9 Positive Autistic Traits (that you may not already know!) | Patrons Choice
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- Опубликовано: 21 май 2024
- There are character traits that are not usually seen as common behaviours of people with autism. In this video, we'll discuss 9 autistic traits that are actually positive character traits and are very common in autistic adults. Some autistic traits are often misunderstood but you will see from this video that they can be an asset in autistic adults.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 - Intro
1:19 - Attention to detail
2:41 - Being Persistent
4:10 - Being Creative
4:58 - Being Honest
7:16 - Being Non-Judgemental
9:18 - Being Loyal
10:25 - Being Highly Empathic
13:09 - Extremely Flexible
14:43 - Strong Sense of Justice
15:58 - The Most Important Lesson
CHANNEL LINKS:
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Written Blog: aspergersfromtheinside.com/
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Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplained.com.au
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul
"I often forget to respect hierarchical power structures" . . . I ought to have that printed on all my T-shirts xD
I'd buy that.
This one blew my mind because ... that explains something I had never understood about myself, and I really enjoyed this framing.
I dont think I should respect that... Its very harmful. It inhibits development of the human spiecies.
If you sold those, a lot of young people would buy them. People are sick of being trod on and exploited by those who consider themselves our betters. Eat the rich and all that.
Oh, I remember. I just don't want to. Treating everyone as morally equal is just better.
1. Attention to detail
2. Being persistent
3. Being creative
4. Being honest
5. Being non-judgemental
6. Being loyal
7. Being highly empathetic
8. Extremely flexible
9. Strong sense of justice
Everything he is saying sounds like me
@@rogerpettersson8836 Ok
Sounds like God
@@Tamerahoney haha. You are right 🤣
🤔🤔🤔😱🤯🤯 oh what a revelation you are truly gifted in your messaging! 😊
“I actually NAME the elephant in the room that everyone else knew wasn’t supposed to be talked about”. Well said!! 👍👍🐘
I used to get in trouble for this all the time as a kid.
tracy did u used to goto raves?
I used to put people off by swearing a lot, when I was younger. I'm not sure if that's quite the same as honesty. There might be some overlap with being non-judgemental and authentic. I don't judge other people for swearing either, and listen to what they have to say. A lot of people think it's acceptable to shut someone down for swearing.
@@Rollwithit699 I'm older, myself, and educated enough to express myself without swearing most of the time. Of course, there's also a difference between swearing at someone and swearing in their presence. Swearing at someone is always rude and aggressive. It's often the case that people choose to take offence at bad language as a way of minimising the other person's right to be angry. I say that because my observation is that people make a huge fuss of not minding in the slightest when they hear bad language from someone that they rank above them socially. Correcting someone who's speaking what's honestly on their mind is another way of asserting some sort of pecking order. It's also a feature of British culture that most people swear more amongst people that they consider their equals, and especially among friends. From an autistic perspective, I'm quite blind to hierarchies. I don't have any problem with authority with people who have legitimate authority, but I'm hyperaware of games around pecking order.
Haha truth
The empathy trait is how I figured out I'm autistic. I used to think I was horrible at reading people because how I Felt them feeling didn't match the words they would say. It took me nearly 30 years to figure out that I should trust my gut because people frequently lie. It still boggles my mind. If I say I'm fine, I mean it. If someone asks me if I'm angry, and I am, I answer truthfully. It doesn't really make sense to me that socially I'm the one being weird.
I'm with you 100% on this
@@ZeCahliIs it really that irrational?
I think wanting people to be honest is very normal. Everyone around me when I was younger wanted me to be truthful, surely wasn’t it the same for everyone around me?
I can absolutely relate and am the same. Wow, this is unreal how much everything I’m reading here is me!
I’m just finally realizing that I’m on the spectrum. I’ve masked my whole life & it’s been exhausting & the anxiety is overwhelming.
I too am extreme empathic and am totally honest & transparent.
When I was a teenager and early 20’s my older sister would tell me ppl would like me more if I wasn’t so blunt and honest. That completely confused me bc I didn’t want to be blunt or tactless, just honest.
I always knew I was different but could never put my finger on it. Things make SO much sense now that I know what “it” is.
I find im honest to a fault except about my emotions. I find most people in my life dont know how to deal with my emotions. They dont know how to deal with them(my emotions) or me. So I just mask. Sometimes I mask well, sometimes i purposefully dont mask well. But people seem to think if i say im fine, even if im clearly not, they can safely just ignore my emotions. Sometimes Its just easier for me to say im fine and figure out how to deal with it myself rather than waste time trying to explain and have them still not get it anyway.
I like saying the quiet part out loud. But, it’s usually seems like impulse rather than a logical choice.
I love it when the silver linings of autism get discussed, it's such a confidence boost.
Thank you for affirming this for me. Could not be more accurate. Beyond cathartic.
Yeah. These should be seen as more than silver lining! These are often really really good traits for a human being. Some of the best traits actually, like empathy, loyalty and sense of justice.
I agree :) ♥️
I'm disabled because of my autism + anxiety/depression. That is obviously not good, but my special interests means I can still have a good life. My low food budget, careful planning of all purchases and strict, detailed and safety-oriented budgeting has allowed me a much greater economical freedom that other people on disability in my country. Autistic traits can really turn a bad situation around in many cases.
Me too! Superpowers!
I just found out I'm on the spectrum; watching videos like this makes me feel like I've found my equals, my lost family. I feel a lot less lonely, and everything's making sense now. Thank you so much
lol me too.
Same
I feel the same way.
Same, it's like coming home!
Agree
My grandson was diagnosed as autistic about 14 years ago. My daughter once told me he got it from me which annoyed me at the time. Since then I think my son also has autism but, like me, he hasn't been diagnosed. When I first realised I fitted 90%of the criteria for autism I rang the autistic association for help. I was told that I've lived with it for more than 60 years and have obviously learned coping mechanisms and it was too late for help. Once I accepted I was probably atheistic many things in my life fell into place. Of all the things you mentioned in the video I can relate to al but one. My pet peeves are injustice, dishonesty and needless secrecy! Keep up the good work for poor 72 year old folks like me.
"It was too late for help" Wow, what aholes those guys were. Everybody, no matter what age, deserves help.
Wow, that's ageism. It's never too late for help and support.
I "figured it out" last year and I'm 79! I'm really grateful to have this information even at this late date. As you say, knowing I have Asperger's has helped me to understand my life in hindsight and to enjoy more going forward.
John, you said, “I was probably atheistic”. Maybe you’re that, too, but I think you meant autistic.
So interesting...thank you for sharing✌️
Having no filter, being brutally honest, and not understanding that I can't talk to my boss the same way that I would talk to a coworker has never ended well for me.
Thank you! I lost my job as a result of being honest..I pointed out a fundamental problem in a project. Turns out that's not being a " team player" ( even if you're right and the project is destined to fail because of it, lol). It did.
@@susannehunter4017 so in other words go along to get along, that's the trouble in the world today.
I've avoided this by being my own.boss most of my adult life, and my honesty still got me in "trouble" because I just couldn't go along with the status quo/dominant paradigm. Although because I appeared younger and have tattoos I was usually just written off as a hipster lolol
The other thing is sarcasm. I hate it. And people think I'm being sarcastic or passive aggressive when I talk and I'm standing there looking at them and literally saying the truth. Wrong planet syndrome indeed 😂
Go into tech, it's worked incredibly well for me.
That's a problem with the system, not the people.
I've noticed my co-workers tend to tell me things they're not comfortable telling others. Sometimes even on first meeting someone we are talking about heavy subjects such as their childhood trauma's or their struggle with having a loved one who is dying of cancer. I think my honesty and me being non-judgmental helps people open up to me. I like being open and honest with people.
Totally. It used to be that if I sat on a seat, anywhere in the world I had traveled to, someone would sit down next to me and start talking about their problems. I thought it was really strange. My children would get mad because they thought I was encouraging strangers to talk to me.
I almost started crying at Wrong Planet Syndrome. I actually asked my mom if I was an alien when I was a kid. I even had an alien themed birthday party to make me feel "more at home."
Yep, I used to watch the sky hoping my real parents would come and get me.
@@dadsmusicdad5790 that's sweet :)
Honestly I believe it’s switched.
When I use to watch those horrible videos of police brutality then read the comments defending what’s obvious, I think those type of people are the real aliens or demons.
Because they are on the extreme opposite side of being highly empathetic.
My sister convinced me into believing I was an alien like my dad( he had an alien card from Canada to US)
Not once did I have the same thoughts. At least I think my soul came from another planet and for some strange reasons decided to reincarnate in this world, among these people. The Planet itself, though, may not be the wrong one, it's a nice planet, but it would be more suitable for us without gravity, don't you think 🙂!?
You have just described the exact things I love about my autistic husband. We have been married since 1978 - and I respect and admire him, though there are things I have had to learn to accept about his unique way of communicating and behaving. I was originally attracted to his honesty and sense of justice, and that integrity has made a wonderful difference in our life path together. I don't expect him to be "like everyone else." With him, I know who I'm with, and I know that what he says, he means. We make a good team, because I can be the one who sees the big picture and picks up on social cues - but he can incisively identify the basic truth that so often remains unspoken, unless he speaks it.
Yin and Yang!! I've often wondered what exactly my neurotypical hubby thinks of me, you comment offers me some perspective, thank you!
while I know there are extremes I'd rather have someone honest than not, thank you.
Beautifully said
This one, beautiful, thank you for sharing😁
I really liked your comment. Full of respect and gratitude. A good team indeed , I'm sure.
My favourite autistic trait is to be able to think in images. With the right music, I can almost get emotional with what my mind sees. I think it is absolutely beautiful.
Oh, yes! Visual comprehension is my favorite, too. I see it as a part of general intuition. I can use verbal logical thinking, but it works as an addition to the picture seen beforehand.
I didn't know there was any other way till I was in my late 20s! Really opened up things when I realized my memories where in full photographs unlike others.
"Think in images" is a trait of the personality types who have "intuition' high in their cognitives functions stack, not an autistic trait.
If it's really an autistic trait, that means ~25 % of the population is autistic ? that's all the intuitives types are autistic ? (which is surely wrong)
[MBTI - 16 personalities - 8 cognitives functions]
@@Elodie_N_INTJ_Analyzes Even if the "personality types" claims were accurate to reality, having one trait that overlaps with an "autistic trait" doesn't mean the person is autistic. That's why it's called a spectrum.
@@Elodie_N_INTJ_Analyzes Even if the "personality types" claims were accurate to reality, having one trait that overlaps with an "autistic trait" doesn't mean the person is autistic. That's why it's called a spectrum.
People tell me I can’t be autistic because I’m not blunt and I’m empathetic. I’m also a nurse. It upsets me that this is a stereotype
My background is in Counseling, so people are also often caught off guard when I choose to tell them.
Yeah, I think I can be blunt but I also care about people, so do all the autistic people I know lol
The difference between 'straightforward'/ 'honest' and 'blunt' is if you take a person's experience of your behavior into consideration before you act. While that might be harder for those of us on the spectrum to do, It doesn't mean that we can't be trained on the skills required to do it. The empathy issue is the most interesting to me, because people on the spectrum tend to have much higher dedication to empathy and fairness than the norm. It is only when a person's subjective experience is consistently and heavily devalued that it is reflected in their own behavior, not unlike in all populations.
Yes. It's ridiculous. People, especially females, learn to adapt and become more empathetic and tedious because of social expectations. It's part of the issue for why females go undiagnosed much more often. I used to get in lots of arguments growing up because I was more blunt and didn't know how to display emotions well but overtime I learned from those very negative experiences and have changed how I display. Also my family raised me to be very "think of others first, don't offend anyone" so it hurt me a lot when people were offended because I felt like a crappy person because I was trying to be nice but just didn't see why my honesty wasn't nice. Lol Psychologists and others should consider these things when questioning a dx.
That’s usually a big reason why girls tend to get underdiagnosed, they are better at masking
The “weakness” side of all of those traits sounds EXACTLY like a list of my faults according to everyone who I’ve had difficulty dealing with in my life, especially in workplaces.
They are not faults. They are YOU.
@@jazjac17
Please explain🙏
Well shame on those people you had to deal with.Don't listen to them remember this video and all the amazing qualities you have 🥰👍The reason I'm writing this comment is like what the man said good sense of justice 😉🤣
@@miriammaldonado7848 well. My take on it is that they are qualities, not defects. As such they can be seen as both good and bad. Neither defines you as a person: nothing wrong with you. You are not broken.
Pretty much the same as interpersonal issues in the workplace. They have two sides: in this case you onone and each of those peopleon the other. Its possible that you have qualities that occasionally are problematic for others. It is also possible that those other people were unable to see the positive aspects of both your qualities and you as a person.
Still. Its not the same as saying you would somehowbe flawed. Right?
I feel this.
That point about "being stubborn" because I dont accept answers of "because i said so" "thats how the world works" "you have to do ____ in life" makes sense to me now. I never knew why i was such a "stubborn child" until now/recently that ive realized i am very very likely autistic. Thank you Paul.
As a child a song help me to know the Sahara Desert was growing, threatening the life of the population living around its edges. But the song was explaining it with either "bad luck" or "god destroying us", but I couldn't accept those explanations; they were unsufficient. So I applied my hyper focus autistic strength to understand it, which lead me to understand human has an impact on its environment, climate can change, it can be a disaster for human civilisation. I was 11, we were in 1987. Internet didn't exist yet. I've been advocating to preserve our environment since. Now my level of understanding of today's environmental crisis is deep, terrifyingly deep.
how come we are devaluing ourselves for these gifts, when the society lacks them so deeply and needs them so much? Imagine everyone being honest, loyal, empathic and non judgemental. This world is crazy and we are here to show them the way.
YES! Im told how if someone says “how are you?” they aren’t asking you to tell them how you are they want you to just say “fine” thats a social norm. If you say “I dont feel good today” that is not the right answer socially
I dread that ! I can see them coming towards me ,,,,,I know they are going to ask ....look for escape.....no not the hug ! ....panic ........"How are you ? " inside head ..."do you really want to know How long have you got ?"
Hmm... Where to begin? Can I just say one thing? Oh I should say fine, but just doesn't feel right. Ah, I forgot to ask them in response.
When I was younger I thought asking someone "how are you?" is really insensitive if you don't know the person super well, because it's a very intimate question. At some point I realized that most people don't answer truthfully but just throw out some standard phrases, so I started doing that too for a while but it always felt like I'm lying to them. So I've started answering truthfully again, but I realized I can still reveal as much or as little information without lying. For example I could say "Eh, I'm feeling a bit off today, but you don't need to worry about it" if it's someone I don't know well. Or I could go into detail about my current struggles with good friends.
I actually never realized how uncommon that approach is until a friend told me how refreshing she finds it that I always have a real answer to that question instead of throwing out the standard phrases as almost nobody does that.
That's just one example, but generally there are many forms of social interactions that I didn't understand as kid, then learned how they usually work out only to ultimately decide that the way they usually work out is stupid. So now I try to go my own way and take that standard social chit chat off the rails in a way that doesn't throw other people off too much. I've found that if I strike the right balance, my conversational partners are generally intrigued and more interested in the conversation, but if I give them too much unexpected stuff to think about too fast, they get uncomfortable.
@@oaschbeidl I think you hit on another very important autistic trait right there. We always have to understand something before we can, or want to do it. And as a result, we think about everything that neurotypicals don't even realize is even a thing.
@@MarcoVos oh, is that an autistic thing too? I've only very recently learned that I might be on the spectrum and I'm questioning myself a lot since, trying to figure out if I actually am or just trying to fool myself.
I've driven some people mad because I have a very hard time following instructions if I don't understand the reasoning behind them. I see it mostly as positive trait because blindly following orders doesn't exactly have the best track record in human history, but it also means I'm basically predisposed to clash with any authority figure I come in contact with.
That empathic thing where we know how people are actually feeling… that gets me in trouble all the time.
Same
I love how Empathic is misspelled as Emphatic throughout the video. Was that a mistake or poetic license? Only Paul can say. :)
We should all concentrate on everyone’s positives instead of kicking them for their negatives. No one is perfect. Everyone is needed. Everyone has a place in this world.
❤️
Some recent research suggests that we're more vulnerable to get PTSD and after several experiences, especially one in 2018 that absolutely destroyed me on the inside, I am inclined to believe it.
I'm autistic, but I don't think I'm particularly creative. Not only that, but I can be pretty judgmental. I'm not judgmental with regard to superficial things like dress, but I am judgmental regarding what I consider matters of ethics or morality. If I think that someone has done something that is especially wrong, I can judge that person very harshly.
I had an autistic friend like you describe. Actually, two autistic friends who were not creative. I'm also autistic and am much more like described in the video - very creative and not judgemental, at least at first glance. I guess we vary quite a bit.
I have heard from therapists that autistic people have a stronger tendency towards black and white thinking and will group humans into good people and bad people based on a very strong but idiocentric code of ethics. That doesn't necessarily contradict what Paul is saying. It's just the sense of justice component, which usually involves the defense of others.
I’m autistic and can also be quick to judge others.
@@simonj3413 Do you treat people differently because of how they’re dressed or how much money they make or if they are your boss or the janitor?
@Delilah I strongly relate to your judgmental part as well. I notice people's bad ethics or morality quite quickly. And once i do i'll have none of it. It's like a sensor that is always on. Once someone is marked as a bad apple on my radar then things like small talk is out of the question. It can go as far as not responding to how are you while responding to work related stuff during change of shifts. The amount of energy it would take me to engage in small talk with someone who's ethics or morality i question is so very high.
I'm 38 and until I saw a couple of your vids last week I have never heard anyone talk about the small things that make me who I am. I thought I was alone and weird.
you may be weird, but you're not alone :)
Totally not alone ❤
I’m 55 and just now realizing this is 100% me and am seeking an actual clinical diagnosis.
:) I hear you, glad we can be 'weird' together.
Weird is just WIRED differently 😘 glad you feel less alone! Welcome!
My teen son was diagnosed last year. I see all of these positive traits in him. Such a good kid, trustworthy with a great sense of judgement and empathy. Thank you for sharing!
Herbs don’t cure autism, and also we don’t need to be cured. Get outta here with that.
OP, thanks for being such a positive and loving parent to your son! Please express all this same positivity to him directly!
"Pretend I can't see the sad"- these are the kinds of lessons that I've always wished someone would have taught me as a child. It's like all everyone else took this special class that my parents didn't know I was supposed to take.
YES.
I was today's many years old when I first heard that this is a thing. I am 51 and all this time I fully thought that I was supposed to detect that the person was really sad. Is this really a thing?
Whoa! Everything you described was dead center. What I didn’t expect you to say was “Strong Sense of Justice” WOWED by that! I’ve always hated people getting away for mistreatment of others and the way injustice is in today’s society. I always thought that was just the way I felt. I never imagined this was an actual autistic trait. Good video thanks 🙏
So we can start the anti woke uprising then yeah? Truth over virtue signalling, science over ideology. Safe guard our communities against postmodern intersectional, divisive, hateful, madness. Tbh I think a lot of successful non NTs are standing up to it. Has Brett Weinstein ever revealed his 'learning disability'? he has a very strong sense of justice fo sho.
Peace. Xxx
The only thing that triggers me to the point of rage is injustice.
And the current state of the world is full of it. 😭
I feel you.
@@YesBruv105 That's not what woke means.
@@YesBruv105 dweeb
WOW! me too I always hated it when people mistreated each other.
What about being highly trusting, at least until we get burnt ( though I don’t seem to learn)? That seems common.
Yes bc we are so honest we expect other people to be the same
@@scrapbooksiren1608 Good point.
Yep
Very true. Though I'm not sure that's a positive. How many times does it take to learn that lesson?
@@josiah42 Mixed blessing?
LOL at when Paul jokingly referred to neurotypicals as “the alien race” that we study and try to blend in with. I’d never thought of autism as an anthropological project but it really is and it’s really hard sometimes but we do our best. Hugs to y’all
1. Attention to detail
2. Being persistent (hyperfocus)
3. Being creative
4. Being honest, authentic
5. Being non-judgmental
6. Being loyal
7. Being highly empathic
8. Extremely flexible
9. Strong sense of justice
With every trait you described, I thought "Yes! Why can't everyone be like this?"
I didn't feel this way. I'm grateful to have these traits but they can be a burden. Sometimes I wish I could take a break from the intense empathy and be a bit more like my neurotypical friends. Just a break though.
@Hugo Dahlström ? These are excellent qualities.
It's all just so logical and would be wonderfull if others would think so aswell:). Just say what you mean damn it! Don't try to go about it in a around about way just say it as simple and direct as possible. It would spare alot of anoyance and misunderstanding:).
Yes, that would be great. But autists are not like that. I know a lot of autists because I have 2 autistic kids myself, and I have yet to find an autist fitting the description here. I rather stay away from them...
@@UlugNaar That seems wise. I may do the same. Nonetheless, I have noticed many of these traits in people. It seems like a useful framework for thought.
My daughter's psychiatrist called #2 "perseverative behavior."
When she was a child, I realized that "the flip side of the coin" of her fighting with me all the time was that she was going to grow up to be able to stick to her goals and get where she wanted to be in life. So I started telling her that. (And she did, btw.)
And that is working both ways. When someone is constantly forced to listen to others, then this person is becoming lost and fearfull adult, without any confidence. This is hard for everyone that experienced it, but especially for people with the spectrum in my opinion
I used to tell my kids when I was disciplining them that all things we don't like in kids are perfectly fine and sometimes even celebrated in adults. So basically I scolded them for not having good timing :)
It really irritates me when things like that go unfinished without being definitively proven to be impossible.
I love the way it feels when my brain is bringing together disparate ideas that spark off each other. I'm fascinated by people whose brains work similarly. And when we get together and my ideas spark off theirs and vice versa, that's what I call the ultimate in socializing!! Creating together. Those conversations that you'd rather didn't end, preferably with a lot of laughter in between!
yes yes yes...community!
I got my diagnosis two days ago, and I'm still reindexing/rebuilding my mental database, seeing how my condition influenced behavior patterns, understanding why things I blamed myself for happened and finally being able to come to terms with these memories, just so many things to review.
The parts about authority figures, visually reading people and interpreting their emotions and demeanor as incongruous, and lack of judgment until one is breaking one of my own core tenets really speak to me.
I've always talked to people as individual humans. They carry roles, they have unique responsibilities, but at the end of the day, they're human. Interfering with that by invoking one's title does not help any conversing with me. If anything, I will respect the person less for asserting a title over their actual person, and the hypocrisy drives me nuts.
I think that neurotypicals aren't aware of the levels of cognitive dissonance that they operate with on a constant basis. It's something I don't understand, since I have to be okay with myself and my thinking before having the capacity to do anything else. When I see gross cognitive dissonance, I disregard the person as they don't know what they're actually thinking since their thoughts are in such seeming conflict.
Rules can be a sticking point for me. I *need* to know why a rule exists and understand what happens without the rule before I can understand and work with it. If it's a BS or arbitrary rule, i consider it equal to my responses to cognitive dissonance - this rule doesn't make sense, it gets in the way of the goal, it hampers one's ability to work, and as a result is a bad rule to be ignored. This isn't a completely healthy or even correct conclusions/responses, but it's the ruleset my mind is wired to be, and it's one of the only things that help me make sense of the world.
Oh, I hear that, sister/brother, re the rules. I HATE rules that don't make sense and am so poor at accepting nonsensical rules that I will even break the law if needs be. I HAVE to understand rules. Equally well, with rules that are for the greater good, it drives me nuts if anyone breaks them. I nearly got into a punch up yesterday in a bus queue, of all the ridiculous places, because some teenage girls tried to jump the queue. So I feel that one alright.
@@chancerystone4086 oh i feel it so deep. I can't understand why people don't follow social or rules when those rules can make things easier to navigate with. I nearly need someone who is neurotypical in cases like this to help me
I met Temple Grandin once! It was a great experience! My mom and grandma had brought me to a conference for one of her talks, which was mainly about how she thinks in pictures, which was interesting since I think in pictures as well. In the hallway afterwards, she ‘picked me out’ from the crowd...basically meaning she knew just from looking at me that I was autistic. She shook my hand and gave some tips like the right amount of pressure for handshakes and also how to properly use the noise cancelling headphones I was wearing, to make sure I didn’t wear them for long periods of time because my ears would hurt from the pressure. Then she signed a copy of one of her books for me. I don’t think I’ll forget that day as long as I live!
omg she is an icon
I love Temple Grandin too!
It baffles me that other people don't think in pictures.
My Husband met Temple Grandin. She toured UK care homes for Autistic children about 15 years ago. My husband was a carer there and he thought the talk she gave was brilliant for pupils and staff alike. But he only really understood who she was when he walked in to our living room a couple of years ago and saw me watching the 2010 film “Temple Grandin” starring Claire Dains (who was fantastic in it)
@@unicornhypnotist Why? I do not think in pictures, and even while most people do that, it is so limiting sometimes. (I think in movements, not pictures, so I reach solutions etc. faster, even if I am an auti and we are supposed to be slower when it comes to stimuli-digestion. /sorry, bad word, my English is broken again.)
#6 really hits the spot....I always help people and give them what they want then I end up getting betrayed almost out the time! So frustrating. Another issue is knowing when to leave(like you've just said)
Wow. As a neurotypical person I find your explanations about autism highly refreshing and helpful. What I love most about you is your value of self awareness and improvement. Greetings from WA.
I (42F) just discovered I’m autistic within the last six months. I have always thought I was an alien. This list is so crazy to me. For the first time in my entire life I feel like I’m finally being seen.
My favorite trait is an aptitude for recognizing and understanding patterns and systems. It really helps with the creativity side of things... and gives me a love for puzzle games 😝
Yesssss.
can you recommend some puzzles? I support a 9 year old boy at school and would love to bring him some....
Yes, thus is why I am not so sure that our love of details make us loose the big picture that much...
@@CrystalJ7 ruclips.net/video/dMlJpJAern8/видео.html
This one is designed to be very counter intuitive, yet solveable and without the need for special knowledge, so toddlers could probably do it (if persistent enough). I deleted the PDF at some point (sorry, will rectify that at some point), but if you just grab a still from the video and print it, you can do some cutting. Cardboard would be best, so you can slide edges together.
I'll bet that it also helps you notice when something DOESNT fit the pattern, as well.
My favorite autistic trait is not taking things as personally as other people! It is so aggravating to me how personally nuerotypical folks take most things in life, when in facts, very few actions actually fall under that umbrella. The flip side is I miss the apparent signals others see when someone does mean something personally.
My friend describes this as “You can’t make jokes about tobsecret because he’ll just explain it back to you and why it’s true” 😅
It can also be a power because in some rare cases, people are trying to get to you, and in denying them that, you don’t give them any power over you.
I will never forget when my uncle said jokingly that my tight shirt was looking gay and I said “yes, and?” (expecting more) in the most toneless way. That lack of a reaction didn’t compute with him and I haven’t heard a homophobic remark from him since.
Yup, that lack of judgementalness & not caring/conforming to normality. Everyone does seem to be extra hypersensitive these days tho.
Do you feel like this affects your mood? I'm an Aspie, and I'm fairly confident that my father is as well. One of the things that I've noticed is that neither of us get offended when people use an unfortunate choice of words, and our moods are very stable. We rarely get angry or upset, and when we get really excited about something it tends to take us a while to calm down. The opposite is also true. If we get angry or sad, it usually takes us longer to let go.
@@JWildberry that’s pretty much true for me as well. I’d say it’s more of an understanding that everyone is too worried about themselves to make things personal.
@@JWildberry I’m the same.
Has it been pointed out that, on screen, it says trait #7 is "being highly emphatic"? That's true, too. Auties can have tremendous conviction and enthusiasm for things that matter to them. Being passionate is an autistic trait.
My favorite autistic trait is that we don't tend to project our emotions onto others. It's related to that non-judgmental trait. For example, a friend of mine said that his mom died over the Thanksgiving holiday. I asked how he felt about that. He thought about it for a while and then smiled and said it was pretty cool: The family was together for the holiday so they had support all around them when they got the news and nobody had to make an emergency trip out for the funeral. He said it was just like her, to die in a way that was efficient and convenient and comforting for everyone. Then he thanked me for asking. Everyone else had assumed that it was tragic and he was sad and said they were sorry for his loss. I was the first one who had invited him to consider how he felt. It probably wouldn't occur to a non-autistic person that you could have good feelings about the death of someone you love and that's OK.
I think a lot of what passes for empathy in the NT world is just projection. They think everybody has the same feelings about similar events and autistic people are wrong because we don't automatically know what those feelings are. I think we have an advantage, because we ask instead of assuming.
Speaking of attention to detail. . . Trait #7 kept confusing me because you kept saying empathic, but the graphic said emphatic. It took me a while to realize that it was just misspelled.
You have attention to detail 🙂🙏💖
After a long life of knowing I was quite different, I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 65. One thing my therapist and I discussed is that I think being autistic makes me a better person* for the reasons discussed in this video. I agree with viewing these as positive attributes. (* not better than other people, but better than I would be if I were neurotypical)
Cheers to that mate. I feel the same way.
Sorry to hear you were diagnosed so late, it must have been difficult. I was diagnosed at seventeen and I assumed that was late
I agree with you! I was diagnosed at 61. What a learning experience!
I am 64 and only discovered I was autistic a couple of years ago. I'm self-diagnosed because I can't find a GP who will refer me for diagnosis. I can't afford to go private. But everything in this video describes me and my life. Even my friends have mentioned that they think I was dropped through the wrong dimensional portal at birth. I never understood why people got upset with me when I saw through their charade and talked to them about what was (clearly to me) upsetting them. Now I know. It was because I could see through their veil and they didn't like it. I love creating things. I can be so focused on something and not hear anything going on around me. It's like I'm my own sound proof box! Being non-judgemental has been useful in my job (IT Support). I could go on. Every single one of these traits resonates with me. Since accepting my Autistic side, instead of trying to hide it, I'm finding life less stressful and my blood pressure has gone down. Being more open about it in a job interview actually helped me get the job! Even at the ripe old age of 64!!! At last I can just be me. Best wishes to everyone on their own Autistic discovery journey.
@@jazmo6662 Maybe your employer has a mental wellness benefit. That's how I got my diagnosis. I am allowed 25 therapy sessions per year at no cost to me.
I am having so much trouble convincing therapists and medical professionals that I’m autistic bc I mask so well. The medical criteria for autism is super ableist and neurotypical and I find that relating to life experiences/ traits/ quirks is the best way to find out if you have ASD.
couldn't agree more. the critera is so pathological and concrete when there are so many variations of traits and presentations. you could have a "normal presentation" of friendship growing up in school but that doesn't mean that it wasn't difficult or didn't work in the "normal way". more care needs to be put into the female autistic experience too
I feel there isn't a consensus on what autism is in terms of behaviour. There is the DSM, ofcourse, but everybody seems to interpret that differently. So it might just be a question of switching therapists a few times.
@Blind Spot I agree. My 17 yr old was recently diagnosed. I first brought it up to her primary dr when she was 2, and was dismissed because she's verbal, makes eye contact, and has friends and good fine and gross motor skills. Now, she's just completed LENGTHY testing that included patterns, puzzles, 2 interviews, and a ton of other stuff. Turns out she has level 1 autism (formerly known as aspergers) and adhd. She said she's always felt different and is glad to finally know.
For #3, I've had many times where my coworkers say "well that's an interesting way to do that." It feels weird that they've never thought of doing certain things the way I ended up doing it to begin with, but having my weird method approved of is nice at the end of the day. That's what happens when you leave me unattended for 8 hours with a box of hand tools.
It's even better when management catches me doing weird things and all of the sudden it becomes the standard for whatever I was doing.
I'm currently in hospital after autistic burnout and mental overwhelm from 10 months of escalating stress. Your videos are helping me remember myself and find my peace again. Thank you
Can I ask how this manifested, this burnout after a period of stress.? Thank you for sharing, if feel able.
@@kt1696 going through the floods and losing everything I own, trying to find a new home and support in an overwhelmed market, with kids. The longer things dragged out the harder it got and the more things were lost
@@SheaDragonfae so sorry to hear your plight. I'm interested in your account because I have a loved one who broke down, it was very upsetting to see. 8 hope your situation turns around for you soon and you feel able to cope again. Thank you for your response...
Sorry to hear. The burnout is damn hard. Lots of love from this autistic stranger from a far. Hope you can recover in due time )as what’s best for you).
Thank you for this video. I’ve never understood how people like being autistic because all I can see in my autism is how much I’ve got hurt because of it and how difficult it makes life and how unsafe the world feels when I don’t understand things like ‘normal’ (neurotypical) people do.
When I’ve tried to listen to people explain how they see positive things in their autism before I haven’t related to what they said but I do really relate to what you said here and it gives me hope that I can learn to stop hating my autism and accept it as part of who I am.
The reason why I started Excepting myself more is because I’ve realised how every part of me is Autistic…. Every thought… every emotion …every time I’ve been happy 😊 the things that I enjoy doing ….I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety And the reason I don’t have a lot of that anymore it because I’ve stopped working against my brain..2 years ago I was disappointed in doing something again and it was really hard and I didn’t achieve anything Major I don’t wanna try that again because it causes so much trouble (I thought the distress I feel doing this outweighs any benefit it would have in my life) Then I started approaching the problems I have in a different ..trouble eating or maintaining a NT diet 😌make it as friendly to my brain as possible… Can’t spell words and don’t know anything about grammar at 27 years old Use voice to text Like I’m doing right now…..Have trouble making friends in real life because of my consistent masking exhausting me too much to bother…. go on Discord and just start chatting about specialised interests …I started playing D & D😉 going on Twitch follow some streamers if lm feeling lonely Listen to them in the background when you’re doing housework😚 I’ve got more housework done then ever…Putting cleaning supplies out in the open so I just pick them up and do it 🥳Making everything easier to do and being happy that I have achieved that even if it’s not some great life achievement Every tiny little step making myself better in achievable ways because I’m not trying to fight against how my brain works… rediscovering my stems and utilising them to make my emotional balance better than ever.. being aware of when my body is telling me I need to release the pressure instead of trying to fight through Because all that doesn’t Is save up the stress charge AND I blowing up or shut down.. feeling okay with (not being okay)because it Will be better the next day…..but….only if Don’t ignore myself And trying to force happiness every moments Because I quote past me(I should be okay right there’s really nothing wrong Right) 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ hi yep there is something wrong if you have to control how you feel allllll THE TIME..
Makes sense
Honesty and a sense of justice are very much entwined. I don't think it's just a matter of difficulty in understanding communication cues as much as as having an analytical,very process oriented mind that sees the damage wrought by dishonesty and lack of transparency.
My science training also dictates that I have to "show my working". If our managers, administrators and policy creators cannot do this, then they're just redistributing doctrine, superstition and misunderstandings.
this! Don't be unable to demonstrate how you came to that decision/conclusion and that you actually thought it through yourself and then expect me to respect that.
I so agree. My hero growing up was Spock :-) I'm 62 so the first time I saw him, I identified with him-because he was so rational and honest.
This channel has been a huge mental relief!! I was misdiagnosed for years as depressed or “just weird” and now I have a place to learn about what I believe I have had my whole life. The path to healing for me truly began with this channel. It’s the first time in my life that I was able to say, that is it. And it’s totally ok and I am not alone in this! Thank you so much for creating this channel. I tried to ignore it but kept being drawn in to this channel and it’s strangely become something i consider a part of my daily mental work out. I have literally been in a fog most my life with so many thoughts etc…. Now I realize it’s a gift not a burden. My jaw drops literally with each video bc I finally feel like someone is describing exactly ME.
You are absolutely right
All these traits in me led me to be labelled as an arrogant,looger headed, socially weird person.
Since my childhood l ve been trying to find out what was wrong with me that made me so much different from others n finally in my late forties l found the answer..
All nine of these traits capture the essence of me. Other components of my essence include being overly self-critical and comparing myself to others focusing on my deficits. Thanks for reminding me about the brighter characteristics of my autism - all of which I am aware of, yet not most mindful of.
He's right. We get to choose which we focus on. Same as everything else in life. (To some extent) There is light and dark in everything. And we get to choose which to look at. At some point I decided to try my best to look for the light as much as I could. More to avoid being washed away by the dark to begin with. I decided along the way to try to extend that to myself. To try to see more good than bad in myself, too. I don't always succeed in that. But I do prefer to like myself. And I think it is healthier to mostly live that way. So, I continue to try. Kudos to you for trying to see the best in you, too. 👍
Me too! I watched this and then sent it to my family so they could have a good laugh seeing someone like me being described in a positive nonclincal/nonstigmatized light. It is very rare that a person gets me. Most think that I'm a pompous a$$ but it's me trying to show them that their behavior is unacceptable and rude. I'm not rude just anti-karen. Silver lining is the Karen's have been exposing themselves more. Time for us to play and Karen's defenses on the mental plane are weak. 😁😁😁
Along these lines, I have learned that literally everything that exists in our waking reality is a paradox. If you look at one object in the room you're in right now, there is a paradox to it. It is a somewhat conceptual practice (potentially I am able to see this so clearly because of my autistic traits) An example is - I look at a chair. It is there to hold me up, to make me comfortable. However, it is somewhat false hope. Because I would truly be more comfortable if I sat in a low squat, if I didn't sit at 90 degree angles so much... my body would be more mobile and flexible and I would truly feel more comfortable within my body without having the chair.... Everything, absolutely everything in the world has a paradox, or 7,000 of them. But throughout this journey of understanding that. I have learned how to choose more wisely what I include in my environment. Picking the most optimal reality out of each object. I think in a way, this is like choosing the lighter path, the brighter path, seeing the positive. Goddd, I am so autistic.
I look for that quality in designers. If you are not critical of yourself, you will not improve enough to be interesting for a longer time. You will learn a trick and stick to it.
On the other hand... if you take that inner critic too seriously, you might become so critical of yourself, that you cannot take outside criticism.. Some people get very insecure and there needs to be an opening at least, if you are to work together.
I call my personal inner critics Statler and Waldorf, after the old guys in the balcony at the muppet show. They will always find something to bitch about even if it is just that lately there has been nothing to bitch about.. and it's funny, if you can look at it like that. And sometimes their different viewpoint is helpful.
I love the straightforwardness and directness/honesty of autism (I'm neurotypical but I'd say I'm 98% straightforward). I hate manipulation, lying, gaslighting, game-playing, all that, and am pretty sure no autistic people do any of it. It's so refreshing. Please correct me if anyone knows of instances (and eg famous people) or if I'm wrong generally?
You got it!
Having as much relevant information as possible makes it possible to make the right decision. When someone omits certain details, it's usually to influence a decision. Your decision. And what you do matters. That why we need certain information :) and that's why we're blunt and straightforward, were giving someone the information they need, not the words they want.
I definitely know people with autism who have NO problem with lying, manipulating, game-playing etc. The spectrum is broad and just like all other people, they can have personality traits/disorders that fully encompass these behaviors.
I mean autistic people are capable of some of these things, there are good and bad in all types of people, but we tend not to, it does take a lot of effort.
@@babsstrijkert5365 This makes a whole lot more sense about me and how i interact with people, thnk yu for pointing this out
I believe in contiguous improvements! :
1 I will always do my best to make things well
2 I'm stubborn
3 I do it the way I want to
4 I will tell you what you are doing wrong
5 I don't really care about your opinion
6 I'll believe in you, till you prove otherwise
7 I do care, but I've learned to hide it
8 I do what it takes to win
9 I liked the Old Testament, but now the new one
And the I's have it.
persistance/stubbornness is a superpower. "Other planet syndrome" is also a personal superpower, in that it protects from gaslighting, but, it also has some comeback in the form of social disgust. I, personally am extremely glad to be autistic, and to be really out there, I think that a lot of current probs can be explained because we are moving from a more narcissistic society (globally) to a more autistic society. YAY!!!!
Thank you for this video, it made me feel a lot better about myself
Right? I'm so grateful that we now have a platform to discuss things like this... 20 years ago autism was not something that was discussed.
@@jeffinetlyjeffbi9770 yh
Me too. Like---yes--finally someone gets me.
I don't think the neuropsychologist who just assessed me saw my autism. Every video I watch, every comment I read, I know you are my people. I've known this for a couple of years now. I know the next step is getting involved with the local groups and work other autistic people more personally. But it's a bit scary.
You can do it, it is scary but going where your fear is is very powerful and can help you a lot. It helps me to think that in order to be brave, you need fear to overcome.
Also, most people are scared before they reach out but don't regret it if they do anyway.
@@cookiequeen5430 Thank you for your kind words. I'm not actually afraid in a way that would prevent me from going forward. It's more the kind of scary that is a new social context but also a bit higher stakes in regards to being welcomed and understood for who I am.
Yep, at 68 and just realising this explains my whole life. But then I think, finally - a club where I belong!
@@nongbloke Welcome to the club you always belonged in!
9/9 is spot on for me.. I would say my favourite is empathy, because it just feels so good to help people.. Although, it's pretty hard to help, if you are socially awkward.. And helping wrong kind of people will make your life a misery when they start asking help more and t's hard to decline, because you like to help and then there's that flexibility issue that makes declining even worse...
This is a fantastic list! I resonate with ALL of them. Overly non-judgemental, overly empathetic, seeing things in a unique and creative way, very strong feelings about justice, extremely flexible, etc. I was a massage therapist with my own business for several years and these traits really served me well in my profession. I loved doing that. Had to stop when my fibromyalgia made it too difficult. 😢
I mean, lots of hierarchical power structures are largely BS anyway soo maybe having people in the world who don’t respect them and care about fairness is a good thing :)
Plenty of pointless manager rolls out there just waiting To be undermined by the aspire crew
I used to have a lot of things that I disagreed with. But when I later in life understood its benefits I found that I can become quite good at applying it. And my prior vocalized aversion to the whole concept turned out to really be a question to the world; "why in the world would you do such a stupid thing?". And if you ask it like that you are not going to get an answer from a neuro-typical.
Hierarchical structures are very useful to divide responsibilities and accountability, but it also comes with a lot of BS when you have some power hungry players.
@@MarcoVos Sure but many hierarchies in the current era are corrupt, exploitative, without moral justification
@Hugo Dahlström Not sure I totally agree actually. Like maybe if it suddenly happened overnight in our current society it would be a problem, sure. But things like automation are making a big impact on how we think about the legitimacy of ideas like a universal basic income which would free up some people with more time and less economic burden to pursue original ideas. If we restructured things a bit with the right policy changes, housing the homeless etc it would give people a humane baseline where they can pursue those things
I needed this dose of positivity. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in the difficulties of being autistic but I have to remember the leverage it gives me! Thank you.
Same, this video was so good and well-timed!
My emathic/sensitive side has really messed with me. First by feeling everyone's pain and second by, like you said, basically knowing people's emotions better than they know themselves. If someone looks sad but says they are great, either they are lying or I am nuts. Ugh!
I really appreciate that last section - what are you FOCUSING on? Because any trait can be considered a weakness if it’s not appreciated enough. This kind of thinking is really helping me to get out from under the constant negativity of my mentally abusive parents.
To anyone in a similar situation - financial independence is not a panacea, but it WILL help you establish those boundaries much faster and more reliably.
It doesn’t matter where you live, what you’re doing or what your “status” is; if you have what you need to live without them, that’s the first step to creating real change and accountability in anyone who used to control and manipulate you as a provider or caregiver.
If you need to move somewhere cheaper, do it. If you need to apply for disability benefits, go for it. If you need to work a job they might frown on… doesn’t matter. YOUR HAPPINESS matters. Your well-being matters. Their failure to relate to you as YOU, and not as themselves, is not your fault.
And if you wind up making the painful choice to limit or close contact, the upside is, that failure to relate is no longer your problem at all - save for your negative memories of the situation, of course.
Best of luck to anyone else going through the same or a similar journey. I know there are a lot of us on the Spectrum who deal with this particular type of pain and trauma.
Find people who are willing to see your goodness and compassion, and who PRAISE those things for what they are worth.
Does anyone else see the empathic one it takes a lot of energy
It really does. I have a tendency to become everyone's personal psychiatrist, so I tend to get stuck in 4 hour conversations about broken relationships, friendships, unreasonable bosses, workplace bullying, etc. I'm so calm and collected in the moment that I'm able to view it fairly objectively, but afterward I'm drained. I'll probably need a week without any social activity, which is especially difficult since those people probably need another "appointment" before then.
My favourite Autistic trait is 'strong emotions.' I know there's an downside to that one too but I still love the fact that whenever we feel good, we don't just feel good we feel just super joyful or excessively happy and that feels pretty amazing! 😃🥰❤💚💜💙 xo
I have co-morbid depression so I have no idea what you are talking about. We are all different. But I am glad that you found something about yourself that you like. That's great. Just don't overgeneralize.
Sometimes when people lie, I assume they can't remember something - it doesn't occur to me that they are lying. I would find lying exhausting and nerve wracking
Yes. I've never understood hierarchy from early childhood... One person is just as valuable as another. Animals are all pure and sweet, they're the best people! They love you and you love them, you're gentle and caring, they're gentle and caring. Animals don't scheme or take advantage of you. You don't have to worry about discovering once again you're too naive. Naive shouldn't be a bad thing. Humans should be as naturally good as animals. Imagine how the world would be... I don't know if I'm autistic but I do share some autistic traits. I definitely remember being a tiny kid and feeling like an alien and having to keenly study people for years in order to try and fit in a bit...
One of the best videos ever. Each point is spot on and worthy of a lengthy response in itself. I think I'll hold back and just take it all in for now. I like the summary at the end where all the positive traits can also be used to gain insights into the challenging issues with autism as well. I think I'll come back and watch this video once or twice more.
Same
I agree! 🙏😊
I agree. I just watched it twice.
It just blows me away the way you break everything down. It all makes sense Paul. You have given me something invaluable. You have helped me glean insights about myself I never would have known. It feels good to know who you are and why you do what you do. I really appreciate your hard work and dedication to giving people w Autism and Aspbergers a better understanding of self. Kudos sir!
YES! 🙏😊
I feel the same way. I like this guy.
YES, so thankful
Agreed
I cried after watching this. I was just recently diagnosed at 30 years old.... And you described me perfectly... And so many of those things you said, my family had shunned me for. I am now able to embrace those traits. Thank you so much ❤❤❤
How did you get your diagnosis, if I may ask?
Dude I needed to hear this today!!!
My son’s nonverbal autistic…but just started talking🤗
I’m struggling with his recent diagnosis & feel like it’s all my fault . Overwhelmed with trying to help him in every possible way but been humbled to now know my son will do things on his own time🥰.
After watching this I’m really starting to think I maybe Autistic myself lol
Thanks for sharing the positives autism, this comforted my anxious heart❤️🩹🥰❤️
I'm supporting a 9year old boy on the spectrum in school and I found this enormously helpful and positive!! I shall endeavour to share this with him as an encouragement. Thank you so much! :-)
One funny specilisation on "focusing on details" is to make the overall picture the detail. It looks like a contrary trait, but it actually is only a facet of it.
Yacine, could you elaborate? I myself, out of these 9 traits, do not identify with it 🤔. I find my biggest problem, on the contrary, is never beeing able to answer yes or no to a simple question...i tend to see the wayyyyy bigger picture, and everything to me is very inter-connected and any "simple question" just seems to open a pandora's box so i usually just keep my thoughts to myself, because answering about "my thoughts on xyz" would just take forever and really, nobody's interested in a thesis on that xyz subject 🤣
Wow I'm 39 and am not officially diagnosed, but about 3 yrs ago i figured out im most definitely autistic. Ive done a LOT of research, and a lot of it hits home, but this list is so spot on its eerie! I cannot describe how much this discovery has helped my life. It took me a long time to even realize how different i am. But the wrong planet thing i have ALWAYS felt exactly! So strange! To see that im not alone, and not the only "weirdo" here on earth is comforting.
My mind is blown. I can’t thank you enough for your videos. It’s a lot to process at 58 that this is me. I had misconceptions about autism yet I knew my experience wasn’t normal. Most of what you identified as positives I had been made to believe are negatives, even though I knew intuitively they weren’t. This is the beginning of understanding for me which is the beginning of healing.
I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD, but have noticed I relate to many of the ASD 'boxes' as well. I've been trying to differentiate what's just overlapping ADHD symptoms, and ASD symptoms...But I have to say I checked all 9 of these boxes!!
OMG yes! The “pretending” for the sake of the relationship is one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn. It feels like lying! It really helped when you gave the advice in another video that you have to not “tell people a truth they already know and don’t want to face”. They kinda already know. They just don’t want to deal with it right then. What an eye opener!
I resonate with all these points. I'm glad someone is saying them out loud, in a completely positive sense, to the point of wanting to weep internally in relief. Thank you so much for this.
Non-judgemental & honest which, to me, presents as a genuine kindness. I’ve been watching your videos to help learn to better communicate with a man I adore who may be on the spectrum. I’ve learned so much helpful information from you. Thank you!
almost like being autistic means you have a more authentic experience. not to say NT's cant be genuine, but I do notice other autistic folks definitely lean more towards being understanding/trying to understand the world around them. which is awesome! I wish you best of luck on your journey ❤️
Number 10: Being able to take criticism. I love it when someone comes straight at me and tells me what I'm doing wrong instead of beating around the bush and forcing me to read between the lines. We may still require arguments for why we need to change something, but overall we are far more receptive to valid criticism than most NTs are.
Definitely
I wish! I do need the constructive part of criticism, but I've been pounced with negativity for so long that I hear that even when it's not there.
I think this is true so long as it's adequately explained. A challenge which invokes conventional wisdom or common sense is likely to simply cause an escalation on my part and ultimately backfire unless it's grounded to something tangible. I do make an effort these days to point out I need clarification, but often people are already at their own limits if you're having a confrontation and that makes it harder for all parties to really communicate.
Its always confounded me when an employer would fire me and then tell me what I did wrong, instead of telling me what was wrong beforehand so I could try to fix it.
Criticism, when given in a neutral tone. But not if given in such a way that just the sound of the persons voice makes me want to scream. However, yes, tell the truth - but not in such a way where you act as though I'm stupid for not knowing that.
That bit about radical acceptance/ being non-judgmental really resonated with me. When I left hs for college, a dear friend opened up to me about her eating disorder and how comfortable she’d felt with me because I never mentioned it/ it just never came up and didn’t seem to matter. In the same way, that lack of awareness/respect for social hierarchies is definitely something I can identify with. I often get shocked looks when I show someone an e-mail I sent to a professor of mine because of how brief and to the point they are. I just know they have little time and why write paragraphs of careful unnecessarily apologetic phrasing when a simple three-liner does it. As a kid that habit of talking to adults like I was an equal (which I was ofc not) was one of the few things I got scolded for and it frustrated me a lot. It however helped a lot in school and later in college and grad school - having no inhibitions towards conversing with superiors (teachers, professors) was almost always a useful skill, with the exception of like 2 professors with confidence issues.
I also think this radical acceptance is why people tend to share pretty easily with me - they know I won’t judge, just try to understand the angle.
Strangers are always confiding in me things they claim they’ve never told anyone. Definitely due to that. Agreed re school - very helpful.
@@maidende8280 glad I'm not the only one. It's a big responsibility but I think we can shoulder it.
It's a strange thing, I used to sit in the train and I'd take a book with me, because I'd always end up in some deep conversation with the person across, just by being polite.
And people would come up to me and say things like: "What are you reading?" Expecially elderly people.
It's like they see it in the way you look at them, when they enter the carriage, that you'll give them the time of day or treat them like a normal person. I feel this is a "good" trait that others can somehow "smell". Which makes it a vulnerability. Because I ended up spending my energy on strangers, end up drained or even missing my stop.
Now I have a car.
@@Ludifant f that works for you, I'm glad you found a way to cope. I have tried to be more proactive about cutting time spent with/for others so I am not drained while also not completely cutting it.
@@Ludifant I have a car too. I got stopped by a person in the street once when walking to my car. No idea who they were, they just, as you say, 'smelled' something that said I would stop and listen. :)
I don't have anything against them. I hope it helped them or perked them up a bit that day. I just don't like sudden social interactions I can't plan for. :)
God, every single one of these. My life has been so exhausting until now. Getting answers to things gives me such relief.
I was diagnosed on the Autstic Spectrum when i was 27.
I can relate to some of these things.
I think what affects me is anxiety over EVERYTHING and being socially mute
What you said about being flexible and making your own structure compared to the stereotype of being inflexible and needing rigid strucutre because of that actually makes a lot of sense with my experiences. Every time someone has tried to impose arbitrary structure on me because I'm autistic I've pushed back because *their* structure is wrong and suffocating, wheras when I make my own rules and structures for myself, those are fine. (worth noting that I'm also diagnosed with adhd which does change things a bit compared to just being autistic)
Was the persistent misspelling of "empathic" as "emphatic" deliberate, to make a point about how attention to detail can be good or bad? Because I cannot get past it, and I find it very distracting, even though the video is quite good and very positive.
I usually think it is intentional. Someone says something about it in comments and someone else answers. A little tool for content creators to start a natural conversation.
Noted too
hmm... 🤔
I think it was simply a 'typo'... In the text that follows, it says 'empathic'. Perhaps a case of that predictive thingy.
Because the actual correct word is "empathetic".
I’m constantly thinking about the value I have to contribute to others. The tricky part is getting other people to see it, and desire it. 🙏🏽
Honesty and Non-judgemental
Two traits I'm certain NT employers go out of their way to trip you up or make it a point how that's not how you're supposed to do things. One job I had, in the interview they asked how would I treat folk in the company and external partners. Like you Paul and not seeing the distinction (and sometimes refusing to because it goes against what I believe), I answered I wouldn't, I treat everyone with respect and patience. The employer hired me and said she loved that answer.
Fast forward to a couple weeks later, and I was speaking to one of the board members. Afterwards I was called into my boss's office, and reprimanded for being too friendly and saying mate and al too much. I swiftly told them you employed me BECAUSE I don't use social hierarchy as an arbiter to how I should talk to someone. They were not happy at all. But what was I supposed to do? Safe to say I got fired from that job.
#8 is interesting; the stereotype of being rigid and not liking change is more because people are expecting us to do what is expected/socially accepted and we do/prefer the opposite/something different and have no interest in doing what is expected, so we are "inflexible" from others perspective as we refuse to blindly follow the herd
Also I have all of these traits, but some are more easily noticeable than others. For me the ones that are most apparent are extreme attention to detail, being so persistent I don’t stop until what I’m doing is completely finished, being extremely creative, especially when it comes to art, music and writing, basically the arts in general, being loyal, being very, very empathic, and having a strong sense of justice. These aren’t always good things though, but I’m working hard to improve myself.
I am waiting for my diagnosis but I have no doubt I’m on the spectrum neither don’t people around me. My manager told me he was suspecting it from the day 1. 🙈
All the traits apply to me. I work in Software development. We create educational software for primary school pupils. I became a real asset thanks to my autism. 😁 my attention to details is phenomenal (not my words), I am always asked to check the final results because I see things that no one else notices. Often during the design stage I am asked to help because the creative ideas just pop into my mind. I create new products in my head without any excessive technologies. People I work with don’t know how I do it. Neither do I to be honest. It’s just there and I put it on a paper after and bam! The core of the product is ready! There are things I struggle with but I am grateful for what I am and the way I am. I do have problems with understanding what people really mean. So I ask them directly: did you mean this or that? At first it was awkward (for them). But once I explained that I can’t focus If something is bothering me and I NEED to know the problem was gone.
All true! My favorite is definitely creativity. The empathy causes many of us to suffer
What I love about your videos is that you don't just roll with the stereotypes. You name things that are so, so true but that not many really recognize because they're not the stereotypical attributes.
I love the way they can't hide things like sadness from us
It frustrates me when someone is clearly upset or angry but keep saying "I'm fine" I would rather they said "I am not find just now but there's nothing you can do"
If it helps you any, they aren't hiding it from themselves either. They are only agreeing to not talk about it.
OMG this is so incredibly true! Thank you so much for existing, and for creating this. I feel like a human being for the first time in my life.
As a lifelong autistic, trait number 3, as in being able to 'think out of the box', involves our basic stance in life, of never being able to fit into the box in the first place! And that's definitely a strength! Too many 'normal' people unquestioningly, get into the box, just to conform to peer pressure...
10:25 the 'highly emphatic' title made me laugh as, although empathic and emphatic aren't mutually exclusive, the internal/external difference tickled my brain
That spelling error kept me somewhat preoccupied the rest of the video, wanting to fix it. Grammatical errors always do that to me.
Great video and content!
@@ringothecat1462 attention to detail indeed! *hi five* it’s the first thing I’ve gone looking for in the comments to see if others noticed!
I am both highly empathic & highly emphatic. 😉
@@TimPrevett #metoo
The too much empathy is a problem for me when other people are crying and I can't show compassion I just have to leave because it's too painful and then I cry anyway because I feel bad about abandoning them
I understand. I also often don't know how to react when someone feels hurt or bad. I react sometimes to late and in a wired way or I avoid (run away), but not because I don't care, but just because I care too much and am feeling so confused and helpless.
One of my favorite sayings is,
“Love is in the details” ❤
I love details!
Omg, this SO resonated with me. The empathy stood out for me, including reacting to others’ masking their emotions. I can get so confused and swamped with other people’s emotions - heck, I can’t even manage my own! I’ve always seen autism as a glass half empty, so your video was a real eye opener.
Thank you! This video helped me to love myself and remember the positive things about being me.
P.S. You spelled "empathic" wrong. That's my attention to detail kicking in.
WAIT. When people are sad but pretending to be happy, you're supposed to act as if they're happy?? Not even check in to see if they want to talk about it or if you can help, just assume that because they're pretending, they don't want it acknowledged... and just go with it? Oh wow, ok, I am 29 years old. And I somehow did not put this together until right now.
This is SO helpful! Because when you combine that with the too-much-empathy thing, you get "omg what's wrong and how do I fix it for you?!" and it makes perfect sense that they'd be thinking "Ahh! Fix it? You weren't even supposed to see it!" So THANK YOU for this! Such a helpful and uplifting video!
Don't take this as a hard and fast rule though! With some people, especially close friends, definitely ask about what's going on.
Wow this is incredible. I can’t believe I just figured out I had autism at 51.. I’m now 53 and still amazed at how I relate to everything autistic. All of this is exactly me. I’ve found my people!
Great video btw. Very well done. 👍
This makes me so happy!
I've been told I'm a superhero when needed, which can be damn draining to be the one willing to jump into anything when anyone may need help. Unfortunately, its led to 31 years of being abused and used, but I would never change the best parts of me. I am new to knowing I'm autistic since I was diagnosed at 19 with BPD and BP2; despite never feeling like they fit me. After half my life on medication that dulled my brain, I'm now in a place where I can decide who I want to be as I unmask which is scary but you've helped answer all my questions of 'why the hell am i like this?"
Being autistic is the best parts of me, and I'm proud of any other ASD human who has had to reparent themselves along this journey. It's hard and exhausting but its damn awesome remembering why I really love my own company and struggle with others taking up time when I could be using it for changing the world.