Hindsight vs Self Compassion
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2024
- What is the difference between hindsight and self compassion? It's common to look back on the past with judgement, but is it serving you? Watch this video as we walk through how to be kind to yourself when thinking of the past.
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00:00 Hindsight vs compassion
01:00 Past regrets
03:00 Judgement
05:00 Guilt
10:00 Forgive yourself
#mendedlight #jonathandecker
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“We may know something, but it takes a certain amount of strength and growth (and maturity) to be able to live it.” 😭😭😭
Exactly why Avatar is my favorite TV show-it’s so much more than just a silly ‘kids’ show, it’s actually very deep & moving & full of wisdom & collective human experiences & consciousness. in my opinion it’s just pure perfection
It is so so good. So much beautiful character development! Dismissing this as a silly 'kids' show as you say would be an enormous mistake.
I agree avatar is seriously the best
One of the most useful thing I ever learned from therapy was, that by being harsh with myself, I was living inconsistent with my own values.
I believe people should be treated with kindness, respect, compassion and grace, regardless of their shortcomings or flaws. I was saying and doing things to myself I would never to another person. And if I saw someone else treated the way I treated myself, I would rush to defend them. But I wasn't defending myself from my own attacks.
Therapy taught me that self-esteem can be grown when I show myself compassion and care, and I'm happier when I'm living consistent with my values...including the value of recognizing the dignity and worthiness of everyone, even myself.
Amen!
I don’t see people talking about this a lot and I’m so glad you said this! I think society in general spends a lot of time thinking about relating to others, but not listening to our own self-talk and evaluating it. Thanks so much! This is what I was feeling but couldn’t express. It’s like I couldn’t give myself permission to admit this unless someone else shared that they felt it too. ❤
Gods that moment of ATLA makes me cry every time...
I’ve been depressed and borderline suicidal for a few years now. This year I decided on a whim to take a compassionate living class where we are taught how to be compassionate toward others and ourselves. Changed my life! It didn’t cure my depression by any means, but it changed the way I respond to my depression and other life difficulties. Thanks for exploring this topic ^^
I love the Maya Angelou quote you shared! Also, just the simple words, "self-compassion" taped to a mirror where I can see them if needed shifts my thinking. There's also a quote I once saw by Karen Salmansohn: "View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead, asking 'What was I thinking?' breathe & ask the kinder question: 'What was I learning?"
Thank you both. It came just at the right time. I was under a lot of stress and didn't handle it well. I hurt a couple of people close to me. I sincerely apologized and owned my mistakes but there is a chance I may lose my friends forever.... I have learned my lesson now and will try my damn hardest not to repeat in the future... I hope Jono can talk more on this topic and also about how to create space and cultivate patience during stressful times. Much appreciated.
I look in the mirror and say “ I love and accept you as you are!” It took a long time for me to believe my self. After I truly began to believe I started feeling more confident.
I’m currently working through letting go of some guilt. Thankfully it is over a pretty low-stakes situation, but I’m a tender heart, lol. The advice in this video was really validating, and I’ve just been reminding myself to take the lesson and do better each time the guilt pops up.
Loved it. Thank you 🤗
I recently really noticed that when I start to feel proud of myself and do things that make me feel good about myself, I go back to shame and guilt with a detail I make bigger than it is. For example, the skin of my back is not in a good condition. I have acne and I am ashamed of it. I was bullied by my dad. He also bullied me for being lazy and a failure. His words. Because I was so lonely and stuck, I couldn't do anything but watching TV on a armchair when I was a teenager. And I was smart so I did not need to work to get by in school.
Sometimes... Too often actually, I become this lazy no future person again. I freeze. I don't do anything with my day. I tell myself I need to rest and I find excuses. And then, I watch myself in the mirror and hate myself all day long. And I postpone my work... I am an actress and I study many things I love. But I just sabotage. Recently, I realized how much I do that. I don't want to be what my dad told me I was. I want to do things. Cause when I do things, I am so proud to be me. And I think, I deserve to be proud. People around me believe that I am an inspiring strong driven woman. And yet. .. It is as true as it is a lie. I need to fight my freezing reflexe and to act. To do things. I know it's going to be really hard. But it's the only way...
This video has genuinely improved my mood. What you said about Shame resonating at a very low frequency, closest to Death, hit home. I've been feeling very down about myself and dealt with a lot of suicidal ideation and depression these past couple of months (I'm starting to see a therapist for it!). I tried thinking about my past actions I'm currently feeling shame for with the compassion that I did what I could do at my best then, I did mean it then, and I can't blame myself that my perspective now is different from what I held. Even thinking that lifted my mood.
I'm still prone to entering judgment territory, instead of offering self compassion. I'll work on recognizing shame for actions and guilt about choices I can change, then figure out how to offer myself self compassion!
I really pull myself back, time and time again, by imagining I was someone outside of me. And because I have a lot of compassion for ppl, I can let go of harshness towards myself.
I also do that with things where I try to gauge what's my responsibility and what isn't. I consider what advice I would give someone in my own shoes.
Oh no, not the uncle iroh and zuko forgiveness clip! It makes me cry like Allan everytime, no exceptions!
Alicia I often don't pay attention to external stuff but hey those accessories are so pretty and dangly and intricate. I had to restart the video to listen 😂 Very lovely. Props to whoever crafted them and props for choosing these.
Also yaay to ya both, blue clothes are my favourite!
man, this whole episode wrecked me. I struggle with a lot of self-hate. I have been self-harming for a while in part due to that self-loathing. (also add PTSD from childhood $exual abuse) And hearing the comparison to Zuko struck me to the core. I can't forgive myself, and I don't expect anyone else to either. How could anyone love somebody like me? I'm a monster.
❤
So I’m very much a work in progress with room for improvement but ultimately I’m working on self-discipline and self-compassion in relation to DBT (dialectic behavior therapy) to 1. Accept where I’m at (flaws and all) but also 2. Work like hell to improve!
So I think it helps to reframe your perspective and treat yourself like you would a good friend and/or as if you’re talking to your inner child that you’re responsible for (and essentially we have to parent ourselves…)
Also I’ve heard that instead of trying to make your parents proud, you should instead try to make your (potential) kids proud because that’s likely more of an accurate representation of your own personal values if that makes sense?
Hope that helps! Please continue to take care of yourself and others! Thank you so much! And Wish you all the best!
I struggle a lot with self-compassion. I’ve found something kind to do for myself when I don’t feel like I have the strength is listening to videos like these or a certain meditation channel that does sleep affirmations to try and heal my subconscious and change my energy state and calm me dependent upon what I’m needing at the time to help regulate my nervous system. ❤
Came exactly at the right time x
“If you look for the light you’ll often find it; but if you look for the darkness that’s all you’ll ever see.” Uncle Iroh
“Where focus goes, energy flows.” Tony Robbins
“There’s always light so long as you’re brave enough to see it, so long as you’re brave enough to be it!” Amanda Gorman ❤
“There are 2 ways to spread light in the world: be the candle or be the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton
“All the darkness in the entire world can’t extinguish the light of a single candle.” St. Francis of Assisi
So what do you do when you KNEW it was wrong and hurtful and pointless, but you can not make it right?
You learn to cone to terms with your past self and past behaviour and do better with future decisions.
Figure out how it was possible you were not able to regulate yourself in that situation regardless of knowing better. Take steps to update your skill sets (including knowing when to back off before getting out of your own hands). Set yourself up for higher chances of success in your future, should you encounter similar situations.
Thank you Jesus for taking all of our guilt and shame, thank you for your mercy
If you like Avatar, you’ll like Stephen Universe too!
Is Alecia also a therapist, She would make a good one?
She's not but you're right, she would!
I hate this. This video makes me look inward and ask myself the big questions...