The Real Reasons Cheaters Don't Want To Talk About Their Affair
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- Опубликовано: 3 июл 2024
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AVOID HURTING YOUR SPOUSE BY NOT CHEATING IN THE FIRST FRICKING PLACE...CAN I GET AN AMEN!!?
Amen!
@@bookerlo1977 Thank you kind sir. There's nothing worse than a liar, a cheater and a thief. We'd all do well to treat others as we wished to be treated. Can you imagine a nation that lived in this manner?
It already is. It is really scary in this country.
AMEN🙏🙏🙏
...I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a PI/Hacker and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s phones Text messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, if you need help,you can contact him through Gmail : Worldcyberhackers or WhatsApp: +1 (267) 877‑3020, infidelity hurts so much
There should be an island for “faithful people only.” Let the cheaters cheat on each other!
Agreed
Damn that would be to good to be true 👍
Hell yea !! You're definitely on to something here!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Hell yeah, meet you there
No the faithful should have the mainland and the cheaters should have the island and let the cheaters kill each other off for food
So, let me get this straight:
1) They don’t want to feel uncomfortable
2) They might pay a price that they don’t want to pay for their lying
3) They might feel uncomfortable with their guilt and shame
4) They can’t remember all the lies, minimizing and omissions they used to deceive you
5) They trickle truth to hide full disclosure
6)They might feel uncomfortable with confrontation
7) Still in the affair
8) Can’t remember everything, I don’t know, timelines may not add up
9) D-day has come & gone & they just want it to be over, timelines may not add up
10) Doesn’t want to “own it” and take responsibility for his behaviors
11) Protecting the affair partner
12) They’re in denial of how awful they treated you
So, basically, it’s all about them! They don’t really care about what they’ve done to you!
And??
And??
Exactly 💯
All that was listed is narcissistic thinking. The offender doesn't want to be offended.
Ha! On that last 2!
The cheater is a textbook narcissist and even when they get caught they rationalize, minimize and gaslight to make YOU feel stupid and question reality .
I agree with everything up until you feel stupid and question Yourself that’s where I’m not in that I don’t question myself I didn’t do anything he’s a pig and that’s the bottom line I’m not the victim although after 32 years of all he’s done I’m just learning about it and what it’s called he ran my marriage with guilt shame and condemnation he can’t guilt me over the cards any more credit cards I went through menopause I had a medical reason for having stepped away from my marriage because he isolated me for a number Of years and I asked him to help me through this menopause and he denied me and so as far as I know I was the first want to step away I did not fall in love he stepped away and fell in love but nothing came of it because he was too busy having fun tormenting me through it he told me that she was his soulmate that she loves him I called her phone and she said hello babe he says their friends I said you can’t be friends after you’ve already been to a hotel I found out about the hotel her I got her picture a picture of the hotel and I grabbed his phone and put it all on Facebook yes I can front of both of them
My wife was a coworker not female
Facts!
Aint that the truth
They can gaslight, lie, try and manipulate. My BRAIN is on 10,000..I know who I am, I know who I am in Christ and simply put you gonna get up out my life Demon. Im not falling for not 1 iota of the foolery. A narcissist can keep playing the mind games if he wants....they"ll have to up your dosage on your meds homie...I promise you. Don"t start none, won't be none. I play to win..if I play at all.
The only thing cheaters try to avoid is consequences.
Mine is the biggest “COWARD” ever even his family was in shock!🥶
Yeap, cause all they care about is how things effect them. They don’t think about how their decisions affect others.
Amen. Humans are by nature selfish
Who cares
It's also amazing how cheaters themselves are so quick to judge others for merely having sex before marriage while doing same thing themselves to a greater degree than the very people their judging..
Why do people cheat while staying in the relationship, and acting like everything's normal with their partner? If you want to sleep with other people, don't be a relationship.
Because they get something out the relationship too especially if the other partner is faithful. Why get rid of the good thing at home when you can have that while having fun on the side too. That’s how cheaters think
Agreed
It wouldn't be called cheating if they weren't in a relationship.
Best advice ever!
Am saying its not that hard
Was married 33 years. l moved out of the marital home renting an apartment. 2 beautiful and productive children 21 and 27.
Been through so much, he didn't want to stop cheating was up to so much dirt. Had affair partner for 9 years. I will write a book. I was a good wife. It wasn't enough. God is with me I'm healing.
I feel you. I was cheated on for 18 years. Was in total darkness. Almost home crazy after I found out. I am healing. I didn't believe I could heal. But there is light at only at the end of the tunnel but also along the way.
Praying! Earth has no heartache that heaven cannot heal.
Praying for you! Earth has no heartache that heaven cannot heal.
Amen!! Be there same facts , Praying for you , I love you . Not your fault.
I’ve been cheating on for 5years later he left me with a kid. I’ve found love again and it’s been 2 years almost, I found out on my daughters 1 birthday that he was cheating on me. It’s breaking me and so I asked him. He denied it all. To the extent that his uncle told me that my evidence is nothing. Unless I catch him in the act. Believe me I’m a busy person and so I don’t know how I will catch him.
I feel bad for those stuck in bad marriages or relationships with disrespectful spouses who cheat on them. A lifetime of misery.
So what can we do if children are involved and u have no income to raise them
What can we do if children are involved and we have no money to raise them?
May cheaters burn in hell for all eternity!
@@jumaiwariboko4610 You call an attorney! You and your child have a lot of rights. The sooner you get out, the more money he can't swindle.
@@kanairototori8248 You call an attorney! You and your child have a lot of rights. The sooner you get out, the more money he can't swindle.
I dont understand how a person can cheat and then lie about everything
That’s how cheaters are!
I know right.
They lie cheat and steal no pun intended
Mine hung off his locked cell phone daily and then would say oh honey what a great meal you prepared, I had not a clue until my son 9 at the time came to me!😡
@@CarolDudeck-bl7kz really sorry you had to go through something like this. It’s very painful.
Fear should have kept them from cheating. No excuses...cheating is where I draw the line. If I cannot trust you, you have no purpose in my life. Nada.
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
They don't want to lose their domestic slave
not necessarily true , my late uncle loved his wife , he once found himself in the arms of another
Sure, betray the person you "love" then compound the problem by continued deceit. Tell the truth and live with the consequences of your actions. Maybe learn something and treat the next person better.
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
No one should stay. The cheater needs to go be with their AP so they can end up alone. They will. Move on and be happy with someone that truly loves you. Someone that isn't a selfish child.
Yup.
Absolutely. They’ll do it again.
Amen that's where I am now.i just want out
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
infidelity is not always to do with mental age
Ah I'm going through such situation
I been cheated and lied on for years..
Cheaters are liars
Hello to whom it may concern I can recomend you to someone great and people who render me help on this , he can also render you help too
Text via whtzapp
+1(816)----343----8307
I agree with you my dear and experiencing it too
You are not alone.
It’s crazy because when some one cheats on you of course it feels like they don’t love you but the bigger issue is that they just aren’t good friends. Married or not they just aren’t good friends .
My wife cheated on me 20 years ago, and she still refuses to talk about it and how much it hurt me. I have PTSD from it and she thinks i don't deserve answers. It's a painful thing to experience.
What made you stay? If she told you EVERYTHING, you may not be together now. Just saying, be careful what you ask for
@@jthale3864 Our daughters aged 5 and 2 years old at the time was why i stayed. The thought of a stepparent having access to my kids and having influence over them was unacceptable.
@@PJHEATERMAN I can totally understand that 100% - its a huge sacrifice but worth it.
If she thinks you don't deserve answers, she doesn't deserve YOU. I am so sorry for the Terrible pain you have been caused.
Same situation. Cheated with my "best" friend and then 2 years later with her boss, her fathers age. I had to stay, kids and finances. 7 years after D day, still very hurt and depressed. She don't want to talk about it.
I’m dealing with this very thing right now. He doesn’t want to talk about anything in detail because it make HIM feel bad and he can’t see the pain he’s causing me because it hurts HIM. I’m at the point now where I feel I’m on the brink of a mental breakdown. I’ve been faithful, loving, supportive and giving to him for the past 9 years, married for 5 and this is the thanks I get. I feel so stuck, lost and alone.
I hear you, I've had a few conversations with my husband, but now he clearly doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and I know he'd much rather forget it and move on.
I'm not in that place yet, and am frustrated I can't be open with my feelings because he doesn't want to participate in the conversation.
Facts!! I fully understand your point! Same!!
I completely understand, I am exactly right there as well right now. It is the ultimate betrayal and the ultimate pain. And to be honest, it is humiliating... there are just so many layers of hurt it's indescribable. been married 14 years now and found out 2 weeks ago that he's been cheating for 2 years. And boy oh boy all the stuff that I found out!! Yeah he's feeling guilt and shame right now, but I think mostly that I learned about a lot of the down and dirty details of his "relationship", even the sexual part. Want to talk about giving me brain damage, OMG. And he has the audacity to say to me that he knows he made a mistake (really?? a "MISTAKE"? That's what you're calling it??) that I was the one who caused him to go that route because he wasn't getting what he needed from me
(I'm not just talking about sexual, but obviously that would be part of it). Anyways, I told him he would have had an ounce of character left if he would have at least been honest with me & ended it with me instead of just cheating. ----2 FRICKIN' YEARS! And we're only a couple of years away from retiring. How sad!!
When a man values his woman he would never put himself in a Position to lose her,thats why Ive moved on,he never values me
Truth.
Girl, just leave. Don't waste your time and money chasing some fool and spying. You will find that special someone that values you because they 1st value themselves. A man must love himself before he can love others. You are worthy of real love.
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
by the way if I would cheat once the secret is out I would be honest so no cheaters are not necessarily liars and I feel being honest does show you treat someone with respect instead of just saving your own skin
Cheating is backstabbing behavior, and it is definitely a sign that the cheater has shady character!
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
@@youtubefans510 If that's the case then the cheater will be having sex with every woman he finds attractive,and allows him to take a dip in her pond! That's not only serial cheating it's emotional abuse!
that may be so but it is not so by definition that depends on the person
rubbish , it just makes you human , a judgemental analysis is not necessary
@@youtubefans510 That is total BS! Being attracted to different people is human nature,but humans have the ability to control their impulses,which elevates them above animals! People also have different moral compasses,and that's why some people are capable of murder, stealing,grifting,mental and physical abuse, ect.And cheating goes hand in hand with being a backstabber and liar!
Holy crap he nailed it. Everything he listed happened. I’m crying as I type this. I’m still in shock
🤢
Sorry
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
@@youtubefans510 except i was the one that was always faithful and loyal, she wasnt
so triggering and painful, I can't help myself but to despise cheaters.
In my heart, I despise them too.
Maybe if everyone left the affair partner... just maybe their would be less affairs. Just look at how much damage it causes.
Think about the suicides....
broken families....
I think it should ALWAYS result in a breakup.
I know there is a lot of money made off “keeping the marriage together”.... but I think it’s just too much too deal with.
My wife had affairs for YEARS.
I cannot get over some aspects, mainly the abandonment.
Also as a man... there isn’t enough out here for men who have been cheated on. It all seems geared towards the female.
But back to the issue at hand.... I don’t believe there is guilt and remorse. Maybe for getting caught , but how do you feel guilty for falling in love with someone else?? You chose that person a thousand times over your partner. And maybe that’s a sign that you don’t love them like they love you, and that’s plenty reason to end the marriage.
Affairs are so childish and disgusting.
Disgusting.
Also if less people went with taken people it would lessen affairs also.
Amen
Great answer! Life is far too short to spend it with a cheater. Lots of people try, but it rarely works and it certainly doesn't enhance a marriage! That's BS. You can never regain the trust. Cut your losses short, please.
@@tourdedogue4952 Yes, no matter how you cut it, and regardless of what people who supposedly made it work and forgiven their "repentant and remorseful" cheater believe, it's just never the same and are only deceiving themselves because the pain only gets buried; it never goes away. There is simply no going back...ever to how it was. It's the end that so many betrayed refuse to see, acknowledge because it's so extremely painful.
@@iramsavir5631 Yes, and thus, so many people waste a lot of precious years when they could have been free from all the irreversible damage.
If they really don’t want to hurt their spouse, how about not cheat in the first place?
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
@@youtubefans510 everyone married is not attractive. People use people and will marry their meal ticket.
because they like and feel attracted to others as well , if you believe in god , it is actually GOD created us so , religion is man made even when god exists
because of how they feel towards the other man or woman
because people will be true to themselves not always true to you , because they may feel they have to or want to express their feelings towards someone else but that is not what they will tell you , sometimes you have to get it out of your system , you owe to yourself to be true to yourself, all britidh expressions , I am scottish from my mother's side living in holland
I think part of it has to do with the unfaithful partner not wanting to admit to or deal with the dark side of his/her personality.
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
by the way if I would cheat once the secret is out I would be honest so no cheaters are not necessarily liars and I feel being honest does show you treat someone with respect instead of just saving your own skin
good point
because people will be true to themselves not always true to you , because they may feel they have to or want to express their feelings towards someone else but that is not what they will tell you , sometimes you have to get it out of your system , you owe to yourself to be true to yourself, all britidh expressions , I am scottish from my mother's side living in holland
This brother just picked my wife out of a line up.. I'm going down the line like she doing this✅, OK she did that, ✅, ok she still lying ✅. Thank You for letting me know I'm not crazy, Thank You!
Bro I’m telling you just do that shit back to her cause you will never move on knowing she did that and you had to forgive her nah Eye for an Eye bro!
Holy Sheepshit! I can’t let go of 1997 but the problem started in late May 2016 when she sent me a picture of an old ex buddy’s daughter and mine side by side. They looked more like sisters than their own sisters. I laughed out of the shock and said out loud,” I’d convict myself! Did I 🍆? Wife was watching my reaction. Came in crying and said ,”Cheater! thats the real reason you don’t speak to him!”While looking at the girls facial bone structure, wify actually convinced me I was guilty for a good 5 minutes. I countered with a very miner accusation from 1997. Fishing for info. Kisses was possible. This time I pressed her to admit she at least kissed him. It dawned on me she was protecting him more than she does me just like this well spoken person said. I still can’t turn the page. Im stuck like he said. I already pushed everyone away. Only way is for me 2 cheat with 2 HoT Japanese twins and call it even in my head. Start loving again or let her go like she asked me. 2022 FuckFest it is until I at least catch Chlamydia. I so sorry sir🖖🏼 KD
@@theauthentictacoshow Yup. 💯 . Double in my grudge king mind. I assume I just saw to many Dirty Harry & Death Wish movies. I simply can’t let things go. O well FuckFest it is
@Kilo Delta
Yes I'm checking my unfaithful husband off his list as well.. Like, yep, uh huh, ok, that's right.... The thing with my spouse of 25 years is that he goes into these rages at me when I even get close to bringing it up. And brother, I *need* to talk about it!
It has only been a little over 2 months since D-day (I got a random text from his "girlfriend" of THREE years outing their "affair" as well as *his other* affairs over 15 yrs!) as I'm at the stove cooking Thanksgiving Day dinner for his side of the family..... that obviously never came over.
I'm in such pain and he behaves like how dare I even think about bringing it up. I continue to be blamed, shamed and things reframed over and over again. Patient me, I'm bout to give up and just start the divorce process. 🤦♀️😭🤬😕
EDIT: Oh and yes. It's true when they say that people "affair down". I'm a fine, in shape woman and... I am disgusted at the strange he was messin with!
Peace and Blessings to you - I hope you and your wife are getting to a healing place now.
@@Jane.Doe. I'm sorry for you my sister. I wrote you a reply a couple days ago, but for some reason it has not posted. I advised you to atleast get some therapy for yourself. And if you want to save your marriage you both are going to need couples therapy.
Cheating partners are the equivalent of taking a kid to Disney Land and punching the child in the face. Buys ice cream and says we can still be happy, look. We're still in Disneyland.
how about polyamarous people ? are they childish , this is really a judgemental and ridiculous psychological analysis
That made me so sad
What is the worst is that she had a choice but she never gave me the same choice. She told me that she was growing and I wasn’t. I told her if this is how grownups act then I don’t want to grow up. The lies and not giving me my choice is the worst.
You are an absolute beast! Very well spoken and hit every single point! You verbalized what I have been feeling and expanded on it 1000%. Thank you so much for this video. I have watched tons of videos, been on blogs, scouring the internet for help, and seeking counseling... nothing has come close to this video. I have subscribed! God bless you and THANK YOU!!!
Exactly! I don’t even know whats real right now. At first I that it was the Meth I smoked earlier! JK😂. I feel like it with all my paranoia. A buddy has video of married women i went to high school with and the cocky but brutally more honest than me electrician said he’s boning 1/2 the married women in this Gucci apt. complex. Many work at night at nearby hospital while Owner or tradesmen husbands work by day. The light bulbs constantly go out on everything and fire alarms always beeping or chirping going off. I think its possible that its planned. Wify just makes me feel like I’m crazy. Except i saw a video on that 2 !🤣
Other reason is they are in a haste that the betrayed spouses would get over it as as soon as possible so they can have their normal life back, the one that they used to. Bottom line, the unfaithful spouses wanted to save their asses from FULL repercussions caused by their choices... In the end they will still prioritize their feelings and what's comfortable to them in every easy way possible. That's how considerate they are. Soon they will let you kiss their boo-boo due to their poor decisions. They always do...
Gozer The Gozarian I wish I did that. I waited 17 years and all he did was became a serial cheater and a pathological liar. Now I am married to the love of my live and he helped restore my faith in love again.
@Gozer The Gozarian Congratulation! 🥂
Boss, I need help. I can't stop obsessing and picturing how he was doing her, if she was doing the same thing she did with me to him, I picture her tearing him up. Even though she says it wasnt even close to like that, I just , it ruins everything for me. I'm addicted to details
How do I stop harassing her with what i think happened?
When my wife had sex with a coworker and I caught her when she came home(I was suppossed to be at work!) and confronted her I told her she was going to tell me everything she did or I would leave her then and there!!!! Still think she didn't come clean with me 100%, I think she still hides some things still years later because she told me she does not remember everything and ignored my questions! Be careful people!!!
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Why did you want to know everything? Sex is sex. No matter how they did it. You need to heal from all you have heard. If not, you will also chest to get back at her and you will find out that you actually left her years ago since the day she cheated.
Same thing happened to me. My boyfriend cheated on me with a coworker who’s is married. Should I let her know that Ik what happened? Should I let her husband know also?
If a person cheat once and you catch them . Shame on them, If you stay and they keep cheating shame on you. If a person keeps cheating on you they don't want you. They want to use you for family, community, money, children etc. If they keep cheating leave. If you love them deal with it and forgive. But don't torment a person who has cheated or nag them. Find your peace.
YOU WRIGHT!!!!!!!!
Ms Baker, sounds like you've been there. That's some sound advice.
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
by the way if I would cheat once the secret is out I would be honest so no cheaters are not necessarily liars and I feel being honest does show you treat someone with respect instead of just saving your own skin
any person with dignity would leave. both ends. period
Hansani, this was perfect. I am struggling with this topic. This is the most concise, articulate description of infidelity consequences I have ever heard. Bravo. You nailed it.
I think the best thing a cheating spouse can do for their betrayed partner is to be honest. The cheater should just fess up and give the betrayed closure. Not specific details. Just how long the affair lasted. Who is the affair partner?
Maybe a apology would be nice.
They will want specifics and therefore, they're never be closure. The more details, the more questions.
@@shamalama29 all I told my self is it doesn't matter nothing he tells me makes it better it's like a whole being dug deeper and deeper
And you forgot to add on that the cheaters should fully cut ties or any sort of connection forever abd fully promise to God Jesus that they will not look back or look for then or contact them or have anything to do with them ever again.
@@SetApart7Generation I dont necessarily need that promise, due to the fact that I am done with the relationship/marriage at that point. I have been married twice and have had two other long term relationships in my life . They all cheated. I ended it every time. Once trust is broken it can never be restored.
@@father1st894 I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart that you went through all of that. It is indeed very very painful and devastating that words itself cannot explain. Many of us here understand your pain and I include myself too. There is a healer called Jesus Christ, the son of the living God. The only that can only love and be faithful is Jesus Christ, the son of the living God. I'm am going through the painful process of being betrayed in marriage but Jesus Christ, has been my love and has guarded my heart.
Lustfulness breeds so much pain, hurt and psych damage.......soul tags just don't walk away....they hold on.....I'm just now getting relief and can't talk about the entanglement, too shameful.
That's what it is you're just in a stuck place in there come out with the truth and you bury it and it eats you alive that's why they have the saying and the truth shall set you free
She shared every little detail about all the things that I liked and wanted to do with her but she won’t tell me anything because “that is a personal part of her life between him and her”
The one thing I've experienced with a partner who's cheated is that they always try and say that they regret doing it. Forget that they didn't have to cheat in the first place and that they have the choice in walking away. The second thing I've noticed is if you split with the partner who cheated. Is after a while they will look up their Ex to see how they are doing via social media.
Yh, that's true
It’s not because they care about hurting their partner at all in my experience. They don’t want to deal with their partner being upset because it’s inconvenient and annoying. Cheaters don’t care about anyone but themselves. The rest of your reasons have been right in my life anyway. But that first one...nah..not at all.
Hello I'm recommending you with sincerity I can recomend you to someone that helped me restore back my broken relationship, he can also help you too
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I think your right in my case too. I just realized or appears in my head she even gets pleasure out of it. What bites me is I think I could of had her hot cousins and 2 hot friends. Now at my age I regret being a nice guy too often. I should if beat up a few guys more and a whole lot of pussy. Im a fcken dumbass. Accidentally grabbing my cock claiming “I thought it was the remote” or they needed a dollar from my pocket twice because “i feel like eating a churro” then “i was a sausage on a stick” sticks hand in my pocket.. if look’s could kill from our future spouses. Lol. Now its time to smash the beans
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
Thank you for this! Decades later I am still trying to unpack what happened.
You have some good points. My comment is that once a partner cheats, he/she is unsuitable for ANY further reliable, committed, loving relationships with anyone. They need to be relegated to continual status of ex/has been.
that is precisely the reaction why there is secrecy and dishonesty around the subject of infidelity
people will be true to themselves not always true to you , because they may feel they have to or want to express their feelings towards someone else but that is not what they will tell you , sometimes you have to get it out of your system , you owe to yourself to be true to yourself, all british expressions , I am scottish from my mother's side living in holland
She cheated, took my kids to another state and wants me to move so we can start "fresh".
But she refuses to talk about what really happened. So i feel she is still cheating somehow 😔. It hurts but I cant go on with a relationship like this. If you cant trust me to tell me the truth then you dont care enough about me knowing i need closure !
So keep your secrets, ill move on 😔.
Don't do it!! If you go back she will lose even more respect for you. Trust me I was a fool and took an ex back. She cheated with a neighbor so everytime she leaves then he leaves I would follow. The trust will never be there again. It will literally drive you crazy. Stick to your guns and leave her for your own sanity. As a man it's a lot harder for us to forgive cheating. I will never put up with that 💩 again.
Every point was so spot on. Explains things from both perspectives so well
Your channel is excellent! And very thorough! Thank you. I just wish your channel was around for my grandbaby before he left us. God bless!
an over thinker has already imagined and felt things far worse then the cheater is probably capable of. leaving things unanswered is more painful to a lot of people then to not tell them. some cheaters are narcissists and will keep the truth to hurt you more. there's a lot of different types of cheaters, but the ones who lies, when there caught just suck.
people will be true to themselves not always true to you , because they may feel they have to or want to express their feelings towards someone else but that is not what they will tell you , sometimes you have to get it out of your system , you owe to yourself to be true to yourself, all british expressions , I am scottish from my mother's side living in holland
Man I appreciate how you got straight to the point
Absolutely then my former husband told my kids now teens that mom has “OLD” fashioned ideas of marriage, unbelievable thank God I got out!😂
In this situation currently. He said “she was ugly and it was nothing “.. what’s “nothing “ was the marriage vow you took. I’m 1 1/2 years in .. I’m done . I have no time for liars and cheaters . Any good men left out here ???😉
Quite A Few. Liars Are Everywhere. If I were you i would try to find myself by going alone for some time.
@@oliverposch666 easier said then done.. I’m pretty codependent
Same
Good question! Are there any good men out there? That don't want to cheat that would only invest everything including their time, love, money, hard work, learning to be a good husband to his wife only and keep praying through Jesus and working towards a stronger marriage and resist temptation at all cost and to avoid being in sticky situations. Are there men like that.
Bro this is some incredible wisdom and insight in to some really deep blind spots of thinking and personal things that only that person God & their partner would even know.
THANK YOU
It took me years to figure most of this out and consumed a lot of my time. Then to hear him lay out her playbook. I knew I wasn’t that crazy. Maybe a little more off now. My aggression is definitely suppressed. 10 years ago I bury both their dads. One for abandoning wife and the other 4 raising a stupid motherfucker. Even the damn granddad would of got it. It starts with his dumbass morale. Im glad those thoughts are getting shorter and shorter. Yes for some it maybe a temporary bandage but its better to walk away and go on a FuckFest out here by choice than in prison. Maybe even stay and do the same till i meet someone that makes me forget and just gets me hard 24/7. No viagra needed. It’s physiological. I easily get triggered during sex. Like what you mean no I don’t want to do that? Your doing fucken cartwheels on his cock and using it as a pogo stick in that hoola hoop asshole!
@@tonytrinidad4409 idonget it
This has got to be the most honest, comprehensive and thorough explanation I've ever heard about the reasons why a cheater is lying or denying an affair - and coming from a man nevertheless. Thank you!
Great information, thanks for sharing and helping.
I'll never understand why ppl get in a relationship just to end up cheating.. u as a person should already know their is something missing inside you. It's just selfish. Just stay single and you can stay outta silly unnecessary issues or hurting other ppl
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Omg , so True!!!! Great video, i think you have to look at your personality and say "should I stay or should I go?" when trust is broken you have to ask can i forgive? Is it better just to leave? My opinion if your not married yet...... Better to go. Find someone else who wants what you want.
Thank you such clarity, I wish I had heard this when it happened, perhaps I was not ready to hear then !
Honesty is the best policy. I cut my partner off for lying. Period. They should be ashamed and leave!
honesty is certainly not the best policy which is why people feel the need to lie , it is so with many subjects not just infidelity , will you owe up to stealing a bread to the police if you did , no that is not honesty it is stupidity
Excellent excellent presentation! Thank you!
I'm making a video on this topic for my channel and plan to use you as a reference. I agree with many of these points!
You are bang on with all of this!
I’m 57 years old and didn’t knew that I have been impacted with PTSD from infidelity for the last 17 years. I recently became aware and feels like 17 years have passed like 5 years. I have only 1/2 present or less in last 17 years. Everything you said is PERFECT!
Nine times out of ten, nonverbal cues reveal when someone is not telling the truth. When the look away when answering "Yes" or "No" they can't look you in the eye, that needs challenged.
Number 5 and 7 seems the most accurate. My ex-husband lied everytime he opened his mouth and he would have maintained his affairs as long as I was willing to forgive and work through our provlems. I was going to counseling and he was going to the local hotel.
Awesome video love it!
Great information
Thank you for providing clarity on questions I had within. 💛
Yeah ever since he's been with me I cannot stop thinking about how much pain that he put me through I have tried to forgive and forget but it still comes back maybe because I literally rolled out my heart to him thinking that he would never do something like that to me I feel so stupid right now just thinking about it it just makes me upset I tried to forget how do I hold up myself
Exactly me.its hard to move on as if nothing happened
Exact same here, but he has been told he'll never have what we had before, that part of me has gone.
It's difficult when you know how common affairs are (look up Esther Perel) and it's easy to find another partner who will eventually do the same. It seems like a widespread problem where there's an abundant supply of people more than willing to be the other woman/man.
I feel like they dont want to give you any information that will damage the relationship between the unfaithful spouse and the person they are cheating with. To me its a continuation of the affair without the physical part.. Like they may get with them again and they don't want to truly give them up.
That is the ultimate reason why they lie and it should be the ultimate reason why they do it. No other reasons and BS.
It should be this:
1. They don't want their other lovers to find out. Some mistresses could turn on the cheaters anytime after finding out, some of them even join the wives and team up against the cheater. (Which is the best out of all the outcomes.)
2. Consequences. Unpredictable consequences and some will last forever.
3. Reactions. Compare reactions to rape to the reactions to murder. The reactions to rape are WAY more harsh than the reactions to murder. Cheating is the rape to domestic violence's murder. Some people justify abuse, no one justifies cheating.
4. Guilt. The most common among these people.
5. Revenge from the injured party. Be honest, they know the history of what happened to those who cheat right after they get caught.
6. They'll get no support, sometimes not even from their own circle.
7. The label, its strong, just like being called a rapist or murderer. It will NEVER go away.
8. Selfish
9. Immature
10. Fear
I am in this situation with a twist !!! Iv been watching every video !!! I need help forsure.
Tazz Clavey you doing alright brother?
I’m here to talk if you want.
Absolutely deidricclavey@gmail.com
You doing ok Tazz Clavey?
Trying to do the best I can. Ultimately... my family unit is at jeopardy. And idk if my actions alone are enough.
I feel you pain i going tru it too 💔
Thank you so mych. This realy helped me a lot. I did not know why he would keep quite when I want answers
Great video ! Thank you, 🌟🍀❤
This is wonderful. 🙏🏽
Man you hit so many points dead on. I need a one on one with you bro.
You can have full access to your spouse cell phones without their consent. I would forever be grateful to cyber tech who save me from deceitful husband. He makes me have access to his phone without his consent and I easily found out how long he has been cheating on me. Contact cyberhack037(at)gmail.com or on WhatsApp +14347678160 No doubting, he is the best
Cheating is a form of abuse, emotional abuse. I can't stand cheaters. I'm not trying to contradict myself, but when I was younger, I cheated in two relationships. Now, that I'm older, I no longer cheat.
cheating a form of abuse O.T.T.
#1 they don't care about your feelings or if they hurt you because if they did they wouldn't have decided to hurt you in the worst way possible. The don't want to talk about it because they don't like being part of a losing argument and they are probably lying about being completely honest about what happened, they don't want to mess up they're original story or make a mistake when retelling it. That basically covers it.
Excellent Video!
Thanks for your channel,,, I just found out tonight,,,, 👍👍
Spot on. The guy I’m suspecting of cheating is showing ALL of these traits 😢
wows you said it so well .
When they know cheating hurts, why do it then? Worse, they'll end up make their partners cheat on them as well. Better tell mistakes and separate. Because no secrets lasts forever. Goodluck if the person cheated on is holy or kind enough to forgive and could take the pain and the bad memory for whole life.
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
by the way if I would cheat once the secret is out I would be honest so no cheaters are not necessarily liars and I feel being honest does show you treat someone with respect instead of just saving your own skin
wow i have been looking for this ...love yah god bless angel\
This is the best and simplest answers I ever got thank you so much I wish to speak with you if I can get such opportunity.thanks my friend.
Thank you so much your words help me a lot
Thank you so much ☯️
I so appreciate your videos.
If your so called partner cheated on you, leave them. They aren't worth the lies or pain. + if they beg, don't believe them. It's a trick.
If they treated us right, we wouldn't be here listening to this video trying to find answers.
God bless.
Shit sad I'm going thru this same situation right now. I'm the type of person that wants to know everything about the situation. My wife is to scared to tell me everything I wants to know
How long have you been married and are you going to stay
2 year we have 4 kids I'm thinking about leaving to be honest it's to much
Im sorry you are going through this. Cheaters dont realize how selfish their actions are and how bad their actions affect the betrayed. I pray things get better for you.
@@shooterpro9312 oh wow! Two years in and it has already happened, that's not good so sorry. Been married 14 years and decided to stay. Found out about it a month before our 14th anniversary. I must be honest if it happened at the two-year mark I would have left
She wasn't scared to do it, obviously.
They should be filled with guilt and shame
Been separated a week today I'm yearning for her and to be home with my kids I feel like a time bomb right now
It will take some times.But you will be fine.
I totally understand. You will be fine though. Don't give up on yourself.
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
by the way if I would cheat once the secret is out I would be honest so no cheaters are not necessarily liars and I feel being honest does show you treat someone with respect instead of just saving your own skin
Why is the cheater hurting? They are the ones that cheated... am going through this right now😢 And I’m catching him via receipts etc, but he continues to lie😫
Some are shame and depressed when everyone knows. You didn't respect or protect me and I ain't covering you. Exposed!
Because they regret their actions, and yearn to have that feeling of closeness that they lost in the betrayal. Only in complete openness and remorse can heal the wound in both hearts. If they cant come clean they cant heal and will be forever apart from you.
@@carolynmoffett5 why should "everyone" know?? Stupud
Because the "cheater" is human too maybe. Duh
Same. I take it as disrespect and I almost look at him with disgust. Like are you acting right now? Cant stand how they try to change the focal point of the conversation.
Well said
Everything that you said is true... 👍
The cheating spouse wasn't thinking about their wife or husband when they were committing adultery...!!!
So, why should they be worried about what will happen if they tell their spouse what they did!!
First, they need to repent to their spouse because they transgressed against their spouse!!! They must make it right!!
The unfaithful need to make it right with the betrayed spouse. However many will not do it. SMH.
Problem is they can’t make it right. Truth be told, if it happened too them, they’d be livid!!
@@cheryldouglas8903 That's right!!!
first sentence : correct second : because they dont want to destalize or jeopardize the relationship
People cheat while staying in a relationship because they LOVE that one person but also feel attracted to someone else as well the REASON that people lie to their partner is LOVE
I wouldnt be that cruel but you could hypothically be brutally honest and tell you wife I liked her I fancied her I felt attracted to her I wanted to sleep with her because she is very pretty she is a hot girl , (you might say that to your male friends) for many reasons you dont say this out loud it may be truthful but you love your wife and you want to be tactful
I would probably be either monogamous or monogamish myself but I do feel you should do your best you should make an effort
People act better said pretend for the show as if everything is normal because they want to maintain the status quo it isnt so that everything is normal or the same , it has changed, they just act the same because they still love that one person , many married people occasionaly or some even regularly want to sleep with other people the reason that they are in a relationship is because they love that one person , it is not for you to decide or judge who should or should not be in a relationship just because people want to sleep with other people However it is for their partner to decide whether or not they still want to be in a relationship with you and if they dont want to be in a relationship with you because you sleep around then that is hardly surprising after all you dont even make the effort to be faithful
by the way if I would cheat once the secret is out I would be honest so no cheaters are not necessarily liars and I feel being honest does show you treat someone with respect instead of just saving your own skin
a lot of people do not regret the act, they may say they do but they don't
According to the Bible it is called adultery and we need to call it exactly what the Bible call it.
Not infidelity or affair or anything else.
Yvette Cain
You are so right and the only reason cited in the Bible where one can get a divorce. Adultery is the one thing that ends the marriage beside death.
@@bernetajohnson3296 You are so right.
Like George Carlin on Soft Language. That’s how I deal with tragedies I watch funny videos usually with stand up comics or people like Jordan Peterson, Dr. Grande, Your WingMan and a few others i can’t remember for therapy. So i can put some of the steel back in my balls & leave to do what I need to do instead of vengeance
Adultery brings a death of all sorts. A death of trust, affection, honesty and peace. It will kill it all.
the bible is written by humans including the moral code even if God exists , I am agnostic
I'm experiencing guilt, shame, and depression
I understand this is an old post, but it just came to my feed today. The problem of cheating is that it shows the cheater as someone that is only loyal to themselves, self-centered, dishonest, and not trustworthy. The pain they cause is not enough to stop them from satisfying their need of excitement.
Tribulations of the cheater for not being honest about their decisions:
1. If you care so much about the pain and suffering of your spouse, don’t cheat in the first place
2. If you don’t want to suffer the consequences, be honest and don’t cheat
3. Guilt and shame too much? How about betrayal, emotional abuse, and mistrust.
4. You don’t need to remember what you said if it’s the truth. Don’t play the victim. Face up to the consequences of what you did.
5. By trickling the truth and/or minimizing it, you are adding insult to injury.
6. Not facing the consequences just speaks volumes of your level of accountability.
7. By staying in the affair you are like the ostrich hiding their head in the ground. Sooner or later they will show their true colors.
8. Covering your eyes and thinking you disappear works for toddlers, not for grown adults.
9. Many times D-day comes and goes. The issue with this is that with lack of accountability both partners are creating a new status quo. You have to face the music of the tune you created. If you want trust, be trustworthy. This takes time.
10. By not owning your actions and sweeping them under the rug, your spouse will be subjected to emotional abuse. This is selfish, self serving, and coward.
11. Birds of a feather flock together. It says a lot of your character where your loyalties are.
12. None so blind as those who will not see. Betrayal is betrayal no matter how you want to look at it. Own what you did. As much as it hurts, it is better than your partner trying to pull the truth out with chopsticks.
Lies, deception, betrayal cause real emotional damage, that may also manifest as health issues. So, if these are the reasons why a cheater is seeking for compassion and understanding, cry me a river!
I think another reason would be is that they don't want you to find it easier to do the same thing.
Hasani...I am so glad I found you. I need help. Married for 26 years at the time to my childhood sweetheart. He joined an M/C club now that our kids are all adults and I supported him 100%. 2 years ago he went to Arizona for bike week. Met a girl from our club (she's 29/he's 49). Came home and told me he didn't love me anymore. He was gone for 6 weeks. He hid the affair for a year. I found out June, 2019. He says it wasn't physical and so does she (I obviously confronted this child). Our marriage is great, except, he is doing the trickle truth thing and insists it wasn't physical. How do I ever find out the details and the truth. After all this time I'm still obsessing and I feel like I'm going crazy. Please help!
Sounds like a mid life crisis he is going through. Perhaps consider polygyny?
You are only going to find out what he will tell you, and most men aren't going to tell you the parts that would destroy your relationship.
Hasani is an amazing individual. The work he did with my wife and I was both healing and extremely helpful on a personal and relationship level. We will continue to work with him through our future process of healing. I will say it's not just a one and done. You must both be willing to work and be in it for the long haul. We are in a much better place since working with Hasani and are on the right track.
Can I ask how long you've been working with him?
trickle truth - agony on top of agony
That's me that's me that's me
It's a nice thought, thinking that we can both decide to move on and not have the conversation anymore. But the fact is, it pops up in the betrayed partner's mind forever. And as the betrayed, if I gotta think about it, then he is sure as hell gonna think about it with me. If the betrayer doesn't get it, they know where the door is. And that is probably why most people don't make it through cheating.