What Ex-Mormons Miss About Their Religion
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
- *If you’re wondering where the music went, it used to be free to use but now it’s copyrighted. I haven’t decided if I’ll replace it yet, but for now, no music. Sorry!
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I'm a bit of an outlier because even though I grew up in the church I never really fit in, not for lack of belief or obedience, but I've just always been awkward and different. Part of it was that I was being abused at home, so I had signs of being malnourished and having emotional issues, but my parents were also well-respected leaders, so I was thought of as weak and a difficult child. No one could figure out why I had problems when I came from such a faithful family. Honestly I felt lonely in the church and still feel lonely outside of it. I don't miss anything, but have always wished throughout my life that I could belong somewhere.
I hope you find a community you can feel a part of.
@@pamelahofman1785 thank you
Same friend. Same.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that growing up. I hope you are able to find happiness and community. Best Wishes!
Growing up not Mormon in a predominantly Mormon community is absolute hell. You never fit in, you’re constantly judged and excluded, it’s bad. You don’t see Mormons as good, nice people. As adults, priority for employment is given to those in the same ward. I’ve seen it. I’m 47 now, and I still remember how the kids on the bus looked down on me. I was lucky, I had a great best friend who never judged. Her dad was even the bishop, lol.
Agreed!
Growing up Mormon and then leaving before I could serve a mission was exactly the same way. As soon as people found out that I wasn't Mormon anymore, I was a second class citizen.
I completely relate. I had a best friend that was LDS to and her dad was one of those genuine good mormons that wanted to love everyone, so their family never judged me but it seriously felt like the only family that didn't. When I tried to explain how hard it was being a non mormon in a 99 percent mormon area my friend didn't even believe me. I think she wanted to believe that mormons were nicer then that. She even still subtly tries to convert me I think but shes so loving that it doesnt even bother me.(we are still friends and I am 41 lol)
I guess I always felt that way about her because the difference between her and other mormons are night and day. I know she has good intentions and to me thats what matters the most even though we are so different. She always had a decent heart. P.S. She also came around a few years ago and told me she believed me and witnessed her entire ward treat other people unfairly. I guess she was talking about non members or people who left or something, but it left such a bad taste in her mouth that she told me she left that ward, and started going to a new one.
I am not Mormon nor ex-Mormon, but I found this quite enlightening for the needs of so many.
Community is a mile wide and an inch deep in the Church, leave and you will see how real the relationships are.
I've never heard it expressed so well. This is so true. Everyone's happy to see you, but they forget you when you move away.
@@dawn8293For real! I was in singles ward when I had my shelf break. I left and had like 2 visits from my visiting teachers and 1 visit from my home teachers, but I really thought I had made friends in my singles ward only for them to ignore me when I left. But honestly, in some ways, I needed the space and was glad they didn't parade to my front door.
💯
I feel the most community at a locally owned yarn shop. I love crochet and knitting, and it’s wonderful to go there for guidance and new skills, and to show off my work.
I left Mormonism 19 years ago and have experienced a bunch of spiritual communities. Which is good or better than Mormonism? Most. I laugh when I hear shadow Mormons say they stay because they won't find anything better. Seriously? New Thought? Unity? A book club? Dog Rescue? Thai Chi R Us? If it draws your interest and provides a way to serve, give it a shot. The great part is you aren't guilted into serving and it's bound to be much more interesting.
Exactly. People need to understand you can’t get ALL your community needs from one single institution. And if they promise that it may be a cult lol
I don't know that I ever really felt like I was a full member of the community as a Mormon. I felt like I was perpetually trying to make friends, trying to connect, trying to be a better member, trying to be "worthy" of more impactful callings, etc. I think my time as a member left me deeply unfulfilled because I wanted so badly to have connections with other people, and those connections always felt just one step away. Now that I'm out, it's been even harder to find community, but I feel that the friendships I've established feel more genuine and meaningful.
Honestly, even when I was in the church, I never fit in. And because they assign a ward to you - as you said - I couldn't go to church with my actual friends and instead went with - pardon my language - asshole bullies.
So I never, EVER missed anything about the LDS church. Leaving meant I never had to deal with those bullies again. It was SO freeing.
While I was then looked down upon by literally everyone (I grew up in Utah so yes, EVERYONE) and it was awful, I never felt supported or even LIKED in the church.
So yeah, there's nothing I ever missed about it. But I do understand those who have a lot of relationships via the church and then all of a sudden there's a huge void there. That must be really, really hard.
Every time I think I miss something from the Mormon church, I relate that thing to the harmful aspect of it. When I miss the community, I think about how it's intentionally designed to cause us to be insular. When I think about the feeling of "having all the answers" I remember how closed minded and bigoted that made me.
Oh that’s a great tool! Thanks for sharing.
The music was one of the worst parts for me. 😅 I had to bring an mp3 to listen to after sacrament for a minute to get the music out of my head. Being triggered by sounds like that is called misophonia I believe. It's really bad for me.
I haven't found a community since leaving, and I haven't actually met any ex-mormons, and I find others just don't relate. It's definitely lonely.
Have you tried to find community online?
You have now. Hello Denise!
Here are a couple ideas my friend has done to start helping.
Book club.(free)
Language class. (Small group, it was free for 2 years, but now is a small charge.)
Also writing club. (Free)
Hiking clubs, gardening, food bank volunteer...
Maybe start something...
Someone in our neighborhood started just a walking group.
I'd like to find a casual singing group, but I'm not a great singer. Just relaxed, like singing around a campfire...
Good luck. ❤❤❤
Post-college, due to my job in animation, I have moved at least once every 2 years, every time across significant distance. What I've found when it comes to making new friends is that it takes meeting up with the same people consistently over time, most of all. I highly recommend finding any group around something you're interested in that meets monthly or more, shopping around groups until you find one that you look forward to going to, and stick to it. Even people you may not have had an immediate connection with can become fast friends with that time spent together.
This is great advice - realistic, practical, optimistic 👍
Something that I think is a little overlooked when talking about the loss of community is the resources that came with that. And no, I’m not just talking about the church helping people going through tragedy; but knowledge and skills that various members have, networking for employment, and the knowledge that most of the time that all you have to do is ask. You might get a nudge in the right direction, or you might get a whole new kitchen, but if you went to the church, you could almost always find a member ready and willing to help you in some way.
I am from Austria and quit the LDS - church after 63 years ... but still some of my siblings are members and I have people there I like ... I am still welcome to visit the church although pretty everybody knows that I left and the reasons.
Community;
Having an absolute sense of right;
Feeling exclusive;
Feeling entitled;
It's a game changer when all that comes crashing down.
marcus
additionally, if someone really misses that going to sunday and seeing a wide cross section of your local community every week thing and is open to some spirituality, I have never been to a Unitarian Universalist church I haven't liked. In my experience most services are mostly secular, as part of the philosophy of unitarians is individual paths and no universal known truth (and some congregations host pagan circles if that's your jam, too) and they still have the bonuses you may miss from organized religion like organized community charity, potlucks, standing and sitting repeatedly in a big room, singing songs.
I'm personally atheopagan minded and don't. love showing up to a building on sunday mornings or singing hymns or listening to messages, as it's just not how my brain has a good time, but I show up to ritual every 6 weeks most times and participate in non-service events at a local UU
I always hated the elders quorum moving company. Mormons quit doing this. Freakin absurd
Not sure if it’s just a Texas thing, but we are pretty strong in our fellowship community & welcome ALL those to come & enjoy the service, activities, camps, VBS… etc. I live near Houston & our church does the same. We have traditional & modern worship, youth groups, connect during the week outside of the church. We are a Bible based (non denominational) church. Happy to be a part of your community, to Mormons & ex- Mormons if you are in the Houston area. Hope more churches will reach out & embrace our brothers & sisters!! 💝💜🙏🏻. Love you all & happy to have nonjudgmental conversations of faith. Thank you Exmo Lex for all you do in helping others!!
Per my above comment- my husband is LDS, I am not, so I have learned a TON about the church so I can understand where exactly-Mormons are coming from. Praying for him to see the TRUTH. Happy to hang out & have open discussions 😉.
I stopped attending last year but I still play basketball at the stake center. It’s my only activity where I feel like I fit in the church. Most of my time I’m alone so it’s also the only time I’m with a group of people outside of work
I miss the community big time. I've been out now for almost 18 years and have never been able to replicate it. They sure have that aspect down.
I grew up in two different wards: the first one was amazing you weren’t judged for what you wore and they just loved you. The second one was super cliquey and bullying between the girls. Not so much the boys and the adults were super judgmental but there were a few people who I’m just as close with even though I’ve left.
The problem is there aren't really any places to go to build community outside religion. Work is ok, but it's hard to build community or even friendships at work. The only other place I've felt that fellowship is at comiccon (which also provides an excuse to dress up, though not necessarily in formal wear 😁). I wish we had community centers that provide the same fellowshipping and community that religion does.
Also, the church has such a great support system. Employment, Bishop's Storehouse, Family Services, Desseret Industries, etc. They're a great resource, one of the best welfare systems (or at least it was, it's kind of changed in recent years, so I don't know how good it still is). And they have great hot cocoa. 🤣
I was not born into the Mormon church. I was baptized at 13 when I was in young women which I really did enjoy and will always remember.
I miss the community and the music.
My maternal Grandfather found community, meeting his buddies under an oak tree every Sunday. Some would bring booze, some brought food they'd cook , and others brought cards to play. The pastor of the Baptist church I attended as a child ( before my LDS experience) threatened to bring the entire congregation to that tree with hymnbooks.
Thank you for sharing your authentic self in your videos. I love listening to your videos.
Hello, fellow Idahoan. Boise says hi. Always interesting topics. Thank you!
I would like to ask you how your parents and your husband's parents thinks about the church changing their stance on same-sex marriage in the temple they just open up the temple in January 1st for same-sex. Marriage. So how do you feel about it and how do your family.
The community piece is interesting. My wife and I don’t want to be part of a community. A couple of close friends and our immediate family is enough. If we ever get the urge to meet new people (rare) we join a bowling league.
I just learned that a 5x great grandmother of mine married Brigham Young after crossing the plains. Her husband died in Nauvoo. She was in her mid 60s. He was in his mid 40s. I'm going to have to read more about this but needless to say, I'm squicked.
I never missed the community of the mormon church. I was often put outside of the congregation, which happens when you're love bombed, not just shunned. When you're targeted that way, what's to miss?
Dan Barker who is a musician and co-president at FFRF may have some music you can use, perhaps with permission.
Never-mo here, but attends an Evangelical church that hosts plenty of events for anyone in the community to attend (men/women retreats, a women’s Christmas dessert event, Easter/Halloween events in their parking lots, a mission trip every year to an orphanage, kid day and overnight camps for all ages, etc.). We attend the church services and participate in many of these events whenever possible.
Since you mention Idaho, here in Boise, there are volunteer opportunities abound. I volunteer helping teach refugees learn English and civics here. It really connects you with people from all walks of life, from all over the world.
I can see how the Mormons would celebrate Halloween. Since the religion was born out of chicanery, soothsayers and magic.
I am a nevermo, but moving a couple of states away made me feel isolated. I joined a singing group, a community concert band, and a community theater (not necessarily all at the same time). If you have an interest in music and/or performing, this is a great way to meet people.
I actually don't miss anything. I'm happier, I have more time, and I didn't take any residual guilt with me. What is not to like about that?
Everything you said has a familiar ring to it. I count myself as fortunate that I was never drawn into the controlling abyss and found happiness away from those groups. I love your presentations and appreciate your dedication to helping others.
I'm not a mormon or an ex-mormon, I live in the Mormon heart of Utah, and I have never felt the "sense of community". Maybe because I expressed that I was not interested in joining to the Mormon church? 🤷♀️
Here is a comment for the algorithm.
I don’t miss a thing about it….
Exmo Lex; I missed the hymns!
I miss the hers!
These are interesting to hear, as someone who has never been part of a high demand group. I'd love to see the other side of this, too - what are exmos happiest to have left behind when they exited the religion?
First word that came to mind when I read your question: baggage! There's a lot to unpack there haha but the important point is that I feel so much "lighter", more free.
Of course, that's also one of the harder/scarier parts too, at least initially. Sometimes I miss the familiar confines of that cage, even if I know logically that I'm far better off out here. That feeling is getting better though as I grow into my new freedom, I feel less afraid and vulnerable and more empowered as I learn to stand on my own two legs.
She's done a video on that before. Things like not wearing garments any more, having free time, getting to literally make our own decisions about (gestures wildly) eeeverything, getting a 10% raise by not needing to donate it to the church, getting away from all the scrutiny and judgment, not worrying about being forced into polygamy in the next life, all the weird crap that happens in the temple . . .
LEX is HOT !
Originally the Mormon Church was Protestant, they also have a lot of Catholic in their LDS, meaning you may find other Churches are the same, in content but much more trusting in you.
I love me some drunk mini golf
Oh I forgot to mention they're also doing ceilings for same-sex couples.
Like they paint the ceiling of same sex couples? I think it's sealing
@@friezenfanHey, who needs their ceilings painted more than same-sex couples? It's good work if you can get it!
@@friezenfan I guess when I speak to my computer it doesn't actually correct my spelling considering I am not typing . I'm speaking to my computer and it's writing down .
Endless excuses, made against THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST, due to either rebellious or lack knowledge, maybe both.
Like feeding her children before tithing?
@@whatsup3270😂
Join a cohousing community. Intentional community fills the gaps in our western society.
A big part of loss felt is that ex-LDS people not only leave the church, they leave faith altogether. I am not LDS, but I grew up near many. LDS doctrine, starting with the first vision story of Joseph Smith himself, attacks the legitimacy of all other Christian denominations, therefore, if Mormonism is wrong, other religious faiths are also. The best I can do is to be a friend.
Their endless excuses, due to rebellious or lack knowledge. Some, refused to repent from personal sins; some, lack knowledge.
Do you even have a brain to even acknowledge what real Exmormormons gone threw, sounds like a broken record to me & you are only just repeating what's been installed into you. You really & honestly do not know what each & every one of us have gone through. You will spew out your own opinions but on the other side, absolutely refuse to hear someone out.
Quite honestly more than anything it's the churches history we find out what's been hidden from members say... since day one!
And mormons say don't judge 😂😂😂
Lack of Knowledge? 😂 that's Laughable! Apparently, Mormons haven't done a deep dive in their own good & evil history of the church on what they had control over! Just only want to know whats "good" they want to hear! "Forget the rest!" 🙄🤣
@@sarahpinho1114 Your comment perfectly reveal, your deceptive Spirit; THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS, have nothing to do with some, and their unrighteous judgements. Your extreme lack of knowledge, the mysteries of, the eternities, and your rebelliousness against THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS, is obvious. GOD the Eternal FATHER and HIS WIFE, GODDESS, our beloved HOLY Eternal MOTHER, allows us to judge, but we have to judge (righteously,) not (unrighteously.)
Those who left THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS, & can't leave the CHURCH alone, they're miserable.
Coercion can be more than a word, it is unbiblical and very Mormon.
They can't leave THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS, alone. Their endless excuses, lies.
The irony of a Mormon saying this on an ex- Mormon channel. You guys can’t leave ex- Mormons alone or let us tell our stories without criticizing us.
Every ex- Mormon channel gets this from members.
@mommyofkittens4809 right! & plus, we are not allowed to go on their channels & use our free speech as well. Unfortunately, we don't have such privileges from their eye as much as they believe they have the right, honor & pleasure to spew the freedom of speech to us, or we git banned/ messages are removed and or deleted!
@@marebear6727You too MareBear? Yeah, I've found that they don't take too kindly to the truth being spread around on their channels.
@mylesmarkson1686 Hey, 😁 Yeah. I've been on their channels before, but things didn't go, so kindly & that's what kept happening to me.i figured i was alone in this field. :) Even apparently, I gotta watch what I say here. My statements can get way too strong. Oh, well.
@@marebear6727 I'm a Member of the only, TRUE CHURCH, THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS, born and raised; And, I've served a two years mission. I've returned from my two years mission, in 1982, December 15; And,we got married in TEMPLE, in 1983 November 26. I've eleven Children's, and still. And, for you, you left the TRUE CHURCH, and you can't leave the CHURCH alone? It's obvious, you're, miserable. Now, you're up for riches and honor, for your personal gains.
I miss hugs from sweet, frail, old ladies... Sometimes I just need a hug from a 95 year old lady who'll tell me my hair is pretty and that she's happy to see me... 🥹
I miss my Sunbeams. They were the only reason I stayed as long as I did.