Finale of the Onion Trilogy (I read onision's THIRD book)
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
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That whole passage where he calls his stepdad “papa” and talks about his mustache reads like some sort of gay porn setup.
Evan Search What are you doing stepdad
Oh papa I’ve been a really ReALlY bAd BoY.
Papa: I gotta... punish you... son.
@@Therebesquare Okay :/
@@Therebesquare why does this sound like a roleplay from wattpad
@@Therebesquare well that's *_bUrNeD_* into my mind...
This went from:
- I'm a lonely kid who spends all his time in the woods
- I'm being attacked by aliens every night
- I'm a furry Chad who is going to kill god
The natural order of evolution
@@ceo9915 it all makes sense now
AllMight is best girl fuck
Makes sense to me! 👍
@@ceo9915 No, that's supposed to be funny and ironic.
As a wise tumblr user once said,
“11 year olds have the self preservation of someone who met God and wasn’t impressed”
And it all goes to shit when they turn 12.
Yet another wise saying I saw from Krimsonrogue's premire of this book
"I can't believe he killed SKY DADDY!"
It's okay you can just say Edward Elric
I'm 14 and this is deep
😂😂😂
Fun fact: even in the Czech Republic, one of the most alcoholic countries in the world, where children are regularly offered to sip the foam off their parents' beer, nobody would ever mock an 11 year old for refusing to drink alcohol.
As a fellow Czech, I could see giving an 11yo who really wants to be one of the grown ups a taste of something stronger, mostly to laugh when they spit it out, because alcohol tastes fucking gross unless you've already burned out all your tastebuds.
I used to date a girl whose mother mocked her for not drinking when she was 18, but that's older than 11.
Yeah in the U.K. where children can technically drink in their own home from age 5 no one would mock an 11 year old for not wanting to drink whisky maybe at a push joke about them not wanting to try the foam or joke about a 14 not wanting VK or disgustingly cheap cider but not mock.
Based Czechs.
I know you're making a based point but it's absolutely hilarious to me that your argument is basically "Even Czechia isn't that fucked up."
“this book went from ‘this is bad’ to ‘i’m having a stroke’ immediately”
imMEDIATELY
this comment blew up wow i’m so proud tia notice me
this book reads like greg had seen the “shaggy using .5% of his power” memes and decided he wanted to be like that
anti orbs this book reads like a bad shaggy/invader zim fanfic
CT R/yes
Greg can never ever begin to compare to Shaggy
Don't insult Shaggy.
I am 100% certain that tara gilesbie is greg's ghost writer
the fact she said ,“we would hit on my sister” instead of “he” didn’t phase me says a lot about onision’s previous books
Exactly!!!!
EXACTLY what I thought. I was surprised when she corrected it, I didn't fucking blink at the original.
@@michaelkeller5555 she didn’t either LMAO
Besides, the man has admitted he’s kissed his cousin, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to his family if he could control them like he does his partner and kids. I really fear for his kids’ safety.
i love rewatching this because my brain immediately blocks out the memory of the plot so it's always like watching for the first time and i get to crylaugh all over again
sameee lmao this is my favorite video to revisit just because the plot is so wild i can never remember exactly what happens. its like restating a save file in Pokemon
I rewatch this at least once a week, either to do my makeup, or to clean the house. Like the headache I get from the story kinda blocks out the headache I get from inhaling dust and cleaning supplies fumes.
I just started this after watching the last and have already forgot the plot of the 2nd.
SAME
We are all the same person
For everyone saying, "If these can get published ..." just remember: these are all self-published. There was no agent, editor, publishing house, book tours, advances. Literally no one in their right mind would publish these, especially as they are. That brings me comfort
Publishing gets this thick, mucussy veneer of purity because it's about books and books are by spiritually gifted creators for smart people, but it really isn't that comforting - half of those aspects are just pleasantly acceptable variants of advertising and you can still buy fancy Published books by all kinds of shitty people that will make some explicitly racist white dudes a lot of money
on the other hand if you self publish you basically have to settle for making jeff bezos more money, but you've got bills to pay
I know Onion Boy never would agree to it, but I would love to see this book given to a proper editor ... just to see how long it takes for the edits to devolve into "WHAT?!" over and over.
@@Caldella I believe one of his fans, it could’ve been a patron but I can’t be sure, offered to edit it. I remember seeing a video someone made where Greg flipped out on this fan for offering to edit his book and said his writing was “perfect the way it was.” They didn’t even ask him to pay, either.
@@naomikathleen3616 I'm 100% not surprised at all.
Any publishers and editors he'd try to go too/hire would burn his books with holy fire and call the cops on him
He called his nana dumb for believing in god but he literally met, outsmarted and became god
So would that now mean that Greg’s nana is stupid for believing in him?
@@bicuriousdirtbikeboi2594 thats true
@@bicuriousdirtbikeboi2594 I mean if you believe Greg is god then you need psychiatric help
@@theartistformallyknownas2677 if you believe that comkent was saying that greg is god irl, then you need reading comprehension lessons
@@bicuriousdirtbikeboi2594 obviously, who believe in gods ? they are all liars anyway.
"it's okay to kill child predators!"
-a child predator in a book written by a child predator
Maybe Greggy's suicidal lmao
It takes one to write one
Get Chris Hansen on the phone.
Well yeah, gotta get rid of the competition
This is like the Florida Man meme where he rapes the rapist, except it’s a child predator’s self insert killing a child predator’s child predator father in a book written by a child predator.
My god, the book I wrote when I was 7 about a minecraft cat having to save his owners after the mountain they lived on having an avalanche so their was a huge cliff and having to cross half the world to find the one person who can talk to cats was better than this.
That still sounds like a great book to read high
I want to read that book
I’d read that.
D'aww
Oh, it sounds cute and not mind scarring.
He heard a non-audible noise.
HE HEARD A *NON AUDIBLE* NOISE
OH IM SURE
GREGORY THE GOD ALSO:
SAW THE UNSEEABLE COLORS
TASTED THE NO TASTE FOOD
WROTE THE WORST BOOK EVER
FELT THE UNFEEABLE WIND
@Leviathanoof that's a good burn
oh I was kinda imagining it like angel radio from supernatural where our senses are too dull to hear it
How the hell do you hear a non audible sound? It's non audible for a reason!
He’s too Chad for conventional physics
Onionson imagines himself as an 8 foot tall 11 year old with the powers of a god. Sounds about right.
Me debating whether or not to like this, cuz it's at 420
Dude reminds me of Dennis Reynolds
I feel like I'm the only one on here who doesn't know who this guy is (I just love videos reviewing bad literature), but it sure seems like his psychiatrist needs to read this book.
Huh... so the Emperor of Mankind from Warhammer 40k?
Jotaro Kujo?
This entire book is just him having a wet dream about himself
this comment made my day
You just described Greg’s entire life.
You know, Onision clearly has a firm stance that pedophilia is bad. But like... only when ugly men do it. When hot girls do it, it's fine.
Nope, he's a pedophile.
Huh, you wouldn't think he'd condemn himself like that.
@@commandercorl1544 I know, right? If anything, he should be preaching the opposite
@@gokuxsephiroth4505 Exactly. Wacky double-standards, amiright?
I take it his life philosophy is "do as I say not as I do" lol
Sometimes I forget that Onision is in his 30’s
I know, right!? I have this cognitive dissonance where I know his age but still feel like he's a year and a half into highschool.
I think he himself has forgotten that.
Greg also forgets, so that’s ok
Buttered stick of butter because he acts like a 13 year old that never got over his emo phase? Both mentally and physically? Yeah
I didn't know he was 30 i thought he was -12
Start of book: I got bullied at school
End of book: I have killed god and met his father, defeated the Aliens, and found I am gods sisters son
It's like if in a Marvel movie, you start off with the first half of the first Iron Man but then concluded with the third act of Avengers: Endgame. "Who needs natural story progression when you can get to show off what an ultimate badass you are." - Greg's mindset
So really he was right to warn his mother about his Uncle at the start! illuminati confirmed! Onision is the one true genius!
Tristan Hartup at least marvel took 10 years to do it. Onion boy is no Stephen king
Bootleg supernatural episode
because why the fuck not?
Hot take: this actually is based on The Onion’s life, but the entire time he was high asf, and this bad trip is why he’s so vehemently anti drugs
He just spent the first 18 years of his life in a single continuing high
"These are my children, God and Karen"
Bruh that was literally an entire season of Supernatural...
Yeah supernatural was pretty bad too
@@tovareardon4541
I take offense.
@@erinw.9256 even after season 15?
@@TorrentialStardust
Yes. It's my comfort show. I wouldn't have survived high school without Supernatural.
@@erinw.9256 I mean I hate everything I enjoy and I’m fine 🤷♂️
Greg doesn’t find his sister’s friend attractive because she’s developed and he likes underdeveloped girls.
Heh well shit that did a 180 really quick
Brina Owens when I and a lot of my friends were 13-17 we had B-D cups. onion boy seems to be attracted to that group and target them with video topics that will appeal to that age group.
@Brina Owens Yeah, like, he said he likes really petite asian girls with no breasts(Cof cof kids) like Kai was before they had kids, but then he says he likes big boobs?????
ouch, too soon.
In the past, he's tried to distance himself from his book characters by adding traits that are cartoonish opposites to his actual tastes, like making the character in the second book militantly anti-vegetarian. I always got the feeling that him randomly making characters obsessed with big boobs was another version of that.
Onion: “This book is the most about how I am now”
His character is 11
Madeline Harper Untrue. My three year old godson is more mature than Greg.
He likes to diddle kids because he's a child inside thats why he's doing nothing wrong. Logic⁹⁰⁰⁰
I actually think he legit forgot the character was supposed to be eleven. Then suddenly remembered but is such a narcissist he figured "i can make this make sense!"
*Also Onion:* Oh btw I have psychic abilities and I flew up to god and killed him
At least he's honest.
Onion: "This is me, as I am, unfiltered, raw."
Book Greg: 11.
Yeah that checks out surprisingly well.
Hey, man, I don't know any eleven-year-olds who think like this.
@@couragekarnga8735 im a 11 y/o that looks at nsfw of bfdi and swears every three seconds at school, and im pretty sure im a better human being than greg
@@couragekarnga8735 Well some must. We know Greg can only be sexually attracted to people who don't challenge his world view in any way.
@@themyofmy One part of me thinks that i gotta report this comment for what will happen if it stays up, but another part of me thinks that it would be unfair to rob you of the learning experience it will provide, that will make you understand why exactly you can't just go around saying those things on the internet.
@@couragekarnga8735 not to defend grog but when I was eleven I had maybe worse ideas
as somebody with Tourette’s I can confirm, we are all aliens. We aren’t disabled, we’re aliens.
Cool
Hi, Alien. I'm Dad.
Ah yes, your tics are not uncontrolled impulses; they are truly just your inner intelligence, which goes beyond what any human body can handle. We cannot expect a human body to keep all that knowledge within itself, can we?
@@Schnort the tics are the disguise momentarily glitching
@@Schnort the tics are uncontained signals from the mothership.
11 year old Greg is flirting with the 15 year old girl becuase that's who 30 year old Greg would flirt with
*OOF*
Das prolly true
Well he did rate teenagers bodies..
@@bug8992 he literally groomed like 3 whole human beings hes a monster.
@@rennyh8627 I think he groomed more than 3 but the point is, he is an actual monster, I agree with you
Anna-00P
literally every single one of his "love" interests is a skinny totally not anorexic somehow troubled or abused white girl with a name that starts with 'a'.
69 likes heh
nice
Except Cory and that one lady in the second book
@@darthxader1112 she turned out to be a lesbian so I guess she's the exception ????
Shiloh / Billie / Laney also exceptions
Not defending onion, but I'm guessing your definition of 'anorexic' is anybody not as fat as you, right?
"oh god he's noticed a female" - the entire onision saga
literally read this right as Aeon said it lmao
@@kentremendous5112 holy cow me too
this is off topic but I clicked on ur channel and holy crap ur art is so cute and good???
In my opinion, the *worst* thing about this book, is that ‘Phillip’ is based off an actual person with the same name, someone who Greg got into a fight with when he was in 2nd grade (according to Greg himself), the part that makes it even worse? Greg claimed Phillip died two years after the fight, when he was *9*. So the best-case scenario is another lie to add on, and at worst, mocking of an actual dead child’s death.
In my opinion, the worst part
The detail he had during the scene between an 11 and 14 year old means he typed it with one hand
Meanwhile he has the audacity to come after Strange for saying the friend in stones to Abigail was annoying. Because apparently that friend “died.”
He’s a hypocrite
The fact that when you misread "he would hit on my sister" and I didn't even flinch because it was from Onision is pretty telling.
Oh my god i didnt question it either i just-
Right!?!
Time stamp?
Hahaha, I didn't even realize it was misread even long after she corrected hereself. I thought she personally tried to make it sound less incestual. lol
I know right?!
“inappropriate to an illegal extent” are the words of a groomer. and someone that pushes boundaries
Sounds like thats what his lawyer told him to get good boy sorry points from the judge
And we know at this point that he's both, so...
@@cottontail5514 I think we all know his lawyers told him to fake going mental to try to force an insanity defense
Por que no les dos?
I love your name.
Greg: "This is the REAL me. This is my gritty, realistic, tortured life. "
Also Greg: "I astral project with aliens."
Thomas Marshall that just shows Greg’s grip on reality
I'm so confused why he chose this book in particular to add that at the beginning??
What a religous experience for a 'legit' atheist, I amazed 😂
I mean he got the pedophile part down which is fucking disgusting
I mean, "I'm the son of God's God" is... Something, innit?
Imagine how the entire plot of this book would have been foiled if Greg's parents had a metal roof on their house.
underrated comment
I have only just started the video so now I’m waiting with baited breath for when this becomes relevant.
EDIT: wow, you were in fact absolutely not wrong
*Foiled?*
foiled you say
@@joyflameball hush
Onion mentions that his self-insert is "Far above average height"
In court, Mrrepzion is 5'11 and towered above Onion
Seems like someone has a complex
Onion boy has a complex? Impossible
One of many, it seems
Which one?? 😂
Actually repzion is 5'10, so onision would be 5'7 at the absolute most. Probably 5'6 though.
@@beyondviolet Exactly. What he actually has is Simplicity
"She's unconscious, because who isn't in this book"
Iconic.
Unconscious is how Greg prefers his women.
@@Xehanort10 Greg's type is unconscious children
@@Xehanort10 unconscious, and at least 3 years younger than the age of consent in the state she lives in
@nue also the children are also almost as drugged out of their minds as Greg as he wrote this "book"
“Oh God, he’s noticed a female.”
Disconnect his internet.
Is this the plot of SCP: Containment Breach 2?
Get away from the internet, I'm cuttin' it down!
@@sugarvomitt4831 from any educational institution
I started cackling because there’s no way to take Greg’s angsting seriously when it’s in the same sentence as, “I would drink my chocolate milk.”
I love how this was the book where Greg was openly straight up like "This is essentially about me and my life" and then it ended up being about ALIENS and he becomes a LITERAL GOD
I knew it
There is no loving God
Gregory views himself as a God, he has called himself so several times too.
@@curryinahurry1746 Does that mean that when he says you shouldn't pray for your relatives who have cancer, it's because Greg himself gave them cancer?
that chuu pfp,,,,,,man of culture for sure
If I recall correctly, some of that shit is stuff he actually believes.
greg: "this book is based off my life and who i was"
also greg: "...and this is the part when my chadsona and i fly off to kill god"
All male Mary-Sues should just be called Greg James Daniels
Basically he just imbelished every part of his life to where he looks like the good person
I read this comment close to the beginning of the video and thought it was a joke... 0_0
@@sangopearl9965 on it I'm already opening a google doc. Then I'll post a video of me reading it with my mouth too close to the mic
You know when i first read this comment i thought this was just an exaggeration for a joke
Then i finished the video
Wtf
Every single of his books is a manifestation of "and everyone started clapping" meme.
This book is an amalgamation of every bad Tumblr post, the MAP ones included
Edit: except for bad fan posts. I would be impressed if someone managed to fit Miku binder Thomas Jefferson into a book and have it make sense
@@samt3412 Never been on Tumblr but I'll take your word for it.
Sam T now i wanna write a book just to put miku binder into it
I'm just canadian... well fuck
@@samt3412 Please explain to me how the term "Miku binder Thomas Jefferson" came into being
As a boy, I can confirm it was typical for my friends to hit on my sister when they came over when we were kids, which was doubly weird because I don't have a sister.
Two sentence horror
I can confirm, all of my friends would hit on my sister. Which is weird because I didn't have friends.
That's because your non-existent sister was actually the ghost of Bella from the wych elm. Who put Bella in the wych elm???
Greg is just so stereotypically narcissistic that it almost seems like it's satire. Boy do I wish it was satire
True. Really wish it was fake, this "man" is pathetic. 🙄
Yup. It’s sometimes throws me back that certain people like Greg are real.
Honestly, the main characters in Greg's books would work perfectly in a satire, making fun of edgy 14 year old atheist boys who think they have huge brains and also hate women
Nah, i don't think thats really a bad thing. If it was satire it wouldn't be nearly as funny
It almost makes me wonder if it IS fake. I mean, the idea of him making his best friend himself seems a bit too blatant to be something even he would try unironically. It's almost like he's well aware of the criticism lobbed at him and is hoping that by amplifying it that people will make fun of him even more and eventually get tired of it. It's like that tactic in Rules for Radicals that says you push a negative through to its counterside to win. The problem, however, seems to be that this never works. It didn't work when Carl "Sargon of Akkad" Benjamin tried it and it's certainly not working when Onision tries it.
Onision: This book represents me
Also Onision: _Writes a book that devolves into incel rambling in which he literally kills God thrice over._
yeah it doesn't make sense, unless his aim was for him to be represented as the psycho he is
Let's not forget his "sythesca" (not sure if I spelled it right but does it really matter?) religion involved aliens and superpowers
@@uncertain_zee the heavens gate
@@uncertain_zee i forgot about his OC by greg Donut Steel "religion"
@@uncertain_zee It's Sicesca
"vaguely homoerotic comment about a clone of himself"
I-
wh--
i feel like r/brandnewsentence has been waiting for this entire video because it’s full of things that never should have needed to be said for the first time
Of course he would
Ya know, there's ten minutes left on this rewatch. And that part hasn't even happened yet. Fuck this book takes a while to get truly spicy but it does not take its foot off the accelerator once it gets there.
Unacceptable!
Ah yes, minor cut -> hospital.
Car crash -> *SeLf MeDiCaTiOn*
the story is really about him rejecting whisky but accepting LSD
hot take i agree
10/10 review
"This book is inspired by my life, the good and the bad."
Later in the book; "so then I killed god..."
Yeah so I was raped by aliens. I made a genocide.
Am I cool now? Can I sit with the cool kids? Please?
and I rewrote human biology and committed genocide on alien race in another realm of reality so it took me just a couple of seconds.
"Stones to Abbigail represented the better version of myself--"
😬
There was a better version of himself??
“😬” indeed
Better does not mean not evil
Better half just means the half thats slightly less unbearable than his other half
@@valderath7433 I'd argue that this is why I hate you'z Greg was a bit more bearable, because at least he was just a flat out asshole
the original plot of "small boy from hick town discovers a mystery with creepy aliens and murder" could have been cool if greg had the ability to form a coherent sentence.
“Am I gonna read any of Onision’s other books? Hell no,”
- StrangeÆons, Nov 2018
She also did say if she made enough money from the first video she would read the other books
Whack
To think she said this after reading the best of Onion's books.
"Hell no"
*videos gets 3 million views*
"Hell yes!"
Stones to Abbigale: Greg
This is Why I Hate You: Greg
Reapers Creek: Greg with a propeller hat
CATIE, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? You've fucking killed me.
it’s more like reapers creek: greg and also greg
@@moew3154 But with propeller hats
@@moew3154 They BOTH have propeller hats
Now I’m just picturing Onision wearing a black wig with thick black eyeliner and a rainbow propeller hat.
"Who's gonna tell him about lesbians, in the last book he didn't have the strongest grasp on the concept"
I died
moon milk he really doesn’t get it 😂
"Hm, yes. A lesbian. That's a woman who likes women _and_ me, right?"
@@effeffiagonalick5078 lmao ty making me laugh whilst sicc :)
its funnier if we dont tell him
I legit sobbed when I heard how he treated us. Ughhh
I feel like there are nuggets of genuinely interesting things in this book but they were executed. Not executed poorly - simply executed. Killed on the spot.
Can we talk about how Greg always makes his self-inserts mass murderers. Anyone ever look into that?
Leviathan i think you’re forgetting “And Maybe Someone Should Check In On Him Every So Often Just So They Know He’s Not Ordering Any Magnum P.I’s Or Whatever Guns Exist I Don’t Give Two Shits About Guns Really Lol”
@Leviathan the scientific term is "raving fucking lunatic"
"books are based on his real life." So he imagines bombs going off in stadiums.
Turner Diaries vibes.
@@expendableindigo9639 feel like im gonna regret asking but what are the turner diaries?
>Hears Greg saying Stones to Abigail is the better version of himself
>Recalls Roller-skating into a school shooting
ziashock that was the first thing I thought of
LMAO
He was wearing heelies to escape his feelies
That was my first thought too.
@@deadchannel4619 fuckin hell that made me laugh
'Oh god he's noticed a female.' is a good reaction to all three books.
Decently applicable to Zeus as well.
Goatly McGoatface 😳
@@goatlymcgoatface2251 and sometimes males too😞
@@oryanstudios2252 Bit rude
How?
“We would hit on my sister” actually felt like the throat punches he’s so fond of. Thank god it wasn’t we.
Okay honestly I was surprised when she corrected that
He would never hit on his sister because she was vaguely mean to him as a child 😤😭
I’d separate the art from the artist, if the “artist” could separate himself from his “art”
Disasterous Masterson this is quotable af
Amen.
Disasterous Masterson "Artist" "Art"
*That's literally impossible for any artist to do.*
brittreidandkato not with jail it isn’t
“One of the first God halves I have killed”
One of the first.
Of the THREE halves.
Kqrgkvwtk you're right I never noticed that
OH *NO*
Manbearpig, but with god. GodGodGod, half God, half God, and half God.
@@Circuitssmith krimsonrogue fan?
"when we come back in the third half if the show we'll talk about cars, car repair, and-a, the answer to last week's puzzler."
"All of this is happening because of a magic rock in his brain."
Greg, we in the real world, call that a tumor.
Lol trey
It would have been a realy nice plot twist, if all the magic stuff were hallucinations caused by a brain tumor. But no he had to become a randomly op being and killing god in the end 😂
OH MY GOD
XDD!
LOL
The saddest part about this book is that it could have been good! Let’s just cut out Onion’s whole… everything.
Imagine a story that centers around an 11 year old (Greg) who is diagnosed with cancer and has an inoperable brain tumor (the magic rock) that causes hallucinations.
As the tumor grows, his family falls apart (awesome step dad becoming an alcoholic, his mother’s overprotective nature, one sister’s distance/disappearing) which cause him to feel like he’s all alone and hate the small, clinic, sometimes “alien” hospital room he is trapped in. This allows for one of the nurses, Julia/Julie, to begin grooming Greg.
To escape from his life, he creates this vivid word where aliens try to capture and experiment (doctors performing chemo and surgery) on him, but he’s strong enough to foil any plot they have. Each adventure is fueled by his trauma and news stories (Gary and his gang killing women, school shootings, ect) that he hears on the tv.
He drifts between the two worlds until he’s 14. This is when his health takes a serious turn for the worse. Not only that, but he is mature enough to understand he’s dying, that his family will never be the same, and what the nurse has been doing to him. Here he decides to completely check out of reality and fight God and the Universe so he can live in a Utopia.
The story would be full of unreliable narrative, a child’s innocence being twisted into something darker, and the ultimate question of “Did he live?”. Wether in the real world, or in his imagination, can the reader argue Greg’s life had meaning? Had worth? Or is it just a tale of a sad, broken soul that never amounted to anything?
So many good ideas wasted!!!
Your ideas are already way more interesting to think about lmao
I love this framing so much more
Holy shit, this sounds good, if only Greg were a real writer and not a massively narcissistic sociopath nutzo who feels the need to lionize himself beyond belief
if i werent neck deep in sci-fi i would probably try to write this, this is a legitimately good plotthread when you eliminate Onion from it, bless u dude. ill check back here if i ever actually pick it up
Can I actually try writing this?
As someone with Tourette Syndrome, I can confirm we are all secret aliens who beat people into unconsciousness.
Stephen M
Finally some accurate representation
This comment section 😂👌🏾
I knew it.
I fucking knew it. But did anyone listen? nooooOOOOOOooooo
reading the comments before watching the video is a fucking TRIP
"Alcohol runs through our bloodlines".
Doctor: "Do you know your blood type?"
Greg: *Single Malt*
Kombucha**
Store Brand Jack Daniels
The secret is to not drink it just place the booze in your bone marrow.
Jim Beam
Ah, hops and barely!
"Stones to Abagail represented the BETTER version of myself." OOF
Basically just admitting there’s no good version of him XD
Imagine admitting you’re a terrible person while trying to make it seem like you’re just #deep
Onion boy did a lot of damage to my mental health as a teen, but I finally got the courage to watch your vids about him, and wow- it has been one hell of a cathartic experience.
What a pathetic dude.
I'm so glad you learned from it! You have nothing to be ashamed of, it's him.
I'm in the same boat. I think his fake persona is quite alluring to young teenage girls, the unapologetic, raunchy humoured, honest guy that we all thought was so cool. Looking back, yikes on bikes, at 20 I can't believe I ever watched his shit. Hes just a disgusting creep.
@@EvieBats2 "yikes on bikes" I'm taking that
@@thedarklrd6714 feel free 🤣 it's my favourite saying
Nothing is better than leaving Onision’s cult and realizing how pathetic and stupid he is
greg's god > hates women and has daddy issues
zeus > sweating
I'm pretty sure the problem with Zeus was that he loved women a little too much-
@@dajacircle7529 Yeah, if Zeus controlled his dick most of the greek mithology wouldn't exist
@@ball4124 I'm sorry but I DIED at that
sahmm true
Zeus is bi right
I’ve had acid trips with a more cohesive storyline than this....
I’ve had nightmares with more character development than the main character
I've had shits better then this.
Ive read wattpad fanfics better than this
The juice box i am drinking is more interesting than this.
The back of cereal boxes have better written storylines then this entire book.
"I'm not even bothered anymore; I'm just tired."
Us too, Teya. Us too.
She suffered for us. So we could have a filtered version and not being driven insane by exposure to this eldritch abomination.
Omg I had no idea her name was Teya. That's such a pretty name wtf I stan
@@Elena-yv6cx ikr??
i want that quote on a shirt Right Now!
This is a perfect example of a "Mary Sue." Finally, a true character study of a "Mary Sue" and why they're terrible.
There's a lack of self-awareness in writing a Mary Sue. But telling us that it's a Mary Sue as if we wouldn't catch on -- wow.
since it's a guy it would be "Gary Stu"
This is like a perfect example of a Mary Sue
Vs a power fantasy
Like this lands as Mary Sue rather then harmless(ish) power fantasy because of the absolute lack of self awareness like the other commenter said
Greg: the trees are my friends uwu
Also Greg: *destroys wetlands*
i adore this comment, from the username to the cyniscism. thank you for blessing my day taylor
I'M PISSINH MYSJELF AT THIS COMMENT
I still feel bad for all those animals that he destroyed the habitats of
my wiggeth has been snatched from my scalp and has been sent to mars via intergalactical ups
Bruuuuu lol
His insecurity *jumps* off the page: _Look how tall, attractive, loved, mysterious, woke, and tortured (but in a super sexy man way) I am._
AND HE'S ONLY 11 YEARS OLD
*so mysterious mmmmmmmm*
My Jeff the Killer fan fiction I wrote when I was 12 had a better plot than all three of his books.
DROP THE LINK OP
Sam The Kind Stranger LMAO!!! DROP THE LINK!!!
THANK YOU OP
AJ Vanity T H A N K Y O U
@@thereadyset21400 I regret reading it but it is much better than the onion chronicles
"we learn that he is very into girls. i guess just like, as a concept? just all of them?"
i mean, as a lesbian, same
"My name is Gregory Darkness Dementia Raven Way"
Jesus, put a warning or something next time, I choked on my water lmao
Fucking hell, that’s on par with “Obsidian Blackbird McNight”
Hats off to you if you get the ref, if not, it’s “Mighty Boosh” where the character, Vince Noir, pretends to be goth to impress two goth girls and instead accidentally releases the most evil demon known to the MBEU (Mighty Boosh Extended Universe) who takes the form of a little, unassuming old lady, and he defeats her with hairspray and “nana nana go away, come again another day”
Cool.
My name is Sir Edges-A-Lot.
Nice to meed my fellow edgy.
"Oh god, he's noticed a female" made me burst out laughing, my thoughts exactly
''This book is heavily based on real life events''
(one hour later)
''I am now god''
Minjja his books read like that one weird ass dream u had when u were younger 😂
"Bold of you to assume God isn't Ellen DeGeneres."
Boy, this aged poorly.
Why? Ellen acts pretty much like God does in the bible. Jealous, disrespectful to anyone who doesn't do exactly as he wants, etc. etc.
ellen degenerate >:(
@@YaamFel well as far as we know she hasnt threatened an eternity of punishment for anyone who dares to disrespect her, but besides that pretty much the same
@@quinn.0 Bold of you to assume she hasn't
THIS THREAD IS GOLLLDDD T_T
I'm just picturing him in different wigs and clothes playing all of the character roles.
Please, the thought of Greg in a wig screwing Greg in another wig makes my brain want to commit sudoku.
Apart from anyone he kills. They all have the faces of his exes.
@@ShadowStrikerTheLoneWolf i mean same but,,,,he would though,,
Shasinno You mean seppuku?
Mother Of dogs no sudoku
greg: “this book is based on my life”
also greg: “I fly and fight with weird ass aliens while making pancakes with my thoughts”
have you seen the video he put out recently where he talks about having to stop for a while because the aliens are after him. or something like that. I don't remember the wording but my point is he seems to enjoy playing into it.
@@jankcitycustoms he's playing the "look I'm totally crazy" card to avoid accountability. But it won't fly, expecially when he also stated on twitter than, paraphrasing, only an idiot would believe he's gone crazy
That sounds like what 6 yo's say when they lie about their life to impress people
Nue
I think he is crazy, just not in the crazy he wants to be
Nue half of that could be true 😳😳😳
"two identical greg-chads on their way to fight god" i'm losing my mind
48:42 "He was a serial predator"
To quote Krimson Rogue: "POT, MEET KETTLE"
Me: Well, at least now we know where she got it from
"This book is heavily based on my life"
*book is about a 11 year old boy meeting aliens killing everything and dating a 15 year old girl*
Me: kay
Don’t forget the astral projection, resurrecting said 15 year old, being able to fly and the ability to edit human biology through his mind in real time
He actually dated a 15 y/o girl named Julia at that age, he mentions this in two videos or so
🤮
Tsukiko Furude oh how I wish it was fiction
Plot twist hes the 15 year old girl
"this book is based on my life"
Proceeds to present himself as an all knowing, godly entity that is ok with pedophilia.
@Angie Gomez well its most defintly how onionboy sees himself. Its like the fever dream of a 14 year old big brain edgelord
don't forget the superiority complex and creepy pregnancy fetishism (but that's kinda present in all his books)
AND THEN ALIENS 👽
"hello is this 911, what's your emergency? oh, it's the onion man again? fuck. teya is on her way"
it's pretty accurate i'd say
Onision: this is the most accurate version of my fictional self
Also onision: I CAN LEVITATE BECAUSE ALIENS
Well, you can't tell, can you?
Well if thats how Greg really sees himself as, it kinda explains a lot
Also onision: this one time me and my clone dabbed on god with our galaxy brains so hard he DIED
Remember that episode of Bojack Horseman where Bojack, Todd, and Sarah Lynn all get together and do drugs and try to write a book? I feel like the same thought process went into Reaper’s Creek
Legitimately didn't know what the name of this book was until this comment. It's just "Onion Book Number 3: The One Where Gregory Kills God"
@@samlewis6487 better title than what we got tbh
Gregory “I’m not like other girls” onion son
Conspiracy theory:
Onision's third book is a semi-autobiography. Greg was abducted and replaced by an alien which explains his writing, his lack of personality, and his narcissism
YOOOOO
WAIT
I was thinking more like that scene from men in black where Edgar gets killed by the bug and wears his skin as a suit.
@@sesfilmsllc still not sure whether onision is the human or the bug.
Stefan Sharak Except instead of normal skin it’s just leather that’s been left in salt water for years
Greg: This book is exactly how I was when I was this age
Also Greg: *Kills god*
Greg once again: "Ive learned to levitate on command."
a jrpg protagonist at the age of 11, what a legend
@@vinsmokemori4752 You beat me to the JRPG joke, dammit. Only instead of weaponizing the power friendswihp owo to kill god, he's weaponizing the inner incel.
I don't see an issue, all my friends and I killed God when they were 11
When onision was born, sigmund freud laughed in the heavens so hard that the rapture almost happened
Why couldn’t have he just laughed harder
Bold of you to assume Freud is in heaven 😂
That gave me a good laugh, thanks dude.
Christ, this “book” is like the literary equivalent of two kids playing with action figures: I go over here and I TAKE THE POWER! Ok, but then I come in and I have a gun and I shoot the bad guys!!! And then I also come in, but I use my mind to make a BOMB and I melt the bad guys faces off! And then there’s a girl there and she’s my girlfriend now! No, now she’s MY girlfriend because I make YOU cry!
And on and on and on...
The most accurate description how did you coax this perfect analogy from the cosmos
Kyra Smith - Hey thanks! :)
Hey, it takes a real man to have a hundreds-of-pages-long playground argument with himself!
wow your skill at pretending to write like a kindergartener is pre damn legit. Thank you for your contribution to my emotional feely feelings.
vulcaire h - You are welcome. Thanks for the boost.
So I think the ONLY thing that's true out of this whole book, is the part where he pees himself, and dumps the chocolate milk on himself to hide the fact that he peed himself.
This entire story was just cover up.
*Illuminati music*
kombucha time
@@yasminseow2033 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 this story really didn't age well!
@@wizmo2216 Pretty sure that is accurate, sadly lmao..
greg wrote this book remembering that time he peed himself and was like "how can i not be embarrassed by this story anymore? I KNOW i'll make it so that i fuck someone 4 years older than me and then fight god (and win)!"
Greg: writes literal chilb pron
Also Greg: gets mad at being called a pedo
Not the chilb pron!!
We need to start a #metoo for chilb pron
@@terroristsnakecat4830 we all know how well the original meetoo movement went down the shitter thanks to all the fake accusations flying around on it drowning out the real victims.
p r o n
@@torquetheprisoner Okay...?
I like to listen to these book review videos as I fall asleep. It’s gotten to a point where my cat has started to recognize that the sound of Teya crying out in Onionman induced agony means that it’s bedtime.
I hate how much I relate to this we both need help 💔
I literally fall asleep to these too omg
I fell asleep to Teya's reviews the last two nights. I usually listen to a podcast. The cats were so confused and actually came to check up on me because "mother, it is late and you have not started the resting sounds."
out of context quote of the century: “now we have two identical greg-chads on their way to fight God.”
that reads like a tumblr shitpost
It isn't any better incontext
Holy shit, spoilers! 😂
😅😅😅
taylor it basically is a tumblr shitpost
So... just so I'm clear, the book that is most like "the real him" consists of him being an omnipotent teenager who murders hundreds of people with no consequences, is somehow more powerful than God, and winds up in a three-way relationship where one of the members is literally a clone of himself?
Ok then...
Rachel this is telling tbh
LOL...I know...a non-stop laugh riot!
i wonder if Kai/Lainey is the clone him lmao
Aw, fuck man I started reading comments before I was done with the vid, and now I spoiled the ending.
Oh well, I mainly come here for the fact that Strange Aeons does a hilariously excellent job weaving through the [lack of] “galaxy-brain” logic that this book consists of.
Onision is just edgy daffy duck
What's funny is the scientist who studied wolves who coined the "alpha male" role of the leader of the pack who was extremely violent and controlling admitted he was mistaken years later. He later studied wolves and chimps and remarked that kind empathetic leaders lived longer and were more respected by their group. Whenever there was a violent leader, they didnt last as long.
Nathaniel West and wasn’t it more of like a family unit more than anything?
@@religiousotaku9926 yeah im pretty sure he realised that the original pack of wolves he studied on and assumed certain wolves took the "alpha" position were just.... parents
@@GoldenJayTime IIRC it was that he studied wolves in captivity, who were put there together but weren't related, so that unnatural aplha stuff happened, while in the wild wolves pretty much always form familial units were the leaders were just the parents.
Nathaniel West *so what your saying is... if Onion boi believes himself to be an “alpha male” but he’s crazy and cruel... he’s gonna die soon?*
Also there is no alpha male without an alpha female. That's literally why fake pregnancy in dogs still exists to this day, because mommy wolf is too important a huntress to just stay home and raise pups for 2 months. So her older daughters, sisters and other female pack members (who usually don't mate with daddy wolf, because they are a family not an incestous harem), produce milk to nurse the pups and stay with them in rotation while the alphas and other members of the pack go hunting.
Each and every time I listen to this and hear 'My only friends are the trees', I expect it to be follwed by 'because they can't walk away'.
I legit wrote a story called "Cheesedork Is Not Relish" about a kid who tries to commit autocannibalism then becomes the best tetherball player in school when I was six.
I'm confident that this story of mine is infinitely more original and better written than any tripe Onision has or will ever manage to get published.
This story sounds like a trip
I require your story.
I would like to read your book.
bro publish that
That’s a manga plot if I ever heard one
Used to be a small boy. Other small boys did not sexually harass my sister
As a former 11 year old boy I never hit on a friends sister. Though honestly admittedly I did have a little crush on a friend of mines sister just wasn't a creepy shit.
lol I love how this comment was written.
@@soumiu.8264 Thank you.
my brother is a small boy. Other small boys did not sexually harass me
@@reagan4888 awesome!
Chapter 1: gee willikers I sure do hate bullies.
Chapter 20: G O D F E A R S T H E G R E A T M U L T I D I M E N T I O N A L G R E G O R Y
Jas this is my favourite comment ever
-based on my own life-
"I live by a creek"
"Aliens Are Targetting Me"
"I cloned myself to KILL GOD"
That sounds like Worm except bad
@@tvangelist
Sounds like Onision is the one who ruins JRPG stories.
i feel like i need to hire a moving company to help me unpack everything wrong with the part where greg says he eliminates gender inequality by editing human dna. like i know the guy hates women but holy shit.
@Santa D that would make more sense, but i'm also not sure i'm willing to give greg the benefit of the doubt
up yours transphobes! fear onion man and his dna editing powers!