The first ever time anybody new in my life ever gives me the silent treatment I will immediately block delete and cut off. Survived kong term relationship with a narc and had two narc parents. i am done for life.
My bf does this. Its like a big child,not a grown ass man! I learn not to respond to this behaviour. If i tell him something he did wrong,his aura changes and he goes stone cold.
@@gigafia5358 the girl I left after a year and a half of trying is like that. She tried telling me I forced the relationship. & That she never wanted to be with me. I'm laughing so hard at how she rationalized stuff. She doesn't want to be with me because I held her accountable! 🤣 Absolutely a narcissist. She's so closeted about it. She has had 3 guys telling her the same thing.
I put on my headphones while I’m home so the silent treatment backfired on them Drove them nuts that I wasn’t bothered or even seemed to notice them being silent. I was too occupied listening to Lee and others about narcissism or dancing to music 😂
I NATURALLY DO NOT TALK ALOT HOWEVER WHEN I DO TALK I SAY WHAT I MEAN MEAN WHAT I SAY ALL GOOD!.....I ALSO HAVE A STRONG IGNORE GAME THAT DROVE MY EX HUSBAND CRAZY HE IS MOST DEFINITELY A NARC!.....POOR LITTLE TINK!TINK!
100% this works. They hate it when you use it against them. They think ha I got them. Meanwhile, we are living life like they don't exist because I'll be damned if you're going to sit there and pretend you don't see me and I suffer for it. Lol, the last time my ex pulled that shit I stopped talking to him completely and slept on the couch for a month. Didn't say shit to him, barely responded to any questions he asked, and didn't respond to texts with more than a few words, if at all. Showed no emotions for him. At one point, he was like, "You can sleep in the bed with me. There's plenty of room." I never responded. Mfer I know I can. It's my damn bed, but I can't fathom having to lay down next to someone who gives zero shit about me, doesn't respect me, and thinks I didn't do shit when I was busting my ass daily to get shit done. Done was an understatement. And it's funny to me because we had gotten into it a couple of months before, and I was already feeling like leaving, so this was the topper on the cake for me.
Overall, being dumped, or discarded by the narc is a gift 🎁. It doesn't feel that way at first; but you'll have dodged one or more bullets. Thank you Lee. 🙏🏽💖✨
I suppose it is eventually, but you're right that it doesn't feel that way for the longest time. I know I'm better off in the long run, it's just to get over all the soul crushing, esteem damaging trust issues I have now. Mine didn't discard me physically. He took the more cowardly route that Lee admitted to doing, and that was to stay, emotionally check out, but treat me so bad that I finally did it.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 yes, it was the same in my case. The lying, the dissing , the ghosting etc. What pushed me was my kids. I was like, I didn’t take that ish off their father; why should I put up with this momo’s antics. Now I think, what did I ever see in him. Hind sight IS 20/20. Good for you. 🙏🏽💖✨
I'd have to add cheating as a form of punishment as well. To them they feel justified for doing it because of whatever childish reason in their puny little minds.
My narc boyfriend tried it with me, and I lit his ass up like he was an unknown person to me! So I started treating him like he was treating me, and he couldn't handle it because he knew that he had no more control. And now I'm doing the silent treatment by leaving out, and he's not knowing where I'm at, and I love it
That's the fun part. I hung up in mines face. And never talked to him again. 3 weeks 2 says. Prbly shocked because he was definitely positive I would take whatever he threw at me.
The discard is brutal. 27 years finished with an ultimatum. Over just like it was a text message. He moved on to a new source of supply he had only know for 7 weeks. It’s been nearly 4 years no contact at all. A blessing in disguise she did me a big favour.
That four years later you're still tripping on it's like I don't understand understand why anybody would be in a relationship like this I'm trying to figure out my son-in-law
No not tripping anymore. I have come out the other side but it was a tough journey. Glad it’s over. There is happiness and light at the end of the tunnel. What doesn’t break you makes you stronger. Trauma bonding is real not so easy to break the cycle it takes work. But I did it
When they withhold all the intimate stuff and withhold saying “ I love you”……all the emotional goods except only if I initiate….what should I do then? I’m having a hard time leaving but eventually I filed for divorce ( and it’s killing me to do so) I don’t want to file, but felt I was backed up in a corner……what’s the next action to take? Do they ever come back around? Today is our wedding anniversary and all I got was “ happy anniversary by the way of text”. 19 yrs married , 21 years together. All this started in later of 2021 til current over a gal who was a project manager on his project in another state. I’m not sure of their involvement now or there’s not any. Please help me.
I’m also a self aware narcissist and your channel has helped me alot. The last four years of my life I’ve chosen to stay away from ALL relationships beyond family to fully work on myself and break the cycle 🔄 and man I’m a full on NEW woman 👩 so for others who are struggling with healing it’s possible, just break away and do the WORK !
My ex would go thru periods of wks where he would be very distance then go back to being affectionate like nothing happened. I wasn't being punished for anything I did. I believe at those points in time he emotionally latched on to an outside source, new ppl he met and skummy women that were on his low vibrational level and in just a couple of days to a week he was back to loving up on me like nothing happened because the irony is they get along better and connect with trash like themselves YET the discard them just as fast because ppl on their vibrational level will quickly turn them off.
@@talithaangevine6073they are shallow empty vessels, keep being you. Just take the lesson as learned & break free. Don't waste another 13 like I have. If he's gone to someone else, this is the best time for you to make moves & move on. Freedom!
Some of the ways are...: 1. Silent Treatment (😏 learn to enjoy it, communicate only the absolute necessary stuff) 2. Narcistic Rage 3. Smear Campaign (they seek to ruin your reputation, this starts during relationship not just at the end) 4. The Discard (emotional discard, physical discard, punish you if whatever supply they were getting from you runs out) 5. Withholding intimacy and affection, they value you less, start to treat you different)
I go silent when I am done with someone. I will try and try then go silent. I get enranged if I am pursued after I tell you that I am done with you. If you send people to plead with me. I will let them know why we are no longer together. I will not have sympathy when you cry or start begging. If we are done, no intimacy is needed.
What bothered me most was how out-0f-proportion the punishment was, both in severity and duration, for whatever imagined slight might have been. You might have thought I had keyed his car or slept with his best friend the way he over-reacted to the least little misstep on my part.
For the final discard, my Nex said he was still love with an ex (never saw that coming). He knew that would hurt the most. I told him when we met it was most important to me to find an emotionally available partner. To attempt to hurt me so much, I’ll never talk to him again.
I've just broken up with my narcissist and need to remember this when the trauma bond is pulling hard. The silent treatment and withdrawal of affection can get surprisingly clouded by the good memories. I deserve better. The good times will not return despite the crumbs of hope.
I try to think of good times but I'm drawing a blank. Stonewalling, no affection of any kind and cheating and its not only the opposite sex.I found naked man pictures but he said it was only bikers partying. And a std. And triangulation with a dog.Makes a big show of affection for the dog while ignoring me. And SO MUCH MORE!! Ya it's hard to decide which is my favorite memory.
I admit. I gave him yet another chance. I think I thought it's better than being alone. Please believe this: narcissistic behaviour goes in predictable circles.
Yep, they're good at the silent treatment,until you do it to them. I call it reciprocity! 😅 One thing I've learned about them, is that they can dish it out ,but they can't take it, when it's done to them. Mine started with the silent treatment and I asked whether she was going to talk to me and she didn't say anything. I looked her right in the eye and said,Good, now I can get some peace! That got her to talking. Of course, they could never allow someone to peep their card or have one up on them. I learned how to play the game. 😅
My son is a full blown narcissist. He had a girlfriend for 7 years. He treated her like a dog. She finally left and married someone else. He is now using her departure as the reason never to become involved with anyone again because she was the only woman he ever loved. So he has turned his ugliness on me. There isn't a technique he doesn't use. He goes for months without communication. I call him on it and he switches technique. As a mother this is difficult for me.... I do not jump and run for him anymore.... I only text when it's business or necessary. He will never see me as I am..for him.... I live in his abusive fantasy. There is no amount of logic, love, empathy, or sympathy that will change his scenario. Painful as it is.....I've stepped away to preserve my sanity.
1. Silent Treatment 2. Raging at you 3. Smear campaign 4. Emotional and physical discard 5. Devalue you, emotional discard, withhold affection. No more “I love you” no more “Babe” etc.
Yeah I get the silent treatment all the time for not being a mind reader. Then he has a rage meltdown yelling about how I didn't do what he wanted me to do (but never asked) or did wrong (but also never communicated). I tried many times to explain we need to communicate like mature adults, and he acts like he understands and wants it to improve. But then he continues on living in a black cloud of simmering rage anyway.
At the end, I loved the silent treatment. The rage always frightened me and was what pushed me out the door. I am still in contact with him. He begs me to come back.... not going
My husband is a narcissist. I really never realized it until I started therapy three years ago. He started flipping everything back on me. He would call me crazy bc I remembered events in a different manner than him. Most of those fights would be about something he did that hurt my feelings. It seemed like he could never comprehend that people had feelings, or that he could hurt somebody’s feelings, and it made it seem like he was perfect. I caught him talking to women online I had the proof and he spun it back on me. He said, oh, you are not giving me enough attention because we have a baby and so I have to go talk to these other women. And then he would lie about it and say oh that never happened. I never talk to anybody and then if I would bring it up, he would call me crazy and paranoid. He actually called me a effing psycho. Screamed it at me when I was having an anxiety attack. Then he would complain that I would never leave the house because I was too afraid. I would always try to leave the house, but he had a tracker on me, so he would see where I was going, and then he would accuse me of finding somebody else and cheating on him. So it became more trouble than it was worth, so I just ended up staying home all of the time. Eventually, his cousin had a baby shower that I wanted to go to. I went by myself and I left him at home with our three year old son. They had a great time and I had a good time until I told him from the party that there was a girl helping with the presents, and I made the stupid mistake of saying that her dress was too short. Well that’s all it took. He started asking is she hot and please send pictures and saying some thing about if you’re not gonna send pictures that I’m not going to believe you I want to see her. About four times through text message he sending these messages demanding that I send pictures of this other woman to him. I have never been upset that much I think in my entire life. On the way home I got back and as soon as I got back in the door of the first thing out of his mouth was why the F didn’t you send those pictures!? I started crying and he said oh this is just a joke can’t you take my humor anymore? I can’t believe you’re sitting here having a meltdown over this I said, can you imagine if I did the same thing to you because we have a lot of double standards in our marriage, and that was another one of the red flags. I started noticing. He could talk to women online he could get pictures of women. He could flirt with his female coworker, and send pictures of our son to her and say that she would be a good nanny in quotations… there’s just so much but anyway after the baby shower happened I told him a few days later you really hurt my feelings about that and I feel very disrespected and again he said well you just don’t have the same humor you used to I never expected you to send me those pictures. And I said I left the house like you told me that I never do and this is what I get and then he flipped that back on me and said oh so you just went to that baby shower just so you could throw it back in my face! I’m telling you, you can never win with these people. I have tried for 23 years and realizing that I have been through absolute hell with this person, and now we have a son and there is absolutely no empathy whatsoever. I desperately do not want this to carry over into our sons life, so I am doing everything I can to protect him. With all of that being said, I just wanted to say thank you for this channel I have learned so much and with my therapist we have really been doing a lot of hard work. I have found a divorce attorney and he does not know it and I am going to figure out how I can see him without anybody knowing and trying to make an escape plan to get out of here.
I am praying for you!!! When I saw your post, I knew you wanted to be heard. DO NOT let him know your plans. You make sure you keep all your important docs in place that are easily accessible. Just in case you need to leave immediately.
Good for you🫶🏻💪🏻 I wish you and your son the best❤ I left with my teenager daughter in 2022 October, and the days are getting better day by day, even though he’s a vindictive guy; I had been with him for 19,5😱 the last 1,5 year I was slowly woken up to what Narcissism is. Knowledge is everything. Love to you from Denmark 🫶🏻 Have a Happy Easter with your son🐣
Friend I feel your pain, I made sure to take pictures of these conversations haven't that conversation yet, but this crazy lady got exhibit a, b and c. My prayers for all , may we heal soon.
Your Stu--d,he played u,u stepped out of house an he had to punish u by pretending he wanted to see pictures of another woman an u fell for it ,not only did u get mad u broke down an gave him supply when u got home ,wake up ,u should have said the waiter at shower was hot an send ur husband a picture of his muscles with a laughing emoji,,,that would have flipped the power on narcy husband ,,,u sound like a easy target :(
He fetched me from the airport Mid-2018. He gave me the silent treatment, I asked him 4 times what was wrong, he said nothing was wrong. He never spoke again. I decided to get divorced end 2019. He raged and threatened me about how things would turn out. He fumed, "Have you considered the implications" I moved out April 2021. Smear campaign..... Divorced I'm 2022. I'm free, never looked back🌼🙏☮️ (was married 28 years)
And you are one hundred percent right. The physical abuse takes so much energy and often comes with the narc disabling you to leave or stalking you across seven seas if you do.
The lack of affection has been a huge problem in my relationship for a while now. Whenever I brought it up (quite often) I would just get told “I do those things, you just don’t remember” (so yeah, gaslighting), then he would turn it into an argument and point out my flaws. I always ended up walking away from the argument feeling defeated with no resolution. I’m now acting indifferent. Not bringing up the affection issue, not buying into arguments, not even discussing future plans anymore. Because as far as I’m concerned, we’re over. I just can’t physically leave just yet.
Lee, I want to thank you for your work. After relationships with narcissists, having someone with NPD break things down and explain what happened and why, even in a general sense, helps give me some closure that I never thought I'd get. You're doing very valuable work by being so honest. Your chill but no bullshit presence makes it easy to take in difficult information and process it and your dedication to healing yourself is truly incredible to see. Thank you for what you're doing.
I fully agree so much i had no idea of that only confused me before i now see clear. Imfinding out what to do since we share a son and im ill so its complicated but i feel a Big change in me for now understanding
I love it when you crack yourself up. The giggle gets me laughing and reminds me that I'm human, my narc is human and we all choose to be happy. It's a choice. I'm glad I found this format. Keep it up . I'm headed to Amazon to get the book! ❤
My mom has the olympic gold medal for silent treatment. I stopped calling her (never ignored her) and its been nearly 12 years now since she spoke to me or her grandkids.
Decades of what's not right with my mom. It has been a painful realization I am her only daughter & it's like I have tried to alienate her (I did no such thing) Through trying.
Currently the narcissist I dealt with is harassing because I don’t want to be with him anymore, he has tried to defeat my spirit by telling me I’m masculine, not wifey material, i have no value etc. I’ve gained so much knowledge by leaving this toxic person alone, keep your heads up. Do not question your intuition trust it it’s telling you what you need to know, learn from my mistakes trust me, love y’all. Healing is my next step
My husband (currently going through a divorce because he doesn't want to be a husband anymore) literally told me that I was too masculine, that's why I don't have any friends and no man will want me like that) I can't believe I just read that someone went through the dame exact thing.
41 years of marriage and it's only in the last few years I've actually (finally) caught him on the phone with this friend or that friend sewing seeds of doubt about me. What a waste of my life. At 70 now I'm kind of looking forward to the 'last, long, deep, sleep'.
I know we don't know each other, but just know that there are those of us who understand and that you're not alone. Also know that you're valuable on your own, independent of your spouse. Those who are your TRUE friends and family will know that these things he's saying about you are lies. Those who are quick to believe his lies, even when you haven't acted like what he's describing in all the years they've known you both, aren't true friends and never were. Please don't allow him to win by giving up (of feeling like giving up). Now that he's shown his true colors, you can start to work on letting go of your attachment to focus on yourself. Lean into hobbies, especially any hobbies you might have felt you couldn't do often while focusing on him. Take walks if you can, or garden if you can. Find a cause that really matters to you and volunteer if you're able. Enjoy more time with those who have proven themselves to be TRUE friends and family. When you start to remember your purpose outside of him, and then start to build on that, the healing begins. Your very last thoughts, whenever those finally come (and I hope they don't for many, many years yet), should NOT be about someone who could probably care less about what's happening to you. You shouldn't have to have regrets about that person. Slowly work toward letting go and healing, so that long down the road your final moments can be peaceful, filled with thoughts of the wonderful things you had the chance to experience and accomplish, and surrounded by those you treasure, and who treasure you. Do not give him any more power, especially not over your future.
@@InaStanley83 That was sooo encouraging and helpful to even me. We need more of this type of support for others in this world. Wishing you endless peace and blessings 🙏🏽🙏🏽🥰🥰💕💕
No matter the age, you can do something beautiful tomorrow. You can watch the sun, listen to the birds, make a really nice satisfying summer drink or tea or coffee, look at a beautiful piece of artwork online, a lovely story, tell a friend you love them. Draw a silly picture. I bet you could do one joyous thing everyday for the rest of your life. I bet you could live your life joyously, moment to moment.
I have experienced all of the ways you describe. If I try to make things better, it's always my fault; I am the one being accused of being cold and "bristly" even though he is the one imposing the "punishment". How is one to even want to be with this narc when it's so awful?The only reason is to empower him. I have reached the point that I just don't care what he does anymore. He has turned my love for him into indifference by inflicting these ridiculous punishments. Your insight is a gift to me and many, many others!
Narcissist will punish you for ruining their image... one of the many images they have in front of different people... being in a relationship with a narcissist means you have to be an extension of their image and keeping all those faces going gets confusing at times...🤷♂️
In a relationship and we both have narcissistic tendencies 😢 I thought I was a complete empath and he made me question myself but in reality we are mirroring each other. We both are ignoring each other right now, bless our souls. Doing inner healing work… I have abandonment wounds, as does he. Trying to work on not doing these things and being kind. 😅
By ignoring you indeed... remember when I was crying in bed and he just ignored me. By calling you names or admitting that he is an asshole! By ruining your beautiful days and promising you things and not keeping them. By submerging stitches and being sarcastic...By talking about other women (or men) etc. With everything they do they punish you.
I suffered the silent treatment for 3 and a half years, and all of what you've just explained. He mentally and emotionally broke me. I was his carer and didn't understand what or why he was treating me that way. I had never heard of narcissist before. However I certainly know now. Thank you Lee
I use to get the silent treatment for anything, like I would be what did I do now… he never would say anything to me. Even if dinner turned out bad he wouldn’t eat and give me the silent treatment. One of the worst types of abuse they do. I was miserable and cried myself to sleep. He never put his hands on me but abused me in other ways. So glad I don’t have to live that anymore.
You have helped me understand that I keep investing my mind body and soul into a person that is incapable of giving it back . Validating . Ty for leading by example that people can be self aware if they do the work..
I remember my Narc bf told me I'd never figure him out😂. Thank God for Tiktok! I remember myself getting so angry where I'd call him phone back to back and of course he didn't pick up. Until he started calling me back to back and now I'm no't picking and he said " I know you're ignoring me, just how I use to ignore you! Bingo!!! That when I knew he knows exactly what he was doing.
They get mad when you ask them what's wrong or point out that they're different. It'll be a bunch of, "You know I'm stressed with work." "Don't come to me with this right now." "I can't take your neediness." Knowing full well that they've changed emotionally.
Yeah I had to just completely cut off a friend who did this one too many times. My absolute biggest pet peeve with an adult is passive aggression. If you can’t come to me like an adult when you feel I’ve done something wrong, then I just can’t fk with you. This is literally how we let someone know in grammar school what we didn’t like, the silent treatment. These days I just don’t care enough about why you’ve got an attitude to come chasing you down.
I feel you on this. Any adult coming at me with PA energy is filtered out right then. By "right then", I mean that PA behavior has to continue for a couple weeks for it qualify LOL. It's so I can make sure I am accurately experiencing this repeated behavior before I make a real decision. But typically there is no level of accountability, they won't own up to the multiple statements or jokes they said. To me, they are dangerous because they will hurt you repeatedly, very purposely & easily - without owning up to anything, they can put that behavior on repeat if you allow them into your lives. I think it's also about how we demand respect in the early stages of interacting with them as well.
@@delaneyb6171 yes exactly & well said! Unfortunately I was raised by a narcissistic mother so I can smell passive aggression from a mile away. I just know the character traits it comes with. So I do the same as you and give the benefit of the doubt first time or two. And in some instances will even make it verbally clear if we can talk it out like adults then I’ll just ignore your attitude. But repeatedly? And we’re done.
I will be crying my eyes out..he will yell at me then ignore me. The ignoring, being pushed to the back burner or broken promises is what makes me cry. It's like being punished for having emotions for being punished.
he went silent, he thought i would "apologize" for doing what he wanted but not the way he wanted, instead when i spoke next it was to break up with him. lol the shock on his face was priceless.
I got the silent treatment from a parent during the pandemic when I was in need of help for medical reasons. I got blamed for expressing the fact that I didn't receive the minimum moral support like "how are you?". I got people telling me horrible things like "you parent is old" as if my life mattered less because I was younger. I got the meanest smear campaign by pretty much everyone close to the family. I don't even know why. I spent so much effort trying to understand instead of focusing on my own health. It will take me a while to recover but I will never forget. I think this is disgusting. Thank you for this video it is so helpful.
I always got the silent treatment until right before the final forced discard when I just stopped caring and kept on with what I was doing, I got a dumbfounded stare and an hour later he started with all the things that he deemed were bad about me, I ignored back then too! Now I’m 8-9 months no contact and loving my peace after 20 years of his in and out and trauma bonded. I did it with counseling every week for 4 months. I let it all out, I’m still learning new things about myself to help keep me protected from any future abuse. I get lonely sometimes but I fill it with things I’d like to do, honestly a relationship is the furthest from my mind and I think I’m just scared of finding the same thing in another man
The rage keeps you frozen in place. The silent treatment humiliates & depresses you. Letting others smear your name and not defend you is also damaging to your reputation.
I’m truly grateful for the silent treatment I feel like my mind can heal and my body . I feel I deserve better God has been my foundation it’s been hard . Thank you for this God bless you!
What ever you say is correct! I have exposed to all the ways of punishment that you recounted! For a good 19 years and 2 kids. I had no clue why he was behaving that way. Finally he discarded me/kids after all. Perhaps this was the luckiest thing that happened to us. The worst was not knowing what was what.
My ex-boyfriend did all of the atypical narcissist things except for rage, but he would get in my face and Whisper yell, he didn't grow up in a loud house they weren't allowed to have emotions in his house, there's nothing worse than quietly weeping and having someone twice your size stand over you and whisper yell,, or hiss at you yeah that's always nice when someone is hissing words at you because you're crying quietly in your own bed... when he would push my diagnosed PTSD self into a frenzy he would just sit back calmly and watch and say look look you're the bad guy,, it took me a year of dealing with his nonsense before I was finally forced into a rage gaslighting abuse withholding silent treatment all of the fun stuff and finally I snap and I'm the bad guy,, I snapped because he was rolling his eyes and smiling while I was talking to him about his affair and my physical concern because he thinks he can stick his dick in whatever he wants raw,,, Thank you for your videos It's Made letting go of him really easy and realizing that I was being abused and provoked on a daily basis
I learned not to need someone. My kids and I live completely independently from him and just share a house. The silent treatment used to feel awful, but now I’ve disconnected enough that I just don’t care. Good advice on continuing to just say what you need to say. You are right they will throw back at you that you didn’t tell them… ignoring that they won’t talk to you. The cycle of “crazy.” And he complains that he is the “least important living being in the home.” Yeah, because you are less reliable than the pets.
My ex would do everything on your list. The rage would scare me. We could never disagree without him literally screaming. It was embarrassing for our kids, neighbors, etc. I tell him to calm down, he would storm out & ignore me for weeks. Its no way to live. I tried to make it work for the kids, but I’m better off without him. Since I’m so “terrible” & he wants to be a single father so bad, fine wish granted.
😂 right. Because the sun is shining. I had never been in a relationship where all the good things I did was turned around like I did something wrong. Couldn't ask him a simple question without him getting angry. It was the craziest relationship I ever been in. Pretend to be angry with me every day. I knew it wasn't me but of course I was blamed for everything. Was so glad when it was over. I felt like a weight was lifted off me.
Dealing with a Narc is like fallin dwn a rabbit hole.. You have been so helpful!! Just when I thought I could breath here come da BS (HIM) but I have ALL my weapons thanks to you!! PPL schedule ur 1 on 1.. it will lift so much weight off ur chest 💯❤️💯❤️
I appreciated the “narcissistic spirit fingers” joke/metaphor. This got heavy, as I’ve experienced everything and when you spoke about the rage I recalled an instance when I did not know if I was going to survive the night. Your sense of humor always comes at the right time and helps digest all the necessary information so we can free ourselves and remain free.
I use to always think it was me, especially when we would be in the car traveling. I would end up getting kicked out the vehicle, or abandoned at some random location. They also love weaponizing the police against you, and kicking you out on the street. I'll never forget those days. Then you have all the enablers and flying monkeys trying to convince you that you're the problem as well.
My MIL is the Narc. She moved in w us and said she wanted to do everything around the house. One day we had an argument and she purposefully left my kid at school. My husband got upset with her. She was giving us the silent treatment but because we didnt "tell her anything" she assumed we were picking up my daughter. the only time we pick her up is when we call her and give her advance notice that very morning. but because she was mad she "assumed" we were gonna pick her up. that was the lowest she went.
I clicked on this because a narcissist is giving me the solid treatment right now, and I figured that it was a "punishment or manipulative tactic of some sort. What he doesn't know, though, is that when / if he decides to come back, I'm gone. We will no longer be in fellowship with each other. As far as I'm concerned, he ended the relationship when he went silent. I don't play mind games. That is extremely childish, and I'm a grown woman--like GROWN grown--like turning 40 this year, grown.
I appreciate your thoughts and analyses. First of all, we all have some narcissism in us, just like we all have both feminine and masculine characteristics, so you are talking to all of us. 2nd, I have been living with someone who exemplifies much you talk about and throws it back at me. I have devised ways of dealing with parts of it, and admit I have a masochistic side to my nature others have noticed over the years. Listening to your episodes is therapy to better understanding my own situation and realizing some of it can be resolved. So thank you for deciding to turn your situation into a positive and maybe lucrative process. It is helpful to others.
Learn to identify when someone is using silent treatment vs when that person is hurt and betrayed and shuts down out of past trauma. There's a difference.
Yes I have verbal shutdown when there’s too much to explain and I keep getting interrupted by erratic manipulator or flying monkey saying fake positive bypassing superficial comments. On top of trauma I have autism so it’s more of verbal shutdown than silent treatment.
@cindysantos9300 sometimes the person wis "being quiet"isn't avoiding the other. They're shut down. And when that trauma isn't recognized and the person keeps at them and accusing them off somebody treatment and whatever else, it dramatically intensifies. It's a terrible lonely position to be in. The wise it gets, the worse it gets. Usually that person needs patience. Sit next to them. Put your arm around them and tell them you love them. You can watch them start to unfold after several minutes. Unless you've taken it too far and started accusing them off all sorts of things because you aren't cued enough to recognize trauma vs narcissism.
This is exactly what is happening bc I called him out for cheating I didn’t see him but his actions suggested he was missing sex toys going out of town and lying about where he is etc. of course I’m the problem and he is such a good guy how dare I accused him of this we haven’t kiss or hug or been intimate since I approach him oh well I’m moving out and this time I’m choosing me
I’m married a Narcissist for 24 years and knowing till the last 7 years and soon to get the divorce papers to start this month in April 2023 …. Spring , A NEW FLOWER 🌸 PEACE ✌🏽
I think narcissism is contagious. It becomes a way of life if you grew up in a society where it is acceptable. The elders in my family system were narcissistic personality disordered people. And, the next generation is the same. In the US, it's becoming more and more acceptable.
I am dealing with the silent treatment and discard. He won’t talk to me and us making me get out of the house we moved in together by end of next week. I have never experienced this type of emotional torture before. He said he was done with me. He broke me, I’m broken. And I don’t know what to do. I know now by looking at your videos I can’t fix this. 😢
The relationship i was in, the smear campaign started years before i left. I did leave, yayesss, and got totally outta the country. My healing has begun yet it's gonna take some time. Thanks for becoming knowledgeable and posting these videos!
My ex 100% stonewalled me all the time. He would send long demeaning messages or just do it after standing me up. They knew I was a communicator. They would also send luring messages making me worry…they would do this and I would text or call several times and then they would angry and accuse me of being harassing and being irrational. Stonewalled me to not have any actual human behavior. Gaslight, stonewall. Abusive cycle. It eventually caused the reaction they wanted.
My narc ex told me "Every girl you've tried to talk to about me still f**** with me! They know my character, I'm a caring person. They think you're crazy." Do NOT try to warn others of what they're getting into, dealing with the narcissist. They have to find out on their own. The narc will use their manipulation tactics and love bombing to control their new supply (or supplies in my case). Just move on. Save yourself your sanity. Learn to be okay with being the villain in their story.
My husband and I have 3 kids together. Tonight I had to take one of our kids for senior pics. At the same time my youngest (going into high school) had to be at the high school for freshman orientation. I told him he had to take her. This is the FIRST time he actually got involved and stepped up. Never has he ever gone to any of their school functions/meetings. It was always left up to me. I just don't understand how people dont want to be in their kids lives. Thanks for your insightful videos!
Your videos (along with years of the important lessons of learning to love my enemy and not be overcome by evil), have really helped me not to take these behaviors personally. Appreciate all you’re doing to bring awareness. Your work is empowering people. Narcissism seems to me to just be the sin nature on steroids so any way people are bringing awareness to others of how to protect themselves from the affects has to be a worthy cause.
Wow..im not crazy. I asked my boyfriend to help with something on mothers day..literally just declogging dryer. He started screaming and throwing things..then he went silent all day!...ruined my whole day 😢 Everything was my fault..me asking him to help after i had been up since 3am cleaning as always. I ask for help (he claimed me nicely asking was forcing him) and everything is always my fault. My health both physically and mentally has declined. 8 already have PTSD and anxiety. I am setting a plan to get away. 7 years is a long time. Im so tired.
For someone who is NPD you seem to go the right way. Don't ever really had the need to get even, or revenge, just didn't understand why and that made me kinda disappointed after all the effort trying to make things work. Thank you for the insight and keep that good mood.
@4:23 I had to start using text communication for everything just on gp. 🤷🏾♀️Simply because he was a pathological liar. Amongst all of the lies he told, one would be, "You never told me that?" Or "I never said that." Always text them even if they go ST on you.
Thanks, great video! I worked with a narc that gave us the silent treatment....this was decades ago....he acted so strange..... people stayed away from him...
![Blox Fruits Dragon Rework Update [Full Stream]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EqDAp8udhm0/mqdefault.jpg)
They call it discarding, I call it freedom 🥂
💪
💥
Yes!
Amen to that!! 🙌🏼
Ayeeee!!!! 🎉
The silent treatment is as much domestic / emotional abuse as is narcissistic rage imo.
😮💨 I’ll rather u be domestic or emotional then to be SILENT omg sheesh
I so agree.
I just married one😢
@@KH-hs5xv I'm Living With One🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
The first ever time anybody new in my life ever gives me the silent treatment I will immediately block delete and cut off. Survived kong term relationship with a narc and had two narc parents. i am done for life.
Yup silent treatment is what they do best especially when you tell them what they did wrong
😞
Yep
My bf does this. Its like a big child,not a grown ass man! I learn not to respond to this behaviour. If i tell him something he did wrong,his aura changes and he goes stone cold.
@@gigafia5358 the girl I left after a year and a half of trying is like that. She tried telling me I forced the relationship. & That she never wanted to be with me. I'm laughing so hard at how she rationalized stuff. She doesn't want to be with me because I held her accountable! 🤣
Absolutely a narcissist. She's so closeted about it. She has had 3 guys telling her the same thing.
And isn't it a treat to return that silent treatment when you have simply 'had enough' and break free?
I put on my headphones while I’m home so the silent treatment backfired on them Drove them nuts that I wasn’t bothered or even seemed to notice them being silent. I was too occupied listening to Lee and others about narcissism or dancing to music 😂
I NATURALLY DO NOT TALK ALOT HOWEVER WHEN I DO TALK I SAY WHAT I MEAN MEAN WHAT I SAY ALL GOOD!.....I ALSO HAVE A STRONG IGNORE GAME THAT DROVE MY EX HUSBAND CRAZY HE IS MOST DEFINITELY A NARC!.....POOR LITTLE TINK!TINK!
100% this works. They hate it when you use it against them. They think ha I got them. Meanwhile, we are living life like they don't exist because I'll be damned if you're going to sit there and pretend you don't see me and I suffer for it. Lol, the last time my ex pulled that shit I stopped talking to him completely and slept on the couch for a month. Didn't say shit to him, barely responded to any questions he asked, and didn't respond to texts with more than a few words, if at all. Showed no emotions for him. At one point, he was like, "You can sleep in the bed with me. There's plenty of room." I never responded. Mfer I know I can. It's my damn bed, but I can't fathom having to lay down next to someone who gives zero shit about me, doesn't respect me, and thinks I didn't do shit when I was busting my ass daily to get shit done. Done was an understatement. And it's funny to me because we had gotten into it a couple of months before, and I was already feeling like leaving, so this was the topper on the cake for me.
Love it 😂😂😂 listening to lee about him while he's is there and up to his bullshit is awesome 😂😂😂❤❤❤😊
@@connie3205 luv You
@@panda2948 wow anger is a valid emotion but let it go....
They don't even care
They just care about themselves
They don't even care about themselves either because it they did then they would become better person.
Overall, being dumped, or discarded by the narc is a gift 🎁. It doesn't feel that way at first; but you'll have dodged one or more bullets.
Thank you Lee.
🙏🏽💖✨
I suppose it is eventually, but you're right that it doesn't feel that way for the longest time. I know I'm better off in the long run, it's just to get over all the soul crushing, esteem damaging trust issues I have now. Mine didn't discard me physically. He took the more cowardly route that Lee admitted to doing, and that was to stay, emotionally check out, but treat me so bad that I finally did it.
I 🤞 WISH.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 yes, it was the same in my case. The lying, the dissing , the ghosting etc. What pushed me was my kids. I was like, I didn’t take that ish off their father; why should I put up with this momo’s antics.
Now I think, what did I ever see in him. Hind sight IS 20/20.
Good for you. 🙏🏽💖✨
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!🙏🏿👸🏿📖🏆🏆
Amen to that!
I'd have to add cheating as a form of punishment as well. To them they feel justified for doing it because of whatever childish reason in their puny little minds.
I love it.
Puny little minds.....I like that
That's right.
Yep
Omg yes! My friend thinks mine did it to spite me. The cheating. Either way he did it to hurt me as Lee states in a punitive way.
When a Narc goes silent it’s a reward not a punishment!
My narc boyfriend tried it with me, and I lit his ass up like he was an unknown person to me! So I started treating him like he was treating me, and he couldn't handle it because he knew that he had no more control. And now I'm doing the silent treatment by leaving out, and he's not knowing where I'm at, and I love it
That's the fun part. I hung up in mines face. And never talked to him again. 3 weeks 2 says. Prbly shocked because he was definitely positive I would take whatever he threw at me.
@natztalk days***
The discard is brutal. 27 years finished with an ultimatum. Over just like it was a text message. He moved on to a new source of supply he had only know for 7 weeks. It’s been nearly 4 years no contact at all. A blessing in disguise she did me a big favour.
That four years later you're still tripping on it's like I don't understand understand why anybody would be in a relationship like this I'm trying to figure out my son-in-law
No not tripping anymore. I have come out the other side but it was a tough journey. Glad it’s over. There is happiness and light at the end of the tunnel. What doesn’t break you makes you stronger. Trauma bonding is real not so easy to break the cycle it takes work. But I did it
I hope you took him to the cleaners.
@@Karenmariepombagira
No
When they withhold all the intimate stuff and withhold saying “ I love you”……all the emotional goods except only if I initiate….what should I do then? I’m having a hard time leaving but eventually I filed for divorce ( and it’s killing me to do so) I don’t want to file, but felt I was backed up in a corner……what’s the next action to take? Do they ever come back around? Today is our wedding anniversary and all I got was “ happy anniversary by the way of text”. 19 yrs married , 21 years together. All this started in later of 2021 til current over a gal who was a project manager on his project in another state. I’m not sure of their involvement now or there’s not any. Please help me.
I’m also a self aware narcissist and your channel has helped me alot. The last four years of my life I’ve chosen to stay away from ALL relationships beyond family to fully work on myself and break the cycle 🔄 and man I’m a full on NEW woman 👩 so for others who are struggling with healing it’s possible, just break away and do the WORK !
Kudos to you..how is that going for you?
Good for you💛
The silent treatment from them isn't punishment to me. I love it😅
Yes it is a blessed moment 🙏 ❤️ and forgiveness is the key so you can heal.
😂😂😂😂😂👍 I would love for all of my haters or anybody else who is not for my well being to give me the silent treatment! SHUT UPPPPP!!!!! 👉🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐
I get the silent treatment plus him being mean.
In fact it is a punishment but I can relate with you - the constant critizising and nagging is not there anymore. But it is not right either.
😂😂😂 to me it was entertainment I just did it back and watch him make up some bullshit lie to "break" it.😂😂😂
My ex would go thru periods of wks where he would be very distance then go back to being affectionate like nothing happened. I wasn't being punished for anything I did. I believe at those points in time he emotionally latched on to an outside source, new ppl he met and skummy women that were on his low vibrational level and in just a couple of days to a week he was back to loving up on me like nothing happened because the irony is they get along better and connect with trash like themselves YET the discard them just as fast because ppl on their vibrational level will quickly turn them off.
🎯
@@porschewalker5652 spot on
What I’m going through.. she just chose him and he begged her I guess our 6 years didn’t matter
Sounds about right!
@@talithaangevine6073they are shallow empty vessels, keep being you. Just take the lesson as learned & break free. Don't waste another 13 like I have. If he's gone to someone else, this is the best time for you to make moves & move on. Freedom!
Some of the ways are...:
1. Silent Treatment (😏 learn to enjoy it, communicate only the absolute necessary stuff)
2. Narcistic Rage
3. Smear Campaign (they seek to ruin your reputation, this starts during relationship not just at the end)
4. The Discard (emotional discard, physical discard, punish you if whatever supply they were getting from you runs out)
5. Withholding intimacy and affection, they value you less, start to treat you different)
💪🏽💯
So I am a narcissist then?
I go silent when I am done with someone. I will try and try then go silent.
I get enranged if I am pursued after I tell you that I am done with you.
If you send people to plead with me. I will let them know why we are no longer together.
I will not have sympathy when you cry or start begging.
If we are done, no intimacy is needed.
@@Sheisanangel0 If you tend to do all of the above, then yes you are
What bothered me most was how out-0f-proportion the punishment was, both in severity and duration, for whatever imagined slight might have been. You might have thought I had keyed his car or slept with his best friend the way he over-reacted to the least little misstep on my part.
I agree. They want to crush you.
THIS.
What are some of the reasons?
@@HandmadeItalianLeather such as asking him how much he paid for something.
Exactly!
For the final discard, my Nex said he was still love with an ex (never saw that coming). He knew that would hurt the most. I told him when we met it was most important to me to find an emotionally available partner. To attempt to hurt me so much, I’ll never talk to him again.
I've just broken up with my narcissist and need to remember this when the trauma bond is pulling hard. The silent treatment and withdrawal of affection can get surprisingly clouded by the good memories. I deserve better. The good times will not return despite the crumbs of hope.
I'm going through the same thing, .... But we deserve better. ❤ ...
I try to think of good times but I'm drawing a blank. Stonewalling, no affection of any kind and cheating and its not only the opposite sex.I found naked man pictures but he said it was only bikers partying. And a std. And triangulation with a dog.Makes a big show of affection for the dog while ignoring me. And SO MUCH MORE!! Ya it's hard to decide which is my favorite memory.
Me too. It's time to leave.
I’m just leaving ❤
I admit. I gave him yet another chance. I think I thought it's better than being alone. Please believe this: narcissistic behaviour goes in predictable circles.
Yep, they're good at the silent treatment,until you do it to them. I call it reciprocity! 😅 One thing I've learned about them, is that they can dish it out ,but they can't take it, when it's done to them. Mine started with the silent treatment and I asked whether she was going to talk to me and she didn't say anything. I looked her right in the eye and said,Good, now I can get some peace! That got her to talking. Of course, they could never allow someone to peep their card or have one up on them. I learned how to play the game. 😅
They are sooo mean. So immature its ridiculous.
Yes very mean and hateful,
My son is a full blown narcissist. He had a girlfriend for 7 years. He treated her like a dog. She finally left and married someone else. He is now using her departure as the reason never to become involved with anyone again because she was the only woman he ever loved. So he has turned his ugliness on me. There isn't a technique he doesn't use. He goes for months without communication. I call him on it and he switches technique. As a mother this is difficult for me.... I do not jump and run for him anymore.... I only text when it's business or necessary. He will never see me as I am..for him.... I live in his abusive fantasy. There is no amount of logic, love, empathy, or sympathy that will change his scenario. Painful as it is.....I've stepped away to preserve my sanity.
💛💪🏾
1. Silent Treatment
2. Raging at you
3. Smear campaign
4. Emotional and physical discard
5. Devalue you, emotional discard, withhold affection. No more “I love you” no more “Babe” etc.
Yeah I get the silent treatment all the time for not being a mind reader. Then he has a rage meltdown yelling about how I didn't do what he wanted me to do (but never asked) or did wrong (but also never communicated). I tried many times to explain we need to communicate like mature adults, and he acts like he understands and wants it to improve. But then he continues on living in a black cloud of simmering rage anyway.
It’s like I wrote that comment myself.. same thing happens to me.. scary shaky stuff.
I have a feeling Lee just enjoys saying “clapping cheeks” 😂🤣
Of course! He IS a Narcissist you know.
Lee gets so animated when he says “clapping cheeks”.😂😂😂
At the end, I loved the silent treatment. The rage always frightened me and was what pushed me out the door. I am still in contact with him. He begs me to come back.... not going
Any updates?
My husband is a narcissist. I really never realized it until I started therapy three years ago. He started flipping everything back on me. He would call me crazy bc I remembered events in a different manner than him. Most of those fights would be about something he did that hurt my feelings. It seemed like he could never comprehend that people had feelings, or that he could hurt somebody’s feelings, and it made it seem like he was perfect. I caught him talking to women online I had the proof and he spun it back on me. He said, oh, you are not giving me enough attention because we have a baby and so I have to go talk to these other women. And then he would lie about it and say oh that never happened. I never talk to anybody and then if I would bring it up, he would call me crazy and paranoid. He actually called me a effing psycho. Screamed it at me when I was having an anxiety attack. Then he would complain that I would never leave the house because I was too afraid. I would always try to leave the house, but he had a tracker on me, so he would see where I was going, and then he would accuse me of finding somebody else and cheating on him. So it became more trouble than it was worth, so I just ended up staying home all of the time. Eventually, his cousin had a baby shower that I wanted to go to. I went by myself and I left him at home with our three year old son. They had a great time and I had a good time until I told him from the party that there was a girl helping with the presents, and I made the stupid mistake of saying that her dress was too short. Well that’s all it took. He started asking is she hot and please send pictures and saying some thing about if you’re not gonna send pictures that I’m not going to believe you I want to see her. About four times through text message he sending these messages demanding that I send pictures of this other woman to him. I have never been upset that much I think in my entire life. On the way home I got back and as soon as I got back in the door of the first thing out of his mouth was why the F didn’t you send those pictures!? I started crying and he said oh this is just a joke can’t you take my humor anymore? I can’t believe you’re sitting here having a meltdown over this I said, can you imagine if I did the same thing to you because we have a lot of double standards in our marriage, and that was another one of the red flags. I started noticing. He could talk to women online he could get pictures of women. He could flirt with his female coworker, and send pictures of our son to her and say that she would be a good nanny in quotations… there’s just so much but anyway after the baby shower happened I told him a few days later you really hurt my feelings about that and I feel very disrespected and again he said well you just don’t have the same humor you used to I never expected you to send me those pictures. And I said I left the house like you told me that I never do and this is what I get and then he flipped that back on me and said oh so you just went to that baby shower just so you could throw it back in my face! I’m telling you, you can never win with these people. I have tried for 23 years and realizing that I have been through absolute hell with this person, and now we have a son and there is absolutely no empathy whatsoever. I desperately do not want this to carry over into our sons life, so I am doing everything I can to protect him. With all of that being said, I just wanted to say thank you for this channel I have learned so much and with my therapist we have really been doing a lot of hard work. I have found a divorce attorney and he does not know it and I am going to figure out how I can see him without anybody knowing and trying to make an escape plan to get out of here.
I am praying for you!!! When I saw your post, I knew you wanted to be heard. DO NOT let him know your plans. You make sure you keep all your important docs in place that are easily accessible. Just in case you need to leave immediately.
Good for you🫶🏻💪🏻
I wish you and your son the best❤
I left with my teenager daughter in 2022 October, and the days are getting better day by day, even though he’s a vindictive guy; I had been with him for 19,5😱 the last 1,5 year I was slowly woken up to what Narcissism is.
Knowledge is everything.
Love to you from Denmark 🫶🏻
Have a Happy Easter with your son🐣
Did you leave?
Friend I feel your pain, I made sure to take pictures of these conversations haven't that conversation yet, but this crazy lady got exhibit a, b and c.
My prayers for all , may we heal soon.
Your Stu--d,he played u,u stepped out of house an he had to punish u by pretending he wanted to see pictures of another woman an u fell for it ,not only did u get mad u broke down an gave him supply when u got home ,wake up ,u should have said the waiter at shower was hot an send ur husband a picture of his muscles with a laughing emoji,,,that would have flipped the power on narcy husband ,,,u sound like a easy target :(
He fetched me from the airport Mid-2018. He gave me the silent treatment, I asked him 4 times what was wrong, he said nothing was wrong. He never spoke again. I decided to get divorced end 2019. He raged and threatened me about how things would turn out. He fumed, "Have you considered the implications"
I moved out April 2021. Smear campaign..... Divorced I'm 2022. I'm free, never looked back🌼🙏☮️ (was married 28 years)
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Omg!! CONGRATS to getting out!! I am in the process of planning to get out. It's difficult because I have 5 kids and NO family or friends
This has happened to me - I agree I'd rather have the silent treatment than be a victim of physical abuse.
And you are one hundred percent right. The physical abuse takes so much energy and often comes with the narc disabling you to leave or stalking you across seven seas if you do.
Discard is a blessing in a disguise when you get that change runnnn
The lack of affection has been a huge problem in my relationship for a while now. Whenever I brought it up (quite often) I would just get told “I do those things, you just don’t remember” (so yeah, gaslighting), then he would turn it into an argument and point out my flaws. I always ended up walking away from the argument feeling defeated with no resolution. I’m now acting indifferent. Not bringing up the affection issue, not buying into arguments, not even discussing future plans anymore. Because as far as I’m concerned, we’re over. I just can’t physically leave just yet.
I feel you. That happened to me, I no longer want to talk about the future anymore, my excitement is gone.
At some point he reduced and stopped sex! What kind of marriage was that?
Lee, I want to thank you for your work. After relationships with narcissists, having someone with NPD break things down and explain what happened and why, even in a general sense, helps give me some closure that I never thought I'd get. You're doing very valuable work by being so honest. Your chill but no bullshit presence makes it easy to take in difficult information and process it and your dedication to healing yourself is truly incredible to see. Thank you for what you're doing.
I fully agree so much i had no idea of that only confused me before i now see clear. Imfinding out what to do since we share a son and im ill so its complicated but i feel a Big change in me for now understanding
I love it when you crack yourself up. The giggle gets me laughing and reminds me that I'm human, my narc is human and we all choose to be happy. It's a choice. I'm glad I found this format. Keep it up . I'm headed to Amazon to get the book! ❤
My mom has the olympic gold medal for silent treatment. I stopped calling her (never ignored her) and its been nearly 12 years now since she spoke to me or her grandkids.
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Thats awful
Her loss
😳😳
Decades of what's not right with my mom. It has been a painful realization
I am her only daughter & it's like I have tried to alienate her (I did no such thing)
Through trying.
Definitely withhold intimacy
😔
Currently the narcissist I dealt with is harassing because I don’t want to be with him anymore, he has tried to defeat my spirit by telling me I’m masculine, not wifey material, i have no value etc. I’ve gained so much knowledge by leaving this toxic person alone, keep your heads up. Do not question your intuition trust it it’s telling you what you need to know, learn from my mistakes trust me, love y’all. Healing is my next step
I also heard all of those things. Lmao they all are the same.
Yea now they’re all watching the same trash podcasts.
My husband (currently going through a divorce because he doesn't want to be a husband anymore) literally told me that I was too masculine, that's why I don't have any friends and no man will want me like that) I can't believe I just read that someone went through the dame exact thing.
41 years of marriage and it's only in the last few years I've actually (finally) caught him on the phone with this friend or that friend sewing seeds of doubt about me. What a waste of my life. At 70 now I'm kind of looking forward to the 'last, long, deep, sleep'.
😔 stay strong. You get to spend the rest of your life free from him if that’s the case
I know we don't know each other, but just know that there are those of us who understand and that you're not alone. Also know that you're valuable on your own, independent of your spouse. Those who are your TRUE friends and family will know that these things he's saying about you are lies. Those who are quick to believe his lies, even when you haven't acted like what he's describing in all the years they've known you both, aren't true friends and never were.
Please don't allow him to win by giving up (of feeling like giving up). Now that he's shown his true colors, you can start to work on letting go of your attachment to focus on yourself. Lean into hobbies, especially any hobbies you might have felt you couldn't do often while focusing on him. Take walks if you can, or garden if you can. Find a cause that really matters to you and volunteer if you're able. Enjoy more time with those who have proven themselves to be TRUE friends and family. When you start to remember your purpose outside of him, and then start to build on that, the healing begins. Your very last thoughts, whenever those finally come (and I hope they don't for many, many years yet), should NOT be about someone who could probably care less about what's happening to you. You shouldn't have to have regrets about that person. Slowly work toward letting go and healing, so that long down the road your final moments can be peaceful, filled with thoughts of the wonderful things you had the chance to experience and accomplish, and surrounded by those you treasure, and who treasure you.
Do not give him any more power, especially not over your future.
@@InaStanley83 That was sooo encouraging and helpful to even me. We need more of this type of support for others in this world. Wishing you endless peace and blessings 🙏🏽🙏🏽🥰🥰💕💕
He wants support to leave.
No matter the age, you can do something beautiful tomorrow. You can watch the sun, listen to the birds, make a really nice satisfying summer drink or tea or coffee, look at a beautiful piece of artwork online, a lovely story, tell a friend you love them. Draw a silly picture. I bet you could do one joyous thing everyday for the rest of your life. I bet you could live your life joyously, moment to moment.
Narcissists punish the world by existing.
I have experienced all of the ways you describe. If I try to make things better, it's always my fault; I am the one being accused of being cold and "bristly" even though he is the one imposing the "punishment". How is one to even want to be with this narc when it's so awful?The only reason is to empower him. I have reached the point that I just don't care what he does anymore. He has turned my love for him into indifference by inflicting these ridiculous punishments. Your insight is a gift to me and many, many others!
Narcissist will punish you for ruining their image... one of the many images they have in front of different people... being in a relationship with a narcissist means you have to be an extension of their image and keeping all those faces going gets confusing at times...🤷♂️
Sounds like an Aquarius
Get out
In a relationship and we both have narcissistic tendencies 😢 I thought I was a complete empath and he made me question myself but in reality we are mirroring each other. We both are ignoring each other right now, bless our souls.
Doing inner healing work… I have abandonment wounds, as does he. Trying to work on not doing these things and being kind. 😅
By ignoring you indeed... remember when I was crying in bed and he just ignored me. By calling you names or admitting that he is an asshole! By ruining your beautiful days and promising you things and not keeping them. By submerging stitches and being sarcastic...By talking about other women (or men) etc. With everything they do they punish you.
💯♥️
The sound of silence. That can shout out really loud!!.
I suffered the silent treatment for 3 and a half years, and all of what you've just explained. He mentally and emotionally broke me. I was his carer and didn't understand what or why he was treating me that way. I had never heard of narcissist before. However I certainly know now. Thank you Lee
I use to get the silent treatment for anything, like I would be what did I do now… he never would say anything to me. Even if dinner turned out bad he wouldn’t eat and give me the silent treatment. One of the worst types of abuse they do. I was miserable and cried myself to sleep. He never put his hands on me but abused me in other ways. So glad I don’t have to live that anymore.
You have helped me understand that I keep investing my mind body and soul into a person that is incapable of giving it back . Validating . Ty for leading by example that people can be self aware if they do the work..
I remember my Narc bf told me I'd never figure him out😂. Thank God for Tiktok! I remember myself getting so angry where I'd call him phone back to back and of course he didn't pick up. Until he started calling me back to back and now I'm no't picking and he said " I know you're ignoring me, just how I use to ignore you!
Bingo!!! That when I knew he knows exactly what he was doing.
They get mad when you ask them what's wrong or point out that they're different. It'll be a bunch of, "You know I'm stressed with work."
"Don't come to me with this right now."
"I can't take your neediness."
Knowing full well that they've changed emotionally.
The stonewalling and silent treatment are so eroding of your sense of self. You feel invisible and like a ghost in your own home 😢💔
😩😞
This man knows exactly what he's talking about, take note people!👍
every time I call him out, he withdraws affection
Yeah I had to just completely cut off a friend who did this one too many times. My absolute biggest pet peeve with an adult is passive aggression. If you can’t come to me like an adult when you feel I’ve done something wrong, then I just can’t fk with you. This is literally how we let someone know in grammar school what we didn’t like, the silent treatment. These days I just don’t care enough about why you’ve got an attitude to come chasing you down.
I feel you on this. Any adult coming at me with PA energy is filtered out right then. By "right then", I mean that PA behavior has to continue for a couple weeks for it qualify LOL. It's so I can make sure I am accurately experiencing this repeated behavior before I make a real decision. But typically there is no level of accountability, they won't own up to the multiple statements or jokes they said. To me, they are dangerous because they will hurt you repeatedly, very purposely & easily - without owning up to anything, they can put that behavior on repeat if you allow them into your lives. I think it's also about how we demand respect in the early stages of interacting with them as well.
@@delaneyb6171 yes exactly & well said! Unfortunately I was raised by a narcissistic mother so I can smell passive aggression from a mile away. I just know the character traits it comes with. So I do the same as you and give the benefit of the doubt first time or two. And in some instances will even make it verbally clear if we can talk it out like adults then I’ll just ignore your attitude. But repeatedly? And we’re done.
I will be crying my eyes out..he will yell at me then ignore me. The ignoring, being pushed to the back burner or broken promises is what makes me cry. It's like being punished for having emotions for being punished.
❗❗❗🔥 this !
Walk away. It only gets worse
he went silent, he thought i would "apologize" for doing what he wanted but not the way he wanted, instead when i spoke next it was to break up with him. lol the shock on his face was priceless.
I got the silent treatment from a parent during the pandemic when I was in need of help for medical reasons. I got blamed for expressing the fact that I didn't receive the minimum moral support like "how are you?". I got people telling me horrible things like "you parent is old" as if my life mattered less because I was younger. I got the meanest smear campaign by pretty much everyone close to the family. I don't even know why. I spent so much effort trying to understand instead of focusing on my own health. It will take me a while to recover but I will never forget. I think this is disgusting. Thank you for this video it is so helpful.
I always got the silent treatment until right before the final forced discard when I just stopped caring and kept on with what I was doing, I got a dumbfounded stare and an hour later he started with all the things that he deemed were bad about me, I ignored back then too! Now I’m 8-9 months no contact and loving my peace after 20 years of his in and out and trauma bonded. I did it with counseling every week for 4 months. I let it all out, I’m still learning new things about myself to help keep me protected from any future abuse. I get lonely sometimes but I fill it with things I’d like to do, honestly a relationship is the furthest from my mind and I think I’m just scared of finding the same thing in another man
Still in counseling and I think I’ll go for a very long time. It helps so much to let it out
The rage keeps you frozen in place. The silent treatment humiliates & depresses you. Letting others smear your name and not defend you is also damaging to your reputation.
I’m truly grateful for the silent treatment I feel like my mind can heal and my body . I feel I deserve better God has been my foundation it’s been hard . Thank you for this God bless you!
What ever you say is correct! I have exposed to all the ways of punishment that you recounted! For a good 19 years and 2 kids. I had no clue why he was behaving that way. Finally he discarded me/kids after all. Perhaps this was the luckiest thing that happened to us. The worst was not knowing what was what.
My ex-boyfriend did all of the atypical narcissist things except for rage, but he would get in my face and Whisper yell, he didn't grow up in a loud house they weren't allowed to have emotions in his house, there's nothing worse than quietly weeping and having someone twice your size stand over you and whisper yell,, or hiss at you yeah that's always nice when someone is hissing words at you because you're crying quietly in your own bed... when he would push my diagnosed PTSD self into a frenzy he would just sit back calmly and watch and say look look you're the bad guy,, it took me a year of dealing with his nonsense before I was finally forced into a rage gaslighting abuse withholding silent treatment all of the fun stuff and finally I snap and I'm the bad guy,, I snapped because he was rolling his eyes and smiling while I was talking to him about his affair and my physical concern because he thinks he can stick his dick in whatever he wants raw,,,
Thank you for your videos It's Made letting go of him really easy and realizing that I was being abused and provoked on a daily basis
I'm getting anxiety just listening to you try to explain the crazy💃💃💃
I learned not to need someone. My kids and I live completely independently from him and just share a house. The silent treatment used to feel awful, but now I’ve disconnected enough that I just don’t care. Good advice on continuing to just say what you need to say. You are right they will throw back at you that you didn’t tell them… ignoring that they won’t talk to you. The cycle of “crazy.” And he complains that he is the “least important living being in the home.” Yeah, because you are less reliable than the pets.
My ex would do everything on your list. The rage would scare me. We could never disagree without him literally screaming. It was embarrassing for our kids, neighbors, etc. I tell him to calm down, he would storm out & ignore me for weeks. Its no way to live. I tried to make it work for the kids, but I’m better off without him. Since I’m so “terrible” & he wants to be a single father so bad, fine wish granted.
oh my goodness 🥺
I’m getting the silent treatment because I get up and go to work. 😂
😂😂
😯
That’s what happened to me 🤦🏻♀️
💜💜
😂 right. Because the sun is shining. I had never been in a relationship where all the good things I did was turned around like I did something wrong. Couldn't ask him a simple question without him getting angry. It was the craziest relationship I ever been in. Pretend to be angry with me every day. I knew it wasn't me but of course I was blamed for everything. Was so glad when it was over. I felt like a weight was lifted off me.
Even if you text them to tell them something important they will say they didnt get the text message.
Or they just ignore it.
I know my ex narc watches his phone. So if he doesn't call me back or say he didnt get it.. I already know he's lieing.
Dealing with a Narc is like fallin dwn a rabbit hole.. You have been so helpful!! Just when I thought I could breath here come da BS (HIM) but I have ALL my weapons thanks to you!!
PPL schedule ur 1 on 1.. it will lift so much weight off ur chest 💯❤️💯❤️
Stay empowered 💪
Yup! He was talking sh** about me the whole time
I had to get rid of him , everything u said he did , Best decision I ever Made it was so draining and exhausting
What you do is truly invaluable
Thank you, and please don't ever stop!
You are brave, and I am thankful ♡
Thank you
I appreciated the “narcissistic spirit fingers” joke/metaphor. This got heavy, as I’ve experienced everything and when you spoke about the rage I recalled an instance when I did not know if I was going to survive the night. Your sense of humor always comes at the right time and helps digest all the necessary information so we can free ourselves and remain free.
Omg! Everything but the physical abuse is what I just went through! So accurate and on point! 10 years of hell
I'm 10 years in
It is hell!!!! I Hope you are truly thriving in your life
This video is everything I've gone thru for many years! It feels awful.
🙏 stay strong
I use to always think it was me, especially when we would be in the car traveling. I would end up getting kicked out the vehicle, or abandoned at some random location. They also love weaponizing the police against you, and kicking you out on the street. I'll never forget those days. Then you have all the enablers and flying monkeys trying to convince you that you're the problem as well.
Mine didn’t like silent treatment because he constantly needs to know what you are thinking and that won’t happen in silence
My MIL is the Narc. She moved in w us and said she wanted to do everything around the house. One day we had an argument and she purposefully left my kid at school. My husband got upset with her. She was giving us the silent treatment but because we didnt "tell her anything" she assumed we were picking up my daughter. the only time we pick her up is when we call her and give her advance notice that very morning. but because she was mad she "assumed" we were gonna pick her up. that was the lowest she went.
I clicked on this because a narcissist is giving me the solid treatment right now, and I figured that it was a "punishment or manipulative tactic of some sort. What he doesn't know, though, is that when / if he decides to come back, I'm gone.
We will no longer be in fellowship with each other. As far as I'm concerned, he ended the relationship when he went silent. I don't play mind games. That is extremely childish, and I'm a grown woman--like GROWN grown--like turning 40 this year, grown.
I appreciate your thoughts and analyses. First of all, we all have some narcissism in us, just like we all have both feminine and masculine characteristics, so you are talking to all of us. 2nd, I have been living with someone who exemplifies much you talk about and throws it back at me. I have devised ways of dealing with parts of it, and admit I have a masochistic side to my nature others have noticed over the years. Listening to your episodes is therapy to better understanding my own situation and realizing some of it can be resolved. So thank you for deciding to turn your situation into a positive and maybe lucrative process. It is helpful to others.
Thanks!
Thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Learn to identify when someone is using silent treatment vs when that person is hurt and betrayed and shuts down out of past trauma. There's a difference.
Yes I have verbal shutdown when there’s too much to explain and I keep getting interrupted by erratic manipulator or flying monkey saying fake positive bypassing superficial comments. On top of trauma I have autism so it’s more of verbal shutdown than silent treatment.
Whats the difference?
I agree
@cindysantos9300 sometimes the person wis "being quiet"isn't avoiding the other. They're shut down. And when that trauma isn't recognized and the person keeps at them and accusing them off somebody treatment and whatever else, it dramatically intensifies. It's a terrible lonely position to be in. The wise it gets, the worse it gets. Usually that person needs patience. Sit next to them. Put your arm around them and tell them you love them. You can watch them start to unfold after several minutes. Unless you've taken it too far and started accusing them off all sorts of things because you aren't cued enough to recognize trauma vs narcissism.
Thank you for your time and prayers to you everything you have been saying is helping me get a chance to get my stuff together and move on
This is exactly what is happening bc I called him out for cheating I didn’t see him but his actions suggested he was missing sex toys going out of town and lying about where he is etc. of course I’m the problem and he is such a good guy how dare I accused him of this we haven’t kiss or hug or been intimate since I approach him oh well I’m moving out and this time I’m choosing me
I’m married a Narcissist for 24 years and knowing till the last 7 years and soon to get the divorce papers to start this month in April 2023 ….
Spring , A NEW FLOWER 🌸
PEACE ✌🏽
Yesss what they perceived ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️it’s crazy 🤯
I always feel like a need to say thank you, Lee, for your super honest and helpful messages! 🙏❤️💯
I think narcissism is contagious. It becomes a way of life if you grew up in a society where it is acceptable. The elders in my family system were narcissistic personality disordered people. And, the next generation is the same. In the US, it's becoming more and more acceptable.
I am dealing with the silent treatment and discard. He won’t talk to me and us making me get out of the house we moved in together by end of next week. I have never experienced this type of emotional torture before. He said he was done with me. He broke me, I’m broken. And I don’t know what to do. I know now by looking at your videos I can’t fix this. 😢
Sis I feel you wow you read my mail
The relationship i was in, the smear campaign started years before i left. I did leave, yayesss, and got totally outta the country. My healing has begun yet it's gonna take some time. Thanks for becoming knowledgeable and posting these videos!
My ex 100% stonewalled me all the time. He would send long demeaning messages or just do it after standing me up. They knew I was a communicator. They would also send luring messages making me worry…they would do this and I would text or call several times and then they would angry and accuse me of being harassing and being irrational. Stonewalled me to not have any actual human behavior. Gaslight, stonewall. Abusive cycle. It eventually caused the reaction they wanted.
Wow….this is so true. As much as I loved my ex….I had to let him go 😢 it was really too much. Caused some medical issues for me due to stress.
I feel discarded even though we still live together.
My narc ex told me "Every girl you've tried to talk to about me still f**** with me! They know my character, I'm a caring person. They think you're crazy."
Do NOT try to warn others of what they're getting into, dealing with the narcissist. They have to find out on their own. The narc will use their manipulation tactics and love bombing to control their new supply (or supplies in my case). Just move on. Save yourself your sanity. Learn to be okay with being the villain in their story.
My husband and I have 3 kids together. Tonight I had to take one of our kids for senior pics. At the same time my youngest (going into high school) had to be at the high school for freshman orientation. I told him he had to take her. This is the FIRST time he actually got involved and stepped up. Never has he ever gone to any of their school functions/meetings. It was always left up to me. I just don't understand how people dont want to be in their kids lives. Thanks for your insightful videos!
Your videos (along with years of the important lessons of learning to love my enemy and not be overcome by evil), have really helped me not to take these behaviors personally. Appreciate all you’re doing to bring awareness. Your work is empowering people. Narcissism seems to me to just be the sin nature on steroids so any way people are bringing awareness to others of how to protect themselves from the affects has to be a worthy cause.
Mannnnn I'm so grateful for your channel you're shedding so much light!!
Wow..im not crazy. I asked my boyfriend to help with something on mothers day..literally just declogging dryer. He started screaming and throwing things..then he went silent all day!...ruined my whole day 😢 Everything was my fault..me asking him to help after i had been up since 3am cleaning as always. I ask for help (he claimed me nicely asking was forcing him) and everything is always my fault. My health both physically and mentally has declined. 8 already have PTSD and anxiety. I am setting a plan to get away. 7 years is a long time. Im so tired.
I didn’t use it to punnish I used it to get awayyyy✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
For someone who is NPD you seem to go the right way. Don't ever really had the need to get even, or revenge, just didn't understand why and that made me kinda disappointed after all the effort trying to make things work. Thank you for the insight and keep that good mood.
Well said!
@4:23 I had to start using text communication for everything just on gp. 🤷🏾♀️Simply because he was a pathological liar. Amongst all of the lies he told, one would be, "You never told me that?" Or "I never said that." Always text them even if they go ST on you.
They get people to hurt you or attack you.
Every single word you spoke is 100% true!! Experience it all except the sleeping with other people
That's sooooo truth that person tryed to do that with me, but friends knew but so, they had nothing to do with that person. Thank the Lord 😊
Thanks, great video! I worked with a narc that gave us the silent treatment....this was decades ago....he acted so strange..... people stayed away from him...
Silence. Gut instinct shouts out. Listen to it!!.