I want to have friends that I don’t have to question if they are really my friends. I want to know that people like me for who I am, not that I’m merely tolerated by friends and family. Social relationships are too much work. I just want them to be there….
@ConnorGaughan-do9hg I know what you mean it is all so difficult there too. What I find being ill alas is that work tires you out too. Not nice and if only other people could or would see it that way too.
i think you might actually have impostor syndrome instead. you very well can be a both. I am one of these people, it took me YEARS to accept the autism.
The reason for not having many friends: trying to be social always ends up with someone trying to take advantage of me, which causes me to distance myself from them. It's easier to avoid having "friends".
@@refusedone That to me is like saying 'the importance of not being autistic'. Being taken advantage of can and will happen in extremely subtle, very hard to detect ways. I feel and experience it to be totally impossible to 'just set clear boundaries': ALL interaction will 'at points' feel extremely intrusive by way of the fact that there are ALWAYS deeply UNwanted aspects to it - aspects that cannot be avoided because they simply 'come with the whole package'. Nor can I set 'boundaries' to my own experiencing things - I cannot 'shut my senses'.
Disclaimers for the video. As an autistic person: you can be completely unaware of why you are struggling, unaware of the anxiety you are feeling or any sensory issues. How do I know, because I'm 36, recently diagnosed and have only gradually learnt these things over decades when other people have explicitly pointed them out to me or I've had an extreme reaction to something and finally recognised the why. It's why it is so beneficial to listen to the lived experiences of other autistics to recognise similar experiences within ourselves. The second thing to note is as a neurodivergent person you naturally surround yourself within a neurodivergent bubble of people and places that you find easy because you speak on the same wavelength and adjust the environment similarly so they aren't hostile. How do I know? Because both my children have very quickly identified neurodivergent peers to be their friends and our family's friends/relatives kids are all neurodivergent as well. It is why we didn't realise for years we are autistic as the "normal" behaviour of our children was the same as our family and friend's kids until each of them gradually got diagnosed. It's why I don't like the us vs them style videos as I would have once considered myself introverted or typical and you just end up feeling like an imposter and go back to your "safe" label instead of a journey of self discovery, acceptance and improvement.
yes, that was the first 35 years of my life too, not knowing why I felt always overwhelmed (hint : a whole lot of sensory anomalies), cognitively exhausted (hint : several cognitive deficits), always would trip over non existing obstacles (dyspraxia), etc. It's only when I was finally diagnosed as autistic that I finally understood why I had so many incapacities and such an extraordinary level of exhaustion and continuously having my nervous system on "danger mode".
@@isabellefaguy7351 I too was diagnosed at around that age (34 ) family suspected it for a long time, but testing was harder to get back then. Fortunately having a diagnosis meant my co-workers would give me more leeway when I talked in an abrasive manner. And I praise my manager for insisting that people get turns talking and notice when I try to say something but get talked over by someone else.
You so right. We don't think in categories they use to describe autistic personality. E. G. In kindergarten i didn't feel different or rejected (i realise now that i was), I just walked away from the crowd and played alone because others where unbearably boring. I didn't know i was sensory overwhelmed, I just had migraines and got sick.
So after three broken marriages I have remained in almost complete solitude for almost 6 years. I only go to the shop downstairs after 8-30pm when it is quiet, for instance.
At 44, I coudn't marry my girlfriend of 7 years because in the two or three months we were living together it was a nightmare. All my life i consider the others as human beings from another planet, maybe i am the one from another planet.
@@SaraRyan-v7rI was wondering the same thing. Neither being an introvert or having Autism is a preference. However being on the spectrum I do feel like spending a lot of time alone e is survival. I need a lot of time to recharge my battery and it’s just a safer, more controlled environment. ☺️
Trauma can also make one regard people as scary; if you fear your primary caregiver from your earliest days, you learn that you have to look after yourself and others cannot be trusted. Its unlikely you will ever think of strangers as not a threat. Just another path to preferring being alone, feeling safer in that space. And also not autism
@@Stellajh i was reading somewhere that autistic folks have higher rates of developing PTSD/trauma related disorders because the way the world/society functions can be inherently traumatic for a brain not wired to adapt to certain things
I started crying watching this video. I went my entire life undiagnosed until last week and it was the missing puzzle piece and root to my entire life. I’ve used to think I was an extreme introvert, suffered from almost debilitating social anxiety and depression --- 😭
I might be in the same boat but why would so many 'experts' in different fields of therapy never think that this was a possibility. is this quite common..after this video im not sure what to think..
I always just thought I have generalised anxiety, depression and one of my teacher said I might have adhd and my friend who has autism think i may have autism. I have been to therapy once because my family doesn't believe and they gaslit me to feel guilty to receive help and only recently start to go in secret. I need a diagnosis I hated life from a young age. I am only 20 and always tired sometimes have comments where I zone out I always say gets just survive today, tomorrow.
this "life on hard mode" is a really good description of how I feel all the time. I've never been diagnosed with autism, but the more I learn about the experiences of those who are diagnosed, the more I feel like I should get diagnosed as well, cause it seems to explain all the difficulties I have in life.
Yes me too. I've always felt like it takes all my energy just to get through each day, mostly mentally. I'm in my 50s now and it's all starting to make sense.
I feel like these games of Civilization where you planned right but barbarians happen and you just struggle and you never grow and you just quit and restart because it will never work. But real life has no restart button...
@@winterautumncolours-tt8fw sounds familiar . The mental energy it takes for me to just navigate basic conversations every day is immense. When I went into my 30s this got worse. At this point I go out of my to avoid socializing .
It's amazing I used to think I was just severely socially phobic when I was a teen in the late 90's. But then in my 20's it was oddly easy to overcome social anxiety, but still couldn't ever seem to fit the wavelength of the world and was always struggling ending up alone. All makes sense now.
Same here! I came to realise how differently I perceived the world around me, & how differently my thought-processes were! It wasn't until I decided to do an Arts degree as a mature-age university student did I learn to tap into this 'tangential' thinking, which resulted in such high marks that I thought I hadn't deserved!
Yeap, I don't actually have social anxiety very much, I just have a really hard time interacting with others bc I don't sync up with whatever wavelength they are on. I don't want to talk about random BS, I want to talk about something interesting or cool, and only for a short time then I want it to be done. Nothing I hate worse than being held verbally hostage with someone motor mouthing about surface level, frivolous things.
Possibly undiagnosed. I feel this way, I'm currently in my 20s and definitely far less anxious now than when I was younger. But it's more like I have good days, and I have bad days but, on both days, I just wish I was "normal" and could "fit in". Oddly enough it's now that I'm actually improving a lot of my former anxieties and even getting over my hatred of certain spaces (grocery stores, malls, etc) that I've started to gain more suspicions I might be on the spectrum because of the feeling of "sticking out". Also, it's more like I find stores more bearable and even fun on good days with good company but would still prefer them to be low stimulation.
Lots of kids ARE excluded BECAUSE they are quiet. Any little difference in a person is a reason other kids use to tease/shun/bully. It could be because of the clothes you wear, the color of your skin, a lisp, a crooked tooth, red hair, too short, too fat, too skinny, too tall, etc. Once you are excluded for just a year or two of your life in childhood, it makes a kid more socially awkward because they are going to be nervous around peers they suspect will do more teasing/bullying/shunning. And the social awkwardness leads to more teasing/bullying/shunning.
Damn. That hits hard. But exclusion keeps goung on in adulthood. I don't socialize much (just the bare minimum), but though, people manage to tell me: "you never say antything!" or just forget I'm right here, sitting with them; but, when I try to talk, I'm never on point, I interrupt constantly bevause I never know when it's my turn to talk, I ask too many question (as peoole don't care about what I say, I use questions in order to participate to the conversation, to let them talk and acknowledge I'm here). I don't know if I'm autistic, but I feel the pain very deeply. :( I never had a relawmxed conversation since I'm 11yo or so (20+ years ago!)
Yo that seems like a case I’ve seen, it’s like a case that I lived… I had a friend who used to get bullied by US, the rough group of friends that made fun of him because he was fat. Also, a year later we understood it was wrong and we learnt, we just stopped bullying him, but, anyways, it didn’t solve the problem. He was always smiling and social with everybody but after that bully year he changed. Well, the karma came for me after and I’m feeling how he is feeling. It’s hard, it made me feel like autistic, therefore, my talk struggled with the time. Now I speak a little bit weird sometimes and I’m afraid of what will the people say about me. It’s so hard to live with it
1. Why do you like spending time alone? Is it because you like solo activities or because you find people stressful? 2. How much effort do you have to put in to maintain relationships? Introverts tend not to go out and meet people just to meet people. Are relationships difficult or just not interesting? Autistic people often want more friends and less small talk. 3. Do you have an atypical sensory profile? Are malls too loud and bright? 4. Do you find it difficult to regulate your emotion? Autistic people often have this problem and will focus through stimming. This is often a byproduct of sensory sensitivity. 5. Do you feel like you belong with your peers, or do you feel like an outsider? Fitting in requires more effort, and the usual tactics of reaching out don't work for autistic people. They're often alone due to outright rejection. Kids are not always sugar, spice, and everything nice.
Except with my closest friend, interactions online are so much more restful than in person. Working from home since COVID has really been a revelation!
This changed my entire life. I've spent so many years struggling in rooms with fragrances, body noises, uncomfortable temperatures, actually having to wear "normal" clothes that are so uncomfortable and distracting because they touch my skin wrong. The sensory overload was too much to handle most days. I ruined so many relationships hiding from perfumes and chewing sounds and bright lights etc. If it weren't for working from home I'm not sure I could ever be employed in an enclosed space with normal people ever again. Your comment really resonated. ❤
the homeschooling was such a release. I mean, I knew I did not feel comfortable in school, but I never noticed just how big of a toll it took on me, until I did not have to do it every day.
I so identify with that! I actually have no physical friends at all right now, but I have 3 close ones online. I don't think I am autistic; I was checking because I have begun to think my father was. I Am an introvert. But the questions 1 and 5 autistic responses were exactly me. I am becoming more aware of it. I am OK at things like concerts, because I don't have to connect with anyone beyond a very superficial level. But when I was first married social life became torture, because my late husband was very gregarious and wanted me with him all the time. I think of it like a pressure cooker: all this stress and anxiety, being in these situations causes builds up and sometimes the gasket blows. It got better, because my husband changed as he got older, and in fact he became even more reclusive than me, especially when he became disabled. I realise now that he actually had depression at the end of his life. I have also noticed something about shopping. I never go near shopping centres, and supermarkets can stress me. There are some I can't be in for very long. I have one where I feel comfortable which I use all the time, but others I only go to for certain items, and I can actually feel the "I want to get out of here" thing building If there are checkout queues I will sometimes leave the items rather than have to stay in the place any longer. The one I am comfortable in, is light and modern, and the staff are friendly, without engaging beyond "Hello" I like that, because it makes me feel comfortable, and acknowledged ""Oh, it's you again!" Hi!" kind of thing. They don't all speak, and they don't do it with everyone, so it is not some sort of company policy. It is usually the ones I have had to interact with at some point. The fish counter staff, the ones who man checkouts (They cover tills and shopfloor) ones I have asked for assistance, so it is reassuring, without becoming oppressive. "Someone has registered my existence, without making demands on me" That is enough for me. I go to a restaurant where I feel the same. It is always mega busy, so I can be among people, without being involved With people. The waitress knows me, she greets me and knows what I drink. She is friendly in a professional way and it never goes beyond that level, which is Exactly what I like.
I don’t know, but this video left more more confused than before. I don’t consider myself an extreme introvert, I’m more of an extraverted intravert, but I do find social situations draining, I loath small talk and find it exhausting, and the only time I get energized when I’m with people is when we can talk about deep stuff that’s of interest to me (and them, obviously). That said, I like meeting new people and I like traveling to new places, because it gives me the chance to explore the world, connect and maybe find other folks like me. Because yes, I do feel like an outsider and like I don’t fit into the typical way most people behave. I am also very sensitive to smells and noise, so shopping centers and crowds are a no-go zones for me. At the same time, I don’t view the external world as ”hostile” per se, I see it as ”exhausting”. I like going out for the adventure of it, because being alone at home is not healthy for me either, but home is still my safe haven. So, I feel that I’m somewhere in between on all those questions…
I feel like those are just regular old normal things😅. Just because a person is a extrovert, doesn't mean they doesn't get exhausted from social interaction. Interacting with with a lot of people is exhausting from the begining. I think all these classifications put people into little boxes lil too much.
This video also left me pretty confused. I said yes to 4/6 of the things (in terms of a yes being autistic trait), The things I said no to were: 1. Small talk. I don't really mind it, but I also don't talk to people that often, small talk just feels like a greeting, unless I just never engaged in small talk before, it would be funny if that were the case. 2. Atypical sensory profile. I don't like some things but I've never had too much of an issue with loud spaces, maybe it's because my dad uses power tools ever since a young age. I have been told by many that my hearing is sharp despite that though. For the other things, it's hard to tell though. 1. People are stressful, but I also love solo activities. I still like cooperative and competitive activities, but do I like solo more because people are stressful? or because I genuinely like them more for other reasons? There is no way to know... 2. Easy, relationships are way too hard, I've only made a few in my entire life that were beyond "oh hey, that's my classmate" The first two, I had to move away from. I believe both those people had similar traits to me. The third, I don't think anyone else in my school had my traits, either that or everyone else (not me) learned what masking was... But my sibling made a relationship, and it didn't work out so I inherited it (this is how many of my other friendships came about, even if they don't last long.) 3. It used to be incredibly hard to regulate my emotions, so I shunned them off and "stopped" having them until recently when my therapist helped me get them back. I have them again, but it's easy to remember why I tucked them away for so long. 4. I have literally always felt like an outsider, so this is an easy yep. Never thought I was an alien or a different species, but I distinctly remembering feeling that I was different and not in a good way. So in total this video doesn't help me too much. Maybe that's a sign in itself, who knows? I think a better video would be labeling the difference between social anxiety and introversion, and that it's possible to have both. Too many people say "I'm introverted so I don't like talking to people" but that is NOT what introversion means!
Maybe look into ADHD and Autism--the combination is not that unusual. New people, new places, talking about your special interests--all of these can be fantastic dopamine sources. Alternatively, many folks with just ADHD deal with sensory issues, too. My general suggestion is to focus less on a specific diagnosis, and instead to look at what supports and strategies seem to help you the most. If the advice is good for you, it doesn't matter where it comes from.
@@timexyemerald6290 The tricky part about this sort of thing is that Autistic traits are, of course, human traits. The difference is in how much of an impact these traits have on a person's day to day life, and their health and well-being. I have absolutely been guilty of this in the past, but saying "everyone struggles with x," can be damaging because it's used to minimize (and often to moralize) something that is legitimately far, far more difficult or impactful for someone else. For example, job interviews are stressful for plenty of people. Missing a job interview because you're having mental breakdown over what to wear (despite having laid out an outfit the night before), is not normal, has a real financial impact, and requires a lot more than "get ready the day before, and plan on being there early" sorts of advice to work through. Also, in my anecdotal experience, a lot of people who insist that something is that hard for everyone are unaware that they're also outliers, or don't stop to consider the multiplicative effect that, "this is a little harder for me than most people," has when many, many things are just a bit harder, all day, every day. No two people are alike, so labels can only go so far, but if they help people to find the insight or support, I say let folks hop into whatever little boxes they need.
The 5th question really struck me. I was always alone as a kid and well into my teenage years. I also remember never approaching more than two other kids at a time. Whenever I noticed another kid by themselves I would gravitate to them and more often than not it worked out. I still have that tendency to look for other seemingly shy or isolated people in social settings.
Im 58 and this has solved the self esteem destroying screwups and problems I have had my entire life. People cannot figure out why I am so smart but struggle with so many things. Besides having an ADHD dx, Ive been given loads of misdiagnosis over the years but it turns out from this and other things.. I have Autism. I am completely in this Autism list. People cannot get me.. Im a bit like "Rain man" when people get me onto a topic that I am good at. I cannot deal with gaslighting despite having a brilliant education in psych. I can analyze it later, but not deal with it at the time. I cannot stand bright lights, strong smells, lots of noises etc Can you imagine how hard it was being an RN ? I was totally sensory overwhelmed. I literally shut down half way through my shifts. I need alone time because I am too confronted outside in the world. I cannot negotiate normal social conversations.. they make no sense to me.
So many of the points you made I can identify with, but the one that personally drives me nuts the most is not being able to deal with gaslighting at the time and only process it later. I am like a deer in the headlights every time, until I can take a step back and see the big picture and the process flow of what just happened. I couldn't imagine being an RN! I used to work in office roles, which were generally quiet, but the team meetings were "everyone has to bring something to the table" used to catch me out every time too. Just even the ice-breakers felt cruel as I was so busy panicking how to answer the questions for myself that I didn't catch anyone else's name (and couldn't remember mine). But get me on a topic I'm interested in and try to stop me talking then... As Monk used to say "It's a blessing.... and a curse"...
yeah- i agree with all this too. i guess it depends on what’s trying to be gaslit- so to speak, but how i react entirely depends on my feeling about the person. i wish i had a witty smooth way to metaphorically shut them down, while it’s happening. but my go to response when i feel gaslit is just disengage from their existence entirely. i disregard their opinion, ill look to end the interaction immediately and my mind looks to just erase them. again, depending on the person, how much of a role they must have in my life would dictate my longer strategy, but if someone is gaslighting me, i can’t trust them, they are best disregarded. i suppose i use my attention as a way to indicate my trust in someone. i may not have a comeback to blatant lies being told to my face because “how can I argue with someone who’s telling me something i know to be untrue”. so, i make it clear im disengaged, and have no interest in interacting with them for the time being. i tend not to care what people think about me, unless it’s something im not confident about, so i will act in ways that are probably childish or nonsensical because im communicating my respect for the person/cinversation. i do believe that arguing with an idiot only drags you down, not them up. “ok” or “sure” is a good neutral to passive aggressive convo killer that i find handy.
"I cannot deal with gaslighting despite having a brilliant education in psych. I can analyze it later, but not deal with it at the time." I deal with this a lot. I have a brother with a deadpan sense of humor, and I don't get it at the time. Later, it filters through, and I feel like a dumbbell, even though my education and career say otherwise. I can come up with great retorts to quips, about a day after the moment has passed.
Yes, I can imagine how hard it is to be an RN. My stress level is off the charts. What helps me a little is working the night shift and working Long Term Care. I sincerely wish I had an easier job making the same amount of money. But since I am about your age, I 'm not going back to school.
About three years ago, I considered whether I was autistic or not. After going over some of the traits, I leaned towards not and I never got an assessment because of that. Recently, I started listening to autistic people about their experiences. Now listening to this video, I am really starting to question whether I am or not and I think I need to get an assessment. Thank you for sharing your experiences
I was in the same situation as you a couple of years ago. There is a web page called "embrace autism" which has a compendium of self screening tests. Not sure if you'd come across it. The "Aspie quiz" and the camouflaging\masking one were the most relevant for me, and also the alexithymia one of you think you are alexithymic.
I tend not to like videos like this one as it unintentionally discourages people from looking into their own potential autism (we are natural perfectionists so we have to feel like we are 99% right to feel comfortable with anything otherwise we will feel like an imposter). I didn't realise I had any of the issues mentioned in the video until a couple of years ago because I finally realised my kid is autistic (even though we were constantly looking out for autism since birth for years) and discovered through them my own struggles, meltdowns (started having them again due the chaos of parenting otherwise not since I was a child), shutdowns, never ending burnout, sensory issues, social issues etc, then finally got diagnosed with the 'tism at 36. Like you said listening to other neurodivergent people's lived experiences is one of the best things you can do as they help you recognise the things you also experience but didn't know you did (eg for me anxiety, sensory issues etc). I would recommend not listening to videos that have an us vs them mentality as they are likely to be very personally subjective like this one. Paul does great work but you also have to take everything everyone says with a pinch of salt (whatever the fudge that means haha).
@@ReyOfLight That's an interesting point actually. I havn't heard of that saying before. I guess a neurotypical may wonder for a brief moment but wouldn't become fixated on the idea, throughout many months or years. That's a very autistic thing to do anyway 🙃
@@alecogden12345so. I've been googling, youtubing and online testing for a few months now, but also at least two times several years ago. Maybe that's kind of not so usual? Anyway, test results were somewhere on the "you show some traits, maybe"-level. Since I don't struggle too much most of the time I don't know what to do with this now...
I have no issue making friends but I have the hardest time maintaining relationships. I suck and texting/calling/arranging meet up and being an actual friend. But when I’m with them in person I enjoy it but the pressure of knowing I suck at keeping friendships is the thing that makes me avoid it
Same. I desired deep close friendship when I was young but now I prefer shallow relationships where we hang out sometimes but nothing more than that. Maybe I was alone too long and my ability to have meaningful relationships withered.
yes, exactly. i would probably do better with those low maintenance, talking-once-in-a-while, shallow-ish and independent friendships, but i have no idea how to find people who are okay with that too. (is there even a term for that kind of relationship?)
Thank you, not only does this explanation confirm my autism (still undiagnosed at 76) but it clears a lot of guilt and regrets from past actions and attitudes I have had. Bless you. 🙏🏼
I totally understand not going to see if you can get a diagnosis. I haven't either at the age of 51. I have never liked going to doctors for any reason and usually avoid doing so unless it is truly necessary. Even then, I always feel anxious and stressed out by the experience. I don't know if I could get through a psychological exam of any kind. The very thought of doing it fills me with as much anxiety as the thought of having another surgery. Even though I've been through three invasive surgeries in my life so far, I still dread any time that I have to have a doctor examine, or worse yet, operate on me. Yes, his videos are very good sensory friendly ways to get a bit of therapy aren't they? We don't have to go to some strange place and talk to a stranger face to face, we can just listen to him and reply in the comments if we feel moved to do so. I always feel a bit better about myself and sometimes even gain a bit of insight on something when I listen to him.
I can check most of these boxes. I don’t really like going to stores and malls and avoid them if possible but I can do it if there’s a specific reason or thing I’m shopping for. I remember as a kid my mom and grandma dragging me around on shopping trips and getting really irritable with them and not knowing why. They told me there “must be something wrong with you.” I also have 4 kids. When you’re a parent, you do whatever is necessary for them even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. I guess you could say I get grumpy if I’m interrupted or something I’m not expecting pops up out of the blue, but a lot of times I internalize it, suck it up and cope with it the best I can, even though inwardly I’m uncomfortable. I don’t have tons of sensory issues, but I’m pretty sensitive to certain sounds and smells. At almost 73 years of age I most likely won’t pursue an official diagnosis but videos such as these help me understand what may be behind some of my “quirks.”
seeming introverted was a part of me masking for years. It was a way to explain me isolating myself and not socialising that got accepted by other people
yes very much the same here. Not only was it easier for others to grasp, it was much easier for me to accept than comming to the realisation I might be autistic.
Same. I even told my therapist that daily life feels like always wearing a mask and not even once in my 3+ years of therapy he once mentioned a possibility for autism. tbf, I have lots of problems I brought into therapy, bullying, burnout, suicide thoughts and some more. on top of that being introvert maybe overshadowed it all but it feels so surreal as my psychologist now says that borderline (which is really close to autism) is clearly in the possibility of diagnoses for me.
The feeling of safety when I’m alone busy with my hobbies! Yes this is what I always feel! And the suffering during school breaks due to horrible noise! And constant eye squinting! And feeling sick as soon as the car doors open (smells). As a child I felt like a being of different species. Then I figured out that I’m the same species, but profoundly different. Never on the same wavelength with my peers. Always weirdo always needed to be fixed. I’m introvert, yes! But I’m also autistic. I used to want to have friends. Now I’m tired of trying and after so many fails and rejections or being ghosted I just decided to be on my own with my one only long term friend and closest family. Plus I Stimm a lot, especially rocking and watching one point in space for one hour is so wonderful soothing and relaxing it helps me calm down in any situation when I have issues to regulate my emotions.
My autistic husband never needed to be particularly social, and so he preferred to keep to himself and do things on his own. Just goes to show the experience across the spectrum is very varied. Some autistic people are very social, some less so, some struggle with being social but want to be, and some just don't have the need.
I was bullied since the day I was born, including by my own family, just for existing in a different way than most kids and people around me. I did not know how to mask and hide certain things when I was small, so it was obvious to everyone upon first meeting me I was from another world. I was always (and still am) more interested in objects, numbers, animals and nature than in engaging extensively with others. I feel empathy and compassion for people and often deeply, but I simply don't have much interest in nor capacity for constant interaction. I also find many topics most people like to talk about in spare time to be strange and uninteresting. I also don't speak much in my personal life, and that is rarely acceptable if you are in company of others. If I talk to someone new, trying to get to know them, that is extreme effort on my side, but thankfully it happens so rarely that I really get interested and intruiged like that.
As well as being one of 9 children to my parents, I am from a very large extended family. I am no longer in contact with any of them (not even my own children who are now all adults) - or anyone else, for that matter.
I may or may not be autistic. It doesn't matter that much. Not making an obsession or a crave for identity out of it is the greatest thing I did. My wife wanted me to get diagnosed because she needed some kind of label to understand why I act so strange at times. But the waiting line for a diagnosis here in France is 4 years ! Their website says : "you may or may not be autistic. Unless you experience extremely severe disabilities, don't bother, drink water, make sport, see a shrink if you do suffer, and live your life". That is such a wise advice. Being different, being unable to do small talk, being forced to find my own way of interacting with people has been-and still is- a wonderfull journey. It sometimes creates unnecessary difficulties and misunderstanding, but it also gives me an insight that is a true strength. You can bet non-autistic people (does that even exist ? As it is a spectrum, I wonder where the line can be drawn) also struggle a lot with their differences. Being experienced with "difference-management" allowed me to bond with others.
I cant not have music in my head. Its there when I wake up and when I go to sleep. I can only change the song by getting another song stuck in my head, but never ever stop it for as long as I can remember.
@@raymondwalters2723 shit, same. I also think that this background music also passively drains energy and I'm attempting to meditate to stop it for once. And it's also one of the reasons I can't focus on something important in a long run since this music distracts me all the time.
@@c1borgen oh yeah 100%. I've learnt to somewhat deal with it by playing a lot of chill music during work, but occasionally I get an up beat song stuck in my head and it gives me a headache, and even worse it can keep me up at night if I can't get it out in time.
I didn't know this, I keep singing to myself all the time. I mostly do it in my head, but if I'm home or alone somewhere with my boyfriend it often becomes out loud. In particular when I'm very nervous I sing all the time to myself.
This is so weird. Yours is like the third comment I've read saying essentially the same thing. The weird part is that I also found myself crying during this video and I don't know why. I had to laugh at myself because I'm sat there crying and saying "but why am I crying about THIS section-I don't struggle with emotional disregulation". The irony... lol
Also, I pretty frequently learn something, or some new way of doing something occurs to me, or I have an idea, and then my sense of wonder about it becomes dampened, when realizing that I'm.pretty sure that it is something most people have already learned, known about, or realized, for almost their whole lives, and somehow I just missed it. I miss so many things. I'll think, this is so basic and simple, yet I'm just now figuring it out. Always felt that I was living in a state of being behind and never catching up. The person who first described the 1 step forward, 2 back feeling, must have been like me.
ME TOO!!! I’ve never heard someone else say this! Also AuDHD and the number of times I’ve said “I want to go HOME” (even when I am home) during a meltdown is unreal. I just felt like I didn’t belong here and that must mean I belong somewhere else.
While I always knew I was human, I always had the inescapable feeling that I'm really an alien anthropologist here to study the dominant life form of this planet. Long wondering why the mothership didn't come back for me. 😓 There is an advantage in being several steps behind, in that our realisations are conscious and we develop social heuristics for understanding how people work. Most neurotypical people don't really understand how they know social things, they just know. It might be nice to "catch on" quicker like neurotypical people do, but I prefer to have that slow and deliberate conscious understanding, and I wouldn't really want to be neurotypical.
I would pause after each question to ask myself before hearing your answers, and my responses were almost verbatim to the autistic experience. Another bittersweet confirmation for me , yet still undiagnosed 🌹
Hi, I'm 74, and have always been an introvert. Thank you for this clear explanation of the differences, some subtle, between introversion and autism. When I was in school, autism was unkbown to most, later it was thought it only affected boys, etc. I had good friends in school, not many, but a few I am close to even now. As a young adult I was included in my late husband's circle ( he was a local celebrity), and so on. So I really didn't have to go out and search for friends. But Ive always had social anxiety, sometimes very severe. I can go out and speak casually to people I don't know, and dont mind most environments except warehouse stores and noisy restaurants. Fortunately, I have the means to create my own large safe space at home. So, maybe I am borderline. But it may not matter at my age. Thsnks again for this video. 🌺
Hello. I’m 53 from Spain. I have discovered your channel recently. After having a son with diagnosed autism or asperger, and looking for more information on the subject, your videos have helped me to understand myself. All my life I have been thinking I was extremely introverted person. Now I know that, was only a part of my personality, and has helped me to be more in peace with myself. Thank you.
Brilliant video. "Playing life in hard mode" - that comment is so true. In my teens I was convinced there wss something different about me - yes I asked myself that 'alien question' (and had some of my peers half-believing I was alien!) - but it took almost fifty years and a lot of professional help peeling back layers of masking to uncover what I am. When I'm in public I feel I'm putting on an act to fit in, to function as expected; when I get home I feel I have successfully completed a mission (eg shopping) in enemy territory without detection.
I think it's still a bit generalisation, as there are many psycholigical issues, like ad 1. social anxiety, ad. 2 childhood cpsd, ad 3. agoraphobia, phobias, ad 4 cpsd again, neurosis, etc. And generally depression might have similar symptoms. And various traumas. It is better to undergo a professional evaluation, which is also sometimes not easy and obvious, we are more complex.
There is one more type that needs to be considered: outliers. For instance: extremely intelligent or extremely naturally talented people may have difficulties fitting into the norm. A very intelligent child may have interests so different from his or her peers, that small talk is difficult. A talented sporty kid may be subject to envy. He or she is really popular when making the winning points in a game, but there is an apartness he will feel because he is a stand-out. (Or she) Etc.
Ask somebody to tell you the traits of a stereotypical scientist, then look at where that would put the person on the ADS, they would probably come out as Borderline Indication or higher. For example, Rich Purnell in the movie The Martian might be a good example, is he autistic? Or is he just a focused scientist? To me it seems the spectrum is so all encompassing and everybody is autistic. There are a lot of intelligent, shy, socially awkward people (etc), but do they have a disability? I think THAT should be the defining factor. Unless you need help with everyday life then you are not autistic.
All these autistic traits fit me well but on other hand I heard autistic people are bad with social clues, for me its reverse. I am much better at accessing social cues than most. I guess am outlier
The thing is, with the first thing about why people like to be alone, it’s a mixture of both for me, there’s a lot of things I like doing alone, like reading, walking in the woods, exploring the city, and just thinking. But there’s also a factor, albeit one that’s diminishing by the day, of being kinda afraid of people, particularly a lot of people around my own age, but I kinda feel like it has to do with trauma more than anything.
I'm afraid of people, too, and very happy with solitary activities. It's worth taking the effort and risk to find people who are safe, because it's such a joy and boost to our resilience. People who like reading and walking in the woods are more likely to be safe people.
I thought I was an introvert my whole life... Cause it was explained to me like: "When you are extroverted, you gain energy from being around other people and loose it when being alone too long. And when you are introverted, you loose energy while being around other people, so you need being alone to recharge your social batteries. And I started to question if I'm neurodiverse because of my long term mental health problems (I was told that chronic depression can change your brain in a way and that we share many symptoms with adhd/autism). Until now I was leaning more towards that maybe I have lighter form of adhd. But now I'm really questioning if it's autism or both. That part about wanting more friends, wish for deeper long term relationships, desire to SKIP small talk and also the problem of maintaining long term relationships... that point hit really hard!! I still struggle to kind of identify what sensory issues I might have, but yes the mall is a typical example of something I like to avoid. Or in general the inner city on a nice day with many people outside. Or in general rooms with a lot of people in them. Big family gatherings were always a nightmare for me and not only because I often was the only child (of my age) there or because I had to behave a certain way. I remember how often I would wait impatiently for the next chance to sneak away to another room/floor, away from the noise and do something else on my own like reading or playing on my gameboy. And it always felt that my own apartment is a safe heaven. Even more now that my anxiety has started spiking. So this one is a bit difficult for me if it's social anxiety (because of bullying early on) that is making me feel unsafe around people and am I just a bit sensible to loud noises? Or is maybe autism the core reason why I got that anxiety in the first place... Uh so many questions. Gosh all of the 5 questions have hit somewhere. I have seen some videos before, but this one hit the closest to home until now.
1: Because dealing with people is physically painful. I go to the store and buy a pack of gum. That's my daily social needs taken care of. Why put myself through any more than that? It would be nice to have friends. There's even one guy I consider a good friend. I last saw him a couple of years ago. I don't visit people much. 2: I have no idea how other people make friends. It takes me months to get to know someone. Partly because of hiding from the world, I have to admit. But people don't make any sense to me. It's like being dropped on an alien planet. 3: I don't know about sensory issues. What's normal to other people? Yes, malls are too loud; particularly the food court. I keep the volume down on my music and videos. Loud places are physically exhausting. And for some reason I can't wear wrist watches anymore. They annoy my wrist. 4: Beats me. What's "emotional regulation"? I'm not sure what the actual question is, although it seems to be related to how easily I burn-out or go into meltdown. I'm better than I was. I've learned to back away or not get into those situations as often. 5: I don't have peers. I've always lived at 90 degrees to the world. I don't know if I'm actually autistic. I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980, but when I looked it up it didn't sound a bit like me. I recently went to a therapist in my health network for a proper diagnosis and she said at my age it would be too difficult and expensive. After the first 50 or 60 years it's hard to read past the mask. But I look autistic, so let's just go with that. Some group therapy would help me understand myself and learn strategies to improve my life. My first thought was, "Which part of 'don't do well with groups' aren't you understanding?"
The way you described Autistic Burnout,Every day just feels like a gauntlet a guaranteed set of challenges, its just all happening inside my head, but my agony is real. I have been trying to explain that to anyone who would listen but i never had the right words. Thank you for you content, helping us maybe understand. Thank you.
I'm 26 years old and recently coming to terms with my heavily masked autism after a decade of misdiagnoses and polypharmacy. After a decade of doctors yelling at me and family throwing their hands up at me and sending me to the hospital. Your videos are an immense help. Thank you
It's quite difficult for me to remember how I was getting along as a child. I simply don't have many memories. The first time I actually met other children on a regular basis was in school. I was on a 6-week health cure when I was five - alone without parents. With many other children. The only relationship I had was with one of the personnel. However, rejection was a frequent experience. I always wanted to belong, but except for a few cases, I never connected or I experienced rejection - even disgust. Nowadays, I simply don't look for connection - or I don't have any expectations when engaging with others.
I really appreciate your ordered style of presenting info and dividing it into chapters. It feels calming to my brain somehow, and I think I absorb the information a bit better. Thanks for making these!
These are very interesting questions. I always thought I was an introvert. I had difficulty making friends, preferring to have just a good one. I now realise that my best friend in primary school was autistic ❤ I think that camouflaging/masking also helped me growing up because I managed to hide in the middle of the social strata: I didn't want to be popular (because then I'd be in the spotlight), nor did I want to be unpopular... for the exact same reason. So I taught myself to blend in and not draw attention to myself. I wanted to appear as normal as possible. I was part of a large group of girls at high school, but they were more acquaintances. I never got that close to any of them. Yet again, I hid myself in the group, using them as a shield. They were exhausting though! I copied behaviours and learnt to have socially acceptable interests/obsessions (pop bands of the 80s, for example). In adulthood, I studied sociology because I wanted to really understand how the world worked 😂😂😂 The secret stimming, the meltdowns, the utter exhaustion from socialising and trying to be a normal member of society... check.
1. I prefer being by myself because being around people does stress me out frl 2. It takes a lot of energy to maintain relationships, and people always tell me that I don't reach out when I just can't remember to. I like them i guess, but it's so hard to keep in touch. 3. I hate busy environments. I went to a highschool that was loud as shit and too chaotic. Every monday, I would have severe anxiety to the point of physical illness because I have to go. I hate certain textures when eating; grainy, things that aren't uniform in texture, hate it. 4. My emotions are all over the place; when i'm stressed out I tend to do things to work some energy off, or when im upset I just pace or yell. Another thing is where I can't say that the way my emotions work is the same across the board, it's very frustrating trying to understand myself and how my emotions can switch so quickly or stick for too long. 5. I feel outside of my groups, everywhere, across my entire life, I've never felt like I'm part of the "in-group". For the majority of Preparatory School, 1st to 6th grade, I've just been relentlessly bullied by peers and teachers. I haven't resolved a lot of that, and to be fair I have no idea how to. some things I've realized is that: 1. Most of these experiences are affected by outside experience/interference if that makes sense. 2. It is very hard to get a diagnosis about this stuff, my first therapist was an NLP who is autistic and she said she thinks that I am and that I should get screened for it; my second psych was an actual psychiatrist who worked with children and adolescents and nothing he did helped at all, and i never got any diagnosis, if anything I felt stressed out whenever I went to see him but because I wanted so bad to find out what was wrong with me I forced myself to go. idk if any of that was coherent
This topic really is one I feel pretty hard. It took me decades to realize that words like extrovert/introvert or even shy didn't really fit. I can be energized by social situations like an extrovert, but I can spend long periods of time choosing to do solitary things as well. I thought I had social anxiety, maybe I am a shy extrovert? But the more I looked into it, it wasn't fear holding me back, it was this feeling of being an outsider, this desire to jump right into deep connection but having no idea how that happens, I just know that its the only thing that ever seems to work in those rare instances when it does. The only trait that doesn't seem to fit well for me is that any sensory issues that I have seem mild enough that they have just been mistaken for other things or well masked. I really WANT more friends and more connection with people yet, but more and more I realize its hard for me to go from the theoretical want to a specific one. I want to be connected to people but I find it nearly impossible to be interested in them unless they really engage me intellectually in ways that small talk can't do.
self diagnosed ASD (with possible ADHD) only formally diagnosed with anxiety / depression / selective mutism, but I'm convinced it's not just introversion none of the usual methods to help that worked and have a whole other set of traits unrelated to socialising difficulties like monotropism, hyper focus, special interests, echolalia, stimming etc. I think I was missed early on because I could mask for short bursts long enough to do tests the way I thought they wanted them done :/ and didn't really have empathy issues
Lack of empathy is a common autism myth. As an autistic person I am very much hypersensitive to other people's emotions and recently realised I'm actually an empath as I'll experience another person's exactly as they do (eg suddenly cry and look around and notice someone nearby is tearing up etc). I think the misconception is because we can be so overwhelmed by other people's emotions we can go into fight, flight or freeze mode so it appears that because we didn't reciprocate correctly we are deemed "not to have empathy" which couldn't be further from the truth. We also can (like I currently do) experience Alexathymia which is where you struggle to interocept/recognise your own emotions. I suspect if this started at a very young age you may not even recognise other people's emotions unless logically and explicitly explained. Hope that helps!
@@jliller I agree, hence my full comment explaining the why that is, read the end if you missed that as that is what you would be referring to. There is an excellent video on Jubilee that shows a sociopath who is very much autistic (and confirmed autistic when you find their partner's channel) that demonstrates our points. The context though was for someone who was having autism dismissed due to them showing empathy hence my comment directed to them (and dismissive medical professionals), not to your wonderful self. I know where you are coming from though as we like to add to the conversation and point out all sides of it even if we completely agree with the other person. We would be here indefinitely if we did that so at some point we have to realise when to add meaningful information and when it ultimately doesn't matter and to move on with our lives. Something I still clearly struggle with 🤣🤣🤣
I've watched a lot of videos about autism so I can better understand my students. During that, I wondered if I might have some autistic traits. After watching your video, I think I'm just an extreme introvert. Question 5 was the only one I really identified with, and that's more shaking my head at others rather than myself. Thanks for useful video.
These are great questions to use for basic self-assessment, with a caveat: each question maps heavily with trauma survivors as well as introverts and spectrum diagnoses. So, for instance, I am neurotypical while my DS and kids are on the spectrum. But my answers to these 5 questions are nearly the same as theirs. Mine: 1) Regard the world outside my yard as hostile/threatening; avoid going out b/c I hate masking/all the things I have to do to self-protect; 2) Can't tolerate chit-chat or superficial relationships; no longer have friends outside of my DS; 3) Have an atypical sensory profile for light, sound, and smell, so much so I avoid certain areas of town/certain events; 4) Struggle mightily to regulate my emotions, find it exhausting to do so in public or with more than 2 or 3 people; 5) Always felt like an outsider; realized decades ago that I'm not a "joiner" - if individuals are threatening, groups are downright dangerous I'm not on the spectrum, I'm a trauma and abuse survivor. I've described myself as an "introvert" for years, but I'm not even sure that's accurate since the trauma could account for my introversion as easily it can account for my answers to these questions. Just something to think about.
Thanks for covering this great topic! I am self diagnosed and this makes me even more convinced! Most of the time, i can't even stand the noise level of family get togethers, especially when children are there.
Does this mean that the "premieres in 2 days" really annoys you too? I would just prefer the video to come out and then be notified that there is something to actually watch.
Same here. I knew I was very introverted but it didn’t explain everything. Autism Does though. I’m 39 and every relationship I’ve formed was due to me masking. I’ve been masking the entire time. I’m honestly more confused about socializing and life now than I’ve ever been
Thanks, Paul. I have experienced rejection all my life, because of autism but also because of socioeconomics. I was expected to fit a particular mould, and to portray the stereotype of the successful Australian worker. I do have sensory issues, in relation to bright lights, and to loud noisy environments. I am, for the most part, an introvert. As much as I am creative, I am not appreciated for the efforts I go to maintain relationships.
I feel like this can also explain some autistics *perceived* as more introvert -- They might actually be more extraverted than preciously thought, but due to those extra regulations autistics experience a introvert-like social drainage. Unmasking , and/or in comfortable social situations may exhibit more extravert traits. From outside it looks like situationally introvert-extravert. While non-autistic introvert sound like they might be more 'consistent' in their energy levels throughout situations. --- At least that (situationally) is what I experience, trying to find a fitting 'schema' for my experience. --- Thanks for the video!
@@PaperRabbits_ a lot of monologues and I have been known to follow people because I was still talking. I get drained from overstimulation but I want to spend time with friends so it can be a struggle to take the time I need to recharge, even when I know I need it
I've been VERY solitary since Covid. I literally leave my flat to go food shopping, once a week. Today, for the first time in ages, I was non-food shopping in town before noon! ... I hate mornings. They're totally alien to me. The experience was predictably uncomfortable. Too many people. Too much noise. The lights were too bright. The traffic, too noisy. And, to top it all off, the PRICES were too high! ... But I can't blame THAT on autism! 🤣
I do main shopping once a month and go to the little shop downstairs at night for little things. I literally do not go anywhere else - at all! For me, lockdown was fantastic and I know it sounds selfish but I loved every moment of it, it was the only time for years that I walked to another shop during the day. In fact, I am supposed to do my monthly shopping today but I've cancelled it for a few days, I just can't face it.
The lockdowns and social distancing were great for me too. The one thing that it highlighted for me though, was that it made me realise just how bad I am in social situations. Because I didn't go out and talk to people, now I don't know how to any more. When I do stop to talk to neighbours I feel like a prize idiot and it's all totally alien to me.
@@PeteLewisWoodwork I think it's wonderful that people can share, just like you've done here! You're a lot like me, in not going anywhere at all. And it's NOT selfish at all to have found lockdown "fantastic." I know exactly what you mean, and so will other people like us. And again, I know what you mean about not being able to face a simple task like shopping. So you see you, and I, are not alone in our struggles! ... But please, promise me that you will take care of yourself? Living alone, I know how difficult it can be, but it is important! We are ALL important! ❤️
@@maidofcornwall Just as I said to Pete in my reply to him, I know EXACTLY how you feel! But please, don't feel like a "prize idiot" because let me tell you, you're not! It's difficult I know, but try to have a little faith in yourself! You're just as good as anybody else. Okay, you're a little awkward in social situations, but don't be too hard on yourself! There are a lot of people like us. We're special. We need to learn to love ourselves. Please take care, and remember to be kind to yourself! ❤️
This really hits the nail on the head. Now I not only see that I've probably been on the Autism spectrum all my life, but other members of my family are/have been also. Thanks for all you do, Paul, your courage is awesome!
Thank you for this video. I'm 29 months into a 3 year wait for an autism diagnosis in the UK. It feels like my life is in limbo waiting to get this assessment and confirmation of why life has always felt on hard mode. I am super high masking, adhd/c-ptsd/anxiety etc and deal with a lot of shame attached to my capacity within this world. It is a constant battle to get by daily and accept myself fully for who I am; limitations included. I have been wondering deeply on this matter of introversion vs asd for a great deal of time now. All my answers today were in line with the autism response examples so that has given me some further comfort I am on the right path and the wait is worthwhile.
this was really insightful, thank you. i often feel that i am not autistic because i don't meet some of the autistic stereotypes. still, every single answer i gave confirmed that i resonate strongly with autism. socializing is exhausting, i have always felt isolated and fundamentally different from my peers, relationships are extremely difficult (yet i desire deep friendships), and the outside world is tremendously overstimulating.
@@chromatinkiss not sure--probably because I was told so often as a child and teen (I'm in my 30s now) by adult authorities that everything I felt and perceived was all hormones or delusion. Hard to shake the formative programming.
Then you should see a psychologist about your severe Imposter Syndrome. It's not uncommon for people with autism to go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as something else. So for multiple psychologists to diagnose you with autism and be wrong about it seems practically impossible. What condition do you think you have that is being mistaken for autism? Because there's zero chance someone is repeatedly mistaken for autistic without having some some other condition instead.
@@jliller to be clear I've only had one official assessment (a year ago), and it was overseen by a panel of clinicians/psychs and then double-checked/second-opinioned. Many years before I got that, I was recommended for diagnosis by a GP (when I was a teen), but my parents didn't believe it and didn't want me to have the tests, so it took another 15 years for me to get diagnosed. It's not that I think I've got something else and was misdiagnosed, it's that sometimes I'm not sure I have anything except trauma that creates symptoms which look like autism (i.e. masking, avoidance, social blindness). Of course I'm not a medic or psych professional, so I'm aware that I'm probably wrong and thinking delusionally.
@@pendafen7405 Trauma is "something else" but I don't think childhood trauma can cause symptoms mistaken for autism, though it can be mistaken for ADHD (there are good videos about this on YT). Trauma can make a person not want to socialize because they are scared, but I don't think it causes someone to not understand socializing. Was the official making the assessment aware of your trauma?
I am 72 years old. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 in 2007. I did not accept any treatment for it. I now think that diagnosis was incorrect. Over the last 12 months, I have self-diagnosed as ADHD/ASD. I am definitely introverted/ASD. I have never felt as if I was a child in an adult world. More the opposite. I am conscious of being surrounded by others using a different set of rules to live by (and I have no idea what those rules are). I am very aware that most people can't see the world the way I see it. I view most NT's as the living dead, no depth or genuine desire to ask why things are the way they are. I can't stand trivial social banter apart from sport. I am glad that I was not born 40 years later. Social media is cancerous and definitely not ADHD/ASD compatible. I find youtube channels like this one very helpful for my thinking. The real challenge for someone like me is to create routines and systems to get everyday basics done without thinking because I think well with the complex and overthink the simple.
Being misdiagnosed could be possible or you could just have children on the autism spectrum. Sometimes, with overlap of traits, we could look similar. I have bipolar 2, husband of 21 years with ASD and one of our sons does too. I've noticed there seems (I haven't read up on stats) to be a prevalence of bipolar parents with a child with ASD. 🤔
I feel like this is a maximalist reading of autism, with less insight into what introverts really experience. Which makes sense, coming from a high-functioning advocate for autism awareness. But I think you have made a valuable, stigma-free discussion starter. I’m going to re-watch this with one of my kids, because your categories are so broad that we can both identify with them in different ways. So, thanks!
Wal-Mart for me is like 10x worse than any other store. I go there as rarely as possible and if what I need isn't in stock, I rush out and go to a less distressing store
I have a 21 year old son, diagnosed at 18 as having Autism. I was a rather shy introverted young man, so I initially had a hard time understanding how he was different from me. Videos like this are tremendously helpful to me in understanding what life is like for him.
Again, thank you so much!!! The more of your videos I watch (and other's, and things I read), the more convinced I'm about my autism. And it's true we can't rely on "professionals" for a diagnose. I'm bipolar and have been going to plenty of psychologists, and a few psychiatrists, and none has ever suggested I could be autistic. However, it seems crystal clear I am so. You look/sound like a very cool person. If you ever come back to Galicia you're invited to stay at my place, in Vigo. And I can drive you to extremely beautiful places I'm almost certain you haven't seen. I owe you! Love!
I already know I’m autistic because I was diagnosed as a child but when you asked the first question “why do you like spending time alone” the first thought that came to mind is because it’s safe I really struggle with social anxiety and I’ve been trying to push myself this year with socialising but every time I hang out with friends or people I get the biggest headache after and always feel like I don’t fit even if the people I’m with are lovely it’s very frustrating because more than anything I want to connect with people but I’m always focused on too many things at once wether that be if I’m acting weird or if the sentence I choose is a good one and many other things lol. But it’s nice to know I’m not alone :)
The DSM5 defines autism on the basis of behavior. "Why" is not relevant so much as "if". We can debate whether the medical-model DSM5 is really the best basis for defining autism but that is another topic. If you meet DSM 5 criteria then I dont think you need to worry about just being a misguided introvert. But its ok to take your time exploring your identity. No matter what you are, you're wonderful. :)
I was diagnosed at 5, but hopefully my family denied it... I understood it was real at 50... when symptoms get softer... There is a message for those who struggle with AS... you can learn... it's not easy. I've learned amateur theater, skydive (imagine my brain falling - the monitors have a video on me about lucidity problems and unpredictable behaviors, but I have 175 jumps and I did some VR), climbing , and my preferred is strangely big walls... indoor is very stressful for me... I love open air and rock. What I love in what people call "extreme sports" (add urban biking and trekking), is... controlling. This good feeling of controlling, following rules, managing your breath, following predictable need by your peer... My experience is that people tried to help me, to dress, to behave, they even tried to matchmake me... All I could do was to repair the coffee machine and build Ikea furniture... and that is the secret. Do your best, try to help, try to learn... I'm married (was very indirect) because I offered a beer in a camping, after a hard rain... we were just as alone as possible there, orphan of a cancelled dancing night... Life is learning. Imagine that I preferred to travel 2h in train than bike 60km no to have to phone... Now I do phone (Teams in fact, I hate phone) support... I'm known to be very engaged in helping, but it's because I'm desperate to solve the problem... when the problem is unsolvable, I'm furious, in panic, shouting at the sky... but job is done... Life is a joke. If you feel struggling with many things in like, know it can improve... slowly, but really... some people will try to help you, but you will not understand often. I'm married with a kid too... thanks to my experience in skydive (when you jumped 175 times at 4000m, taking the hand of a girl is... just a harder challenge, but it's possible). Try to help, try to learn, and open your eyes... anyway it will be slow and not easy.
I thought myself as introverted all my life. 6 years ago I got an autism diagnoses and oddly enough a week ago I started wondering if I was never really introverted. Weird how your episode came out right when I needed it. I once again have more evidence I’m just autistic.
Thanks for this, i recognised something different in a relative 24 years ago but there was a reluctance from immediate family to approach the issue. I find myself now in a situation where i spend a lot of time assisting this person with everyday living, i will be avidly watching your work and learning a lot more to understand the subtle differences that can make life more difficult to navigate and through this understanding make life just a little less hard work for him❤
#1: More introvert than autistic. #2: More autistic than introvert. For me, I'm fine with social situations and I want more friends. The hard parts are: a.) Taking a casual relationship to friend level. and b.) Relationships are a lot of work. #3: I'm not sure. I think I'm a bit of both. There are some where that's a yes, but others (common for autistic people) that aren't as bad for me or that I can ignore. #4: I feel like I'm better at emotional regulating when I'm out in public. But that's only because I have my home space where I can decompress. The hardest thing for me is when I need to emotional regulate at home. #5: Definitely on autistic side when I was in school. Nowhere near the same as an adult.
I used to think I was an introvert and inadvertently pushed myself further towards introversion. It turns out that I am actually autistic, and even worse, I am actually an extrovert. I love spending time with others, going to parties, being in crowds, and talking to random people. I just don't like that my lack of social intuition leads me to getting in trouble with people. I didn't have to worry about being accused of harassment if I just didn't talk to people. Now, however, I have just accepted that the lack of fulfillment in life is a worse outcome than going to jail again. And I don't like wearing autism on my sleeves, but now I know that if push comes to shove, I can just pull out the uno reverse autism card.
Yes. I was relieved when you said "or both" in the end of the video, because the title just has either or, and I was just like, "Yes.", to all of it, thinking I must be doing something wrong or missed some essential instructions in the beginning..., thanks for mentioning that both is an option, too, or I might still be fretting over this 😓 So I guess I'm actually really an introverted autistic, or an autistic introvert. It's fine. It wasn't a big surprise at this point.
Introvert can mean many things in of it's self. Be it a way of life for someone or a result of other life struggles. For me it's being a mute my whole life; So due to that and other reasons shutting down into being an introvert feels safer.
You're not talking about introversion; that's shyness or possibly CPTSD. Introversion/extroversion isn't about comfort; it's about what recharges your energy vs. drains your energy. Extroverts go to a party to recharge; introverts leave a party to recharge.
Every one of those questions was spot on, though food isn't so bad for me in terms of sensory but certainly any place that isn't home is a huge struggle for me
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
1. I like doing solo activities since I've always like to draw. However, I find crowded places stressful as I have a thing to tracking things, visually and through sound. Too much light gives me headache and I like to think of possibilities, paths I can take with interactions and moving across a room. As well as I struggle to connect with people, I feel jealous of other people, seeing how they can connect, but the more I talk to other people the further I feel from them. So after many years I'd given up on trying to acquire what others have, it wasn't meant to be. 2. It's tiredsome. I feel relationships, friendships are just too high maintenance. It's hard to connect and even with the current friendships I question if I'm doing things right or wrong. 3. I prefer quiet environments as I stated before. Too much noise, too much brightness overloads me. I don't have food preference, but that's because I grew up in a poor environment and I learned to eat whatever we have to survive. We are homeless for sometime and I learned the need of eating anything to make it to the next day since a young age. Smells just triggers memories, but like I said, I was into trash life for a while so I'm used to smells. But yeah, loud noises and bright lights give me headaches. 4. I used to have issues regulating my emotions and I bite my shirts and thus my shirts never last long as they often get ripped as I bite and pull. But I keep a stoic persona on top, I feel expressing my emotions to give me headaches. So I have to bite hard and calm down. At the moment I'm mostly okay since I avoid stressful situations and I avoid anything that is stressful, but some are unavoidable. 5. I've always felt like an outsider, even with my family. Never felt like I belong with anyone really. Well, not really, I felt more connected with animals better than with people. It's simple, we can exchange simple ideas and we don't need to make conversation complex. At school I was bullied for being different, I was told I was r*tarded too. Hahah. So far, yeah, it seems I check all the boxes.
a) because it takes less effort, I am the only person with who I can not pretending nothing b) Because I don't have an ability to shorten the distance of relationship, I don't really have a good intuition when it is okay and I don't want to risk doing it when it is not and embarass myslef c) I don't think I experiance any strong sensorical issues, at least none of above d) I do stim in a various way pretty frequently and visible, and lot of people points that out, actually. Especially when I was younger, I was punished for doing that by adults and made fun of and mocked by peers. It intensifies when I am nervous or scared but I do it on the daily basics even when I'm completety chill and don't experience any strong enotions e) Yup, deffinetely, but I'm not really sure why. For most of my life I relate that to the fact that I have (tested) significaly higher IQ than average and think in more complex way then others. But I'm not sure that it is the case. I have met other highly intelligent people in my life and even tho I was able to get along with them somehow better than usually, not all of them experienced the feeling of "socially not fitting in" and don't have a problem to connect with other people in diffrent way than intelectualy, do it is not simple causation. Another explaination may be that I have been raised by mentaly and physicaly abusive father and overcontroling "refrigator" mother and I have experienced some intensity of depression sympthoms as far as I remember (but I get diagnosed when It later in life, when
I don't know about exclusion from others. But I'm more familiar with avoidance of others because you'll just end up annoying them, or will always be the weakest link in the chain.
I am so shook by this video. I've been sure that I'm autistic for 3-4 years now, yet for some reason it slipped from me completely, that a big part of my struggle is also autistic struggle. Let me explain. I'm taking a second attempt at going to uni, last time many factors went wrong: wrong subject, covid times, other undiagnosed mental health issues - I blamed all these factors for not being able to make connections there. This time I was prepairing and scripting and stressing about going to uni again. I was explaining to my friends how crucial the first days there are, how I know I will have to pretend and push and push and push myself to actually get to know people there and have a chance at making connections. I was explaining to my friends how difficult and tiring it is and how I know it will cost me a lot to go through this and pretend to be normal. and I was right! no one has searched for a second interaction with me so far, people are in their groups and at this point I'm tired of communicating, so I just go sit in the bathroom or in a corner to recharge. I just painted myself as better than everyone to cope with it but autism makes more sense...
I think the 5% is an understatement-perhaps thats 5% who get professionally diagnosed, I feel as tho the numbers a bit higher with all who go undiagnosed or ignored…
What you said about wanting to have friends and wanting to skip all the surface level stuff and going for the details really resonated. That's exactly what I want. But at this point I am so exhausted and I just don't have the emotional energy to be social for now.
As a kid, I always thought I was coming from another planet and there was no one else from my planet around. I'm 39, I experience loneliness way more in group settings than alone at home. The very tangible feeling of not belonging, being somehow far away, in another dimension, ... That's way worse than being alone at home all the time.
AuDHD here, formal diagnosis age 56. Was just "a bad person" before that (gaslighting yourself is horrible). Yes to all of this. Have been frequently misjudged, especially when dating, feeling this. Good information here.
I think i need to take my Phychologists advice and see a Psychiatrist who specialises in adult ASD. She believes my the ADHD stems from masking ASD. I think shes right, especially since she has uncovered my childhood.
That's interesting. I didn't know that ADHD can manifest from masking. Knowing pretty sure that I have ADHD, I wonder if I'm in the same boat as you. I need to find a psychologist like yours.
@@chromatinkiss Not always the case. They go right back to when you were born.....Very painful process. Then when you find out why you can never fit in but try so hard to even though it's painfully exhausting. X
@@freespirit5234 Thank you so much! I hope so too. I hope you find a great psychiatrist that understands you. I've never gone on any ADHD meds. Thank you for sharing your experience or what you know about the drug
@@chromatinkiss If you find a really good therapist who you can really open up to. Then you don't need to take medication because you can self regulate. The medication is for people who can't self regulate and need that extra support until they can have therapy to give them the tools they need to control it themselves. 💝
Train stations. Going there, finding the right train, constantly checking the time, always on the edge and being nervous, getting a huge outburst of rage that I have Tu suppress when somehing goes not according to plan, avoiding any interaction except employees to check everything. Getting irritated by the light, getting way more irritated by the notice, when finally sitting in the train, constantly checking where I am, feeling huge discomfort and nervous it sitting their. Tried to focus to something else, like reading or listening to music, only music helps, when the train has a display for the stops. Getting huge relief when arriving at the correct place and time. Dreading the day to use a train I don't know. Getting huge close to rage quit feelings when something gets changed for a different reason as strike or repairs. It takes long to get used to even the shortest travels. Having an imminent feeling of slight panic when the train is to early (so I, despite seeing the number) so I question if it is the train, or when it is late, so my complete plan could maybe fall apart and I would be forced to adjust. Completely annoyed when the train is full, so I cannot sit in usual range of a display, so I need to stay at (most of the time) doors of the train amongst some people, completely annoyed when they talk cause I hat it when the station gets announced and I could overhear it. Prefer to take a car, and even consider just buying one, even if it is fact that compared to other countries, Germany has a good train network, but I prefer to drive alone where I can control everything of my tour even if it would mean getting into traffic jams or making multiple stops and having the risk of getting to late, not where I want to in the first place or deal with the schedule and all this mess above. I hate it when people cry, especially women. It just makes me "numb", I go into immediate survival push through this mode, targeting a solution, if it is crying because of the other person is wanting to get attention or has no reason, I become completely cold. Loud crying of a child or baby.
Yes! One of the worst sensory experiences of my life was the Chicago train station. Non-stop hubbub, no escape from the sound, people crying, laughing, a lost child wandering around, the bright lights everywhere. I don't know if I'm autistic but I suspect it and my reaction to that experience was definitely what I'd consider a meltdown. It was a painful and horrible experience. It sucks because I do actually like trains and have from a young age growing up near some tracks, but the stations are awful.
@@necordektox879 Köln (Cologne) , Düsseldorf and München (Munich). Huge amounts of people, complete chaos. Even the pigeons flapping their wings are annoying, the echo is wild.
The part about making friends made a lot of things suddenly click for me: I don't want to make friends, I want to have friends.
Of course indeed too.
I want to have friends that I don’t have to question if they are really my friends. I want to know that people like me for who I am, not that I’m merely tolerated by friends and family. Social relationships are too much work. I just want them to be there….
@ConnorGaughan-do9hg Well, that's also how I feel 🤷🏼 Alas, capitalism strikes again!
@ConnorGaughan-do9hg I know what you mean it is all so difficult there too. What I find being ill alas is that work tires you out too. Not nice and if only other people could or would see it that way too.
Not that I have to worry so much as I am older and retired now. But I sure feel for those younger who are caught in this set up so too.
Some non-autistic introverts like myself find people stressful because of a history of being bullied/teased/shunned by people for most of their lives.
yes agreed
Same ur not alone
i think you might actually have impostor syndrome instead. you very well can be a both. I am one of these people, it took me YEARS to accept the autism.
Finally someone said this
Perfectly stated.
The reason for not having many friends: trying to be social always ends up with someone trying to take advantage of me, which causes me to distance myself from them. It's easier to avoid having "friends".
Yep, that sounds familiar.
The importance of having strong boundaries…others are not responsible for them, we are
@@refusedone That to me is like saying 'the importance of not being autistic'. Being taken advantage of can and will happen in extremely subtle, very hard to detect ways. I feel and experience it to be totally impossible to 'just set clear boundaries': ALL interaction will 'at points' feel extremely intrusive by way of the fact that there are ALWAYS deeply UNwanted aspects to it - aspects that cannot be avoided because they simply 'come with the whole package'. Nor can I set 'boundaries' to my own experiencing things - I cannot 'shut my senses'.
so many times!
Indeed🎉
Disclaimers for the video. As an autistic person: you can be completely unaware of why you are struggling, unaware of the anxiety you are feeling or any sensory issues. How do I know, because I'm 36, recently diagnosed and have only gradually learnt these things over decades when other people have explicitly pointed them out to me or I've had an extreme reaction to something and finally recognised the why. It's why it is so beneficial to listen to the lived experiences of other autistics to recognise similar experiences within ourselves.
The second thing to note is as a neurodivergent person you naturally surround yourself within a neurodivergent bubble of people and places that you find easy because you speak on the same wavelength and adjust the environment similarly so they aren't hostile. How do I know? Because both my children have very quickly identified neurodivergent peers to be their friends and our family's friends/relatives kids are all neurodivergent as well. It is why we didn't realise for years we are autistic as the "normal" behaviour of our children was the same as our family and friend's kids until each of them gradually got diagnosed.
It's why I don't like the us vs them style videos as I would have once considered myself introverted or typical and you just end up feeling like an imposter and go back to your "safe" label instead of a journey of self discovery, acceptance and improvement.
yes, that was the first 35 years of my life too, not knowing why I felt always overwhelmed (hint : a whole lot of sensory anomalies), cognitively exhausted (hint : several cognitive deficits), always would trip over non existing obstacles (dyspraxia), etc. It's only when I was finally diagnosed as autistic that I finally understood why I had so many incapacities and such an extraordinary level of exhaustion and continuously having my nervous system on "danger mode".
@@isabellefaguy7351 I too was diagnosed at around that age (34 ) family suspected it for a long time, but testing was harder to get back then. Fortunately having a diagnosis meant my co-workers would give me more leeway when I talked in an abrasive manner. And I praise my manager for insisting that people get turns talking and notice when I try to say something but get talked over by someone else.
yeah I'm becoming so much more self-aware only now
First 45 years. Second wife diagnosed me after my son was diagnosed in elementary school.
You so right. We don't think in categories they use to describe autistic personality. E. G. In kindergarten i didn't feel different or rejected (i realise now that i was), I just walked away from the crowd and played alone because others where unbearably boring.
I didn't know i was sensory overwhelmed, I just had migraines and got sick.
At 62, I feel like a child in an adult world that I am not privy to and don't understand.
So after three broken marriages I have remained in almost complete solitude for almost 6 years. I only go to the shop downstairs after 8-30pm when it is quiet, for instance.
At 44, I coudn't marry my girlfriend of 7 years because in the two or three months we were living together it was a nightmare. All my life i consider the others as human beings from another planet, maybe i am the one from another planet.
Holy crap! Me, too! 🥺
You're not alone. 28 here and it always feel like I'm more childlike than those around me.
The bottom of it is that an introvert chooses not to have friends. ASD Person dies to have friends but struggled really really hard to get one.
One is a preference, the other feels like survival.
Great video Paul
Exactly
perfect 😔👌
@@NeurodiverJENNt one what is a preference?
Introversion/extroversion is a personality trait, not a preference.
@@SaraRyan-v7rI was wondering the same thing. Neither being an introvert or having Autism is a preference. However being on the spectrum I do feel like spending a lot of time alone e is survival. I need a lot of time to recharge my battery and it’s just a safer, more controlled environment. ☺️
Trauma can also make one regard people as scary; if you fear your primary caregiver from your earliest days, you learn that you have to look after yourself and others cannot be trusted. Its unlikely you will ever think of strangers as not a threat. Just another path to preferring being alone, feeling safer in that space. And also not autism
Yes exactly so how to separate the difference?
@@freedomisme88 the quality of interaction is different; you may distrust people, but its not like spectrum where you struggle to understand them
@@susanmalcolm-smith3634 thank you for this response! This was helpful
A lot of neuro divergent people have a history of trauma
@@Stellajh i was reading somewhere that autistic folks have higher rates of developing PTSD/trauma related disorders because the way the world/society functions can be inherently traumatic for a brain not wired to adapt to certain things
I started crying watching this video. I went my entire life undiagnosed until last week and it was the missing puzzle piece and root to my entire life. I’ve used to think I was an extreme introvert, suffered from almost debilitating social anxiety and depression --- 😭
I might be in the same boat but why would so many 'experts' in different fields of therapy never think that this was a possibility. is this quite common..after this video im not sure what to think..
Same here
I always just thought I have generalised anxiety, depression and one of my teacher said I might have adhd and my friend who has autism think i may have autism. I have been to therapy once because my family doesn't believe and they gaslit me to feel guilty to receive help and only recently start to go in secret. I need a diagnosis I hated life from a young age. I am only 20 and always tired sometimes have comments where I zone out I always say gets just survive today, tomorrow.
i also had the deep urge to cry due to the trauma and stuff i have faced and never realized i had these types of symptoms
this "life on hard mode" is a really good description of how I feel all the time. I've never been diagnosed with autism, but the more I learn about the experiences of those who are diagnosed, the more I feel like I should get diagnosed as well, cause it seems to explain all the difficulties I have in life.
Yes me too. I've always felt like it takes all my energy just to get through each day, mostly mentally. I'm in my 50s now and it's all starting to make sense.
That just sums me up too...
I feel like these games of Civilization where you planned right but barbarians happen and you just struggle and you never grow and you just quit and restart because it will never work. But real life has no restart button...
Same!
@@winterautumncolours-tt8fw sounds familiar . The mental energy it takes for me to just navigate basic conversations every day is immense. When I went into my 30s this got worse. At this point I go out of my to avoid socializing .
It's amazing I used to think I was just severely socially phobic when I was a teen in the late 90's. But then in my 20's it was oddly easy to overcome social anxiety, but still couldn't ever seem to fit the wavelength of the world and was always struggling ending up alone. All makes sense now.
Same here! I came to realise how differently I perceived the world around me, & how differently my thought-processes were! It wasn't until I decided to do an Arts degree as a mature-age university student did I learn to tap into this 'tangential' thinking, which resulted in such high marks that I thought I hadn't deserved!
Yeap, I don't actually have social anxiety very much, I just have a really hard time interacting with others bc I don't sync up with whatever wavelength they are on. I don't want to talk about random BS, I want to talk about something interesting or cool, and only for a short time then I want it to be done. Nothing I hate worse than being held verbally hostage with someone motor mouthing about surface level, frivolous things.
You're ME! 😠
Possibly undiagnosed. I feel this way, I'm currently in my 20s and definitely far less anxious now than when I was younger. But it's more like I have good days, and I have bad days but, on both days, I just wish I was "normal" and could "fit in". Oddly enough it's now that I'm actually improving a lot of my former anxieties and even getting over my hatred of certain spaces (grocery stores, malls, etc) that I've started to gain more suspicions I might be on the spectrum because of the feeling of "sticking out". Also, it's more like I find stores more bearable and even fun on good days with good company but would still prefer them to be low stimulation.
Lots of kids ARE excluded BECAUSE they are quiet. Any little difference in a person is a reason other kids use to tease/shun/bully. It could be because of the clothes you wear, the color of your skin, a lisp, a crooked tooth, red hair, too short, too fat, too skinny, too tall, etc. Once you are excluded for just a year or two of your life in childhood, it makes a kid more socially awkward because they are going to be nervous around peers they suspect will do more teasing/bullying/shunning. And the social awkwardness leads to more teasing/bullying/shunning.
Damn. That hits hard.
But exclusion keeps goung on in adulthood. I don't socialize much (just the bare minimum), but though, people manage to tell me: "you never say antything!" or just forget I'm right here, sitting with them; but, when I try to talk, I'm never on point, I interrupt constantly bevause I never know when it's my turn to talk, I ask too many question (as peoole don't care about what I say, I use questions in order to participate to the conversation, to let them talk and acknowledge I'm here).
I don't know if I'm autistic, but I feel the pain very deeply. :( I never had a relawmxed conversation since I'm 11yo or so (20+ years ago!)
Or it could be that you're the family scape goat, so you have very low self esteem.
Yo that seems like a case I’ve seen, it’s like a case that I lived… I had a friend who used to get bullied by US, the rough group of friends that made fun of him because he was fat. Also, a year later we understood it was wrong and we learnt, we just stopped bullying him, but, anyways, it didn’t solve the problem. He was always smiling and social with everybody but after that bully year he changed. Well, the karma came for me after and I’m feeling how he is feeling. It’s hard, it made me feel like autistic, therefore, my talk struggled with the time. Now I speak a little bit weird sometimes and I’m afraid of what will the people say about me. It’s so hard to live with it
The big difference is how your react and respond to that teasing. If it’s water off a ducks back that’s great, but for ND people it’s not
that is why i think schools should be illegal and i reckon that only home schooling should be legal to help protect us
1. Why do you like spending time alone? Is it because you like solo activities or because you find people stressful?
2. How much effort do you have to put in to maintain relationships? Introverts tend not to go out and meet people just to meet people. Are relationships difficult or just not interesting? Autistic people often want more friends and less small talk.
3. Do you have an atypical sensory profile? Are malls too loud and bright?
4. Do you find it difficult to regulate your emotion? Autistic people often have this problem and will focus through stimming. This is often a byproduct of sensory sensitivity.
5. Do you feel like you belong with your peers, or do you feel like an outsider? Fitting in requires more effort, and the usual tactics of reaching out don't work for autistic people. They're often alone due to outright rejection. Kids are not always sugar, spice, and everything nice.
Except with my closest friend, interactions online are so much more restful than in person. Working from home since COVID has really been a revelation!
This changed my entire life. I've spent so many years struggling in rooms with fragrances, body noises, uncomfortable temperatures, actually having to wear "normal" clothes that are so uncomfortable and distracting because they touch my skin wrong. The sensory overload was too much to handle most days. I ruined so many relationships hiding from perfumes and chewing sounds and bright lights etc. If it weren't for working from home I'm not sure I could ever be employed in an enclosed space with normal people ever again. Your comment really resonated. ❤
I know right, not having to see someone while talking to them is way better
the homeschooling was such a release. I mean, I knew I did not feel comfortable in school, but I never noticed just how big of a toll it took on me, until I did not have to do it every day.
I so identify with that! I actually have no physical friends at all right now, but I have 3 close ones online. I don't think I am autistic; I was checking because I have begun to think my father was. I Am an introvert. But the questions 1 and 5 autistic responses were exactly me. I am becoming more aware of it. I am OK at things like concerts, because I don't have to connect with anyone beyond a very superficial level.
But when I was first married social life became torture, because my late husband was very gregarious and wanted me with him all the time.
I think of it like a pressure cooker: all this stress and anxiety, being in these situations causes builds up and sometimes the gasket blows. It got better, because my husband changed as he got older, and in fact he became even more reclusive than me, especially when he became disabled. I realise now that he actually had depression at the end of his life.
I have also noticed something about shopping. I never go near shopping centres, and supermarkets can stress me. There are some I can't be in for very long. I have one where I feel comfortable which I use all the time, but others I only go to for certain items, and I can actually feel the "I want to get out of here" thing building If there are checkout queues I will sometimes leave the items rather than have to stay in the place any longer. The one I am comfortable in, is light and modern, and the staff are friendly, without engaging beyond "Hello" I like that, because it makes me feel comfortable, and acknowledged ""Oh, it's you again!" Hi!" kind of thing. They don't all speak, and they don't do it with everyone, so it is not some sort of company policy. It is usually the ones I have had to interact with at some point. The fish counter staff, the ones who man checkouts (They cover tills and shopfloor) ones I have asked for assistance, so it is reassuring, without becoming oppressive. "Someone has registered my existence, without making demands on me" That is enough for me.
I go to a restaurant where I feel the same. It is always mega busy, so I can be among people, without being involved With people. The waitress knows me, she greets me and knows what I drink. She is friendly in a professional way and it never goes beyond that level, which is Exactly what I like.
I don’t know, but this video left more more confused than before. I don’t consider myself an extreme introvert, I’m more of an extraverted intravert, but I do find social situations draining, I loath small talk and find it exhausting, and the only time I get energized when I’m with people is when we can talk about deep stuff that’s of interest to me (and them, obviously). That said, I like meeting new people and I like traveling to new places, because it gives me the chance to explore the world, connect and maybe find other folks like me. Because yes, I do feel like an outsider and like I don’t fit into the typical way most people behave. I am also very sensitive to smells and noise, so shopping centers and crowds are a no-go zones for me. At the same time, I don’t view the external world as ”hostile” per se, I see it as ”exhausting”. I like going out for the adventure of it, because being alone at home is not healthy for me either, but home is still my safe haven.
So, I feel that I’m somewhere in between on all those questions…
I feel like those are just regular old normal things😅. Just because a person is a extrovert, doesn't mean they doesn't get exhausted from social interaction. Interacting with with a lot of people is exhausting from the begining.
I think all these classifications put people into little boxes lil too much.
This video also left me pretty confused.
I said yes to 4/6 of the things (in terms of a yes being autistic trait), The things I said no to were:
1. Small talk. I don't really mind it, but I also don't talk to people that often, small talk just feels like a greeting, unless I just never engaged in small talk before, it would be funny if that were the case.
2. Atypical sensory profile. I don't like some things but I've never had too much of an issue with loud spaces, maybe it's because my dad uses power tools ever since a young age. I have been told by many that my hearing is sharp despite that though.
For the other things, it's hard to tell though.
1. People are stressful, but I also love solo activities. I still like cooperative and competitive activities, but do I like solo more because people are stressful? or because I genuinely like them more for other reasons? There is no way to know...
2. Easy, relationships are way too hard, I've only made a few in my entire life that were beyond "oh hey, that's my classmate" The first two, I had to move away from. I believe both those people had similar traits to me. The third, I don't think anyone else in my school had my traits, either that or everyone else (not me) learned what masking was... But my sibling made a relationship, and it didn't work out so I inherited it (this is how many of my other friendships came about, even if they don't last long.)
3. It used to be incredibly hard to regulate my emotions, so I shunned them off and "stopped" having them until recently when my therapist helped me get them back. I have them again, but it's easy to remember why I tucked them away for so long.
4. I have literally always felt like an outsider, so this is an easy yep. Never thought I was an alien or a different species, but I distinctly remembering feeling that I was different and not in a good way.
So in total this video doesn't help me too much. Maybe that's a sign in itself, who knows? I think a better video would be labeling the difference between social anxiety and introversion, and that it's possible to have both. Too many people say "I'm introverted so I don't like talking to people" but that is NOT what introversion means!
Maybe look into ADHD and Autism--the combination is not that unusual. New people, new places, talking about your special interests--all of these can be fantastic dopamine sources. Alternatively, many folks with just ADHD deal with sensory issues, too. My general suggestion is to focus less on a specific diagnosis, and instead to look at what supports and strategies seem to help you the most. If the advice is good for you, it doesn't matter where it comes from.
@@timexyemerald6290 The tricky part about this sort of thing is that Autistic traits are, of course, human traits. The difference is in how much of an impact these traits have on a person's day to day life, and their health and well-being. I have absolutely been guilty of this in the past, but saying "everyone struggles with x," can be damaging because it's used to minimize (and often to moralize) something that is legitimately far, far more difficult or impactful for someone else. For example, job interviews are stressful for plenty of people. Missing a job interview because you're having mental breakdown over what to wear (despite having laid out an outfit the night before), is not normal, has a real financial impact, and requires a lot more than "get ready the day before, and plan on being there early" sorts of advice to work through. Also, in my anecdotal experience, a lot of people who insist that something is that hard for everyone are unaware that they're also outliers, or don't stop to consider the multiplicative effect that, "this is a little harder for me than most people," has when many, many things are just a bit harder, all day, every day. No two people are alike, so labels can only go so far, but if they help people to find the insight or support, I say let folks hop into whatever little boxes they need.
Oh dear, same 100%, and I'm confused as well
The 5th question really struck me. I was always alone as a kid and well into my teenage years. I also remember never approaching more than two other kids at a time. Whenever I noticed another kid by themselves I would gravitate to them and more often than not it worked out. I still have that tendency to look for other seemingly shy or isolated people in social settings.
Im 58 and this has solved the self esteem destroying screwups and problems I have had my entire life. People cannot figure out why I am so smart but struggle with so many things. Besides having an ADHD dx, Ive been given loads of misdiagnosis over the years but it turns out from this and other things.. I have Autism. I am completely in this Autism list. People cannot get me.. Im a bit like "Rain man" when people get me onto a topic that I am good at. I cannot deal with gaslighting despite having a brilliant education in psych. I can analyze it later, but not deal with it at the time. I cannot stand bright lights, strong smells, lots of noises etc Can you imagine how hard it was being an RN ? I was totally sensory overwhelmed. I literally shut down half way through my shifts. I need alone time because I am too confronted outside in the world. I cannot negotiate normal social conversations.. they make no sense to me.
So many of the points you made I can identify with, but the one that personally drives me nuts the most is not being able to deal with gaslighting at the time and only process it later. I am like a deer in the headlights every time, until I can take a step back and see the big picture and the process flow of what just happened.
I couldn't imagine being an RN! I used to work in office roles, which were generally quiet, but the team meetings were "everyone has to bring something to the table" used to catch me out every time too. Just even the ice-breakers felt cruel as I was so busy panicking how to answer the questions for myself that I didn't catch anyone else's name (and couldn't remember mine). But get me on a topic I'm interested in and try to stop me talking then...
As Monk used to say "It's a blessing.... and a curse"...
yeah- i agree with all this too. i guess it depends on what’s trying to be gaslit- so to speak, but how i react entirely depends on my feeling about the person. i wish i had a witty smooth way to metaphorically shut them down, while it’s happening. but my go to response when i feel gaslit is just disengage from their existence entirely. i disregard their opinion, ill look to end the interaction immediately and my mind looks to just erase them. again, depending on the person, how much of a role they must have in my life would dictate my longer strategy, but if someone is gaslighting me, i can’t trust them, they are best disregarded. i suppose i use my attention as a way to indicate my trust in someone. i may not have a comeback to blatant lies being told to my face because “how can I argue with someone who’s telling me something i know to be untrue”. so, i make it clear im disengaged, and have no interest in interacting with them for the time being. i tend not to care what people think about me, unless it’s something im not confident about, so i will act in ways that are probably childish or nonsensical because im communicating my respect for the person/cinversation. i do believe that arguing with an idiot only drags you down, not them up. “ok” or “sure” is a good neutral to passive aggressive convo killer that i find handy.
@@63FenderStratocaster lol that was only part of my reply. that issue is a huge problem for everyone not just someone with Autism.
"I cannot deal with gaslighting despite having a brilliant education in psych. I can analyze it later, but not deal with it at the time."
I deal with this a lot. I have a brother with a deadpan sense of humor, and I don't get it at the time. Later, it filters through, and I feel like a dumbbell, even though my education and career say otherwise. I can come up with great retorts to quips, about a day after the moment has passed.
Yes, I can imagine how hard it is to be an RN. My stress level is off the charts. What helps me a little is working the night shift and working Long Term Care. I sincerely wish I had an easier job making the same amount of money. But since I am about your age, I 'm not going back to school.
About three years ago, I considered whether I was autistic or not. After going over some of the traits, I leaned towards not and I never got an assessment because of that. Recently, I started listening to autistic people about their experiences. Now listening to this video, I am really starting to question whether I am or not and I think I need to get an assessment. Thank you for sharing your experiences
I was in the same situation as you a couple of years ago. There is a web page called "embrace autism" which has a compendium of self screening tests. Not sure if you'd come across it. The "Aspie quiz" and the camouflaging\masking one were the most relevant for me, and also the alexithymia one of you think you are alexithymic.
I tend not to like videos like this one as it unintentionally discourages people from looking into their own potential autism (we are natural perfectionists so we have to feel like we are 99% right to feel comfortable with anything otherwise we will feel like an imposter). I didn't realise I had any of the issues mentioned in the video until a couple of years ago because I finally realised my kid is autistic (even though we were constantly looking out for autism since birth for years) and discovered through them my own struggles, meltdowns (started having them again due the chaos of parenting otherwise not since I was a child), shutdowns, never ending burnout, sensory issues, social issues etc, then finally got diagnosed with the 'tism at 36.
Like you said listening to other neurodivergent people's lived experiences is one of the best things you can do as they help you recognise the things you also experience but didn't know you did (eg for me anxiety, sensory issues etc). I would recommend not listening to videos that have an us vs them mentality as they are likely to be very personally subjective like this one. Paul does great work but you also have to take everything everyone says with a pinch of salt (whatever the fudge that means haha).
There's a saying that if you think you might be autistic, you probably are. A neurotypical wouldn't even wonder about it
@@ReyOfLight That's an interesting point actually. I havn't heard of that saying before. I guess a neurotypical may wonder for a brief moment but wouldn't become fixated on the idea, throughout many months or years. That's a very autistic thing to do anyway 🙃
@@alecogden12345so. I've been googling, youtubing and online testing for a few months now, but also at least two times several years ago. Maybe that's kind of not so usual?
Anyway, test results were somewhere on the "you show some traits, maybe"-level. Since I don't struggle too much most of the time I don't know what to do with this now...
I have no issue making friends but I have the hardest time maintaining relationships. I suck and texting/calling/arranging meet up and being an actual friend. But when I’m with them in person I enjoy it but the pressure of knowing I suck at keeping friendships is the thing that makes me avoid it
You just described me
And me😔
And me
Same. I desired deep close friendship when I was young but now I prefer shallow relationships where we hang out sometimes but nothing more than that. Maybe I was alone too long and my ability to have meaningful relationships withered.
yes, exactly. i would probably do better with those low maintenance, talking-once-in-a-while, shallow-ish and independent friendships, but i have no idea how to find people who are okay with that too. (is there even a term for that kind of relationship?)
Thank you, not only does this explanation confirm my autism (still undiagnosed at 76) but it clears a lot of guilt and regrets from past actions and attitudes I have had. Bless you. 🙏🏼
I totally understand not going to see if you can get a diagnosis. I haven't either at the age of 51. I have never liked going to doctors for any reason and usually avoid doing so unless it is truly necessary. Even then, I always feel anxious and stressed out by the experience. I don't know if I could get through a psychological exam of any kind. The very thought of doing it fills me with as much anxiety as the thought of having another surgery. Even though I've been through three invasive surgeries in my life so far, I still dread any time that I have to have a doctor examine, or worse yet, operate on me.
Yes, his videos are very good sensory friendly ways to get a bit of therapy aren't they? We don't have to go to some strange place and talk to a stranger face to face, we can just listen to him and reply in the comments if we feel moved to do so. I always feel a bit better about myself and sometimes even gain a bit of insight on something when I listen to him.
I can check most of these boxes. I don’t really like going to stores and malls and avoid them if possible but I can do it if there’s a specific reason or thing I’m shopping for. I remember as a kid my mom and grandma dragging me around on shopping trips and getting really irritable with them and not knowing why. They told me there “must be something wrong with you.” I also have 4 kids. When you’re a parent, you do whatever is necessary for them even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. I guess you could say I get grumpy if I’m interrupted or something I’m not expecting pops up out of the blue, but a lot of times I internalize it, suck it up and cope with it the best I can, even though inwardly I’m uncomfortable. I don’t have tons of sensory issues, but I’m pretty sensitive to certain sounds and smells. At almost 73 years of age I most likely won’t pursue an official diagnosis but videos such as these help me understand what may be behind some of my “quirks.”
seeming introverted was a part of me masking for years. It was a way to explain me isolating myself and not socialising that got accepted by other people
yes very much the same here.
Not only was it easier for others to grasp, it was much easier for me to accept than comming to the realisation I might be autistic.
Same.
I even told my therapist that daily life feels like always wearing a mask and not even once in my 3+ years of therapy he once mentioned a possibility for autism. tbf, I have lots of problems I brought into therapy, bullying, burnout, suicide thoughts and some more. on top of that being introvert maybe overshadowed it all but it feels so surreal as my psychologist now says that borderline (which is really close to autism) is clearly in the possibility of diagnoses for me.
The feeling of safety when I’m alone busy with my hobbies! Yes this is what I always feel! And the suffering during school breaks due to horrible noise! And constant eye squinting! And feeling sick as soon as the car doors open (smells). As a child I felt like a being of different species. Then I figured out that I’m the same species, but profoundly different. Never on the same wavelength with my peers. Always weirdo always needed to be fixed. I’m introvert, yes! But I’m also autistic. I used to want to have friends. Now I’m tired of trying and after so many fails and rejections or being ghosted I just decided to be on my own with my one only long term friend and closest family. Plus I Stimm a lot, especially rocking and watching one point in space for one hour is so wonderful soothing and relaxing it helps me calm down in any situation when I have issues to regulate my emotions.
My autistic husband never needed to be particularly social, and so he preferred to keep to himself and do things on his own. Just goes to show the experience across the spectrum is very varied. Some autistic people are very social, some less so, some struggle with being social but want to be, and some just don't have the need.
I was bullied since the day I was born, including by my own family, just for existing in a different way than most kids and people around me. I did not know how to mask and hide certain things when I was small, so it was obvious to everyone upon first meeting me I was from another world. I was always (and still am) more interested in objects, numbers, animals and nature than in engaging extensively with others. I feel empathy and compassion for people and often deeply, but I simply don't have much interest in nor capacity for constant interaction. I also find many topics most people like to talk about in spare time to be strange and uninteresting. I also don't speak much in my personal life, and that is rarely acceptable if you are in company of others. If I talk to someone new, trying to get to know them, that is extreme effort on my side, but thankfully it happens so rarely that I really get interested and intruiged like that.
👋🙂
As well as being one of 9 children to my parents, I am from a very large extended family. I am no longer in contact with any of them (not even my own children who are now all adults) - or anyone else, for that matter.
@@trevinbeattie4888 Have you shark dived so far?
I mostly relate to being more interested in nature/objects than in people and totally relate to the empathy and compassion part
I identify. Except that when I get energetic I have effervescent extroverted spurts of chattering slot but not well
I may or may not be autistic. It doesn't matter that much. Not making an obsession or a crave for identity out of it is the greatest thing I did. My wife wanted me to get diagnosed because she needed some kind of label to understand why I act so strange at times. But the waiting line for a diagnosis here in France is 4 years ! Their website says : "you may or may not be autistic. Unless you experience extremely severe disabilities, don't bother, drink water, make sport, see a shrink if you do suffer, and live your life". That is such a wise advice. Being different, being unable to do small talk, being forced to find my own way of interacting with people has been-and still is- a wonderfull journey. It sometimes creates unnecessary difficulties and misunderstanding, but it also gives me an insight that is a true strength. You can bet non-autistic people (does that even exist ? As it is a spectrum, I wonder where the line can be drawn) also struggle a lot with their differences. Being experienced with "difference-management" allowed me to bond with others.
I recently discovered that humming/whistling/having music silently in my head, is my way of stimming. I rarely not do it.
Me too. It may be silent but I hear it all the time, Music and lyrics.
I cant not have music in my head. Its there when I wake up and when I go to sleep. I can only change the song by getting another song stuck in my head, but never ever stop it for as long as I can remember.
@@raymondwalters2723 shit, same. I also think that this background music also passively drains energy and I'm attempting to meditate to stop it for once. And it's also one of the reasons I can't focus on something important in a long run since this music distracts me all the time.
@@c1borgen oh yeah 100%. I've learnt to somewhat deal with it by playing a lot of chill music during work, but occasionally I get an up beat song stuck in my head and it gives me a headache, and even worse it can keep me up at night if I can't get it out in time.
I didn't know this, I keep singing to myself all the time. I mostly do it in my head, but if I'm home or alone somewhere with my boyfriend it often becomes out loud. In particular when I'm very nervous I sing all the time to myself.
I'm not sure why I'm crying but this video made me cry. I was diagnosed 2 months ago.
This is so weird. Yours is like the third comment I've read saying essentially the same thing. The weird part is that I also found myself crying during this video and I don't know why. I had to laugh at myself because I'm sat there crying and saying "but why am I crying about THIS section-I don't struggle with emotional disregulation". The irony... lol
I was sure I was not from this planet when I was little. I thought my parents were not mine and were lying to me. *I am AuDHD*
Also, I pretty frequently learn something, or some new way of doing something occurs to me, or I have an idea, and then my sense of wonder about it becomes dampened, when realizing that I'm.pretty sure that it is something most people have already learned, known about, or realized, for almost their whole lives, and somehow I just missed it. I miss so many things. I'll think, this is so basic and simple, yet I'm just now figuring it out. Always felt that I was living in a state of being behind and never catching up. The person who first described the 1 step forward, 2 back feeling, must have been like me.
ME TOO!!! I’ve never heard someone else say this! Also AuDHD and the number of times I’ve said “I want to go HOME” (even when I am home) during a meltdown is unreal. I just felt like I didn’t belong here and that must mean I belong somewhere else.
While I always knew I was human, I always had the inescapable feeling that I'm really an alien anthropologist here to study the dominant life form of this planet. Long wondering why the mothership didn't come back for me. 😓
There is an advantage in being several steps behind, in that our realisations are conscious and we develop social heuristics for understanding how people work. Most neurotypical people don't really understand how they know social things, they just know.
It might be nice to "catch on" quicker like neurotypical people do, but I prefer to have that slow and deliberate conscious understanding, and I wouldn't really want to be neurotypical.
@saml4004 my son is 5 and also says I want to go home,being at home, he is autistic
Me too. I’m an alien here and I want to go home! 😊 so glad I’m not alone.
I would pause after each question to ask myself before hearing your answers, and my responses were almost verbatim to the autistic experience. Another bittersweet confirmation for me , yet still undiagnosed 🌹
Hi, I'm 74, and have always been an introvert. Thank you for this clear explanation of the differences, some subtle, between introversion and autism. When I was in school, autism was unkbown to most, later it was thought it only affected boys, etc. I had good friends in school, not many, but a few I am close to even now. As a young adult I was included in my late husband's circle ( he was a local celebrity), and so on. So I really didn't have to go out and search for friends. But Ive always had social anxiety, sometimes very severe. I can go out and speak casually to people I don't know, and dont mind most environments except warehouse stores and noisy restaurants. Fortunately, I have the means to create my own large safe space at home. So, maybe I am borderline. But it may not matter at my age. Thsnks again for this video. 🌺
Hello. I’m 53 from Spain.
I have discovered your channel recently.
After having a son with diagnosed autism or asperger, and looking for more information on the subject, your videos have helped me to understand myself.
All my life I have been thinking I was extremely introverted person.
Now I know that, was only a part of my personality, and has helped me to be more in peace with myself.
Thank you.
Brilliant video. "Playing life in hard mode" - that comment is so true. In my teens I was convinced there wss something different about me - yes I asked myself that 'alien question' (and had some of my peers half-believing I was alien!) - but it took almost fifty years and a lot of professional help peeling back layers of masking to uncover what I am. When I'm in public I feel I'm putting on an act to fit in, to function as expected; when I get home I feel I have successfully completed a mission (eg shopping) in enemy territory without detection.
I think it's still a bit generalisation, as there are many psycholigical issues, like ad 1. social anxiety, ad. 2 childhood cpsd, ad 3. agoraphobia, phobias, ad 4 cpsd again, neurosis, etc. And generally depression might have similar symptoms. And various traumas. It is better to undergo a professional evaluation, which is also sometimes not easy and obvious, we are more complex.
There is one more type that needs to be considered: outliers. For instance: extremely intelligent or extremely naturally talented people may have difficulties fitting into the norm. A very intelligent child may have interests so different from his or her peers, that small talk is difficult. A talented sporty kid may be subject to envy. He or she is really popular when making the winning points in a game, but there is an apartness he will feel because he is a stand-out. (Or she) Etc.
Ask somebody to tell you the traits of a stereotypical scientist, then look at where that would put the person on the ADS, they would probably come out as Borderline Indication or higher. For example, Rich Purnell in the movie The Martian might be a good example, is he autistic? Or is he just a focused scientist? To me it seems the spectrum is so all encompassing and everybody is autistic. There are a lot of intelligent, shy, socially awkward people (etc), but do they have a disability? I think THAT should be the defining factor. Unless you need help with everyday life then you are not autistic.
You mean an INFJ personality type?
All these autistic traits fit me well but on other hand I heard autistic people are bad with social clues, for me its reverse. I am much better at accessing social cues than most. I guess am outlier
@@rouxenophobe Thank you for saying what I couldn't find the words to say myself in another comment.
The thing is, with the first thing about why people like to be alone, it’s a mixture of both for me, there’s a lot of things I like doing alone, like reading, walking in the woods, exploring the city, and just thinking. But there’s also a factor, albeit one that’s diminishing by the day, of being kinda afraid of people, particularly a lot of people around my own age, but I kinda feel like it has to do with trauma more than anything.
I'm afraid of people, too, and very happy with solitary activities.
It's worth taking the effort and risk to find people who are safe, because it's such a joy and boost to our resilience. People who like reading and walking in the woods are more likely to be safe people.
Same
I thought I was an introvert my whole life... Cause it was explained to me like: "When you are extroverted, you gain energy from being around other people and loose it when being alone too long. And when you are introverted, you loose energy while being around other people, so you need being alone to recharge your social batteries.
And I started to question if I'm neurodiverse because of my long term mental health problems (I was told that chronic depression can change your brain in a way and that we share many symptoms with adhd/autism). Until now I was leaning more towards that maybe I have lighter form of adhd.
But now I'm really questioning if it's autism or both.
That part about wanting more friends, wish for deeper long term relationships, desire to SKIP small talk and also the problem of maintaining long term relationships... that point hit really hard!!
I still struggle to kind of identify what sensory issues I might have, but yes the mall is a typical example of something I like to avoid. Or in general the inner city on a nice day with many people outside. Or in general rooms with a lot of people in them. Big family gatherings were always a nightmare for me and not only because I often was the only child (of my age) there or because I had to behave a certain way. I remember how often I would wait impatiently for the next chance to sneak away to another room/floor, away from the noise and do something else on my own like reading or playing on my gameboy.
And it always felt that my own apartment is a safe heaven. Even more now that my anxiety has started spiking.
So this one is a bit difficult for me if it's social anxiety (because of bullying early on) that is making me feel unsafe around people and am I just a bit sensible to loud noises? Or is maybe autism the core reason why I got that anxiety in the first place... Uh so many questions.
Gosh all of the 5 questions have hit somewhere.
I have seen some videos before, but this one hit the closest to home until now.
1: Because dealing with people is physically painful. I go to the store and buy a pack of gum. That's my daily social needs taken care of. Why put myself through any more than that? It would be nice to have friends. There's even one guy I consider a good friend. I last saw him a couple of years ago. I don't visit people much.
2: I have no idea how other people make friends. It takes me months to get to know someone. Partly because of hiding from the world, I have to admit.
But people don't make any sense to me. It's like being dropped on an alien planet.
3: I don't know about sensory issues. What's normal to other people?
Yes, malls are too loud; particularly the food court. I keep the volume down on my music and videos. Loud places are physically exhausting.
And for some reason I can't wear wrist watches anymore. They annoy my wrist.
4: Beats me. What's "emotional regulation"? I'm not sure what the actual question is, although it seems to be related to how easily I burn-out or go into meltdown. I'm better than I was. I've learned to back away or not get into those situations as often.
5: I don't have peers. I've always lived at 90 degrees to the world.
I don't know if I'm actually autistic. I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980, but when I looked it up it didn't sound a bit like me.
I recently went to a therapist in my health network for a proper diagnosis and she said at my age it would be too difficult and expensive. After the first 50 or 60 years it's hard to read past the mask.
But I look autistic, so let's just go with that. Some group therapy would help me understand myself and learn strategies to improve my life.
My first thought was, "Which part of 'don't do well with groups' aren't you understanding?"
The way you described Autistic Burnout,Every day just feels like a gauntlet a guaranteed set of challenges, its just all happening inside my head, but my agony is real. I have been trying to explain that to anyone who would listen but i never had the right words. Thank you for you content, helping us maybe understand. Thank you.
I'm 26 years old and recently coming to terms with my heavily masked autism after a decade of misdiagnoses and polypharmacy. After a decade of doctors yelling at me and family throwing their hands up at me and sending me to the hospital. Your videos are an immense help. Thank you
It's quite difficult for me to remember how I was getting along as a child. I simply don't have many memories. The first time I actually met other children on a regular basis was in school. I was on a 6-week health cure when I was five - alone without parents. With many other children. The only relationship I had was with one of the personnel. However, rejection was a frequent experience. I always wanted to belong, but except for a few cases, I never connected or I experienced rejection - even disgust. Nowadays, I simply don't look for connection - or I don't have any expectations when engaging with others.
I really appreciate your ordered style of presenting info and dividing it into chapters. It feels calming to my brain somehow, and I think I absorb the information a bit better. Thanks for making these!
1:40 well researched - every minute of listening is something new to learn - well presented
These are very interesting questions. I always thought I was an introvert. I had difficulty making friends, preferring to have just a good one. I now realise that my best friend in primary school was autistic ❤
I think that camouflaging/masking also helped me growing up because I managed to hide in the middle of the social strata: I didn't want to be popular (because then I'd be in the spotlight), nor did I want to be unpopular... for the exact same reason. So I taught myself to blend in and not draw attention to myself. I wanted to appear as normal as possible.
I was part of a large group of girls at high school, but they were more acquaintances. I never got that close to any of them. Yet again, I hid myself in the group, using them as a shield. They were exhausting though!
I copied behaviours and learnt to have socially acceptable interests/obsessions (pop bands of the 80s, for example).
In adulthood, I studied sociology because I wanted to really understand how the world worked 😂😂😂
The secret stimming, the meltdowns, the utter exhaustion from socialising and trying to be a normal member of society... check.
1. I prefer being by myself because being around people does stress me out frl
2. It takes a lot of energy to maintain relationships, and people always tell me that I don't reach out when I just can't remember to. I like them i guess, but it's so hard to keep in touch.
3. I hate busy environments. I went to a highschool that was loud as shit and too chaotic. Every monday, I would have severe anxiety to the point of physical illness because I have to go. I hate certain textures when eating; grainy, things that aren't uniform in texture, hate it.
4. My emotions are all over the place; when i'm stressed out I tend to do things to work some energy off, or when im upset I just pace or yell. Another thing is where I can't say that the way my emotions work is the same across the board, it's very frustrating trying to understand myself and how my emotions can switch so quickly or stick for too long.
5. I feel outside of my groups, everywhere, across my entire life, I've never felt like I'm part of the "in-group". For the majority of Preparatory School, 1st to 6th grade, I've just been relentlessly bullied by peers and teachers. I haven't resolved a lot of that, and to be fair I have no idea how to.
some things I've realized is that: 1. Most of these experiences are affected by outside experience/interference if that makes sense. 2. It is very hard to get a diagnosis about this stuff, my first therapist was an NLP who is autistic and she said she thinks that I am and that I should get screened for it; my second psych was an actual psychiatrist who worked with children and adolescents and nothing he did helped at all, and i never got any diagnosis, if anything I felt stressed out whenever I went to see him but because I wanted so bad to find out what was wrong with me I forced myself to go.
idk if any of that was coherent
This topic really is one I feel pretty hard. It took me decades to realize that words like extrovert/introvert or even shy didn't really fit. I can be energized by social situations like an extrovert, but I can spend long periods of time choosing to do solitary things as well. I thought I had social anxiety, maybe I am a shy extrovert? But the more I looked into it, it wasn't fear holding me back, it was this feeling of being an outsider, this desire to jump right into deep connection but having no idea how that happens, I just know that its the only thing that ever seems to work in those rare instances when it does. The only trait that doesn't seem to fit well for me is that any sensory issues that I have seem mild enough that they have just been mistaken for other things or well masked. I really WANT more friends and more connection with people yet, but more and more I realize its hard for me to go from the theoretical want to a specific one. I want to be connected to people but I find it nearly impossible to be interested in them unless they really engage me intellectually in ways that small talk can't do.
self diagnosed ASD (with possible ADHD) only formally diagnosed with anxiety / depression / selective mutism, but I'm convinced it's not just introversion none of the usual methods to help that worked and have a whole other set of traits unrelated to socialising difficulties like monotropism, hyper focus, special interests, echolalia, stimming etc. I think I was missed early on because I could mask for short bursts long enough to do tests the way I thought they wanted them done :/ and didn't really have empathy issues
after watching yep, almost every difference I related more to what you said for the autistic side of things
Selective Mutism from Anxiety without Autism seems...unlikely. But I don't have a PhD in Psychology.
Lack of empathy is a common autism myth. As an autistic person I am very much hypersensitive to other people's emotions and recently realised I'm actually an empath as I'll experience another person's exactly as they do (eg suddenly cry and look around and notice someone nearby is tearing up etc). I think the misconception is because we can be so overwhelmed by other people's emotions we can go into fight, flight or freeze mode so it appears that because we didn't reciprocate correctly we are deemed "not to have empathy" which couldn't be further from the truth. We also can (like I currently do) experience Alexathymia which is where you struggle to interocept/recognise your own emotions. I suspect if this started at a very young age you may not even recognise other people's emotions unless logically and explicitly explained. Hope that helps!
@@glenrose7482 It's not a full myth. Not all autistics lack empathy, but some do.
@@jliller I agree, hence my full comment explaining the why that is, read the end if you missed that as that is what you would be referring to. There is an excellent video on Jubilee that shows a sociopath who is very much autistic (and confirmed autistic when you find their partner's channel) that demonstrates our points. The context though was for someone who was having autism dismissed due to them showing empathy hence my comment directed to them (and dismissive medical professionals), not to your wonderful self.
I know where you are coming from though as we like to add to the conversation and point out all sides of it even if we completely agree with the other person. We would be here indefinitely if we did that so at some point we have to realise when to add meaningful information and when it ultimately doesn't matter and to move on with our lives. Something I still clearly struggle with 🤣🤣🤣
I've watched a lot of videos about autism so I can better understand my students. During that, I wondered if I might have some autistic traits. After watching your video, I think I'm just an extreme introvert. Question 5 was the only one I really identified with, and that's more shaking my head at others rather than myself. Thanks for useful video.
These are great questions to use for basic self-assessment, with a caveat: each question maps heavily with trauma survivors as well as introverts and spectrum diagnoses. So, for instance, I am neurotypical while my DS and kids are on the spectrum. But my answers to these 5 questions are nearly the same as theirs. Mine:
1) Regard the world outside my yard as hostile/threatening; avoid going out b/c I hate masking/all the things I have to do to self-protect;
2) Can't tolerate chit-chat or superficial relationships; no longer have friends outside of my DS;
3) Have an atypical sensory profile for light, sound, and smell, so much so I avoid certain areas of town/certain events;
4) Struggle mightily to regulate my emotions, find it exhausting to do so in public or with more than 2 or 3 people;
5) Always felt like an outsider; realized decades ago that I'm not a "joiner" - if individuals are threatening, groups are downright dangerous
I'm not on the spectrum, I'm a trauma and abuse survivor. I've described myself as an "introvert" for years, but I'm not even sure that's accurate since the trauma could account for my introversion as easily it can account for my answers to these questions. Just something to think about.
Thanks for covering this great topic! I am self diagnosed and this makes me even more convinced! Most of the time, i can't even stand the noise level of family get togethers, especially when children are there.
> clicks video
> Premieres in 2 days
> "oh okay, see you in 2 days"
"Ok, I'll just sit here and wait" 😐
Does this mean that the "premieres in 2 days" really annoys you too? I would just prefer the video to come out and then be notified that there is something to actually watch.
That feeling actually hurts a lot… 😂
3 years ago I would qualify as an introvert. But now, recovering from a burnout, I realise I've been gaslighting myself the whole life. Feels crazy
Same here. I knew I was very introverted but it didn’t explain everything. Autism
Does though. I’m 39 and every relationship I’ve formed was due to me masking. I’ve been masking the entire time. I’m honestly more confused about socializing and life now than I’ve ever been
Thanks, Paul. I have experienced rejection all my life, because of autism but also because of socioeconomics. I was expected to fit a particular mould, and to portray the stereotype of the successful Australian worker. I do have sensory issues, in relation to bright lights, and to loud noisy environments. I am, for the most part, an introvert. As much as I am creative, I am not appreciated for the efforts I go to maintain relationships.
I feel like this can also explain some autistics *perceived* as more introvert -- They might actually be more extraverted than preciously thought, but due to those extra regulations autistics experience a introvert-like social drainage.
Unmasking , and/or in comfortable social situations may exhibit more extravert traits.
From outside it looks like situationally introvert-extravert.
While non-autistic introvert sound like they might be more 'consistent' in their energy levels throughout situations.
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At least that (situationally) is what I experience, trying to find a fitting 'schema' for my experience.
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Thanks for the video!
Agreed, I have definitely found that after unmasking I am an extrovert-it just doesn’t look quite like stereotypical extroversion
@@sparrow8072 What does that look like for you?
Lots of special interest monologues or something different/else too?
@@PaperRabbits_ a lot of monologues and I have been known to follow people because I was still talking. I get drained from overstimulation but I want to spend time with friends so it can be a struggle to take the time I need to recharge, even when I know I need it
I've been VERY solitary since Covid. I literally leave my flat to go food shopping, once a week. Today, for the first time in ages, I was non-food shopping in town before noon! ... I hate mornings. They're totally alien to me. The experience was predictably uncomfortable. Too many people. Too much noise. The lights were too bright. The traffic, too noisy.
And, to top it all off, the PRICES were too high! ... But I can't blame THAT on autism! 🤣
I do main shopping once a month and go to the little shop downstairs at night for little things. I literally do not go anywhere else - at all! For me, lockdown was fantastic and I know it sounds selfish but I loved every moment of it, it was the only time for years that I walked to another shop during the day. In fact, I am supposed to do my monthly shopping today but I've cancelled it for a few days, I just can't face it.
The lockdowns and social distancing were great for me too. The one thing that it highlighted for me though, was that it made me realise just how bad I am in social situations. Because I didn't go out and talk to people, now I don't know how to any more. When I do stop to talk to neighbours I feel like a prize idiot and it's all totally alien to me.
@@PeteLewisWoodwork I think it's wonderful that people can share, just like you've done here! You're a lot like me, in not going anywhere at all. And it's NOT selfish at all to have found lockdown "fantastic." I know exactly what you mean, and so will other people like us. And again, I know what you mean about not being able to face a simple task like shopping.
So you see you, and I, are not alone in our struggles! ... But please, promise me that you will take care of yourself? Living alone, I know how difficult it can be, but it is important! We are ALL important! ❤️
@@maidofcornwall Just as I said to Pete in my reply to him, I know EXACTLY how you feel! But please, don't feel like a "prize idiot" because let me tell you, you're not! It's difficult I know, but try to have a little faith in yourself! You're just as good as anybody else. Okay, you're a little awkward in social situations, but don't be too hard on yourself!
There are a lot of people like us. We're special. We need to learn to love ourselves. Please take care, and remember to be kind to yourself! ❤️
@@marcse7en Thank you, you're absolutely right 😘
Me, being both autistic as extremely introverted: going out? What? 😆
Knock knock.. 😂
This really hits the nail on the head. Now I not only see that I've probably been on the Autism spectrum all my life, but other members of my family are/have been also. Thanks for all you do, Paul, your courage is awesome!
My every answer to each of these questions is ambiguous & uncertain. I have no idea.
Also on other videos some questions i can’t answer because i didn’t experience the things required to answer the question.
No ambiguity in my brother's case.
Thank you for this video.
I'm 29 months into a 3 year wait for an autism diagnosis in the UK. It feels like my life is in limbo waiting to get this assessment and confirmation of why life has always felt on hard mode. I am super high masking, adhd/c-ptsd/anxiety etc and deal with a lot of shame attached to my capacity within this world. It is a constant battle to get by daily and accept myself fully for who I am; limitations included. I have been wondering deeply on this matter of introversion vs asd for a great deal of time now. All my answers today were in line with the autism response examples so that has given me some further comfort I am on the right path and the wait is worthwhile.
Its clear that a lot of thought has gone into this; its really well done and I have no doubt that it is going to help a lot of people. Thank you.
Yes, feeling like I am from another planet. An outsider, always.
yes x5, especially the last bit. I've recently been remembering a lot of rejection stuff from my past
this was really insightful, thank you. i often feel that i am not autistic because i don't meet some of the autistic stereotypes. still, every single answer i gave confirmed that i resonate strongly with autism. socializing is exhausting, i have always felt isolated and fundamentally different from my peers, relationships are extremely difficult (yet i desire deep friendships), and the outside world is tremendously overstimulating.
am literally diagnosed formally by multiple psychs and still I doubt
Why do you think that is?
@@chromatinkiss not sure--probably because I was told so often as a child and teen (I'm in my 30s now) by adult authorities that everything I felt and perceived was all hormones or delusion. Hard to shake the formative programming.
Then you should see a psychologist about your severe Imposter Syndrome.
It's not uncommon for people with autism to go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as something else. So for multiple psychologists to diagnose you with autism and be wrong about it seems practically impossible.
What condition do you think you have that is being mistaken for autism? Because there's zero chance someone is repeatedly mistaken for autistic without having some some other condition instead.
@@jliller to be clear I've only had one official assessment (a year ago), and it was overseen by a panel of clinicians/psychs and then double-checked/second-opinioned. Many years before I got that, I was recommended for diagnosis by a GP (when I was a teen), but my parents didn't believe it and didn't want me to have the tests, so it took another 15 years for me to get diagnosed.
It's not that I think I've got something else and was misdiagnosed, it's that sometimes I'm not sure I have anything except trauma that creates symptoms which look like autism (i.e. masking, avoidance, social blindness). Of course I'm not a medic or psych professional, so I'm aware that I'm probably wrong and thinking delusionally.
@@pendafen7405 Trauma is "something else" but I don't think childhood trauma can cause symptoms mistaken for autism, though it can be mistaken for ADHD (there are good videos about this on YT).
Trauma can make a person not want to socialize because they are scared, but I don't think it causes someone to not understand socializing.
Was the official making the assessment aware of your trauma?
I am 72 years old. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 in 2007. I did not accept any treatment for it. I now think that diagnosis was incorrect. Over the last 12 months, I have self-diagnosed as ADHD/ASD. I am definitely introverted/ASD. I have never felt as if I was a child in an adult world. More the opposite. I am conscious of being surrounded by others using a different set of rules to live by (and I have no idea what those rules are). I am very aware that most people can't see the world the way I see it. I view most NT's as the living dead, no depth or genuine desire to ask why things are the way they are. I can't stand trivial social banter apart from sport. I am glad that I was not born 40 years later. Social media is cancerous and definitely not ADHD/ASD compatible. I find youtube channels like this one very helpful for my thinking. The real challenge for someone like me is to create routines and systems to get everyday basics done without thinking because I think well with the complex and overthink the simple.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar and social anxiety. I have 5 children that are autistic. Could I have been miss diagnosed?
5? Damn yeah bro
Being misdiagnosed could be possible or you could just have children on the autism spectrum. Sometimes, with overlap of traits, we could look similar. I have bipolar 2, husband of 21 years with ASD and one of our sons does too. I've noticed there seems (I haven't read up on stats) to be a prevalence of bipolar parents with a child with ASD. 🤔
I feel like this is a maximalist reading of autism, with less insight into what introverts really experience. Which makes sense, coming from a high-functioning advocate for autism awareness. But I think you have made a valuable, stigma-free discussion starter. I’m going to re-watch this with one of my kids, because your categories are so broad that we can both identify with them in different ways. So, thanks!
Dad: Want to go to Wal-Mart?
Me: (checks internal nopeameter) (Curls up under blanket) Sorry too tired just thinking about it.
What’s a nopeameter?
Wal-Mart for me is like 10x worse than any other store. I go there as rarely as possible and if what I need isn't in stock, I rush out and go to a less distressing store
@@AiryFakeA metaphorical meter that they use to tell how badly they need a map.
Want to go.. anywhere?
*Exact same response*
Want to live out your dreams?
SIGN ME UP!
Oh you need to remember the entire store so you can navigate it!
I have a 21 year old son, diagnosed at 18 as having Autism. I was a rather shy introverted young man, so I initially had a hard time understanding how he was different from me. Videos like this are tremendously helpful to me in understanding what life is like for him.
Thank you for this video! I keep having imposter syndrome and these help pull me back to center.
Again, thank you so much!!! The more of your videos I watch (and other's, and things I read), the more convinced I'm about my autism. And it's true we can't rely on "professionals" for a diagnose. I'm bipolar and have been going to plenty of psychologists, and a few psychiatrists, and none has ever suggested I could be autistic. However, it seems crystal clear I am so.
You look/sound like a very cool person. If you ever come back to Galicia you're invited to stay at my place, in Vigo. And I can drive you to extremely beautiful places I'm almost certain you haven't seen. I owe you!
Love!
0:53 (that’s a “greater than” sign)
I already know I’m autistic because I was diagnosed as a child but when you asked the first question “why do you like spending time alone” the first thought that came to mind is because it’s safe I really struggle with social anxiety and I’ve been trying to push myself this year with socialising but every time I hang out with friends or people I get the biggest headache after and always feel like I don’t fit even if the people I’m with are lovely it’s very frustrating because more than anything I want to connect with people but I’m always focused on too many things at once wether that be if I’m acting weird or if the sentence I choose is a good one and many other things lol. But it’s nice to know I’m not alone :)
The DSM5 defines autism on the basis of behavior. "Why" is not relevant so much as "if".
We can debate whether the medical-model DSM5 is really the best basis for defining autism but that is another topic.
If you meet DSM 5 criteria then I dont think you need to worry about just being a misguided introvert. But its ok to take your time exploring your identity.
No matter what you are, you're wonderful. :)
I was diagnosed at 5, but hopefully my family denied it... I understood it was real at 50... when symptoms get softer...
There is a message for those who struggle with AS... you can learn... it's not easy.
I've learned amateur theater, skydive (imagine my brain falling - the monitors have a video on me about lucidity problems and unpredictable behaviors, but I have 175 jumps and I did some VR), climbing , and my preferred is strangely big walls... indoor is very stressful for me... I love open air and rock.
What I love in what people call "extreme sports" (add urban biking and trekking), is... controlling. This good feeling of controlling, following rules, managing your breath, following predictable need by your peer...
My experience is that people tried to help me, to dress, to behave, they even tried to matchmake me...
All I could do was to repair the coffee machine and build Ikea furniture... and that is the secret.
Do your best, try to help, try to learn...
I'm married (was very indirect) because I offered a beer in a camping, after a hard rain... we were just as alone as possible there, orphan of a cancelled dancing night...
Life is learning.
Imagine that I preferred to travel 2h in train than bike 60km no to have to phone... Now I do phone (Teams in fact, I hate phone) support... I'm known to be very engaged in helping, but it's because I'm desperate to solve the problem... when the problem is unsolvable, I'm furious, in panic, shouting at the sky... but job is done...
Life is a joke.
If you feel struggling with many things in like, know it can improve... slowly, but really... some people will try to help you, but you will not understand often.
I'm married with a kid too... thanks to my experience in skydive (when you jumped 175 times at 4000m, taking the hand of a girl is... just a harder challenge, but it's possible).
Try to help, try to learn, and open your eyes... anyway it will be slow and not easy.
I thought myself as introverted all my life. 6 years ago I got an autism diagnoses and oddly enough a week ago I started wondering if I was never really introverted. Weird how your episode came out right when I needed it. I once again have more evidence I’m just autistic.
I am an extroverted autistic person. We do exist!
@@Catlily5 If you don't mind telling, how do you differ from the standard extrovert?
@@FlamingCockatiel I generally enjoy socializing but I need a lot more time to myself than non-autistic extroverts.
Thanks for this, i recognised something different in a relative 24 years ago but there was a reluctance from immediate family to approach the issue. I find myself now in a situation where i spend a lot of time assisting this person with everyday living, i will be avidly watching your work and learning a lot more to understand the subtle differences that can make life more difficult to navigate and through this understanding make life just a little less hard work for him❤
I'm both an introvert & autistic person....just undiagnosed. I was bullied all through public school.....😮💨
#1: More introvert than autistic.
#2: More autistic than introvert. For me, I'm fine with social situations and I want more friends. The hard parts are: a.) Taking a casual relationship to friend level. and b.) Relationships are a lot of work.
#3: I'm not sure. I think I'm a bit of both. There are some where that's a yes, but others (common for autistic people) that aren't as bad for me or that I can ignore.
#4: I feel like I'm better at emotional regulating when I'm out in public. But that's only because I have my home space where I can decompress. The hardest thing for me is when I need to emotional regulate at home.
#5: Definitely on autistic side when I was in school. Nowhere near the same as an adult.
I used to think I was an introvert and inadvertently pushed myself further towards introversion. It turns out that I am actually autistic, and even worse, I am actually an extrovert. I love spending time with others, going to parties, being in crowds, and talking to random people. I just don't like that my lack of social intuition leads me to getting in trouble with people. I didn't have to worry about being accused of harassment if I just didn't talk to people. Now, however, I have just accepted that the lack of fulfillment in life is a worse outcome than going to jail again. And I don't like wearing autism on my sleeves, but now I know that if push comes to shove, I can just pull out the uno reverse autism card.
Yes. I was relieved when you said "or both" in the end of the video, because the title just has either or, and I was just like, "Yes.", to all of it, thinking I must be doing something wrong or missed some essential instructions in the beginning..., thanks for mentioning that both is an option, too, or I might still be fretting over this 😓 So I guess I'm actually really an introverted autistic, or an autistic introvert. It's fine. It wasn't a big surprise at this point.
Introvert can mean many things in of it's self. Be it a way of life for someone or a result of other life struggles.
For me it's being a mute my whole life; So due to that and other reasons shutting down into being an introvert feels safer.
You're not talking about introversion; that's shyness or possibly CPTSD.
Introversion/extroversion isn't about comfort; it's about what recharges your energy vs. drains your energy. Extroverts go to a party to recharge; introverts leave a party to recharge.
@@jliller video came out a day after I made my comment. Also yes I feel d rained when I'm in groups with others.
Every one of those questions was spot on, though food isn't so bad for me in terms of sensory but certainly any place that isn't home is a huge struggle for me
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Is he on instagram?
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Can Dr. sporessss send to me in UK?
It's not the first time I'm seeing these exact same words under a video related to mental health...suspicious🤨
Atypical is perfectly normal. I recommend using atypical instead of “abnormal” 10:44.
1. I like doing solo activities since I've always like to draw. However, I find crowded places stressful as I have a thing to tracking things, visually and through sound. Too much light gives me headache and I like to think of possibilities, paths I can take with interactions and moving across a room. As well as I struggle to connect with people, I feel jealous of other people, seeing how they can connect, but the more I talk to other people the further I feel from them. So after many years I'd given up on trying to acquire what others have, it wasn't meant to be.
2. It's tiredsome. I feel relationships, friendships are just too high maintenance. It's hard to connect and even with the current friendships I question if I'm doing things right or wrong.
3. I prefer quiet environments as I stated before. Too much noise, too much brightness overloads me. I don't have food preference, but that's because I grew up in a poor environment and I learned to eat whatever we have to survive. We are homeless for sometime and I learned the need of eating anything to make it to the next day since a young age. Smells just triggers memories, but like I said, I was into trash life for a while so I'm used to smells. But yeah, loud noises and bright lights give me headaches.
4. I used to have issues regulating my emotions and I bite my shirts and thus my shirts never last long as they often get ripped as I bite and pull. But I keep a stoic persona on top, I feel expressing my emotions to give me headaches. So I have to bite hard and calm down. At the moment I'm mostly okay since I avoid stressful situations and I avoid anything that is stressful, but some are unavoidable.
5. I've always felt like an outsider, even with my family. Never felt like I belong with anyone really. Well, not really, I felt more connected with animals better than with people. It's simple, we can exchange simple ideas and we don't need to make conversation complex. At school I was bullied for being different, I was told I was r*tarded too. Hahah.
So far, yeah, it seems I check all the boxes.
Loud places are ok with my noise cancelling headphones 🥰
a) because it takes less effort, I am the only person with who I can not pretending nothing
b) Because I don't have an ability to shorten the distance of relationship, I don't really have a good intuition when it is okay and I don't want to risk doing it when it is not and embarass myslef
c) I don't think I experiance any strong sensorical issues, at least none of above
d) I do stim in a various way pretty frequently and visible, and lot of people points that out, actually. Especially when I was younger, I was punished for doing that by adults and made fun of and mocked by peers. It intensifies when I am nervous or scared but I do it on the daily basics even when I'm completety chill and don't experience any strong enotions
e) Yup, deffinetely, but I'm not really sure why. For most of my life I relate that to the fact that I have (tested) significaly higher IQ than average and think in more complex way then others. But I'm not sure that it is the case. I have met other highly intelligent people in my life and even tho I was able to get along with them somehow better than usually, not all of them experienced the feeling of "socially not fitting in" and don't have a problem to connect with other people in diffrent way than intelectualy, do it is not simple causation. Another explaination may be that I have been raised by mentaly and physicaly abusive father and overcontroling "refrigator" mother and I have experienced some intensity of depression sympthoms as far as I remember (but I get diagnosed when It later in life, when
I don't know about exclusion from others. But I'm more familiar with avoidance of others because you'll just end up annoying them, or will always be the weakest link in the chain.
I am so shook by this video. I've been sure that I'm autistic for 3-4 years now, yet for some reason it slipped from me completely, that a big part of my struggle is also autistic struggle. Let me explain.
I'm taking a second attempt at going to uni, last time many factors went wrong: wrong subject, covid times, other undiagnosed mental health issues - I blamed all these factors for not being able to make connections there. This time I was prepairing and scripting and stressing about going to uni again. I was explaining to my friends how crucial the first days there are, how I know I will have to pretend and push and push and push myself to actually get to know people there and have a chance at making connections. I was explaining to my friends how difficult and tiring it is and how I know it will cost me a lot to go through this and pretend to be normal.
and I was right! no one has searched for a second interaction with me so far, people are in their groups and at this point I'm tired of communicating, so I just go sit in the bathroom or in a corner to recharge. I just painted myself as better than everyone to cope with it
but autism makes more sense...
I think the 5% is an understatement-perhaps thats 5% who get professionally diagnosed, I feel as tho the numbers a bit higher with all who go undiagnosed or ignored…
Professionally diagnosed autism is probably still less than 3%. 5% is accounting for undiagnosed.
What you said about wanting to have friends and wanting to skip all the surface level stuff and going for the details really resonated. That's exactly what I want. But at this point I am so exhausted and I just don't have the emotional energy to be social for now.
Yes I am an introvert and love it.
As a kid, I always thought I was coming from another planet and there was no one else from my planet around.
I'm 39, I experience loneliness way more in group settings than alone at home. The very tangible feeling of not belonging, being somehow far away, in another dimension, ... That's way worse than being alone at home all the time.
I'm a girl with Aspergers syndrome, feeling introvert and scared of conflicts, shy with some people and problem with eye contact
AuDHD here, formal diagnosis age 56. Was just "a bad person" before that (gaslighting yourself is horrible). Yes to all of this. Have been frequently misjudged, especially when dating, feeling this. Good information here.
I think i need to take my Phychologists advice and see a Psychiatrist who specialises in adult ASD. She believes my the ADHD stems from masking ASD. I think shes right, especially since she has uncovered my childhood.
That's interesting. I didn't know that ADHD can manifest from masking. Knowing pretty sure that I have ADHD, I wonder if I'm in the same boat as you. I need to find a psychologist like yours.
@@chromatinkiss Not always the case. They go right back to when you were born.....Very painful process. Then when you find out why you can never fit in but try so hard to even though it's painfully exhausting. X
@@chromatinkiss I hope you can find peace within yourself one day too. Ritalin is terrible medicine.
@@freespirit5234 Thank you so much! I hope so too. I hope you find a great psychiatrist that understands you. I've never gone on any ADHD meds. Thank you for sharing your experience or what you know about the drug
@@chromatinkiss If you find a really good therapist who you can really open up to. Then you don't need to take medication because you can self regulate. The medication is for people who can't self regulate and need that extra support until they can have therapy to give them the tools they need to control it themselves. 💝
This was very insightful and helps me understand some of my family members a little better. Thank you for sharing .
I find that people are mostly loud, phoney and annoying.
Other people get to mask their way too. Not the main character
@@ImOnA_Plain You are correct but I still can't stand people and avoid them whenever I can.
Train stations. Going there, finding the right train, constantly checking the time, always on the edge and being nervous, getting a huge outburst of rage that I have Tu suppress when somehing goes not according to plan, avoiding any interaction except employees to check everything. Getting irritated by the light, getting way more irritated by the notice, when finally sitting in the train, constantly checking where I am, feeling huge discomfort and nervous it sitting their. Tried to focus to something else, like reading or listening to music, only music helps, when the train has a display for the stops.
Getting huge relief when arriving at the correct place and time. Dreading the day to use a train I don't know. Getting huge close to rage quit feelings when something gets changed for a different reason as strike or repairs. It takes long to get used to even the shortest travels.
Having an imminent feeling of slight panic when the train is to early (so I, despite seeing the number) so I question if it is the train, or when it is late, so my complete plan could maybe fall apart and I would be forced to adjust.
Completely annoyed when the train is full, so I cannot sit in usual range of a display, so I need to stay at (most of the time) doors of the train amongst some people, completely annoyed when they talk cause I hat it when the station gets announced and I could overhear it.
Prefer to take a car, and even consider just buying one, even if it is fact that compared to other countries, Germany has a good train network, but I prefer to drive alone where I can control everything of my tour even if it would mean getting into traffic jams or making multiple stops and having the risk of getting to late, not where I want to in the first place or deal with the schedule and all this mess above.
I hate it when people cry, especially women. It just makes me "numb", I go into immediate survival push through this mode, targeting a solution, if it is crying because of the other person is wanting to get attention or has no reason, I become completely cold.
Loud crying of a child or baby.
Yes! One of the worst sensory experiences of my life was the Chicago train station. Non-stop hubbub, no escape from the sound, people crying, laughing, a lost child wandering around, the bright lights everywhere. I don't know if I'm autistic but I suspect it and my reaction to that experience was definitely what I'd consider a meltdown. It was a painful and horrible experience. It sucks because I do actually like trains and have from a young age growing up near some tracks, but the stations are awful.
@@necordektox879 Köln (Cologne) , Düsseldorf and München (Munich). Huge amounts of people, complete chaos. Even the pigeons flapping their wings are annoying, the echo is wild.
I value my alone time, but it wasn’t until the pandemic that I noticed how much I miss people.
Omg,that’s me too.