♾ If you are autistic, have you had any of the experiences in the video that are commonly mentioned by autistic adults? Drop what resonated with you and your thoughts in the comments! ⤵
@spiritoftheocean4110 Sorry for the change to your Friday routine... We left a message on the community board about the adjustment. We'll be keeping the new time consistent for a while, so hope you'll be able to join again soon? Missed having you there today!
@spiritoftheocean4110 I missed you in the chat today! In fact it was two hours early. And for next week three hours early due to the changing to winter time.
While I appreciate the general premise, I think it’s possible to be masking so deeply that you don’t even recognize the issues. I say this because that was me. I’m great at group projects (I’m actually bossy and controlling, but I didn’t see that). I can understand multiple conversations fine (but I didn’t notice how much effort I had to put into that). I love change and novelty (but I’d be in a bad mood for no reason when the grocery carts are moved). My point is that we often don’t know the difficulties we are facing. We learn to compensate, or we straight up bury them. My giftedness and adhd compensated for my autism. My autism compensated for my adhd. Life was a negative experience, and I couldn’t figure out why. And I am autistic. My neuropsychologist told me so, but I figured it out myself first after understanding how the stereotypes did and did NOT apply to me.
Ya. My body frequently shows signs of stress (muscles twitching, beeps in the ears etc) that I found "totally unjustified". Now I am thinking that "just living" is much more stressful to me than I know myself. And I started wondering if my whole being is an outer shell. For decades I jokingly reference myself as a robot simulating a human. Well...
I get where you're coming from. Listening to this list is making me question whether or not I am Autistic. I had more of the symptoms of autism as a child and have learned to do a lot of things that neurotypical people do. I also have ADHD which is a lot easier to identify. I'm pretty sure that my ADHD masked my autism and vice versa. Also I tend to have stronger symptoms when I am sick, haven't slept well or I've been under a lot of stress. That's when the masks come off and I can't deal with the show anymore.
Me too. I went 23 years thinking I was just moody and a bit lazy and not understanding why things FELT harder... I knew I had autism, but I prided myself in being "so high functioning that people can barely tell I'm autistic!!!" Well, people could still tell, and I ended up having a major nervous breakdown. I've been having to relearn how to function, now that my tolerance for literally anything has absolutely tanked. Often, I can barely summon the energy to get my newly agoraphobic ass to the grocery store, that's like a full day of energy used up.
This is my exact experience, and slowly realizing that I am AudHD as an adult(and was actually diagnosed as a child but my parents hid it from me) has triggered imposter syndrome very bad simply because I'm so good at masking and just powering through that I don't even comprehend how much I struggle through every single day until burnout hits me like a freight train.
I relate to that. I can work in a group if I absolutely have to but it exhausts me and I much prefer working solo. Multi person conversations ... again, I can do it but with much effort, and I have been masking a lot and now I'm paying the price for it.
Oh yes, and just me overexplaining things in a new way after getting a lot of "but aren't we all a little autistic?" recently... but also, all autistic people are so unique and different. Nothing is as clearcut or simple as one way when it comes to us autistic folks 😅
So true. My family, who are all ND can have multiple conversations at the same time and answer questions from different conversations but it's harder with NT people.
I love spending time with my clients who are on the spectrum! I couldn’t tell you why, but it’s almost a homecoming feeling, even if we just met. Sort of “here is My People”!
@@PamelaSConleyArtist As I've gotten older, that is not the case for me. I hear everything, and I can't tune out anything. One person speaking at a time is hard enough. 😂
I cry. I get overwhelmed, I cry. I get real mad, I cry. I’m under pressure, I cry. Upset, cry. Scared, cry. Any extreme emotion, cry. My mom used to get mad at me for crying. But too much going on, like a party, or busy restaurant or club and I just shut down. Eye contact I make contact about 10 to 15 seconds then look away with those I know, strangers or coworkers I think I’m good for 5 seconds at the most. So much I’ve learned recently watching you and others since I found out I was high functioning autistic. Has made me understand that I’m not alone in how I view life.
Me too. What makes me crazy is when I really am calm enough to HAVE a conversation, but because I can't get the waterworks to stop the other party can't.
Hey, I just want to let you know you're not alone! I also cry to relieve all strong emotions. It sucks but it's probably the healthiest way our body can deal with that.
I have ADD, and one of my biggest issues is poor emotion regulation. I relieve my stress, anxiety, panic and feelings of being overwhelmed by crying. I also cry when I get frustrated, and I get frustrated very easily. I cry when I feel like I’m losing control over something. I cry when I feel like I’m not being heard, when I struggle to express myself and my needs. I cry when I’m very tired. I sometimes get very emotional when I watch videos of kittens being loved and cuddled. Kindness makes my eyes well up with tears. I cry out of extreme empathy: I FEEL people’s pain and emotions like they are mine, and I can’t block them. When I was a kid, my friends, classmates and sometimes even the teachers got irritated with me for crying so often. My mom doesn’t understand my crying neither. So yeah, I understand you and sympathize with you so much!! 🫶
Eye contact: as a child, into my teens, not a thing. In high-school, a teacher was talking about the importance of eye contact, how it can make all the difference in job interviews & such. I started practicing making eye contact. No, I wasn't comfortable but I wanted to appear confident. In my 50s, I still don't always like making eye contact, it still makes me uncomfortable a lot but I do it & it does make a difference
Might help if the other person has C-PTSD. I have ADHD and C-PTSD and I don´t judge people who say things directly, but sometimes, I appreciate when the person says something negative in a gentle and half-veiled way, because my nerves are so brittle from a C-PTSD episode at the moment. Helps me process it and not trigger the "fight-flight-freeze" reaction.
it absolutely ticks me off to no end! i know why the do it and the sales tactic doesn't work on me it just agitates me having to take forever to relearn where to find my $***
Yes! I DESPISE when they do that!!! I was just lamenting about that the other day, worried that another rearrangement is coming now that I have had a firm grasp on where everything is for a while now after the last rearrangements.
Some of this list isn't autism and is definitely more ADHD (and some, can also be anxiety). It sounds very much made on personal anecdote, which makes me think he is either also undiagnosed ADHD or diagnosed and mixing those traits.
The first part made me wonder if maybe I’m not autistic. Because I can have fun talking with a bunch of people. And I can collaborate with a group. But then I thought about how stressed I feel and how much I hate those things. 😂 When I talk with a group, I am amazing for a couple of minutes and then I am desperate to leave and get out of it! In collaboration, I fake it. I do whatever I can to make the experience efficient and secretly I’m rolling my eyes and gritting my teeth. Decades of high masking
i had doubts because of this, but on the other side, i often am in consultation in a medical facility, with multiple persons discussing things about me, and I am the one who has to choose what to do. I always have to tell them that only one person can be talking, they have to repeat themselves a lot, they have to prepeat themselves, but phrases their sentence differently. i often get seemingly angry, but it is because I am distraught about the things discussed. they indulge me because i have the diagnosis. well, if you count in the angry issues i had because of surprises and broken promises, it became pretty clear to them also, that there is more to the story than low IQ and aggressive behaviour. I had to apologize countless times, and I am lucky that each individual doc or nurse kinda seems to know that i am truly sorry about my melt downs (i dont scream or am violent, I just become so angry that nobody can reason with me anymore - because of some minute detail, like wrong breakfat again). and then I am at home, and I realize some important facts that I should have realized then and there. a conversation wuth friends is way different. it is topics that you know, may its just social bull, so you don't have to pay attention, maybe you just listen to one person anyway.
I am totally an extrovert and diagnosed autistic ADHD. And I’m great in groups. I kinda wish he had explained this better and not so if you are great in groups then you probably are not autistic. I’m just an extroverted autistic
im the same way, a lot of it is masking for me it wasnt acceptable to not participate in group projects or play with other children, it wasn't acceptable for me to express anger or get upset, it wasnt acceptable for me to be loud or fidgeting, it wasnt acceptable for me NOT make eye contact (so i literally have abt 2 minutes i can give before i get anxious) so...inside i hate it but i smile and bare it
I looked at it from the perspective of being new to the group and how well I could interact. I would really struggle, but over time I can learn another person's social cues and body language so it doesn't seem as hard.
I rarely remember to make eye contact, when I do, I’m so shocked that they are making eye contact I immediately go into panic mode and have to look away because it’s just to hard. I have gotten better at looking at their face usually mouth or eye brows. But eye contact even my own spouse doesn’t get it.
when I was 13 or so I read that liars don't look in your eyes but between them and I thought ooohhh I could use that in my everyday life. I still prefer to look at my hands or a wall but when I want them to know I'm listening and respecting them, I do that. It's cheating but it makes them feel better 😅 By them, I mean all those people expecting you to "behave".
I’m not autistic but my very dearest and best friend, of 32 years and counting, is. Although I’ve been on this journey with her since she came to realize she is autistic, this video has brought my understanding of autism to a whole new and deeper level. She experiences all 13 you cover. Now I will be an even better friend to her, who is the finest person I have ever known. Thank you❤❤❤
A lot of this made me laugh so much. Not because it is funny exactly but because I have never heard someone describe the way I act or feel so accurately - it's like a bubbly feeling of recognition and delight at the same time. Now I need a lie down in a dark room to process it all. Thank you xx
Dang! You walked us through the entire grocery store torture, and left out the most importing thing: trying to decide which to buy if you’ve never bought it before, or dealing with the change when they upgrade your favorite product OR remove it from the shelves, altogether!
And why do they change the packaging? I was just fine looking for the blue box with a yellow strip, why is it suddenly a yellow box with two green stripes?!? Now I have to stop and process a bunch more information to find what I want.
@@ladyothelake7386 They stopped stocking the frozen peas that I like. I used to get Birdseye frozen peas, but Birdseye only makes these steamer frozen peas. No other brand works for me. They are either too hard or have a chlorine taste to them. And I ate these daily one at a time with chopsticks. It totally messed up my routine. I know I could probably cook the steamers, but I don’t like the crinkly sounds the package makes.
I believe you're joking, that you know you're autistic, and you're offering that as an examplep that you are autistic.- But, I genuinely still doubt even though I have similar experiences. I look back and now I realize, Aha! That's what was being said. I still doubt if I'm autistic. But learning about autism has helped me to understand myself and others. I feel I will always waffle between believing I am and am not autistic. 😢😅😂🤷🏾♀️❓️‼️
Thank you for representing what it actually feels like to be autistic and the experiences that are truly difficult to explain. Your videos are spot on, every time, you have the perfect way of putting words together to identify the root point to every struggle! I hope every person looking to learn more about autism comes across your channel!
Peering into your own soul is the worst. I legit got scared of reflective surfaces for a while after I got creeped out by my own reflection. My AuDHD probably helped me forget about it, but still I don't let myself linger on that memory..
I don't have a problem doing a series of errands, but I tend to want to plan therm out first, and dislike it when something unexpected forces me to do things differently.
57 and finding myself having to rethink everything because I really thought I was neurotypical. My family laughs at me as I am constantly saying "but doesn't everybody . . ." and my family goes nope that's a common neurodivigent thing, mom!
Recently diagnosed @ 55, and though I am grieving for young me, 55 yo me is stoked!! This video is 99% correct in my lived experience. I am a proud member of the Alphabet Mafia (with all of my disgnosis), and I'm really happy to know there are others just like me 😊🎉
My father noticed that I didn't make eye contact when I was four. I was already reading at an adult level. My dad told me, "You need to learn to read faces like a book." I was so fascinated that there was lexical information in faces. So I learned to read faces "as a second language" -- it became a special interest, lol. And as a result, I had to learn to deal with eye contact. But a lot of what are being presented in this video is maybe more personal than general. I understand that they are anecdotal examples, but they weaken your generalization about what is or isn't typically autistic. Remember that undiagnosed adults have drunk the Kool Aid of their masking and may think they are doing just fine. So this video will be used by these people to not seek a diagnosis when they need one.
Yeah, I am literally diagnosed and now I'm wondering if I actually somehow just lied my way through the whole process without realizing it because I want to be "special" or something. Awesome
@@_oaktree_please take this video as a mere suggestion. It doesn't take into account high masking, ADHD or giftedness (which is a neurodivergence) comorbilities, or the HYPOsensitive part of the spectrum (which is literally part of the diagnostic criteria). I am in the process of getting a diagnosis, first screening test came out positive for autism. I am mostly hyposensitive (sometimes I don't feel pain when I should, noises and smells don't affect me as much as other autistic people), I am not a routine person at all (this could also be undiagnosed ADHD or just not fitting that part of the criteria, which you can still be autistic and not fit ALL the criteria), I can manage myself in group conversations by only paying attention to one person at a time, and I can run errands without issue. I am also heavily medicated which make me not have meltdowns, or at least not often at all. Don't take this video as gospel. If you are diagnosed, you surely went not only to a doctor, but a doctor specialised in adult autism assesments. Please trust the professional's opinion, they studied for a lot of years to be able to identify autism. And if you fear that you "lied without being aware of it", I don't think that's very possible. You told them your symptoms and they evaluated you. I want to ask, do you go around parading your autism diagnosis? Do you base your personality on it? If not, i REALLY doubt you lied for attention. I hope soon your impostor syndrome will fade with time. Sending you warm regards.
@@_oaktree_ I feel the Imposter Syndrome when I watch videos like this... but in my case, I actually got diagnosed not realising I was even being assessed for anything (and unfortunately it was hidden from me for another decade). I got taken to a psychologist under false pretences as a teenager (was told it was for something else); I thought he was going to turn out to be another counsellor, since I'd already seen some when younger (I guess as part of the process of my adoption, but I don't know for sure).
I don't even know how to begin to express my gratitude for your content. 49f...I had no idea. I just had no idea. Putting all the pieces together now is exactly like you said--finding out I was adopted. I just can't tell you what a relief it is to be shown that I'm not broken. I'm just different. And now that I know that, I can honor that difference by leaning into all the ways I've already known to best take care of me. Your videos are lifesaving.
Right?! I feel like I've been gasligt into thinking everything different I experienced was just me "being weird" The amount of pain a early diagnosis could've saved me. Sadly my folks won't accept my diagnosis since my younger sibling also is ASD. According to their narrow minds only one child is allowed to be different. Oh if only it worked that way.
I thought I was autistic because of my trouble with people and specific interests and my isolation. But I actually have PTSD, Social Anxiety and Chronic Depression. So if you relate to a lot of autistic traits you may be like me.
Thank you for coming out about that:) I also have a friend who shares a lot of autistic traits but is looking into things close to family related trauma and it makes more sense, I think it’s just as important to find out if you don’t have something,that it is to find out if you have something
I know with me, I often walk away from those multi-person conversations because when the other people start talking to each other for more than a few minutes, I assume they don't want to talk to me anymore.
That might also be ADHD-related rejection dysphoria, so I´m not sure it´s always related to autism. Some of the things he mentions are actually typical for ADHD, too, like the lack of thought control.
My biggest trouble with overlapping conversations is I can’t isolate voices. I hear everything on the other side of the room and can’t hear the person right in front of me. Sometimes I can lip read my way to success but that doesn’t always work.
This is called auditory processing. It is how the brain hears. Many (most?) autistic people have auditory processing differences. I can hear tiny sounds and identify individual animals and such, but i can’t follow one voice among many. My acuity is perfect; in fact, I have high frequency hyperacusis (extra sensitive to high pitched sounds) that can be painful! But if 2 or more voices speak at once, it is like static to me.
Yes. I got a reverse slope hearing loss and without hearing aids i really have issues. 2 frequency low all the others high high and then add my autism not fun
I have that, and for a long time, I thought I had hearing problems. In a crowded space I would lean forward and look down, trying to hear what the other person was saying, and I theorized that this was because my hearing was better from the rear, and I was trying to reorient my ears. Eventually I started to realize that the problem was cognitive, but I couldn’t imagine what could cause that. This was years before I seriously considered that I might be autistic, and I had never even thought about ADHD. Now it’s kind of...well, duh.
Videos like these absolutely help with discernment but if you’re self-diagnosed, it’s never too late for confirmation. I was diagnosed in my early 30’s after several years of depression.
On the first one, having an academic interest has made group work impossible to avoid for me, so I've adapted myself. When I enter a new group I jump at the chance to be the leader, so that I can guide the flow of communication, set up easy to follow rules, and most of all MAKE SURE PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY SHOULD DO. In my experience, the NTs are usually very happy to go along with more structured plans, even if they wouldn't suggest to work that way naturally. The drawback is, of course, that I need a full day of recovery after every uni mandated group 4-hour workshop. Like today! Am currently lying in bed feeling like a rock after doing a workshop yesterday lol. Masking takes its toll, and although it may look like I'm really good at working in groups, you don't see the aftermath.
In the 60’s until around the year 2000 the hearing aids let off a certain wave link that would make me sick to my stomach. I could hear them and feel them. It was terrible because my mother used two because she was very hard of hearing. I could hear her hearing aid even if I was in another part of the house. It was awful. And I would not go into nursing homes because there were so many people who used hearing aids. Whenever I would go in I could hear and feel all of them and I would get sick to my stomach and dizzy. I’m so glad they have improved over the years.
This video quintupled down on my belief that I am autistic. I still ruminate about a company that told me to do something unethical - years later. I quit almost immediately. Oh, and interruptions and certain changes (move my stuff and watch me melt) - oh the wrath I feel inside. Multiple step activities - nope! Mailing a card might as well be learning nuclear physics. Too many steps and too much crap to do for something with a low return. They’ll get the card and it’ll likely be forgotten and in recycling in a week. Meanwhile, I keep certain cards indefinitely if they mean a lot. LOL!
O_O I didn't think I had a problem with eye contact until I started paying attention to how often I DO make it. And then I realize, I only make enough low-key eye contact to satisfy social requirements, and then find other things to look at. Then I noticed that I find myself constantly running a low-level background process of "Is this too distracting? Will the other person think if I'm doing this that I'm not paying attention? I'd better make another eye-contact-check-in with them. Okay, now I can lean my head on my hand. Maybe two hands. Maybe back to one. Maybe take a drink. I'll shift my leg a little. Maybe I'll just resituate myself in my seat. I know, I'll offer to get everyone a refill so I can walk this off. Crap, my nose is just barely perceptibly dripping. Will they notice? Should I brush it with my hand? Sleeve? Get a tissue? It's kinda a waste of a tissue - it's not that bad. But now I've swiped at my face three times. I should mention something to qualify that my nose is walking, not running. But what if they think I'm gross? Or have a cold? I should also justify that there's a barely perceptible smell in here and it's setting off the muscles in my face under my eyes and nose and -CRAP, I'M INFO DUMPING SOMETHING NO ONE ASKED FOR; SHUT UP!
Being interrupted is a definite route to frustration. I struggle to multitask anything, plus I obey the latest request from another. It's battery draining.
All the points resonated with me, especially number 4 - missing huge chunks of conversation. It makes it difficult during work discussions and meetings. I'll fixate on something someone said and then be off on my own thought tangent until someone snaps me back with my name expecting me to answer a question. It's also very frustrating when a topic gets changed but I feel like the original topic was unfinished and want to go back to it.
I didn't get an diagnosis because I couldn't help but masking during the entire process (I'm female and the sessions lasted too short to having to drop the mask - my parents weren't alive anymore, so the childhood assessment couldn't be done). Giving them what I figured out they wanted to see - I'm also very good at that as the only label that I did get (at 35 or so) was "gifted". So it was my giftedness that was causing my discomfort. And now I feel even less understood. And I can't let go of that, the irony.
I get this! I've been to doctors to try and get help but I went into "customer service mode." With years of customer service (acting fake to please people), I learned how to "be on" and act a certain way and so I do this almost everywhere I go now cuz it was so ingrained into me. But it's getting much harder (I'm 48) and I left customer service and so now I mostly just avoid places and don't go to doctors or try to get help cuz there's not much of a point.
I don't experience a number of the social situations Chris listed ... that is, I don't experience them now, but I certainly did when I was younger. I realized while watching this that I don't put myself in those types of situations any longer.
At 62, triggers changed through the years. Routines changed from moving, changing jobs, changing mate, ect. So what was important to me at 20 was different at 25 and so on. This includes different friends go were into different things at different times.
Oh yeah, that part about getting in trouble for correcting a teacher or other authority figure has happened so much to me. I personally would want to be better informed of correct information, so it's really hard for me to understand that people will literally get offended that you correct a misconception. Letting people just be wrong and face the consequences is aggravating, since it could've saved everyone time to not do that.
I won’t lie, I weaponized this. Especially on the latter end of high school, when a teacher annoyed me (usually because I “wasn’t paying attention”, which actually meant I wasn’t staring while they slowly scrawled something on the blackboard) I’d point out shortly after they made a mistake, but not tell them what it was. Usually like a sign wrong or some numbers flipped, more than likely just a copying error either from the lesson plan, or from whoever they copied their lesson plan from. But would I tell them what was wrong? Nope. They’re teaching this stuff, they should understand it. I was satisfied that they had the opportunity to fix it (and of course, I was pointing out that I was clever enough to have spotted it). And besides they and the rest of the class will figure it out when the math doesn’t work, or the equations don’t balance, or whatever.
@thedave1771 Usually, the issue would be that said person could just leverage their position of authority over me. I never really saw it as anything other than ensuring correct information or that something would work without having to redo stuff. It really seemed to me that if a person is really going to have a problem with being corrected, they'll be made a fool the most if I don't point out the mistake at all and let it backfire. At that point, nobody else can really be blamed.
This one hits hard today. I'm undiagnosed (do have ADHD diagnosis but not one for ASD... at least not yet) but I could relate to some extent to every single one of these. I was corrected at work today for something I thought I had been very positive, respectful, deferential, and helpful about but it turns out the other person felt it was critical, contentious, and undermining authority. My supervisor was kind and understanding in how she delivered the correction and assured me that she let the other person know where it was really coming from (valuing accuracy and precision, love of learning, desire to be helpful). But I was just so horrified that the other person felt hurt and criticized by what I said. And of course, during that actual interaction, I didn't pick up on any indication that she was feeling that way, and I walked away thinking it had been positive. So then I was also embarrassed that I couldn't keep myself from crying in front of my boss, and then spent half my lunch break crying in the bathroom as silently as I could manage. And both the conversation with my coworker and the one with my boss have been playing over and over in my head all day, making me teary all over again. And my brain pulls up literally all the associations whether they be memories from 7th grade of getting in trouble for correcting my science teacher in class because he was making factually incorrect statements, or all the feelings and thoughts I've ever had about making similar mistakes, not being able to fit in with other girls or women, being misunderstood, being told I'm too serious, rigid, can't take a joke, a know-it-all, etc etc. And by now my eyes are burning, nose is swollen, and the headache I've had for the last 2 months straight is worse. I wish the younger me could have known that these struggles were because of being autistic and not just that I was an American growing up in Japan (then moving to the States during high school and making a whole new adjustment). Instead, I'm 39 and finally starting to give myself some grace and use strategies to try to calm my nervous system instead of self-harming either mentally or physically because it's all too much.
your story about your work experience brought tears for me. I so relate. I don't want to hurt ppl either stress out so much about almost everything I say bc I'm so paranoid that it will not come out the way I am intending it to be meant. thank you for your comment. I'm sure you are a wonderful, caring person trying to be kind in a world that is confusing.
@KeepDoingGood-K Thank you so much for your kind words. The benefit of getting older is that I've lived enough years and met enough people to learn that I'm NOT alone and there ARE people who like me and care enough to work to understand and clear up miscommunications. It's hard to remember that in tough moments, but it comes back to me once the meltdown has blown through. Your kindness in speaking up to encourage a stranger on the internet is a light in the world. I'm sure you do the same in skin-on life too. Keep being awesome like that- more often than not, that small kindness might be what gives someone the strength to keep going. ❤️
I've spent a year coming to a self-diagnosis, but it's been so hard, because I identify with about... half of these things. I'm definitely monotropic: I hate interruptions, changes to my routines, last-minute changes to plans, etc. I'm also super detail-focused, am sensitive to textures and temperatures, and have what I'm pretty sure are meltdowns. But on the other hand, I love socializing, I'm a very good communicator (both verbal and non-verbal), and I don't generally have problems with being called "too direct" or "too honest." I'm pretty sure my social battery is bigger than for most autistic people. Ultimately what convinced me is the knowledge that most allistic people don't spend a year doing deep research and asking themselves whether they might be autistic, because they want to be absolutely sure before claiming the label. 😅
I thought that I didn't have a problem with being too direct, but then I started noticing how much I crafted my sentences. I revise emails multiple times for "tone", heavily script important anticipated conversations and carefully pre think my words "on the fly". So I'm rarely ever actually blunt in the words the other person receives, and I've been doing this for so long it feels like I'm "naturally" adept. I also realised that I don't do this when I'm telling stories where I feel a degree of drama because people find that funny. I am not a funny person, I can't be originally funny deliberately to save my life but I have good pattern recognition and somewhere in my brain recognised a long time before I ever considered that I might be autistic that if I turn off the filter I didn't even realise that I was using I'd often get a laugh... My filter is now encouraging me to add that I hope this information doesn't cause you a whole lot of uncomfortable mental load. Which is a true wish but not where I would have naturally ended this if my tone filter wasn't revising 😅
I have a similar issue, where most of the stuff applies to me, but I’m just too social for what most people consider autism, and I also am not socially awkward in group settings (I’ve gotten plenty of feedback over the years that leads me to believe I’m not) . I think part of the reason is that being confident in myself being a distinct individual was really ingrained in me by my parents? And also I genuinely think most people aren’t particularly good at socializing and a lot of this “neurotypical ability to socialize” is overblown. People are awkward literally all the time. I watch it happen constantly. Autistic or not. I think neurotypical people don’t ruminate that much about not doing a great job socializing and it just doesn’t bother them that much often. However, I aggressively ruminate and pick apart things I’ve said and done after socializing, and analyze things constantly as they are happening. I can recognize when the way that I express myself throws people off, and I know how to not throw people off if I want to at the expense of being fully authentic. Sometimes I think that the way high masking autism is talked about doesn’t leave room for an autistic person being confident in themselves and therefore not feeling socially inept, but also not having a normal experience of socializing. What I do could probably be considered masking, but I don’t really feel like everyone I know if entitled to my true self in the first place, so I’m not super bothered by it. I don’t expect to not “mask” in a group of people I don’t really know or have closeness with. Maybe this is something you relate to?
One thing that makes me strongly suspect I have autism is that the physical, sensory, and health issues, etc, were so so much worse in childhood. Also, kids seemed to bully me a lot, but I never understood it was bullying until I analyzed it when I was an adult. I still have problems with being misunderstood, but I also misunderstand people a lot. They expect me to understand things that they are only implying, and I can't seem to pick up on it. Otherwise, I am a very flexible person, and I am fine with traveling or eating random food, and not having routines (although I have tried to establish them and I like them, my life just doesn't allow for them to remain for more than 3 days before the routine is upended), and my sensory issues have gone down except for sound. This one electric socket drives me nuts as it won't stop buzzing but no one else seems to notice. I have told people I suspect I have autism, and they deny me, so I don't know. I feel like other autistic people tell their friends and family and are told "oh that explains everything." It might be CPTSD, but I think that although my family life was very dysfunctional it wasn't so horrible that it would deserve such a label. I think if I was autistic, it would explain why my family treated me the way it did and why I am the way I am. I mean even though I am an adult I cried recently when I had to put on a material that I hate. Natural fibers are the best. I don't know why synthetics have to be in everything :(
Autistic people can be extroverts introverts. I'm an ambivert. I don't get tired after one hour with other people in a group setting, but meeting people in a group every day would be completely overwhelming. So I prefer meet-ups that last for say six hours or so and I often feel energized afterwards - I really need these meetings - especially the deep and inner-most intimate conversations with friends as well as complete strangers. However, then I need to digest the impressions so another meeting the following night would be too much. I might need to isolate myself with my special interests for two weeks or so. However, finding these groups where I fit in is extremely difficult. I very much have all the struggles mentioned in the video - it's just that I am an ambivert - not an introvert.
You might actually not be autistic. Struggling with communication is an important point of the diagnosis, so if you genuinely don´t struggle... I also identify with half of the points. My father and sister are autistic so when I had mental health problems, it was a clear choice to start visiting an autistic psychotherapy centre... where I was told "we can tell you have some autistic genes, but you aren´t autistic enough for a diagnosis". I´m starting to think "a little bit autistic" people actually exist.
7:15 I can’t let go of people packing the dishwasher incorrectly! Nor can I let go of how badly it affects me to see visual chaos, cupboard doors open or even cups hung with dissimilar one!!!!
That horse scenario is funny and for the most part of my life, as a *type* of masking I have often been very honest literally saying " sorry I was thinking about a horse and a farm" when they ask a different question. That was always my natural way of doing it. It gave people the impression I am a joker and goofy. I began to realise my true self made me laugh so I just carried on
I'm good at pretending to pretending to be good at group projects but I HATE them 🤣. I was a restaurant manager for years and couldn't understand how it seemed so easy for my coworkers while I was hanging on by a thread till I got fired. So now at 35 I feel like I'm putting my life back together. 🤦♂️
Oh my God, just the first thing you talk about makes me remember how much I have always hated group work ! I hope I can stay until the end of the video.
Holy poop! So I interview people for my job. An sometimes I have to look at them to make them uncomfortable, but i am twice as uncomfortable, just good at playing whatever characters I need to play to get the information I need. Now if you watch a 3 hour interview i conducted probably 7-10 are eye contact. The rest is me holding my head to keep up with the conversation or doodling to pay attention.
My "unwanted advice" stories are a few times my friends would show me some art project or film they worked on, and I would give them some constructive criticism, and they'd thank me, but later comment about "haters who don't believe in them," refuse to speak to me, and then, future projects they would incorporate my advice and become successful.
A "lifelong" friendship (from when I was 12 up to 37) ended when my friend sent me a short story he'd written and asked for my assessment. Well...I assessed. End of friendship. Sad, but here's how I look at it: if that's all it took it wasn't worth struggling to maintain. If it hadn't been that it would have been something else, he was ready to jump ship and I really don't need to share the cruise with disgruntled passengers. Relationships that are endlessly on the edge of severing are the worst. Just get it over with, let 'em sever, embrace the "empty spot' where that person used to be as a whole new world of possibilities.
In college, a friend asked me to read a draft of his personal essay for his application to a grad school. I thought he had given me a fake version that he had written terribly as a joke. We were in an upper-level chemistry class together so I just assumed he was smart (i.e. "evenly" smart). Turns out he was one of those people who are good at STEM subjects and atrocious at writing. I was super amused -- laughing hard, to his face -- about how poorly written it was and what a great joke. Wow did I feel bad once I was clear that he sincerely thought it was a decent draft. (He forgave me, I guess, but we didn't stay friends past the school year.)
@@RishaBond Oh my, how mortifying and... how TOTALLY relatable. Sometimes it's just, well, IMPOSSIBLE to read the signals: is it a joke, is it for real, what do they expect? Now, at my ripe old age, having learned from the school of hard knocks and even without an awareness of my autism, I usually fall back on a blank, questioning stare and an appeal for more info. It can feel like playing stupid, but it's far safer than committing a monumental faux pas: "Umm, please help me understand... you wrote this for...? You'll turn it in to...whom? When? What are the paramaters, expectations, what should I be looking for in this, how can I best comment on it to help you?" Etcetera. I've gotten past the anxiety of looking dumb because it is now burned into my very synapses just how horribly wrong this can go if I've misread the cues. I would rather end up saying, "Perhaps this line here is a bit too dramatically stated?" and have them come back at me with, "Didn't you GET it? It's a JOKE! Har, har, har, you're just too trusting," than to say, "This line is so funny, high farce indeed!", and hear in return, "What do you MEAN 'high farce'?! I'm perfectly serious!"
Every point resonates with me! I’ve always just thought of myself as someone that gets frustrated a lot and is very irritable, can’t engage in normal conversation (often because I’m bored or disinterested) and dislikes being around people… but since my diagnosis, I now know WHY I’m like that. I’m not a crappy person - I’m autistic 😂
What this video reinforces is how all my life I've been playing non-autistic. I'm kind of good at pretending nearly all these things. Not quite all but nearly. And mostly, I think, without exposing the frantic-frenetic staticky disorientaion maelstrom inside. Yes, I'm pre-e-e-ty good at being non-autistic. If you don't look too close. Or too long. But as I get older my acting skills are shredding. Like, take an echoey social hall that is physically warping under the force of a hundred conversations all at once. Nope. Can't pretend anymore. It's not doable. Goodbye. In the immortal words of the Pythons: Run awaaaay! Run or perish.
I feel the opposite. I am getting better as I age, and I was atrocious when I was younger. I had panic attacks at school because of the crowds and the bright lights. I can handle it much better now.
@@mothdust1634 Yes, in some ways easier, in some ways harder. With many challenges I can now, armed with understanding about autism, intellectualize my way through it, distinguish my own affective-psycho-visceral responses from objective external values ("No, that lady aggressively click-clacking her way along the corridor ISN'T being obnoxiously, self-advertisingly intrusive, it's my hyper-sensitivity and, no, everybody around me isn't pretending not to notice or be irritated"). But with other challenges, like the brain-scrambling social hall of 100 conversations, it's un-intellectualizable. It's simply unbearable physical suffering. In that case the calm, collected, mature and efficient thing to do, no muss, no fuss, is walk out. So it's about choices, and being gracious to oneself, more gracious than, perhaps, you ever were before... or anybody else was aware you needed. Self-advocacy. Doesn't have to be loud and telegraphed, just decisive and, when necessary, uncompromising: "Sorry, no, this is an environment in which I cannot function. Not the end of the world, I just have to leave. See you later."
It is also highly important to note these social/processing struggles are consistent through life not just after a stressful time or event or busy time of change and not just a couple of them. Thank you for this video, it is so much more beneficial than short tiktoks on 'quirky traits' with no honest examples! 💗
I'm a high masking autistic with an early diagnosis so I was able to get assistance in school and I was in a place in my part of the US where if you were weird, you weren't overly bullied for it. The thing you were bullied for was not excelling in class. I am high masking in that I often have been able to actively ignore my warning signs (I can feel them and it's a conscious effort to ignore which adds to the stress.) that my body is telling me about a situation and it comes out in my ability to sleep, I continuously gain weight and have elevated cortisol, (doctors tell me to reduce stress, but when I explain that I have autism and there's nothing I can do about it they suddenly have no solutions xD) but over the years through conditioning I was able to find a way to process daily life without being overly debilitated other than a few months out of the year where I am completely burned out and will continue to be burned out until I can have a significant enough break from people I don't love. So yes, while there are limitations there are two ideas that I feel the video needs to have: Yes, you are struggling more than other people and don't let people look at you from the outside and think they struggle with the same thing. Trust me, they have no idea. This includes other autistics because Autism affects different areas of function in each affected individual, and I'm glad that was brought up in the video. Secondly, don't trust your body most of the time. Trusting the signals you receive even though you are required to process them is what causes over stimulation. Noticing a signal and then making the conscious effort to set it aside for later, assuming it isn't a trigger for meltdown because then you have no choice but to process it, will help in allowing you to move on instead of feeling like you're missing out in a neurotypical world. Ignoring the signals you receive (as well as you can, tolerance gets built over time.) while risky, is how I function and become allowed to put food on my table through a career. Tangentially, don't turn your special interest into a career. You need your special interest to wind down and to stim.
I can’t tell you how many times over the last few weeks I’ll be watching a video, and you’ll say or do something describing something you’re going through that triggering your autism, or how you physically react and I will verbally exclaim “oh God,no?!” While laughing and thinking get the fuck out of my head Chris!!! I have also cried so many tears of joy watching these videos. It’s helping me understand myself better and why I’ve had such a soft spot for autistic kids, especially my two cousins that were and are currently nonverbal. I remember looking at my cousin Josiah‘s eyes during one of his rages. His older brother was picking on him and he couldn’t get the words out, but I could hear him cussing his older brother out six ways to Sunday. After seeing your videos, I’m realizing we have several people on my mom side of the family that are high masking autistics
I was a childhood diagnosee. I remember being taught about eye contact from a counselor. That summer I attempted to make eye contact and the recipient of this eye contact yelled at me for staring. This incident has made eye contact sigificantly more difficult to this day and I am actually afraid of facing this accusation everytime I'm in a meeting or discussion and required to make eye contact. So now I have to exert twice the mental effort to mask in these situations.
I was afraid I was going to be knocked out of my slowly growing self-suspicions and sent back to square one of What The Hell Is "Wrong" With Me?, but instead I've just been confirmed so hard I'm crying.
I got diagnosed with autism about a year ago and the story about your friend is so painfully relatable because it's 1000% something I would say, and have made the unintentional mistake of saying in the past. I understand on a theoretical level why neurotypical people get upset by criticism like that, but as an autistic person I really didn't see anything wrong with what you said and would've appreciated the honest feedback if I were in your friend's position. Just goes to show how different communication styles can be.
I actually thought I’d watch this and realize my ASD diagnosis was wrong. 😂 Nope. I’m most definitely Autistic. Every single one of your points resonated so deep I feel seen like never before… and strangely like I need a nap. 😆
8. I always go to same Asda for grocery shopping. I try to buy things to last me as long as possible before I need to go there again. In many years (10 i think) doing it over and over, I know this particular store so well, I can shop with my audio book in my ears and my eyes closed 😂 and oh, WHAT a HORROR! Last month they rearranged all the isles completely! 4 times I've been there since, 4 times I missed things, 4 times I loose the rest of the day due to no energy left... hate it! 9. To not go to weddings, I moved to other country away from my huge family 😂 i don't have unmarried friends and I am "very busy" 13. After overwhelming outing when I come back home, there is my sweet dog greeting me. As all dogs he can feel human's emotional conditions. Usually at that moments he is happy to see me, but he is very calm. I lean down to pet him, his smell and fur give me such a comfort, i sit down on the floor, then I lay down on the floor and we can stay like that for looong time 😂 he even did fall asleep few times 😂 i am so grateful that he came into my life, he helps me, my autistic son and my hormono teen to unwind after a long days at school and outdoors ❤
I have an MA in psychology, and to my understanding, autism can manifest itself in many ways, and not all autistic people have the same set of symptoms. Also, it's important to mention that nowadays we know that autism seems different in women, compared to men, and women's autism is much harder to diagnose.
Brava, to you, Chris, for the careful and intentional wording that's "you MIGHT not be autistic" or "you're PROBABLY not autistic," instead of speaking in absolutes Although I got formally diagnosed in 2018, and check 100% of your "are autistic" things/relate to them, I remember that ungodly, overbearing weight of "maybe I just suck at life and am a pathetic failure..." and insecurity questioning and second-guessing whether I'm "actually" autistic, even after my formal diagnosis and the doctor saying I'm far more severe than I realize. So I find it really valuable and important and notable, the padding you worked in there, leaving room for the folks who may fall somewhere else along the spectrum than some of us others, and so your choice to use "probably" or "might not be" language. GO YOU! for that !!
Wait, so the surgeries and tests I did to find out what was wrong with my body that it would physically bloat up and stab me for 5 days straight because of a social setting that made me uncomfortable isn’t just anxiety? Haha I don’t know why watching these videos always give me little reminders of why I firmly trust in the fact that I have ASD along with my diagnosed ADHD. I do wish my parents weren’t so scared of the diagnosis or else my childhood probably would’ve made a lot more sense. Like the constant lightning headaches, bullying, rash flare ups from certain fabrics, night terrors, going blind or getting fevers from panic attacks from wearing clothing that was too tight, etc. I wasn’t just sensitive or different or difficult, there actually was a reason all along
When my husband says that we need to go back the other direction in Costco because we forgot something, I physically feel ill in that exact moment and my brain freezes and I feel like I need to either go into autopilot or I need to stand there and just wait and pray to god I’m not standing in someone’s path lol When we have friends over, if they are there for more than a little while, I always have to excuse myself and lay down in the bedroom for a while and breathe and watch my own stuff or just let my heart stop panic beating. I always feel like I’m such a bad host but I can feel my anger and shortness rise faster and faster if I don’t do this. I’m so thankful for an understanding partner
Already diagnosed, but thanks for confirming I’m indeed autistic 😂❤ the part about the drool caused by the eye contact had me laughing so hard 😆 honestly if you can get your groceries delivered please do, it’s life-changing 🙏
Yes, it took my diagnosis for me and Debby to start to realize that THIS was why we misunderstand each other sometimes. It's improved a lot since then - we're planning more videos about this too. But I'm glad to read your comment and hear that others experience this too 😊
Hey Chris, Just watched your new video, “13 Reasons You Might Not Be Autistic,” and it absolutely hit the spot! Over the past few months, I’ve noticed how you’ve been honing and refining your skills, and this video feels like the culmination of all that hard work. I was captivated for the entire 22 minutes. The intentionality, time, and care you put into this piece are truly visible. It’s clear how much you care about our community and sharing your experiences. The personalized B-roll was amazing-I loved the scenes where you’re in front of a classroom; I did a double take a few times thinking, “Wait, that’s actually him!” It really kept me grounded and immersed in the world you were creating. Your ability to educate while sharing your personal struggles and openly exhibiting your identity as an autistic individual is both inspiring and relatable. There were so many moments that made me laugh out loud-like when Debbie walks in and you’re eating the Scout cookie. I had to rewind that part multiple times! Thank you so much for sharing this with us and for all the effort you’ve put into your work. It’s entertaining, educational, and creates a genuine sense of belonging, bringing us all closer together. I’m excited to share this video with my family, especially my mom who has ADHD and is exploring her own journey. I can’t wait to see what comes next (no pressure, of course!). Incredible job-everything about this video is absolutely fantastic!
I really appreciate your kind words. My wife read this to me out loud when I was struggling with recording because of constant noise from outside. I want every segment of our videos to be perfect and sometimes there are variables beyond my control that just wear me down. I had to stop filming before I could finish and was close to a meltdown. Debby came in and read me your comment and it fixed everything. All the frustration disappeared. She read it to me twice because it’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said (written) about my work. She even took a screenshot of it and will pull it out and read it to me at some point in the future when I’m having a rough time and getting discouraged. Thanks a bunch for taking the time to share and thanks for supporting our channel 😊😊
When my local dollar store changed the entire inside after years of being the same, I walked in and was immediately in shock and irritated. I still needed to get some stuff and I need to be able to know where everything is, so I turned it into an adventure in my head. I just went down every aisle very slowly and really looked at everything and enjoyed discovering all the new product they brought in. I don’t like when other customers get near me because then I have to be aware of them and that is awkward and uncomfortable for me and overwhelms me.l and takes away from the fun of discovering new things and starts to give me a migraine. Basically though, new experiences aren’t always a completely bad thing when my routine is interrupted, it just means I need a second to readjust and get my head in a different place. Helps if I have a lot of free time to burn lol
I was telling myslef some mean things the last few days. That I'm not autistic or mentally ill in general and I just wish I was so I can have an excuse to struggle with life as much as I do. I thought this was going to be a wake up call for me but this was actually reassuring as hell.
I can identify all of this with myself. Although, I have a rather strange hobby for that: cosplay. But...I do it as a Mandalorian. Which means - whenever I want to withdraw myself from my surroundings, I just put my helmet on. Ideal for me. No need to make any eye contact, or talk to anyone. Love it. Switch on my helmet ventilation, and I have that nice, even sound of jet engines beside my ears. So nice. Weird, I know. Otherwise, until last year I just considered myself to be just weird. The worst thing for me are events with a lot of people. I always found it almost unbearable to follow a conversation with more than two people. Whenever I could not take it anymore, I shut myself off. But it still hurt, as I find myself unable to ignore the many, many sounds. Not just the spoken words, but rustling of clothes. Steps on the ground. Sound of cutlery. Worst of all - loud music. Then I have to leave. Hurts physically.
Man what the hell. The 2nd point multiperson conversations break down just blew my mind. I pretty much experience all of that! I thought it was just me
I don’t have trouble with eye contact in-person and don’t have hypersensitivity to textures/smells, but do identify with other autism/adhd symptoms and haven’t been able to cope well in life for the last year and a half. Is it just adhd and/or just perimenopause and/or also autism… it’s hard to figure out. Especially when governments aren’t even providing minimal support to autistic people who need lots of support. I’m finding your videos are helping me feel more open about how I feel and really appreciate your information, perspective, humour and expressive moments. Oh - and I’ve discovered Schylling Needoh squishies because of you, and are LOVING them!!! I love the Dream Drop and Gumdrop, but do also like the Nice Cube 😃
I also relate to a few of these and I was diagnosed with ADD as a teen. Perimenopause has been brutal. My attention span, memory, and overwhelm have never been worse. Hang in there, I've heard it gets better once we reach menopause! ❤
There's a lot of overlap between the stuff he's listing and ADHD, but there are some pieces that are exclusively related to autism which tend to be more irritation and anxiety based versus distractibility based in his list, about ADHD has a little bit of that it's not as extreme.
Of the 13 questions you posed in this video, 12 of them confirmed for me that I am indeed Autistic. . . The only one that did not immediately do so, was the one regarding EYE CONTACT, which I (as a 60-something) do not have an issue with! While thinking about it, I recalled that my mother, who (unknown to us) was mentally ill, had an obsession with eye contact : While delivering her rage-rants, she forced us to sit on the couch and lock eyes with her as she ranted on and on. . . We were not allowed to look away, or there would be hell to pay! As the oldest of four, I took the brunt of her rages, all the way through adolescence, in essence being TRAINED into making prolonged eye contact! Thanks, Mom! As for the video, I enjoyed it, as usual, though do wish you wouldn’t use the sh*t word! Vulgar words are just nannoying enough to be a distraction, which my AD/H/D dislikes immensely! See ya later, Alligator. . . In awhile, Crocodile.
When you talk about the faint smell of the cleaning solution, I laughed. I can always tell when my husband puts on lotion, even if he did it in another room with a fan on, the window open, and the day before
My friend put bad smelly hand sanitizer on once while I was driving and I made her hold her hands out the window til we got somewhere where she could wash it off. She learned after that. 🤣
I genuinely hate eye contact so much to the point where all of my friends know to not look me in the eye and if im answering them while on my phone im still fully engaged in the conversation. I just really hate eye contact😭
Talking to more than one person? Brain melt down. Don't move my carts! Grocery store? Noooooooo. Social battery? Hahah. Anxiety? Yes, depression, ADHD . Sounds ..
When you mentioned a lobster, I immediately zoned out and started jamming to the song “Rock Lobster” in my head then questioned why they wrote the song. After a minute I realized that I had missed everything you said after that point. lol
Group work wasn't much of an issue for me because I found some good strategies: let everyone else do the talking and listen and only chime in when no one else does it. Get yourself one of the tasks, do it, maybe remind the others to dor their stuff. Done! But well, I don't have to collaborate and cooperate for work that much. I am a teacher, I can do everything on my own (probably shouldn't but you know how it is...)
I have every single one of these problems. My mom gets into arguments with me about how I can be so “selfish”and rude and I genuinely do not believe or intend to be that way, I just have a very particular way of doing things. I plan my routine in advance so sometimes I will not drop everything I’m doing to run a last minute errand for her. if I do, I may ‘make a fuss’ about it. But it sends me into spiral. If I have to make extra stops and sit in traffic when I was planning to be home in my pjs within 15 min. It takes a long time for my brain to accept the change. I’ve tried to tell her these things but she thinks I’m just lying and making it up so I can have an excuse to be complicated. I have been like this since I was a child and had many sensory related overstimulated meltdowns, and she still doesn’t piece it together 😭 it’s frustrating .. I grew up just thinking I was a burden.
I liked this video and was relating to almost everything said here. Especially the spit pooling with the throat seizing up inside. That can happen even with imaginary scenarios for me and anxiety. I’m a big cry baby. I am overly sensitive when I do see people’s eyes, and if they look angry at me, I break down after and start to cry. Hours after or right after it happens. Strangers or family. My own reflection causes me to break down and cry. It’s hard to do a routine of hygiene because I’m constantly stressed about seeing my own face and my own eyes. However, I believe this overlaps with trauma. Which I do suffer from. The one thing I don’t fit is being able to go out and do something different from the routine I’ve had. I do like routine a lot, however I’m able to switch it up a bit everyday especially if it’s new interesting and captivates my mind. Like reading about a holiday I wouldn’t have normally known about for half the day. I’m definitely able to one day spontaneously just do things I wouldn’t normally do and be okay with it. I don’t feel all there but it’s like I hear everything inside my mind louder than what’s outside of it and it’s giving me instructions constantly of what to do next and can be overwhelming and uncontrollable at times. But I use that for going to shopping malls, theme parks and it helps to kind of numb out the bad smells, the super loud noises that still make me jump and a lot of other things. It’s not something I can do everyday. Maybe a few times a month. But it’s the one thing I don’t feel I relate to the most because I’ll pick up a new interest out of no where and then drop it after a few weeks. There are a few I keep forever. Like one video game. Or just the characters of said video games. I’m doing a huge comment about my life experiences again and I never know if it’s needed or seen as oversharing or not.
I think I struggle with all of these things to a degree. Some much worse than others. I went into this worrying this video would totally make me go into thinking something else was going on with me, but instead it helped solidify in my brain that I'm probably autistic. I'm an adult and I don't have the money to go get properly tested, but the more I look at other people's stories and see videos like these, the more seen I feel in my personal experiences.
I came here trying to convince myself that I'm not autistic but #13 hit hard. The example you used specifically about the restaurant happened to me today and it was so bad. The SINGLE dish that I eat at this BUFFET wasn't the same as it always was among other things that were overwhelming me and compounding my negative experience. This caused major shutdown/borderline meltdown after I got home. I couldn't figure out what was going on and how bad it was and why I wasn't feeling better HOURS after. I tried anything to get some semblance of control back but nothing helped until your explanation clicked with me almost verbatim. Although it had the opposite effect of what I came here for, it was really helpful for me. Thank you for making this video!
Can I just say that I appreciate the symmetry of the background, I couldn’t stop looking at it but also seeing the things that doesn’t make it 100% symmetrical like how the curtains are or the l-shaped sofa or that armchair in the left 😀
Regarding letting things go... As a child I pushed a peanut into a nostril of one of my brothers. And because I couldn't get it back out by myself, I had to tell my mother. I blamed it on my other brother. They couldn't blame it on me, because they are mute 🙈 4 decades later, I still occasionally feel guilty about it. And it's not like I ever confessed it, because it's way too embarrassing 😂 So yeah, first time talking about it 😂
Omg, the drooling part is low key real let me tell u, especially back in high school which is so embarrassing 😢 It's like, if it happened to any of my friend, we just pretend it didn't happen afterwards cause it's just disgusting. During those time, it's usually when my friend stops talking and whenever I wanted to talk, the drools just spits out and drip I always feel bad 😭😭😭😭 Right now I'm basically trying to find the right amount of masking required cause I will have a meltdown if I stay more than a few nights with my parents and I'm comfortable with them for the most part (which is very troublesome if it's a long holiday) 😢 I have been told too many times that I sound so angry whenever I sound an opinion cause sometimes I wholly disagree with the direction of the group project and my irkness came out 😅
I just got interrupted watching this video, already irritated to pause it, for my husband to remind me we have a wedding this Saturday that I totally forgot about. And then not even 10 seconds later you say “and worse of all.. attending a wedding” or something. AHHHHHHHH
Alternating between giggling at the impeccable timing and also wanting to scream/hide on your behalf - good luck with the wedding on Saturday. Hope you haven't scheduled much on Sunday so you can recover afterwards for the day...or maybe a week? 😅
Thanks for this video! I have a lot of friends on the spectrum, and some of them are like, "Are you SURE you're not autistic?" But this video cleared it up for me! I have some symptoms that overlap with autism (high sensitivity, for instance), but I'm not autistic. Having the really specific examples of what kinds of things bother you and how much is helpful, cause they'll be like, "If you can smell things other people can't, you may be autistic!" And I CAN smell those things more than other people, but they don't BOTHER me.
I treat eye contact like watching TV, Im looking that direction and generally at the person but not directly into there eyes. I often drop my head in a way that looks like I am concidering their words.
Chris, thank you for making enough videos for it to appear in my feed. I'm all the way in Malaysia, a country that is still playing catchup with diagnoses like this. I resonate with everything you've said, enough for me to not feel like the only alien here. I suspect that I may be a high masking autistic but, self diagnose isn't the way to go to be sure (obviously). So, I'd like to ask your advice on how to start the conversation with a psychologist (once I book them). I mean, I can't talk to them like I'm ordering at Starbucks ("hey, I might be autistic. Can you test me?") How do I know if that psychiatrist is suitable for me? I heard you can request for another if I don't vibe with them. I have yet to find a video that explains how to approach a psychiatrist and what to stay to start this journey. In the western world, it might be easier than in Asia. What if I tell it straight to them and they decide I'm going to be a great cash cow by dragging my sessions.. I wouldn't know... Hope you or any of your fellow communities here can enlighten me. I don't want to start with the wrong foot. Thank you. BTW, love your living room background. Cozy cubby hole from the world.
All of it!!! I've had to accommodate others so I don't express the frustrations to the explosive degree, but I've been trying to "unmask" and it's only been getting more explosive. Isolation has been my existence since I couldn't avoid the outbursts as of late.
I'm gonna add a minor personal experience addendum here, I'm AuDHD, and while I do find I can keep up in busy/group conversation, I even enjoy it in the time, stimulation for my ADHD, but it's emotionally exhausting to do so. I leave social situations feeling like I need to hide for days.
I used to think that I didn't have meltdowns when I stayed learning I might be in the spectrum, but then I remembered one time I lost something I really needed and i yelled at myself and cried just waking up and down the stairs yelling at myself for falling to keep track of it. I hadn't done anything like that in years as I had been so emotionally numb for so long.
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♾ If you are autistic, have you had any of the experiences in the video that are commonly mentioned by autistic adults? Drop what resonated with you and your thoughts in the comments! ⤵
I missed it because the videopremiere was one hour earlier. 😢
This broke my routine😮
Hope you had fun with the livestream
@spiritoftheocean4110 Sorry for the change to your Friday routine... We left a message on the community board about the adjustment. We'll be keeping the new time consistent for a while, so hope you'll be able to join again soon? Missed having you there today!
@spiritoftheocean4110 I missed you in the chat today! In fact it was two hours early. And for next week three hours early due to the changing to winter time.
I so such at Teamwork unless it is extreamly well communicated who does what and it allowed me to either be passiv or a dictator.
. . . I never ever let go of something I found immoral, like, I am a nightmare running peoples days, cause I an so outraged at things done to others
While I appreciate the general premise, I think it’s possible to be masking so deeply that you don’t even recognize the issues. I say this because that was me. I’m great at group projects (I’m actually bossy and controlling, but I didn’t see that). I can understand multiple conversations fine (but I didn’t notice how much effort I had to put into that). I love change and novelty (but I’d be in a bad mood for no reason when the grocery carts are moved).
My point is that we often don’t know the difficulties we are facing. We learn to compensate, or we straight up bury them. My giftedness and adhd compensated for my autism. My autism compensated for my adhd. Life was a negative experience, and I couldn’t figure out why.
And I am autistic. My neuropsychologist told me so, but I figured it out myself first after understanding how the stereotypes did and did NOT apply to me.
Ya. My body frequently shows signs of stress (muscles twitching, beeps in the ears etc) that I found "totally unjustified". Now I am thinking that "just living" is much more stressful to me than I know myself. And I started wondering if my whole being is an outer shell. For decades I jokingly reference myself as a robot simulating a human. Well...
I get where you're coming from. Listening to this list is making me question whether or not I am Autistic. I had more of the symptoms of autism as a child and have learned to do a lot of things that neurotypical people do. I also have ADHD which is a lot easier to identify. I'm pretty sure that my ADHD masked my autism and vice versa. Also I tend to have stronger symptoms when I am sick, haven't slept well or I've been under a lot of stress. That's when the masks come off and I can't deal with the show anymore.
Me too. I went 23 years thinking I was just moody and a bit lazy and not understanding why things FELT harder... I knew I had autism, but I prided myself in being "so high functioning that people can barely tell I'm autistic!!!"
Well, people could still tell, and I ended up having a major nervous breakdown. I've been having to relearn how to function, now that my tolerance for literally anything has absolutely tanked. Often, I can barely summon the energy to get my newly agoraphobic ass to the grocery store, that's like a full day of energy used up.
This is my exact experience, and slowly realizing that I am AudHD as an adult(and was actually diagnosed as a child but my parents hid it from me) has triggered imposter syndrome very bad simply because I'm so good at masking and just powering through that I don't even comprehend how much I struggle through every single day until burnout hits me like a freight train.
I relate to that. I can work in a group if I absolutely have to but it exhausts me and I much prefer working solo. Multi person conversations ... again, I can do it but with much effort, and I have been masking a lot and now I'm paying the price for it.
This isn't triggering my imposter syndrome at all, nope, not at all, I'm fine, everything is fine.
Fr
Me waiting for my diagnosis like ._.
@@Naoompje-lw2xf Are you also in the process of getting one? I wish you good luck
Oh yes, and just me overexplaining things in a new way after getting a lot of "but aren't we all a little autistic?" recently... but also, all autistic people are so unique and different. Nothing is as clearcut or simple as one way when it comes to us autistic folks 😅
@@Naoompje-lw2xfI have mine in 5 days! 😰
Multi person conversations are totally different if you’re with other autistics or NTs. Wavelengths matter.
It sure does.
I think that's accurate!
So true. My family, who are all ND can have multiple conversations at the same time and answer questions from different conversations but it's harder with NT people.
I love spending time with my clients who are on the spectrum! I couldn’t tell you why, but it’s almost a homecoming feeling, even if we just met. Sort of “here is My People”!
@@PamelaSConleyArtist As I've gotten older, that is not the case for me. I hear everything, and I can't tune out anything. One person speaking at a time is hard enough. 😂
I cry. I get overwhelmed, I cry. I get real mad, I cry. I’m under pressure, I cry. Upset, cry. Scared, cry. Any extreme emotion, cry. My mom used to get mad at me for crying. But too much going on, like a party, or busy restaurant or club and I just shut down. Eye contact I make contact about 10 to 15 seconds then look away with those I know, strangers or coworkers I think I’m good for 5 seconds at the most. So much I’ve learned recently watching you and others since I found out I was high functioning autistic. Has made me understand that I’m not alone in how I view life.
I feel you!! The way you express your emotions is valid
Me too. What makes me crazy is when I really am calm enough to HAVE a conversation, but because I can't get the waterworks to stop the other party can't.
Hey, I just want to let you know you're not alone! I also cry to relieve all strong emotions. It sucks but it's probably the healthiest way our body can deal with that.
I have ADD, and one of my biggest issues is poor emotion regulation. I relieve my stress, anxiety, panic and feelings of being overwhelmed by crying. I also cry when I get frustrated, and I get frustrated very easily. I cry when I feel like I’m losing control over something. I cry when I feel like I’m not being heard, when I struggle to express myself and my needs. I cry when I’m very tired. I sometimes get very emotional when I watch videos of kittens being loved and cuddled. Kindness makes my eyes well up with tears. I cry out of extreme empathy: I FEEL people’s pain and emotions like they are mine, and I can’t block them. When I was a kid, my friends, classmates and sometimes even the teachers got irritated with me for crying so often. My mom doesn’t understand my crying neither. So yeah, I understand you and sympathize with you so much!! 🫶
I wish I could cry and be sad. My emotional default is frustration and anger. Much more destructive results.
"How does it help to not say thing directly" ?" has become THE sentence that I said the most in my entire life.
Eye contact: as a child, into my teens, not a thing. In high-school, a teacher was talking about the importance of eye contact, how it can make all the difference in job interviews & such. I started practicing making eye contact. No, I wasn't comfortable but I wanted to appear confident. In my 50s, I still don't always like making eye contact, it still makes me uncomfortable a lot but I do it & it does make a difference
Exactly!
Might help if the other person has C-PTSD. I have ADHD and C-PTSD and I don´t judge people who say things directly, but sometimes, I appreciate when the person says something negative in a gentle and half-veiled way, because my nerves are so brittle from a C-PTSD episode at the moment. Helps me process it and not trigger the "fight-flight-freeze" reaction.
You wouldn't do very well as an ambassador
The way grocery stores switch everything around every 8 months. I can't.
That drive Ms me crazy too and then walking around and around trying to find what I need is exhausting.
This is a frustrating experience even for normies, if I count as a normie, which according to this video I am.
My grocery store just moved everything and I hate it so much. Not only is stressing, but I can’t find the stuff I like! 😫
it absolutely ticks me off to no end! i know why the do it and the sales tactic doesn't work on me it just agitates me having to take forever to relearn where to find my $***
Yes! I DESPISE when they do that!!! I was just lamenting about that the other day, worried that another rearrangement is coming now that I have had a firm grasp on where everything is for a while now after the last rearrangements.
I thought this was going to make me think "ok, so it's just ADHD and anxiety I'm dealing with", but nope. The 'tism is real.
Fr
same.
Somehow I'm still holding on to that thought.. :') I mean.. I had like 2, 3 things in his list not crossed so maybe still "just" Adhd + anxiety ?
Some of this list isn't autism and is definitely more ADHD (and some, can also be anxiety). It sounds very much made on personal anecdote, which makes me think he is either also undiagnosed ADHD or diagnosed and mixing those traits.
The first part made me wonder if maybe I’m not autistic. Because I can have fun talking with a bunch of people. And I can collaborate with a group.
But then I thought about how stressed I feel and how much I hate those things. 😂 When I talk with a group, I am amazing for a couple of minutes and then I am desperate to leave and get out of it!
In collaboration, I fake it. I do whatever I can to make the experience efficient and secretly I’m rolling my eyes and gritting my teeth.
Decades of high masking
Even autistics can be extroverts.
i had doubts because of this, but on the other side, i often am in consultation in a medical facility, with multiple persons discussing things about me, and I am the one who has to choose what to do. I always have to tell them that only one person can be talking, they have to repeat themselves a lot, they have to prepeat themselves, but phrases their sentence differently. i often get seemingly angry, but it is because I am distraught about the things discussed.
they indulge me because i have the diagnosis. well, if you count in the angry issues i had because of surprises and broken promises, it became pretty clear to them also, that there is more to the story than low IQ and aggressive behaviour. I had to apologize countless times, and I am lucky that each individual doc or nurse kinda seems to know that i am truly sorry about my melt downs (i dont scream or am violent, I just become so angry that nobody can reason with me anymore - because of some minute detail, like wrong breakfat again).
and then I am at home, and I realize some important facts that I should have realized then and there. a conversation wuth friends is way different. it is topics that you know, may its just social bull, so you don't have to pay attention, maybe you just listen to one person anyway.
I am totally an extrovert and diagnosed autistic ADHD. And I’m great in groups. I kinda wish he had explained this better and not so if you are great in groups then you probably are not autistic. I’m just an extroverted autistic
im the same way, a lot of it is masking for me it wasnt acceptable to not participate in group projects or play with other children, it wasn't acceptable for me to express anger or get upset, it wasnt acceptable for me to be loud or fidgeting, it wasnt acceptable for me NOT make eye contact (so i literally have abt 2 minutes i can give before i get anxious) so...inside i hate it but i smile and bare it
I looked at it from the perspective of being new to the group and how well I could interact. I would really struggle, but over time I can learn another person's social cues and body language so it doesn't seem as hard.
Eye contact literally sends me into another plane of existence and all connection to this one switches off.
I rarely remember to make eye contact, when I do, I’m so shocked that they are making eye contact I immediately go into panic mode and have to look away because it’s just to hard. I have gotten better at looking at their face usually mouth or eye brows. But eye contact even my own spouse doesn’t get it.
when I was 13 or so I read that liars don't look in your eyes but between them and I thought ooohhh I could use that in my everyday life. I still prefer to look at my hands or a wall but when I want them to know I'm listening and respecting them, I do that. It's cheating but it makes them feel better 😅 By them, I mean all those people expecting you to "behave".
I’m not autistic but my very dearest and best friend, of 32 years and counting, is. Although I’ve been on this journey with her since she came to realize she is autistic, this video has brought my understanding of autism to a whole new and deeper level. She experiences all 13 you cover. Now I will be an even better friend to her, who is the finest person I have ever known. Thank you❤❤❤
this is the sweetest comment I've read in a long time. Wshing you & your friend many more beautiful years together
@@hannahmitchell87 Right? Awesome friend right here.
@@hannahmitchell87 ❤️
@@thedave1771 ❤️
I wish there were more friends like you, who accepted autistic people for who they are. Your friend is lucky.
A lot of this made me laugh so much. Not because it is funny exactly but because I have never heard someone describe the way I act or feel so accurately - it's like a bubbly feeling of recognition and delight at the same time. Now I need a lie down in a dark room to process it all. Thank you xx
It somehow made me eyes teary along with feeling validated
Dang! You walked us through the entire grocery store torture, and left out the most importing thing: trying to decide which to buy if you’ve never bought it before, or dealing with the change when they upgrade your favorite product OR remove it from the shelves, altogether!
haha, but also... yes 😔
They moved the frozen blueberries at Walmart recently 😳
As someone who is a grocery clerk and who suspects I am Austic I am sorry, and trust me I hate this as well.
And why do they change the packaging? I was just fine looking for the blue box with a yellow strip, why is it suddenly a yellow box with two green stripes?!? Now I have to stop and process a bunch more information to find what I want.
@@ladyothelake7386 They stopped stocking the frozen peas that I like. I used to get Birdseye frozen peas, but Birdseye only makes these steamer frozen peas. No other brand works for me. They are either too hard or have a chlorine taste to them. And I ate these daily one at a time with chopsticks. It totally messed up my routine.
I know I could probably cook the steamers, but I don’t like the crinkly sounds the package makes.
In my mind, I constantly replay awkward moments I had 50 years ago, when I was two. That's completely normal, though, right?
I believe you're joking, that you know you're autistic, and you're offering that as an examplep that you are autistic.- But, I genuinely still doubt even though I have similar experiences. I look back and now I realize, Aha! That's what was being said. I still doubt if I'm autistic. But learning about autism has helped me to understand myself and others.
I feel I will always waffle between believing I am and am not autistic. 😢😅😂🤷🏾♀️❓️‼️
@@loverainthunder it is not always caused by autism it can be social anxiety
@univers66 Hi. What can be caused by social anxiety?
@loverainthunder hi. Replaying awkard moments in your mind even 50 years later
@univers66 Yes, absolutely.
4: you’re fixated on…*mumble garble garble*
Me: still thinking about situations in my life that pertained to number 3.
I used the pause button a lot...
Thank you for representing what it actually feels like to be autistic and the experiences that are truly difficult to explain. Your videos are spot on, every time, you have the perfect way of putting words together to identify the root point to every struggle! I hope every person looking to learn more about autism comes across your channel!
Wait, people can control their thoughts?
Yeah this one got my attention too- that seems like a superpower to me.
Psionics, yes. There's no other explanation.
>.>
Nope ... impossible
Definitely a hoax
Right?? Dark magic, that’s what that is….
This is my problem with Stoicism. 'Focus only on what you can control.' OK, great advice. 'You can control your thoughts.' Uhhhmm. Nope.
Speaking of making eye contact, anyone else find it extremely difficult making eye contact with the person in the mirror?
YES! That guy's the worst, I can't look at him at all!
Yes! Mirrors are a whole nother dimension
Peering into your own soul is the worst. I legit got scared of reflective surfaces for a while after I got creeped out by my own reflection. My AuDHD probably helped me forget about it, but still I don't let myself linger on that memory..
I don't spend a lot of time peering into mirrors.
No. Mentally, I assess the person in the mirror like that is an entirely different person, and critique that person accordingly.
I don't have a problem doing a series of errands, but I tend to want to plan therm out first, and dislike it when something unexpected forces me to do things differently.
Undiagnosed 59 here and it’s crazy how I went through life thinking many of these things were like normal and everyone experienced them.
57 and finding myself having to rethink everything because I really thought I was neurotypical. My family laughs at me as I am constantly saying "but doesn't everybody . . ." and my family goes nope that's a common neurodivigent thing, mom!
56 here 😅
51, same
Recently diagnosed @ 55, and though I am grieving for young me, 55 yo me is stoked!! This video is 99% correct in my lived experience. I am a proud member of the Alphabet Mafia (with all of my disgnosis), and I'm really happy to know there are others just like me 😊🎉
58 here. There are no more ‘whys?’. Or ‘what the’s?. Knowing creates greater certainty and frees up energy to focus on other things. It’s liberating.
My father noticed that I didn't make eye contact when I was four. I was already reading at an adult level.
My dad told me, "You need to learn to read faces like a book."
I was so fascinated that there was lexical information in faces. So I learned to read faces "as a second language" -- it became a special interest, lol. And as a result, I had to learn to deal with eye contact.
But a lot of what are being presented in this video is maybe more personal than general. I understand that they are anecdotal examples, but they weaken your generalization about what is or isn't typically autistic.
Remember that undiagnosed adults have drunk the Kool Aid of their masking and may think they are doing just fine.
So this video will be used by these people to not seek a diagnosis when they need one.
i was reading your comment with hope of hearing more story about reading faces, did it work, how did you learn it?
Yeah, I am literally diagnosed and now I'm wondering if I actually somehow just lied my way through the whole process without realizing it because I want to be "special" or something. Awesome
@@_oaktree_please take this video as a mere suggestion. It doesn't take into account high masking, ADHD or giftedness (which is a neurodivergence) comorbilities, or the HYPOsensitive part of the spectrum (which is literally part of the diagnostic criteria).
I am in the process of getting a diagnosis, first screening test came out positive for autism. I am mostly hyposensitive (sometimes I don't feel pain when I should, noises and smells don't affect me as much as other autistic people), I am not a routine person at all (this could also be undiagnosed ADHD or just not fitting that part of the criteria, which you can still be autistic and not fit ALL the criteria), I can manage myself in group conversations by only paying attention to one person at a time, and I can run errands without issue.
I am also heavily medicated which make me not have meltdowns, or at least not often at all.
Don't take this video as gospel. If you are diagnosed, you surely went not only to a doctor, but a doctor specialised in adult autism assesments. Please trust the professional's opinion, they studied for a lot of years to be able to identify autism. And if you fear that you "lied without being aware of it", I don't think that's very possible. You told them your symptoms and they evaluated you.
I want to ask, do you go around parading your autism diagnosis? Do you base your personality on it? If not, i REALLY doubt you lied for attention.
I hope soon your impostor syndrome will fade with time. Sending you warm regards.
@@_oaktree_ I feel the Imposter Syndrome when I watch videos like this... but in my case, I actually got diagnosed not realising I was even being assessed for anything (and unfortunately it was hidden from me for another decade).
I got taken to a psychologist under false pretences as a teenager (was told it was for something else); I thought he was going to turn out to be another counsellor, since I'd already seen some when younger (I guess as part of the process of my adoption, but I don't know for sure).
@@asulo9511 Great reply, very thoughtful.🤗
I don't even know how to begin to express my gratitude for your content. 49f...I had no idea. I just had no idea. Putting all the pieces together now is exactly like you said--finding out I was adopted.
I just can't tell you what a relief it is to be shown that I'm not broken. I'm just different. And now that I know that, I can honor that difference by leaning into all the ways I've already known to best take care of me.
Your videos are lifesaving.
Right?! I feel like I've been gasligt into thinking everything different I experienced was just me "being weird"
The amount of pain a early diagnosis could've saved me. Sadly my folks won't accept my diagnosis since my younger sibling also is ASD. According to their narrow minds only one child is allowed to be different. Oh if only it worked that way.
I thought I was autistic because of my trouble with people and specific interests and my isolation. But I actually have PTSD, Social Anxiety and Chronic Depression. So if you relate to a lot of autistic traits you may be like me.
It's tricky separating misdiagnoses from correct ones for many people, especially as there are so many overlapping traits & misinformed clinicians
That’s a good point
Thank you for coming out about that:) I also have a friend who shares a lot of autistic traits but is looking into things close to family related trauma and it makes more sense,
I think it’s just as important to find out if you don’t have something,that it is to find out if you have something
I know with me, I often walk away from those multi-person conversations because when the other people start talking to each other for more than a few minutes, I assume they don't want to talk to me anymore.
Sameee bro
That might also be ADHD-related rejection dysphoria, so I´m not sure it´s always related to autism. Some of the things he mentions are actually typical for ADHD, too, like the lack of thought control.
My biggest trouble with overlapping conversations is I can’t isolate voices. I hear everything on the other side of the room and can’t hear the person right in front of me. Sometimes I can lip read my way to success but that doesn’t always work.
YES! lipreading is the best....until it isn't....
This is called auditory processing. It is how the brain hears. Many (most?) autistic people have auditory processing differences.
I can hear tiny sounds and identify individual animals and such, but i can’t follow one voice among many. My acuity is perfect; in fact, I have high frequency hyperacusis (extra sensitive to high pitched sounds) that can be painful! But if 2 or more voices speak at once, it is like static to me.
Yes. I got a reverse slope hearing loss and without hearing aids i really have issues. 2 frequency low all the others high high and then add my autism not fun
My over thinking makes want keep over sharing because I feel hear so a want to share what's in my brain but I'll stop maybe. Lol my humor here
I have that, and for a long time, I thought I had hearing problems. In a crowded space I would lean forward and look down, trying to hear what the other person was saying, and I theorized that this was because my hearing was better from the rear, and I was trying to reorient my ears. Eventually I started to realize that the problem was cognitive, but I couldn’t imagine what could cause that.
This was years before I seriously considered that I might be autistic, and I had never even thought about ADHD. Now it’s kind of...well, duh.
Videos like these absolutely help with discernment but if you’re self-diagnosed, it’s never too late for confirmation. I was diagnosed in my early 30’s after several years of depression.
I grew up undiagnosed in the 80s. It is SO nice, (so validating), to hear these issues articulated by someone else with the same kinds of experiences.
On the first one, having an academic interest has made group work impossible to avoid for me, so I've adapted myself. When I enter a new group I jump at the chance to be the leader, so that I can guide the flow of communication, set up easy to follow rules, and most of all MAKE SURE PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY SHOULD DO.
In my experience, the NTs are usually very happy to go along with more structured plans, even if they wouldn't suggest to work that way naturally.
The drawback is, of course, that I need a full day of recovery after every uni mandated group 4-hour workshop. Like today! Am currently lying in bed feeling like a rock after doing a workshop yesterday lol. Masking takes its toll, and although it may look like I'm really good at working in groups, you don't see the aftermath.
I have 3 autistic children but only during this video Im starting to realize I might be autistic too. Thank you for opening my eyes.
It is extremely genetic, so your parents very possibly are too and also we get along with other ND so your partner is ND too
When he mentioned the buzz of electricity!! THATS THE WORSE
It's called coil whine, and yes, it's the worst...
In the 60’s until around the year 2000 the hearing aids let off a certain wave link that would make me sick to my stomach. I could hear them and feel them. It was terrible because my mother used two because she was very hard of hearing. I could hear her hearing aid even if I was in another part of the house. It was awful. And I would not go into nursing homes because there were so many people who used hearing aids. Whenever I would go in I could hear and feel all of them and I would get sick to my stomach and dizzy. I’m so glad they have improved over the years.
It’s like a literal jolt for me 😭 sometimes I yelp 🥲
This video quintupled down on my belief that I am autistic. I still ruminate about a company that told me to do something unethical - years later. I quit almost immediately. Oh, and interruptions and certain changes (move my stuff and watch me melt) - oh the wrath I feel inside.
Multiple step activities - nope! Mailing a card might as well be learning nuclear physics. Too many steps and too much crap to do for something with a low return. They’ll get the card and it’ll likely be forgotten and in recycling in a week. Meanwhile, I keep certain cards indefinitely if they mean a lot. LOL!
How are you writing about my life?!!? 😂
LOL, I never sent thank you cards after getting married *checks calendar* 13 years ago. I think I still have the cards somewhere.😅
O_O I didn't think I had a problem with eye contact until I started paying attention to how often I DO make it. And then I realize, I only make enough low-key eye contact to satisfy social requirements, and then find other things to look at. Then I noticed that I find myself constantly running a low-level background process of "Is this too distracting? Will the other person think if I'm doing this that I'm not paying attention? I'd better make another eye-contact-check-in with them. Okay, now I can lean my head on my hand. Maybe two hands. Maybe back to one. Maybe take a drink. I'll shift my leg a little. Maybe I'll just resituate myself in my seat. I know, I'll offer to get everyone a refill so I can walk this off. Crap, my nose is just barely perceptibly dripping. Will they notice? Should I brush it with my hand? Sleeve? Get a tissue? It's kinda a waste of a tissue - it's not that bad. But now I've swiped at my face three times. I should mention something to qualify that my nose is walking, not running. But what if they think I'm gross? Or have a cold? I should also justify that there's a barely perceptible smell in here and it's setting off the muscles in my face under my eyes and nose and -CRAP, I'M INFO DUMPING SOMETHING NO ONE ASKED FOR; SHUT UP!
Ha! The satisfaction and pain of helplessly infodumping is real!
Exactly as you described 👍
OMG I feel SEEN 😳
Being interrupted is a definite route to frustration. I struggle to multitask anything, plus I obey the latest request from another. It's battery draining.
All the points resonated with me, especially number 4 - missing huge chunks of conversation. It makes it difficult during work discussions and meetings. I'll fixate on something someone said and then be off on my own thought tangent until someone snaps me back with my name expecting me to answer a question. It's also very frustrating when a topic gets changed but I feel like the original topic was unfinished and want to go back to it.
I didn't get an diagnosis because I couldn't help but masking during the entire process (I'm female and the sessions lasted too short to having to drop the mask - my parents weren't alive anymore, so the childhood assessment couldn't be done). Giving them what I figured out they wanted to see - I'm also very good at that as the only label that I did get (at 35 or so) was "gifted". So it was my giftedness that was causing my discomfort. And now I feel even less understood. And I can't let go of that, the irony.
I get this! I've been to doctors to try and get help but I went into "customer service mode." With years of customer service (acting fake to please people), I learned how to "be on" and act a certain way and so I do this almost everywhere I go now cuz it was so ingrained into me. But it's getting much harder (I'm 48) and I left customer service and so now I mostly just avoid places and don't go to doctors or try to get help cuz there's not much of a point.
I don't experience a number of the social situations Chris listed ... that is, I don't experience them now, but I certainly did when I was younger. I realized while watching this that I don't put myself in those types of situations any longer.
At 62, triggers changed through the years. Routines changed from moving, changing jobs, changing mate, ect. So what was important to me at 20 was different at 25 and so on. This includes different friends go were into different things at different times.
Oh yeah, that part about getting in trouble for correcting a teacher or other authority figure has happened so much to me. I personally would want to be better informed of correct information, so it's really hard for me to understand that people will literally get offended that you correct a misconception. Letting people just be wrong and face the consequences is aggravating, since it could've saved everyone time to not do that.
I won’t lie, I weaponized this. Especially on the latter end of high school, when a teacher annoyed me (usually because I “wasn’t paying attention”, which actually meant I wasn’t staring while they slowly scrawled something on the blackboard) I’d point out shortly after they made a mistake, but not tell them what it was. Usually like a sign wrong or some numbers flipped, more than likely just a copying error either from the lesson plan, or from whoever they copied their lesson plan from.
But would I tell them what was wrong? Nope. They’re teaching this stuff, they should understand it. I was satisfied that they had the opportunity to fix it (and of course, I was pointing out that I was clever enough to have spotted it). And besides they and the rest of the class will figure it out when the math doesn’t work, or the equations don’t balance, or whatever.
@thedave1771 Usually, the issue would be that said person could just leverage their position of authority over me. I never really saw it as anything other than ensuring correct information or that something would work without having to redo stuff. It really seemed to me that if a person is really going to have a problem with being corrected, they'll be made a fool the most if I don't point out the mistake at all and let it backfire. At that point, nobody else can really be blamed.
This one hits hard today. I'm undiagnosed (do have ADHD diagnosis but not one for ASD... at least not yet) but I could relate to some extent to every single one of these. I was corrected at work today for something I thought I had been very positive, respectful, deferential, and helpful about but it turns out the other person felt it was critical, contentious, and undermining authority. My supervisor was kind and understanding in how she delivered the correction and assured me that she let the other person know where it was really coming from (valuing accuracy and precision, love of learning, desire to be helpful). But I was just so horrified that the other person felt hurt and criticized by what I said. And of course, during that actual interaction, I didn't pick up on any indication that she was feeling that way, and I walked away thinking it had been positive.
So then I was also embarrassed that I couldn't keep myself from crying in front of my boss, and then spent half my lunch break crying in the bathroom as silently as I could manage. And both the conversation with my coworker and the one with my boss have been playing over and over in my head all day, making me teary all over again. And my brain pulls up literally all the associations whether they be memories from 7th grade of getting in trouble for correcting my science teacher in class because he was making factually incorrect statements, or all the feelings and thoughts I've ever had about making similar mistakes, not being able to fit in with other girls or women, being misunderstood, being told I'm too serious, rigid, can't take a joke, a know-it-all, etc etc. And by now my eyes are burning, nose is swollen, and the headache I've had for the last 2 months straight is worse.
I wish the younger me could have known that these struggles were because of being autistic and not just that I was an American growing up in Japan (then moving to the States during high school and making a whole new adjustment). Instead, I'm 39 and finally starting to give myself some grace and use strategies to try to calm my nervous system instead of self-harming either mentally or physically because it's all too much.
your story about your work experience brought tears for me. I so relate. I don't want to hurt ppl either stress out so much about almost everything I say bc I'm so paranoid that it will not come out the way I am intending it to be meant.
thank you for your comment. I'm sure you are a wonderful, caring person trying to be kind in a world that is confusing.
@KeepDoingGood-K Thank you so much for your kind words. The benefit of getting older is that I've lived enough years and met enough people to learn that I'm NOT alone and there ARE people who like me and care enough to work to understand and clear up miscommunications. It's hard to remember that in tough moments, but it comes back to me once the meltdown has blown through.
Your kindness in speaking up to encourage a stranger on the internet is a light in the world. I'm sure you do the same in skin-on life too. Keep being awesome like that- more often than not, that small kindness might be what gives someone the strength to keep going. ❤️
I've spent a year coming to a self-diagnosis, but it's been so hard, because I identify with about... half of these things. I'm definitely monotropic: I hate interruptions, changes to my routines, last-minute changes to plans, etc. I'm also super detail-focused, am sensitive to textures and temperatures, and have what I'm pretty sure are meltdowns. But on the other hand, I love socializing, I'm a very good communicator (both verbal and non-verbal), and I don't generally have problems with being called "too direct" or "too honest." I'm pretty sure my social battery is bigger than for most autistic people. Ultimately what convinced me is the knowledge that most allistic people don't spend a year doing deep research and asking themselves whether they might be autistic, because they want to be absolutely sure before claiming the label. 😅
I thought that I didn't have a problem with being too direct, but then I started noticing how much I crafted my sentences. I revise emails multiple times for "tone", heavily script important anticipated conversations and carefully pre think my words "on the fly". So I'm rarely ever actually blunt in the words the other person receives, and I've been doing this for so long it feels like I'm "naturally" adept. I also realised that I don't do this when I'm telling stories where I feel a degree of drama because people find that funny. I am not a funny person, I can't be originally funny deliberately to save my life but I have good pattern recognition and somewhere in my brain recognised a long time before I ever considered that I might be autistic that if I turn off the filter I didn't even realise that I was using I'd often get a laugh... My filter is now encouraging me to add that I hope this information doesn't cause you a whole lot of uncomfortable mental load. Which is a true wish but not where I would have naturally ended this if my tone filter wasn't revising 😅
I have a similar issue, where most of the stuff applies to me, but I’m just too social for what most people consider autism, and I also am not socially awkward in group settings (I’ve gotten plenty of feedback over the years that leads me to believe I’m not) . I think part of the reason is that being confident in myself being a distinct individual was really ingrained in me by my parents? And also I genuinely think most people aren’t particularly good at socializing and a lot of this “neurotypical ability to socialize” is overblown. People are awkward literally all the time. I watch it happen constantly. Autistic or not. I think neurotypical people don’t ruminate that much about not doing a great job socializing and it just doesn’t bother them that much often.
However, I aggressively ruminate and pick apart things I’ve said and done after socializing, and analyze things constantly as they are happening. I can recognize when the way that I express myself throws people off, and I know how to not throw people off if I want to at the expense of being fully authentic. Sometimes I think that the way high masking autism is talked about doesn’t leave room for an autistic person being confident in themselves and therefore not feeling socially inept, but also not having a normal experience of socializing. What I do could probably be considered masking, but I don’t really feel like everyone I know if entitled to my true self in the first place, so I’m not super bothered by it. I don’t expect to not “mask” in a group of people I don’t really know or have closeness with.
Maybe this is something you relate to?
One thing that makes me strongly suspect I have autism is that the physical, sensory, and health issues, etc, were so so much worse in childhood. Also, kids seemed to bully me a lot, but I never understood it was bullying until I analyzed it when I was an adult. I still have problems with being misunderstood, but I also misunderstand people a lot. They expect me to understand things that they are only implying, and I can't seem to pick up on it. Otherwise, I am a very flexible person, and I am fine with traveling or eating random food, and not having routines (although I have tried to establish them and I like them, my life just doesn't allow for them to remain for more than 3 days before the routine is upended), and my sensory issues have gone down except for sound. This one electric socket drives me nuts as it won't stop buzzing but no one else seems to notice. I have told people I suspect I have autism, and they deny me, so I don't know. I feel like other autistic people tell their friends and family and are told "oh that explains everything."
It might be CPTSD, but I think that although my family life was very dysfunctional it wasn't so horrible that it would deserve such a label. I think if I was autistic, it would explain why my family treated me the way it did and why I am the way I am. I mean even though I am an adult I cried recently when I had to put on a material that I hate. Natural fibers are the best. I don't know why synthetics have to be in everything :(
Autistic people can be extroverts introverts. I'm an ambivert. I don't get tired after one hour with other people in a group setting, but meeting people in a group every day would be completely overwhelming. So I prefer meet-ups that last for say six hours or so and I often feel energized afterwards - I really need these meetings - especially the deep and inner-most intimate conversations with friends as well as complete strangers. However, then I need to digest the impressions so another meeting the following night would be too much. I might need to isolate myself with my special interests for two weeks or so. However, finding these groups where I fit in is extremely difficult. I very much have all the struggles mentioned in the video - it's just that I am an ambivert - not an introvert.
You might actually not be autistic. Struggling with communication is an important point of the diagnosis, so if you genuinely don´t struggle... I also identify with half of the points. My father and sister are autistic so when I had mental health problems, it was a clear choice to start visiting an autistic psychotherapy centre... where I was told "we can tell you have some autistic genes, but you aren´t autistic enough for a diagnosis".
I´m starting to think "a little bit autistic" people actually exist.
You might be autistic if listening to this sends you into a panic attack remembering ALL of those times you did ALL of that stuff.
7:15 I can’t let go of people packing the dishwasher incorrectly! Nor can I let go of how badly it affects me to see visual chaos, cupboard doors open or even cups hung with dissimilar one!!!!
Yes!!
That horse scenario is funny and for the most part of my life, as a *type* of masking I have often been very honest literally saying " sorry I was thinking about a horse and a farm" when they ask a different question. That was always my natural way of doing it. It gave people the impression I am a joker and goofy. I began to realise my true self made me laugh so I just carried on
I'm good at pretending to pretending to be good at group projects but I HATE them 🤣. I was a restaurant manager for years and couldn't understand how it seemed so easy for my coworkers while I was hanging on by a thread till I got fired. So now at 35 I feel like I'm putting my life back together. 🤦♂️
Oh my God, just the first thing you talk about makes me remember how much I have always hated group work ! I hope I can stay until the end of the video.
Holy poop! So I interview people for my job. An sometimes I have to look at them to make them uncomfortable, but i am twice as uncomfortable, just good at playing whatever characters I need to play to get the information I need. Now if you watch a 3 hour interview i conducted probably 7-10 are eye contact. The rest is me holding my head to keep up with the conversation or doodling to pay attention.
My "unwanted advice" stories are a few times my friends would show me some art project or film they worked on, and I would give them some constructive criticism, and they'd thank me, but later comment about "haters who don't believe in them," refuse to speak to me, and then, future projects they would incorporate my advice and become successful.
A "lifelong" friendship (from when I was 12 up to 37) ended when my friend sent me a short story he'd written and asked for my assessment. Well...I assessed. End of friendship. Sad, but here's how I look at it: if that's all it took it wasn't worth struggling to maintain. If it hadn't been that it would have been something else, he was ready to jump ship and I really don't need to share the cruise with disgruntled passengers. Relationships that are endlessly on the edge of severing are the worst. Just get it over with, let 'em sever, embrace the "empty spot' where that person used to be as a whole new world of possibilities.
In college, a friend asked me to read a draft of his personal essay for his application to a grad school. I thought he had given me a fake version that he had written terribly as a joke. We were in an upper-level chemistry class together so I just assumed he was smart (i.e. "evenly" smart). Turns out he was one of those people who are good at STEM subjects and atrocious at writing. I was super amused -- laughing hard, to his face -- about how poorly written it was and what a great joke. Wow did I feel bad once I was clear that he sincerely thought it was a decent draft. (He forgave me, I guess, but we didn't stay friends past the school year.)
@@RishaBond Oh my, how mortifying and... how TOTALLY relatable. Sometimes it's just, well, IMPOSSIBLE to read the signals: is it a joke, is it for real, what do they expect? Now, at my ripe old age, having learned from the school of hard knocks and even without an awareness of my autism, I usually fall back on a blank, questioning stare and an appeal for more info. It can feel like playing stupid, but it's far safer than committing a monumental faux pas: "Umm, please help me understand... you wrote this for...? You'll turn it in to...whom? When? What are the paramaters, expectations, what should I be looking for in this, how can I best comment on it to help you?" Etcetera. I've gotten past the anxiety of looking dumb because it is now burned into my very synapses just how horribly wrong this can go if I've misread the cues. I would rather end up saying, "Perhaps this line here is a bit too dramatically stated?" and have them come back at me with, "Didn't you GET it? It's a JOKE! Har, har, har, you're just too trusting," than to say, "This line is so funny, high farce indeed!", and hear in return, "What do you MEAN 'high farce'?! I'm perfectly serious!"
Every point resonates with me! I’ve always just thought of myself as someone that gets frustrated a lot and is very irritable, can’t engage in normal conversation (often because I’m bored or disinterested) and dislikes being around people… but since my diagnosis, I now know WHY I’m like that. I’m not a crappy person - I’m autistic 😂
What this video reinforces is how all my life I've been playing non-autistic. I'm kind of good at pretending nearly all these things. Not quite all but nearly. And mostly, I think, without exposing the frantic-frenetic staticky disorientaion maelstrom inside. Yes, I'm pre-e-e-ty good at being non-autistic. If you don't look too close. Or too long. But as I get older my acting skills are shredding. Like, take an echoey social hall that is physically warping under the force of a hundred conversations all at once. Nope. Can't pretend anymore. It's not doable. Goodbye. In the immortal words of the Pythons: Run awaaaay! Run or perish.
I feel the opposite. I am getting better as I age, and I was atrocious when I was younger. I had panic attacks at school because of the crowds and the bright lights. I can handle it much better now.
@@mothdust1634 Yes, in some ways easier, in some ways harder. With many challenges I can now, armed with understanding about autism, intellectualize my way through it, distinguish my own affective-psycho-visceral responses from objective external values ("No, that lady aggressively click-clacking her way along the corridor ISN'T being obnoxiously, self-advertisingly intrusive, it's my hyper-sensitivity and, no, everybody around me isn't pretending not to notice or be irritated"). But with other challenges, like the brain-scrambling social hall of 100 conversations, it's un-intellectualizable. It's simply unbearable physical suffering. In that case the calm, collected, mature and efficient thing to do, no muss, no fuss, is walk out. So it's about choices, and being gracious to oneself, more gracious than, perhaps, you ever were before... or anybody else was aware you needed. Self-advocacy. Doesn't have to be loud and telegraphed, just decisive and, when necessary, uncompromising: "Sorry, no, this is an environment in which I cannot function. Not the end of the world, I just have to leave. See you later."
It is also highly important to note these social/processing struggles are consistent through life not just after a stressful time or event or busy time of change and not just a couple of them. Thank you for this video, it is so much more beneficial than short tiktoks on 'quirky traits' with no honest examples! 💗
I'm a high masking autistic with an early diagnosis so I was able to get assistance in school and I was in a place in my part of the US where if you were weird, you weren't overly bullied for it. The thing you were bullied for was not excelling in class. I am high masking in that I often have been able to actively ignore my warning signs (I can feel them and it's a conscious effort to ignore which adds to the stress.) that my body is telling me about a situation and it comes out in my ability to sleep, I continuously gain weight and have elevated cortisol, (doctors tell me to reduce stress, but when I explain that I have autism and there's nothing I can do about it they suddenly have no solutions xD) but over the years through conditioning I was able to find a way to process daily life without being overly debilitated other than a few months out of the year where I am completely burned out and will continue to be burned out until I can have a significant enough break from people I don't love.
So yes, while there are limitations there are two ideas that I feel the video needs to have: Yes, you are struggling more than other people and don't let people look at you from the outside and think they struggle with the same thing. Trust me, they have no idea. This includes other autistics because Autism affects different areas of function in each affected individual, and I'm glad that was brought up in the video.
Secondly, don't trust your body most of the time. Trusting the signals you receive even though you are required to process them is what causes over stimulation. Noticing a signal and then making the conscious effort to set it aside for later, assuming it isn't a trigger for meltdown because then you have no choice but to process it, will help in allowing you to move on instead of feeling like you're missing out in a neurotypical world. Ignoring the signals you receive (as well as you can, tolerance gets built over time.) while risky, is how I function and become allowed to put food on my table through a career.
Tangentially, don't turn your special interest into a career. You need your special interest to wind down and to stim.
According to this, I cannot rule out autism. Thank you!
You are a comedic genius, I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time because it’s all so true.
I can’t tell you how many times over the last few weeks I’ll be watching a video, and you’ll say or do something describing something you’re going through that triggering your autism, or how you physically react and I will verbally exclaim “oh God,no?!” While laughing and thinking get the fuck out of my head Chris!!!
I have also cried so many tears of joy watching these videos. It’s helping me understand myself better and why I’ve had such a soft spot for autistic kids, especially my two cousins that were and are currently nonverbal. I remember looking at my cousin Josiah‘s eyes during one of his rages. His older brother was picking on him and he couldn’t get the words out, but I could hear him cussing his older brother out six ways to Sunday. After seeing your videos, I’m realizing we have several people on my mom side of the family that are high masking autistics
I was a childhood diagnosee. I remember being taught about eye contact from a counselor. That summer I attempted to make eye contact and the recipient of this eye contact yelled at me for staring. This incident has made eye contact sigificantly more difficult to this day and I am actually afraid of facing this accusation everytime I'm in a meeting or discussion and required to make eye contact. So now I have to exert twice the mental effort to mask in these situations.
I was afraid I was going to be knocked out of my slowly growing self-suspicions and sent back to square one of What The Hell Is "Wrong" With Me?, but instead I've just been confirmed so hard I'm crying.
I got diagnosed with autism about a year ago and the story about your friend is so painfully relatable because it's 1000% something I would say, and have made the unintentional mistake of saying in the past. I understand on a theoretical level why neurotypical people get upset by criticism like that, but as an autistic person I really didn't see anything wrong with what you said and would've appreciated the honest feedback if I were in your friend's position. Just goes to show how different communication styles can be.
I actually thought I’d watch this and realize my ASD diagnosis was wrong. 😂 Nope. I’m most definitely Autistic. Every single one of your points resonated so deep I feel seen like never before… and strangely like I need a nap. 😆
8. I always go to same Asda for grocery shopping. I try to buy things to last me as long as possible before I need to go there again. In many years (10 i think) doing it over and over, I know this particular store so well, I can shop with my audio book in my ears and my eyes closed 😂 and oh, WHAT a HORROR! Last month they rearranged all the isles completely! 4 times I've been there since, 4 times I missed things, 4 times I loose the rest of the day due to no energy left... hate it!
9. To not go to weddings, I moved to other country away from my huge family 😂 i don't have unmarried friends and I am "very busy"
13. After overwhelming outing when I come back home, there is my sweet dog greeting me. As all dogs he can feel human's emotional conditions. Usually at that moments he is happy to see me, but he is very calm. I lean down to pet him, his smell and fur give me such a comfort, i sit down on the floor, then I lay down on the floor and we can stay like that for looong time 😂 he even did fall asleep few times 😂 i am so grateful that he came into my life, he helps me, my autistic son and my hormono teen to unwind after a long days at school and outdoors ❤
I have an MA in psychology, and to my understanding, autism can manifest itself in many ways, and not all autistic people have the same set of symptoms. Also, it's important to mention that nowadays we know that autism seems different in women, compared to men, and women's autism is much harder to diagnose.
Was that "someone misplaced my shopping cart" a Milton thing? Hahahaha. That was great.
Brava, to you, Chris, for the careful and intentional wording that's "you MIGHT not be autistic" or "you're PROBABLY not autistic," instead of speaking in absolutes
Although I got formally diagnosed in 2018, and check 100% of your "are autistic" things/relate to them, I remember that ungodly, overbearing weight of "maybe I just suck at life and am a pathetic failure..." and insecurity questioning and second-guessing whether I'm "actually" autistic, even after my formal diagnosis and the doctor saying I'm far more severe than I realize.
So I find it really valuable and important and notable, the padding you worked in there, leaving room for the folks who may fall somewhere else along the spectrum than some of us others, and so your choice to use "probably" or "might not be" language.
GO YOU! for that !!
Wait, so the surgeries and tests I did to find out what was wrong with my body that it would physically bloat up and stab me for 5 days straight because of a social setting that made me uncomfortable isn’t just anxiety? Haha I don’t know why watching these videos always give me little reminders of why I firmly trust in the fact that I have ASD along with my diagnosed ADHD. I do wish my parents weren’t so scared of the diagnosis or else my childhood probably would’ve made a lot more sense. Like the constant lightning headaches, bullying, rash flare ups from certain fabrics, night terrors, going blind or getting fevers from panic attacks from wearing clothing that was too tight, etc. I wasn’t just sensitive or different or difficult, there actually was a reason all along
This reassured me so much, I’m waiting on the results of my evaluation and this video made me feel so autistic I can’t describe it lol
When my husband says that we need to go back the other direction in Costco because we forgot something, I physically feel ill in that exact moment and my brain freezes and I feel like I need to either go into autopilot or I need to stand there and just wait and pray to god I’m not standing in someone’s path lol
When we have friends over, if they are there for more than a little while, I always have to excuse myself and lay down in the bedroom for a while and breathe and watch my own stuff or just let my heart stop panic beating. I always feel like I’m such a bad host but I can feel my anger and shortness rise faster and faster if I don’t do this. I’m so thankful for an understanding partner
Thank you for confirming my self-diagnosis! 😊
It's always so rewarding when I hear that other people go through the same things I do.
Already diagnosed, but thanks for confirming I’m indeed autistic 😂❤ the part about the drool caused by the eye contact had me laughing so hard 😆 honestly if you can get your groceries delivered please do, it’s life-changing 🙏
I don't get the drool problem, lucky me. Self checkout at groceries is cool. And I go with my own bag instead of needing to search for a cart.
Your description of allistics’ complex “filtration system” for interpreting our straightforward words was … . Just perfect.
Yes, it took my diagnosis for me and Debby to start to realize that THIS was why we misunderstand each other sometimes. It's improved a lot since then - we're planning more videos about this too. But I'm glad to read your comment and hear that others experience this too 😊
Hey Chris,
Just watched your new video, “13 Reasons You Might Not Be Autistic,” and it absolutely hit the spot! Over the past few months, I’ve noticed how you’ve been honing and refining your skills, and this video feels like the culmination of all that hard work. I was captivated for the entire 22 minutes.
The intentionality, time, and care you put into this piece are truly visible. It’s clear how much you care about our community and sharing your experiences. The personalized B-roll was amazing-I loved the scenes where you’re in front of a classroom; I did a double take a few times thinking, “Wait, that’s actually him!” It really kept me grounded and immersed in the world you were creating.
Your ability to educate while sharing your personal struggles and openly exhibiting your identity as an autistic individual is both inspiring and relatable. There were so many moments that made me laugh out loud-like when Debbie walks in and you’re eating the Scout cookie. I had to rewind that part multiple times!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us and for all the effort you’ve put into your work. It’s entertaining, educational, and creates a genuine sense of belonging, bringing us all closer together. I’m excited to share this video with my family, especially my mom who has ADHD and is exploring her own journey.
I can’t wait to see what comes next (no pressure, of course!). Incredible job-everything about this video is absolutely fantastic!
I really appreciate your kind words. My wife read this to me out loud when I was struggling with recording because of constant noise from outside. I want every segment of our videos to be perfect and sometimes there are variables beyond my control that just wear me down. I had to stop filming before I could finish and was close to a meltdown. Debby came in and read me your comment and it fixed everything. All the frustration disappeared. She read it to me twice because it’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said (written) about my work. She even took a screenshot of it and will pull it out and read it to me at some point in the future when I’m having a rough time and getting discouraged.
Thanks a bunch for taking the time to share and thanks for supporting our channel 😊😊
When my local dollar store changed the entire inside after years of being the same, I walked in and was immediately in shock and irritated. I still needed to get some stuff and I need to be able to know where everything is, so I turned it into an adventure in my head.
I just went down every aisle very slowly and really looked at everything and enjoyed discovering all the new product they brought in.
I don’t like when other customers get near me because then I have to be aware of them and that is awkward and uncomfortable for me and overwhelms me.l and takes away from the fun of discovering new things and starts to give me a migraine.
Basically though, new experiences aren’t always a completely bad thing when my routine is interrupted, it just means I need a second to readjust and get my head in a different place.
Helps if I have a lot of free time to burn lol
I was telling myslef some mean things the last few days. That I'm not autistic or mentally ill in general and I just wish I was so I can have an excuse to struggle with life as much as I do. I thought this was going to be a wake up call for me but this was actually reassuring as hell.
I already have a diagnosis but I’m happy to announce that I can keep my autism status after watching this video
I can identify all of this with myself. Although, I have a rather strange hobby for that: cosplay. But...I do it as a Mandalorian. Which means - whenever I want to withdraw myself from my surroundings, I just put my helmet on. Ideal for me. No need to make any eye contact, or talk to anyone. Love it. Switch on my helmet ventilation, and I have that nice, even sound of jet engines beside my ears. So nice. Weird, I know.
Otherwise, until last year I just considered myself to be just weird. The worst thing for me are events with a lot of people. I always found it almost unbearable to follow a conversation with more than two people. Whenever I could not take it anymore, I shut myself off. But it still hurt, as I find myself unable to ignore the many, many sounds. Not just the spoken words, but rustling of clothes. Steps on the ground. Sound of cutlery. Worst of all - loud music. Then I have to leave. Hurts physically.
I’m autistic and love cosplay and I go to a program and a lot of them also love cosplay. Getting to play a different character is so amazing
Man what the hell. The 2nd point multiperson conversations break down just blew my mind. I pretty much experience all of that! I thought it was just me
I don’t have trouble with eye contact in-person and don’t have hypersensitivity to textures/smells, but do identify with other autism/adhd symptoms and haven’t been able to cope well in life for the last year and a half. Is it just adhd and/or just perimenopause and/or also autism… it’s hard to figure out. Especially when governments aren’t even providing minimal support to autistic people who need lots of support. I’m finding your videos are helping me feel more open about how I feel and really appreciate your information, perspective, humour and expressive moments. Oh - and I’ve discovered Schylling Needoh squishies because of you, and are LOVING them!!! I love the Dream Drop and Gumdrop, but do also like the Nice Cube 😃
just test both probably gonna be adhd
I also relate to a few of these and I was diagnosed with ADD as a teen. Perimenopause has been brutal. My attention span, memory, and overwhelm have never been worse. Hang in there, I've heard it gets better once we reach menopause! ❤
@@lellachu1682 same
@@TeyElle-xg7fi It's also possible that you've been unknowingly masking. I did for almost 40 years, until I literally couldn't any longer.
There's a lot of overlap between the stuff he's listing and ADHD, but there are some pieces that are exclusively related to autism which tend to be more irritation and anxiety based versus distractibility based in his list, about ADHD has a little bit of that it's not as extreme.
Of the 13 questions you posed in this video, 12 of them confirmed for me that I am indeed Autistic. . . The only one that did not immediately do so, was the one regarding EYE CONTACT, which I (as a 60-something) do not have an issue with! While thinking about it, I recalled that my mother, who (unknown to us) was mentally ill, had an obsession with eye contact : While delivering her rage-rants, she forced us to sit on the couch and lock eyes with her as she ranted on and on. . . We were not allowed to look away, or there would be hell to pay! As the oldest of four, I took the brunt of her rages, all the way through adolescence, in essence being TRAINED into making prolonged eye contact! Thanks, Mom!
As for the video, I enjoyed it, as usual, though do wish you wouldn’t use the sh*t word! Vulgar words are just nannoying enough to be a distraction, which my AD/H/D dislikes immensely! See ya later, Alligator. . . In awhile, Crocodile.
When you talk about the faint smell of the cleaning solution, I laughed. I can always tell when my husband puts on lotion, even if he did it in another room with a fan on, the window open, and the day before
My friend put bad smelly hand sanitizer on once while I was driving and I made her hold her hands out the window til we got somewhere where she could wash it off. She learned after that. 🤣
I got covid in 2020 with my sense of smell still not 100%. It’s sad sometimes. But also a blessing 🙏🏻🙌🏻
I genuinely hate eye contact so much to the point where all of my friends know to not look me in the eye and if im answering them while on my phone im still fully engaged in the conversation. I just really hate eye contact😭
I've had people start talking to other people because I was talking and not looking them in the eyes. I just said "fuck it" and left.
Talking to more than one person? Brain melt down. Don't move my carts! Grocery store? Noooooooo. Social battery? Hahah. Anxiety? Yes, depression, ADHD . Sounds ..
When you mentioned a lobster, I immediately zoned out and started jamming to the song “Rock Lobster” in my head then questioned why they wrote the song. After a minute I realized that I had missed everything you said after that point. lol
Group work wasn't much of an issue for me because I found some good strategies: let everyone else do the talking and listen and only chime in when no one else does it. Get yourself one of the tasks, do it, maybe remind the others to dor their stuff. Done!
But well, I don't have to collaborate and cooperate for work that much. I am a teacher, I can do everything on my own (probably shouldn't but you know how it is...)
I have every single one of these problems. My mom gets into arguments with me about how I can be so “selfish”and rude and I genuinely do not believe or intend to be that way, I just have a very particular way of doing things. I plan my routine in advance so sometimes I will not drop everything I’m doing to run a last minute errand for her. if I do, I may ‘make a fuss’ about it. But it sends me into spiral. If I have to make extra stops and sit in traffic when I was planning to be home in my pjs within 15 min. It takes a long time for my brain to accept the change.
I’ve tried to tell her these things but she thinks I’m just lying and making it up so I can have an excuse to be complicated.
I have been like this since I was a child and had many sensory related overstimulated meltdowns, and she still doesn’t piece it together 😭 it’s frustrating .. I grew up just thinking I was a burden.
I liked this video and was relating to almost everything said here. Especially the spit pooling with the throat seizing up inside. That can happen even with imaginary scenarios for me and anxiety.
I’m a big cry baby. I am overly sensitive when I do see people’s eyes, and if they look angry at me, I break down after and start to cry. Hours after or right after it happens. Strangers or family. My own reflection causes me to break down and cry. It’s hard to do a routine of hygiene because I’m constantly stressed about seeing my own face and my own eyes. However, I believe this overlaps with trauma. Which I do suffer from.
The one thing I don’t fit is being able to go out and do something different from the routine I’ve had. I do like routine a lot, however I’m able to switch it up a bit everyday especially if it’s new interesting and captivates my mind. Like reading about a holiday I wouldn’t have normally known about for half the day.
I’m definitely able to one day spontaneously just do things I wouldn’t normally do and be okay with it. I don’t feel all there but it’s like I hear everything inside my mind louder than what’s outside of it and it’s giving me instructions constantly of what to do next and can be overwhelming and uncontrollable at times. But I use that for going to shopping malls, theme parks and it helps to kind of numb out the bad smells, the super loud noises that still make me jump and a lot of other things.
It’s not something I can do everyday. Maybe a few times a month.
But it’s the one thing I don’t feel I relate to the most because I’ll pick up a new interest out of no where and then drop it after a few weeks. There are a few I keep forever. Like one video game. Or just the characters of said video games.
I’m doing a huge comment about my life experiences again and I never know if it’s needed or seen as oversharing or not.
I think I struggle with all of these things to a degree. Some much worse than others. I went into this worrying this video would totally make me go into thinking something else was going on with me, but instead it helped solidify in my brain that I'm probably autistic. I'm an adult and I don't have the money to go get properly tested, but the more I look at other people's stories and see videos like these, the more seen I feel in my personal experiences.
I came here trying to convince myself that I'm not autistic but #13 hit hard.
The example you used specifically about the restaurant happened to me today and it was so bad. The SINGLE dish that I eat at this BUFFET wasn't the same as it always was among other things that were overwhelming me and compounding my negative experience. This caused major shutdown/borderline meltdown after I got home. I couldn't figure out what was going on and how bad it was and why I wasn't feeling better HOURS after. I tried anything to get some semblance of control back but nothing helped until your explanation clicked with me almost verbatim.
Although it had the opposite effect of what I came here for, it was really helpful for me. Thank you for making this video!
Can I just say that I appreciate the symmetry of the background, I couldn’t stop looking at it but also seeing the things that doesn’t make it 100% symmetrical like how the curtains are or the l-shaped sofa or that armchair in the left 😀
Regarding letting things go... As a child I pushed a peanut into a nostril of one of my brothers. And because I couldn't get it back out by myself, I had to tell my mother. I blamed it on my other brother. They couldn't blame it on me, because they are mute 🙈
4 decades later, I still occasionally feel guilty about it. And it's not like I ever confessed it, because it's way too embarrassing 😂 So yeah, first time talking about it 😂
I bet it is on the "random embarasing
egretful things you've done years ago" playlist that shuffles when going to sleep.
Omg, the drooling part is low key real let me tell u, especially back in high school which is so embarrassing 😢 It's like, if it happened to any of my friend, we just pretend it didn't happen afterwards cause it's just disgusting. During those time, it's usually when my friend stops talking and whenever I wanted to talk, the drools just spits out and drip I always feel bad 😭😭😭😭
Right now I'm basically trying to find the right amount of masking required cause I will have a meltdown if I stay more than a few nights with my parents and I'm comfortable with them for the most part (which is very troublesome if it's a long holiday) 😢
I have been told too many times that I sound so angry whenever I sound an opinion cause sometimes I wholly disagree with the direction of the group project and my irkness came out 😅
I just got interrupted watching this video, already irritated to pause it, for my husband to remind me we have a wedding this Saturday that I totally forgot about. And then not even 10 seconds later you say “and worse of all.. attending a wedding” or something. AHHHHHHHH
Alternating between giggling at the impeccable timing and also wanting to scream/hide on your behalf - good luck with the wedding on Saturday. Hope you haven't scheduled much on Sunday so you can recover afterwards for the day...or maybe a week? 😅
Thanks for this video! I have a lot of friends on the spectrum, and some of them are like, "Are you SURE you're not autistic?" But this video cleared it up for me! I have some symptoms that overlap with autism (high sensitivity, for instance), but I'm not autistic. Having the really specific examples of what kinds of things bother you and how much is helpful, cause they'll be like, "If you can smell things other people can't, you may be autistic!" And I CAN smell those things more than other people, but they don't BOTHER me.
I treat eye contact like watching TV, Im looking that direction and generally at the person but not directly into there eyes. I often drop my head in a way that looks like I am concidering their words.
Great job explaining the conversational struggles.
The intestinal scarring was terrifically relatable.
Chris, thank you for making enough videos for it to appear in my feed. I'm all the way in Malaysia, a country that is still playing catchup with diagnoses like this. I resonate with everything you've said, enough for me to not feel like the only alien here. I suspect that I may be a high masking autistic but, self diagnose isn't the way to go to be sure (obviously).
So, I'd like to ask your advice on how to start the conversation with a psychologist (once I book them). I mean, I can't talk to them like I'm ordering at Starbucks ("hey, I might be autistic. Can you test me?")
How do I know if that psychiatrist is suitable for me? I heard you can request for another if I don't vibe with them.
I have yet to find a video that explains how to approach a psychiatrist and what to stay to start this journey. In the western world, it might be easier than in Asia. What if I tell it straight to them and they decide I'm going to be a great cash cow by dragging my sessions.. I wouldn't know...
Hope you or any of your fellow communities here can enlighten me. I don't want to start with the wrong foot.
Thank you.
BTW, love your living room background. Cozy cubby hole from the world.
All of it!!! I've had to accommodate others so I don't express the frustrations to the explosive degree, but I've been trying to "unmask" and it's only been getting more explosive. Isolation has been my existence since I couldn't avoid the outbursts as of late.
I feel like I might end up breaking my neck by the end of this video, as I cannot stop nodding my head so vigorously lol!
5:54 hahaha that totally caught me off guard about how mouth it full but body is still producing more saliva. I'm cracking up
I'm gonna add a minor personal experience addendum here, I'm AuDHD, and while I do find I can keep up in busy/group conversation, I even enjoy it in the time, stimulation for my ADHD, but it's emotionally exhausting to do so. I leave social situations feeling like I need to hide for days.
Omg! Was looking for audhder here, I have the same, there is not much representation of how it is … even though statistics shows many are both…
I love this video. I'm definitely 100% autistic. I've my official diagnosis but this video confirms it.Thank you!
Just because you have THIS particular experience doesn't mean that every autistic person should also do. It's called a "spectrum" for a reason!
I used to think that I didn't have meltdowns when I stayed learning I might be in the spectrum, but then I remembered one time I lost something I really needed and i yelled at myself and cried just waking up and down the stairs yelling at myself for falling to keep track of it. I hadn't done anything like that in years as I had been so emotionally numb for so long.