5 Ways An Affair Impacts A Betrayed Spouse
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- Опубликовано: 16 мар 2020
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Most cheaters will either play the victim, blame others, or downplay it as if they didn't plan their affair like it just happened. They never want to accept 100% of the responsibility.
I am a betrayed spouse and no knowledge at all until I found my husband having an affair with his co worker...after 4 years and it was very devastating because the affair partner is the one who gave me the information that she is about to give birth to their first born child...it was a heart breaking situation. But the most painful is after I forgave my husband again the same situation happened the second time around the affair partners the one who informed me that she is bearing their second child...a truly devastating situation. Now, I learned that there is no need to forgive my husband, the more I forgive him the more he has hurting and disrespectful to me. I decided to give him up.i let him live with his affair...and never talk to him anymore. I did the no contact rule..I blocked him all the way. Thats my revenge if not letting him the chance to come back. I'm tired and I'm done .
My God, you have been thru more than any soul should. Just found out about my husbands 3 month affair abs he’s minimizing it. I’m not sure I will stay.
Horrible experience . I’m so sorry, but good for you for curbing the trash to the curb.
I’m so sorry for your pain, I can relate because my now ex husband cheated on me. I kicked him out of our house right after I found out of his cheating & I completely shut down from him. I dealt with my own anger, pain, rage & many other kinds of emotions that I didn’t even know existed. I’m not over it and I’m afraid I never will…..
I love your content. You make so much sense, but the music is really distracting.
“Discovery can last for years . . .” I found a quote that describes drip feeding discovery that sums up perfectly what that’s like for the betrayed. . . “Drip feed confessions are like an amputation of the arm, one inch at a time!” Or more like the amputation of the heart, one inch at a time!
Yes!!! So painful and awful to get little bits. Always reopening the wound. Usually I put more pieces together, or something clicks, and suddenly I make a realization. Then ask about it...and get more truth. Also when the asshole affair partner decided to spill the details to me..months after D-day. Every new piece of information is a setback. Brutal. Just GET IT ALL OUT AT ONCE!!!
These videos are so helpful especially when going through an heartache
Great information. But no background music, it's not necessary and distracts and takes away from the content. Thank you for your work.
Just a little positivity...the music and background was not a distraction to me. When you are hungry for help, distractions are not even distractions. It actually calmed me and helped me not to cry while listening to you on this hurtful subject. It is distractions, as they seemingly were to some, that get us in situations that we regret or hurt others with. Just saying, not trying to make anyone upset.
For those who need more spelling out:
“Minimizing” your partner’s feelings makes that partner feel like you are stomping on their heart, trying to convince them that their feelings don’t - or shouldn’t matter to you.
But their feelings should matter to you - or they shouldn’t be your partner. If their feelings don’t matter enough to you to listen to or address then your relationship has a bigger problem with disrespect and should end.
The fact that you hurt them, that result, whether or not that was your intent is valid to your partner even if it’s not valid to you.
All you tell your partner when you minimize their feelings is that you are continuing to try to manipulate them by gaslighting them (making them wonder how narcissistic you really are), and that their feelings aren’t worth your time.
If that’s true, if you really feel that way, then rip it off like a band aid. Take this as an opportunity to free them from commitment to you since you have already acted as though you were free from your commitments to them.
Gain integrity by being honest with yourself and your partner.
Or STHU. And take in the pain you caused that they are sharing.
Or get an apartment or help them find a new house for the kids. Because they are taking the kids with them when they leave you because they’ll realize eventually how disrespectful to them you were in your manipulations against them, and they’ll find that to be an unacceptable example you are willing to teach their kids. Nope. Not in this lifetime. Hope you Buddhist because maybe you’ll get a chance in the next, right?
Good luck with that.
Thank you for bringing this to peoples attention, affairs are a “MESS” like none other!
Thank you. I do not want to eat. Wakw up at 4am. Anger
I don’t tell anyone else. I keep it to myself. I can’t even talk to my friend. So only one know my spouse having affair is my spouse’s mother. I gone to depression, panic attacks and emotional sadness. My self worth and my self esteem gone. I feel so alone and my trust is gone. Everything he said make me not believe anymore.
Find someone safe to discuss it with or it will eat you alive! Seriously...I feel your pain. It's better to find someone safe and talk about it. My guess is there IS someone in your circle who has been through a similar situation and heartbreaking situation
And get a good therapist. It may take a few tries to find one you like...
Hang in there, you are not alone.
Very thorough coverage of the issue!
Just finished the video..❤️ Again..SPOT on. Thank you. Hope to work with you going forward.
Can you do this video without the music please? I can’t hear you at all, I need my husband to listen to this and he won’t due to the music
Powerful content. Love your work man, never get tired keep them coming. Luthando from South Africa
This piano music is soooo distracting I can't even focus. 😫
This is exactly how it feels!
Great topic can you please reduce the background music next time?
The background music is distracting
Everything you are saying is 100% true. This is how it feels. While the affair spouse is out having the time of their life it seems.
Content is great, but the music is so distracting I could barely hear what he was saying!
really??? the music is too loud?
Totally agree! It was loud, redundant and distracting!
Yall got old ppl ears 👂 😂😂
Well I liked the music it was calming during a stressful time processing everything your putting forward.
Really useful information. Background music maybe change to Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr or Me and Mrs Jones by Billy Paul.
Absolutely!
No music please
Such an awesome video with so much of information I could relate to. However, wonder why the ridiculous music in the background...its so distracting, I couldn't concentrate on the matter and lost a lot of what was spoken. Please Hasani, the background music is a bad idea. Please do away with that.
Cut the music in the background it's a distraction
Ex husband that cheated on me told me this bs of term that I hated; he said, “ it is what it is”….& every time I hear or come across this term triggers me & makes me so angry!!!!!
Very insightful! Three comments: Firstly my hope is that this video reaches those who have not had or have not yet been impacted by an affair. Secondly professional counseling is very beneficial, and it helps to crystallize the issues, but often the betraying spouse is resistant to going this route. Thirdly, be wary of tainting the analysis with religion.
im not saying it isnt possible to salvage a relationship but thats just the thing you see.....
you're just salvaging a wreck
better to build a new ship
unless ofcourse you've given up on rebuilding
I hope and pray that we over come this virus, and I plan to attend your retreat next year, may God bless you and your family and thanks for the content .( I like the music)
We look forward to having you next year
Yes! Yes! Yes! Your opening statement is SO spot on. Exactly what I've been telling my husband.
Hello, I know of powerful man( a marriage councilor) who can help sort and resolve marriage issues. He helped me about 6 months ago and my marriage is right on track now.
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Good topic but tone down on the music its a distraction.
great info. wish there wasn't any background music.
Porn is an affair, also.
Do you help those that are not desiring reconciliation with their spouse who was the betrayer? I've been several places and people tell me what needs to be done but no how (direction/instruction) on how to overcome this. Thanks.
I love everything you say but the background music is so distracting! Not necessary at all. 😊
Hello, I know of powerful man( a marriage councilor) who can help sort and resolve marriage issues. He helped me about 6 months ago and my marriage is right on track now.
Message him on Whats-App
+2348126046233
what would it take to get into a program with my wife
The music is calming while listening to a stressful and hard confronting video.?
Hello, I know of powerful man( a marriage councilor) who can help sort and resolve marriage issues. He helped me about 6 months ago and my marriage is right on track now.
Message him on Whats-App
+2348126046233
I forgave my Wife for the betrayal. But it's hard to love the one who hurt you. I still hold up my end of the Covenant, but each day is difficult. I eventually! Realized my peace and joy is only in the Lord, he will never fail me. I use how I feel, and what I know about Jesus in order to live each day in respect and peace towards my spouse. But the enemy is always quick to accuse and distort reality to keep me stuck in resentment. I now understand how Christ feels about his church. He still loves us despite our flaws.
She chooses him?
Also why do most of these cheaters deflect all responsibilty onto the faithful spouse?🥶
Cos they are nothing but cowards.
Good information, terrible music ! I could hardly make it through the video. If it’s possible you should remove it. I’m just trying to be helpful.
I’m sorry, Hasani, but the piano music & that weird picture behind your head are too distracting!
the weird picture?
The picture looks like two people embracing but where are their heads? It looks like they have weird shaped hearts for heads. Hasani’s head is blocking the picture in a way that makes it impossible to make sense of the painting. It’s distracting from his message.
Get rid of the stupid music !!!!