Reading Hogwarts School of Prayer & Miracles | Part 2
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
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![I Read The Girl Defined Book And My Life Is Worse Now [PART 1]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zPhNUvpPfpM/mqdefault.jpg)
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“children, CONVERT HIM”
why is this so hilarious yet so threatening like what are they gonna do other than yell bible verses at him lmao
I imagined the children swarming him and crawling all over him screaming bible verses like nasty christ gremlins
not gunna lie, christian and catholic children are kinda creepy
TheVeR01 all religious children are kinda creepy seeming when you aren’t one of them
Similar vibes as "gettem Bois"
To me conjured images of a gang of children haunched over, screaming and throwing bibles at people, like monkeys throwing their poop.
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. The whole Voldemort is a normal sane person dropped into this crazy FanFiction is actually perfect.
Top-tier satire.
This is after all just about his Reddit account
That's sounds like something an eco-friendly feminist would say. Students CONVERT THEM!
voldomort just shows up like “hey I’m here to see my cousin, um your wife passed out and why you making a bunch of minors scream at me?” You serious that’s my Reddit account I was making jokes, ok calm down can you make the children stop screaming. I’m a troll you happy. I’m a atheist screaming at me isn’t going to make me religious. Screw this I’m out y’all are freaking weird.”
totally!
The thought of Voldemort climbing out of a smart car is hilarious.
But upsode down
I love how 90% of the characters in this fic are described very modestly, and then snape sounds like he just walked out erotica.
as one does
*Mr.* Snape
@@ellazenzen8735 no just call him snape. *PLEASE*
@@raffaelefrau9789 how about a compromise, daddy snape?
@@theguywhosnothere NO
Every sentence - "I'm saying words." Character verbed adverbly
this comment is underrated
You know, I was wondering the whole first video why I wanted to pull my fucking hair out and then you perfectly explained why, It's not just the dialogue, there are so many adverbs in this. Far too many.
Yeah the overuse of adverbs and lack of variation in sentence structure drives me crazy
I'm dying
'That's right.' I replied to your comment intelligently. Misspelling not one of the myriad words, I sat back in my chair contentedly.
"Idk if I'm having a stroke or if this makes sense." Constant mood
Thats me watching zeta gundam
Me_IRL
Many times have I felt that, and not just reading that awful Christian Harry Potter Fanfiction.
Absolutely
Me listening to a stroke paitent and understanding them as the ambilance does 110 at 2 in the morning
This book, unironically: “Alright, which one of you degenerates is into handholding?”
Look dude, premarital hand holding is a very big issue in today’s youth. One second they’re holding hands, and the next they’ll be sucking Satan’s dick!
... how is it unironic?? This was written as a joke so that is the *literal* definition of being ironic
@@onelovelylilidiot4959 I'm down lmao
“Huhhhhhh?” I gasp intelligently, “HANDHOLDING?! The shame.”
I know right, what's next?! Full frontal, fully clothed platonic hugging? Kissing before marriage? Butt stuff?!?
“...is this about my Reddit account.” Is so abruptly grounded in reality compared to all this insanity it felt like getting hit by a truck xD
Plot Twist: Onision wrote this completely unironically and just couldn't help self-inserting himself as "Mister Snape."
As soon as I heard the name Greg I automatically thought of the Onion boy.
Also hard to now see Snape and not think look its Greg!
Is too well written to be the onion boi
I'd believe it if Mr. Snape ended up getting with Hermione.
@@noahkarpinski1824I see what you did there
Dean Thomas: *exists*
Author: "He breathed intelligently!"
I think he's smart because he's black and the author/"author" is very intent on proving she is not racist. That's why there's a stress on him pronouncing "that's right" correctly, and not as "das rite".
Mikael Eriksson that’s an interesting idea there
@@mikaeleriksson1720 That was my assumption as well.
@@mikaeleriksson1720 I totally agree!
Mikael Eriksson thank you. I was really trying to figure out what rubbed me the wrong way when Hagrid was so impressed by him saying “nice to meet you.”
"Is this about my reddit account?" is gonna be my go to response whenever someone is mad at me now.
Yes same lmao
Hermione sobbed “femininely”
Voldemort admitted “sinfully”
Dean Thomas said “intelligently”
these adverbs are killing me
How does anyone sob in adverbs
@@rainfeather3053 queried questioningly
draco chortled "pompously"
the three genders
but here’s the thing.... i don’t remember the harry potter books ever explicitly saying anybody WASNT wearing a cowboy hat.
But none of them said they weren’t wearing fedoras or tophats and fancy shmancy monocles either
@@exammole4545 they actually say explicitly that madam bones wore a monocle... until she got murdered by heathen environmentalist voldy 😩
Now I'm imagining Voldemort reviving in GoF and adjusting his cowboy hat while muttering, "yee-haw" on a super low voice
Don't give Jk Rowling ideas
@@Quackervoltz
Oh yeah I take it back
Dean Thomas' personality: intelligent
Hermione's personality: feeble woman
Mr Snape's personality: ChEsT hAiR
Voldemort's personality: heathen enviromnentalist
Dumbledore's personality: YEEHAW
Rons personality: Cries into oatmeal.
And also Catholic apparently
Chest hair is my fav type of personality tbh
i mean tbh they're incorrect to the books sure but they've always been one note so like
I low-key Stan Dean Thomas tho
Harry: ALL WOMAN ARE QUEENS
Draco: IF SHE BREATHES SHE'S A THOOOOOOT
🤣🤣🤣 I looked for comment about it.
SIMP vs CHAD
@@0h899 Who is Who?
Harry's a fucking SIMP
This is the best comment, everyone else go home
This is all canon. While British Harry was getting murdered by Voldemort, American Harry was having a pray off with Draco.
The secret twin brother!!
"Hagrid just has this miraculous ability to lure children into a cult."
I mean, that's probably the most canon accurate statement you could make about this
Oh shit.
Bubbly Dragon ikr? The dude straight up kidnapped an 11 year old and got him into witchcraft
Everyone gangsta until Voldemort’s smart car rolls up
*ecofriendly cars
* le gasp * A smart car? Heaven forbid
everyone gangsta until voldemort uploads "feminist cringe #3123405" and his cartoon avatar crosses its arms
I love youtube so much like over 2000 people saw this and was like yep im gonna scroll now no need to say anything to that
ITS NOT A SMART CAR. ITS JUST A SMART. DO YOU CALL FORDS A FORD CAR? NO YOU DONT. SO STOP. ITS JUST A SMART.
i was not expecting "is this about my reddit account" holy shit thats gold
it's pure art, I love it
Dude I was scream laughing for the last 5 minutes of this video, it's TOO GOOD
Thanks for the sin kind stranger
Even spicier version, every time Harry randomly screams at someone. Picture him as the ‘I have the power of god and anime on my side’ kid.
But remember, anime is Satanic according to a Catholic priest
Oh, but that’s why it’s spicy
I love how she tries to make a point that Christian patriarchy doesn't devalue women, and that they're "equal but different", but her husband's just like "Honey, it's unwomanly to read and write. Put down that keyboard and make me a sandwich.".
@Hal Moore based on this book it was definitely reading some Snape smut
And then insults feminists 😭
It could be that the authors notes are part of the trolling.
Equal but different is so reminiscent of separate but equal that I can’t help but think that is also a layer of this.
OwO yep.
This was a magical experience. Also, I do love the meta-narrative of the author:
1. Taking a writing class at the behest of the internet.
2. Getting the vapors at her ruggedly handsome English teacher's handsome ruggedness.
3. Accidentally using the teacher's name in her description of the desperately desirable Mr. Snape, and then...
4. Getting pulled off her writing project because "My husband says book-writing is bad for the family.".
This fic is a masterpiece, a work of art.
Book writing is *great* for me, CONVERT HIM
Im thinking that the author’s notes were part of the trolling.
I hate that it took me until earlier this year to learn what astounding performance art fanfics can be.
SHE HAD A THING FOR THE TEACHER THAT'S WHY SHE STOPPED
This is such a masterful troll, like a carefully layered lasagna of ridiculous stereotypes--the subtle racism, the weird homoeroticism, the way the "greg" incident was planned out, the way Grace herself is a character--truly a masterpiece designed to piss off the most people possible while leaving just enough room for doubt about the satirical intent. A++ work.
That's what annoys me sometimes.
They make their work so perfectly executed that even if you see underneath you still don't fully convinced.
I made your likes to 666, and you made my atheist heart's day
Someone should write a parody fic of canon Harry Potter reading this .
As soon as Draco had to do it to em, that's when I realized it was a troll.
What if the writer is actually one of onions douche's cult members and she's trying to make a secret message to send help?
“What about the first amendment?”
Harry, you’re British...
Your a Brit Harry
Dean is the know-it-all because Hermione has to be the character whose only character trait is “Feminine Woman™️”
well duh, what _else_ is there to being a woman??
hjönk hjönk am goose
As a woman can confirm
And it's Dean because he's black and that sets up the author for the running "he's so articulate" meta-joke.
@@SuperflyBongify I definitely got that vibe as well
@@crunchy1414 how the hell do i pronounce your name ?! lol
the real reason her husband made her stop writing is because he knew he wasn't Mr Snape™️ enough for her and was scared she'd leave him for Mr Snape™️.
honestly yeah, that sounds about right
Marquis de LargeBaguette Mr. Greg Snape™️
I think Greg was the writing teacher because I think in one author's note it mentions that he edited it and then in that author's not it says Greg edits it.... plot twist
@@kamamaunillama31 oh my god you've cracked the code
“I guess Hagrid just has this miraculous ability to....lure children into a cult.”
Me: I mean, you aren’t wrong
Could it be...? Are you a fellow follower of the Dear Leader Jim Pickens?
@Mathilde Bruhn le gasp! Another follower of the dear leader!
@@Mathee *GASP*
@@violetskies3397 my lord another
@@apollyon1987 More of a Turg follower myself
“No, this was a small, so-called eco-friendly car.”
*I smell LIBERALS!* 😱
* gasp * could it be...
@@gentlesandladymen a TeslaAaaA!¿¡?!?¡
Cœrnn flæk is eco friendly 🤫
the Amish don't even use gas cars....
Oh no they sniffed me out-
Spoilers:
I’ve read this fanfiction before (with a friend, and we also went in thinking it was serious), and I was so excited for Teya to get to the end. The line “Wait. Is this about my Reddit account?” is my favorite twist of all time, just, the complete tone shift, the way it recontextualizes everything before it, how completely it shatters the illusion of seriousness and lets the audience in on the joke after all that build-up is just.... *chef’s kiss*
It's so good, because the had to do it to them pose is more subtle, but you can still catch it, but the reddit account is when the author turns around and laughs in your face. It's marvellous.
I'm sooo glad she read this cause I read it a a couple years back and I never met a single person who actually read through the whole thing! Every comment and person who knew about it only read snippets or the first chapter and immediately judged it. It really is so good
I feel like all of that “It’s just a troll! I’m playing up the stereotypes to show how ridiculous they are,” bit was the real author (not the Good Christian Mom “author”) trying to emphasize that this is a troll story. I mean, no one writing this story as a serious Good Christian™️ would make Voldemort the only sane character. Or make the children all scream prayers at him. Or make the “heroes” so belligerent & angry.
This is honestly one of my favorite stories written in the past decade. It has such an excellent twist at the end, such an amazing setup utilizing the author as a character. It legitimately caught me off guard and was really relatable in a weird way.
Another great thing about this ending is that it flips Voldemort on his head. When you hear Voldemort, you immediately think villain, pale snake head, avada kedavra, etc. I don’t think most of the audience second-guesses Voldemort being evil, so hearing he’s trying to ban religion is like “Okay cool, sounds like the Christianity AU Voldemort.”
We hear him talk casually and call himself Tom Riddle, and we’re caught off-guard. Then, that one line shatters the whole thing, and in an instant, Voldemort becomes Thomas Marvolo Riddle, just some millennial Redditor.
Also, as a side note, the final sentence is now one of my favorite closers for any story ever.
that last chapter killed me, that meta-commentary was just crazy good
Plot twist: Dean Thomas is constantly referred to as such because he’s actually the dean of the school, not actually a person named Dean.
That explains why the author thinks he's so intelligent as well.
Mind=blown
Omg I love that
he said intelligently
That would make sooo much sense.
I love that she made Ravenclaw, a house that values knowledge, individuality, and open-mindedness, the most close-minded and judgmental house
With how they treated Luna, is not that far off, is it?
Ingrid Gomes Luna was a true ravenclaw, what the house really stands for and they were always so mean to her cuz they knew she had IT
Her husband probably made her stop writing the story because he was jealous of Mr. Snape’s manly and well groomed chest hair.
It reminds me of how Rowling sometimes forgot that she was writing from Harry’s POV and described boys like Cedric or Malfoy in very flattering ways, making Harry sound really bi
@@mariadonkova2759 "you do realize" that you write like someone who wasn't even born when Wanda Sikes filmed PSAs to encourage people to stop using "gay" as a pejorative term lol.
You don't have to be annoying every time you see people read queerness where queerness wasn't initially intended, it just makes you sound dumb and shitty.
@@mariadonkova2759 written characters dont think the same way real people think. When you write how someone percieves someone in very flattery language, that is telling the reader how they feel about said character
@@livinthemind86LMAO IKR
Nah, it’s because her husband’s name isn’t Greg and he likely caught that little slip in her writing. And he probably isn’t isolated enough to not know that Snape’s canonical first name isn’t Greg lol.
"... wait, is this about my reddit account?" I'm dead, omg
Then he’s like screw this I’m out y’all are freaking weird.
Okay but I actually need a shirt that says “fornicating, drug addicted, evolutionist”
Absolutely!
"so what house are you?"
"roman catholic"
i am roman catholic and i am "evil" and i commit "sins" for the pope
this was a joke
irish politics
Anyway....who wants wine.
@@joannasthings "are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Oh I'm an atheist."
"Okay, so are you a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"
"we've been preparing for this day, athiest"
all of the little ones then drew their AR-15s and opened fire
Well it is America! 😆
The American way
Dean Thomas be like:
"Yes" he answered intelligently.
Pronouncing the word perfectly.
And coherently.
With confidence and Great articulation.
@Ashley Gibson Hi!
“Hagrids house was tastefully decorated”
Also hagrids house: plaid curtains
Wooden walls
Hagrid invited one person over, 3 more were invited on the way to his house, and Hagrid just so happened to have the table set for the correct amount of people who would be coming to "tea". ...which is not much of an American thing...
Hagrid's house is dressed like a lumberjack
Methinks Hagrid doth protest too much.
@@enfield_horror1201 hagrids house said lesbian rights
lets be fair, in the 70s that was all the rage
Voldemort was by far the best character, he’s just a normal dude with a Reddit account who enjoys smart cars and satire
Ikr
That confrontation with Voldemort, sounds like they just had a spontaneous freakout to this single normal guy.
Imagine watching that happen. You’re just watching this guy go to pick up his brother and then all these 10 year olds just start screaming at him randomly
honestly what a plot twist that’s so fucking funny
Yeah. That ending made me believe this whole story was just a brilliant work of satire. The “heroes” are just super crazy and belligerent, while the BIG BAD VILLAIN is the only character who acts like a normal person.
The author constantly using "- ly" is absolutely a flex on JK Rowling who also way overuses that suffix.
Reminds me of a line from Joe Hill's The Fireman. In context, the world is ravished by a plague which causes its infectees to combust. Before burning to death, JKR says she "will not apologize for a single adverb."
She can't help it, she's from Suffix and Essex.
i think the author’s husband made her quit because she was so clearly thirsting over mister snape
Greg,,
MISTER SNAPE
MISTER GREG SNAPE
W H E E Z E
@Kim Yo Jong's Sandwich DUMBLYDORE
@Emma instead of Albus, it’s Albert Dumbledore. Reverend Albert Dumbledore and Mister Greg Snape
Not Mad Just Disappointed Don’t forget Dumbledore’s wife Miranda McGonagall
I love how everyone's insane and you think it's unironic until Voldemort walks in and just makes everyone look fifty times more insane.
When the ordinary guy is the villain
Voldemort: I'm just here to pick my cousin
Gryffindor hats: preaching aggressively
Voldemort : I cant be late, moms making maccy cheese
This writer has given Dean Thomas more screentime than J K Rowling ever has
Said Seamus Finnigan, intelligently.
That is a sin. Dean Thomas is a beautiful soul
"Feckin' Protestants," said Seamus Finnigan intelligently while baking a potato that exploded into his face and took off his eyebrows. "Always castin' me as some kinda Norther Irish explosives calamity of a Catholic stereotype."
Who’s Dean Thomas? I read all 7 books, I watched all 8 movies, and I don’t remember any Dean Thomas. Is this a Mary Sue or self-insert exclusive to the fanfic? Please explain!
JohnJohn the TaunTaun Dean Thomas is like the only black person in Harry Potter
Dean Thomas demanding to debate Voldemort on religion is just the second funniest shit in this whole story. Third funniest being that Draco is basically just Mike Pence and the absolute funniest is all of Voldemort’s dialogue. Voldemort is clearly the best character in this entire fanfic.
If this turned into a weird version for God’s Not Dead that would certainly be…something
@@SiRenfield I now want to see God’s Not Dead Harry Potter Edition
The authentic voldemort would instantly AK to shut the annoying preachy brat up. He thought he was a god or wanted to be.
"Voldemort? Is that you?" Mr Snape said masculinely as the buttons of his shirt magically unbuttoned revealing his godly combed chest hair and his muscularly Christian pecs.
"Yes, that's him!" Dean Thomas pointed out intelligently, and everybody stared with admiration at his immaculate jeans.
"I'm scared" Hermione cried womanly, as her feminine tears were falling on her pink chaste shirt.
"I'm just gonna leave" Voldemort thundered sinfully while sipping his genderfluid soy milk using a metallic straw like a heathen. He turned, jumped on his electric scooter, and left.
Don’t forget that Voldemort has no chest hair because he is not a manly and sexy Christian.
Morgan Young He shaved everything ;)
"I have ascended to heaven from reading this!" I cried intelligently.
I fell to my knees and prayed intensely.
"Oh, lord! Please generously grant me the gift of amnesia so I may truly forget that this ever existed!" I cried pleadingly. In a flash of lightning, I passed out suddenly and awoke with no memory of myself.
Within a few months, I manage to figure out how electronics work, and stumble curiously across a work titled "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles."
"What might this be about?" I query intelligently.
Somewhere, the sky splits open strongly, preparing to promptly strike the new memories from my brain.
P E R F E C T I O N
“I suddenly hate the word intelligently,” I said, intelligently.
"That's very sinful!" Dean Thomas cried intelligently.
Your username is attacking me right now
@@oc4025 😂
I understand that feeling, intelligently.
Your username has inspired me. Thank you.
This sounds like an A.I. generated novel based on feed from all the Harry Potter books, the Bible, and my old Sunday School workbook.
Have you read Harry Potter and the Portrait of what Looked like a Large Pile of Ash? It's a doozy. 10/10, would recommend
A German RUclipsr did just that, but mixed it with horror books instead of the bible. Result is pretty similar ^^
Thats an insult to AI's at least the grammar wouldve been good
Tiresias Philippe She might have been the inspiration, but afaik she just used a sentence completing bot, doesn‘t she?
Agreed, "harry potter and the portrait of what looked like a large pile of ash" was a more competent story
Obsessed with the fact that I was raised Catholic and every Harry Potter test I’ve ever taken has placed me in Slytherin
If I had to sort them I would put them in Ravenclaw because of the Vatican archives and the fact that monasteries were centers of learning
The only thing about this fan fic that makes me think it’s not a troll is the consistent inaccurate depictions of Catholicism
"This story is so badly written," I thought, wisely. But then the Dark Lord appears casually, and I finally understood, intelligently.
"Oh no wait it's totally a troll," I said, knowingly. All was well.
*And then out of the corner of your eye you see him*
*S h i a L a B e o u f*
I'm ded
'the house was tastefully decorated'
Literally the next line: PLAID CURTAINS AND A BEAR RUG
DON’T FORGET THE MOOSE HEAD
When she described Snape’s chest hair as a carpet, all I could picture was a red shag carpet taped around his torso
That is SPICY
Taped crappily on
the ideal man
I have a red carpet that is like shaggy, and now I will never look at it the same... You monster 😂
I just pictured Austin powers
Christians: "Gay is wrong!"
Also Christians: "Mmm... gimme that chest hair."
But imagine having a carpet for chest hair
a lot of roman catholics dont think being gay is wrong
If you are gay then good.
@@jaketorgesen420
Roman Catholics are hella lit
@@exammole4545 CORRECT
J.K Rowling: "Harry you are a wizard."
This author: "Harry you are a SIMP."
The author: I am a SIMP for Snape
“STUDENTDS,” Dumbledore yelled,” GET HIS ASS!”
I'm sorry but you disappointingly missed an adverb. Not only did Dumbledore yelled, he yelled intelligently.
He said *calmly* ******
THIS SENT ME
THIS MADE ME GIGGLE SO MUCH SJDJDF
dumbledore wanted that cake😔😔
some dude in sweats just pulls up to the school in his smartcar to see his cousin and has the entire student body yell at the sky about his hedonism
christians really do be like that
Did you mean "Sky High"?
Right up until voldemort started talking, i was convinced this was at least probably real and was horrified. Now, i want to give the author an award for impeccable satire.
“Oh shit watch out she’s got a thesaurus now” is the *most* iconic thing i’ve ever heard
You missed how blatantly racist the whole Dean Thomas thing is. He is a black character in the movies, one of the few prominant ones. That's why everyone treats him like a genius because he is able to pronounce basic words, and it is such a big deal that he is dressed well and polite. 😂 I mean he is literally shouting something articulatly at one point.
i hadnt even thought of that...huh
@John R I think so. But it has been a decade since I read them and honestly I'm not certain.
John R yep
@John R I'm pretty sure in the books there is never any mentioning which skincolor most characters have.
Well yeah but the author is a troll so it’s probably satirising how white Christians talk abt black people
I feel like the whole "Dean Thomas said thank you and everyone was so impressed with him because he was clean and dressed like a human being" thing takes on an extra layer when you take into account that canonically Dean is black.
EWWWWWWWW
@@Quackervoltz I KNOW RIGHT?!
@person person Dean is described in the books as having dark hair and dark skin
I was just thinking this…
Ewwwwwwwwww!
“They knew that If they screamed loud enough, they could change the world” absolute genius ending.
I need a shirt that says "I got converted at Hagrids Conversion Dungeon"
Honestly, same.
I would so buy that!
Shut up and take my money
Omg LMAO
Slightly hot.
Gonna be honest this fanfic feels like if a Christian was on crack and then had A Very Potter Musical fever dream
Gracey L. Finally someone said it
But this isn’t totally awesome
this and avpm are on the opposite ends of a scale of harry potter fan parodies
I'm happy as a squiiirrrel as long as I'm with Mr. Quirrrel
Omg
I can’t believe the words “tasteful” and “plaid curtains” were mentioned in the same sentence...
Yeah, I don't want to know what the author thinks is tacky...
Orion Arndt If she doesn’t see a live laugh love wall ornament, she leaves that place, no exceptions.
1k like
and I agree in all honesty
Lumberjurtains
@@theghostdrummer99
"Live, laugh, fuck off"
- Jenna Marbles
So basically a recap:
Hagrid smiled ‘peacefully’
Hermione cried ‘femininely’
Voldemort uttered ‘evilly’
Dean Thomas exclaimed ‘intelligently’
Draco grinned ‘viciously’
Harry questioned ‘curiously’
Mr Snape walked ‘handsomely’
Dumbledoor said ‘calmly’
Luna ate ‘vegan’ bacon
Everyone spoke ‘tentatively’
Ron robbed into his oatmeal
Christianly
"Y'alldemort' does not exist, Y'alldemort' can't hurt you".
Y'alldemort! "AKA Auntie Cripes, the Southern Bellezebub." He added cleverly.
I-
Y'alldemort T-poses over me while I sleep
Von Richtburg I dont know why, but I hear banjo music. I can’t tell where it’s coming from, because of the tears in my eyes and my general torso area causing me enough pain to have me doubled over
@@dr.salty.m.d.7021 Aint no wizurd in this here town that's gonna help ya now.
"Dean Thomas breathes..."
Don't do it
"INTELLIGENTLY"
HOW are Jesus?
Thank u for your sacrifices,now how do you use a micro wave.
Hello Jesus
with every breath i gift you *KNOWLEDGE*
"Dean Thomas is surprisingly eloquent."
harry in the philosophers stone: it’s chewsday innit?
harry in this book: the lord has blessed us with another day which we call tuesday. i shall give praise to him in all i do.
No because Americans will get confused
I just picture Alan Rickman saying "That's MISTER SNAPE to you, potter"
"hi" dean thomas said intelligently and coherently, smiling in a dignified polite and erudite manner. "how are you?" he followed up tentatively but sagely.
without a single word mispronounced, he moved his mouth articulately. his teeth were clean, surely brushed and flossed.
@@maxxyyboyy "I'm fine," she respond eloquently, each syllable coming out soundly and gracefully. She smiled her next words. "How are you?"
@Tamara “I’m fine too,’ He replied, the universally accepted reply slipping out of his mouth and rolling off his tongue with practised ease. Dean straightened his unusually clean tie and shook his leg nervously, the ironed pant leg wrinkling with the action and the polished shoe scuffing. His polite smile widened at the obligatory question she had followed up with.
Dragoncreek 319 ‘It’s fantastic to see you,’ she smiled peacefully as she shook his hand knowledgeably and daintily.
Im dying from these replies
'harry potter becomes a communist' is one of the best fanfictions I've ever read. the amount of effort that went into it is just *chef kiss*
Where can I read it?
Rachel
fanfic.net
Commies are shit though
It literally has a little under 200 chapters, what a legend.
I’d believe that over this Christian story
Dumbledore always wore a cowboy hat; it just wasn't relevant to Harry's story.
Well played
it's canon now
God dammit
Dumbledore really enjoyed Ram Ranch
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if J.K Rowling actually said this.
Her husband reads the part where Snape is called Greg- "Yeah, I uh, this book isn't good for the family so you should stop writing it and going over to Greg's house for your evening writing lessons"
Voldemort is a well-shaven feminist who drives a smart car. The millenial dream.
I would like to add a point that Voldemort is a lesbian send tweet
can - can i be vodemort
@Penny Lane yes of course but i wanna be whatever bellatrix Lestrange is
And ofc theyre both lesbians since they cananonically had a kid
@@thepicklearmada yes, clearly!
“Not a single word was mispronounced” me realizing Grace is racist because Dean Thomas was portrayed as black, and that’s why everything he does has a comment on it
that does make sense. and I'm unfortunately not very surprised...
exactly. The whole "oh he's very articulate" thing being said to black people is a very well known racist cliche. That's also why i think this is definitely troll xo
@@Amelia-tp9po do you really think she read the book?
Melanie Sarno exactly! The fact everything the black character says is said so “inteligently” and that Hermione has been reduced to nothing but a crybaby while Harry miladies her all the time. This is definitely a troll.
Right, she put so much emphasis on him saying 2 words sentences so “intelligently”! Its probably just her trolling racists tho
Voldemort: hey I’m here to see my cousin where is he? Dumbledore: SIN! SIN! SATAN!!
𝓢𝓣𝓤𝓓𝓔𝓝𝓣𝓢!
Zak Grecian C O N V E R T H I M
Harry clenched his fists, ready to kick some atheist ass
lol i’m your 666th like
I love how meta Voldemort is in the last chapter. I have a strong feeling that Voldemort ranting about being a troll and people taking him seriously was probably the author trying to speak out against the people who gave them hate without realizing they were trolling
Yeah. To be fair until that point I was generally going back and forth to if this was a troll or not. There are some crazy people online.
theory: grace ann parsons had a thing for her writing teacher whos named greg, but snape wasn't an insert. she just accidentally put gregs name there because both greg and snape are so goddamn sexy. and then her husband read it and was like "greg??? her writing teacher??" which is why he said the fanfic wasnt good for the family.
OH SHIT---
Is that why she wanted more writing lessons????
Nah, she was horny for Snape before taking the writing classes. My bet is that she just decided "Severus" is too pagan a name for a good Christian like Snape.
So now he's Mister Greg Snape.
Snape sexy? girl i-
Yeah, he deffinitely was jealous of the fictional men in her fanfic, hence he forced her to stop writting, so that she wouldn't leave him
But that's just a theory. A film theory.
I’m a simple man. I see a lesbian making fun of questionably authentic Christian Harry Potter fanfic, I click.
“Wait... is this about my reddit account?” Deserves to be on some merch
S R Me whenever my manager calls me into her office
I’d buy that
Fucking ay lmao
I was eating when she said that and I no joke almost died
That line is such gold that imma put it on my gravestone
"is this what good Christian children are supposed to be like?"
....yes. Genuinely yes.
I'm still dying over "science socialism and birthdays"
Same. It's worse because my brother has friends from Christian denominations that frown upon the celebration of birthdays, but still celebrate with their friends on campus without telling their families.
@@sarahtaylor4264 im sry for your brothers friend but im glad that they celebrate anyways. Everyone deserves a day to be celebrated
@@keijihipson6218 My brother's friend takes it well. His family loves him, but they interpret a part of the Bible saying not to be like pagans (in reference to human sacrifice) as applicable to multiple things with pagan origins or references. I think we all see birthdays as a celebration life and thanking God for another year on Earth, but we don't think less of his family for their belief.
It's amazing as an ex-christian to listen to the pray-off, since Christ himself criticized fariseans for showing off during prayer and praying in public. By trying to out-Christian Draco, Harry actually went against the word of Christ.
Maybe he should have redirected some of the time he spent looking at Greg Snape's outfits towards some Bible study.
Also, the contrast between Voldemort and the narration is the absolutely the best part.
Would it be weird to reply to this comment with, "Preach"? I thought of that public prayer stuff too.
As a Christian I promise it is equally amazing for me to listen to. Just in the please tell me this is a bad dream and where is the nearest bucket I can vomit into way. I'm assuming yours is more amusement.
God HAS allowed that a few times--like Moses's showdown with Pharaoh's magicians. I'm just shook by Harry's turnaround. I was expecting him to be revealed as Jesus come again.
He shook his head ungodly
I'm actually really disturbed by the constant reference to middle-school-aged children as "innocent little ones"
It's like Umbridge meets Thanos
Umbridgethanos will haunt me forever
I now want to see thanos dressed as umbridge.
@@clairecottoncandy527 y e s
@@clairecottoncandy527 I will make some art
Thanks for the inspiration
@@estelletheartkid1984 L I N K I T
5:58 It'd be hilarious if it WAS biblically accurate angels bringing the mail though. Just imagine...
Ophanim, Destroyer of Sinners, Dominator of the Second Circle of Hell, Holy Symbol, Exterminator of the Leviathan: *YOUR MAIL, YOUNG ONE.*
First year: Yay, my children's Bible!
You cannot tell me that Draco isn’t trying to convince Harry to hate women because he’s big gay for him
*change my mind*
Can't argue with that
LMAO OH MY GOD
id ship them
Alpha’s Eight are you talking about the book or this fanfic? 😂
Bee Maddox great question honestly
Christian drinking game: Pray every time someone says something intelligently
How to pray without ceasing.
XDD
But only use the mass wine!! (It messes you up faster)
nah, they say committing suicide is going against the word of the bible and that amount of alcohol would absolutely Kill you
I was going to like this comment... But it's at 666 and I just can't
“Who’s Greg??? OnIsIoN!?” I cried
Also-the houses all being called “hats” makes me picture them all wearing little party hats with their house’s colors.
I’ve been imaging Kippahs, which is strange since those are a Jewish thing and this fanfic is so obviously Christian
@@digimaniacstudios5959 If you think about, Christianity is kind of like Jewish fanfic. "Yes, this is Jesus, the BEST!11!!! Jewish dude ever, he turns people away from sin and can walk on water and he's the son of GOD11!!!1
@Marcus Mysteriously But Harry gets a fedora, given how hard he's m'lady-ed Hermione.
@Marcus Mysteriously Ah, no wonder I've had so much trouble with girls after losing my trilby.
I was picturing ten-gallon cowboy hats.
Voldemort in the actual books: Evil incarnate, kills people, has no soul, can’t feel true love
Voldemort in this: Probably some tired teenager that just wanted to have fun on Reddit
"picture Draco as Mike Pence."
"THAT IS A MEAN THING TO SAY" Harry Screamed bravely
perfect
This story is actually genius in a dignified, rugged way amicably.
“Slytherins are the Roman Catholics.” Just hearing that said aloud is sending me for some reason
Im a slytherin in the fanfic and the regular harry potter fandom lmao
@@sophiaprocter1628 Same haha!
That triggers me so much, being Catholic myself.
So, basically,
Gryffindor: “True” Christians
Slytherin: Catholics
Ravenclaw: Baptists
Hufflepuff: Eastern Orthodox?
Catholics are dope
@@jaketorgesen420 the pope is dope
No. Us Huffelpuffs are Mormons
No, one minor correction, I was raised Baptist, and nothing I was taught growing up was that bad, we followed the true Christian (as you put it) ideology.
So no idea what ravenclaw actually represents, but from my Baptist upbringing experience it was not that.
But then again small town, southern Baptist might be different from big city non southerner Baptist.
@nosamladna902 I was raised independent fundamental Baptist, and yeah we thought we were the "true Christians" too because we interpreted the Bible (specifically the King James version) very literally.
The Dean Thomas "intelligence" adverbs make sense. It's a big thing here in the South to hear old white people praising younger black people for "speaking so well!"
"And not a single word was mispronounced" seems code for "and he spoke like a fine, upstanding, polite white person".
Being from Alabama, I can totally buy that part.
So Dean Thomas is black? Nice
It's stated pretty clearly in the books. I think his first description is literally "a black boy".
im pretty sure they just didnt know who he was, as i didnt either and had to look it up
Harry talking after swallowing his bacon is the peak character development!
This sounds very weird out of context
After quickly slurping up his bacon like a spaghetti noodle
Grace is a GENIUS for admitting that the entire saga was a troll using dialogue said by characters in the book
I died laughing at “is this about my reddit account?”
GREG SNAPE - that killed me.
I was cackling like a two-headed swamp hag.
A two headed swamp hag.😂 I'm gonna have to remember that one.
That’s the most wonderful description I’ve ever come across
Okay, I feel I gotta say. The writer is playing on the fact that Dean Thomas is black and that this specific black Christian kid is dressed appropriately and speaks well and is actually smart. Yanno against all the stereotypes. Because southern Christians can be pretty racist, but don't wanna be seen as racist so they tend to complement black kids for dumb stuff while trying to make up for our..." cultural flaws" with the "your one of the good ones" ideal and this troll is really jamming it in how "good" he is. Maybe it's just something a black person might catch, but gosh it kinda aches my chest.
At least one other commenter has caught it and as a Latino person I see it to. Really disgusting
Either cuz ur black or cuz ur good at people reading. Don't know if that's a thing in the U.S. but in Germany we have this weird school concept called Waldorf, who present themselves as progressive and eco and hippie and shit like that, but in reality ... Hard to summarize but like under the covers, they're ableist, racist, anything you can imagine. Because they believe someone umm let's call it less fortunate, is made that way because umm... They have more character development left to go through? I'm sorry this is really fucking hard to word somewhat appropriately, because the whole thing is sick. They basically believe any "flaws" you have, are punishments for your previous life. So black or disabled kids actually receive MORE support, because they have to achieve more to be reincarnated as "something better". But yeah the majority of my country thinks they're harmless friendly chill hippie dudes 🙃
Oh sorry my point was that they use the same narrative with those students. Compliment them for basic shit cause they see them as less, which only gets noticed by those directly addressed, because everyone is like "yeah idk the dude gets praised whatever idc"
Dean Token
Bro/Sis/Sib, don’t worry. I’m whiter than a mayonnaise sandwich and after the third time he said something intelligently, I saw exactly what the author was trying to do
I'm still mad that somehow Snape is wearing a tie and showing chest hair, that carpet must go up to his damn neck
@Jolene Jellybean Mr. Greg Snape, the fashion-forward werewolf
In the firrst part it was said that he is wearing a suit and a tie, that could imply he is not wearing a shirt, maybe that is why we can see his chest hair? XD
It's tied directly to his neck.
As the original was in England, I'm going to query tentatively, or sigh questioningly, that Snape is a Werewolf of London, and you KNOW that his hair is perfect and that I'd like to meet his tailor 🤣
@@foxydaydreamer5751 it’s not buttoned so low as she said. The shirt actually has a boob window
Is nobody going to talk about how the contrast between Tom Riddle’s personality and the overarching style of the book is a stunningly well-thought out form of extended metaphor and subtle poetry (if this is indeed a troll)? A reader can draw so many conclusions on the author’s views of christianity as its own society from the last chapter on its own. It could be a reference to modern society’s issue of taking things too seriously, and blowing things like a few reddit posts completely out of proportion and then handing that ‘truth’ to the younger generation as absolute fact. The interaction between the Hogwarts characters and the ‘real characters’ (Greg) through the medium of a supposedly mistaken author is a fabulous touch.
If this is, in fact, a troll, the person who wrote this is an absolute master, using the medium of a ‘badly written fanfic’ to convey messages about religion and political views in a way that allows people to really enjoy it.
Good job, author.
Its fucked up how good this story is when you look at it in that way
“If this is indeed a troll” my sibling in Christ, the story literally says it’s a troll!
That’s literally what Strange says in the video