If you don't know you are autistic, and don't know why you don't like sex or being touched then the mental health world will pile on DSM codes. Neurotypicals make us the problem, not the world of willy nilly procreators churning out children they don't want or love.
Kiss kiss kiss... Undiagnosed autistic brain: "hmm slimy, slippery, wet, i don't think this feels good. Kinda gross actually" Sexy brain: "ok i think this feels good, ooo butterflies in the tummy now" undiagnosed autistic brain: "now which way does my tongue go? Up, down, side to side?" Sexy brain: "just let go, go with the flow and enjoy" Undiagnosed autistic brain: "ok so how long do we continue kissing until it gets awkward?" 😢
@@AdultwithAutism Man I cant help it, but that would have been the absolute funniest thing ever. unexpected and absurd. She sounds like she was having fun, being a jester. playing her own games. Sounds kinda ASD to me, because ive done this same thing. in a different context.
I am on this journey with my grandson and accept that I can not hug him. That’s hard for me but a forced hug is harder for him so thank you. So much to learn and your way better than medical people. I’m a trained nurse and understand a lot but you are so easy to listen to and even when you think you don’t make sense you do. Every grandma who cares enough to get to understand this massive journey needs a dose of you at least once’s a day. My grandson has 3 good A levels and right now is so anxious he is almost non verbally. I love him and will learn as much as I can from you xx thank you
Thank you for so clearly and concisely explaining your experience with sex on the spectrum. I have a feeling it is that way for most ASD men, and it gives me better insight into the inner workings of my ASD husband's mind. I could also add, when the men are young, and the testosterone is flowing freely, all of this is much easier than when they are older. Just think how removing the "igniter" would affect interest and frequency in the later years. If it is anything like my experience with my husband, the "not wanting to be touched" overrides everything else when the testosterone wanes...even down to separate beds and even separate bedrooms. I think that is probably one of the major reasons 80% of ND/NT marriages end in divorce.
Hi Maureen, I know exactly what you're saying. When the testosterone reduces, the feelings and needs don't in relation to the Autistic mind. If anything, they get stronger. I also understand the separate beds and rooms, most older people I talk to with Autism day if they had their time again, they wouldn't live with their partner. What is expected via societal expectation isn't my design especially, and I understand that too. But what it the hard part? The communication and the understanding from both sides, as its one of the hardest points to find a compromise.
@@AdultwithAutism “they wouldn’t live with their partner” Yeah I have dated here and there and I’ve met women I was attracted to and liked yet still could not Imagine trying to live with them Full time. That would be completely exhausting
@@scruffypupperyes definitely need a bunch of psychological foreplay before any touching of anything and you’d best keep it light even then. I used to think penthouse forum was full of BS because women IMHO do not enjoy their nipples tweaked at all but apparently some do. I do NOT ever. Certain times of the month it is a recipe for getting your head separated from your shoulders.
I find that when I’m with someone, I do find it never gets easier to be intimate with them. I feel awkward and as much as I want to do certain things, I often talk to distract myself out of embarrassment. So when you say go with the flow it’s just like this. It takes me longer than I can stand because of everything I’m feeling/ seeing it’s all quite overwhelming 😅only discovered I’m autistic in the last three months and I realise I lose interest if the guy isn’t patient with me. Thanks Paul for your videos, they’ve really helped shed light on certain topics and I’ve felt less alone with my journey.
its like feeling the odd one out somewhere again, but let me test the waters: me and my husband 25 yrs of neurodiversity together, both happy and active. I actually find it relaxes my brain heavenly and soothes my whole system, what a relief it is.
The 'creased shirt' and 'trouser kiss' just ticked all the boxes for me! Hilarious! 👏👏👏 (I couldn't bring myself to like the video, as it is at '333' likes. Needless to say, I enjoyed it.)
Jeeez! Yes! The obviousness! You are the first person to ever talk about exactly what I’ve always considered the biggest difference in me, especially in this area. I hate the 'role-playing' aspect of it all, and it has been the source of many strange situations. I've never understood what the problem is with being straightforward, and I'm unable to pretend that I don’t know what’s going on. But as a woman, being straightforward is (I guess, due to people's reactions) often considered dirty or something.
I think you just said out loud so many things that are in my brain about this topic that I've never known how to communicate. I know this video is old now, but that's kind of my thing....being out of step with everyone else, being the last one on the train in life. But yeah, thank you so much for this video and for being willing to talk about this.
To be honest, as an autistic person I've swore at my parent on multiple occasions but it was never over anything as petty as taking a juice away from me or something, it was always when they were not taking my autism symptoms seriously and assuming I was being dramatic (this was before my diagnosis) when I was actually in distress
It would be great if more people went about sex this way-to actually talk about it instead of "going with the flow". That's how bad things happen- not communicating.
Exactly. I've never understood how people won't just openly communicate on anything anyway. Life isn't a TV drama so stop making it like one, if you're thinking it then you can say it. Things go wrong, then they act surprised when it does...buy nowhere does anyone just talk. Humans are an odd bunch.
That was surprisingly comic, thank you (I needed a smile and a chuckle). Also an eye opening perspective. P.S. trouser kiss - never heard that before, funny and clean way to describe it.
This resonated with me because i am so the same that it was like you're sitting there telling MY story, narrating my personality traits etc. I recognised and identified with every single thing you said 😯
Thanks for sharing this. It has made me understand my partner and know it's part of his condition rather than it being some form of ptsd or childhood trauma
this ‘condition’ is so fundamental that sensitivity | susceptivity to ‘collecting’ both the latter should certainly be anticipated | counted on, though - rather than NT-comfortably ruled out. more often than not, xx.s would primarily be registered as mixed incarnate of redflag and trigger - certainly not ‘intimidating’ but turning off (into indifference) rather than on (to lust). and btw, any contracepted ‘action’ is functionally equivalent to mæsturbætion on object anyway, procreation-wise, that is.
Great video, Paul! You did it just right. Recently I learned a new word, "demisexual." "When you're demisexual, you need an emotional connection to someone before you can feel sexually attracted to them." To put it in one word, I think it's "trust." Trust that the person's going to look out for you when you are most vulnerable. I always thought I was like that because of my religious upbringing, but maybe it's my autism. I don't have a lot of the "sensory overload" things that a lot of autistic people have, but I think what you've described is similar to the reasons women / people feel so "invaded" when they are molested or raped. I've known a lot of attractive men, but not many I trusted. However, when I'm with somebody I like and trust, I do like touching and being touched. Your story about the hotel reminded me of a strange one I stayed in. It was somewhat like a weird dream. I took the elevator to my floor, and the elevator opened directly into a big cafeteria! I walked around the cafeteria and couldn't find any signs to point me where to go, so finally I opened an unmarked door, which did indeed lead to the hallway where my room was found. The whole place was freshly decorated in late 1950s "space age" style, and almost all the people were Japanese, although the hotel was in Nashville, Tennessee, in the U.S. Very bizarre and memorable.
I've heard the term, though I just stick to the words I'm used to and say I am picky! Dreams are hit and miss for me, not remembered one for quite a while.
I've just discovered your videos in the last week, and have been watching them every chance I get. You've expressed so much of what I feel but couldn't articulate, and between your conversational, unedited style, sense of humor (the lady at the window 😆), and willingness to share, have made me so much more accepting of myself. I wasn't sure what to expect on this topic, but you did a great job, and I could identify with virtually everything you said. Thank you for your willingness to put yourself out there. It just makes such a difference. Btw, love the never-ending omlette idea! 🍳😆
Your most relatable content so far (and pls don't take that as a criticism of your spot-on takes before this)! ☺ I am in a 30 yr long relationship but still understand what you are saying/needing from your encounters. I needed a "map" too. 🤭and often still do - not understanding boundaries despite my relationship.
I haven't done it in a while (not interested much anymore), but after knowing about autism some experiences now make much more sense and I absolutely agree talking about it beforehand would be a big plus! I had an ex who just pulled it out at the beach behind a rock and expected me to just go at it. I was in a totally different mood (photographing seagulls actually! what fun!) and extremely irritated and was made to feel bad that this is not my kind of thing. I need to feel safe and not be distracted etc. Honestly at the moment it's just easier being alone. Although I would like to be in a loving relationship, but what I had so far is not something I would put myself through again. Maybe there is someone more compatible out there. We will see...
I totally understand what you say about having instructions beforehand. I was with a woman and after a couple of times with her she sed "don't do that just keep doing the other thing" it totally throw me off. I think you should look at egg rolls, its pretty much the answer to your question 😊
Honestly it can be sexy to talk about things ahead of time. Also it is nice to have someone ask about what you like so you can find out what they like too.
Great topic. Sex is a special interest for me and I'm comfortable doing lots of things in it's arena I wouldn't be interested in sensory wise otherwise, however having explicit conversations about likes/dislikes/boundaries etc is ESSENTIAL. Just "going with the flow" is a recipe for everyone ND or not having a bad time in my experience.
Well done Paul. I was totally cracking up at the one women show at the hotel! It took a while in get intimate with my partner. I too have to know the person, get some data etc!
Just found your stream today, so you may find more random posts on older videos. Sex is a nightmare; I gave up on it and on relationships. Too much sensory information for my brain to deal with.
I really love the question about the omelette. I think about things like this all the time. I thought I was the only one. Thanks for being awesome and asking such a hilariously fun question.
8:10 this is SO relateable. I've found that the more I learn about myself as a newly diagnosed autistic adult, the more I'm finding myself to be demi/asexual, to sometimes outright sex averse. It's been comforting finding I'm not alone.
Thank you Paul for this video...i totally understand you..i'm 48, got diagnosed 2 weeks ago...after a long long search, been taking medicines for 8 year to treat my " depression" but it was autism all the time..been masking all my life, got married 3 times, got 2 kids...just because that's what you're supposed to do ..right..but this is not the life i feel comfortable with, my husband calls me a cold woman...because, yes, sex is never on my mind...so really..i feel like i'm in the wrong life...having the diagnose of autism finally explains everything but it's really not a relief..where do i go from here?My husband says i'm now blaming all my behaviour and weird habits on my autism...he really doesn't get it! Your videos are so helpfull to me, thank you very much for that! I'm from Belgium and spent 850€ on the test in order to get diagnosed...autism plus add...it's not easy...
Go with the flow!!! Sends me absolutely nuts all because it’s not black or white . I end up in a meltdown because it’s not right 😂 I’m like a 2 year old having a tantrum
It's impossible to do, especially when there are so many things you can't do per individual. Imagine if you just started biting their elbow? Nor sure that's a tick in the box for anyone, but if I go with the flow, who knows what's going to happen 😂 Nothing wrong with a chat about it in my book 👍🏻
I think the coolest thing I ever saw along these lines was a trans woman who created a three page trifold to provide to partners. It was her 'user manul' and listed the do and do nots and I thought it was brilliant. Everyone should come with one of those!
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood and the nurse asked me, "Have you ever had sex with a man who's had sex with another man?" I told her it spoils the mood when you ask them that. She got sort of mad at me about it.
I have a plan to discuss them at some point. But I personally don't look for friendships, I'm one of the very few who doesn't miss human interaction 👍🏻
The Japanese don’t do an endless omelette exactly like what you described, but they do have a way of adding a bit at a time. There is a Japanese RUclipsr I watch sometimes who showed that, but I can’t think of his name.
Makes sense Paul. I am not autistic but I also find the quick intimacy weird, and never could understand that narrative they put in movies. Real life is way messier and just weird if you are not ready.
Just before putting this video on I made the first phone call. It's only a call to my GP to be put on a waiting list but the process has started. Even at the grand old age of 42 I need to know for certain if I'm autistic or not. Meanwhile, this video does explain why I've been seen as an oddity within my friend group while I was younger. They couldn't fathom why I had zero interest in bumping uglies with a complete stranger. I never even had an interest with "pulling" a girl in general. But they also are confused as to how being so against smashing pasties with randoms how I ended up having the most stable long term relationships out of all of us. To be fair I was also confused. Why am I not like the others? Why when I worked on building sites did I not join in with the wolf whistles? I don't think there's a single time where wolf whistling has ever ended up in a relationship in the history of man. Why did I not look at woman walking down the street and make comments to my buddies about how massive her boobs are? I am guilty of starting to do this at some point and only just realised right this second that this is a mask. I feel so ashamed as I honestly don't care about that kind of thing and in my actions I've perpetuated toxic traits. Why is it that I would get angry if anyone ever touched me, yet my GF can touch me in any way she feels and I have zero issues with it? (after building the trust) Why did I break past relationships for what at the time seemed like trivial things? Why is it that none of my GFs have been particularly "good lookers" in the traditional sense? (never really cared about looks) Why is it that I have only really cared about her enjoyment? Ofc I do like to finish, but I'm just as happy doing it myself if she doesn't want too. Autism answers all of these questions. But I'm till unsure if that's truly what I have. But this video has helped me to understand myself a little more, autism or not. This is how I feel.
Thank you for this. I am still unraveling a lot about myself and how I work. It makes so much sense that it is tough to think that most people don't look at it this way. More open conversation would have seriously helped me to be more comfortable in my "freshman" years of intimacy. Open conversation should come into foreplay and is a huge builder of intimacy. Something that can be tough for ND and NT alike.
Open conversation beats no conversation at all. We just need to accept that no one makes it out of life alive...so on occasion, we need to lighten up the heavy stuff to make it more palatable.
Hi Paul, You tackled this subject well ,no one else on the spectrum that make RUclips videos seem to want to talk about it,which I find strange as sex is the most basic human want/need especially when we are younger and the hormones are here there and everywhere.thank the lord that they calm down as we get older. I do find it annoying when doing the business and a stupid thought enters my mind, such as how clever the folding mechanism is on a Brompton bike 😂 lucky my wife is used to my cranky mind, I do think that this should be discussed more with younger people on the spectrum and not to skim around it as a taboo subject.
Hi Jason, I agree. It isn't spoken about outside of 'yes, Autistic people have sex'. That doesn't tell you anything though! I just hope the next time I don't think of Brompton bikes!
An omelette conveyer belt is what i pictured in my mind as you said the never ending omlette 😂. You could really get creative with this. Above the belt, you could have dispensers for different topping and then a final sprinkle of cheese as it moves along
Yeeeess thank you!!! Love the back door comment. I get some crazy looks for calling that out but it needs said. I think you've just started a list of things that make autistic guys the best at sex, but I would be biased 😆
Sometimes I feel sad that I can't have a partner in this mad world because I can't find someone who also doesn't want to have sex. Thank god I love my solitude!
Enjoying your own company is a blessing. I love my company and my relaxed and quiet surroundings...I need them as the opposites to the world I have to engage with.
Eh! I'm so ashamed that i pale in comparison to the claims of others. Or maybe their full of shit! For me, I've struggled with intimacy. I hate it. It's akward. Analysis Paralysis kicks in. Here comes awkwardness.
The drinks hatch ! 😂😂 The thing is i see buffonery in EVERYTHING. Dont get me wrong on reflection, i do realise my "standards" can at times be excessive, but this type of weirdness if you are "switched on" ALL THE TIME, is everywhere !
I don't like being touched either. I had no idea until last year at the age of 61 that I found out I am autistic. I could have saved myself a life time of rejection, hurt, and harm if the mental health field had caught it 40 plus years ago.
Darn, now everytime I make an omelet now my brain has crossed it with sex. For my brain once two synapses collide they don’t divide 😂 This one gave me a chuckle Paul.
The "go with the flow" thing only works if your brain automatically translates body language of other people and keeps you updated on this. My brain does not do this, so I simply cannot work on autopilot because the info into the autopilot simply isn't there. Plus, of course, I'm out there on the ace section of sexuality which again isn't a great help.
"I know you can't clip your kids these days"😂 My coworker got arrested for clippin a kid on the back of the head because he was messing up the shelf and wouldn't listen to her telling him to stop.
Bro, i also identify with the sexy time. Its like you were speaking my mind. Iam 46 and have only been with 6 women. I'm a good looking older man and I get the attention from women. I just can't be bothered. Is it worth all of the baggage? No, no it's not. I love your thoughts sir. Going to have to subscribe and binge your channel.
Ye going into a situation lets say when you are not prepeard is not fun. I think the problem i have is i ended up in situations where they asumed i would like somethings and i have just freaked out and it can a tiny thing to other people. Its why i am not like my mates on these apps 24/7 find the next guy or woman or both what ever you are into. I think with me when i feel rushed into doing anything i start stress out
I really liked that it was almost 69! So that you made sure it wasnt, made me laugh! I love the hotel stories. I always wonder if people like that realize they are like that.if they know they are, do they think it's hilarious to see people's reactions? Are they just daft, and doesn't know it at all!? Is she being petty toward the building owner because she was running it all by herself?! Having to play different characters, making it into a fever dream in real life for others! There's a name for needing a mental connection prior to having sex called demisexual! Telling people what you like and dislike is a great thing! I think a lot of people have trouble or embarrassment speaking about such topics in real life vs typing so if you don't prompt them beforehand with a list they might freeze up- but I'm sure a partner would think about this because you would have told each other these things hopefully. I agree about your small talk topics. BORING, not genuine, do not care. And especially don't feel strongly enough about it to have that conversation with someone. I think almost anyone who asks wants to fight and I rarely know anything to have debates on them. I think a talented person with rounded pan sides could make an omelet blanket. I think they may need practice because I,an untalented omelet chef could not.
I was going to do a different type of video before I realised the number...didn't want this to become 69, but now forgotten what I was going to do one about!
Probably about the awesome person you found to make an omelet afghan! ;) Maybe your burnout and needing to recharge from videos and general life. Or a great waffle!
Hey thanks for the video, can relate to a lot of things :) but hey, you didn't wanna do one other video before this one so that it would be number 69? ;) sorry, ill show myself out
I would have appreciated a few gory details because I still have no clue how sex is accomplished with a ND partner without causing sensory overload. And is sex “endured” for the sake of the relationship, or can it be enjoyable to the point of wanting it?
A public platform is no place for gory details, far too personal. But regardless, you don't do it if you don't want to. And slow and steady wins the race. There is no rush, and it's certainly not a deal breaker in relationships for me.
"If it's hot and I'm hot, don't come near me" Yessss!!! Also, don't frikin light touch me, it makes my skin crawl. The weather has a huge impact on how our of i can be touched. I literally JUST told my autistic friend that the humidity is bugging me, she showed me a pic of her cat laying on her, I said "I love my cat, but dear God I hate being touched when it feels like mother nature is trying to smother me."
Haha, absolutely no chance. I love my cat, but I love him more when the temperature allows him to get on. Otherwise he has to make do with a chin scratch at arms length in hot weather.
Surely the omelette would go off, like you’d really need to make sure the earlier parts are fully eaten by the time the next part comes along. I know you didn’t say that we were eating the omelette but now I’m imagining the thing being eaten as it’s being cooked.
It sounds to me that you have a healthy outlook on sex. It's nice to hear theres a person out there who's a gentleman. Besides, I agree, besides overstimulation, I need to know who I'm with and be in a long term relationship. Well, I'm married to my best friend, so, no need for me to concern myself with going with the flow. And we are bith older and things definitely slow down, and thats ok. The world is to obsessed with sex. Now, I want to go make an endless omelette! Hugging my family knows not to hug me... Let alone touch me... Which i do feel bad about when I shrugg off my husband and dodge him lol. But he understands. Don't think I'm neglecting my hubby cause I'm not.
ever heard of demisexuality? also isn't it normal to...communicate? about personal tastes, desires and boundaries? i only get into bdsm relationships so it is the norm for me to discuss these things, but aren't they for vanillas too?his sounds a lot like that.
I so agree with this I can't do it as a spontaneous act I want to know what's coming it being a random event nope I don't want that 🤣 I seriously wouldn't be in a relationship if it wasn't for having a friend that forced me to mingle with people and its great we no each other I was 16 and now nearly 30 he literally knows what I'm like and now autism is just the name to my face
That's good, and it's not bad when you've been with someone for a long time and you know each other inside and out. It's that beginning bit that's the pain! 😂
Sounds to me like you may be Asexual. I’m also both Autistic and very much Asexual. My ex, on the other hand, is also Autistic, but very much sexually minded. Those of us on the Autism spectrum are disproportionately Asexual, compared to neurotypicals.
Personal question, but I think most questions worth asking are. I was. in a long term relationship with a fellow autie. (neither of us knew we are autistic at the time). You are describing his behaviors regarding sex to a T. I tried to talk about it to see if he had thoughts about why things were the way they were, and according to him had been his whole adult life. He'd say, "Yes, but I can't explain it." 6 months after we broke up he told me he'd been using porn, on and off for many years, that he now saw it as an addiction, and had broken that cycle. I'm wondering if porn is used by people with sensory difficulties and people who need to fully think through everything they do in life to feel confident and relaxed enough to enjoy whatever it is they want to do. Porn takes the unknown out of sex. You pick exactly who you want, escape to your own fantasy, are in control of everything. It's been two years now, we are still friends but, as I am one who finds it near impossible to let something go unless I understand it, (on nearly every subject) it will be very helpful to me to understand if there's a link. , I'll appreciate feed back on this. He also has an avoidant personality type, so that could play a huge role. I get if you want to answer anonymously.
I don't watch it, I hate the idea of it. Sharing yourself in that way should be far more connective that throwing a couple of strangers together to go at it for the entertainment of others, where the sole purpose is to show big parts or how far things can be pushed. I don't think porn takes the unknown out of anything personally, I think it does nothing but create a false perspective on everything to do with intercourse. It is much more important for two people to sit down and discuss it. Likes, dislikes, what they want to try, not try etc. Intercourse isn't drama or a mystery, both people know why they are there...so why wait until you're doing it to make decisions? As for the 'can't explain it' part. Everyone knows why they do what they do, why they like what they like, and why they want what they want. Admitting for him might be difficult, so worth a discussion. Apologies if this isn't helpful, but it's honest 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism yeah I knew from a young age that lust and sex were two things that did not come natural to me. I distinctly remember a handful of cute girls that were into me and we dated yet I remember not having any sort of lust or sex drive - hell I didn’t even feel the urge to touch them Or kiss them but I usually forced myself to because well that’s what humans are supposed to do, right? My teen years and early 20s were so damn confusing in the dating/sex realm - i couldn’t figure out what the deal was and looking back this really made it harder to relate to other guys . I didn’t even figure out I had autism until I was 38 but so much damage done that can’t be reversed. It’s very hard to square
BDSM with me: Do you like this? No. Can I do this? No. Do you like this? No. Can I do this? No. Do you like this? No. Do you like this? No. Can I do this? No. Can I do this? No.
Its so tragic that loving parents are prohibited from spanking their children. No wonder the majority of the youth of today are so disrespectful, lazy, entitled and selfish.
People on the Autism Spectrum should learn that it's OK to never having had sex.
It's certainly not a compulsory thing to do 👍🏻
If you don't know you are autistic, and don't know why you don't like sex or being touched then the mental health world will pile on DSM codes. Neurotypicals make us the problem, not the world of willy nilly procreators churning out children they don't want or love.
Kiss kiss kiss...
Undiagnosed autistic brain: "hmm slimy, slippery, wet, i don't think this feels good. Kinda gross actually"
Sexy brain: "ok i think this feels good, ooo butterflies in the tummy now"
undiagnosed autistic brain: "now which way does my tongue go? Up, down, side to side?"
Sexy brain: "just let go, go with the flow and enjoy"
Undiagnosed autistic brain: "ok so how long do we continue kissing until it gets awkward?"
😢
Haha, how very true 👍🏻
The last one. Yep.
@@tips4400 Exactly!
The part with the lady going to the hatch to get the guy a drink sounds like it’s straight out of Faulty Towers or something 😂
It felt like it. Glad to say I haven't been back 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Man I cant help it, but that would have been the absolute funniest thing ever. unexpected and absurd.
She sounds like she was having fun, being a jester. playing her own games.
Sounds kinda ASD to me, because ive done this same thing. in a different context.
@@AdultwithAutismPut that into your movie (if you haven’t made it yet).
I am on this journey with my grandson and accept that I can not hug him. That’s hard for me but a forced hug is harder for him so thank you. So much to learn and your way better than medical people. I’m a trained nurse and understand a lot but you are so easy to listen to and even when you think you don’t make sense you do. Every grandma who cares enough to get to understand this massive journey needs a dose of you at least once’s a day. My grandson has 3 good A levels and right now is so anxious he is almost non verbally. I love him and will learn as much as I can from you xx thank you
As a menopausal introvert, you sound a lot like me. It all makes logical sense and you explained it perfectly.
👍🏻
Thank you for so clearly and concisely explaining your experience with sex on the spectrum. I have a feeling it is that way for most ASD men, and it gives me better insight into the inner workings of my ASD husband's mind. I could also add, when the men are young, and the testosterone is flowing freely, all of this is much easier than when they are older. Just think how removing the "igniter" would affect interest and frequency in the later years. If it is anything like my experience with my husband, the "not wanting to be touched" overrides everything else when the testosterone wanes...even down to separate beds and even separate bedrooms. I think that is probably one of the major reasons 80% of ND/NT marriages end in divorce.
Hi Maureen, I know exactly what you're saying. When the testosterone reduces, the feelings and needs don't in relation to the Autistic mind. If anything, they get stronger.
I also understand the separate beds and rooms, most older people I talk to with Autism day if they had their time again, they wouldn't live with their partner. What is expected via societal expectation isn't my design especially, and I understand that too.
But what it the hard part? The communication and the understanding from both sides, as its one of the hardest points to find a compromise.
@@AdultwithAutism “they wouldn’t live with their partner”
Yeah I have dated here and there and I’ve met women I was attracted to and liked yet still could not
Imagine trying to live with them
Full time. That would be completely exhausting
Exactly. Social confirmities are not a 'one size fits all'. Doesn't mean we care any less 👍🏻
@@brianmeen2158 So is this more of a male ASD trait or does it affect women as strongly?
@@scruffypupperyes definitely need a bunch of psychological foreplay before any touching of anything and you’d best keep it light even then. I used to think penthouse forum was full of BS because women IMHO do not enjoy their nipples tweaked at all but apparently some do. I do NOT ever. Certain times of the month it is a recipe for getting your head separated from your shoulders.
It’s the same for Neurodiverse women too
Good to know 👍🏻
It's not. I have ADHD and am the polar opposite if what he has described. We need to stop chucking ADHD and autism into the same pot.
I find that when I’m with someone, I do find it never gets easier to be intimate with them. I feel awkward and as much as I want to do certain things, I often talk to distract myself out of embarrassment. So when you say go with the flow it’s just like this. It takes me longer than I can stand because of everything I’m feeling/ seeing it’s all quite overwhelming 😅only discovered I’m autistic in the last three months and I realise I lose interest if the guy isn’t patient with me. Thanks Paul for your videos, they’ve really helped shed light on certain topics and I’ve felt less alone with my journey.
Really glad they're worth watching 👍🏻
I need to love the person before I get physically appealed to her too. I see intimacy as a buildup of a love relationship
its like feeling the odd one out somewhere again, but let me test the waters: me and my husband 25 yrs of neurodiversity together, both happy and active. I actually find it relaxes my brain heavenly and soothes my whole system, what a relief it is.
The 'creased shirt' and 'trouser kiss' just ticked all the boxes for me! Hilarious! 👏👏👏 (I couldn't bring myself to like the video, as it is at '333' likes. Needless to say, I enjoyed it.)
That super mannerly way of saying it . Ms. Manners approves this message ....
Jeeez! Yes! The obviousness! You are the first person to ever talk about exactly what I’ve always considered the biggest difference in me, especially in this area. I hate the 'role-playing' aspect of it all, and it has been the source of many strange situations. I've never understood what the problem is with being straightforward, and I'm unable to pretend that I don’t know what’s going on. But as a woman, being straightforward is (I guess, due to people's reactions) often considered dirty or something.
Straightforward gets rid of the unknown. Much preferred 👍🏻
I think you just said out loud so many things that are in my brain about this topic that I've never known how to communicate. I know this video is old now, but that's kind of my thing....being out of step with everyone else, being the last one on the train in life. But yeah, thank you so much for this video and for being willing to talk about this.
To be honest, as an autistic person I've swore at my parent on multiple occasions but it was never over anything as petty as taking a juice away from me or something, it was always when they were not taking my autism symptoms seriously and assuming I was being dramatic (this was before my diagnosis) when I was actually in distress
It would be great if more people went about sex this way-to actually talk about it instead of "going with the flow".
That's how bad things happen- not communicating.
Exactly. I've never understood how people won't just openly communicate on anything anyway. Life isn't a TV drama so stop making it like one, if you're thinking it then you can say it. Things go wrong, then they act surprised when it does...buy nowhere does anyone just talk. Humans are an odd bunch.
That was surprisingly comic, thank you (I needed a smile and a chuckle). Also an eye opening perspective. P.S. trouser kiss - never heard that before, funny and clean way to describe it.
Clean ways are always better!
This resonated with me because i am so the same that it was like you're sitting there telling MY story, narrating my personality traits etc. I recognised and identified with every single thing you said 😯
Thanks for sharing this. It has made me understand my partner and know it's part of his condition rather than it being some form of ptsd or childhood trauma
No problem at all👍🏻
this ‘condition’ is so fundamental that sensitivity | susceptivity to ‘collecting’ both the latter should certainly be anticipated | counted on, though - rather than NT-comfortably ruled out. more often than not, xx.s would primarily be registered as mixed incarnate of redflag and trigger - certainly not ‘intimidating’ but turning off (into indifference) rather than on (to lust). and btw, any contracepted ‘action’ is functionally equivalent to mæsturbætion on object anyway, procreation-wise, that is.
We'll miss your videos but I'm so glad you are looking out for yourself and taking a break!
Thanks Whitney, I'll post something on the Community Post page when I do it so I don't just disappear!
I'm so glad that I decided to view his videos.... I'm enjoying him, and his face and expression are pleasant to watch... he's beautiful
The most shocking aspect for me was hearing but you don't speak to humans, I'm new to many of these topics, so thank you for stating that
Great video, Paul! You did it just right. Recently I learned a new word, "demisexual." "When you're demisexual, you need an emotional connection to someone before you can feel sexually attracted to them." To put it in one word, I think it's "trust." Trust that the person's going to look out for you when you are most vulnerable. I always thought I was like that because of my religious upbringing, but maybe it's my autism. I don't have a lot of the "sensory overload" things that a lot of autistic people have, but I think what you've described is similar to the reasons women / people feel so "invaded" when they are molested or raped. I've known a lot of attractive men, but not many I trusted. However, when I'm with somebody I like and trust, I do like touching and being touched. Your story about the hotel reminded me of a strange one I stayed in. It was somewhat like a weird dream. I took the elevator to my floor, and the elevator opened directly into a big cafeteria! I walked around the cafeteria and couldn't find any signs to point me where to go, so finally I opened an unmarked door, which did indeed lead to the hallway where my room was found. The whole place was freshly decorated in late 1950s "space age" style, and almost all the people were Japanese, although the hotel was in Nashville, Tennessee, in the U.S. Very bizarre and memorable.
I've heard the term, though I just stick to the words I'm used to and say I am picky!
Dreams are hit and miss for me, not remembered one for quite a while.
Love the honesty. So refreshing. Wow. Never heard anything like this before.
Many thanks
I've just discovered your videos in the last week, and have been watching them every chance I get. You've expressed so much of what I feel but couldn't articulate, and between your conversational, unedited style, sense of humor (the lady at the window 😆), and willingness to share, have made me so much more accepting of myself.
I wasn't sure what to expect on this topic, but you did a great job, and I could identify with virtually everything you said.
Thank you for your willingness to put yourself out there. It just makes such a difference.
Btw, love the never-ending omlette idea! 🍳😆
Thank you for your kind words, egg-cellent comment 👍🏻
Your most relatable content so far (and pls don't take that as a criticism of your spot-on takes before this)! ☺
I am in a 30 yr long relationship but still understand what you are saying/needing from your encounters. I needed a "map" too. 🤭and often still do - not understanding boundaries despite my relationship.
Haha, a map is a good way of putting it
I haven't done it in a while (not interested much anymore), but after knowing about autism some experiences now make much more sense and I absolutely agree talking about it beforehand would be a big plus! I had an ex who just pulled it out at the beach behind a rock and expected me to just go at it. I was in a totally different mood (photographing seagulls actually! what fun!) and extremely irritated and was made to feel bad that this is not my kind of thing. I need to feel safe and not be distracted etc. Honestly at the moment it's just easier being alone. Although I would like to be in a loving relationship, but what I had so far is not something I would put myself through again. Maybe there is someone more compatible out there. We will see...
Whipping it out whilst you're taking photographs of birds isn't exactly reading the room! 🫣
I totally understand what you say about having instructions beforehand. I was with a woman and after a couple of times with her she sed "don't do that just keep doing the other thing" it totally throw me off. I think you should look at egg rolls, its pretty much the answer to your question 😊
Moving from omelettes to egg rolls, this is my type of conversation! 😂
Honestly it can be sexy to talk about things ahead of time. Also it is nice to have someone ask about what you like so you can find out what they like too.
Agreed 👍🏻
Great topic. Sex is a special interest for me and I'm comfortable doing lots of things in it's arena I wouldn't be interested in sensory wise otherwise, however having explicit conversations about likes/dislikes/boundaries etc is ESSENTIAL. Just "going with the flow" is a recipe for everyone ND or not having a bad time in my experience.
Very true 👍🏻
Well done Paul. I was totally cracking up at the one women show at the hotel! It took a while in get intimate with my partner. I too have to know the person, get some data etc!
Hey Bryan, glad you enjoyed. It really was like something off TV.
you did a great job talking about this.
Thank you, much appreciated 👍🏻
The hatch part of the story, absolutely hilarious!!!!😂
Just found your stream today, so you may find more random posts on older videos.
Sex is a nightmare; I gave up on it and on relationships. Too much sensory information for my brain to deal with.
I know what you mean.
I really love the question about the omelette. I think about things like this all the time. I thought I was the only one. Thanks for being awesome and asking such a hilariously fun question.
No worries 😁
In my mind it wouldn't technically be an omelette anymore.
8:10 this is SO relateable. I've found that the more I learn about myself as a newly diagnosed autistic adult, the more I'm finding myself to be demi/asexual, to sometimes outright sex averse. It's been comforting finding I'm not alone.
Thank you Paul for this video...i totally understand you..i'm 48, got diagnosed 2 weeks ago...after a long long search, been taking medicines for 8 year to treat my " depression" but it was autism all the time..been masking all my life, got married 3 times, got 2 kids...just because that's what you're supposed to do ..right..but this is not the life i feel comfortable with, my husband calls me a cold woman...because, yes, sex is never on my mind...so really..i feel like i'm in the wrong life...having the diagnose of autism finally explains everything but it's really not a relief..where do i go from here?My husband says i'm now blaming all my behaviour and weird habits on my autism...he really doesn't get it!
Your videos are so helpfull to me, thank you very much for that!
I'm from Belgium and spent 850€ on the test in order to get diagnosed...autism plus add...it's not easy...
Go with the flow!!! Sends me absolutely nuts all because it’s not black or white . I end up in a meltdown because it’s not right 😂 I’m like a 2 year old having a tantrum
It's impossible to do, especially when there are so many things you can't do per individual. Imagine if you just started biting their elbow? Nor sure that's a tick in the box for anyone, but if I go with the flow, who knows what's going to happen 😂
Nothing wrong with a chat about it in my book 👍🏻
Thanks for making me chuckle out loud with the Faulty Tower's story...🤭🤭
Haha, I'm staying near there this week...but not staying there for obvious reasons
I think the coolest thing I ever saw along these lines was a trans woman who created a three page trifold to provide to partners. It was her 'user manul' and listed the do and do nots and I thought it was brilliant. Everyone should come with one of those!
People should...then I'd know who to avoid 😂
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood and the nurse asked me, "Have you ever had sex with a man who's had sex with another man?" I told her it spoils the mood when you ask them that. She got sort of mad at me about it.
It’s good you’re making this video - if the occasion should arise you could have your prospective or potential partner watch it first !
Haha, I am not shy in coming forward. These types of conversations absolutely happen.
Paul I’d be interested in an episode on relationships (of all types) BETWEEN autistics. Eg Do you look for friendships within the community?
Thanks.
I have a plan to discuss them at some point. But I personally don't look for friendships, I'm one of the very few who doesn't miss human interaction 👍🏻
The Japanese don’t do an endless omelette exactly like what you described, but they do have a way of adding a bit at a time. There is a Japanese RUclipsr I watch sometimes who showed that, but I can’t think of his name.
Makes sense Paul. I am not autistic but I also find the quick intimacy weird, and never could understand that narrative they put in movies. Real life is way messier and just weird if you are not ready.
Couldn't agree more. Some people put more effort into what groceries they're going to buy than the people they share a bed with. Not for me!
I always feel weird about it...but i like it. And i agree its vital people talk about they like. In the heat of the moment it isnt the right time.
Even worse if they just 'do it'...nope 👍🏻
Just before putting this video on I made the first phone call. It's only a call to my GP to be put on a waiting list but the process has started. Even at the grand old age of 42 I need to know for certain if I'm autistic or not.
Meanwhile, this video does explain why I've been seen as an oddity within my friend group while I was younger. They couldn't fathom why I had zero interest in bumping uglies with a complete stranger. I never even had an interest with "pulling" a girl in general. But they also are confused as to how being so against smashing pasties with randoms how I ended up having the most stable long term relationships out of all of us.
To be fair I was also confused. Why am I not like the others?
Why when I worked on building sites did I not join in with the wolf whistles? I don't think there's a single time where wolf whistling has ever ended up in a relationship in the history of man.
Why did I not look at woman walking down the street and make comments to my buddies about how massive her boobs are? I am guilty of starting to do this at some point and only just realised
right this second that this is a mask. I feel so ashamed as I honestly don't care about that kind of thing and in my actions I've perpetuated toxic traits.
Why is it that I would get angry if anyone ever touched me, yet my GF can touch me in any way she feels and I have zero issues with it? (after building the trust)
Why did I break past relationships for what at the time seemed like trivial things?
Why is it that none of my GFs have been particularly "good lookers" in the traditional sense? (never really cared about looks)
Why is it that I have only really cared about her enjoyment? Ofc I do like to finish, but I'm just as happy doing it myself if she doesn't want too.
Autism answers all of these questions. But I'm till unsure if that's truly what I have. But this video has helped me to understand myself a little more, autism or not. This is how I feel.
This is great to hear from your viewpoint..
Especially hearing what may come out if the mask is off in the bedroom. Sex talk I've found is a no no 😂
Haha, the clothes can come off, but the mask stays on 😂
Well said, thank you very validating.😊
No problem 👍🏻
Literally just described me. I think the omelette thing is a good idea, i really want to try that now.
Let me know how you get on with it!
Thank you for this. I am still unraveling a lot about myself and how I work. It makes so much sense that it is tough to think that most people don't look at it this way. More open conversation would have seriously helped me to be more comfortable in my "freshman" years of intimacy. Open conversation should come into foreplay and is a huge builder of intimacy. Something that can be tough for ND and NT alike.
Open conversation beats no conversation at all. We just need to accept that no one makes it out of life alive...so on occasion, we need to lighten up the heavy stuff to make it more palatable.
Hi Paul,
You tackled this subject well ,no one else on the spectrum that make RUclips videos seem to want to talk about it,which I find strange as sex is the most basic human want/need especially when we are younger and the hormones are here there and everywhere.thank the lord that they calm down as we get older. I do find it annoying when doing the business and a stupid thought enters my mind, such as how clever the folding mechanism is on a Brompton bike 😂 lucky my wife is used to my cranky mind, I do think that this should be discussed more with younger people on the spectrum and not to skim around it as a taboo subject.
Hi Jason, I agree. It isn't spoken about outside of 'yes, Autistic people have sex'. That doesn't tell you anything though! I just hope the next time I don't think of Brompton bikes!
@@AdultwithAutism bad luck Paul, I've now planted the seed 😂
Maybe I'll just shout it half way through as loud as I can to see if I can break out of it 😂
For some of us it’s not a basic human need it isn’t important to us.
@@Dancestar1981 perhaps you are the lucky ones 🤔
Oh wow Paul. You are speaking my language! 😂😂😂 I think we are the same person. 😂
Haha, we might be! 👍🏼
An omelette conveyer belt is what i pictured in my mind as you said the never ending omlette 😂. You could really get creative with this. Above the belt, you could have dispensers for different topping and then a final sprinkle of cheese as it moves along
That sounds a plan to me 😂
I'm the same way. It's fun but I never miss it.
Yeeeess thank you!!! Love the back door comment. I get some crazy looks for calling that out but it needs said. I think you've just started a list of things that make autistic guys the best at sex, but I would be biased 😆
Haha, maybe I should rename the video to that 😂
That struck a great balance. Well done, fab 😊
Haha, thanks 👍🏻
Sometimes I feel sad that I can't have a partner in this mad world because I can't find someone who also doesn't want to have sex. Thank god I love my solitude!
Enjoying your own company is a blessing. I love my company and my relaxed and quiet surroundings...I need them as the opposites to the world I have to engage with.
@@AdultwithAutism Yeah...it is about the balance. Mine's a bit out of whack these days. I suppose that's why I talk to strangers on the interweb. 😜
And sing to them of course!
@@AdultwithAutism Oh geez...the cat's outta the bag! 😸
Maybe someone needs to write a song about cats getting out of a bag! 😂
Eh! I'm so ashamed that i pale in comparison to the claims of others. Or maybe their full of shit!
For me, I've struggled with intimacy. I hate it. It's akward. Analysis Paralysis kicks in. Here comes awkwardness.
The drinks hatch ! 😂😂 The thing is i see buffonery in EVERYTHING. Dont get me wrong on reflection, i do realise my "standards" can at times be excessive, but this type of weirdness if you are "switched on" ALL THE TIME, is everywhere !
I don't like being touched either. I had no idea until last year at the age of 61 that I found out I am autistic. I could have saved myself a life time of rejection, hurt, and harm if the mental health field had caught it 40 plus years ago.
Omg I am so d same!!! I totally get u yes yes yes! Thank u its gd to know am not d only one!
Haha, awesome 👍🏻
Well done!
Video about sex: "alright, moan time..." 🤣
Haha, wouldn't be the same without it 😂
Darn, now everytime I make an omelet now my brain has crossed it with sex. For my brain once two synapses collide they don’t divide 😂 This one gave me a chuckle Paul.
Haha, try not to think of the omelette blanket 😂
The "go with the flow" thing only works if your brain automatically translates body language of other people and keeps you updated on this. My brain does not do this, so I simply cannot work on autopilot because the info into the autopilot simply isn't there. Plus, of course, I'm out there on the ace section of sexuality which again isn't a great help.
I don't build IKEA furniture without instruction, so I am not going to flop about with someone without knowing the fundamentals! 👍🏻
"I know you can't clip your kids these days"😂 My coworker got arrested for clippin a kid on the back of the head because he was messing up the shelf and wouldn't listen to her telling him to stop.
Arrested? Must have been like a right hook than a clip 😂
Loved this 😂❤
I have the drive but I need a person I can trust very much. So, I don´t really can get what I want.
The hotel stories! gah! universal truths made funny. 🤪
Can I ask what age you where diagnosed? Thanks
I was diagnosed when I was 34 👍🏻
I absolutely love your videos man hahahahahahahaaaa
Haha, thanks
Bro, i also identify with the sexy time. Its like you were speaking my mind. Iam 46 and have only been with 6 women. I'm a good looking older man and I get the attention from women. I just can't be bothered. Is it worth all of the baggage? No, no it's not. I love your thoughts sir. Going to have to subscribe and binge your channel.
I dont it want to crease my top! 😂
Ye going into a situation lets say when you are not prepeard is not fun. I think the problem i have is i ended up in situations where they asumed i would like somethings and i have just freaked out and it can a tiny thing to other people. Its why i am not like my mates on these apps 24/7 find the next guy or woman or both what ever you are into. I think with me when i feel rushed into doing anything i start stress out
I know people who are never off the apps. Like addicts. I don't get it.
@AdultwithAutism I am with you their it's like they get addicted to them
Ahahahahaha, love that: "I'm not sharing me moves"! 😂😂😂 And the "neverending omelette". I'd definitely do comedy again.
I don't ever mix never ending omelettes and my moves together though! 😂
I really liked that it was almost 69! So that you made sure it wasnt, made me laugh!
I love the hotel stories. I always wonder if people like that realize they are like that.if they know they are, do they think it's hilarious to see people's reactions? Are they just daft, and doesn't know it at all!? Is she being petty toward the building owner because she was running it all by herself?! Having to play different characters, making it into a fever dream in real life for others!
There's a name for needing a mental connection prior to having sex called demisexual!
Telling people what you like and dislike is a great thing! I think a lot of people have trouble or embarrassment speaking about such topics in real life vs typing so if you don't prompt them beforehand with a list they might freeze up- but I'm sure a partner would think about this because you would have told each other these things hopefully.
I agree about your small talk topics. BORING, not genuine, do not care. And especially don't feel strongly enough about it to have that conversation with someone. I think almost anyone who asks wants to fight and I rarely know anything to have debates on them.
I think a talented person with rounded pan sides could make an omelet blanket. I think they may need practice because I,an untalented omelet chef could not.
I was going to do a different type of video before I realised the number...didn't want this to become 69, but now forgotten what I was going to do one about!
Probably about the awesome person you found to make an omelet afghan! ;)
Maybe your burnout and needing to recharge from videos and general life. Or a great waffle!
Haha, I'll be keeping an eye on the catwalks to see if I've there are any egg inspired designs.
I’d much prefer deep connections to people
I bet you could do that with pancakes too, just keep the batter coming slowly and start pushing the pancake off the other side. The way of the future!
Hey thanks for the video, can relate to a lot of things :) but hey, you didn't wanna do one other video before this one so that it would be number 69? ;) sorry, ill show myself out
Trust me, it was very purposefully avoided 😂
I would have appreciated a few gory details because I still have no clue how sex is accomplished with a ND partner without causing sensory overload. And is sex “endured” for the sake of the relationship, or can it be enjoyable to the point of wanting it?
A public platform is no place for gory details, far too personal. But regardless, you don't do it if you don't want to. And slow and steady wins the race. There is no rush, and it's certainly not a deal breaker in relationships for me.
Sounds like you might have been staying at Fawlty Towers, Paul.
My mother would have thrown me right out the window; I know because my older sister cussed.
"If it's hot and I'm hot, don't come near me"
Yessss!!! Also, don't frikin light touch me, it makes my skin crawl.
The weather has a huge impact on how our of i can be touched.
I literally JUST told my autistic friend that the humidity is bugging me, she showed me a pic of her cat laying on her, I said "I love my cat, but dear God I hate being touched when it feels like mother nature is trying to smother me."
Haha, absolutely no chance. I love my cat, but I love him more when the temperature allows him to get on. Otherwise he has to make do with a chin scratch at arms length in hot weather.
Surely the omelette would go off, like you’d really need to make sure the earlier parts are fully eaten by the time the next part comes along. I know you didn’t say that we were eating the omelette but now I’m imagining the thing being eaten as it’s being cooked.
If someone wants to jump in and have a bit of the never ending omelette, I can manage that!
It sounds to me that you have a healthy outlook on sex. It's nice to hear theres a person out there who's a gentleman. Besides, I agree, besides overstimulation, I need to know who I'm with and be in a long term relationship. Well, I'm married to my best friend, so, no need for me to concern myself with going with the flow. And we are bith older and things definitely slow down, and thats ok. The world is to obsessed with sex.
Now, I want to go make an endless omelette!
Hugging my family knows not to hug me... Let alone touch me... Which i do feel bad about when I shrugg off my husband and dodge him lol. But he understands. Don't think I'm neglecting my hubby cause I'm not.
9:56 I laughed 🤣
ever heard of demisexuality?
also isn't it normal to...communicate? about personal tastes, desires and boundaries? i only get into bdsm relationships so it is the norm for me to discuss these things, but aren't they for vanillas too?his sounds a lot like that.
I have, but I just crack on as I am. My X life doesn't need a name...or does it! 👍🏻
I so agree with this I can't do it as a spontaneous act I want to know what's coming it being a random event nope I don't want that 🤣 I seriously wouldn't be in a relationship if it wasn't for having a friend that forced me to mingle with people and its great we no each other I was 16 and now nearly 30 he literally knows what I'm like and now autism is just the name to my face
That's good, and it's not bad when you've been with someone for a long time and you know each other inside and out. It's that beginning bit that's the pain! 😂
An omlette blanket 😂😂
Im on the spectrum as well . I had negative thought towards kissing .. anyone else intimidated by it ?
I can do a peck, too in my own head for it to be a long one
Sounds to me like you may be Asexual. I’m also both Autistic and very much Asexual. My ex, on the other hand, is also Autistic, but very much sexually minded. Those of us on the Autism spectrum are disproportionately Asexual, compared to neurotypicals.
I just know I prefer a brew and a chat! 👍🏻
Personal question, but I think most questions worth asking are. I was. in a long term relationship with a fellow autie. (neither of us knew we are autistic at the time). You are describing his behaviors regarding sex to a T. I tried to talk about it to see if he had thoughts about why things were the way they were, and according to him had been his whole adult life. He'd say, "Yes, but I can't explain it." 6 months after we broke up he told me he'd been using porn, on and off for many years, that he now saw it as an addiction, and had broken that cycle. I'm wondering if porn is used by people with sensory difficulties and people who need to fully think through everything they do in life to feel confident and relaxed enough to enjoy whatever it is they want to do. Porn takes the unknown out of sex. You pick exactly who you want, escape to your own fantasy, are in control of everything. It's been two years now, we are still friends but, as I am one who finds it near impossible to let something go unless I understand it, (on nearly every subject) it will be very helpful to me to understand if there's a link. , I'll appreciate feed back on this. He also has an avoidant personality type, so that could play a huge role. I get if you want to answer anonymously.
I don't watch it, I hate the idea of it. Sharing yourself in that way should be far more connective that throwing a couple of strangers together to go at it for the entertainment of others, where the sole purpose is to show big parts or how far things can be pushed. I don't think porn takes the unknown out of anything personally, I think it does nothing but create a false perspective on everything to do with intercourse.
It is much more important for two people to sit down and discuss it. Likes, dislikes, what they want to try, not try etc. Intercourse isn't drama or a mystery, both people know why they are there...so why wait until you're doing it to make decisions?
As for the 'can't explain it' part. Everyone knows why they do what they do, why they like what they like, and why they want what they want. Admitting for him might be difficult, so worth a discussion.
Apologies if this isn't helpful, but it's honest 👍🏻
how old are you?
Probably look older than I am...
Good to know the cheese aisle is G-rated at Costco these days …. 11:50
Finally!
Oh wait, you even get to that point?
It's usually fraught with anxiety and ends up being a disaster...but at least I get to be the worst someone had experienced 😂
@@AdultwithAutism yeah I knew from a young age that lust and sex were two things that did not come natural to me. I distinctly remember a handful of cute girls that were into me and we dated yet I remember not having any sort of lust or sex drive - hell I didn’t even feel the urge to touch them
Or kiss them but I usually forced myself to because well that’s what humans are supposed to do, right? My teen years and early 20s were so damn confusing in the dating/sex realm - i couldn’t figure out what the deal was and looking back this really made it harder to relate to other guys . I didn’t even figure out I had autism until I was 38 but so much damage done that can’t be reversed. It’s very hard to square
And BDSM ? clear boundaries there.
Trusted company allows for an open mind 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism 🎯
👍🏻
BDSM with me:
Do you like this? No.
Can I do this? No.
Do you like this? No.
Can I do this? No.
Do you like this? No.
Do you like this? No.
Can I do this? No.
Can I do this? No.
Its so tragic that loving parents are prohibited from spanking their children. No wonder the majority of the youth of today are so disrespectful, lazy, entitled and selfish.
Sex is over rated
Yup 👍🏻