Exactly!! They can’t take what they dish out. They want consistency, commitment but don’t give it. Once the lovebombing has come and gone…it NEVER comes back.
Omg.. THIS! I didn’t know those were connected. I mean I have had the wool pulled back realizing I’m not crazy and he used to blame his phone addiction to adhd (which I have to) everybody’s different but then I realized he cared more how strangers saw him and it gave me the ICK, Aimee!! I needed to see this video to solidify my decision for no contact… I am so much better but I always feel so bad hurting people and wanna learn how to handle things properly but these vids make me PREACH my decisions🎉🥹
This. Right. Here. They also love creeping from multiple profiles like a serial killer. They will block you and then stalk you from another page. He said he didn't have social media but I found his Instagram, snapchat and his fake ass fb pages. It was embarrassing and when I called him on it of course he lied like always.
Facts. Mine chastised me for not using mine like most people do. I'm in my 40's and HATE social media, so if I'm not watching videos, listening to music, or talking to someone, you'll never see my phone. She takes and posts pics obsessively, gossips about me daily, even sends me the stuff she posts. It's hilarious. I laugh and remind her of reality. It eats her alive that she has no control and that nothing bothers me. It also helps that she's broke. She'd be a mess if she had money. Lol!
Very very true. Knowing this released me from feeling “left behind” or feeling envious of the new “prey” because now I know they will ultimately fail at every relationship. It’s not me or even the other women it’s them. They can’t help but destroy relationships
My narcissist ex actually stopped texting me after I used his texts to expose him to his mistress. He said he loved me & I was the one he wanted to be with . Then he said that he didn’t love his mistress. He even said “How could I love someone like that?” I screenshot those texts & sent them to his mistress. 10 minutes later, she showed up at his apartment & made a scene there 😂😂😂😂. Best day of my life!
@@MentalHealnesswhy did you tell her to be safe are you trying to say that it is not wise to expose them to others because he was the one that did it all and don’t like you to hold them accountable ! I guess he might have to catch a Domestic Violence case against him! Because we have to pay for there toxicity! I just don’t know why you don’t talk about that part in your videos or did I miss one ?
@@madelinebigio7565 While this exposure is really satisfying and the narc in this situation had it coming, I think that @MentalHealness is trying to warn her that exposed narcs can be violent and that she needs to do what is needed to stay safe. Narcs are often vindictive and violent and will take apart their own lives to see their former supply/exposers suffer. I can relate in that I can't bring my narcs to justice now because one of them will violently retaliate, and I can't bring that risk on my family.
I never sent long texts but Every time I argued, confronted, explained or defended myself I gave away my power and dignity. Once I realized this was his game I stopped being his conscience... and it made him crazy. My response would just be "people have been killed for less". But honestly I'm not reading a super long text from anyone either. If it's that important why are you texting me? He'd accuse me of loving to argue.... "you just don't WANT to be happy." He wanted a doormat... no questions, arguments or accusations, supposedly. Someone he could shame and intimidate. But as I told him "when I quit talking about this stuff you better start worrying cause I have 1 foot out the door."
Crazy because that's play by play how my arguments w my narc went. He'd accuse me of things and when I defended myself I was told I just want to argue. I would say I'm explaining things to make the friendship work. I have since given up and don't respond anymore.
I had to send text because mine would argue of course but when I was saying things he needed to hear calling him out; he would run like Forest Gump. I’ve actually told him; run Forest! Run! 🤦♀️😞🙏
Yup. I'm married to a covert narc. If I get upset with him about anything, he tightens his lip and walks away and then actually sulk for hours. He appears to be in deep thought but is actually trying to gain my sympathy. Once again, HE becomes the one who is hurt.
Yup I believe this, I can send a long winded message to my narc and she will read it and then immediately call me after and completely start talking about something else completely disregarding my feelings.
I wouldn't say they give you nothing. They give you anxiety, depression, financial issues, self dought, and all kinds of other permanent damage only victims of this abuse understand
Hmmm so true . I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to heal . This been going on for 9 years . I finally blocked him and I didn’t unblock him . Officially 5 days of NO CONTACT 🙌🏾
This is true but i only want to add that it is possible to heal. It doesn’t mean everyone will. But if you are adamant about having a better end to the story you can achieve a lot of success at healing. It may suck admitting you picked up some fleas over it… but if you’ve been abused like this, chances are you correctly feel like you are a bit too damaged for other relationships now. I made the mistake a few times myself. The best thing to do is admit to yourself its true, you are a bit too paranoid and hyper vigilant and all that because of them, and take yourself to therapy. Tell them exactly what you went through and explain as much as you can about who you used to be and what you don’t like about yourself now. Most will know you are being truthful. Sometimes they dont, but just stop seeing that one and find another one. If you want to get better, some of the most capable of healing people are those that went through this if they are able to understand that they are not at fault, but have in fact garnered some serious issues. I did. My therapist was even sure i was the nutcase at first too because i was so bad i was bordering on psychosis. I went through absolute hell. And i felt see through and raw and sick and god awful and super paranoid and didn’t trust a soul. I was the happiest nicest guy before. Too much, actually. Drew in the soul sucking scum of the earth. I couldn’t even hold a job nor even a damn hobby for years. I was broken af. I’ve learned to place my mistrust where it belongs much better. Haven’t had a ptsd episode in a while. Got off drugs. Started exercising again. Surrounding myself in more joy (that i still can’t feel right, but it’s something) and i even occasionally laugh for real again. I had absolutely no hope. I was going to leave this realm 100 percent. (Wasn’t only relationship related, my life was demolished evilly) and i am not back to normal yet, but i do not want to leave again. There’s a glimmer of hope. It makes all the difference.
Save them all bc it helps you to see what you didn’t see in the relationship. It’s a teaching tool for your discernment of these demons moving forward.
Yooo this is so true. I recently went back and read some old texts from an abusive relationship years ago and HOLY SHIT. I read my messages shortly before and when I decided to go no contact and I physically felt my skin crawl. I had to stop after a while it was just too triggering. Definitely eye opening for sure. My favorite line from my abusive ex in those texts was "it's okay the occasional fight is normal even with like family and stuff you know?" or something to that effect. Sheeeeesh.
I heard it’s not good to read old texts and stuff it’s not healthy but I mean I have went back several times and went back and checked them lol and it’s so crazy what we didn’t see whilst in the relationship it’s crazy! It’s like you finally see what you didn’t before 😅
@@vernetta111 I feel you on this!!! I’ve deleted so many photos of texts it was bad all my photos where just screenshots lol I had to delete them all I couldn’t keep them
I almost fell on the floor listening to this OMG EVERYTHING you said is ABSOLUTELY TRUE he would never respond to my long text messages but would send me a whole book and get mad if I didn't respond it was a trigger for him when I did to him what he did to me. I'm so glad I'm done with that darkness
They'd reply asking what I wanted, like they don't read it at all Or other family members would seem to only reply to my last sentence, like that's the only thing they read. Or if they did read the whole thing, they got so upset by the last thing that it's the only thing they reply to. Sometimes I see this in comments on videos too. Short 2 word replies or vague questions. But they require you to read their minds and Explain Yourself in detail. And the more you do, the more ammunition they have against you. Time wasters
100% truth! Wow … I could tell bc he would respond to the last sentence and nothing else. Maybe a little from beginning. But he would send books loaded with emojis! What’s up with that?
I can relate 🙋🏼♀I am thankful that I got out with my life. Very traumatizing. Sucked the life right out. I constantly thank God but still cry over the evil trauma he inflicted. Run don’t walk from these despicable meat suits.
My ex use to text love messages but then act like a mean cold SOB when he got home. In the messages he couldn't wait to see me,he misses me and wants to do something together when he gets home. Then as soon as he gets home he turns into a cold person and everything in the text was just a lie.
4:37 This!!!! This!!! Glory to God for being free from narcissistic abuse! I remember when I was trying to explain my perspective to him, I wrote long a** paragraphs when he was discarding me. Eventually I gave up and just wrote short responses. The shorter my responses were, the longer his text messages got. He tried hoovering me back for the second time. He remained blocked. I deleted all of his pictures, all of his texts. Y'all they are not worth it. Protect your peace and take your power back.
Im breaking free now . I feel so happy , he started crying at my door cause he didn’t get what he wanted but ignored me for hours knowing I don’t like it so I’m done . Tf ima forget now too just he claimed he did . ✌🏽
I just dealt with this myself. For awhile I loved talking to him he was intelligent n understanding, patient n kind, n all the good stuff you want in a man. He didn't seem over the top or fake. He didn't just agree with me things he came up with himself I completely felt the same. He didn't seem like he was love bombing he seemed honest n real n I felt like finally I found the right man for me n im 41. Few weeks go by then things change. I didn't down him, or judge him or anything. But out of nowhere he decides to cut me down, find fault in everything I do. Judge me to the point I don't have much to say to him. Then I try explaining myself n he gas lights me turning me words around getting me frustrated then telling me I'm not making no damn sense. First time was lil things. I tell myself maybe it's a misunderstanding. I try do better n explain myself more. I don't wanna fight. Few weeks go by everything id good again I'm really feeling this now. Then same gas lighting cutting me down bullshit only much more hardcore. I'm feeling crazy at this point like is it me. I get so lost for words. (I'm Italian I don't get lost for words normally) I got nothing to say I decide rather than trying I just blocked him. I can't deal with no more. I rather be alone than lonely.
That single word, or thumbs up also applies to people who used to be close friends. I invited someone who used to be a friend to a concert, all I got was a thumbs up, no definite yes or no. It isn't just a romance issue. They will send you tik toks, Instagram or RUclips videos, but won't hold a complete conversation. Some people are in your life for a reason or a season. It's better to be alone than abused.
Yesss this guy I was getting to know long distance for a year would do this and send tons of videos and links and I would have paragraphs expressing myself and he would just send 👍🏽Not even giving any commentary.Then when I would text he would say ??? I’m like what?Did you watch the videos?Smh
Yes, the incomplete conversations are coming from all quarters. It’s lazy or maybe indifference? Sometimes I respond that way in group texts where people are intolerant of questions or I can’t figure out what others want from me. Usually not strong relationships when I’m always trying to discern what the question or answers are…makes me tired just thinking about navigating communication in a few of these friend groups.
AMEN TO THAT ONE 🙏 🙌 👏 😌 💯 % AND GET A GOOD DOG 🐕 OR CAT 🐈 OR PIG 🐖 MORE LOVING ❤️ AND MORE TRUSTWORTHY 😀 THAN A 2 LEGGED BRAT WITH A PACIFIER IN THEIR MOUTH , 💯 % TRUTH PEACE ✌️ ☮️ 🕊
Good tone response doesn't change anything. Any response to a narcisist is the kiss of death. Respond to your mind. If nobody loves you, so what. You gotta love yourself.
Yes never respond to a narcissist! Leave them on read and ghost their ass if you can! This will change the dynamics and honestly you'll see the true them. And you'll also see how quickly they give up when you disengage from their toxic behavior.
Narcissists are the blessings and opportunities to teach us to clear out our childhood emotional triggers. Say thank you for the experience and learn the next lesson. Energetically we will attract what we need to attract to learn lessons about ourselves. It's that simple. We have programs running in our subconscious from childhood we are unaware of and that is why we would bother accepting treatment or behavior that is anything less than pure Divine love. It's because we did not have that pure Divine love for ourselves to begin with, for whatever reason..... but it occurred in childhood, the emotional neglect and the covert behaviors from family members, that we were forced to accept because we needed our physical needs taken care of❤ The inner child doesn't realize yet that we are now grown ups that can walk away,, set boundaries, consciously change our belief systems, or do things the opposite we've always done them, because once you change your thoughts and your behaviors, you change your life. You cannot stay the same and expect to attract different. We are all energetic beings. Once we do the inner child healing, you release the triggers, and there is no people, not a family member, not an employer, or not a spouse, that can get a subconscious emotional reaction from you . Because you will have now been coming from a space of a measured balanced calm response. If you respond at all .. Because if you've shifted your energy, they must Then Fall away. When you raise your vibration, and they choose to stay in low vibration, people just naturally fall away and that is such a blessing. Let them leave. Every family member, if that is the case...😊 It's all about learning to master the self. Master your thoughts and master your emotions. The narcissist is just a test. Anyone who wants to move too fast into a relationship, if it is real love, they will wait. Always take it slooowwwww, watch for patterns. Watch for love bombing. As you heal, you will discern the difference. If people are desperate for a relationship and looking for someone else to provide anything for them, they are at risk of attracting the narcissistic types. The focus is supposed to be placed on you, your passions, and what you create. That will bring higher vibrational people to you, with the same healthy values
Very well said!❤ I agree and have learned and healed so many of my childhood wounds because of my relationship with a narcissist. I am stronger, wiser, and vibrating higher than ever. I know who I am and what I want. I attract like minded people into my life so I am grateful...
Narcissists are hypersensitive to tone but they don't always get it right. Sometimes, the tone is indifference and they have a hard time believing anyone would actually be indifferent to them because they're "too significant" for that. They must read into your indifference to make themselves feel important. But, as Lee said, the hypocrisy of them expecting you to respond to everything they say or write is gross while they ignore your legitimate concerns about the unfairness of how they've repeatedly chosen to treat you. It's a two-way street or a dead end. Don't tolerate them, don't respond, keep your doors locked, your eyes open, your mind free and your heart healed. You deserve all of that. Their significance is manufactured and counterfeit. You're the significant one. 💜✝️❤
My ex always thought I had a tone with him and never EVER would listen to me if he heard that tone. I never had a tone with him. I may have been irritated for asking a million times for him to do the same thing but I was like that. I’m pregnant and deal with 2 children. Ofcourse help me out. I had to talk to him like “ughhh excuse me love can you please super duper please help me with this and that and omg” in a little girls voice. No thank you.
@briannagonzalez7963 My "ex" (he was very noncommittal/intermittent contact) helped me move a few months ago, was moody and sulked the whole time. I politely asked him to place ONE box specifically in the kitchen and he later mocked my tone about it. Oh, and after we had sex that evening he made sure to tell me he "wasn't planning on it" before taking off and ghosting me for another month. These creatures are merciless. I think at some point I kept seeing him out of sheer car-crash-inability to look away, because he was just so strange and I couldn't believe a real person could act that way. 😂
I have a rule. NEVER fight in texts... you never write the text 'winning' text...it's just a waste of time n energy .. texts should be ' I'll be there in ten min' or ' can you pick up some milk from the store'. Need to fight or discuss...pick up the phone or in person or nothing at all if it's a narcissist
More may realise how dumb it is, in this way: how much 'phone text data has been produced, in court, for restraining orders? They sign their own warrants...
I tried to, erm, enforce "no arguing over text message" but she ignored it on so many occasions. One time she said, "I don't want to say this over text, but...", and you can guess what happened next. So so disrespectful almost constantly. It's crazy.
Look if you sense someone is a narcissist, just leave, stop taking calls or text messages, even if you love them, or think you need them, yes it hurts, but losing your self worth hurts more, narcissistic people are cold hearted and could careless about you, you have to care about yourself, love yourself more than them, I’m a woman of a certain age, it took me time to get to the point of being able to walk out on anyone who makes me feel like I’m going through a maze of confusion, so now i choose me over anyone, that doesn’t mean I don’t love on people, i only love on people who deserves my love, just leave your narcissist, there’s someone out there, that will be your peace and you can be there’s , narcissist are meant to be alone, and just remember you can’t change anyone but yourself
Dolores, with all due respect, when you were involved with a Narcissist, if you'd read the words you just wrote, do you honestly think that a bossy, self-righteous tone would have worked to get you un-traumatized and starting on your way out? Some of the people who say "Look, just leave" often forget that it's actually a matter of being trauma-bonded, and typically, one is not ready to leave until there's no other choice. Just a side note. I'm sure you mean well, but don't forget where you came from and what it felt like when you were in the midst of it. Hindsight is always "20/20."
@@alouise3557 didn’t know i came off as bossy or self righteous, young people today allows to much room to be treated so badly, it’s sad, especially when there is so much information out here nowadays, to teach people how to do better, i probably wouldn’t have cared how i got the message, i would’ve taken what i needed from the message to benefit me, my mom never told me about a narcissist because she married her husband until death did them part, but my apologies to you, if i came off wrong
@@alouise3557 but it's good to hear words from the other side, especially when you're still in it. We always have choices. It was important advice, for me
@@alouise3557exactly because it takes many trials and tribulations before you recognize it’s just not worth my health and sanity. Some people never get out the demonic maze that a narcissist can put you in.
So true! At the end of our relationship when I had enough. I told him it was over and said it in a nice way at first he was nice and understanding. When he didn't get the response he wanted he got mean and kept messaging. Rather than feeding into I left him on read and blocked him✌️. It's been just over 3 wks still no contact. Staying strong💪
The moment you said they don't read those specific types of messages I fell out laughing. This is 100% true. My ex use to tell me that he's not reading that.. no matter how heartfelt if it had that "take accountabilty" aspect, it was a no.
Same. Mine said if you have anything to say that needs to be discussed, it needs to be done on the calendar at a designated time and over the phone or in person, I am NOT going to read that.
Me too, and I’m laughing even harder reading your comment. 😂 My ex narc and I would be arguing over text and here I am sending 3-4 paragraphs of text messages and he would text me “I’m not even reading all that”. Definitely true.
I’ve had family member that were Narcs., They have passed away, but have done a lot of damage to their family members. Because of the damage they had received growing up in Oppression/Jim Crow. It’s unfortunately, pass on from generation to generation.
@@ggwindham6874 yes, even, because of the power of what they did in life, they can still control people from beyond the grave. The way Jim Crow screwed things up, for generations of Black people, is despicable in the extreme, something that caused such ingrained pain, it's way harder to get over, if anyone ever can, get over something so heinous. The familial abuse is the hardest thing for me. Bad enough, that my father is a grade-A dyed-in-the-wool narcissist, he scapegoated, bullied & abused me from age 10, your comment reminded me of my mother's smear campaign - it ensured my continued excommunication from my entire extended family. Until I realised, that people who aren't interested in your side of the story, aren't the kind of people you need in your life, anyway, that really hurt. They can't touch me now, but their abuse has continued in my siblings & the way they treat their children, is just as sick, twisted, toxic. My nephew & me, we are helping each other to heal, honestly, he's so much further along than & is most help to me. He makes me proud every day, he is now a whole human being & determined to turn his pain into something good. I hope you have someone keeping it real for you, supportive, encouraging & understanding.
@@minoozolala you're right. But they do have a false ego. He now has lung cancer...guess who he is coming to for support? Me. Guess what hes getting from me? Not the sucker he thought i was. So do ya think now he is haunted?
@@SherryG370 No, he won’t be haunted at all. These people don’t care about you, never have. Sad but true. He might have been a bit pissed off but then he’ll be on to find the next sucker. It’s that simple.
Also - don’t you think they pick moments your doing important things to start text wars that don’t end, just so you’ll sit and panic instead of focusing on important things? Totally was my horrific experience for ages.
Yes, I was in a very high corporate position at my last job and he would start fights or blow my phone up during my most important meetings. He also would accuse me of cheating every time I took my kids out to have some fun. He tried to ruin everything we did or that I would do by myself.
It’s very hard when your child’s father is a convert narcissist and would ghost him for 2 years and then reappear in a cryptic text. Frustrating and sad because my son is 12 and innocent. I tell him that his father loves him, but unfortunately doesn’t love himself, and until he does, he can’t love anyone. My son understands and knows he is surrounded by family & friends who love him very much. Praise God🙏🏾
I got a response “TLTR”, meaning too long to read. After dozens of cruel and false and triggering messages, two weeks later he sent a message saying that he misses our mental and emotional connection, my compassion and forgiveness. I blocked him. Everything he accused me of doing, every false accusation, the endless resentment and hatred was him deflecting his misery upon me. There were actually two of these people in my life. I am now unable to trust anyone. The best response I have given to them is “👌”
My ex-wife would use text messages to say things to trigger me she would never say to my face. I just wouldn't validate her toxicity by responding. There's no reason to allow them to control your mood.
I'd send my ex narcissist long texts, pouring out my heart to him (I was too afraid to share in person😢) and he'd respond with, "Ok." OK?! Just OK??? Wtf!?!? 😂😂😂😂😂 Yeah, they don't read it. They don't care. They don't love you. They DONT change.
I had same text from him 'ok' , after I'd been in hospital with a heart attack, come home and after more stress from him, I text to say I had chest pain again and yes he just responded ok. Next morning he love bombed me again. I walked away.
They read it and show others. Your heart felt messages are for the streets. That's okay because God Is doing a new thing so those who laughed will get silenced and their memories deleted. 😊
Danish (DAH-nish) is really great, too. He is a Narc Abuse Recovery Coach in India and the son of two narc parents. I think it'd be fun to hear you react to some of his content or even collab with him, Lee! He's like you in that he pulls no punches!
That’s why my soon-to-be ex-husband blocked me…. He would run from accountability then I would text him and he would get mad because I was calling him out and telling the truth and he couldn’t take it…. He doesn’t have to worry about it now because I’ve filed for divorce and waiting on our court hearing at the end of January. He’s blocked on everything now so he’s getting a taste of his own medicine and I am getting some peace! 🙌
@@MsTansheer1 Prayers to you as well. He was such a horrible person to me when I was diagnosed with Lupus…. He wanted to use me to get things and when we couldn’t do the 50/50 anymore he started devaluing me and did the emotional discard…. I knew something was going on but didn’t know what it was. I mean I know it was hard for us all as a family but he’s the man anyway and SHOULD be paying more than the women; he should…. But anyway, that’s the kind of thing that happens when someone doesn’t really love you but love what you can offer them. When we got married the home and the vehicles ALL had me listed FIRST because I was the one with what good credit. He didn’t have any because he paid cash for things because he never had a new vehicle, credit cards or anything…. Dude had a plan to use me to make him look good and when he felt he could do without me; he wanted me gone outside of sex….
@@ConfidentNotConceited I am sorry. I had two narcs. Narc number one made it very difficult to co-parent with…. Dude wouldn’t even pay $50.00 a month child support either. He tried to make it hard for me to be without him. Just pushed me hard to succeed for me and my baby. After a while I didn’t need him financially but it was hard for my beautiful, intelligent, talented daughter that was ignored but would be in the streets talking about, “my daughter”. Now he feels my daughter owes him something because he’s had his DNA…. His life is a mess and now he think his kids is supposed to make it better…. They are horrible people to have children with. My soon to be ex-husband has destroyed the relationship with the daughter I had with him because she has to pick sides…. Narcs don’t care about their kids for real but they are possessive so they like to treat them like they are their only parent. It’s sad because there is no reason my daughter and I should be having this estranged relationship and she need her mom but one day I’ll be gone and she will MAYBE think about that because she’s got those tendencies. 😞🙏
Very great video! Also be careful what you text them because they will change the narrative once you get mad and show their friends and family your messages as if you are the crazy one, or that you won't stop bothering them.
Which is why no contact is best. Not the silent treatment, which is about payback. I’m almost 3 years separated from a psychopath. I started out listening to a couple doctors on RUclips and then found Lee. If at all possible is best to quietly leave and do all your venting into a pillow or with a safe, trusted friend. After getting it out of my system and in enjoying am the peace and quiet, I am holding firm boundaries and allowing lots of time to see if I can find someone new. But I’m okay whether I do or don’t.
I pause the video as soon as it came on how a narcissist will text you is basically like this... They skip to whatever part of the texts they want to respond to and ignore the rest. If they respond at all but they definitely read it.❤️
Mine ignores my emails and texts when I have to discuss the kids. It’s so frustrating. When he does respond he is always blaming me for something then trying to pretend he is a great guy. He refuses to answer my questions. Thank you for letting me know how narcissistic people look at texts.
He sent me a, Good Morning. I responded, good morning. Then, nothing. Completely Silent. Then I knew. He waited til next day. Sent a text again. I didn’t respond.
Thank you 🙏I guess the long texts I sent him were a waste of time. I didn’t know I was supposed to study the 48 Laws of Power before texting a friend 😅😂
@@recoveringsoul755 almost all of them love that book. I keep a copy for myself to keep sharp on seeing the signs of people like this coming into my own life
Isn't like therapy for us...I sent long texts just to get things off my chest the things the narc put us through. Felt ignored and relieved at the same time! 😂
Exactly to the point! Pick one thing out of your texts and blame you, shame you, avoid you. It leads you right into defending yourself again, then you give up your power. Listening to narcissism from your side is exactly how I know he operates. Infuriating. Such a spoiled sense of self. Depending on the ties you have to a narcissist, from separation to no contact is extremely difficult. But listening to you laugh and talk about how you treated people, tricked people, intentionally put them into distress offers great insight into how pointless it is to keep going back for a bread crumb that ALWAYS ends up with slap in the face.
Once you realise you are dealing with an abusive individual, save the messages and block them. Discern the manipulative behaviour and keep moving on, protect your sanity.
I almost threw my phone across the room! 😂 Listening to this took me right back to the long, emotional texts I have sent and got the infuriating 👍 as a reply.
I'm screaming because I SWEAR this was my exact situation. Pouring my heart out & how hurt I was & response would be a thumbs up or oh OK... it used to make me cringe. When I wouldn't text him back in an appropriate time, he would talk so horrible to me. I would even be working sometimes & he expected a response. Smh
Omg this is spot on! My narc was so concerned that I was upset with them, they even made their 15 year old daughter to text me! When I responded to her and said i am not upset, they simply replied after all the begging “that’s ok then!” Wow all they were worried about was how they looked to everyone! So cold and calculating yet to others warm and kind!
This is exactly what I’ve been going through for years. Just left and he still is using these tactics. He gets so angry and victimizes himself when I don’t respond fast enough. I’m just ready to not do this anymore. Sucks when you still have ties to someone.
Oh my god this was my ex !!! I’m deaf and don’t always see the phone flash if so get a message - he would lost his shit anytime I was 5 mins later to see a message that sayin he arriving at such and such a time ( drop our child off ) own time he was outside 10 mins and when I was making a bed and didn’t see the txt ( when I seen it I went outside ) he was screaming abuse cursing swear saying answer your fuckin phone . I hate the ties but now what I do is set a time he is there and emailed it and left it at that so had less contact by text message .he say don’t be late be on time …… so I always was on time once had an after set time everyday just not going with flow times and different drop off times . Anyways after that , what he do … shows up but 10-30 mins late everytime :I literally knew this happen but I’d just neve respond when see message saying we be arriving in 10 mins as the little lad was asleep . But if I go out 5 mins later with the little lad after change mind about shoes or change jacket he loose his shit saying not waiting 30 mins late everyday for u :it was a mind fuck ,I don’t rely band any messages anymore .i just meet at the at set time and then walk off . It nearly killed time the abuse none stop .my health has come first with my child .
@@navygf86if the most darkest(currently) days I’ve ever experienced. Today he made fun of every single thing about my appearance and compared me to others. They just don’t realize how much the abuse can change someone. I’m lost and drowning. While I’m floating up I get pushed back down every single day. I honestly don’t know how much more strength I have left. I got out in November but it’s just daily threatening and then breadcrumbs. Begging me to come back and then makes fun of me and tells me how he really feels when I don’t give him what he wants. Plays victim to everyone and is a major pathological liar. He could make you think a dog turd was a piece of candy and you’d eat it.
whenever i used to send long ass texts, i knew he wasn't going to read or reply it, so then i told my child's father, "it's okay... i under you can't read more than 2 sentences"😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This sounds like me. I have torn mine to shreds. I'm embarrassed but then again, if he's going to destroy me, I will not go down without leaving scars myself, and he admitted after dumping me for the 1000th time that he's going to be scarred because of me.
He liked to not respond at all to messages and just said “you know this is how I am but keep sending me stuff even if I don’t respond” at the beginning. Quickly I got tired of getting no response so I finally told him I don’t feel to keep sending messages to someone who doesn’t respond to me. He said “you’re not being unconditionally loving” his favorite accusation similar like my other narx saying you’re not loving me.
They want to take and give nothing in return for sure. To that, laying it out like this he would just respond “that’s just how I am,“ when I pointed out what he’s doing.
OMG!!! Mine *always says* "I love how you love me unconditionally. No one has ever loved me as much as you have, totally unconditionally." Yet he has no problem CONDITIONALLY pretending to love me. Seeing your comment just freaked me out. I wonder how many of them use "unconditional love" as a ploy to set us up to tolerate anything.
@@alouise3557 yes, it turns quite manipulative when someone is being abusive and then accusing you of not loving them unconditionally. I would bet a lot use this. Meanwhile THEY are the ones being unloving. They accuse you of what they are actually doing. THEY are being completely conditional with their love and yet want unconditional love from you. But it often put me on the defense to have someone accuse me of this. Looking back now I realize that was a ploy to try and get me to just accept anything from them. This is not love. I have a reminder set on my phone "it is impossible for them to have EVER loved me and have treated me like that. I was sold an illusion," just to remind me that that was NOT love b/c the trauma bond is still strong. I loved him, or who he presented himself to be in the beginning, but he thought he could get me to fall in love and do the ol' bait and switch and I would have to keep loving this abusive person under the guise of unconditional love. All while not being unconditionally loving towards me.
@@marika7782 yes! I've realized after this last guy that romantic love IS conditional. No one gets to treat you horribly and hurt you intentionally and you're just supposed to put up with it because you love them.
Another weird one I noticed with my ex was he would be open fun and silly laughing with me and talking normally then he would switch up and talk to me as if I was like a business client or a stranger. After a fight where I'd be pouring my heart out saying I love him and I'd get a few word response like it's some creepy impersonal business response. As if your a stranger to them. It's the worst feeling. He also used my name constantly in like a patronizing way. Psychology does say repeating someone's name can create a sort of new neuro pathway and done in that context its definitely to program you to feel inferior and "dumb" the worst by far though is when they refuse to read or speak to you through text and tell you the only way they will talk to you is through phone call because they can abuse you all they want over a call and you have no paper trail of it... looking back I'm honestly wondering if my ex was a sociopath 🤔 he definitely seemed pretty calculated in hindsight
Either way it's being documented. Text messages can be chopped up with their whore technology. Wire taps can be intercepted. Either way there are records. Those idiots know what they were doing. No point in screen shotting. They are already in your phone lurking and monkeying around being nosey and musty.
@@abie4230 in my case, her father was a narcissist. She was my only child and he used her against me. She learned his behaviors and thought processing. I was the disciplinarian and he countered everything I put in place for her to be whole. He triangle our relationship. She began to feel like I owed her something. Sometimes, it's not the lack of emotional support sometimes it's getting everything from the narcissist parent and then devaluing the other parent. It's weird.
@@ggwindham6874 I have an adult daughter who is a Narcissist. Now she's expecting a baby, my first Grandchild, and is now Giving me her usual "Silent Treatment." I'm past crying anymore, I'm not able to Do anything, so she's obviously decided to create a Rift between her unborn baby and myself. She takes after her father, unfortunately. He's been out of my life for a long time, but she's exactly like him.
If I listed 7 things that he did that were shitty, but one little thing was mis worded, he would focus on that one little thing. He'd not respond to the other 6.5 things. It's like arguing with a wall.
I go through this so much with my guy. I pour my heart out in a text message and he’ll just text back and say “I’m not about to read this long *** text, I don’t have time for the female dramatic BS you on”….He really doesn’t care that I’m pouring my heart out about the toxic state of our relationship. I’ve cried, yelled, and talked so much, that I just can’t do it anymore.
This is SO accurate! Word to word! Although, instead of one long msg, a burst of msgs, one after another, and you can't get a word in. Just like during in person arguing.
Yes and then forcefully ask you questions I would ask to park the conversation in person cause he would be yelling and I’d go to the bathroom lock myself up and he’d start texting me a burst of messages with all kinds of condescending text to trigger me whilst he’s waiting outside the bathroom for me to come out and react. I always found it strange they we live together and that’s how we communicate. I used to ask him how can I disagree with you without it turning into a fight and if I do react the whole thing is on me
I'm so proud of you the #1 cure for narcissism is Confessing. Even with dealing with a narc if find it healing to confess to myself honestly the part I played no matter how the situation is or was twisted.
You have 💯 confirmed exactly what I learned the hard way. I literally changed my number 2 wks ago, because I couldn't take the cheating, lies, manipulation, disregard, hurt, and lack of accountability anymore. Yet, ALWAYS vowed his love for me. He caused years of heart ache and pain, but always played victim. It's shameful to admit that I still love & even miss him. However, I realized I needed to love me more. It hurts that he couldn't change, especially because he admitted that he needed to. Truthfully...I NEEDED to save me. Going no contact is so hard 😢. You are absolutely spot on with everything you've said. Thank you, Lee 🙏🏻. BTW, I never comment on anyone's vid, but this is my way of showing my appreciation & decompressing. Sorry for the long winded message, but this helped me.
Once it's been so long it feels good. Especially if you start working out and busying your mind. Real joy starts to radiate and others notice it. This is how God take care of His own. That inner glow NEW people get to experience and appreciate. So everything will eventually work out. ❤
Oh my goodness you are on point !! He raged at me, and disregarded everything I said but called me repeatedly from any number to tell me what he wanted to say !!
I’m sooo glad I got rid of my lying, cheating, narcissistic boyfriend… as I listen to your videos I cringe knowing what I went through with my ex… I did no contact and it was the best thing ever…. I pray for his new wife often because she’s going through everything I went through per his daughter 😢
Kudos to you for recognizing and accepting yourself, working on personal growth, and raising awareness about reactions. Nothing is impossible; the term itself contains "I am possible." Self-awareness is crucial. In my relationship with my husband and his parents, I noticed narcissistic tendencies. It took a moment of saying no to intolerance and seeking safety and mental welling to unveil their true nature. This realization made me aware of the living hell I had unknowingly entered.
Finally!!! an answer to the question I asked for too long. I reached the point I would start repeating "read the text" over and over and over and..... No other response but "read the text". And my texts were not all that long because I knew he wouldn't read long ones. Thank you, Lee. SO helpful. _No contact_ resolved all that nonsense.
When he wrote those long paragraphs after trying to dismiss my feelings.. I would reply with #blocked... And literally block him My notifications would be going offffff calls, text, voicemails pop ups all in a matter of being blocked for a hour... Carried on with my day running errands the fool standing at the corner watching like I didn't see him.. Rode pass him and said BLOCKEDDDD.... If looks can kill smh ... Once I got hip to who he was I matched his energy until I was over him and that pushed him away... Just block their weird ass and keep it moving..
This is everything I have noticed. Thank you for clarifying. So many times I’ve felt like I’m the one going crazy especially when it comes to the dog whistle.
Rightttttttt. Spot on... The response I got after sending a long message was "I'm not reading all of that mess." Like it was me who was spewing the nonsense🤦♀. The one word response, the emoji, the thumbs up, the k, or the np. Sick. Then want to start a text by sending Good Morning. 🙄. All of those things confirm I made the right decision to bounce.
Wow Lee. Look at you continue to grow and grow and up your skills and the number of people you help. I mean that as a genuine compliment and not to inflate ego. I admire your willingness to be honest and work hard at therapy and stick with it for years. I pray you and your wife and children reap wonderful benefits of all your hard work.
So true my ex-husband was a narcissist and towards the end of our marriage I texted him a very long text message basically I was pouring my heart out to him and do you know that the son of a b**** started correcting my grammar that is how pathetic these people are
Yep I’ve been there . He even told me that my IQ is below average and that I lack critical thinking skills ouh when I tell you that I hate myself for letting someone treating ne so bad hmmm I’m glad we never got married though
This is VERY TRUE. My ex was a narcissist. I never knew it until I see some of your videos and all the revelations that until now, the new supply contacted me and even told me that she is living with a "demon". 😊 I did chatted my ex when she chat me first asking what did her new supply and me.chat about. I did not feed her ego. But I leave her a long chat. She never read it. 😅😅😅 She already admitted to me that she don't read long text. She skip it. Its nonsense for her. She told me that she don't care what I say. And bring back our old happy times on the topic. But I NEVER take the bait. I bid goodbye to her for good and NEVER chat her again. SILENCE is the key. Because narcissist NEVER STOP hoovering. Prepare for it everytime and know your boundaries. No matter how SWEET and CARING they are on chat, DON'T BITE TO IT.
Just came to the realization that's what I've been with for 2 years. How sneaky he's been this whole time until now that I've finally woken up. Thank you for these videos. You are changing lives! ❤
Damn, I do all of these, I'm not narcissistic but I do have an anxious avoidant attachment style from trauma, so the motivation is different (not about supply or control but more about guilt and shame and unlike the narcissist, we do NOT think very highly of ourselves 😅) but it's basically all the same. That's WILD. 😮
Wow, this is SO helpful. Thank you so much, Lee. This is exactly how it goes!! I have been struggling to understand if he is a full narc or not, but every video reaffirms it. I didn't know how this narc reads it, so this makes it all the more clear!! He has even told me many times that he isn't going to read all that.... now I get it. God bless!!😊
Isn't it funny that covert narcissist are being very honest saying they're not reading it. People have to listen when people show you and tell you who they are. The need to ignore that and want to see something other than what it actually is comes from not wanting to see our parents clearly, not wanting to accept that our parents did not have our best interest at heart, or we're not fully present to be there for our emotional needs, etcetera etcetera we have to break out of our own patterns and cycles and that's how we heal. Energetically, because we are all energy frequency and vibration..... the universe send to us the people that are going to teach us the greatest lessons about ourselves. The more we keep the focus on trying to get another person to think feel or behave in a certain way, it's just repeating our childhood patterns of what we could not achieve when we were children, and we didn't have the words or the means to walk away because we needed our basic physical needs met. We all carry our inner child with us into our adult bodies and that needs addressing and releasing
I used to send stupid long text msgs and he would find 1 thing to focus on and always him playing the victim. But most of the time his response was "I love you mini me" 🙄... literally didnt matter what i texted that was his response 99.9% of the time with a mix of I miss you... now that im gone and he cant invade my space... he sending songs again and today asked me to move back so we can get a place together again... but i know its all just to get me to respond so he can ignore me.. all for power and im not playing his games no more.
I tried to go no contact but my mom contacted other people to get to me and I had no choice but to respond after I left. Since then I’ve kept convos short with her and my dad, they all talk to each other. Since then I’ve had a few calls and in one of them she mentioned that if I don’t want to be in their family I should tell them. When she was the one that told me to choose between my fiancée and them.
My ex-narc ocd girlfriend sent me looong texts saying how "she felt", but, in fact, these texts were covert attacks/complaints about me. Supposedly, she hated telling me all of these things via text message. Her response was, "I wish I could tell you face to face, but you left me no option". Thwy can never be wrong. They can never take the blame. Their feelings are paramount, but yours are always dimished, discarded. Don't make the same mistake I made. NEVER engage in text conversations with them. Be strong out there. You're worth it, never forget.
😮💨 YES EVERY THING YOU SAID!!!!!! And they are very draining 🤦🏾♀️ I thank God that the one I dated finally realized that I wasn’t dead serious when I said I was done with him, even though it took him 3 years in his head to believe me that I said I’m done. I haven’t dated since then that’s been 7 yrs ago but I dated him for 14 yrs. very draining
I was friends with a covert narcissist, I didnt see this behaviour at first in regards to texting, took awhile for the penny to drop.... Glad it didnt develop further, blocked him and moved on with my life, no contact and gonna stay that way. New intro looks good Lee, and thank you for all you do 😊
Yes, all this is definitely true, let me add what mine does in addition to these. If I talk to her and try to hold her accountable for whatever, lying, abuse, cheating, you name it, she'll not say much and then go upstairs and type a big long text. That text will accuse me of every single thing I just held her accountable for.... I will try to have a very calm discussion with her and she will text me when I'm done and say "You will NEVER scream and cuss me again like you just did. You're scaring me and I fear for my safety."....and I'm sure you all know from experience, it never happened. Yeah, they're a piece of work.
My narcissistic sister will argue with me if she believes what I am saying is not true; she defends herself vigorously. And when she defends herself she digresses to a childlike, victim mentality. But, when she knows what I am saying is true, she goes dark. No response at all. Literally falls off the face of the earth bc she cannot handle being confronted with the truth about anything, literally anything.
I would always include something really important to him in the middle of the text so that there’s a bad consequence to him for dismissing my message and not reading it and he has no one to blame but himself 😂 he gets so mad every time he misses something that he was really wanting and I just smile and say “maybe you should occasionally read a message. You don’t have to remember any of it but there might be something that is of importance to you in there somewhere”. I like that not reading my messages always ends up upsetting himself and not me lol Yeah I can play his game but I play it better than him. Still, he just never learns 🙄
Oh my God...this screams my EX. HE would upset me so bad, I'd write him a novel (lol) on how he hurt or made me mad and he would text me back..."not reading all that". Or like Lee said, the thumbs up..that shit would piss me off. 8 months free of narcissism!!🙌
When i sent long texts cussing him out, yea he use to either say nothing or "ok"... but then he use to bring up stuff i said in the text for fuel in a convo or something like "i thought you said you wanted to make it work"... and im like "oh you read it, you didnt respond"... and he told me i read all your texts (in a smart way though)... made sense bc then he could plan his approach since i let him know where my head was 😩 all the games 😮💨
@MentalHealness right... but I'm still sure he ignored 99.9% regardless of what he said and don't matter they literally made no difference, read or unread lol
When I first saw the title and everything, I was like no way.. this is too specific. Everyone out here calling everyone a narc but omg, this is exactly how it goes down! You gotta read their novels but they’ll isolate like one sentence you said and twist all of it but address no valid points. Then you end up in circles defending yourself realizing oh shit they got you. This was great and so on point!🙏
I tell my ex narc you like to pick and choose what you write back. Ok you took my hat’s, my bird and air fryer and gave them to her he only responded about the air fryer I still have the air fryer I didn’t give it to her so what about the other thing’s duhhhh
He absolutely did everything you said. Long ass text messages, could have wrote a 10 page paper with them. Responded to my break up text with a period. Also, the dog whistling is true. My ex was really into passive aggression. He would say stuff about wanting to give me bruises or beat me, but put a laughing emoji next to it to make it seem like a joke.
He would send me love songs in the beginning. After one of our first fights he sent me Posed to be in love by Kevin Gates. I love Kevin Gates but never heard the song before. I listened to it probably 10 times before I could believe he would actually send that to me after acting like a psycho. When I asked him why he sent that, he just shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject. Honestly, it made me scared of him.
Oh god as soon as you started talking I was like, YEP. Nailed it. Also, “a little salt bae of toxicity” took me out. eta: yes I had a Nokia where all you could do is “make calls, and send a message, and play snake.” Lollllllllll
A big hug too you and your healing journey and honesty. There is hope for some. It's the physical and emotional abuse ones you can not fix or heal. Congratulations on your healing again.
Let me cut through all and say, if you've established that someone's a narcissist, never text them ever again.
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Easier said than done if you have to co-parent with a narc.
I text because it’s easier to spot his traits and keeps me from reacting emotionally, plus evidence if needed
@@ADR-xn6dgAgreed❤
@@ADR-xn6dgEXACTLY
They expect EVERYTHING GOOD FROM YOU but they GIVE YOU NOTHING BACK😤😠
Exactly!!
They can’t take what they dish out.
They want consistency, commitment but don’t give it.
Once the lovebombing has come and gone…it NEVER comes back.
@@Missybella92227🎯💯
Omg 😳 YES
😔
@hotpink770. Oh they give you something alright.... plenty of hell!
Social media is everything to them! 😂
That’s where they feed.
They create a false character of themselves and their phone is hooked to their hand.
Omg.. THIS! I didn’t know those were connected. I mean I have had the wool pulled back realizing I’m not crazy and he used to blame his phone addiction to adhd (which I have to) everybody’s different but then I realized he cared more how strangers saw him and it gave me the ICK, Aimee!!
I needed to see this video to solidify my decision for no contact… I am so much better but I always feel so bad hurting people and wanna learn how to handle things properly but these vids make me PREACH my decisions🎉🥹
Exactly!!!¡!!! Social media is life for them while neglecting their family
This. Right. Here. They also love creeping from multiple profiles like a serial killer. They will block you and then stalk you from another page. He said he didn't have social media but I found his Instagram, snapchat and his fake ass fb pages. It was embarrassing and when I called him on it of course he lied like always.
The need for validation via social media is especially repellant in a man.
Facts. Mine chastised me for not using mine like most people do. I'm in my 40's and HATE social media, so if I'm not watching videos, listening to music, or talking to someone, you'll never see my phone. She takes and posts pics obsessively, gossips about me daily, even sends me the stuff she posts. It's hilarious. I laugh and remind her of reality. It eats her alive that she has no control and that nothing bothers me. It also helps that she's broke. She'd be a mess if she had money. Lol!
This focus on power is why they ultimately fail at every relationship. Healthy relationships are not concerned with power.
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Power and control - plus using. That mixture is not a healthy relationship and it definitley is not love.
@@isabellapiesch4180heavy on the using part! I think it triggers the other dysfunctions.
Very very true. Knowing this released me from feeling “left behind” or feeling envious of the new “prey” because now I know they will ultimately fail at every relationship. It’s not me or even the other women it’s them. They can’t help but destroy relationships
+1. that's how I identify them early on - when somebody mentions power in context of relationships, its a giveaway immediately.
My narcissist ex actually stopped texting me after I used his texts to expose him to his mistress. He said he loved me & I was the one he wanted to be with . Then he said that he didn’t love his mistress. He even said “How could I love someone like that?” I screenshot those texts & sent them to his mistress. 10 minutes later, she showed up at his apartment & made a scene there 😂😂😂😂. Best day of my life!
😂 be safe
Lmaoff 😂😂😂 awesome!!😂
@@MentalHealnesswhy did you tell her to be safe are you trying to say that it is not wise to expose them to others because he was the one that did it all and don’t like you to hold them accountable ! I guess he might have to catch a Domestic Violence case against him! Because we have to pay for there toxicity! I just don’t know why you don’t talk about that part in your videos or did I miss one ?
@@madelinebigio7565 While this exposure is really satisfying and the narc in this situation had it coming, I think that @MentalHealness is trying to warn her that exposed narcs can be violent and that she needs to do what is needed to stay safe. Narcs are often vindictive and violent and will take apart their own lives to see their former supply/exposers suffer. I can relate in that I can't bring my narcs to justice now because one of them will violently retaliate, and I can't bring that risk on my family.
@@madelinebigio7565 He has addressed narc hurting themselves to hurt you by killing and going to prison.
The best response to a narcissist is none at all. Go full no-contact and stay no-contact
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This 💯
Or grow some nuts and give em their own medicine.
EXACTLY!!
AMEN to that!
I never sent long texts but Every time I argued, confronted, explained or defended myself I gave away my power and dignity. Once I realized this was his game I stopped being his conscience... and it made him crazy. My response would just be "people have been killed for less". But honestly I'm not reading a super long text from anyone either. If it's that important why are you texting me?
He'd accuse me of loving to argue.... "you just don't WANT to be happy." He wanted a doormat... no questions, arguments or accusations, supposedly. Someone he could shame and intimidate.
But as I told him "when I quit talking about this stuff you better start worrying cause I have 1 foot out the door."
You said it!!
Crazy because that's play by play how my arguments w my narc went. He'd accuse me of things and when I defended myself I was told I just want to argue. I would say I'm explaining things to make the friendship work. I have since given up and don't respond anymore.
This is like you were a fly on the wall in my marriage! Every word! ❤
So I thought I was crazy and u wrote exactly what I’m going through right now
I had to send text because mine would argue of course but when I was saying things he needed to hear calling him out; he would run like Forest Gump. I’ve actually told him; run Forest! Run! 🤦♀️😞🙏
They are strategic and I believe they read everything esp the covert ones
They try to use silence to bully you
Yup. I'm married to a covert narc. If I get upset with him about anything, he tightens his lip and walks away and then actually sulk for hours. He appears to be in deep thought but is actually trying to gain my sympathy. Once again, HE becomes the one who is hurt.
Yup I believe this, I can send a long winded message to my narc and she will read it and then immediately call me after and completely start talking about something else completely disregarding my feelings.
Or just completely start doing something else.
@catbee1452 Pray to God, he will help you get out of this and bring a good man in your life🙏
I wouldn't say they give you nothing. They give you anxiety, depression, financial issues, self dought, and all kinds of other permanent damage only victims of this abuse understand
Hmmm so true . I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to heal . This been going on for 9 years . I finally blocked him and I didn’t unblock him . Officially 5 days of NO CONTACT 🙌🏾
*doubt
This is true but i only want to add that it is possible to heal. It doesn’t mean everyone will. But if you are adamant about having a better end to the story you can achieve a lot of success at healing.
It may suck admitting you picked up some fleas over it… but if you’ve been abused like this, chances are you correctly feel like you are a bit too damaged for other relationships now. I made the mistake a few times myself.
The best thing to do is admit to yourself its true, you are a bit too paranoid and hyper vigilant and all that because of them, and take yourself to therapy. Tell them exactly what you went through and explain as much as you can about who you used to be and what you don’t like about yourself now. Most will know you are being truthful. Sometimes they dont, but just stop seeing that one and find another one.
If you want to get better, some of the most capable of healing people are those that went through this if they are able to understand that they are not at fault, but have in fact garnered some serious issues.
I did. My therapist was even sure i was the nutcase at first too because i was so bad i was bordering on psychosis. I went through absolute hell. And i felt see through and raw and sick and god awful and super paranoid and didn’t trust a soul.
I was the happiest nicest guy before. Too much, actually. Drew in the soul sucking scum of the earth.
I couldn’t even hold a job nor even a damn hobby for years. I was broken af.
I’ve learned to place my mistrust where it belongs much better. Haven’t had a ptsd episode in a while. Got off drugs. Started exercising again. Surrounding myself in more joy (that i still can’t feel right, but it’s something) and i even occasionally laugh for real again.
I had absolutely no hope. I was going to leave this realm 100 percent. (Wasn’t only relationship related, my life was demolished evilly) and i am not back to normal yet, but i do not want to leave again. There’s a glimmer of hope. It makes all the difference.
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for sure I have a new kind of headache I only got because of them
Save them all bc it helps you to see what you didn’t see in the relationship. It’s a teaching tool for your discernment of these demons moving forward.
Probably a good idea. Maybe even print them out if you need to.
Yooo this is so true. I recently went back and read some old texts from an abusive relationship years ago and HOLY SHIT. I read my messages shortly before and when I decided to go no contact and I physically felt my skin crawl. I had to stop after a while it was just too triggering. Definitely eye opening for sure.
My favorite line from my abusive ex in those texts was "it's okay the occasional fight is normal even with like family and stuff you know?" or something to that effect. Sheeeeesh.
I heard it’s not good to read old texts and stuff it’s not healthy but I mean I have went back several times and went back and checked them lol and it’s so crazy what we didn’t see whilst in the relationship it’s crazy! It’s like you finally see what you didn’t before 😅
I had delete the whole chat because I thought I was actually going crazy literally
@@vernetta111 I feel you on this!!! I’ve deleted so many photos of texts it was bad all my photos where just screenshots lol I had to delete them all I couldn’t keep them
I almost fell on the floor listening to this OMG EVERYTHING you said is ABSOLUTELY TRUE he would never respond to my long text messages but would send me a whole book and get mad if I didn't respond it was a trigger for him when I did to him what he did to me. I'm so glad I'm done with that darkness
They'd reply asking what I wanted, like they don't read it at all
Or other family members would seem to only reply to my last sentence, like that's the only thing they read. Or if they did read the whole thing, they got so upset by the last thing that it's the only thing they reply to.
Sometimes I see this in comments on videos too. Short 2 word replies or vague questions. But they require you to read their minds and Explain Yourself in detail. And the more you do, the more ammunition they have against you. Time wasters
@recoveringsoul755 No accountability just gaslighting
Glad I'm free too
100% truth! Wow … I could tell bc he would respond to the last sentence and nothing else. Maybe a little from beginning. But he would send books loaded with emojis! What’s up with that?
I can relate 🙋🏼♀I am thankful that I got out with my life. Very traumatizing. Sucked the life right out. I constantly thank God but still cry over the evil trauma he inflicted. Run don’t walk from these despicable meat suits.
My ex use to text love messages but then act like a mean cold SOB when he got home. In the messages he couldn't wait to see me,he misses me and wants to do something together when he gets home. Then as soon as he gets home he turns into a cold person and everything in the text was just a lie.
Fake ass mf's
And it made you wonder if the text was even intended for you, right?
Always watch if actions and words line up, always take those relationships slow, and especially look for patterns
🎯@@jenifernadeau
Wow!
4:37 This!!!! This!!! Glory to God for being free from narcissistic abuse! I remember when I was trying to explain my perspective to him, I wrote long a** paragraphs when he was discarding me. Eventually I gave up and just wrote short responses. The shorter my responses were, the longer his text messages got. He tried hoovering me back for the second time. He remained blocked. I deleted all of his pictures, all of his texts. Y'all they are not worth it. Protect your peace and take your power back.
One Hundred per cent!!!! I broke free too!
Why didn't God just prevent it ? Because he doesn't exist or....
Im breaking free now . I feel so happy , he started crying at my door cause he didn’t get what he wanted but ignored me for hours knowing I don’t like it so I’m done . Tf ima forget now too just he claimed he did . ✌🏽
I just dealt with this myself. For awhile I loved talking to him he was intelligent n understanding, patient n kind, n all the good stuff you want in a man. He didn't seem over the top or fake. He didn't just agree with me things he came up with himself I completely felt the same. He didn't seem like he was love bombing he seemed honest n real n I felt like finally I found the right man for me n im 41. Few weeks go by then things change. I didn't down him, or judge him or anything. But out of nowhere he decides to cut me down, find fault in everything I do. Judge me to the point I don't have much to say to him. Then I try explaining myself n he gas lights me turning me words around getting me frustrated then telling me I'm not making no damn sense. First time was lil things. I tell myself maybe it's a misunderstanding. I try do better n explain myself more. I don't wanna fight. Few weeks go by everything id good again I'm really feeling this now. Then same gas lighting cutting me down bullshit only much more hardcore. I'm feeling crazy at this point like is it me. I get so lost for words. (I'm Italian I don't get lost for words normally) I got nothing to say I decide rather than trying I just blocked him. I can't deal with no more. I rather be alone than lonely.
Yes, so glad I'm out!
That single word, or thumbs up also applies to people who used to be close friends.
I invited someone who used to be a friend to a concert, all I got was a thumbs up, no definite yes or no.
It isn't just a romance issue.
They will send you tik toks, Instagram or RUclips videos, but won't hold a complete conversation.
Some people are in your life for a reason or a season.
It's better to be alone than abused.
They want to inject themselves into your thoughts. Some people really do need to get blocked.
Yesss this guy I was getting to know long distance for a year would do this and send tons of videos and links and I would have paragraphs expressing myself and he would just send 👍🏽Not even giving any commentary.Then when I would text he would say ??? I’m like what?Did you watch the videos?Smh
The thumbs up and emoji response. When I started seeing that....I was done
Yes, the incomplete conversations are coming from all quarters. It’s lazy or maybe indifference? Sometimes I respond that way in group texts where people are intolerant of questions or I can’t figure out what others want from me. Usually not strong relationships when I’m always trying to discern what the question or answers are…makes me tired just thinking about navigating communication in a few of these friend groups.
AMEN TO THAT ONE 🙏 🙌 👏 😌 💯 % AND GET A GOOD DOG 🐕 OR CAT 🐈 OR PIG 🐖 MORE LOVING ❤️ AND MORE TRUSTWORTHY 😀 THAN A 2 LEGGED BRAT WITH A PACIFIER IN THEIR MOUTH , 💯 % TRUTH
PEACE ✌️ ☮️ 🕊
Good tone response doesn't change anything. Any response to a narcisist is the kiss of death. Respond to your mind. If nobody loves you, so what. You gotta love yourself.
❤❤❤
Best advice.
No truer statement made!
Yes never respond to a narcissist! Leave them on read and ghost their ass if you can! This will change the dynamics and honestly you'll see the true them. And you'll also see how quickly they give up when you disengage from their toxic behavior.
So true.
If your narc still has lines of commission open, but has gone dark. Take your power back, no explanation and BLOCK them!
Blocking was best thing I've ever done!!
Narcissists are the blessings and opportunities to teach us to clear out our childhood emotional triggers. Say thank you for the experience and learn the next lesson. Energetically we will attract what we need to attract to learn lessons about ourselves. It's that simple. We have programs running in our subconscious from childhood we are unaware of and that is why we would bother accepting treatment or behavior that is anything less than pure Divine love. It's because we did not have that pure Divine love for ourselves to begin with, for whatever reason..... but it occurred in childhood, the emotional neglect and the covert behaviors from family members, that we were forced to accept because we needed our physical needs taken care of❤
The inner child doesn't realize yet that we are now grown ups that can walk away,, set boundaries, consciously change our belief systems, or do things the opposite we've always done them, because once you change your thoughts and your behaviors, you change your life. You cannot stay the same and expect to attract different. We are all energetic beings. Once we do the inner child healing, you release the triggers, and there is no people, not a family member, not an employer, or not a spouse, that can get a subconscious emotional reaction from you . Because you will have now been coming from a space of a measured balanced calm response. If you respond at all .. Because if you've shifted your energy, they must Then Fall away. When you raise your vibration, and they choose to stay in low vibration, people just naturally fall away and that is such a blessing. Let them leave. Every family member, if that is the case...😊
It's all about learning to master the self. Master your thoughts and master your emotions. The narcissist is just a test. Anyone who wants to move too fast into a relationship, if it is real love, they will wait. Always take it slooowwwww, watch for patterns. Watch for love bombing. As you heal, you will discern the difference. If people are desperate for a relationship and looking for someone else to provide anything for them, they are at risk of attracting the narcissistic types.
The focus is supposed to be placed on you, your passions, and what you create. That will bring higher vibrational people to you, with the same healthy values
I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I see your point.
Preach!! So perfectly described what I've learned as well ❤
This is SO true! Thank you for sharing
Very well said!❤ I agree and have learned and healed so many of my childhood wounds because of my relationship with a narcissist. I am stronger, wiser, and vibrating higher than ever. I know who I am and what I want. I attract like minded people into my life so I am grateful...
May I ask how/what made you heal being with a narcisisst?
Narcissists are hypersensitive to tone but they don't always get it right. Sometimes, the tone is indifference and they have a hard time believing anyone would actually be indifferent to them because they're "too significant" for that. They must read into your indifference to make themselves feel important. But, as Lee said, the hypocrisy of them expecting you to respond to everything they say or write is gross while they ignore your legitimate concerns about the unfairness of how they've repeatedly chosen to treat you. It's a two-way street or a dead end. Don't tolerate them, don't respond, keep your doors locked, your eyes open, your mind free and your heart healed. You deserve all of that. Their significance is manufactured and counterfeit. You're the significant one. 💜✝️❤
And if you tell them off, you're "just playing hard to get" lol
My ex always thought I had a tone with him and never EVER would listen to me if he heard that tone. I never had a tone with him. I may have been irritated for asking a million times for him to do the same thing but I was like that. I’m pregnant and deal with 2 children. Ofcourse help me out. I had to talk to him like “ughhh excuse me love can you please super duper please help me with this and that and omg” in a little girls voice. No thank you.
@briannagonzalez7963 My "ex" (he was very noncommittal/intermittent contact) helped me move a few months ago, was moody and sulked the whole time. I politely asked him to place ONE box specifically in the kitchen and he later mocked my tone about it.
Oh, and after we had sex that evening he made sure to tell me he "wasn't planning on it" before taking off and ghosting me for another month.
These creatures are merciless. I think at some point I kept seeing him out of sheer car-crash-inability to look away, because he was just so strange and I couldn't believe a real person could act that way. 😂
This😍💛💪🏾
I have a rule. NEVER fight in texts... you never write the text 'winning' text...it's just a waste of time n energy .. texts should be ' I'll be there in ten min' or ' can you pick up some milk from the store'. Need to fight or discuss...pick up the phone or in person or nothing at all if it's a narcissist
They absolutely refuse to speak on the phone because they don't want to be confronted about their actions. It's really sad
More may realise how dumb it is, in this way: how much 'phone text data has been produced, in court, for restraining orders? They sign their own warrants...
I tried to, erm, enforce "no arguing over text message" but she ignored it on so many occasions. One time she said, "I don't want to say this over text, but...", and you can guess what happened next.
So so disrespectful almost constantly. It's crazy.
Nah, text messages provide proof. They don’t listen in person either so at least in text you have a paper trail of the disrespect
Look if you sense someone is a narcissist, just leave, stop taking calls or text messages, even if you love them, or think you need them, yes it hurts, but losing your self worth hurts more, narcissistic people are cold hearted and could careless about you, you have to care about yourself, love yourself more than them, I’m a woman of a certain age, it took me time to get to the point of being able to walk out on anyone who makes me feel like I’m going through a maze of confusion, so now i choose me over anyone, that doesn’t mean I don’t love on people, i only love on people who deserves my love, just leave your narcissist, there’s someone out there, that will be your peace and you can be there’s , narcissist are meant to be alone, and just remember you can’t change anyone but yourself
Dolores, with all due respect, when you were involved with a Narcissist, if you'd read the words you just wrote, do you honestly think that a bossy, self-righteous tone would have worked to get you un-traumatized and starting on your way out? Some of the people who say "Look, just leave" often forget that it's actually a matter of being trauma-bonded, and typically, one is not ready to leave until there's no other choice. Just a side note. I'm sure you mean well, but don't forget where you came from and what it felt like when you were in the midst of it. Hindsight is always "20/20."
@@alouise3557 didn’t know i came off as bossy or self righteous, young people today allows to much room to be treated so badly, it’s sad, especially when there is so much information out here nowadays, to teach people how to do better, i probably wouldn’t have cared how i got the message, i would’ve taken what i needed from the message to benefit me, my mom never told me about a narcissist because she married her husband until death did them part, but my apologies to you, if i came off wrong
@@alouise3557 but it's good to hear words from the other side, especially when you're still in it. We always have choices. It was important advice, for me
@@alouise3557exactly because it takes many trials and tribulations before you recognize it’s just not worth my health and sanity. Some people never get out the demonic maze that a narcissist can put you in.
So true! At the end of our relationship when I had enough. I told him it was over and said it in a nice way at first he was nice and understanding. When he didn't get the response he wanted he got mean and kept messaging. Rather than feeding into I left him on read and blocked him✌️. It's been just over 3 wks still no contact. Staying strong💪
💪
The moment you said they don't read those specific types of messages I fell out laughing. This is 100% true. My ex use to tell me that he's not reading that.. no matter how heartfelt if it had that "take accountabilty" aspect, it was a no.
😮💨😮💨
Same. Mine said if you have anything to say that needs to be discussed, it needs to be done on the calendar at a designated time and over the phone or in person, I am NOT going to read that.
Me too, and I’m laughing even harder reading your comment. 😂 My ex narc and I would be arguing over text and here I am sending 3-4 paragraphs of text messages and he would text me “I’m not even reading all that”. Definitely true.
@@amandacampos5319maybe he’s just tired of arguing just go no contact
😂😂😂saaame mine said/did exact same thing
So accurate. Stay in no contact people ... its NOT worth it and stay in control of yourself😎
I’ve had family member that were Narcs., They have passed away, but have done a lot of damage to their family members. Because of the damage they had received growing up in Oppression/Jim Crow. It’s unfortunately, pass on from generation to generation.
@@ggwindham6874 yes, even, because of the power of what they did in life, they can still control people from beyond the grave. The way Jim Crow screwed things up, for generations of Black people, is despicable in the extreme, something that caused such ingrained pain, it's way harder to get over, if anyone ever can, get over something so heinous. The familial abuse is the hardest thing for me. Bad enough, that my father is a grade-A dyed-in-the-wool narcissist, he scapegoated, bullied & abused me from age 10, your comment reminded me of my mother's smear campaign - it ensured my continued excommunication from my entire extended family. Until I realised, that people who aren't interested in your side of the story, aren't the kind of people you need in your life, anyway, that really hurt. They can't touch me now, but their abuse has continued in my siblings & the way they treat their children, is just as sick, twisted, toxic. My nephew & me, we are helping each other to heal, honestly, he's so much further along than & is most help to me. He makes me proud every day, he is now a whole human being & determined to turn his pain into something good. I hope you have someone keeping it real for you, supportive, encouraging & understanding.
My last text to him was: You failed me and it will haunt your conscience for the rest of your life!
it won't haunt his conscience though :/
They don’t have a conscience. He probably laughed at that message.
@@minoozolala you're right. But they do have a false ego. He now has lung cancer...guess who he is coming to for support? Me. Guess what hes getting from me? Not the sucker he thought i was. So do ya think now he is haunted?
@@SherryG370 No, he won’t be haunted at all. These people don’t care about you, never have. Sad but true. He might have been a bit pissed off but then he’ll be on to find the next sucker. It’s that simple.
@@SherryG370 Yesssss 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Also - don’t you think they pick moments your doing important things to start text wars that don’t end, just so you’ll sit and panic instead of focusing on important things? Totally was my horrific experience for ages.
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Absolutely! It’s no coincidence
100 million%
Yes, I was in a very high corporate position at my last job and he would start fights or blow my phone up during my most important meetings. He also would accuse me of cheating every time I took my kids out to have some fun. He tried to ruin everything we did or that I would do by myself.
Yes, just before a 12 hour shift !
It’s very hard when your child’s father is a convert narcissist and would ghost him for 2 years and then reappear in a cryptic text. Frustrating and sad because my son is 12 and innocent. I tell him that his father loves him, but unfortunately doesn’t love himself, and until he does, he can’t love anyone. My son understands and knows he is surrounded by family & friends who love him very much. Praise God🙏🏾
🙏🏽🙏🏽
SAME HERE AND SO SAD TOO AT THE SAME TIME
I prefer to text with a narcissist because then there's proof of what's said
Yes, but they still find a way to deny intent or something else.
This is so true. My ex-narc would not read any messages that are long. He would just ignore it. 🙄
😫
Lol the guy I talk to was like oh boy this is going to be a long one. While I'm thinking of what to type out lol
Not worth the energy. Same happened to me. Time to move on.
Yes they do
I got a response “TLTR”, meaning too long to read. After dozens of cruel and false and triggering messages, two weeks later he sent a message saying that he misses our mental and emotional connection, my compassion and forgiveness. I blocked him. Everything he accused me of doing, every false accusation, the endless resentment and hatred was him deflecting his misery upon me. There were actually two of these people in my life. I am now unable to trust anyone. The best response I have given to them is “👌”
My ex-wife would use text messages to say things to trigger me she would never say to my face. I just wouldn't validate her toxicity by responding. There's no reason to allow them to control your mood.
I'd send my ex narcissist long texts, pouring out my heart to him (I was too afraid to share in person😢) and he'd respond with,
"Ok."
OK?! Just OK??? Wtf!?!?
😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah, they don't read it. They don't care. They don't love you. They DONT change.
I had same text from him 'ok' , after I'd been in hospital with a heart attack, come home and after more stress from him, I text to say I had chest pain again and yes he just responded ok. Next morning he love bombed me again. I walked away.
They read it and show others. Your heart felt messages are for the streets. That's okay because God Is doing a new thing so those who laughed will get silenced and their memories deleted. 😊
LOVE means to them 'I USE U '
Same exact thing
Either thumbs up, ok or not reading all that.. the absolute worst people ever
Bingo
Danish (DAH-nish) is really great, too. He is a Narc Abuse Recovery Coach in India and the son of two narc parents. I think it'd be fun to hear you react to some of his content or even collab with him, Lee! He's like you in that he pulls no punches!
🙌🏾
Danish is one of the best!!
He's the best
Danish is awesome!!!!! RUclips has literally and actually saved my life so grateful!!! 4 months free!!!
Danish is so good,please collabo with him.
The DEEP method was the best thing that I ever stumbled upon. It made me realize that the best way to communicate with a narcissist is to not. 🤷🏾♀️
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That’s why my soon-to-be ex-husband blocked me…. He would run from accountability then I would text him and he would get mad because I was calling him out and telling the truth and he couldn’t take it…. He doesn’t have to worry about it now because I’ve filed for divorce and waiting on our court hearing at the end of January. He’s blocked on everything now so he’s getting a taste of his own medicine and I am getting some peace! 🙌
I'm going through the same thing now. I wish you peace and happiness!
@@MsTansheer1 Prayers to you as well. He was such a horrible person to me when I was diagnosed with Lupus…. He wanted to use me to get things and when we couldn’t do the 50/50 anymore he started devaluing me and did the emotional discard…. I knew something was going on but didn’t know what it was. I mean I know it was hard for us all as a family but he’s the man anyway and SHOULD be paying more than the women; he should…. But anyway, that’s the kind of thing that happens when someone doesn’t really love you but love what you can offer them. When we got married the home and the vehicles ALL had me listed FIRST because I was the one with what good credit. He didn’t have any because he paid cash for things because he never had a new vehicle, credit cards or anything…. Dude had a plan to use me to make him look good and when he felt he could do without me; he wanted me gone outside of sex….
Good luck with the court hearing
Same but we have an infant together so I still don’t get away from him. 😭🤬
@@ConfidentNotConceited I am sorry. I had two narcs. Narc number one made it very difficult to co-parent with…. Dude wouldn’t even pay $50.00 a month child support either. He tried to make it hard for me to be without him. Just pushed me hard to succeed for me and my baby. After a while I didn’t need him financially but it was hard for my beautiful, intelligent, talented daughter that was ignored but would be in the streets talking about, “my daughter”. Now he feels my daughter owes him something because he’s had his DNA…. His life is a mess and now he think his kids is supposed to make it better…. They are horrible people to have children with. My soon to be ex-husband has destroyed the relationship with the daughter I had with him because she has to pick sides…. Narcs don’t care about their kids for real but they are possessive so they like to treat them like they are their only parent. It’s sad because there is no reason my daughter and I should be having this estranged relationship and she need her mom but one day I’ll be gone and she will MAYBE think about that because she’s got those tendencies. 😞🙏
Very great video! Also be careful what you text them because they will change the narrative once you get mad and show their friends and family your messages as if you are the crazy one, or that you won't stop bothering them.
Thanks for the tip
Which is why no contact is best. Not the silent treatment, which is about payback. I’m almost 3 years separated from a psychopath. I started out listening to a couple doctors on RUclips and then found Lee. If at all possible is best to quietly leave and do all your venting into a pillow or with a safe, trusted friend. After getting it out of my system and in enjoying am the peace and quiet, I am holding firm boundaries and allowing lots of time to see if I can find someone new. But I’m okay whether I do or don’t.
Very true. Happened to me!
Very true.
This is so true. And they'll use your nice messages against you too. “If I'm so horrible, how come you text me I love you yesterday?”
I pause the video as soon as it came on how a narcissist will text you is basically like this... They skip to whatever part of the texts they want to respond to and ignore the rest. If they respond at all but they definitely read it.❤️
Mine ignores my emails and texts when I have to discuss the kids. It’s so frustrating. When he does respond he is always blaming me for something then trying to pretend he is a great guy. He refuses to answer my questions. Thank you for letting me know how narcissistic people look at texts.
Oh my god this is my too and never understood it at all now all making sense after watching this ! My god !
He sent me a, Good Morning. I responded, good morning. Then, nothing. Completely Silent. Then I knew. He waited til next day. Sent a text again. I didn’t respond.
Thank you 🙏I guess the long texts I sent him were a waste of time. I didn’t know I was supposed to study the 48 Laws of Power before texting a friend 😅😂
Right 😂😂
Same here. I had no idea I had to actually apply the art of war to every verbal and non verbal interaction with them
I was shocked the first time I saw those 48 laws. It's like their operating manual. Do they do it automatically or have they studied that?
Demons don’t read they just operate from the Satan spiritual database.
This right here 😂😂
@@recoveringsoul755 almost all of them love that book. I keep a copy for myself to keep sharp on seeing the signs of people like this coming into my own life
Sometimes I can't help sending long winded msgs, or getting streight to the point because it's another way to tell then off & feeling good doing it!
I understand, but why not just email them? To me, that's much easier and faster. Texting big long messages is kind of stressful.
Isn't like therapy for us...I sent long texts just to get things off my chest the things the narc put us through. Felt ignored and relieved at the same time! 😂
@@brynne77 If I've sent an email it wouldn't never get read & my txt msgs don't even be that long just a couple of sentences.
@@cletiawilliams1436 this!!! This is a way for us to get a little power back to say what we want to say openly
The accuracy! I would get a message back telling me I'm not reading all of that or just wouldn't address anything.
💯
I get blocked. Often lol. That's cool tho.
I get the same issue!!!
Exactly to the point!
Pick one thing out of your texts and blame you, shame you, avoid you.
It leads you right into defending yourself again, then you give up your power. Listening to narcissism from your side is exactly how I know he operates. Infuriating. Such a spoiled sense of self.
Depending on the ties you have to a narcissist, from separation to no contact is extremely difficult. But listening to you laugh and talk about how you treated people, tricked people, intentionally put them into distress offers great insight into how pointless it is to keep going back for a bread crumb that ALWAYS ends up with slap in the face.
Once you realise you are dealing with an abusive individual, save the messages and block them. Discern the manipulative behaviour and keep moving on, protect your sanity.
I almost threw my phone across the room! 😂 Listening to this took me right back to the long, emotional texts I have sent and got the infuriating 👍 as a reply.
I'm screaming because I SWEAR this was my exact situation. Pouring my heart out & how hurt I was & response would be a thumbs up or oh OK... it used to make me cringe. When I wouldn't text him back in an appropriate time, he would talk so horrible to me. I would even be working sometimes & he expected a response. Smh
I've had several narcissists actually say to me "I'm not even reading any of your messages." But they still keep texting you anyway! Lol
Omg this is spot on! My narc was so concerned that I was upset with them, they even made their 15 year old daughter to text me! When I responded to her and said i am not upset, they simply replied after all the begging “that’s ok then!” Wow all they were worried about was how they looked to everyone! So cold and calculating yet to others warm and kind!
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This is exactly what I’ve been going through for years. Just left and he still is using these tactics. He gets so angry and victimizes himself when I don’t respond fast enough. I’m just ready to not do this anymore. Sucks when you still have ties to someone.
Oh my god this was my ex !!! I’m deaf and don’t always see the phone flash if so get a message - he would lost his shit anytime I was 5 mins later to see a message that sayin he arriving at such and such a time ( drop our child off ) own time he was outside 10 mins and when I was making a bed and didn’t see the txt ( when I seen it I went outside ) he was screaming abuse cursing swear saying answer your fuckin phone . I hate the ties but now what I do is set a time he is there and emailed it and left it at that so had less contact by text message .he say don’t be late be on time …… so I always was on time once had an after set time everyday just not going with flow times and different drop off times . Anyways after that , what he do … shows up but 10-30 mins late everytime :I literally knew this happen but I’d just neve respond when see message saying we be arriving in 10 mins as the little lad was asleep . But if I go out 5 mins later with the little lad after change mind about shoes or change jacket he loose his shit saying not waiting 30 mins late everyday for u :it was a mind fuck ,I don’t rely band any messages anymore .i just meet at the at set time and then walk off . It nearly killed time the abuse none stop .my health has come first with my child .
@@navygf86if the most darkest(currently) days I’ve ever experienced. Today he made fun of every single thing about my appearance and compared me to others. They just don’t realize how much the abuse can change someone. I’m lost and drowning. While I’m floating up I get pushed back down every single day. I honestly don’t know how much more strength I have left. I got out in November but it’s just daily threatening and then breadcrumbs. Begging me to come back and then makes fun of me and tells me how he really feels when I don’t give him what he wants. Plays victim to everyone and is a major pathological liar. He could make you think a dog turd was a piece of candy and you’d eat it.
I sent such loving messages even if I was upset with him. I was lovingly vulnerable sharing my heart and he responded “behave”🙄
Omg...I get "behave" too.
He makes me mental 🤬
Mine says "Conform"!
Day one NC. I'm so destroyed right now
Oh God. I got, " don't be temperamental " 😂
whenever i used to send long ass texts, i knew he wasn't going to read or reply it, so then i told my child's father, "it's okay... i under you can't read more than 2 sentences"😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
This sounds like me. I have torn mine to shreds. I'm embarrassed but then again, if he's going to destroy me, I will not go down without leaving scars myself, and he admitted after dumping me for the 1000th time that he's going to be scarred because of me.
He liked to not respond at all to messages and just said “you know this is how I am but keep sending me stuff even if I don’t respond” at the beginning. Quickly I got tired of getting no response so I finally told him I don’t feel to keep sending messages to someone who doesn’t respond to me. He said “you’re not being unconditionally loving” his favorite accusation similar like my other narx saying you’re not loving me.
They want to take and give nothing in return for sure. To that, laying it out like this he would just respond “that’s just how I am,“ when I pointed out what he’s doing.
OMG!!! Mine *always says* "I love how you love me unconditionally. No one has ever loved me as much as you have, totally unconditionally." Yet he has no problem CONDITIONALLY pretending to love me. Seeing your comment just freaked me out. I wonder how many of them use "unconditional love" as a ploy to set us up to tolerate anything.
@@alouise3557 yes, it turns quite manipulative when someone is being abusive and then accusing you of not loving them unconditionally. I would bet a lot use this. Meanwhile THEY are the ones being unloving. They accuse you of what they are actually doing. THEY are being completely conditional with their love and yet want unconditional love from you. But it often put me on the defense to have someone accuse me of this.
Looking back now I realize that was a ploy to try and get me to just accept anything from them. This is not love. I have a reminder set on my phone "it is impossible for them to have EVER loved me and have treated me like that. I was sold an illusion," just to remind me that that was NOT love b/c the trauma bond is still strong. I loved him, or who he presented himself to be in the beginning, but he thought he could get me to fall in love and do the ol' bait and switch and I would have to keep loving this abusive person under the guise of unconditional love. All while not being unconditionally loving towards me.
Romantic love should not be unconditional!
@@marika7782 yes! I've realized after this last guy that romantic love IS conditional. No one gets to treat you horribly and hurt you intentionally and you're just supposed to put up with it because you love them.
Another weird one I noticed with my ex was he would be open fun and silly laughing with me and talking normally then he would switch up and talk to me as if I was like a business client or a stranger. After a fight where I'd be pouring my heart out saying I love him and I'd get a few word response like it's some creepy impersonal business response. As if your a stranger to them. It's the worst feeling. He also used my name constantly in like a patronizing way. Psychology does say repeating someone's name can create a sort of new neuro pathway and done in that context its definitely to program you to feel inferior and "dumb" the worst by far though is when they refuse to read or speak to you through text and tell you the only way they will talk to you is through phone call because they can abuse you all they want over a call and you have no paper trail of it... looking back I'm honestly wondering if my ex was a sociopath 🤔 he definitely seemed pretty calculated in hindsight
same same🥲
@@anaapernalete 😔❤️
Mind fuck ain't it
Either way it's being documented. Text messages can be chopped up with their whore technology. Wire taps can be intercepted. Either way there are records. Those idiots know what they were doing. No point in screen shotting. They are already in your phone lurking and monkeying around being nosey and musty.
Always with the professional tone switch up like you suddenly don't matter to them. Because you don't! 😔
I texted my daughter that I don’t want to play psychological games and she hasn’t spoken to me in three months. It’s awesome.
I understand. I have a narcissistic adult son.
How did you guys end up with narc children? Genuinely curious
@@abie4230 i wonder
@@abie4230 in my case, her father was a narcissist. She was my only child and he used her against me. She learned his behaviors and thought processing. I was the disciplinarian and he countered everything I put in place for her to be whole. He triangle our relationship. She began to feel like I owed her something. Sometimes, it's not the lack of emotional support sometimes it's getting everything from the narcissist parent and then devaluing the other parent. It's weird.
@@ggwindham6874 I have an adult daughter who is a Narcissist. Now she's expecting a baby, my first Grandchild, and is now Giving me her usual "Silent Treatment."
I'm past crying anymore, I'm not able to Do anything, so she's obviously decided to create a Rift between her unborn baby and myself.
She takes after her father, unfortunately. He's been out of my life for a long time, but she's exactly like him.
The truth is, good or bad, they're really not interested in anything you have to say.
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If I listed 7 things that he did that were shitty, but one little thing was mis worded, he would focus on that one little thing. He'd not respond to the other 6.5 things. It's like arguing with a wall.
I go through this so much with my guy. I pour my heart out in a text message and he’ll just text back and say “I’m not about to read this long *** text, I don’t have time for the female dramatic BS you on”….He really doesn’t care that I’m pouring my heart out about the toxic state of our relationship. I’ve cried, yelled, and talked so much, that I just can’t do it anymore.
Just leave
This is SO accurate! Word to word! Although, instead of one long msg, a burst of msgs, one after another, and you can't get a word in. Just like during in person arguing.
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Yes and then forcefully ask you questions I would ask to park the conversation in person cause he would be yelling and I’d go to the bathroom lock myself up and he’d start texting me a burst of messages with all kinds of condescending text to trigger me whilst he’s waiting outside the bathroom for me to come out and react. I always found it strange they we live together and that’s how we communicate. I used to ask him how can I disagree with you without it turning into a fight and if I do react the whole thing is on me
I'm so proud of you the #1 cure for narcissism is Confessing. Even with dealing with a narc if find it healing to confess to myself honestly the part I played no matter how the situation is or was twisted.
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You have 💯 confirmed exactly what I learned the hard way. I literally changed my number 2 wks ago, because I couldn't take the cheating, lies, manipulation, disregard, hurt, and lack of accountability anymore. Yet, ALWAYS vowed his love for me. He caused years of heart ache and pain, but always played victim. It's shameful to admit that I still love & even miss him. However, I realized I needed to love me more. It hurts that he couldn't change, especially because he admitted that he needed to. Truthfully...I NEEDED to save me. Going no contact is so hard 😢. You are absolutely spot on with everything you've said. Thank you, Lee 🙏🏻. BTW, I never comment on anyone's vid, but this is my way of showing my appreciation & decompressing. Sorry for the long winded message, but this helped me.
Once it's been so long it feels good. Especially if you start working out and busying your mind. Real joy starts to radiate and others notice it. This is how God take care of His own. That inner glow NEW people get to experience and appreciate. So everything will eventually work out. ❤
Oh my goodness you are on point !! He raged at me, and disregarded everything I said but called me repeatedly from any number to tell me what he wanted to say !!
I’m sooo glad I got rid of my lying, cheating, narcissistic boyfriend… as I listen to your videos I cringe knowing what I went through with my ex… I did no contact and it was the best thing ever…. I pray for his new wife often because she’s going through everything I went through per his daughter 😢
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Kudos to you for recognizing and accepting yourself, working on personal growth, and raising awareness about reactions. Nothing is impossible; the term itself contains "I am possible." Self-awareness is crucial. In my relationship with my husband and his parents, I noticed narcissistic tendencies. It took a moment of saying no to intolerance and seeking safety and mental welling to unveil their true nature. This realization made me aware of the living hell I had unknowingly entered.
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Finally!!! an answer to the question I asked for too long. I reached the point I would start repeating "read the text" over and over and over and..... No other response but "read the text". And my texts were not all that long because I knew he wouldn't read long ones. Thank you, Lee. SO helpful. _No contact_ resolved all that nonsense.
When he wrote those long paragraphs after trying to dismiss my feelings.. I would reply with #blocked... And literally block him My notifications would be going offffff calls, text, voicemails pop ups all in a matter of being blocked for a hour... Carried on with my day running errands the fool standing at the corner watching like I didn't see him.. Rode pass him and said BLOCKEDDDD.... If looks can kill smh ... Once I got hip to who he was I matched his energy until I was over him and that pushed him away... Just block their weird ass and keep it moving..
have to be safe
@@MentalHealness Most definitely. This happened about 3 years ago I'm no longer in contact with him...
They respond okay or do not respond at all. So sickening.
!!
If I get a “K” it infuriates me so I don’t bother
So true
My ex responded with the thumbs up 👍 emoji
I Used 2 respond wth OK! Welp the RAGE!!!
I can’t even handle how you’re saying my actual experience TODAY
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This is everything I have noticed. Thank you for clarifying. So many times I’ve felt like I’m the one going crazy especially when it comes to the dog whistle.
You are so welcome
Rightttttttt. Spot on... The response I got after sending a long message was "I'm not reading all of that mess." Like it was me who was spewing the nonsense🤦♀. The one word response, the emoji, the thumbs up, the k, or the np. Sick. Then want to start a text by sending Good Morning. 🙄. All of those things confirm I made the right decision to bounce.
False promises lead to disappointments, also. 😢😢 Usually.
they do
Thank you for the very informative video. The best thing to do is ignore them 💯.
Exactly!
Wow Lee. Look at you continue to grow and grow and up your skills and the number of people you help. I mean that as a genuine compliment and not to inflate ego. I admire your willingness to be honest and work hard at therapy and stick with it for years. I pray you and your wife and children reap wonderful benefits of all your hard work.
thanks for being here
So true my ex-husband was a narcissist and towards the end of our marriage I texted him a very long text message basically I was pouring my heart out to him and do you know that the son of a b**** started correcting my grammar that is how pathetic these people are
LOL
THEY LOVE DOING THAT
Yep I’ve been there . He even told me that my IQ is below average and that I lack critical thinking skills ouh when I tell you that I hate myself for letting someone treating ne so bad hmmm I’m glad we never got married though
Sometimes text is handy for others to see when they think he's so nice!😂
This is VERY TRUE. My ex was a narcissist. I never knew it until I see some of your videos and all the revelations that until now, the new supply contacted me and even told me that she is living with a "demon". 😊
I did chatted my ex when she chat me first asking what did her new supply and me.chat about. I did not feed her ego. But I leave her a long chat. She never read it. 😅😅😅
She already admitted to me that she don't read long text. She skip it. Its nonsense for her. She told me that she don't care what I say. And bring back our old happy times on the topic. But I NEVER take the bait. I bid goodbye to her for good and NEVER chat her again. SILENCE is the key. Because narcissist NEVER STOP hoovering. Prepare for it everytime and know your boundaries. No matter how SWEET and CARING they are on chat, DON'T BITE TO IT.
Just came to the realization that's what I've been with for 2 years. How sneaky he's been this whole time until now that I've finally woken up. Thank you for these videos. You are changing lives! ❤
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Damn, I do all of these, I'm not narcissistic but I do have an anxious avoidant attachment style from trauma, so the motivation is different (not about supply or control but more about guilt and shame and unlike the narcissist, we do NOT think very highly of ourselves 😅) but it's basically all the same. That's WILD. 😮
Wow, this is SO helpful. Thank you so much, Lee. This is exactly how it goes!! I have been struggling to understand if he is a full narc or not, but every video reaffirms it. I didn't know how this narc reads it, so this makes it all the more clear!! He has even told me many times that he isn't going to read all that.... now I get it. God bless!!😊
God Bless you as well
Isn't it funny that covert narcissist are being very honest saying they're not reading it. People have to listen when people show you and tell you who they are. The need to ignore that and want to see something other than what it actually is comes from not wanting to see our parents clearly, not wanting to accept that our parents did not have our best interest at heart, or we're not fully present to be there for our emotional needs, etcetera etcetera we have to break out of our own patterns and cycles and that's how we heal. Energetically, because we are all energy frequency and vibration..... the universe send to us the people that are going to teach us the greatest lessons about ourselves. The more we keep the focus on trying to get another person to think feel or behave in a certain way, it's just repeating our childhood patterns of what we could not achieve when we were children, and we didn't have the words or the means to walk away because we needed our basic physical needs met. We all carry our inner child with us into our adult bodies and that needs addressing and releasing
I used to send stupid long text msgs and he would find 1 thing to focus on and always him playing the victim. But most of the time his response was "I love you mini me" 🙄... literally didnt matter what i texted that was his response 99.9% of the time with a mix of I miss you... now that im gone and he cant invade my space... he sending songs again and today asked me to move back so we can get a place together again... but i know its all just to get me to respond so he can ignore me.. all for power and im not playing his games no more.
I tried to go no contact but my mom contacted other people to get to me and I had no choice but to respond after I left.
Since then I’ve kept convos short with her and my dad, they all talk to each other. Since then I’ve had a few calls and in one of them she mentioned that if I don’t want to be in their family I should tell them. When she was the one that told me to choose between my fiancée and them.
My ex-narc ocd girlfriend sent me looong texts saying how "she felt", but, in fact, these texts were covert attacks/complaints about me.
Supposedly, she hated telling me all of these things via text message. Her response was, "I wish I could tell you face to face, but you left me no option".
Thwy can never be wrong. They can never take the blame. Their feelings are paramount, but yours are always dimished, discarded.
Don't make the same mistake I made. NEVER engage in text conversations with them.
Be strong out there. You're worth it, never forget.
What if they were genuine complaints? I don't know your situation but were you to blame as well? Or not at all? Maybe you were the narcissist
😮💨 YES EVERY THING YOU SAID!!!!!! And they are very draining 🤦🏾♀️ I thank God that the one I dated finally realized that I wasn’t dead serious when I said I was done with him, even though it took him 3 years in his head to believe me that I said I’m done. I haven’t dated since then that’s been 7 yrs ago but I dated him for 14 yrs. very draining
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I was friends with a covert narcissist, I didnt see this behaviour at first in regards to texting, took awhile for the penny to drop.... Glad it didnt develop further, blocked him and moved on with my life, no contact and gonna stay that way. New intro looks good Lee, and thank you for all you do 😊
stay strong
@@MentalHealnessthanks Lee, I will 😊
Gotta love the “are you done?” response. 🤦♀️
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Yes, all this is definitely true, let me add what mine does in addition to these. If I talk to her and try to hold her accountable for whatever, lying, abuse, cheating, you name it, she'll not say much and then go upstairs and type a big long text. That text will accuse me of every single thing I just held her accountable for.... I will try to have a very calm discussion with her and she will text me when I'm done and say "You will NEVER scream and cuss me again like you just did. You're scaring me and I fear for my safety."....and I'm sure you all know from experience, it never happened. Yeah, they're a piece of work.
My narcissistic sister will argue with me if she believes what I am saying is not true; she defends herself vigorously. And when she defends herself she digresses to a childlike, victim mentality. But, when she knows what I am saying is true, she goes dark. No response at all. Literally falls off the face of the earth bc she cannot handle being confronted with the truth about anything, literally anything.
You sound like the narcissist and she’s in a fawning reactive mode to your abuse
The intro ! A great pun on narcissist all about me behavior! All photos of you😂
Glad you enjoyed it
I would always include something really important to him in the middle of the text so that there’s a bad consequence to him for dismissing my message and not reading it and he has no one to blame but himself 😂 he gets so mad every time he misses something that he was really wanting and I just smile and say “maybe you should occasionally read a message. You don’t have to remember any of it but there might be something that is of importance to you in there somewhere”. I like that not reading my messages always ends up upsetting himself and not me lol
Yeah I can play his game but I play it better than him. Still, he just never learns 🙄
Oh my God...this screams my EX. HE would upset me so bad, I'd write him a novel (lol) on how he hurt or made me mad and he would text me back..."not reading all that". Or like Lee said, the thumbs up..that shit would piss me off. 8 months free of narcissism!!🙌
When i sent long texts cussing him out, yea he use to either say nothing or "ok"... but then he use to bring up stuff i said in the text for fuel in a convo or something like "i thought you said you wanted to make it work"... and im like "oh you read it, you didnt respond"... and he told me i read all your texts (in a smart way though)... made sense bc then he could plan his approach since i let him know where my head was 😩 all the games 😮💨
yea some might read them and pretend they didn't
@MentalHealness right... but I'm still sure he ignored 99.9% regardless of what he said and don't matter they literally made no difference, read or unread lol
When I first saw the title and everything, I was like no way.. this is too specific. Everyone out here calling everyone a narc but omg, this is exactly how it goes down! You gotta read their novels but they’ll isolate like one sentence you said and twist all of it but address no valid points. Then you end up in circles defending yourself realizing oh shit they got you. This was great and so on point!🙏
🙏🏽🙏🏽 i appreciate it
Double standards like in every aspect of life 😂
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That´s right - they can do everything - you can do nothing. But no more. And I always did what I wanted!...(A dangerous game).
Yep that's exactly what happened to me at the end of the relationship. Thank you Lee for all your help.
You got it
I tell my ex narc you like to pick and choose what you write back. Ok you took my hat’s, my bird and air fryer and gave them to her he only responded about the air fryer I still have the air fryer I didn’t give it to her so what about the other thing’s duhhhh
I remember saying to my narc ex ‘I don’t think you even read my messages’ and everything you say is so true. It helps to know I was right.
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Nailed it! Focus on trigger word instead of the importance of the solution or question. Good lord it's exhausting because I have kids with him.
The intro is good. Thanks for this video, really needed this. Proud of you, Hammock 😊
Thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I saw Danish’s video about texting habits of narcs and it was spot on. And so is your video, of course.
appreciate it
He absolutely did everything you said.
Long ass text messages, could have wrote a 10 page paper with them.
Responded to my break up text with a period.
Also, the dog whistling is true. My ex was really into passive aggression. He would say stuff about wanting to give me bruises or beat me, but put a laughing emoji next to it to make it seem like a joke.
Makes sense based on your story
He would send me love songs in the beginning. After one of our first fights he sent me Posed to be in love by Kevin Gates. I love Kevin Gates but never heard the song before. I listened to it probably 10 times before I could believe he would actually send that to me after acting like a psycho. When I asked him why he sent that, he just shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject. Honestly, it made me scared of him.
Oh god as soon as you started talking I was like, YEP. Nailed it. Also, “a little salt bae of toxicity” took me out.
eta: yes I had a Nokia where all you could do is “make calls, and send a message, and play snake.” Lollllllllll
A big hug too you and your healing journey and honesty. There is hope for some. It's the physical and emotional abuse ones you can not fix or heal. Congratulations on your healing again.
I like the intro! It's fun lmao.
They'll have a whole conversation without you
don't worry about it. just leave lmaoooooo
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