Why can’t people just have an adult conversation, “I don’t love you any more, I’m leaving” without all the social stigma? If you realize you don’t want to be with your spouse anymore, why cheat? Just end things honestly and go live your best life
most people don't know what to live for, so they hold onto something like marriage, or they simply don't have the ability to live by themselves. they rather stay in a bad marriage than stay single.
They want it all, and believe they deserve it. Didn't you watch the video? Divorce is expensive, keep the safe harbor and have your adventures on the side.
I chose to repair my marriage after my husband had an affair in 1983 as newly weds, then in 1993 he had another affair and moved in with her. It was a hard 10 years in between. He cried and asked for another chance after both of them. Now married for 42 years to him, I see the only emotionally distraught, depressed, not trusting anyone pathetic one, is me. He has remained happy and carefree, taking trips without me having a fulfilling life and thinking of no one but himself. I gave him my youth and my heart. Think long and hard about that 10 -10-10 I pray all of you have a better life than me.
I feel for you. After 15 years, my wife did the same. I eventually took her back as I loved her more than life, but life has been miserable ever since. But since I am true to my vows and God does not like a divorcing, I stayed.
@@GilliamzGurl Thank you for your your sweet comment. It came at a time I was having a pity party for myself. Your comment brightened my day. Now he is 74 years old, claiming he wants to make each and every day better for us. It is comforting he says this. I am 69 and looking forward to a peaceful, loving husband once and for all. I hope you have a good, happy, wonderful life. regards, J
@@janofokc hey there! u got this.. i dont know if he will be there for you or not.. but i pray sincerely, that you find peace.. With or without him.. i hope u find ur inner happiness for ur days ahead.. god bless..
When a glass is broken, however you patch it, would never be the same again. Just like a marriage. When one betrays, the agony and pain stay forever even when forgiveness is handed.
It can also be blown into more beautiful glass all about perspective maybe it’s not the person that got cheated on fault but the person that cheated and their insecurities
@@dessirejenkins721 Humans don't usually appreciate forgiveness they take it as you are naive and easy to fool. They think that thay will get away fooling you everytime. So don't trust people like those.
I don’t use glass because is a non living things and I use wound as an example because it’s our own flesh that got the feeling so once I got heart broken by my spouse I reminded myself that it heard but it will held again even though my spouse apologize im still heard but not right away little by little to forget and to be happy again.
I like this speaker, he feels like he gives good “dad advice”, really tells it like it is. It is important to fight for your family, but at the same time if it makes you sick...it is important to fight for yourself first.
Someone who cheats on their spouse has no respect or love for the spouse. They just worry they will not have someone around to clean the gutters on the house.
I was cheated on by my ex wife it was financial infidelity, i let my emotions get the best of me and so I filed for divorce, I now wish I never divorced her, she was and still is a good woman who made a big mistake but also who deserved a second chance, my children are now adults but they had it extremely hard even though I was always there for them financially, physically and emotionally it was never the same... may God forgive me for not forgiving my wife as the Lord requested 70X7.
This is very true, as I live this reality each day. I'm still with my wife and I have forgiven but things will always be different going forward. I trust and verify. The cheating also made me change my habits. I now work out and I take better care of myself. I believe my wife is worried I may do the same as what she did to me...cheat. Although I would not do this, I think she needs to feel a sense of urgency to "hold on" since I was faithful and I made a choice to "keep".
This is not true and really depends on each relationship and person and weither you do the right work to repair and build a new and better relationship. I think the reason most people feel this way is they don't do the right work together and apart to heal and grow together.
This is a wonderful advice. Pity he didn't give advice about how to deal with the emotional pain that seems to grow everyday, making me confused, sick, and depressed. Betrayal makes you question the integrity of everything and everyone. For the sake of my child I am doing which I consider the impossible: which is business as usual, and I guess for my sake too, because I can not endure the emotional pain. It has projected to a physical pain and I am suffering big time with aches and pain and poor health. God I am doing your will as to not breaking this marriage. Please help me and envelope me with your grace and love. Please show me the path to heal emotionally and physically.
I find myself in the same lifeboat. I fell back on Jesus and stayed. 20 years later, not a day goes by without thinking on it. Found out on our 24th anniversary. Married 46 yrs. now. Prayer helps. But to forgive is a tough one.
It takes two to fight for the marriage. People who cheat really don’t care about their partner. If they did…they would care about hurting their other partner.
Its not that cut in dry, my husband had an affair, he is also an addict, he also has childhood trauma and no self worth, drugs make people do things they would normally not do, I know my husband loves me and he knows I love him, the affair was about sex, it hurt me and he seen how it hurt me, now he is in jail and off drugs and reality of everything is hitting him.
Gkad you trust Giod but Gid is not going to impinge on another’s free will. Assume the partner you have will never change. Are you living a false hope or reality. Your cheating partner nees reality. A Pollyanna aproach, although you consider it grace, is just sticking your head in the sand.
Hey VIBE WITH ALYSSA MONE, we are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, what you have described is very common to what we see and deal with on a regular basis with the couples we work with. Because of situations like yours, we actually created a course designed to help you save your marriage! It's the Save My Marriage Course Membership! It's 12 in-depth video lessons designed to teach you exactly what to do to save your marriage. You also get the included workbook, a private online support group, discounts on coaching packages, and even private live support calls and trainings with Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Holmes! If you're about to give up, please consider getting this membership first! Find out more here: bit.ly/3EXzcKn
You are wise. It is an unforgivable offense. Or maybe I can forgive him, but I would still leave him. Just because you forgive doesn't mean you have to continue to be married
The only reason I believe you should stay in the marriage is if you have children. Of course if the spouse is a narcissist or abuser, get out regardless if you have children. You can not change a narcissist.
How do you get over the fact that your spouse was intimate with someone else? That someone else touched your spouse in places and ways only you are supposed to?
You don't you accept it for what it was. An affair. It already happened. If you live in the past it will haunt your future. Make the decision to consciously become your own alpha in mind. Don't fight yourself over decisions you don't know the outcome of. You do not know the outcome of any decisions good or bad so you have to accept that with every decision there is risk. If you truly love someone or something you make very risky decisions and stick your neck out to get what you want. If you love your wife and you remember how you did all these things and how you made her feel intimately the first time around then make the best decision of all. Forgive yourself. When you do that you stop letting the infidelity affect you and you have a clear mind. Then you can loon at all the facts. Yeah she may have enjoyed herself but the main thing behind it is it was a distraction from what she really wanted. It was you. She wanted you to touch her the way you used to, she wanted you to kiss her the way you uses to etc. Don't take the blame for her actions but take responsibility for what you stopped doing. The same things you did to get her are the same things you do to keep her and i am speaking from personal experience.
How do you repair your marriage if my wife cheated on me and gods Only knows how far she got she said it was nothing more like a friendship but I think she’s holding back from telling me what really happened i’ve got the text and photos .don’t know what to do.
God.. that is a great question.. im asking myself this right now while being separated and watching this video.. i can't get the image of what "I think" this situation looks like,i know how she is in bed with me and to think she's doing that with someone else is traumatic to me
Actions need to have consequences, good Dr. Let that sink in for a minute. It's not "punish the person who hurt you," it's establish that actions have consequences. Without those consequences, the odds are that the unfaithful spouse will repeat the infidelity.
@Hamann9631 My apologies, but that's not the point. In the video, he's saying that the underlying reason most people divorce a cheating spouse is to "punish the person who hurt you." It's not. It's because it is the direct consequence of the *actions and choices* of the cheating spouse. The fact is, the betrayed spouse will never be able to trust the cheating spouse again. Such a situation is going to be awkward, at best. Many of my former students have gone through this, and those that tried to reconcile later regretted it.
@@roberteugene7295 I stayed with my husband after there was unfaithfulness- it was not easy, but the hurt leveled out after about 18 months. He was more kind and considerate to me than ever. I would not have been able to handle any infidelity a second time, and told him so - that was made clear. He died several years later, and was faithful the whole time. Every situation is different - things should be dealt with according to the situation
I love how another person can use your spouse as a carnival ride and just walk away with a big smile. Getting caught is the traumatic part for cheaters… not the betrayal. Trying to be intimate with your spouse after she/he cheats and seeing the look of disappointment in her face when your finished is something I have zero interest in. She demonstrated who was important to their heart… just can’t change it because they got caught
@nok427 it is only when you get caught or when you confess about the affair that you see the pain you have caused. Whilst the affair was hidden, there was deceit but no pain.
According to what I read many spouses never get caught or tell. Is that what you don’t know will not hurt you? There are reasons one cheats….that needs to be unearthed!
A cheater will cheat again and again and again....marriage of 30 years praying didn’t stop him from serial cheating counseling didn’t stop him...I believe in trying to save a marriage however I went through a lot of pain and abuse for decades!!!!! Leave and let God heal you....and if healing occurs on both sides then maybe reconciliation.
That’s not true a cheater will not always cheat... I have done things and I have changed PERIODT... I don’t even like to think about the things I’ve thought and done
I tried to forgive and understand why it happened rather than focusing on it happening, but what I ended up with was my spouse feeling like I was the one needing to prove I was good enough for him to stay loyal and receiving pictures and being told details about these girls he was cheating with so that he could control me and destroy me completely. It took me a year to realize he wasnt gonna change and 3+ years later Im left battling anxiety, panic attacks, self esteem issues, trust issues and depressive episodes...what for? I forgave him for my own well being, and forgave myself too, but never again will I try and take back someone who cheated on me. Once a cheater always a cheater. Im Sorry.
I hope you can heal from all the hurt. I will say it will be easier to heal by moving on with your life than staying in a broken marriage waiting for the betrayer to change. I suffered for years and years with depression, trust, anxiety.
Maybe you are right. I decided to stay with my wife, at least for now. I found out she was cheating on 12/29/2022. She admitted that night and she did not deny strongly for more than 26 days. Now she is denying anything. But she is still promising not to do anything like that again. I believe her. I decided to stay. But I must be ready to go if I feel something not right
My wife blaming me lot of things. It was all my fault that she sleep with somebody else. She even threatened me she would go back to that guy two days ago.
Unfaithfulness, adultery, lies. That’s not love. Leave the cheater in God’s hands, by no means seek revenge, God will take care of that. If you must leave, do so. Pray and fast, so you can make the right decision. Pray for the cheater, for they have cursed their life.
about a year ago, i found out that my husband cheated on me with my own maid. a maid who used to live in my house and took care of my kids. i also found out they had a baby. my kids are only 7 and 9 yo. i'm still confused of what i should do. i'm still with him only for the kids. because i think they need a complete and happy family. while in the other side it made me want to vomit every time i see his face. it made me depressed. i constantly had a nightmare and not energized every time i woke up in the morning.
How come your kids can have a happy family when you are not happy? You teach them they have to stay in their marriage even if they are not happy. Believe me, sooner or later your emotion will cause you a serious health problem. Mind can't be separated from the body.
Staying together for the kids isnt gonna make anything better. The hurt will hurt them in the long end. It's not your fault for what he did. You're worth so much more and deserve someone that values you. Dont settle for less
10-10-10.....you forgive your spouse 1× he cheats again, then cheats again....30-30-30???? Seriously. .....why always the one that has been hurt and humiliated has to think about the kids, the cheater and everyone. 😭💔
My wife cheated then shared she never thought of the consequences while she was cheating. Would have been nice if SHE was the one using 10-10-10 before she started the affair..
It's not the kids, they will grow up and leave, it's mere survival, you can't make it on a single income without going on government assistance...simple as that, the odds of finding someone better are remote at best
This is great advice! A relationship/marriage CAN be restored and even be WAY better than ever! I’ve been through it myself, but I will say that it does depend on if the cheater is truly agonizing and remorseful for what they did…willing to go to counseling and work on making something beautiful out of something so dark and wicked. If the cheater is immature and isn’t accepting the blame, that is a big sign to me that they aren’t wanting to build something better. Of course cheating usually isn’t just a one way street but the horrible decision(s) must be owned by the cheater and they must be willing to do anything to repair the devastation they caused.
Cheers for the Video clip! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would love your opinion. Have you ever tried - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (erm, check it on google should be there)? It is a good exclusive guide for learning how to stop divorce minus the headache. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my mate after many years got cool results with it.
This will certainly favor those with damage self-esteem. Not me. Haven't had my ex wife sleep out out of the marrital home for over one month and finding out she was sleeping at another man's house was enough for me to divorce her, you can forgive a cheater as much as you like, when the time comes around, most will surely cheat as many times as you can forgive them. So get rid of those cheater immediately Trust is as Fragile as a glass, once it's broken it's broken
It's not the same. I'm speaking about putting your heart and soul into someone and they trampled it . Let them stay with the people that they cheated with.
I can confirm my marriage is much better than it used to be before or during the betrayal. We have both changed so even if we are the same people, but we are completely different. This is my "second marriage" with the same person, a different relationship with the same person.
Yes, I know someone that had an affair over 20 years ago in the first five years of their marriage. She made the necessary changes by changing her life And is free from committing the act again.
My spouse of 25 years cheated on me and unfortunately he didn't want to work it out he wanted to try and make it work with the woman he cheated with, but what shocked me was how easily he not only walked away from me but his son as well
A spouse who cheated leaves the one who's cheated, not the other way around. If the person who cheats wants to leave, nothing the other person does can prevent that. I pray that person who cheats will learn hard from their behaviour.
My wife of 20 years cheated on me because I treat her like shit and didn’t respect her and I was broken hearted but I forgive her and she regretted also so bad for what she did and we are better now then before .I change alot of course and I feel bad for pushing her into somebody else’s arms by the way I treated her !Lesson learn
I admire you for your strength it takes so much courage and patience to forgive and to changed. We all make mistakes. Nobody in this world is perfect but yes indeed lessons learned and by forgiving and acknowledging your mistakes gives you peace of mind and happiness. We always have to remember that God always forgive us in all mistakes we do.
From my life experiences and what I have observed that cheaters don't stop cheating. Some marry the person they cheated on with and they also cheat on that person. If they didn't respect their own marriage they are not going to respect other people's marriages.
I've been with my husband 10.5yrs & married almost 7 of those years. There was a lot of infidelity throughout my marriage. I stayed & tried even after the 1st time. I fought as hard & as long as I could for my marriage. But I can't keep fighting alone. My husband now lives with another woman. Divorce court is December 4th. 😞
Sounds like you gave it your best. Having a clear conscience in this matter will hold much value for you down the road. Never look back, look ahead, for yourself. Thoughts are with you.
Not mentioning. you a lot of women are influenced by outsiders and treat their husbands badly even denying them sex in the marriage although it should not make make the man look elsewhere nit see ex is good for a proper health condition a d ones heart performance.
How about staying married, forgiving your cheating partner for your own peace of mind but live your life as a single ? That way you dont get betrayed again and hurt again.
I simply dont understand what marriage exists when you stay married and live single. For what and why?? It means you are pretty= much bound to that cheater.
You are so correct. You just can not trust again and for no amount of financial security or companionship or whatever do you want to take a chance to get hurt again. With what I went through I would never remarry if my wife divorced me or passed away.
After Cheating there is no trust!. And when there is not trust it's like making house on the air, when there are kids it will be hard to move on but when there no kid forgive and move on
If I divorce I keep myself respect, I don’t have to worry the other half is cheating every time they are out sight. Children are better most of the time as they do not see their parents fighting. By divorcing you show the children right from wrong and that cheaters do not get away with it. Oh 34 years happily divorced.
How I wish I had heard this so long ago before I filed for divorce. Everything that's been said in this video is so so true. People, if you feel there is hope (and believe me the great majority of the time there is but we are too blinded by anger and self-pity) seek professional advice before throwing your marriage out the window.
Sunk cost fallacy - describes the tendency to follow through on an endeavor because of the time/money/effort you've invested into already. Even when the benefits no longer outweigh the cost and the endeavor seems unlikely to succeed you can find yourself still putting time and effort into trying to make things work. I'm not saying that's how it always is but it is something to look out for
There are instances where it's okay to give it another try, but if they are serial cheaters it's not one of them. People with addictive natures, dishonesty, self hatred, and the inability to confess that they have a problem will not change. You're fooling yourself and breaking your own heart.
I always enjoy your videos! I am the betrayed spouse and actually SHE decided to file for divorce without even trying to work on our marriage. She claims the affair has stopped (which is a lie). I've given up on trying to make her do anything for recovery work. It's sad but she thinks the grass is greener on the other side.
I'm also the betrayed spouse and she also won't work on us, she quit and walked away. After we each knew we were meant to be together, I am crushed and just don't understand how she would want to try to replace me with another. My healing after 4 months is non-existent; pain only gets worse. I hold onto hope but it feels hopeless. I don't know how much longer I can take this pain. It needs to end one way or the other.
My soon to be ex-wife pulled the same maneuver. With regard to the grass is always greener attitude, it definitely is but only because there is more crap on it. The thing is that the giving up on the marriage by the betrayed spouse creates an interesting dynamic. I no longer fight with her, I don't get upset when she is over at his house and because of this she is slowly starting to drop her resentment towards me and we even occasionally have a laugh. I don't want the divorce in the slightest but there is also a point where you have to realise that trying to pull them back towards you is just not going to work. Focus on yourself be the best version of yourself and it will come to a point where they realise what they have lost. I am a non-advocate for divorce as I believe that when you commit to another person through marriage it is for life (Except for abuse). Marriage has become disposable which is sad and I do wish I wasn't in the position I am in (As you do) but you cannot force people to stay. Be true to yourself. The pain will go away and it may open up new avenues, it certainly has for me.
I never thought my husband would do that. Had he been honest I would have told him I wasn’t in love with him anymore and I was just staying because he was always there for me. I felt i owed him. It’s so fresh right now. I’m not hurt. Just pissed. I wasted so much time being married to him when I could have built myself a new life by now.
@@ladya3038 I think you may need to read the OP’s comment again, after you watch the video. The OP never thought her husband would do that. She never loved him (probably why he cheated) She ADMITTED that she was staying with him for security!!! Is that acceptable to you? 🤦♂️
My tears just keep falling watching this video of Dr. Joe. My husband revealed to me last May 18, 2019 that he cheated on me and that he and his lover bore a child. I was so sad..it was so painful i feel really hurt I feel like my breath stops. It was so hard to accept it. I was crying for 3 days and lose my appetite to eat and i can't sleep well. I was thinking, what was lacking in our marriage because I thought we're okay. I have been a good wife and a good mom to our kids. I didn't noticed that he already cheated on me. But my husband was so sorry and he said he wanted to save our marriage and he choose me and our kids. This video ease my pain a little bit and made me realized that I am doing the right thing...to forgive my husband and grovel our marriage. But I have this doubt in my mind that what if he will do it again? My trust was no longer like before. May the Lord help me accept what happened and be happy again with my husband. I love him and our kids..i want to spend my whole life with him i just wish he will not do it again.
@@mikmikulec8772 I agree. That's what I've been watching for a week now. my husband repeatedly cheated on me too. And Injust caught him 2 wks ago. At the beginning he is willing to fix our marriage. He said he is very sorry.. I dont knowing he is sorry that he's caught. I cannot feel the sincerity all the time, not consistent with his actions. He most of the time says he'll do things to save our marriage but doesnt act on what he has promised. I've been very emotional and devastated. I've never experience catching him right on the spot doing his dirty thing but this time its completely different. I never thought it going to hurt this much. Weve been in and out of our relationship for 3 years now coz of his sexual addictions that he doesnt recognized. I kept on trying to forgive my husband but right now, indont even know what to do anymore. He left me 4 days ago. He didnt go to the other girl. He just went back to his old town instead. Somehow part of me think that he will eventually go to her affair partner which will hurt me a lot for sure. I still love my husband. Indont like to do the divorce. I just wish he will stop things that he's been doing and start to seek some help. He admitted he does know knownthat he's got some problems with his anger as well as sexual addiction after her saw how I reacted on this last time he got caught... but once again, how since he is with his words about admitting his fault,,,, that part is very questionable as he doesn follow through. I kept kn praying to God to change my husband. I want our marriage to work but I am also terrified to go through his abusive behavior. I know I deserve a better treatment and to have a loving husband. I just wish he changed is ways and start loving me the way he should and be a man and take accountability for his actions.
God bless you. I hope and pray that your marriage is restored. Put it all in God's hands and seek to hear his voice. If your partner is truly repentant and yearns after God as well, I believe your marriage can be salvaged and restored and renewed.
Irish Hopkins: If there is physical abuse involved then your marriage prblem is in a great dilemma because emotional and psychological are much harder to handle how much more if it is accompanied with physical abuse. Think and choose wisely!
My wife had an affair too. One thing that helped with thinking "what if" is trusting myself that if she didn't again, sure I'll be hurt but I'll be done with her and I tried my best. My mind still wanders with thoughts and I still get very angry but I'm trying. It's a process, hang in there. It's the hardest thing you'll ever attempt and it's ok to feel what ever you feel. Remember that
I'm nearly 60 yrs old, I still remember how my cheating father disrespected my mother. It wasn't easy judge ordered him to pay $10 per child in child support. I wouldn't have had it any other way struggling for food was easier than watching him belittle my mother. Keep that in mind.
I had a husband who cheated on me for years so he and I parted now he is on his own with no one with no were to live he deserve everything that he gets he left me homeless with nothing and 3 children to look after I will never forget or forgive and it made me stronger I have no respect for him and no regrets
I stayed 18 years at that point he cheated overseas. His guilt caught up with him. I have a handicapped son. 46 years we lasted. A woman made a bee line for him at his bosses child's baptism,.the bosses wife introduced her friend to him. She even picked him up at his hotel. She went twice in that week. The bosses wife was jealous of us. He never said sorry. Went through tests to make sure I had no vd. He was lucky I stayed. I never respected him after that. Hard to live with too he had narcissistic traits too. But I saved hard for old age. He died riddled with cancer two years ago. I have peace and told the bosses wife what I thought of her too.
Thank you for the kind words!! we hope you find all of our videos helpful. Is there any specific video you might like to see us create to help you through your situation? We've love to know. Also, please call our office at 1 (866) 903 - 0990 to talk to one of our client representatives! We would love to help in any way that we can. -Marriage Helper
@@MarriageHelper Thank you , but I dont need help , my problem happened a few years ago, and unfortunately my husband passed away suddenly, after many infidelity and him coming to realize his mistakes, it was to late, but we had three days together to be together after 24 years together with alot of problems with wrong desicions and affairs on hos side, but I truely believe he did change toward the end , a.or wanted to but like I said to late, but ill always be grateful that I was there until the end , always loved and always will. But just thought I could give some insight for our youngers generations today, that are so lost and hurt today by all wrong desicions, because time not on there side , even if they young and dont realize it . The devil has many faces , but Only God can help and show you the face of evil, wrong lust , and bad , if you realy are a believer .
Just don't let yourself get run over any more.. they have to earn you and your trust, you have to focus on you for a while. It's so hard but it gets better I promise, even if the marriage can't be saved, you'll come out the other side so much stronger if you do the work, I promise
Most people are Narcissis they don’t apologize and they’re not sorry one bit they blame you meanwhile you did nothing but try to make the marriage work
Beautifully put and honest my husband had cheated for 23 of our 26 years (I never suspected anything) and yet somehow it's all my fault. Revenge is however not the answer.
In my own understanding,a man with fear of God would never cheats their wife's and i have such married friends and a woman with fear of God would never drink with any male friends if not her husband nomatter how much she trusted them and only fear of God makes people honest,trust and doing good even when people offended them or talk bad about them
Listen to this fool's advice at your own peril. I kept taking similar advice and endured years and years of unnecessary suffering and financial loss. You can't un-ring a bell, you can't un-betray your spouse. Cut your losses and move on.
My husband cheated and I chose to forgive him,just because I also sin differently and God forgives me unconditionally,I know it may sound 🤔🙄,but yes I forgave and praying for my marriage
Me to,I want to fix my marriage.. but I just can't get past the image of what another person touching my wife looks like,No I didn't see pictures or anything,but I know how she is in bed with me and to see that but with someone else is too much for me to be ok with
Worrying about "things" and losing friends are foolish things to consider. Money can be recouped, things can be replaced and friends come and go. You lose people you thought were with you, and find support where you didn't imagine. Kids? absolutely. Thing is, many spouses are unrepentant, don't want to salvage things. Pull the trigger.
Just listen to what the man says listen to what’s in your heart people make mistakes all the time I went through it I was married for eight years. My wife needed a break we weren’t getting along. I was a horrible husband and she slept with somebody it’s really really hard, I still think about it every day but seven years later we’re more in love and stronger than we’ve ever been
I wouldn’t recommend staying with a unfaithful spouse I stayed because of kids being small and financially it would have been a disaster we stayed together and I wouldn’t recommend it
Follow this guy's advice if you want to give up your pride, dignity, and self worth. How well will you family center work if you possess none of these traits.
I agree with you 100%! His advise is basically setting a person up to be duped again! It is terrible advise! I know a couple right now who started together after an affair, and now he’s cheated on her again and again and again and everyone knows it but she pretends he’s faithful. When me and my friends asked him why he keeps this up he says he’s trying to protect the children.😳 Basically, by lying to them and their mother because he thinks divorce will hurt the kids and also, his wife is crazy co-dependent on him fir everything like a child. Such a totally unhealthy dynamic. I think most people aren’t awake enough to even actually understand what real marriage is! This guy is definitely not helping.
what if they cheated and say they are sorry but wont delete the app they cheated on and tell you its non of your business? red flag? really not sorry? thats how i take it
The ultimate horror pain and terror , never imagined this happening to me. People that say dovorve doesn’t impact kids are retarted I remember my parents arguing a few times and was so scared and depressing as a kid
Divorce impacts them but you know what impacts them more? Living in a toxic home with no trust and arguments everyday. Sometime physical and mental abuse. It damages you for life.
HERAKLES Its the most painful thing any child can go through, there safetynet, there safe place are toxic, and scary, and threatened. I do agree to some extend its beter than to be away from such situations, bit that creates so much more hurt for the child in new situations, confused, feeling its there fault. Its sad very very sad
When a person cheats they open another door! A double-minded is unstable in all his/her ways. They do not cherish you ...as long as you can rise above the carnal ways it's cool....just know that this person that's cheating on you doesn't mind breaking your heart weather they know it or not!
Agree with you. My wife broke me emotionally for years with her open in my face carousing with her “boss” lover. Of course it finally came out she had a 7 year long affair with him. I stayed for the kids. She did not give a F about how much she was hurting me. Years later she starts in my face flirting with a business associate. Of course we fought about that. So why invest more emotions into this person.
I empathize with you. I am going through the same horrible nightmare myself. I will be fasting and praying for you and your loved ones. You are not alone. God bless
Hey @michellefajardo7571, Just out of curiosity, have you taken advantage of our free mini course? We know times are tough and want to provide as much as we can to you free of charge. That's why we created this free mini course. It will teach you how to get your spouse back and give you a plan moving forward! You can get access to it directly by following this link: your.marriagehelper.com/how-to-get-your-spouse-back-mini-course
Im here hcoz my wife cheated on me. She said shes sorry and wants to save our marriage. I forgave her. But the thoughts of her giving herself to someone still haunts me.
but what if she gives you conditions to stay and come back to you..without any signs of repentence or deep sorry? what if she is rather taking you for granted than feeling sorry for cheating on you?
You deserve respect, and if she is carrying on as nathing has happend, you must talk to her and tell her what you see and feel, and if you feel the trust is not been respectlfully returned ,she must go , or sit and talk
@@kevintomich6445 You decide if you can and want to continue, according to the bible she cimmited adultry and you can divorce her, depends if your love for her is bigger and you can and want to forgive het and move on, otherwise forgive and let her go.
My husband of 17yrs cheated on me for over 2 years with his coworker and she happened to be married as well. He told me he doesn’t have passion or love me anymore. I tried to stay for our 15yrs old daughter but it hurts so bad that I don’t know if I can stay. Please help
People are different, and circumstances are different. Each person should decide for himself/herself, and their decision should be respected by the outsiders. From the three reasons he cited, only the kids part resonates with me.
Why does the betrayed have to carry this burden in fixing the relationship? They cheated on their own but when it comes to fixing the betrayed have to be a part of it?that is effing unfair.
One word = Life is messed up as a" crack in glass" which cannot be made as it was before but can be managed and lived as it is with self motivation and right decisions .Natural death comes one day and its over.
It was easy for me to divorce my ex-wife when she cheated. She was not helpful around the house anyways. Plus no children were involved. There was no remorse at all. I hope she is happy but I'm happily divorced.
THE CHEATER LEFT THE RELATIONSHIP WHEN HE/SHE BROKE THEIR VOW So the burden is of keeping a sham together is on the victim?? God will bless those who have faith enough to LEAVE SIN and follow righteousness. My children will also learn this lesson by proper modeling
Every time you look at them, you’ll be seeing that lying, manipulative cheater! Every time you see them you’ll be reminded of what they did to you, and no matter what you do, you will never, ever truly trust them again!!!!
Most of the comments are having frustrations and anger. He is not enforcing his thoughts and process upon anyone. He is just telling something and it's upto us wthr to make it or break it. As he said: Hurt-Anger-Rage This is so true and in the end we are all here to learn the lessons. The ones who are cheating and the ones who are getting cheated. Everyone is on his/her journey. Being married doesn't mean that your journies are same. It's just that you share almost everything including your bodies in some cases your heart and soul but the journies are still different. I wish all the best to everyone. Forgive and forget. MOVE ON with a smile. (Not necessarily with the same person) :)) Good Luck 👍
Indeed, Children get the effects of separation. so did their lives also get affected when parents keep fighting and staying upset in marriage? Don't you think those parents are setting a bad married couple example for their children???
my husband file for DIVORCE, THIS IS VERY PAINFUL...mine is. not cheating its just miscommunication , i love him and i am praying-to god to restore my marriage
Thank you so much for opening my eyes! I was reluctant to hear what you had to say because I have made up my mind wirhout considering your brilliant perspective. G8d bless you Sir!
Why can’t people just have an adult conversation, “I don’t love you any more, I’m leaving” without all the social stigma? If you realize you don’t want to be with your spouse anymore, why cheat? Just end things honestly and go live your best life
Because cheaters have no honesty, if they were they wouldn't cheat in the first place.
If it were so simple to destroy 27 years,where there is no shock, no casualties, and no taxes/ finances...ect
most people don't know what to live for, so they hold onto something like marriage, or they simply don't have the ability to live by themselves. they rather stay in a bad marriage than stay single.
They want it all, and believe they deserve it. Didn't you watch the video? Divorce is expensive, keep the safe harbor and have your adventures on the side.
Exactly my point, I sample don’t get it why you have betrays someone you claim you loved before you can let them go,
I chose to repair my marriage after my husband had an affair in 1983 as newly weds, then in 1993 he had another affair and moved in with her. It was a hard 10 years in between. He cried and asked for another chance after both of them. Now married for 42 years to him, I see the only emotionally distraught, depressed, not trusting anyone pathetic one, is me. He has remained happy and carefree, taking trips without me having a fulfilling life and thinking of no one but himself. I gave him my youth and my heart. Think long and hard about that 10 -10-10 I pray all of you have a better life than me.
You are such a precious woman and God will reward you be strong and may God give you peace
I feel for you. After 15 years, my wife did the same. I eventually took her back as I loved her more than life, but life has been miserable ever since. But since I am true to my vows and God does not like a divorcing, I stayed.
Sorry that you had to live that way
@@GilliamzGurl Thank you for your your sweet comment. It came at a time I was having a pity party for myself. Your comment brightened my day. Now he is 74 years old, claiming he wants to make each and every day better for us. It is comforting he says this. I am 69 and looking forward to a peaceful, loving husband once and for all. I hope you have a good, happy, wonderful life. regards, J
@@janofokc hey there! u got this.. i dont know if he will be there for you or not.. but i pray sincerely, that you find peace.. With or without him.. i hope u find ur inner happiness for ur days ahead.. god bless..
When a glass is broken, however you patch it, would never be the same again. Just like a marriage. When one betrays, the agony and pain stay forever even when forgiveness is handed.
It can also be blown into more beautiful glass all about perspective maybe it’s not the person that got cheated on fault but the person that cheated and their insecurities
True, but people don't stay the same anyways, otherwise the cheating would not have taken place in the first place
@@dessirejenkins721 Humans don't usually appreciate forgiveness they take it as you are naive and easy to fool. They think that thay will get away fooling you everytime. So don't trust people like those.
When a glass breaks...TRASH IT....just sayin
I don’t use glass because is a non living things and I use wound as an example because it’s our own flesh that got the feeling so once I got heart broken by my spouse I reminded myself that it heard but it will held again even though my spouse apologize im still heard but not right away little by little to forget and to be happy again.
I like this speaker, he feels like he gives good “dad advice”, really tells it like it is. It is important to fight for your family, but at the same time if it makes you sick...it is important to fight for yourself first.
instaBlaster.
Someone who cheats on their spouse has no respect or love for the spouse. They just worry they will not have someone around to clean the gutters on the house.
@@harrymcnicholas844 This
Don’t forget, change the brakes on the van
I was cheated on by my ex wife it was financial infidelity, i let my emotions get the best of me and so I filed for divorce, I now wish I never divorced her, she was and still is a good woman who made a big mistake but also who deserved a second chance, my children are now adults but they had it extremely hard even though I was always there for them financially, physically and emotionally it was never the same... may God forgive me for not forgiving my wife as the Lord requested 70X7.
Once the dignity and trust of either partner is damaged ,it shall stay with you and back of your mind rest of your life
Totally agrees
true
This is very true, as I live this reality each day. I'm still with my wife and I have forgiven but things will always be different going forward. I trust and verify. The cheating also made me change my habits. I now work out and I take better care of myself. I believe my wife is worried I may do the same as what she did to me...cheat. Although I would not do this, I think she needs to feel a sense of urgency to "hold on" since I was faithful and I made a choice to "keep".
close to 80% of partners cheat, yet you do not see 80% divorce, why because the dating world is even worse
This is not true and really depends on each relationship and person and weither you do the right work to repair and build a new and better relationship. I think the reason most people feel this way is they don't do the right work together and apart to heal and grow together.
This is a wonderful advice. Pity he didn't give advice about how to deal with the emotional pain that seems to grow everyday, making me confused, sick, and depressed. Betrayal makes you question the integrity of everything and everyone. For the sake of my child I am doing which I consider the impossible: which is business as usual, and I guess for my sake too, because I can not endure the emotional pain. It has projected to a physical pain and I am suffering big time with aches and pain and poor health. God I am doing your will as to not breaking this marriage. Please help me and envelope me with your grace and love. Please show me the path to heal emotionally and physically.
I am right here, right now. I’ve been physically sick ever since i found out last week.
Amen
In Jesus name amen
I find myself in the same lifeboat. I fell back on Jesus and stayed. 20 years later, not a day goes by without thinking on it. Found out on our 24th anniversary. Married 46 yrs. now. Prayer helps. But to forgive is a tough one.
Praying for you
It takes two to fight for the marriage. People who cheat really don’t care about their partner. If they did…they would care about hurting their other partner.
@Bayan Santiago The same but I’m trusting God that one day he’s going to change!!
Its not that cut in dry, my husband had an affair, he is also an addict, he also has childhood trauma and no self worth, drugs make people do things they would normally not do, I know my husband loves me and he knows I love him, the affair was about sex, it hurt me and he seen how it hurt me, now he is in jail and off drugs and reality of everything is hitting him.
Not true or accurate. People are fallible and make errors
Gkad you trust Giod but Gid is not going to impinge on another’s free will. Assume the partner you have will never change. Are you living a false hope or reality. Your cheating partner nees reality. A Pollyanna aproach, although you consider it grace, is just sticking your head in the sand.
Honestly, my husband cheated on me for no reason. When I talk about third party he supports her more. So, how?
This isn't 3 reasons not to devorce. This is 3 questions to ask yourself to find your own 3 reasons!
Crazy I’m trying to move forward and forgive but it’s so hard when the reality is still replaying in your head 😮
Hey VIBE WITH ALYSSA MONE, we are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, what you have described is very common to what we see and deal with on a regular basis with the couples we work with. Because of situations like yours, we actually created a course designed to help you save your marriage! It's the Save My Marriage Course Membership! It's 12 in-depth video lessons designed to teach you exactly what to do to save your marriage. You also get the included workbook, a private online support group, discounts on coaching packages, and even private live support calls and trainings with Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Holmes!
If you're about to give up, please consider getting this membership first! Find out more here:
bit.ly/3EXzcKn
@@vibewithAlyssaMone Hang in there. Give it time, it will get better. You will not forget but the pain will get less.
@@WhyIneedGoogleHandle yes a year later I’m a lot better thanks
I would rather be alone than be with a cheater. I don't care if I never find someone ever again, if you cheat, we are done.
@Rose smith No one is perfect and we should learn to forgive each other.
You are wise. It is an unforgivable offense. Or maybe I can forgive him, but I would still leave him. Just because you forgive doesn't mean you have to continue to be married
@@Nhamo3 yes, forgive other only to be deceived again.
'Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me', ever heard this wise piece of advice ?
@@cherylblackman6738 particularly for adultery.
The only reason I believe you should stay in the marriage is if you have children. Of course if the spouse is a narcissist or abuser, get out regardless if you have children. You can not change a narcissist.
How do you get over the fact that your spouse was intimate with someone else? That someone else touched your spouse in places and ways only you are supposed to?
You don't you accept it for what it was. An affair. It already happened. If you live in the past it will haunt your future. Make the decision to consciously become your own alpha in mind. Don't fight yourself over decisions you don't know the outcome of. You do not know the outcome of any decisions good or bad so you have to accept that with every decision there is risk. If you truly love someone or something you make very risky decisions and stick your neck out to get what you want. If you love your wife and you remember how you did all these things and how you made her feel intimately the first time around then make the best decision of all. Forgive yourself. When you do that you stop letting the infidelity affect you and you have a clear mind. Then you can loon at all the facts. Yeah she may have enjoyed herself but the main thing behind it is it was a distraction from what she really wanted. It was you. She wanted you to touch her the way you used to, she wanted you to kiss her the way you uses to etc. Don't take the blame for her actions but take responsibility for what you stopped doing. The same things you did to get her are the same things you do to keep her and i am speaking from personal experience.
You have to ask yourself to get the answer.....
How do you repair your marriage if my wife cheated on me and gods Only knows how far she got she said it was nothing more like a friendship but I think she’s holding back from telling me what really happened i’ve got the text and photos .don’t know what to do.
@@HandsomePrince321 great reply. ❤️
God.. that is a great question.. im asking myself this right now while being separated and watching this video.. i can't get the image of what "I think" this situation looks like,i know how she is in bed with me and to think she's doing that with someone else is traumatic to me
Actions need to have consequences, good Dr. Let that sink in for a minute. It's not "punish the person who hurt you," it's establish that actions have consequences. Without those consequences, the odds are that the unfaithful spouse will repeat the infidelity.
This Dr is a self admitted cheater so take everything on this channel in through that lense
@@terintiaflavius3349 does he indicate how many times that happened or if it continued after it was uncovered?
Roberteugene7295. This doctor isn't an anti-divorce extremist.
@Hamann9631
My apologies, but that's not the point. In the video, he's saying that the underlying reason most people divorce a cheating spouse is to "punish the person who hurt you." It's not. It's because it is the direct consequence of the *actions and choices* of the cheating spouse.
The fact is, the betrayed spouse will never be able to trust the cheating spouse again. Such a situation is going to be awkward, at best. Many of my former students have gone through this, and those that tried to reconcile later regretted it.
@@roberteugene7295 I stayed with my husband after there was unfaithfulness- it was not easy, but the hurt leveled out after about 18 months. He was more kind and considerate to me than ever.
I would not have been able to handle any infidelity a second time, and told him so - that was made clear.
He died several years later, and was faithful the whole time.
Every situation is different - things should be dealt with according to the situation
I did it twice, and was believing it would get better. It happened again and again. Nothing really changed. Nothing got better.
I love how another person can use your spouse as a carnival ride and just walk away with a big smile. Getting caught is the traumatic part for cheaters… not the betrayal. Trying to be intimate with your spouse after she/he cheats and seeing the look of disappointment in her face when your finished is something I have zero interest in. She demonstrated who was important to their heart… just can’t change it because they got caught
@nok427 it is only when you get caught or when you confess about the affair that you see the pain you have caused. Whilst the affair was hidden, there was deceit but no pain.
According to what I read many spouses never get caught or tell. Is that what you don’t know will not hurt you? There are reasons one cheats….that needs to be unearthed!
I respectfully disagree you should NEVER stay with someone who doesnt respect you.
I am so sitting on the fence.
I agree completely Johnny. Once another dog has been in my bun…it’s over!
Exactly
It’s got more to do with egos.
@@johnnymorrison9808 it’s a lot harder then you think
A cheater will cheat again and again and again....marriage of 30 years praying didn’t stop him from serial cheating counseling didn’t stop him...I believe in trying to save a marriage however I went through a lot of pain and abuse for decades!!!!! Leave and let God heal you....and if healing occurs on both sides then maybe reconciliation.
Trying to save my marriage.. But it's so difficult to save when you have other partner in chati spree...
Is that the cheating bastard in your picture 😮?
nope. we succeeded.
They make you feel like it's your fault that they can't stop cheating
That’s not true a cheater will not always cheat... I have done things and I have changed PERIODT... I don’t even like to think about the things I’ve thought and done
I tried to forgive and understand why it happened rather than focusing on it happening, but what I ended up with was my spouse feeling like I was the one needing to prove I was good enough for him to stay loyal and receiving pictures and being told details about these girls he was cheating with so that he could control me and destroy me completely. It took me a year to realize he wasnt gonna change and 3+ years later Im left battling anxiety, panic attacks, self esteem issues, trust issues and depressive episodes...what for? I forgave him for my own well being, and forgave myself too, but never again will I try and take back someone who cheated on me. Once a cheater always a cheater. Im Sorry.
I hope you can heal from all the hurt. I will say it will be easier to heal by moving on with your life than staying in a broken marriage waiting for the betrayer to change. I suffered for years and years with depression, trust, anxiety.
Maybe you are right. I decided to stay with my wife, at least for now. I found out she was cheating on 12/29/2022. She admitted that night and she did not deny strongly for more than 26 days. Now she is denying anything. But she is still promising not to do anything like that again. I believe her. I decided to stay. But I must be ready to go if I feel something not right
heal and move on
He is Not sorry, not one bit
My wife blaming me lot of things. It was all my fault that she sleep with somebody else. She even threatened me she would go back to that guy two days ago.
Unfaithfulness, adultery, lies. That’s not love. Leave the cheater in God’s hands, by no means seek revenge, God will take care of that. If you must leave, do so. Pray and fast, so you can make the right decision. Pray for the cheater, for they have cursed their life.
Amen! That’s great advice.
Thank you
about a year ago, i found out that my husband cheated on me with my own maid. a maid who used to live in my house and took care of my kids. i also found out they had a baby. my kids are only 7 and 9 yo. i'm still confused of what i should do. i'm still with him only for the kids. because i think they need a complete and happy family. while in the other side it made me want to vomit every time i see his face. it made me depressed. i constantly had a nightmare and not energized every time i woke up in the morning.
I hear this happening so many times and I will never ever have a maid. I'm so sorry.
How come your kids can have a happy family when you are not happy?
You teach them they have to stay in their marriage even if they are not happy. Believe me, sooner or later your emotion will cause you a serious health problem. Mind can't be separated from the body.
Stop using kids to be a door mat. Many people do it.
Staying together for the kids isnt gonna make anything better. The hurt will hurt them in the long end. It's not your fault for what he did. You're worth so much more and deserve someone that values you. Dont settle for less
No one will be happy in such toxic family dynamics
10-10-10.....you forgive your spouse 1× he cheats again, then cheats again....30-30-30???? Seriously. .....why always the one that has been hurt and humiliated has to think about the kids, the cheater and everyone. 😭💔
That's a good point. Why is that all on the person who was hurt and not the one who did the hurting?
My wife cheated then shared she never thought of the consequences while she was cheating. Would have been nice if SHE was the one using 10-10-10 before she started the affair..
Because the decision to keep the marriage together rests on you.
It's not the kids, they will grow up and leave, it's mere survival, you can't make it on a single income without going on government assistance...simple as that, the odds of finding someone better are remote at best
@@thomasjust2663 I'm not broke. I can survive on just my income
This is great advice! A relationship/marriage CAN be restored and even be WAY better than ever! I’ve been through it myself, but I will say that it does depend on if the cheater is truly agonizing and remorseful for what they did…willing to go to counseling and work on making something beautiful out of something so dark and wicked. If the cheater is immature and isn’t accepting the blame, that is a big sign to me that they aren’t wanting to build something better. Of course cheating usually isn’t just a one way street but the horrible decision(s) must be owned by the cheater and they must be willing to do anything to repair the devastation they caused.
She cheated and doesn’t feel bad about it so she’s not worth it!
Brianna La Reyna how can you help? We’ve been separated for almost a year?
Lmbo
Cheers for the Video clip! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would love your opinion. Have you ever tried - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (erm, check it on google should be there)? It is a good exclusive guide for learning how to stop divorce minus the headache. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my mate after many years got cool results with it.
There is someone who wants you when others don’t
This guy and his presentation is just perfect. I don't think I have ever heard someone with better communication skills then this guy.
That’s when life becomes harder. But truth is that will never leave your heart forever
This will certainly favor those with damage self-esteem. Not me. Haven't had my ex wife sleep out out of the marrital home for over one month and finding out she was sleeping at another man's house was enough for me to divorce her, you can forgive a cheater as much as you like, when the time comes around, most will surely cheat as many times as you can forgive them. So get rid of those cheater immediately Trust is as Fragile as a glass, once it's broken it's broken
But everyone breaks trust. Everyone betrays us at some point in life whether it's your spouse, parent, friend or child
It's not the same. I'm speaking about putting your heart and soul into someone and they trampled it . Let them stay with the people that they cheated with.
@@josephrussell4625 I can introduce you to a man who can bring your ex back permanently without delay..he can also help you with divorce
@@josephrussell4625 Text him on whaxappi
Not interested!
I can confirm my marriage is much better than it used to be before or during the betrayal. We have both changed so even if we are the same people, but we are completely different. This is my "second marriage" with the same person, a different relationship with the same person.
Hmmm.
you cheater or cheated?
Congratulations, I don't know who you are but I'm so happy for you.
I can confirm that the cheating spouse is still cheating 😂
Did you punish the other person who was involved with your partner?
Most people continue to cheat. After you take them back is it really worth it to be hurt all over again
😭😭😭
Facts please.. Not opinions
Yes, I know someone that had an affair over 20 years ago in the first five years of their marriage. She made the necessary changes by changing her life And is free from committing the act again.
@@erianalee but let me guess, the man likes 'revenge' for 20 more years?
So true, they don't stop.
My spouse of 25 years cheated on me and unfortunately he didn't want to work it out he wanted to try and make it work with the woman he cheated with, but what shocked me was how easily he not only walked away from me but his son as well
Same here.
So sad
Ide rather alone again than crushing my soul over and over
This is great but when there is only one fighting for the marriage and trying, this has no validity. Periodt!!!
A spouse who cheated leaves the one who's cheated, not the other way around. If the person who cheats wants to leave, nothing the other person does can prevent that. I pray that person who cheats will learn hard from their behaviour.
My wife of 20 years cheated on me because I treat her like shit and didn’t respect her and I was broken hearted but I forgive her and she regretted also so bad for what she did and we are better now then before .I change alot of course and I feel bad for pushing her into somebody else’s arms by the way I treated her !Lesson learn
Lol
It takes a brave man to admit mistake, forgive wife and wanting to live together. Good job, hope u both love each other.
I admire you for your strength it takes so much courage and patience to forgive and to changed. We all make mistakes. Nobody in this world is perfect but yes indeed lessons learned and by forgiving and acknowledging your mistakes gives you peace of mind and happiness. We always have to remember that God always forgive us in all mistakes we do.
Before she cheated she should have divorced you.
@@harrymcnicholas844 maybe she was scared of losing him! Sometimes life is not black and white
From my life experiences and what I have observed that cheaters don't stop cheating. Some marry the person they cheated on with and they also cheat on that person. If they didn't respect their own marriage they are not going to respect other people's marriages.
Very true
TRUE
And eventually leave them.
Not true.
True
It’s usually the person who cheated wants a divorce.
I've been with my husband 10.5yrs & married almost 7 of those years. There was a lot of infidelity throughout my marriage. I stayed & tried even after the 1st time. I fought as hard & as long as I could for my marriage. But I can't keep fighting alone. My husband now lives with another woman. Divorce court is December 4th. 😞
Lovely Stacy good luck stacy .. wishing you all the best in this journey .. hold your head up high ..
Sounds like you gave it your best. Having a clear conscience in this matter will hold much value for you down the road. Never look back, look ahead, for yourself. Thoughts are with you.
Soo Sorry
Not mentioning. you a lot of women are influenced by outsiders and treat their husbands badly even denying them sex in the marriage although it should not make make the man look elsewhere nit see ex is good for a proper health condition a d ones heart performance.
😭😭😭😭😭
If God says it's ok to divorce a cheater, then divorce that POS.
It’s been 10 years trying to make it work and he still cheats emotionally and physically
So sorry about that@@katerafrazer1898
How about staying married, forgiving your cheating partner for your own peace of mind but live your life as a single ? That way you dont get betrayed again and hurt again.
I thought about that
Sin, don't recommend it.
I simply dont understand what marriage exists when you stay married and live single. For what and why?? It means you are pretty= much bound to that cheater.
@@Empoweredparent-l5f simply because we have kids. I thought about this too.
My life now... Single but with him.
A lot of people end up staying single - I see it all the time - decades go past and although they are lonely at times - they are not traumatised
You are so correct. You just can not trust again and for no amount of financial security or companionship or whatever do you want to take a chance to get hurt again. With what I went through I would never remarry if my wife divorced me or passed away.
This is for partners that really want to change and make their home work.
After Cheating there is no trust!. And when there is not trust it's like making house on the air, when there are kids it will be hard to move on but when there no kid forgive and move on
If I divorce I keep myself respect, I don’t have to worry the other half is cheating every time they are out sight. Children are better most of the time as they do not see their parents fighting. By divorcing you show the children right from wrong and that cheaters do not get away with it. Oh 34 years happily divorced.
How I wish I had heard this so long ago before I filed for divorce. Everything that's been said in this video is so so true. People, if you feel there is hope (and believe me the great majority of the time there is but we are too blinded by anger and self-pity) seek professional advice before throwing your marriage out the window.
Blinded by ego?
You are a funny person.
The cheater through it out the window, not the betrayed one.
Love is as painful as death!!!
Sunk cost fallacy - describes the tendency to follow through on an endeavor because of the time/money/effort you've invested into already. Even when the benefits no longer outweigh the cost and the endeavor seems unlikely to succeed you can find yourself still putting time and effort into trying to make things work.
I'm not saying that's how it always is but it is something to look out for
Hope this method works out for everyone. Personally, I know it's a bad idea.
🤣🤣🤣🤣this method IS NOT FOR ME. NO man has the authority or power over my life to make my life miserable. NEVER🤣🤣🤣🤣
Also bad advice!
@shaundell alder truth
@@shaundellalder8452really….well that might be the reason for betrayal.
There are instances where it's okay to give it another try, but if they are serial cheaters it's not one of them. People with addictive natures, dishonesty, self hatred, and the inability to confess that they have a problem will not change. You're fooling yourself and breaking your own heart.
I always enjoy your videos! I am the betrayed spouse and actually SHE decided to file for divorce without even trying to work on our marriage. She claims the affair has stopped (which is a lie). I've given up on trying to make her do anything for recovery work. It's sad but she thinks the grass is greener on the other side.
Same here , it’s been a losing battle , thankful for being married still and living under same roof bc I don’t know hownlonger it’s gonna last
I'm also the betrayed spouse and she also won't work on us, she quit and walked away. After we each knew we were meant to be together, I am crushed and just don't understand how she would want to try to replace me with another. My healing after 4 months is non-existent; pain only gets worse. I hold onto hope but it feels hopeless. I don't know how much longer I can take this pain. It needs to end one way or the other.
She is not worth it, let het go and see what happens,
@@ZooomaCW Chris just relax, and keep busy it will be beter in time.
My soon to be ex-wife pulled the same maneuver. With regard to the grass is always greener attitude, it definitely is but only because there is more crap on it. The thing is that the giving up on the marriage by the betrayed spouse creates an interesting dynamic. I no longer fight with her, I don't get upset when she is over at his house and because of this she is slowly starting to drop her resentment towards me and we even occasionally have a laugh.
I don't want the divorce in the slightest but there is also a point where you have to realise that trying to pull them back towards you is just not going to work. Focus on yourself be the best version of yourself and it will come to a point where they realise what they have lost.
I am a non-advocate for divorce as I believe that when you commit to another person through marriage it is for life (Except for abuse). Marriage has become disposable which is sad and I do wish I wasn't in the position I am in (As you do) but you cannot force people to stay. Be true to yourself.
The pain will go away and it may open up new avenues, it certainly has for me.
I never thought my husband would do that. Had he been honest I would have told him I wasn’t in love with him anymore and I was just staying because he was always there for me. I felt i owed him. It’s so fresh right now. I’m not hurt. Just pissed. I wasted so much time being married to him when I could have built myself a new life by now.
Am I reading this right?? Had he been honest? Shouldn’t you have been honest about your feelings towards him instead of using him for security?
@@j.wile.145 Using him??? It was her husband. Sounds like you are blaming the victim...like so many do. 🤦🏽♀️
@@ladya3038 I think you may need to read the OP’s comment again, after you watch the video. The OP never thought her husband would do that. She never loved him (probably why he cheated)
She ADMITTED that she was staying with him for security!!!
Is that acceptable to you?
🤦♂️
@@ladya3038 I think there are AT LEAST two victims here……
@@j.wile.145 Looks like I did read it wrong. 😬
The comments are more interesting than the video.
The cheater often lies about their partner to the third party
A person who cheats is not an honest person and can't be trusted. It's a character issue that can't be changed
Well gee!
My tears just keep falling watching this video of Dr. Joe. My husband revealed to me last May 18, 2019 that he cheated on me and that he and his lover bore a child. I was so sad..it was so painful i feel really hurt I feel like my breath stops. It was so hard to accept it. I was crying for 3 days and lose my appetite to eat and i can't sleep well. I was thinking, what was lacking in our marriage because I thought we're okay. I have been a good wife and a good mom to our kids. I didn't noticed that he already cheated on me. But my husband was so sorry and he said he wanted to save our marriage and he choose me and our kids. This video ease my pain a little bit and made me realized that I am doing the right thing...to forgive my husband and grovel our marriage. But I have this doubt in my mind that what if he will do it again? My trust was no longer like before. May the Lord help me accept what happened and be happy again with my husband. I love him and our kids..i want to spend my whole life with him i just wish he will not do it again.
@@mikmikulec8772 I agree. That's what I've been watching for a week now. my husband repeatedly cheated on me too. And Injust caught him 2 wks ago. At the beginning he is willing to fix our marriage. He said he is very sorry.. I dont knowing he is sorry that he's caught. I cannot feel the sincerity all the time, not consistent with his actions. He most of the time says he'll do things to save our marriage but doesnt act on what he has promised. I've been very emotional and devastated. I've never experience catching him right on the spot doing his dirty thing but this time its completely different. I never thought it going to hurt this much. Weve been in and out of our relationship for 3 years now coz of his sexual addictions that he doesnt recognized. I kept on trying to forgive my husband but right now, indont even know what to do anymore. He left me 4 days ago. He didnt go to the other girl. He just went back to his old town instead. Somehow part of me think that he will eventually go to her affair partner which will hurt me a lot for sure. I still love my husband. Indont like to do the divorce. I just wish he will stop things that he's been doing and start to seek some help. He admitted he does know knownthat he's got some problems with his anger as well as sexual addiction after her saw how I reacted on this last time he got caught... but once again, how since he is with his words about admitting his fault,,,, that part is very questionable as he doesn follow through. I kept kn praying to God to change my husband. I want our marriage to work but I am also terrified to go through his abusive behavior. I know I deserve a better treatment and to have a loving husband. I just wish he changed is ways and start loving me the way he should and be a man and take accountability for his actions.
God bless you. I hope and pray that your marriage is restored. Put it all in God's hands and seek to hear his voice. If your partner is truly repentant and yearns after God as well, I believe your marriage can be salvaged and restored and renewed.
Irish Hopkins: If there is physical abuse involved then your marriage prblem is in a great dilemma because emotional and psychological are much harder to handle how much more if it is accompanied with physical abuse. Think and choose wisely!
My wife had an affair too. One thing that helped with thinking "what if" is trusting myself that if she didn't again, sure I'll be hurt but I'll be done with her and I tried my best. My mind still wanders with thoughts and I still get very angry but I'm trying. It's a process, hang in there. It's the hardest thing you'll ever attempt and it's ok to feel what ever you feel. Remember that
John Pilfrey: U r right..i told my husband too that if he will do it again..i'm done with him!
I'm nearly 60 yrs old, I still remember how my cheating father disrespected my mother. It wasn't easy judge ordered him to pay $10 per child in child support. I wouldn't have had it any other way struggling for food was easier than watching him belittle my mother. Keep that in mind.
So sad. It damages the soul.
I had a husband who cheated on me for years so he and I parted now he is on his own with no one with no were to live he deserve everything that he gets he left me homeless with nothing and 3 children to look after I will never forget or forgive and it made me stronger I have no respect for him and no regrets
I do understand sounds like he might be related to my now SEPARATED husband....
I love this outcome for you 😊
I stayed 18 years at that point he cheated overseas. His guilt caught up with him. I have a handicapped son. 46 years we lasted. A woman made a bee line for him at his bosses child's baptism,.the bosses wife introduced her friend to him. She even picked him up at his hotel. She went twice in that week. The bosses wife was jealous of us. He never said sorry. Went through tests to make sure I had no vd. He was lucky I stayed. I never respected him after that. Hard to live with too he had narcissistic traits too. But I saved hard for old age. He died riddled with cancer two years ago. I have peace and told the bosses wife what I thought of her too.
This panned out for you well in later life. He suffered a horrible death and now you are free to love.
My mother took my father back after he cheated. She said it was the worst mistake of her life. He never stopped he just learned how to hide it better.
Wonderful hope. New marriage with same spouse. Amen
You guys are the reason i hold on to my marriage, giving some hope that everything will be okay after the storm.
Thank you for the kind words!! we hope you find all of our videos helpful.
Is there any specific video you might like to see us create to help you through your situation?
We've love to know.
Also, please call our office at 1 (866) 903 - 0990 to talk to one of our client representatives! We would love to help in any way that we can.
-Marriage Helper
You can defeat the evil if you make God part of the battle, and God can win that one .
@@MarriageHelper Thank you , but I dont need help , my problem happened a few years ago, and unfortunately my husband passed away suddenly, after many infidelity and him coming to realize his mistakes, it was to late, but we had three days together to be together after 24 years together with alot of problems with wrong desicions and affairs on hos side, but I truely believe he did change toward the end , a.or wanted to but like I said to late, but ill always be grateful that I was there until the end , always loved and always will. But just thought I could give some insight for our youngers generations today, that are so lost and hurt today by all wrong desicions, because time not on there side , even if they young and dont realize it . The devil has many faces , but Only God can help and show you the face of evil, wrong lust , and bad , if you realy are a believer .
Just don't let yourself get run over any more.. they have to earn you and your trust, you have to focus on you for a while. It's so hard but it gets better I promise, even if the marriage can't be saved, you'll come out the other side so much stronger if you do the work, I promise
First and foremost I put God first
Most people are Narcissis they don’t apologize and they’re not sorry one bit they blame you meanwhile you did nothing but try to make the marriage work
Omg that’s my wife !! She had affair and that’s what she does ! Blames our arguing and says she didn’t do anything !!
@@efthimios Deep denial and mentally unstable!!!
I relate so much to this view. Sadly the person who cheated on me what's to blame me for her actions
Beautifully put and honest my husband had cheated for 23 of our 26 years (I never suspected anything) and yet somehow it's all my fault. Revenge is however not the answer.
In my own understanding,a man with fear of God would never cheats their wife's and i have such married friends and a woman with fear of God would never drink with any male friends if not her husband nomatter how much she trusted them and only fear of God makes people honest,trust and doing good even when people offended them or talk bad about them
Not true.... All have sin....and all try to cover it, but when it is shown is when we see sin.
This is it right here point blank!!!
Singer Boy Amen!!!
YOU HAVE SAID ALL THAT IS TO BE
SAID,.. Their is GOD.
Keep fooling your self. Ministers cheat too.
Listen to this fool's advice at your own peril. I kept taking similar advice and endured years and years of unnecessary suffering and financial loss.
You can't un-ring a bell, you can't un-betray your spouse. Cut your losses and move on.
My husband cheated and I chose to forgive him,just because I also sin differently and God forgives me unconditionally,I know it may sound 🤔🙄,but yes I forgave and praying for my marriage
Been there...prayer only works if he wants to change. They usually don't
@@Love-nr1nx that is fallacy unfortunately. Dont generalise. Have you stopped sinning?
Me to,I want to fix my marriage.. but I just can't get past the image of what another person touching my wife looks like,No I didn't see pictures or anything,but I know how she is in bed with me and to see that but with someone else is too much for me to be ok with
🤔🤔 you got time to waste. You don't love yourself? Self love first sis.🥰🥰🥰
@@Love-nr1nx i agree with you!
A lot of helpful information to a terrible situation.
Worrying about "things" and losing friends are foolish things to consider. Money can be recouped, things can be replaced and friends come and go. You lose people you thought were with you, and find support where you didn't imagine. Kids? absolutely. Thing is, many spouses are unrepentant, don't want to salvage things. Pull the trigger.
Easy you say!
Most commenters show that this guy's good advice flew way past their heads.
Just listen to what the man says listen to what’s in your heart people make mistakes all the time I went through it I was married for eight years. My wife needed a break we weren’t getting along. I was a horrible husband and she slept with somebody it’s really really hard, I still think about it every day but seven years later we’re more in love and stronger than we’ve ever been
Thank you sir
Blessings! You are a strong man
Thanks for these helpful insights
I wouldn’t recommend staying with a unfaithful spouse I stayed because of kids being small and financially it would have been a disaster we stayed together and I wouldn’t recommend it
Dog
@@christieling6062 Cat
Opportunity is a better word than ‘chance’
Follow this guy's advice if you want to give up your pride, dignity, and self worth. How well will you family center work if you possess none of these traits.
I agree with you 100%! His advise is basically setting a person up to be duped again! It is terrible advise! I know a couple right now who started together after an affair, and now he’s cheated on her again and again and again and everyone knows it but she pretends he’s faithful. When me and my friends asked him why he keeps this up he says he’s trying to protect the children.😳 Basically, by lying to them and their mother because he thinks divorce will hurt the kids and also, his wife is crazy co-dependent on him fir everything like a child.
Such a totally unhealthy dynamic. I think most people aren’t awake enough to even actually understand what real marriage is!
This guy is definitely not helping.
what if they cheated and say they are sorry but wont delete the app they cheated on and tell you its non of your business? red flag? really not sorry? thats how i take it
The ultimate horror pain and terror , never imagined this happening to me.
People that say dovorve doesn’t impact kids are retarted
I remember my parents arguing a few times and was so scared and depressing as a kid
Herakles I’m so sorry!!
Divorce impacts them but you know what impacts them more? Living in a toxic home with no trust and arguments everyday. Sometime physical and mental abuse. It damages you for life.
HERAKLES Its the most painful thing any child can go through, there safetynet, there safe place are toxic, and scary, and threatened. I do agree to some extend its beter than to be away from such situations, bit that creates so much more hurt for the child in new situations, confused, feeling its there fault. Its sad very very sad
It's heartbreaking how ever you look at it. Simply, sucks
Divorce is horrifying for kids!!!! That’s why I stayed - but it wasn’t worth it.
This fills me with hope.
When a person cheats they open another door! A double-minded is unstable in all his/her ways. They do not cherish you ...as long as you can rise above the carnal ways it's cool....just know that this person that's cheating on you doesn't mind breaking your heart weather they know it or not!
Agree with you. My wife broke me emotionally for years with her open in my face carousing with her “boss” lover. Of course it finally came out she had a 7 year long affair with him. I stayed for the kids. She did not give a F about how much she was hurting me. Years later she starts in my face flirting with a business associate. Of course we fought about that. So why invest more emotions into this person.
You have some beautiful music on your channel.
@@dan-Michigan ty
I empathize with you. I am going through the same horrible nightmare myself. I will be fasting and praying for you and your loved ones. You are not alone. God bless
Hey @michellefajardo7571, Just out of curiosity, have you taken advantage of our free mini course? We know times are tough and want to provide as much as we can to you free of charge. That's why we created this free mini course. It will teach you how to get your spouse back and give you a plan moving forward! You can get access to it directly by following this link:
your.marriagehelper.com/how-to-get-your-spouse-back-mini-course
@@MarriageHelper My husband already abandoned me and refuses to communicate. Is there still hope?
Im here hcoz my wife cheated on me. She said shes sorry and wants to save our marriage. I forgave her. But the thoughts of her giving herself to someone still haunts me.
Are you still together?
@@brandonabila6696 yes. As much as it pains me to remember, I love my kids more.. And that's all that matters.
@@JayBesangreCimafranca that’s great if you pulled through the situation
@@brandonabila6696 by God's grace. His strength suffice. I can't do it alone.
@Jay Cimafranca bro, how did you got help? And how did u manage the cheating partner?😢
Loosing your friends and family circle when you split is something you don’t hear about and honestly it’s as hard as the break up
What happens if you realize you don't really know your spouse?
@@Divergent333 hello I can recommend you to someone that helped me get my ex back and he can also help you as he did mine too ✅✅✅✅
Whtspp him
+,2,3,4-,8,,1,,5,6,8,9,6,4.3.6
but what if she gives you conditions to stay and come back to you..without any signs of repentence or deep sorry? what if she is rather taking you for granted than feeling sorry for cheating on you?
bonya diru that’s how I exactly feel man
Run man, you deserve better. Don’t be a freakin doormat
You deserve respect, and if she is carrying on as nathing has happend, you must talk to her and tell her what you see and feel, and if you feel the trust is not been respectlfully returned ,she must go , or sit and talk
Exactly what is happening to me. My wife believes we are divorced even with no paperwork filed. She has no guilt, shame and remorse towards me.
@@kevintomich6445 You decide if you can and want to continue, according to the bible she cimmited adultry and you can divorce her, depends if your love for her is bigger and you can and want to forgive het and move on, otherwise forgive and let her go.
My husband of 17yrs cheated on me for over 2 years with his coworker and she happened to be married as well. He told me he doesn’t have passion or love me anymore. I tried to stay for our 15yrs old daughter but it hurts so bad that I don’t know if I can stay. Please help
Sorry 4 ur pain. He broke trust.
People are different, and circumstances are different.
Each person should decide for himself/herself, and their decision should be respected by the outsiders.
From the three reasons he cited, only the kids part resonates with me.
Worst advice ever! Cheating is not a Mistake, it's a choice! Once a cheater, always a cheater!
You are so wrong 😢
You are so right.
@@Saozinha36he actually says he is still capable of cheating.
Thank you for the video 😢
Why does the betrayed have to carry this burden in fixing the relationship? They cheated on their own but when it comes to fixing the betrayed have to be a part of it?that is effing unfair.
I really love your encouragement. Thank you for sharing 👍
One word = Life is messed up as a" crack in glass" which cannot be made as it was before but can be managed and lived as it is with self motivation and right decisions .Natural death comes one day and its over.
It is somewhere in your comment.
There is GOD,..
Very interesting point of view.
Ha! Better after an affair? Never. The spouse will never forgive even if they said they did. Why would I want to live with someone that betrayed me?
It was easy for me to divorce my ex-wife when she cheated. She was not helpful around the house anyways. Plus no children were involved. There was no remorse at all. I hope she is happy but I'm happily divorced.
THE CHEATER LEFT THE RELATIONSHIP WHEN HE/SHE BROKE THEIR VOW
So the burden is of keeping a sham together is on the victim?? God will bless those who have faith enough to LEAVE SIN and follow righteousness. My children will also learn this lesson by proper modeling
Every time you look at them, you’ll be seeing that lying, manipulative cheater! Every time you see them you’ll be reminded of what they did to you, and no matter what you do, you will never, ever truly trust them again!!!!
I. Watching out of sheer curiosity. I cannot even imagine the reasons. Just getting started.
Yep, like a car crash of bad ideas.
Most of the comments are having frustrations and anger. He is not enforcing his thoughts and process upon anyone.
He is just telling something and it's upto us wthr to make it or break it.
As he said: Hurt-Anger-Rage
This is so true and in the end we are all here to learn the lessons. The ones who are cheating and the ones who are getting cheated.
Everyone is on his/her journey.
Being married doesn't mean that your journies are same.
It's just that you share almost everything including your bodies in some cases your heart and soul but the journies are still different.
I wish all the best to everyone.
Forgive and forget.
MOVE ON with a smile. (Not necessarily with the same person)
:))
Good Luck 👍
Indeed, Children get the effects of separation. so did their lives also get affected when parents keep fighting and staying upset in marriage? Don't you think those parents are setting a bad married couple example for their children???
I think children are always affected.
my husband file for DIVORCE, THIS IS VERY PAINFUL...mine is. not cheating its just miscommunication , i love him and i am praying-to god to restore my marriage
Of course a cheater will say don't divorce your cheating spouse. The cheater will have to find a new person to cheat on.
My husband has been cheating on me for two years and he just told me he has a child with that person. What should I do about that situation?
What to do when your husband won’t even say that his other relationship, which he keeps being involved in, is wrong.
Leave him and move on with your life no matter difficult it will be to get reestablished.
Thank you so much for opening my eyes! I was reluctant to hear what you had to say because I have made up my mind wirhout considering your brilliant perspective. G8d bless you Sir!
@@angelinagrapa8286 how did it go?