I mean I had 0 expectations of humanity anyway having been disappointed and had already resolved that I would exit this life alone and I wasn’t dependent on others for their valorisation of who I am. Abandon me by all means but leave my skin private thoughts and ego boundaries intact. I am fine with conventional abandonments. Stop invading my pores and always looking for an in. That’s weird and not human behaviour.
They are truly evil people. And especially evil are religious people like Pastors who are narcissistic, which itself is as evil and antichristian as anyone, especially a minister, can be. More a servant of the Devil than of Christ.
Absolutely I experienced all that. I don't allow that to phase me out these days as I'm so used to the treatment by those particular narcissistic individuals. My revenge is canceling them out from my life
The worst thing you can do to a narc is leave and never look back. Take away the drug the need desperately - YOUR ATTENTION. And how much they love using someone as special as you, to esteem themselves. 🤯💥 BOOM!
That is the best thing one could do, i don't think it's actually possible to do anything to hurt a narcissist. Leaving on actions that will keep them from hurting us. 6ft deep holes in the ground is a lot of work anyhow.
Truth! It will be a weapon for them. The narc left me with the biggest fears I ever had. It was pure evil. He used it to destroy me. They were- being a single mom, penniless and homeless. I have faced my fears and God took care of us. I learned it was a blessing he left us. Nothing to fear with God.
You can't express anything to them. They will deflect and poke you into another argument. Then berate you about other subject matters that have nothing to do with originally conversation.
Another thing I heard that made sense was, “An evil person cannot be good and a good person cannot be evil!” The evil person can pretend to be good, but not for long!! Your Holy Spirit intuition will tell you pretty quickly before their mask falls off! I pray others who are not healed/delivered yet, realize, not to gaslight themselves, get away, and seek help!!🙏🙏🙏🙏
Kevin I enjoy it the fact that you talk about your family that sounds just like mine. People don't understand when I try to explain my family. They yell, swear, insult, and gaslight also. I feel validated like I never have. All that mind frickery can drive someone insane. Im glad I realized about a year ago what a narc is.
I made the mistake of letting her know she was hurting me. That made her do it more, she later admitted she was trying to make me leave. I didn't know what a narc was back then. Instead of leaving my home and family I started getting reactive verbally. To the point that she left.
@@rickymartin859I think it was good you made it so the toxic person had to leave, if this person had been trying to get you to leave- their plan flipped back against them. People will find out who the unstable one really is, eventually.
💯 Truth!! Wow! How incredibly warped these demon, reprobates are!! If you don’t separate from them, they will ultimately get so incensed with anger, they will physically harm you or worse!! Their enablers are equally to blame! They are accessories to trying to unalive their target and equally criminal! God bless you Kevin!🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹💝
Narcs are so petty that they are just waiting for any opportunity to get something to weaponize against you. In my case, when I tried to discuss the issue when she tried to bread crumb me, she would pretend to do better but then later on not only did she go back to bread crumbling, she intentionally did go worse while being all smiles and unconcerned because she got other supply and a enabling family encouraging her this type of behavior and when I wasn't putting up with her bs anymore and just wanted to move on, she actually tried to mock me by smearing to other ppl.
I can relate. She did that too me too. Worse she ghosted me 4 days then 1week.my mom is the one to break the silent between. And ask to give closure cuz my mom felt bad I'm having anxieties crying every 2days without contact but we don't have any problem or issue she always left me. When I discuss breadcrumbing n other behavior I don't like. I just had courage to block her last Saturday cuz it's too much drama, conflict she brings plus emotional blackmail. It's disgusting. Hope your all goede and coping up💪⚡🙏
It Took me 52 years. Thx for nothing muther. And 2 half brothers. Ive seperated myself , almost 6 yrs, I finally see things as they were, and the worst thing is The people i mixed with were exactly the same😢 Im headed for 60 now and muther is 94.
I told him how much he hurt me. Show compassion?? OMG> I literally screamed crying saying, "You're hurting me!" He didn't stop...ever. No care at all. No empathy
My narcissistic brother uses money to “flex” power over people. He can throw money, (I’ve seen him throw actual money) at problems so he looks like such a generous person yet hasn’t really sacrificed anything unless there’s something in it for him. I’ve been used and betrayed by him- never again.
A person who cares about you will pick up that they have hurt you and their conscience will kick in and they will stop and say sorry and turn away this does not include hitting. Or aggressive dominating behavior that makes your life poorer in every area.
Absolutely, I completely agree. Personally, I believe it's risky to confront a narcissist about how they have hurt me. I have friends who I consider family outside of my biological relatives. I seek their advice, and I have developed strong spiritual convictions, leading to my reliance on God. I am cautious about confronting a narcissist regarding their actions because it can trigger a narcissistic rage, as they are averse to taking responsibility for their behavior. These individuals may respond defensively, believing they are being accused. Furthermore, as they lack genuine empathy and are emotionally hollow inside, they may derive pleasure from causing harm to others. Inflicting pain on others is a driving force in their lives, so informing them that they have caused harm can actually gratify them.
I wrote a letter to the narcissist telling him he hurt me..biggest mistake ever. He called my family to seek pity for himself . Then I was left with a feeling “how dare me upset him!?” ..and that I was the problem..sorry would have been nice but never mind..what a scumbag!!
I so feel that... my mother somehow gained the same access... it completely derailed my sense of reality that a "normal everyday person" could accomplish this... to this day, I'm still trying to figure out all the ways she managed to control me, using the medical, legal, and financial systems to imprison me... had me committed and drugged to within an inch of my life, told everyone I was crazy and needed full-time "care" from her. She not only tortured me, she lied to everyone who would listen and they all believed her. No one believed me. I'm still overcoming the aftermath, a lot of long-term gastro=intestinal issues and C-PTSD, but getting help. It's painful and slow. The good news is, after I finally went no contact, she withered away in less than 2 years, lost her ability to hide her lifelong mental illness, covered her house in her own feces, and is now in the best care home money can buy, because she squirrelled away a fortune while we lived in poverty. It's probably from kickbacks she got for selling me, but at least she can never harm or befoul another loving home. I now finally have my degree and license to practice trauma therapy, so I can help women like me who had mothers like this. We get out together, to-get-her in her proper place ...away from us. Sending love and prayers for healing and victory!!
I agree! There should be a special unit for these because those with genuine mental health problems usually victims of the narcissists abuse.. narcissists are a menace to society! The 1 I had the unfortunate encounter of broke my 34 year relationship up & caused years of distress & destruction to my kids family home life! Sick they are truly sick in the head!
Facts! When I didn’t know that I was romantically involved with a malignant covert narcissist I told him that his behavior is hurting me. He started to laugh.
All good points, Kevin. I knew someone who casually said to me before I knew what kind of a person she was: "I will always try to arrange things for myself with a selfish point of view. If I'm not stopped, I have the green light to keep going. It's up to the other person to show me where the line is, because I will always push against it." (Refusing to take accountability for herself.) I think in my ignorance at that time, my answer was something like, "humm." But inside, I was thinking, What a rotten way to think. I'm not that way at all. I believe it's my responsibility to learn and adhere to the "rules" of polite society. Good manners and consideration for others were emphasized in our family. To her, these were arbitrary things, meant to be interpreted however they best suited the occasion. I'm so glad she was at least that self aware, and actually said it. Our "friendship" didn't last, but I hung around to observe. The shape shifting that I saw was kind of fascinating, because it seemed like she didn't really have an integrated set of principles to live by. Without having known her, I'd have a hard time believing such types of people actually exist!!
Disagree a little bit here 7:26 Usually when people hurt you the first time you're not aware they're narcissistic. But if they do it again, then yes, DON'T EVER tell them again. Been in a narcissistic relationship myself but also have hurt people unknowingly myself, was very happy to hear and to fix it, very very good friends with that particular person now.
I agree too. It’s good to communicate when you feel hurt because sometimes we can hurt someone unknowingly and it good to know that so we can be aware and make things better.
This video brings me distress, or just brings it to light.. who is there around us who can sympathize and help us get through our troubles, God help us !
This is so validating. The npd sister came to me, four months after I finally went distant, and said she had hurt me. Intuitively I immediately said “you didn’t hurt me.” What she did really annoyed me but I didn’t want her to define what happened. I’m now glad I said what I said. It took a bit of processing but I realized the scenario that made me cut access was just another power play. I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of thinking she had the upper hand.
I told one once to stop & that they are making my heart beat fast(panic attack) and I literally seen the dopamine hit their face and goosebumps forming on their arms 😳😡
I can understand why forgiveness seems impossible, Matthew 6:14-15 If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
You're telling it exactly how it is and we're talking about brothers and sisters here !! Exclamation marks because who would believe that and they even go on to say that they love Jesus, even more unbelievable and some are even running congregations?!! O my God when are you going to save me!! Every day I call upon you and every night on my knees, O Lord my God see my afflictions from those who hate me and show me your loving kindness, please O Lord.
I did something recently which goes against everything, but I’m relieved to hear you did it too, Kevin. I sent a letter to my narcissistic ex, essentially telling her what I wish I could’ve told her in the moment I left, but couldn’t. When I left her I told her about the abuse she put me through and how well never be together… Whilst it is true and I don’t take it back (though some things I wish I said differently), the guilt of abruptly cutting someone out who I know has serious problems, and in a point of her life where she needed support, was eating me up in these last few months. I didn’t like the fact I did it, even though I know it was to break the negative cycle and was necessary. It’s more for me than anything else. Sending her a letter to thank her for the good experiences and wishing her and her family the best.. It’s how I truly feel. If she doesn’t care or is resentful, then that’s okay, it doesn’t change anything. I just wanted to at least close it out properly as my authentic self. The me from before that relationship. Whatever the response, the boundaries i have are undeniable and unbreakable. I’m moving forward with my life.
Actually you the one who is toxic here. Why did you desturb your ex with this letters? When it’s over it’s over. No need in fake wishing well and stuff. You could not tell how you really felt to her, maybe you the one who need to work on yourself then? Learn express your true emotions and feelings
This is me too. I send letters thru msgr I told her I don't think this is the best relationship I'm looking for as of the moment. Then she can't take it so we give it a try but I know it's not a good idea so I told her ok never mind I dump you. After things gets worse and somethings really off and I was push to wrote how she made me feel and put in a crucial situation. She falsely accused me. Then silet treatment me. Didn't give me closure then after a month she comes back telling she loves me but doesn't want a relationship I guess she just comes to express her feelings I reply cuz I'm super emphatitic and I respect her still despite of her betrayal and cheating, manipulation. I feel sorry for blocking her cuz she going thru glow up in inner I guess or whatever I don't know what's true cuz she's a pathological liar. I just hope she gets the healing she needs and get out of the darkness. I feel she is upset and angry me exposing her. I believe I have done what's best for my mental health.
@@babesadams2991Yeah I relate to this a lot… It’s so painful having to cut someone off you cared about, but we have to look out for ourselves eventually. I’m glad you feel you did the right thing 🙏
@@babesadams2991It’s so painful having to cut someone off we cared about and wanted to be happy with, but we have to look out for ourselves eventually… I’m glad you feel you did the right thing. I hope your mental health heals easily 🙏
I would amend the bit about teaching others how to treat you because that does work when folks are younger (college age) still growing in how to interact with one another and come into their own separate from parents. Sometimes you do have to teach folks how to treat you because they are not narcissists, they were simply raised with some wrong/bad habits but along with that you foundationally set up healthy boundaries.
With love and respect. If I'm hurting someone unless they say something I don't know. I could just be flippen* . For me it's like water on a duck. I love ducky. Never want to hurt him, always sorry if I did.... P.S. smoking is hurting yourself. ♡♡♡ please stop hurting yourself.. I really like you podcast show. Wonderful insight with strong self love boundaries. Thanks for sharing you with us.
You don't want someone who you have to tell they're hurting you so they can show compassion, you want someone who shows compassion anyway. I'd say that was incomplete. You don't want someone who you have to tell that they are hurting you, also because if you have to tell someone they're hurting you, it shows their lack of awareness. They should KNOW they're hurting you by how you respond. Just my 2 cents. Great content as always 👏
@@liambraithewaite6415 Fair comment. Thanks for it pointing out, I didn't make myself clear. I meant in moving forward, in any new relationship whether it be 'romantic' or platonic, not with the relationship with the current narcissistic person, it's something to watch for.
@@jasonuren3479 If it's not with someone who is narcissistic then I would say it depends on the circumstances. You can't expect people to be mind-readers based solely on how you respond to something. It depends on how you respond, it depends on what the actual issue is, it depends on intention, it depends on frequency. No relationship, romantic or plutonic, can function well without communication. Otherwise this equates to 'you hurt me and you didn't realise so we're done.'
@@liambraithewaite6415 Yes I agree, as I said it's something to watch for. You're right communication is vitally important, but tied to that it is possible to tell if someone is uncomfortable as a result of my actions. And as we've established, the narc knows, so if they know and I know and let it continue, it becomes a pattern And if you allow it to become a pattern, history will repeat, and obviously no one wants that.
Yeah, I thought I could give him another chance. Now I know he is toxic. His reaction was “ If we get back together, it’ll be on my terms”. I could swear the whole relationship of eleven years WAS on his terms.
Thank you for this! Yes, “you didn’t tell me it hurt you” now I’m the compassionate hero! “ I’ve never heard you don’t want to tell them ifs not allowing them to be authentic. It’s a fake inauthentic front, wow. (just a bit thrown by the proud, unhealthy smoking on a subject of healing/being made whole body mind spirit) Guess it’s authentic living ❤
Kevin I LOVE your videos!!!! Thank you so much for all you do to help us out here. These videos have definitely helped me sort everyone out in my life and even MY OWN BAD BEHAVIORS!
Narcissist only know how to treat people cruel, because that's how they were treated as a defenseless toddler, Narcissists have no empathy, because no empathy was shown to them, therefore how could they know that empathy even existed?
😳just was verbally abused ...adult child .....and came to my phone to you ❤☝️🙏🙌🏻🌬💫God led me here again ....God bless you so much❤#43grateful and it's the war of a super Empath...and the narcissist...light against the dark..hardest cuz it's my adult child only living child..once I learned of the spiritual war....God really started opening my blind eyes ❤
One reason to tell the narc your hurting is to test their response and confirm you have a narc. Ask them clean a counter so you can cook? The will leave extra stuff on the counter! Ask them to quiet their barking dog? They with let the dog bark all night! Narcissist confirmed!
I learned that I can not tell anyone who to be, what to say and how to present themselves. My job is to evaluate from day one if I'm going to go to their party or not. I'm not longer teaching anyone how to treat me because that's who they are and who am I to tell them to change their behavior for me. These types will never be in my personal spaces and some I just walk past because the dark heaviness they have on them is "Run Forrest Run" worthy. 😂😂 They know who they are and yes they know exactly what they're doing when they say and do things they know good and well would make anyone upset.
You brought tears to my eyes, finally someone who gets it and is able to convey it in a way that touches me and reaches me. So thank you for that. I just have a question because I thought we were always supposed to not judge people and taught that the absence of judgment is where true love begins it's kind of a quote I sort of like can you explain ?
I live with a narcissist. The problem is not him. It is me. I can't change him. I have to change myself. I have to walk through it... I am my worst enemy.
I came back from being in the hospital after almost dying and as soon as I came to the door my mother told the person who drove me back that she refused to offer any help. I had a major durgery abd was gone for 20 days
That is a poor excuse of them to answer your question of why with saying you "didn't say it was hurting you", all the name calling and cussing is something they knew is not good but that's all they say to you, basically blaming you ,and really not giving you a genuine conversation and answers about it and things, wanting you to take responsibility, I think you're right that won't improve , and its upsetting
I get what you saying, but I got sick of worrying about these so-called humans will care about my "bad" or "sad" reaction. Just let them scream it from the mountain tops and walk away after doing what I have to do.. if that means "overreacting,' then so be it
Kevin, I've learned a lot in last 2 weeks of listening to your program. It is visibly hard to watch you because you appear to be in a mid life crises or NARCISSIST it takes one to know one?
Sounds like trauma I totally understand! Fawn response can stay even if people get out of the relationship. You can Reframe your thoughts - it’s the only way. Negative thoughts will bring up negative emotions and keep you stuck. Detach emotionally whether you are still in there or you have left. Rewiring of the brain is essential - to really heal. You can do this!
@@Monkchip leave you deserve better. They are e vil for real. They know what they do to you. Withholding love, affection and sex are abuse. They are intentional About their devil. Forgive. No contact.☀️
If you told the narcissist that you are hurting, they will love it.
Exactly
Yup
Yup,been there, silent treatments/ghosting gets worse, their shame ramps up
Exactly and I needed to hear this today❤
euphoria, they will get their rocks off..
Silent treatments and discard is same as murder, they murder your soul
Absolutely,
yes, this is spot on you have no value to them you're their property with no rights.
you are a thing.
I mean I had 0 expectations of humanity anyway having been disappointed and had already resolved that I would exit this life alone and I wasn’t dependent on others for their valorisation of who I am. Abandon me by all means but leave my skin private thoughts and ego boundaries intact. I am fine with conventional abandonments. Stop invading my pores and always looking for an in. That’s weird and not human behaviour.
A narcissist's "compassion" is pity and condescension, NOT genuine compassion.
They are truly evil people. And especially evil are religious people like Pastors who are narcissistic, which itself is as evil and antichristian as anyone, especially a minister, can be. More a servant of the Devil than of Christ.
They need to mature significantly. Acting like they’re the plastics in highschool. Men as well as women.
@@Redeemed1983 , they have no compassion at all
@@MarianMurphy-rz8ej , they act like 2 year old children.
@@Redeemed1983 , they dont have compassion at all. They dont care about us at all. They don't love you at all. Everything they say are all Lies.
They murder with words and actions. Not just words
often by cruel ostracism and slander ..
and/or inactions, as well
Types who set- up sabotage against you.
Absolutely I experienced all that. I don't allow that to phase me out these days as I'm so used to the treatment by those particular narcissistic individuals. My revenge is canceling them out from my life
Yea
The worst thing you can do to a narc is leave and never look back. Take away the drug the need desperately - YOUR ATTENTION. And how much they love using someone as special as you, to esteem themselves. 🤯💥 BOOM!
That is the best thing one could do, i don't think it's actually possible to do anything to hurt a narcissist. Leaving on actions that will keep them from hurting us. 6ft deep holes in the ground is a lot of work anyhow.
You tell them they are hurting you, and they do that more! Twisted!
Your videos have been absolute life support after finally leaving him after his last fit of rage. You are doing God’s work
Truth! It will be a weapon for them. The narc left me with the biggest fears I ever had. It was pure evil. He used it to destroy me.
They were- being a single mom, penniless and homeless. I have faced my fears and God took care of us. I learned it was a blessing he left us. Nothing to fear with God.
@@DesertLife4me2 amen
You can't express anything to them. They will deflect and poke you into another argument. Then berate you about other subject matters that have nothing to do with originally conversation.
She discarded, avoided accountability, her rebound is sure in for a treat!!
It turns them on to hurt you and they already know that's what they're doing.
What creeps.
What creeps. They think it’s the path of least resistance. Reap what they sow.
Another thing I heard that made sense was, “An evil person cannot be good and a good person cannot be evil!”
The evil person can pretend to be good, but not for long!!
Your Holy Spirit intuition will tell you pretty quickly before their mask falls off!
I pray others who are not healed/delivered yet, realize, not to gaslight themselves, get away, and seek help!!🙏🙏🙏🙏
so true so true~~ all you get is a bunch of gas lighting~~
Their definition of compassion is actually not compassion its a flex in power over
Their heart is made of stone.
Kevin I enjoy it the fact that you talk about your family that sounds just like mine. People don't understand when I try to explain my family. They yell, swear, insult, and gaslight also. I feel validated like I never have. All that mind frickery can drive someone insane. Im glad I realized about a year ago what a narc is.
I made the mistake of letting her know she was hurting me. That made her do it more, she later admitted she was trying to make me leave. I didn't know what a narc was back then. Instead of leaving my home and family I started getting reactive verbally. To the point that she left.
And of course, that let her paint me as the bad guy
Good for you for standing up for yourself against your evil relative!!!!
@@rickymartin859I think it was good you made it so the toxic person had to leave, if this person had been trying to get you to leave- their plan flipped back against them. People will find out who the unstable one really is, eventually.
I went through the same thing.
This hit home.
I told my ex, "I dont want to have to keep telling you how to treat me."
He responded, " You need to teach me."
💯 Truth!!
Wow! How incredibly warped these demon, reprobates are!!
If you don’t separate from them, they will ultimately get so incensed with anger, they will physically harm you or worse!!
Their enablers are equally to blame!
They are accessories to trying to unalive their target and equally criminal!
God bless you Kevin!🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹💝
I don’t speak to anyone anymore and I’m physically abused in the unseen spiritual realm…
Narcs are so petty that they are just waiting for any opportunity to get something to weaponize against you.
In my case, when I tried to discuss the issue when she tried to bread crumb me, she would pretend to do better but then later on not only did she go back to bread crumbling, she intentionally did go worse while being all smiles and unconcerned because she got other supply and a enabling family encouraging her this type of behavior and when I wasn't putting up with her bs anymore and just wanted to move on, she actually tried to mock me by smearing to other ppl.
I can relate. She did that too me too. Worse she ghosted me 4 days then 1week.my mom is the one to break the silent between. And ask to give closure cuz my mom felt bad I'm having anxieties crying every 2days without contact but we don't have any problem or issue she always left me. When I discuss breadcrumbing n other behavior I don't like. I just had courage to block her last Saturday cuz it's too much drama, conflict she brings plus emotional blackmail. It's disgusting. Hope your all goede and coping up💪⚡🙏
They are evil
Made that mistake with a friend a year ago. She raged, blame shifted, lied, and started the smear campaign. I walked away, and went no contact.
It Took me 52 years. Thx for nothing muther. And 2 half brothers.
Ive seperated myself , almost 6 yrs,
I finally see things as they were, and the worst thing is
The people i mixed with were exactly the same😢
Im headed for 60 now and muther is 94.
Same ..took me 50 yrs!!!! Toooooo but praise God I learned and saw with spiritual eyes ...light against the dark they hate the light in us
I told him how much he hurt me. Show compassion?? OMG> I literally screamed crying saying, "You're hurting me!" He didn't stop...ever. No care at all. No empathy
My narcissistic brother uses money to “flex” power over people. He can throw money, (I’ve seen him throw actual money) at problems so he looks like such a generous person yet hasn’t really sacrificed anything unless there’s something in it for him. I’ve been used and betrayed by him- never again.
I understand
I totally identify with that, they are horrible people.
The problem starts when this toxic person in your life is your parent🥲
Narcs get off on YOUR pain. They get a sick thrill out of it.
NEVER tell narcs that you’re hurting.
A person who cares about you will pick up that they have hurt you and their conscience
will kick in and they will stop and say sorry and turn away this does not include hitting.
Or aggressive dominating behavior that makes your life poorer in every area.
Absolutely, I completely agree. Personally, I believe it's risky to confront a narcissist about how they have hurt me. I have friends who I consider family outside of my biological relatives. I seek their advice, and I have developed strong spiritual convictions, leading to my reliance on God. I am cautious about confronting a narcissist regarding their actions because it can trigger a narcissistic rage, as they are averse to taking responsibility for their behavior. These individuals may respond defensively, believing they are being accused. Furthermore, as they lack genuine empathy and are emotionally hollow inside, they may derive pleasure from causing harm to others. Inflicting pain on others is a driving force in their lives, so informing them that they have caused harm can actually gratify them.
Truth!
I wrote a letter to the narcissist telling him he hurt me..biggest mistake ever. He called my family to seek pity for himself . Then I was left with a feeling “how dare me upset him!?” ..and that I was the problem..sorry would have been nice but never mind..what a scumbag!!
If they read your letter while you are there they will tear it up in front of you, happened to me. Covert narc's are spiteful sadistic people.
She should be in the mental ward instead she still has access to illegal wiretapping
I so feel that... my mother somehow gained the same access... it completely derailed my sense of reality that a "normal everyday person" could accomplish this... to this day, I'm still trying to figure out all the ways she managed to control me, using the medical, legal, and financial systems to imprison me... had me committed and drugged to within an inch of my life, told everyone I was crazy and needed full-time "care" from her. She not only tortured me, she lied to everyone who would listen and they all believed her. No one believed me.
I'm still overcoming the aftermath, a lot of long-term gastro=intestinal issues and C-PTSD, but getting help. It's painful and slow. The good news is, after I finally went no contact, she withered away in less than 2 years, lost her ability to hide her lifelong mental illness, covered her house in her own feces, and is now in the best care home money can buy, because she squirrelled away a fortune while we lived in poverty. It's probably from kickbacks she got for selling me, but at least she can never harm or befoul another loving home. I now finally have my degree and license to practice trauma therapy, so I can help women like me who had mothers like this. We get out together,
to-get-her in her proper place ...away from us. Sending love and prayers for healing and victory!!
I agree! There should be a special unit for these because those with genuine mental health problems usually victims of the narcissists abuse.. narcissists are a menace to society! The 1 I had the unfortunate encounter of broke my 34 year relationship up & caused years of distress & destruction to my kids family home life! Sick they are truly sick in the head!
I think my ex records my calls still - I constantly hear clicking and echoing in the background of many calls
You have to grow thick skin if you're stuck with them. They live for reactions.
Amen! I will never. Period.
Facts! When I didn’t know that I was romantically involved with a malignant covert narcissist I told him that his behavior is hurting me. He started to laugh.
🫂Sick they are
That’s how I am living my life. You want me to read your mind but you don’t know when you hurt someone? Scary terrifying- they are that self focused
All good points, Kevin. I knew someone who casually said to me before I knew what kind of a person she was: "I will always try to arrange things for myself with a selfish point of view. If I'm not stopped, I have the green light to keep going. It's up to the other person to show me where the line is, because I will always push against it." (Refusing to take accountability for herself.)
I think in my ignorance at that time, my answer was something like, "humm." But inside, I was thinking, What a rotten way to think. I'm not that way at all. I believe it's my responsibility to learn and adhere to the "rules" of polite society. Good manners and consideration for others were emphasized in our family. To her, these were arbitrary things, meant to be interpreted however they best suited the occasion. I'm so glad she was at least that self aware, and actually said it. Our "friendship" didn't last, but I hung around to observe. The shape shifting that I saw was kind of fascinating, because it seemed like she didn't really have an integrated set of principles to live by. Without having known her, I'd have a hard time believing such types of people actually exist!!
Yes! Same!
He gives the best advice
Disagree a little bit here 7:26
Usually when people hurt you the first time you're not aware they're narcissistic. But if they do it again, then yes, DON'T EVER tell them again.
Been in a narcissistic relationship myself but also have hurt people unknowingly myself, was very happy to hear and to fix it, very very good friends with that particular person now.
I agree too. It’s good to communicate when you feel hurt because sometimes we can hurt someone unknowingly and it good to know that so we can be aware and make things better.
I agree you just give them more power.
This is good. Thank you for this awesome advice.
We learn this after the fact. Going forward with eyes wide open
Truth, and very smart advice 🙏🔆🐆
This video brings me distress, or just brings it to light.. who is there around us who can sympathize and help us get through our troubles, God help us !
Listening a 4th time just such powerful TRUTH ❤THANK YOU ❤MY SOUL SO NEEDED THIS NOURISHMENT ❤❤❤
Jesus is our hope, Jesus is our Healer, don't forget your first Love. Jesus loves you ❤️
This is so validating. The npd sister came to me, four months after I finally went distant, and said she had hurt me. Intuitively I immediately said “you didn’t hurt me.” What she did really annoyed me but I didn’t want her to define what happened. I’m now glad I said what I said. It took a bit of processing but I realized the scenario that made me cut access was just another power play. I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of thinking she had the upper hand.
My oh my... this was (is) needed to hear! Very good content! Thank you.
Excellent video! You are tapping into something very important.
I told one once to stop & that they are making my heart beat fast(panic attack) and I literally seen the dopamine hit their face and goosebumps forming on their arms 😳😡
Right on Kevin, my narc sister tried recently to bait me into saying that she’s hurt my feelings… and no way will I give her that satisfaction!
Thanks Kevin!!
I can understand why forgiveness seems impossible,
Matthew 6:14-15
If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive
your trespasses.
As im listening THIS IS POWERFUL TRUTH TO MY SOUL ..WOWWWW
You're telling it exactly how it is and we're talking about brothers and sisters here !! Exclamation marks because who would believe that and they even go on to say that they love Jesus, even more unbelievable and some are even running congregations?!! O my God when are you going to save me!! Every day I call upon you and every night on my knees, O Lord my God see my afflictions from those who hate me and show me your loving kindness, please O Lord.
I did something recently which goes against everything, but I’m relieved to hear you did it too, Kevin.
I sent a letter to my narcissistic ex, essentially telling her what I wish I could’ve told her in the moment I left, but couldn’t. When I left her I told her about the abuse she put me through and how well never be together… Whilst it is true and I don’t take it back (though some things I wish I said differently), the guilt of abruptly cutting someone out who I know has serious problems, and in a point of her life where she needed support, was eating me up in these last few months. I didn’t like the fact I did it, even though I know it was to break the negative cycle and was necessary.
It’s more for me than anything else. Sending her a letter to thank her for the good experiences and wishing her and her family the best.. It’s how I truly feel. If she doesn’t care or is resentful, then that’s okay, it doesn’t change anything. I just wanted to at least close it out properly as my authentic self. The me from before that relationship.
Whatever the response, the boundaries i have are undeniable and unbreakable. I’m moving forward with my life.
Actually you the one who is toxic here. Why did you desturb your ex with this letters? When it’s over it’s over. No need in fake wishing well and stuff. You could not tell how you really felt to her, maybe you the one who need to work on yourself then? Learn express your true emotions and feelings
This is me too. I send letters thru msgr I told her I don't think this is the best relationship I'm looking for as of the moment. Then she can't take it so we give it a try but I know it's not a good idea so I told her ok never mind I dump you. After things gets worse and somethings really off and I was push to wrote how she made me feel and put in a crucial situation. She falsely accused me. Then silet treatment me. Didn't give me closure then after a month she comes back telling she loves me but doesn't want a relationship I guess she just comes to express her feelings I reply cuz I'm super emphatitic and I respect her still despite of her betrayal and cheating, manipulation. I feel sorry for blocking her cuz she going thru glow up in inner I guess or whatever I don't know what's true cuz she's a pathological liar. I just hope she gets the healing she needs and get out of the darkness. I feel she is upset and angry me exposing her. I believe I have done what's best for my mental health.
@@babesadams2991Yeah I relate to this a lot… It’s so painful having to cut someone off you cared about, but we have to look out for ourselves eventually.
I’m glad you feel you did the right thing 🙏
@@babesadams2991It’s so painful having to cut someone off we cared about and wanted to be happy with, but we have to look out for ourselves eventually…
I’m glad you feel you did the right thing. I hope your mental health heals easily 🙏
You are so right on about a narcissist
I would amend the bit about teaching others how to treat you because that does work when folks are younger (college age) still growing in how to interact with one another and come into their own separate from parents. Sometimes you do have to teach folks how to treat you because they are not narcissists, they were simply raised with some wrong/bad habits but along with that you foundationally set up healthy boundaries.
With love and respect. If I'm hurting someone unless they say something I don't know. I could just be flippen* . For me it's like water on a duck. I love ducky. Never want to hurt him, always sorry if I did....
P.S. smoking is hurting yourself. ♡♡♡ please stop hurting yourself.. I really like you podcast show. Wonderful insight with strong self love boundaries. Thanks for sharing you with us.
Excellent!
You don't want someone who you have to tell they're hurting you so they can show compassion, you want someone who shows compassion anyway.
I'd say that was incomplete.
You don't want someone who you have to tell that they are hurting you, also because if you have to tell someone they're hurting you, it shows their lack of awareness. They should KNOW they're hurting you by how you respond.
Just my 2 cents.
Great content as always 👏
They are not unaware. They know.
@@liambraithewaite6415 Fair comment. Thanks for it pointing out, I didn't make myself clear. I meant in moving forward, in any new relationship whether it be 'romantic' or platonic, not with the relationship with the current narcissistic person, it's something to watch for.
@@jasonuren3479 If it's not with someone who is narcissistic then I would say it depends on the circumstances. You can't expect people to be mind-readers based solely on how you respond to something. It depends on how you respond, it depends on what the actual issue is, it depends on intention, it depends on frequency. No relationship, romantic or plutonic, can function well without communication. Otherwise this equates to 'you hurt me and you didn't realise so we're done.'
@@liambraithewaite6415 Yes I agree, as I said it's something to watch for. You're right communication is vitally important, but tied to that it is possible to tell if someone is uncomfortable as a result of my actions. And as we've established, the narc knows, so if they know and I know and let it continue, it becomes a pattern And if you allow it to become a pattern, history will repeat, and obviously no one wants that.
Thank you dearly for your time and work 🙏
Very good subject & very good advice! Thank you!
Yeah, I thought I could give him another chance. Now I know he is toxic. His reaction was “ If we get back together, it’ll be on my terms”. I could swear the whole relationship of eleven years WAS on his terms.
I loved this video! So on point and true!
THANK YOU For confirming what I already presumed being true ❤️‼️ 14:38
Powerful lesson… Thank you .
Thank you for this! Yes, “you didn’t tell me it hurt you” now I’m the compassionate hero! “ I’ve never heard you don’t want to tell them ifs not allowing them to be authentic. It’s a fake inauthentic front, wow.
(just a bit thrown by the proud, unhealthy smoking on a subject of healing/being made whole body mind spirit) Guess it’s authentic living ❤
Kevin I LOVE your videos!!!! Thank you so much for all you do to help us out here. These videos have definitely helped me sort everyone out in my life and even MY OWN BAD BEHAVIORS!
Narcissist only know how to treat people cruel, because that's how they were treated as a defenseless toddler,
Narcissists have no empathy,
because no empathy was shown to them, therefore how could they know that empathy even existed?
😳just was verbally abused ...adult child .....and came to my phone to you ❤☝️🙏🙌🏻🌬💫God led me here again ....God bless you so much❤#43grateful and it's the war of a super Empath...and the narcissist...light against the dark..hardest cuz it's my adult child only living child..once I learned of the spiritual war....God really started opening my blind eyes ❤
One reason to tell the narc your hurting is to test their response and confirm you have a narc. Ask them clean a counter so you can cook? The will leave extra stuff on the counter! Ask them to quiet their barking dog? They with let the dog bark all night! Narcissist confirmed!
I learned that I can not tell anyone who to be, what to say and how to present themselves. My job is to evaluate from day one if I'm going to go to their party or not.
I'm not longer teaching anyone how to treat me because that's who they are and who am I to tell them to change their behavior for me. These types will never be in my personal spaces and some I just walk past because the dark heaviness they have on them is "Run Forrest Run" worthy. 😂😂
They know who they are and yes they know exactly what they're doing when they say and do things they know good and well would make anyone upset.
Wow. Makes total sense. Thank you.
PERFECT Kevin.. Thank you!
You brought tears to my eyes, finally someone who gets it and is able to convey it in a way that touches me and reaches me. So thank you for that. I just have a question because I thought we were always supposed to not judge people and taught that the absence of judgment is where true love begins it's kind of a quote I sort of like can you explain ?
Yes ur Soo right Mr.
Thank you for your input
Your advice is always Gold always wonderful, and full of wisdom! Thank you, forever a fan !
Thank you Kevin.
No matter ,i know about other people also who has not any sence. So i decided that i should not mix up with them
Thanks for sharing your wisdom ❤
Wow I really soaked this up and felt it, thank you 🙏 I’m going to binge a bunch of your other videos now
Thank you
Wauw! How insightfull. Now I see it! Thank you!
Thank you Kevin. I love your blunt & to the point content. Very helpful
Just love this!
Also colleagues!!! Just leave your job
I live with a narcissist. The problem is not him. It is me. I can't change him. I have to change myself. I have to walk through it... I am my worst enemy.
No. The problem is not with you. They are the problem.
And how they look at you~~
I came back from being in the hospital after almost dying and as soon as I came to the door my mother told the person who drove me back that she refused to offer any help. I had a major durgery abd was gone for 20 days
That is a poor excuse of them to answer your question of why with saying you "didn't say it was hurting you", all the name calling and cussing is something they knew is not good but that's all they say to you, basically blaming you ,and really not giving you a genuine conversation and answers about it and things, wanting you to take responsibility, I think you're right that won't improve , and its upsetting
It does hurt ALOT 😢 even when we dont give our power over to them.
I get what you saying, but I got sick of worrying about these so-called humans will care about my "bad" or "sad" reaction. Just let them scream it from the mountain tops and walk away after doing what I have to do.. if that means "overreacting,' then so be it
Yeah all powering , Thad is an illusion, I follow you …… you are right ❤️‼️🇧🇪👍 10:50
After a 6hr session of explaining/arguing "you're hurting me", he said; "would it help you if I just stop?" 😅
Kevin, I've learned a lot in last 2 weeks of listening to your program. It is visibly hard to watch you because you appear to be in a mid life crises or NARCISSIST it takes one to know one?
I have 1 comment to add “everything underneath the belt they use whiteout exception “ ‼️‼️‼️ 1:10
Ooh yes my son is hurting me for a long long time “‼️‼️‼️‼️ 2:16
💯 on point ❤
Thank you
Amazing 🤩
Im feeling more numb than earlier after my session 😔
Sounds like trauma I totally understand! Fawn response can stay even if people get out of the relationship. You can Reframe your thoughts - it’s the only way. Negative thoughts will bring up negative emotions and keep you stuck. Detach emotionally whether you are still in there or you have left. Rewiring of the brain is essential - to really heal. You can do this!
@@mendedandwhole thank you for your input. I'll try that. I'm really struggling...
@@Monkchip leave you deserve better. They are e vil for real. They know what they do to you. Withholding love, affection and sex are abuse. They are intentional
About their devil. Forgive. No contact.☀️
Hang in there! You got this, you’re stronger than you know!