6 experiences unique to autistic adults
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
- Autism affects individuals of all ages, but it presents itself differently in adults. 💡🔍 Autistic adults may have developed coping mechanisms to deal with social communication issues, and changed sensitivities, interests, and executive functioning skills. 🧠 They may have co-occurring medical and mental health conditions. Here are six experiences unique to #autisticadults, with full explanations on our blog: www.autismbc.c...
#LateNotLess #AutisticAdults #AutismBC #AutismAcceptance
I'm an Autistic Adult. Here's the bottom line: We live in a society OBSESSED with work and access to property and credit. OBSESSED. Some of y'all have even said, your families are obsessed with work. This is the MAJOR challenge of my adult life. Not so much the work itself but dealing with all the pettiness, drama, and bullshit of coworkers day in and day out.
Working to survive and generating currency are VERY VERY VERY different. The fact that so many people have the 2 conflated is very telling
Imagine i had an item that i claimed is valuable despie it being worthless, and made you give me all your gold and in exchange i give you this item. I also control at will the value and supply of the item. Meaning you have to work exponentially harder for a item that is constantly losing value.
And due to me always inflating away the value, you have to work longer and longer hours, go more and more in debt to pay off loans for longer and longer period of times.
Versus
You go out with your gun and bow, kill and animal, process it, preserve it. You go out and turn over your soil, plant seeds you bartered for, tend it, harvest it. You sustainably build a adequately sized domicile nothing more nothing less...for free except your sweat.
Now which one is actual work?? Which one is currency generation..like a slave???
@getshorty75
Totally agree, it's all about training you to be compliant and dismissing you when you can't be.
I've dealt with family members treating it like I'm using autism to pathologise my own laziness, as if the stress of looking for and getting a new job will in some way make my baseline of constant anxiety just disappear.
My previous job was in a laboratory, and I had the benefit of working with a lot of other ND people and we formed little support networks between ourselves.
They don't realize the chain-reaction that they're causing that I, as an autistic person, see plain as day, everyday, all day. We're going to have to be very verbal during this time period, very loud, and explain it to them very clearly in a way that they can understand. The strife that they are causing in the world has evolutionary biological responses that express themselves as cluster-b personality disorders, which seek to create a world of scarcity that more closely resembles the dearth inside themselves! It's a downward spiral, the black sun.
I feel the same way. It's so nice to know someone else does as well.
Bingo!🎯
I wish sensory friendly bars existed where autistic adults could show up, drink, and info dump in a dimly lit room with peaceful music in the background. Looks like a library but it's a bar.
That is genius!
uhm, there's plenty of bars like that. look for craft beer pubs.
LOL, brilliant!
It's called "cabinets" in a restaurant. Has all that you've desrcibed
i couldn't even do that.
*"the social anxiety is strong in this one."*
In theory I agree with you. BUT if you only get diagnosed as an adult (I was 57 yrs old) it is completely different. After a lifetime of "failure" (school, university, work, relationships etc) getting diagnosed is a relief. But it made me also very angry at all the health care professionals who did not take the time to look deeper, called me lazy or stupid (even stubborn), because I lacked so many "normal" skills.
Do you think you would have been open to the idea of being on the spectrum? I say that because I have a friend who I am confident has ASD, but who was misdiagnosed with bipolar type II depression. the more videos I watch about ASD, I’m sure that’s what it is, he aligns with that more so than anything. When I suggested it one time, he was quickly dismissive, but being how he is, he did look into it and a day or so later Text me back and told me that he had read into it, but he did not think it was him. The strange/funny part is that everyone I have introduced him to has at one time or another asked me if he was on the spectrum
@@isimonsez I would have been open to everything. I researched and checked every diagnosis I got and nothing fit. I tried all the therapies and medications the doctors recommended, nothing helped. And so I was labeled as lazy, stubborn, refusing to work with the professionals. When one therapist finally suggested I might be on the spectrum, I was very sceptical at yet another diagnois. But I looked into it, did my research and knew that this was it. That was me.
@spinwitch
That's why I tend to dismiss people who get nostalgic and say that everything was better in the past.
Yes, it might well have been -
As long as you fit the very, very narrow deinition of what a "normal person" was supposed to be.
im still dealing with this, discovered that im probably aspie at 56. they pegged me as ADHD and said about autism, "its a childhood development disease" and shook his head and dropped the subject......my ability to show up everyday to work is what is killing me. after quitting drinking 3 years ago, it hasnt gotten better. they finally fired me last month.....i dont know what to do. im not stupid, in fact, in peculiar ways, i am brilliant but i cant fit in a world with all these strict schedules and all the chaos of traffic and job sites. i dont know how I was able to do my job for 30 years...fact is, i never in my life put 2 weeks in with out missing a day. im good enough at what I do that some boss' tolerated my attendance. i dont know what to do, have an appt with doctor and im feeling like this is hopeless. he's just going to increase the dose of adderall.....and we will play this game until i give up, again
@@strayspark1967 This is so sad. There would be so many ways for ALL people to work in a much healthier way and be more productive and happy, but those who make the decisions refuse to even look at other option than the standar 9 to 5.
I wish you all the best for the future and that you can find a way to support yourself in every aspect.
That last part about living independently is a bit daunting as an autistic adhd person, I see people like my parents whose lives revolve around work act like “that’s just the way it is” since that’s how they were raised which kinda freaks me out because usually for me after doing a big task or going out to run errands my brain and body are just done and need to decompress, also planning and organizing things for neurodivergent people takes more mental energy than most realize so not only is energy spent on physical tasks but the planning of what’s next. I’m trying to transition towards a mindset of navigating life at my own pace and factoring in my difficulties but I still feel surrounded by this social pressure of “you need to do more, you need to achieve more, you’re falling behind”
I hope my fellow neurodivergent adults are doing well ❤
felt this 😵💫
I am trying to get an ADHD assessment and I have been diagnosed already with autism. Been living alone since 18 and it is very difficult, but I have found it still so much easier than living with my not accepting parents.
@@zaraandrews600 as someone who has at least one unaccepting parent, my heart goes out to you. I hope you know you’re doing a good job and you’re brave as heck to be doing what you’re doing. I hope life becomes more manageable and you find more people who accept and love you for who you are 💜
Nobody gives a fuck about your problems.
Go out and get a job and you will see how quickly that negative mindset goes away.
The slaves too scared to try and escape, always belittle and deride and discourage the ones brave enough to slip their shackles.
What we do today is not work. It is currency generation. And due to the devaluing of our currency so the rich can get richer, "working" is no longer worth it. It is modern day slavery.
"Autistic adults who manage to hold down a job struggle (with tasks at home)" 🙋♀️💯
🙋🏻
Indeed, only so much energy and bandwidth.
Yes, even working part-time take so much energy leaving household tasks a low priority. And I do want to keep working if I can.
I can't do both lol. I just want to win at something😝
@@camellia8625 Spoon Theory
I have an older cousin who just gave me the adult sex talk. I learned about puberty and everything else when I was 10. However, no one ever explained to me the complex social needs and expectations that people have in an adult sexual relationship. This was prompted by me telling him that I met someone that I find interesting. It was a great lecture and I learned a lot. People who are not autistic probably wouldn't have needed such a lecture, but my cousin understands that I need human interaction explained. Otherwise, I'm just frustrated and confused by why people are mad at me.
Thanks for sharing this with us! The transition from childhood to adolescence and adolescence to adulthood is hard for many autistic people, especially as social needs and expectations around relationships, work, and school change. We're glad your cousin was able to be there for you in that moment!
@@fbbWaddell try to look at the world two different ways I'm this that and the other thing that I've been labeled and I'm nothing under a label of any sort just two equals interacting. After you mull it around for a while ask somebody you trust about your ideas and see if he has the same ideas or if he has anything else to give you. Just keep rolling around and think it through. It doesn't get any easier it's just going to have your roller coaster ride for everybody don't convince yourself that anybody has good.
Oh, believe me, many neurotypicals need an adult sex talk too.
Diagnosed at 60, now my misbegotten life is explained. Never had a girlfriend, bastardised at work, retired alone.
Sorry imagine your daughter disowning you because married a millionaire...says I'm different..I even look young for 60..yet I guess I'm not good enough
I have had many dogs , three right now. People can't compete with with them.
Honestly I don't know if I'd rather have never had a girlfriend or the exes I actually do have. I get to constantly remember that even in love I can't seem to get stability. Looking at the future I'm not even looking forward to going 50. Let alone older. Ugh. Even if the world pretends to be more "understanding" nowadays.
This is how I see my future going. I've always been incapable of maintaining a job or relationship. Flittering between jobs and women all my life, never settling. Never fitting in. Such things most people seem to consider normal seem impossible to me.
@@JurassicRod exactly worst part for me is that everytime I honestly try it ends up clashing because all interaction starts to feel like an ego war. A battle to decide whose feelings/emotions are more important. And then my first and most persistent questions becomes "ok but why should I bow before your ego? Why don't you bow for mine?" And then I am the selfish asshole lol. I really don't gdt it. At times I can really laugh at life and be motivated to move around and do my thing. But with this future and societal/economical stability it just feels more and more that the best idea is to exit stage left. Because death seems so pleasant, silent, undemanding, and accepting of all. Starting to think that people don't go to heaven after dying. Death is heaven compared to life.
Still hate losing, hate quitting. Feels like I admit defeat instead of giving life the finger as a rebel. 🤔🤷🏼♂️
I want to add to that last point, as someone who's been adjusting to living alone the last year, that for me it wasn't about forgetting to do those things. With meals especially I would get so overwhelmed each day that I would have a meltdown. My mind would go really fuzzy and I couldn't think clearly enough to put a meal together. Doing way better now though if that helps give hope to anyone out there! One step at a time
Thank you for sharing your experience with us! It's great to hear that you're doing better now and your words of encouragement will definitely inspire others. One step at a time indeed!
It's hard to do, but I wrote out a list of healthy foods, and I made a folder to put recipes and meal ideas into it whenever I feel like I can do that. That way, I have a go-to list that I don't have to think/process too much, and it's easier for me to come up with something to eat. Otherwise I would end up just grabbing something or just get overwhelmed and walk away and do something else besides eating 😣 I also have meltdowns if I can't find anything to eat pretty quickly, I can't spend hours on meal prep, it's got to be minutes 😊 I am very good at it now 🎉
@@nee-na6874 oh my goodness, I find that too, I just eat my veg raw, because cooking stresses me out. I wish you all the best😊
@@joerussell6021 I have digestive issues which frequently goes along with being neurodivergent, so I can't eat many raw foods 😥 but I still try very hard to eat healthy, that's why I wrote out the list and I keep it with my folder and I have one for my grocery list for when I go to the store about once a month because I live far away in the woods.🤠
Thank you for this.
How about the fact that being “high functioning” with a later in life diagnosis, I’m not believed or dismissed when it comes to my health. It took me over a year and nine months on sick leave befor a doctor believed me and I’m a nurse!
I was misdiagnosed 8 years and they repeatedly refused to mri my spine and as an ex medic I was right but got no justice, mh struggles life long. I give people everything I had and it was ne er enough went through life with imposter syndrome I never felt good enough now I have ptsd i workers ten years in healthcare and 8 in the TA on-top of it mostly. Nowt I did to fit in was good enough my brain always ever self aware and stress burnout not even recognised diagnosed at 51. I could of been so much more if my family wasn’t working class and I wasn’t abused
That sounds so frustrating! The healthcare system is an extremely challenging environment for many autistic adults to navigate, so you're not alone. It's difficult to pinpoint any one issue causing the dismissal of health issues you mentioned but we would love to help advocate for positive change. Some of our recent blog content covers questions to ask your doctor, barriers to neuroaffirming care, and why neuroaffirming care matters. If you want to reach out with ideas for other initiatives, feel free to reach out using the Contact Us page on our website!
I relate to all six. The strangest thing for me is the last one, living independently. I've done a lot of things and had life experiences many people dream of having like travelling the world and achieving "dreams" etc. Idk how I did those things and do them. But at the end of the day, I can barely take care of myself in a way NTs can. I get confused, muddled and overwhelmed very easily with things like paying bills, taxes and applications etc. I always live a life of incredibly high stress that's lead to becoming disabled. I have an ASD 2 friend who is very good at big picture planning, but I have no clue how to do that. Ppl presume I'm doing just fine 'cos they would expect an adult like me to do those things, but in reality idk if I'll end up homeless in a few months or not simply 'cos I cannot tend to basics. It's always infuriated my abusive family 'cos it just seems like I don't have a plan. And yet I've done all these supposed "big things" in everyone else's eyes that makes them presume I'm capable because I hyperfixated on one aspect of something and checked off every box in order boom-boom-boom until I was done and then I am lost again. So the skill gaps aren't just in my professional life, they exist like big gaping holes in my actual life. Like Jim below, I just feel alone and scared all the time as I'm sure many autistic adults must feel too.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It takes a lot of courage to talk about the challenges we face, and we appreciate you opening up. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is different, and it's okay to struggle with certain things, even if others perceive us as capable in other areas. Please know that you're not alone. It's okay to ask for help and take things one step at a time. We wish you all the best.
This is just a complete guess, but it sounds to me like there might be some AD(H)D in the mix. I don't claim to know that for sure, but it is a very common comorbidity for autism.
YES! I've done things like traveling abroad alone, buying a car, graduating from college, and somehow landing a full time job, but no matter what I always feel just as lost after things like this happen while marveling and pondering how it was even possible. In many ways I still feel like a young child on the inside despite being 27, but I think I'm so out of touch with my emotions that people don't really see this.
I’m very with bills n common sense I’ve travelled served been political change making. But I’m clumsy self aware have melt downs get embarrassed feel anything I make an error on is purposely bullied on its social for me. And depression and unhealthy eating even when I do cook my own struggling with big jobs due to physical disability. Not trusting others as have been used and exploited when I’m
Kind to others. Seen as a threat to other workers do bullied. So now I can’t fit in or work since I burned out now bullied as a scrounger benefit claimant in uk wish is ableist fascist and Nazi almost. They want us to commit suicide for the rich n greedy to save on our pensions
@@annakilifa331 I’m 53 on list for adhd assessment was diagnosed autistic at spy 21 at 51 -52
People who don’t use headphones who have their phones on loud speaker mode watching videos etc can be annoying esp at the gym or when travelling via train
Or if you live with them and they likely share the diagnosis but rigidly refuse to do any introspection or investigation 😖
Especially on TikTok with rapidly changing obnoxious videos, idk how people can stand it
1:02 - Nah I still just feel broken and unwanted
Me too
It’s one of the reasons I don’t think it should be called a handicap. It’s a situation.
Same here
Forgetting to eat, drink and sleep. Yep, that's me!
dumbest comment on the internet
You say it so succinctly: "Eating, sleeping, cleaning, and running errands" Yep those are all tough. I live on my own and for now am managing to hold down a job to afford that. But on stressfull days i forget to eat a meal or two, only remember when i get a headache or cant concentrate then realize its from hunger.
My house is always in disarray, never would really have anyone over, even if i had friends, because its embarassing.
Errands are the worst. Usually order grocery delivery. How did people deal before that? Youre telling me to not starve you had to make a shopping list and go to the grocery store every week!?
Things i do to kind of work around it:
Hire someone to mow my lawn even though its kind of a waste of money.
Get groceries delivered
Basically eat the same food every week. Usually just have 1 same breakfast and a few super easy entrees i repeat for dinner and lunches.
Have no hacks for cleaning i cant afford to hire cleaners wish i could - i feel like outsourcing is the eadiest answer to all these things but all that takes money. I know i am lucky to afford getting someone to mow the lawn.
Anyway - ramble over.
Thank you so much! We're glad to hear this video struck a chord with you. There are blog posts on the Resources page of our website that provide tips for coping and context for why this happens if you're interested.
I concur. Grocery delivery is quite the convenience. Last week I thought I’d go pick up a few things at the grocery store. I’ve been to this store multiple times (not alone) but last week when I went alone I got disoriented in the store. Took me awhile to find the locations of the stuff I needed. It was overwhelming and I cried after that.
As an autistic adult, when I was single (well over two decades ago), I would go to the store to get just a few things to last me a week or so, such as fruit, TV dinners, ramen. Or, I would just go out (at a time when eating out was affordable). I didn't know how to cook, so that's what I did.
Diagnosed 1966 with autism. No education, training or direction. Lost my BC government labouring job at 42 because of my autism. Was told the top person in my ministry had it in for me and ended up forced into taking a modest buyout. Lost medical, dental, chunk of pension, human connection and more. 65 and that’s my employment legacy. The only work I found after was delivering telephone books and working at an election. I guess my resume read like an autistic resume because I never received one job response except these two menial labour positions - not one. Watching my brother with his career on top of family, grandkids and successful marriage - integrity - really hurts. He gave my parents grandkids and I gave them ambiguous loss and a reason to not be trusted.
That is not your legacy, not knowing you I believe there are beautiful things you have done in your life that have blessed peoples lives that you just don't know! We are more than jobs and spouses
It started off with depression, anxiety and hereditary OCD(some panic attack episodes too), started taking therapy, things got a bit better but mostly the same. Then I got to know about 16 MBTI and related so much with the INFP type, few years later read about HSP/HSS, and then started getting youtube recommendations for ADHD in adults and then finally a video about Bridgerton's Francesca displaying Autistic traits got me here. I am scared, will it ever end? Is this it or is there still something else? Sometimes I accept myself fully, I love myself for who I am and then there are days like today, when I absolutely hate my life. I have always found it difficult to fit it, now I know why, but does it make things easy for me? Today I just feel like sitting in a corner and crying all day, not wailing just those tiny silent sobs.
Just want to say I completely relate to what you said and when I got to the part about about the 16 MBTI I said to myself "watch it be INFP" lol. My only difference is I was already diagnosed with ADHD but completely relate with you. Idk about you but for me its a little comforting to know/realize I'm not alone with my experience. Have a good one.
adhd doesnt exist... its not a thing. you are getting played. fact.
You are not alone i had a lot of problems in my life too neurotypicals were disrespectful rude not nice etc. I was always rejected by people people were annoyed by me the way i talk and behave my stimming. At phone calls or messengers people had no interest in me because i was emotionally blunt viewed by them and at appointments people were always annoyed of he way i talk and i have also slow processing speed which also caused rejection.
(after five minutes of solid information bombardment from a fast talker while I concentrate on maintaining appropriate eye contact so I look like I'm listening, but I can't listen because my attention is on worrying about looking like I'm listening and worrying that I've already forgotten most of it while they were still talking but I can't interrupt them to write any of it down or admit that I already forgot everything they said) "Can you put that in an email for me for so I can refer back to it?" "No. That's why I'm telling you now to save time and so I don't have to write it down." Literally no clue what I had been told. I was gone about two weeks later.
I’m a fast loud autistic I’m adhd with both rspid and delayed processing rapid on many levels quick to explode and get frustrated with self and others. Too much common selves fir this world and bullied for every imperfection like living on cute glass it hurts
Hi! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. This is a common experience we've heard from plenty of autistic adults, both on our staff and in our community. We hope you can find an environment that's more accommodating and inclusive in the near future, and if you want to participate in our programs or groups, you can learn more about them on our website! We always make an effort to provide meaningful support to autistic people.
The speed adjustment feature on RUclips is your friend. The .75 or .50 level is often helpful.
Great video, you literally pointed out just about every struggle I'm currently facing in a way that may be understandable to allistic folks that I usually end up over explaining.
Thank you! I'm glad the video was helpful to you and that it could potentially serve as a tool for explaining your struggles to others.
@@AutismBC I appreciate this so much-being to use this as a tool to explain what is going on to others. I have so much trouble putting together what is going on inside, but when I hear you talk about these 6 things, they are all too familiar. Thank you for making clears videos that are too the point and so helpful! ❤
"As they age, an autistic adult's migraines start to get more intense" Wait. This is a THING? Because I've definitely been seeing this over the last few years and hadn't connected it to either aging or Autism (and yes I have autism Dx). The really annoying thing is the way that tinnitus, which used to be just the precursor to a migraine has nearly become constant. It feels like my brain has just been turning up the sensory sensitivities now that I'm past 50 and I'm not at all happy about that
i havent has a headache in 24 years.....
This would be more accessable without the music- I couldn't make it to the end as the music kept getting in the way.
Thanks a lot for taking the time to give us your feedback. We've received similar feedback in the past and have ensured that all of our other videos are accessible. Unfortunately, it seems like we missed the mark on this one. We're sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused, but we will prioritize accessibility in all of our future videos. Thanks again for bringing this to our attention!
@@AutismBC Thank you.
This is mostly true for me on #1, but I still have absolutely no idea what anybody else is thinking or why the rules are what they are. In retrospect, it's hard for me to understand how I didn't notice. I guess, I heard that people can't mind read, so that means that nobody knows anything about what other people are thinking.
Thanks for sharing your experience! It's understandable to feel that way, especially since social norms and expectations can often seem arbitrary and difficult to understand. Remember, you're not alone!
@@AutismBC To be honest, when I stumbled on the rest of the autistic community, it kind of freaked me out a bit that there's actually other people out there that understand just about all of it, not necessarily the same person, but collectively, most of this stuff isn't particularly new. Which means that collectively we can find some sort of a reasonable answer for most of it. Or at least the most problematic bits.
@@SmallSpoonBrigade That's wonderful to hear. The sense of community and understanding is often at the heart of our programming and resources because it's crucial to well-being and self-understanding for many autistic adults we've spoken to.
You have to feel what people are thinking...and neurotypcals are too stupid to do that.
I'm alone even though I've got workers and mum looking after me. And I'm happy. I look at toys all day and no boys or girls, no kids. I'm actually very old. And will die of cancer soon. I'm actually in agony, but no one can tell. when I was a baby, I got double namonia in my lungs and was still running around like normal. I'm still running around but very unwell. Got a cold today. Soon, I'm sure I'll pass next time I want to be a wolf as being human is way too hard.
I've been fighting my work for over a year to allow me to wear hearing protection. I FINALLY am able to wear it after telling them I'm dealing with hearing loss. I had to fill out an incident report. I work at a warehouse... My performance and mental health have improved since.
We're sorry to hear your workplace is so unwilling to meet your request for accommodations. That sounds incredibly stressful, but we're glad you were ultimately able to wear hearing protection at work! We believe all employers should provide accommodations to their employees, and our Communications team wrote a blog about how employers can be more inclusive to autistic people that's on our website if you're interested in reading!
@@AutismBC I don't have the attention span. 😓 I HATE that I have to work to survive.
If it's really that loud, and they aren't allowing PPE, that's the domain of OSHA.
@@AutismBC its normal for the workplace to ignore our needs...
@@confidentlocal8600 OSHA is safety...they dont care about autism.
Thank you for this; I fight and suffer on a daily basis with no proper support system so it's nice to know we're understood and awareness is being raised.
Thank you for taking the time to leave this thoughtful comment! It's rewarding to know you found this video insightful.
I'm 62. At the age of 54 I saw Temple Grandin give a lecture 'I think in pictures'. It was a revelation and a shock and an epiphany all in one. I thought everyone thought in picture's. To discover people had no mental visualisation was the shock. I was and am saddened that my wife doesn't think in picture's. That she can't see her mothers face in her head as I do. The fact I have, what can only be described as, a heads up display at all times in my vision is to me a bonus. I thought everyone did. I could never show my workings out in the margins of my maths book because it was visual. I didn't, and don't, understand how you can do it differently. There are severe difficulties I also face in life, but to be without my visualisation would be crippling. I was clinically diagnosed as having Asperger's at the age of 57. I'd struggled all my life and now I actually believe I'm gifted and better for the way I think. I really feel sorry for those who can't see. In the course of my research leading up to my diagnosis, I discovered some people don't even have an inner monologue (!??) I can't fathom that on any level. Since diagnosis my crippling depression has virtual vanished... The measure of sanity should not be how well we fit into a profoundly broken society - Jiddu krishnamurti I believe, and I've paraphrased somewhat.
I'm very happy you were able to get diagnosed, even late in life! I just found out recently myself and it's got me very curious about the way I think, and cognition in general! I also never realized that other people thought differently for a very long time. Although I can visualize images in my head (quite dimly, usually) and can have a conscious train of verbal thought, most of my thought process occurs... not subconsciously, but conceptually, in a manner that I can only describe as conscious but neither verbal nor visual. I'd say it's closest to what I've heard described as pattern or "math and music" thinking, as well as 'bottom-up' or 'details-before-concepts' thinking. i've always felt that i thought about everything backwards, which was frustrating as a child. but as I've grown and learned how to think about things forwards as well, I'm a much more creative thinker than people who never tried to think backwards. I hope more people can learn about this younger, and also that we can all learn to appreciate our differences as what they are, no more and no less.
I also think in pictures and visualisations, it comes with interesting aspects.
I self-identified at Age 44 in 2005 after reading a random newspaper article about "Asperger's Syndrome" - suddenly my entire life was utterly Explained! I was gifted at math, had a nightmarish childhood (ADHD, OCD, ODD, all the Alphabet soup "disorders"), was able to get my act together enough to complete school, go to college, earn Engineering degrees, become a civil engineer w/a quite accomplished 35 year career designing & managing transportation projects (a lot with commuter rail, ports, & airports - I was a HUGE nerd about trains, planes, & ships).
I have a very keen ability to visualize inside my head - I could picture the designs I was working on - or others were - in my head, as they would look completed. Eventually, CAD advanced to where my gift was irrelevant & computers did this for us.
Once I figured myself out, I started seeing that everyone in my field of engineering was also somewhere "on the spectrum", & it helped me as I advanced into middle management to deal with the "people problems" more effectively.
My personal life was never all that great - I dated & got married twice, mainly because my family wanted me to, for their own fulfillment & religious purposes, not my own (I am Profoundly Agnostic). My family ultimately rejected my self identity, it was a source of embarrassment & shame for my parents, after a lifetime of me humiliating them in front of friends & family with my "strangeness". I was outright rejected, & am now estranged, much in the way LGBTQ+ folks are by conservative parents. Much like them, I cannot help how I was born, & am not going to let anyone make me feel ashamed of myself for being who I am. It is their loss, not mine.
As for any "official diagnosis", I considered seeking one when I had a "difficult" boss, but then the Newtown school shooting happened in 2012, & the media was saying "take guns away from anyone with Aspergers Syndrome", as I am a history enthusiast, & thus a firearms buff, I did not actually want this "official" categorization in this society any longer. I know myself better than any "Shrink" ever will anyhow . . .
I think in pictures too! It's like a movie going on in parallel in my head that I need to follow in order to try to interpret whats going on in real time...quite challenging. 😊
Also, I can visualize objects and and molecules in my head. Very useful fir organic chemistry ⚗️
other people dont think in pictures? i didnt know....
The title is misleading; plenty of allistic people experience the mentioned things as descirbed in the video, myself included.
A better title would have called them "common to autistic adults" rather than "unique to autistic adults". They are not unique to autistic adults, i have yet to hear of any single experience that is unique to autism (autism is diagnosed by co-occurence of things, not any singular trait).
Yeah I was hoping it was going to have differential experiences from all other conditions not just generic you were different growing up. There's a lot of different conditions that have these differences from neurotypical able bodied folk.
I’m disabled and isolated and no one cares
Hello! We're sorry to hear you're isolated and would love to connect with you. If you reach out using our contact page, staff can get in touch to share opportunities for connection in the BC community!
I think the issue with this video is that it feels like it assumes you were diagnosed with autism when younger and aware of your issues. But I was diagnosed at 21.
I was diagnosed at 21 as well. I commonly struggle with work; finding a job, interviewing and keeping a job.
Hello! Thank you for this feedback. The autistic adults who wrote and hosted this video are also late-diagnosed, so we're sorry to hear the video came across as being intended for solely early-diagnosed folks. We'll be more careful when making future content to ensure it's more inclusive to people diagnosed at all different points in their lives.
This video = my life... Thank you for sharing this information, I appreciate it and am thinking it's the best one I have watched that perfectly describes what it's like being an autistic adult. I'm 67 and got clarification FINALLY in the past year, but knew I was "very different" since I was a child. I'm in the process of reframing my entire life now and it's a journey that is EVERYTHING.
Thank you so much for letting us know this video resonated with you! We wish you all the best in your journey.
I'd always wondered why the dating advice I had heard never worked for me. And why I never really liked bars and parties. It wasn't until my 40's that I got some of my answers.
31 and that sounds like me.
some not that unique. Increased self awareness is common with ADHD, BPD, and CPTSD.
Regarding #6, who DO we rely on for aid? What resources are actually out there? I’m hoping, since this video was clearly made by a company, that you will have a helpful answer.
My issue is the opposite. Day to day stuff like taking care of chores, errands, and self-care are mostly fine, but employment is impossible and I “don’t qualify” for any kind of aid.
So, how does someone in my position not end up homeless? Who do I talk to, to make sure things like important paperwork or home maintenance/repairs are taken care of?
As it is, if my mom dies, I have no idea where to even begin with all the paperwork - life insurance, bank accounts, making sure I don’t lose the house, etc., etc. She says that her friends would help me, but what if, by the time this becomes an issue, there’s no one left available to help me? This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night.
There are lots of us who have struggled for decades to get the help and support we need to get our lives to work properly. One problem is that society tend to treat people with autism 1, as if they can magage their life on their own if they just get the right tools. Even if we can deveop better cooping strategies wiht time, our autism don't go away with time and our need to get right help and support will not disapear just because we find better tools, as to speak and our society refuses to recognize this.
I clicked on this video thinking it would be helpful for me having an ASD dx, but felt frustrated by the focus on the nt/allistic audience. There are some fair points made, but I was hoping to hear from a neurodivergent perspective aimed toward neurodivergent people. This is my first exposure to this group, so I don't know who the intended audience was...
Thank you for watching our video! It's a part of our new campaign to raise awareness about late-identified autistic individuals. Aly, who is also autistic, is leading this effort by summarizing different experiences as an autistic adult with non-autistic (allistic/NT) folks. We know that many people still think that autism only affects children, so our hope is to change this perception. We apologize if this video wasn't what you expected, but we'd love for you to check out our other content.
@@AutismBC I think part of the issue, at least for me, is that Aly refers to autistic people as “them”, rather than “us”. This tells me that this video comes from a neurotypical perspective (whether that’s actually the case or not).
Excellent video. I only wish there were pre-formatted closed captions for easier following.
Thanks for bringing this to our attention! We will be sure to look into that before posting future content.
That's the name " *she* "(we know who _she_ is) gives to self collected serious people, instead of her ourward shameless outgoing behaviour....She's thought it all, only *_she_* is normal, *_she_* is the example, and *_she_* knows of happiness.....She, she, and only she......✝️
It doesn't feel empowering. Now that I know it feels like a cage. There are things I've wanted to do my whole life that I know I just can't now. I'm pretty much just alone and scared. Lucky for me, my special interest is computers and programming.
I definitely understand this feeling! When I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago I thought everything could get better because there's solutions available like medication and therapy, etc. Now that I realize I'm also Autistic I know some of it isn't "fixable" now, there's only work-arounds now, and sometimes, there's not even that.
Sending you good vibes! You are not alone!
Jim and Sara, just echoing the sentiment that diagnosis has not felt empowering. My diagnosis leaves me very sad that my loss of skills and increased levels of challenges in performing day to day tasks a I age is not a temporary situation and is not "fixable". While we may not be alone in these struggles, the feeling of being alone in terms of mental and physical isolation from others due to the barriers caused by neurodivergence challenges can be profound for me. Thank you both for your own reflections on this.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings with us. We understand that receiving a diagnosis can be overwhelming and that it may not always feel empowering. Thank you for offering different perspectives. We appreciate you all for speaking out and raising awareness about the realities of living with neurodivergence.
I don't want to dismiss your feelings at all, but I do want to add my own experience. When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I felt this way. It seemed like I was just always going to have to struggle to do the things everyone else could. And in some fucked up way I felt like I deserved it, like I was broken and this was just my lot in life.
I realized on my 26th birthday that I was autistic. More or less everything about my life and my psyche made sense to me, finally. And it helped me realize something else, that I should have learned much earlier. It's okay to be bad things. It's fine to just suck at something everyone else is good at, even if other people think you should feel lesser for it. There are people who are good at those things who will help you. And there are people who are bad at things that you're good at, and you can help them. Focus on your strengths, and delegate your weaknesses (as much as you can).
I feel the same way. Many ND folks try and encourage me that I'll feel different one day and I really REALLY hope that's true. Diagnosed w ADHD a few years ago at 22, now 25 and have been looking into autism for over a year now. I am sure I am autistic, and the revelation has only brought sorrow and distress.
The other day, my mom, best friend, and I went to the beach. I had on my sunglasses and had my normal glasses hanging from the neck of my shirt. Apparently at some point when I bent down, my glasses fell off. As the sun set I reached for them to find them gone. I walk back looking all around, and ask a couple on the beach of they saw anything. They didn't. I found my glasses later, thankfully. On the way to the car, I passed the couple again, wearing my glasses. The guy speaks up that he's glad I found them. I told him I found them on a little mound of sand just waiting for me, like fate or something. He and his gf just kinda smiled awkwardly at me, I wished them a good weekend and left.
I could just tell. I could tell they knew. I could tell they thought I was awkward and weird and different just from how I was walking on the sand and how I moved my arms and hands. It was heart breaking. And this has happened my whole life, and now I know why.
All my issues, combined with burnout and becoming "more" autistic (a common thing noted by late diagnosed people) makes me feel hopeless. I will always be different. People will always notice me. And they will treat me differently. They will treat me worse. Just like they always have been.
Thank you so much for this video. I'm an autistic adult that only now, at 40, self diagnosed. All points are true❤
I have always struggled with keeping my apartment clean. Even now, I still have difficulty with that.
I have a detailed list of everything I need to keep track of down to what I eat, how many times I eat, how many calories, and how much it cost that I write down and update every day. The idea of me ever being overweight is a fantasy because I have to put in so much effort just to be a healthy weight. And thats just food, this goes down to every other detail of my life and its so overwhelming. Then I have to keep track of all these lists and systems while holding down a 9-5 plus overtime and somehow have enough mental energy to hang out with friends on the weekend. I can't, I need a much lower workload but thats not possible so I do what I can and hope my college classes take me somewhere where I don't need to work so many hours.
I'm sorry, but I don't feel empowered. Even though I've hit my early 20s I still feel like certain things are missing. The way you look at the camera also looks like your reading from a script at the same time.
I took a job as Truck driver to get away from people & most instructions were in writing. But my anxiety got so high, I couldn't function anymore.
I am a broken friendless failure who always managed to get straight A's but is not able to succeed in life and I get mocked and laughed at by actual CLIQUES of supposed adults. Nothing. There's nothing here.
A diagnosis? OK. Now what.
There's nothing here. Nothing in this world.
Not sure if I'm autistic, but I have taken random quizzes on the internet that say that I might be one of them. I also can relate to a lot of this
Thank you for the nice content! It is very helpful to listen to someone else describing my everyday problems in such a detail
That means so much to us! Thank you for letting us know you found it helpful. That's why we do it!
I’m an adult with Autism, and I live alone, but my parents are just across the street and my sister and her family live about half an hour away from us, so that works out well for me. I’m mostly independent, but I still depend on my family and friends for rides to things.
I'm sorry, but I still see myself as broken... not different.
I get that feeling. I'm trying to see myself as an out of date computer that can't be updated easily & needs longer to process things & 'downloading' information requires jiggling the cables a little bit. Helps to see the frustration in perspective & get outside myself. Also needs more computer technicians to maintain itself kind of thing. An old school car comparison works too. We work in analog & the world runs digital kind of thing. Not 'fixable' per se, but still dignifying.
I think the difficulty with this video is that it is very perspective based and those of us who have different perspectives can’t relate. Take point 1, in some aspects learning I’m autistic helped me understand myself and accept my differences. But on the other hand, knowing this is the way that I am and can’t change it feels utterly hopeless. Sure I can learn to manage it, but as someone with multiple conditions to manage it just feels like long term burnout is inevitable.
Hi! Thanks for sharing this with us. We're sorry to hear our video wasn't relatable for you, and we're taking action to include a greater variety of voices in our campaigns in the future. The host in this video also has personal experience with multiple conditions and chronic burnout as an autistic adult but we will be sure to take a critical eye to upcoming content with this feedback in mind.
I'm an autistic minor. None of these are unique to you guys lol (other than living independently for me, but others that is also just as much of an issue)
How could you mention co-occurring conditions without mentioning ADHD?!
I'm an Autistic adult who struggles with following job instructions. So I stay at home and clean. I live with my fiancé who has Ashpergers. He works and drive. We live in an apartment.
Solid info! Thanks a lot for using a neutral background. 😊For me it would be better without muzak.
Finding and keeping a job?! When someone asks me what I did for work (I'm 70) I have to say "which year?"
Well I'm a old autistic and have lost some Of my abilitys like going out alone and doing smart things but look I can use a phone. I'm cooking simple things for my old mum. Can't drive or hold a job but have a serious routine. Buy people.by the way I'm smart yes. Bye
Being diagnosed autistic later in life has caused nothing but a countless stream of problems and challenges that have totally screwed me up the wazoo to the point where I can't get any medical or mental health services in the state of Massachusetts. No less because I don't fit into a particular box.
Take a shot every time she says "autistic adult".
Take two shots every time she uses a buzzword ("advocacy", "empowering").
These examples are also experienced in schizophrenia - check out the EASE if you're interested to see how similar schizophrenia and autism are.
The migraine thing is so real. I’m only 20 and have suffered from them since I was 8.
i haven't had a headache in 24 years...
@@gothboschincarnate3931 lucky !! I’d be grateful to have a week without one 😭
Also having having ADHD does not help and even makes dealing with autistic traits worse ngl
Some of the comments here make me wonder, will humanity ever get better?
This was an odd video I feel like it just ran down a list stuff someone wrote down but I think it doesn't allow for the underlying issues to be why some of these things are happening like they just blame the autistic person for being not normal but when they've spent decades being gas lit into thinking they are something they're not or trying harder than neurotypical folks might even try to fit in and then being marginalized labeled as you know lesser people somehow I would like to see you know all the reasons neurotypical people are so inherently awful to autistic people and as an adult on the spectrum this prejudice has been going on for also decades so to just put it on the other person for being autistic and the way they are born really parallels other prejudices
Would be interested in hearing some strategies for self advocacy particularly hhow to handle rejection/dismissal/refusal to accommodate
I struggle with tech
This was so kind! Thank you ❤
Great video, although I think the first experience depends entirely on the individual regardless of them being autistic. I found out as an adult, and ever since I've felt defective, very much like a broken clock.
Hello! Thank you so much. We completely agree that each autistic person's experience is entirely unique. Many of our autistic staff and community members relate to the feeling you described and we're tirelessly working to create more supportive paths forward through resources and programming, and we appreciate hearing your thoughts!
This video is absolutely spot on thank you
Autism ruins our entire life...
Very interesting. Thank you.
i didn't know my migraines were tied to my autism!
i haven't had a headache in 24 years...
There's no way of knowing that without a deeper look at your lifestyle, could be any number of reasons from a ill fitting hat to a radio tower.
Love from QC to BC!
I didn't except that to hit so close - dealing with the increasing migraine right now!
Can you help adults obtain a diagnosis?
On 5 October 1974 an autistic schoolmate of mine committed suicide, I was the last person at school he tried to talk to. I was entirely the wrong person for him to talk to, being autistic myself. I have been going through life for 50 years, thinking I have failed him.
That is really sad. You didn't fail him, you weren't the person he needed to talk to...
Totally broken. A loyal partner would be nice… 👍
Making friends isn't easy for me.
I simply hate the music in the videos.
The bit abouit migraines getting worse with age - HOOO BOY! I've actually been worried that something was seriously wrong because they have absolutely been getting worse over the last decade.I didn't think it was something manageable at all, that all I could hope for was to find and avoid the triggers (and accept having a blanket day when necessary). Are ASD migraines really treatable?
i haven't had a headache in 24 years...
This is well written. Thank you.
Hmm. You sure described me!
BINGO - you hit the nail on the head with this one.
Thank you for your comment! I'm glad to hear that you found the video relatable.
Love from NS to BC
Great content.
I have just discovered that I have high functioning autism. I am not upset. Just really thankful that I have FINALLY figured out what is wrong with me
2:57
That is quite the definitive statement considering that it is MUCH more nuanced than how you present it. Of course there are people out there that will have or have had trouble making connections with NT's but all of the adult autistic people I know are married to a neurotypical spouse. You've painted all NT's and their social preferences with the same brush and that's not how people should look at them.
My brother is NT yet he and I both hate crowds. My wife also likes quiet settings for dates and other outings as a neurotypical woman.
It upsets me to hear this because it makes it sound like there's no hope for autistic people romantically unless they find another autistic to get involved with.
I am 62, and was diagnosed as "hyperactive" in the 1970's (Called ADHD now, Unless it's been changed again, ironically, I call it AD4K) But i also seem to find that I MIGHT be on "the spectrum" of the 'tism.
completely brilliant video perfect
Find a community that understands LOL nope social anxiety makes that impossible I still see myself as broken and how do you meet someone with same special needs plus I never go to the doctor or hospital because of social anxiety and last but not least nobody advocated for me as a child my parents didn't want me because I was damaged and I still have no one to help me. I am a 51-year-old single female and I have no friends and no family I don't have anybody to help me so how do I get any help.
I had never thought that my migranes can be caused by my autism. And it does make all sence. Secondly, what I hate about myself right now, how well I've learned to mimic others and live "normal" working life. Because now any standard autism problem is treated as an excess and "bad" behaviour or intentional problem causing. Hard to explain others that in reality I am hiding my psychic state and I really need to be treated with more caution. I've fully stoped to hide it anymore, I want a special treatment I've refused young. Now, I would like to live like myself ...
im 30 I didn't get diagnoed until april this year so ive gone about my life as normal. it hard trying to adjust and re live my life and learnign coping mechansims
So why doesn’t BC offer testing for adults through the public medical system? There’s no way to access supports without a diagnosis so basically you’re on your own unless you can afford thousands for private testing.
I am an introvert. I don't believe that I suffer from Autistic Spectrum Disorder because I can easily adapt to most situations and manage my weaknesses. I have come to terms with and dealt with my personal issues in my life so I feel better now as a mature man in society.
I choose not to have any close relationships nor do I need medication or therapy to be cured of this phantom disorder.
The fact is that I don't like being around toxic people who corrupt anyone different in some illness or disorder. Do extroverts and toxic people suffer from Autism?
En tant qu'adulte diagnostiquée autiste à 38 ans, cette vidéo m'attriste vraiment et me fait sentir encore plus seule. Après toutes ces année de solitude, d'isolement, de masking, de harcèlement, d'incompréhension, de surstimulation (sans comprendre pourquoi), je suis juste une adulte brisée, dépressive, anxieuse et très seule...
I feel the same way. I hope that we both get through it and succeed in life.
@@lilibaby696 Your message has already made me feel less alone... I hope you find your place and a way to blossom
Since they have made wider doors and wheelchair ramps (which is a good thing), can they make sure there is better lighting in hospitals and less beeping sounds. I was in the hospital with my daughter and there was such a loud fan that I couldn't sleep at all. It would cost a lot and I would not expect that everything be changed at once, but as lights and fans and things are switched out over time, there could be improvements. These things make certain spaces inaccessible, or barely accessible for autistic people.
I just got told by my boss that I’m unprofessional because I can’t do something due to sensory issues.
You can get round the eating problem very well by sticking to fixed times and reminding yourself of these times as much as possible, for example with an alarm clock on your smartphone. As eating too little or too much can also be a problem, it can help to work out your daily calorie requirements and the corresponding distribution of nutrients and use this to create an approximate plan, which can save you a lot of time in your daily preparation. There are probably apps that can do this, but let's be honest, what autistic person would want to be relieved of this work?
And besides: routines are a good thing after all ;)
Idk if I have Autism or not but I do relate to how many of these comments read. More recently I’ve been wondering am I just introverted or is it a bit deeper than that. I struggle with relationships and socializing voluntarily but at times I’ve been the center of the social circle and still felt completely alone. What I do know is my heart goes out to all of you out there struggling because I know what’s it’s like to be alone and feel alone.
Very well put..
This sums up so much of what i deal with.
This video is on point...
I think our now 25 yr old son might be autistic. How can we help him know that we love and support him? When we speak with him he is very rude and defensive. I always ‘ ask too many questions’ just to ask him how his day was. I get only a few words from him yet he tells me I can’t have a conversation! He does come to small family gatherings and is now studying computers and finance at university. Of course, the lecturers have major faults in his eyes. I have stepped back in our relationship because his words are so hurtful.
I’m not sure if I’m a right person to answer this but I’m autistic and 25y old too. Here are some of my thoughts…Maybe he’s still holding onto something you might have unknowingly done that has hurt him. I would suggest, First ask him for forgiveness. Ask him if you guys could spend some time together while letting him be himself, if he moderately enjoys wine or something, do that. Be chill and make him comfortable for opening up, try spending time together like teaching him to drive a car or playing some sports. Don’t hesitate to always tell him how much you love and care for him. It will take time but once he’s comfortable with you he’ll automatically start responding in a positive way. Also from his side he should learn more about autism and how to live with it the best way possible. I understood a lot about myself once I became curious and aware about what’s going on inside my head and kept on digging deeper, I finally found out that my parents did the best they could to give me a better life which came with many sacrifices from both sides. I was blaming them somewhat before but now I understood that they were just trying their best. I hope he’ll do the same. But from your side you must give him an open space to understand what suits him and what doesn’t. Slowly slowly things will get better between you guys, I’m sure of this ❤
I was diagnosed at 19 ... xD No other comorbidities though but maybe that doctor was just for the autism diagnosis
This is literally a list of complaints my parents have about me 😂
You sound like you’re saying artistic.