actually discuss why we sometimes tend to not be attracted to people who are emotionally available. It's called Deeper Dating by Ken Page
@@silk3887 thank you very much! I'd try to get it, sometimes it's hard to find some titles on my country but I'll check online :)
Honestly that's something I've been wondering about this channel. Don't get me wrong, they've made so many insightful videos on various conditions and their symptoms, raising awareness on the hidden nooks and crannies of mental health is so important in this time. Though by the end of them, I just can't help but feel like "okay thanks so much for the info, I've definitely learned some things about myself! but any tips on how to get better? No?? Oh okay then, video's over." 😅
Idk that's just me.
Of course, some wisdoms are probably best consulted with the Google. Research rabbit holes are always fun. ✨
@@skullydynamo7159 I felt the same way 😂 I'm like okay. I have this. It's a problem and other people have it so at least I'm not alone. But... now what?
Honestly it's been a combination of therapy and indepdent self reflection. I personally journal, meditate and practice spirituality but I also read and watch media from psychologists and therapists as well. On a personal level I try to practice self love, gratitude and positivity but in a non toxic way because I allow myself to feel my emotions when need be. Even if it's crying or being angry.
I wish you the best of luck in life, love and your journey of growing as a person!
@@silk3887 thank you so much!!!! I'd already save it ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Spot on. It nearly age 50, I have just begun to tackle Limerence. I had never even heard of it before a month ago. I had given up on dating, relationships, and marriage long ago. When an old flame reached out, and painful emotions welled up, it was a wake up call to get healed. I had neglected reality, and fallen deep into escapism/fantasy of different kinds. I knew in my head I needed to take better care of myself, but just couldn't get past the inertia that had set in over the years. The painful broken heart of a Limerent Experience got me to move it. I'm looking into healing childhood trauma, where Limerence has roots, joined a helpful support group, and am trying to take better care of myself in real life--eating healthier, exercise, spiritual practice, and cleaning up the house. Finding meaningfulness in life is important, too. Limerence is an understandable attempt to fill that void. Thank you Psych2Go 💚
This is *EXACTLY* why I am skeptical of infatuation and falling in love at this point in my life even though it feels good (a lot like being high, actually). At least as often as not, these emotions result from an illusion. We project the traits we hope and wish for in a romantic partner but havent found onto this other person -- essentially falling in "love" with someone who is mostly a figment of our own imaginations! -- even though the other person actually might not have any interest in being or doing any of these things (or at least not with us) and is under absolutely no obligation whatsoever to measure up to these fantasies we have.
Really, there's something more than a bit egocentric about all this because it focuses almost exclusively on what you want this other person to be and to do and doesn't pay any attention to what the other person might want (which will most likely differ from what YOU think the person should want) -- but basically regarding other people as.playthings, as possessions, or as puppets disregards and disrespects their humanity and has nothing to do with real love..
Bingo!
This hits hard! This made me think !
Yes - total illusion. The only difference between limerence and falling in love is in the former, it is a solo act. Whereas in the latter, typically, both people are projecting their idea of perfection onto one another. REAL LOVE exists in reality. Limerernce and falling in love, exist in fantasy.
It was my childhood... I was escaping from reality and my depression. It gave me energy to exist. I still have this grief to cope with from the past, that haunts me. The objects of my addiction were so idealized by me, that I didn't even find out they were acting in a narcisstic way to me. 'Loving' them was taboo in our relationship and they were probably draining energy from me and fixing their low self-esteem. It's good to know this addiction has a name.
Hope y'all are doing okay, toxic love and obsession is unhealthy. If that person doesn't want you, that's okay, you're awesome enough that if you want another partner, you *WILL* find someone!! ^^ You're such an amazing person it's insane to think that there isn't someone crushing on you out there, or if you believe in soulmates, who knows, you can meet them at any time!! Let fate decide. If someone you trusted was cheating on you or broke up with you for a stupid reason, I'm sincerely sorry, but in the long run, good. They aren't worth you anyway. Love you all and hope you're doing okay, life is tough and often cruel but thew are so many people who will be there for you. Good luck!! ^^ 💖
Thank you
The problem is not finding someone, but leave this one behind
Thank you !❤️
This is so sweet, thank you so much🥺💖
@@ninetails0980 Right
I went through this. My limerent object was a former teacher. It lasted 5 years. Five. Years.
It was absolute hell, but it taught me a lot too.
Why are you refering to them as an object? 💀
@@voguexperimental the person towards you feel those feelings is called “the limerent object”, because they are who receive the action of limerence... I don’t know if I said it in the best and clearest way, maybe not, haha. But you can look it up 😉
What did you do in orderd to forget him?
She really was a teacher.
Your voice is really calming. My boyfriend finally fell asleep after 1 minute into the video. Thank you -His girlfriend
that's cute
Awwww 😃
That's so sweet.
@@tech_mask9577 bro plese why u use that emoji 💀
@@toqqyo using emojis isnt illegal
I'm here to help. I've struggled with this for well over a decade so I know how it feels. Tips:
1. Socialize more, either with people you know or meet new people. If you're introverted like me and only talk to a handful of people, it'll be harder for you to come out of this.
2. Even just getting outdoors by yourself will help. When you are in your room it's so much more harder to stop fantasizing.
3. Treat yourself by working on some aspect that will make you value yourself more. For me it's exercise.
4. Journal, so that there is a closure to your thoughts. You can even write about the horny fantasies you have. It will reduce the feelings.
5. Be mindful of their flaws, both physical and character flaws. You need to know they are not as great as you thought so that you free yourself
There are more points I can mention, but it's not for everyone.
I developed an unhealthy crush on a friend during the pandemic. It developed into limerence fairly quickly.
I took it upon myself to dissect the feelings into 1) needs 2)drives and 3) wants.
Drives are instincts. Like sexual urges based on hormonal cycles. My hormones have always been stupid powerful, and my sexual drive strongest just after my period and into my furtile stage. So I kept a journal and kept myself busy or otherwise occupied 😎 at these times.
The needs vs wants I had to break down and work through. I spoke with friends, talked to my therapist, and worked on filling needs through other means. This helped relieve some of the mental and emotional pressures.
I started shadow work to discover "why's" and find healthier paths - like learning to love myself. So the occasional compliments had *less* power over me.
I found other outlets to provide less hyper focused forced socialization that the pandemic dropped on us.
I realized I was also "touch starved" so dove into my fluffy blankets. It wasn't perfect. But it helped.
I've got limericks, bad.
A circus performer named Brian / Once smiled as he rode on a lion. / They came back from the ride / But with Brian inside, / And the smile on the face of the lion.
There once was a man from Peru / Who dreamt that he swallowed his shoe. / He woke up in fright / In the mid of the night / To learn that his dream had come true!
I don't know if this counts but Mrs White had a fright in the middle of the night saw a ghost eating toast half way up the old lamp post
🤣👌🏽
@@juddotto3660 Okay, Gary.
There once was a man from Nantucket….
Never mind
Used to obsess over this guy, then my friend told me he didn't like me, and I dropped my obsession. It was really strange, but I feel much better and I don't freak out around him anymore! Also, we hang out as friends now! :)
Almost the same thing happened to me a while ago and i trying to drop mine, it do feel rly weird doe
That’s good to hear, good for you. I struggle with this though, the expectation part. I’m seeking help and realizing that I need to focus on myself first. Talking to people I find attractive and being there friend is something I could never get over even today. For some of us it’s hard, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to cope one day healthily.
So is this an example of a crush and not limerence?
Sometimes you can't help but feel like that about someone you really like/love, it brings out the shine from the bleak, ordinary life we have
I struggled a lot this this when I was younger. The last time I had this kind of relationship really opened up my eyes about this pattern of mine. I didn’t realize it was a problem until I met this friend in college. How we met was very serendipitous and I was under the impression he liked me back. Over time, my feelings for him grew and he was picking up on that. Long story short, he knew he had that power over me, so he would do things to try to get a rise out of me or get whatever supply he needed from me at that time. I realized he was a narcissist and I was really codependent on him. I would go through these intense cycles of feeling guilty for anything I had done to contribute to the toxicity, anger at him for things he would do, then still longing for his forgiveness, continue the fantasies in my head, and then get frustrated when I couldn’t decode any cryptic or passive things he would say. This cycle went on for a long time, which led to me cutting off and reinstating the friendship over and over again.
Looking back on this friendship, it still pains me with the amount of time I spent fantasizing about this guy. He didn’t treat me well and I still thought that that’s what I deserved. We haven’t talked in almost a year, and it feels nice that we’re no longer friends. Sometimes I still think about him, but now in a much more realistic view. He wasn’t the guy who I thought he was, partially because he wasn’t truthful with who he was either.
To anyone that has read this, please know that you’re not alone. It sucks to have to go through this intense attachment with someone, but I promise you that it gets better! Therapy, journaling, and being honest with myself really helped me get out of this hole. I believe all of this stems from being emotionally/physically neglected as a child: all we want is someone to tell us that they love us! Remember, YOU are worthy of a healthy love. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to do get yourself better. :)
Thanks 🙂
My takeaway from this is how important communication is and why it's so important for couples to be open to each other.
My contribution is adding that gathering different opinions from loved ones helps significantly
You are right. I think I have the same.
Wow. I like how you related your childhood experiences with wanting love and receiving emotional/ physical neglect, with this situation you had in college. That’s… hard stuff - to say the least. I’ve been through similar experiences. And the fact that you vulnerably shared that on here - amazes me. Thank you for sharing what is working for you: journaling, therapy, and being honest with yourself. Journaling has helped me immensely, and being honest with myself is a crucial ongoing battle. I’ve struggled to initiate therapy.. but I hope one day I will do it. Going back to your example, I’m appreciative you are in a place where you can look back and recognize what was healthy and unhealthy with the young man. I realize this is an ongoing process, so I just want to encourage you to keep going 🙂. It takes a lot, but in the end I hope it is worth it 😌. Take care hun 💪
Oh my gosh, I love this “open to each other” and “communication” piece. I struggle with being vulnerable to those I care about because I do not trust people. I don’t even trust myself. This struggle is deep rooted. I gotta work on it - just struggling to currently. I recognize the importance of communication and being transparent… and I think there are so many nuances with these topics ☺️. For example: finding those we trust.
- Why do we trust them?
- Is it safe to share with that individual?
- Are people even ones that would be best to put our trust in? If yes - why? If no - why?
- What is the best framework/ example of trust? Vulnerability? Communication?
Yeah 🤓. I love these topics 😊. So fascinating to me. I agree with your statement “gathering different opinions from loved ones helps significantly”, and I want to add: consider their advice carefully. Humans are capable of giving great advice and offering comforting words in great times of need, but we are limited. Sometimes people don’t know how to help. Sometimes, what we think may be best.. isn’t. So I encourage us to recognize our limitations 😊. The pros and cons of our actions/ the advice. This also gets me thinking about God and what I’ve read about him 🤔😑 (thinking face). Maybe.. God would be a good one to put trust in.. buuuut I’m still investigating.. and very uneasy on this topic 😑 (thinking face).. so we will see. Logically.. if God is real - it would make sense to me that the creator of trust would be the best source to learn from. Hmm
Okay, I just went on all kinds a’ rabbit holes ☺️. Thanks for sharing your comment Aaron
What are y’all’s thoughts? Do ya have anything to add? Feel free 😊
@@aaronlindsey2219 You’re welcome?! 😂 At the time I tried my best to communicate what was bothering me with him, but that usually led to him gaslighting me or just not taking accountability for their actions. Talking about this with loved ones definitely helped with validating what I was feeling and experiencing. Thanks for your contribution! 😊
I went through this last year for months, and unlike crushes where they leave you giddy, limerence actually kills you inside. You're addicted to an idea of someone and since that idea is intangible, you can't just put is aside like cocaine
And you can hardly talk about it to anyone, because most people don't understand what you are talking about. I am in the middle of healing and getting out of it and remembering moments when I thought back then: "yeah, he loves me, too." I now see as: "Na, he said "hy" and went his way..." So, the personal illusion is insane to me and realizing it I really wonder who actually is living in so called reality.
This video made me realize I may have been experiencing limerance for over a year now. There's a person that I simply cannot stop thinking about, even though I know she doesn't have the same feelings for me. I thought it was just a good friendship at first, then I thought I had a crush on her but it's lasting for so long that I think it's limerance now.
“You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women chasing money.” Get to work and stay on your purpose, King Kevin! Stop idolizing any woman, and watch her become interested in you. It may sound simplistic that men need respect and women need attention, but it’s true.
Recommended reading: “The Rational Male,” and “Preventative Medicine” by Rollo Tomassi.
It will save you and all good men loads of heartache and waste of time/money with bad women.
@@jessitabonita Thank you so much for your comment. You really helped me feel better with your words. I suffer from low self-esteem in addition to the "limerance", and I was never able to tell her how I really feel about her. Somewhere in my mind I still think that "maybe if I told her she could like me", but I never had the courage because I know she loves another person. It's hard when the person you like is also your friend. I'll try looking for the books you recommended me to see if it could help. Thank you very much!
@@kevinkite3418
No, stop! She’s trying to redpill you!
www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Positive-Masculinity-ebook/dp/B0748N6NW7
Her claim sounds simplistic because it is-case in point, the fact that it is impossible to respect someone without also giving them attention.
Don’t fall for the trap-I promise you it’s possible to chase your dreams and find your purpose without demonizing equality and pigeonholing yourself into “conventional masculinity”.
I know what it’s like to feel the pain of rejection. Please hang on. There are no easy answers to that, so don’t trust anyone who claims to have them all.
@@theoneonyoutube4925 Thank you so much! A friend told me about this "redpill" concept once, but this never seemed like the right way to see things for me. I believe there's many ways in which men and women can be happy in a relationship and there's no definitive answer to that. But sometimes it's really hard to deal with your feelings when you love someone without being loved in return for a long time... Thank you for your words.
1) obsessively thinking about them 2:07
2) insecurity and / or shyness in their presence 2:47
3) putting them on a pedestal 3:31
4) emotional dependency 4:30
5) longing for reciprocation 4:50
6) fantasizing reciprocation 5:06
thank you excellent break down!
I meet 5 of those...
Can't believe this video has been up for a full year, and I NEVER SAW IT UNTIL NOW! I just learned about limerence a few days ago, but I've had it for about 20 years! I couldn't have found out about this SOON enough! Please DO MORE!
I read Tennov’s book Love and Limerence many years ago. This video makes it sound like a pathology. It’s not quite the same as love addiction but can be one component. Limerence in itself is a pretty natural phenomenon. I guess it just depends on how long it goes on for in some individuals before it becomes a real problem. Tennov’s book is merely descriptive, not diagnostic. Personally I feel sorry for anyone who’s never felt this way. It can be painful but also magical, and channeled into some fine creativity. But just like any drug, you have to ween off it eventually.
You feel sorry that some people do not experience it, meanwhile saying it is like a drug. You hear yourself, do you? "Oh, I feel so sorry for you that you never got drunk to thorw up and damage your body but the feeling in your brain is so really awesome. I feel soooo sorry for you littel creature..." Seriously, choosing illusion over reality when it comes down to feelings is the basic ingedrient for all the bad in the world. But yeah, go ahead...awesome feeling. Everyone should experience it...
I just got out 6 years of limerence & actually found someone I love. It's so wild to me now that I spent such a long time in such an unhealthy experience, thinking it was love.
I used to really be like this. That is, until I told my crush I’ve had for years I liked her. I noticed how obsessive I could be like, how jealous I could be, and I think her rejecting me and keeping me as a friend helped me see that a bit. I still like her a lot, and I don’t think I’ll be over quickly.
At this point I want her to be happy and comfortable with our friendship, and I think moving past the fake “perfect person” who I was obsessed with is a good way to stay friends.
I won’t lie that sometimes I make up scenarios in my head of if they actually liked me. It’s tempting, but I still have no need for reciprocation, or a want for it. I want them to be comfortable and I think getting over how obsessive that crush was is the important step.
Good luck to any other people who experience it in a more negative way:)) have a good day.
It happens to me, because I feel lonely, and all that stuff, I want friends for support and i don't like being isolated. And when i crush someone, I feel relieved, happy, but I get sad when they don't feel the same way.
I definitely have been suffering from limerance for 4 months.
Good to have confirmation that it is unhealthy.
This is my First RUclips Membership and it goes to you , Psych2go !!!
(these emojis are so cutieee ! )
Limerence changes you as a person. Especially when you're emotional and intense, to say that the kind of impact in your life is big would be an understatement. It drives you mad, literally forcing you to evolve. Don't even start with if you're a poet.
Sometimes you just need someone to say what you are feeling and give your condition a name. so you can actually have the strength to work on it.
Sounds like someone who never got the affection that they needed from their parents as a child.
Thank you for saying that.
I don't know I've given my son lots of attention and love his whole life but he recently went through limerence with this girl he liked. I think everyone has been in limerence when they first date but don't see it until later when it gets out of control.
Bingo
It is common, it helps fill the void… It feels good to have anyone love you, or wven have a target to project the fantasy of someone loving you on… I’m trying to break this pattern right now.
I've been on both sides of this coin, and I gotta say... it's unnerving, no matter what side you're on. I became obsessed with this girl in high school, so distracted by my own thoughts that I couldn't even focus on school work, or even my job (I lived & worked on a farm, and almost got run over by a cow because I was too busy daydreaming; that's how dangerous it could be). We dated for a while, but I could go from ecstatically happy to full-on nervous breakdown at the drop of a hat. I was a mess, yet I kind of enjoyed that messy feeling. It was like an addiction; no matter how terrible the lows were, I couldn't wait to get that incredible feeling back, to get my "fix" of imaginary love. It wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. I thought I found my soul mate... so I was devastated when she broke up with me. I started abusing drugs to try numbing the pain and covering up my shortcomings. I blamed all my pain on her... but the problem was me. I was sick in the head, and did nothing to make things better. I put so much pressure on her when we were together, that it was no wonder she didn't want to be with me anymore.
Fast-forward almost 2 decades, and I get into these relationships with women who seem to fall for me almost instantly, claiming I'm some perfect specimen of a man (which I know I'm not), that I was saving their lives (which I wasn't), one even telling me she wanted to have my children after being together a whole *2 days,* and it just made me very uncomfortable. these relationships never last very long, and I still don't know the best way to deal with them, other than to avoid relationships altogether (which isn't healthy, either). sometimes, I think Karma is kicking my ass for not dealing with my issues properly when I was younger, and now I'm getting the payback from it.
After hearing about limerence , I think I should just stop being too emotional about Love , having feeling for the one who doesn't feel the same way towards me , it's just hurts like hell .
limerence may be painful sometimes, but without my feelings i would feel dead. that's why on the other side is hard for me to get rid of it. sometimes it seems like nothing brings me so much excitement and happiness, nothing makes me stop feeling derealisation as much as him. Well, that's perfect conditions to develop an addiction. I'm exhausted, life is too hectic for me, i wish i was never born.
Oh I hope your feeling stronger.
Really feel for you.
I've got this going on I'm my life too.
I'm full of lust and longing.
But I know I love myself more.
I'm changing hours at work so less contact and I'm ignoring him.
And really looking at all the things I want to explore for my own creative life.
Down somewhere deep inside you, you love yourself more💞
Keep digging deep into yourself it will work.❤
There's no hope for me.... I've been trapped in Limerence as long as I can remember I just didn't know it had a technical name all this time
But even still in saying all of that... I'm very happy that this has been discovered, and classified as a diagnosis.
I might have no hope or confidence or even live in a world meant for me anymore, but that doesn't mean my younger siblings and friends once they reach the age I'm at now, they don't have to suffer like I do. I hope that they see this and learn from it the importance of casting these feelings out in time, before it's too late.
And I also hope this adorable little channel continues to help people in ways that are both simple yet effective.
Heyy I found Jesus 11 months ago. Didn’t grow up Christian but he still found me. I know it’s hard! I’m going through it but just want to let you know that I serve the God of the impossible because Jesus can redeem, renew and restore anything and yes I mean ANY THING like literally. You can serve him too. Don’t do this alone Jesus helped and is helping me do it with him. You don’t have to carry this weight alone
Peter 5:7 casting all your anxieties on him (Jesus), because he cares for you.
Wow! I really could have used this video in high school. I'm still getting over a crush that I have had for over 10 years. It's gotten better now, considering the fact I don't think about them every day. Even if I do end up thinking about them, I just say a prayer for them and try to think about something else quick. This was a really great video! Please keep up the good work! I love your videos and Psyche to Go is often the highlight of my daily RUclips usage!
Thank you for this video on Limerence. It was especially helpful, to me - and was, as always, very clear and concise. My experience of limerence felt to me like the descriptions of other addictions I have seen or heard about. I experienced limerence as extremely tenacious; and I couldn't get free of it all by myself. It took a lot of my own effort, for sure - sometimes-painful struggles (ups and downs, failures and eventual successes). But it took other people, committed to the same goals (of freedom, inner peace, self-respect and sanity), to "get there". And even with that, the possibility of relapse still seems always to "be there", biding its time, sometimes for years. ... Good thing, I guess, that my experiences of limerence contained quite a lot of misery. That makes it easier now to recognize what's happening, to remember what will follow if I don't do what I need to do, before the thing gets ahold of me again.
Guys. I had serious limerence for 2 years. It was a serious condition that impacted my life terribly. I got therapy (for general purposes) and I didn't know it was called limerence but my therapist suggested it was. I actually healed. My therapist saved my life (I went through two others before I found her). I actually am able to not be like this anymore. It was debilitating how badly it consumed my life even though I thought I was happy. Looking back, there's a better way, and I could not have done it without help. If you have this problem, you need help.
Don't be ashamed. You don't have to be ashamed. Get help.
Growing up I was never interested in dating or marriage. I noticed certain individuals, but those times were less than I can count on one hand and held my emotional attention for no more than a week. Four years ago was different. I starting becoming enamored with a woman I had been acquainted with for a couple years. I wondered to myself what I was feeling. After a vivid dream where I shared a passionate kiss with her I knew, or at least I thought I knew, what I felt for her. My entire life never being interested in anyone to suddenly feel this way; the dream felt like a sign. However, what started as a dream grew into a nightmare. Because I often had dreams about her I was literally thinking about her day and night. I always felt small around her. She was so awesome! I considered her my role model; smart, strong, and seemed to always have it together. She was the warrior I wanted to be! I knew right away that the likelihood of us being together was zero or close to it. despite what the cold facts of reality were telling me I desperately wanted things to be different. That against all odds that god, fairies, or whatever divine forces may or may not exist could prove my past cynicism and reality wrong. As I continued to ride hope I continually fell into despair. After a painful ordeal between us I decided to give up my feelings for her, but turning off feelings isn't as easy as snapping your fingers or turning a switch. Time has passed, the feelings are gone, the dream has faded. I have only found recently that what I felt wasn't love, but some sort of sickness. My heart aches because the feelings I thought I had for the first time I never truly had to begin with. Right now I am working very hard on trying to love myself, make the most of the life I have, and be the best person I can be. Because in the end no matter the outcome I will be living with myself for the rest of my life.
This is the first time I have fully related to one of your videos involving love/romance. My friends never fully understood it when I told them that I often ended up looking back on past loves in such a negative light because I just remembered them as times where I couldn’t function as a full fledged adult. I even lost one of my jobs due to constantly thinking about a man I thought I loved and now that I don’t feel the same way it’s nothing but regret.
Im my younger years I would chase people if I liked them. But over time I have learned if people don't want me then ill leave them Be and go with those who like me and value me.
Do you think you ever had limerence though? If your logic can help you get past it, it sounds like you weren't really suffering from this.
@@billny33 yes I did
So do you still get limerent over some women but walk away anyway in spite of the deep sadness that may follow or do you just no longer become limerent over anyone?
*Limerick of Limerence*
There was from deliverance,
two like-minded crushed;
no longer free-minded;
absantees in blindness...
a stroke of Limerence!
The fact that I’ve been living with this since I was 5 and I’m now almost 24 is incredible. I didn’t know this was a thing. Thank god
This video is highly recommended for Marinette and Cat noir
Anyone else thinks the same? :)
Edit: Oh man holy sh*t mom I'm famous as miraculous ladybug is!!!
Edit2: Thomas Astruc u better take this video and include it in ur show so that many miraculers can also become Psych2goers😃😈
Edit 3: Don't mind me I'm just increasing the popularity of Psych2go that Psych2go deserves hehe
✋
Dude I was thinking the exact same thing!!!
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Me me me me me 😀😀😀😀😀
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
So glad I found this video, thank you! I never knew this was the name for it, the closest info I found was about love sickness. Thought I was going mad. I fall for people and sometimes have these love addictions for years, they never go away until I become interested in someone else and the cycle just repeats. I always fall for people I can’t have and always attract people I’m not interested in. For instance, at school My love addiction was a teacher for 4 years.
I’ve spent the last two years feeling like this over a girl who had to go on her own path. For so long I’ve felt like I was strange for not being able to more on. Despite all the pain it’s caused me it’s good to finally know that I’m not alone.
I have a few thoughts about this... 1. Think of all the great love songs (and breakup songs) we have are due to the feelings of love and longing! It would be a sad world without those songs and each of us knowing and connecting to the emotions in those songs! So many songs about love and loss! 2. And it's funny how songs or music can be the sound track to a relationship. I was reminded about that last night as I listened to David Gray's album White Ladder, after not listening to that album for years. It took me back to one of the most profound releationships of my life. I was immediately transported back to the intense feeling of love and the journey I had with that particular person. 3. Isnt it better to have loved and lost better than to never have loved at all? 4. Some of the most magical moments of my life have been when I've had a crush and then been told by my crush that they felt the same way... it is like mana from heaven! 5. I guess the fall from heaven is the knowledge that those feelings are just a chemical reaction born from ignorance and once you get to know a person and their faults those feelings will fade and can lead you to the depths of hell! ♥
This video definitely makes sense. I have OCD (not the want everything clean all the time kind). I don't feel like going into all the details here, but if you want to know more just do some research on the different types of OCD and what it really is. I feel like i also have limerence, which makes sense bc it's similar to some OCD symptoms. I've been obsessed over the same person for almost 6 years now. It will temporarily get better but always comes back. Any trigger and i'm back down the rabbit hole again. Ruminating, questioning things, asking why. This is someone I have met in real life and briefly dated but we haven't seen each other since. I got so emotionally and mentally invested. It's a long story, but i just want to find the strength to be better and stay better.
I used to suffer from codependency dissorder. It’s important to talk to a therapist about trauma from childhood ( neglect, rejection from care takers).
Our mind creates a fiction about other people to create a sence of control. This serves us well as children, because we where in real danger and where litteraly helpless. But as adults we no longer need the fantasy. We must learn from scratch to see the world and people « as it is». God’s, super hero’s, perfect love and so on are fictions created by the mind to make us survive in a hostile environment.
Work on your trauma. Go deep into the « dirth» om your memories/emotions. This « enlightonment» of your mind will gradualy take you into « the real world». A imperfect, impermanent but beautyfull world, full of both wonders and horrors. And you learn to accept that this is also our nature.
Good luck ❤
I probably am in the limiar of this... mostly my crushes were platonic, and fearing of rejection, I got used to fantasisy and overly exaggerate our interaction, searching a meaning to something little. This always lead to me realizing that it was all in my head and eventually distancing myself from the person to the extent of cut all contact. (sticking with a little hope to be seeked but, 90% of the time it's fruitless and the other 10% the person wanted me near to some extend for me to keep feeding their ego)
The fact that I always think about my crush and what I would love to do with her and that this video comes up is astounding😳 probably meant for me
i never realized that a friend of mine might have this towards me. He’s like a brother to me not a boyfriend, he’s been “crushing” on me for 7 years now. I can’t help but feel bad about rejecting him. I really do like him but not like that.. poor dude, this video sounds exactly like him. Just thought i’d share my story ^^
y'all still talk tho
This has been a living hell, it ruined what friendship I had with someone and over the last 3 years and destroyed my mind. Got diagnosed with CPTSD and OCD with the intrusive thoughts and "fantasies" mostly non sexual but just a life with said person the ups and downs and all that too. It hurts so bad that i had to cut her out of my life and it got so much worse because i effectively ghosted her, eventually went back to apologise but the damage was done it was too late to even repair the friendship and the excessive shame and guilt of doing such a thing to someone who trusted you and all you feel like was a liar the entire time of trying to be a friend. It's horrible, both sides were hurt and losing a friendship in the process due to my problems and illness just makes things worse.
After watching a few of these videos. I am getting a crush on the narrator. She sounds so smart and pretty. Like one of those ladies who does not even know she beautiful. Wakes up with bed head and looks prettier then the night before when she was dressed up for the dance.
Thank you for taking your time to work on these videos to help people. It is a huge blessing.
You have limerence for the narrator lol
Love addiction literally destroys everything. It actually has the opposite effect of what it's supposed to achieve: it doesn't make the addicted loved. It makes them unloved.
I was honestly unloved for a while mainly because I had a bit of an inferiority complex from being bullied constantly in middle school. Fixed that and now I exude at least 4 inches of aura above my relatively short stature. Still single but I have hobbies and passions and can talk to people for hours as an introvert. I actually love myself now which is a step in the right direction. One must imagine me happy
i do have a love addiction. and it sucks. as much as i want to get rid of it, i just can't. It's so frustrating thinking about them literally ALL THE TIME. I really want to get over it otherwise i know it will block anything new to come into my life but i just seem to lack the willpower to do so. ugh.
Love to see this kind of people
Hey, I have love addiction too. How're you feeling now?
Wait this is a bad thing? It needs to be treated?
I thought it's just being a hopeless romantic ;-;
Don’t let this video make you feel bad. I truly believe that most people hold onto someone from the past, but eventually move onto somebody else. Although that person is still in their heart, subconsciously.
Not necessarily. If you're doing it in a destructive way to avoid your problems or it makes you depressed (not sad or bummed out but depressed for real) or it turns in to this "addiction" then yes treatment would be desirable. But If it's not causing harm to your life and you're just sad about someone then no you don't need treatment. It's just heartache
If it doesn't seem like a bad thing to you, then: good news! You don't have it.
Ek I’m an artist, so I run on passion… sometimes these people go to far. It’s good to feel these kind of things. Hah they want a bunch of brainless, feelingless, zombies out there. Oh great, how do we get rid of every emotion and feeling? It’s called unrequited love, actually a human thing. God I’m so sick of this. Turn us into robots already, like “they” want. Emotions create art and move people…sigh”
@@ashlieschmehl7150 yeah I was wanting to say something like that, but it’s so hard to want to continuously put myself out there to people that already made their decision based off of someone or a channel that they want to believe in. Especially because people are very sensitive to how things are worded. I’m glad you said something. It’s getting a little harder lately because of all of this pull and push energy the past couple of months but as long as we hold onto our awareness I know we can make it through, and eventually people will start thinking individually. Take care
Omg, thank u so much for this. It can be really hard having this along with maladaptive daydreaming. I exhaust myself most mornings, and even dance at times daydreaming about showing off to my LO (limerence object). What recently bothered me is not living my life because of this.
I don't know if it's destiny that I found this channel a few days ago, but I'm very glad I did it, since a few months ago I have realized that little by little I have fallen in love with my coworker and every day I become more obsessed with her, and for the last 15 days I have tried to find a way to get rid of this feeling, but every time I make progress and start to detach from her, something happens, suddenly she is super nice to me or tells me to go out to eat something and that makes me so happy that ruins all my progress.
Many times I have even exploded and done or said things that any other person would walk away for, but she is still there, I have even told her that if she prefers to be alone or if she really does not like to go out with me she better tell me and she always tells me that it is not for me and that someday we will have fun but I know she only tell me that to sound nice and we are never gonna go out to someplace and have a nice day, but I see when she goes out with other people and in the days that she supposedly likes to rest at home, why not be direct?, it would be easier for me, because she goes from being cold or ignoring me to out of the blue looking for me and being really friendly.
I feel like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of moving away and coming back to her, I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore, not even food tastes good to me, I watch videos or clean the house all day long to distract myself and not think about her but it's very difficult.
I hope soon to get out of this and get my life back, and the videos of the channel help me a lot to see things about me that I thought did not affect me, thank you very much, love from mexico.
Having experienced years of a reciprocated limerant relationship I've found it helpful to apply the "wanting the best" sentiment as I gradually step back from it. It helps give the extrication a well-meaning motive, and to achieve a transformation of the relationship, rather than a termination (which isn't always needed).
Hey there! I'd like to request a video titled " How comparing ourselves to others can affect us ". I'm currently struggling a bit with that topic and I would be really happy if you could create something like that.
I'm a big fan of psych2go and these videos really helped me a lot! I hope you will see and acknowledge my message! Have a good day
Oh I’m the worst person when it comes to that, I don’t know anybody more that does it as much and as bad as I do 😳😖🥺
Me tooooo
Thanks for the feedback! Will let the team know!
This was me in middle school and high school. I was well aware that I was in this situation, but I didn't know there was a word for it, and I didn't understand that it was unhealthy. It severely affected me not only during that time, but in the year and a half after I graduated after I never saw her any more and knew I probably never would again. I hope people in a similar situation see this video and realize they need to let go. It's impossible to have a romantic relationship with someone if you get too big a head start on it.
This happened to me from december 2019 to july 2020, (specially during lockdown). I even went to therapy, but it is still hard to avoid it. Specially when that person did not say "yes" or "no" to me, she told me to wait some years. Try being realistic, vibe with the moment and do things that prevent you from daydreaming (working out helped me a lot, try different hobbies and set some goals/projects). Try to seek support from your loved ones and go to therapy. Hope you are doing great! If not, I hope you'll recover. ❤️
Breaking out of it hurts like hell.
For about a week and then you start working on yourself and realize you SUCKED. After that life gets a lot better
I just wanna say thank you to everyone on this channel, you guys do an amazing job at discussing mental health. I truly appreciate it, its never bs or lies, its always facts
"Everyone has an addiction, mine just happens to be love" - Barrack Obama
Crack is never a bad go-to either.
@@rudecrudesociallyunaccepta2200 i laughed a little too much
Somehow this reminds me of my favourite quote from Shakespear:
"I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano, a stage where every man must play a part. And mine a sad one."
Or bombing third world countries ~ also Barack Obama x
Marinette watching this be like: 👁️👄👁️
Killed it.😂😂
i was thinking that
xD
she's just a friend
Lmfaooooo
I think a lot of people with relate when I say that it’s so hard to explain to people why this hurts so badly without sounding petty.
this hell started for me at 11 years old over another girl. it’s just so weird because you wouldn’t usually think a child could become so infatuated with another child (in my case she was a little older than me) that it could take over their life and take from a healthy growing environment that children need. still affects me now but at that time especially it was so emotionally and mentally taxing.
This is a real thing.
I was clinically diagnosed with c-ptsd at 15
This is true as hell, because last year when school was starting back again in 2020, I just all of a sudden start thinking and begin to have feelings for this one girl from my school during quarantine, even though despite the fact that I saw her a couple of times and spoke to each other just for four or five seconds, and we accidentally bumped into each other after class ended and I was getting my backpack, she then said "sorry ^w^" very happily and smiled while saying it, and then I said it's fine, this was in early 2020 some time before school shutdown because of covid, then months later when school was starting up (it was online school) and just out of nowhere I just start having feelings for her even despite us not knowing each other personally. I've been thinking about her ever since August something 2020 to this day in 2021 and I just can't stop thinking about her, but if school ever starts again and it opens back up then I will be able to see her if possible because I first seen her in 10th grade and she looked a little older then me (I was 15 at the time) and she looked like she was 16 or 17 years old. But god I'm hoping she was actually in the same grade as me (I'm in 11th grade) and hoping she was in 11th grade too and not in 12th grade, if she was in 12th grade then she would have graduated high school and I wouldn't be able to see her again :( but the thing is I don't really know what grade she was really in, but still it's possible she is in the same grade as me right now, and I really just want to see her again and talk to her and go slowly before getting into a relationship with her. If you wanna know what she looks like she has nice blonde hair and white skin and I think she also had green eyes too ^w^ but I can't remember because my memory of seeing her is too faint and kinda blurry qwq
I literally haven't had an actual “crush” on them or seen them in years and it's very confusing 👊😔
This really hit home…
Yeah
Oof
I spent most my life avoiding substances. Only recently found out about limerence and realised it had been there a while. I little while ago i met someone and fell for them quite naturally and then it developed into limerence. As of 3 days ago i called her and told her about it. We decided we could be friends and she never realized that when i asked her out it was asking her on a date. I had to tell her because i didn’t want to build a relationship on limerence. And after our talk i feel like i have escaped most of the symptoms. But what hurts the most is that for what it feels like i ended our relationships chances by myself even though its been the very substance of an addiction. No regrets though…
i recently went through such a state, and i can say that there is no better freind than knowledge in such times: find out about your crush as much as you can. you may find out that the object of your love is someone with a very different mindset and set of ethics than your own. you don't want to end up drained and abused by manipulators.
be aware that falling in love has the falling part first. you won't fall if you take the right steps. also be aware that by falling to the right person rather than moving away, you become an unwilling accomplice to the wrongs that they may do to others. there can be nothing more empowering in the life of a bad person than the presence of a good person that has joined the dark side.
in this day and age, with so much pressure for conformity, and the preference in the media for an emphasis on moral ambiguity, people forgot to ask themselves:"who am i really? what do i want from life? what are the values that i believe in? do they motivate me to become a better person, for myself and others? do the people in my life reflect any decency toward me and others? people are not born perfect, but they can become better. your approach to love should be based on this perspective.
Damn, I have definitely experienced this. For me I think it developed as a response to being overweight, being told it affected my worth and would have an negative effect on my love life. So any time I felt myself start to crush on some one, I would “crush” (repress) those feelings because I didn’t deserve them and had no chance in hell. It didn’t stop me from having my own personal fan fiction and hoping they would be the one to prove my insecurities wrong. Yeah I’m emotionally stunted in this area. Still never been with someone, at this point being single is familiar and safe. The only thing stopping me from dating now is the paranoia I get from listening to true crime…I’m so glad I’m meeting with my therapist next week I definitely need to show her this 😂 😭
Fun Fact-
I see psych2go more than I see my crush these days
So true 😂
painful but true😅
Unfun fact
I don't see my crushes, at all. 😂
Tbh, it feels like I've suffered from love addition for all my life, with way too many "unhealthy" thoughts and habits as a reaction to it. So far, the best medicine I've used is to learn to be independent and self-loving; being careful not to venture into any extremes like arrogance or isolation, but still enough to say that I don't need them, and I love myself enough to not put them above my personal well-being.
This is very encouraging
Its been 8 years.... 2 years since they cut me out of their life. This video gave me closure, I have a problem and I understand that now. Thank you. Hopefully I can improve my future relationships with this knowledge, no more day dreaming.
I'm also going through this condition and it's tough. Like it's said here. When it's also unrequited love, the condition is much worse. The fact that we don't even get to know them well enough makes us cook up unrealistic ideas about them, their personality, their body etc. They would be the most perfect human for us, and the fact that we'll never get to know the real them will result in us sticking to the unrealistic image we have about them. We start comparing our lives with theirs'. We feel as if we're missing out on a lot in our life. I also suffer from OCD and I think limerence and OCD is one of the worst combo a person can have, and it's taking a huge toll on my mental well-being
Right in time
I was just talking to myself about her and how our friendship get worse from 2020 to now.
And guess who was mentally sat with me in my sofa while I was talking about her for no one. Yeah guess it right: my mental projection of her.
Ow. One of the rules I created that got me out (and that stops me getting back in) is: no imaginary conversations, except rehearsals of things I really intend to say.
@@AdrianColley That's a great rule actually, some recent conversation we had were alredy finished in my mind months ago
:O imagine having a secret crush on someone for your entire life, even when you are married eith 3 kids... That's pain
Imagine your crush having a family and kids, but those kids are not yours, oof:(
I used to have a crush on this girl in my neighborhood when we were kids. However, I never got along with her family or her family’s friends and she often ignored me. Fast forward 13 years later and out of the blue she got hired at my job and we worked together for almost 3 years. It was awkward, she had a boyfriend and it hurt to have to work in the cubicle next to her everyday. The good thing is we all got let go because of COVID and this past year I reflected on my time there. Sometimes pain will help you realize and focus on what YOU need to do to get better, which is what I’m doing now and getting help. I was very unprofessional towards her during our time working together by giving her too much cold shoulders and making it even more awkward. Cool thing is now I can move on and grow, that all we can really do.
Omg thats so sad
I think I developed this after getting very close with my friend when I was younger. We were too young to date but we both knew that we liked each other, we were just shy about it. From 4th to 6th grade we’d exchange gifts and relax on the tables afterschool. We often talked about problems at home, did homework together, shared food etc. We were a source of comfort and connection for each other. I haven’t been able to connect with someone as much as I did with her and it has really affected my view on how relationships work. She moved away a long time ago and certain things would still remind me of her
I'm glad I discovered this today, I quit trying to date for a while because I know I get a strong feeling for someone but it can get unhealthy
OMGGGG THIS LITERALLY DESCRIBES ME SO BADLY🤭🫠 Im so happy I'm not the only one going through this😩
Well... this explains a lot. The two years of pain and self harm, when I was 15-17, are finally explained.
Good thing it went by and I got out of it either way. Damn... I was really obsessed back then (._. )
Mines has lasted almost 2 years now, thankfully starting to think I’m getting over her :)
Going on tons of dates with a wide variety of people helps! ☺️ (Even with those you're not wholly attracted to) You start to realize that it's the traits that person possesses that are attractive to you and you may surprise yourself in things that your current crush doesn't have that you wish you would have in a lasting relationship
I've had two crushes in my life so far. One was in school. We became close friends and started to spend a lot of time together. At that time I didn't know how to manage my feelings at all, so I fell in love with her to the extent that I was depressed for a long time. It took me about 6 years to overcome my love addiction.
Another one almost drove me to suicide. And only when I caught myself thinking about how I was gonna kill myself, I realized that my mindset isn't right.
I'm still trying to "detach" from this person (she is my friendo, we met online and never seen each other in real life), but I'm feeling much better now.
I understood that it's necessary to pay close attention to your thoughts and feelings, to be in a state of constant self evaluation. It helps to control everything that happens in your mind.
Sharing you beliefs and understanding will really going to help other a lot. Thanks a lot