Ron as a child, distraught over a prank Frank and George played on him. he's about five years old and thinks his brothers hate him. Mrs. Weasley is bustling around the kitchen, reassuring him his brothers absolutely love him. Mr. Wesley comes in late and gets a stern lecture from his wife, then gets super awkward around the crying Ron. He pulls out a Muggle toy: a remote control car and cheers Ron up with it, showing him how to work the controls. This Muggle toy runs on magic, not batteries. Ron is happy and plays with it for approximately .5 seconds before Fred and George accidentally break it. Mrs. Weasley, despite her better judgment, repairs it with her wand in secret, making Ron promise not to tell anyone she's fixed it. This later sets the scene for Ron to drive the flying car with Fred and George in it. :)
@@BlueGangsta1958 tbf I knew few English people who have a full English breakfast on the regular, I feel like it reads wrong because we call it porriage and that sounds infinatley more British than oatmeal and therefore more Ron.
As a Christian, I've never heard anything bad about birthdays. I'd be a way less-uptight Gryffindor Hat and the birthday thing came out of nowhere for me.
If she's a Pentecostal-probably almost everyone in her looney bin of a Church wore mismatched clothing. Top that with the freakish giggling and jittering.
I know right, the urge to have at least two adjectives to describe the leather shoes caused her to add unnecessary detail I thought they were wearing a slipper and a leather shoe IMO
That, and "Harry followed Ronald with the obedience of one who does not have many friends in a new situation." Like, if that's not relatable I don't know what is.
Once a girl in my class shared her 500 page fan fiction (hand written) with me. I'll use 4 words to describe it all: Hagrid was canonicly Jesus. Edit: I found out that the girl who did this passed away recently, so all of the new replies if there will be any, please be respectful. She was pretty weird but was nice and had a good, kind heart.
"This poor little one has been raised in a terrible situation," Hagrid declared concernedly. "He was watched by a babysitter every second of the day, his aunt saw him as part of her perfect life package like the big house, the fancy career, and the speedy car!" Well at least he didn't grow up in a cupboard under the stairs like that other kid.
She keeps bringing up the babysitter, too. If both parents worked, having a babysitter instead of just leaving their kids alone all the time sounds like *amazing* parenting. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the author is jealous of the babysitter her husband hired...
"He's been raised in such a horrible situation! His aunt and uncle treat and love him like their own child, and constant individual supervision by a babysitter even when his parents are at work! Not to mention, they teach him about SCIENCE for FUN"
Original Harry would love this Petunia and Vernon A sweet successful business woman and a stay-at-home dad that likes baking brownies? That sounds like Harry's dream
@@ignoremeplease 100%. Way better. Instead of locking him alone in a cupboard, they make sure there's a sitter caring for him while they're gone, and seem to pay attention to him when they are home
Until coming to America i did not know this was a "thing" but even though i am surrounded by people in the Mountain Northwest they STILL insist on preaching with a Southern accent ( o_0 )! So... this Nihonjin Christian from the North island of Hokkaido is working on that. Y'all.
Bro Hermione was my first gay crush. A girl who stands her ground, is very capable, is intelligent, and works hard? Sign me the hell up. I fell hard for her when watching the movies growing up and then loved her more when I finally read the books in 5th grade lol
@@jessicabraud3307 same bro, I read the first book in like 3rd grade, but also in that same year I read the ever after high book series, and will not confirm nor deny having a crush on Raven Queen.
@@mx.moobloom Honestly same, except I will proudly admit my past crush on Raven Queen. Also Hermione, because how can you not? Also read the first book (and the next four because my parents wouldn't let me read the last two until I borrowed them from the library without asking) in third grade lol
I love it that the author tried so hard to replace the magic with prayer, they practically just ended up describing how Clerics work in D&D. Ah yes, it all makes sense now, Dumbledore is a level 20 Peace Cleric and used Heroes' Feast to summon the food. Hogwarts is just a Cleric school.
Kealch's Factory it was obviously Gilderoy Lockhart who stole Hermione’s essays and released them into the muggle world to get enough money to shrink himself to the size of a mouse
I remember reading this on my own (finally got past chapter 2 lol) and thinking, 'okay as long as they didn't butcher my man Snape it's fine', reaching his introduction, and going, 'THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT-'
@@justanotheridiot6188 that's actually how bi people are made, someone walks up to them and says "you're straight" but then someone else walks up and says "you're gay" and then they're both, happened to me in 1994
me, a fanfiction writer: "everything I write is an absolute failure" *sees the thumbnail* me: "nevermind, everything I write is a beautiful literary masterpiece that can move anybody to tears.
@@thejuiceking2219 ouch, one fic of mine already reached 2500 hits on AO3. why be so damn rude? and just so you know, I competed in several contests already.
Harry, Ron and Hermione stared in shock as Hagrid walked down Privet Drive while pulling out bibles from his beard and handing them to the atheists on the street. "Hagrid," Hermione said, full of concern. "What...are you doing?" "YA'LL NEED JESÙS!" Hagrid screamed. "Oh, hello Hermione."
@@gwendolynwestwind9764 we had gideons show up at school and give everyone a pocket bible. By the end of the day, two were ripped up, two graffitied with pentagrams and stuff and one was burned at some point. I may be a Christian myself but schools should not have groups in trying to force it on others.
Gwendolyn Westwind One year a bunch of people outside my school were handing out pocket bibles. They gave one to a girl in a hijab and it was really awkward lmao
At my school in the entrance room the table in it had bibles on it. And by the end of the day they were thrown across the room. And as a Christian I picked up one still on the table and chucked it.
Christian Harry Potter reminds me of the time Ned Flanders read Harry Potter to his kid and was all like "And Harry Potter, and all of his wizard friends went straight to Hell for practicing Witchcraft!"
"Parenting should be about children, not the parents" So what you're saying is that as long as the child is loved and cared for, it doesn't matter who the parents are? Hell yeah, gay rights
20:28 at my last Christian school, there was a teacher who taught upper elementary, and when she was lecturing a troublesome student, her version was, “look at me in my god-given eyeballs!” And every time I cringed just a little bit harder
I love how Harry's parents are never mentioned, I imagine the marauders in their dorm one day yelling at the ceiling "FATHER GOD, PLEASE BLESS THIS MAP!" They likely wouldn't even call themselves the marauders, they'd call themelves preachers of God or something 💀
Me, writing fanfic before: Man, this is crap. I'm the worst writer ever! My story sucks so bad! Me: *Watches this video* Me, writing fanfic now: I am the next Stephen King. Everything I pen is a literary masterpiece.
I find it super ironic that Luna and other Hufflepuff hats are looked down on for only worshiping some of the Bible when Harry is literally sitting there eating bacon. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EATING PIG HARRY! WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?!
@vicenteabalosdomin In the bible god says what animals you can and can't eat, (something to do with coven hooves or something) Your not so post to eat pig, Horses tho? Go crazy
@@paulsander5579 Yes, but Christians believe that Jesus' sacrifice has unburdened humanity from those rules. Like, Christians no longer have to sacrifice animals to God (etc.) because Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice.
@@michaelhenry3234 Theene ewhy do they still insist homosexuality's a sin? They pick and choose out of convenience awfully often, is it or is it not supposed to be a thing? Also they think abortion bad when there's instructions on magic paternity-detecting abortion potion, so abortion is okay for infidelity, which is NEVER a proposed exemption on the chistians' abortion bans.... At least they could either pick all or none and be consistent, instead of wishy washy cherry-picking heretics. I'm the non-believer, I'm not supposed to know the bible's rules and the specifics of it better than them.
So far the lunch is my favorite part Ron crying and Harry and draco arguing women shouldn’t have jobs but for different reasons each stupid in its own way...priceless. 😭
I'm in a Quarantine Quote chat and I saw this absolute beaut without any context, and I think I could've lived without said context. But I'm glad to have obtained it.
The thing is we *already* have "Harry Potter for Christians" - it's called the Chronicles of Narnia and the allegory is subtle enough that it can be enjoyed totally independently of it being Christian propaganda. (I certainly didn't make the connection when I read those books as a kid.)
Having allusions and references to a religion does not make something propaganda. Narnia involves Christianity in its world and story, but it never lies about it
@@Doomzdeh and having lies or trying to hide a message isn't necessary for something to be propoganda. Plenty of propoganda uses actual events(say the "let's go to war" US WWII propoganda featuring the actions of the Nazis) or is very blatant about the message it is pushing(like plenty of Christian media)
@@Doomzdeh propaganda isn't inherently equivalent to misinformation, you know that, right? propaganda is defined by Merriam-Webster as "the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person" or the idea/information/rumor itself
The thing that frustrates me most is that they changed everyone’s houses. “I hate slytherins” is not something Draco Malfoy would ever say in any conceivable universe ever
The part where Reverend Dumbledore says that if they didn't include the other hats the school would be small concerned me because the implication to me is that the other hats are only there so Gryffindor hats can convert them
The original Hermione is one of those characters who get the ending in which they have children because the author was trying to make some kind of point with it ("this is the trad happy end everyone expects, riiiight?", "the legacy has to go on", "the kid is supposed to accomplish something", "the world is finally safe so everyone absolutely has to have kids", "the world is not safe but people have kids despite it all"... whatever), but it feels really out of character because from what we have seen until this ending this person would have been *so* childfree 😅
I respect hermione’s game Always offer to do something you know is not needed so you can seem nice without having to do anything Offering to help cook was a deception 100 move mad respect
That Harry vs Draco match is basically the one meme that’s like: Harry: All women! Are queens! Draco: if she breathes! SHE’S A THOOOT!!!! Edit: holy shit I didn’t expect my shitpost to blow up like this
“Always be respectful to a woman because that is another man’s future wife” Yeah its not like woman are people or anything. They only deserve respect because a man is going to marry them one day? Yikes.
My friend's youth group split the guys and girls into groups for the purity talk. The girls were given the "You are a used napkin" speech, while the boys were told "don't take from the virgin pool bc it's not fair to other men".
@@ToastyJunebugs sure it's an appalling sentiment but "don't take from the virgin pool" is HILARIOUS. might fuck around and swipe a girl from the virgin pool.
Dianna Stroud do they... do they not know about cloth napkins? have they never heard of washing a cloth napkin? the analogy is disgusting, but do they really not know about cloth napkins?
I don't know why the specificity that Mr. Snape wore black leather shoes "on both feet" is the thing that made me laugh the most out of this whole mess.
There was no accidental Drarry. Seriously, the "enemies are secretly in love" trope is dumb. The closest I could maybe see is Draco having feelings for Harry but not the other way round. Their kids on the other hand, oh my. 😍 Cursed Child sucked as a story, but Albus and Scorpius are literally the cutest thing ever (even if there is a completely stupid and irrelevant "no homo" scene near the end 🙄🙄🙄). I ship them so hard.
@@AmPhilH3O Someone actually wrote a fanfiction cleaning it up, turning it into a novel, and altering it just slightly to make it Scorbus (AS IT SHOULD BE!) and I actually mostly read that instead of the actual screenplay lol.
“Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal” is a more Ron sentence than any sentence in the original books, yet at the same time the least Ron sentence ever
@@NoNo-lt9bi you’re saying it wrong it’s not “DiD yoU pUt yOur NaMe iN tHe gObLet Of FirE” Its “HarRy HarrY! DiD yoU pUt YOur NamE iN tHe gOBLet Of FiRE”
My Evangelical parents and "church family" talked about the Harry Potter books in such a way when they came out that made me believe they were actual spell books written by an old wizard named Harry Potter. I'm a Ravenclaw now.
2-3 years later: tonight on the bbc we go into the failed mi6 raid on a religious cult that had been increasing its numbers by kidnapping 11 year old children from their homes and brainwashing them to believe in in far right Christian values, and what it could mean for the UK’s future when it comes to such groups.
As hot a take as that is, I don't think Hogwarts actually fits very many of the cult hallmarks. It's a boarding school. It functions like a boarding school, just with magic.
My parents are Christian, but they not only let us but encouraged us to read Harry Potter. My mom was actually confused when her mom, also a Christian, asked if it was okay to give us Harry Potter mugs. My mom didn't even know there was controversy around the books. THAT is a Christian. I lean towards Atheist myself. As another comment said, Dumbdore the Cleric casts Hero's feast! 9:35
@@conwaysquest6961 fiendfyre and inferi are canon as well as many ways to harm people but I don't know about insect plagues. But since they obviously don't work in real life, I don't see anything dangerous in Harry Potter.
Are we just going to ignore how Harry was able to see Snape’s chest even though he was wearing a suit and tie? Was he wearing a tie with his shirt open? I’m concerned
- Snape’s chest hair - vegan food is evil - pantsuits are evil - environmentally friendly cars are evil - wHY are all the houses switched - Snape’s chest hair
I went to a private catholic college and was required to take two semesters of theology classes, and for one of them I took a course titled “the gospel according to Harry Potter” and it absolutely ruled. it was a few week long class where we just read all the books and discussed any Christian themes in them. there’s a fair amount, speaking vaguely, like good verses evil etc… anyway I kinda wish we discovered this back then, if only for parody, it would have been a fun thing to laugh about with a bunch of fellow millennials
@@saulesalejos4483 nuns are from a completely different species. Have you seen those things? They look like they can be in a horror film titled "The nun"
Lolololol I remember when I was in 4th grade (8-9 year olds) a girl in my class had a birthday party which was harry potter themed. Her best friend came up to her, and flat out told her she refuses to go, because “god doesn’t like witches and magic”. We died.
“Every young girl is another man’s future wife” And that’s the only logical reason to treat women with respect: because it might upset their theoretical husbands
My brother says sexist crap all the time to me and my sisters ever since he moved in with his gfs family who are batshit Christan and he apologized TO OUR BOYFRIENDS for "disrespecting their girlfriends feelings" and they should "teach us to stop being so serious" like at least say our names
Imagine a kid going from never having heard of christians, to converting to christianity, to lecturing you on what is and isn't christian within the course of like 5 minutes. "Brainwashing" isn't a strong enough term for that shit.
and also as a person who was raised christian, i have had so many fucking birthdays my dudes. i'm not christian anymore, that's probably why i suddenly woke up one morning with the memories of many birthdays in my brain.
Very true, after all, we are just ants compared to the beautiful birth of Jesus Christ, our birthdays are merely days that we should spend on praying to our Father. There is no such thing as celebrating our children’s lives when we could be using that time to celebrate the second coming of our Savior. /s
“Parenting should be about the children, not the parents. That’s why it’s called parenting.” Shouldn’t it be Childrening? Edit: lmfao I forgot I even commented on this. How did this get so many likes?
The author of this and the author of My Immortal should have a shouting match in a parking lot to determine who has the absolute best HP fanfiction on Earth
@@lleafaell Because some young women will figure out their identity later in life and will not be wives to anybody at that point, but husbands. I guess? Maybe. Even if that wasn't the intent, it still fits.
I’m imagining him only wearing the suit coat with no dress shirt underneath so all u see in in his chest area is the chest hair under the red tie. It’s a terrifying image.
Ravenclaw is probably independent fundamentalist baptist. If you want to know more about how they treat LGBT people look up the "make america straight again conference." These people are literally calling for capital punishment and it's disgusting
Mr. Snape is a fashion icon, Ron is crying into his oatmeal, Hermione is the epitome of 1950s Houswives, Harry is an 11-year-old with strange concerns, And Draco is the reason feminists exist. Sounds like the kinda shit I read.
Certain people who believe that the far and away top means being a good person is to have faith in their god and be in the "right" religion depict "worldly" people as going through the motions of doing good things, but it's empty gestures. These certain people tend to be all 'fuck you, got mine', and end up making others look good by comparison.
Snake Man448 exhibit A: the alt right who support a man who has had multiple wives and has cheated on all of them, raped one of his wives and beat her, has stolen from people through fake charities and universities, has stolen from the government by lying on his taxes, and has divided the country more than ever. But he’s a “good Christian man.” Yeah ok.
Skyler Keck true, my contention was that you have to go to your local communities to find true religion. That’s what it’s all about, being with those around you and sharing in cultural values. Plus the “alt right” seems rather nebulous at this point. I think most people need to examine what’s really going on with other people.
okay but...hermione's entire character...centered around her being ambitious, smart, and a necessary part of harry's friend group. while everyone else was just going with it, she was always worried about being smart and successful. *she is literally the kid trying to become a careerwoman* and the author is what is even happening
I can forgive this purely because Uncle Vernon would despise his depiction in this, and I can just picture him raging and throwing crap around the house after hearing about it lmao
Even as a straight girl, the line "every young woman is another man's future wife" doesn't sit right on me Edit 3 years later: I am in fact not straight and am not a girl 😭
I was raised with religion but atheist now, and I can tell you that it's really, really disheartening how many women I knew who deeply internalized that pseudo-equality. It's literally gaslighting "we believe women are equal but different to men, which is why men get to make the decisions and women get to make the food!" There's varying degrees and extremes depending on subgroup but it's still horribly dehumanizing.
"Ronald cries into his oatmeal" Why does this seem completely out of character, yet something Ron would _definitely do_
Ron as a child, distraught over a prank Frank and George played on him. he's about five years old and thinks his brothers hate him. Mrs. Weasley is bustling around the kitchen, reassuring him his brothers absolutely love him. Mr. Wesley comes in late and gets a stern lecture from his wife, then gets super awkward around the crying Ron. He pulls out a Muggle toy: a remote control car and cheers Ron up with it, showing him how to work the controls. This Muggle toy runs on magic, not batteries. Ron is happy and plays with it for approximately .5 seconds before Fred and George accidentally break it. Mrs. Weasley, despite her better judgment, repairs it with her wand in secret, making Ron promise not to tell anyone she's fixed it. This later sets the scene for Ron to drive the flying car with Fred and George in it. :)
Ron eating oatmeal doesn't sound right. Considering English breakfast, I'd expect him to cry in his bacon.
@@BlueGangsta1958 tbf I knew few English people who have a full English breakfast on the regular, I feel like it reads wrong because we call it porriage and that sounds infinatley more British than oatmeal and therefore more Ron.
a Ron Weasley who's older than 11 would probably have been the one who talked himself to tears. Also, he'd continue eating.
i think it's because she said 'ronald' and the person saying 'ronald' wasn't McGonigall
*"Harry Potter and The Body Of Christ."*
Yes.
Harry Potter and the Half-Jewish Pope
"Harry Potter and the holy corpse"
Harry Potter and the Holy Spirit
your profile picture... i have never came so hard
Αch yes, Voldemort: The world's most famous reddit atheist
I legit cant wait for the final showdown
@@katinkaherbal8236 bold of you to assume Voldemort was ever straight
@@katinkaherbal8236 JK Rowling rewrites a new character as gay every few weeks/months
@@morgoth_bauglir Clearly he and Quirrel were a thing
How can you forget his iconic fedora
The three pillars of atheism: Science, socialism, and birthdays.
and the sub-pillar under science; evolution
oh god BIRTHDAYS!
As a Christian, I've never heard anything bad about birthdays. I'd be a way less-uptight Gryffindor Hat and the birthday thing came out of nowhere for me.
@@towelgirl21 there are some christians/jehovah's witnesses that don't celebrate birthdays if I remember correctly
@@UwUImShio I know Jehovah's Witnesses don't, but the author def wasn't talking about them here.
"He wore dark leather shoes on both feet." How many people has this woman encountered who wear different shoes on each feet?
Oh, oh yeah
If she's a Pentecostal-probably almost everyone in her looney bin of a Church wore mismatched clothing. Top that with the freakish giggling and jittering.
She has had one two many “wacky Wensdays”
I know right, the urge to have at least two adjectives to describe the leather shoes caused her to add unnecessary detail
I thought they were wearing a slipper and a leather shoe IMO
Luna Lovegood
It's Harry Potter, but instead of British witches they are American Christian cowboys with creepy smiles
guess which aesthetic I prefer
American Horror Story: the Christianing
@Weird Trixibelle yeah I know, I've seen the post. but come on. tell me the brits don't have *a e s t h e t I c* when they get all magical and shit
alpha reaperion *we are the aesthetics of M A G I C*
@@ELBERTOO precisely
I am a Christian and this is one of the stupidest things I have ever seen. The only good thing from this is “Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal”
Same and that part broke me
At least Aunt Petunia celebrated Harry’s birthday
"Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal.", is the 2020 of sentences.
That, and "Harry followed Ronald with the obedience of one who does not have many friends in a new situation." Like, if that's not relatable I don't know what is.
same haha
Once a girl in my class shared her 500 page fan fiction (hand written) with me. I'll use 4 words to describe it all: Hagrid was canonicly Jesus.
Edit: I found out that the girl who did this passed away recently, so all of the new replies if there will be any, please be respectful. She was pretty weird but was nice and had a good, kind heart.
That sounds awesome lol
Holy fucking shit Hagrid second coming REAL?
Oooh i want to read it
THIS GIRL WAS AHEAD OF HER TIME
I WOULD READ THAT. Hagrid as Jesus is so funny and yet makes so much sense based on his personality. I'm not even christian lol-
not calling the school godwarts was a huge mistake
WHY DOES THIS HAVE SO FEW UPVOTES
@@eloryosnak4100 likes*
This isn't reddit
Not calling the school Satan's gates was a big mistake ALL HALE SATAN
@@Kian.murphy007 FUCK YEAH HAIL SATAN!!!!!!
Nooo because that implies God has warts and that would be sacrilege
"Every women is another man's future wife"
Stares into the camera with gay despair
*Aromantic despair*
@@idkdude1118 saaame tbh
11:36 #giffable
"Remember kids: the only reason to respect women is because she is the future property of a man!"
@@wishtopublish "Hippity hoppity, this woman is now my property!"
-Jesus Christ, I think.
"This poor little one has been raised in a terrible situation," Hagrid declared concernedly. "He was watched by a babysitter every second of the day, his aunt saw him as part of her perfect life package like the big house, the fancy career, and the speedy car!"
Well at least he didn't grow up in a cupboard under the stairs like that other kid.
She keeps bringing up the babysitter, too. If both parents worked, having a babysitter instead of just leaving their kids alone all the time sounds like *amazing* parenting.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say the author is jealous of the babysitter her husband hired...
@@xaldynnemo47 She didn't want to alienate the christian families that have so many kids that some do live under the stairs
I'm honestly still wondering where Dudley is LOL
"He's been raised in such a horrible situation! His aunt and uncle treat and love him like their own child, and constant individual supervision by a babysitter even when his parents are at work! Not to mention, they teach him about SCIENCE for FUN"
@@Scarleto As a sinful feminist, Petunia decided to exercise her reproductive rights and never bore a biological child of her own. ;-D
Original Harry would love this Petunia and Vernon
A sweet successful business woman and a stay-at-home dad that likes baking brownies? That sounds like Harry's dream
He would have less trauma if that was so
I think this Vernon also works? (5:26) But a brownie baking working guardian is still way way better than an abusive and willfully negligent guardian
@@leeledyke yeah didn't notice that
Still faaaaaaaaaaaar better than what og Harry got
@@ignoremeplease 100%. Way better. Instead of locking him alone in a cupboard, they make sure there's a sitter caring for him while they're gone, and seem to pay attention to him when they are home
@@leeledyke 🙌
"She's a better writer than Onision, I will give her that"
We all know how low that bar is. 😅
That bar is so low that one would have to dig a tunnel to even get close to it.
_A very, very, _*_VERY_*_ deep tunnel..._
Yes
@@RuSosan digging-down-into-the-earth's-core-until-you-burn deep, how low the bar is
Then again, she copy most of her homework from a competent writer.
There is a lower though, the author of "empress theresa."
I like how they don’t have British accents anymore, if you’re Christian you have to have a southern accent. It’s a rule apparently
As a former Christian who lived near the south I can 100% confirm
I like how theres a congress in britain
Until coming to America i did not know this was a "thing" but even though i am surrounded by people in the Mountain Northwest they STILL insist on preaching with a Southern accent ( o_0 )! So... this Nihonjin Christian from the North island of Hokkaido is working on that.
Y'all.
As a current Christian I can confirm
I literally haven't ever heard of that omg
Harry Potter turned me into an atheistic homosexual, so I can see why this mother was concerned 😌
Bro Hermione was my first gay crush. A girl who stands her ground, is very capable, is intelligent, and works hard? Sign me the hell up. I fell hard for her when watching the movies growing up and then loved her more when I finally read the books in 5th grade lol
@@jessicabraud3307 same bro, I read the first book in like 3rd grade, but also in that same year I read the ever after high book series, and will not confirm nor deny having a crush on Raven Queen.
Lowest of Trash I relate so much!! My first girl crush was Ginny (book Ginny lol) I was completely head over heals lol!
@@mx.moobloom Honestly same, except I will proudly admit my past crush on Raven Queen. Also Hermione, because how can you not? Also read the first book (and the next four because my parents wouldn't let me read the last two until I borrowed them from the library without asking) in third grade lol
Lowest of Trash hunny have you ever heard of our lord and savior JADE WEST?!?!
I love it that the author tried so hard to replace the magic with prayer, they practically just ended up describing how Clerics work in D&D.
Ah yes, it all makes sense now, Dumbledore is a level 20 Peace Cleric and used Heroes' Feast to summon the food. Hogwarts is just a Cleric school.
A Harry Potter inspired DND campaign would be awesome tho.
i am sO ON IT
This comment. I love this comment.
ItzzBayleyy tell me when you get it I need a campaign idea cause I think I’m dming next.
I mean, prayer and miracles sound EXACTLY like magic, soooo...
"You're a Christian now, Harry."
every christian mom when their child is born
thats why they call upon god when in labor
Sounds like the baptisms I’ve witnessed
Everybody knows women can't birth children by themselves. God just shove his hand there, grabs the baby and then yanks it out.
Uncle Kane the tiberium main obviously! How else would it happen? Those bogus doctors?
This is true. Can confirm
Omg aunt petunia is such a horrible person, how dare she not let Harry get kidnapped by this half giant man, smh
Lemon L’Arachel and let him have two birthdays if he didn’t, so rude 😡
Lemon L’Arachel god what a bitch
exactly like such a horrible aunt. smh i’m glad i’m not related to her. and he had a birthday!!!! AWFUL!!!
lol gamer and almost a second one too???? How is he not taken away by cps yet?
This reads like if the original aunt petunia wrote Harry Potter
As opposed to Rita Skeeter who was the original writer
LITERALLY WTF
@Kealch's Factory Did you just call JK Rowling Rita Skeeter because honestly i agree
Molly Gustafsson well, Rita Skeeter is like a desperate fanfic writer, and after Cursed Child, JK Rowling isn’t that far off lmao
Kealch's Factory it was obviously Gilderoy Lockhart who stole Hermione’s essays and released them into the muggle world to get enough money to shrink himself to the size of a mouse
Can we take a moment to appreciate that Christian Mama Author is obviously thirsty for Mr. Snape?
definitely not good for their family
Undercover member of the Snapewives cult /j
It’s giving snapewife energy
I remember reading this on my own (finally got past chapter 2 lol) and thinking, 'okay as long as they didn't butcher my man Snape it's fine', reaching his introduction, and going, 'THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT-'
You're saying she wants to see the solid snape? Sorry I'll leave.
"he has science and socialism and birthdays" might be the best quote of all time
I dunno, "Ronald cried into his oatmeal" is my personal favorite
I'm gonna use that today, it's my birthday
ah yes, my three favorite things, science, socialism, and birthdays. Maria would be proud. (To clarify, Maria from the sound of music)
i love it LMAO
“Every young woman is another man’s future wife”
The LGBT community: *ceases to exist*
Be gone gays
We don't feel so good...
* turns to dust *
But I didn't say anything about another man's husband... Checkmate
and also, a woman only has value cause she belongs to a man, apparently
“You’re a Christian Harry” I don’t think that’s how conversion works.
CONVERSION THERAPY!!!
@@gardenofbone DID SOMEBODY SAY SUMMER CAMP WITH PENCE?!
so... if this fanfic followed the story a lil bit more... harry would be destined to save christianity?
That’s like a stranger coming up to me and saying “You’re straight Idiot” and me immediately go from being bi to 100% straight
@@justanotheridiot6188 that's actually how bi people are made, someone walks up to them and says "you're straight" but then someone else walks up and says "you're gay" and then they're both, happened to me in 1994
me, a fanfiction writer: "everything I write is an absolute failure"
*sees the thumbnail*
me: "nevermind, everything I write is a beautiful literary masterpiece that can move anybody to tears.
this fic will likely be more famous than any of yours ever will
@@thejuiceking2219 ouch, one fic of mine already reached 2500 hits on AO3.
why be so damn rude? and just so you know, I competed in several contests already.
@@oldestdreamja oh, that's impressive...probably i don't do fanfic stuff
@@thejuiceking2219 not fanfiction contests, if that's you think. like actual, school related poetry and literary contests.
someone else posted a really similar comment 2 years ago uhh
HE HAS _SCIENCE_ AND _SOCIALISM_ AND _BIRTHDAYS_
Honestly that sounds wonderful
now that's my kinda night
Seize the means of birthday presents comrades 😤
now that's some good shit tbh
*the horror*
" Ronald began to *cry into his oatmeal* "
my morning routine
Same, as also I love the pfp
Hello Catra.
@@michaelinthebathroom7560 hey adora
I prefer to cry into my frosted flakes.
Noice pfp btw
Why can I imagine Hagrid just pulling bibles out of his beard and handing them to random people on the street?
Harry, Ron and Hermione stared in shock as Hagrid walked down Privet Drive while pulling out bibles from his beard and handing them to the atheists on the street. "Hagrid," Hermione said, full of concern. "What...are you doing?" "YA'LL NEED JESÙS!" Hagrid screamed. "Oh, hello Hermione."
Pphhtt, yes. Also love the Bakugou pfp.
@@gwendolynwestwind9764 we had gideons show up at school and give everyone a pocket bible. By the end of the day, two were ripped up, two graffitied with pentagrams and stuff and one was burned at some point. I may be a Christian myself but schools should not have groups in trying to force it on others.
Gwendolyn Westwind One year a bunch of people outside my school were handing out pocket bibles. They gave one to a girl in a hijab and it was really awkward lmao
At my school in the entrance room the table in it had bibles on it. And by the end of the day they were thrown across the room. And as a Christian I picked up one still on the table and chucked it.
Christian Harry Potter reminds me of the time Ned Flanders read Harry Potter to his kid and was all like "And Harry Potter, and all of his wizard friends went straight to Hell for practicing Witchcraft!"
"Yay!"
"Parenting should be about children, not the parents"
So what you're saying is that as long as the child is loved and cared for, it doesn't matter who the parents are? Hell yeah, gay rights
i love this
Checkmate!
that is literally the only thing I agreed with in the whole book
Hell yes!!! LONG LIVE GAY RIGHTS.
Long live single parents too!
"Harry vocalized" has the same energy as calling eyes orbs
Accurate
Ciara :D well they technically are lol
Broke: Eyes
Woke: Orbs
Bespoke: Balls
@Emily Barclay Crucified: Ocular Globes
For your consideration: Sight circles
20:28 at my last Christian school, there was a teacher who taught upper elementary, and when she was lecturing a troublesome student, her version was, “look at me in my god-given eyeballs!” And every time I cringed just a little bit harder
As a Christian that sounds hilarious.
Was she trying to make the kid laugh? It's just such weird phrasing XD
@@elizabethsmith7224 agreed
👁️👁️ "look at me in my god given eyeballs!
God Gave her those eyeballs? what happened to the ones she was born with?
“Hermione called Dumbledore daddy”
This women’s trying to tell you something
can we make a spin-off
Gaby Aguilar pleaseeee do ohmygosh
Let’s do it. I say we all share a google document with each other and get to work.
Yess
Absolutely im in
Harry: Hugs a girl before marriage
hagrid: yOU'rE a SiNNeR HaRrY
F1shb0n3 LMBO
F1shb0n3 #WaitingTillMarriageSquad
@@xx_somescenecath0lic_xx888 yeah im still waiting to breath, gotta wait till marriage! #WaitingTillMarriageSquad
Blood Bath and Beyond LOLLLL
I don't have hair yet! #WaitingTillMarriage
Hilarious! 🤣
I love how upon hearing that Christianity exists, Harry turns into a human bible.
He is the chosen one
@@1_atlas_7 Harry Potter is now Jesus
@@elechronic YES
@@elechronic he was the second coming of Christ all along
LMBO 😂
I love how Harry's parents are never mentioned, I imagine the marauders in their dorm one day yelling at the ceiling "FATHER GOD, PLEASE BLESS THIS MAP!"
They likely wouldn't even call themselves the marauders, they'd call themelves preachers of God or something 💀
They're the Cathars 2.0 probably
The Crusaders maybe?
@@neoqwertythe anode or the cathode
Me, writing fanfic before: Man, this is crap. I'm the worst writer ever! My story sucks so bad!
Me: *Watches this video*
Me, writing fanfic now: I am the next Stephen King. Everything I pen is a literary masterpiece.
Mooood 🤣
Lmao
Bruh fr-
SAMEEEE
Mood
"Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal" is a whole ass mood
Yes
I felt it in my GOD DAMN SOUL, and that saying something, cause I'm not entirely sure I have one.
It's called 'porridge' in UK English.
@@angelamaryquitecontrary4609 at least it ain't grits
I read ronald reagan and thought to myself "yes" while picturing the man crying
I think "ronald began to cry into his oatmeal" is still in character
and then he still ate it.
a growing christian boy needs his sodium 🤷♀️
@@horae2583 ...yes
i cackled because you’re so right
I find it super ironic that Luna and other Hufflepuff hats are looked down on for only worshiping some of the Bible when Harry is literally sitting there eating bacon. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EATING PIG HARRY! WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?!
I KNOW RIGHT? Ahh yes, we listen to the entire bible, how dare you not?! But of course the entire bible is the convenient part only.
He's christian, not jewish.
@vicenteabalosdomin
In the bible god says what animals you can and can't eat, (something to do with coven hooves or something) Your not so post to eat pig, Horses tho? Go crazy
@@paulsander5579 Yes, but Christians believe that Jesus' sacrifice has unburdened humanity from those rules. Like, Christians no longer have to sacrifice animals to God (etc.) because Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice.
@@michaelhenry3234 Theene ewhy do they still insist homosexuality's a sin? They pick and choose out of convenience awfully often, is it or is it not supposed to be a thing? Also they think abortion bad when there's instructions on magic paternity-detecting abortion potion, so abortion is okay for infidelity, which is NEVER a proposed exemption on the chistians' abortion bans....
At least they could either pick all or none and be consistent, instead of wishy washy cherry-picking heretics.
I'm the non-believer, I'm not supposed to know the bible's rules and the specifics of it better than them.
Mister snape may have sent you, but the phrase “cried into his oatmeal” sent me with free two-day shipping from amazon prime
are we rlly not gonna talk about "Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal"
Complete mood
My favourite line. Ever
So far the lunch is my favorite part Ron crying and Harry and draco arguing women shouldn’t have jobs but for different reasons each stupid in its own way...priceless. 😭
The boy has salty oatmeal now
I'm in a Quarantine Quote chat and I saw this absolute beaut without any context, and I think I could've lived without said context. But I'm glad to have obtained it.
I have the most hilarious mental image of Canon Hagrid just laughing hysterically at Christian Hagrid
Yes and Christian Hagrid looks like ps2 hagrid
@@funkydude8196 but C O W B O Y
and brolden’s hagrid just DYING
darren’s harry and joey’s ron would be eating red vines half in disgust half in amusement
This comment has 666 likes write now 😂
The thing is we *already* have "Harry Potter for Christians" - it's called the Chronicles of Narnia and the allegory is subtle enough that it can be enjoyed totally independently of it being Christian propaganda. (I certainly didn't make the connection when I read those books as a kid.)
The allegory is subtle enough until the last book when it comes in at the speed of crashing train lol.
You're not wrong, but doesn't Aslan literally say he's Jesus at some point?
Having allusions and references to a religion does not make something propaganda. Narnia involves Christianity in its world and story, but it never lies about it
@@Doomzdeh and having lies or trying to hide a message isn't necessary for something to be propoganda.
Plenty of propoganda uses actual events(say the "let's go to war" US WWII propoganda featuring the actions of the Nazis) or is very blatant about the message it is pushing(like plenty of Christian media)
@@Doomzdeh propaganda isn't inherently equivalent to misinformation, you know that, right? propaganda is defined by Merriam-Webster as "the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person" or the idea/information/rumor itself
The thing that frustrates me most is that they changed everyone’s houses. “I hate slytherins” is not something Draco Malfoy would ever say in any conceivable universe ever
Haven't watched the video yet, but just reading what you said has absolutely infuriated me.
I think that's just more proof it's a troll. They know the characters too well in order to make things the opposite and ironic.
I know! It bothered me so much. Snape's outfit was awful too.
Mr. Snape.
My brain hurts.
NokoFace 😅😂🤣 True!
Shut up malfoy SHUT UP
Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles, where everyone is a perfect Christian. Apart from, apparently, three quarters of the school.
The part where Reverend Dumbledore says that if they didn't include the other hats the school would be small concerned me because the implication to me is that the other hats are only there so Gryffindor hats can convert them
So... *c h u r c h*
Quinn exactly
so, catholic school.
@@lauragraceokay as a former student, I can verfiy the accuracy of this lol.
"science, socialism, and birthdays" ah yes, the 3 sins
the unholy trinity
The 3 genders
this comment sent me
I'm kind of into all three, but mostly socialism
Tag yourself I’m birthdays
turning Hermione into the opposite of a career woman is one of the funniest things I've ever heard
I know!!! She is literally the defition of a future career woman!
The original Hermione is one of those characters who get the ending in which they have children because the author was trying to make some kind of point with it ("this is the trad happy end everyone expects, riiiight?", "the legacy has to go on", "the kid is supposed to accomplish something", "the world is finally safe so everyone absolutely has to have kids", "the world is not safe but people have kids despite it all"... whatever), but it feels really out of character because from what we have seen until this ending this person would have been *so* childfree 😅
I really love that even though Ron was eating oatmeal he somehow spit out the bacon that Harry was eating
harry spat so much it fell in ron’s mouth
This is disgusting. Have a like
Perhaps they were making out but the author didn't mention it
They were definitely snogging tho
**WhEeZe**
Ah yes, the four houses: Christian, Catholic, Mormon, and Lutheran.
Don't forget the underground nondenominational house
I quit my life...... -we love this story-
Catholic Mormon and Lutheran are all denominations of Christian. Jesus Christ :|
Thanks I was trying to figure out the other one
Shronk Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Lutheran
"Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal" is a bigger mood than it should be
ron BURSTING into to tears while eating oatmeal because someone insulted mary, mother of jesus is the funniest shit
I made it my instagram bio, I want to confuse the people who know me >:)
The best part is book Ron probably didn't even know what religion was and would've been super confused by this entire situation
As a peep with a eating disorder. I relateee
I respect hermione’s game
Always offer to do something you know is not needed so you can seem nice without having to do anything
Offering to help cook was a deception 100 move mad respect
"A Christian Mom Re-Wrote Harry Potter (and I read it because I love to suffer)" By Fall Out Boy
(guitar solo)
OMG 😂😂😂😂
"A Christian Mom Re-Wrote Harry Potter (and I read it because I love to suffer) By Fall Out Boy" - By Panic! At The Disco
Dina andCarson omg genius
She: ”Every woman is some man's future wife.”
Nuns: Am I a joke to you?
ThEy aRe A wiFe Of JeSus
alternatively ThEy ArE mArRiEd tO gOd
Lesbians and aromantic women: Am I a joke to you?
Elly Belly well yeah, the author’s an evangelical
Well nuns are catholic, so according to this story just one step removed from Satan himself. An unmarried woman who worships idols...
That Harry vs Draco match is basically the one meme that’s like:
Harry: All women! Are queens!
Draco: if she breathes! SHE’S A THOOOT!!!!
Edit: holy shit I didn’t expect my shitpost to blow up like this
Lmao yesss
hi again
Except theyre both trying to own them
@@danielleisaacs6237 OOF
LMAOOO
me: drinking water
"HERMIONE CALLS DUMBLEDORE 'DADDY'-"
me: *almost spits out water*
U good?
What?! I need a timestamp of when that was pointed out. I don't feel so good.😶
“Birthdays aren’t Christian” that sounds like Jehovah’s Witness.
Well, it's true. Birthdays aren't christian. They're neutral
Christmas is canceled.
"Birthdays aren't christian!" *continues to celebrate Jesus's birth*
So does "Harry Potter isn't Christian" in the first place tbh
@@rainqueen4624 Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate christmas either
“Always be respectful to a woman because that is another man’s future wife”
Yeah its not like woman are people or anything. They only deserve respect because a man is going to marry them one day? Yikes.
its pretty much like saying "dont hit a woman, cuz thats gonna be a mans property someday!"
gross
My friend's youth group split the guys and girls into groups for the purity talk. The girls were given the "You are a used napkin" speech, while the boys were told "don't take from the virgin pool bc it's not fair to other men".
@@ToastyJunebugs sure it's an appalling sentiment but "don't take from the virgin pool" is HILARIOUS. might fuck around and swipe a girl from the virgin pool.
Dianna Stroud do they... do they not know about cloth napkins? have they never heard of washing a cloth napkin? the analogy is disgusting, but do they really not know about cloth napkins?
Shut the fuck up, you SJW feminist.
The (un)holy trinity: science, socialism and birthdays
Based
Sounds like a party
you should make merch that says ‘science & socialism & birthdays’
Oh man I sure do love glee
Birthdays? We LOOOOOOOVE Birthdays
I don't know why the specificity that Mr. Snape wore black leather shoes "on both feet" is the thing that made me laugh the most out of this whole mess.
this christian mom trying to erase all the accidental drarry and just SO much making it worse
@Hans Hanzo i read the Snape description to my partners, one who loves Snape and one who really dislikes him. Both were just like, "WTF"
There was no accidental Drarry. Seriously, the "enemies are secretly in love" trope is dumb. The closest I could maybe see is Draco having feelings for Harry but not the other way round.
Their kids on the other hand, oh my. 😍 Cursed Child sucked as a story, but Albus and Scorpius are literally the cutest thing ever (even if there is a completely stupid and irrelevant "no homo" scene near the end 🙄🙄🙄). I ship them so hard.
@@dragongirl7978 Not going to lie, Cursed Child read like a fanfiction, but I didnt even mind because Scorpio and Albus were just so adorable.
@@AmPhilH3O Someone actually wrote a fanfiction cleaning it up, turning it into a novel, and altering it just slightly to make it Scorbus (AS IT SHOULD BE!) and I actually mostly read that instead of the actual screenplay lol.
“Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal” is a more Ron sentence than any sentence in the original books, yet at the same time the least Ron sentence ever
Plot twist , The mentioned ronald in this situation is .... Ronald Reagan
I’m
Maybe if the phrasing was different,it would work maybe ‘Ron began to sob into his porridge’ would work better or something like that
They forgot his name is Ronald billius.
@@ET-- Ronald McDonald
"dumbledore cried calmly" has the same energy as "dumbledore asked calmly"
DiD yOuFv PuT yOUR namE iN tHe gOoBlrt of FIRE!?!?!?
@@NoNo-lt9bi you’re saying it wrong it’s not “DiD yoU pUt yOur NaMe iN tHe gObLet Of FirE”
Its “HarRy HarrY! DiD yoU pUt YOur NamE iN tHe gOBLet Of FiRE”
*inhales* haRrY, HarRy, diD yEH pUt yA naMe iN tHe gOblEt oF fYAh!?”
I can only imagine Dumbledore *WILDY SOBBING*
HARRY IM SAD
Imagine the kids saying they want to watch the movies. I can just imagine the mother acting out the book she wrote
My Evangelical parents and "church family" talked about the Harry Potter books in such a way when they came out that made me believe they were actual spell books written by an old wizard named Harry Potter.
I'm a Ravenclaw now.
LMAO-
I HURT MY BACK FUC-
@@sak-8679 Oh shit, you good man
Me too! Fellow Ravenclaw ;)
Sometimes I felt like my parents were the only Christians that let their kids read Harry Potter.
Hey! A fellow Ravenclaw!
"Hermione called Dumbledore daddy" well that's a whole other fanfiction right there lol
Shudders!!!
nOO
yeah i took that line the wrong way, i had to skip back and figure it our lmaoo
Oh no no no no no NO pls i hope nobody has made that fanfic
One story at a time now lol
In restrospect, Hagrid totally abducted an 11 year old to get him into a cult. In Canon, I mean.
Mati Lozano
oh fuck. but at least in the canon the cult gave him superpowers. in this one he just learns Family Values
2-3 years later: tonight on the bbc we go into the failed mi6 raid on a religious cult that had been increasing its numbers by kidnapping 11 year old children from their homes and brainwashing them to believe in in far right Christian values, and what it could mean for the UK’s future when it comes to such groups.
Which is why that scene was filmed like a horror movie in the film adaptation.
As hot a take as that is, I don't think Hogwarts actually fits very many of the cult hallmarks. It's a boarding school. It functions like a boarding school, just with magic.
Dia Grace You’d be surprised how... Normal, a cult can seem at times. (look up Mormon ‘space camps’)
My parents are Christian, but they not only let us but encouraged us to read Harry Potter. My mom was actually confused when her mom, also a Christian, asked if it was okay to give us Harry Potter mugs. My mom didn't even know there was controversy around the books. THAT is a Christian. I lean towards Atheist myself.
As another comment said, Dumbdore the Cleric casts Hero's feast! 9:35
Sorry to be that guy, but it's Christian, not Cristian.
When does harry learn the fun spells, like flame strike, insect plague, create undead, or harm?
@@conwaysquest6961 fiendfyre and inferi are canon as well as many ways to harm people but I don't know about insect plagues. But since they obviously don't work in real life, I don't see anything dangerous in Harry Potter.
Word. Glad the books were only mildly sexist and horrible, unlike more recent JK works
@@turtlesandmoreturtles The spells I listed are high-level cleric spells in D&D. I was leaning into the joke.
Are we just going to ignore how Harry was able to see Snape’s chest even though he was wearing a suit and tie? Was he wearing a tie with his shirt open? I’m concerned
Snape had a rough night
Pipina C. Mood
TotallyHateit actually that's Mr Snape* to you
Pipina C. With who?
That's his Christian titty window
"The bible is the best book ever why can't you just respect that" Hermione sobbed femininely
Lmfaoo
Vampire sighed sexily
I am trying my best not to flip cause that phrase was pretty offending to me and I do not know why
- Snape’s chest hair
- vegan food is evil
- pantsuits are evil
- environmentally friendly cars are evil
- wHY are all the houses switched
- Snape’s chest hair
Another point you should add is Snape's chest hair.
No matter how annoying vegans get, preventing animals from suffering is still moral :’)
How is his chest hair visible if he's wearing a suit? Is it just the suit jacket and tie, with no shirt underneath?
You should have added the fact this women called him Mr. Snape. Haha lmfao is sounds so out of place.
As a vegetarian, I can confirm some of the substitute food I’ve eaten is evil.
I went to a private catholic college and was required to take two semesters of theology classes, and for one of them I took a course titled “the gospel according to Harry Potter” and it absolutely ruled. it was a few week long class where we just read all the books and discussed any Christian themes in them. there’s a fair amount, speaking vaguely, like good verses evil etc…
anyway I kinda wish we discovered this back then, if only for parody, it would have been a fun thing to laugh about with a bunch of fellow millennials
Genuinely, my Episcopal church had a summer Bible Camp (for little kids) themed to Harry Potter 😂
So if this mom believes Harry Potter would turn her children into witch, then if she gave her children IKEA instructions, would they turn into chairs?
But at least chairs aren't the spawn of Satan 😆
@@MrsMoonify they are far worse than that. Satan is like a little five year old bully compaired to a chair. Chairs are the very definition of evil.
@@kane2056 How dare you invoke the name of the greatest demon! Begone evil
SHHHHHHH!!!!!! don't tell them the secret of IKEA instructions!!
Have you seen IKEA instruction? Those kids would turn into everything but chairs.
*ex-christian confusion when they talk about believing literally everything in the bible WHILE EATING BACON*
Them: *your pfp*
МατιldεThεCrαzγOnε lol good one
As a... former? Catholic, doublethink is Christianity’s bread and butter.
Right!?!
Same lol
"every woman is a man's future wife" it's nice that she thinks even I will find someone.
Yeah that was my fist thought as well
At least she believes in me
Yeah.. Nuns? No those dosen't matter.
@@saulesalejos4483 nah they clearly don’t...
@@saulesalejos4483 nuns are from a completely different species. Have you seen those things? They look like they can be in a horror film titled "The nun"
Aren't nuns married to God?
Lolololol I remember when I was in 4th grade (8-9 year olds) a girl in my class had a birthday party which was harry potter themed. Her best friend came up to her, and flat out told her she refuses to go, because “god doesn’t like witches and magic”. We died.
"every young woman is a man's future wife"
*oh see that, it's the gay leaving my body*
*excuse me, sir, have you seen my gay*
@@wooyeah1738 I Saw a woman called Joanne Rowling run away with it
[REDACTED] That was a beautiful addition to this
I feel like strange aeons here took a bit of exception to that line. I can't figure out why that would be but they didn't seem to care much for it.
*my gay,where is it?*
“Every young girl is another man’s future wife”
And that’s the only logical reason to treat women with respect: because it might upset their theoretical husbands
My brother says sexist crap all the time to me and my sisters ever since he moved in with his gfs family who are batshit Christan and he apologized TO OUR BOYFRIENDS for "disrespecting their girlfriends feelings" and they should "teach us to stop being so serious" like at least say our names
@@fambi1271 that's horrible
@@fambi1271 ... I kinda wonder what his response would be to a lesbian couple in that situation. At the same time, I dont want to know.
@@fambi1271 Just waiting for the day until he apologies to your boyfriends for never apologizing to you.
I feel like that is something my mother's dumb fucking boyfriend would say and it makes me want to die 😑
Petunia:”Harry, do you want a second birthday?”
Harry: (knowing the bible despite not knowing what it was)”oh, haven’t you heard?”
Imagine a kid going from never having heard of christians, to converting to christianity, to lecturing you on what is and isn't christian within the course of like 5 minutes. "Brainwashing" isn't a strong enough term for that shit.
When harry became Christian the Bible was miraculously downloaded into his brain... Because its called "school of prayers and *miracles* "
and also as a person who was raised christian, i have had so many fucking birthdays my dudes. i'm not christian anymore, that's probably why i suddenly woke up one morning with the memories of many birthdays in my brain.
Very true, after all, we are just ants compared to the beautiful birth of Jesus Christ, our birthdays are merely days that we should spend on praying to our Father. There is no such thing as celebrating our children’s lives when we could be using that time to celebrate the second coming of our Savior. /s
I knew I had to upvote this comment when I saw your name
*Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal.*
I can't. This line is going to live rent free in my head forever.
“Parenting should be about the children, not the parents. That’s why it’s called parenting.”
Shouldn’t it be Childrening?
Edit: lmfao I forgot I even commented on this. How did this get so many likes?
Saying what i was thinking
I don't know why this made laugh that much
Right? I think our author flubbed there...
It sounds so wrong, idk why but i never want to read od hear it again
We all must children our kids right 🤣
"She's a better writer than onision, I'll give her that."
Lol that doesn't take much 😂
Me: peepeeellie
XBox: achievement get: be a better writer then onionboi
@@felixstone3.14
that's like the achievement you get on reddit for verifying your email
This fanfic is obviously rubbish.
Draco Malfoy would never be caught dead in khakis.
his father will hear about this
Agreed...
What a weird instance of Draco In Leather Pants
imagine Draco was colourblind and ended up wearing red one day :))
I dead
I like how Dumbledore is still bias to Gryffindor.
I'm fourteen and a non-native english speaker. This atrocity makes me feel proud and confident in my english writing skills.
Good because your English sounds amazing by the looks of it. I'm an American and even my English sucks.
@@MahouShoujo-Studios BOTH OF YOUR ENGLISH IS AMAZING
I was the 223 rd person to like this and I feel so bad for ruining that perfect 222
@Lokirye Your English is great!
Im 10 and a non native english Speaker :-) Is my english good ?
The author of this and the author of My Immortal should have a shouting match in a parking lot to determine who has the absolute best HP fanfiction on Earth
YES
Let's be honest, JK herself won that with the Cursed Child
this is 30 hs erasure
My Immortal, Christian Harry Potter and Cursed Child enter a bar...
look you can just order a hit on the person who wrote this fic, no need to drag my immortal into this.
"Every young woman is another man's future wife"
*Gay silence*
Johanna Schmid
Straight people that aren’t interested in getting married: *Silence*
@@silverschmid4591 wait why transgender silence??
@@lleafaell Because some young women will figure out their identity later in life and will not be wives to anybody at that point, but husbands.
I guess? Maybe. Even if that wasn't the intent, it still fits.
Yeah no
this fanfic made me cry into MY oatmeal
mood.
"Every woman is a man's future wife"
Not if i marry all the women first
Nice
Please, save me
That works for me
That's the right attitude!
What if......you're a lesbian?..
The fact that Snapes chest hair is so prominently visible despite him wearing a suit and a tie keeps me awake at night...
It’s as if he forgot to button the top 4 buttons lmao
MAGICAL CHEST HAIR!
I’m imagining him only wearing the suit coat with no dress shirt underneath so all u see in in his chest area is the chest hair under the red tie. It’s a terrifying image.
Olivia Rouse that reminds me of like a men’s Latin Dance costume
Star the Lotus omg 😂. Now I’m picturing him dancing. And now I’ll have nightmares about this.
"Hermione calls Dumbledore 'Daddy'"
Yeah, probably not the only fan fiction that sentence applies to
Wattpad entered the chat
Gawd NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Ser_Salty lmao!
That's basically 30% of all Harry Potter fanfic summed up in four words. Another 30% is Harry & Snape, and the rest is and Snape/Malfoy/both.
Star Synthetik *cough* my immortal *cough*
The thought of Draco wearing khakis is
... It might be the most wrong thing in here. Wait until his father hears about this.
“Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal” is gonna be my yearbook quote
Ronald Reagan to cry into his oatmeal
We ain't getting a yearbook at this point lol
We don’t find out what’s house Ravenclaw, so I’m gonna assume that’s were the gay kids go
Draco
Also no, the one with the gays is probably Hufflepuff with Luna and the "only part of the Bible counts, the not too ridiculous bits"
Draco is a Ravenclaw. So Ravenvlaw is whatever The Transformed Wife is
@Fae stuffel I know people are generally ignorant about Mormons but we definitely aren't bible purists, so I doubt it's us
Ravenclaw is probably independent fundamentalist baptist. If you want to know more about how they treat LGBT people look up the "make america straight again conference." These people are literally calling for capital punishment and it's disgusting
Mr. Snape is a fashion icon,
Ron is crying into his oatmeal,
Hermione is the epitome of 1950s Houswives,
Harry is an 11-year-old with strange concerns,
And Draco is the reason feminists exist.
Sounds like the kinda shit I read.
And Luna is a Christian Semi-Hippie.
facts
aNd iM KaNYe WeST
I dunno why, but "Reverend Albus Dumbledore" hit with way more psychic damage than I would expect.
I love how Harry’s Aunt and Uncle in this version are actually better guardians to him than in the original 😂😂😂
Certain people who believe that the far and away top means being a good person is to have faith in their god and be in the "right" religion depict "worldly" people as going through the motions of doing good things, but it's empty gestures. These certain people tend to be all 'fuck you, got mine', and end up making others look good by comparison.
Snake Man448 exhibit A: the alt right who support a man who has had multiple wives and has cheated on all of them, raped one of his wives and beat her, has stolen from people through fake charities and universities, has stolen from the government by lying on his taxes, and has divided the country more than ever. But he’s a “good Christian man.” Yeah ok.
Den the Alt Right are not very religious, they are only lightly religious. Most focus on nation and family.
@@misanthropicservitorofmars2116 Well but their arguments are pretty often based around Christian ethics or atleast "Judeo-Christian Values"
Skyler Keck true, my contention was that you have to go to your local communities to find true religion. That’s what it’s all about, being with those around you and sharing in cultural values.
Plus the “alt right” seems rather nebulous at this point. I think most people need to examine what’s really going on with other people.
okay but...hermione's entire character...centered around her being ambitious, smart, and a necessary part of harry's friend group. while everyone else was just going with it, she was always worried about being smart and successful. *she is literally the kid trying to become a careerwoman* and the author is
what is even happening
This is why Hermione is my favorite. but like I'm so scared cause I haven't gotten to Hermione.
This fan fic Nothing even matters anymore
*Harry kills troll about to strike at Hermione*
Harry: "That troll had no respect for someone's future wife!"
The troll: *cries in oatmeal*
Ron: YEAH MINE
I can forgive this purely because Uncle Vernon would despise his depiction in this, and I can just picture him raging and throwing crap around the house after hearing about it lmao
Even as a straight girl, the line "every young woman is another man's future wife" doesn't sit right on me
Edit 3 years later: I am in fact not straight and am not a girl 😭
Does anything about that rewrite sit right?
@@svartrbrisingr6141 now I've regrown my brain cells that I had lost from this. no, no it doesn't
Even as a man I can't really wrap my head around the thought, that people like this really exist...
I was raised with religion but atheist now, and I can tell you that it's really, really disheartening how many women I knew who deeply internalized that pseudo-equality. It's literally gaslighting "we believe women are equal but different to men, which is why men get to make the decisions and women get to make the food!"
There's varying degrees and extremes depending on subgroup but it's still horribly dehumanizing.
I’m straight and Christian and female, and I was like wut 🤣🤣 no one has ever told me my purpose in life is to be some guy’s wife. Ever.