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for reeeal I always want to "go do something" but then I try to think if things to do and I'm like "no too loud. nope too many people. no lights are too bright there-" so I just sit at home doing nothing in the end ugh
This is how I feel, I have a love/hate relationship with leaving the house, because I don’t know the overstimulation I’ll have while out and about. Sometimes I realize I’d rather be super in control of my environment than experience something new
Yesss! That’s why sometimes I used to go for a solitary walk with my headphones in (in safe areas, of course; it was downtown in a well-lit area popular for people walking around with many cops on foot out and about… be safe when walking with headphones in, y’all). I liked being out and getting some stimulation from a different environment, but for heaven’s sake, don’t talk to me. 😂 I had a that “public transportation-user” pace, where you’d walk with a purpose at a fast speed to prevent people from interacting with you. 😂😂😂
Oh god it’s my problem with warehouse work. I will get understimulation because I can’t keep up the energy to maintain a constant flow of interesting imaginary situations because of being overstimulated. I have an extremely cluttered room… which shuts me down. Until I manage to find enough motivation for cleaning. Then I have about a month of wonderful peace there.
The inner conflict is maddening. All the things that make me feel most alive quickly burn me out. Yet, living a quiet little life that avoids burnout triggers depressive episodes through understimulation. When making major life decisions it's like deciding which kind of breakdown I'd rather have. Heh.
Yesssss. I hate making decisions for this very reason. Even when they are both good things, it feels suffocating, it's not fun, I'm not excited, I'm exhausted and I just want someone to tell me what to do!!!! A few weeks ago I was randomly offered 2 amazing job opportunities that were both way better than where I was working then. One was an opportunity for more money, 100% remote work, but extremely strict and was for an insurance sales agent position. The other was 50% remote, same money as my current job, but absolute freedom to do whatever I wanted, and I'd be the agency manager at a local insurance agency. I did not plan on any of this and was not prepared to make a decision... so I begged everyone around me to help me decide, and I had 3 people read my tarot cards (all 3 said I needed to figure it out myself!) I even became so desperate that I Googled a yes/no answer wheel and tried to get answers from that! One gives me structure, stability, and I get to stay home and not people but the other comes with excitement and power and I get to people all the time!!! I wrote out a pro con list but every pro was also a con and I was exhausted, so my ADHD brain won and I was so relieved it was over. My 1st day at my new job is today, and my autistic side is super anxious and my stomach is feeling gross and I'm not sure I made the right decision or that I'm even qualified for this job... but I'm having a hard time listening to that side because my ADHD side is ecstatic, and loud, and it sings, and tells everyone I see that I'm the best insurance agent in the world and they all have to come visit me, at the agency I run... where I now have a ton of responsibility, people to manage, and ridiculous agency goals I have to hit, for the exact same pay as the job I had before... 🤦♀️
How many planners, agendas, post it notes, desk calendars did I waste buying for the last 40 years?? I need and want the order in my life so badly but I lose interest so quickly.
Oh. My. Gosh. A thousand times yes. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with autism and never suspected I had it. I have always said that I’m a walking contradiction. I crave order and routine but can’t keep up on making it happen. I am VERY social but also get overwhelmed by superficial socializing.
For everyone who also struggled to pay attention: 1. 1:56 Constant conflict between apparently contradicting traits 2. 2:44 Your traits might appear to balance each other out 3. 4:06 A larger variety than usual of special interests / hyperfixations 4. 5:53 Different versions of your traits emerge in different situations 5. 6:57 You relate to people who have a dual diagnosis themselves You are a beautiful person and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.
Thanks, i zoned out thinking about myself after the first possible sign. Then i heard something about "organizing stuff and cleaning clutter" so i searched on IKEA for some drawers. Also im at work, and should do some things here! xD its not easy...
I’ve often felt guilty about not being able to stick to a new hobby or interest, but recently I’ve realized that hobbies are there to serve me, not the other way around. I don’t have to be really good at them, I don’t have to “produce” something worth money, I just have to enjoy doing it. It’s ok to move on when I don’t enjoy it anymore.
Very well said. I am in my 50s and I wish I would have known this when I was as young as you. Bravo for figuring this out so early in your life. It took me years to figure it out. We should never feel tied to our hobbies. They are there for fun, distraction and creativity. Then on to something else when we feel the need, that's all.
That's me with Crochet. I did teach myself but concentration and counting was frustrating therefore not pleasurable to do. A bit boring and not fast enough results. I can't stick to instructions and ad-lib 😂then things go pear-shaped from then on but to begin with I was hyper focused with it. Now I have lots of yarn in a big bag 😂Just sitting there just because I might need it again or finish a project I started.
Thank God you figured it out. We, women, often put so much pressure on ourselves to make money on our hobbies. We feel guilty just enjoying ourselves. I am now 59 and finally have hobbies without pressure to create for the public, friends or family.
I’ve always thought I was a “social introvert” (reserved around strangers, talkative around friends, but still need to be alone a lot), but this actually makes a lot more sense.
this hit home, i literally dont talk to people, its like im invisible or not even there but when im around my friends im the most extreme and i do the most random and crazy stuff, thats when i realise how much of my energy is put into masking
THIS IS LITERALLY ME. My friends don't get me, because I've always been really outgoing, but I am probably the STRONGEST introvert I've ever met. Like, there have been times I have literally hidden from people so I wouldn't have to engage in spontaneous, unplanned human interaction. I simultaneously crave time with my friends, enjoy talking a lot about topics I find interesting with people I enjoy being around, AND also find myself so incredibly drained by the speaking-and-listening balancing act of human communication that I craaaaaaaave and deeply need periods of alone time. The best way I've ever explained it to people is that I'm an "outgoing introvert". But this... well, this could shed so much more light on why I am the way I am.
This is literally me. I’m very introverted and my family always describes me in that way and I never talk to people I’m not super familiar with. But when I was in elementary school I always got in trouble for talking. Thing is it was always my close friends that I talked to. No one believes me when I say I got in trouble for talking a lot but my 5th grade teacher literally wrote it on one of my report cards lmao And I most definitely need to be alone a lot.
"You may crave order and routine but be unable to maintain it" A THOUSAND TIMES YES Thank you for this video. As someone who suspects they have both autism and ADHD but are currently not diagnosed with either, I experience a lot of self-doubt while I wait for a diagnosis. Like, what are the chances that I have two separate conditions and neither has been noticed by adults in my life when I was younger? This video was really validating and it affirms in my mind that I was correct to start to pursue a diagnosis. Everything you said was me to a tee. EDIT: After a few negative replies essentially doubting the validity of my belief that I have autism and ADHD, I would like to clarify my position. Of course, I do not claim that relating to these experiences means that one has autism and ADHD. I believe I satisfy the diagnostic criteria, and that they explain my situation better than other potential diagnoses (such as some combination of anxiety and OCD, for instance, or merely personality traits that aren't disorders). I think that what this video does well is that it captures the day-to-day experiences of someone with autism and ADHD, which obviously differ quite a bit from the strict diagnostic criteria we use to diagnose these conditions. At no point did I say that the experiences in the video alone make me think I have autism and ADHD; on the contrary, I tried to make it clear that they affirm my decision to pursue a formal diagnosis.
@@zhonguocha I mean, it depends on the severity right? Every symptom of autism and ADHD can be "normal" in isolation; there is a diversity of personality types among people. But when these symptoms consistently impair one's function, we can start to potentially talk about some sort of disorder. Besides, you can tell from my comment that I didn't just, like, watch this video once and decide I have autism and ADHD. These are things I've thought for a long time (in the case of autism, about 10 years!) and I am currently waiting for a diagnosis by a doctor. They will assess my symptoms properly
A lot of us flew under the radar as public knowledge and education about ASD and ADHD is a very modern concept, vs "oh that's just the slow kid" or "the village idiot" historically. (Yes these are awful examples, but those were terms used, no hate intended from me.) A lot of our generation's - and previous - parents were clueless about the POSITIVE points of being Neuro-Diverse or even how to recognise it, let alone get us diagnosed and given any help we need.
1. 1:56 Constant conflict between apparently contradictory traits 2. 2:46 Your traits may appear to balance each other out 3. 4:08 A larger variety than usual of special interests/hyper fixations 4. 5:55 Different versions of your traits emerge in different situations 5. 7:02 You relate to people who have a dual diagnosis themselves Hope this helps for quick reference.
I'm struggling to parse whether she said 13 to 18% which is in line with stats I've seen from a credible source, or 30 to 80% which could be true but I've not seen. Anyway though, yes, thank you for this I'm too tired to watch this right now, and this very much applies to me. I've had people who don't understand my brain tell me I'm a split personality, when the problem is I'm literally more intelligent than them with more depth, critical thinking skills of awareness of Cognitive Biases and Logical Fallacies and more, but also a brilliantly chaotic shambles who can't keep my room clean, or do many basic adult things yet despite my grand old age, and often can't remember what I had for dinner yesterday, never mind what I was doing the day before. I like my own space, the comfort of doing the same sort of thing day in day out, but every now and again I get a craving for adventure, sometimes wildly impulsive ones that have taken me to other countries on short notice to meet someone I barely knew. My head doesn't so much meltdown, as shutdown. Barely think, can barely register anything people say at times, though usually hyperactive, giddy, thoughts and words goinga million miles an hour. Else often quite nervous about going out around those normies, other times life and soul of the party. Very intelligent, relatively mentally healthy after a very messy life. but also can't remember details. No skill for maths and material sciences and remembering equations and blah blah blah. Humanities is more my area. My split personality? Well at one end I go trolling sillies all over the political spectrum with Facts and Logic. The other end I spend time in psych / mental health comment sections trying to be helpful. I've been so hyper for so long doing things they find unusual, but not actually a problem, I got labelled manic. Else lockdown mode. Labelled depressed. Accused of being high and manic when hyper and happy, or stoned when I'm just tired, chilling, or depressed. At most times have a fear of crowds and cities, but sometimes love to melt into the crowd, be part of it, see those normies up close, just so I can enjoy being at home more 😂 My special interests? Anything that grabs my fancy, though usually, in descending order: Philosophy / Psychology / Politics / History / Physics / Economics and more, and running through them all is just having a laugh. I have been through states of psychological and multiple types political extremism and understand extremists better than many ever will. Found my way back to reality after a messy start to life. It is an apt irony that the more you are accused of being crazy for no good reason, by people who won't even try to listen and tell you you're the problem, that it sends your mind to dark places and *makes* you go crazy. Facing ACCIDENTAL gaslighting from the NHS and my own family and other official types, in eerily similar langauge as when facing wilfully deliberate gaslighting from some previously poorly chosen friends. "you're unwell take your medication" from both family, friends and enemies in disguise. I am generally a forgiving pacifist type, but once that line has been crossed, people get... *T O L D* and given a very short time to sort it out, then immediately forgotten. I can and have burned bridges with family, 'friends', bosses, jobs and after a life of much fear, I don't fear much anymore. Who I was, is already dead. I've got a critical thinking playlist full of stuff from great channels if anyone is interested. ruclips.net/p/PL1saVby-OHik5NvCgSqrT9cB4_mbbKA8K Else on ADHD, I really recommend the How To ADHD channel. ruclips.net/video/cx13a2-unjE/видео.html
YESYESYES!! i remember taking a test in school years ago that the teacher gave us to get to know what jobs fit better with our personality. And I remember talking to him and telling him i did not know how to answer most of the questions. I didnt feel comfortable in social situations but I craved them, I wasnt organized at all but i couldnt function without a routine, I thrived in creativity but i often got stuck in rigid thinking. And he literally told me "you are a contradiction with a pair of legs" so the first trait hit hard.
I was undiagnosed up until just a couple of years ago, my parents insisted that I just wasn't trying hard enough at the whole... being an adult thing and kept getting frustrated with me when I couldn't do the thing, my Dad, especially. This changed when my Dad went to a course for parents of autistic children after one of my stepsisters got diagnosed with it and he recognized me in the behavioral parents described, he suddenly became my main supporter and driving force in my getting diagnosed after years of being told I was essentially being too sensitive and after just three talks with an actual professional over skype, I was diagnosed with ADD and Autism. My Dad now checks up with me every now and then to ask if I need help with the things he previously expected me to be able to just do, I live in my own apartment now thanks to him.
This resonates with me, but I'm still connecting the dots for myself. If it's not too personal, what were the things? I have a feeling this may be quite revelatory for me. I'm so glad your dad now understands and wants to be supportive. That's a wonderful outcome! And good for you, getting your own place! Sounds like you're doing well. I love a good success story. 🙂
@@lisakukla459 The things I had trouble with were things like doing chores and paying bills, I NEEDED someone to sit me down and show me step-by-step what to do or where to start if there was... say... a mountain of dishes (we are a big family), or else nothing would get done. I can do them perfectly well once I know what to do but I couldn't, still can't, figure out how to do such things by myself.
Not many parents are open to learning or changing long-held beliefs. It sounds like you have a great dad. It’s super cool that you’re able to explore your independence while having your father’s educated support.
Did you (OP) ever feel like offers of help coming from people who you *don't* think understand you are actually just "offers" to rob you of autonomy while doing a task? Like, is your suspicion that they'll just yell at you for not making good use of *their* time while you have it, because you have to do things on *your* pace, and doing it any other way is just way too stressful for you? Maybe you reject help from these people because of how stressful the process will be for you, beyond what it would be to do it alone -- if only you could just do it -- and you also feel that they'll just resent you afterward? Asking for, uh, a friend who totally isn't me. (It's me. I'm the friend.)
I got my ADHD diagnosis at 19, got on medication about a year later, it worked great. But THEN once my ADHD hyperactivity was more subdued, suddenly my sensory issues were going haywire, like I couldn’t stand bright lights, my sound sensitivity was worse and I became an even pickier eater. Turns out my ADHD was probably masking my autistic traits this whole time. It makes sense, because I never fully related to the typical ADHD experience. I crave stability and routine, but I never shut up and tend to stare at people and talk very enthusiastically. My autistic sibling clocked me as being both long before I ever did lol
I had a friend who was medicated for his adult ADHD and suddenly started showing autistic traits. Do you think the medication that was helping you might have augmented those traits? With him, it was as if once he could focus, he focused so well that he couldn't un-focus even if he wanted to...like those of us on the spectrum have trouble modulating. Do you think that could be a thing? The medication that helps you also throws you into a state where your autistic traits become much more pronounced?
Meee! Right as I got diagnosed with ADHD I got medicine, and I started feeling different. At first, I tried to blame it on the Medicine, but that wasn't it. Then this video about autism in girls appeared. I didn't know much about autisim, and decided to watch the video. I thought hey I have some of those trates. Then, later on this video appeared. It was soo relatable. But Im still too nervous to tell anyone because I've never felt this way till now, and they might think In lying for attention. But thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only one! 😊
The fact that I was SO distracted by the green light in your glasses moving around so I had to stare at your necklace really just speaks to my ADHD. I have wondered about the autism side and especially after all the things that you said really spoke to me. The inner conflict being the biggest one that I notice. I am agoraphobic, but I get super bored all the time. I want to talk to people, but then it becomes too much. I get overstimulated very easily, but since I'm home often I am not stimulated enough. It's so exhausting to deal with everyday.
I got a clinical depression diagnosis when I was 18 and while I definitely was depressed at the time, turns out it wasn’t actually clinical. Also, it’s unfortunate common for depression/anxiety to be an inappropriate catch all for any mental distress/divergence, especially in adult women.
@angel1432 - if you are female, then most Drs will diagnose anxiety & depression because our hyperactivity tends to be in our brains / mind. And NOT being understood, nor able to accomplish our to do lists, nor be diagnosed IS what causes us to be anxious or depressed! Try to see a specialists. And yes, see Trevor Noah's recent YT talks about ADHD
@angel1432 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in my 30’s and recently discovered I have autism. I’m sure now I have both autism and ADHD. It checks all the boxes for my whole life.
“the person who doesn’t want to talk at all in a crowd, but also the one who can’t stop talking sometimes” I thought I was the only one who goes through this! I used to bawl at home growing up because of this stress! Thank you for sharing your experiences. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8 and was told by 10 different doctors that I was too talkative to have what is now fully called autism spectrum disorder. I have always gravitated to people who have either, especially those on the autism spectrum. At 34 I’m finally getting assessed a week from now!
I was at a company party. Talking alot as usual, and someone had mentioned that I talk alot. They meant it as a compliment, that I was personable. But I confessed that I hate it, and I wish I could be quiet and only speak if I have something relevant, and listen better. For me talking is a compulsion. It's refreshing to see that other "chatters" out there share my desire to just be silent.
@@waynepalumbo8917 : a mono autist once told me that he enjoyed my company since we share so much similar interests, but he could only tolerate my company for a short time, because I would max out his social energy quite quickly. Me being neurodiverse in both ASD and ADHD I could relate to that, since I can be a 1 person party of 10 sometimes (when I meet kin folk).
@@waynepalumbo8917 I am with you 50 years as chatty man, who felt at odds with the entire human race. I always felt like an alien living amongst people who looked vaguely similar. My hyperfocus is immense, and I am very personable, and able to build relationships - but only if I find they are of value to my hyperfocus bit. I also love spending time alone, and talking to no one -which for years felt like an oxymoron to me. Some find me really strange, and one of my children has autism, and the other ADHD. Turns out i have ADHD, with a nice cunning twist of Autism. I always wish I could be quiet, and just sometimes coast through life - but I cant. It turned out when I opened up about this at work, that a separate senior manger suggested a wish to be able to say what needed to be said, at the right time (they indicated I was able to do this). I didnt even realise I did it, but I learnt because I did, others hid behind me and let me sometimes challenge our leaders in ways they wouldnt dare. Who would of thought I could be of benefit to improving our business. Yet I have got into trouble for saying what needs to be said. I hope your situation is working out for you. I have learnt to love who I am, and how I am.
I've found myself recently being kind of upset with my old school teachers and with my parents for not picking up on my ADHD. I was the kid that was always late to class, never had my homework done, never brought the right supplies for the class, lost all my notes and handouts, etc. I was struggling so much in school I have been wondering how nobody thought to question it. But what you said about traits of autism and ADHD masking each other has me wondering a bit. Because even though I really struggled with those things, I always had good grades because I picked things up quickly, and I answered questions in class and was polite and well behaved because my social skills weren't at a level to be flexible with my behaviour. And when I picture this, I feel maybe a little more sympathy for those people in my life who didn't notice how badly I needed help.
This was exactly my experience too. Though it’s great to see education and childcare professionals trained in recognising neurodiverse traits and picking it up in preschool and referring parents onto specialists early. Gives me hope that the next gens of children will be better prepared and hopefully won’t have to struggle as much as we did
This was me too! I was also a daydreamer and of course the teachers always picked up on that, however to this day my parents believe that I was actually thinking and taking it all in, because I always got good grades. I'd hate to tell them after all these years that I was in fact daydreaming!
I definitely resonate with "neurodivergent people run in packs". Our group of friends from school have all been diagnosed within the last decade as having ADHD, autism and both. And while I feel like some of that is due to a better understanding of these conditions and more women being diagnosed in general, a lot of it is just because we got on at school because we implicitly understood the ADHD and autistic behaviour in each other. :)
I just end up making friends with neurodivergent people without trying to, later I then find out they are neurodivergent and it's literally happened so many times it's not funny
oh my goodness the social battery part is so real. I have these bursts of socialization but just one evening of fun can take like 2 days to recover from afterwards!
@@Helfirehydratransgeeze, all the things that have kept me up thinking, the time spent googling and buying things to then try, put away and then onto the next...its exhausting in itself but the seeking never ends
The constant inner conflict between the need for routine and the need for novelty is definitely something I've always struggled quite badly with, and I can attest that hearing from more people online who feel the same way has been a great comfort 🙂
i relate to this a lot too! when i was growing up, i would get really upset if i had an appointment my parents would forget to tell me about until the day of or night before, while i would never really stick to a schedule or routine because of my adhd, i would get unreasonably upset if something unexpected came up!
That's normal . There's nothing wrong with you. Stop looking to belong to a victim group. I did this years ago and now I see it for the big pharma scam it is . Don't take the speed.
Same! I hate unexpected change but I'm also almost constantly wanting to "shake things up" and have new adventures or see new things. Then I want to lock it all down and go to familiar places or do the same thing or see the same stuff in the same place at home when I'm stressed... 😅
This honestly clicks with me. I was diagnosed with ADHD recently at the age of 32, but the psychiatrist I saw said that the only autistic traits I had were perhaps the sensory. She only talked to me for 45 minutes and I guess the adhd was more noticeable that day. I am at constant conflict with myself and it drives me up the wall. I like routine, but I also hate routine because it gets boring but when I don't have it, I get overwhelmed. I like organization, but I can't organize and then things get cluttered and I get very upset with it. I like being social sometimes, but I also hate being social. There's more, but those are some of the conflicts I have.
For me the biggest issue is knowing what’s going on. I feel like I had to hide and work against myself for 25 years. Now it’s hard to say exactly what’s going on. I struggle with the things she said in the video, I like talking to some people but going out just to get groceries is a huge task. I’d come home and tell my that I am exhausted from all the people but end up feeling like I am just complaining and trying to find reasons not to leave the house. Having 2 small kids makes that even harder because I should leave the house with them but it’s really hard for me to do. I look for things I can change daily but fail after a couple of days to keep doing them. Over here in Germany it takes up to 2 years to get a diagnosis so I am just left hanging without knowing what to do and I almost feel like I have to self diagnose which isn’t even possible…
Those green circles reflections in your glasses are so entertaining, it's quite the game to try and predict which way they will move, the symmetrical pattern being the highlight.
"Needing people to be quiet around me so I can be noisy" hit one of my nails on the head and made me chuckle! I'm 48 and only just figured out I'm ASD/ADHD/CPTSD. Videos like this really help. Thanks ❤
36 and same! I have been diagnosed autism, but more and more I’ve been spotting ADHD symptoms too… symptoms that made me feel like a complete fraud because of the apparent contradictory nature! I immediately sent it to the parent who knows me best and interestingly enough I think it may apply to him too!
When I was 9 or 10 I was “diagnosed” with Sensory processing disorder (it’s not an actual separate diagnosis in the dsm). Fast forward to probably 5 years ago when my best friend was diagnosed with ADHD and told me I should look into it too. I did ALL the research and really resonated with a lot of it. I thought I finally found the answer to my weirdness that no one understood, but there was parts of it that I didn’t entirely agree with. A couple years later I learned about autism and for the first time I was like WOW, THIS IS EXACTLY ME! I started thinking well maybe I’m just autistic instead of having adhd, but the more I research, the more I’m leaning towards both. Sometimes it seems my adhd comes out more, and sometimes the autism comes out. It has always felt like a constant tug of war game in my head, and it’s exhausting especially around people.
This was my experience as well except flipped! I had a lot of things ticked from the asd list, but it didn't all fit, then I looked into adhd and it ALL clicked. Now I'm like ???? wait a minute, maybe I'm both 🙃 I got diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder last year as well (though my psych did note there was no such thing yet).
Omg are you me? But mine was unspecified processing disorder 🤣🤣🤣 I have my adhd diagnosis stimulant medication has really helped. I’m getting evaluated for autism next month lol.
The same. I have had exsactky the same feeling. And my child as well. No wonder!!! My father, I, my child and most probably my future grandchildren... Fortunately, there is answer and explanation for our different, difficult, contradictory and confusing existence. Alleluia!
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@@AnaSolano190 I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
The special interest bit really clinched it for me. I've been told by a professional that I couldn't be officially diagnosed as autistic because I was missing 'that big part of it' because I had varying lengths of high intensity obsessions with things, ranging from years to a week or two to intense research for an evening, with 2-5 longer lived topics I never bore of, but never that overpowering, all encompassing niche one that never goes away. This blew my mind. I feel very validated.
I had a psychiatrist tell me to my fave I was not autistic, even though I had already been dx’d with both adhd & asd. She demanded I be retested. So, i retested and she had to eat her comments. She left the practice soon after.
Yep...exactly the same for me...if i get into something, i have to learn it all and it consumes me for days till i crash...then i may get disregulated for a few more days to a week or so, then a new topic, or and old interests returns, some come with the seasons, others come with moods, music and drawing are 2 recurring themes, but i have picked up dozens of interest, from astronomy, to boating, precision rifles, arts, botany, anatomy, biology, gorod(best band on earth this month)...i crave both lonelyness and crowds but cant control which it will be in which situation......this is the most relatable video ever. ..i have no diagnosis...this is just how i can describe myself.....maybe i should get that referal after all lol
1:57 conflict between contradictory traits 2:47 balancing traits 4:07 special interests 5:56 different version of self 6:59 relating to people with dual diagnosia
Everything resonated. From the contradictory traits (being loud while expecting others to be quiet), the different traits from ADHD and autism coming out in different environments, being perceived as not as autistic as people expect, having a group of friends who are too much for you sometimes. This felt so validating thank you for sharing
lol yeh the loud/quiet my family used to always pull me up on as a kid & even without that, I'd be screaming at them all to shut up & just exploding cause of the noise/stimulation, while actually overstimulating them with my screaming about the noise
Holy moly! This resonates with me so much. I’m very organized in my environment, but can’t seem to prioritize the things I need to do on a daily basis. I appear very confident but notice RSD for real. I had a roommate who identified with both of these qualities in themself and often commented about my behavior being typical of a neurodivergent person, which started to intrigued me. I’m in my mid-forties at this point and have developed so many coping skills over the years that I’m now just in the process of reflecting on all the ways I adjusted to my environments to avoid being outwardly uncomfortable and now I’m starting to realize how internally uncomfortable I was my whole life.
Jeez, this is...more relatable than I expected. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since middle school, but I've always struggled socially due to being easily tired out and overwhelmed by people. At first my family just thought it was anxiety, but once I grew more confident and aware of the fact that people actually like me....nothing about my interactions with people changed at all. I was still overwhelmed all the time and seemingly standoffish. I'd be more reluctant to consider the possibility of having ASD if it wasn't so common in my family. On both my mom and my dad's side of the family. So uh...thanks for giving me something to think about, this could be really helpful. Thanks.
Oh- this is kind of exactly what I’m going through. Thought it was anxiety too, but I mean one of my uncles has Autism so I guess it’s a possibility. I don’t really want to unpack that though lol
I was taken aback when my therapist hit the nail on the head and told me I must be on the spectrum. I truly understand you when you were having trouble unpacking that luggage. My experience with autism was not good having spent time as an aide in the life skills class...the name given to the class for those that could not function in the general population in school. But I also had to look at the fact that my grandson was diagnosed on the spectrum, but as high functioning, which is very different from the little boy I took care of when I was an aide. Time and research as well as finding a community to help us through it... and therapy to better understand the traits and work with them. I wish you luck in unpacking that 🎒 bag.
My psychiatrist i had for my ADHD suspected my Autism because i didnt do eye contact and, For some reason, the fact that i used alot of forgin words in my speech, which i still dont get, i know i do it but in my experience alot from my generation does so as well. And of cause im introverted and i focus way better on things that interest me.
hi everyone! as someone who has recently been diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD, i’d like to share some parts of my seven-year journey to getting diagnosed in hopes that some of you might relate and maybe consider it helpful :) so, i've been through several therapists and psychiatrists since the age of 13 because of social/generalized anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and body image issues. i was 15 when a therapist first suspected i might be autistic, but my parents shrugged it off at the time and didn't pursue any testing because i didn't match their preconceived notions of what it meant to be autistic (and because i was developing an eating disorder at the time, which was their main concern). later, at 18, another therapist diagnosed me with ADHD but didn't take my struggles seriously at all and always deviated from the issue when i tried asking her for help. at 19, i moved to the city for college and started going to a new therapist. not only did she completely ignore my ADHD diagnosis, but she also refused to even consider the possibility of me being autistic (mind you, this woman didn't help me with my mental health at all, she actually made it worse). eventually, at 20 years old, i decided to try going to a neuropsychiatrist and he immediately suspected i might be autistic. he recommended me for an assessment with a neuropsychologist who specialized in ASD and she ended up concluding that i had ASD Level 1 (formerly known as Asperger's Syndrome). this neuropsychologist is now my new therapist and hands down the best one so far. however, it has been kind of a challenge for her to figure out the best way of helping me, since having both ASD and ADHD is quite the complex and unpredictable experience. this difficulty is worsened by the lack of research on how the two interact, adding to the very scarce research on how neurodiversity impacts girls and women. i try my best to describe my personal experience to her, but it isn’t always easy. it makes sense to me because it's all i've ever known but it's pretty hard to explain to someone else how my paradoxical mind works. based on all of this, i have reached the conclusion that not every mental health professional is qualified to work with neurodivergent folks (even though they often say they are) and i absolutely recommend those who haven’t gotten a diagnosis yet to seek out an actual specialist! i think that’s all. sending love and wishing the best for all of you!
Just know. you are helping people just like yourself 100 years in the future by showing and telling people who you are and what you feel. I hope you know that. For all future women with adhd + autism ... I thank you for your service! and thank you for leaving this absolutely wholesome comment! It's easy to tell that you are a good person.
Hey, thank you for the information. 58, undiagnosed, sort of lost atm. this video, and other channels has recently opened my eyes up. currently trying to work out how i can afford diagnosis. again thank you
Thank you. It must’ve been very hard. Sharing your story like this, helps me considering going for a diagnosis as well. I have recentelijk been diagnosed with ASD, but I feel like it isn’t really it completely, and then I stumbled upon this video which makes me anxious in a way because it checks a lot of things for me. (me being anxious is because I still find it difficult to be like: “yes I may have something and can ask for help” cause I often tried to convince my whole life to not complain ‘and I am fine’.)
@@zeromotivation1817 i sincerely hope you'll be able to afford it!! it'll give you a lot of answers you've probably been looking for all of your life, and it might help you feel less alone by knowing that several others out there have the same struggles as you! :)
This video made so much sense to me. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since first grade, but I've never felt like I was as at ease with socializing among other things as other people with just ADHD. Recently I've been genuinely questioning if I was autistic because I've had sensory issues, shutdowns, meltdowns, troubles keeping or making friends, gone non-verbal and much more. My parents have always told me "I definitely don't have it" for the longest time, so I believed them. But now I know they're not the best parents, and I've questioned myself through my standards more. However, I've never really related to only autistic people either. It makes so much sense now that I might have both. Thank you, seriously. Edit: 69 likes lmao
early diagnosis gang lol. and idk i feel bad as a woman cause I got diagnosed with adhd early on(they told my mom I was gonna need adderall later on, i was in montessori school lol. then 1st grade diagnosis. like I'm lucky to be diagnosed early bc it was so uncommon, but also i was very combination type presenting. I was just enough of a problem for my school to do something abt it lol. but it still never rllly fit. i still go non-verbal when I'm getting yelled at, i didn't display huge sensory issues bc the south didn't tolerate children who were unnecessarily noisy, so i was perceived as well behaved. the older i get the more i notice i have a lot. Vacuum cleaner? absolutely not. soft clothes are a must. i literally cannot produce one thought if there is a slightly distracting sound, but i have to hum and bepop and put a blanket on my legs.
Ya a totally agree I was diagnosed young as well. And my diagnosis never felt quite right. Especially because I never felt at ease with socializing I couldn't handle people who had the same kind of energy as me. But people always said I was good at socializing which always made me think that I wasn't autistic but they didn't know how hard I worked to socialize. That I have read dozens of books on how to socially engineer conversations and situations so people like you. Because I didn't understand people because to me they seemed to make completely irrational decisions. My dad is a psychologist and growing up he always told me I didn't have those traits because I could socialize successfully.
@@alexandrahill8801 Yeah, I was the hyperactive type when I was younger, so that was really diagnosable. Now I think I'm more combination like you. Textures are absolutely the worst, and I've been stimming as long as I can remember. Sounds were and still are horrible; I can't focus with any noise. No one can talk, breathe loudly, I can't have music or background noise and a lot of noise can cause me to dissociate or rock back and forth.
First of all, holy shit all of these are so relatable. I want to fit in so I just talk my ass off and say wayyyy too much, but when I get home I regret all of it. I want a routine because I want to get shit done but I hate routines because they feel mundane. I also don’t know if this is a hyper fixation thing, but I tend to find something I really like, and then do that one thing for days on end. I won’t be doing ANYTHING else, I’ll just be doing that thing (this includes games and movies, but I even engage in the other parts of it, like consuming content related to it, posting about it, engaging in the fandoms, making a name for myself in said fandoms, making friends there, and buying merchandise) but then after a while, I don’t have any more energy to do it, and I find myself completely disinterested in it. This makes me feel like absolute shit because I want to have a fandom or specific interest that I can say I am consistently in, but it just happens in random bursts where I dedicate all my time and energy to it, and then ghost it for weeks, months, even years. It also makes me think; what about my dreams for the future, what about my passion for art, music, filmmaking, story-telling? What if one day I just realize it was a hyperfixation or some kind of phase and that I’m done with it. I’m sick of everything I enjoy being a phase. I just want to like something regularly. I also worry what if I lose friends because of this. I don’t have many friends already, so what if I lose them because I lose interest in them? It sounds horrible, but my brain loves to go to the worst possible scenarios.. Edit: just played the video again (was halfway through when writing it) and instantly she described how ADHD and Autism can affect hyperfixations,, the exact thing I just mentioned. SO MAYBE I SHOULD GO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS-
Wow the explanation of your autism being stronger when you go out bc social/stimulation needs are harder to control/unknown vs ADHD being more dominant at home bc youve controlled your sensory environment and routine is predictable socially so autism side is "satisfied" makes SO much sense. I am in the process of seeking an autism diagnosis after just receiving my ADHD one finally at 40+ so this was the best summation for me, thankyou! Also the long term intersts vs short term hyperfocus ones and how both are possible, totally relate there as well! And the chatty ADHD outweighing the autism socially at times so has masked it during medical/psychology appts as doctors dont see the downtime needed after the social interaction!
Wow. As someone who after years of being diagnosed with depression/ anxiety finally thought they may be autistic, only then to discover they might also have adhd.. this hit home so hard. Particularly when you spoke about the need for everyone around me to be quiet, whilst making a lot of noise myself. That inner conflict has crippled my self esteem over the years. I have an assesment for ADHD on the 17th of November. Unfortunately i am on a long waiting list to be assessed for autism. To say I’m am anxious is an understatement. I’ve got myself in to a state, thinking that I’ve made all this up in my head and that actually I am just lazy and depressed. This video really helped ease my nerves. Thank you mind stranger
I Understand! i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in highschool and it has never felt correct. i finally saw a counselor who suggested i may have autism. well i havent been able to find anyone who can diagnose me officially but we went through all the criteria and it was the first time i felt like i fit in a category! and it made me realize why i clicked so fast with a friend of mine who knew he is autistic. i cried because i know now im not just broken. but through doing more research i have had a hard time knowing if thats all i have because sometimes i still feel really different...
100% agree. Mostly the being noisy yet needing quiet. The most often comment in our house is "you've just asked the kids to be quiet and now you're being just as loud" 😒
That's the worst part, what we tell ourselves or what sticks with us from what others tell us Even having diagnosis and it's acknowledgement of a lot of people around, I still often find myself thinking 'what's hell is wrong with you? Pull yourself together, you're just not trying hard enough' I think it's especially hard not really seeing or hearing other people going through the same inner conflicts, it does feel like it's all just made up in your head Hope your assesment goes well!❤️
I also have a psychology degree and I'm diagnosed with ADHD since a kid. However I was dismissed so strictly by three professionals who seemed sure that I absolutely didn't have autism within like 5 minutes. Facial expressions they said, eye contact they said, non monotone voice they said. See now the thing is, ever since I was a child my mind was set on becoming a singer. Music has always been my thing and I'm sure no autistic person will be suprised to hear this but I can't give it up to do more appropriate things lol. Since I wanted to be a singer who danced (and I also wanted to star in musicals) I practiced my facial expressions A LOT. Hours in front of the mirror. Getting the hang of it, finding the right eye movements, brow movements, feeling the song requires. I was already practicing my vocals and rapping skills and I think I became quite natural at those too.I also spent a horribly huge chunk of me teens searching "how to act normal" "how to socialize" "how to keep a conversation going" Reading all about how eye contact is super important and how I needed to act like I was confident for it to become real. (it didnt) So one day I decided that I'd just be looking at people in the eye all the time. That made them uncomfortable. Nowadays I find myself trying to balance a ratio of looking away and looking at them, I mostly miss what they're saying doing that. My god. Everything I described sounds painfully autistic doesn't it? Mind you I have a degree on this even though I prefer lived experiences of people more to a DSM diagnosis. But I couldn't even manage to begin the conversation about me possibly being autistic with these professionals. All three of them made me think that I do not want to walk through their footsteps. Even if I'm actually not autistic and being paranoid like they seemed to think, I'm still suffering from all those things I described. How could someone call themselves a mental health professional and invalidate someone's feelings and experiences like this? And the worst part is, if I didn't have the education I do have I wouldn't know what was so wrong with these people. I dont even know why I wrote all this but if you are also struggling to get a diagnosis and feel like an imposter, just leave that behind. You dont necessarily need the labeling to find help. If you suffer from something that autistic people suffer from look up what they do to overcome their challanges. We got this y'all.
that's better than being in the system. We live in such a eugenics age that it's good to not be diagnosed. I've read details of experiments and it seems obvious that psychologists don't really understand. They find autistic people and give them fashionable advice instead of what will help people.
At 40 I didn't feel the need to get an official diagnosis. These things are for us unless we need them for helps. I have no job currently that I would need accommodations for and getting them for Autism is hard, even harder for ADHD. Can in school, which the ADHD diagnosis was helpful at times there. I still had some profs who made you feel like you were cheating the system. Honestly if someone needs more time or a quiet room or a verbal test or whatever, we shouldn't have to have official diagnosis for that. We should just live in a culture that accommodates. As long as you get the work done or learn the thing that needs learning, who cares how or how long. Anyway...figure this out for you. Read and listen to a plethora of people who are autistic or dual diagnosis and if you see yourself there then that is all that matters. If you need it official for an official reason, seek out someone who know how to diagnosis adult non-males. There is a very well known bias that is being addressed but still prevalent, especially in certain countries (cough cough...USA). Feel free to throw literature and facts at them. Ask them sarcastic questions like "Have you ever heard of masking?" or say 'How 20th century of you to believe that." if they are truly being small minded and find someone that understands. More and more psych peeps are online now.
I watched my mother's awkward social skills and learned from my father who was an excellent salesman. It's not hard to hack social interactions with knowledge and practice. For practice I picked up social dancing after graduating university. Talking with senior citizens is not intimidating and talking with peers in very scripted ways is easy. I'm not sure
I can relate to that! Somehow I always was interested in so many things that I learned so many 'normal' skills even up to a higher level than non-ASD/non-adhd people. Studying body language and (micro)expressions intensively for several months made me better at reading people than the average person. Same with studying non violent communication (nvc), suddenly people experience me as very empathic. But it's also confusing myself and others with it, and tiring if I try to read other people constantly if I let myself be dragged too much into social situations by people who think I enjoy that because I'm so people minded and communicative ;) The good thing is that a lot can be learned and masked, both very helpful and tricky.
All of the research on proper socialization and eye contact, and somehow I still feel like a weirdo for having done that. At least I'm not the only one that did and still couldn't quite get the hang of it, especially when trying to talk to a professional, the mask comes on too quickly and articulating a thought turns into are my feet and bellybutton facing the right direction, is my body language closed off, ?eye contact?, fidgeting or no fidgeting and how much is too much? What forms of stimming are socially appropriate in which settings? It's all too much.
This really resonated with me! I have never understood these conflicting traits of mine. Craving order and routine, but also novelty and change... filled with ideas and big-picture creativity, but also logical and analytical. SO many times, I've found myself wondering which one is "really me." I've only just recently begun to accept that BOTH sides are authentically me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in 1st grade...and autistic at 50. Your video helps explain why I can be a total mess, until I break and turf out my messes. Why I get obsessed with topics, and then space out and mentally wander around lost. Much sympathy/empathy for those who are undiagnosed but know something's going on.
i can't even begin to explain how grateful i am for this video... i'm 20 and was recently diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD but my therapist (the one who diagnosed me) specializes in ASD so she mostly focuses on it, which has led me to deal with imposter syndrome because i don't fully relate to people who are only autistic. i'll definitely be sharing this video with her! thank you so much!!!
Although not diagnosed yet, I am fairly confident, after many years of research, that I have both. It was an epiphany when I realised I was autistic but imposter syndrome was strong. Though it explained so much, I still didn't feel I fit the mould and thought I was making it up. Then when I discovered adhd as well it explained everything and ticked all the boxes. It was such a huge thing for me, so exciting to discover I'm not just lazy, immature and incapable. There is a reason I'm so seemingly "bad at life". Though imposter syndrome is still kicking my butt and I won't feel able to speak up about my needs without a firm medical diagnosis, I feel the need to prove why I am the way I am and that I can't change or "get better". So many years of self hatred and blaming myself means I can't give myself any credit for just surviving until age 39 with no support. I still feel the need to apologise for my existence because I still see myself as a bad, lazy person who just isn't trying hard enough rather than a neurodivergent desperately struggling to keep my head above water.
I struggle with impostor syndrome a lot currently too, I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but Im pretty sure I have both as well. So you’re not alone 😢, it’s especially hard when you feel like the people around you aren’t taking you seriously too, I told my parents and my mom was not really accepting it that well. So it’s pretty difficult especially when you’ve gotten thru life relatively ok (I’m 34 and I’ve always just been the “weird” girl), and seeming somewhat “normal” and people think you’re just making it up. 😒
100% spot on! I know the feeling and I am now 68 years old. I just found a way to deal with it where both can be appeased. I got them to create a cease fire. It's been six months now and still going with a quieter AUDHD experience. I know the conflict you are speaking of, it felt like a war all the time in my head. I convinced myself to allow time for each side. I would define an activity as either ADHD or Autistic then I would ask the other side to step back and allow the controlling one to have time to do it's thing in that moment with the promise that the other would have time later. I seems to be working for me. I have less conflict and more cooperation in my brain. I'm getting more done as a result. I'm loving life as an AUDHDer with the new controlled cease fire arrangement. THANK YOU for all you do, it helps!
Point 5 cannot be overstated enough. The point I realised I was autistic rather than "just me, I guess I'm weird" was the realisation that the ONLY people I never had to explain how my brain worked to were all the specific friends who were finally getting their autistic diagnoses after years of struggle. When it was 1 or 2 people it was a coincidence, when it started to edge up past 10 and marched through 15 it kinda became undeniable even if many of my traits don't fit the broken old traditional diagnosis list.
I have the same with ADD/ADHD.... But my possible ADHD is just weird idk .... At rhis point I'm only friends with 1 other person who isn't diagnosed with ADD/ADHD or autism and is neurodivergent. I just don't click with "normal" people. Help!
100% spot on. I am diagnosed with ADHD but I totally relate to the inner conflict of overstemulation and understimulation. I will constantly stimulation seek and multitask but ONLY if it's things that are completely under my control. Amost any novelty and change that is not in my control overwhelms and freaks me out!
YES! I get so bored at home that I need to have multiple things going e.g. a video game and a youtube video. But as soon as my partner walks in and starts talking (over the top of the 2 other things) I can't function
I was one of those people who was diagnosed with ADHD first prior to 2013 (when you couldn't have both an ASD & ADHD diagnosis) and just recently diagnosed as an Autistic. It didn't help that there is little to no research on Autistic adults (or in my case Black women) and even fewer involving Autistic + ADHD (dual diagnosis) individuals. The lack of research led me to panic before my assessment and kinda psych myself out but eventually getting answers *for me* was the best decision! Thanks Sam! You've been a big help during the process!
How difficult was it to find a place to get evaluated? How much did it end up costing? What were the tests like? I'm trying to hunt down a place to get evaluated but it's proving so difficult. How can you tell if a place will be fair in their evaluation and not gate-keep? I've had a doctor try to rip away my ADHD dx and chalk all symptoms up to anxiety and that has really terrified me.
@@Rutabega_NG many folks pass on the diagnosis b/c they're not struggling so figure "why would I need it"; but speaking from the perspective of someone who was attempting to get a diagnosis at the peak of their struggle, I always recommend putting in the work anyway. It's much harder to do when you've little to no executive functioning. Once done, the diagnosis is at least there when you may most need it.
Hey same here actually! Not only that I am a black mixed trans person as well, and was surprised to even have been diagnosed with adhd as a kid considering most kids diagnosed were cis white males. It's reassuring seeing others that feel the same as I have had imposter syndrome about my asd diagnosis as well
Honestly, the "no dual diagnosis" thing legitimately had a big hand in me messing up repeatedly in uni until I gave up. I've had an ASD diagnosis since I was 6, and therefore our first stage school (6-12 years) treated me like schools treated autistic kids in the late 90s/early 00s... if you know you know. I was academically pretty good until we reached the 2nd stage of mandatory education (13-16) because the added expectation of indepence with no preparation for it pretty much induced a free fall. I just barely managed to graduate, but the uni experience is what really kicked my self esteem when I was down. Here I was, learning subjects I was actually interested in and even kinda good at, and still consistently forgot the home assignments and projects + the trauma from being "the autistic kid" in my old school social environment didn't help as well. None of the typical strategies people recommended actually worked for me. I tried repeatedly to just push through but it never worked. I got an adhd diagnosis in 2021 and honestly it was kinda bittersweet at that point. To be clear: I'm not just feeling sorry for myself. I'm actually kinda pissed. Because if the dual diagnosis had been a thing, even unofficially as a possibility, I think just being aware of my ADHD and having access to ADHD specific self help things, I am certain I wouldn't have been left behind academically and had more chance of a better adult future than I currently have. Logically I know science marches on, but emotionally I feel robbed.
Same, Im a good student who´s great at humanities and things that interest me, but gods forbid I have to learn something I don´t vibe with. Also, I feel the time management sooo much. So many things just don´t work for me, but Im slowly figuring things out. I was never diagnosed, so I feel really betrayed that no one ever noticed. We both were.
No need for the disclaimer, it’s one of the most common reactions after an adhd diagnosis to be full of grief and rage. We were left behind for so long and could have been improving so long ago and have to start from scratch now.
I know what you mean 😢 except I wasn’t diagnosed with either of them until I was diagnosed with ADHD in college at the age of 20. I still haven’t been diagnosed with Autism, though I suspect it. I did fine in elementary school where I had support and a set routine at school and could do my own thing at home, but by about 8th grade or 9th grade I started to struggle keeping track of all my homework and getting stuff done and forcing myself to do assignments I didn’t enjoy. Then in college it all became so much harder. Even once I was diagnosed I didn’t get any support or anything for my ADHD and barely managed to graduate. Now, if I were to go back, I would do things much differently and make sure I had the necessary supports for my ADHD, and I’d get diagnosed for Autism so I could get support for that as well. It’s a struggle when I thrive on routine and love routines but can’t seem to stick to them. 😢
I know! We are the forgotten generation. I'm 35 and still waiting on being diagnosed for adult adhd even tho I've had since being little aswel as learning I'm autistic aswel.
School was year after year after year of relentless torture, creating c-ptsd. I'm still battling every single day with the rage of all those adults betrayal and abuse. Nothing got better by me being very intelligent - but only in verbal and creativity areas. It meant I always was told: You're smart, but never do well in school. That means your lazy. Work harder! You're expected to become the next star author! All the other kids saw this, and concluded it was perfectly fine to bully the weird kid. Does anyone else struggle with that constant bitter, bloody monster of memories?
Being diagnosed with both at age 40 was a relief because I couldn't work out why I just couldn't be how everyone expected me to be. I want friends, but I don't like going out to meet people so it's really hard. I find that I am lonely a lot of the time.
I feel that. I have no problem having a conversation with complete strangers (unless its about something tedious, like the weather), but it's rare that I actually make plans with people and form deep or lasting friendships
Yeah very much relate to both these comments. I love meeting new people, I really really love it... but I've also got varying social anxiety and can often go hermit for weeks at a time...
Yes! In election years I can spend hours talking to just anyone (except the racists). I absolutely love meeting tourists and give them a little tour. Going to the hair stylist is pure entertainment. But... I have zero friends that last. And I'm not so sure I want one either.
Yes! I want friends, but can't socialize, and I have social anxiety, that isn't crippling in the moment, then I think about what happened and I'm like... maybe I need a shirt that says "I'm sorry, I'm trying my best."
Well, doofus, enough people liked my comment that I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're mistaken, because obviously a few of us WERE actually entertained. But again, that wasn't my point, ya gunkie. I wasn't even talking to you, so my phrasing should not impact you in any way whatsoever. The fact that it bothered you enough to respond not just once but TWICE, and in such a mean way, says far more about your mental state than mine. Lighten up, Frances. I'm always here if you need a hug, for I am NOT a murderer of joy.
This video was so validating. On one side I want to continue traveling the world and meeting new people. I crave the novelty however my autistic side wants to be left the hell alone and remain unseen. The part about the changing/consistent fixations was spot on too. Random things (typically youtube vids) can have me obsessed with mini projects and learning new skills. Once I gain above average efficiency, I get bored and move on to the next. After feeling like an absolute alien for so long, it feels good to be related to. Thanks for the vid.
I do this with languages. Got basic skills in German and Spanish, love languages and can understand and read a lot of Portuguese, French, Italian, German, Dutch, Nordic languages ect. So I can grasp a lot of information from a lot of different European language. I can just not follow through to be fluent and have efficiency with any 1 language. German is notoriously difficult to learn. So even though that was the first language I took head on trying to learn, it did take many years of spurts of interest in different languages to be able to understand spoken language well enough to conversate.
I ask myself all the time why I want to talk at everyone and want to, as you said, travel, meet a million people, and in my case work on big teams doing big things, but also believe it's nobody's business what I'm doing with my life and I refuse to share it on social media or even when asked about it.
Lolol I also want to travel but I see videos about "Ways to meet new people when traveling." and I think "Meet new people?? Why on earth would I do that and ruin a great trip??" 😂
I was diagnosed with ADHD in the very early 80s when i was in first grade. Was on ritalin for most of my childhood. When i was in my early 20s i would babysit for my wifes cousin. Her son was on a more severe level of autistic. I watched him grow over the years, and how he acted in day to day life and i noticed a ton of similarities between things he would do and my own experiences growing up and as an adult. Just with him they were more pronounced and he never hid any of it from others eyes, which i did. Fast forward a few years and i was finally diagnosed with Autism.
Wow, I wonder if the ADHD figures into our heightened need to mask, and even gives us the ability - it makes sense when I think about it, it's like I am tapping into another personality almost when I am in public around people who aren't my person- my inner circle consists of one boy and 7 cats, haha, I would give my right arm for my family to be alive again, they would be behind this all the way, because they knew something was wrong but I would slide in and out of mental health diagnosis, this autism spectrum+ADHD and I am most definitely a HSP (highly sensitive person) and the most introverted introvert, yet I can make small talk if I have to , and even enjoy it a little sometimes, like with cashiers at stores and stuff- shopping was my people time, I could be close but interaction wasn't demanded, it was perfect - until I racked up thousands in store credit card debt because I didn't have the money to shop, haha. That was maybe some of the mania of my bi-polar, though, a lot of the time... My brain is like Rubix cube to me, and I can't solve one of those to save my life, haha, so here we are... Horses, thank God for horses. Seriously, I had nothing before. I can take care of them and earn a little money without going totally insane, but they couldn't support myself financially and still take care of myself, I don't know what I would do without my bf, he doesn't understand my issues but he loves me and supports me anyway, I couldn't ask for more- (And yet I DO... Joe, if you're out there - "What the f*ck is wrong with me, what the F*CK is wrong with me..." You knew it, too, and the world was no easier for you. At least you had talent. You didn't do much with it, but you had it...) Anyway. I digress, talking to ghosts again, I guess... They are all I have to talk to, most days. And that's usually just fine with me, haha...
I got my ASD diagnosis at 45, just over 7 years ago, and my ADHD diagnosis only last year. The ADHD side definitely impacts on the ASD. I present more autistic than ADHD. Funny thing is, my wife was diagnosed 'hyperactive' as a child (no such term as ADHD then) and now has a proper ADHD diagnosis and is almost certainly ASD as well, and she presents more ADHD. As for running in packs, that's because as a whole, we are much more accepting of other peoples neurotypes than NT's. We run in packs because we've all been bullied, we've all been snubbed, we've all been rejected by society as a whole, so in the end, we make our own society. It's inclusive and tries not to hurt the other person, and can be very healing for us.
Try hard enough and you can get diagnosed with many things. It’s a spectrum, I show tendencies for both, and I also have a degree of colourblindness, but I don’t go around calling myself autistic or colourblind.
Oh my gosh! You just described me perfectly! I am 55 years old and just found out I'm autistic a few months ago but I have the conflicting needs like you describe here. Wow! I get overwhelmed easily when I leave home but I get so depressed from staying home so much. I yearn for new experiences but at the same time I get overstimulated by having even mundane outings such as grocery shopping. I feel like I understand myself for the very first time. Thank you for this.
1. 1:56 Constant conflict between apparently contradictory traits 2. 2:46 Your traits may appear to balance each other out 3. 4:08 A larger variety than usual of special interests/hyper fixations 4. 5:55 Different versions of your traits emerge in different situations 5. 7:02 You relate to people who have a dual diagnosis themselves
Hey Sam, I don't have autism, just ADHD, but what you said about self contradictions still really resonated with me and helped me articulate some aspects of myself I struggle with. For me it's more like, I crave newness and stimulation and feel incredible joy and freedom when I act spontaneously, but also absolutely need strict routine and order to get basic necessary tasks and self care done, because the cognitive load of doing those things without the routine is too great. It sometimes feels like I have two brain states; if I indulge in whatever is making me excited in the moment I fail to do basic important tasks, which makes me stressed out and miserable in the long run, but if I go about my daily necessary tasks strictly I cut myself off from the things that bring me real joy and excitement, which also makes me steadily more miserable over time. It's incredibly frustrating. But, articulating it like this just now is the best clarity I've gotten on the situation so far. So thank you for making this point!
I, too, can relate. "Strike while the iron is hot" is not good advice when you have ADHD! We have to find a balance! I can think of several interesting perspectives I have on this topic LOL
i never heard someone describe this particular phenomenon (that i too experience) so effectively. so, seriously thank you bc this will genuinely help me explain my feelings.
As you all know, one of the biggest challenges for ADHD and ASD is describing what is going on with our internal selves as, often times, they don't match our outward selves very often. Thank you for the verbalizing of this conflict that happens ALL the time! Now I may have better luck describing this process to my NT husband!
Omg i have such a weird outside-self that I really don’t like. I wish people could see my calm and funny and not-annoying self I am on my own, but instead they see my insane, high energy, fairly annoying, laughing way too much self that I don’t like. Sometimes when I walk away from a friend I just talked to I wonder why they even really like me because I wouldn’t be friends with myself. I feel like they feel forced to deal with me.
OMG Everything described so well it was uncanny! 😯 I have an ADHD diagnosis, but I suspected I am also autistic for a long time. The craving organization, but at the same time being really messy, the great variety of interests (some ongoing, some for short periods but obsessively), how social interactions drain me but at the same time I like talking to new people...
The amount of breakdowns centered around my "inconsistent" symptoms is endless. I felt hopeless about getting help because I never thought someone would believe me. They balance each other out but also cause problems of their own and I didn't know how to describe it. This video was extremely informative, I knew I had both but I didn't understand how they interacted.
As someone who views myself as having both ADHD and Autism but due to lack of diagnosis often describes myself as just neurodivergent, watching this was so validating. I was able to recognize how each of these relate to my own life in my own unique ways. :)
@@ASMCourtney "Yuqing Lee" has been posting this exact text as a response to various comments, and it matches the "this program/product/food/diet/magic powder cures autism to make parents happy" boilerplate. Approach with caution.
I describe myself as neurodivergent because my only official diagnosis is ADHD, but healthcare professionals have agreed in my determinations that autism and dyscalculia describe other experiences of mine that ADHD doesn't quite cover. I did have to pay for the ADHD diagnosis as I needed help in university and that was the only way to get accommodations.
Well.... A friend of mine got diagnosed last week with 38yo. And because of her telling me a lot of these neurodivergent things AND because she one time said that I have a lot of these traits, too, I came here. And yeah. I felt like you described me from the very beginning to the end.... I never have thought about that. I just was so frustrated I never get along with my life... So thanks for helping people understand theirselves and others to understand them :)
HOLY CRAP. just. wow. i have never, in my life, seen a video this helpful in expressing my internal emotions and feelings since i can't get them out myself. this hit every mark for me. i have diagnosed adhd, and i've been thinking that i also have autism for a while. the "balancing out" thing perfectly explains my situation, and now i'm thinking about seeking out dual-diagnosed people since i don't know anyone with both yet. i've never really clicked with anyone in my life; i've always felt like my struggles are exclusively my own, but this video really helps me with that right now. just, thank you. all i can say is thank you so much.
I am in the same boat as you. I was diagnosed with ADHD, but I’ve been suspecting I might be autistic as well for quite a while. I noticed that I can relate to my neuro divergent friends a lot easier, but the friend I can relate the most and it’s like we just understand each other has both autism and adhd. 😶😶
@@anahitaeshghtorki8419 same re relating to autism, despite a diagnoses of ADHD. ADHD people I don't actually tend to relate to that well, I think cause I'm on meds that work for me, not sure, but if I go to ADHD support group meets, I just don't click with people there at all really. Would be interesting to meet duel diagnoses people, but no idea where to do so
Hey, same here! Hit me up if you want to connect, it seems our special interests may overlap since music is in your username and I am a producer myself :) Either way, have a a good day and I hope you can get clarity one way or another!
I’ve been diagnosed as both a couple years ago at 23, and decided to watch this video to just kinda go “oh yeah I do that” or leave a quick comment about it being accurate, but your 4th point honestly hit me so hard because it described me growing up almost exactly. At school when we did in class assignments I could focus and get them done quickly, but at home with homework I just could never focus. I’ve never seen this element of the ADHD/Autistic traits expressing/suppressing themselves in different environments talked about before
It's the same exact thing for me as well. It's satisfying for the adhd to be in public and draining for my possible autism. Homework is an escape from socializing while maintaining the adhd.
I'm diagnosed ADHD and sometimes suspect mild autism might be in play. This video resonated with me quite a bit, and seeing your comment about homework really resonates because it's so specific and I've never heard it voiced by someone else. I loved getting work done while at school because it felt good and easy, and at home I could never stay focused. Often I just started to fall asleep lol. I'm not positive what leads to this, but it's cool to hear someone else mention it
oh my god, i was just innocently reading through the comments and wasnt expecting to be hit with this super specific issue. i was always very fast in doing my assignments in class and i only occasionally struggled with focus, but at home i could not for the life of me focus on my homework. thanks for commenting this
I have had the same experience. If given in class time to do assignments, I always got them done and did well. But homework was out of sight and out of mind or, if remembered, it was too confusing to do in my home (lots of noise and distractions).
Wow! This totally clicks! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 47 and was told I'm "twice exceptional" which is probably why I was never diagnosed. And it explained so much! But not everything. Like why I simultaneously LOVE and hate travel. I love the novelty of visiting new places, but am easily overstimulated by noise and lots of people. And the struggle to keep a clean house to keep sane while the ADHDemon makes it almost impossible. I hear you, sister--the struggle is SO real!
Me too! And at the same age! I fully expected the ADHD, as my son had been diagnosed the month before, but I was not expecting the ASD1. I’m still figuring it out but it’s nice to meet a fellow traveler! ❤
Thank you for putting to words what I only vaguely recognized in myself and what I've passed on to my son. I thought I only had one problem but it makes total sense that there's a nuance to it. Now, about those ring light reflections in your glasses ...
When you said the part about needing order, but also finding it difficult to maintain....I felt that to my core. Clutter absolutely stresses me out, but I also have extreme difficulty focusing on a task long enough to finish it either. I bounce from one cleaning/declutterting task to another, not really completing any of them. It's utterly exhausting.
Diagnosed with adhd a few months ago (45), expected that, ocd tendencies came out as well, not surprising. Doc said I may be dipping my toes into the autism spectrum and that threw me for a loop. My experience with and understanding of autism were very flawed and I couldn’t even entertain the thought for several months. Got to the point that I felt comfortable with the struggles adhd and ocd entailed, and decided to watch some videos of folks who had both, or just autism in an effort to prove to myself it wasn’t possible. Every single thing I watched made some part of my life experience make sense in a way that it never has. I now believe that the autism is the larger of the two primary issues. I’m including my next statement on the chance it will help someone else, I’m not proud of it. When things first started lining up, due to my misconceptions about autism, I had to deal with a large amount of self-revulsion. It was disconcerting to say the least, and required time and ‘educating’ myself via RUclips videos and articles and other places. I am now so much more at peace than I have ever been my entire life. All I’ve ever wanted out of life is for someone else or myself to understand me and why I am/feel so different, and now I have that. I don’t have to live every day in near terror that someone will see through the mask and I’ll get locked up in a padded room. The terror was due to not being able to explain the issues. I could put my finger on what a number of my “symptoms” were, but couldn’t explain them. Made me feel crazy. Much like Sarah Hendrickx(sp?) I have a very polished mask from studying people through much of my life. Good sense of humor/quick wit for deflection on anything that might slip out from under the mask. Not sure where I was going with this paragraph. Sorry. Long story short, get checked out, educate yourself as best you can while on wait lists for diagnoses. It’s worth it. And thanks Sam, for making your videos, they’ve helped me to achieve some peace and self-understanding.
I was 45 when I found out about my autism and I was...like you, I guess. Self revulsion and all. I am better off now that others have shared their stories and I learned that there is a whole world of people like me. A small world indeed.
Andrew, you have a wonderful perspective, and I thank you so much for your courage in sharing parts of your very enlightening and meaningful journey with us!
Combo of OCD and ADHD tendencies is something I struggle with and the OCD part is definitely from autism. This usually makes no sense to people which is frustrating. But just like the feelings you had about autism, these things are drilled into us in certain ways, usually unproductive ones. I have had (and frankly still do a bit) a bias against meds even though they the right ones have had a huge positive impact on me. Runs deep.
My favourite quote: "Neurodivergent people tend to run in packs". That we do. I have a bunch of AUDHDer friends (although I'm just ADHD myself). I'm physically disabled in addition and I haven't yet found anybody that talks about how ADHD impacts someone who is physically disabled (with chronic pain/fatigue) and vice versa (how physical disability impacts ADHD traits). I find that more people are recognizing folks who have both ADHD and autism though, which is good. Thanks for the video. Peace.
“I'm physically disabled in addition and I haven't yet found anybody that talks about how ADHD impacts someone who is physically disabled (with chronic pain/fatigue) and vice versa (how physical disability impacts ADHD traits).” Maybe you could be this person?! 😛 just a random thought
So I'm ADHD and while it's not a disability, I have tinnitus and sensory issues with hearing and oh my God. It's awful whenever it kicks in. It genuinely hurts a solid chunk of the time
@@hylianhero1921 Just for your information, ADHD is actually a disability by definition! It may not impact your day to day life too much, which is what I think you meant to communicate, but it's worth understanding that ADHD is a disability in case something comes up where identifying it as the disability that it is could be really helpful (for instance, reasonable accommodations for work or study, if something happens to aggravate your ADHD and you need medication, etc). Many disabilities don't actually hinder the person much, but it's good to know for informational purposes that disabilities that are under control/well managed and not crippling are still disabilities! My friend with Chron's Disease pointed this out to me, actually. She said even when her Chron's is in remission or managed to the point of minimal symptoms, it would be pretty unhelpful to say it wasn't a chronic condition and a disability, because if she minimizes it while it's less severe, it's harder to be taken seriously when she needs it. That really stuck with me. Hope this helps!
@Wyld_Wych - I have an idea: *_Oxytocin_* I have a friend who was bedridden for 15 years with CFS, then he discovered Oxytocin (the "love hormone"). Now in his late seventies, he walks in the park every day, rain or shine, and does some fairy intense physical exercise at a high level, and much more. Will it work for you?
I have scoliosis and ADHD diagnosis, my scoliosis definitely affects my hyperactivity (or lack thereof). I'd probably be able to sleep better if I could get out more energy but I'd rather sit because it's physically more comfortable, running hurts.
OMG, my AutDHD bestie told me I’m on the autism spectrum, but I pushed back since my late diagnosed adhd and 40 years of masking made me think I wasn’t that far into the spectrum on that slider. Thank you for making this make sense.
Yeah, like holy cow, I'm pretty sure several people have described me this way. I have to be able to gauge what side of me (and what mask) is right for this environment and let the adhd brain show others that I am actually cool and sociable whilst also making sure I don't weird people out.
No video has ever represented my problems better than this one! I got both diagnoses around 8 years old, and I have watched many videos on ADHD and Autism separately, but when you talk about the combination like this it hits the nail on the head for me. I almost find it kinda comical how I actually have pretty good organizational skills due to my autism, but it take so much time and effort to organize because of my inability to maintain focus due to ADHD. The most frustrating part is that I have so much will to be creative but so little energy to concentrate on one thing for a long time. Anyway, I really liked the video and just subscribed :)
Have you found anything that helps with the struggle of having such a high need to be creative vs having no concentration or energy to stick with the one thing to actually pursue the creative thing you're craving? This has always been a gigantic thing for me in my life. I've started writing so many things and never finished anything, I have developed a real self-hatred based on never fully finishing what I start or engaging with my hobbies long enough to actually feel like I can call them hobbies, I never stick with anything though I really want to. And being creative is one of those things that's really important to me.
Your comment resonates strongly with me. I'm struggling like mad to get any kind of diagnosis, because my therapist and psychiatrist both believe I'm too 'successful' or 'social' to have ADHD or Autism. But I'm exhausted and frustrated all the time because I struggle to fit in, handle large crowds, just speaking to my husband sometimes, and focus on the things that interest me to the point of not being able to sleep.
@@Cerulean_Waters Unfortunately, I don’t have a magic solution, but I have found a method that kinda works for me. What I do is I try to limit the number of projects I want to do to a maximum of three in any given week/month. When I’m bored by the first project, I move on to the second and then to the third and I repeat the formula. Before, I used to have 6-8 different things going on, but that’s just not practical, and when I tried to focus all my energy on one project, I ended up being so sick of it that I didn’t want to do anything for weeks. When I prioritize three main projects and switch between them, I find it easier to keep myself stimulated and not get too tired/bored, but it’s also important to take some breaks from being creative as well to save some energy. I don’t know if I have any other advice to give, I’m still figuring things out :), but I’ve realized I have to prioritize where I put my energy.
I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I was diagnosed with autism about a week ago. This makes so much sense to me. Ironically, I keep forgetting I’m even diagnosed with ADHD because it’s just felt like there’s always been a “bigger issue” that I had to figure out, even though it definitely contributes. I don’t think I can just keep neglecting that diagnosis and pretending like it doesn’t exist.
I watched it once, alone, and a second time with my husband. I am so surprised and at the same time I simply feel validated. My husband shook his head in disbelief. Not because he didn't believe but because it's hard to believe how well you described me although we never met. I am so very thankful for the internet and all the chances to learn. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! (I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s.)
My sincere condolences to him. I'm currently living the nightmare married to an ADHD man (diagnosed 10 years post-marriage and now treated with meds) - I hope you're doing more than just taking adderall. My spouse isn't and I'm about to throw in the towel. There's a reason relationship failure is twice as high for ADHD people. SMH
@@LillyBunnyBoo don’t project your life onto others, please. this was so rude, now i wonder who keeps up with whom! unnecessary comment, “my condolences to him” ok?
@@LillyBunnyBoo Quote: 'There's a reason relationship failure is twice as high for ADHD people." Suggestion: perhaps it's the intolerance of the ADHDer's partner?
@@gillywillybythesea lol NO. It's the crazy-making of the ADHD partner - there's only so much a tolerant person can take. You guys want saints. Without medication, a shrink, and an ADHD COACH who gives the ADHD patient tools with which to navigate, there's no hope. You're the one with the issues, not us.
@@wonderlaund lol Nope. Sorry you're ADHD, but you guys want saints to "understand" you with little benefit for the partner. Not my issues and soon to REALLY become not my issues. :)
I'm 30 and have known about having ADHD for the last 8 or so years. And a few weeks ago, my new therapist asked me if I've ever been tested for asperger's before. I've been learning more about autism and just found you yesterday, and wow this video really clicked for me. Thanks for this one!
One thing you may want to know is that the term 'Asperger's' is outdated. While it's technically what's on my diagnosis (I was diagnosed at 11), it's not a term I would ever use any more and I just call myself autistic. This is because it was named after a nazi, Hans Asperger, who used it as a barrier to decide which autistic people got to live and which ones didn't. That's why the autistic community has rejected the term and the medical community is doing the same - diagnoses of 'Asperger's Syndrome' are no longer given. I was actually diagnosed in the final year before they stopped diagnosing it, which was now almost nine years ago. /info /nm
I realized this a few years ago. I got a review that took 3 visits. The doc concluded that I wasn't on the autism spectrum, but that I was one point away on his rubric, but that I was one of the worst cases of ADHD he had seen. (One test was a recorded dialogue between a girl and her grandfather and I was asked about their emotional responses. I nitpicked the acting for 15 minutes.) Thank you for this video! You managed to describe exactly the issues I had growing up and still contend with daily. I does make me feel less alone.
I have to nitpick as a disclaimer. It feels necessary while the rest of the world cannot understand why I over share or explain myself. It is important, I don't care if nuerotypicals cannot see why it is. And they just consider it funny and a querk. Kind of frustrating, but it's not the worst response I've dealt with.
@@mindymeek2 this This always happens whenever somebody questions me or I'm trying to explain myself I explain every aspect every point I'm trying to make in advance and some people see it as aggressive or ranting and sometimes it can be but other times I'm just trying to explain every single point I had and every single leap of logic my mind made and why do people not understand that?
@SomeoneWhoExists yes! My psychiatrist has commented that he thinks traits are often more relevant than a blanket disorder diagnosis, and I tend to agree. While ADHD and autism are among the conditions that may center around a common physiological root, there are plenty of disorders that are a judgement call as to what traits to aggregate, and even ADHD and autism don’t aggregate consistently (and it used to be thought that you couldn’t have both!). The diagnostic landscape has changed markedly since I was a kid, and I suspect it will change even more in the next 50+ years. There is so much overlap in traits, and I think this is because a lot of biological processes are very similar for different disorders. My issues clearly involve hypofrontality/executive functioning issues, overactive adrenal function, and an amygdala with too many darned dendrites. From those things you can get all sorts of disorders/neurodivergent states, hence the proliferation of comorbidities (one way of looking at it) or individual differences (which is my preferred way of looking at it.)
Hard to believe at 70 y.o., I have discovered my ying and yang of Aspergers and ADHD. Now it makes more sense. I am like you. My training is mechanical engineering and interest in math, physics and building things. But I also have a pretty strong interest in psychology as well aka better understanding myself and others around me. I am generally much more chatty than a typical engineer and more congenial but only to a point. I am both very shy in a large crowd and yes very chatty and hyper verbal in a smaller setting. This was always difficult to come to terms with in business because I have met people wired the opposite who would be more comfortable speaking in crowds and struggled more with intimate dialog. I have no trouble talking to strangers. Also, like you, I present normally, and nobody has any idea I have both qualities. Most just believe I have an intellectual bend and don't like to go to parties in spite of always being popular. Thanks for your video.
The whole imposter syndrome thing is SO REAL. I got diagnosed with ADHD recently (and have been asked multiple times why I wasn't diagnosed as a child -- that was the masking, bestie!) and then I realized I was having a "either autistic people need to stop being relatable or i need to do some more research" moment. It all makes sense and lines up with my experiences. Other autistic people have said they think I'm autistic. But for some reason I'm still like "I cant believe I cheated on the ADHD/Autism test". how would i even do that!! anyway, this was very validating and i think eventually i'll stop feeling like i'm somehow faking 😅
I feel this same way. I keep feeling like I’m faking or playing it up because I’m thinking too much about it… but why would we fake something that seriously makes us struggle so much for no reason & like hardly even benefit from? 🥲 I mean nobody is hearing my entire inner struggles but yes, I must be faking for attention (despite “masking” to seem normal the whole time 😂) if anything I’m faking being Neurotypical 😭
SAME! This makes me feel so good I thought it was just me. The second I started testing I felt like I was lying and I hated the feeling I still feel that way even though I’m not .
I was diagnosed as autistic 3 years ago and I got diagnosed with ADHD 2 weeks ago. I have never truly been able to explain the inner conflict I have and this video explains everything I feel and experience on a day to day basis. Thank you x
I was diagnosed with adhd a year ago but no diagnosis for autism because I have not actually asked for it though I'm starting to feel like I might have it especially like what you said this video explains so much I feel everyday
I'm due to get a dual diagnosis in a couple months, and the part about "both conditions can conceal each other" resonated so hard for me. My life has been in a perpetual state of orgaised chaos (as I'd put it) for as long as I can remember. Thanks for the video 🙂
I used to tell my mom the same thing when she'd try to clean my room! The few times she ignored me because I let it get too bad, I couldn't find anything and got incredibly stressed, or outright forget I even owned things (still do to this day when my fiancé does the same).
A few years back, I was really struggling with depression and mental health issues. I was hooked on cigarettes and alcohol, but then my wife suggested I try psilocybin mushroom therapy. Honestly, it saved my life. It's been 11 years since I've been totally clean. Those shrooms are like a miracle.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in UK. Really need
I questioned autism early on in figuring out the multitude of 'issues' I had within me. But one thing stuck out immensely that made me think of other possibilities - my ability to empathise was extremely keen and tuned in. I didn't have trouble understanding others, I just felt like they never understood me and I still do. Now, coming to the conclusion, after much research and pursuits with doctors and psychologists, I'm now fairly certain what I DO have is ADHD and BPD. Then I came across an article about comorbidities and the likeness of it happening. I still to this day score highly for autism, just a few pieces missing and I'm coming to realise that some traits may cancel each other out. Its all incredibly interesting - but most importantly I just want to know why I'm so different so I can stop feeling shit about myself and find ways to help myself.
There is actually such thing as high-empathy autism! Autistic people have the stereotype of being low-empathy, but that's only one type of us. I'm personally ADHD and high-empathy autistic, so I can confirm us empathetic autistics exist :)
Thank you so so much for this comment. I've been conflicted about whether I have ADHD or autism. I have very high empathy and don't have a hard time with social cues but I do have trouble with overstimulation, emotional regulation, terrible short-term memory and social difficulties. I know for sure I have something but I'm not sure what. I'm leaning towards ADHD
@@cloudhearttherestlessWow...really ?! How did you find those informations ? Would you have some sources/reading recommandations ? Gosh, that could make a lot of sense.... Thanks !!!
@ElizabethWebb-zc3cpWow..everything you describe resonates a lot for me.. I've been diagnosed with ADHD recently, in my 30's also (♀️)...but I really didn't think you could have this hyper empathy trait with autism !.. All this could make a lot of sense about those opposite cycles : of "hibernation" (as I call them to explain to friends when I disappear for x weeks/months...😅) and then lack too much sociability, suffers from loneliness at some point, and dive into relating with others for a short time, and start all over again...?! Does that speak to you too ?.. I love people, it can be so frustrating...(and producing guilt++ also !!) but it's very difficult to find the right balance for ourselves, with this overstimulation issue...! Have a good day, Noé.
I’ve been diagnosed with both and the whole contradictory between both adhd and autistic traits is just so spot on especially when they make you contradict yourself and you just feel so hypocritical 😅 I’m just glad it’s not just me who feels this way. It’s hard feeling like your too much for people or other people are too much for yourself. It just makes it harder to actually connect with people
This was so validating. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and even though I thought it was correct based on my complaints to my psychiatrist, I felt like my idea of the super chatty ADHDer didn’t suit me at all. And then I’ve slowly learned more about what autism is and have come to the realization that I’ve been autistic my whole life. I think I’m the opposite of you: a bit more outwardly autistic than I am ADHD, but I can definitely relate more to every one of your points than I can to people who only have one of the two
@Yuqing Lee I know this is spam, but autism isn’t something to “get over”. It’s who we are, and if you know someone who’s been “cured” of it then they’re probably just masking their true selves because they were bullied into thinking they weren’t good enough
I have been considering a diagnosis for the past few months, reading about it, partaking in a facebook group of people who experience the world similarly (the "it's not just me!") and watching shorts about diagnosed people and their examples. I have found that AuDHD fits me like a glove. It would explain so much - from my current adult struggles to my childhood problems. Absolutely everything you said resonates strongly with me, and it probably would even if there were 25 signs instead of 5. It might also be important to note the increased frequency of mental health problems amongst individuals with these dual traits, intensified by the constant self-contradictions impacting autocomprehension and interpersonal relationships. I will most likely be sending a link to this video to my closest friends so that you can calmly and professionally explain what a Hania is 😉 Thanks 😊
Thank you for this video. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, but I’ve suspected in the last couple of years I might have autism as well. I can relate to all of this so much. I have a very small social battery, but I need the social interaction for my ADHD. I can’t stop talking, but what’s going on in my brain is “make more eye contact” “they thought that was funny, I should laugh” “oh no did I just say something to offend someone” And then I spend 2 days over analyzing every single social situation. This is why I don’t like leaving the house, but when I stay at home too long I become very depressed. It’s a horrible cycle, but I think it’s time for me to find a new therapist to explore these possibilities with.
you struck a cord with me. I just got diagnosed with adhd 3 days ago and with dyslexia 15 years ago. im fairly sure i wouldnt have autism ... but the fear of "messing up" and not realizing is very real for me. When this youtuber mentioned neurodivergent people tend to find each other... your comment proves it... because i just want to pick you up and hold you and to become your friend. I just want you to have friends that understand you so well... that you don't need to mask (spending energy to appear normal, like the voice in your head telling you to make more eyecontact, for the people who dont know.) I would just want you to be yourself and not have to worry about potentially offending them, because they would understand. i personally have gone through things similar (yet not exactly the same) i feel empathy. i think thats why us neurodivergent people tend to like each other. its such a hard thing for an "outsider" to really understand... I know i am not alone! stay strong! I know people would LOVE to have you as a friend, just the way you are. I certainly would.
Yas! All of this!! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25 (in my third college experience 🤦♀️) but only this year, as a 40 year old mom of an autistic son, did I start thinking I am also autistic. The tug and pull of my “ADHD monster” and my “autistic monster” is so tough! I am self diagnosed and part of me felt that I couldn’t be “truly autistic“ because I didn’t exactly match the profile I was seeing, even in women and girls. Videos like this, and comments like yours, help me see how the different parts of my brain intersect. Thank you! ❤️
For me I’m very very social and I do get frustrated with myself from my quick passions that eventually burn out. Or while being extremely talkitive around people I’m comfortable with I also feel like I don’t know what to say around people I don’t know. And over analyzing social there. I know I have ADHD. Autism has also been on my mind. My brother has it. I’ve suspected I may too, with my ADHD
I feel the same. I always thought the over-analyzation was due to my anxiety, yet I can't help but keep talking my head off because of my ADHD. Quite the complex >.
the first point honestly made me cry, it genuinely is so frustrating to deal with and it makes me feel like i don't know myself, the inner conflict drives me insane and it makes me feel depressed and dissociated from life and the world around me. it feels like i am floating through life.
I’ve never felt more validated! I know I have ADHD, I’ve always related to people on the spectrum, but never thought I could be both. I related to everything you said. I appreciate this video.
@@debbiebyland9097is it almost mind blowing in a way to you guys too? feels insane hearing a description of my whole lifes unknowing weird behaviors summarized through these videos.
YES! the constant conflict in the audhd brain is so real!! im so stressed and angry at myself for how hard it is to do anything at all and i just collapse and wither away, even though from the outside it looks like im lazy, uninspired and just dont try hard enough. thank you for making this video!!!!!
Throughout life (I'm in my early 20s) I seemed to face struggles that no one else could see, and I ended up relating a bit too deeply struggles that friends with adhd or a spectrum disorder (or in some cases both, which the relatability is uncanny). Those friends recommended that I talk to my GP about this, and my doc recommended that I have an adhd/spectrum assessment done after I described a plethora of persistent problems, which I should be having in the next 6 months or so due to waiting lists. Honestly, I'm a little nervous because if my assessment comes back and I have been suffering from one or both of these afflictions, that means so many of the challenges I've faced was without the help I need. Maybe I didn't need to hear "oh she's very bright but she needs to just apply herself". It hurts to hear over and over and over again.
Quick ADHD diagnostic tool: Caffeine. Can you operate better and more calmly after consuming a large amount of it? It's bad for your body so don't go around drinking a quad shot three times a day, but it does stimulate the same parts of the brain that Ritalin does and your brain finally makes enough dopamine for you to not seek out the next distraction. Use an abundance of caution and do research/due diligence first: doses large enough to noticably help do fall pretty close to the overdose territory and are definitely past the point of being bad long term.
I had an ex-girlfriend frequently tell me, "You could do anything if you were more confident." The thing is, I'm exceptionally confident when it comes to my core skills and competencies (writing, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, video games), I am horrible at socializing in competitive environments, which is typically required to reach career goals (asking for a raise, confronting people). I am exceptional at socializing when collaborating, however, but that doesn't necessarily help when trying to "move up" in the world. It sure does help when teaching jiu-jitsu or playing a cooperative game with friends though lol
In my late 20s and the about of times I've heard "you could do so much if you weren't so lazy" I finally have my appointment on Dec 9th. We're getting there! We got this
Inner conflict is definitely my biggest problem, obsessing over weather i’m certain or not about life choices or even simple choices i”m making. And feeling under and overstimulated simultaneously is one of the worst feelings.
sometimes it feels my brain is on caffeine when it's buzzing with ideas/hyperfixation/thoughts but at the same time I'm sooo overstimulated and just want to feel quiet and peaceful but my brain's so loud
Relate to this so hard! Diagnosed autistic at 32-ish, felt it was right but not the full story. Met some great autistic women, got on fantastic, same wavelength, but something felt different about me. Two years later, I was diagnosed with ADHD as well, and everything makes so much sense. Inner conflict, frustration, arguments with myself, contradictory needs, wants and feelings. Similar to one point in the video, I started seeing and describing myself as two very different selves, both me, sharing the same brain. It's like a sitcom in there with two roommates who are complete opposites, annoy the hell out of each other, and are always trying to get me to do what they want, and not what the other does! For example - ADHD me: Look! A flyer for a roller derby team! That sounds awesome! Let me look up everything there is on roller derby... Autistic me: wait! Don't do what you did with circus tricks and order... ADHD: Skates, pads, helmet, click! Autistic me: In your hours of learning all about roller derby - ignoring me listing all the other silly projects you got bored of in one night - did you even check it was on a day we can go? ADHD me: Uhh... Autistic me: (wailing) I just want us to finish a single book! *throws juggling balls at ADHD me, who falls back into piles of half read books, diaries from years past with two weeks worth of entries in, maximum, and other dusty five minute hobby ephemera - boxing gloves, violin, gin making kit, sewing machine, mini digital keyboard etc. Reader - roller derby equipment promptly joined said pile when it quickly became 'too hard', 'too far', and 'not fun'... and we didn't finish any books, but we started a new one! Autistic me: 🤦♀️
One of the things I love RUclips for is allowing me to find people like me thats make me feel not so alone and help me understand the other side of me that I never understood I just thought I was a lot different from the people with ADHD but after watching how many people that have both also from researching autism in reading all the comments and I'm getting checked out for it never knew that the ADHD I've been diagnosed with in line with autism but also I think it has a thing to being diagnosed with both inattentive and hyperactive ADHD for some reason kind of just makes sense for it to be overlooked that's pretty eye-opening after 47 years of living and not understanding yourself people like you are a blessing! Maybe in the future I'll be able to have the confidence to do something like this for other people . Thank you for what you do!
I spent days cleaning and organizing my house last week because the clutter was so overwhelming. Then, I went to a Halloween party in which I destroyed it getting ready. It took a long time after my initial ADHD diagnosis to know that something still felt off. Now I know I'm AuADHD and I laugh (cry) when I've demonstrated traits of both.
Yep, I can spend hours cleaning and organising and within a week it’s worse than when I started and by that point I just feel depressed by it and don’t know when to start. Then the cycle begins again.
@@alessia9328...I showed my mom and dad this video because I was laughing at how accurate it was and my dad was like, "SOUNDS NORMAL TO ME! I DO ALL THAT!" 🤣... Then we all had a talk about the "normal" stuff we end up doing and how relatable it is!... I have Autism and highly probable ADHD and my dad was like, "SOUNDS NORMAL TO ME!"...My parents are not diagnosed with anything Neurological, but sometimes I wonder about certain people in my family!... They also laughed at the part where I need quiet sensory input at times, but then start a conversation and can't stop at the same time. 🤪...When Sam said, "YOU CAN'T STOP TALKING SOMETIMES!"...I was like, "SORRY GUYS!" 🤷♀️😂🤪🤷♂️... My "Hyperactivity" has been extra "fun" lately! 🤣💃😬🕺😐
Got an ADHD diagnosis at age 53, but feel strongly that I may be on the autism spectrum as well. My grandson, almost 16, was diagnosed with severe autism at age 1 1/2. I have many contradictions, feeling very shy at times & other times excitably & impulsively spilling out a long story with added subplots in the mix, knowing I should probably stop talking, but feeling as though I must finish the story no long how it takes to feel like I’m telling it truthfully (a most important fact.) Also, I hyper focus on subjects & situations which I am obsessed with & even surprising myself of how much of the past I remember (e.g. I can rattle off in seconds the years of my 11 surgeries, people’s birthdays, Numerology principles, the exact times of my 43 moves & which of those houses had screen porches, fireplaces, gas stoves, etc.) it’s not an easy life but I try to remain optimistic & grateful.
Wow, Terry you could be me! I was also dx ADHD at 52, but have always wondered whether autism would be a closer fit. I’ve learned coping strategies over the years, but still shy away from social interactions a lot. And yet, in certain circumstances I’m very social. It’s my son who got the official Autism dx, when he was almost 4 (he’s 19 now). But I think his twin sister has it too, although with some adhd in there too, much like me.
I resonate with telling the story truthfully with subplots (giving too much detail). Accuracy in what I say is vital, as is accuracy in what other people say. So I correct them tediously, including interrupting their stories when they omit details. I believe I'm ADD (ADHD without hyperactivity). I have many family members on the Autism spectrum. I probably have a little of it.
I would need to know more (even better interact with you) to verify its a case of both. Adhd ers can also be shy or have focuses interests, those are common traits.
3:05 the shy at first and then taking a little bit to warm up to people and seeming kinda outgoing and bubbly when you feel comfortable around them resonated with me a lot
If you are a neurodivergent small business owner looking for support, tips and ideas, join my Spicy Business Brains mailing list: subscribepage.io/SpicyBusinessBrains
Ooo. Now do ADHD and cptsd 😅
Thank you!
I have a brutal problem in my head, I have ADHD and fucntioning at 130 IQ if I can barely focus, and I cant even focus on next thing sometimes.
I can't subscribe to your mailinglist, is the subscribe function out of order?
Oh well, today it worked!
Oh my gosh, you hit the nail on the head with, “Can’t stay home because it’s too boring; can’t leave home because of overstimulation.”
for reeeal I always want to "go do something" but then I try to think if things to do and I'm like "no too loud. nope too many people. no lights are too bright there-" so I just sit at home doing nothing in the end ugh
This is how I feel, I have a love/hate relationship with leaving the house, because I don’t know the overstimulation I’ll have while out and about. Sometimes I realize I’d rather be super in control of my environment than experience something new
Yes!
Yesss! That’s why sometimes I used to go for a solitary walk with my headphones in (in safe areas, of course; it was downtown in a well-lit area popular for people walking around with many cops on foot out and about… be safe when walking with headphones in, y’all). I liked being out and getting some stimulation from a different environment, but for heaven’s sake, don’t talk to me. 😂 I had a that “public transportation-user” pace, where you’d walk with a purpose at a fast speed to prevent people from interacting with you. 😂😂😂
Oh god it’s my problem with warehouse work. I will get understimulation because I can’t keep up the energy to maintain a constant flow of interesting imaginary situations because of being overstimulated. I have an extremely cluttered room… which shuts me down. Until I manage to find enough motivation for cleaning. Then I have about a month of wonderful peace there.
The inner conflict is maddening. All the things that make me feel most alive quickly burn me out. Yet, living a quiet little life that avoids burnout triggers depressive episodes through understimulation. When making major life decisions it's like deciding which kind of breakdown I'd rather have. Heh.
Wow story of my whole life.
Yesssss. I hate making decisions for this very reason. Even when they are both good things, it feels suffocating, it's not fun, I'm not excited, I'm exhausted and I just want someone to tell me what to do!!!! A few weeks ago I was randomly offered 2 amazing job opportunities that were both way better than where I was working then. One was an opportunity for more money, 100% remote work, but extremely strict and was for an insurance sales agent position. The other was 50% remote, same money as my current job, but absolute freedom to do whatever I wanted, and I'd be the agency manager at a local insurance agency. I did not plan on any of this and was not prepared to make a decision... so I begged everyone around me to help me decide, and I had 3 people read my tarot cards (all 3 said I needed to figure it out myself!) I even became so desperate that I Googled a yes/no answer wheel and tried to get answers from that! One gives me structure, stability, and I get to stay home and not people but the other comes with excitement and power and I get to people all the time!!! I wrote out a pro con list but every pro was also a con and I was exhausted, so my ADHD brain won and I was so relieved it was over. My 1st day at my new job is today, and my autistic side is super anxious and my stomach is feeling gross and I'm not sure I made the right decision or that I'm even qualified for this job... but I'm having a hard time listening to that side because my ADHD side is ecstatic, and loud, and it sings, and tells everyone I see that I'm the best insurance agent in the world and they all have to come visit me, at the agency I run... where I now have a ton of responsibility, people to manage, and ridiculous agency goals I have to hit, for the exact same pay as the job I had before... 🤦♀️
Thank you for saying what I haven’t been able to articulate in words!
Yeah, we are constantly running between the edges. The edgerunners in the neurodiverdigent society.
Exactly, made enough wrong decisions or impulsive decisions now to never fully trust any decision making I make. 😞
“Crave order and routine but unable to maintain it”. That rung many bells for me.
Yes!
"Develop routines, but miss twice in a row and oops, NEW ROUTINE"
Yup!!!
Indeed. Either it's a clean house or a total mess.
How many planners, agendas, post it notes, desk calendars did I waste buying for the last 40 years?? I need and want the order in my life so badly but I lose interest so quickly.
Oh. My. Gosh. A thousand times yes. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with autism and never suspected I had it. I have always said that I’m a walking contradiction. I crave order and routine but can’t keep up on making it happen. I am VERY social but also get overwhelmed by superficial socializing.
Superficial socializing that’s it!
For everyone who also struggled to pay attention:
1. 1:56 Constant conflict between apparently contradicting traits
2. 2:44 Your traits might appear to balance each other out
3. 4:06 A larger variety than usual of special interests / hyperfixations
4. 5:53 Different versions of your traits emerge in different situations
5. 6:57 You relate to people who have a dual diagnosis themselves
You are a beautiful person and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.
Thank you. You are a beautiful person as well.
Thanks, i zoned out thinking about myself after the first possible sign.
Then i heard something about "organizing stuff and cleaning clutter" so i searched on IKEA for some drawers.
Also im at work, and should do some things here! xD its not easy...
For once, a useful comment. Thanks so much!!😊
Thank you!!!
Thank you! Ring light reflection just threw me way off from paying attention 😅
I’ve often felt guilty about not being able to stick to a new hobby or interest, but recently I’ve realized that hobbies are there to serve me, not the other way around. I don’t have to be really good at them, I don’t have to “produce” something worth money, I just have to enjoy doing it. It’s ok to move on when I don’t enjoy it anymore.
Very well said. I am in my 50s and I wish I would have known this when I was as young as you. Bravo for figuring this out so early in your life. It took me years to figure it out. We should never feel tied to our hobbies. They are there for fun, distraction and creativity. Then on to something else when we feel the need, that's all.
That's me with Crochet. I did teach myself but concentration and counting was frustrating therefore not pleasurable to do. A bit boring and not fast enough results. I can't stick to instructions and ad-lib 😂then things go pear-shaped from then on but to begin with I was hyper focused with it. Now I have lots of yarn in a big bag 😂Just sitting there just because I might need it again or finish a project I started.
Thank God you figured it out. We, women, often put so much pressure on ourselves to make money on our hobbies. We feel guilty just enjoying ourselves. I am now 59 and finally have hobbies without pressure to create for the public, friends or family.
Wow, thank you for sharing this
Are you me?
I’ve always thought I was a “social introvert” (reserved around strangers, talkative around friends, but still need to be alone a lot), but this actually makes a lot more sense.
this hit home, i literally dont talk to people, its like im invisible or not even there but when im around my friends im the most extreme and i do the most random and crazy stuff, thats when i realise how much of my energy is put into masking
THIS IS LITERALLY ME. My friends don't get me, because I've always been really outgoing, but I am probably the STRONGEST introvert I've ever met. Like, there have been times I have literally hidden from people so I wouldn't have to engage in spontaneous, unplanned human interaction. I simultaneously crave time with my friends, enjoy talking a lot about topics I find interesting with people I enjoy being around, AND also find myself so incredibly drained by the speaking-and-listening balancing act of human communication that I craaaaaaaave and deeply need periods of alone time. The best way I've ever explained it to people is that I'm an "outgoing introvert". But this... well, this could shed so much more light on why I am the way I am.
This would explain a lot! I could never quite identify with being an introvert or extrovert and also thought of myself as a social introvert...
This is literally me. I’m very introverted and my family always describes me in that way and I never talk to people I’m not super familiar with. But when I was in elementary school I always got in trouble for talking. Thing is it was always my close friends that I talked to.
No one believes me when I say I got in trouble for talking a lot but my 5th grade teacher literally wrote it on one of my report cards lmao
And I most definitely need to be alone a lot.
@@suspicious.mad.scientist so so true , I tried to explain how different it is and my mom just thinks I’m shy at first then I get crazy .
the chaos that overelms and want for order but can never maintain causing a endless cycle of stresss thats me
That's me too
Oooh yeah
"You may crave order and routine but be unable to maintain it"
A THOUSAND TIMES YES
Thank you for this video. As someone who suspects they have both autism and ADHD but are currently not diagnosed with either, I experience a lot of self-doubt while I wait for a diagnosis. Like, what are the chances that I have two separate conditions and neither has been noticed by adults in my life when I was younger? This video was really validating and it affirms in my mind that I was correct to start to pursue a diagnosis. Everything you said was me to a tee.
EDIT: After a few negative replies essentially doubting the validity of my belief that I have autism and ADHD, I would like to clarify my position. Of course, I do not claim that relating to these experiences means that one has autism and ADHD. I believe I satisfy the diagnostic criteria, and that they explain my situation better than other potential diagnoses (such as some combination of anxiety and OCD, for instance, or merely personality traits that aren't disorders). I think that what this video does well is that it captures the day-to-day experiences of someone with autism and ADHD, which obviously differ quite a bit from the strict diagnostic criteria we use to diagnose these conditions. At no point did I say that the experiences in the video alone make me think I have autism and ADHD; on the contrary, I tried to make it clear that they affirm my decision to pursue a formal diagnosis.
@Tagar We'll see what the doctors have to say... obviously, I'm not a professional, so there's a chance I'm wrong!
@@JakubWaniek don't listen or reply to bitter rude trolls.
You go your way, I feel for you!
Like a horoscope, this is general enough to describe a lot of peoples lives.
@@zhonguocha I mean, it depends on the severity right? Every symptom of autism and ADHD can be "normal" in isolation; there is a diversity of personality types among people. But when these symptoms consistently impair one's function, we can start to potentially talk about some sort of disorder. Besides, you can tell from my comment that I didn't just, like, watch this video once and decide I have autism and ADHD. These are things I've thought for a long time (in the case of autism, about 10 years!) and I am currently waiting for a diagnosis by a doctor. They will assess my symptoms properly
A lot of us flew under the radar as public knowledge and education about ASD and ADHD is a very modern concept, vs "oh that's just the slow kid" or "the village idiot" historically. (Yes these are awful examples, but those were terms used, no hate intended from me.)
A lot of our generation's - and previous - parents were clueless about the POSITIVE points of being Neuro-Diverse or even how to recognise it, let alone get us diagnosed and given any help we need.
I've always jokingly described myself as "The world most extroverted introvert" and now I understand why I may feel that way! Great video, thank you!
I describe myself as an introverted extrovert, or a “socially awkward extrovert with social anxiety”
@user-hn5nu2wi4owhat’s the name of the herbs?
That's us
Yes
I wrote a whole song called introverted extrovert 😂😂😂 didn’t know until this video
1. 1:56 Constant conflict between apparently contradictory traits
2. 2:46 Your traits may appear to balance each other out
3. 4:08 A larger variety than usual of special interests/hyper fixations
4. 5:55 Different versions of your traits emerge in different situations
5. 7:02 You relate to people who have a dual diagnosis themselves
Hope this helps for quick reference.
Thank you.
I'm struggling to parse whether she said 13 to 18% which is in line with stats I've seen from a credible source, or 30 to 80% which could be true but I've not seen.
Anyway though, yes, thank you for this I'm too tired to watch this right now, and this very much applies to me. I've had people who don't understand my brain tell me I'm a split personality, when the problem is I'm literally more intelligent than them with more depth, critical thinking skills of awareness of Cognitive Biases and Logical Fallacies and more, but also a brilliantly chaotic shambles who can't keep my room clean, or do many basic adult things yet despite my grand old age, and often can't remember what I had for dinner yesterday, never mind what I was doing the day before.
I like my own space, the comfort of doing the same sort of thing day in day out, but every now and again I get a craving for adventure, sometimes wildly impulsive ones that have taken me to other countries on short notice to meet someone I barely knew.
My head doesn't so much meltdown, as shutdown. Barely think, can barely register anything people say at times, though usually hyperactive, giddy, thoughts and words goinga million miles an hour.
Else often quite nervous about going out around those normies, other times life and soul of the party.
Very intelligent, relatively mentally healthy after a very messy life. but also can't remember details. No skill for maths and material sciences and remembering equations and blah blah blah. Humanities is more my area.
My split personality? Well at one end I go trolling sillies all over the political spectrum with Facts and Logic. The other end I spend time in psych / mental health comment sections trying to be helpful.
I've been so hyper for so long doing things they find unusual, but not actually a problem, I got labelled manic. Else lockdown mode. Labelled depressed.
Accused of being high and manic when hyper and happy, or stoned when I'm just tired, chilling, or depressed.
At most times have a fear of crowds and cities, but sometimes love to melt into the crowd, be part of it, see those normies up close, just so I can enjoy being at home more 😂
My special interests? Anything that grabs my fancy, though usually, in descending order: Philosophy / Psychology / Politics / History / Physics / Economics and more, and running through them all is just having a laugh.
I have been through states of psychological and multiple types political extremism and understand extremists better than many ever will. Found my way back to reality after a messy start to life.
It is an apt irony that the more you are accused of being crazy for no good reason, by people who won't even try to listen and tell you you're the problem, that it sends your mind to dark places and *makes* you go crazy.
Facing ACCIDENTAL gaslighting from the NHS and my own family and other official types, in eerily similar langauge as when facing wilfully deliberate gaslighting from some previously poorly chosen friends.
"you're unwell take your medication" from both family, friends and enemies in disguise. I am generally a forgiving pacifist type, but once that line has been crossed, people get...
*T O L D* and given a very short time to sort it out, then immediately forgotten. I can and have burned bridges with family, 'friends', bosses, jobs and after a life of much fear, I don't fear much anymore. Who I was, is already dead.
I've got a critical thinking playlist full of stuff from great channels if anyone is interested. ruclips.net/p/PL1saVby-OHik5NvCgSqrT9cB4_mbbKA8K
Else on ADHD, I really recommend the How To ADHD channel. ruclips.net/video/cx13a2-unjE/видео.html
I have both
Thank you!!
Massively helpful, thank you
YESYESYES!! i remember taking a test in school years ago that the teacher gave us to get to know what jobs fit better with our personality. And I remember talking to him and telling him i did not know how to answer most of the questions. I didnt feel comfortable in social situations but I craved them, I wasnt organized at all but i couldnt function without a routine, I thrived in creativity but i often got stuck in rigid thinking. And he literally told me "you are a contradiction with a pair of legs" so the first trait hit hard.
I was undiagnosed up until just a couple of years ago, my parents insisted that I just wasn't trying hard enough at the whole... being an adult thing and kept getting frustrated with me when I couldn't do the thing, my Dad, especially. This changed when my Dad went to a course for parents of autistic children after one of my stepsisters got diagnosed with it and he recognized me in the behavioral parents described, he suddenly became my main supporter and driving force in my getting diagnosed after years of being told I was essentially being too sensitive and after just three talks with an actual professional over skype, I was diagnosed with ADD and Autism. My Dad now checks up with me every now and then to ask if I need help with the things he previously expected me to be able to just do, I live in my own apartment now thanks to him.
Most parents always want their kids to succeed, his view of success adjusted. Sometimes professionals are all it takes for our parents to listen :)
This resonates with me, but I'm still connecting the dots for myself. If it's not too personal, what were the things? I have a feeling this may be quite revelatory for me.
I'm so glad your dad now understands and wants to be supportive. That's a wonderful outcome! And good for you, getting your own place! Sounds like you're doing well. I love a good success story. 🙂
@@lisakukla459 The things I had trouble with were things like doing chores and paying bills, I NEEDED someone to sit me down and show me step-by-step what to do or where to start if there was... say... a mountain of dishes (we are a big family), or else nothing would get done. I can do them perfectly well once I know what to do but I couldn't, still can't, figure out how to do such things by myself.
Not many parents are open to learning or changing long-held beliefs. It sounds like you have a great dad. It’s super cool that you’re able to explore your independence while having your father’s educated support.
Did you (OP) ever feel like offers of help coming from people who you *don't* think understand you are actually just "offers" to rob you of autonomy while doing a task? Like, is your suspicion that they'll just yell at you for not making good use of *their* time while you have it, because you have to do things on *your* pace, and doing it any other way is just way too stressful for you? Maybe you reject help from these people because of how stressful the process will be for you, beyond what it would be to do it alone -- if only you could just do it -- and you also feel that they'll just resent you afterward? Asking for, uh, a friend who totally isn't me. (It's me. I'm the friend.)
I got my ADHD diagnosis at 19, got on medication about a year later, it worked great. But THEN once my ADHD hyperactivity was more subdued, suddenly my sensory issues were going haywire, like I couldn’t stand bright lights, my sound sensitivity was worse and I became an even pickier eater. Turns out my ADHD was probably masking my autistic traits this whole time. It makes sense, because I never fully related to the typical ADHD experience. I crave stability and routine, but I never shut up and tend to stare at people and talk very enthusiastically.
My autistic sibling clocked me as being both long before I ever did lol
I had a friend who was medicated for his adult ADHD and suddenly started showing autistic traits. Do you think the medication that was helping you might have augmented those traits? With him, it was as if once he could focus, he focused so well that he couldn't un-focus even if he wanted to...like those of us on the spectrum have trouble modulating. Do you think that could be a thing? The medication that helps you also throws you into a state where your autistic traits become much more pronounced?
My 12 year old daughter Asd, Adhd
When medicated we see her Asd...when her meds ware off .the Adhd over rides the Asd...
woah woah woah…. wow okay that’s…. wow…… that is also my experience…. thank u for sharing, friend
Meee! Right as I got diagnosed with ADHD I got medicine, and I started feeling different. At first, I tried to blame it on the Medicine, but that wasn't it. Then this video about autism in girls appeared. I didn't know much about autisim, and decided to watch the video. I thought hey I have some of those trates. Then, later on this video appeared. It was soo relatable. But Im still too nervous to tell anyone because I've never felt this way till now, and they might think In lying for attention. But thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only one! 😊
Have you ever been properly tested for Lyme disease?
The fact that I was SO distracted by the green light in your glasses moving around so I had to stare at your necklace really just speaks to my ADHD. I have wondered about the autism side and especially after all the things that you said really spoke to me. The inner conflict being the biggest one that I notice.
I am agoraphobic, but I get super bored all the time. I want to talk to people, but then it becomes too much. I get overstimulated very easily, but since I'm home often I am not stimulated enough. It's so exhausting to deal with everyday.
Soft Box lighting would probably soften that bright moving glare instead of the popular circle light.
This sounds like me, I love socializing, with a low social battery
Yep, those green circles just take over the whole screen :( Had to scroll down and just listen coz I couldn't watch after a while.
@@sueburn536 ditto
i never thought id run into someone i know in the youtube wilds just almost blew my mind as much as the video.... im shook
So my only official diagnosis is depression/anxiety, but every single one of these is *spot on*.
I should probably make a call.
I got a clinical depression diagnosis when I was 18 and while I definitely was depressed at the time, turns out it wasn’t actually clinical. Also, it’s unfortunate common for depression/anxiety to be an inappropriate catch all for any mental distress/divergence, especially in adult women.
I think you should listen to Trevor Noah talk about ADHD and how it is tied to depression. I think depression may be a byproduct of ADHD.
@angel1432 - if you are female, then most Drs will diagnose anxiety & depression because our hyperactivity tends to be in our brains / mind.
And NOT being understood, nor able to accomplish our to do lists, nor be diagnosed IS what causes us to be anxious or depressed! Try to see a specialists. And yes, see Trevor Noah's recent YT talks about ADHD
@angel1432 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in my 30’s and recently discovered I have autism. I’m sure now I have both autism and ADHD. It checks all the boxes for my whole life.
“the person who doesn’t want to talk at all in a crowd, but also the one who can’t stop talking sometimes”
I thought I was the only one who goes through this! I used to bawl at home growing up because of this stress!
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8 and was told by 10 different doctors that I was too talkative to have what is now fully called autism spectrum disorder. I have always gravitated to people who have either, especially those on the autism spectrum. At 34 I’m finally getting assessed a week from now!
congrats!!
I was at a company party. Talking alot as usual, and someone had mentioned that I talk alot. They meant it as a compliment, that I was personable. But I confessed that I hate it, and I wish I could be quiet and only speak if I have something relevant, and listen better. For me talking is a compulsion. It's refreshing to see that other "chatters" out there share my desire to just be silent.
@@waynepalumbo8917 : a mono autist once told me that he enjoyed my company since we share so much similar interests, but he could only tolerate my company for a short time, because I would max out his social energy quite quickly. Me being neurodiverse in both ASD and ADHD I could relate to that, since I can be a 1 person party of 10 sometimes (when I meet kin folk).
@@waynepalumbo8917 I am with you 50 years as chatty man, who felt at odds with the entire human race. I always felt like an alien living amongst people who looked vaguely similar. My hyperfocus is immense, and I am very personable, and able to build relationships - but only if I find they are of value to my hyperfocus bit. I also love spending time alone, and talking to no one -which for years felt like an oxymoron to me. Some find me really strange, and one of my children has autism, and the other ADHD.
Turns out i have ADHD, with a nice cunning twist of Autism. I always wish I could be quiet, and just sometimes coast through life - but I cant. It turned out when I opened up about this at work, that a separate senior manger suggested a wish to be able to say what needed to be said, at the right time (they indicated I was able to do this). I didnt even realise I did it, but I learnt because I did, others hid behind me and let me sometimes challenge our leaders in ways they wouldnt dare. Who would of thought I could be of benefit to improving our business. Yet I have got into trouble for saying what needs to be said.
I hope your situation is working out for you. I have learnt to love who I am, and how I am.
Congrats
I've found myself recently being kind of upset with my old school teachers and with my parents for not picking up on my ADHD. I was the kid that was always late to class, never had my homework done, never brought the right supplies for the class, lost all my notes and handouts, etc. I was struggling so much in school I have been wondering how nobody thought to question it. But what you said about traits of autism and ADHD masking each other has me wondering a bit. Because even though I really struggled with those things, I always had good grades because I picked things up quickly, and I answered questions in class and was polite and well behaved because my social skills weren't at a level to be flexible with my behaviour. And when I picture this, I feel maybe a little more sympathy for those people in my life who didn't notice how badly I needed help.
This was exactly my experience too. Though it’s great to see education and childcare professionals trained in recognising neurodiverse traits and picking it up in preschool and referring parents onto specialists early. Gives me hope that the next gens of children will be better prepared and hopefully won’t have to struggle as much as we did
I feel VERY depressed about that exact thing. I keep crying bc my dreams were crushed but they focused on my brothers adhd and ignored mine.
@@il_jarrado7203 sadly my parents made me go to a sexist religious school so i am still suffering :(
I also had a smilar experience and it’s very hard to deal with
This was me too! I was also a daydreamer and of course the teachers always picked up on that, however to this day my parents believe that I was actually thinking and taking it all in, because I always got good grades. I'd hate to tell them after all these years that I was in fact daydreaming!
I definitely resonate with "neurodivergent people run in packs". Our group of friends from school have all been diagnosed within the last decade as having ADHD, autism and both. And while I feel like some of that is due to a better understanding of these conditions and more women being diagnosed in general, a lot of it is just because we got on at school because we implicitly understood the ADHD and autistic behaviour in each other. :)
Yesss! That's exactly my group of friends and me!! X)
I just end up making friends with neurodivergent people without trying to, later I then find out they are neurodivergent and it's literally happened so many times it's not funny
Yes😊
Standusers attract other standuser
What an interesting point. My HS friends all had some kind of trauma, abuse, or mental health issue.
oh my goodness the social battery part is so real. I have these bursts of socialization but just one evening of fun can take like 2 days to recover from afterwards!
That feeling of a new special interest keeping you up at night is so spot on...
And then completely getting bored of that special interest two weeks later, and never doing anything with it again
Not me reading this at 3:09am
Not fair to the person being pursued romantically when they are not aware of the diagnosis.
@@hannahcostella57873:17 am here 😂
@@Helfirehydratransgeeze, all the things that have kept me up thinking, the time spent googling and buying things to then try, put away and then onto the next...its exhausting in itself but the seeking never ends
The constant inner conflict between the need for routine and the need for novelty is definitely something I've always struggled quite badly with, and I can attest that hearing from more people online who feel the same way has been a great comfort 🙂
i relate to this a lot too! when i was growing up, i would get really upset if i had an appointment my parents would forget to tell me about until the day of or night before, while i would never really stick to a schedule or routine because of my adhd, i would get unreasonably upset if something unexpected came up!
That's normal . There's nothing wrong with you. Stop looking to belong to a victim group.
I did this years ago and now I see it for the big pharma scam it is .
Don't take the speed.
Same! I hate unexpected change but I'm also almost constantly wanting to "shake things up" and have new adventures or see new things. Then I want to lock it all down and go to familiar places or do the same thing or see the same stuff in the same place at home when I'm stressed... 😅
@jamielawrence4749 Wow . Sounds like you need speed. Thanks big pharma.
This honestly clicks with me. I was diagnosed with ADHD recently at the age of 32, but the psychiatrist I saw said that the only autistic traits I had were perhaps the sensory. She only talked to me for 45 minutes and I guess the adhd was more noticeable that day. I am at constant conflict with myself and it drives me up the wall. I like routine, but I also hate routine because it gets boring but when I don't have it, I get overwhelmed. I like organization, but I can't organize and then things get cluttered and I get very upset with it. I like being social sometimes, but I also hate being social. There's more, but those are some of the conflicts I have.
For me the biggest issue is knowing what’s going on. I feel like I had to hide and work against myself for 25 years. Now it’s hard to say exactly what’s going on. I struggle with the things she said in the video, I like talking to some people but going out just to get groceries is a huge task. I’d come home and tell my that I am exhausted from all the people but end up feeling like I am just complaining and trying to find reasons not to leave the house. Having 2 small kids makes that even harder because I should leave the house with them but it’s really hard for me to do. I look for things I can change daily but fail after a couple of days to keep doing them. Over here in Germany it takes up to 2 years to get a diagnosis so I am just left hanging without knowing what to do and I almost feel like I have to self diagnose which isn’t even possible…
I relate to this on a few levels. I don’t need a routine but I do better with one. I struggle to maintain it.
Sensory sensitivity IS ADHD too so it doesn’t mean you are autistic. I mean, maybe you are but sensory sensitivity is any and all neurodiversity.
Omg when I was reading your comment I thought that you were describing me!
Are you me?!
Those green circles reflections in your glasses are so entertaining, it's quite the game to try and predict which way they will move, the symmetrical pattern being the highlight.
It’s a ring light. 😊
@@MichAndo2712 ah yes that's it, of course 🤗
I literally can’t watch because I can’t hear the words. Otherwise all of the colors are very pretty. Love the backdrop.
Why is this comment so satisfying?
Im 72 and you finally made sense to me about my life Thank you
I’m in my 60’s and I also have just made sense of why I do what I do thanks to this video
❤
Me, too.😢❤
❤
I hear 'ya!
"Needing people to be quiet around me so I can be noisy" hit one of my nails on the head and made me chuckle! I'm 48 and only just figured out I'm ASD/ADHD/CPTSD. Videos like this really help. Thanks ❤
Same @ 40 years old.
@@jamesbryson9542 42, not diagnosed but pretty sure I have both.
Same.
36 and same! I have been diagnosed autism, but more and more I’ve been spotting ADHD symptoms too… symptoms that made me feel like a complete fraud because of the apparent contradictory nature! I immediately sent it to the parent who knows me best and interestingly enough I think it may apply to him too!
Ptsd, I vibe with those people
When I was 9 or 10 I was “diagnosed” with Sensory processing disorder (it’s not an actual separate diagnosis in the dsm). Fast forward to probably 5 years ago when my best friend was diagnosed with ADHD and told me I should look into it too. I did ALL the research and really resonated with a lot of it. I thought I finally found the answer to my weirdness that no one understood, but there was parts of it that I didn’t entirely agree with. A couple years later I learned about autism and for the first time I was like WOW, THIS IS EXACTLY ME! I started thinking well maybe I’m just autistic instead of having adhd, but the more I research, the more I’m leaning towards both. Sometimes it seems my adhd comes out more, and sometimes the autism comes out. It has always felt like a constant tug of war game in my head, and it’s exhausting especially around people.
This was my experience as well except flipped! I had a lot of things ticked from the asd list, but it didn't all fit, then I looked into adhd and it ALL clicked. Now I'm like ???? wait a minute, maybe I'm both 🙃 I got diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder last year as well (though my psych did note there was no such thing yet).
Me, too, with an ADHD diagnosis. 💜👋
Omg are you me? But mine was unspecified processing disorder 🤣🤣🤣 I have my adhd diagnosis stimulant medication has really helped.
I’m getting evaluated for autism next month lol.
The same. I have had exsactky the same feeling. And my child as well. No wonder!!! My father, I, my child and most probably my future grandchildren...
Fortunately, there is answer and explanation for our different, difficult, contradictory and confusing existence. Alleluia!
@@aigocharisma My experience is about the same as yours
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly
@@AnaSolano190
I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
@@JamesFJohnsonDoes he deliver to various locations?
The special interest bit really clinched it for me. I've been told by a professional that I couldn't be officially diagnosed as autistic because I was missing 'that big part of it' because I had varying lengths of high intensity obsessions with things, ranging from years to a week or two to intense research for an evening, with 2-5 longer lived topics I never bore of, but never that overpowering, all encompassing niche one that never goes away. This blew my mind. I feel very validated.
I had a psychiatrist tell me to my fave I was not autistic, even though I had already been dx’d with both adhd & asd.
She demanded I be retested.
So, i retested and she had to eat her comments. She left the practice soon after.
Can totally relate to that!
that is a possible sympthom of adhd bro. (not all adhd have that though but some do)
ye i have a simlar thing instead of one lifetime intrests i have like 5000 ive noticed there all around a
Yep...exactly the same for me...if i get into something, i have to learn it all and it consumes me for days till i crash...then i may get disregulated for a few more days to a week or so, then a new topic, or and old interests returns, some come with the seasons, others come with moods, music and drawing are 2 recurring themes, but i have picked up dozens of interest, from astronomy, to boating, precision rifles, arts, botany, anatomy, biology, gorod(best band on earth this month)...i crave both lonelyness and crowds but cant control which it will be in which situation......this is the most relatable video ever.
..i have no diagnosis...this is just how i can describe myself.....maybe i should get that referal after all lol
1:57 conflict between contradictory traits
2:47 balancing traits
4:07 special interests
5:56 different version of self
6:59 relating to people with dual diagnosia
You're doing God's work
Seriously. A year later and we're still benefiting from this comment!
Everything resonated. From the contradictory traits (being loud while expecting others to be quiet), the different traits from ADHD and autism coming out in different environments, being perceived as not as autistic as people expect, having a group of friends who are too much for you sometimes. This felt so validating thank you for sharing
I don't get it? Can you please provide more examples?
lol yeh the loud/quiet my family used to always pull me up on as a kid & even without that, I'd be screaming at them all to shut up & just exploding cause of the noise/stimulation, while actually overstimulating them with my screaming about the noise
@Ignace Alli reported for spam. Herbs don't cure ASD
Holy moly! This resonates with me so much. I’m very organized in my environment, but can’t seem to prioritize the things I need to do on a daily basis. I appear very confident but notice RSD for real. I had a roommate who identified with both of these qualities in themself and often commented about my behavior being typical of a neurodivergent person, which started to intrigued me. I’m in my mid-forties at this point and have developed so many coping skills over the years that I’m now just in the process of reflecting on all the ways I adjusted to my environments to avoid being outwardly uncomfortable and now I’m starting to realize how internally uncomfortable I was my whole life.
Jeez, this is...more relatable than I expected. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since middle school, but I've always struggled socially due to being easily tired out and overwhelmed by people. At first my family just thought it was anxiety, but once I grew more confident and aware of the fact that people actually like me....nothing about my interactions with people changed at all. I was still overwhelmed all the time and seemingly standoffish.
I'd be more reluctant to consider the possibility of having ASD if it wasn't so common in my family. On both my mom and my dad's side of the family. So uh...thanks for giving me something to think about, this could be really helpful. Thanks.
Oh- this is kind of exactly what I’m going through. Thought it was anxiety too, but I mean one of my uncles has Autism so I guess it’s a possibility. I don’t really want to unpack that though lol
I was taken aback when my therapist hit the nail on the head and told me I must be on the spectrum. I truly understand you when you were having trouble unpacking that luggage. My experience with autism was not good having spent time as an aide in the life skills class...the name given to the class for those that could not function in the general population in school. But I also had to look at the fact that my grandson was diagnosed on the spectrum, but as high functioning, which is very different from the little boy I took care of when I was an aide. Time and research as well as finding a community to help us through it... and therapy to better understand the traits and work with them. I wish you luck in unpacking that 🎒 bag.
The over-analysis. We're Malkavians that think we're Noseferatu
My psychiatrist i had for my ADHD suspected my Autism because i didnt do eye contact and, For some reason, the fact that i used alot of forgin words in my speech, which i still dont get, i know i do it but in my experience alot from my generation does so as well. And of cause im introverted and i focus way better on things that interest me.
I wish you a clarifying journey, dear traveler.
hi everyone!
as someone who has recently been diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD, i’d like to share some parts of my seven-year journey to getting diagnosed in hopes that some of you might relate and maybe consider it helpful :)
so, i've been through several therapists and psychiatrists since the age of 13 because of social/generalized anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and body image issues.
i was 15 when a therapist first suspected i might be autistic, but my parents shrugged it off at the time and didn't pursue any testing because i didn't match their preconceived notions of what it meant to be autistic (and because i was developing an eating disorder at the time, which was their main concern).
later, at 18, another therapist diagnosed me with ADHD but didn't take my struggles seriously at all and always deviated from the issue when i tried asking her for help.
at 19, i moved to the city for college and started going to a new therapist. not only did she completely ignore my ADHD diagnosis, but she also refused to even consider the possibility of me being autistic (mind you, this woman didn't help me with my mental health at all, she actually made it worse).
eventually, at 20 years old, i decided to try going to a neuropsychiatrist and he immediately suspected i might be autistic. he recommended me for an assessment with a neuropsychologist who specialized in ASD and she ended up concluding that i had ASD Level 1 (formerly known as Asperger's Syndrome).
this neuropsychologist is now my new therapist and hands down the best one so far. however, it has been kind of a challenge for her to figure out the best way of helping me, since having both ASD and ADHD is quite the complex and unpredictable experience. this difficulty is worsened by the lack of research on how the two interact, adding to the very scarce research on how neurodiversity impacts girls and women. i try my best to describe my personal experience to her, but it isn’t always easy. it makes sense to me because it's all i've ever known but it's pretty hard to explain to someone else how my paradoxical mind works.
based on all of this, i have reached the conclusion that not every mental health professional is qualified to work with neurodivergent folks (even though they often say they are) and i absolutely recommend those who haven’t gotten a diagnosis yet to seek out an actual specialist!
i think that’s all.
sending love and wishing the best for all of you!
Just know. you are helping people just like yourself 100 years in the future by showing and telling people who you are and what you feel. I hope you know that. For all future women with adhd + autism ... I thank you for your service! and thank you for leaving this absolutely wholesome comment! It's easy to tell that you are a good person.
Hey, thank you for the information.
58, undiagnosed, sort of lost atm.
this video, and other channels has recently opened my eyes up.
currently trying to work out how i can afford diagnosis.
again thank you
Thank you. It must’ve been very hard. Sharing your story like this, helps me considering going for a diagnosis as well. I have recentelijk been diagnosed with ASD, but I feel like it isn’t really it completely, and then I stumbled upon this video which makes me anxious in a way because it checks a lot of things for me.
(me being anxious is because I still find it difficult to be like: “yes I may have something and can ask for help” cause I often tried to convince my whole life to not complain ‘and I am fine’.)
@@miniclip1162 thank you so much!! you're right, i hope it'll be easier to understand and help others like me in the future :)
@@zeromotivation1817 i sincerely hope you'll be able to afford it!! it'll give you a lot of answers you've probably been looking for all of your life, and it might help you feel less alone by knowing that several others out there have the same struggles as you! :)
This video made so much sense to me. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since first grade, but I've never felt like I was as at ease with socializing among other things as other people with just ADHD. Recently I've been genuinely questioning if I was autistic because I've had sensory issues, shutdowns, meltdowns, troubles keeping or making friends, gone non-verbal and much more. My parents have always told me "I definitely don't have it" for the longest time, so I believed them. But now I know they're not the best parents, and I've questioned myself through my standards more. However, I've never really related to only autistic people either. It makes so much sense now that I might have both. Thank you, seriously.
Edit: 69 likes lmao
early diagnosis gang lol. and idk i feel bad as a woman cause I got diagnosed with adhd early on(they told my mom I was gonna need adderall later on, i was in montessori school lol. then 1st grade diagnosis. like I'm lucky to be diagnosed early bc it was so uncommon, but also i was very combination type presenting. I was just enough of a problem for my school to do something abt it lol. but it still never rllly fit. i still go non-verbal when I'm getting yelled at, i didn't display huge sensory issues bc the south didn't tolerate children who were unnecessarily noisy, so i was perceived as well behaved. the older i get the more i notice i have a lot. Vacuum cleaner? absolutely not. soft clothes are a must. i literally cannot produce one thought if there is a slightly distracting sound, but i have to hum and bepop and put a blanket on my legs.
"HAVE it" like its a disease or something??
@@elizabethbennet4791 People say they HAVE blue eyes or HAVE brown hair too, chill out. Stop trying to police people’s words about themselves 🙃
Ya a totally agree I was diagnosed young as well. And my diagnosis never felt quite right. Especially because I never felt at ease with socializing I couldn't handle people who had the same kind of energy as me. But people always said I was good at socializing which always made me think that I wasn't autistic but they didn't know how hard I worked to socialize. That I have read dozens of books on how to socially engineer conversations and situations so people like you. Because I didn't understand people because to me they seemed to make completely irrational decisions. My dad is a psychologist and growing up he always told me I didn't have those traits because I could socialize successfully.
@@alexandrahill8801 Yeah, I was the hyperactive type when I was younger, so that was really diagnosable. Now I think I'm more combination like you. Textures are absolutely the worst, and I've been stimming as long as I can remember. Sounds were and still are horrible; I can't focus with any noise. No one can talk, breathe loudly, I can't have music or background noise and a lot of noise can cause me to dissociate or rock back and forth.
First of all, holy shit all of these are so relatable. I want to fit in so I just talk my ass off and say wayyyy too much, but when I get home I regret all of it. I want a routine because I want to get shit done but I hate routines because they feel mundane.
I also don’t know if this is a hyper fixation thing, but I tend to find something I really like, and then do that one thing for days on end. I won’t be doing ANYTHING else, I’ll just be doing that thing (this includes games and movies, but I even engage in the other parts of it, like consuming content related to it, posting about it, engaging in the fandoms, making a name for myself in said fandoms, making friends there, and buying merchandise) but then after a while, I don’t have any more energy to do it, and I find myself completely disinterested in it. This makes me feel like absolute shit because I want to have a fandom or specific interest that I can say I am consistently in, but it just happens in random bursts where I dedicate all my time and energy to it, and then ghost it for weeks, months, even years.
It also makes me think; what about my dreams for the future, what about my passion for art, music, filmmaking, story-telling? What if one day I just realize it was a hyperfixation or some kind of phase and that I’m done with it. I’m sick of everything I enjoy being a phase. I just want to like something regularly. I also worry what if I lose friends because of this. I don’t have many friends already, so what if I lose them because I lose interest in them? It sounds horrible, but my brain loves to go to the worst possible scenarios..
Edit: just played the video again (was halfway through when writing it) and instantly she described how ADHD and Autism can affect hyperfixations,, the exact thing I just mentioned. SO MAYBE I SHOULD GO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS-
Wow the explanation of your autism being stronger when you go out bc social/stimulation needs are harder to control/unknown vs ADHD being more dominant at home bc youve controlled your sensory environment and routine is predictable socially so autism side is "satisfied" makes SO much sense. I am in the process of seeking an autism diagnosis after just receiving my ADHD one finally at 40+ so this was the best summation for me, thankyou!
Also the long term intersts vs short term hyperfocus ones and how both are possible, totally relate there as well! And the chatty ADHD outweighing the autism socially at times so has masked it during medical/psychology appts as doctors dont see the downtime needed after the social interaction!
I... I get it now
Wow. As someone who after years of being diagnosed with depression/ anxiety finally thought they may be autistic, only then to discover they might also have adhd.. this hit home so hard. Particularly when you spoke about the need for everyone around me to be quiet, whilst making a lot of noise myself. That inner conflict has crippled my self esteem over the years. I have an assesment for ADHD on the 17th of November. Unfortunately i am on a long waiting list to be assessed for autism. To say I’m am anxious is an understatement. I’ve got myself in to a state, thinking that I’ve made all this up in my head and that actually I am just lazy and depressed. This video really helped ease my nerves. Thank you mind stranger
*kind
I Understand! i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in highschool and it has never felt correct. i finally saw a counselor who suggested i may have autism. well i havent been able to find anyone who can diagnose me officially but we went through all the criteria and it was the first time i felt like i fit in a category! and it made me realize why i clicked so fast with a friend of mine who knew he is autistic. i cried because i know now im not just broken. but through doing more research i have had a hard time knowing if thats all i have because sometimes i still feel really different...
100% agree. Mostly the being noisy yet needing quiet. The most often comment in our house is "you've just asked the kids to be quiet and now you're being just as loud" 😒
That's the worst part, what we tell ourselves or what sticks with us from what others tell us
Even having diagnosis and it's acknowledgement of a lot of people around, I still often find myself thinking 'what's hell is wrong with you? Pull yourself together, you're just not trying hard enough'
I think it's especially hard not really seeing or hearing other people going through the same inner conflicts, it does feel like it's all just made up in your head
Hope your assesment goes well!❤️
I also have a psychology degree and I'm diagnosed with ADHD since a kid. However I was dismissed so strictly by three professionals who seemed sure that I absolutely didn't have autism within like 5 minutes. Facial expressions they said, eye contact they said, non monotone voice they said. See now the thing is, ever since I was a child my mind was set on becoming a singer. Music has always been my thing and I'm sure no autistic person will be suprised to hear this but I can't give it up to do more appropriate things lol. Since I wanted to be a singer who danced (and I also wanted to star in musicals) I practiced my facial expressions A LOT. Hours in front of the mirror. Getting the hang of it, finding the right eye movements, brow movements, feeling the song requires. I was already practicing my vocals and rapping skills and I think I became quite natural at those too.I also spent a horribly huge chunk of me teens searching "how to act normal" "how to socialize" "how to keep a conversation going" Reading all about how eye contact is super important and how I needed to act like I was confident for it to become real. (it didnt) So one day I decided that I'd just be looking at people in the eye all the time. That made them uncomfortable. Nowadays I find myself trying to balance a ratio of looking away and looking at them, I mostly miss what they're saying doing that. My god. Everything I described sounds painfully autistic doesn't it? Mind you I have a degree on this even though I prefer lived experiences of people more to a DSM diagnosis. But I couldn't even manage to begin the conversation about me possibly being autistic with these professionals. All three of them made me think that I do not want to walk through their footsteps. Even if I'm actually not autistic and being paranoid like they seemed to think, I'm still suffering from all those things I described. How could someone call themselves a mental health professional and invalidate someone's feelings and experiences like this? And the worst part is, if I didn't have the education I do have I wouldn't know what was so wrong with these people. I dont even know why I wrote all this but if you are also struggling to get a diagnosis and feel like an imposter, just leave that behind. You dont necessarily need the labeling to find help. If you suffer from something that autistic people suffer from look up what they do to overcome their challanges. We got this y'all.
that's better than being in the system. We live in such a eugenics age that it's good to not be diagnosed. I've read details of experiments and it seems obvious that psychologists don't really understand. They find autistic people and give them fashionable advice instead of what will help people.
At 40 I didn't feel the need to get an official diagnosis. These things are for us unless we need them for helps. I have no job currently that I would need accommodations for and getting them for Autism is hard, even harder for ADHD. Can in school, which the ADHD diagnosis was helpful at times there. I still had some profs who made you feel like you were cheating the system. Honestly if someone needs more time or a quiet room or a verbal test or whatever, we shouldn't have to have official diagnosis for that. We should just live in a culture that accommodates. As long as you get the work done or learn the thing that needs learning, who cares how or how long.
Anyway...figure this out for you. Read and listen to a plethora of people who are autistic or dual diagnosis and if you see yourself there then that is all that matters. If you need it official for an official reason, seek out someone who know how to diagnosis adult non-males. There is a very well known bias that is being addressed but still prevalent, especially in certain countries (cough cough...USA). Feel free to throw literature and facts at them. Ask them sarcastic questions like "Have you ever heard of masking?" or say 'How 20th century of you to believe that." if they are truly being small minded and find someone that understands. More and more psych peeps are online now.
I watched my mother's awkward social skills and learned from my father who was an excellent salesman. It's not hard to hack social interactions with knowledge and practice. For practice I picked up social dancing after graduating university. Talking with senior citizens is not intimidating and talking with peers in very scripted ways is easy.
I'm not sure
I can relate to that! Somehow I always was interested in so many things that I learned so many 'normal' skills even up to a higher level than non-ASD/non-adhd people. Studying body language and (micro)expressions intensively for several months made me better at reading people than the average person. Same with studying non violent communication (nvc), suddenly people experience me as very empathic. But it's also confusing myself and others with it, and tiring if I try to read other people constantly if I let myself be dragged too much into social situations by people who think I enjoy that because I'm so people minded and communicative ;)
The good thing is that a lot can be learned and masked, both very helpful and tricky.
All of the research on proper socialization and eye contact, and somehow I still feel like a weirdo for having done that. At least I'm not the only one that did and still couldn't quite get the hang of it, especially when trying to talk to a professional, the mask comes on too quickly and articulating a thought turns into are my feet and bellybutton facing the right direction, is my body language closed off, ?eye contact?, fidgeting or no fidgeting and how much is too much? What forms of stimming are socially appropriate in which settings? It's all too much.
This really resonated with me! I have never understood these conflicting traits of mine. Craving order and routine, but also novelty and change... filled with ideas and big-picture creativity, but also logical and analytical. SO many times, I've found myself wondering which one is "really me." I've only just recently begun to accept that BOTH sides are authentically me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in 1st grade...and autistic at 50. Your video helps explain why I can be a total mess, until I break and turf out my messes. Why I get obsessed with topics, and then space out and mentally wander around lost. Much sympathy/empathy for those who are undiagnosed but know something's going on.
Useful and compassionate comment. Thank you.
i can't even begin to explain how grateful i am for this video... i'm 20 and was recently diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD but my therapist (the one who diagnosed me) specializes in ASD so she mostly focuses on it, which has led me to deal with imposter syndrome because i don't fully relate to people who are only autistic. i'll definitely be sharing this video with her! thank you so much!!!
You just explained word for word what I’m going through
Also I’m 20 too
Omgyes
@@nattyjay5257 lol hilarious cuz this is exactly me too but im 46
Me too!
Although not diagnosed yet, I am fairly confident, after many years of research, that I have both. It was an epiphany when I realised I was autistic but imposter syndrome was strong. Though it explained so much, I still didn't feel I fit the mould and thought I was making it up. Then when I discovered adhd as well it explained everything and ticked all the boxes. It was such a huge thing for me, so exciting to discover I'm not just lazy, immature and incapable. There is a reason I'm so seemingly "bad at life". Though imposter syndrome is still kicking my butt and I won't feel able to speak up about my needs without a firm medical diagnosis, I feel the need to prove why I am the way I am and that I can't change or "get better". So many years of self hatred and blaming myself means I can't give myself any credit for just surviving until age 39 with no support. I still feel the need to apologise for my existence because I still see myself as a bad, lazy person who just isn't trying hard enough rather than a neurodivergent desperately struggling to keep my head above water.
omg your special too yay i love labels
Purple Ella has a great video on neurodivergent imposter syndrome (I feel the same!) And she also had both - good luck getting the support you need
Shit you’re good with words
@@yungmentalproblems get bent.
I struggle with impostor syndrome a lot currently too, I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but Im pretty sure I have both as well. So you’re not alone 😢, it’s especially hard when you feel like the people around you aren’t taking you seriously too, I told my parents and my mom was not really accepting it that well. So it’s pretty difficult especially when you’ve gotten thru life relatively ok (I’m 34 and I’ve always just been the “weird” girl), and seeming somewhat “normal” and people think you’re just making it up. 😒
100% spot on! I know the feeling and I am now 68 years old. I just found a way to deal with it where both can be appeased. I got them to create a cease fire. It's been six months now and still going with a quieter AUDHD experience. I know the conflict you are speaking of, it felt like a war all the time in my head. I convinced myself to allow time for each side. I would define an activity as either ADHD or Autistic then I would ask the other side to step back and allow the controlling one to have time to do it's thing in that moment with the promise that the other would have time later. I seems to be working for me. I have less conflict and more cooperation in my brain. I'm getting more done as a result. I'm loving life as an AUDHDer with the new controlled cease fire arrangement. THANK YOU for all you do, it helps!
Point 5 cannot be overstated enough. The point I realised I was autistic rather than "just me, I guess I'm weird" was the realisation that the ONLY people I never had to explain how my brain worked to were all the specific friends who were finally getting their autistic diagnoses after years of struggle. When it was 1 or 2 people it was a coincidence, when it started to edge up past 10 and marched through 15 it kinda became undeniable even if many of my traits don't fit the broken old traditional diagnosis list.
Yes! The funniest part for me was the moment I realized, "Oh no, every boyfriend I've ever had (and my husband) have ADHD."
I have the same with ADD/ADHD.... But my possible ADHD is just weird idk .... At rhis point I'm only friends with 1 other person who isn't diagnosed with ADD/ADHD or autism and is neurodivergent. I just don't click with "normal" people. Help!
100% spot on. I am diagnosed with ADHD but I totally relate to the inner conflict of overstemulation and understimulation. I will constantly stimulation seek and multitask but ONLY if it's things that are completely under my control. Amost any novelty and change that is not in my control overwhelms and freaks me out!
This. Yes. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Omg yes! Never put it into words but EXACTLY!!
YES! I get so bored at home that I need to have multiple things going e.g. a video game and a youtube video. But as soon as my partner walks in and starts talking (over the top of the 2 other things) I can't function
Short order cook ...story of my lifetime
I was one of those people who was diagnosed with ADHD first prior to 2013 (when you couldn't have both an ASD & ADHD diagnosis) and just recently diagnosed as an Autistic. It didn't help that there is little to no research on Autistic adults (or in my case Black women) and even fewer involving Autistic + ADHD (dual diagnosis) individuals. The lack of research led me to panic before my assessment and kinda psych myself out but eventually getting answers *for me* was the best decision!
Thanks Sam! You've been a big help during the process!
See it's all that history that has me undecided about getting evaluated. I can't decide if it's worth the hassle at this point in my life.
How difficult was it to find a place to get evaluated? How much did it end up costing?
What were the tests like?
I'm trying to hunt down a place to get evaluated but it's proving so difficult. How can you tell if a place will be fair in their evaluation and not gate-keep? I've had a doctor try to rip away my ADHD dx and chalk all symptoms up to anxiety and that has really terrified me.
@@Rutabega_NG many folks pass on the diagnosis b/c they're not struggling so figure "why would I need it"; but speaking from the perspective of someone who was attempting to get a diagnosis at the peak of their struggle, I always recommend putting in the work anyway. It's much harder to do when you've little to no executive functioning. Once done, the diagnosis is at least there when you may most need it.
@@Jade-db1jx Also curious! And gosh, I'm so sorry...that's terrifying...
Hey same here actually! Not only that I am a black mixed trans person as well, and was surprised to even have been diagnosed with adhd as a kid considering most kids diagnosed were cis white males. It's reassuring seeing others that feel the same as I have had imposter syndrome about my asd diagnosis as well
ADHD in the streets (at work), Autistic on the sheets (at home)
Honestly, the "no dual diagnosis" thing legitimately had a big hand in me messing up repeatedly in uni until I gave up. I've had an ASD diagnosis since I was 6, and therefore our first stage school (6-12 years) treated me like schools treated autistic kids in the late 90s/early 00s... if you know you know. I was academically pretty good until we reached the 2nd stage of mandatory education (13-16) because the added expectation of indepence with no preparation for it pretty much induced a free fall. I just barely managed to graduate, but the uni experience is what really kicked my self esteem when I was down. Here I was, learning subjects I was actually interested in and even kinda good at, and still consistently forgot the home assignments and projects + the trauma from being "the autistic kid" in my old school social environment didn't help as well. None of the typical strategies people recommended actually worked for me. I tried repeatedly to just push through but it never worked.
I got an adhd diagnosis in 2021 and honestly it was kinda bittersweet at that point.
To be clear: I'm not just feeling sorry for myself. I'm actually kinda pissed. Because if the dual diagnosis had been a thing, even unofficially as a possibility, I think just being aware of my ADHD and having access to ADHD specific self help things, I am certain I wouldn't have been left behind academically and had more chance of a better adult future than I currently have. Logically I know science marches on, but emotionally I feel robbed.
Same, Im a good student who´s great at humanities and things that interest me, but gods forbid I have to learn something I don´t vibe with. Also, I feel the time management sooo much.
So many things just don´t work for me, but Im slowly figuring things out.
I was never diagnosed, so I feel really betrayed that no one ever noticed. We both were.
No need for the disclaimer, it’s one of the most common reactions after an adhd diagnosis to be full of grief and rage. We were left behind for so long and could have been improving so long ago and have to start from scratch now.
I know what you mean 😢 except I wasn’t diagnosed with either of them until I was diagnosed with ADHD in college at the age of 20. I still haven’t been diagnosed with Autism, though I suspect it. I did fine in elementary school where I had support and a set routine at school and could do my own thing at home, but by about 8th grade or 9th grade I started to struggle keeping track of all my homework and getting stuff done and forcing myself to do assignments I didn’t enjoy. Then in college it all became so much harder. Even once I was diagnosed I didn’t get any support or anything for my ADHD and barely managed to graduate. Now, if I were to go back, I would do things much differently and make sure I had the necessary supports for my ADHD, and I’d get diagnosed for Autism so I could get support for that as well. It’s a struggle when I thrive on routine and love routines but can’t seem to stick to them. 😢
I know! We are the forgotten generation. I'm 35 and still waiting on being diagnosed for adult adhd even tho I've had since being little aswel as learning I'm autistic aswel.
School was year after year after year of relentless torture, creating c-ptsd. I'm still battling every single day with the rage of all those adults betrayal and abuse. Nothing got better by me being very intelligent - but only in verbal and creativity areas. It meant I always was told: You're smart, but never do well in school. That means your lazy. Work harder! You're expected to become the next star author!
All the other kids saw this, and concluded it was perfectly fine to bully the weird kid.
Does anyone else struggle with that constant bitter, bloody monster of memories?
Being diagnosed with both at age 40 was a relief because I couldn't work out why I just couldn't be how everyone expected me to be. I want friends, but I don't like going out to meet people so it's really hard. I find that I am lonely a lot of the time.
I feel that. I have no problem having a conversation with complete strangers (unless its about something tedious, like the weather), but it's rare that I actually make plans with people and form deep or lasting friendships
Yeah very much relate to both these comments. I love meeting new people, I really really love it... but I've also got varying social anxiety and can often go hermit for weeks at a time...
Yup. Lockdown was a relief, actually
Yes! In election years I can spend hours talking to just anyone (except the racists). I absolutely love meeting tourists and give them a little tour. Going to the hair stylist is pure entertainment. But... I have zero friends that last. And I'm not so sure I want one either.
Yes! I want friends, but can't socialize, and I have social anxiety, that isn't crippling in the moment, then I think about what happened and I'm like... maybe I need a shirt that says "I'm sorry, I'm trying my best."
The gasp I gusped when you talked about needing quiet but making noise... holy wow I am in tears. Literally I think you just changed my life.
"gusped" is not a word.
@lancasterritzyescargotdine2602
Really not the point, you murderer of joy. Making up fun ways to say things is my jam and you shallnt sturp me.
Well, doofus, enough people liked my comment that I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're mistaken, because obviously a few of us WERE actually entertained. But again, that wasn't my point, ya gunkie. I wasn't even talking to you, so my phrasing should not impact you in any way whatsoever. The fact that it bothered you enough to respond not just once but TWICE, and in such a mean way, says far more about your mental state than mine. Lighten up, Frances. I'm always here if you need a hug, for I am NOT a murderer of joy.
@@lancasterritzyescargotdine2602 you are an asshole
me too xx
I always thought that I was having bipolar depression/mania at war with each other... no, this is me. Thank you so much!!!
This video was so validating. On one side I want to continue traveling the world and meeting new people. I crave the novelty however my autistic side wants to be left the hell alone and remain unseen. The part about the changing/consistent fixations was spot on too. Random things (typically youtube vids) can have me obsessed with mini projects and learning new skills. Once I gain above average efficiency, I get bored and move on to the next. After feeling like an absolute alien for so long, it feels good to be related to. Thanks for the vid.
I do this with languages. Got basic skills in German and Spanish, love languages and can understand and read a lot of Portuguese, French, Italian, German, Dutch, Nordic languages ect. So I can grasp a lot of information from a lot of different European language. I can just not follow through to be fluent and have efficiency with any 1 language. German is notoriously difficult to learn. So even though that was the first language I took head on trying to learn, it did take many years of spurts of interest in different languages to be able to understand spoken language well enough to conversate.
I ask myself all the time why I want to talk at everyone and want to, as you said, travel, meet a million people, and in my case work on big teams doing big things, but also believe it's nobody's business what I'm doing with my life and I refuse to share it on social media or even when asked about it.
Lolol I also want to travel but I see videos about "Ways to meet new people when traveling." and I think "Meet new people?? Why on earth would I do that and ruin a great trip??" 😂
I do this with humans. Maybe I should get new hobby.
same i have adhd and autism AND IM ALSO SUPER INTERESTED IN MINI PROJECTS
I was diagnosed with ADHD in the very early 80s when i was in first grade. Was on ritalin for most of my childhood. When i was in my early 20s i would babysit for my wifes cousin. Her son was on a more severe level of autistic. I watched him grow over the years, and how he acted in day to day life and i noticed a ton of similarities between things he would do and my own experiences growing up and as an adult. Just with him they were more pronounced and he never hid any of it from others eyes, which i did. Fast forward a few years and i was finally diagnosed with Autism.
Ritalin at a young age squad 🙏🏻
Wow, I wonder if the ADHD figures into our heightened need to mask, and even gives us the ability - it makes sense when I think about it, it's like I am tapping into another personality almost when I am in public around people who aren't my person- my inner circle consists of one boy and 7 cats, haha, I would give my right arm for my family to be alive again, they would be behind this all the way, because they knew something was wrong but I would slide in and out of mental health diagnosis, this autism spectrum+ADHD and I am most definitely a HSP (highly sensitive person) and the most introverted introvert, yet I can make small talk if I have to , and even enjoy it a little sometimes, like with cashiers at stores and stuff- shopping was my people time, I could be close but interaction wasn't demanded, it was perfect - until I racked up thousands in store credit card debt because I didn't have the money to shop, haha.
That was maybe some of the mania of my bi-polar, though, a lot of the time...
My brain is like Rubix cube to me, and I can't solve one of those to save my life, haha, so here we are...
Horses, thank God for horses.
Seriously, I had nothing before.
I can take care of them and earn a little money without going totally insane, but they couldn't support myself financially and still take care of myself, I don't know what I would do without my bf, he doesn't understand my issues but he loves me and supports me anyway, I couldn't ask for more-
(And yet I DO... Joe, if you're out there - "What the f*ck is wrong with me, what the F*CK is wrong with me..." You knew it, too, and the world was no easier for you. At least you had talent.
You didn't do much with it, but you had it...)
Anyway.
I digress, talking to ghosts again, I guess...
They are all I have to talk to, most days. And that's usually just fine with me, haha...
@@pariahmouse7794 this was a roller coaster. I honestly couldn’t understand who you were talking to at the end, your boyfriend?
I got my ASD diagnosis at 45, just over 7 years ago, and my ADHD diagnosis only last year. The ADHD side definitely impacts on the ASD. I present more autistic than ADHD. Funny thing is, my wife was diagnosed 'hyperactive' as a child (no such term as ADHD then) and now has a proper ADHD diagnosis and is almost certainly ASD as well, and she presents more ADHD. As for running in packs, that's because as a whole, we are much more accepting of other peoples neurotypes than NT's. We run in packs because we've all been bullied, we've all been snubbed, we've all been rejected by society as a whole, so in the end, we make our own society. It's inclusive and tries not to hurt the other person, and can be very healing for us.
That's awesome that you have been able to use your nuero diversity to your advantage. It's something I struggle with
Try hard enough and you can get diagnosed with many things. It’s a spectrum, I show tendencies for both, and I also have a degree of colourblindness, but I don’t go around calling myself autistic or colourblind.
@@X22GJPshhhh, I’m colourblind too and I tell everyone. You didn’t need to react negatively, but you did. I guess it’s down to choice
@@X22GJP and whats wrong with that? having labels is not a cr1me secondly if they use that to better themselves then what is your problem
@@X22GJPYou are the problem. Congratulations I guess?
Oh my gosh! You just described me perfectly! I am 55 years old and just found out I'm autistic a few months ago but I have the conflicting needs like you describe here. Wow! I get overwhelmed easily when I leave home but I get so depressed from staying home so much. I yearn for new experiences but at the same time I get overstimulated by having even mundane outings such as grocery shopping. I feel like I understand myself for the very first time. Thank you for this.
1. 1:56 Constant conflict between apparently contradictory traits
2. 2:46 Your traits may appear to balance each other out
3. 4:08 A larger variety than usual of special interests/hyper fixations
4. 5:55 Different versions of your traits emerge in different situations
5. 7:02 You relate to people who have a dual diagnosis themselves
Thanks for doing this for everyone!
Hey Sam, I don't have autism, just ADHD, but what you said about self contradictions still really resonated with me and helped me articulate some aspects of myself I struggle with. For me it's more like, I crave newness and stimulation and feel incredible joy and freedom when I act spontaneously, but also absolutely need strict routine and order to get basic necessary tasks and self care done, because the cognitive load of doing those things without the routine is too great. It sometimes feels like I have two brain states; if I indulge in whatever is making me excited in the moment I fail to do basic important tasks, which makes me stressed out and miserable in the long run, but if I go about my daily necessary tasks strictly I cut myself off from the things that bring me real joy and excitement, which also makes me steadily more miserable over time. It's incredibly frustrating. But, articulating it like this just now is the best clarity I've gotten on the situation so far. So thank you for making this point!
I can relate.
I, too, can relate. "Strike while the iron is hot" is not good advice when you have ADHD! We have to find a balance! I can think of several interesting perspectives I have on this topic LOL
Wait, is this me?! 😳 Literally samee
That’s exactly me..
i never heard someone describe this particular phenomenon (that i too experience) so effectively. so, seriously thank you bc this will genuinely help me explain my feelings.
As you all know, one of the biggest challenges for ADHD and ASD is describing what is going on with our internal selves as, often times, they don't match our outward selves very often. Thank you for the verbalizing of this conflict that happens ALL the time! Now I may have better luck describing this process to my NT husband!
Same
Omg i have such a weird outside-self that I really don’t like. I wish people could see my calm and funny and not-annoying self I am on my own, but instead they see my insane, high energy, fairly annoying, laughing way too much self that I don’t like. Sometimes when I walk away from a friend I just talked to I wonder why they even really like me because I wouldn’t be friends with myself. I feel like they feel forced to deal with me.
I have never heard anyone describe exactly how I feel so concisely. That eternal internal push and pull!!
OMG Everything described so well it was uncanny! 😯 I have an ADHD diagnosis, but I suspected I am also autistic for a long time. The craving organization, but at the same time being really messy, the great variety of interests (some ongoing, some for short periods but obsessively), how social interactions drain me but at the same time I like talking to new people...
Or not autism but ocd
This made me think of how few times I could relate properly to people. I've gotten a lot more respect for them now that I know why xD
All of this. 👏
Diagnosed ADHD but have autistic tendencies.
Bro same holy crap I may actually be autistic
The amount of breakdowns centered around my "inconsistent" symptoms is endless. I felt hopeless about getting help because I never thought someone would believe me. They balance each other out but also cause problems of their own and I didn't know how to describe it. This video was extremely informative, I knew I had both but I didn't understand how they interacted.
As someone who views myself as having both ADHD and Autism but due to lack of diagnosis often describes myself as just neurodivergent, watching this was so validating. I was able to recognize how each of these relate to my own life in my own unique ways. :)
@Yuqing Lee I'm glad you have found tools that work!
@@ASMCourtney "Yuqing Lee" has been posting this exact text as a response to various comments, and it matches the "this program/product/food/diet/magic powder cures autism to make parents happy" boilerplate. Approach with caution.
I describe myself as neurodivergent because my only official diagnosis is ADHD, but healthcare professionals have agreed in my determinations that autism and dyscalculia describe other experiences of mine that ADHD doesn't quite cover. I did have to pay for the ADHD diagnosis as I needed help in university and that was the only way to get accommodations.
Same ❤
DUDE FUCKING SAME
Well.... A friend of mine got diagnosed last week with 38yo. And because of her telling me a lot of these neurodivergent things AND because she one time said that I have a lot of these traits, too, I came here.
And yeah. I felt like you described me from the very beginning to the end....
I never have thought about that. I just was so frustrated I never get along with my life...
So thanks for helping people understand theirselves and others to understand them :)
HOLY CRAP. just. wow. i have never, in my life, seen a video this helpful in expressing my internal emotions and feelings since i can't get them out myself. this hit every mark for me. i have diagnosed adhd, and i've been thinking that i also have autism for a while. the "balancing out" thing perfectly explains my situation, and now i'm thinking about seeking out dual-diagnosed people since i don't know anyone with both yet. i've never really clicked with anyone in my life; i've always felt like my struggles are exclusively my own, but this video really helps me with that right now. just, thank you. all i can say is thank you so much.
I am in the same boat as you. I was diagnosed with ADHD, but I’ve been suspecting I might be autistic as well for quite a while. I noticed that I can relate to my neuro divergent friends a lot easier, but the friend I can relate the most and it’s like we just understand each other has both autism and adhd. 😶😶
@@anahitaeshghtorki8419 same re relating to autism, despite a diagnoses of ADHD. ADHD people I don't actually tend to relate to that well, I think cause I'm on meds that work for me, not sure, but if I go to ADHD support group meets, I just don't click with people there at all really. Would be interesting to meet duel diagnoses people, but no idea where to do so
Hey, same here! Hit me up if you want to connect, it seems our special interests may overlap since music is in your username and I am a producer myself :) Either way, have a a good day and I hope you can get clarity one way or another!
@Mp Really low act to spam this crap on people with genuine health issues trying to cope with them!
Same
I’ve been diagnosed as both a couple years ago at 23, and decided to watch this video to just kinda go “oh yeah I do that” or leave a quick comment about it being accurate, but your 4th point honestly hit me so hard because it described me growing up almost exactly. At school when we did in class assignments I could focus and get them done quickly, but at home with homework I just could never focus.
I’ve never seen this element of the ADHD/Autistic traits expressing/suppressing themselves in different environments talked about before
It's the same exact thing for me as well. It's satisfying for the adhd to be in public and draining for my possible autism. Homework is an escape from socializing while maintaining the adhd.
I'm diagnosed ADHD and sometimes suspect mild autism might be in play. This video resonated with me quite a bit, and seeing your comment about homework really resonates because it's so specific and I've never heard it voiced by someone else. I loved getting work done while at school because it felt good and easy, and at home I could never stay focused. Often I just started to fall asleep lol. I'm not positive what leads to this, but it's cool to hear someone else mention it
oh my god, i was just innocently reading through the comments and wasnt expecting to be hit with this super specific issue. i was always very fast in doing my assignments in class and i only occasionally struggled with focus, but at home i could not for the life of me focus on my homework. thanks for commenting this
Yes like what’s the deal with that
It takes me much longer to do it at home than to do it at school
I have had the same experience. If given in class time to do assignments, I always got them done and did well. But homework was out of sight and out of mind or, if remembered, it was too confusing to do in my home (lots of noise and distractions).
Wow! This totally clicks! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 47 and was told I'm "twice exceptional" which is probably why I was never diagnosed. And it explained so much! But not everything. Like why I simultaneously LOVE and hate travel. I love the novelty of visiting new places, but am easily overstimulated by noise and lots of people. And the struggle to keep a clean house to keep sane while the ADHDemon makes it almost impossible. I hear you, sister--the struggle is SO real!
Me too! And at the same age!
I fully expected the ADHD, as my son had been diagnosed the month before, but I was not expecting the ASD1. I’m still figuring it out but it’s nice to meet a fellow traveler! ❤
Thank you for putting to words what I only vaguely recognized in myself and what I've passed on to my son. I thought I only had one problem but it makes total sense that there's a nuance to it. Now, about those ring light reflections in your glasses ...
When you said the part about needing order, but also finding it difficult to maintain....I felt that to my core. Clutter absolutely stresses me out, but I also have extreme difficulty focusing on a task long enough to finish it either. I bounce from one cleaning/declutterting task to another, not really completing any of them. It's utterly exhausting.
Diagnosed with adhd a few months ago (45), expected that, ocd tendencies came out as well, not surprising. Doc said I may be dipping my toes into the autism spectrum and that threw me for a loop. My experience with and understanding of autism were very flawed and I couldn’t even entertain the thought for several months.
Got to the point that I felt comfortable with the struggles adhd and ocd entailed, and decided to watch some videos of folks who had both, or just autism in an effort to prove to myself it wasn’t possible.
Every single thing I watched made some part of my life experience make sense in a way that it never has. I now believe that the autism is the larger of the two primary issues.
I’m including my next statement on the chance it will help someone else, I’m not proud of it. When things first started lining up, due to my misconceptions about autism, I had to deal with a large amount of self-revulsion. It was disconcerting to say the least, and required time and ‘educating’ myself via RUclips videos and articles and other places. I am now so much more at peace than I have ever been my entire life. All I’ve ever wanted out of life is for someone else or myself to understand me and why I am/feel so different, and now I have that. I don’t have to live every day in near terror that someone will see through the mask and I’ll get locked up in a padded room.
The terror was due to not being able to explain the issues. I could put my finger on what a number of my “symptoms” were, but couldn’t explain them. Made me feel crazy.
Much like Sarah Hendrickx(sp?) I have a very polished mask from studying people through much of my life. Good sense of humor/quick wit for deflection on anything that might slip out from under the mask. Not sure where I was going with this paragraph. Sorry.
Long story short, get checked out, educate yourself as best you can while on wait lists for diagnoses. It’s worth it.
And thanks Sam, for making your videos, they’ve helped me to achieve some peace and self-understanding.
I think this is the perspective I needed, someone closer to my own age.
I was 45 when I found out about my autism and I was...like you, I guess. Self revulsion and all.
I am better off now that others have shared their stories and I learned that there is a whole world of people like me. A small world indeed.
Andrew, you have a wonderful perspective, and I thank you so much for your courage in sharing parts of your very enlightening and meaningful journey with us!
You just did something I do all the time, forgot what you were saying halfway through the paragraph... I hate when that happens to me.
Combo of OCD and ADHD tendencies is something I struggle with and the OCD part is definitely from autism. This usually makes no sense to people which is frustrating. But just like the feelings you had about autism, these things are drilled into us in certain ways, usually unproductive ones. I have had (and frankly still do a bit) a bias against meds even though they the right ones have had a huge positive impact on me. Runs deep.
My favourite quote: "Neurodivergent people tend to run in packs". That we do. I have a bunch of AUDHDer friends (although I'm just ADHD myself). I'm physically disabled in addition and I haven't yet found anybody that talks about how ADHD impacts someone who is physically disabled (with chronic pain/fatigue) and vice versa (how physical disability impacts ADHD traits). I find that more people are recognizing folks who have both ADHD and autism though, which is good. Thanks for the video. Peace.
“I'm physically disabled in addition and I haven't yet found anybody that talks about how ADHD impacts someone who is physically disabled (with chronic pain/fatigue) and vice versa (how physical disability impacts ADHD traits).” Maybe you could be this person?! 😛 just a random thought
So I'm ADHD and while it's not a disability, I have tinnitus and sensory issues with hearing and oh my God. It's awful whenever it kicks in. It genuinely hurts a solid chunk of the time
@@hylianhero1921 Just for your information, ADHD is actually a disability by definition! It may not impact your day to day life too much, which is what I think you meant to communicate, but it's worth understanding that ADHD is a disability in case something comes up where identifying it as the disability that it is could be really helpful (for instance, reasonable accommodations for work or study, if something happens to aggravate your ADHD and you need medication, etc).
Many disabilities don't actually hinder the person much, but it's good to know for informational purposes that disabilities that are under control/well managed and not crippling are still disabilities! My friend with Chron's Disease pointed this out to me, actually. She said even when her Chron's is in remission or managed to the point of minimal symptoms, it would be pretty unhelpful to say it wasn't a chronic condition and a disability, because if she minimizes it while it's less severe, it's harder to be taken seriously when she needs it. That really stuck with me. Hope this helps!
@Wyld_Wych - I have an idea: *_Oxytocin_*
I have a friend who was bedridden for 15 years with CFS, then he discovered Oxytocin (the "love hormone"). Now in his late seventies, he walks in the park every day, rain or shine, and does some fairy intense physical exercise at a high level, and much more. Will it work for you?
I have scoliosis and ADHD diagnosis, my scoliosis definitely affects my hyperactivity (or lack thereof). I'd probably be able to sleep better if I could get out more energy but I'd rather sit because it's physically more comfortable, running hurts.
OMG, my AutDHD bestie told me I’m on the autism spectrum, but I pushed back since my late diagnosed adhd and 40 years of masking made me think I wasn’t that far into the spectrum on that slider.
Thank you for making this make sense.
The whole “shy at first” thing is sooooooo true. I always felt that way, and still do.
Don't think I have autism but I have social anxiety so i'm really shy and stop myself from speaking 😭
Isn't it a universal feeling?
Yeah, like holy cow, I'm pretty sure several people have described me this way. I have to be able to gauge what side of me (and what mask) is right for this environment and let the adhd brain show others that I am actually cool and sociable whilst also making sure I don't weird people out.
@@hoaxygen maybe not, start digging
No video has ever represented my problems better than this one! I got both diagnoses around 8 years old, and I have watched many videos on ADHD and Autism separately, but when you talk about the combination like this it hits the nail on the head for me.
I almost find it kinda comical how I actually have pretty good organizational skills due to my autism, but it take so much time and effort to organize because of my inability to maintain focus due to ADHD. The most frustrating part is that I have so much will to be creative but so little energy to concentrate on one thing for a long time. Anyway, I really liked the video and just subscribed :)
I don’t have good organizational skills at all. For me that’s too much of a social construct for me to get.
Have you found anything that helps with the struggle of having such a high need to be creative vs having no concentration or energy to stick with the one thing to actually pursue the creative thing you're craving? This has always been a gigantic thing for me in my life. I've started writing so many things and never finished anything, I have developed a real self-hatred based on never fully finishing what I start or engaging with my hobbies long enough to actually feel like I can call them hobbies, I never stick with anything though I really want to. And being creative is one of those things that's really important to me.
Your comment resonates strongly with me. I'm struggling like mad to get any kind of diagnosis, because my therapist and psychiatrist both believe I'm too 'successful' or 'social' to have ADHD or Autism. But I'm exhausted and frustrated all the time because I struggle to fit in, handle large crowds, just speaking to my husband sometimes, and focus on the things that interest me to the point of not being able to sleep.
Stop making me cry, how about that
@@Cerulean_Waters Unfortunately, I don’t have a magic solution, but I have found a method that kinda works for me. What I do is I try to limit the number of projects I want to do to a maximum of three in any given week/month. When I’m bored by the first project, I move on to the second and then to the third and I repeat the formula. Before, I used to have 6-8 different things going on, but that’s just not practical, and when I tried to focus all my energy on one project, I ended up being so sick of it that I didn’t want to do anything for weeks. When I prioritize three main projects and switch between them, I find it easier to keep myself stimulated and not get too tired/bored, but it’s also important to take some breaks from being creative as well to save some energy.
I don’t know if I have any other advice to give, I’m still figuring things out :), but I’ve realized I have to prioritize where I put my energy.
I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I was diagnosed with autism about a week ago. This makes so much sense to me. Ironically, I keep forgetting I’m even diagnosed with ADHD because it’s just felt like there’s always been a “bigger issue” that I had to figure out, even though it definitely contributes. I don’t think I can just keep neglecting that diagnosis and pretending like it doesn’t exist.
same. diagnosed last week
Omg I really feel that "I know I have ADHD but there is something else at play..." so hard...
I am SO relieved to hear you talk about imposter syndrome! I’m not crazy to feel this!!
I watched it once, alone, and a second time with my husband. I am so surprised and at the same time I simply feel validated.
My husband shook his head in disbelief. Not because he didn't believe but because it's hard to believe how well you described me although we never met.
I am so very thankful for the internet and all the chances to learn.
Thank you so much for sharing your insight!
(I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s.)
My sincere condolences to him. I'm currently living the nightmare married to an ADHD man (diagnosed 10 years post-marriage and now treated with meds) - I hope you're doing more than just taking adderall. My spouse isn't and I'm about to throw in the towel.
There's a reason relationship failure is twice as high for ADHD people. SMH
@@LillyBunnyBoo don’t project your life onto others, please. this was so rude, now i wonder who keeps up with whom! unnecessary comment, “my condolences to him” ok?
@@LillyBunnyBoo Quote: 'There's a reason relationship failure is twice as high for ADHD people." Suggestion: perhaps it's the intolerance of the ADHDer's partner?
@@gillywillybythesea lol NO. It's the crazy-making of the ADHD partner - there's only so much a tolerant person can take. You guys want saints. Without medication, a shrink, and an ADHD COACH who gives the ADHD patient tools with which to navigate, there's no hope.
You're the one with the issues, not us.
@@wonderlaund lol Nope. Sorry you're ADHD, but you guys want saints to "understand" you with little benefit for the partner. Not my issues and soon to REALLY become not my issues. :)
I'm 30 and have known about having ADHD for the last 8 or so years. And a few weeks ago, my new therapist asked me if I've ever been tested for asperger's before. I've been learning more about autism and just found you yesterday, and wow this video really clicked for me. Thanks for this one!
One thing you may want to know is that the term 'Asperger's' is outdated. While it's technically what's on my diagnosis (I was diagnosed at 11), it's not a term I would ever use any more and I just call myself autistic. This is because it was named after a nazi, Hans Asperger, who used it as a barrier to decide which autistic people got to live and which ones didn't. That's why the autistic community has rejected the term and the medical community is doing the same - diagnoses of 'Asperger's Syndrome' are no longer given. I was actually diagnosed in the final year before they stopped diagnosing it, which was now almost nine years ago.
/info /nm
@@unapologeticallylizzy oh jeez, didn't know the grim background on this but thanks for telling me!
Really good except the therapist using the term Asperger's which isn't officially used anymore.
@@strawbearrySmoothie No problem!
I realized this a few years ago. I got a review that took 3 visits. The doc concluded that I wasn't on the autism spectrum, but that I was one point away on his rubric, but that I was one of the worst cases of ADHD he had seen. (One test was a recorded dialogue between a girl and her grandfather and I was asked about their emotional responses. I nitpicked the acting for 15 minutes.) Thank you for this video! You managed to describe exactly the issues I had growing up and still contend with daily. I does make me feel less alone.
Nitpicking the acting for 15 minutes made me LOL with recognition. You are definitely not alone.
I have to nitpick as a disclaimer. It feels necessary while the rest of the world cannot understand why I over share or explain myself. It is important, I don't care if nuerotypicals cannot see why it is. And they just consider it funny and a querk. Kind of frustrating, but it's not the worst response I've dealt with.
the nitpicking kind of made me laugh sorry
@@mindymeek2 this
This always happens whenever somebody questions me or I'm trying to explain myself I explain every aspect every point I'm trying to make in advance and some people see it as aggressive or ranting and sometimes it can be but other times I'm just trying to explain every single point I had and every single leap of logic my mind made and why do people not understand that?
@SomeoneWhoExists yes! My psychiatrist has commented that he thinks traits are often more relevant than a blanket disorder diagnosis, and I tend to agree. While ADHD and autism are among the conditions that may center around a common physiological root, there are plenty of disorders that are a judgement call as to what traits to aggregate, and even ADHD and autism don’t aggregate consistently (and it used to be thought that you couldn’t have both!). The diagnostic landscape has changed markedly since I was a kid, and I suspect it will change even more in the next 50+ years. There is so much overlap in traits, and I think this is because a lot of biological processes are very similar for different disorders. My issues clearly involve hypofrontality/executive functioning issues, overactive adrenal function, and an amygdala with too many darned dendrites. From those things you can get all sorts of disorders/neurodivergent states, hence the proliferation of comorbidities (one way of looking at it) or individual differences (which is my preferred way of looking at it.)
Hard to believe at 70 y.o., I have discovered my ying and yang of Aspergers and ADHD. Now it makes more sense. I am like you. My training is mechanical engineering and interest in math, physics and building things. But I also have a pretty strong interest in psychology as well aka better understanding myself and others around me. I am generally much more chatty than a typical engineer and more congenial but only to a point. I am both very shy in a large crowd and yes very chatty and hyper verbal in a smaller setting. This was always difficult to come to terms with in business because I have met people wired the opposite who would be more comfortable speaking in crowds and struggled more with intimate dialog. I have no trouble talking to strangers. Also, like you, I present normally, and nobody has any idea I have both qualities. Most just believe I have an intellectual bend and don't like to go to parties in spite of always being popular.
Thanks for your video.
The whole imposter syndrome thing is SO REAL. I got diagnosed with ADHD recently (and have been asked multiple times why I wasn't diagnosed as a child -- that was the masking, bestie!) and then I realized I was having a "either autistic people need to stop being relatable or i need to do some more research" moment. It all makes sense and lines up with my experiences. Other autistic people have said they think I'm autistic. But for some reason I'm still like "I cant believe I cheated on the ADHD/Autism test". how would i even do that!!
anyway, this was very validating and i think eventually i'll stop feeling like i'm somehow faking 😅
I feel this same way. I keep feeling like I’m faking or playing it up because I’m thinking too much about it… but why would we fake something that seriously makes us struggle so much for no reason & like hardly even benefit from? 🥲 I mean nobody is hearing my entire inner struggles but yes, I must be faking for attention (despite “masking” to seem normal the whole time 😂) if anything I’m faking being Neurotypical 😭
SAME! This makes me feel so good I thought it was just me. The second I started testing I felt like I was lying and I hated the feeling I still feel that way even though I’m not .
I was diagnosed as autistic 3 years ago and I got diagnosed with ADHD 2 weeks ago. I have never truly been able to explain the inner conflict I have and this video explains everything I feel and experience on a day to day basis. Thank you x
I was diagnosed with adhd a year ago but no diagnosis for autism because I have not actually asked for it though I'm starting to feel like I might have it especially like what you said this video explains so much I feel everyday
I'm due to get a dual diagnosis in a couple months, and the part about "both conditions can conceal each other" resonated so hard for me. My life has been in a perpetual state of orgaised chaos (as I'd put it) for as long as I can remember. Thanks for the video 🙂
I used to tell my mom the same thing when she'd try to clean my room! The few times she ignored me because I let it get too bad, I couldn't find anything and got incredibly stressed, or outright forget I even owned things (still do to this day when my fiancé does the same).
Dual diagnosis means you have both a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder at the same time.
A few years back, I was really struggling with depression and mental health issues. I was hooked on cigarettes and alcohol, but then my wife suggested I try psilocybin mushroom therapy. Honestly, it saved my life. It's been 11 years since I've been totally clean. Those shrooms are like a miracle.
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode enough to start working on my mental health
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in UK. Really need
He's Shane.myco
The shroom experience stands as my most remarkable journey, an awe-inspiring encounter that left an indelible mark of amazement.
He’s on insta?
I questioned autism early on in figuring out the multitude of 'issues' I had within me. But one thing stuck out immensely that made me think of other possibilities - my ability to empathise was extremely keen and tuned in. I didn't have trouble understanding others, I just felt like they never understood me and I still do. Now, coming to the conclusion, after much research and pursuits with doctors and psychologists, I'm now fairly certain what I DO have is ADHD and BPD. Then I came across an article about comorbidities and the likeness of it happening. I still to this day score highly for autism, just a few pieces missing and I'm coming to realise that some traits may cancel each other out. Its all incredibly interesting - but most importantly I just want to know why I'm so different so I can stop feeling shit about myself and find ways to help myself.
There is actually such thing as high-empathy autism! Autistic people have the stereotype of being low-empathy, but that's only one type of us. I'm personally ADHD and high-empathy autistic, so I can confirm us empathetic autistics exist :)
As someone thats audhd i did think i had bpd for ages. The traits combined can look like bpd. Hyper empathy is extremely common in audhd too
Thank you so so much for this comment. I've been conflicted about whether I have ADHD or autism. I have very high empathy and don't have a hard time with social cues but I do have trouble with overstimulation, emotional regulation, terrible short-term memory and social difficulties. I know for sure I have something but I'm not sure what. I'm leaning towards ADHD
@@cloudhearttherestlessWow...really ?! How did you find those informations ? Would you have some sources/reading recommandations ?
Gosh, that could make a lot of sense....
Thanks !!!
@ElizabethWebb-zc3cpWow..everything you describe resonates a lot for me..
I've been diagnosed with ADHD recently, in my 30's also (♀️)...but I really didn't think you could have this hyper empathy trait with autism !..
All this could make a lot of sense about those opposite cycles : of "hibernation" (as I call them to explain to friends when I disappear for x weeks/months...😅) and then lack too much sociability, suffers from loneliness at some point, and dive into relating with others for a short time, and start all over again...?!
Does that speak to you too ?..
I love people, it can be so frustrating...(and producing guilt++ also !!) but it's very difficult to find the right balance for ourselves, with this overstimulation issue...!
Have a good day,
Noé.
I’ve been diagnosed with both and the whole contradictory between both adhd and autistic traits is just so spot on especially when they make you contradict yourself and you just feel so hypocritical 😅 I’m just glad it’s not just me who feels this way. It’s hard feeling like your too much for people or other people are too much for yourself. It just makes it harder to actually connect with people
You're not hypocritical for not being one dimensional, I promise 💕
I see it more as chaotic, personally. I can embrace chaos more easily.
This was so validating. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and even though I thought it was correct based on my complaints to my psychiatrist, I felt like my idea of the super chatty ADHDer didn’t suit me at all. And then I’ve slowly learned more about what autism is and have come to the realization that I’ve been autistic my whole life. I think I’m the opposite of you: a bit more outwardly autistic than I am ADHD, but I can definitely relate more to every one of your points than I can to people who only have one of the two
@Yuqing Lee I know this is spam, but autism isn’t something to “get over”. It’s who we are, and if you know someone who’s been “cured” of it then they’re probably just masking their true selves because they were bullied into thinking they weren’t good enough
Or maybe you just have ADD and not ADHD
@@Adama.1ADD as a diagnosis doesn’t exist anymore, it’s all ADHD
I have been considering a diagnosis for the past few months, reading about it, partaking in a facebook group of people who experience the world similarly (the "it's not just me!") and watching shorts about diagnosed people and their examples.
I have found that AuDHD fits me like a glove. It would explain so much - from my current adult struggles to my childhood problems.
Absolutely everything you said resonates strongly with me, and it probably would even if there were 25 signs instead of 5.
It might also be important to note the increased frequency of mental health problems amongst individuals with these dual traits, intensified by the constant self-contradictions impacting autocomprehension and interpersonal relationships.
I will most likely be sending a link to this video to my closest friends so that you can calmly and professionally explain what a Hania is 😉
Thanks 😊
Thank you for this video. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, but I’ve suspected in the last couple of years I might have autism as well. I can relate to all of this so much. I have a very small social battery, but I need the social interaction for my ADHD. I can’t stop talking, but what’s going on in my brain is “make more eye contact” “they thought that was funny, I should laugh” “oh no did I just say something to offend someone”
And then I spend 2 days over analyzing every single social situation. This is why I don’t like leaving the house, but when I stay at home too long I become very depressed. It’s a horrible cycle, but I think it’s time for me to find a new therapist to explore these possibilities with.
Wow this is exactly how i feel 😶😶😶
you struck a cord with me. I just got diagnosed with adhd 3 days ago and with dyslexia 15 years ago. im fairly sure i wouldnt have autism ... but the fear of "messing up" and not realizing is very real for me. When this youtuber mentioned neurodivergent people tend to find each other... your comment proves it... because i just want to pick you up and hold you and to become your friend. I just want you to have friends that understand you so well... that you don't need to mask (spending energy to appear normal, like the voice in your head telling you to make more eyecontact, for the people who dont know.) I would just want you to be yourself and not have to worry about potentially offending them, because they would understand. i personally have gone through things similar (yet not exactly the same) i feel empathy. i think thats why us neurodivergent people tend to like each other. its such a hard thing for an "outsider" to really understand... I know i am not alone! stay strong! I know people would LOVE to have you as a friend, just the way you are. I certainly would.
Yas! All of this!! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25 (in my third college experience 🤦♀️) but only this year, as a 40 year old mom of an autistic son, did I start thinking I am also autistic. The tug and pull of my “ADHD monster” and my “autistic monster” is so tough! I am self diagnosed and part of me felt that I couldn’t be “truly autistic“ because I didn’t exactly match the profile I was seeing, even in women and girls. Videos like this, and comments like yours, help me see how the different parts of my brain intersect. Thank you! ❤️
For me I’m very very social and I do get frustrated with myself from my quick passions that eventually burn out. Or while being extremely talkitive around people I’m comfortable with I also feel like I don’t know what to say around people I don’t know. And over analyzing social there. I know I have ADHD. Autism has also been on my mind. My brother has it. I’ve suspected I may too, with my ADHD
I feel the same. I always thought the over-analyzation was due to my anxiety, yet I can't help but keep talking my head off because of my ADHD. Quite the complex >.
the first point honestly made me cry, it genuinely is so frustrating to deal with and it makes me feel like i don't know myself, the inner conflict drives me insane and it makes me feel depressed and dissociated from life and the world around me. it feels like i am floating through life.
I feel the same> I'm starting to think about a dual diagnosis now
@@ruaoneill9050 same
Oof,. Me too friend, me too.
Yep.
I’ve never felt more validated! I know I have ADHD, I’ve always related to people on the spectrum, but never thought I could be both. I related to everything you said. I appreciate this video.
Me too this video has validated so much for me
@@debbiebyland9097is it almost mind blowing in a way to you guys too? feels insane hearing a description of my whole lifes unknowing weird behaviors summarized through these videos.
Sooooooo can’t bring myself to like your comment because it’s at 222 likes.
But I like it.
At last, finding out why I feel alien on the already alien planet that is ADHD! Thank you! ❤
Same Fr I never really thought about this until now
YES! the constant conflict in the audhd brain is so real!! im so stressed and angry at myself for how hard it is to do anything at all and i just collapse and wither away, even though from the outside it looks like im lazy, uninspired and just dont try hard enough. thank you for making this video!!!!!
Throughout life (I'm in my early 20s) I seemed to face struggles that no one else could see, and I ended up relating a bit too deeply struggles that friends with adhd or a spectrum disorder (or in some cases both, which the relatability is uncanny). Those friends recommended that I talk to my GP about this, and my doc recommended that I have an adhd/spectrum assessment done after I described a plethora of persistent problems, which I should be having in the next 6 months or so due to waiting lists. Honestly, I'm a little nervous because if my assessment comes back and I have been suffering from one or both of these afflictions, that means so many of the challenges I've faced was without the help I need. Maybe I didn't need to hear "oh she's very bright but she needs to just apply herself". It hurts to hear over and over and over again.
“They’re a pleasure to have in class, if they’d just get their work done..”
Quick ADHD diagnostic tool: Caffeine.
Can you operate better and more calmly after consuming a large amount of it? It's bad for your body so don't go around drinking a quad shot three times a day, but it does stimulate the same parts of the brain that Ritalin does and your brain finally makes enough dopamine for you to not seek out the next distraction.
Use an abundance of caution and do research/due diligence first: doses large enough to noticably help do fall pretty close to the overdose territory and are definitely past the point of being bad long term.
@@MadMan123654 oof, too relatable
I had an ex-girlfriend frequently tell me, "You could do anything if you were more confident."
The thing is, I'm exceptionally confident when it comes to my core skills and competencies (writing, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, video games), I am horrible at socializing in competitive environments, which is typically required to reach career goals (asking for a raise, confronting people).
I am exceptional at socializing when collaborating, however, but that doesn't necessarily help when trying to "move up" in the world. It sure does help when teaching jiu-jitsu or playing a cooperative game with friends though lol
In my late 20s and the about of times I've heard "you could do so much if you weren't so lazy"
I finally have my appointment on Dec 9th.
We're getting there! We got this
Inner conflict is definitely my biggest problem, obsessing over weather i’m certain or not about life choices or even simple choices i”m making. And feeling under and overstimulated simultaneously is one of the worst feelings.
sometimes it feels my brain is on caffeine when it's buzzing with ideas/hyperfixation/thoughts but at the same time I'm sooo overstimulated and just want to feel quiet and peaceful but my brain's so loud
Relate to this so hard! Diagnosed autistic at 32-ish, felt it was right but not the full story. Met some great autistic women, got on fantastic, same wavelength, but something felt different about me. Two years later, I was diagnosed with ADHD as well, and everything makes so much sense. Inner conflict, frustration, arguments with myself, contradictory needs, wants and feelings.
Similar to one point in the video, I started seeing and describing myself as two very different selves, both me, sharing the same brain. It's like a sitcom in there with two roommates who are complete opposites, annoy the hell out of each other, and are always trying to get me to do what they want, and not what the other does!
For example -
ADHD me: Look! A flyer for a roller derby team! That sounds awesome! Let me look up everything there is on roller derby...
Autistic me: wait! Don't do what you did with circus tricks and order...
ADHD: Skates, pads, helmet, click!
Autistic me: In your hours of learning all about roller derby - ignoring me listing all the other silly projects you got bored of in one night - did you even check it was on a day we can go?
ADHD me: Uhh...
Autistic me: (wailing) I just want us to finish a single book! *throws juggling balls at ADHD me, who falls back into piles of half read books, diaries from years past with two weeks worth of entries in, maximum, and other dusty five minute hobby ephemera - boxing gloves, violin, gin making kit, sewing machine, mini digital keyboard etc.
Reader - roller derby equipment promptly joined said pile when it quickly became 'too hard', 'too far', and 'not fun'... and we didn't finish any books, but we started a new one!
Autistic me: 🤦♀️
I’ve seen this sitcom! 😩
Same. Though mostly in My head…
This is so relatable I don’t know whether I want to laugh or to cry.
I am not alone! I/we can't wait to meet you both!
Yup, living the dream- er - nightmare
One of the things I love RUclips for is allowing me to find people like me thats make me feel not so alone and help me understand the other side of me that I never understood I just thought I was a lot different from the people with ADHD but after watching how many people that have both also from researching autism in reading all the comments and I'm getting checked out for it never knew that the ADHD I've been diagnosed with in line with autism but also I think it has a thing to being diagnosed with both inattentive and hyperactive ADHD for some reason kind of just makes sense for it to be overlooked that's pretty eye-opening after 47 years of living and not understanding yourself people like you are a blessing! Maybe in the future I'll be able to have the confidence to do something like this for other people . Thank you for what you do!
I spent days cleaning and organizing my house last week because the clutter was so overwhelming. Then, I went to a Halloween party in which I destroyed it getting ready. It took a long time after my initial ADHD diagnosis to know that something still felt off. Now I know I'm AuADHD and I laugh (cry) when I've demonstrated traits of both.
I did the EXACT same thing. So tragic 😅
Is this not a normal thing to do????? I'm seriously starting to doubt myself 😭😭
Yep, I can spend hours cleaning and organising and within a week it’s worse than when I started and by that point I just feel depressed by it and don’t know when to start. Then the cycle begins again.
@@alessia9328...I showed my mom and dad this video because I was laughing at how accurate it was and my dad was like, "SOUNDS NORMAL TO ME! I DO ALL THAT!" 🤣...
Then we all had a talk about the "normal" stuff we end up doing and how relatable it is!...
I have Autism and highly probable ADHD and my dad was like, "SOUNDS NORMAL TO ME!"...My parents are not diagnosed with anything Neurological, but sometimes I wonder about certain people in my family!...
They also laughed at the part where I need quiet sensory input at times, but then start a conversation and can't stop at the same time. 🤪...When Sam said, "YOU CAN'T STOP TALKING SOMETIMES!"...I was like, "SORRY GUYS!" 🤷♀️😂🤪🤷♂️...
My "Hyperactivity" has been extra "fun" lately! 🤣💃😬🕺😐
It's the Gold Membership ADHD 🤣
Got an ADHD diagnosis at age 53, but feel strongly that I may be on the autism spectrum as well. My grandson, almost 16, was diagnosed with severe autism at age 1 1/2. I have many contradictions, feeling very shy at times & other times excitably & impulsively spilling out a long story with added subplots in the mix, knowing I should probably stop talking, but feeling as though I must finish the story no long how it takes to feel like I’m telling it truthfully (a most important fact.) Also, I hyper focus on subjects & situations which I am obsessed with & even surprising myself of how much of the past I remember (e.g. I can rattle off in seconds the years of my 11 surgeries, people’s birthdays, Numerology principles, the exact times of my 43 moves & which of those houses had screen porches, fireplaces, gas stoves, etc.) it’s not an easy life but I try to remain optimistic & grateful.
Wow, Terry you could be me! I was also dx ADHD at 52, but have always wondered whether autism would be a closer fit. I’ve learned coping strategies over the years, but still shy away from social interactions a lot. And yet, in certain circumstances I’m very social. It’s my son who got the official Autism dx, when he was almost 4 (he’s 19 now). But I think his twin sister has it too, although with some adhd in there too, much like me.
@@amymarchandcollins6338 There are also differences between ADHD introverts and ADHD extroverts.
I resonate with telling the story truthfully with subplots (giving too much detail). Accuracy in what I say is vital, as is accuracy in what other people say. So I correct them tediously, including interrupting their stories when they omit details. I believe I'm ADD (ADHD without hyperactivity). I have many family members on the Autism spectrum. I probably have a little of it.
I would need to know more (even better interact with you) to verify its a case of both. Adhd ers can also be shy or have focuses interests, those are common traits.
Sounds exactly like me
3:05 the shy at first and then taking a little bit to warm up to people and seeming kinda outgoing and bubbly when you feel comfortable around them resonated with me a lot