5 Ways An Affair Impacts A Betrayed Spouse

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  • Опубликовано: 16 мар 2020
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Комментарии • 74

  • @mrjjthor
    @mrjjthor 3 года назад +41

    Most cheaters will either play the victim, blame others, or downplay it as if they didn't plan their affair like it just happened. They never want to accept 100% of the responsibility.

  • @lukiewansurvivor3740
    @lukiewansurvivor3740 3 года назад +28

    I am a betrayed spouse and no knowledge at all until I found my husband having an affair with his co worker...after 4 years and it was very devastating because the affair partner is the one who gave me the information that she is about to give birth to their first born child...it was a heart breaking situation. But the most painful is after I forgave my husband again the same situation happened the second time around the affair partners the one who informed me that she is bearing their second child...a truly devastating situation. Now, I learned that there is no need to forgive my husband, the more I forgive him the more he has hurting and disrespectful to me. I decided to give him up.i let him live with his affair...and never talk to him anymore. I did the no contact rule..I blocked him all the way. Thats my revenge if not letting him the chance to come back. I'm tired and I'm done .

    • @strawberrychampagnechica1193
      @strawberrychampagnechica1193 2 года назад +2

      My God, you have been thru more than any soul should. Just found out about my husbands 3 month affair abs he’s minimizing it. I’m not sure I will stay.

    • @alismith7916
      @alismith7916 2 месяца назад

      Horrible experience . I’m so sorry, but good for you for curbing the trash to the curb.

    • @untamedheart6820
      @untamedheart6820 Месяц назад

      I’m so sorry for your pain, I can relate because my now ex husband cheated on me. I kicked him out of our house right after I found out of his cheating & I completely shut down from him. I dealt with my own anger, pain, rage & many other kinds of emotions that I didn’t even know existed. I’m not over it and I’m afraid I never will…..

  • @MLBOOG
    @MLBOOG 4 года назад +40

    I love your content. You make so much sense, but the music is really distracting.

  • @terrywade3696
    @terrywade3696 3 года назад +23

    “Discovery can last for years . . .” I found a quote that describes drip feeding discovery that sums up perfectly what that’s like for the betrayed. . . “Drip feed confessions are like an amputation of the arm, one inch at a time!” Or more like the amputation of the heart, one inch at a time!

    • @jilldavenport7410
      @jilldavenport7410 3 года назад +5

      Yes!!! So painful and awful to get little bits. Always reopening the wound. Usually I put more pieces together, or something clicks, and suddenly I make a realization. Then ask about it...and get more truth. Also when the asshole affair partner decided to spill the details to me..months after D-day. Every new piece of information is a setback. Brutal. Just GET IT ALL OUT AT ONCE!!!

  • @SOSABITE
    @SOSABITE 3 года назад +13

    These videos are so helpful especially when going through an heartache

  • @grateful7785
    @grateful7785 3 года назад +10

    Great information. But no background music, it's not necessary and distracts and takes away from the content. Thank you for your work.

  • @Iamlonndanicole
    @Iamlonndanicole 4 года назад +15

    Just a little positivity...the music and background was not a distraction to me. When you are hungry for help, distractions are not even distractions. It actually calmed me and helped me not to cry while listening to you on this hurtful subject. It is distractions, as they seemingly were to some, that get us in situations that we regret or hurt others with. Just saying, not trying to make anyone upset.

  • @brightpage1020
    @brightpage1020 2 года назад +4

    For those who need more spelling out:
    “Minimizing” your partner’s feelings makes that partner feel like you are stomping on their heart, trying to convince them that their feelings don’t - or shouldn’t matter to you.
    But their feelings should matter to you - or they shouldn’t be your partner. If their feelings don’t matter enough to you to listen to or address then your relationship has a bigger problem with disrespect and should end.
    The fact that you hurt them, that result, whether or not that was your intent is valid to your partner even if it’s not valid to you.
    All you tell your partner when you minimize their feelings is that you are continuing to try to manipulate them by gaslighting them (making them wonder how narcissistic you really are), and that their feelings aren’t worth your time.
    If that’s true, if you really feel that way, then rip it off like a band aid. Take this as an opportunity to free them from commitment to you since you have already acted as though you were free from your commitments to them.
    Gain integrity by being honest with yourself and your partner.
    Or STHU. And take in the pain you caused that they are sharing.
    Or get an apartment or help them find a new house for the kids. Because they are taking the kids with them when they leave you because they’ll realize eventually how disrespectful to them you were in your manipulations against them, and they’ll find that to be an unacceptable example you are willing to teach their kids. Nope. Not in this lifetime. Hope you Buddhist because maybe you’ll get a chance in the next, right?
    Good luck with that.

  • @CarolDudeck-bl7kz
    @CarolDudeck-bl7kz 3 года назад +2

    Thank you for bringing this to peoples attention, affairs are a “MESS” like none other!

  • @sinikiwemasalalila3664
    @sinikiwemasalalila3664 2 года назад +4

    Thank you. I do not want to eat. Wakw up at 4am. Anger

  • @montramaya5324
    @montramaya5324 3 года назад +11

    I don’t tell anyone else. I keep it to myself. I can’t even talk to my friend. So only one know my spouse having affair is my spouse’s mother. I gone to depression, panic attacks and emotional sadness. My self worth and my self esteem gone. I feel so alone and my trust is gone. Everything he said make me not believe anymore.

    • @jilldavenport7410
      @jilldavenport7410 3 года назад +3

      Find someone safe to discuss it with or it will eat you alive! Seriously...I feel your pain. It's better to find someone safe and talk about it. My guess is there IS someone in your circle who has been through a similar situation and heartbreaking situation

    • @jilldavenport7410
      @jilldavenport7410 3 года назад +3

      And get a good therapist. It may take a few tries to find one you like...

    • @ILOVEISRAELETERNALLY
      @ILOVEISRAELETERNALLY Год назад +1

      Hang in there, you are not alone.

  • @margotdsouza1189
    @margotdsouza1189 3 года назад +1

    Very thorough coverage of the issue!

  • @jilldavenport7410
    @jilldavenport7410 3 года назад +4

    Just finished the video..❤️ Again..SPOT on. Thank you. Hope to work with you going forward.

  • @lorrainem1870
    @lorrainem1870 3 года назад +7

    Can you do this video without the music please? I can’t hear you at all, I need my husband to listen to this and he won’t due to the music

  • @luthandogalada748
    @luthandogalada748 3 года назад

    Powerful content. Love your work man, never get tired keep them coming. Luthando from South Africa

  • @brandon6231
    @brandon6231 2 года назад +4

    This piano music is soooo distracting I can't even focus. 😫

  • @nancyhicks8329
    @nancyhicks8329 2 года назад +2

    This is exactly how it feels!

  • @africanqueenmo
    @africanqueenmo 3 года назад +5

    Great topic can you please reduce the background music next time?

  • @filipina5919
    @filipina5919 3 года назад +6

    The background music is distracting

  • @tjohnson4084
    @tjohnson4084 Год назад

    Everything you are saying is 100% true. This is how it feels. While the affair spouse is out having the time of their life it seems.

  • @Danielle-bj6bw
    @Danielle-bj6bw 4 года назад +19

    Content is great, but the music is so distracting I could barely hear what he was saying!

    • @hasanipettiford
      @hasanipettiford  4 года назад +3

      really??? the music is too loud?

    • @genamayer9466
      @genamayer9466 4 года назад +7

      Totally agree! It was loud, redundant and distracting!

    • @toolestv
      @toolestv 3 года назад +4

      Yall got old ppl ears 👂 😂😂

    • @veronicahambidge906
      @veronicahambidge906 3 года назад

      Well I liked the music it was calming during a stressful time processing everything your putting forward.

  • @charlesolson5101
    @charlesolson5101 3 года назад

    Really useful information. Background music maybe change to Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr or Me and Mrs Jones by Billy Paul.

  • @CarolDudeck-bl7kz
    @CarolDudeck-bl7kz 3 года назад

    Absolutely!

  • @caffidd1368
    @caffidd1368 3 года назад +7

    No music please

  • @riyazbuhariwala9150
    @riyazbuhariwala9150 4 года назад +8

    Such an awesome video with so much of information I could relate to. However, wonder why the ridiculous music in the background...its so distracting, I couldn't concentrate on the matter and lost a lot of what was spoken. Please Hasani, the background music is a bad idea. Please do away with that.

  • @sheilathomas5093
    @sheilathomas5093 Год назад +2

    Cut the music in the background it's a distraction

  • @untamedheart6820
    @untamedheart6820 Месяц назад

    Ex husband that cheated on me told me this bs of term that I hated; he said, “ it is what it is”….& every time I hear or come across this term triggers me & makes me so angry!!!!!

  • @larsericberg8910
    @larsericberg8910 3 года назад +4

    Very insightful! Three comments: Firstly my hope is that this video reaches those who have not had or have not yet been impacted by an affair. Secondly professional counseling is very beneficial, and it helps to crystallize the issues, but often the betraying spouse is resistant to going this route. Thirdly, be wary of tainting the analysis with religion.

  • @desmar7945
    @desmar7945 Год назад +1

    im not saying it isnt possible to salvage a relationship but thats just the thing you see.....
    you're just salvaging a wreck
    better to build a new ship
    unless ofcourse you've given up on rebuilding

  • @nigilashworth3317
    @nigilashworth3317 4 года назад +5

    I hope and pray that we over come this virus, and I plan to attend your retreat next year, may God bless you and your family and thanks for the content .( I like the music)

  • @jilldavenport7410
    @jilldavenport7410 3 года назад +3

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Your opening statement is SO spot on. Exactly what I've been telling my husband.

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      Hello, I know of powerful man( a marriage councilor) who can help sort and resolve marriage issues. He helped me about 6 months ago and my marriage is right on track now.

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      Message him on Whats-App

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      +2348126046233

  • @jenniferprince3153
    @jenniferprince3153 2 года назад +3

    Good topic but tone down on the music its a distraction.

  • @kmiller1k
    @kmiller1k 14 дней назад

    great info. wish there wasn't any background music.

  • @jannemclaughlin8436
    @jannemclaughlin8436 2 года назад +4

    Porn is an affair, also.

  • @Iamlonndanicole
    @Iamlonndanicole 4 года назад +3

    Do you help those that are not desiring reconciliation with their spouse who was the betrayer? I've been several places and people tell me what needs to be done but no how (direction/instruction) on how to overcome this. Thanks.

  • @kathyakamimi4989
    @kathyakamimi4989 3 года назад +9

    I love everything you say but the background music is so distracting! Not necessary at all. 😊

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      Hello, I know of powerful man( a marriage councilor) who can help sort and resolve marriage issues. He helped me about 6 months ago and my marriage is right on track now.

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      Message him on Whats-App

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      +2348126046233

  • @joshuayates7164
    @joshuayates7164 2 года назад +2

    what would it take to get into a program with my wife

  • @veronicahambidge906
    @veronicahambidge906 3 года назад +2

    The music is calming while listening to a stressful and hard confronting video.?

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      Hello, I know of powerful man( a marriage councilor) who can help sort and resolve marriage issues. He helped me about 6 months ago and my marriage is right on track now.

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      Message him on Whats-App

    • @youngleejeff4454
      @youngleejeff4454 3 года назад

      +2348126046233

  • @ILOVEISRAELETERNALLY
    @ILOVEISRAELETERNALLY Год назад +2

    I forgave my Wife for the betrayal. But it's hard to love the one who hurt you. I still hold up my end of the Covenant, but each day is difficult. I eventually! Realized my peace and joy is only in the Lord, he will never fail me. I use how I feel, and what I know about Jesus in order to live each day in respect and peace towards my spouse. But the enemy is always quick to accuse and distort reality to keep me stuck in resentment. I now understand how Christ feels about his church. He still loves us despite our flaws.

  • @monicacrotty623
    @monicacrotty623 2 года назад

    She chooses him?

  • @CarolDudeck-bl7kz
    @CarolDudeck-bl7kz 3 года назад

    Also why do most of these cheaters deflect all responsibilty onto the faithful spouse?🥶

    • @anakharon
      @anakharon 3 года назад +1

      Cos they are nothing but cowards.

  • @toadranger50
    @toadranger50 Год назад

    Good information, terrible music ! I could hardly make it through the video. If it’s possible you should remove it. I’m just trying to be helpful.

  • @terrywade3696
    @terrywade3696 4 года назад +7

    I’m sorry, Hasani, but the piano music & that weird picture behind your head are too distracting!

    • @hasanipettiford
      @hasanipettiford  4 года назад

      the weird picture?

    • @terrywade3696
      @terrywade3696 4 года назад +1

      The picture looks like two people embracing but where are their heads? It looks like they have weird shaped hearts for heads. Hasani’s head is blocking the picture in a way that makes it impossible to make sense of the painting. It’s distracting from his message.

  • @billc6828
    @billc6828 3 года назад +5

    Get rid of the stupid music !!!!