@@BreakupBounce Yes, I deeply and intensely regret ending my 4 year relationship in February of this year (2024). There is a lot more I could say, but that's the direct answer.
I really feel like I should leave but as she says I also feel like I should stay. I just don't know if I am the type who can recover and reconcile after an affair. How do I forgive, how do I forget, how do I look at him and not hate him for doing what he did, how do I not be so angry??
@@monifareine2002if you stay after he cheated on you, you are lowering your self worth, you are showing that you lack self respect, self esteem and are desperate for the love, company, attention of a cheater. He isn't respecting you nor God. If he was a man of God, he would never have had, the audacity to cheat. Who wants a low level male as a partner? Many weak minded women play victim and stay but feel awful about themselves. Don't forget the STD's he is bringing to you as well. If you weren't angry you weren't a divine feminine. Every Goddess would be very angry. You can't forget, or you must have Alzheimer. You don't .. memory is in you for a reason. So you won't stay within abusive men. Put some respect on yourself and God. Don't every take back a cheater, they are dangerous to your physical mental and spiritual health.
There is no need of jealousy, we ‘ve never had “real problems” to fight about but we could never communicate properly, so smallest problem became a huge fight
Challenges in relationships are part of the journey, but there’s always a way to move forward. My own marriage had significant hurdles, but with the right help, my wife and I overcame them and grew stronger. With effort and cooperation, solutions can be found. Keep your hope-solutions are within reach.
I’m dealing with major issues in my relationship and can't imagine losing her. I love and miss her dearly and am prepared to do whatever is needed to have her back in my life. Any advice or direction you can offer would mean a lot to me.
Learning to let someone you love go is always a tough journey, but in my case, I had the wisdom of a spiritual mentor who kept my marriage from crumbling. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
I have never regretted ending a relationship because if I have arrived to that point, I have tried to communicate and somehow rebuild a crumbling bridge. I do however regret not leaving sooner, usually.
@@adityatripathi9588 I tried as well. As they say, “it takes two to tango”. Did not work for me. In hindsight, it was a blessing. “Let go or be dragged”.
I got in therapy because my ex and I thought I was the one with the problems. I grew. It led to the downfall of my marriage. My ex didn’t grow and I outgrew him.
My ex-wife and I had the same issue. But what I learned was that we didn't grow the way we expected each other to grow. Our expectations limited our ability to grow together. Because we were selfish. This behavior fueled a toxic cycle of resentment and animosity. Our marriage lasted 10 years.
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6-year relationship just three months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had, I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on, I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here
I was message you and stupid RUclips made me lose the entire message- so doing again. I am so very sorry, my friend. I know how it feels because I'm there too - but maybe worse because I'm the one who pushed her away - which I deeply deeply regret. 4 years. Do you have good, strong memories of different ways you treated her really well and showed love, tenderness, respect, support? Hopefully you do. and let those be foremost in your mind. You do not need regret, guilt, or shame on top of the pain. Can you tell us what happened? Are you still communicating or is there no contact? She is no contact with me, for the 2nd time this year, and it sucks. and even worse, because this time I think it's it. Did she explain to you why she left? I got some, but it was more a tearing apart. and frankly I think she was pulling some wounds and bad stuff in there that has nothing to do with me. I watch a lot of coaches on here too - like it sounds like you are. But if you can, get some counseling, meditate daily with the Calm or Insight Timer or another app. If you have friends and family spend time! Lean on em if you need to if you have them! Eat healthy. Exercise - even if you have to force yourself to get moving. I used to love cycling - mountain biking and road, but now I have to force myself to ride - because losing her presence, and this forced silence has sucked the joy out of everything! But when I do it anyway, or just a walk, I feel better from the exercise (endorphins) shrink the pain a little. Is there a chance you can get her back? If so, is she asking for you to make any kind of changes? Something got to be going on - I mean people don't just end 6 year relationship like that. What if anything was brewing? Hang on. This too shall pass, as it's been said to me - although I see no end to the pain I have faith! What can we learn from this. I don't usually respond to a brother on RUclips this completely but something about your post made me want to be helpful for you.
Great video! Unfortunately, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, and I still love him deeply. I can't stop thinking about him. I've done everything I can to get him back, but nothing has worked. I'm frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my best efforts, I can't get him out of my mind. I really miss him.
It's incredibly hard to let go of someone you love. I was in a similar situation when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't let him go, so I did everything I could to get him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who assisted me in reuniting with him.
Woooooow🫢🤓😂I thought this thing of consulting to spiritual seers, shrines and prophet's it's only for us black people in Africa wooow this is so amazing 🤗
@@gbas76 l ended my marriage because of domestic violence. I was always walking on eggshells so to speak. Whatever l tried to change on myself was never enough or the right thing to do. Speak opinion - Not speak opinion. Visit people / have guests - Isolate. When he was drunk the physical abuse occurred. And then l had to have sex ' to keep peace' between us without any apology from him for his actions. Bad day at work - my fault. If someone is broken inside, they want to break you down too so they can feel powerful and in control. So NO the abuser will not change unless they go to intense and sustained therapy. Most abusers don't want to change because they refuse to be accountable. The world OWES them, their employer and colleagues OWE them, you and family OWE them.
@@elainec5333 l ended my marriage because of domestic violence. I'm one of the lucky who don’t have their ex stalking and killing them for leaving the relationship. In Australia, one woman every week dies by the hand of her ex because she ended the relationship.
If perhaps we let down our ego and quest for power and control, and seek more of understanding each other, we might live more, love more and have longer and more fulfilling relationships with our partners. The key thing is to always seek understanding.
I knew I had to end my relationship when I realised I was losing myself because I was the only one putting in the effort, despite numerous attempts to communicate how I felt.
Same. Except I'm the guy. I had high hopes for the relationship. But she would disrespect me at the end of dates. Even got nasty to the point where she said she had a nicer apartment than me and nicer car even though I have more in savings. Like why even be nasty like that? Then I expressed wanting to end it because she kept disrespecting me and I have standards. I wanted to talk things through that night but she texted me thst night "We had a bad night I don't wanna talk about anything anymore if you wanna end it that's on you." Makes me confused. So she doesnt want to end it but wants me to doit or what? Thought it's normal to discuss these things and work through them. Next 3 days she'd call and text me. I chose not to respond because all her texts were just self centered. Like a Pic of her scale saying she's fat and single now, thanks. Then updates about her buying steak that I taught her how to buy. Then about how she got a new job offer. Then even asked me for a huge favor about her car. Like why would u ask for favors and provide updates post breakup instead of talking about the relationship? Just feels so immature. She's the one who wanted a relationship Nd talked about marriage and kids pretty often. Why talk about those serious things but then just out the ending of the relationship all on me? Just want more people's opinions. Also there's incidents of her being shady/dishonest but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she can do what she's wants on her free time. I just asked her for simple updates but one day she was just completely silent. Then we met up the following day. She said she didn't respond/call back because my text was "dry" when it was just me checking in. I also called her so idk how the text being dry justifies that. Also she said she was behaving that night.. but then later on she had some drinks she said she lost her debit card that night. And how she was drinking.. idk just mixed signals and contradicting herself. Idk if it's even worth caring anymore. Should I just continue no contact and move on or try to get some closure/clarification? Did she want me to end the relationship all along? If not why not try to talk things out? I'd appreciate your opinions..
@@justinava1675 Hi! I don't all the details about your relationship (how long you are in the relationship, how close you are, is it your first relationship?) and neither both of your personality so I won't give you any what to do. I can give you what my opinion on what is important for me. 1. communication: it sounds cliche but if neither of you are ready to talk over the things that bothers you it usually means that one of you are either scared of a bad outcome (usually the other person is not used to this situation and is very sensitive or insecure of loosing you) or they don't want to truly work on your relationship. The point of the communication is not to win and prove your point but to see of you can come to a mutual agreement or if you can try to learn to tolerate the other person behaviour without overstepping your values or boundaries. 2. effort: they care about you and they really want to put an effort to understand you and compromise or trying to explain you their behaviour not for you to change them but for you to understand it so you won't be later hurt you 3. honesty and trust: you can be in a stage where both of you are on a different wavelength due to various reasons and this can create an obstacle for your relationship. You cannot overcome this without having the confidence in your partner. You can and probably will have tons of doubts, but if one of you are too insecure or don't have enough confidence in the relationship and you have no support from the other partner then it is not what I think can lasts. Communication is the key but it must also followed by honesty, trust, respect, understanding and effort from both of you! You can see the pattern when people are asking about other people perspective, it is because they have some experiences but mostly because they are disconnected from what you are going through and they can see it differently. I believe you are capable of making your own right decision but to do that maybe give yourself the time you need to reflect on yourself. The truth is that we are selfish and we don't want to get hurt. When we find a person we think is the right one we compromise because we don't want to loose them to avoid getting hurt. But you have to see if the changes that the other person makes on you are positive or not (you will feel better, your family and friends will also notice).
Well, since you’ve asked… I ‘m not sure how she used to treat you so this might be completely biased though it seems to me that she was more into having a “fan” than a true relationship. Maybe her life story led her to be this way ir maybe she is just a imature self-centered human being… either way, maybe you are better off (?)
I have never regretted ending a relationship because if I have arrived to that point, I have trieddddddddd to communicate and somehow rebuild a crumbling bridge. I now feel ashamed of letting myself down like that and I regret not leaving sooner
I’ve tried everything. I tried changing how I look to fit his image. My manners. My morals. My talking habits. I just sit and wait quietly all day and nothing changes no matter how submissive and quiet I am
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Ultimately, the human mind craves power and control, and when these seem out of their reach in a relationship, they act positional and resentful. They start to cultivate and develop a mindset that rubs them of the ability to see their partners' viewpoint, creating an endless cycle of chaos, misunderstanding, and endless fights, which in turn prevent them from harnessing the love and attraction that brought them together in the first place.
The problem i had was no recognition. When the view of two people is different, i have a problem with the man saying that because he's the head of the family, his way of doing things must be followed. It's as if by getting in a relationship with them, you automatically lose your identity. These kinds of relationships still exist to this day...
I feel the same way. We can't be ourselves. We have tonlose ourselves to follow them. I truly have a problem with Paul and his submission theory. Who is made and created to submit to another human? No one
@IamBarati we ought to submit to God and God alone. The relationship between two people should be harmonious and in conjuction with each other's beliefs. Naturally as women we are helpers and it becomes easy for a woman to accept to be led by a man who makes her feel safe and in her feminine energy. The moment a woman feels unsafe she will challenge you and you need to give a good explanation and create safety for her... submission comes easy when a woman feels safe, she communicate, "I trust you", "I believe you and in you", "I am willing to help you"
@mariamjackson2994 sorry to hear this. I pray for a sincere revelation about the path you must take. I pray that the holy spirit should comfort you and that you remain still and know that God is in control. Moments like these bear a huge revelation about our lives. Pastor RC Blakes says "a woman should never be told to submit, if you have to tell her then you are not a King to her, submission is a fruit and honour is a seed. When a woman feels honored, submission will come naturally"
I like how she questioned on the end. I think, maybe it’s just not the time that we able to be giving, if we are too afraid of the consequences. When we are angry still, it’s still close
I ended a relationship quite quickly after he told me that he can't feel a connection while being intimate. "You are not tight enough. You are too slippery. Because of your weight issue we can't do certain positions." He didn't even realize how much he hurt me with those statements. I couldn't live up to the expectations he got from watching corn... Unfortunately, I still like him and feel like I made the wrong choice by leaving him, because in other situations he was very loving and caring. I'm telling myself that he was still just a little immature and brainwashed by corn, and that I should have stayed with him to work on this together. What a dichotomy...
For years I couldn't decide. Cheaper to keep her but I decided to pay. The loss is money. I gave up on hopes and will lose disappointments and incompatibility
The problem is that the attraction is only at a physical level. You need way more than attraction and chemistry to make a relationship work. Even love is not enough. Matthew Hussey outlines the 4 levels you need. The most important is Compatibility.
I see so many videos and articles like this, but I so rarely see any advice for the couples who don’t fight. What do you do when it’s just dead between you? Sure under the disconnection is unmet needs or unmet expectations but what if we don’t even know what those are we just know we are miserable inside??
Usually it’s lack of communication but counseling can help. As long as there is not any abuse whether it be physical, emotional or financial then counseling can help and if you can’t afford counseling check out RUclips for videos to help. If that doesn’t work it’s okay to let go of the other person and take a break to clear your minds and figure out what each person needs.
I would say therapy here is your answer. Both individual and couples therapy. I say this because therapy is a great way to self discovery, which seems to be what you are both lacking. You will have to work on yourself and in getting to know your needs. This can be scary but will be life changing. It is possible that in the process of finding yourselves, you’ll find that you know longer like the “new” other person. That’s ok. It is possible too that you will be able to start anew on a more solid foundation and create something wonderful for you two. Whatever happens, know that the moment you start the journey things will never be the same again, it will be either the end or the beginning of your new marriage together.
Assume the problem isn’t the person you are staring at but the real problem lies within yourself. Someone else can’t know what you want if you don’t know yourself. Aslo realize not all of your needs can be met by your spouse and think about the fact that not every need you have should be met.
@ oh yeah for sure!! Already thought about that! Like a lot! Been trying to “change myself” for almost a year now with seemingly no progress with respect to feeling any more “connected” or “bonded” with my spouse. I pray that God will change my wants and desires so that I can just be happy with the way things are, but that’s tough too. Turns out it’s just not quite that black and white. But I shall persevere and keep trying!
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
2:53- if he makes the same mistakes everytime and I react...shall I stop reacting? Is that change? I did that too...then I just explain him what he is expected to be doing by the society. We Indians think a lot about society. There are some things which are not acceptable in society and also some things not acceptable in a relationship. Usually in India- PPL get into relationship to get married one day and have family. ..as the situation ship, live in funda is not good for the mental health of any person I personally feel.
Really Here my life no girlfriend,no lover,no wife in till now. Because I am short height guy and low wealth. No one girl like with me and not married to me. Really I am sad and facing many problems in my life 💔😔😭. I have pain fully my life.😢
Dont be sad, there is more to life than getting married. I pray to God that u may find a very good and loving partner for u, but even if that doesn’t happen, I pray that your surrounded by people who love u very much. I pray and hope u may find purpose in God and your family and friends
Honestly, I’m the same way and I thought it would for sure end when I got married. But nope, it really messed me up… not gonna go into too much detail but long story short, I wish I’d found out who I was without describing myself with a relationship. Marriage just amplifies all of the issues you may already have sometimes I feel.
Sry dear but from today on start feeling loved coz Jesus came to save all of us❤ and he has a genuine love to everyone so stop being miserable one day God will locate your soulmate who will love you unconditionally 😊.
If me and partner know that we dont have future together because pf some family issues, and we know that our families are not allowing us together, shall we end this relationship ?
I watched the video. Great! Look at the comments…a bunch of people who missed the entire point because their “choice” was “right”. Our world is a joke.
Why do guys get to disrespect women but I have to be nice what is the god damned problem why do they want me to be super nice but it varies to the next guy. i said i have no problem being nice. but W H Y Why do they say be gentle. ALWAYS. They do not tell the other guy to be gentle.
You lost me at, "WE do the dishes!" If you have to do ANY chores around the house. Including rubbing one out, why are you then living with a woman. Might as well live alone if she refuses to carry out her role in a marriage. It'll hurt her more than you, especially if she's in her mid 30s and is a high earner. If she complains about the workload being too much, then get her a sister wife, and now she has help. This ain't a democracy, do as you're told or lead yourself!
Read the Bible , and understand positions in relationship between man and woman, bible is the key, God first before anyone, women’s submission is the one thing most women failing
I am so done with all modern day women i have been married cheated on lied to and used multiple times i have been hurt way too many times im single for life they are all the same trust no women
With the utmost respect, what would you say is the common denominator in *every* one of your relationships? In this very video, within the first 3 or so minutes, Esther says we are often so concerned with changing the other person when it’s so much easier to ask ourselves, “What can I do different/better?”
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Have you ever regretted ending a relationship? Or, do you wish you had left sooner?
No, no regrets of ending it. But I wish I hadn't even started my last relationship, because deep down I knew it would be fruitless.
@@BreakupBounce Yes, I deeply and intensely regret ending my 4 year relationship in February of this year (2024). There is a lot more I could say, but that's the direct answer.
Definitely should have left sooner 🙈
I really feel like I should leave but as she says I also feel like I should stay. I just don't know if I am the type who can recover and reconcile after an affair. How do I forgive, how do I forget, how do I look at him and not hate him for doing what he did, how do I not be so angry??
@@monifareine2002if you stay after he cheated on you, you are lowering your self worth, you are showing that you lack self respect, self esteem and are desperate for the love, company, attention of a cheater.
He isn't respecting you nor God. If he was a man of God, he would never have had, the audacity to cheat.
Who wants a low level male as a partner?
Many weak minded women play victim and stay but feel awful about themselves. Don't forget the STD's he is bringing to you as well.
If you weren't angry you weren't a divine feminine. Every Goddess would be very angry.
You can't forget, or you must have Alzheimer.
You don't .. memory is in you for a reason. So you won't stay within abusive men.
Put some respect on yourself and God. Don't every take back a cheater, they are dangerous to your physical mental and spiritual health.
Im very jelous of couples who’s main challenge is when to wash dishes.
There is no need of jealousy, we ‘ve never had “real problems” to fight about but we could never communicate properly, so smallest problem became a huge fight
Challenges in relationships are part of the journey, but there’s always a way to move forward. My own marriage had significant hurdles, but with the right help, my wife and I overcame them and grew stronger. With effort and cooperation, solutions can be found. Keep your hope-solutions are within reach.
I’m dealing with major issues in my relationship and can't imagine losing her. I love and miss her dearly and am prepared to do whatever is needed to have her back in my life. Any advice or direction you can offer would mean a lot to me.
Learning to let someone you love go is always a tough journey, but in my case, I had the wisdom of a spiritual mentor who kept my marriage from crumbling. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
I promise you will not regret it
@@BruceKnapp-n4qwhat happened with you guys? Is this her first time leaving your house?
I have never regretted ending a relationship because if I have arrived to that point, I have tried to communicate and somehow rebuild a crumbling bridge. I do however regret not leaving sooner, usually.
Did you feel you did everything possible to fix your relationship?
@@sf808opalaman Probably yes, otherwise where the regret comes from? 😊
Same
Well i am still trying to save it all alone 😅
@@adityatripathi9588 I tried as well. As they say, “it takes two to tango”. Did not work for me. In hindsight, it was a blessing. “Let go or be dragged”.
I got in therapy because my ex and I thought I was the one with the problems. I grew. It led to the downfall of my marriage. My ex didn’t grow and I outgrew him.
My ex-wife and I had the same issue. But what I learned was that we didn't grow the way we expected each other to grow. Our expectations limited our ability to grow together. Because we were selfish.
This behavior fueled a toxic cycle of resentment and animosity.
Our marriage lasted 10 years.
@@ffejkk37I'm sorry, this broke my heart as you both seemed to have been trying to make it work 😢
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6-year relationship just three months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had, I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on, I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here
What wrong u did?
Why did she leave?
You will be ok
Research breaking a soul tie Patricia King.
I was message you and stupid RUclips made me lose the entire message- so doing again. I am so very sorry, my friend. I know how it feels because I'm there too - but maybe worse because I'm the one who pushed her away - which I deeply deeply regret. 4 years.
Do you have good, strong memories of different ways you treated her really well and showed love, tenderness, respect, support? Hopefully you do. and let those be foremost in your mind. You do not need regret, guilt, or shame on top of the pain.
Can you tell us what happened? Are you still communicating or is there no contact? She is no contact with me, for the 2nd time this year, and it sucks. and even worse, because this time I think it's it.
Did she explain to you why she left? I got some, but it was more a tearing apart. and frankly I think she was pulling some wounds and bad stuff in there that has nothing to do with me.
I watch a lot of coaches on here too - like it sounds like you are. But if you can, get some counseling, meditate daily with the Calm or Insight Timer or another app. If you have friends and family spend time! Lean on em if you need to if you have them!
Eat healthy. Exercise - even if you have to force yourself to get moving.
I used to love cycling - mountain biking and road, but now I have to force myself to ride - because losing her presence, and this forced silence has sucked the joy out of everything! But when I do it anyway, or just a walk, I feel better from the exercise (endorphins) shrink the pain a little.
Is there a chance you can get her back? If so, is she asking for you to make any kind of changes? Something got to be going on - I mean people don't just end 6 year relationship like that. What if anything was brewing? Hang on. This too shall pass, as it's been said to me - although I see no end to the pain I have faith! What can we learn from this.
I don't usually respond to a brother on RUclips this completely but something about your post made me want to be helpful for you.
Great video! Unfortunately, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, and I still love him deeply. I can't stop thinking about him. I've done everything I can to get him back, but nothing has worked. I'm frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my best efforts, I can't get him out of my mind. I really miss him.
It's incredibly hard to let go of someone you love. I was in a similar situation when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't let him go, so I did everything I could to get him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who assisted me in reuniting with him.
That's amazing! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I reach him?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can help bring your ex back
Thank you for this valuable information! I just looked him up online, and he seems impressive.
Woooooow🫢🤓😂I thought this thing of consulting to spiritual seers, shrines and prophet's it's only for us black people in Africa wooow this is so amazing 🤗
Changing yourself doesn’t work in domestic violence. No matter what strategies you try, the abuser will not change.
The abusers has to change completely. That is the only path forward in an abusive relationship.
Not sure. How this is relevant to the video. But sure
@@gbas76 l ended my marriage because of domestic violence. I was always walking on eggshells so to speak.
Whatever l tried to change on myself was never enough or the right thing to do.
Speak opinion - Not speak opinion.
Visit people / have guests - Isolate.
When he was drunk the physical abuse occurred.
And then l had to have sex ' to keep peace' between us without any apology from him for his actions.
Bad day at work - my fault.
If someone is broken inside, they want to break you down too so they can feel powerful and in control.
So NO the abuser will not change unless they go to intense and sustained therapy.
Most abusers don't want to change because they refuse to be accountable.
The world OWES them, their employer and colleagues OWE them, you and family OWE them.
You can have enough self reverence to leave and go no contact.
@@elainec5333 l ended my marriage because of domestic violence. I'm one of the lucky who don’t have their ex stalking and killing them for leaving the relationship.
In Australia, one woman every week dies by the hand of her ex because she ended the relationship.
If perhaps we let down our ego and quest for power and control, and seek more of understanding each other, we might live more, love more and have longer and more fulfilling relationships with our partners. The key thing is to always seek understanding.
There are only two tragedies in life:
1) you don’t get what you want
2) you get what you want.
So true. Acceptance with what is is true peace. Work on ourselves focus on me.
@khawajamazhar9188 why is #2 a tragedy?
@@SCnative64because you sometimes don’t know what is right for you but you still wish for it
@@SCnative64Because our hearts are deceitful beyond comprehension. If you don’t understand that you might want to spend more time in reflection
She is so smart and explain things so clear. 😢 How I wish I get theraphy session with her.
Power, Trust, and Value
I knew I had to end my relationship when I realised I was losing myself because I was the only one putting in the effort, despite numerous attempts to communicate how I felt.
How did he act when you left?
Same. Except I'm the guy. I had high hopes for the relationship. But she would disrespect me at the end of dates. Even got nasty to the point where she said she had a nicer apartment than me and nicer car even though I have more in savings. Like why even be nasty like that?
Then I expressed wanting to end it because she kept disrespecting me and I have standards. I wanted to talk things through that night but she texted me thst night "We had a bad night I don't wanna talk about anything anymore if you wanna end it that's on you."
Makes me confused. So she doesnt want to end it but wants me to doit or what? Thought it's normal to discuss these things and work through them.
Next 3 days she'd call and text me. I chose not to respond because all her texts were just self centered. Like a Pic of her scale saying she's fat and single now, thanks. Then updates about her buying steak that I taught her how to buy. Then about how she got a new job offer.
Then even asked me for a huge favor about her car. Like why would u ask for favors and provide updates post breakup instead of talking about the relationship? Just feels so immature. She's the one who wanted a relationship Nd talked about marriage and kids pretty often.
Why talk about those serious things but then just out the ending of the relationship all on me?
Just want more people's opinions.
Also there's incidents of her being shady/dishonest but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she can do what she's wants on her free time. I just asked her for simple updates but one day she was just completely silent. Then we met up the following day. She said she didn't respond/call back because my text was "dry" when it was just me checking in. I also called her so idk how the text being dry justifies that.
Also she said she was behaving that night.. but then later on she had some drinks she said she lost her debit card that night. And how she was drinking.. idk just mixed signals and contradicting herself. Idk if it's even worth caring anymore. Should I just continue no contact and move on or try to get some closure/clarification? Did she want me to end the relationship all along? If not why not try to talk things out?
I'd appreciate your opinions..
@@justinava1675 Hi!
I don't all the details about your relationship (how long you are in the relationship, how close you are, is it your first relationship?) and neither both of your personality so I won't give you any what to do.
I can give you what my opinion on what is important for me.
1. communication: it sounds cliche but if neither of you are ready to talk over the things that bothers you it usually means that one of you are either scared of a bad outcome (usually the other person is not used to this situation and is very sensitive or insecure of loosing you) or they don't want to truly work on your relationship.
The point of the communication is not to win and prove your point but to see of you can come to a mutual agreement or if you can try to learn to tolerate the other person behaviour without overstepping your values or boundaries.
2. effort: they care about you and they really want to put an effort to understand you and compromise or trying to explain you their behaviour not for you to change them but for you to understand it so you won't be later hurt you
3. honesty and trust: you can be in a stage where both of you are on a different wavelength due to various reasons and this can create an obstacle for your relationship. You cannot overcome this without having the confidence in your partner. You can and probably will have tons of doubts, but if one of you are too insecure or don't have enough confidence in the relationship and you have no support from the other partner then it is not what I think can lasts.
Communication is the key but it must also followed by honesty, trust, respect, understanding and effort from both of you! You can see the pattern when people are asking about other people perspective, it is because they have some experiences but mostly because they are disconnected from what you are going through and they can see it differently. I believe you are capable of making your own right decision but to do that maybe give yourself the time you need to reflect on yourself.
The truth is that we are selfish and we don't want to get hurt. When we find a person we think is the right one we compromise because we don't want to loose them to avoid getting hurt. But you have to see if the changes that the other person makes on you are positive or not (you will feel better, your family and friends will also notice).
Well, since you’ve asked… I ‘m not sure how she used to treat you so this might be completely biased though it seems to me that she was more into having a “fan” than a true relationship. Maybe her life story led her to be this way ir maybe she is just a imature self-centered human being… either way, maybe you are better off (?)
@@justinava1675run!!!
In the world of economic science, that loss is called "Opportunity Cost".
Well thats not economic science
I have never regretted ending a relationship because if I have arrived to that point, I have trieddddddddd to communicate and somehow rebuild a crumbling bridge. I now feel ashamed of letting myself down like that and I regret not leaving sooner
I’ve tried everything. I tried changing how I look to fit his image. My manners. My morals. My talking habits. I just sit and wait quietly all day and nothing changes no matter how submissive and quiet I am
💔
I strongly encourage you to look up Natalie Hoffman and Leslie Vernick.
Leave my dear. Not salvageable
@@WNdabayou must be from South Africa 😂
@@dalllaking1422 😳😳 are you psychic? How did you know?
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Akunna, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is Father Akunna, he has great powers, he can help you.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked Father Akunna online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
Going to listen to this on repeat, i just broke up with them. This is helping thankyou ❤️
I don’t regret ending a relationship because was for the best that I ended it
Very insightful. Things that keep occurring in my 20+ year marriage are beginning to make a little more sense
Ultimately, the human mind craves power and control, and when these seem out of their reach in a relationship, they act positional and resentful. They start to cultivate and develop a mindset that rubs them of the ability to see their partners' viewpoint, creating an endless cycle of chaos, misunderstanding, and endless fights, which in turn prevent them from harnessing the love and attraction that brought them together in the first place.
Two of my favorite people on RUclips!
Values are not negotiable. I strongly disagree. A couple has to share the same core(!) values. Otherwise it is not a good match.
I agree.
Well very handy seeing this as I'm in the underground on my way home after breaking up
Try to think of it as starting afresh.
I really liked your underground theory.
She’s really good
The problem i had was no recognition. When the view of two people is different, i have a problem with the man saying that because he's the head of the family, his way of doing things must be followed. It's as if by getting in a relationship with them, you automatically lose your identity. These kinds of relationships still exist to this day...
Omg you're speaking exactly what I am going through right now. See how I landed on your comment. I now know I am not alone. God bless you.
I feel the same way. We can't be ourselves. We have tonlose ourselves to follow them. I truly have a problem with Paul and his submission theory. Who is made and created to submit to another human? No one
@IamBarati we ought to submit to God and God alone. The relationship between two people should be harmonious and in conjuction with each other's beliefs. Naturally as women we are helpers and it becomes easy for a woman to accept to be led by a man who makes her feel safe and in her feminine energy. The moment a woman feels unsafe she will challenge you and you need to give a good explanation and create safety for her... submission comes easy when a woman feels safe, she communicate, "I trust you", "I believe you and in you", "I am willing to help you"
@mariamjackson2994 sorry to hear this. I pray for a sincere revelation about the path you must take. I pray that the holy spirit should comfort you and that you remain still and know that God is in control. Moments like these bear a huge revelation about our lives. Pastor RC Blakes says "a woman should never be told to submit, if you have to tell her then you are not a King to her, submission is a fruit and honour is a seed. When a woman feels honored, submission will come naturally"
@@IamBaratiPaul might be a false apostle according to the word of God.
If hurt is felt constantly, have the guts to let go. It's hard but possible.
I second you dear
I like how she questioned on the end. I think, maybe it’s just not the time that we able to be giving, if we are too afraid of the consequences. When we are angry still, it’s still close
I ended a relationship quite quickly after he told me that he can't feel a connection while being intimate. "You are not tight enough. You are too slippery. Because of your weight issue we can't do certain positions." He didn't even realize how much he hurt me with those statements. I couldn't live up to the expectations he got from watching corn...
Unfortunately, I still like him and feel like I made the wrong choice by leaving him, because in other situations he was very loving and caring.
I'm telling myself that he was still just a little immature and brainwashed by corn, and that I should have stayed with him to work on this together.
What a dichotomy...
So sorry.
You made de right choice
This was very insightful. Thank you
Ego, masked as self respect is the killer of most relationships.
I love this woman and i love this video it says so much with so little. ❤❤❤
For years I couldn't decide. Cheaper to keep her but I decided to pay. The loss is money. I gave up on hopes and will lose disappointments and incompatibility
That’s honestly a sad view on marriage and another human being.
Sometimes the attraction just fizzles
The problem is that the attraction is only at a physical level. You need way more than attraction and chemistry to make a relationship work. Even love is not enough. Matthew Hussey outlines the 4 levels you need. The most important is Compatibility.
how quickly are we talking?
I see so many videos and articles like this, but I so rarely see any advice for the couples who don’t fight. What do you do when it’s just dead between you? Sure under the disconnection is unmet needs or unmet expectations but what if we don’t even know what those are we just know we are miserable inside??
Somebody please answer this
Usually it’s lack of communication but counseling can help. As long as there is not any abuse whether it be physical, emotional or financial then counseling can help and if you can’t afford counseling check out RUclips for videos to help. If that doesn’t work it’s okay to let go of the other person and take a break to clear your minds and figure out what each person needs.
I would say therapy here is your answer. Both individual and couples therapy. I say this because therapy is a great way to self discovery, which seems to be what you are both lacking. You will have to work on yourself and in getting to know your needs. This can be scary but will be life changing. It is possible that in the process of finding yourselves, you’ll find that you know longer like the “new” other person. That’s ok. It is possible too that you will be able to start anew on a more solid foundation and create something wonderful for you two. Whatever happens, know that the moment you start the journey things will never be the same again, it will be either the end or the beginning of your new marriage together.
Assume the problem isn’t the person you are staring at but the real problem lies within yourself. Someone else can’t know what you want if you don’t know yourself. Aslo realize not all of your needs can be met by your spouse and think about the fact that not every need you have should be met.
@ oh yeah for sure!! Already thought about that! Like a lot! Been trying to “change myself” for almost a year now with seemingly no progress with respect to feeling any more “connected” or “bonded” with my spouse. I pray that God will change my wants and desires so that I can just be happy with the way things are, but that’s tough too. Turns out it’s just not quite that black and white. But I shall persevere and keep trying!
*Every choice comes with loss.*
At least they’re not waiting until morning to do their dishes,
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@kanereallcareful. This is a bot
Lot of good inputs..new perspective..thanks
Wonderful❤❤
1 always love more then the other. I'm that one currently.
2:53- if he makes the same mistakes everytime and I react...shall I stop reacting? Is that change?
I did that too...then I just explain him what he is expected to be doing by the society.
We Indians think a lot about society. There are some things which are not acceptable in society and also some things not acceptable in a relationship. Usually in India- PPL get into relationship to get married one day and have family. ..as the situation ship, live in funda is not good for the mental health of any person I personally feel.
She is taking about anxious avoidant attachment i have
I wish my still husband would hear this!
But what if you like your operating system and really don't like the other's suggested system but they demand you do?
You are not single anymore. There are 2 people in the relationship and that means, you need to compromise.
And these people will always paint us dark and blame us for everything in the world. God...the abuser is very irrational.
Really Here my life no girlfriend,no lover,no wife in till now. Because I am short height guy and low wealth. No one girl like with me and not married to me. Really I am sad and facing many problems in my life 💔😔😭. I have pain fully my life.😢
😢😮😢😢
Dont be sad, there is more to life than getting married. I pray to God that u may find a very good and loving partner for u, but even if that doesn’t happen, I pray that your surrounded by people who love u very much. I pray and hope u may find purpose in God and your family and friends
@@celene8556 thanks you very much for your words 🙏🙏 🙏 by brother or sister.
Honestly, I’m the same way and I thought it would for sure end when I got married. But nope, it really messed me up… not gonna go into too much detail but long story short, I wish I’d found out who I was without describing myself with a relationship. Marriage just amplifies all of the issues you may already have sometimes I feel.
Sry dear but from today on start feeling loved coz Jesus came to save all of us❤ and he has a genuine love to everyone so stop being miserable one day God will locate your soulmate who will love you unconditionally 😊.
21 years still in still wondering.
If me and partner know that we dont have future together because pf some family issues, and we know that our families are not allowing us together, shall we end this relationship ?
I watched the video. Great!
Look at the comments…a bunch of people who missed the entire point because their “choice” was “right”. Our world is a joke.
0:12 0:24 0:25
What does one do with mad dogs, huh?
I’m so confused I need help guys😭😭
Please what is the woman's name? The woman answering these questions.
Esther perel
What’s her RUclips? She’s highly intelligent on the matter
Why speeding up her talk cutting out the pauses? It makes it stressful to listen to…
You not there anymore but you stay for children after 32, your married
Why do guys get to disrespect women but I have to be nice what is the god damned problem why do they want me to be super nice but it varies to the next guy. i said i have no problem being nice. but W H Y
Why do they say be gentle. ALWAYS. They do not tell the other guy to be gentle.
Hire help. Make someone else do the dishes.
This guy has creepy eyes
You lost me at, "WE do the dishes!" If you have to do ANY chores around the house. Including rubbing one out, why are you then living with a woman. Might as well live alone if she refuses to carry out her role in a marriage. It'll hurt her more than you, especially if she's in her mid 30s and is a high earner. If she complains about the workload being too much, then get her a sister wife, and now she has help. This ain't a democracy, do as you're told or lead yourself!
Read the Bible , and understand positions in relationship between man and woman, bible is the key, God first before anyone, women’s submission is the one thing most women failing
I am so done with all modern day women i have been married cheated on lied to and used multiple times i have been hurt way too many times im single for life they are all the same trust no women
Bitterness is a choice..
With the utmost respect, what would you say is the common denominator in *every* one of your relationships?
In this very video, within the first 3 or so minutes, Esther says we are often so concerned with changing the other person when it’s so much easier to ask ourselves, “What can I do different/better?”
Go find a woman from another country.
@@elled1321 good point
I am really sorry For you , but its not Like that, also we have to Set our bounderis, and continue even if is difficult ❤🎉
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him
His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
He is Fatherabulu has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked he up now online. impressive