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8 Signs It's Time to End the Relationship - 12 Week Relationships Podcast #8
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- Опубликовано: 10 ноя 2021
- An unhealthy or toxic relationship can seriously affect your mental and physical health. Thinking of sticking around? Here are 8 signs that it might be time to walk away.
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I think when we start searching videos like this... it's time.
the biggest sign that you should call it quit,is you searching up for this video.
wake up people
1: Physical and emotional abuse
2: Lack of energy and get sick often
3: That person goes for a while and you relax, instant relief.
4: Constantly anxious and nervous. Always thinking more about other person than yourself and putting your needs aside.
6: Conversation goes towards argument, no middle ground and whoever can argue the best one. Strong criticism.
7: Being criticized for being independent.
Thank you
Ty bro
What is number 8? I heard them get to number 7 then I went back and listened and did not hear them mention a number 8. Thank you very much in advance. 😊
Im in the middle of a pretty bad relationship, its tough because we both still want to keep going, but at the same time our communication has hit rock bottom, and its starting to feel like all of the problems are being made my fault, when its clearly both of us. I guess Im going to just cut it off, I genuinely want a feesh start, the feeling of being able to make little mistakes and things will still be okay. Good god, just being able to talk about a problem im having and actually feel listened too, instead of immediately attacked.... damn
I am the main bread winner in my toxic relationship, but she's the one who effectively used to drain me with her problems... all the time. I knew everything about her struggles, her work, her friendships, her family.... sometimes it would be months before she'd actually ask me: how was your day? how is your work going? how do you feel? ... everything was about her, I felt like an emotional punching bag.
This is so sad what did she say when you told her how you felt? 😢
Months? That's just sad in general. I hope you're okay now and you've healed. 🥺
Did you ask her those questions daily? Did you give to emotionally as you wanted her to give to you? Right off the bat I heard, "I'm the main breadwinner." That is a red flag to me. I hear you believe your job ends when you get off work so you don't give her the emotional side of you that she needs so she stops giving it to you. Just my opinion but it's a pretty commen thought in men.
I felt this to the core, finally cut it off didn't like that I was mean about it but I got dumped in a blindsided and gaslight then she came back a month after we hooked up. And she started the BS again I'm good.
My relationship is coming to an end. I feel hope sometimes. But deep down i know he will never come to the table and work through things with me. I believe he thinks he is above it and doesnt need to heal with me.
Its been clear ive been used and in a narassictic relationship for a very long time. I thought our goals and dreams would unite us but it has pushed us further apart although we have accomplished alot. Every video i watch i hope that maybe im over judging the relationship. But seems like all these types of videos confirm something i dont want to be true.
I feel the same now. How did things turn out for you?
I needed to hear this..
I’m always tired, totally feel stagnant when I use to be energetic full of life..he physically and mentally drains me with the anxious attachment. I now realize that I have to let this relationship go as friends..
thank you both
Its really hard to be with someone with an anxious attachment style especially when they didnt heal from past traumas. You often have to jump into the role of a therapist and forget about yourself. Long story short you might help the person out, but meanwhile you get sick yourself. Take care.
That’s how I felt in my relationship, like I was her therapist and life coach. Not a good place to be, and eventually it becomes too much.
I helped heal him in the end making myself traumatized. He became better and made some realization then dumped me. My purpose was served, hence I was no longer needed.
That's how I feel with an Avoidant. Having to put my needs aside, be ignored and tiptoe around them without ever daring to criticize (they always feel attacked). It's draining !
Seems like maybe you have an avoidant personality type. They unfortunately usually attract. An avoidant has 0 emotional nutrition to give the person that needs it the most. I'm an anxious attachment type and when I'm with a ^secure^ (woman) almost 0 issues. When i am with an avoidant the neediness starts popping up and I am not happy. It is really the lack of intimacy that makes them feel like you need to be their therapist.
This was amazing. It made me realise I made the right choice yesterday.
Even when I'm trying to be positive in a regular conversation, she's full of criticism and negative comments.
When I do something romantic it usually seems to go unnoticed and unappreciated.
When I do something wrong and I hold my hands up to it, she explodes at me at a level you'd usually see when you find out your partners cheated. When in reality she is mad that I didn't park the car near the mall.
I stopped going gym to spend more time with her. I stopped playing games which i only did occasionally to balance life. I started behaving in ways to avoid arguments and even then any small trivial petty matter was blown way out if proportion and I'm the one saying "come on bbe let's move on there's no point of us being mad at each other" and then we'd go back to cuddling.
Only when I started crying in front of her for the first time because I'm tired of her outbursts did she seem satisfied and came hugging me, but even then continued to call me names.
So so so glad I broke up with this woman. I hope she becomes aware of how difficult she can be (she admits she is). I hope she actually works on herself because she said she couldn't change. And i told her anyone can change with the right attitude, commitment etc.
No grudges here, I wish her the best. It's a shame, we had many good things going.
It sounds like she may have been cheating. Sometimes people get ultra, defensive and argumentative when they’re hiding a secret like cheating.
It also happening to me, my wife always falsely accusing me that I cheated or cheating on her after 20 years of marriage and 8 children, She said It was a nightmare for her that She married me
Good choice. Your life will improve hers will just be more of the same. Once the namr calling is the norm save yourself.
Very true in the getting sick part. Ive always been in toxic raltionships for the last 20 years. I waa always getting sick and it waa always the worst. Ive been happily single for the last year and a half and I can't believe the improvement its had on my health and well being. I get sick but not near as much and its way more tolerable. I just feel better all over. Its becaus im happy and stress free.
Sadly the best years of my 49 yo life were when I was single. I was single about 12 of 23 years . I wasn't having much sex at all but I did a lot with my weekends and vacations. I also looked my very best and was fun to be around. Most women today either drain your energy, your wallet and dreams. Very few couples I've seen look truly happy after 2 years. I used to think real love existed but it is rare. I believe smart/ Alpha men chose and hold on to the good women early. After 30yo it's mostly damaged women demanding premium treatment for lackluster passion. They need to settle because all the party girls are finding security. After having their fun and you starting your financial peak...( a lot of sex) they want babies and will have you work while being the guy she settled for. Once the kids are 6 and start school there is a good chance you will be in a sexless mariage. You will have no choice but to leave find ypur balls again. Unfortunetly at the expense of seeing your kids less. Usually yhe man in between 38 and 45 at this point. The nrw reality. 😢
I recently left a relationship with a diagnosed gal with BPD / PTSD! I thought I could spoil her with love & kindness! Every three weeks the hell would rise! She could never answer a straight question morally or required commitment!!
I just ended a relationship. I wish I had listened to this a long time ago. I felt like you were talking about my relationship. Solidifies that I did the right thing.
So true what Pye says at around 10:25. As I became aware of the nature of the toxic relationship and started to discuss the problems, my SO of 14 years started the gaslighting and blaming me for the problems. What's crazy, is I started to believe the distorted reality! It took keeping a diary, writing literally what happened, so I could look back and refer to it, so that the gaslighting became clearer. But even then, it was such a fight in my mind to believe the truth rather than the distorted reality my ex tried to manipulate with. The relief when I left, the calm, wow it was awesome, but obviously sadness happened too. It takes time to heal.
I'm going thru same shit now brother, the distorted reality really hit home, manipulations real, it's crazy to see how clear ur mindstate is after spending time away
It’s one thing when you afraid that relationship won’t work and it’s completely another when the family of a your partner telling you that your relationship won’t work. If we are talking about insecurities, it’s rarely happens until someone will give you a good reason for insecurity and after that betrayal you are just not the same person anymore.
I got pretty upset when you mentioned point #4. Idk how to end this pain. I feel like I'm a prisoner and slave. I can't even leave because I pay for everything, the car she drives, house, her cell phone, all the groceries. Meanwhile taking care of the boys. I have no trust that they will be okay without me and I am stuck. I hate this
Sorry to hear. Have you spoken to her?? letting her know how you’re feeling .
@@tracyann1664 every time I try to have a conversation with her about anything, I get excuses. She hasn't really ever taken accountability for anything. We just talked about finances a couple days ago. I borrowed $13k to help her out and she's still spending and racking up debt. I'm to the point where I can't help her out with anything unless she acknowledges that she is irresponsible.
Thanks was questioning myself there for a minute and wondering whether I made the right choice dumping my girlfriend of 5 months but yall made me realize that I'm way too young to be getting emotionally depleted in a relationship, and that being happier alone is healthy.
It goes for every age.
Wow thankyou! I ended a 10yr relationship with 3 kids because the last 4yrs my emotional bank account has been negative and ive felt constantly drained but each time i tried to walk away my fears pulled me back in and the belief that just because it didnt feel good it wasnt a "good enough" reason to walk away. This has brought me immense relief and has reminded me that im doing the right thing for myself and for my very important role as a mother of 3 beautiful children. Thankyou for your insights 😊
I disagree about rebounds. Sometimes you stay in a relationship way after it's dead out of guilt. By time you finally pull the trigger on it, you've already healed and got over it while still in it. Meeting the girl I was interested in and 'rebound' to was my motivation to finally leave an abusive relationship. We're going great. I vetted properly for red flags etc. I am absolutely not an abuser or evolved into one I can assure you lol.
10.15 - really good point. No longer tolerating the bad is you trying to save yourself
I believe I have a decent marriage but we lack intimacy. I think this is beginning to be an issue as I see us drifting apart and acting as roommates. Married 20 yrs now. We are both 40yrs old.
Thanks guys; appreciating the life education classes with increased proactive positive input from a man's perspective ❤
Agree: it is very important to choose person wisely really; after my separation I completely understand that in relationship love is not enough especially marriage; the most important thing is to find someone who fear and love God because the life is hard you need both of you to look for something beyond yourself that will guide both of you as life foundation to be able to survive.
Let's talk about long-term relationships where the man strings along the woman for years. What dynamic does that scenario entail?
This is a really good podcast. I saw this at the right time. Leaving a relationship that really wasn't what I wanted all total. I knew I wanted out, but felt guilty about his feelings. I now see I'm nor responsible for his happiness. Thanks so much. Great show.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hello dear friend, how are you and nice to meet you here, i want to say you really pretty.
I do get the happier alone- I am an alone person though too- I love being with just the kids and animals, garden- I hear his car and I get on focus- like I love me all day and get me then I feel judged as soon as that car comes in the drive- I want to change this since he is trying to be better- but I keep having it- I love when he works out of town because I will have a zero judged evening where I feel less.
Enjoyed that conversation. It's always easier to relate to an expert by experience. "I had probably mourned the loss of my relationship a decade prior". I definitely can relate to that. Just before breaking up with my ex I wrote her an email, which was a major mental effort again that she denounced within 2 minutes after receiving it, and then thought: I remember writing this before. So I checked my email, and low and behold, I did. Ten long years ago. The message, the language and tone, of that previous honest attempt back then (many would follow and all would fail), to carefully and unequivocally explain myself, was so absurdly similar that it left me dazed and confused for weeks. How could I not remember ? She blamed me so many times for not being able to accurately relate our many crises. Unsurprisingly, those were always stress tests of my sanity and truly calm nature (she says I'm slapping her in the face with words). We almost never got past the invalidation of what I thought was reality. Crazy town is not a place that I revisit happily. So, ten years later I finally give up. From one day to the next, and to my own surprise. And I've experienced exactly the same since that day. I don't miss her. I feel enormous relief. I have my life back. And as it seems, I must have prepared for this emotionally months before. I'm not sad. There's one odd thing though that I don't really understand. It has probably to do with that email that I appear to have sent ten years ago. What was I thinking, all those precious years, in terms of making that mess of a relationship work ? On a cerebral level, how much of a pathetic self- depreciating sucker for love does that make me ? I'm not mourning the loss of my relationship. I am mourning ME.
This was so good for me to watch today. This is exactly to a T what I am going through right now. Thank you! I feel stronger...
I think we know when it is not a good fit...we just can't seem to pull the plug quickly enough. When the relationship makes us feel: scared, worried about the future, anxious, depleted, alone and ignored, shamed , disrespected, used, tired, frustrated emotionally and sexually, isolated, anf negative. Pretty much it brings the worst in us. In my case my relationahip has made made me sicker than i have ever been. I've been trying to make it work but it's improved but not sure if it's enough.
Thanks that really hit home. I got dumped and this let me reflect on what the woman that dumped me is feeling. She feels better without me unfortunately.
3: That person goes for a while and you relax, instant relief.
4: Constantly anxious and nervous. Always thinking more about other person than yourself and putting your needs aside.
I wish I had heard this 2 years ago, I would be happy and would not have rushed into a relationship that I feel stuck in,
So good I saw this just got out of a 8 week relationship where the person I was seeing started telling me they could train me, told me to answer their calls immediately and follow their FB posts. It was draining then I found out he was texting people I know for dates. So glad I found this out before I was invested in this relationship.
Well done
Hello dear, you're very beautiful and attractive! where are you from?
5:44 omg 😵💫😮💨🤧 i’ve been sick 2 times since my divorce. But in my marriage i was so sick all the time 🥲😵💫🤧 that’s some shadow work imma look at tonight.
Crazy right?
Abuses
- Verbal : “ I did it because you …..”.
- mental costs: partner disappears for days & it makes other anxious/stressed. Or off/on relationship inconsistency, lying, mistrust
- cheating
- one sided r/s
- always negative about others
- doesn’t want to work on r/s or self
- unresolved issues trauma
- insecurity
- making up things to get mad & leave “set up”
- no communication both partners mind reading
- criticism , lack of regard, contempt/not listening
- disrespect
-
-
You both are awesome ❤ looking forward to hear from you guys talking about romantic relationship with mental illness people.
I found the body language that the two presenters exhibited interesting.... it seems to say volumes! But the discussion is what I was here for and needed to hear.
Can you elaborate on the body language?
I had constantly migraine and I didn't know why. Got divorced and it stopped also instantly and because of your video I now know why...
I would like to hear you speak about when a woman has to provide for the man because life has change there is very little traditional relationships where the man only provides... It's been my case for 5 years providing for a man that has no aspirations and I recently decided to leave for my own well being. We have kids in the mix which complicates it.
Been in a 15 year marriage and maybe i just woke up to fact that i wasn't as emotionally invested i had been in years past. I think i know when it started and I just buried to stay with the status quo for our kids. I've finally realized what it has been doing to me emotionally and mentally. So we have had a few talks in recent weeks about separating. It's not that I don't care about her i just can feel myself turning into someone i don't want to be. Maybe being on my own will help my mental and emotional health. This podcast has given me alot to think about. I just hope for my kids sake it all goes smoothly with whatever happens next.
so you abandoned your wife and kids - nice
@pooscifer hey man, hes trying to do the right thing don't try to act all perfect
@@migueldeleon118 the right thing is not abandoning your family. wanna know what's worse than being judged? abandonment issues for life
@@pooscifer he's not leaving his kids he's leaving him and his wife's relationship. Staying with her could effect the kids as well. It really is a hard situation
@@migueldeleon118 idk why pro divorce people never look up studies - children consistently show a greater likelihood of divorce, behavioural problems, worsened academic performance in response to divorce. moreover even in families in which parents are fighting, if they don't get divorced the children are less likely to get divorced themselves.
As soon as I started to realize that I was being emotionally abused my wife up and left. She said I was toxic. Blew my mind.
One thing that made me stay longer than I should have is that it seemed so big. You do not have to commit all the way to divorce when you leave. Although expect it. All you have to do is remove yourself from the situation and take a step back to think more clearly without the chaos. Normally that's enough incentive for the other party to find some courage and act on what they've been plotting for a long time.
But if the other person continues to hide their reality so they can dodge accountability, then so be it. You can make these big decisions in stages. Baby steps. But again, once you make the move to distance yourself, it will give them the courage they've been lacking. They will try to dodge responsibility but it's not the time to fight that battle. You need the honesty more than anything. You will be shocked what they are thinking. They have been two chicken to even try and fix anything. They don't know how to troubleshoot. They don't want to know how. They want to blame you. Time will show what happened. Just protect yourself and get to a safe place to think and heal😢 more quickly.
Remember that the other party also has decisions to make. It's going to hurt how deceived you were but it's more important that you understand the reality of their feelings so you can make better decisions for yourself and your kids.
Just make a quick plan of Escape, grab your necessities and account numbers and cash and take pictures of everything you can to prove condition and value of at least the newer things. You don't know this person you've been dealing with when they are put under pressure like is coming toward them. Faster you figure that out the less pain and betrayal you will be in. They didn't change. You just didn't have the truth. Work on getting yourself out of the situation.
I had three kids in three schools and I still should have left and just had them take a break. They needed it as badly as I did. Took me years to find that out and I regret thinking they would be fine and I was hiding the severity of it all. But turns out they were as affected as I was.
The first 2seconds..i did that and lucky enough i actually caught myself re-enacting the toxicity...since then i give myself time off ..ended a 16yr related and am now 11mths into my minimum 12months healing period....i feel great, im not comparing potential partners to my ex in any way....
great video
This was really sound and practical information on a real level. I found it really relatable.
Thank you for inserting your personal experiences and compassion for all parties involved. It helped me sort out certain feelings without feeling flooded or too triggered.
I am thinking about calling it quits with my new girlfriend. We have only been together for 2 months and she has been in too many coincidences and she hasn’t respected me since the beginning. I gave her zero reason to not respect me but it’s just her default setting with guys. We got through it a few times in the beginning but I’m starting to see this is going to be a long term situation I will have to deal with. My gut feeling has been screaming at me since the beginning
Sorry to hear that, but it’s good that you’re taking an honest look at the relationship
@@jayedsun yeah I ended up calling it quits. It sucks because I wanted to make it work but too many lies and shady situations. If you care about someone then it’s genuinely hard to put them into shady situations because you can just be truthful with them. It’s whatever. I’m taking some time to myself and working on things I need to for the time being
Dealt with sort of the same thing. She had this guys who would flirt with her constantly. She didn’t flirt back but she entertained it by saving his chats and not blocking him let alone letting him know how she’s happy dating me. I didn’t know I had to explain how this is wrong and hurtful towards me. She begged to stay with me and tried to do a lot of things to keep me but I couldn’t take it anymore and ended things. It was super hard we hung out all the time she was always there. I’m an only child too. So it was nice. But I had my doubts from the beginning then it felt good and then that event happened and everything went south.
@@313Marc hope you are doing well my man. It’s not worth the headache and stress being with someone who doesn’t give you loyalty and respect. I am far happier without her at this point so you will get there too
Avoidant also get sick to avoid the relationship and feel relief after the other was gone. Just saying. To be anxious can be of the abandonment wound. There is so much in our past what comes up in a romantic relationship.
I am anxious attached, with abandonment wounds, married a man I wasn’t attracted to, but had a very abusiv 5 year relationship before, and this man was kind. After 20 years of marriage I left, because I wasn’t happy. It was the wrong motivation to marry, but at this time that was all I was able to do. But we have 3 beautiful kids, and for this it was worth!
Now I am in therapy for almost two years, and it was the best decision. I would suggest go to therapy before marriage!😅
"mhmm, yeah, mhmm, yeah, mhmm, yeah, mhmm, yeah, hmm, yeah, hmm, yeah, mhmm..."
I’m a co-dependent & I intentionally did something to hurt the person I loved as a cry for attention. I had a psychotic moment? Craving attention & affection?? I’m not sure why I did it but at the time I felt emotionally numb, and for several days afterwards. And then when I realized I had totally lost the person & that I deserved to lose them because of what I did, that’s when I finally started feeling emotions and they were/are horrible. I just ended a relationship because my codependent nature caused my expectations to be unreasonable & needy, which led me to make the poor decision of lashing out & truly hurting the person I love in a way that cannot be undone. How do I forgive myself? I caused them extreme pain & also hurt myself in the process.
Love this and can truly relate. Thank you 🙏
I’m constantly sick … I understand now
I got pneumonia twice and and went to the E.R in one year. He didn't even stop the abuse.
I was married for 19 years and have 8 children, working nighttime and taking care of our children during daytime while She is working, then suddenly 2 years ago She accusing me that I’m cheating on her, for 2 years She always gaslighting me all day long, before we sleep, then I woke up hearing those accusations again, It never ends, She said that She wasted her life marrying me
This show is all about my recent marriage
When i was in an unhealthy attachment yes i was always ill in my chest and lungs. Our lungs are connected to sadness and i was sad all the time. I also went to university to learn spanish nothing would sink into my brain 20 hours a week studying. I went back years later to learn spanish with just 2 hours a week (out of this relationship) to absorb all the language to now b fluent. I could not relax in that time frame a new language would not process in my brain.
So glad I found this podcast!
So three weeks ago my girlfriend decided to end things. Initially gave me a load of reasons which seemed quite superficial. We met online and we dont live locally (but not that far) I asked her numerous times if this was a problem and she reassured me it wasn't. She was the first person to say she was falling in love with me, I felt the same but expressed this later. Some context, both have children from previous relationships (her's lasted 10 years, mine 9) she was married I wasn't. She came from an abusive home, ex husband was also abusive (mentally and verbally), I had a stable home growing up, despite losing my dad at 15 years old. Have only ever treated her with kindness, respect and with love.
After the excuses she told me she still had feelings for her ex, he hasn't been horrible to her for 3 weeks and has been hanging around when we're spending time together, using the excuse of the kids and then saying how she's his only love.
I feel totally screwed by this and that I've been lied to, I was ready to move on from my ex and I kept saying to her she wasn't over him, but reassured me otherwise.
When I told her I loved her I meant it and just feel that I've been told something not true to lure me in, or use me to make her ex jealous.
I've asked her not to contact me, but I miss her and am just hoping she reaches out to me.
Any advice from anyone else who's been in a similar situation.
I can relate to this. I was the complete opposite of my significant others ex wife. She was an abusive drama queen with narcissistic personality traits. Because of my calm and understanding nature, he never felt the same drama in our relationship so he never felt like it was really love! What I am thinking happened with you could be similar. The drama from her marriage is baked into her subconscious. She is addicted to the ups and downs of drama since it feels like love to her. It’s familiar to her nervous system. Your love is steady and strong, but according to her unhealthy understanding of what love is, your love lacks the passion/excitement of drama which she equates with love. I know you are taking this quite hard, but you have done nothing wrong. She doesn’t see how incredible you are because she’s still activated by drama. Please do not contact her. The only way she will see what she’s missing is if you stay away. No contact is the only way. Sending you a big hug from afar
I subscribed for the awkward transitions 😂🙈😂🌼
Haha, welcome to the channel!
Im currently battling the thoughts of divorcing my husband. He has constantly told me I am a bitch, or I cant support myself and I should be lucky I get to be a stay at home mom. He only does it when he is angry... I would get interviews and jobs and he would encourage me to quit if i cant stay with the kids. If i get a job.. i am solely responsible for daycare since i am going outside our agreement in marriage... even though he told me if i want to spend money i need to get a job. He would need me to wake up with him at 4 am because it was just to lovely to stay in bed with me..
I told him last week i wanted a divorce because my daughter (10 year old, not his) was front and center to him calling me worthless and that i sit on my ass all day.... her hurt in her eyes... it broke me... he is love bombing now... but i already see the cracks in how he understands how much he will need to work being a single parent. He threatened to take them a state away to his extended family... i have two other kids in state... i cant abandon them... i feel stuck... i know he will do it again because weve been together 4 years and its been this way. Then he will have me have some drinks so I forget.... i know people will say this is one side of a story... so i am fighting the sense that maybe i am overthinking and he is fine and i am the crazy one.
He sounds really controlling to me , resents you not having a job at times,but when you have independence and try to have a job tries to convince you it’s not a big deal not having one ,sounds like he is insecure and always worried that if you got your independence you would leave him so he has to always keep the power and let you know who is in charge. People like that usually will say or do anything to hurt you and try to keep control, making you think there is no option but to stay . Hopefully you get through this and do what’s best for you and your kids 🌻
@@Jaaaaayyy thank you 😌
Gain your independence.
Man good videoing Im living In one now. I think I have no choice to move forward in life alone for a few years to get back in track
I do love the video... but what about when your partner is perfect, supportive, non-toxic... and yet for some reason you feel relieved and healthy when they're not around?
I would like to hear some stories from Dr Glenn. I can also relate to Pye using himself in the example of experiencing physical symptoms. I still struggle with a bit of poor sleep. These podcast helps me. Thank you.👍🙂
Will do! Thx for being here
Once tou love more you gonna get in trouble if they leave you for someone
For the past 12 years I’ve felt this stress when I come home. Like I’m “on gaurd” for whatever may happen. It honestly feels like being in jail or something similar.
She was a single mom that called me when she was three months pregnant with baby number two. Trying to be the good guy I believed her when she said it “had to be mine”. Had the child tested as soon as she was born and guess what? Turns out all three people tested…..we’re not the father. By then I was attached to the existing child as was he to me. So I decided to play daddy. A few years later she became pregnant and this had to be mine right? Meanwhile I barely touched her and the time she became pregnant was the first time in months and I used a condom. It didn’t break. I checked and emptied it in the bathroom after. I’ve always had my thought that it wasn’t mine, but was afraid it would kill my mother who was attached to all three kids at this point.
So I married her. I look at it like serving a prison term and someday it will be over.
We haven’t slept together literally since that time several years ago. We don’t even sleep in the same room.
She’s a 40 year old stripper and we hate each other. I don’t want to lose half my sh*t and I don’t want to mess up the kids lives, but the longer I stay the less chance she’ll have to sucker some other fool in.
I just don’t know how to end this and get away. I was literally thinking while I was standing at the alter “wtf am I doing right now”. This situation sucks……is there any shot this will actually work out or cut my losses and head for the hills right now?
Your life sounds like something straight from the Jerry Springer show. I have no advice, only condolences.
Listen to 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover and make a plan to get out of your dysfunctional relationship. You shouldn’t have to live like you feel like you feel like you are serving a prison sentence in your home.
So sorry to hear. You sound like a good man. I hope whatever you decide to do, trust yourself and love yourself. 🙏🏼
It sounds like there's no chance it will work out and you should cut your losses and leave. Stripper, no intimacy, you don't even sleep in the same room, got pregnant again without you, disrespects you in very serious ways. Your prison sentence is voluntary. You have the choice to end it and be free again.
When you feel the video is for you, but your emotions don't let you end it? You feel that the good qualities of your partner are unmatchable?
Hi you mentioned in 15:18 that if you leave a toxic relationship and jump into another one. You go from experiencing being abused and toxicity to being an abuser and toxic person.
I wanted to know more about this and can’t find any articles on this. I was in a very toxic relationship and he was very abusive (mentally, emotionally, verbally). After him I gave myself 1.5 years to be alone and focus on myself. I thought I healed from the relationship. Then I met my now ex and was with him for 4.5 years. He reminded me of all the male figures from my past. And slowly I ended up becoming my toxic ex. I never knew I could turn into someone like him as I hated how he treated me. Idk how this even happened as this guy was treating me better than any other guys I’ve dated. How is this even possible?
The irony is i want her to beg me back but know that would make me weak and would not be the right thing for either of us so actually don't want her to beg me back 🤷♂️
My bf has punched me in the eye, threw me to the ground, threatened to throw me down the stairs. He lied n said he had no kids, i found out he had 3. He even lied about having wifi at work. Said he doesn't watch porn, was in his phone. He promised he never watch it again, he did. When i try to have a civil discusdion he screams. I feel im at fault too cause I'm jealous because I don't trust him n constantly questioning if he lying. Im drained, but decide to stay
Why would you stay in a relationship like that? Whatever you do, don’t marry him.
Look up trauma bonded. Him watching porn should be the last of your worries. Getting out of this karmic relationship safely main concern ❤
Seek counseling pray hv a personal relationship with God
In those desperate/sick times, wouldn't one also crave their partner if that's the only support system they have? Couldn't that also be written off as codependency?
We both said and feel these things but i was the one always available less busy and drop what im doing or made to feel guilty even though i am doing so.
I broke up with him, but now I don’t feel better alone. Any advice for that? Do I need more time?
@@Music4life922 I agree
You need more time to heal. Don’t look at his stuff… if it was toxic there’s nothing you can do except give it time. They need to heal and so do you
That's a big fear of mine that's kept me stuck for way, way, waaaay too long. It's gotten to the point where I am so miserable that I can't possibly feel worse alone. Trust that you are going through discomfort that will end vs discomfort that will only get worse. There's pain involved with staying and leaving; one of them will lead you to a more positive place, and one will only take you deeper into suffering. Hang in there, stay the course, trust yourself- you left for a reason, and seek joy in the small things. Gratitude= relief. Make gratitude lists on paper or do a quick "5 things I'm grateful for" in your mind when you need a mental change of direction. Also, I find when I ask someone else about themselves, how their day is going, what's going on in their life, etc, it's a wonderful way to get outside myself and be there for another person. Win win! Good luck, I'm pulling for you! Sending you lots of positivity❤
What if there are kids involved? This one really confuses me I just want to be close to them but they can see and understand because we live in separate bedrooms same house I don’t speak unless necessary and mostly has to do with the kids. The house we’re in is bought by her now she asserted I move out, been almost 15years. But I’m stuck working around but from a different city. Confused
Kids need to see happy loving relationships. Staying for the kids isn't doing them any favors if this is what they see.
The one I was with had withing cpl months came out of a huge toxic situation and I was there for her but as time went she shifted everything onto me. But it did get verbally and by actions flipped back and fourth. Lots of blocking happened over the smallest convos
I had the same experiences of 25 years together
When you realize you are the toxic person 😔 (I am the Tina example you gave @18:00 except I have a job & was not completely dependent on my partner, however we did live together)
The guy in the left obviously feels less pressure being out of a full time father partner roll . I see this a lot it’s not that they’ve gone in to meet someone healthier or who they live more they’ve just swapped one situation for another .. one that’s less pressure on them gives them more time and more money and more space to be a partner .. lot men do struggle with full time father /partner support it’s not for everyone . They are relieved bec they don’t have all the responsibility anymore then they find a woman with less needs and less responsibilities like when they first met their ex then they say wow this is great .. it’s exactly the same just with less pressure and more personal time x
I just wanted to say thank you for showing me a little more and what toxic is cuz I thought I knew before watching this podcast but I was super naive and blind and clouded anything that has to do with not seeing that's what I was LOL I'm not saying I'm perfect but it's not okay to get accused of stuff the things her baby dad used to do because she had that relationship that was so abusive she had zero trust in me so one day she gave me an ultimatum I called her Bluff she blocked me moral of the story is thank you for helping me understand more why I made the decisions I made and that I cannot control hers even though my heart is extra broken cuz I really do love her I fell hard for her but it's just not the right time for her and I have to respect that and frankly I don't even think it was the right time for me and maybe she blocked me for a good reason so we didn't ruin anything what I'm trying to say is this podcast put my soul at ease I can take a little more clear now
Aggressively making babies! I love their dynamic! I want there friendship with my friends
What does it mean when my spouse constantly has to correct the way I talk? This marriage has affected my health. My marriage is 17 years.
What if your with a person that flip flopped telling you these things like your the best, then your the worst all the time. You made their life the best its ever been but all a suden the reason they dont feel good etc even though legitimately they have a chronic illness they dont even take meds for. So back and fourth, with blame and shamming and name calling. Then they leave you in shambles
What if I am the toxic one in the relationship? 😮
Sort your shit out then! Don't put it on someone else because that's not fair.
I just got broken up with so here i am
Loved the baby making opening 😂🎉❤
Can someone tell me how to divorce someone that has being diagnosed with an incurable disease.
The stigma!
Also, I believe when people are having to face mortality. I think they become very selfish.
Hey Pye, do you provide 1:1 sessions?
We do! You can join our waitlist here
12weekrelationships.com/join-the-waitlist/
came to watch a video with tips, and the bloke on the left hogged the whole show talking about his ex. Didn't know the video was a therapy session for him.
How frequently does he see his children? 50% would be ideal for the kids...
Uh infidelity?
Dint they gave lapel microphones?? What with those big pole ones fir?? To try to make it look more important!! Lmfao
My girlfriend broke up with me after this video but i realy want her back what cn i do. Plz rply
Let her go
work on yourself and forget about her. take whatever she said into consideration and reflect on your actions and what you want for yourself and whoever you end up with
Why do you want someone that doesn't want you?
~food 4thought
Dudes, get rid of those microphones. They are ferociously ugly. We live in the age of technology. Get it together
Dudes!!!! What's up with all the Bass in your voices??? Very annoying!
Really? Why even say anything at all?? Like they can help how their voices are. Get over yourself.
😅😂