Signs Your Marriage Is Over And Not Worth Fighting For | Signs You Need To Get Out NOW!
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- Опубликовано: 13 авг 2019
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What are the true signs that your marriage is over? What are the signs that your marriage is not worth fighting for? Welcome to HAPPILY COMMITTED
My name is Coach Adrian and I've dedicated my life helping people find happiness in their relationships. For a long time I helped people recover after break-up, separation, and divorces and now I'm focusing more on helping people create the relationship they want and to truly thrive in their relationship in order to avoid a breakup or a separation because I know how devastating it can be for both parties. And unfortunately sometimes a marriage is coming to an end. And I wanted to discuss the true signs that this is the end so that you know where you stand and you're not fighting in vain for a relationship that is quite frankly not worth fighting for.
The first sign that your marriage is over is when your partner is unable to stop putting their needs at your expense, even after you've communicated and try to rebuild a healthier marriage and connection in the relationship, if their happiness constantly comes at your expense and you are feeling worse, you're feeling overwhelmed, and quite frankly only one person is existing in that relationship, the marriage is coming to an end. Ultimately a relationship or marriage will be unbalanced if only one person is happy and that happiness comes and the others person's expense. So if you can relate to this it is probably a clear true sign that your marriage is over.
The second sign that a marriage is over is when you can't seem to find a way to get out of the blame mode or the blame game and it's quite common for people to argue to fight to bicker and to criticize in any relationship because we have a tendency of getting frustrated and it's a lot easier to blame someone else than to take accountability for our actions. But when after years and years, weeks after week, day after day, you are criticizing and blaming the other person's for your happiness and you are re-litigating past fights and living in the past it is a sign that your marriage is over.
The third sign that I've seen that indicated to me as a coach that my clients marriage was over is when one or the other party cannot seem to find any goodness in the other. And it's sad but I've seen this. I see this quite a lot towards the end of relationships or marriages where people are so consumed by their resentment their anger and they start to despise their significant other and they cannot even see one quality trait or attribute. And that unfortunately is very sad because clearly even though you may not be at a point where you can connect with each other, your partner has good qualities. They must. Because you fell for in love with them and because all human beings have a tendency to have good qualities. Unless of course you're in a toxic relationship or you're married to a sociopath. So if you cannot see any good in the man or the woman that you're with that is a clear sign that your marriage is over.
Another sign that your marriage is over is when your partner seeks to cut you off from your friends and your family, from the things that you love to do. And that extreme controlling behavior is a sign of toxicity and it's a sign that you need to make sure that you are aware of what's going on and that you're able to establish clear boundaries otherwise you're gonna find yourself in a downward spiral very quickly.
Ultimately if you or your partner are unwilling to change, if you or your partner think that the other person is the only issue, it's a sign that your marriage is over because a relationship or a marriage is like a garden that needs to be constantly and continuously nurtured and attended to. And when one person gives up the garden will grow weeds and unfortunately it is impossible to be in a relationship where both parties are not actively seeking to make it work. And we don't take divorce lightly. We are HAPPILY COMMITTED we want to make sure that no stone is left unturned, that everything is done before pulling the trigger because divorce is seldom not the right option for many people. We are HAPPILY COMMITTED and we want to make sure that everything is done in order to help you make sound decisions and to maximize your chances of being in a fulfilling healthy relationship with your spouse.
1) One's happiness come at the expense of another.
2) Constantly blaming each other.
3) Can't see good in your partner anymore.
4) Your partner wants to isolate you from your loved one.
5) Your partner is unwilling to change and thinks you're the only problem.
Your welcome
Ty I'm getting so f*n annoyed with the babbling. Just lay it out. I'll do with it what I need.
Thank you. This guy just blathered on endlessly.
Unfortunately, story of my life
Thank you so much for your professional honesty.
Thankful being single for ten years…
I don’t even have words… I’m just ready to end this crap. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Lack of Respect. Infidelity. Ignoring basic relationships needs. No communication.
Single is happiness. Marry yourself first. Relationships suck more the longer they last.
Not necessarily. I do think you’re right about the being single part. Everyone should spend at least 5 years being single before jumping into relationships and calling them official after a week. Spend some time alone,get to know yourself, be comfortable, secure and happy alone. Then you will be able to maintain a healthy relationship when or if the time arrives. The point is that either alone or with a matching person,you will be secure and happy.
You are so right
Don’t be like me and wait thinking things will change 😢 don’t wait for 44 years and then realize you wasted your life waiting for something that was never going to happen, despite many apologies and promises!!
Are you happier?
Finally have the courage to move on and let go! I’m at the point I don’t care what my husband does. That’s how I know I’m done
After about 20 years of marriage my kids are pretty big now. We got together very young, we are both almost 40. But I have realized that no matter how much I do or try I can’t make her happy. We have what everyone would say is the “perfect marriage” but it’s so hard yo keep things going. Things are not what they appear. I do not want to get to the point where we hate each other but I have lost all patience and am just tired. I just want to be alone the older I get. Lol… We are blessed to be single income family I supported through her school and took care of everything while she studied. It got to the point where my kid’s friends and their parents thought I was a single parent. I also felt like single parent e we it’s a roommate. I just feel so selfish and guilty for wanting to be alone now.
44 years. Wow.
Im there to 22 years 4 kids and im just done 😢
If you think it's over, it's over.
Damn right!!!
Damn right!!!
This comment is the exact sign I needed to see for a couple years. Thank you
Me too
Ye.. it's over.. it's not easy to accept it when we have happy kid together..
Your message is true. I feel resentment, anger, frustration and bitter towards my husband. We don't talk anymore. It is like we are in some time loop! The same thing over and over with no reward. I have went to therapy and worked on myself and he refuses to go. He can never say I'm sorry or admit he is wrong!
Are you still with him? 15 years, 2 kids. I'm in the middle of divorce. If you have even a little hope, stay and fight for it
My husband never apologizes to me and we been together for 8 years
@@kstua3276 Yes we have been married 29 years. Next month it will be 30. But I am so incredibly lonely. Everyday I secretly wish he would meet someone and leave me. Bc when I left him for 2 months he begged me to come back and that he wld change. But he told our son who didn't live with us and my son said how can I do this to his Father. My husband is a narcissist. He is cunning and manipulative. He tries to gaslight me. I don't think it will end well for us. He is such a bastard. I wish I would have listened to my friends and just stayed gone. But I fell for his bs again. He is sneaky and lies. Eventually I hope I can get the courage to leave. But when I left he didn't eat, was sick and he makes himself look like a great guy to everyone. But behind closed doors alone he is a monster. I have been recording him. Documenting everything. I want my marriage to work but he won't change. I'm a damn fool for staying this long. I wish you the best and admire your courage. But he has killed my self esteem. My confidence. He watches Pornography. Then tells me I crazy but he knows I saw his phone. Anyway, the time will come when this quicksand I am in right now is gone.
Same here. I cannot live under the same roof with him. We haven't been under the same roof in 10 months. He comes by my place every weekend (my days off) just to start drama. He drain me, and I really hate him to the core. I cursed the day I met him, but I adore my son. He has threatened to kill me, verbally abused me, lie on me, and gaslight me. I have let myself go
Have you given a thought to the possibility that he doesn’t need therapy and hasn’t done anything to apologize for?
If my marriage fails I would never do it again. I would date and have a girlfriend but that’s it.
I honestly thought my husband and I would be married FOREVER. I had never been so madly in love before and no one has turned my head since. Not even the tiniest of crushes. But here I am, after almost 19 years of marriage, it is over. This man is not the man I fell in love with. I no longer know who he is. This person is angry, a liar, sneaky and blames me for his mistakes. I had hopes, but I did ask for a sign. The sign came to me loud and clear 2 days ago. There is still a part of me who wants to deny the sign, but I know I cannot. I am scared, but hopeful.
What was the sign and how did you get the sign you asked for?
What did you do to make him act this way?
No offense just curious!
Peace and Blessings’
That's actually true right. How can you expect a person remains same for 19 years....Talk to him , Now he needs you the most. Tell him what is wrong with him. May be pressure or whatever. If there is a problem there has to be a solution. You are the only one who can handle him and save your family....
Dang. You described my husband's behavior entirely. We've been together for 13 years. I haven't always been stable but he loved me through it all. Things changed in this last year. I don't want to believe it but I know it's over.
just think it over.
Agree with all of the signs mentioned by this gentleman in this video. People should seriously go through marriage counseling before they get married. We should have serious courses in marriage. What is marriage? What is the purpose of marriage? What is the role of husband and wife in a marriage? What to expect from marriage? We go through years of college learning how to earn a living but not a single course on how to lead our life.
It’s cause the system is fucked. The government sees you as a number and doesn’t care unless you’re bringing them profit. That’s the harsh truth. The world is becoming more and more fucked with rental prices going up.
@@fizahaque why is it the governments fault or someone’s else’s fault that we don’t seek the education we need. Why do they need to tell us what to do?
@ThePjd2012 because it's the government that runs the education system. Unless it's a private school. You'd think ppl would knw this by now.
Did this make anyone else cry? 😞
Yes 💔
Yes
Omg the blame game starts at 8 am in this house and doesn’t end until 9pm it’s only been 2 1/2 years married and the blame game happens over small non important things and I’m so over the bickering
This is me rn. It's barely 2 years and it's tiring
Hello sweetheart I’m telling you start paying attention to the signs
I'm in this loop now I can't even view her the same nomo
Same here
He is correct. This completely resonates with me. I was married for 26 years. With three beautiful children. This is exactly what happened. I gave it my all. It never seem to make my ex happy with whatever I did. Come to find out, he had been cheating on me, then he turned it into anger, started putting his hands on me. Didn’t stop there. Putting his hands on me in front of the kids, creating fights in front of the kids, wan’t right. Divorce is the best solution. Thankful I’m following through with my divorce.
Hi
Same here!!!
So that anger he was directing was really him cheating all along? Because mine is doing the exact same thing.
Where is you accountability in all this? It takes two to tango.
I realized something seriously wrong when she hates not only the bad parts of me but the good parts of me too.
uggg, so hard to walk away even though I've known for years this is unhealthy and a waste of time and energy. sigh.
I understand it's hard to walk away. Please take a look at this article to understand when to give up on an ex.
Coach Adrian
You more than anyone in your world deserve Happiness. Choose Happiness. Choose You. And Love Yourself 100%. 😘
Been crying for months I know I'm not too
I feel you. Same here.
Same...
How concise and honest! I’m truly impressed. I think one of the really difficult things is when you’re in a relationship that seems healthy when things are going well but then completely undercuts you when things are bad. What if you respect and admire someone but then when things get bad they are totally unsupportive. I’d definitely rather be alone.
I agree with McDonald'
Sounds like my spouse spot on.
I am a forever husband not a temporary husband I will never leave my families side
After 20 years of marriage and trying and communicating my needs without reciprocation it’s pretty much over. When the expression of needs are met with anger you eventually grow tired and resentful and stop saying anything at all. I knew it was Rocky well before the open communication stopped, the flowers stopped, the sex stopped, and the excuses for staying away from home grew more. You eventually just don’t care anymore
Cool. 15 years in and we never really had successful ‘open communication’
Never had a singly hella fun day, never really seen genuine happiness on his face.
I don’t care any more. Divorce me, fuck me over, I don’t care. I’m done fighting.
I can say as a man who has done this myself. He is just tired, mentally. He needs a spark. I put myself out in my marriage the best I could and I got burnt out. I found myself not caring anymore not because I didn’t love but because I was mentally tired. I found everything in my life started to become blan and grey with no excitement no learning and nothing new. Which kills a man
How to find happiness after breaking such a long relationship?
This is my current situation in textbook definition
God help me
I envy you. I can't wait for the day where indifference takes the place of anger and sadness. I grieve everything. The past, the good times that are long gone. And of course the man I had them with. The present and the stings of pain from every lie, every blow off, the absence of love or concern from him as he watches me crumble with every affair uncovered.
But also the future. Everything we wanted, talked about and planned for just vanishes
My 20 year marriage shows all of these signs I tired every I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s clearly over and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I was told by a therapist that usually by the time a couple weeks counseling, it never works. One person still wants to work things out, and the other person doesn't. So by the time they get to the therapist, it's already a done deal and on it's way to over. She stopped doing couples therapy because of it. Sad, but true. Straight from a therapist's mouth.
We went to therapy three years ago but nothing has changed
Okay this is EXACTLY what my therapist said too. She doesn't do couples anymore either 😮
Reality is most therapists are quacks... With little experience and a host of their own traumas
@@MsElke11 so sorry to hear 🧡🙏
@@savonne wow
My husband asked for one more chance after another. Funny thing is, it seems like this time around he's serious about changing, but at this point I'm so worn out from disappointment I'm totally checked out and don't care if he changes. We're together for our daughter and I'm counting down the years until she's old enough to understand and have the divorce conversation. Meanwhile, I'm trying not to lose my mind being with someone I despise at this point. Sometimes I feel bad because he keeps trying so hard, but I just can't force myself to love him like I used to.
How has it been so far? Are you still with him?
Big mistake. You eventually gonna end up totally ruined from within if not with bunch of deseases as a result of this psychological torture throughout the years. I know a woman who did the same and she burnt all (or almost all) chances to be happy with someone else. Moreover, your husband has the right to be happy with someone else too. Your daughter is not an excuse for staying in that marriage. That's for sure.
hey im going through the same here. has anything change are you giving him a chance should i keep waiting ?
This is totally me😢 Im six years into marriage and scared to start over due to our kids. I am convinced that I will never look at him as a husband.
Do you think someone else will love you and your daughter more?
My wife left me without any warning oneday. She got off work early went home got a few things then when and picked up the kids and never came home. Texted me a few days later wanting a divorce. Up to this point I didnt know anything was wrong. A few months later she called me crying wanting to come back home. I asked for her reason for leaving and she said she started hanging out with her single friends more and she got jealous of the wild free life they were living and thought she wanted that. She said they started pressuring her to do this and that and eventually she did have an affair. I have never in my life heard someone beg as much as she did to come home but I couldn't allow that. I couldn't risk this heartache ever happening again. I mean our marriage was perfect. We were in the process of building a house and life was getting better and better. But it is what it is.
Thank you for sharing your story, Zachary. I can imagine what you're going through. Please watch this video, I believe it will be helpful for you.
ruclips.net/video/U-x846GUjME/видео.html
Coach Adrian
Sorry man
I doubt it was as perfect as you say. Otherwise you would have picked up on her feelings unless she's just that great of a liar/pretender. I'm just jaded and feel like most of us have had our eyes closed at one point or many.
Wish I could do that but he just chooses other women over me when we come to an argument he tends to take their side like I'm no one and here I am still bc I'm trying to save up and leave completely disappear I never wanted to have a single wild life I'm a wife material and I respected him even through the bad until I couldn't anymore took 10 years almost 13 now 🙄
@daylilopez6350 That's tough. Does he know? Not good to blindside the man
I have been married to a narcissistic man for over 2 decades. I just want out. I had cancer. It took how he has been treating me during this time for me to see him how he really is. I wish him well. I just don't want to live his life anymore. I want to live "our lives" together. We have never done that. I don't argue with him anymore. I just want peace and happiness. I have never had that with him.
Contemplating it because I'm tired of not being heard in the relationship. Nothing I say matters. He trusts his street friends over what I say. Stays out over his friends all night. I've gone to sleep so many nights alone. He spends more time doing him than us. We have 4 kids and even when he isn't with the kids I have to beg for quality time. It's like I'm an afterthought to his life. I find myself sadly watching people's happy marriage stories wishing for a happy marriage. He walks around like nothing is wrong.
I can relate even down to the family size. I pray whatever you decide, is for you and your children best interest.
Going through the same thing. I’m walking.
Does he provide, his he the breadwinner, a good father, die for you in order to protect you?
@@jaydblak4638 same! nothing to work on, nothing to save.
I was in the same boat and he wasn’t with friends. He was with women. All it took was looking at his phone.
Damn I just realized I am in a loveless relationship....😏
Thank you for reaching out, Juan. ⭐ Want To Tell Us More About What You Are Going Through? Call Our Hotline Now 👇:786.635.8373
Coach Adrian
As a little girl,I thought I would grow up get married. Have a strong stable marriage. As a grown Women I understand getting a divorce. Can be my happy ever after!
I’m so sorry about that okay. Hope you’ve found happiness again?
@@richardmcguinn732 was that sarcasm lol?
All the signs are there, i still wont give up. Everything is possible through jesus our lord and savior. I said i do, and i meant it.
Thank you for reaching out. ⭐ Subscribe to Happily Committed Here 👇
bit.ly/2QTt3XA
Coach Adrian
I agree, as long as none of you is getting getting hurt physically or cheating on. Stay strong, God can restore a broken marriage.
Its scary when you and everyone else saw the signs that things were going too fast but your heart spoke louder than your brain. Now you are suffering for it.
Thank you for reaching out.
⭐ Want To Tell Us More About What You Are Going Through? Call Our Hotline Now 👇:786.635.8373
Coach Adrian
😭
How to get out?..... I don't wanna be selfish and ruin my child's life...... But I am tired and i am not happy anymore........ It's so hard to get out..... It damages my whole being....He makes me the worse that I can be...... Im so frustrated of him......
.... I'm depressed......
@@diosadiosa4878 I feel the same. I’ve been pretty much depressed for 3 years because of my miserable marriage. Now I’m leaving him but it feels unbearable to break the family of my child. I hate myself when I see him cry and be anxious and angry about his father moving out. This life is just endless pile of shit.. no matter what I do I will suffer and my kid will suffer.
@@mmnde12 I feel y'all. I'm about to go through it myself. I just want to tell you to take time to love yourself. Your children will see that and always love you. They would rather see you happy than sad. Please keep your head up and see that your child lives a happy life. You won't regret it
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
Just got married in October in Scotland. She hasn’t been happy since we got back. We moved to a new town and she went to visit her family as soon as we got there and hasn’t come back. She said she has no reason to come back. I feel totally abandoned.
Marriage is not easy..watching eventho i am single
I’m approaching one year of marriage in May; and I’m already having second thoughts. My husband has threatened divorce THREE times over very small disagreements. Not everyone is going to have the same opinion as you.. Then, he tried to flip it and say “that’s not what he meant”. He’s too old to be playing games at 50. He’s also a little controlling and everything has to be about him. I told him I wanted to travel and his reply was, “I been there and done that”. He always turns the TV in my face while I’m watching it too. Just the other day, he said he was going to put a lock on the pantry door if I didn’t close it the next time. Hell, I’m the one who buys all the food. He refused to put my on his state health benefits. To me, that’s not a person who sees me as a wife. The last thing that really made me look at him a different way is, he sat in his car and watched me scrape big chunks of ice off my windows and windshield during the ice storm. I’m an essential worker and had to go to work. He says he didn’t help because it was too cold outside. It would be easy to ignore horrible sex if he wasn’t such a jerk! There’s other things too. I’m just done! I honestly think he married me to have someone cook, clean, sex whenever he wants, and for financial help.
I’m so sorry you are going thru that. God can change anything. Pray and fight for your marriage until you can’t.
I’m a lil speechless.. I just got engaged and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. My Fiancé and I are going into this with the concept of we are in this till the end .. I’m 53, he 52. BUTTT BABYYYYY I don’t know you but your a QUEEN with a pauper and if mines EVER exhibit those characteristics towards this Queen over here……that house would have an OVERHAUL! Life to short to be miserable! Go through ups and downs, grow,expand, learn, forgive .. yeahhhh but not disrespect, stagnation, lack of effort, etc.. NOPE. Wishing you all the BEST ❤
I hope you are out of that situation. Better off alone.
@TJohnson,hope you left that man. That’s not a partner you keep
@@lisamitchell7701 He completely tricked me. People think it doesn’t happen, but it does. Everything changed three months after marriage. I guess he knew I wasn’t going to divorce him after three months. I gave away all my belongings and moved with him AFTER we got married. I wish I waited longer.
Everything you said is a definition of my marriage now. And I want to be out of it now.
Thank you for watching.
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Coach Adrian
The lesson I have learned in life when it comes to relationships that are not working out is to stop wasting my time. Time is something we can't get back. My biggest regret is wasting my precious time. Once I stopped doing that, the right person came into my life. We both knew we were right for each other. It was spiritual.
I’ve been married a long time and my husband is all about saving money. I’ve agreed with him all these years and now I’m fed up and we don’t agree on much anymore. It makes me resent him and actually hate him. I’m now 60 years old and still ant to make my own decisions!
He never accepts that he is wrong , what I want never matters to him,he doesn't care if I accepts his decision about my life, he cuts my relationship with my friend and family and he thinks he did me a favor by getting married to me and it makes me feel very sad and tired of my relationship with him
My wife cut me off from my friends and family starting the same week we were married,I let it go because she was good to me,next she started selling off my belongings,tools,motorcycles,bicycles, wood working projects I've made over the years,she told me while I was visiting my 82 year old blind grandmother on new years day to not come home ever again we're still married but I have lived out of my pickup truck for the last 3 months and haven't seen or heard from her but everything I've ever worked hard for is all gone now and that really sucks
Say it's not so...? That is a crazy story. Get you a hotel friend. So you can clear your mind. Maybe become a trucker.. hit the road the right way. Wish you the best.
So sad but true. Especially when you put decades into it ...
just like me -----decades what is next??
When your partner continually lies to you and when you find out he blames his lies on you, defending that it’s because you’re not good enough
Bingo
I'm unhappy with him, though I've done for home, took care, I've work hard
that is what my wife did to me, car was repoed and we are now losing the home I am 65 and want to give up now
In a twist sense, I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone
You're not alone, Susan.
Coach Adrian
Me too
Me t0
It's such a common issue for women. Men just lose their attraction to their significant other. I'm glad it's a topic now
@@susanwanjikubenson5173 You’re not alone okay. I hope you’ve found happiness again?
It's over when one or both 🛑 working on there relationship! My spouse gave up! It truly hurt, but I have to keep moving!
From the moment you spoke on the first point, I instantly know you're an expert. Liked.
I appreciate your kind words!
Coach Adrian
These signs were in our marriage several years ago. I knew we were having problem in our marriage. I told my husband so. He told me our marriage had no problem he was happy and if I think our marriage had problem then the problem must be me. He told me to go do something with myself. I thought about what he said then I decide to change myself. This went on for a few years. I was not happy. Toward the end we had nothing in common. Then I had a spiritual awakening. Early this years I told him I wanted a divorce. then he realized he was in shit hole all these years and asked me not to leave him. I told him it's too late. I have nothing else to offer him. Marriage him was good, divorced him was better. Being single is the best.
I been married for 8 yrs but together for 13 and I don't feel like his Queen anymore we argue more disagree on everything each other blame one another I am not happy but don't want a divorce HELP ME PLEASE.
I feel ya, it's beyond heartbreaking
Are the arguments petty?
Mine too married 13 years together 21 yrs. we agreed on everything now we argue over stupid things and it didn’t help by his cheating. I’m at a crossroad now.
Me too,we argue disagree a lot,we say really horrible things to each other nowadays,like really mean,it's like we a totally 2 different people.its hurts,I wish we could mend things nd be peaceful.dont want divorce but I don't know if we will ever be happy.8yrs of marriage, 11 yrs of being together.we don't have kids,we have being struggling to conceive nd this has put a lot of strain in our marriage also.its sad
I feel u, been together 15 yrs and its like he doesn't even try anymore
......😔. I miss the old us
100% of the mentioned criterias are fully seen in my very very toxic marriage huuuuh . God gave me solution am praying
19 years together, he takes care of me as I have health issues. For years I have given my best, but he always searches for attention from women. There's always another woman. Recently realized he and one of the women were arguing. He's a good man, but can't be faithful. Keep wishing one day I'll get someone who is.
The worst thing that can happen to anyone is to have a toxic partner. I wish everyone can marry their kind.
I love that analogy about the garden,beautifully said.
I loved my wife, not anymore..we been together 27 yrs..we're done..I still love her, but she has no love for me!! I'm ready to find that next girl who ...will love me..
Married to a partner that describes all the touch points you have illustrated! Crosses all boundaries and lies consistently. Highly educated and debonair. I am empowered to live quality of live I deserve!
To be human is quote on quote vulnerable. To me a worthy man doesn't fear nor run from these challenges and confronts the with patience and compassion. And to me to be perfect is to be sincere more than anything.
1. One person is existing in the relationship. His happiness comes at the expense of the other.
2. Can’t find a way to get out of the blame game.
3. One party cannot find goodness in the other. Both are so consumed by anger and resentment.
4. Partner cuts you off from friends and family, from things you love to do.
5. You or your partner is unwilling to change.
This is tough stuff, but we need to hear it!
This was super helpful! Thank you!
The truthful hurt your video provided reminded me of several critical mistakes I've made, Leaving an overbearing mother and unwittingly marring into overbearing mother-in-law was the first mistake. Choosing marriage was a blunder, I was religiously brainwashed and far to immature. Looking back it seemed better and start over, Yet for many years I knew the marriage was over and stayed finding it economically easier than to walk out the door, find a place to live and, survive alone. Maybe I'll find some sane helpful advise on your channel. I "Subscribed, clicked the "Bell" and chose "All"'
Myself as well, except it wasn't an overbearing MiL it was an overbearing and emotionally unstable wife and a deceitful drug addicted MiL....At this point I stay for my children....I sucks though cause I really loved her 😔
I'm here because I'm confused and sad
I appreciate you phrasing this video in a way that goes both ways. “If you or your partner…” I felt every one of these points applies to my partner but it is crucial for me to look into myself.
I just don’t have the energy to try to make it work anymore, I dnt think it’s worth fighting for especially when your cheating partner doesn’t show remorse but constantly blames you for his wrong doing and doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. I am gracefully allowing the weeds to grow because I feel God says I have no business being in this marriage no more.
That is how my wife felt. Except I begged and let her know I changed because I really love her. She left and took my kids . I hope she one day finds out I could change and really treat her like the love of my life. My heart is slowly dying I'm almost ready to just let go.i miss them so much I don't think she understands me.
Did it ever work out?
@@landscapingbestfast7029 did you ever actually SHOW her that you are changing? Like consistently? I get so tired of hearing the I’m going to change I will change I swear I’m going to show you not just tell you. And then same things happen.. no change all talk
You know your marriage is over when you don't recognise the person you once used to be. I'm 6 months in and 5 years together. I was hoping marriage would change things, but she has actually got worse. I can't blame her fully as I gave in and got married, I should have believed in myself. The dilemma is... to get a divorce and feel like you didn't work 'hard at it or you stay and die a little each day.
Thank you for sharing your story. I understand how you're feeling. Please take a look at this article.
www.withmyexagain.com/blog/marriage-help/
Coach Adrian
You're worthy of true happiness.
My husband is a terrible person , we hate eachother but it’s like I have to find another housemate to help pay the rent if I kick him out
Curious so stopped to watch the video. Didnt think that everything he said is him breaking down my problems. Leaving is one of the hardest things to ever do. Took the next step and it didn’t work out. I am the ‘problem’, I’m the one that never put in work, I’m the one that will never get anywhere. That’s ok. People have there opinions and i don’t have to sit here and prove myself. Sometimes you have to say enough! Enough of the mental, emotional and physical abuse. The physical abuse is what made me leave. I know i have to die one day but it won’t be in the hands of a man.
I never abuse anyone but I don't get picked by women, only as their last fallback option. Funny how that works ey.
Yep he would rather go to a gym then help me around the house and then he tries to gaslight me and tell me I don't care about his health...
I have been fighting for years she hide stuff does stuff behind my back lying straight to my face
I’m living in the past because I never left the past. I have resentment. I despise him. I think I hate him. It all started from the dog. Watching him treat a damn dog better than me. Mind blowing.
It's truly a shame partner's do that crap to us
Be happy, your not responsible for others feelings 🙂👍
My partner survived breast cancer. It was hell and all during the pandemic. Everyone in the family was affected. It brought all of us closer. But what no one tells you about being the partner turned caregiver is that nothing of what you remembered about life before cancer will return. I’m struggling so much. It is like being with the shell of a person I knew. We are still together and have so much love for each other. There’s no intimacy anymore. I did meet someone and it has wrecked my entire headspace. I hope anyone reading the comments gives themselves grace and time. Leaving any relationship is hard enough. I did not ask for any of this to happen. It felt like we were just starting our life together and then cancer appeared like a tsunami. I also never asked to have someone new enter my life because I was trying to repair everything that was taken from us. I am so angry about it all. Why would this be put in front of me. I have cried so much. None of this seems fair. I spend so much time alone. Being a caregiver is a very isolated existence.
Damn. My marriage is over. Every sign was hit on the damn nail.
I never had any business being married in the first place. Was married before and hated it. No one should get married in their 20s. Then got married in my 40s KNOWING that I truly wasn’t in love and didn’t want to be married again. So now, I’m leaving in a month for my own happiness.
As a 20 year old I never wanted to get married. I used to when I was in my teens. But growing ups eeing the reality of marriage it just sounds like a nightmare I hope ur doing ok!!
My partner is emotionally abusive
Thank you for watching the video. Please visit www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/ and consider booking a 1:1 session so that we can help you on a personal level.
Coach Adrian
Thanks.
These points helped me very much.
Well presented.
All these signs I see right now I'm always the blame... I dont believe in divorce
I don’t even blame him anymore. I wish him all the happiness in the world…. But with someone else.
When you don’t care about your partner moving on/ finding someone else… it’s a clear sign that the relationship is over.
@@ReneeLoves sometime it's a sign that they moved on already too! When they don't care if there spouse has moved on.
How can you say that I don't understand my wife says this often
Good
@@ReneeLoves So true! I told my husband to call his ex wife and tell her to move in (since they want to be sneaky and text behind my back). Just the sight of him makes me want to throw up.
My wife and I have only always had all these signs from before we got married which was only because we got pregnant . There was never a connection or attraction. She never even wanted to alter her name in the slightest when we got married. Everyday for 10 years has been the same day of walking on egg shells as she hunts for things to be angry about. I have moved out more times than I can count and to be close to my kids and also financial struggles always leads right back to me living with my worst enemy. We have never even had one good week in a decade. Now we have 3 kids, and see no way to escape the lies, hypocrisy, gas lighting, and emotional abuse. I can’t afford a lawyer and everything I read says I will have to pay her so much per child that I won’t be able to survive. I love my kids so much and find I am only living here for them, but almost daily wish she could just die and I hate that it is a totally inappropriate way to feel. How does a poor man get out of a financial prison of marriage?
Was abortion not an option? Sounds like she used the kids as pawns/trophies
Makes sense. Thanks for the thoughts.
I try to tend the garden but am constantly punished for doing so. I give it all and get nothing in return. :(
I wish there was a guide on what to do next.
Ask Angels and God to send you help. Don't forget invisible armies are at work, working for Satan. These destroy couples happiness. I have been through some stuff so I know. I even saw not so nice stuff. My paranormal story on my channel. More videos soon. Peace from England UK
Ikr! After 11 years, and An eight year old together, it's pretty clear to me that #1 my husband's cheating #2 It's time to save myself, all of my energy trying to save my marriage, has been a big waste of my late 30's
@@zulemaflores8796 amen
Very true
@@madisoncannoles4907 Oh I’m sorry about that okay. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through enduring for so many years. But any man who doesn’t take your happiness, peace and mental health serious is not the one for you.
Very good Thank you!
If you’re watching this video that’s probably a good indication right there.
Law of attraction.
Evolve together or vibrate apart.
We are all mirrors, what one sees in another is unresolved childhood and life experiences.
Imagine you have a child and that child is dating someone like you, did you smile? No, then change.
I loosely agree. I’ve recently been made aware that most of our adult lives are shaped very early on as children. My early childhood was stable and caring and emotionally wholesome. My wife’s parents split when she was six years old - her mother (when hammered drunk) tells of how intolerable my wife’s late father was resulting in the relationship ultimately breaking.
My wife has attempted to find therapy but quits at the first hurdle. Maybe unless she can work out those primary aged troubles she will struggle forever?
I tried everything I could think of, I just can’t anymore, just can’t make a final decision. Too much emotional and verbal abuse that just doesn’t stop as much as I try to avoid it. Can’t have a simple conversation without being called names. A simple matter of me having a difference in opinions brings about an explosion of nastiness. I can’t do it anymore
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your story. I empathize with you, I know how incredibly difficult it can be to try and fix a situation that appears to be unfixable. Toxicity in a relationship is incredibly difficult to navigate and I would suggest creating some space between the two of you to re-evaluate. If you need more support, we would be happy to help. Here is the link to book a session if you feel like you need it:
happilycommitted.com/coaching/
- Coach Adrian
I feel this. It's just a different opinion, it should be tolerable. It's get nasty everytime. I still listen and not throwing oil to the fire. But sometimes I get scare if it's out of control and he beat me.
Ive recognized all my issues and am seeking help to fix me, unfortunately after 23 years I don’t think my wife will let me fix it.
My husband of 40yrs is a covert narcisist.
Please watch this video, I believe it will help you understand what to do.
ruclips.net/video/_ziJvLHEx9Q/видео.html
Coach Adrian
Mine too
I never knew what a narcissist was but I think my husband is one I’m out now.
I believe my husband is a narc as well. I wish I would have known before marrying him.
Wow 40yrs
Ty this was very informative and helpful
Although you briefly touched on it, you need to emphasize that being in a relationship with a person who has a mental disorder is likely to end in failure. Especially if they are not in therapy for said disorder. As such pathologies have known or very accurately estimated prevalence rates, it is important to realize that although those incidence rates might appear to be small, over hundreds of thousand of people, it amounts to a considerable population. Take Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with an prevalence rate of 2-5%, this isn't a disorder that would preclude someone from participating in a romantic relationship, so the prevalence of it in failing relationships will reflect fairly accurately, or could even be higher, like it is in people seeking mental health therapy (about 20%).
My wife cheated on me and now wants to leave me. Saying she isn't in love with me . Idk how i feel right now honestly but I wish we all coulda of seen these things coming before it gets worse
Thank you for reaching out. I understand what you're going through. Please watch this video.
ruclips.net/video/Q3Gqvg8j5vk/видео.html
Coach Adrian
This is informational and well-articulated.
Thank you for your feedback!
Coach Adrian
My husband and I had a toxic relationship with his drinking and me pleading then eventually physical abuse on my part for him to stop. Nothing worked. It’s been 6 years since we had one of those fights. Today I want a divorce but I don’t make enough for spousal support for him. He use to be an RN but he quit to drink and do drugs. He also hangs and guilt trip me on my abuse. I’ve been taking care of myself for the last 6 years by healthy eating,yoga, and mental health. He criticizes me for doing that and talking to friends, especially guy friends and guilt trips me every time I go out with family or friends
I can relate! EACH PERSON HAS TO GROW UP/ MATURE ( EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, SEXUALLY, SPIRITUALLY, FINANCIALLY, ETHICALLY, MORALLY, ETC,ETC). When only one is growing in these ways and the other isn't then its time to go.
I feel so guilty for ”breaking my family”.. But my husband is NOT willing to grow. He is thinking about himself way more than me and our kid. He is making decisions without ever talking to me first. He is doing what he wants, coming and going when he wants. I’m home alone taking care of our child. If I speak to him and I try to bring up my own needs and some of his actions that hurt me, he will immediately get defensive, shout or just walk out and give me silent treatment.. turns off his phone and everything. He doesn’t come to me for support or anything, he goes to his friends. He has lied to me several times and broke promises.. We don’t touch each other and we don’t really talk to each other. and STILL, I feel like I’m a selfish piece of shit for doing this.. to my poor child 💔
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@mmnde12 I would say work it out. With divorce he’d still be in your life no matter what and it would cause trauma.
@@mmnde12 Hello and good day to you, please don’t ever feel guilty for taking such decisions okay. For me a man who truly loves his woman will always wanna make things workout and give her listening ears. Your peace, happiness and mental health is very important which that man meant for you will take very serious no matter what.
Except you should love people for who they are, not what you expect them to be. No one should have to change for someone else. If they want to, that's one thing, but far too many people try to force change and "growth." If you can't love someone for who they are and feel you can only love them as you expect them to be, don't be with them. Everyone deserves to be loved for who they are. Except toxic people. Those people deserve to be alone.
Thank you i have been married for 19 years work hard make 6 figures give her a beautiful home and everything all i ask is she give me respect, stop criticizing and show me appreciation and love like i do her and give me sex on a regular willing to try different things, i am so frustrated if not that i have children with her i would have left a long time ago and if i knew marriage would be like this i would have never married her.
Thank you for sharing your story. I understand what you're going through, Nile. Please visit www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/ so that we can help you more on personal level.
Coach Adrian
All I see from you is Me me me me what about her ??? Maybe ask your wife how she feels and not add the “I give her everything” ??
You are right on the spot . Thank you for the insight .
You are so welcome!
Best post. Don't stay where you are not respected 💯
I love my Wife we have 3 kids a dog 😂 but we been going through allot i been with her so long feels weird that we dont even talk no more I be having dreams I’m at home, I know I’m not the best but I’m not the Worst, if you can make it work go for it, Marriage is serious I honestly love my wife like I love mother unconditionally but it was her decision to leave, I used to have a glow when we first met i put on weight stop getting fly my whole focus was my family and it’s gets deeper but my light wasn’t shining no more it got dull…
After watching this video I felt complete and utter trepidation. It is my exact situation. Not seeing any good qualities damn near brought tears to my eyes because not only can’t I find 1 good quality abide her, she can’t name one either.
“ He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Mark 10:11-12
“ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33
This video has given me so much information and clarity
When he started crying over his sports-related “things” because I tore them, I felt so defeated. I knew that I was never a priority, only his sport and his sport community was. So, I just gave up, only God can restore our marriage.
The most trouble I see is relationships around me, is one or both partners tend to stop appreciating the little things and they become expectations.
I think abt divorce daily for many years now. Time to take the leap. Will wait til after holidays or at least thanksgiving
Lots of luck!! I feel you, I have been married 36 years not easy being a roommate.
@@ANNAnn-hb1vc I’m so sorry about that okay.
Yu can sense when it’s over an when you feel it it’s over don’t cry or beg makes you look weak just accept it and move on with your life! God don’t make mistakes BELIEVE ME!!
I’m grateful learning with an unbiased mental, and emotionally inclined perspective. (Subscribed)
Thank you so much for subscribing!
I'm literally so controlled im not allowed to see my family. I've been fighting for us to work for 2 years and I think I'm finally done.