Part of me thinks this could be it, so I guess check to see if a shrink is available, but a lot of this is just Rudyard. Check to see later on. But if his mom is schizophrenic and that shit is heritage yea check more
Deal with it on their own, no one can help you, psychiatrists and pzycholists just pump toxic pills treatments thst often not work and takes years. Our ancestors would deal withnit themselves, by time and working on stuff with friends. Deal with it.
There is a fairly significant chance that a great deal of this was part of his ayahuasca trip which he has now internalized as real memories. He describes his mother's schizophrenia as manifesting through bizarre behavior "as God's will, which she has a duty to do" while simultaneously describing himself as "being forced" to post this because it is "God's will." This poor man has been one-shotted by ayahuasca.
Admittedly I'm not a psychiatrist but I have spent a lot of time conversing with schizophrenics (we hung out in the same 24 hour diner while enjoying our mutual insomnia). It pains me to say this but you're hitting all the notes: grandiose thinking, anhedonia combined with erotomania (it's weird), even your "PTSD" muscle twitches are better explained by the same disorder you claim your mother has which is very, very heritable. Rudyard, you're clearly moving into an acute phase and I think you know what I'm talking about. Please seek the assistance you need to get you through this time. I say this with all love and respect and look forward to your next video.
11 часов назад+14
I'm no expert on this and don't mean to doubt your experience in any way, but doesn't this seem a little far-fetched? Doesn't the "grandiose thinking" part usually involve completely irrational beliefs (e.g. "I'm a reincarnation of this famous person", "I can make stars explode with my mind" and so on), rather than just having a high opinion of yourself or romanticizing your family history, as many completely sane people are fond of doing? Same thing goes for the anhedonia and erotic obsessions combo- I really feel like many people experience the same thing simply because of the internet and it's not really indicative of anything besides knowing how to google nsfw material. I understand normal things can be symptoms too, especially if they manifest unusually strongly or interfere with a person's quality of life, but making a diagnosis based *solely* on these things still seems hasty.
Maybe, if it's not true. That is, if it's entirely baseless. Of course in the modern western context spiritual experience is considered to be definitionally insane, but that's not normal worldwide or historically. The difference between misinterpretation of genuine experience or relaying a daydream fantasy, I suppose. Consider Rudyard is coherent, able to speak on-topic for extended periods of time, has a history which aligns with his symptoms, and is able to detail the psychological journey from extreme abuse to excelling. He's clearly of that vulnerable brain type, with his enhanced pattern recognition, history of abuse, etc, but the other symptoms can be easily explained by his history, and some other symptoms are clearly absent. Even with that brain type and genetic history, if that thought is ordered or disordered is the question; especially considering the question of what Schizophrenia actually is. The most alarming thing for me is that he has been told, or interpreted that he has a global mission to complete from the spirit world. I'm inclined to sit and keep an eye on that, especially with the descriptions he gave, since I've been made aware of the reality of that aspect of reality many years ago. From my perspective there I'd like to lean on some of Rudyard's self-aggrandizing sense of humour is at work, but it is undoubtedly alarming, maybe even in a way that I don't think people who don't believe in the spirit world can appreciate. The fact he has declared his intention to immediately side with the Bible when any of his experiences contradict it is a good sign in terms of how this might progress. The way he describes his special mission as being the mission of all men too is a good sign in terms of whether he is relaying spiritual experience or the disordered thinking associated with what we call Schizophrenia. If disordered it wouldn't be theologically sophisticated, but disjointed ideas clashed together. Of course he could be Schizophrenic but also correct and of sound mind. Remember many of the greatest minds of history, whose shoulders we ungratefully leap down from today, are considered to be schizophrenic or autistic based on the analysis of modern doctors.
10 часов назад+2
@@DougeBouge I don't have twitter unfortunately, so I can't check. Are you sure it's not metaphorical? Rudyard definitely has a history of using intentionally provocative metaphors.
10 часов назад
@@jonlannister345 I agree fully. Maybe it's amateurish or naive, but this man just seems too reasonable and lucid to be schizophrenic. So far the only major symptom is weird or unusual beliefs, and that is nowhere near good enough to be seriously alarmed, although obviously you can't be too careful with these things.
When you were talking about your trauma I could hear your voice cracking up. Most people couldn’t share this kinda vulnerability with their audience. I’m 19 and have been an intellectual role model for me and these two videos mean the world to me. You’re a great role model for us who’re still trynna live in this world. I hope I can represent this audience when I say that we love you. We all love you
bro I don't want to treat you like a victim, because I respect too much to look upon you with pity, but when I heard in passing you had PTSD I honestly thought you would exaggerate like you were locked in a dark closet or something else still valid but not as evil as this. I gotta say I have new found respect for you my heart goes out to you.
Exactly. So many comments here suggesting he's schizophrenic, delusional, making it up etc which makes me wonder if some of those comments are from satanists
I believe he has gotten help and is continuing in the path of re building and coming to terms with his past. I see not only the trauma but a lot of strength radiating from Rudyard in this video.
It is shocking and incredible to hear Rudyard's life stpry, how much he went through and the sheer strength that enabled him to keep going and find hope in this situation. Rudyard, you are a true warrior and we all appreciate your contribution to our understanding of the world
@@therearenoshortcuts9868 Maybe exaggerated to some degree given its traumatic nature. But I was able to corroborate a lot of his family details such as his grandpa's crazy life (google Joseph M. Lynch and look at the obituary, Rudyard and his sister are listed as his descendants as well as his service in breaking Ultra during WWII and tenure as a law professor).
@@therearenoshortcuts9868- There is an element of doubt in everything he says now. He has quirks like most of us. He's not a liar. He's not evil. But his interpretations are not full truth or 100% reliable. If that makes sense. He's still interesting but I would take his assessments with more a grain of salt than before. Maybe thats how it should be.
Can't believe you didn't bother to listen, and instead posted a trite, silly comment for no reason other than to get a few likes from other dismissive clods.
I don’t care what people say, I love breakdowns and the background of who you are. I feel more connected to you. I feel a lot of the same sentiment and had the similar struggles to you. I just can’t find people like you or me in real life that share the same problems and sentiment. Merry Christmas Rudyard, beautiful name btw.
Rudyard you are a true warrior and to have endured all you have should show everyone that hears your story that if you live with honor and courage God will provide the guiding light. You are truly inspirational.
1:03:24 - 1:03:41 I've literally never seen you cried before. I'm definitely praying for you bro. Like holy shit as your friend I owe it to you that I pray for you. I remember how great you are when we talked and all that time I knew you on social media I'm sorry I never knew anything about the mistreatment you got. Rudyard I'll keep you in my prayers.
You call that crying? Where are the tears? None, its crocodile tears and 15 seconds the fske emotional voice is back to normal. Emotions dont mean a story is real, seen enough cry baby people using it to garner sympathy.
1:03:18 I'm so sorry Rudyard. You're stronger than most of us. This is why you never judge a book by its cover. Edit: I just read on his Twitter that this is all made up, he wanted to show us how guillible and sick our society is...
I don't understand why is father chose a monster woman like that. But his father kept choosing monstrous abusive women over his own son. Evil has too many forms.
"don't judge a book by its cover" yes... but then when you open the book, you might realize 50% of the book is brilliant... and the 50% is just fucking nuts LOL
Binged the recent two long videos. What a story. Your videos have been helping me understand much of my personal studies in humanities. Your call to action through OCD has given me hope. Im very interested. Thank you for your content. I believe in you.
Rudyard you are turly brave ,you went so much still fought bravely , I love your Work and glad that your here with us.Your work has inspired me alots and tought me the importance of family,Honour,God and yolo spirt
So let me see if I got this right... you started your quest to "save the West" because Odin spoke to you and asked you to write a list of the names of all the women you've pleasured yourself to... upon completing this task, you realized it was all white women, after which Odin spoke to you again to confirm your love 'for your people' and your quest to save White civilization. Am I misrepresenting you, or is that literally what I heard come out of your mouth at 3:04:48 ?
He never used your modern skin-colour based racial categories is where you've gone wrong there, and omitting the involvement of psychedelics. Those two things make a bit of a difference in the whole thing
Basically every beat, phase, cope, and resolution you described is paralleled in my experience. For me it was ultimately rooted in a life long inability to feel like it's acceptable to participate in life and relax without figuring out answers to the nature of reality, identity, and purpose. I pushed as hard as I could to break it, got what I wanted, and then had to figure out how to put it back together while still managing a successful career and fruitful social life in the microseconds between persistently drowning..somehow. That's a really dumbed down way to express it, but all good now and it was ultimately a net positive.
3:10 sounds like my schizo former roommate. Dude felt like a prisoner in his own body. Hyper arousal sounds like when I had a masturbation addiction that lasted 12 years. Even 6 years later, i still feel physical withdrawals and think about wanting to do it all the time. I wonder if Gen Z's lack of sex is a subconscious backlash against the hyper sexualization of the past.
This comment section is disgusting. This man talks about these horribly awful things that happened to him and almost everybody just berrates and laughs at him. Like fucking animals. Rudyard, from what you've described, I did not feel pain this horrible but I know what suffering means thanks to my depression and all the things that led to it. I can only sympathise and wish you the best. I think you honestly have one of the most sensible views on the world throughout the modern west. Which is especially impressive because you're rather young. The only thing I think you should focus on when it comes to geopolitics and understanding the culture of nations and civilisations is read books directly from the authors from these nations/civilisations and not the western ones as they often get things very wrong. You should either do this, or designate that you view those nations/civilisations from a western point of view, without striving for objectivity. This comment comes from somebody from a non-western civilisation by the way.
Same here, random internet person. I remember another RUclipsr (Chris Williamson?) saying that RUclips comments are not real life, because most people on RUclips don’t comment on RUclips videos. I’m one of them. Rudyard’s willingness to be vulnerable says a lot about his strength of character. Those of us who have conquered depression know that what Rudyard is doing is the *only* cure. Those of you who want to bring him down for this are only showing off how diseased you are. I at least thank you for the warning that your brain is sick, that you are contagious, and that I should stay far away from you. I hope you heal one day. Those of you who know, know. Stay strong, get help, and *talk*.
He's lying, how gullible are you? "At Harvard's comedy club girls tried to mock me, but I showed my bag and told my life story, they were so blown away that they congratulated me." Every time he's brilliant and meets the most brilliant people in the world. Sure dude.
@@yuvalrishusanders2291 it's a transparent attempt to Garner sympathy from his audience that now see who controls him and being paid to ignore (and now spread direct misinformation) by the you know whose who say they don't control everything. Chris Williamson is captured by the same people. Anyone with a hint of a young right wing audience gets offered the same deal because they know where the blowback is coming from. It's why all the right wing nationalist movements in Europe have been subverted by them
Good to see some enlightened kindness and humanity. Being an intellectual doesn't need to involve being apatheitc and sarcastic. Sometimes we must have a heart to heart discussion and I think Rudyards fanbase fear that. They don't want to hear Rudyards personal problems, perhaps because it makes them look in the mirror and think about their own life. Who knows.
The more you talk about your personal values, the less your antipathy towards Nick Fuentes makes sense. The more you talk about your childhood, the more you're antipathy towards Nick Fuentes makes sense.
Ah that weirdo. That explains all the unusually hostile comments today. Did any of you guys figure out that the answer is in the Bible and that you are once again being tricked into attacking the human shield of the enemy? You realise these guys were clever enough to manufacture conflicts for their own benefit? You realise they took delight in the attrocity by which they gain power? They cared nothing for them, and delighted in their destruction, as they delighted in the destruction of those who destroyed them. The evil is deep, bro. Climb out of the paradigm
@@pigman876 That's fair. I can RESPECT that opinion. I can't respect the dismissive comments on a video where he is pouring out his heart, but I can respect an objective opinion. If you think he is simply crazy, I can at least respect that point of view.
@@dialecticalmonist3405 this is some very complicated stuff he has posted man i feel very bad for him, but at the same time, i feel like the ayahuasca has fried his brains, and the accusations hes making... theyre very very serious
@@MegaDubrock you're confusing being triggered with one's ability to persevere. to endure, to survive, to get up again and again and -- oh i don't know -- maybe create an analysis channel on world history and political theory with 700,000 subs. Rudy is Roosevelt's Man in the Arena. js . . .
@@pixelfiend7292 If you can't respect a man pouring out his heart, ralating to a horrifying life history, how the F can you pretend to respect that same man, when he speaks about history in general?
3:22:33 calling Odin out. This contradicts scripture. Man is not an animal. God spoke the animals into existence but fashioned man out of the dust with his own hands and breathed life into man. He made man after his own image and likeness. Odin is a liar.
The part where he said Odin forced the Nordic people to convert to Christianity exposed Odin as the Devil to me. Bro, why not just tell the Nordic people to worship Yahweh before Christianity was even a thing in Europe😂😂
yes i did one of those... not sure what to make of it all 50% feels like this story must be made up, there's no way shit is this crazy and he turned out the way he did other 50% says: the world is fucked up, maybe it is all true ... ya not sure what to make of it
I'm sorry if I missed it, I did not hear you say that you have read the entire Bible completely through yet? Is that right? If you have not yet done that then you truly must before you embark and endeavor to preach a different gospel with different details. You might well be a special person, but you're not more special than Jesus, logically, and he's already given us the book, the Bible, we should read through it every year if we're serious about being a Christian. Pray about everything, and try to obey the way God wants you to live, not the way a psychedelic trip wants you to live. Please be careful, Rudyard!
Dear, Rudyard thank you for sharing IK people who have been through similar childhood stuff you have and are some of the most deep and truly empathetic people ik…your deal will come to fruition…the soul of humanity is not dead.
Its very difficult to put into words how much these two videos mean to me, so I wont. Im just going to say I wish there was another 6 hours to listen to. Thank you rudyard
I dont know how to explain how much I can relate to this, I messed myself up by taking too much LSD as a teenager. I've been slowly healing, but i feel like my sanity is holding up by a thread of sheer will sometimes
You familiar with HPPD? It's not very well established, and I actually have a lot issues with the current literature. But, i have been there man. Like a constant presence of "wait but wth is going on, EXISTENCE THOUGHTS" between each thought. Recognizing that i was not captured by it would trigger it to capture me. I'm better than ever now, after a slow steady recovery. I did 2 things that helped the most: Root myself in normalcy as much as possible and participate and be conscious as much as possibly, and read Camus and his writing on absurdism. That whole saga was due to my naively aggressive pursuit of challenging my perception and our inability to see beyond the veil. I ultimately got what I wanted, and my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I was so preoccupied with my goal that I cast any caution to the wind and just kept trying to push further. Now, after integrating and being to build some form of internal language and mapping of my experiences and thoughts, i would say I'm more than 100% and in a sense accomplished what I set out to explore. However, there was more than a year where I was in such a vulnerable and temperamental space that could easily have landed myself into life of a schizophrenic or similarly clinicaly psychotic person. I'm surprised I held a successful life, career, and my relationships together during that time, and i would warn anyone headed in that direction. You can be rooted again and just participate effortlessly without the trappings of awareness again, homie. Embrace NPC life, if only for a while.
@@isaiahd5396 After going through something similar, I finally understood the quote from the classic movie "Platoon". The famous quote being, "Hell is the impossibility of reason."
@@DetectiveStablerSVUDamn this reminds me when Christian theologians said stuff like an idle mind is vulnerable to demons, and things kinda like you have to be doing stuff constantly and if you are going to meditate do it very seriously and cautiously
I’m just gonna say but your mom should be in jail for what she did. I’m so sorry for the horrors you went through. I can’t imagine the pain you went through.
I also don't understand why schizophrenia involves religious delusions even if they weren't religious prior. When my ex-roomate started showing symptoms before he was diagnosed, according to a friend he was living with at the time, he would run into his room and shut himself in like a little kid and claim that his mom was about to give birth to Jesus
Because it’s a framework for something unseen. And all the “god works in mysterious ways”. Your brain is misfiring and attempting to make sense of the misfires. The neurological pathways for god and being greater or destined for something map onto god easily. Brains are pattern recognition machines, but when you recognize too many patterns (which aren’t there), you fall into like… a bad thought. And you keep logic’ing deeper into it to dangerous levels.
Because God is literally real and there's truth in what schizophrenics say, even if it's scatterbrained. Some schizophrenics are more demon influenced than others though. The diagnosis of schizophrenia is relatively modern. The Soviets even straight up invented a form of schizophrenia ("sluggish schizophrenia") which was used to silence dissidents. What i'm saying is: i disagree with the way spirituality is pathologised as "schizophrenia". In the past, a "schizophrenic" could become some kind of valued mystic or a religious hermit.
The thing about schizophrenia is that acknowledging the true nature of this condition will force people to acknowledge the spiritual nature of our world. Schizophrenia itself causes people to be more seceptible to the more spiritual side of the world however, the real issue is that people like this will suffer from spiritual oppression because get attacked by evil spirits. The reasons why there always are religious delusions is because spirits are maskerading as thoughts in your mind, feeding you lies and deceptions to make you suffer. For any normal person, this would be very confusing and disorienting so I don't blame them for tricked like this. However, the worst part of this is that even if the one suffering tries to get others to understand, doctors who are supposed to help them call these "delusions" and ignore the question of why this is happening. I don't have scizophorenia for the record, i am just curious christian who wanted to get to the bottom of this. To truly deal with this, you absolutely need God. No medicine can deal with this problem. Since the root of it isn't physical. I know i said a lot, but i do hope you will think about what i said. I only wrote this because i feel sad for all these people who are suffering, told that they are crazy or delusional when they are being attacked by powers greater than themselves, and they don't even have the privilege of understanding why this is happening.
Some have. Don't think too hard about what a 'Type 1 Personality' is though, it's pretty grim. Still. He's a pretty extreme case. I'm surprised Rudyard is still alive, and yet he is
Childhood SA is unbelievably common. Like, insane levels common. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men. That’s of the cases they KNOW about, the vast majority go unreported. The people I know personally never reported it to authorities. It’s like that meme “if only you knew how bad things really are.” And sadly, a lot children that try to tell aren’t believed or worse, blamed. Frankly, I thinks it’s a miracle so many of us are as “normal” as we are. I think a truly “good” childhood is far, far more rare than we would like to believe.
I am fascinated Rudyard, I am truly fascinated. Personally, I would never make a video like this or recommend someone to do so; but, if it helps you close a chapter and walk forward then so be it. Do not forget to stay grounded and enjoy solitude.
John 10:1 (NKJV) “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. Getting saved is the way to Jesus, not psychedelic drugs. Don't get fooled!
I have been through enough trauma to have eyes to see your story in a narrowly objective fashion. It's nothing even close to what you have been through, but enough to at least comprehend it on an asthetic and psychological plane of understanding. To see dismissive comments in response to this video, is unbelievably terrifying. We live in a generation of absolutely soft, pathetic, soulless filth. The weakest generation that are generating a gateway to the greatest evil the world has ever seen. You said, "They are evil, but they are also stupid". There could not be a greater understatement. The good news is, we have developed some of the greatest warriors to confront this soulless, and Satanic army that has formed before us. "We're all stuck here. Can we figure this out?" I'm with you friend.
The kind of female on male abuse you have endoured i have also endored most my life and im twice your age but my abuse hasnt been as intense and acute. I believe this sort of thing is happening all over America right now and men are too proud to talk about it. You just broke the silence for us all, something massive will shift now.
Idk I have been in a survivors group for those who are adult survivors of childhood (sexual) abuse... and this sort of abuse is by far the least common. Though it certainly does happen and doesn't alter how excruciatingly awful it is when it does happen.
From my experiences as a kid I think it's more that they just assume women can't do that sort of thing. Telling someone about it doesn't help since they'll just think you're an evil little liar who's trying to destroy your own mother. Sometimes you might even believe it yourself if you're young and every adult in your life tells you it didn't happen and that you're a liar.
I've read a few comments disparaging Rudyard's experiences, about how he is descending into 'psychosis' I have been through similar experiences after recovering from CPTSD. My life is infinitely better, after going through the other side, if you are looking at this from a strictly institutional diagnosis. You may believe that he is descending into a deeper psychosis. but if you believe science is a slowly moving behemoth, he is miles ahead of diagnosis, and seeing things far more clearly then what a materialist view see's this is as.
Some seem well meaning though. It's often good to keep in mind that unbelievers cannot react to these sorts of things other than "must be mental illness," since they have no other way to interpret it; so you can comfort those who speak out of concern rather than dismissal. I still have problems with past trauma, but the crippling body-aching depression and disordered thinking phase of my CPTSD experience ended when 20 years of atheism evaporated with a bright light and a gentle poke to let me know the creator is watching. My grandma, a life long Mormon, immediately declared that I must have gotten schizophrenia and needed to be drugged and locked away. Didn't even have a message other than "read the Bible." but that was still how people generally reacted, even so-called believers.
Rudyard I understand having an abusive mother who died on me relatively young in life. I'm older but still fight the suicidal thing daily with PTSD and I'm almost 50. I didn't have it nearly this bad. But can say just do it a day at a time. Life is weird anything can happen. And as time passes it gets gradually more bearable. I'm not trying to push Jesus because I don't understand most religion and how applicable it is in reality. Is the more you find forgiveness within youreself the more internal grace manifests allowing you to live in you're own skin.
Unfortunately, your story is more common than what society makes us think. It can sometimes be difficult to prove abuse, especially as a young child. I'm praying for you.❤
A humble, astounding, moving and self-revealing account of biographical self-knowledge - in 2 parts - into the heights and depths of the pains and of the joys personally encountered in both the visible and invisible worlds.
I watched a snail crawl along the age of a straight razor. This is my dream, this is my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor, and surviving. - Col. Kurtz, Apocalypse Now.
2nd Corinthians 11:14-15 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.
"I have been to the club like fifty times and never enjoyed it, so that I could attain enlightenment - so now you no longer have to go to the club ." Solid gold.
The abuse is utterly unfathomable. I'm glad to know that at least EMDR has helped you release a lot of these experiences dude. Your insight and sharing of these things is going to help people though - including you I feel. Thank you man.
only suggestion i have is changing the name of your organization, as a first impression it turns away lots of serious people and attracts some of the wrong people
Brother, I am telling you as a research reader and medical student. Do a medical ketogenic diet, it will help your brain. It helps in mental illnesses like depression, or even schizophrenia. YOU MUST TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. Check papers on this, ketogenic diet for mental illnesses.
Man. Dude, I haven’t watched the whole video. But clips have been going around on twitter/X. Bro you gotta get some kind of help. You’ve been through hell it sounds like. Don’t try to fight any of this alone. Humans can’t win those kinds of battles alone. Peace be with you, Rudyard.
There are two types of games in the world, finite and infinite. Finite games are there to be won or lost, be they a chess match, tennis match or football game. Infinite games are there to be kept going, be it a conversation, a relationship, civilisation or humanity itself. Stop playing finite games and start playing the infinite ones.
At 2 hours 32 minutes, speaking on CBD, I used to work for a guy who is the #1 American Standard HVAC systems seller in NC, and when he encounters a really difficult problem, he'd say, This is a 2 to 3 Gummy problem.
I disagree with a lot of the messages you put out on your channel but this is a great video. It takes a lot of courage to talk about any of this and open yourself up to the criticism of people who you know are gonna use it to mock you. This is one of the most authentic videos I've seen from you and this is the kind of thing that will help take you to the next level as a legitimate positive public figure. This is intense. I did NOT expect this from a Whatifalthist video. Keep fighting. You should be proud of yourself for going this far and God bless you.
Finished the video brother. To all the commenters attempting to discredit him, you’re not evil, mean, etc., you’re scared. You’re scared of what he has been through and so you chalk it up to him losing his mind/lying. If honesty and vulnerability lead you to act towards another Christ in this way, realize this says more about you than him. As you judge, the same measure will be measured unto you. Just think logically, why would a man open up about such things, name full names, and attach his own identity to it all? For any of the silly reasons why your limited understanding can accept to keep from confronting the truth? I don’t need to tell you this Rudyard, but do whatever you truly want and desire. For those who feel he should stick to this video or that idea, you do it then. For all the ppl in these comments who I’d think already accept the failure of our timed, you are acting a lot like Karens that you think you rail against but personify. You wouldnt know consciously because you judge a man in the process of integration so again, what do you think that says about you and your journey?
As 90% of an individual human mind is unconscious processes, 90% of the human population are people who are not able to consciously access their decision-making process. Once you understand that, it doesn't matter very much if even most people you know think you're insane or dangerous for not going along with the unconscious insanity. Especially not if you've had real spiritual experiences. Rudyard is right how Moderns deal with spiritual matters. It's either autism or schizophrenia, that will be their method of ignoring what has been said. Even most priests in the world now will assume it's either autism or schizophrenia, since they don't believe that spiritual experiences are a real thing.
@@PejmanMan Can you provide an actual analysis alongside that assertion? Outside of the general idea that all spiritual experience is psychosis by definition, what leads you to believe this is psychosis?
@@jonlannister345 He started "recalling suppressed memories" after doing psychedelics, believes he is spiritually communing with angels, demons, etc. for hours on end. I've known schizophrenics and this is exactly what it looks like, false memories of rape/witchcraft, demons in your head, etc. He needs to seek help.
@@PejmanMan how easy is it to claim another is suffering what you have judged while also being unaware that we all have a spiritual connection: we are Spirit - we don’t logically identify with a video game character we are playing, so why identify as a being separated from our source (God)? To say he is detached from reality as you refuse to take/accept him at face value is interesting, almost like you purposefully avoided reading where I wrote what you judge, the same measure will be measured unto you. It’s ok to sit with thoughts and question them ro find the truth before commenting, and its ok to do what you did instead; the truth will be true even when I make it apparent to you, and I dont mind helping.
Rudyard, we love you bro. Your parents were evil but we love you. I will always be here to watch your content and I am cheering for you from the sidelines!
I am 61 years old and I've been a Christian for nearly 30 years. Before that I had a lot of similar experiences as what you have been talking about in season one in season two. I experimented with LSD and psychedelic mushrooms as a teenager. Dosage matters. A light dose just makes your senses tingle. A Heavy dose makes you think you're talking to God or the devil or you don't really know who you're talking to do you? You can't be sure. Actually, my experience from psychedelic trips made it eventually easier to believe in some of the harder Christian reality concepts like the holy Trinity and God is three persons all at once And so on. Seeing reality, kind of drip and scrabble around, kind of makes you realize maybe we do live inside the mind of God? I did not have a shaman to help me. I estimate doing psychedelic trips at least a dozen times maybe two dozen times from the ninth grade until age 19. It can really fool you. You feel like you're enlightened yet. It burns out your brain at the same time and you're not really equipped to do anything with it. But I don't think I need to do psychedelics to get saved as the Bible describes. Be careful, Friend!
Have you ever spoken to a schizophrenic or manic person? They all sound like they're on a mission and are putting it into words and action. His mom as he said was on a mission too. Being driven doesnt conflict with being insane, in fact they correlate with each other
@@fritzstammen4535Rudy is all right. He is a grown man without kids. He is clearly on a path of self enlightenment and, seeks knowledge and peace of mind. Yes, he said his mom was a schizophrenic after she got kicked in the head by a horse, but obviously Rudy didn’t get kicked in the head by a horse or is trying to impose his will on children he doesn’t have
@@fritzstammen4535 I don't disagree with you.. I just don't think telling the man to seek help is useful in any way. His mission is more coherent and real then his mothers was. I have severe distrust in mental health treatment - a psychiatrist will put him on meds and will probably make him much worse and actually insane
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@@fritzstammen4535 Well I have, and they don't sound like this. In fact, their speech sound disjointed and without proper flow of structure, changing topics mid-sentence, always seeming agitated and jumpy, using certain words in ways that don't make sence etc. Being driven does correlate with being insane, but not even remotely strongly enough to make a diagnosis based on that alone.
Rudyard, you are the bravest man in America. You are a survivor and thank you for being so incredibly generous revealing your difficult journey. I wish you blue skies moving forward. You have earned everything good that comes your way.
~1:23:22, I've been trying to think of a metaphor for this time, and the best I've been able to come up with is that it's the moment when the water recedes from a shoreline before the tsunami wave comes onshore.
1:24:00 that's what I've been saying for a while, that the "right" or better worded, the counter culture MUST offer a path to redemption/a hero's path and nobody's doing it.
Rudyard, I'm going to state the obvious now... the way to deal with mouse utopia is to leave the system. That's it. There's no other way out. And this happens one mouse at a time. You cannot stop mass mouse utopia because the mice are not even looking for the frickin door. You have to be willing to give up everything to start over. You have to be willing to walk away with nothing but your knowledge and wisdom.
After skimming the comments, most people aren’t getting this. Most don’t even know what DMT is. I think this a Beautiful soul baring it all. No masks. No fluff. A free emotionally naked and exposed young man exploring what it means to be human. Battle scars and all. (Kitsugi/ stoicism). Anyone who is afraid or scared of this content, hasn’t faced their own soul and subconscious, and that means you are most probably an NPC. This is the real deal, right here. Human sub consciousness articulated via childhood trauma integration via a self aware individual. This is Not squid games 2 or million dollar listing Beverly Hills. This is history, genealogy, psychology, philosophy, this is evolution, this is raw realness. This is life. The beauty, the sadness, the sorrow the triumphs, the wins, the loses, and everything in between. This is everything. This is one smart kid. NOT a crazy person having a mental break.
Before these two videos I just looked at Rudyard as an internet pundit who was well versed in profound and interesting topics that pertains to our world. While that is still true, all this opening up about these soul crushing experiences changes everything, It brings him much more close, like a friend. Add to that the spiritual experiences and the man almost becomes a prophet in some strange sense. Keep it up Rudyard! You are fighting the good fight!
it is really disturbing to see the comments and people just dont care about him venting his live frustrations. He is telling the story of his live and what do people say "i dont want those kind of videos i want other ones maaaaaaaa'' screaming like childern
It is a very interesting and radically open experience. It is very complex and deep. Sounds like a very evil psychological experiment. External influence is highly probable. My condolences. You are a survivor and a hero.
I'm sorry to hear that happend to you rudyard. But seeing what you became, is inspiring. I wish I could hang out with you at a pub or get drunk with you on a trail while backpacking.
In my family I describe it all as hillbilly dynamics. Now that it’s off your chest maybe keep moving forward and don’t dwell on the past. 🎄Merry Christmas too!
Imagine you're just going about your day all willy nilly and suddenly all of your friends, family, and people you talk to suddenly start telling you you're having a schizophrenic episode. That would be terrifying. He's definitely having one, but just imagine being on the recieving end cause it's freaking me out lol
Rudyard is a sigma who has unlimited dating options but chooses to walk the path alone to save the soul of western civilization. Once he reaches his prime peak at 60 years old, all the young pretty girls will flock to him - other guys won’t have a chance.
32:47 a lot of blue collar guys in the rural Midwest are doing really well right now due to the labor shortage in the trades, produced by the funneling of kids who should've gone on to be master tradesmen into the university system.
Rudyard you are very right, I just want to ask: can you help me manifest my success as i'm just started being self employed and I created a video game i am very passionate about that i want the whole world to play and experience?
The problems we've hollowed out all of life so that the only thing we have in life is screens. We got rid of community, we got rid of religion, we got rid of marriage, we got rid of the nation, we got rid of social clubs, we got rid of everything and so we just stare at screens.
The number of people in this comment section who are oblivious to what is clearly a psychotic break is tragic. Rudyard, get help. Please.
Seriously, I remember the same thing happened to that bodybuilder RUclipsr
@@rodionraskolnikov3853 Which one?
Part of me thinks this could be it, so I guess check to see if a shrink is available, but a lot of this is just Rudyard. Check to see later on. But if his mom is schizophrenic and that shit is heritage yea check more
Deal with it on their own, no one can help you, psychiatrists and pzycholists just pump toxic pills treatments thst often not work and takes years. Our ancestors would deal withnit themselves, by time and working on stuff with friends. Deal with it.
Connor Murphy 2.0 incoming
There is a fairly significant chance that a great deal of this was part of his ayahuasca trip which he has now internalized as real memories. He describes his mother's schizophrenia as manifesting through bizarre behavior "as God's will, which she has a duty to do" while simultaneously describing himself as "being forced" to post this because it is "God's will." This poor man has been one-shotted by ayahuasca.
Very sad.
That drug sounds like scary shit
Admittedly I'm not a psychiatrist but I have spent a lot of time conversing with schizophrenics (we hung out in the same 24 hour diner while enjoying our mutual insomnia). It pains me to say this but you're hitting all the notes: grandiose thinking, anhedonia combined with erotomania (it's weird), even your "PTSD" muscle twitches are better explained by the same disorder you claim your mother has which is very, very heritable. Rudyard, you're clearly moving into an acute phase and I think you know what I'm talking about. Please seek the assistance you need to get you through this time. I say this with all love and respect and look forward to your next video.
I'm no expert on this and don't mean to doubt your experience in any way, but doesn't this seem a little far-fetched? Doesn't the "grandiose thinking" part usually involve completely irrational beliefs (e.g. "I'm a reincarnation of this famous person", "I can make stars explode with my mind" and so on), rather than just having a high opinion of yourself or romanticizing your family history, as many completely sane people are fond of doing? Same thing goes for the anhedonia and erotic obsessions combo- I really feel like many people experience the same thing simply because of the internet and it's not really indicative of anything besides knowing how to google nsfw material. I understand normal things can be symptoms too, especially if they manifest unusually strongly or interfere with a person's quality of life, but making a diagnosis based *solely* on these things still seems hasty.
Look at his most recent tweet where he claims to be able to communicate with the spirit world. This is full on.
Maybe, if it's not true. That is, if it's entirely baseless. Of course in the modern western context spiritual experience is considered to be definitionally insane, but that's not normal worldwide or historically. The difference between misinterpretation of genuine experience or relaying a daydream fantasy, I suppose.
Consider Rudyard is coherent, able to speak on-topic for extended periods of time, has a history which aligns with his symptoms, and is able to detail the psychological journey from extreme abuse to excelling. He's clearly of that vulnerable brain type, with his enhanced pattern recognition, history of abuse, etc, but the other symptoms can be easily explained by his history, and some other symptoms are clearly absent. Even with that brain type and genetic history, if that thought is ordered or disordered is the question; especially considering the question of what Schizophrenia actually is.
The most alarming thing for me is that he has been told, or interpreted that he has a global mission to complete from the spirit world. I'm inclined to sit and keep an eye on that, especially with the descriptions he gave, since I've been made aware of the reality of that aspect of reality many years ago. From my perspective there I'd like to lean on some of Rudyard's self-aggrandizing sense of humour is at work, but it is undoubtedly alarming, maybe even in a way that I don't think people who don't believe in the spirit world can appreciate.
The fact he has declared his intention to immediately side with the Bible when any of his experiences contradict it is a good sign in terms of how this might progress. The way he describes his special mission as being the mission of all men too is a good sign in terms of whether he is relaying spiritual experience or the disordered thinking associated with what we call Schizophrenia. If disordered it wouldn't be theologically sophisticated, but disjointed ideas clashed together.
Of course he could be Schizophrenic but also correct and of sound mind. Remember many of the greatest minds of history, whose shoulders we ungratefully leap down from today, are considered to be schizophrenic or autistic based on the analysis of modern doctors.
@@DougeBouge I don't have twitter unfortunately, so I can't check. Are you sure it's not metaphorical? Rudyard definitely has a history of using intentionally provocative metaphors.
@@jonlannister345 I agree fully. Maybe it's amateurish or naive, but this man just seems too reasonable and lucid to be schizophrenic. So far the only major symptom is weird or unusual beliefs, and that is nowhere near good enough to be seriously alarmed, although obviously you can't be too careful with these things.
When you were talking about your trauma I could hear your voice cracking up. Most people couldn’t share this kinda vulnerability with their audience. I’m 19 and have been an intellectual role model for me and these two videos mean the world to me. You’re a great role model for us who’re still trynna live in this world.
I hope I can represent this audience when I say that we love you. We all love you
Do not use this guy as a role model
He's a spirit guide, not a role model. You said it wrong, but your mind is right.
I love this guys experiences, and his frankness aswell
@@toasterpoodle5337Why you a hater
@@toasterpoodle5337 Who then?
He's a young lad but I'm tempted to look up to him already. Who do you suggest the young people look up to instead?
bro I don't want to treat you like a victim, because I respect too much to look upon you with pity, but when I heard in passing you had PTSD I honestly thought you would exaggerate like you were locked in a dark closet or something else still valid but not as evil as this. I gotta say I have new found respect for you my heart goes out to you.
Ditto
Exactly. So many comments here suggesting he's schizophrenic, delusional, making it up etc which makes me wonder if some of those comments are from satanists
After hearing about your mom, I understand why Puritans were adamant about killing witches
Yeah the toxic feminine is insanely evil
Rudyard has some friends who may read these comments. Please check on him. He is in need of help.
I believe he has gotten help and is continuing in the path of re building and coming to terms with his past. I see not only the trauma but a lot of strength radiating from Rudyard in this video.
It is shocking and incredible to hear Rudyard's life stpry, how much he went through and the sheer strength that enabled him to keep going and find hope in this situation. Rudyard, you are a true warrior and we all appreciate your contribution to our understanding of the world
Fr,honestly this s impacting to my life.
am i the only one here who's a bit skeptical?
is this story exaggerated or completely made up?....
@@therearenoshortcuts9868 Maybe exaggerated to some degree given its traumatic nature. But I was able to corroborate a lot of his family details such as his grandpa's crazy life (google Joseph M. Lynch and look at the obituary, Rudyard and his sister are listed as his descendants as well as his service in breaking Ultra during WWII and tenure as a law professor).
@@therearenoshortcuts9868- There is an element of doubt in everything he says now. He has quirks like most of us.
He's not a liar. He's not evil. But his interpretations are not full truth or 100% reliable. If that makes sense.
He's still interesting but I would take his assessments with more a grain of salt than before.
Maybe thats how it should be.
Can’t believe Whatifalthist made a 2hr video in 16 seconds.
Can't believe you didn't bother to listen, and instead posted a trite, silly comment for no reason other than to get a few likes from other dismissive clods.
It's the ayahuasca
I don’t care what people say, I love breakdowns and the background of who you are. I feel more connected to you. I feel a lot of the same sentiment and had the similar struggles to you. I just can’t find people like you or me in real life that share the same problems and sentiment.
Merry Christmas Rudyard, beautiful name btw.
Rudyard you are a true warrior and to have endured all you have should show everyone that hears your story that if you live with honor and courage God will provide the guiding light. You are truly inspirational.
1:03:24 - 1:03:41
I've literally never seen you cried before.
I'm definitely praying for you bro. Like holy shit as your friend I owe it to you that I pray for you. I remember how great you are when we talked and all that time I knew you on social media I'm sorry I never knew anything about the mistreatment you got.
Rudyard I'll keep you in my prayers.
You call that crying? Where are the tears? None, its crocodile tears and 15 seconds the fske emotional voice is back to normal. Emotions dont mean a story is real, seen enough cry baby people using it to garner sympathy.
1:03:18 I'm so sorry Rudyard. You're stronger than most of us. This is why you never judge a book by its cover.
Edit: I just read on his Twitter that this is all made up, he wanted to show us how guillible and sick our society is...
I don't understand why is father chose a monster woman like that. But his father kept choosing monstrous abusive women over his own son. Evil has too many forms.
@@MaytrxThe cuck has his reasons that the reason ignores it.
I am literally at that timestamp whilst reading this comment
@@Maytrx never put your dick in crazy. But his dad propably never heard of that or he loves them too much.
"don't judge a book by its cover"
yes...
but then when you open the book, you might realize 50% of the book is brilliant... and the 50% is just fucking nuts LOL
Binged the recent two long videos. What a story. Your videos have been helping me understand much of my personal studies in humanities. Your call to action through OCD has given me hope. Im very interested. Thank you for your content. I believe in you.
Amen
Rudyard you are turly brave ,you went so much still fought bravely , I love your Work and glad that your here with us.Your work has inspired me alots and tought me the importance of family,Honour,God and yolo spirt
So let me see if I got this right... you started your quest to "save the West" because Odin spoke to you and asked you to write a list of the names of all the women you've pleasured yourself to... upon completing this task, you realized it was all white women, after which Odin spoke to you again to confirm your love 'for your people' and your quest to save White civilization.
Am I misrepresenting you, or is that literally what I heard come out of your mouth at 3:04:48 ?
He never used your modern skin-colour based racial categories is where you've gone wrong there, and omitting the involvement of psychedelics. Those two things make a bit of a difference in the whole thing
@@jonlannister345yeah, it is a case of the senses mixing up, he is thinking the colors.
Literally me.
Kinda based though maybe the germans were right in the 40s i mean the jews really are doin fuckery
Basically every beat, phase, cope, and resolution you described is paralleled in my experience. For me it was ultimately rooted in a life long inability to feel like it's acceptable to participate in life and relax without figuring out answers to the nature of reality, identity, and purpose. I pushed as hard as I could to break it, got what I wanted, and then had to figure out how to put it back together while still managing a successful career and fruitful social life in the microseconds between persistently drowning..somehow.
That's a really dumbed down way to express it, but all good now and it was ultimately a net positive.
3:10 sounds like my schizo former roommate. Dude felt like a prisoner in his own body. Hyper arousal sounds like when I had a masturbation addiction that lasted 12 years. Even 6 years later, i still feel physical withdrawals and think about wanting to do it all the time. I wonder if Gen Z's lack of sex is a subconscious backlash against the hyper sexualization of the past.
This comment section is disgusting. This man talks about these horribly awful things that happened to him and almost everybody just berrates and laughs at him. Like fucking animals.
Rudyard, from what you've described, I did not feel pain this horrible but I know what suffering means thanks to my depression and all the things that led to it. I can only sympathise and wish you the best. I think you honestly have one of the most sensible views on the world throughout the modern west. Which is especially impressive because you're rather young. The only thing I think you should focus on when it comes to geopolitics and understanding the culture of nations and civilisations is read books directly from the authors from these nations/civilisations and not the western ones as they often get things very wrong. You should either do this, or designate that you view those nations/civilisations from a western point of view, without striving for objectivity.
This comment comes from somebody from a non-western civilisation by the way.
Same here, random internet person. I remember another RUclipsr (Chris Williamson?) saying that RUclips comments are not real life, because most people on RUclips don’t comment on RUclips videos. I’m one of them.
Rudyard’s willingness to be vulnerable says a lot about his strength of character. Those of us who have conquered depression know that what Rudyard is doing is the *only* cure. Those of you who want to bring him down for this are only showing off how diseased you are. I at least thank you for the warning that your brain is sick, that you are contagious, and that I should stay far away from you. I hope you heal one day.
Those of you who know, know. Stay strong, get help, and *talk*.
Amen
He's lying, how gullible are you? "At Harvard's comedy club girls tried to mock me, but I showed my bag and told my life story, they were so blown away that they congratulated me." Every time he's brilliant and meets the most brilliant people in the world. Sure dude.
@@yuvalrishusanders2291 it's a transparent attempt to Garner sympathy from his audience that now see who controls him and being paid to ignore (and now spread direct misinformation) by the you know whose who say they don't control everything. Chris Williamson is captured by the same people. Anyone with a hint of a young right wing audience gets offered the same deal because they know where the blowback is coming from. It's why all the right wing nationalist movements in Europe have been subverted by them
Good to see some enlightened kindness and humanity. Being an intellectual doesn't need to involve being apatheitc and sarcastic. Sometimes we must have a heart to heart discussion and I think Rudyards fanbase fear that. They don't want to hear Rudyards personal problems, perhaps because it makes them look in the mirror and think about their own life. Who knows.
Bro, you shouldn’t have taken Ayuascha.
The more you talk about your personal values, the less your antipathy towards Nick Fuentes makes sense. The more you talk about your childhood, the more you're antipathy towards Nick Fuentes makes sense.
Ah that weirdo. That explains all the unusually hostile comments today.
Did any of you guys figure out that the answer is in the Bible and that you are once again being tricked into attacking the human shield of the enemy? You realise these guys were clever enough to manufacture conflicts for their own benefit? You realise they took delight in the attrocity by which they gain power? They cared nothing for them, and delighted in their destruction, as they delighted in the destruction of those who destroyed them.
The evil is deep, bro. Climb out of the paradigm
Imagine still being a wifeguy after that
everybody who hates nick has a fucked up childhood
The last two hours of this has me thinking rudyard is decending into the final steps of madness.
Agreed
Yeah, the r*pe of his sister story by him. Crazy AF
@@pigman876 That's fair. I can RESPECT that opinion.
I can't respect the dismissive comments on a video where he is pouring out his heart, but I can respect an objective opinion.
If you think he is simply crazy, I can at least respect that point of view.
@@dialecticalmonist3405 this is some very complicated stuff he has posted man i feel very bad for him, but at the same time, i feel like the ayahuasca has fried his brains, and the accusations hes making... theyre very very serious
Given what he narrated about his family (his father and mother in different ways), the genetic component is there for sure.
And thus spoke zarathustra.
you are one strong soul, sir.
Strong? He's triggered by ceiling fans. Strong isn't the word I'd use.
@@MegaDubrock you're confusing being triggered with one's ability to persevere. to endure, to survive, to get up again and again and -- oh i don't know -- maybe create an analysis channel on world history and political theory with 700,000 subs. Rudy is Roosevelt's Man in the Arena. js . . .
Rudyard all I want for Christmas is more civilization videos 🙏🙏🙏
@@pixelfiend7292 If you can't respect a man pouring out his heart, ralating to a horrifying life history, how the F can you pretend to respect that same man, when he speaks about history in general?
I second that
Still waiting for the Jewish one
The suffering you have endured in life is incomparable to anything I’ve experienced.
I hope that you are successful in all of the projects you pursue.
3:22:33 calling Odin out. This contradicts scripture. Man is not an animal. God spoke the animals into existence but fashioned man out of the dust with his own hands and breathed life into man. He made man after his own image and likeness. Odin is a liar.
The part where he said Odin forced the Nordic people to convert to Christianity exposed Odin as the Devil to me. Bro, why not just tell the Nordic people to worship Yahweh before Christianity was even a thing in Europe😂😂
There are 2 types of comments on this video:
Funny comments before they watch it.
Condolences after they watch it.
yes i did one of those...
not sure what to make of it all
50% feels like this story must be made up, there's no way shit is this crazy and he turned out the way he did
other 50% says: the world is fucked up, maybe it is all true ...
ya not sure what to make of it
@@therearenoshortcuts9868
It's untreated schizophrenia going into the acute stage. I hope he doesn't hurt himself or anyone nearby.
@ Bluds rather really schizo or REALLY REALLY SCHIZZO
A third type of comment is people concerned about his mental state
I'm sorry if I missed it, I did not hear you say that you have read the entire Bible completely through yet? Is that right?
If you have not yet done that then you truly must before you embark and endeavor to preach a different gospel with different details.
You might well be a special person, but you're not more special than Jesus, logically, and he's already given us the book, the Bible, we should read through it every year if we're serious about being a Christian.
Pray about everything, and try to obey the way God wants you to live, not the way a psychedelic trip wants you to live.
Please be careful, Rudyard!
Dear, Rudyard thank you for sharing IK people who have been through similar childhood stuff you have and are some of the most deep and truly empathetic people ik…your deal will come to fruition…the soul of humanity is not dead.
Its very difficult to put into words how much these two videos mean to me, so I wont. Im just going to say I wish there was another 6 hours to listen to. Thank you rudyard
There’s a new four hour ep…
I dont know how to explain how much I can relate to this, I messed myself up by taking too much LSD as a teenager. I've been slowly healing, but i feel like my sanity is holding up by a thread of sheer will sometimes
You familiar with HPPD? It's not very well established, and I actually have a lot issues with the current literature. But, i have been there man. Like a constant presence of "wait but wth is going on, EXISTENCE THOUGHTS" between each thought. Recognizing that i was not captured by it would trigger it to capture me. I'm better than ever now, after a slow steady recovery. I did 2 things that helped the most: Root myself in normalcy as much as possible and participate and be conscious as much as possibly, and read Camus and his writing on absurdism.
That whole saga was due to my naively aggressive pursuit of challenging my perception and our inability to see beyond the veil. I ultimately got what I wanted, and my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I was so preoccupied with my goal that I cast any caution to the wind and just kept trying to push further. Now, after integrating and being to build some form of internal language and mapping of my experiences and thoughts, i would say I'm more than 100% and in a sense accomplished what I set out to explore. However, there was more than a year where I was in such a vulnerable and temperamental space that could easily have landed myself into life of a schizophrenic or similarly clinicaly psychotic person. I'm surprised I held a successful life, career, and my relationships together during that time, and i would warn anyone headed in that direction.
You can be rooted again and just participate effortlessly without the trappings of awareness again, homie. Embrace NPC life, if only for a while.
@@isaiahd5396 After going through something similar, I finally understood the quote from the classic movie "Platoon".
The famous quote being, "Hell is the impossibility of reason."
@@DetectiveStablerSVUDamn this reminds me when Christian theologians said stuff like an idle mind is vulnerable to demons, and things kinda like you have to be doing stuff constantly and if you are going to meditate do it very seriously and cautiously
I just want to add, your unique non-sterile perspective and knowledge means the world to a lot of us. Keep it up.
I’m just gonna say but your mom should be in jail for what she did. I’m so sorry for the horrors you went through. I can’t imagine the pain you went through.
I also don't understand why schizophrenia involves religious delusions even if they weren't religious prior. When my ex-roomate started showing symptoms before he was diagnosed, according to a friend he was living with at the time, he would run into his room and shut himself in like a little kid and claim that his mom was about to give birth to Jesus
Because it’s a framework for something unseen. And all the “god works in mysterious ways”. Your brain is misfiring and attempting to make sense of the misfires. The neurological pathways for god and being greater or destined for something map onto god easily. Brains are pattern recognition machines, but when you recognize too many patterns (which aren’t there), you fall into like… a bad thought. And you keep logic’ing deeper into it to dangerous levels.
Because God is literally real and there's truth in what schizophrenics say, even if it's scatterbrained. Some schizophrenics are more demon influenced than others though.
The diagnosis of schizophrenia is relatively modern. The Soviets even straight up invented a form of schizophrenia ("sluggish schizophrenia") which was used to silence dissidents. What i'm saying is: i disagree with the way spirituality is pathologised as "schizophrenia". In the past, a "schizophrenic" could become some kind of valued mystic or a religious hermit.
The thing about schizophrenia is that acknowledging the true nature of this condition will force people to acknowledge the spiritual nature of our world.
Schizophrenia itself causes people to be more seceptible to the more spiritual side of the world however, the real issue is that people like this will suffer from spiritual oppression because get attacked by evil spirits. The reasons why there always are religious delusions is because spirits are maskerading as thoughts in your mind, feeding you lies and deceptions to make you suffer.
For any normal person, this would be very confusing and disorienting so I don't blame them for tricked like this. However, the worst part of this is that even if the one suffering tries to get others to understand, doctors who are supposed to help them call these "delusions" and ignore the question of why this is happening.
I don't have scizophorenia for the record, i am just curious christian who wanted to get to the bottom of this. To truly deal with this, you absolutely need God. No medicine can deal with this problem. Since the root of it isn't physical.
I know i said a lot, but i do hope you will think about what i said. I only wrote this because i feel sad for all these people who are suffering, told that they are crazy or delusional when they are being attacked by powers greater than themselves, and they don't even have the privilege of understanding why this is happening.
Please make a video on the History of weeb culture
Ooooh! That'd be interesting. Understanding Weeb Civilisation.
Someone fed their Tamagotchi after midnight and got it wet
He keeps saying “you can’t understand” I guarantee probably 20% of your followers have gone through stuff insanely similar.
Speak for yourself
Some have.
Don't think too hard about what a 'Type 1 Personality' is though, it's pretty grim.
Still. He's a pretty extreme case. I'm surprised Rudyard is still alive, and yet he is
Childhood SA is unbelievably common. Like, insane levels common. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men. That’s of the cases they KNOW about, the vast majority go unreported. The people I know personally never reported it to authorities. It’s like that meme “if only you knew how bad things really are.” And sadly, a lot children that try to tell aren’t believed or worse, blamed. Frankly, I thinks it’s a miracle so many of us are as “normal” as we are. I think a truly “good” childhood is far, far more rare than we would like to believe.
I am fascinated Rudyard, I am truly fascinated. Personally, I would never make a video like this or recommend someone to do so; but, if it helps you close a chapter and walk forward then so be it. Do not forget to stay grounded and enjoy solitude.
John 10:1 (NKJV)
“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber.
Getting saved is the way to Jesus, not psychedelic drugs. Don't get fooled!
I have been through enough trauma to have eyes to see your story in a narrowly objective fashion. It's nothing even close to what you have been through, but enough to at least comprehend it on an asthetic and psychological plane of understanding.
To see dismissive comments in response to this video, is unbelievably terrifying. We live in a generation of absolutely soft, pathetic, soulless filth.
The weakest generation that are generating a gateway to the greatest evil the world has ever seen.
You said, "They are evil, but they are also stupid". There could not be a greater understatement.
The good news is, we have developed some of the greatest warriors to confront this soulless, and Satanic army that has formed before us.
"We're all stuck here. Can we figure this out?" I'm with you friend.
The kind of female on male abuse you have endoured i have also endored most my life and im twice your age but my abuse hasnt been as intense and acute. I believe this sort of thing is happening all over America right now and men are too proud to talk about it. You just broke the silence for us all, something massive will shift now.
Seriously, this video can be a spark
Idk I have been in a survivors group for those who are adult survivors of childhood (sexual) abuse... and this sort of abuse is by far the least common. Though it certainly does happen and doesn't alter how excruciatingly awful it is when it does happen.
From my experiences as a kid I think it's more that they just assume women can't do that sort of thing. Telling someone about it doesn't help since they'll just think you're an evil little liar who's trying to destroy your own mother. Sometimes you might even believe it yourself if you're young and every adult in your life tells you it didn't happen and that you're a liar.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men. Insanely, horrifically common. Most will never, ever speak of it.
To clarify boys I wasn't raped physically by my mother, she abused me many other ways both physically and mentally.
pray for Rudyard 🙏
I've read a few comments disparaging Rudyard's experiences, about how he is descending into 'psychosis' I have been through similar experiences after recovering from CPTSD. My life is infinitely better, after going through the other side, if you are looking at this from a strictly institutional diagnosis. You may believe that he is descending into a deeper psychosis. but if you believe science is a slowly moving behemoth, he is miles ahead of diagnosis, and seeing things far more clearly then what a materialist view see's this is as.
Some seem well meaning though. It's often good to keep in mind that unbelievers cannot react to these sorts of things other than "must be mental illness," since they have no other way to interpret it; so you can comfort those who speak out of concern rather than dismissal.
I still have problems with past trauma, but the crippling body-aching depression and disordered thinking phase of my CPTSD experience ended when 20 years of atheism evaporated with a bright light and a gentle poke to let me know the creator is watching.
My grandma, a life long Mormon, immediately declared that I must have gotten schizophrenia and needed to be drugged and locked away. Didn't even have a message other than "read the Bible." but that was still how people generally reacted, even so-called believers.
Preach
Best human on RUclips.
Ah yes, nothing like a drug raddled schizophrenic mental breakdown during the holiday season. So quaint
So he's starting a cult
All religions were a cult at some point.
Rudyard I understand having an abusive mother who died on me relatively young in life. I'm older but still fight the suicidal thing daily with PTSD and I'm almost 50. I didn't have it nearly this bad. But can say just do it a day at a time. Life is weird anything can happen. And as time passes it gets gradually more bearable. I'm not trying to push Jesus because I don't understand most religion and how applicable it is in reality. Is the more you find forgiveness within youreself the more internal grace manifests allowing you to live in you're own skin.
I almost strangled my mother to death when I was like 2 years old.
Unfortunately, your story is more common than what society makes us think.
It can sometimes be difficult to prove abuse, especially as a young child. I'm praying for you.❤
A humble, astounding, moving and self-revealing account of biographical self-knowledge - in 2 parts - into the heights and depths of the pains and of the joys personally encountered in both the visible and invisible worlds.
I can't believe how much I relate. Thanks for sharing. Long live OCD🙏
I watched a snail crawl along the age of a straight razor. This is my dream, this is my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor, and surviving. - Col. Kurtz, Apocalypse Now.
Galatians 1:8 (NKJV)
But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed.
Love your spirit but it’s ironic the NKJV is in itself a false gospel, KJV is the only true word of God
2nd Corinthians 11:14-15
And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.
"I have been to the club like fifty times and never enjoyed it, so that I could attain enlightenment - so now you no longer have to go to the club ."
Solid gold.
The abuse is utterly unfathomable. I'm glad to know that at least EMDR has helped you release a lot of these experiences dude. Your insight and sharing of these things is going to help people though - including you I feel. Thank you man.
only suggestion i have is changing the name of your organization, as a first impression it turns away lots of serious people and attracts some of the wrong people
If anyone can help lead the change this world needs its Rudyard! 🔥
Merry Christmas Rudyard!!
I want your mom to be held accountable. Do children have any justice as adults other than health and success?
Merry Christmas rudyard, I hope you are doing well and I hope you have a great 2025
Brother, I am telling you as a research reader and medical student. Do a medical ketogenic diet, it will help your brain. It helps in mental illnesses like depression, or even schizophrenia.
YOU MUST TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. Check papers on this, ketogenic diet for mental illnesses.
Man. Dude, I haven’t watched the whole video. But clips have been going around on twitter/X. Bro you gotta get some kind of help. You’ve been through hell it sounds like. Don’t try to fight any of this alone. Humans can’t win those kinds of battles alone. Peace be with you, Rudyard.
1:27:10 this is why I want legitimate Christians to actually control institutions again.
This was the best Christmas gift I could have ever asked for, you are easily the most important person I don’t know for my life, keep going on.
50:30 That level of abuse sounds like SRA or MKultra
You remind me of Gorbachev, he thought he could reform a system that was already all but dead. I hope I am wrong.
You have my greatest sympathy. Despite me pointing out that Society werent more moral before than today (Im sry, forgive me)
guys he ran out of content
Can only ignore the Jay Q for so long...
🤣
I sort of see that. The last thing I want to do is talk about my life. So this one is sort of weird to me.
Only the weak and uninteresting, would have this perspective.
Imagine announcing to the world how pathetic you are with a comment like this.
@@dialecticalmonist3405 wow ur so sigma with that comment!!11!!
There are two types of games in the world, finite and infinite. Finite games are there to be won or lost, be they a chess match, tennis match or football game. Infinite games are there to be kept going, be it a conversation, a relationship, civilisation or humanity itself. Stop playing finite games and start playing the infinite ones.
If you didn't watch part 1 he really dives into it hard here. Part 1 is recommended for context.
At 2 hours 32 minutes, speaking on CBD, I used to work for a guy who is the #1 American Standard HVAC systems seller in NC, and when he encounters a really difficult problem, he'd say, This is a 2 to 3 Gummy problem.
I disagree with a lot of the messages you put out on your channel but this is a great video. It takes a lot of courage to talk about any of this and open yourself up to the criticism of people who you know are gonna use it to mock you. This is one of the most authentic videos I've seen from you and this is the kind of thing that will help take you to the next level as a legitimate positive public figure. This is intense. I did NOT expect this from a Whatifalthist video. Keep fighting. You should be proud of yourself for going this far and God bless you.
Wow, this turned dark.
Finished the video brother.
To all the commenters attempting to discredit him, you’re not evil, mean, etc., you’re scared.
You’re scared of what he has been through and so you chalk it up to him losing his mind/lying.
If honesty and vulnerability lead you to act towards another Christ in this way, realize this says more about you than him.
As you judge, the same measure will be measured unto you.
Just think logically, why would a man open up about such things, name full names, and attach his own identity to it all? For any of the silly reasons why your limited understanding can accept to keep from confronting the truth?
I don’t need to tell you this Rudyard, but do whatever you truly want and desire. For those who feel he should stick to this video or that idea, you do it then. For all the ppl in these comments who I’d think already accept the failure of our timed, you are acting a lot like Karens that you think you rail against but personify. You wouldnt know consciously because you judge a man in the process of integration so again, what do you think that says about you and your journey?
As 90% of an individual human mind is unconscious processes, 90% of the human population are people who are not able to consciously access their decision-making process. Once you understand that, it doesn't matter very much if even most people you know think you're insane or dangerous for not going along with the unconscious insanity.
Especially not if you've had real spiritual experiences. Rudyard is right how Moderns deal with spiritual matters. It's either autism or schizophrenia, that will be their method of ignoring what has been said. Even most priests in the world now will assume it's either autism or schizophrenia, since they don't believe that spiritual experiences are a real thing.
He’s having a psychotic breakdown. Whatever spiritual connection he may or may not have is being masked by his complete detachment from reality.
@@PejmanMan Can you provide an actual analysis alongside that assertion?
Outside of the general idea that all spiritual experience is psychosis by definition, what leads you to believe this is psychosis?
@@jonlannister345 He started "recalling suppressed memories" after doing psychedelics, believes he is spiritually communing with angels, demons, etc. for hours on end. I've known schizophrenics and this is exactly what it looks like, false memories of rape/witchcraft, demons in your head, etc. He needs to seek help.
@@PejmanMan how easy is it to claim another is suffering what you have judged while also being unaware that we all have a spiritual connection: we are Spirit - we don’t logically identify with a video game character we are playing, so why identify as a being separated from our source (God)?
To say he is detached from reality as you refuse to take/accept him at face value is interesting, almost like you purposefully avoided reading where I wrote what you judge, the same measure will be measured unto you.
It’s ok to sit with thoughts and question them ro find the truth before commenting, and its ok to do what you did instead; the truth will be true even when I make it apparent to you, and I dont mind helping.
Rudyard, we love you bro. Your parents were evil but we love you. I will always be here to watch your content and I am cheering for you from the sidelines!
He’s making shit up god you parasocial losers are gullible
@@barnacleandy Look in before you look out
I am 61 years old and I've been a Christian for nearly 30 years. Before that I had a lot of similar experiences as what you have been talking about in season one in season two.
I experimented with LSD and psychedelic mushrooms as a teenager.
Dosage matters. A light dose just makes your senses tingle. A Heavy dose makes you think you're talking to God or the devil or you don't really know who you're talking to do you? You can't be sure.
Actually, my experience from psychedelic trips made it eventually easier to believe in some of the harder Christian reality concepts like the holy Trinity and God is three persons all at once And so on. Seeing reality, kind of drip and scrabble around, kind of makes you realize maybe we do live inside the mind of God?
I did not have a shaman to help me. I estimate doing psychedelic trips at least a dozen times maybe two dozen times from the ninth grade until age 19. It can really fool you. You feel like you're enlightened yet. It burns out your brain at the same time and you're not really equipped to do anything with it.
But I don't think I need to do psychedelics to get saved as the Bible describes.
Be careful, Friend!
People saying he needs treatment just need to chill the fuck out. Let the man vibe he is clearly on a mission and is putting it into words and action.
Have you ever spoken to a schizophrenic or manic person? They all sound like they're on a mission and are putting it into words and action. His mom as he said was on a mission too. Being driven doesnt conflict with being insane, in fact they correlate with each other
@@fritzstammen4535Rudy is all right. He is a grown man without kids. He is clearly on a path of self enlightenment and, seeks knowledge and peace of mind. Yes, he said his mom was a schizophrenic after she got kicked in the head by a horse, but obviously Rudy didn’t get kicked in the head by a horse or is trying to impose his will on children he doesn’t have
@@fritzstammen4535 I don't disagree with you.. I just don't think telling the man to seek help is useful in any way. His mission is more coherent and real then his mothers was. I have severe distrust in mental health treatment - a psychiatrist will put him on meds and will probably make him much worse and actually insane
@@fritzstammen4535 Well I have, and they don't sound like this. In fact, their speech sound disjointed and without proper flow of structure, changing topics mid-sentence, always seeming agitated and jumpy, using certain words in ways that don't make sence etc. Being driven does correlate with being insane, but not even remotely strongly enough to make a diagnosis based on that alone.
Rudyard, you are the bravest man in America. You are a survivor and thank you for being so incredibly generous revealing your difficult journey. I wish you blue skies moving forward. You have earned everything good that comes your way.
Guys this video is great. I probably say that’s as a fan of books about characters like Rudyard
~1:23:22, I've been trying to think of a metaphor for this time, and the best I've been able to come up with is that it's the moment when the water recedes from a shoreline before the tsunami wave comes onshore.
1:24:00 that's what I've been saying for a while, that the "right" or better worded, the counter culture MUST offer a path to redemption/a hero's path and nobody's doing it.
I pray for you. May God show mercy upon you.
Rudyard, I'm going to state the obvious now... the way to deal with mouse utopia is to leave the system. That's it. There's no other way out. And this happens one mouse at a time. You cannot stop mass mouse utopia because the mice are not even looking for the frickin door. You have to be willing to give up everything to start over. You have to be willing to walk away with nothing but your knowledge and wisdom.
After skimming the comments, most people aren’t getting this. Most don’t even know what DMT is. I think this a Beautiful soul baring it all. No masks. No fluff. A free emotionally naked and exposed young man exploring what it means to be human. Battle scars and all. (Kitsugi/ stoicism). Anyone who is afraid or scared of this content, hasn’t faced their own soul and subconscious, and that means you are most probably an NPC. This is the real deal, right here. Human sub consciousness articulated via childhood trauma integration via a self aware individual. This is Not squid games 2 or million dollar listing Beverly Hills. This is history, genealogy, psychology, philosophy, this is evolution, this is raw realness. This is life. The beauty, the sadness, the sorrow the triumphs, the wins, the loses, and everything in between. This is everything. This is one smart kid. NOT a crazy person having a mental break.
Before these two videos I just looked at Rudyard as an internet pundit who was well versed in profound and interesting topics that pertains to our world. While that is still true, all this opening up about these soul crushing experiences changes everything, It brings him much more close, like a friend. Add to that the spiritual experiences and the man almost becomes a prophet in some strange sense. Keep it up Rudyard! You are fighting the good fight!
my man i was memeing earlier, i feel so bad for u now wtf?
He's ok. He'll hold together.
Shit man.... I thought I had it bad. I'll be praying for you.
it is really disturbing to see the comments and people just dont care about him venting his live frustrations. He is telling the story of his live and what do people say "i dont want those kind of videos i want other ones maaaaaaaa'' screaming like childern
It is a very interesting and radically open experience. It is very complex and deep. Sounds like a very evil psychological experiment. External influence is highly probable. My condolences. You are a survivor and a hero.
This is pysch-ward application
you're one of my favourite RUclipsrs and i'm looking forward to your future work.
I'm sorry to hear that happend to you rudyard. But seeing what you became, is inspiring. I wish I could hang out with you at a pub or get drunk with you on a trail while backpacking.
Part 10; When I finally stopped making excuses for the Jay Q.
the John Forbes Nash Jr. of Anthropology/History - and that's a compliment btw.
To avoid any trouble from RUclips, you should probably age-restrict this video.
In my family I describe it all as hillbilly dynamics. Now that it’s off your chest maybe keep moving forward and don’t dwell on the past. 🎄Merry Christmas too!
Rudyard you are having a schizophrenic episode, you need to seek out treatment for your own good.
Imagine you're just going about your day all willy nilly and suddenly all of your friends, family, and people you talk to suddenly start telling you you're having a schizophrenic episode. That would be terrifying. He's definitely having one, but just imagine being on the recieving end cause it's freaking me out lol
Rudyard is a sigma who has unlimited dating options but chooses to walk the path alone to save the soul of western civilization. Once he reaches his prime peak at 60 years old, all the young pretty girls will flock to him - other guys won’t have a chance.
Wth?
Dude take meds
Touch grass
32:47 a lot of blue collar guys in the rural Midwest are doing really well right now due to the labor shortage in the trades, produced by the funneling of kids who should've gone on to be master tradesmen into the university system.
Rudyard you are very right, I just want to ask: can you help me manifest my success as i'm just started being self employed and I created a video game i am very passionate about that i want the whole world to play and experience?
Rudyard you got my respect and admiration, stay honorable.
The problems we've hollowed
out all of life so that the only
thing we have in life is screens.
We got rid of community, we
got rid of religion, we got rid of
marriage, we got rid of the
nation, we got rid of social
clubs, we got rid of everything
and so we just stare at screens.