Reminds me of the difference between a person on the spectrum and a kleptomaniac. The first one takes things literally and the latter takes things, literally.
The difference between a schizophrenic and an autist: If asked, "do you hear voices?" both will say "yes." For the schizophrenic, the voices are in his head. For the autist, the voices are a conversation being held quietly in another room.
@@GnuReligion To be precise: For a schizophrenic, the voices would be perceived as coming from outside his head but originate from inside his head. Voices perceived as coming from inside the head would rather suit DID/Multiple Personality.
Some other autistic traits I’ve noticed not talked about much are: 1. Speaking too loudly or quietly, usually too quietly from my experience. Autistic people often find it difficult to control the volume of their voice and don’t notice the volume of their voice. 2. Not talking much during conversations or not knowing what to say. I’ve noticed this a lot. 3. Becoming very clingy around specific people and always wanting to talk to the same people and hang out with them. Also, using the people you’re clinging to as someone to make friends and talk to others.
"Becoming very clingy around specific people and always wanting to talk to the same people and hang out with them. Also, using the people you’re clinging to as someone to make friends and talk to others." So true 😅😅
Wow. As a kid, that first one was just terrible to go through (I think I got better by now, but my voice still sounds inconsistent). I constantly felt embarassed when the teacher releatedly told me to speak louder. The second one I still notice, but the third one I have no idea as I never had more than a few friends at a time. I'm still not sure I'm autistic though.
@@isky6541You could be an INTJ or INTP personality type (Meyers Briggs method). I thought I was autistic for a long time and then found out that I'm a totally typical INTJ.
@@MiljaHahto When I worked in an office I always found the staff birthday card or leaving card sent round for everyone to write in difficult for that reason - if lots of people have already put Happy Birthday or 'Sorry you're leaving' it felt weird putting exactly the same and like I needed to come up with something slightly different, when the simple would have been fine.
Yeap! I don't want to recieve 20 times "Happy birthday! 🫂" Also there is a saying "treat others like you want yourself to be treated", no? I have just come to realise that maybe others Don't want to be treated like I do... 🤔 Ahhh, too haaaard! I don't know what they want! 😫
I am autistic…diagnosed in my 50’s. I never say hello. I can’t tolerate being touched and i am really blunt. My son is autistic too. We talk about it and we laugh together. He told me he doesn’t know how to go from hello to “how do you know you are real “…I don’t either. I fall into a room and my emotions are a mess. I laugh when things aren’t funny: and I cry when I should laugh. I don’t feel connected to my body. It’s like my head and body are separate. I don’t feel myself in space. I feel like I am walking into a pool. I love animals. If given a choice between people and animals. People don’t stand a chance. I will go into a room to be either animals and shun people. I over explain…I don’t know when to stop talking so I explain everything…my arms feel like they are too long and I don’t know what to do with them. So I wrap them around my head…this video helps me feel so much better…
Saying "hello" properly is such a disruption to my thought processes. I sometimes manage to fit in "Hi" with a smile before moving on to business, but it depends how I'm feeling.
I know it is. When I was an undergraduate I took abnormal psychology…I was convinced that had schizophrenia…then that I had bipolar disorder, then OCD (I do have this), then I thought I was a brilliant person who is misunderstood. When I was convinced I had prostrate problems (I am a woman). I thought I had erectile dysfunction….basically I thought I was every disorder there was. I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism yet (I was in my late 50’s when I was diagnosed ). I worked mental health for 18 years and was a children’s protective services social worker. Of all I studied I kind of knew I am autistic.::and this scared me silly..:I’m the only one who knows when I’m silly..:honestly I knew my son was autistic very early in his life…I never considered that I am autistic…but once I really broke it down I knew…it was all confirmed in my late 50’s…not sure what good it was diagnosing me this late in life…it did open my eyes to my idiosyncrasies…but it didn’t matter. My social skills are lacking…I have trouble maintaining friendships. And am told I’m weird…yeah and?!
Despite knowing many traits of autistic people, I never made the connection to my own behavior. Then about a year and a half ago, someone sent a video on masking. It blew my mind as it was something I struggled with all my life. I've been watching more videos on autism, and this...these traits are what I thought were personality traits of mine. Wow. wow. wow. You mean there are more people who do all of these things out there? Ticked all the boxes here. Thanks.
I actually went on a course to see how I could help my 2 neurodivergent boys……they discussed girls too and a massive penny dropped! Felt like they were describing me…….
Same story for me: a friend of mine sent me a video six months ago. It included a small test. The presenter took a book and ask her audience in a classroom "what do you see?" I started to describe the cover page, characters, objects, scenery in the background..., in other words I failed (or did I succeed?) I should have answered "I see a book“. A far too simple answer that didn't popped in my mind. My friend was clever: he suspected that I was like his son but he knew I had to discover that by myself, otherwise I'd probably have told him to **** off. Then I watched many vids about autism and did several tests, ticking many boxes. Official diagnostic is underway. I am 62, it is never too late, but I would have prefered to know that when I was still in my twenties. All the best from Brittany (France).
I've realised that something I do freaks people out - when I'm interested in something about them I ask them loads of questions to the point where they look like they're under interrogation. They seem to interpret my attitude as extreme scepticism of them rather than interest. I've also realised similarly that when I use the phrase "I don't understand why people think/do/like x" I literally mean I don't understand and would like to learn more, whereas that often gets parsed by others as "I don't understand why people thing/do/like x, therefore they must be idiots", and then they get offended.
Absolutely this. I get accused of being a cop. In my mind i'm showing genuine interest in the person but they misinterpret it as being too invasive. You could place this under the umbrella of "not being good at small talk".
I have the 'ask a million questions' thing because I want more specific information on a miriad of options when the neuro typical person thinks it is obvious what is required so no more detail is needed🤷🏻♀️.
Here are a few of my weird traits. I have no clue if they are common among autists or just me-isms. 1) Failure to reciprocate extended greeting. They say “Hi. How are you today?”. I reply “Fine” and nothing else. They expect “Hi. I’m fine. How are you?” 2) Sit oddly. Usually legs twisted and with feet on the seat or over the chairs arm and slouching. 3) Lose ability to speak when someone throws an unexpected greeting at me. (i.e. while walking in opposite direction on a sidewalk). I come off as rude for lack of a verbal response, but I at least attempt a head nod or wave while panicking. 4) When explaining, I can say the same thing multiple ways, in the hopes of being understood. Another form of over explaining, perhaps. I also tend to stop mid sentence when explaining, say “let me back up here” and then add in some contextual information that I thought may be necessary, but only realized mid-thought. This makes for a rather disjointed set of information. Trying to communicate and be understood is difficult. 5) Not realizing what I’ve said is funny. Others think I’m making a joke and laugh, but that was not my intention. Also rarely laughing at other’s jokes because I’ve figured out the endpoint before they get there and surprise seems to be a needed element in humor.
"Surprise seems to be a needed element in humor." I don't know if it's needed, but it is certainly a major ingredient of humor. But interstingly they've studied this, and for most people, jokes are just as funny even if they see the punchline coming ahead of time--in fact in some cases, with the right delivery, it can even make the joke funnier when it's set up so that the audience sees where the joke is going ahead of time. There was a great episode of the Science Vs episode on the science of humor, about trying to find the funniest joke in the world. You might find it interesting!
That laughing one I experience so much. Just me responding normally might make the family table laugh and I'm just thinking what's so funny? While also being happy I made everyone laugh
#5 so true.... when that happens It makes me unsure on how to even continue, it's nice that they're amused but it wasn't intended to be and then I wonder what else will be taken differently than intended
Hehehe. You just said said autistic people are often flexible. My first thought was yeah that makes sense. Most of my life I’ve been flexible. As a kid I often sat w shape on the floor. I used to be pretty good at yoga. I can still clasp my fingers behind my back. Then I realized oh you didn’t literally mean flexible 😊
Or the complete opposite. I was very stiff and inflexible - literally - for a long time. My running is still very stiff; I just don't naturally bend my legs enough like neurotypical people.
@carolinecagle3266 Don't think they know yet. It was only a small sample size but interesting results. "The neurodivergent group manifested elevated prevalence of hypermobility (51%) compared to the general population rate of 20% and a comparison population (17.5%). Using a more stringent age specific cut-off, in the neurodivergent group this prevalence was 28.4%, more than double than the comparison group (12.5%).... with greater odds in females than males". Jenny L L Csecs et al. 2022.
I was married for 30 something years before I realized what was my husband's problem. In the beginning of our marriage, it bothered me that he wouldn't look in my eyes. Vital for a woman. And he never ever ever thought to buy me flowers. When he did get me a "present", it was most of the time something totally odd and not quite appropriate, but his heart was in the right place. And regarding the walk, yes, he always kind of wobbles when he walks, also when he was young. But I love him because he has a heart for the downtrodden and he is generous even though we are basically poor. He has rescued people, even saved lives. We're now together 40 years and I see that it was God's wisdom all along. It's been very very difficult at times, pretty lonely for the most part, but he's a good man, and a godly man.
Welcome! Fellow late-realized here-- I've been working this out for several years now, & Im 57 🖖🏾😎🎉. Dunno yr pronouns, but for those of our older cohorts of the female persuasion, there's actually a nickname for our group among some professionals, we so rarely have been properly diagnosed (myself included): "The Lost Girls." (Nevermind that we've been grown women for prolly longer than those who coined the term have been alive, ugh 🙄). Anyhoo! Welcome to this chapter of yr self-- discovery! Not the easiest thing to learn abt oneself at this age-- there can actually be a lotta grieving over things we experienced in the fog of ignorance, & all the ensuing trauma-- 💔! But there are also many of us finding so much solace and even liberation in finally figuring out our own brains, bodies, & life stories. I, for one, am SO much happier having a better framework for understanding myself AND the world around me, and for moving & building forward... 🌈💜🌻 Namaste, & Best Wishes!
I am so happy for you. My son needs to find his people so bad he has all of these characteristics. He’s such a beautiful human. Please pray for him.🙏❤️
I do know of a few more weird autistic trates. 1) We tend to be a bit nerdy or brainy. Even the autistic people I've known who mask well still have had that subtle nerdy bit that stood out anyway. 2) A lot if us are nocturnal. Or we have a different circadian rhythm of some kind. 3) We tend to write a lot. It's in longhand. And we often write without enough paragraphs resulting in sometimes very long blocks. 4) We tend to be sick a lot. 5) Many of us have a funny sounding laugh.
Definitely the funny sounding laugh. Some of us like myself have three different weird laughs, where all are for varying levels of response indicating how funny I thought something was. There's a HAAAAAAAAAAH/eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh, a squeeeeee/gasp for air, and rarely a snort.
I once had someone excitedly ask me at school if I was auditioning for ROTC (army reserve training) purely because of the way I was walking between my classes. At the time I had become somewhat obsessed with walking as efficiently and silently as possible for my own enjoyment.
I stopped swinging my arms while I walk because I realized it was pointless. The next year all the boys were doing it too. Or maybe I just imagined they did it idk.
Oh! I did this one, too. I tried to walk as silently possible and make my steps flexible and light. It was in result after meditations where you check how your body feels. I have discovered stepping flexibly and softly preserves the health of your entire body. And of course - I have put efforts in it :D
At some point I decided I wanted to move really fluidly like old Disney animated characters. I think I’ve toned it down now, but I’m sure it must look strange to other people
Yes. Accent. Oh my. Only after my autism discovery at 65 did a whole lifetime of being a "foreigner' no matter where I lived, including my own country, make sense. It is viscerally sapping to be asked so often what country I'm from.
I think I can relate. There have been many times where people have assumed I was European instead of from the USA, based on some of my word choices and pronunciations. I also have a few "mannerisms" of writing style that can be difficult to place.
I have started telling people around me I have "strange hobbies" I like. Or I am a bit strange and they stop paying attention if I find something unusual to be very interesting. People just get used to it and you do not feel such an extraterrestrial. Just reply "Yes, many people asked me that. Lovely, right?" and go ahead. They somehow accept it that this is your way and stop paying attention. They now start seeing the rest of your qualities and you can communicate normally :) Somehow, when you accept that you have some different things, and you like them to be part of you, and if you watch carefully around - you'll find everyone has something of his own - you accept it inside yourself for yourself. And you are now happy the way you are.
I'm from Finland, and I live in Spain. I met my partner when I was working abroad, in English. I speak all three languages daily, so my accent is very confusing. 😂 (Also, I know Swedish, as it's Finland's second official language)
Same, I am from England so we have a lot of accents here, most people just assume I am not from that particular region/county. I have moved quite a bit and so it is usually accepted I am not in my home town so I sound different, though in my home town people also always thought I was from somewhere else too. I have occasionally been asked if I am Polish or German.
Thankyou for your very informative video. I have a wonderful 15 year old grandson who is autistic, you have just answered some questions about behaviour I have noticed over time😊. I knew nothing about autism before Peter was diagnosed, it's been a fast ride and a bumpy one at times. It's great to see your videos and know that the person speaking is speaking from personal knowledge. Thankyou so much😊 Lee from Adelaide
Interesting video! Some of the traits you described can be misunderstood as impolite or narcissistic behavior. So I think it's really important that you are putting this information out there. When we know that someone has autistic traits, rather than being a narcissist for example, we would probably treat and "judge" the person very differently. It's really good to understand more about this. 👍🏻
On #8, something I've been told about myself and i've heard mentioned a couple times from other autistic folks, is that I'm an "introverted extrovert". Normally quiet and sometimes even isolated, but put me on an open mic at karaoke or a poetry slam (I love poetry) and you'd think it was a whole other person up there. Anyone else have this?
Oh yesss!! Sometimes when I’m talking to people I’m thinking to myself “Who am I??”. I am just yammering on and on like someone in a comedy club on open mic night! This is not who I really am… I am an introvert, but these people wouldn’t necessarily know it the way I am coming across right now!
I've always described myself as an introvert on the inside but extrovert on the outside. I can come across as an extrovert, but am totally team introvert.
saying Hellos and Goodbyes can be sooooo awkward! even with your close comfortable people. this was something that I tried to start doing way before learning about my neurodivergence, and I believe it was one of my many attempts to unmask, long before I was familiar with the concept and the reasons behind it
I have no problem saying Hello but I DONT like to do it from the distance so it is kind of akward, I see you but I only say Hello when I stand in front of you. And I absolutely hate it if people dont say Hello back.
I really enjoyed this video. I remember being teased about walking funny when I started kindergarten and first grade in primary school. Many of these apply to me. I'm a late diagnosed military veteran with moderate autism. I enjoy your content. Keep up the good work.
I'm 65 and enlisted when I was 17. I was a Pathfinder in the 82nd Airborne and the 11b on a Special Forces A-Team. I never realized why people made funny faces at me.
I don't like wearing bright colors or anything "special" because I don't like when people comment on my clothes (even if it is a compliment). I just want them to not care how I look
Recently someone pointed out, that I seem to like bright colored clothes, because I wear them all the time. I didn't even notice it before. I remember going home that day and looking at my closet, and I was horrified. The colors were certainly bright! Red, purple, neon even! Sheesh!
I’m with you on this one @rustlingtrees8987, I would much rather be a floating mind without the whole appearance thing to worry about. I do still try to be presentable, but nothing that will draw attention or an interaction. I do swap watch bands and pick my glasses based on my mood for the day, or plans for the day, but that’s about it. Mostly black or plain single-coloured shirts, a bit more variation in pants but always dark or muted. Black goes with everything.
I'm with you on that page. I'm completely averse to wearing bright colours and wear a lot of blacks, browns, greys and muted blues and greens. Strong Red is a colour that is usually an exception that I like, but then other days I can't stand the colour red and have to shove them in the back of the cupboard so I don't see them. My ex used to buy me a lot of bright shirts because he wanted to brighten my wardrobe, I wore them because I wanted to show I loved him, but I felt incredibly uncomfortable and was worried about people noticing my existence in the shirts. When we broke up, one of the first things I did was shove all the bright shirts in a bag and dumped them in a donation bin. (Neither of us knew of my ASD at the time, I was only recently diagnosed, I just realised that his actions might come off him deliberately making someone with ASD uncomfortable. I mean, I guess he also hugged me while I was trying to clean because he thought it was funny how I would try to squirm out of the hug. So I guess that was kind of bullying... or maybe more friendly teasing from his perspective?) I think it's like Paul has often said in other videos, being on spectrum means we are on the edges of extremity with a lot of things. So being obsessed with wearing bright colours and being absolutely against wearing bright colours are still two sides of the same coin.
I was worried about telling my parents I thought I was autistic, thinking they thought it was ridiculous, but they straight away said "yeah you don't say hello to people unless they do first", that surprised me, never noticed I did that until then
@@Adz-NZ it's an actual theory. maybe you are rude and ill mannered. have you considered changing? it's a choice. saying hello or goodbye is a choice, like everything we do and feel is a choice. you are not a victim. stop allowing yourself to stay at this level. rise above it and be victorious instead of a victim. when we become ill here, we say i am healing as opposed to i am sick. feel the difference? it is huge. i am not trying to hurt you. i feel compelled to write these remarks to you so i am. peace.
@@hopespringseternal7028 😂, I was just relating to what was mentioned in the video, a tiny innocuous idiosyncrasy in a myriad of other relatable traits. Recognising things we do is not playing the victim, it’s about finding out the truth of who we are so we can navigate life better. Finding out you are on the autistic spectrum is not a sickness, and someone who is on the autistic spectrum is not sick. But thanks for the advice someone who missed the point, good luck with your healing 😂
Did your parents ever instruct you to say hello? My grandson never says hello to anyone even if someone says hello to him. My daughter and I have explained to him that it’s rude to not say hello to someone that has said hello to you. It’s like no matter how many times will tell him he just won’t do it. So I’m curious if your parents noticed that you weren’t saying hello to people did they ever try to instruct you that’s the polite thing to do?
I am 81, I have been autistic all my life, but was only diagnosed recently. I am a cross dresser (have been since I was 13 or so) and have a great sense of humour. I say "Hi" rather than "Hello" and "Bye" rather than "Goodbye", but when people are leaving, my partner always say: "Thanks for coming", I always add: "And thanks for going!" Hope you have a great day, Paul, and thanks for your videos!
I really like my own company and I think I'm pretty funny. I will laugh at my own sense of humor. On a good day, I can translate that to the right group energy of people. Some people really get me, and some people, like my sister of 60 years, had never liked me and always liked to make me feel defective. Finally, I figured out I'm autistic and not defective. What a relief! So I'm fine without talking to her. It's her loss if she can't enjoy my company. She was deliberately making me feel worthless my entire childhood and again as she has reached a certain age. My adult children understand me better now and are interested in understanding. It all affected their childhoods. I make more sense to them now. And Autism wasn't a thing in 1960. I really like and love myself so much more now at 64. I enjoy getting older and still learning everyday. I'm grateful. ☮️💙
About "hello". I wanted to say a quick word to my principal in the morning before getting my students. I said what I wanted to ask, but she answered with an annoyed voice: "Good morning to you", instead of just answering my question. She thought I was impolite, I thought I was mindful of my limited time and not wanting to be late for my students. Grrr.
If an autistic person reacted that way it would be described by psychology as rigid/inflexible and disordered. Tbh having an emotional reaction like that would imo be disordered behavior. They probably thought you violated their stupid social hierarchy by skipping a formality.
Also, probably felt slighted too by not showing the proper level of respect for your "superiors". Gods, i get this one a lot. How does Good morning then question = showing I respect you? I havent a clue but have gotten enough talking's too about being to informal or foward with my bosses by just asking questions that ive learned; if you havent talked to a superior already that day you have to greet them, ask how there day is going/been, if there coffe is good or some other random relevant chit-chatty thing THEN the real reason you came in to see them. I hate it soooooo much and when I did land a mangers spot I never made my employees go through this stupid dance. To me its just a power play and not needed. Cheers!
This happens to me too. In my world I am just getting to the point. I don’t need the fluff. Also I realized that when you ask “Good morning. How are you?” The most you get is “good morning” and if they say “how are you?” They really only want “fine” instead of you to go into how you REALLY are so the whole preamble to the actual question is just silly social oddness. At 58 I still miss this cue 😵💫
Serial obsessions with hobbies, food flavors, career paths, etc. In the past 3 years I've been utterly fascinated with (to the exclusion of all other hobbies) metal detecting, music production, archaeology, dropshipping, slot machines, vocal coaches reacting to singing performances, baking bread, smoked almonds......
Oh dear, I relate to almost every one of these things. I dont think they are weird. When people describe me they always say that i am a bit different. I have thought that was because of my ethnicity and that i am well educated. Oops whats going on? At times i dont understand a question or explanation. Its just a blank. Its good that i live alone. I understand me.
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
I spent a summer in Europe with some friends. They had a different flight home. So I was on my own for a couple weeks in London. When I got home everybody remarked that I sounded like a limey. (Back then that was not particularly pejorative if it is now.) (Yes, I do over explain, don't I?) I pick up accents in warp speed. I've learned with my partner "hello" or "good morning" when I enter our computer room (both computer nerds) prevents huge levels of startlement. And "Mixed signals are me." Note that a day without puns is a day badly misspent, unless I am alone or alone with my partner. Now that you mention it I enter a room and feel like I am the center of every pair of eyes in the room so I withdraw inside until safely sitting somewhere with reduced visual access - a sea of heads into which I can slide into unnoticed anonymity. By the way - you do look autistic if I look for it now that I've had a little more experience with autistics. Does "a tense posture of relaxation" ring any bells? Any questions about my understanding normie's signals? I over think it. {^_-} (And I do babble on, don't I? I often use a blizzard of words and humor as a shield. Hello Robin Williams.)
I'm 62 and for a very long time I have felt I didn't fit in and was diagnosed with social anxiety among other things but in years I think there was more to it and my younger sister was diagnosed with autism only a few months ago and my other sister said she thought maybe I had autism too..I do have a lot of the traits. babble on sometimes fast but sometimes words get stuck or I start to stutter trying to explain to much..I overthink too. plus the accent thing..I say certain words funny ..I once had a boyfriend many years ago who was italian and after being with him chatting etc I seem to then have an accent..even months after we ended our relationship... I have always felt uncomfortable making eye contact but at the same time felt I was being rude if I don't look at the person when they are talking to me because people then think your not even listening to them and I get that coz if I was talking to someone I would prob feel they were not listening or their bored and yet at the same time I don't like someone staring or looking at me when I am talking...just many other things I come across and think yea that's how I am..I can get fixated on something..I will put some words when writing at the beginning when they should be last..takes a while to write something coz I look it over to see if it is worded right.
@@eileenstacey3924 I have to grit my teeth and submit first drafts. Otherwise the editing never ever ends until it is too late and a total mess. I trained myself as a child to look adults in the eye. Not doing so had too many downsides. That has carried over. Although "look" is more like "stare" as I have it implemented. It's hard to explain. I almost disconnect my eyes from my brain so I don't even know what I am looking at. I hear and react to that most of the time. I just soldier on, alone in crowds. {o.o}
@@Wizardess I know what you mean by it's hard to explain..sometimes I can not find the right words or a way to explain something that other people not like me will understand..it's difficult because also you feel that staring too long may make the other person think your weird and not looking them in the eyes like you said and I know causes too many downsides too. on top of other health issues and pain that distracts me depending on how bad it is etc plus general anxiety so I can't sometimes take in what they are saying because I then worry if I am not looking them in the eyes enough or too long. I am so easily distracted too.)but I can get so focussed on something that I don't take in what's going on around me and lose track of time but to be able to do that I have to be not expecting a phone call or parcel delivery or a friend popping in as I just may not even hear the door or phone or be aware of anything that happens around me, it's a bit hard to explain that one too..Do you find if there are more than one person or a crowd of people and there is music or a loud tv on you get overwhelmed and can't focus on what anyone is saying then get stressed and confused ?
That's me. I hate it when two people in the room are talking to each other and another person is talking to me at the same time and I'm trying to have a conversation with them. I can't process what anyone are saying and I can't think because of all the noise going on. I'd have to either ask the other two people to leave the room or me and the other person go in another room
Another one or two to consider: 1- discomfort with using peoples' names (for me it's first-person only, like I can say "I saw Jerry over there." but saying "Jerry, I saw you over there" can be painful.) 2- discomfort with titles, specifically ones that reinforce social hierarchy. (Calling a doctor doctor is fine because they earned it and it's about them having a special skill/knowledge, not about them being your 'superior.' Calling an uncle "Uncle Bob" or when you're a kid calling an adult by a title "Mr Smith" makes me feel gross. As a kid I avoided addressing adults by name, by just starting conversations with them sans greeting, LOL.) As an aside I found that using peoples' names three times on first contact seems to erase much if not all of #1 for future interactions. Also the longer I go without using someone's name, the worse it feels to use it. Bob? Nice to meet you Bob. [Conversation] Good meeting you, Bob.
Yeah, similar thing here with people and titles - I used to have a Year 7 Maths teacher (that was also my Year 9/10 Computer Studies teacher), Mr. Gavin; I just called him Gavo as the "Mr." just felt odd to say and as an Aussie we do twisting of words and names like Gavin to Gavo (or even just Gav), or McDonalds to Maccas.
Yes! I have complicated feelings about my own name, but I also always avoid using other people’s names too. Recently it’s manifested in me asking a question when in a group and they are confused as to who is being asked
Oh my God. I also have a discomfort with using peoples names the same way you do! I don't call my BF by his name, I just say to him „you“. For example, if I need to shout to him from another room for him to come over to my room, I just shout „Come here!“ Or „Can you come here?“ Without even mentioning his name. It's the same, if I see a friend accidentally on the street, I can't call their name. I want them to notice me, to shout something, but I can't. I feel like a mute. So basically every time they don't notice me and just go their way.
I didn't know number 1 was a thing I even did, but it also was pointed out to me that I don't say bye. I do wear shoes without socks also overexplain. Though I think I explain the appropriate amount others just underexplain. Number 8 is 100% on me. I don't mind not speaking for months or even years and I don't feel as though whomever I am or am not speaking to is any less of a friend for it. As for the accent mine sounds like a mix of the USA. Though when I'm around a new accent for a while I will often pick it up for a few months before going back to a really neutral accent unless I'm trying to mimic an accent or if i'm around people with a strong accent I have a tendency to mimic it.
Thank you for identifying and highlighting those. Interesting. Most of those describe me, and at least one other I've observed in autistic people I've met. Another reason for the over-explaining you didn't mention is that for me (and, I assume, others of us) it is typically the numerous connections between the various related things around the core topic/event that makes the whole thing interesting.
Oh my gosh... this happens to me every afterword on Fridays Beers. When I meet with my friends, I’m not sure how to introduce myself once I arrive and they are already there. It makes me feel anxious at that moment. Sometimes, if there are more people and I can’t say anything, I just arrive and that's it... I want to tell you a short story. When I was young, I was at my second house, the one my parents had on the beach, and my cousins were coming to visit us. I hadn’t seen them in a while, and I was excited. Well, I was riding my bike in circles around the house, waiting to see the car coming, thinking over and over in a loop about how I was going to introduce them when I saw them-whether with two kisses, a hug, or a handshake. That moment for me was always a tough one...
For me, from the feedback I’ve gotten, it’s not just over talking it’s the way I’ll end up delivering the information I’m sharing. My wife has said that it seems like I start out talking TO people then ending up talking AT them. At 60 years old I carry from childhood the “little professor” syndrome. Try as I may to be careful about this it’s just natural for me to slip into this mode. - I’m still working on it. My mom, 88 years old, recently told me when I was a kid she would ask me about a topic and I would start talking and keep talking until my dad tried to distract me away from the lecture form. My dad used to say “Don’t let your alligator mouth overload your bird dog back end” which made no literal sense to me but I understood it to mean don’t talk too much. I’m a mental health therapist. I recently attended a class led by an autistic person also in the mental health field who said support groups for autistic people are useless because when one autistic person shares their thoughts/position, etc… and they are finished they don’t listen to the other person(s) sharing. She said autistic people generally just want to get their points across. I believe this could be a generalization but I have talked with autistic people who are happy to share in detail their thinking on a topic of their interest but are not attentive to my thinking on a different topic. Many of us who are autistic struggle with reciprocity in conversation that is not outside the boundaries of our own knowledge base, me included. Not all of course, but many. There are times when I don’t want to talk with autistic people because of this. I think even though many neurotypical people engage in dialogue with a lot of pretense that is boring to me they generally at least will give some space in time for me to speak and ask a few questions. No complaints here or putting down those in my own tribe just wondering why things are the way they are.
I think that the last aspect you speak of is connected to the CPTSD that many also experience. Trauma can wire us up to have little interest in seeing another person's eyes or perspective on something outside our domain because it represents a place of little control...a place where we could be taken advantage of, misunderstood, neglected, or manipulated. It is easier to divulge information and then evacuate. So maybe working on this from the trauma perspective vs. just another autism trait could help.
I think you nailed it when you said intrest. I think autistic people are really really intrested in there niche things. So, when some else starts talking about that non-niche thing it becomes a quickly boring conversation and our brain stops recieving dopomine/serotonin from the interactio nwhich then leads to us checking out mentally and/or physically. However, as a person with autism we just have to recognize that struggle and apologize when we tune out and ask the person we're talking to, to repeat it (for the sake of politness and relationship building) and concentrate on focusing on what's being said and understand were gonna be bored and its okay to sit with that feeling. I find asking engaging questions help me stay focused or trying to relate the info. back to something I do find intresting ( sometimes I voice these observations, sometimes not) to help tolerate/stave off the boredom. I also notice my body movements, for me, I know if I'm shifting from foot to foot while standing, every few seconds, Im finding the interaction boring and need to be more mindful of a zone out on my part or need to find an exit to the convesation! Its also completely okay not to be intrested in something and just want to talk about another topic. I could right a whole other post on gracefully topic switching that has taken me years to perfect!!! For me, I really do thing its about conditioning ourselves to be okay with being uncomfortably bored in conversation so that we can be polite to the other person and let them share thier passion with us too. Ive learned a lot of things from those uncomfortable bored conversations too!
@@booksquid856You have correctly discerned from what I wrote that CPTSD and its symptoms are a core issue here. Maybe deeper and further in for me is a non-secure attachment history - dismissive/avoidant type. I have been engaged in trauma therapy. It’s hell going through the process but there are glimmers of goodness. Having a dismissive/avoidant attachment style generally means the person will be wired to do everything without any help, be out of touch with their feelings, and will, without knowing it, have many strategies for pushing others away that want to help. I find it more than intriguing that many of the behavioral features of autism overlap with symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD. I’ve heard other autistic people say that just being in the world is a daily traumatization.
I have "professor" syndrome. I will ask others for information if I want to know. I will share information if someone wants to know something I have knowledge on. I love to research many things. I do practice noticing if the other person wants information or not. My pockets are always full, many folks have empty pockets or lighter ones....so no repricosity
Over-explaining has long been my way of short-circuiting and escaping the viscerally terrifying intrusion of interrogation. If I overwhelm the other person with information it leaves them no time to poke, prod and dig. Maybe somewhere in the flood of data I'm giving them is what they want to know anyway, and even if it's not I'm giving them so much to process it leaves them with the impression of total transparency.
I'm the same way. I do a weird thing with my hands when I start getting stressed out. But I don't know how to give a hug or know how to say bye to people. It almost gives me bad anxiety having to be the person to say bye first. It's weird idk
I know what you mean. I am lost in thought or something and don't even realize I don't until someone goes "Good bye, see you tonight" to alert me No I didnt say goodbye again. I can then respond because oddly, it's easier sometimes when they do like it reminds me I didnt
I'm 62. I never felt like I really fit in anywhere. Both of my brothers had similar experiences. My older brother, who was in the top 2% of Mensa members, and who passed in 2019, found out he was on the spectrum and he told myself and my brother that he suspected we are all probably at least somewhat autistic. I have never been properly tested, but listening to this I felt like you hit me true on every single one. Well my accent problem is inadvertantly mimicking traces of whatever accent the other person has and sometimes some people have felt offended.
I actually say hello and goodbye way more then the average person, like I say hello every time I enter a room now because once I got scolded by my in laws for not saying hello whenever I walked into the kitchen to get a drink and they happened to be there. Now I'm always saying hello in my own home to my partner, I can't stop lmao I also have to make sure I say goodbye to every co-worker and to them know I'm leaving or else I'll feel rude, but they look at me like I'm crazy and no one else does that lol
Two sides of the same coin ;) I have the same with eye contact, I overdo it although it's often uncomfortable because I've been told I'm rude otherwise.
Autistic people often do the complete opposite of their natural traits and very strongly too as a form of overcomoensation because they know they are bad at doing it "naturally"
Wow. I'm outed with just 9 traits. Not sure if I'm relieved or concerned. With a late in life diagnosis I've been wondering how to explain it to family and what few friends I have. I'll probably send them this video. I doubt they could handle my attempts to (over) explain it. What a great channel this is.
Why should you explain to them? You are who you are and this has nothing to do with their opinion of you. Or at least this was why I was explaining. They so often made questions that I found obvious. Like : Why do you do that? - Because I like to do it. - OK, but what will you gain from it? - Should I gain a reward from the things I am doing? Can't I just enjoy them? :D :D :D Or like: Why do you do it this way? Why not the usual way? - OK, I already have tried the usual way? Is it illegal to try in a different way? Did I rob anybody? Am I offending or hurting someone? Why not to just make things differently sometimes? :D :D :D It seemed so obvious to me! I could not understand why they are so stuck and can't make their life better and happier. If this is to be a neurotypical - No thanks! :D I want to be happy. I have helped many other people to be happier - it was easy for me to explain to them why some "frames" are not needed all the time and you can just be yourself if you harm no one. But I had to learn to stop explaining if the other one does not want to listen. It is difficult when I see a close person, that I love and respect, not seeing the way out and not being able to get out of the misery he/she put him/herself into. Then it's harder to stop trying to take them out. And one day I found out some of them don't want to get out. They want to be where they are. I learned to first try to understand better what they actually want. Sometimes they say they want a change for better but they are actually seeking attention and the comfort of someone just listening to them. They do not try actively to better their life. They are OK the way there are and where they are :) So I do my best to stop. If I want to listen - I listen. If I don't - I just go away. They can get angry or other - I do not owe them to please them or other, exactly as they do not owe me to listen my overexplaining :) You see both points of view and you are OK. And for us this is easier than for the neurotypicals :)
@@scruffypupper I just want to mention, in case you haven’t seen it. He has a great “coming out safely” video, which I found super helpful, and I think would be worth a watch in your situation.
I find myself mixing in words from other languages because they, em, "feel" 🤷 more like what the emotion im expressing, like Thai has "mai pben rai" for "its ok/nevermind" especially when you put a Scottish "ach" in front of it it matches the sort of "nevermind" handwave , the german "Scheiße!" Is so sharp and cutting when you hurt yourself or are mad, and "kurwa mac" in Polish has a way better shape than "oh ffs" it feels like an exacerbated sigh
There are a few words and phrases that I don't use because I know no one is going to understand them but, equally, they are too good to forget. One I particularly like is from N.S.W. Aboriginal English: gungeable It is derived from the word "constable" but pronounced with an indigenous accent.
Oh, yes! Words are just not enough!!! I even need to invent words "that sound right and correct" in some rare occasions. :D I am so relieved when I am with people that speak more languages, because some things are not correctly expressed in my native language. :D Everything has to be fully correct! No way to deviate even a millimeter from the "correct path"! :D :D :D
I like watching videos from other places, and I’ve adopted some sounds(upset grunts for example), gestures, and sometimes small words that better fit what I’m trying to communicate. I think one language, and expressions in a culture are not all encompassing in emotional communication. Sometimes you just gotta borrow from other peoples
I can SO related to this! I grew up speaking Portuguese, in a Spanish speaking home, and moved to the states when I was 8 years old. I spent some time in Japan and learned French in middle school up until high school, and some days, a simple "thank you" isn't enough. I like saying "merci" or "gracias" and if someone sneezes more than once, why only say it in English when I can happily express "bless you" in at least 5 different languages. Some expressions are just better in other languages.
As far as slothing, my experience has been quite the opposite. When I was in a group for autistic adults the facilitator was saying something about dressing and I remarked that most of us were in the standard autistic uniform. By this I meant that in any given meeting 3/4 of us would be wearing blue jeans and a grey shirt. (That night 7 of the 9 of us were) Over many years of processing I realized that for myself it was because it was easier for me to move through public places if I could avoid people noticing me. (I can't speak if this is true for anyone else) To this day I find the jeans and drab colors still seems to be the large majority of autistic people I have met.
Interesting. I prefer bright colors and wear them when I feel comfortable doing so, but when I think I'm going to be in a situation where I don't want to stand out, usually a new group of people or a new place, I will dress in more drab colors.
When I was at school I'd always feel uncomfortable to try and look a different way and would look the same every day. I'd wear my hair the same style, I would not like yo change my bag or things I had or wear new shoes or trainers. Anything new that might draw attention. I often felt uncomfortable wearing make up. I totally obsessed over painting my nails for school at one point. Having a compulsion that I had to have them painted even getting the hair dryer out to try hurry up drying them lol and if they got knocked when wet when I was at the bus stand and dried looking anything but perfect I'd be cringing/irritated/distracted by it all day. Thinking how scruffy it looked.
Black is my preferred choice of clothing. I've tried wearing colors, even neutrals, but black makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. Out in public, I feel invisible.
Oh. My. Gawd! People have commented on my accent so many times in my life and THIS finally explains what they're talking about. I have lived in the same general area for my entire life and I can't hear my accent at all but everyone agrees that I have one. It has been one of the most perplexing things about me to me and to others. Thank you so much for making this video. I have all but one of these weird traits (except that I don't particularly like wearing colors). This video was incredibly helpful! Thank you for making it!
I don't like wearing colors either. I have an extensive wardrobe of black. I think of those Japanese puppets that take 5 people to operate on a completely black stage, invisible.
I'd say echolalia is pretty much known and expected from autistic people because of the representation we have in media hehe, INTERNAL MONOLOGUE!!! makes me feel crazy sometimes
🤗 So Relatable! I never realized until later in life that I'm Autistic, and now these traits make sense! Echolalia- Repeating back a few words during conversation, in my perspective, shows that I'm actively listening to what the other person is saying. Stimming- trying to be inconspicuous when I notice I'm almost unconsciously gnawing at the inside of my mouth, a.k.a. cheek-chewing. Internal Monologue- "What? Not everyone does this?" Plus, there are times when I have a brief conversation with myself aloud because it helps me think. - "Hey, Bubblah / Hey what? / Where did you leave your glasses? / I don't remember where I was when I put them down. / ok, so retrace your steps. /" ... 😅
@franbragg6747 There are a lot of things I thought were normal-for-everyone, and it surprises me when I hear that someone doesn't have the same normal-for-me experience. "Internal Monolog" is one of those things that not everyone does and I couldn't imagine myself not processing thoughts and actions without the "talking" inside my mind.
When it comes to the "internal monologue" I just recently learned that some people _do have that!_ As one person said _"I thought the thought bubbles in comics are a tool for the reader to get an idea of whats going in a character head. I had no idea people are walking around with actual voices in their head."_ What's going on here?
I'm from the US and I watch a lot of movies and TV shows from the UK. Some people tell me that I sometimes talk with a British accent. I'm not sure that's an autistic trait, but it is one I definitely have.
@jbr84tx also from usa and also watch a lot of UK media. I don't think I fall into the accents so much as use idioms and phrases that baffle people around me
I watch a lot of international media and I picked up a lot from other places. I'm born in the Southern US, I have a regional accent but I have peculiar ways of speech. I have family all over the East coast and visiting my Northern family made a big impression on me, I deliberately started to drop my drawl to sound clear and have better diction. This started at 6 on summer vacation between kindergarten and first grade. People remarked on a difference at the beginning of the new school year. Now I do that International English thing. I've spent a lot of time around Eastern Europeans who speak English as a 2nd or 3rd language. As a result of spending time around them, I often drop articles.
Gender Non-Conforming: Also, it's difficult to find conforming worthwhile when nothing seems to stop the bullying behaviour from one's peers. Seriously. I would be doing NOTHING, minding my own business, not jittering, not making noise (I was always a quiet kid), and yet... Constant Abuse. Seriously. Why would I bother even trying to match the weird expectations of the other kids when even neutrality was insufficient? I always assumed I had some Uncanny Valley thing going on with me that made me Mean Girl Catnip.
I think it's because their entire identities are all about external groups they belong to where everyone is the same. Their identity consists of their race/ancestry, gender, religion, nationality, etc. I'd bet that by not being the same as them, you are implicitly invalidating/attacking their belonging/identity. They don't know any of this, they just know that being around someone who doesn't fit their pigeonholes makes them uncomfortable and they act on those feelings.
@@FallacyBites People are like this with other things like race/ethnicity too. But it's not about picking on someone from another group, it's about picking on someone who they think should belong to their own group, but chooses not to.
@@LiftPizzas in my case, the group I was supposed to belong to was "Neurotypical." I hadn't thought of it from that angle before. The angle of "you're SUPPOSED to be one of us, get with the program."
From what i have seen,girl specifically seems to have chip on shoulder toward autistic girls,or girl that for a variety of reasons act different from the standard. With guy bullying is more standard, weird gets made fun of,but can find circles of nerds and such. Girl apparantly,take it almost as a personal attack, like "acting to be better" ,for just wanting to be left alone. A friend of mine always found herself in such situations,simply because she is a "live and let live" kinda gal.
Hmm I never thought of it as “forgetting” to say goodbye or hello. It’s more like I just don’t think it’s necessary. Or it’s just uncomfortable and I avoid it.
Ohh yessss! I tend to look at many objects as sentient. Been doing that all of my life. (Yes, I am Autistic.) Just try to convince me that my model trains and guitars don't have a personality, LOL. ...And don't even get me started on my truck and car.
I thought transient objects occurred with a lack of a parental figure for a security blanket? It would also make sense for us to be social to inanimate objects while we're alone so we wouldn't worry about someone judging us for vocally swimming to ourselves. Don't tell my several named shark/dolphin plushies that. They all have unique ways I respond to them.
It makes me respect and cherish objects around me way more than neurotypicals by making up background stories and names or communicating with them and even apologizing when treated falsely. My boyfriend's car is a dear friend an my oldest stuffed animal is only 4 years younger than me and my longterm companion.
Yeah, I remember when I first started hearing the "think out side the box." I started wondering where every one got the box from? and why did they want one?
I’ve discovered that “the box” is very subjective. I just think. If you say, I’m thinking outside the box, then I am thinking outside of YOUR box. I am fully within the bounds of my own box, thank you very much.
My daughter and I constantly bang into each other when we are walking side by side, like on a beach....we are both autistic. (But I bang into anyone who tries to walk beside me anyway). Also I often clip one side or other of a doorway when walking through. Additionally both my daughter and I have unexplainable bruises and we both spill at least one item a day. I will knock over cups or lean over to pick something up while holding a cup and pour the liquid out onto myself or the floor as I lean.
thank you. i am getting to know myself - late diagnosis 3 months ago in my 40's. finding out i'm autistic saved my life.your videos were one of the first once i found. 🙏❣
@@alisonwhite9588 I noticed back in high school that I enjoyed the physical feeling of my lips and tongue forming and saying words. I also played around with accents a lot.
I had a college roommate who only spoke in movie character or cartoon voices for years, until people kept pointing it out to her and she had to make a conscious effort over a long period of time to change to her natural speaking voice. I also have a male friend who probably does it half the time.
Re: dyspraxia or the proprioception thing ... when I was a young teen in Flagstaff, AZ back in the early 1980s, I'd walk my dog after it snowed, and I'd look back at my steps in the snow and notice they were never in a straight line - I'd often move to the right or left as I was walking!
I'm southern US but my father was from NY. I also worked for years with people from all over, and spent 3 years in Philadelphia. NO one believes me when I say I'm from NC where I live, and my best friends roast me for saying words differently from as I did growing up. This explains that a little
Same for my mom. We're from NC, her parents are from Upstate NY. She says some things very Southern like oil (sounds like awl), but others very Northern like doll and dog sounds like da and dog (not dawg). When I went up north to see family they wanted me to say "light" and other -ight words because I have a Southern drawl that they found cute and entertaining. It made me stop doing it lol
@@ПаніПончик I grew up in Maryland, but lived in Vermont a long time. When I went back to Maryland I realized how southern everyone sounds. Meanwhile I had picked up the French-Canadian "o" sound. I've lived in various places, and my accent changes slowly to adapt to where I live, though not consciously. It is now quite a mish-mash. I now live in New Mexico, and hope I don't pick up the staccato Spanish style of speaking, because I'm not a fan. Even though I don't change my accent purposely, I do think personal aesthetics have something to do with it.
Thank you! I meet myself! I checked 7 of your 9 points. Thanks to your „accent” I perfectly understood it. 😀 In addition I would say: I hate it when someone comes up with a proposal or something intervenes that tends to change my schedule; I hate it when my phone rings; I hate making calls (it inhibits me and I procrastinate endlessly); I am embarrassed to pronounce people's names, including my own; at the store, I prefer self-cheknig; I never ask for help: I do it myself or I give up; I avoid physical contact, including hugs (once in a year it happens to feel the affection and enthusiasm of hugging a person). And many others...
I appreciate this so much. I have a ten-year-old autistic grandson and we have such fun together, but you helped me to see things that I had never notice before.
I spent 20 years overseas teaching English, then I moved back to my birth region, retired and became a substitute teacher in the local schools. I have to avoid the special needs teachers because their way of dealing with neurodivergent students hits too close to home and gets me worked up. Children will sometimes ask where I'm from, and when I mention I was born and raised in a town only 30 miles away, they're surprised. I think it's from how I speak. Neurodivergent kids gravitate to me. The others make fun of me sometimes right to my face.
I am currently teaching abroad in Korea and have been for the past decade. I am working on my teaching certificate online to be able to get a job back in the US. I am surprised to see someone in a similar circumstance in a RUclips comments sections.
@@bes03c If you're American, my advice is pay a FICA contribution on your federal income tax every year. Call SS to ask how much. I had no idea how Social Security worked, and now I'm living on the edge in my old age since I never knew I should contribute to FICA while in Korea. I'd recommend getting a teaching certificate, not an TESOL. TESOL is a dead end in America, but a teaching certificate will do you very well.
1. Forgetting to say hello or goodbye. 2. Walking funny. 3. Colourful hair and clothes. 4. Gender non-confirming. 5. Laughing at your own jokes. 6. Overexplaining. 7. Autistic people are flexible. 8. Inconsistent communication. 9. Speaking with an accent.
Thanks for the list. Really helpful! Some of these traits I already knew I had, but some I hadnt noticed before. Most of the traits I knew about have been brought to my awareness by others. For example my friends during highschool pointed out, that during social gatherings, I had a way of just leaving without saying anything. They would ask about it with concern, if I was upset or something. But I was totally okay on these occasions. I had just decided it's time to leave and didnt think I had to announce it. It's weird as in other situations I'm a huge overexplainer and share my every thought process. But something I learned from your list and didnt realize before watching this video, is that wearing my favorite colorful clothes is an autistic trait. I understand now, that yeah, it's weird and stands out, especially because I'm otherwise not very extraverted. I've been recently made aware of another trait. When I'm talking with someone and there's a connection with some previous conversation or shared knowledge, I repeat some things as to "remind" the other person about it although I know perfectly well, they dont need reminding. I say something like: "As we've talked about before.." and then state the fact. To me it's meaningful to connect the dots and aknowledge the continuity and consistency of our interactions. But turns out its redundant and they might get annoyed.
First time I watch a vídeo talking about autism in this way. Man, thank you. I thought I was the only one with all these autistic traits (and some more). You inspired me to try to find groups around here (nortwest Italy), I think it would make me feel good around people who understand my behavior. Thanks again.
I was diagnosed in my 50s by the psych who was helping my autistic son. I exhibited a bunch of these mannerisms. A lifetime of bewildering missteps and misunderstandings suddenly made sense. If only I had had these insights back in the 1970s; how different might things have been!
No! The happy birthday is an amazing example! Ugh, can't tell you how many times I've been in large group chats, usually for work and it's someone's birthday or several people's name day and there's just a flood of happy birthdays and thank yous the WHOLE DAY! And I'm sitting there like "okay, guys... um... ten people already wished them happy birthday... it's now almost the next day... can we stop? I think they get the message. A lot of people are acknowledging it's the day they were born. Cool, can we do something else now?". I don't want to get sucked into this group thing that we're doing for no reason whatsoever!
There is a reason though! The reason is bonding. Recognizing a special occaision verbally lets someone know you care about them. For neurotypicals (and for some NDs, it seems to vary), relationships need ongoing nurturing or they with and die. A "happy birthday" is part of the nurturing. Everyone says it because each person has their own relationship with the person to nurture individually. Think of it like watering a plant; you can't just do it once, you have to keep watering it or the plant will die. For most people, relationships are like this, even just casual acquaintanceships and friendships. You may have other ways of nurturing your friendships other than wishing happy birthday, and that is fine as long as people are getting those other message. But for some people, if you don't say it, they will interpret that as you actively not *wanting* to nourish the relationship, and pull back themselves, or just feel hurt. It's important to add that "happy birthdays" and the like can absolutely be and often is performative. *Any* social exchange can be done authentically or performatively, and a lot of performative stuff does happen in social groups, for a whole variety of functional reasons, especially in an work environment; but that doesn't mean there aren't authentic ones mixed in. But there is most definitely a reason for it all.
@@erinm9445 Okay yeah, might have exaggerated with the "no reason whatsoever". At least in the situations I'm talking about, it feels highly highly performative. Especially because nobody ever stayed at that place long enough to form any kind of real relationship. And yes I do have other ways of nurturing my relationships that feel authentic to me... but also if a close friend expressed that they like getting birthday wishes from everyone and it makes them feel seen, I would absolutely do that for them. Just like I would like to not be bombarded with birthday wishes on my special day and feeling pressure to respond accordingly. I guess what I take issue with is that it seems to be the default with this and other performative social actions. And you're deemed a bad person if you don't go along or even if you express a dislike for it in an unrelated situation. I grew up being called anti-social by my brother whenever I expressed thoughts like that, and while other people haven't exactly used that word, the sentiment seems to be the same from a lot of people around me. They don't understand why I take issue or find stuff like that uncomfortable or why I don't just follow along for the sake of it.
I forgot how much I love your channel and I am happy you popped up! I would like to add that it has always bothered me that I don't like the idea of saying "I am sorry for your loss" when someone loses someone or a pet. It would seem more appropriate to say I'm sorry that your father/dog/etc. passed away and that he is in heaven now and that you are missing him.
Wow, I actually have all nine of these traits. People always tell me I am different, and I try to look 'normal', but don't really know what to do. Thanks to your video I now understand why people say I'm different. However, luckily I am at an age now that I just don't care what people think (being on the spectrum also helps with the not caring part ;)). Thanks for the video, it was really interesting!
I can relate to all but the colors. Especially the flexible part. That happens all the time because I am very bad at self regulation and self care. And at the same time cognitively empathise with the others. (If nobody does it, that person is upset, etc) So I end up volunteering for things I am not even good at, having appointments that are really unsuitable, meeting acquaintances when I feel in the mood to be alone. ...) Suggestions for a second part: - inappropriate emailing (lacking hi/bye, lacking personal connection intros, too long/ short) and also the time it takes (not reflected direct answers, hours spent for drafts, asking another persons opinion on the approach/ response) - feeling fine with doing things differently. I noticed that whilst there is this huge social training going on teaching autistics to behave a certain way, there is some kind of counter-reaction not getting why you should do it the non-autistic way. I just call it "50 resons why greetings are overrated" as an example. - bonding over autistic traits (because thats the special interest we all have in common?) - doing voices and/or sounds (its definitely a weird trait, but is this an autistic thing?) I love making animal sounds, I dislike "and the pig makes oink", I say "and the pig oinks" and do the actual sound. Its a nice experience doing this with wolve sounds in a group. I often do cat sounds to communicate with my family, and luckily they get it anyway. - facts over people (when someone points out "thats rude", "that hurt me", the reaction which probably comes is "but its true")
I would just make the pig noise!! :D its so much fun making animal noises haha I can do an awesome pig!! And guinea pig!! But the kitten sounds even make the cats stop and stare xD when a friend was the room I made kitten noises and she came n asked me if I heard that. I said no n started again when she left the room n she was looking around my home to find the cat LOL
@jetmoo it's also fun if you do the cat sounds without moving a single visible muscle. And just look around puzzled as if you had no idea where it came from. I just wouldn't growl at a dog another time...
#6 - Another reason for info-dumping/overexplaining is a love language - you want to share something you're interested in with people you like, because you want them to like it just as much as you do - it would be a point of commonality! This is something I often do, and one of my best friends identified it as an autistic love language. #9 - Yes! I actually wrote a blog post about this - I sometimes say words with a strong Newfoundland accent (my mother grew up in Newfoundland, and we used to visit there most years), or a turn of phrase that I've heard from someone in their exact accent and tone. As far as I know, for me it's not that noticeable, except that sometimes I'll look back on something I've said, or the way I said it, and go, "Oh!"
Overexplaining: thinking out load is part of it. Another angle is a high need for context myself to understand things properly, and wanting to convey the entire scope of what I want to tell, including its dependencies when I’m not sure the recipient knows those yet. I’d appreciate it myself in their situation, so golden rule and all that.
@@SensitiveOne Yeah, it can be tedious when people interpret explanations as defensive behavior, or when they interpret questions for more information (to clarify my understanding) as a challenge or doubt of what they said.
Good video, Paul! I am AuDHD and I often experience difficulty following movies where action or dialogues are very fast. I tend to ask people around me to clarify what is happening or request subtitles… but if I have to read I either pay attention to the images or the subtitles… I think this has to do with monotropism and delayed auditive processing or asynchronous sensory processing. I wonder if this happens to many or some of us… I would love to learn more about it.
I'm totally disorganised. My house is a tip with unread magazines and papers all over the floor. I get scared to go out as I think people will mock me or single me out for being "different" Although I am a girl, I feel as though I am in "drag" if there's a formal occasion where I am expected to wear a dress. I wear black microfleece trousers every day normally.
Man here, i only wear, what i like and you´d have really hard time to put me into a tuxedo or knitted sweaters - tuxedo because i don´t like how sweaty i´m in it and sweaters, because i dislike the fabric on my skin. My home is a mess too - each time i clean up, it ends up being the same chaos within few days - BUT i am so good at knowing where things are, i don´t really feel the need to clean up often (and after each cleanup, i´m utterly unable to figure out, where i put things).
@@Morpheus-pt3wq that is in common with ADHD. Looks like a mess, but you know where things are (kinda). Unfortunately, sometimes out of sight out of mind. I have bought multiples of the same thing because I forgot about still having the original. Spreadsheets helps with knowing inventory.
Sorry to hear that you feel or is restricted. However, and this is maybe not comfort but imho it gets better as you age but maybe I am much older than you so you have some way to go still (I am 61 now). i still struggle but are both aware of it and at the same time can better shrug my "different" persona. I hope you will feel progress and meet good understanding people in Life.
@@NormyTres Sorry to hear and this bugger about having autistic traits works so different for every individual so nobody is alike on all aspects. Stay safe and hope you have close ones that accepts you as you are and be honest to them about it (maybe hard but worth it).
Excellent. Overexplaining is my super power. Kid of the 70s here so dysgraphia, dysgraphia, dyspraxia not allowed, just considered disruptive. Thankfully we are better at understanding each other these days. Autism sometimes confers trauma due to misunderstanding by our circle of care. We can work on that and it helps us better understand why we are the way we are, and why people react the way they do. Mindfulness and secular spiritual growth helped me a lot to understand who, what and where I am, I'm sure you're on that too. If you've not done one already, a video on mindfulness for autism would be good, I'm thinking breathing when overstimulated as at least one aspect.
I've got 7 of the 9 exemples you said, I'm French, and I have a south accent, thank you, it really help me, and the way you speak is great, I understand most part, but I'm glad you put subtitle. Have a nice day ! ^^
Wow, getting in trouble for being too honest. You are aware how much people lie and cover up, you are sick of it. You don't care about the consequences You shock people by telling the truth; the truth offends them.
@@canUfeelMYfaceYes but not to the extent that you can't say what you think to anyone without causing an argument and not understanding why you seem to upset everyone when you're only stating observations without judgement
😄 oh yeah I recognize a few of these in myself and my daughter! I think what is most awkward is depending on social situation to say hello or goodbye - often hard to execute and so happens I just secretly make myself scarce and leave...
5:03 OMG! That is so true about bunch of my good acquaintances, whom i know are ASD. I just realized it and so excited about the insight, because during the last 2 weeks spent on vacation with one of them, each day i was wondering how comes such good healthy posture person when he's standing still, becoming so much dot-and-go-one, shaping legs in such a weird and uncomfortably looking manner while walking without any physically explained reasons. 🙈 ❤ Thank you for this list a lot! That's really precisely informative.
THANK YOU! I love the way these videos point out my own behaviors to myself, AND how they can help neurotypicals understand and accept my/our quirky differences! My nephew has always had a better understanding to my oddity. No real surprise that he himself received the same diagnosis about a year or so ago. ☺️ The #9 trait is Spot on! My local Swedish accent is evident but apparently I tend to mirror the accent of the person I'm talking to at any moment. 😏 I was actually once accused of being drunk when I was completely sober, I realised I mirrored the intoxicated people around me. 😂 "Eh... I'm the designated driver tonight, man."
I think the overexplaining discussed in trait number 6 may also be linked to comorbid ADHD, OCD, and anxiety disorders, at least in the people I have known with these issues including myself😬
Recently my (high masking)friend left on a life-impacting/changing trip where he's presenting research, about which he'd been talking to me about almost daily for nine months, yet he didn't say goodbye. his functional empathy is usually pretty decent so I was caught off guard. I don't understand how someone can emotionally involve a friend by sharing almost daily ups and downs about preparation for a big event... for months, yet not even tell me the day they're leaving. And then I find out in a random off-the-cuff text he's already gone and in the full swing of events. It actually hurt my feelings quite a bit, apparently we need to have a chat about how Neuro-empathetic folks become emotionally invested and therefore interested in the major doings of another, and that saying hello and goodbye are signals of care and concern.
I can imagine the thing about us being "rigid and having to do things in a particular way" is because we do more things in an unconventional way which draws more attention from the people around us who feel they need to correct us to do it the "proper way".
Also, when I'm doing particular things I usually lay everything out in the same order every time because then I can use muscle memory to do that particular task rather than having to consciously search around in what would be a chaotic environment without the first step of putting things in the correct order for the task at hand. Like having a toolbox that's kept organised, if you didn't keep it organised it would eventually slow you down and increase your stress.
I can also imagine that muscle memory can also cause clumsiness if something isn't in the correct place or something has been put in the way (like a glass of water)
It's interesting how much I relate to every point in this video. Especially over-explaining, unusual posture, and inconsistent communication (to my friends and family, I'm so sorry, I don't want to be ghosting you either!)
As for the proprioception thing, there are calibration exercises you can do, where you hold a certain pose while making a mental picture of where your hands, fingers, and feet are at in relation to your body and eyes and look at the spots of their locations, A T pose can help as it's straight lines with 90 degree angles, it's sorta similar to how you would calibrate a VR headset and the sensors on your body for them to track properly, doing these calibration exercises might actually help your movement, especially if you tend to bump your shoulders or elbows on stuff around you.
I'm autistic and tend to laugh at my own jokes (often)😅, also i tend to over explain things too 😅 including some of the other traits he is mentioning and explaining is very similar to my autistic traits
Weird Trait #7 totally called me out. I like doing things a certain way. Im 100% open to changing how i do things. But if someone in my work group says "everyone should do it this specific way" I immediately get frustrated, especially if it seems cumbersome or inferior to my preferred way of doing things. I believe if the outcome is the same without adding more time to the task, each person should be able to determine how they want to do a task. But, again, i will absolutely change how i do something if I see a more efficient way.
Laughing at my own jokes... well, nobody else will. (I met a fellow autistic at work some years back and we frequently got into pun wars. Everyone else left us to it.) I once had to explain to my partner (with some difficulty!) why I couldn't stop laughing. It was a layered joke we'd seen several months earlier on a TV show - one character told a joke to his flatmate, who couldn't remember jokes, and she tried to tell the same joke at the end of the episode and got it utterly wrong, but it wasn't that I was laughing at. It was that I'd randomly remembered this scene several months later. But the more I was laughing at that randomness, the more confused my partner was getting and the funnier it got to me. I was stuck in a feedback loop. I've never been one for bright colours in clothes or hair, usually going the complete opposite route and opting for dark shades. But I suspect that's all part of my innate urge not to stand out. School was a bad time for me.
Yep! Really relate to most of these. The accents! This is one of my things (among many!) that used to make me think I was a bit "wrong" and not quite "normal". But at the same time it just came naturally to me, so I would also be ok with it, which I know seems contradictory! Walking funny, yes! Though it has been suggested that I also exhibit signs of DCD (dyspraxia). But yes, generally speaking, these are me to a t! (Tee?) Great video as always! 👍
Very insightful! Thank you for this video. I learned to speak German and did German Technical Support for years. People correct me when I pronounce words the way a German would. English sounds funny sometimes, so I do it like a German. Love this video. Don't get me started on German Grammar. Love a sequel to this. Thanks again!
The guys I work with are constantly having to deal with at least half of these. I tend to move and dance a lot, as well as sing along to my Pandora. I think out loud, so I'm constantly talking to myself while working. When the temperature gets too high in the summer, I shave my head. I love long hair, but I just can't stand the neck sweat. I always wear some sort of colorful, pop culture socks. It's either Pokémon, Harry potter, SpongeBob, etc. My earrings are more of the same My toolbox is also covered in hilarious vinyl decals. Generally from movies or TV shows. Same with my car And I tend to over explain whenever I'm questioned. dumping a crazy amount of unneeded/unwanted information. Sometimes, it's super personal and uncomfortable topics.
Great great video! I'm not formally diagnosed, but have strongly suspected for some time I'm both ADHD (psychiatrist diagnosed) and ASD (self-suspected) and it's crazy how all these points hit home. I often run into walls/corners/and have to work on walking straight- I've always considered myself fairly clumsy though I have great reflexes (any time I "trip" I never "fall" because I can usually catch myself). I love hanging with my church peeps, and friends in general, but really crave alone time when it feels like I'm spent (always thought it was just being an ambivert but it's interesting that it may very well be an autistic trait). I often make "friends" in lines because I'll talk to people around me if I notice something of interest that I feel like sharing. I have had to work on saying hello and good-bye to folks because I have the tendency to join groups without any introductions sometimes. I definitely get the whole "laughing at my own jokes"- it's my way of engaging with strangers- trying to be funny and not realizing until the end of my sentences that I'm the only one laughing. Or I'll ruin my own punch lines because I start giggling before I even finish my story. One language is simply not enough to fully express emotions and simple day-to-day things. If someone sneezes more than once, why only say "bless you" when I can say it in five other languages too! I love routines and schedules, but I super enjoy trying new things and will get bored with some of my own routines which I'm still learning how to deal with because it'll lead to skipping chores (ADHD time blindness there) or "chilling" on days where I should actually be getting things done. I love fashion, and colorful clothing, and realized the other day that all my rain gear is in primary colors- yellow rain boots simply give me joy. Almost every point is something I have done over my lifetime. I'm so relieved that I'm not just weird or broken in some way- just neurodivergent! Woohoo! Overexplanation completed!
I almost got fired from a job because I kept forgetting to say hi to my colleague. I was like "because they are not clients, they are my peers." Anyway I started doing it and then it was reported that i was too robotic ahah "hi. I am acknowledging your presence. Please exchange pleasantries with me so I can keep my job"
Trait 6 really sums me up! Especially the processing out loud. I’m in the Uk and diagnosed in my 50’s but recently found I also have Aphantasia. I feel this adds to the processing out loud. As I cannot visualise or hear sounds in my head I have to speak everything. I certainly have periods of manic activity and then withdrawal. It can be several times in a day or over a period of days. I have not been diagnosed with ADD but would seem to fit. Thank you so much for the video. Much appreciated.
Or repeating formalities due to heavy masking: Like saying thank you or please repeatedly during a single interaction, when neurotypicals only say it once, maybe twice.
"Forgetting" to say hello or goodbye 😂 No, I don't forget, I just don't care for it. I remember my ex husband called it Irish goodbyes, but your true friends know. I also asked one of my best friends the other day if she could stop starting our conversations with "how are you?" because I know she genuinely wants to know and it will take me an hour or more to answer that question and then I will either have forgotten or become too overwhelmed to communicate at all. I told her if there is anything acutely interesting about my state of being I will tell you, and otherwise, it's implied that I'm fine. So thanks Paul, for helping me navigate something that was really driving me a bit mad with the how are you video. 💛✨✨✨
WHAAAT II: Paul, you derstroied my convincions through this video! I've been telling around since so many months now, how EASY, familiar and COMPREHENSIBLE Austrialian English is, 'cause I can always understand you when you talk! And I've been telling everyone, that Australian is from now on my favourite English accent. 😭😭😭😭😭
Reminds me of the difference between a person on the spectrum and a kleptomaniac. The first one takes things literally and the latter takes things, literally.
Lmfao
The difference between a schizophrenic and an autist: If asked, "do you hear voices?" both will say "yes."
For the schizophrenic, the voices are in his head.
For the autist, the voices are a conversation being held quietly in another room.
@@GnuReligion 😂😂 Yeah that is why we always look silly and funny without intending to do so
@@GnuReligion To be precise:
For a schizophrenic, the voices would be perceived as coming from outside his head but originate from inside his head.
Voices perceived as coming from inside the head would rather suit DID/Multiple Personality.
😂😂😂😂
Some other autistic traits I’ve noticed not talked about much are:
1. Speaking too loudly or quietly, usually too quietly from my experience. Autistic people often find it difficult to control the volume of their voice and don’t notice the volume of their voice.
2. Not talking much during conversations or not knowing what to say. I’ve noticed this a lot.
3. Becoming very clingy around specific people and always wanting to talk to the same people and hang out with them. Also, using the people you’re clinging to as someone to make friends and talk to others.
"Becoming very clingy around specific people and always wanting to talk to the same people and hang out with them. Also, using the people you’re clinging to as someone to make friends and talk to others."
So true 😅😅
Damn, another three I found in me
Wow. As a kid, that first one was just terrible to go through (I think I got better by now, but my voice still sounds inconsistent). I constantly felt embarassed when the teacher releatedly told me to speak louder. The second one I still notice, but the third one I have no idea as I never had more than a few friends at a time.
I'm still not sure I'm autistic though.
@@isky6541You could be an INTJ or INTP personality type (Meyers Briggs method). I thought I was autistic for a long time and then found out that I'm a totally typical INTJ.
@@isky6541 You sound perfectly normal. When I was at school, many kids didn't raise their voices and were always told to speak up.
The ' not wishing happy Birthday because so many others have' is also a real thing, maybe not with birthdays but with a lot of other things.
Honestly I've had that exact thought with birthdays before. So I can confirm it's a thing.
I feel like I need to have a different way of commenting - and there are only so many ways of saying "happy birthday".
@@MiljaHahto When I worked in an office I always found the staff birthday card or leaving card sent round for everyone to write in difficult for that reason - if lots of people have already put Happy Birthday or 'Sorry you're leaving' it felt weird putting exactly the same and like I needed to come up with something slightly different, when the simple would have been fine.
Yeap! I don't want to recieve 20 times "Happy birthday! 🫂"
Also there is a saying "treat others like you want yourself to be treated", no? I have just come to realise that maybe others Don't want to be treated like I do... 🤔
Ahhh, too haaaard! I don't know what they want! 😫
like series of identical messages in a group chat... I don't like joining the chorus
I am autistic…diagnosed in my 50’s. I never say hello. I can’t tolerate being touched and i am really blunt. My son is autistic too. We talk about it and we laugh together. He told me he doesn’t know how to go from hello to “how do you know you are real “…I don’t either. I fall into a room and my emotions are a mess. I laugh when things aren’t funny: and I cry when I should laugh. I don’t feel connected to my body. It’s like my head and body are separate. I don’t feel myself in space. I feel like I am walking into a pool. I love animals. If given a choice between people and animals. People don’t stand a chance. I will go into a room to be either animals and shun people. I over explain…I don’t know when to stop talking so I explain everything…my arms feel like they are too long and I don’t know what to do with them. So I wrap them around my head…this video helps me feel so much better…
What treamtents are you considering?
Saying "hello" properly is such a disruption to my thought processes. I sometimes manage to fit in "Hi" with a smile before moving on to business, but it depends how I'm feeling.
@eekee6034 oh man what a bummer
Inappropriate display of emotions like laughing when you're supposed to be sad is also a symptom in schizophrenia
I know it is. When I was an undergraduate I took abnormal psychology…I was convinced that had schizophrenia…then that I had bipolar disorder, then OCD (I do have this), then I thought I was a brilliant person who is misunderstood. When I was convinced I had prostrate problems (I am a woman). I thought I had erectile dysfunction….basically I thought I was every disorder there was. I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism yet (I was in my late 50’s when I was diagnosed ). I worked mental health for 18 years and was a children’s protective services social worker. Of all I studied I kind of knew I am autistic.::and this scared me silly..:I’m the only one who knows when I’m silly..:honestly I knew my son was autistic very early in his life…I never considered that I am autistic…but once I really broke it down I knew…it was all confirmed in my late 50’s…not sure what good it was diagnosing me this late in life…it did open my eyes to my idiosyncrasies…but it didn’t matter. My social skills are lacking…I have trouble maintaining friendships. And am told I’m weird…yeah and?!
Despite knowing many traits of autistic people, I never made the connection to my own behavior. Then about a year and a half ago, someone sent a video on masking. It blew my mind as it was something I struggled with all my life. I've been watching more videos on autism, and this...these traits are what I thought were personality traits of mine. Wow. wow. wow. You mean there are more people who do all of these things out there? Ticked all the boxes here. Thanks.
I actually went on a course to see how I could help my 2 neurodivergent boys……they discussed girls too and a massive penny dropped! Felt like they were describing me…….
I can relate! What treatment has worked best for you?
Same story for me: a friend of mine sent me a video six months ago. It included a small test. The presenter took a book and ask her audience in a classroom "what do you see?" I started to describe the cover page, characters, objects, scenery in the background..., in other words I failed (or did I succeed?) I should have answered "I see a book“. A far too simple answer that didn't popped in my mind. My friend was clever: he suspected that I was like his son but he knew I had to discover that by myself, otherwise I'd probably have told him to **** off. Then I watched many vids about autism and did several tests, ticking many boxes. Official diagnostic is underway. I am 62, it is never too late, but I would have prefered to know that when I was still in my twenties. All the best from Brittany (France).
@Sherkhan1962 is not a pass/fail test
I thought i had ADHD maube its Autism
I've realised that something I do freaks people out - when I'm interested in something about them I ask them loads of questions to the point where they look like they're under interrogation. They seem to interpret my attitude as extreme scepticism of them rather than interest. I've also realised similarly that when I use the phrase "I don't understand why people think/do/like x" I literally mean I don't understand and would like to learn more, whereas that often gets parsed by others as "I don't understand why people thing/do/like x, therefore they must be idiots", and then they get offended.
thats interesting i think i would do the same but i don't talk to very many people definitely do the 2nd thing though
Yes! This!
Absolutely this. I get accused of being a cop. In my mind i'm showing genuine interest in the person but they misinterpret it as being too invasive. You could place this under the umbrella of "not being good at small talk".
I have the 'ask a million questions' thing because I want more specific information on a miriad of options when the neuro typical person thinks it is obvious what is required so no more detail is needed🤷🏻♀️.
Yes I get that and it's frustrating when people are offended by what they think I said rather than listening to what I ACTUALLY said.
Here are a few of my weird traits. I have no clue if they are common among autists or just me-isms.
1) Failure to reciprocate extended greeting. They say “Hi. How are you today?”. I reply “Fine” and nothing else. They expect “Hi. I’m fine. How are you?”
2) Sit oddly. Usually legs twisted and with feet on the seat or over the chairs arm and slouching.
3) Lose ability to speak when someone throws an unexpected greeting at me. (i.e. while walking in opposite direction on a sidewalk). I come off as rude for lack of a verbal response, but I at least attempt a head nod or wave while panicking.
4) When explaining, I can say the same thing multiple ways, in the hopes of being understood. Another form of over explaining, perhaps. I also tend to stop mid sentence when explaining, say “let me back up here” and then add in some contextual information that I thought may be necessary, but only realized mid-thought. This makes for a rather disjointed set of information. Trying to communicate and be understood is difficult.
5) Not realizing what I’ve said is funny. Others think I’m making a joke and laugh, but that was not my intention. Also rarely laughing at other’s jokes because I’ve figured out the endpoint before they get there and surprise seems to be a needed element in humor.
Shared experiences with those you've listed, so probably not just "me-isms".
"Surprise seems to be a needed element in humor." I don't know if it's needed, but it is certainly a major ingredient of humor. But interstingly they've studied this, and for most people, jokes are just as funny even if they see the punchline coming ahead of time--in fact in some cases, with the right delivery, it can even make the joke funnier when it's set up so that the audience sees where the joke is going ahead of time. There was a great episode of the Science Vs episode on the science of humor, about trying to find the funniest joke in the world. You might find it interesting!
That laughing one I experience so much. Just me responding normally might make the family table laugh and I'm just thinking what's so funny? While also being happy I made everyone laugh
None of that's autism. You're ok
#5 so true.... when that happens It makes me unsure on how to even continue, it's nice that they're amused but it wasn't intended to be and then I wonder what else will be taken differently than intended
Hehehe. You just said said autistic people are often flexible. My first thought was yeah that makes sense. Most of my life I’ve been flexible. As a kid I often sat w shape on the floor. I used to be pretty good at yoga. I can still clasp my fingers behind my back. Then I realized oh you didn’t literally mean flexible 😊
Oh! Oh! Yes. Me too. I was thinking lol about how bendy the autistic people I know are.
Or the complete opposite. I was very stiff and inflexible - literally - for a long time. My running is still very stiff; I just don't naturally bend my legs enough like neurotypical people.
There's a pretty high correlation of neurodivergent people with hypermobile EDS, so yeah, flexible in both senses :)
@@hannahmitchell87 what? Why?
@carolinecagle3266 Don't think they know yet. It was only a small sample size but interesting results.
"The neurodivergent group manifested elevated prevalence of hypermobility (51%) compared to the general population rate of 20% and a comparison population (17.5%). Using a more stringent age specific cut-off, in the neurodivergent group this prevalence was 28.4%, more than double than the comparison group (12.5%).... with greater odds in females than males".
Jenny L L Csecs et al. 2022.
I was married for 30 something years before I realized what was my husband's problem. In the beginning of our marriage, it bothered me that he wouldn't look in my eyes. Vital for a woman. And he never ever ever thought to buy me flowers. When he did get me a "present", it was most of the time something totally odd and not quite appropriate, but his heart was in the right place.
And regarding the walk, yes, he always kind of wobbles when he walks, also when he was young.
But I love him because he has a heart for the downtrodden and he is generous even though we are basically poor. He has rescued people, even saved lives. We're now together 40 years and I see that it was God's wisdom all along. It's been very very difficult at times, pretty lonely for the most part, but he's a good man, and a godly man.
After 66 years I have found my people. This video was so enlightening and affirming for me. Thank you ❤
65 here, diagnosed right before my birthday
Welcome! Fellow late-realized here-- I've been working this out for several years now, & Im 57 🖖🏾😎🎉.
Dunno yr pronouns, but for those of our older cohorts of the female persuasion, there's actually a nickname for our group among some professionals, we so rarely have been properly diagnosed (myself included): "The Lost Girls." (Nevermind that we've been grown women for prolly longer than those who coined the term have been alive, ugh 🙄).
Anyhoo! Welcome to this chapter of yr self-- discovery! Not the easiest thing to learn abt oneself at this age-- there can actually be a lotta grieving over things we experienced in the fog of ignorance, & all the ensuing trauma-- 💔!
But there are also many of us finding so much solace and even liberation in finally figuring out our own brains, bodies, & life stories. I, for one, am SO much happier having a better framework for understanding myself AND the world around me, and for moving & building forward...
🌈💜🌻 Namaste, & Best Wishes!
I was diagnosed a few months ago at 72. I can't believe how helpful that was.
I am so happy for you. My son needs to find his people so bad he has all of these characteristics. He’s such a beautiful human. Please pray for him.🙏❤️
@@ayethidawasonnamaste ✨💖
I do know of a few more weird autistic trates.
1) We tend to be a bit nerdy or brainy. Even the autistic people I've known who mask well still have had that subtle nerdy bit that stood out anyway.
2) A lot if us are nocturnal. Or we have a different circadian rhythm of some kind.
3) We tend to write a lot. It's in longhand. And we often write without enough paragraphs resulting in sometimes very long blocks.
4) We tend to be sick a lot.
5) Many of us have a funny sounding laugh.
Definitely the funny sounding laugh. Some of us like myself have three different weird laughs, where all are for varying levels of response indicating how funny I thought something was. There's a HAAAAAAAAAAH/eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh, a squeeeeee/gasp for air, and rarely a snort.
I've been told many times by others that I have an "evil laugh", which has always baffled me.
Oh yay, nocturnal. Here’s me at 03.15
@@Rogsie-p6l 03:39 for me. :)
We both must be GMT+1 right now.
Yep! Me too!
I once had someone excitedly ask me at school if I was auditioning for ROTC (army reserve training) purely because of the way I was walking between my classes. At the time I had become somewhat obsessed with walking as efficiently and silently as possible for my own enjoyment.
I stopped swinging my arms while I walk because I realized it was pointless. The next year all the boys were doing it too. Or maybe I just imagined they did it idk.
Oh! I did this one, too. I tried to walk as silently possible and make my steps flexible and light. It was in result after meditations where you check how your body feels. I have discovered stepping flexibly and softly preserves the health of your entire body. And of course - I have put efforts in it :D
🤣
At some point I decided I wanted to move really fluidly like old Disney animated characters. I think I’ve toned it down now, but I’m sure it must look strange to other people
@@13SuperSuirre actually swinging your arms isn't pointless it actually saves energy while walking.
Yes. Accent. Oh my. Only after my autism discovery at 65 did a whole lifetime of being a "foreigner' no matter where I lived, including my own country, make sense. It is viscerally sapping to be asked so often what country I'm from.
I think I can relate. There have been many times where people have assumed I was European instead of from the USA, based on some of my word choices and pronunciations. I also have a few "mannerisms" of writing style that can be difficult to place.
I have had people ask me what country I'm from, even when I am living in the country and state where I'm from.
I have started telling people around me I have "strange hobbies" I like. Or I am a bit strange and they stop paying attention if I find something unusual to be very interesting. People just get used to it and you do not feel such an extraterrestrial. Just reply "Yes, many people asked me that. Lovely, right?" and go ahead. They somehow accept it that this is your way and stop paying attention. They now start seeing the rest of your qualities and you can communicate normally :) Somehow, when you accept that you have some different things, and you like them to be part of you, and if you watch carefully around - you'll find everyone has something of his own - you accept it inside yourself for yourself. And you are now happy the way you are.
I'm from Finland, and I live in Spain. I met my partner when I was working abroad, in English. I speak all three languages daily, so my accent is very confusing. 😂 (Also, I know Swedish, as it's Finland's second official language)
Same, I am from England so we have a lot of accents here, most people just assume I am not from that particular region/county. I have moved quite a bit and so it is usually accepted I am not in my home town so I sound different, though in my home town people also always thought I was from somewhere else too. I have occasionally been asked if I am Polish or German.
Thankyou for your very informative video. I have a wonderful 15 year old grandson who is autistic, you have just answered some questions about behaviour I have noticed over time😊.
I knew nothing about autism before Peter was diagnosed, it's been a fast ride and a bumpy one at times.
It's great to see your videos and know that the person speaking is speaking from personal knowledge.
Thankyou so much😊
Lee from Adelaide
so sad for your grandyson
Interesting video! Some of the traits you described can be misunderstood as impolite or narcissistic behavior. So I think it's really important that you are putting this information out there. When we know that someone has autistic traits, rather than being a narcissist for example, we would probably treat and "judge" the person very differently.
It's really good to understand more about this. 👍🏻
I feel bad for them tistics
On #8, something I've been told about myself and i've heard mentioned a couple times from other autistic folks, is that I'm an "introverted extrovert". Normally quiet and sometimes even isolated, but put me on an open mic at karaoke or a poetry slam (I love poetry) and you'd think it was a whole other person up there. Anyone else have this?
Oh yesss!! Sometimes when I’m talking to people I’m thinking to myself “Who am I??”. I am just yammering on and on like someone in a comedy club on open mic night! This is not who I really am… I am an introvert, but these people wouldn’t necessarily know it the way I am coming across right now!
Yeah, long before my dx I’d say, “IDK if I’m a shy extrovert or a flamboyant introvert..”
Oh yes, just try to make me shut up when I am a teacher and I'm teaching my subject!
@@informatikos-pamokos
..try to make me shut-up when I’m a student.. 🤣
I've always described myself as an introvert on the inside but extrovert on the outside. I can come across as an extrovert, but am totally team introvert.
Can't tell jokes because I know the punchline, crack up before I'm half way through 🤣🤣🤣
yes same and overexplaining the joke too
Same , or I don't even tell the joke, I just sit there laughing
@@pikmin4743O my how many times I have done this and never knew why.
I've done this, and it always fills me with joy when I see someone else do it, because they are clearing having a GREAT time!
Hihihi, this is me every time I'm about to tell something funny. No one gets the funny part because I'm laughing while telling it. 😂😂
saying Hellos and Goodbyes can be sooooo awkward! even with your close comfortable people. this was something that I tried to start doing way before learning about my neurodivergence, and I believe it was one of my many attempts to unmask, long before I was familiar with the concept and the reasons behind it
I say bye bye😂😂
I have no problem saying Hello but I DONT like to do it from the distance so it is kind of akward, I see you but I only say Hello when I stand in front of you. And I absolutely hate it if people dont say Hello back.
I really enjoyed this video. I remember being teased about walking funny when I started kindergarten and first grade in primary school. Many of these apply to me. I'm a late diagnosed military veteran with moderate autism. I enjoy your content. Keep up the good work.
Being a military veteran is something that needs a diagnosis?
Oh yes, being pedantic is one of my markers!
@AnnFBug I definitely could have communicated clearer.
Thank you for your service 🫡
I'm 65 and enlisted when I was 17. I was a Pathfinder in the 82nd Airborne and the 11b on a Special Forces A-Team. I never realized why people made funny faces at me.
I don't like wearing bright colors or anything "special" because I don't like when people comment on my clothes (even if it is a compliment). I just want them to not care how I look
Recently someone pointed out, that I seem to like bright colored clothes, because I wear them all the time. I didn't even notice it before. I remember going home that day and looking at my closet, and I was horrified. The colors were certainly bright! Red, purple, neon even! Sheesh!
I’m with you on this one @rustlingtrees8987, I would much rather be a floating mind without the whole appearance thing to worry about. I do still try to be presentable, but nothing that will draw attention or an interaction. I do swap watch bands and pick my glasses based on my mood for the day, or plans for the day, but that’s about it. Mostly black or plain single-coloured shirts, a bit more variation in pants but always dark or muted. Black goes with everything.
I'm with you on that page. I'm completely averse to wearing bright colours and wear a lot of blacks, browns, greys and muted blues and greens. Strong Red is a colour that is usually an exception that I like, but then other days I can't stand the colour red and have to shove them in the back of the cupboard so I don't see them. My ex used to buy me a lot of bright shirts because he wanted to brighten my wardrobe, I wore them because I wanted to show I loved him, but I felt incredibly uncomfortable and was worried about people noticing my existence in the shirts. When we broke up, one of the first things I did was shove all the bright shirts in a bag and dumped them in a donation bin. (Neither of us knew of my ASD at the time, I was only recently diagnosed, I just realised that his actions might come off him deliberately making someone with ASD uncomfortable. I mean, I guess he also hugged me while I was trying to clean because he thought it was funny how I would try to squirm out of the hug. So I guess that was kind of bullying... or maybe more friendly teasing from his perspective?)
I think it's like Paul has often said in other videos, being on spectrum means we are on the edges of extremity with a lot of things. So being obsessed with wearing bright colours and being absolutely against wearing bright colours are still two sides of the same coin.
When I was young, I liked bright colors, now it's darker colors
An an autistic person who is alternative I perfer dark clothes
I was worried about telling my parents I thought I was autistic, thinking they thought it was ridiculous, but they straight away said "yeah you don't say hello to people unless they do first", that surprised me, never noticed I did that until then
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST RUDE.
@@hopespringseternal7028 Look who's talking lol
@@Adz-NZ it's an actual theory. maybe you are rude and ill mannered. have you considered changing? it's a choice. saying hello or goodbye is a choice, like everything we do and feel is a choice. you are not a victim. stop allowing yourself to stay at this level. rise above it and be victorious instead of a victim. when we become ill here, we say i am healing as opposed to i am sick. feel the difference? it is huge. i am not trying to hurt you. i feel compelled to write these remarks to you so i am. peace.
@@hopespringseternal7028 😂, I was just relating to what was mentioned in the video, a tiny innocuous idiosyncrasy in a myriad of other relatable traits. Recognising things we do is not playing the victim, it’s about finding out the truth of who we are so we can navigate life better. Finding out you are on the autistic spectrum is not a sickness, and someone who is on the autistic spectrum is not sick. But thanks for the advice someone who missed the point, good luck with your healing 😂
Did your parents ever instruct you to say hello? My grandson never says hello to anyone even if someone says hello to him. My daughter and I have explained to him that it’s rude to not say hello to someone that has said hello to you. It’s like no matter how many times will tell him he just won’t do it. So I’m curious if your parents noticed that you weren’t saying hello to people did they ever try to instruct you that’s the polite thing to do?
I am 81, I have been autistic all my life, but was only diagnosed recently. I am a cross dresser (have been since I was 13 or so) and have a great sense of humour. I say "Hi" rather than "Hello" and "Bye" rather than "Goodbye", but when people are leaving, my partner always say: "Thanks for coming", I always add: "And thanks for going!"
Hope you have a great day, Paul, and thanks for your videos!
ROFL “And thanks for going” I love that one. I have to remember that!
@@davidroddini1512 Thanks! I have a million of them!
@@d.c.monday4153 stealing this one! I cackled.
too funny .. if anyone visits my home I always walk them out and say: ""Just making sure you leave"" lol
I really like my own company and I think I'm pretty funny. I will laugh at my own sense of humor. On a good day, I can translate that to the right group energy of people.
Some people really get me, and some people, like my sister of 60 years, had never liked me and always liked to make me feel defective.
Finally, I figured out I'm autistic and not defective. What a relief! So I'm fine without talking to her. It's her loss if she can't enjoy my company. She was deliberately making me feel worthless my entire childhood and again as she has reached a certain age.
My adult children understand me better now and are interested in understanding. It all affected their childhoods. I make more sense to them now. And Autism wasn't a thing in 1960. I really like and love myself so much more now at 64. I enjoy getting older and still learning everyday. I'm grateful.
☮️💙
About "hello". I wanted to say a quick word to my principal in the morning before getting my students. I said what I wanted to ask, but she answered with an annoyed voice: "Good morning to you", instead of just answering my question. She thought I was impolite, I thought I was mindful of my limited time and not wanting to be late for my students. Grrr.
If an autistic person reacted that way it would be described by psychology as rigid/inflexible and disordered.
Tbh having an emotional reaction like that would imo be disordered behavior. They probably thought you violated their stupid social hierarchy by skipping a formality.
Also, probably felt slighted too by not showing the proper level of respect for your "superiors". Gods, i get this one a lot. How does Good morning then question = showing I respect you? I havent a clue but have gotten enough talking's too about being to informal or foward with my bosses by just asking questions that ive learned; if you havent talked to a superior already that day you have to greet them, ask how there day is going/been, if there coffe is good or some other random relevant chit-chatty thing THEN the real reason you came in to see them. I hate it soooooo much and when I did land a mangers spot I never made my employees go through this stupid dance. To me its just a power play and not needed. Cheers!
This happens to me too. In my world I am just getting to the point. I don’t need the fluff. Also I realized that when you ask “Good morning. How are you?” The most you get is “good morning” and if they say “how are you?” They really only want “fine” instead of you to go into how you REALLY are so the whole preamble to the actual question is just silly social oddness. At 58 I still miss this cue 😵💫
fook the greetings, just go say what you want and byeee
I have had this exact experience.
Serial obsessions with hobbies, food flavors, career paths, etc. In the past 3 years I've been utterly fascinated with (to the exclusion of all other hobbies) metal detecting, music production, archaeology, dropshipping, slot machines, vocal coaches reacting to singing performances, baking bread, smoked almonds......
Oh dear, I relate to almost every one of these things. I dont think they are weird.
When people describe me they always say that i am a bit different.
I have thought that was because of my ethnicity and that i am well educated. Oops whats going on? At times i dont understand a question or explanation. Its just a blank. Its good that i live alone. I understand me.
My husband and I joke wondering if we're just dilettantes or polymaths.
Interesting ! Some common ground there...smoked almonds are delicious..
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for her talent in bringing back ex-partners.
Many thanks for providing this valuable information; I've just conducted an online search for her.
Just move on ...there's gonna be a better one ahead...
I spent a summer in Europe with some friends. They had a different flight home. So I was on my own for a couple weeks in London. When I got home everybody remarked that I sounded like a limey. (Back then that was not particularly pejorative if it is now.) (Yes, I do over explain, don't I?) I pick up accents in warp speed. I've learned with my partner "hello" or "good morning" when I enter our computer room (both computer nerds) prevents huge levels of startlement. And "Mixed signals are me." Note that a day without puns is a day badly misspent, unless I am alone or alone with my partner. Now that you mention it I enter a room and feel like I am the center of every pair of eyes in the room so I withdraw inside until safely sitting somewhere with reduced visual access - a sea of heads into which I can slide into unnoticed anonymity. By the way - you do look autistic if I look for it now that I've had a little more experience with autistics. Does "a tense posture of relaxation" ring any bells? Any questions about my understanding normie's signals? I over think it.
{^_-}
(And I do babble on, don't I? I often use a blizzard of words and humor as a shield. Hello Robin Williams.)
I'm 62 and for a very long time I have felt I didn't fit in and was diagnosed with social anxiety among other things but in years I think there was more to it and my younger sister was diagnosed with autism only a few months ago and my other sister said she thought maybe I had autism too..I do have a lot of the traits. babble on sometimes fast but sometimes words get stuck or I start to stutter trying to explain to much..I overthink too. plus the accent thing..I say certain words funny ..I once had a boyfriend many years ago who was italian and after being with him chatting etc I seem to then have an accent..even months after we ended our relationship... I have always felt uncomfortable making eye contact but at the same time felt I was being rude if I don't look at the person when they are talking to me because people then think your not even listening to them and I get that coz if I was talking to someone I would prob feel they were not listening or their bored and yet at the same time I don't like someone staring or looking at me when I am talking...just many other things I come across and think yea that's how I am..I can get fixated on something..I will put some words when writing at the beginning when they should be last..takes a while to write something coz I look it over to see if it is worded right.
@@eileenstacey3924 I have to grit my teeth and submit first drafts. Otherwise the editing never ever ends until it is too late and a total mess. I trained myself as a child to look adults in the eye. Not doing so had too many downsides. That has carried over. Although "look" is more like "stare" as I have it implemented. It's hard to explain. I almost disconnect my eyes from my brain so I don't even know what I am looking at. I hear and react to that most of the time. I just soldier on, alone in crowds.
{o.o}
@@Wizardess I know what you mean by it's hard to explain..sometimes I can not find the right words or a way to explain something that other people not like me will understand..it's difficult because also you feel that staring too long may make the other person think your weird and not looking them in the eyes like you said and I know causes too many downsides too. on top of other health issues and pain that distracts me depending on how bad it is etc plus general anxiety so I can't sometimes take in what they are saying because I then worry if I am not looking them in the eyes enough or too long. I am so easily distracted too.)but I can get so focussed on something that I don't take in what's going on around me and lose track of time but to be able to do that I have to be not expecting a phone call or parcel delivery or a friend popping in as I just may not even hear the door or phone or be aware of anything that happens around me, it's a bit hard to explain that one too..Do you find if there are more than one person or a crowd of people and there is music or a loud tv on you get overwhelmed and can't focus on what anyone is saying then get stressed and confused ?
That's me. I hate it when two people in the room are talking to each other and another person is talking to me at the same time and I'm trying to have a conversation with them. I can't process what anyone are saying and I can't think because of all the noise going on. I'd have to either ask the other two people to leave the room or me and the other person go in another room
You should have heard me when I got back to the States from Scotland! What a hoot!
Another one or two to consider:
1- discomfort with using peoples' names (for me it's first-person only, like I can say "I saw Jerry over there." but saying "Jerry, I saw you over there" can be painful.)
2- discomfort with titles, specifically ones that reinforce social hierarchy. (Calling a doctor doctor is fine because they earned it and it's about them having a special skill/knowledge, not about them being your 'superior.' Calling an uncle "Uncle Bob" or when you're a kid calling an adult by a title "Mr Smith" makes me feel gross. As a kid I avoided addressing adults by name, by just starting conversations with them sans greeting, LOL.)
As an aside I found that using peoples' names three times on first contact seems to erase much if not all of #1 for future interactions. Also the longer I go without using someone's name, the worse it feels to use it.
Bob? Nice to meet you Bob.
[Conversation]
Good meeting you, Bob.
Now i realise where finding nicknames for all the people i know comes from.
Yeah, similar thing here with people and titles - I used to have a Year 7 Maths teacher (that was also my Year 9/10 Computer Studies teacher), Mr. Gavin; I just called him Gavo as the "Mr." just felt odd to say and as an Aussie we do twisting of words and names like Gavin to Gavo (or even just Gav), or McDonalds to Maccas.
Yes! I have complicated feelings about my own name, but I also always avoid using other people’s names too. Recently it’s manifested in me asking a question when in a group and they are confused as to who is being asked
Oh my God. I also have a discomfort with using peoples names the same way you do! I don't call my BF by his name, I just say to him „you“. For example, if I need to shout to him from another room for him to come over to my room, I just shout „Come here!“ Or „Can you come here?“ Without even mentioning his name. It's the same, if I see a friend accidentally on the street, I can't call their name. I want them to notice me, to shout something, but I can't. I feel like a mute. So basically every time they don't notice me and just go their way.
I always felt so awkward telling people my name so I'd tell them my nickname instead which felt easier to say lol
I didn't know number 1 was a thing I even did, but it also was pointed out to me that I don't say bye. I do wear shoes without socks also overexplain. Though I think I explain the appropriate amount others just underexplain. Number 8 is 100% on me. I don't mind not speaking for months or even years and I don't feel as though whomever I am or am not speaking to is any less of a friend for it. As for the accent mine sounds like a mix of the USA. Though when I'm around a new accent for a while I will often pick it up for a few months before going back to a really neutral accent unless I'm trying to mimic an accent or if i'm around people with a strong accent I have a tendency to mimic it.
About a foreign accent... You should have heard me when I got back from Scotland !
made me cry, very sad
Thank you for identifying and highlighting those. Interesting. Most of those describe me, and at least one other I've observed in autistic people I've met.
Another reason for the over-explaining you didn't mention is that for me (and, I assume, others of us) it is typically the numerous connections between the various related things around the core topic/event that makes the whole thing interesting.
Oh my gosh... this happens to me every afterword on Fridays Beers. When I meet with my friends, I’m not sure how to introduce myself once I arrive and they are already there. It makes me feel anxious at that moment. Sometimes, if there are more people and I can’t say anything, I just arrive and that's it...
I want to tell you a short story.
When I was young, I was at my second house, the one my parents had on the beach, and my cousins were coming to visit us. I hadn’t seen them in a while, and I was excited. Well, I was riding my bike in circles around the house, waiting to see the car coming, thinking over and over in a loop about how I was going to introduce them when I saw them-whether with two kisses, a hug, or a handshake. That moment for me was always a tough one...
For me, from the feedback I’ve gotten, it’s not just over talking it’s the way I’ll end up delivering the information I’m sharing. My wife has said that it seems like I start out talking TO people then ending up talking AT them. At 60 years old I carry from childhood the “little professor” syndrome. Try as I may to be careful about this it’s just natural for me to slip into this mode. - I’m still working on it. My mom, 88 years old, recently told me when I was a kid she would ask me about a topic and I would start talking and keep talking until my dad tried to distract me away from the lecture form. My dad used to say “Don’t let your alligator mouth overload your bird dog back end” which made no literal sense to me but I understood it to mean don’t talk too much.
I’m a mental health therapist. I recently attended a class led by an autistic person also in the mental health field who said support groups for autistic people are useless because when one autistic person shares their thoughts/position, etc… and they are finished they don’t listen to the other person(s) sharing. She said autistic people generally just want to get their points across. I believe this could be a generalization but I have talked with autistic people who are happy to share in detail their thinking on a topic of their interest but are not attentive to my thinking on a different topic. Many of us who are autistic struggle with reciprocity in conversation that is not outside the boundaries of our own knowledge base, me included. Not all of course, but many. There are times when I don’t want to talk with autistic people because of this. I think even though many neurotypical people engage in dialogue with a lot of pretense that is boring to me they generally at least will give some space in time for me to speak and ask a few questions. No complaints here or putting down those in my own tribe just wondering why things are the way they are.
I think that the last aspect you speak of is connected to the CPTSD that many also experience. Trauma can wire us up to have little interest in seeing another person's eyes or perspective on something outside our domain because it represents a place of little control...a place where we could be taken advantage of, misunderstood, neglected, or manipulated. It is easier to divulge information and then evacuate. So maybe working on this from the trauma perspective vs. just another autism trait could help.
I am not autistic, or so I think, but i have this trait , kind off, have you found a way to assist you with improving communication?
I think you nailed it when you said intrest. I think autistic people are really really intrested in there niche things. So, when some else starts talking about that non-niche thing it becomes a quickly boring conversation and our brain stops recieving dopomine/serotonin from the interactio nwhich then leads to us checking out mentally and/or physically. However, as a person with autism we just have to recognize that struggle and apologize when we tune out and ask the person we're talking to, to repeat it (for the sake of politness and relationship building) and concentrate on focusing on what's being said and understand were gonna be bored and its okay to sit with that feeling. I find asking engaging questions help me stay focused or trying to relate the info. back to something I do find intresting ( sometimes I voice these observations, sometimes not) to help tolerate/stave off the boredom. I also notice my body movements, for me, I know if I'm shifting from foot to foot while standing, every few seconds, Im finding the interaction boring and need to be more mindful of a zone out on my part or need to find an exit to the convesation! Its also completely okay not to be intrested in something and just want to talk about another topic. I could right a whole other post on gracefully topic switching that has taken me years to perfect!!! For me, I really do thing its about conditioning ourselves to be okay with being uncomfortably bored in conversation so that we can be polite to the other person and let them share thier passion with us too. Ive learned a lot of things from those uncomfortable bored conversations too!
@@booksquid856You have correctly discerned from what I wrote that CPTSD and its symptoms are a core issue here. Maybe deeper and further in for me is a non-secure attachment history - dismissive/avoidant type.
I have been engaged in trauma therapy. It’s hell going through the process but there are glimmers of goodness. Having a dismissive/avoidant attachment style generally means the person will be wired to do everything without any help, be out of touch with their feelings, and will, without knowing it, have many strategies for pushing others away that want to help.
I find it more than intriguing that many of the behavioral features of autism overlap with symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD. I’ve heard other autistic people say that just being in the world is a daily traumatization.
I have "professor" syndrome. I will ask others for information if I want to know. I will share information if someone wants to know something I have knowledge on. I love to research many things.
I do practice noticing if the other person wants information or not. My pockets are always full, many folks have empty pockets or lighter ones....so no repricosity
Over-explaining has long been my way of short-circuiting and escaping the viscerally terrifying intrusion of interrogation. If I overwhelm the other person with information it leaves them no time to poke, prod and dig. Maybe somewhere in the flood of data I'm giving them is what they want to know anyway, and even if it's not I'm giving them so much to process it leaves them with the impression of total transparency.
I don’t necessarily forget to say goodbye but I don’t know how to go about it…so if I can I just…don’t. *walks out without anyone noticing*
Just look them in the eye and say see you tomorrow
If everyone else is leaving and saying goodbye why do I need to, it's obvious I'm leaving as well!
I'm the same way. I do a weird thing with my hands when I start getting stressed out. But I don't know how to give a hug or know how to say bye to people. It almost gives me bad anxiety having to be the person to say bye first. It's weird idk
I know what you mean. I am lost in thought or something and don't even realize I don't until someone goes "Good bye, see you tonight"
to alert me No I didnt say goodbye again. I can then respond because oddly, it's easier sometimes when they do like it reminds me I didnt
Irish goodbye. It's normal.
I'm 62. I never felt like I really fit in anywhere. Both of my brothers had similar experiences. My older brother, who was in the top 2% of Mensa members, and who passed in 2019, found out he was on the spectrum and he told myself and my brother that he suspected we are all probably at least somewhat autistic. I have never been properly tested, but listening to this I felt like you hit me true on every single one. Well my accent problem is inadvertantly mimicking traces of whatever accent the other person has and sometimes some people have felt offended.
I also do the accent mimic thing all the time! You're not alone with this!
Has anyone explored psilocybin mushrooms for autism?
Yes! Psilocybin-assisted therapy helped me manage symptoms.
My son has shown significant improvement with psilocybin-assisted therapy.
Hello! It appears I have interests, I want to get some.. where do you get from?
medicgael
ᵒⁿ ᵗⁱᵏᵒᵏ ᵃⁿᵈ
I actually say hello and goodbye way more then the average person, like I say hello every time I enter a room now because once I got scolded by my in laws for not saying hello whenever I walked into the kitchen to get a drink and they happened to be there. Now I'm always saying hello in my own home to my partner, I can't stop lmao I also have to make sure I say goodbye to every co-worker and to them know I'm leaving or else I'll feel rude, but they look at me like I'm crazy and no one else does that lol
Two sides of the same coin ;)
I have the same with eye contact, I overdo it although it's often uncomfortable because I've been told I'm rude otherwise.
Autistic people often do the complete opposite of their natural traits and very strongly too as a form of overcomoensation because they know they are bad at doing it "naturally"
Tell your in-laws to grow up
I think your in-laws sound like they are autistic.
Wow. I'm outed with just 9 traits. Not sure if I'm relieved or concerned. With a late in life diagnosis I've been wondering how to explain it to family and what few friends I have. I'll probably send them this video. I doubt they could handle my attempts to (over) explain it. What a great channel this is.
Why should you explain to them? You are who you are and this has nothing to do with their opinion of you. Or at least this was why I was explaining. They so often made questions that I found obvious. Like : Why do you do that? - Because I like to do it. - OK, but what will you gain from it? - Should I gain a reward from the things I am doing? Can't I just enjoy them? :D :D :D Or like: Why do you do it this way? Why not the usual way? - OK, I already have tried the usual way? Is it illegal to try in a different way? Did I rob anybody? Am I offending or hurting someone? Why not to just make things differently sometimes? :D :D :D It seemed so obvious to me! I could not understand why they are so stuck and can't make their life better and happier. If this is to be a neurotypical - No thanks! :D I want to be happy. I have helped many other people to be happier - it was easy for me to explain to them why some "frames" are not needed all the time and you can just be yourself if you harm no one. But I had to learn to stop explaining if the other one does not want to listen. It is difficult when I see a close person, that I love and respect, not seeing the way out and not being able to get out of the misery he/she put him/herself into. Then it's harder to stop trying to take them out. And one day I found out some of them don't want to get out. They want to be where they are. I learned to first try to understand better what they actually want. Sometimes they say they want a change for better but they are actually seeking attention and the comfort of someone just listening to them. They do not try actively to better their life. They are OK the way there are and where they are :) So I do my best to stop. If I want to listen - I listen. If I don't - I just go away. They can get angry or other - I do not owe them to please them or other, exactly as they do not owe me to listen my overexplaining :) You see both points of view and you are OK. And for us this is easier than for the neurotypicals :)
@@scruffypupper I just want to mention, in case you haven’t seen it. He has a great “coming out safely” video, which I found super helpful, and I think would be worth a watch in your situation.
Welcome and good luck! 😊
@@aldencrispin1086 Thanks. I'll check it out.
@@laurenceboischot4265 😃
I find myself mixing in words from other languages because they, em, "feel" 🤷 more like what the emotion im expressing, like Thai has "mai pben rai" for "its ok/nevermind" especially when you put a Scottish "ach" in front of it it matches the sort of "nevermind" handwave , the german "Scheiße!" Is so sharp and cutting when you hurt yourself or are mad, and "kurwa mac" in Polish has a way better shape than "oh ffs" it feels like an exacerbated sigh
There are a few words and phrases that I don't use because I know no one is going to understand them but, equally, they are too good to forget. One I particularly like is from N.S.W. Aboriginal English: gungeable It is derived from the word "constable" but pronounced with an indigenous accent.
I do that too
Oh, yes! Words are just not enough!!! I even need to invent words "that sound right and correct" in some rare occasions. :D I am so relieved when I am with people that speak more languages, because some things are not correctly expressed in my native language. :D Everything has to be fully correct! No way to deviate even a millimeter from the "correct path"! :D :D :D
I like watching videos from other places, and I’ve adopted some sounds(upset grunts for example), gestures, and sometimes small words that better fit what I’m trying to communicate. I think one language, and expressions in a culture are not all encompassing in emotional communication. Sometimes you just gotta borrow from other peoples
I can SO related to this! I grew up speaking Portuguese, in a Spanish speaking home, and moved to the states when I was 8 years old. I spent some time in Japan and learned French in middle school up until high school, and some days, a simple "thank you" isn't enough. I like saying "merci" or "gracias" and if someone sneezes more than once, why only say it in English when I can happily express "bless you" in at least 5 different languages. Some expressions are just better in other languages.
As far as slothing, my experience has been quite the opposite. When I was in a group for autistic adults the facilitator was saying something about dressing and I remarked that most of us were in the standard autistic uniform. By this I meant that in any given meeting 3/4 of us would be wearing blue jeans and a grey shirt. (That night 7 of the 9 of us were) Over many years of processing I realized that for myself it was because it was easier for me to move through public places if I could avoid people noticing me. (I can't speak if this is true for anyone else) To this day I find the jeans and drab colors still seems to be the large majority of autistic people I have met.
Interesting. I prefer bright colors and wear them when I feel comfortable doing so, but when I think I'm going to be in a situation where I don't want to stand out, usually a new group of people or a new place, I will dress in more drab colors.
My son prefers to wear black all the time, and no, he’s not a goth!
When I was at school I'd always feel uncomfortable to try and look a different way and would look the same every day. I'd wear my hair the same style, I would not like yo change my bag or things I had or wear new shoes or trainers. Anything new that might draw attention. I often felt uncomfortable wearing make up. I totally obsessed over painting my nails for school at one point. Having a compulsion that I had to have them painted even getting the hair dryer out to try hurry up drying them lol and if they got knocked when wet when I was at the bus stand and dried looking anything but perfect I'd be cringing/irritated/distracted by it all day. Thinking how scruffy it looked.
Black is my preferred choice of clothing. I've tried wearing colors, even neutrals, but black makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. Out in public, I feel invisible.
Oh. My. Gawd! People have commented on my accent so many times in my life and THIS finally explains what they're talking about. I have lived in the same general area for my entire life and I can't hear my accent at all but everyone agrees that I have one. It has been one of the most perplexing things about me to me and to others. Thank you so much for making this video. I have all but one of these weird traits (except that I don't particularly like wearing colors). This video was incredibly helpful! Thank you for making it!
I don't like wearing colors either. I have an extensive wardrobe of black.
I think of those Japanese puppets that take 5 people to operate on a completely black stage, invisible.
Love this one… nailed most of these. I add echolalia, my hand motions which I think is stimming based. Internal monologue too
I'd say echolalia is pretty much known and expected from autistic people because of the representation we have in media hehe, INTERNAL MONOLOGUE!!! makes me feel crazy sometimes
🤗 So Relatable!
I never realized until later in life that I'm Autistic, and now these traits make sense!
Echolalia- Repeating back a few words during conversation, in my perspective, shows that I'm actively listening to what the other person is saying.
Stimming- trying to be inconspicuous when I notice I'm almost unconsciously gnawing at the inside of my mouth, a.k.a. cheek-chewing.
Internal Monologue- "What? Not everyone does this?" Plus, there are times when I have a brief conversation with myself aloud because it helps me think. - "Hey, Bubblah / Hey what? / Where did you leave your glasses? / I don't remember where I was when I put them down. / ok, so retrace your steps. /" ... 😅
@@rebeccamay6420 Are you saying internal monologues are not normal??
@franbragg6747 There are a lot of things I thought were normal-for-everyone, and it surprises me when I hear that someone doesn't have the same normal-for-me experience. "Internal Monolog" is one of those things that not everyone does and I couldn't imagine myself not processing thoughts and actions without the "talking" inside my mind.
When it comes to the "internal monologue" I just recently learned that some people _do have that!_ As one person said _"I thought the thought bubbles in comics are a tool for the reader to get an idea of whats going in a character head. I had no idea people are walking around with actual voices in their head."_
What's going on here?
I'm from the US and I watch a lot of movies and TV shows from the UK. Some people tell me that I sometimes talk with a British accent. I'm not sure that's an autistic trait, but it is one I definitely have.
@jbr84tx also from usa and also watch a lot of UK media. I don't think I fall into the accents so much as use idioms and phrases that baffle people around me
I had a “southern” accent as a child. Not pronouncing the hard “r” might be something. It could come across as either British or southern US.
I watch a lot of international media and I picked up a lot from other places.
I'm born in the Southern US, I have a regional accent but I have peculiar ways of speech. I have family all over the East coast and visiting my Northern family made a big impression on me, I deliberately started to drop my drawl to sound clear and have better diction. This started at 6 on summer vacation between kindergarten and first grade. People remarked on a difference at the beginning of the new school year.
Now I do that International English thing. I've spent a lot of time around Eastern Europeans who speak English as a 2nd or 3rd language. As a result of spending time around them, I often drop articles.
Gender Non-Conforming: Also, it's difficult to find conforming worthwhile when nothing seems to stop the bullying behaviour from one's peers. Seriously. I would be doing NOTHING, minding my own business, not jittering, not making noise (I was always a quiet kid), and yet... Constant Abuse.
Seriously. Why would I bother even trying to match the weird expectations of the other kids when even neutrality was insufficient?
I always assumed I had some Uncanny Valley thing going on with me that made me Mean Girl Catnip.
I think it's because their entire identities are all about external groups they belong to where everyone is the same. Their identity consists of their race/ancestry, gender, religion, nationality, etc. I'd bet that by not being the same as them, you are implicitly invalidating/attacking their belonging/identity. They don't know any of this, they just know that being around someone who doesn't fit their pigeonholes makes them uncomfortable and they act on those feelings.
@@LiftPizzas thing is, this happened even in SoCal where there was an incredibly wide variety of backgrounds/ethnicities/religions and whatnot.
@@FallacyBites People are like this with other things like race/ethnicity too. But it's not about picking on someone from another group, it's about picking on someone who they think should belong to their own group, but chooses not to.
@@LiftPizzas in my case, the group I was supposed to belong to was "Neurotypical."
I hadn't thought of it from that angle before. The angle of "you're SUPPOSED to be one of us, get with the program."
From what i have seen,girl specifically seems to have chip on shoulder toward autistic girls,or girl that for a variety of reasons act different from the standard. With guy bullying is more standard, weird gets made fun of,but can find circles of nerds and such. Girl apparantly,take it almost as a personal attack, like "acting to be better" ,for just wanting to be left alone. A friend of mine always found herself in such situations,simply because she is a "live and let live" kinda gal.
Hmm I never thought of it as “forgetting” to say goodbye or hello. It’s more like I just don’t think it’s necessary. Or it’s just uncomfortable and I avoid it.
same
Paul! You are talking about me again! Thanks as always for your transparency and shared humanity. So helpful!
I recently found out that "object personification" is also a common trait.
That really clicked with me
Interesting. Thanks for pointing that out. My two stuffed animals really confort me (I'm 63).
Ohh yessss! I tend to look at many objects as sentient. Been doing that all of my life. (Yes, I am Autistic.) Just try to convince me that my model trains and guitars don't have a personality, LOL. ...And don't even get me started on my truck and car.
I thought transient objects occurred with a lack of a parental figure for a security blanket? It would also make sense for us to be social to inanimate objects while we're alone so we wouldn't worry about someone judging us for vocally swimming to ourselves. Don't tell my several named shark/dolphin plushies that. They all have unique ways I respond to them.
It makes me respect and cherish objects around me way more than neurotypicals by making up background stories and names or communicating with them and even apologizing when treated falsely.
My boyfriend's car is a dear friend an my oldest stuffed animal is only 4 years younger than me and my longterm companion.
Do you ever buy dented cans at the grocery store so they won't feel rejected?
When my mentor said I should think outside the box, my reaction was "What box"? I didn't know what the rules or parameters were.
think outside the bun - taco bell
I am like that about "crossing the line"... Where is this line?
Yeah, I remember when I first started hearing the "think out side the box." I started wondering where every one got the box from? and why did they want one?
I’ve discovered that “the box” is very subjective. I just think. If you say, I’m thinking outside the box, then I am thinking outside of YOUR box. I am fully within the bounds of my own box, thank you very much.
@@funniful Yes, that is true.
My daughter and I constantly bang into each other when we are walking side by side, like on a beach....we are both autistic. (But I bang into anyone who tries to walk beside me anyway). Also I often clip one side or other of a doorway when walking through. Additionally both my daughter and I have unexplainable bruises and we both spill at least one item a day. I will knock over cups or lean over to pick something up while holding a cup and pour the liquid out onto myself or the floor as I lean.
Haha, clumsiness is a big one. I learned the hard way that waiting tables was not the right job for me!
thats so sad
thank you. i am getting to know myself - late diagnosis 3 months ago in my 40's. finding out i'm autistic saved my life.your videos were one of the first once i found. 🙏❣
Is Doing voices a thing? Like if you're quoting something from a movie or cartoon you will do your best impersonation of it, not just the words.
@@LiftPizzas I do that too
And play it over in your mind, and roll it around in your mouth to see how the words or accent feels.
Yep. All the time.
@@alisonwhite9588 I noticed back in high school that I enjoyed the physical feeling of my lips and tongue forming and saying words. I also played around with accents a lot.
I have to try to match the rhythm and intonation of the quote, even though it’s likely no one else will notice
I had a college roommate who only spoke in movie character or cartoon voices for years, until people kept pointing it out to her and she had to make a conscious effort over a long period of time to change to her natural speaking voice.
I also have a male friend who probably does it half the time.
Re: dyspraxia or the proprioception thing ... when I was a young teen in Flagstaff, AZ back in the early 1980s, I'd walk my dog after it snowed, and I'd look back at my steps in the snow and notice they were never in a straight line - I'd often move to the right or left as I was walking!
You learned that from your dog.😄
@@LeonardBaerg Nope!
@@silicon212 Just kidding 😂 but I'm not sure that I've ever seen a dog walk straight.
I've noticed that too when I walk next to someone. If I don't leave sufficient space, I will end up bumping into them randomly.
I'm southern US but my father was from NY. I also worked for years with people from all over, and spent 3 years in Philadelphia. NO one believes me when I say I'm from NC where I live, and my best friends roast me for saying words differently from as I did growing up. This explains that a little
Same for my mom. We're from NC, her parents are from Upstate NY. She says some things very Southern like oil (sounds like awl), but others very Northern like doll and dog sounds like da and dog (not dawg).
When I went up north to see family they wanted me to say "light" and other -ight words because I have a Southern drawl that they found cute and entertaining. It made me stop doing it lol
@@ПаніПончик I grew up in Maryland, but lived in Vermont a long time. When I went back to Maryland I realized how southern everyone sounds. Meanwhile I had picked up the French-Canadian "o" sound. I've lived in various places, and my accent changes slowly to adapt to where I live, though not consciously. It is now quite a mish-mash. I now live in New Mexico, and hope I don't pick up the staccato Spanish style of speaking, because I'm not a fan. Even though I don't change my accent purposely, I do think personal aesthetics have something to do with it.
Thank you! I meet myself! I checked 7 of your 9 points. Thanks to your „accent” I perfectly understood it. 😀 In addition I would say: I hate it when someone comes up with a proposal or something intervenes that tends to change my schedule; I hate it when my phone rings; I hate making calls (it inhibits me and I procrastinate endlessly); I am embarrassed to pronounce people's names, including my own; at the store, I prefer self-cheknig; I never ask for help: I do it myself or I give up; I avoid physical contact, including hugs (once in a year it happens to feel the affection and enthusiasm of hugging a person). And many others...
I appreciate this so much. I have a ten-year-old autistic grandson and we have such fun together, but you helped me to see things that I had never notice before.
Oh thank you so much for all this! I relate TOTALLY to every trait!
I relate to everyone to.
I spent 20 years overseas teaching English, then I moved back to my birth region, retired and became a substitute teacher in the local schools. I have to avoid the special needs teachers because their way of dealing with neurodivergent students hits too close to home and gets me worked up. Children will sometimes ask where I'm from, and when I mention I was born and raised in a town only 30 miles away, they're surprised. I think it's from how I speak. Neurodivergent kids gravitate to me. The others make fun of me sometimes right to my face.
I am currently teaching abroad in Korea and have been for the past decade. I am working on my teaching certificate online to be able to get a job back in the US.
I am surprised to see someone in a similar circumstance in a RUclips comments sections.
@@bes03c If you're American, my advice is pay a FICA contribution on your federal income tax every year. Call SS to ask how much. I had no idea how Social Security worked, and now I'm living on the edge in my old age since I never knew I should contribute to FICA while in Korea. I'd recommend getting a teaching certificate, not an TESOL. TESOL is a dead end in America, but a teaching certificate will do you very well.
1. Forgetting to say hello or goodbye.
2. Walking funny.
3. Colourful hair and clothes.
4. Gender non-confirming.
5. Laughing at your own jokes.
6. Overexplaining.
7. Autistic people are flexible.
8. Inconsistent communication.
9. Speaking with an accent.
This sounds like bipolar disorder
This is spot on
Thanks 🙏
8 from 9...I am now autistic ?🤔
Bro I really need to get my ass tested. I am every single thing on the list except walking funny becuase my mom made me grow out of it. 😂
Thanks for the list. Really helpful! Some of these traits I already knew I had, but some I hadnt noticed before. Most of the traits I knew about have been brought to my awareness by others.
For example my friends during highschool pointed out, that during social gatherings, I had a way of just leaving without saying anything. They would ask about it with concern, if I was upset or something. But I was totally okay on these occasions. I had just decided it's time to leave and didnt think I had to announce it. It's weird as in other situations I'm a huge overexplainer and share my every thought process.
But something I learned from your list and didnt realize before watching this video, is that wearing my favorite colorful clothes is an autistic trait. I understand now, that yeah, it's weird and stands out, especially because I'm otherwise not very extraverted.
I've been recently made aware of another trait. When I'm talking with someone and there's a connection with some previous conversation or shared knowledge, I repeat some things as to "remind" the other person about it although I know perfectly well, they dont need reminding. I say something like: "As we've talked about before.." and then state the fact. To me it's meaningful to connect the dots and aknowledge the continuity and consistency of our interactions. But turns out its redundant and they might get annoyed.
I feel so bad for you
First time I watch a vídeo talking about autism in this way. Man, thank you. I thought I was the only one with all these autistic traits (and some more).
You inspired me to try to find groups around here (nortwest Italy), I think it would make me feel good around people who understand my behavior. Thanks again.
dang, that has to suck
This is great! Thanks for sharing it with acceptance and humor because neurodiversity is acceptable and sometimes quite funny 😊
I was diagnosed in my 50s by the psych who was helping my autistic son. I exhibited a bunch of these mannerisms. A lifetime of bewildering missteps and misunderstandings suddenly made sense. If only I had had these insights back in the 1970s; how different might things have been!
im so sorry this happened to you
No! The happy birthday is an amazing example! Ugh, can't tell you how many times I've been in large group chats, usually for work and it's someone's birthday or several people's name day and there's just a flood of happy birthdays and thank yous the WHOLE DAY! And I'm sitting there like "okay, guys... um... ten people already wished them happy birthday... it's now almost the next day... can we stop? I think they get the message. A lot of people are acknowledging it's the day they were born. Cool, can we do something else now?". I don't want to get sucked into this group thing that we're doing for no reason whatsoever!
There is a reason though! The reason is bonding. Recognizing a special occaision verbally lets someone know you care about them. For neurotypicals (and for some NDs, it seems to vary), relationships need ongoing nurturing or they with and die. A "happy birthday" is part of the nurturing. Everyone says it because each person has their own relationship with the person to nurture individually. Think of it like watering a plant; you can't just do it once, you have to keep watering it or the plant will die. For most people, relationships are like this, even just casual acquaintanceships and friendships. You may have other ways of nurturing your friendships other than wishing happy birthday, and that is fine as long as people are getting those other message. But for some people, if you don't say it, they will interpret that as you actively not *wanting* to nourish the relationship, and pull back themselves, or just feel hurt.
It's important to add that "happy birthdays" and the like can absolutely be and often is performative. *Any* social exchange can be done authentically or performatively, and a lot of performative stuff does happen in social groups, for a whole variety of functional reasons, especially in an work environment; but that doesn't mean there aren't authentic ones mixed in. But there is most definitely a reason for it all.
@@erinm9445 Okay yeah, might have exaggerated with the "no reason whatsoever". At least in the situations I'm talking about, it feels highly highly performative. Especially because nobody ever stayed at that place long enough to form any kind of real relationship.
And yes I do have other ways of nurturing my relationships that feel authentic to me... but also if a close friend expressed that they like getting birthday wishes from everyone and it makes them feel seen, I would absolutely do that for them. Just like I would like to not be bombarded with birthday wishes on my special day and feeling pressure to respond accordingly.
I guess what I take issue with is that it seems to be the default with this and other performative social actions. And you're deemed a bad person if you don't go along or even if you express a dislike for it in an unrelated situation.
I grew up being called anti-social by my brother whenever I expressed thoughts like that, and while other people haven't exactly used that word, the sentiment seems to be the same from a lot of people around me. They don't understand why I take issue or find stuff like that uncomfortable or why I don't just follow along for the sake of it.
I do literally all of these things, I loved hearing you over explain over explaining.😅
I forgot how much I love your channel and I am happy you popped up! I would like to add that it has always bothered me that I don't like the idea of saying "I am sorry for your loss" when someone loses someone or a pet. It would seem more appropriate to say I'm sorry that your father/dog/etc. passed away and that he is in heaven now and that you are missing him.
Great video! I previously noticed 7 of these traits, and relate to all 9 personally! A part 2 would be fun!
Wow, I actually have all nine of these traits. People always tell me I am different, and I try to look 'normal', but don't really know what to do. Thanks to your video I now understand why people say I'm different. However, luckily I am at an age now that I just don't care what people think (being on the spectrum also helps with the not caring part ;)). Thanks for the video, it was really interesting!
so sad
I can relate to all but the colors. Especially the flexible part.
That happens all the time because I am very bad at self regulation and self care. And at the same time cognitively empathise with the others. (If nobody does it, that person is upset, etc) So I end up volunteering for things I am not even good at, having appointments that are really unsuitable, meeting acquaintances when I feel in the mood to be alone. ...)
Suggestions for a second part:
- inappropriate emailing (lacking hi/bye, lacking personal connection intros, too long/ short) and also the time it takes (not reflected direct answers, hours spent for drafts, asking another persons opinion on the approach/ response)
- feeling fine with doing things differently.
I noticed that whilst there is this huge social training going on teaching autistics to behave a certain way, there is some kind of counter-reaction not getting why you should do it the non-autistic way. I just call it "50 resons why greetings are overrated" as an example.
- bonding over autistic traits (because thats the special interest we all have in common?)
- doing voices and/or sounds (its definitely a weird trait, but is this an autistic thing?)
I love making animal sounds, I dislike "and the pig makes oink", I say "and the pig oinks" and do the actual sound. Its a nice experience doing this with wolve sounds in a group. I often do cat sounds to communicate with my family, and luckily they get it anyway.
- facts over people (when someone points out "thats rude", "that hurt me", the reaction which probably comes is "but its true")
The autistic people I've known have often worn all black, but many dyed their hair non-natural colors.
I would just make the pig noise!! :D its so much fun making animal noises haha I can do an awesome pig!! And guinea pig!! But the kitten sounds even make the cats stop and stare xD when a friend was the room I made kitten noises and she came n asked me if I heard that. I said no n started again when she left the room n she was looking around my home to find the cat LOL
@jetmoo it's also fun if you do the cat sounds without moving a single visible muscle. And just look around puzzled as if you had no idea where it came from.
I just wouldn't growl at a dog another time...
#7 was very helpful! I’ve often wondered how my ASD friends can be so spontaneous, yet so rigid at the same time.
sorry bout your frien
@ Thank you
#6 - Another reason for info-dumping/overexplaining is a love language - you want to share something you're interested in with people you like, because you want them to like it just as much as you do - it would be a point of commonality! This is something I often do, and one of my best friends identified it as an autistic love language.
#9 - Yes! I actually wrote a blog post about this - I sometimes say words with a strong Newfoundland accent (my mother grew up in Newfoundland, and we used to visit there most years), or a turn of phrase that I've heard from someone in their exact accent and tone. As far as I know, for me it's not that noticeable, except that sometimes I'll look back on something I've said, or the way I said it, and go, "Oh!"
Overexplaining: thinking out load is part of it. Another angle is a high need for context myself to understand things properly, and wanting to convey the entire scope of what I want to tell, including its dependencies when I’m not sure the recipient knows those yet. I’d appreciate it myself in their situation, so golden rule and all that.
Yeah, people often are confused and attribute other motives when I explain myself around a subject that way.
totally!!
@@SensitiveOne Yeah, it can be tedious when people interpret explanations as defensive behavior, or when they interpret questions for more information (to clarify my understanding) as a challenge or doubt of what they said.
Yes, my reasoning too.. now I watch faces to see if I'm saying too much.
Good video, Paul! I am AuDHD and I often experience difficulty following movies where action or dialogues are very fast. I tend to ask people around me to clarify what is happening or request subtitles… but if I have to read I either pay attention to the images or the subtitles… I think this has to do with monotropism and delayed auditive processing or asynchronous sensory processing. I wonder if this happens to many or some of us… I would love to learn more about it.
I need subtitles on everything I watch too, or I don't understand it.
I'm totally disorganised. My house is a tip with unread magazines and papers all over the floor.
I get scared to go out as I think people will mock me or single me out for being "different"
Although I am a girl, I feel as though I am in "drag" if there's a formal occasion where I am expected to wear a dress. I wear black microfleece trousers every day normally.
Man here, i only wear, what i like and you´d have really hard time to put me into a tuxedo or knitted sweaters - tuxedo because i don´t like how sweaty i´m in it and sweaters, because i dislike the fabric on my skin. My home is a mess too - each time i clean up, it ends up being the same chaos within few days - BUT i am so good at knowing where things are, i don´t really feel the need to clean up often (and after each cleanup, i´m utterly unable to figure out, where i put things).
@@Morpheus-pt3wq that is in common with ADHD. Looks like a mess, but you know where things are (kinda). Unfortunately, sometimes out of sight out of mind. I have bought multiples of the same thing because I forgot about still having the original.
Spreadsheets helps with knowing inventory.
Sorry to hear that you feel or is restricted. However, and this is maybe not comfort but imho it gets better as you age but maybe I am much older than you so you have some way to go still (I am 61 now). i still struggle but are both aware of it and at the same time can better shrug my "different" persona. I hope you will feel progress and meet good understanding people in Life.
@@Tybold63I'm 60 and I've got worse with age 😢
@@NormyTres Sorry to hear and this bugger about having autistic traits works so different for every individual so nobody is alike on all aspects. Stay safe and hope you have close ones that accepts you as you are and be honest to them about it (maybe hard but worth it).
Excellent. Overexplaining is my super power. Kid of the 70s here so dysgraphia, dysgraphia, dyspraxia not allowed, just considered disruptive. Thankfully we are better at understanding each other these days. Autism sometimes confers trauma due to misunderstanding by our circle of care. We can work on that and it helps us better understand why we are the way we are, and why people react the way they do. Mindfulness and secular spiritual growth helped me a lot to understand who, what and where I am, I'm sure you're on that too. If you've not done one already, a video on mindfulness for autism would be good, I'm thinking breathing when overstimulated as at least one aspect.
I've got 7 of the 9 exemples you said, I'm French, and I have a south accent, thank you, it really help me, and the way you speak is great, I understand most part, but I'm glad you put subtitle. Have a nice day ! ^^
Autistic trait is you're being honest and they get so mad at you for doing so Confusing as it gets
Yes lol.
It helps if people know you're autistic though.
Wow, getting in trouble for being too honest. You are aware how much people lie and cover up, you are sick of it. You don't care about the consequences You shock people by telling the truth; the truth offends them.
It happens to those of us who don't have autism too.
@@canUfeelMYfaceYes but not to the extent that you can't say what you think to anyone without causing an argument and not understanding why you seem to upset everyone when you're only stating observations without judgement
@@jac1799 some of us feel like that too
😄 oh yeah I recognize a few of these in myself and my daughter! I think what is most awkward is depending on social situation to say hello or goodbye - often hard to execute and so happens I just secretly make myself scarce and leave...
thats sop sad. can we get some prayers for this woman?
5:03 OMG! That is so true about bunch of my good acquaintances, whom i know are ASD. I just realized it and so excited about the insight, because during the last 2 weeks spent on vacation with one of them, each day i was wondering how comes such good healthy posture person when he's standing still, becoming so much dot-and-go-one, shaping legs in such a weird and uncomfortably looking manner while walking without any physically explained reasons. 🙈 ❤
Thank you for this list a lot! That's really precisely informative.
ill pray for them. such a tragedy
THANK YOU! I love the way these videos point out my own behaviors to myself, AND how they can help neurotypicals understand and accept my/our quirky differences!
My nephew has always had a better understanding to my oddity. No real surprise that he himself received the same diagnosis about a year or so ago. ☺️
The #9 trait is Spot on! My local Swedish accent is evident but apparently I tend to mirror the accent of the person I'm talking to at any moment. 😏 I was actually once accused of being drunk when I was completely sober, I realised I mirrored the intoxicated people around me. 😂 "Eh... I'm the designated driver tonight, man."
I think the overexplaining discussed in trait number 6 may also be linked to comorbid ADHD, OCD, and anxiety disorders, at least in the people I have known with these issues including myself😬
Recently my (high masking)friend left on a life-impacting/changing trip where he's presenting research, about which he'd been talking to me about almost daily for nine months, yet he didn't say goodbye. his functional empathy is usually pretty decent so I was caught off guard. I don't understand how someone can emotionally involve a friend by sharing almost daily ups and downs about preparation for a big event... for months, yet not even tell me the day they're leaving.
And then I find out in a random off-the-cuff text he's already gone and in the full swing of events. It actually hurt my feelings quite a bit, apparently we need to have a chat about how Neuro-empathetic folks become emotionally invested and therefore interested in the major doings of another, and that saying hello and goodbye are signals of care and concern.
im sorry for how bad you have it
I am literally vindicated and mortified about knowing the truth at 56 years! ❤ Thank you so much. Talking to my doctor.
I was 63 years old when I learned I was autistic. All my life I felt different not knowing why.. :(
I asked my doctor. He said , in his opinion, I'm not autistic
What treatments have you tried?
@@jacquelinewillems981 my previous psychologist said I did not have ADHD then I had an assessment and I have both ADHD and ASD1. 🙃
Waiting...
I can imagine the thing about us being "rigid and having to do things in a particular way" is because we do more things in an unconventional way which draws more attention from the people around us who feel they need to correct us to do it the "proper way".
Also, when I'm doing particular things I usually lay everything out in the same order every time because then I can use muscle memory to do that particular task rather than having to consciously search around in what would be a chaotic environment without the first step of putting things in the correct order for the task at hand.
Like having a toolbox that's kept organised, if you didn't keep it organised it would eventually slow you down and increase your stress.
I can also imagine that muscle memory can also cause clumsiness if something isn't in the correct place or something has been put in the way (like a glass of water)
It's interesting how much I relate to every point in this video. Especially over-explaining, unusual posture, and inconsistent communication (to my friends and family, I'm so sorry, I don't want to be ghosting you either!)
As for the proprioception thing, there are calibration exercises you can do, where you hold a certain pose while making a mental picture of where your hands, fingers, and feet are at in relation to your body and eyes and look at the spots of their locations, A T pose can help as it's straight lines with 90 degree angles, it's sorta similar to how you would calibrate a VR headset and the sensors on your body for them to track properly, doing these calibration exercises might actually help your movement, especially if you tend to bump your shoulders or elbows on stuff around you.
I'm autistic and tend to laugh at my own jokes (often)😅, also i tend to over explain things too 😅 including some of the other traits he is mentioning and explaining is very similar to my autistic traits
me too I crack myself up 🤣
Me too😂, why would you tell a joke if you didn't think it was funny?
Sometimes it's nervous laughter when I instantly regret what I said.
Weird Trait #7 totally called me out. I like doing things a certain way. Im 100% open to changing how i do things. But if someone in my work group says "everyone should do it this specific way" I immediately get frustrated, especially if it seems cumbersome or inferior to my preferred way of doing things. I believe if the outcome is the same without adding more time to the task, each person should be able to determine how they want to do a task. But, again, i will absolutely change how i do something if I see a more efficient way.
In school, I would get in trouble for doing assignments in the order easier for me than for the teacher.
My husband used to say why don’t you do it this way. Because I do it my way. You do it your way.
Laughing at my own jokes... well, nobody else will. (I met a fellow autistic at work some years back and we frequently got into pun wars. Everyone else left us to it.)
I once had to explain to my partner (with some difficulty!) why I couldn't stop laughing. It was a layered joke we'd seen several months earlier on a TV show - one character told a joke to his flatmate, who couldn't remember jokes, and she tried to tell the same joke at the end of the episode and got it utterly wrong, but it wasn't that I was laughing at. It was that I'd randomly remembered this scene several months later. But the more I was laughing at that randomness, the more confused my partner was getting and the funnier it got to me. I was stuck in a feedback loop.
I've never been one for bright colours in clothes or hair, usually going the complete opposite route and opting for dark shades. But I suspect that's all part of my innate urge not to stand out. School was a bad time for me.
Yep! Really relate to most of these. The accents! This is one of my things (among many!) that used to make me think I was a bit "wrong" and not quite "normal". But at the same time it just came naturally to me, so I would also be ok with it, which I know seems contradictory! Walking funny, yes! Though it has been suggested that I also exhibit signs of DCD (dyspraxia).
But yes, generally speaking, these are me to a t! (Tee?)
Great video as always! 👍
Very insightful! Thank you for this video. I learned to speak German and did German Technical Support for years. People correct me when I pronounce words the way a German would. English sounds funny sometimes, so I do it like a German. Love this video. Don't get me started on German Grammar. Love a sequel to this. Thanks again!
The guys I work with are constantly having to deal with at least half of these.
I tend to move and dance a lot, as well as sing along to my Pandora.
I think out loud, so I'm constantly talking to myself while working.
When the temperature gets too high in the summer, I shave my head. I love long hair, but I just can't stand the neck sweat.
I always wear some sort of colorful, pop culture socks. It's either Pokémon, Harry potter, SpongeBob, etc. My earrings are more of the same
My toolbox is also covered in hilarious vinyl decals. Generally from movies or TV shows. Same with my car
And I tend to over explain whenever I'm questioned. dumping a crazy amount of unneeded/unwanted information. Sometimes, it's super personal and uncomfortable topics.
Great great video! I'm not formally diagnosed, but have strongly suspected for some time I'm both ADHD (psychiatrist diagnosed) and ASD (self-suspected) and it's crazy how all these points hit home. I often run into walls/corners/and have to work on walking straight- I've always considered myself fairly clumsy though I have great reflexes (any time I "trip" I never "fall" because I can usually catch myself). I love hanging with my church peeps, and friends in general, but really crave alone time when it feels like I'm spent (always thought it was just being an ambivert but it's interesting that it may very well be an autistic trait). I often make "friends" in lines because I'll talk to people around me if I notice something of interest that I feel like sharing. I have had to work on saying hello and good-bye to folks because I have the tendency to join groups without any introductions sometimes.
I definitely get the whole "laughing at my own jokes"- it's my way of engaging with strangers- trying to be funny and not realizing until the end of my sentences that I'm the only one laughing. Or I'll ruin my own punch lines because I start giggling before I even finish my story.
One language is simply not enough to fully express emotions and simple day-to-day things. If someone sneezes more than once, why only say "bless you" when I can say it in five other languages too! I love routines and schedules, but I super enjoy trying new things and will get bored with some of my own routines which I'm still learning how to deal with because it'll lead to skipping chores (ADHD time blindness there) or "chilling" on days where I should actually be getting things done. I love fashion, and colorful clothing, and realized the other day that all my rain gear is in primary colors- yellow rain boots simply give me joy. Almost every point is something I have done over my lifetime. I'm so relieved that I'm not just weird or broken in some way- just neurodivergent! Woohoo! Overexplanation completed!
Someone else said about 5 languages with bless yous in the comments...
I almost got fired from a job because I kept forgetting to say hi to my colleague. I was like "because they are not clients, they are my peers." Anyway I started doing it and then it was reported that i was too robotic ahah
"hi. I am acknowledging your presence. Please exchange pleasantries with me so I can keep my job"
that made me cry
Trait 6 really sums me up! Especially the processing out loud. I’m in the Uk and diagnosed in my 50’s but recently found I also have Aphantasia. I feel this adds to the processing out loud. As I cannot visualise or hear sounds in my head I have to speak everything. I certainly have periods of manic activity and then withdrawal. It can be several times in a day or over a period of days. I have not been diagnosed with ADD but would seem to fit. Thank you so much for the video. Much appreciated.
Chopping off the burnt tips of your spider plant (in the background) also seems like an OCD or autistic trait 😆.
Thanks for the video brother!
No 2. If you remember how Susan Boyle left the stage after singing at her first audition. I walk that way😂 Very determined way of walking
As a kid I walked with my head down, in my twenties I marched, now I teeter from side to side like humpty dumpty.
I find with accent if I am not careful I will take up the accent of the person I am speaking with. I do it less now. I assume its part of masking.
Same here! Always been this way.
Is that a neurodivergent thing? I always thought it was just me or just a normal thing to do! But now that I’m thinking about it….. !!!
Or repeating formalities due to heavy masking: Like saying thank you or please repeatedly during a single interaction, when neurotypicals only say it once, maybe twice.
awe, sorry you have to suffer like that!
@billyjoel8836 Ask those who do this how they feel. IMO neurotypicals suffer more - they're generally intolerant of unconventional formalities.
"Forgetting" to say hello or goodbye 😂 No, I don't forget, I just don't care for it. I remember my ex husband called it Irish goodbyes, but your true friends know.
I also asked one of my best friends the other day if she could stop starting our conversations with "how are you?" because I know she genuinely wants to know and it will take me an hour or more to answer that question and then I will either have forgotten or become too overwhelmed to communicate at all. I told her if there is anything acutely interesting about my state of being I will tell you, and otherwise, it's implied that I'm fine. So thanks Paul, for helping me navigate something that was really driving me a bit mad with the how are you video. 💛✨✨✨
WHAAAT II: Paul, you derstroied my convincions through this video! I've been telling around since so many months now, how EASY, familiar and COMPREHENSIBLE Austrialian English is, 'cause I can always understand you when you talk! And I've been telling everyone, that Australian is from now on my favourite English accent. 😭😭😭😭😭
7:00 or three opposite, black and plain.
Same.
I kind of love both so much that my favourite oc is a plain black and white mime that aspires for a whole bunch of colors 😅