Paul, just wanted to say that you are the first person to say what was in my head for me. The way you explain your experiences is right with my own experiences. I just recently found out I was autistic and the comfort it’s given me to know someone else is experiencing the same things as I am is just priceless. Keep talking!
Re: won’t work/can’t work. I remember having a conversation years ago (when I was in a well paid job) with a co-worker. She was furious that ‘her tax dollars’ was funding ‘dole bludgers.’ I said that I didn’t mind my tax dollars being spent on unemployment benefits. She was livid and insisted that she should have a say in where her tax dollars went. She had 2 children, I didn’t/don’t have any. I said something along the lines of. “I don’t want to fund your children’s education. Perhaps if it makes you feel better you can look at it like this: Your tax dollar goes to fund your children's education, and mine goes towards unemployment benefits. Problem solved, you don’t have to fund dole bludgers any more, and I don’t have to find your children’s education”. She was not very happy. (I really didn’t really mind my tax dollar going to education, but I was angry and just wanted a quick and easy way to show that every tax payer has different priorities and it’s far too silly to talk about ‘my (Australian) tax dollar’ in that way!!).
Well, I definitely mind my tax going to people who choose not to work, and fund their life, and their offspring. Mainly due to how unfair and unbalanced things are. They get to do nothing all day in a free house with compensated energy bills, whilst I pay a fortune at full prices, have a higher cost of living...and the only thanks I get are more taxes and a higher pension age. You've set me off now 😂
Same here, for everything you said. Noteworthy elaboration- Dialed in: mris in autistic people display consistent findings in hyperconnectivity in the thalamus and hyperconnectivity between the thalamus and parietal, while hypoconnectivity between the thalamus and amygdala, compared to nts. The amygdala/thalamus connectivity is largely how autopilot works, as well as exposure normalization (repeated stimuli causing the brain to shift the stimuli to subconscious awareness). Both of these things are areas of difficulty for autistic people, across the board. The thalamus and, especially, the thalamus/parietal connectivity is basically responsibility for how waking, conscious, directed attention is manifested. It's funny because I was actually thinking about this, a few hours ago... how autistic people are pretty much always consciously alert with everything; we are alert to sensory information - regardless of repeated stimuli, we are consciously alert to people observing us, the confusing actions and behaviors of nts, any discrepancy in details, discrepancies in orders of logic, inconsistencies in schedules, biases that are subconscious for nts are largely conscious for autistic people... all sorts of things that would happen on a subconscious level, for nts, seems to be largely on a conscious level for us and testimony from other autistic people, with my own experience, and neuroscience tend to support this. Of course not everyone is exactly the same but I am inclined to say that autistic people are largely more present in consciousness than nts, for better or worse. See... before I knew any of this - before I even knew I am autistic - I did commonly explain to others that my thoughts and mind never really seem to me to turn off... I've heard many times people say things like they are 'zoning out', or, when I'd ask what someone is thinking about they'd genuinely confess that they weren't thinking anything at all (in earnest), which I struggled to believe, however alpha patterns are apparently uncommon for autistic people in waking state, according to repeatable studies, and alpha patterns are exactly indicative of an awake brain at rest, which I only ever experience when I'm tattooing or painting, or something similar. As I see, now, and based on research, neurotypicals apparently have many moments where they sort of just turn off their thoughts and just relax their mind and body and, to them, it's perfectly normal to do this. When they take a rest, they can apparently just turn off their conscious thought processes and not even realize that's what's happening. This is amazing, to me... I've never been able to just turn off my stream of thoughts whenever I want. I need to get into hyperfocus or sleep for that. It's alien to me.
I absolutely cannot comprehend how people relax their mind, as it isn't something I have had the benefit of feeling. Even people who go for a massage and say they fell asleep, or managed to relax completely they 'lost track of time'. How?! If I went for a massage, I would be on sensory overload for the fact someone I didn't know was touching exposed parts of my skin. How could I relax in that situation!! 😂
@@AdultwithAutism I tend to not believe people when they say stuff like that and if it weren't for neuroscience confirming actual brain differences I never would. It certainly gives me perspective for the reverse, when nts don't believe me about my experiences... I can see what it must feel like for them when we say that their rock concert at KFC is too loud
Good point. I'm rarely believed over directions I've taken in life or scenarios I've ended up in as people cannot comprehend how I've been in multiple life choices where they may only choose one. I just assume everyone is being truthful until something shows me they're not...although that certainly doesn't mean I trust what they say. Very different.
@@AdultwithAutism I usually am the same way. It's because I'm truthful so I assume everyone is. That's how theory of mind works - it's based on extrapolating and projecting your own experience. That's why the double empathy problem is a problem.
What a relief to hear another person who says contentment without marriage and kids is not only possible, but good. So hard to find people like that. As a 40-year-old woman (just recently diagnosed Autistic) - people seem to believe it impossible that I have chosen that way and am good with it. And the comment about animals reacting to Autistic people in unexpected ways...I really resonated with that. Years ago, I went to my friend's house. And not only did her cat "that won't let anyone hold it" sit in my lap, she laid upside down belly fully exposed - the position of ultimate trust. Everyone gave me the strangest look, but that's the kind of kitty vibes I have.
No marriage and no kids is the best decision I will ever make. The reason people don't understand is because generally...it is what THEY want. And no problem at all. Because they want it, they see it is a negative thing if you don't share their wants. Instead of attempting to understand that people are individuals, and are allowed to live their life exactly how they deem fit for them.
I think people don’t understand because the closest thing to them is family and children. I have a daughter about to be diagnosed with autism. I am so sad- I am out of my mind. What breaks me is knowing that i will likely die before her, and leave her alone or in an institution💔
Yes, dogs and horses all seem to know me when we first meet. Even a camel came running up to me and hugged me like crazy, at Arbuckle Wilderness in Oklahoma, USA. I have photos of that moment that my daughter took. I communicate with all animals better than with humans. Humans always have an ulterior motive that animals do not have. Currently, I have 5 rescue horses. Two of them came from a kill auction. I can ride both of those horses that people tried to sell for meat money. I also have 3 rescue dogs. Two of them were going to be killed. You are really helping me know that I should get tested for ASD. I am 52 years old and not sure a formal diagnosis would help me, now. Blessings to you! - Stephanie
Hi Stephanie -I wish there were a message board which exists for people who feel they might have some measure of autism, but are not yet diagnosed. It’s not something I feel like I can discuss or even mention quite yet-to anyone in my life right now - but seems all right to mention here in anonymity - temporarily, anyway.
Stephanie, I’m glad for you that you are able to shelter your animals. That’s often tricky with larger animals.. Hope they continue to bring you happiness - i’m sure their lives are much better since you have adopted them.
I feel like I've been going against societal norms for forever. I grew up in a Christian household in a small town but I never believed it. My personal life decisions always seemed to cause problems for me just being me. In high school I went through a goth phase and that made family members really upset and jump to ridiculous conclusions like I was worshipping the devil or doing drugs. I LITERALLY just liked wearing black. Then when I met my husband and we started dating he moved in. Now I was "living in sin" and when we had our son it was out of wedlock. I also didn't baptize him because I feel he should make that choice himself. All those choices I got judged for. Eventually we got married. It was me, my son, my husband, my best friend, and her husband at a public park. Some family members were angry I didn't invite them but I didn't want a big wedding. What is frustrating to me is that none of my choices hurt anyone but because they aren't what was typically chosen in my family or the small town I grew up in I was bad and wrong. I feel like that I'm still trying to undo the negative self talk in my head because of this. Great video Paul have a good weekend!
Absolutely correct, none of your decisions were detrimental didn't break any laws, and in fact you did what you wanted to do because it has positive effect for you. People who are religious need to remember something very important, and that is they want to live that way because its how they want to live, not a problem...but when they want me to do the same, that's when there is a problem. And black is the best clothes colour anyway 😂
I've been divorced for a while now, but I remember when my ex and I decided to get married, the thought of the wedding itself stressed me out so bad! I felt like a freak, because isn't it every girl's dream to plan her wedding? Nope, not me. I just wanted the whole thing to be over with, and just be married. I told my fiance that I really didn't want a fancy wedding, I didn't want to invite a bunch of people, have a big party, or spend tons of money. The whole thing sounded like a nightmare to me! Thankfully, he was on board with it, and we ended up just going to the courthouse to get married, just me and him, no guests whatsoever. My family was very upset with me, and hurt that I didn't want them there. Oh well, that was what we wanted, and I'm happy I didn't give in just to satisfy their need to fit in with societal "norms". This was many years before I was diagnosed autistic, but in remembering that situation, I can totally see my autistic traits!
I adore animals. Adore dogs. The first time i saw 2 dogs as a baby ( my father had me on its arms ) i was so flabbergasted. They where so beautiful, their eyes and face so unbelievable cute, sensitive. I was allways seecking dogs everywhere. I grew up in different countries in the middle east and i searched for streetdogs. 20 dogs and was so happy. I fed them equally. I was and am in love with dogs. I understand you COMPLETALLY. I feel a dog. The connection is so genuine, warm and deep. Never had this with humans. How they are treated everywhere is deadly for my life on earth. This people, who abandon their family member are horrible humans. I avoid people, if i know they abandoned a dog or do and did things that are in my eyes not done. Never married, because i wanted a dog sleep on the bed, sit on the couch. Even pulling on a dog on the collar is...I AM DONE. The list is long and all reasons are valid to stop a friendship in regard to animals, dogs. I am so happy to have found you. It means a lot to me to listen to you.
I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic but I feel such care for animals. I relate with animals easily if they are curious or notice me first. Neighbor's dog always sees me from across the street. Dog, named Rambo will do a little dance to me, resisting his unwitting owner's pull on the lead, good Rambo. Big long haired shepherd dog, totally tuned in without me saying anything. I am very affected/ afflicted & disturbed beyond logic by photos of mistreated animals in charity advertisements. Cannot deal with I save the little spider that got carried indoors by accident when I pick the herbs for dinner. I grieve if I dropped it on the way out the door and look for him. My cat & I seem to have a telepathic connection especially regarding sudden or loud noises. I deal w loud noises by this Chinese saying, Loud noise = Good Luck ! For sure a lot of societal norms give me pause. I care about humanity & can cope/relate but being kind w kindred spirit animals has pretty much saved my life beyond all other stories I could write about. I have to dim my emotionality to cope. One saying, Why be so sad about the past or things I cannot help when there's enough sad sorrow in the future to deal with (?) if that makes any sense (?)
I enjoy listening to Paul's voice, too, and also his description of how his mind works. I can relate so much, but I'm often not able to verbalize it as well as he does.
I’ve watched a few of your videos now and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the way they are unedited! There’s no jarring cuts all the way through like most creators, it’s smooth, informative, not waffly like you say (!) (and I chuckle a lot 😄). Hope you continue 👏😊
Thank you. I don't edit that way as I want people to 'see' me, not just hear me. Plus, those types of edits hide the mistakes, and I'm far from flawless!! Only way to be genuine is to not hide who you are 👍🏻
Waffle away Paul! I enjoy it 😊. Awesome video! I find the mood aspect very difficult to manage. It means that avoidance has become a constant friend, it's safer to avoid the dips because it will take a long time for me to get back to content. Sometimes not even hours on my special interest works.
I know that feeling, it's never good when special interests or the usual distractions don't work. That happens to me on weekends sometimes and I don't get my recharge because of it.
I really like the fact that you've mentioned such specific things, when watching other videos I generally hear the same traits but I like how much detail you gave and how you gave specific situations, I can relate to every single one and you helped to make me feel understood and less alone
I'm happy to learn that l’m not an alien anymore. It's been 25 years of trying to find what is wrong with me. I'm getting diagnosed soon but i check all the boxes so far. Thanks a lot, you are quite literally saving my life. I'm working toward identifying myself and live my life.
Hi Paul I don’t want to tell my granny how to suck eggs, but I find that list’s are imperative for me, I will write shopping list’s even if I need three items, if I have a day off work and have certain things I need to do i will write a list the day before and put the tasks in the importance that I need to do them, And even when I’m at bloody work devised a task list for which staff are doing what jobs ect I fill this in first thing in the morning normally getting to work 30 minutes early to do this, I think you have got the idea that I would be lost without my damn lists, but this really does help keep my brain on a even keel. I am very much an animal person, I think that this is because we can relate to them on a much basic level and they can sense this, agreed birthdays no thank you and weddings just Awkward including my own, I still have nightmares thinking about the speech I had to give and that was 18 years ago 😂
Haha, the recurring nightmare speech! Must be like my nightmare where I remember calling a teacher 'mum', and the whole class heard!! I am the same with lists, although i see them more of 'chaos arrangers'. Especially if I'm involved in processes that are messy, I need to create them to have order for myself.
Me too! I totally rely on lists to get through my days. I have so much going on in my mind all the time, so writing things down I need to do, and in what order, helps me to avoid feeling anxiety. It all seems less intimidating when it's on paper, rather than bouncing around in my head!
Barefoot shoes are the best, not the cheapest, but absolutely worth every penny. They are flat, flexible and wide. Paired with toe socks, after a bit of getting used to, are great too. Vivo barefoot is pretty good in the UK and never any problems with the returns. I hated birthday's because of the expectation to invite a lot of friends over for a party, but I always had small circle of friends, so I felt pressured that I am doing something wrong. Not the case anymore. My hubby and I organised our wedding in two months, it is doable, but usually when people get suddenly married it's because of a pregnancy (still kind of tradition in many countries), so some of the guests must have been confused seeing me drinking 😂 Mood switch is a good description.. it may be a good day and then in 1 second complete change. Thankfully it sometimes works the other way too, when I get some really good news or fixate on something then my mood my improve with light speed. Have a good weekend!
I will have to have a look at them, I have never heard of them until now. I usually wear fabric shoes from DC (Heathrow I think they're called), they weigh next to nothing and feel like slippers! I bet people were talking at your wedding...can't believe she is drinking when she is pregnant 😂
I’ve never understood why I didn’t like birthday messages on Facebook, so I haven’t entered my birthday to avoid them. Now I understand. I actually avoid FB, find it often to personal. I don’t want to know what other people are doing in their life. It’s boring. And for sure, I don’t want to tell the world what I’m doing or thinking.
Never diagnosed, but it gets my attention how many of these traits apply to me. I watched your first video too, with similar results. I've struggled all my life being different, and never fully understanding why or how I was made this way. But looking back over my life experiences (with near-photographic memory), I find incident upon embarrassing incident of 'misbehavior' on which to brood and analyze. To say that I was/am a late bloomer socially and emotionally is no exaggeration. The only things I had in my favor were my intelligence, intuition, and that I always try to be physically fit and healthy. It definitely is a disadvantage to be different in a world that highly values conformity. But there does seem to be some sort of trade-off working in our favor. Nonetheless, I worry for my daughter who is so much like me; I don't want her facing the same obstacles I have.
This is the best video ever on undiagnosed worryingly I ticked all the boxes. I now understand why people have laughed or mocked me. Not always unkindly.
Hi Paul, just in pure chance you are checking comments on your year old video. I made my SO fall in love with silk for summer! On top of being autistic he also suffers with eczema - and we agreed we both do not like short sleeves, so with silk shirt, you can just roll up the sleeves however you want and its cooling and breathable and dry so so fast! (All bought second hand, so very affordable if you have such option).
@@AdultwithAutism Silk as a fiber can be very toned down in appearance. Look up "silk matka fabric" for example, but not only this type. If you imagine only satin finish(very shiny), do not worry, that is not only way silk can look 😀It would never be as shiny as poly fibers that are trying to imitate silk - and I hate that kind of shinyness/standoffishnes too. We have all pure silks, but silk blends would be very nice too.
Vary cool video Paul. Welcome to the 21st century! I hate when I can't pay with the watch or phone! I don't mind my Birthday so much except for the attention. Just a quiet dinner is all that I need. I so have a connection with animals. I love them. I am the same when I walk up to an animal that I don't know and they love me. People all of the time say "he isn' like that with other people. " I get very sad when I see abuse of animals. I ge more upset when I see animal abuse than with people abuse. I mean I care about people abuse sure. When I was a in my early 20's and was visiting my parents I cam across a rabbit that had been abused by someone. I melted down I was in such despair about the poor thing. Ended up taking it to a vet and it was so badly damaged they had to put it down! I do not understand social norms! I am completely out of touch with what colleagues are talking about at work. I cannot relate at all. I agree completely about weddings. That ritual is from ancient times. I'll give you two goats and a chicken for your daughter. I also don't care if people do get married but its so strange the they or their parents go into massive debt to have the thing. I am also completely uncomfortable going to them. I also do not run on autopilot. Everything I do is carefully considered. Plan plan plan! Light switch moods are me to the max! I have used that analogy my self. I am happy go lucky and boom crash! Sometimes its a build up too detonation and sometimes the smallest thing gets me. I have had meltdowns of what could be construed as the silliest of things. Wow this was a great video and not sure why I decided to write the Great American Novel is response! This should be helpful to a lot of people! Have a great rest of your Friday!
Thanks Bryan, and the story about the rabbit is such a shame. It should be the people put down not the animals. There has to be something deeply wrong with someone's design who can accept animal abuse. But what I will say, is I'd much prefer to have goats and chickens than a human, so that's a fair swap to me! Just don't invite me to the weddings 😂
I have never celebrated my birthday voluntarily. As a kid I sneak peeked into Christmas gifts and tried out different facial expressions and how happy was appropriate to be. And I didn’t do it because I was curious about the presents I only did it because I knew my family would be happy if I was normal/showed appropriate response! That’s why I since I was 11-13 years old started thinking about myself like one of Pavlovs dogs! And later in life when working as a chameleon because I snap up words from those around me and it have helped me immensely. Take care and keep smiling 🎭
Never celebrated your birthday voluntarily...that's a good way to put it! Same here in that respect. Covid Christmas was my favourite, I had an excuse we all had to live with as to why i couldnt attend anything! 👍🏻
I love your videos, you seem like an awesome person. I've always been different from most everyone and I've never quite understood why, I was bullied when I was little and it's always been a struggle to connect with most people. I haven't been diagnosed with autism, but a lot of what you and others have said about what it's like to have autism describes me to a "T" and explains so much. I know your videos aren't meant to diagnose people, but I'm glad that there are others out there that understand what I'm like.
You're speaking directly from my own brain. I haven't been diagnosed, 46 years old and reality sinks in for just 48 hours after I stumpled over a random youtube video (maybe not so random, google by now might know more about me than I). Thank you for sharing so much! Now I need to find out, how to deal with that, as I'm just run out of energy, to keep my mask up, that helped paying the bills all the time, as a "proper" diagnose has a two year waiting list. Only if one finds a list that isn't already closed already. And this video was for sure no waste of time!
Hey Paul ! Thank you for what you're doing ! It's as though sometimes you're in my head. I'm 59 now and was diagnosed about 2 years ago and now I know why I've struggled all my life. It dosen't really help much to know though. AND I don't dare tell anyone because they'll say they know someone who's Autistic and I'm not. I ask where they received their PhD from. Then I get treated badly because I'm not making THEM feel comfortable.....
A very familiar story my friend! I get told often that I'm not Autistic. I just remind them I am, but they can't see through my mask which is why they think that. It's true 👍🏻
I’ve just fallen in love with your content! It’s incredible how every single example you give in every video I've seen thus far, perfectly mirrors my own thoughts, opinions, and processes. I’ve never encountered someone who thinks and speaks exactly like me- Its uncanny! This is my blowing! Wow, just wow! Super neato! Awesome!!!
I don't know why I didn't refer it that as I had it in my mind. Not the name, but the fact its like a running commentary in my mind. The first time I noticed it was when I had to do advanced driving at an old job, and you had to do Commentary Driving, where you talk everything you do and everything you see. I got top marks...but only because I do it internally anyway. And to my own annoyance, still count stairs.
Yes, the running commentary in my mind! My mind never, ever stops. I hear my voice in my head constantly, running through the sequence of everything I do. I also count stairs (and lots of other things like steps, hand motions, etc), and also how long it takes to do things. I have a running "counter" in my head all the time, for everything. It's something I like, though. It makes me feel calm to count things.
I'm not autistic but have a coworker & neighbors who are, so I'm on your channel to see how i can do better communicating with them + I'm curious. But i've had health issues my whole life & it's been tough. I feel like i never have belonged anywhere; I haven't figured out why. I look at the world & feel like nobody cares like I do. I'm a big animal lover, also. I raise butterflies for conservation, & can't even step on a bug. I'm happy in my own company. And i hate weddings- like, why?! As a woman, most find it weird that I don't care about them. I would seriously like to find out why i don't fit in anywhere. I really do understand & enjoy your videos. You're easy to listen to- your voice & what you mention. So, thank you for the education & conversation. 🦋🐾
Dancing to me is like performing some strange ritual. A non-autistic person could imagine it as if a normal person would have to stand on their hands and clap their feet and make a rooster crow noises to express that they are happy and having a good time at a party. It's just… WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Does not make sense. This is what I feel when I dance.
Amazing video as always, Paul! I can relate to the connection with animals more than I can put into words!!! I got my diagnoses at age 15 and I've always just adored animals 😍💖 I feel like I'm communicating with them through vibes and emotions if that makes sense, and I feel like they can tell how much I love them ❤ Yes, I get that reaction from dog owners a lot 🤣 I've met and worked with many a timid doggo that specifically only comes to me. It's bliss 🥰 They just like/love you unconditionally too, which is beautiful 💓 We people are definitely a poor design 😅 Apparently Elon musk has autism too! I too can't deal with those who ignorantly walk their dogs in this heat 😑 It's so dangerous for them 🤦🏻♀️ I understand that some people just don't know, in which case they just need to be politely educated, but those that know and do it anyway don't deserve dogs! 😡 I don't HATE my birthday but I do find it a little difficult, anxietifying and exhausting. As for the difficulty saying thankyou, I remember having great difficulty with it too when I was younger 🤔 I don't know when or how it changed but ultimately, I remember the discomfort I used to have around it! Like you, it was never because I wasn't grateful, there's just something so awkward about it. I'm also of the cynical mindset of 'why celebrate the day you were forced to be a living thing in this world' 🥲😅 A good birthday that goes off without a hitch is always appreciated, but I'm always relieved when it's over and pray for days to myself afterwards to recover. Most of my thoughts and dialogue seem to be me questioning social norms 😶😂 The path of life baffles me too! I want none of it! I'm a 27 year old woman now and I also know I've 100% committed to never wanting kids 🤣 Couldn't pay me enough to have kids! I have no ill will towards children and I genuinely hope for the very best for them, but I personally can't kids, and I won't change my mind 😂 I have 2 little sisters, one I can cope with in regulated amounts (she's 10, genuinely lovely and tolerable 🤣) and the other is 5 and, awful as it sounds, I'm just not ready for her yet 🙈 give it at least another 5 years 😱 I can't leave her company without a headache 🤯 Marriage scares the life out of me, it's such a risk and the sheer amount of things I'd rather do with the money it takes to get married 😅 I guess I'm happy for people who do it and are genuinely happy, but I'm not one for attending weddings and to me it's just a relationship that's harder to leave 🙈🤷🏻♀️ Why spend the ungodly amount of money just to make your relationship so damn difficulty to leave, should you ever want or need to 🥲 That's a no from me 🤣 I definitely relate to staying dialed in, I feel like when I'm outside (anywhere outside of my little postage stamp lol) I jump between dissociation and hypervigilance. There's no healthy inbetween. I do have to pay attention to every single thing I do and have to carefully plan everything to avoid, your final point, flipping my lightswitch mood! 🥲 I'm guilty of being a pathological worrier of things both in and out of my control. It's horrible how quickly I can go from okay to meltdown. One of the many reasons I can't stand the question "How are you?" 🤯🤦🏻♀️ As for working, I feel ashamed of myself every single day for it, but I hit a chronic burnout almost 3 years ago and had to leave my awful, overstimulating retail job. I got so bad that I'm still in burnout, just not quite as chronic, wondering if I'll ever be able to work again. I remember an older video of yours where you say something along the lines of "Try it first. Try working for a good boss, a bad boss..." in different job roles etc and I can confidently say I've done that. Even though I've worked with dogs (and that aspect was wonderful) most of the people I worked with were awful and entirely ruined it for me. Each of my jobs have been insufferable and near impossible for one reason/aspect or another and I've had some awful experiences from an especially abusive boss. I had CPTSD anyway from adverse childhood experiences, but my work life is the freshest trauma in my mind nowadays. That being said, I still clean for a friend once a week for a tiny bit of pocket money (lol) and volunteer at a dog groomers on weekends for an (also tiny) bit of money, so I'm not contributing absolutely zero, but I can't bare the thought of changing that set up. Even that feels like too much most of the time and I'm only leaving the house 3 days a week. The cleaning 'job' is only 2 hours. I recieve Universal Credit and PIP and, though I certainly don't rule out possible self-employment in the future using my illustration degree, I think I genuinely may have to rule out employment ever again. I can't make myself that ill again. I'd never experienced burnout and fatigue like that in my entire life and I need to never experience it again. I thought the worst because of how my health plummeted and it was just my body's response to living like a NT up until that point. It was all from cracking on despite burnout, suffering and straining to meet NT norms and societal expectations. I still can't accept my diagnosis and I deal with a lot of self hatred (and now the stigma of being an able-bodied young person who can't work). I think about it all the time how I'm just another burden on the government and the tax payers, but I've been so poor in the past that I've thought I was going to lose my home several times, (which isn't an option!!!), but that desperation still couldn't force me to apply for jobs because I knew I was 1 more job away from 'opting out'. The imposter syndrome is real, every single day, but so is the debilitating struggle and, well, I live in survival mode. On a brighter note 🤣, I've just thought to have a look at your Instagram, so many apologies in advance for the bombardment of likes that now sit in your notifications 😏🙈 But that's what you get for being so damn awesome and relatable! 🤣 Plus pictures of George!!! 😭😍💖 Your videos definitely help me, Paul! 😊 Sorry about my dissertation once again, but then again should I keep saying sorry for the very person I am? 🤔 There's never any pressure to reply so 🤷🏻♀️🤣 Cheers again Paul! 😁 Keep smiling 🙂
Don't ever apologise for the comments, I am mean if you're good enough to sit though my amount of waffle, the least I can do is have a read! I hear you with your working situation, and I know myself I am a fine line away from not being able to do it. I keep the plates spinning at such a speed that I need to keep them going or the damage they will cause if I let them fall will be unrecoverable. And you are in the 'can't/don't' work category...not the dreaded 'won't' which is my utter bug bare! You rightly have genuine wellness affecting reasons from actual experiences that have pushed you to a point that impact you negatively. That's your imposter syndrome kicking in! Always remember if there is a genuine reason for why you cannot do something...then balls to what others think. Good people understand! I will have a nosy at Instagram after responding to messages here, I haven't been on for a bit. I need to use it a bit better, I forget people want to see George 😂
@@AdultwithAutism The waffle is arguably the best part 🤷🏻♀️😄 Always very relatable!! Oh my, I'd hope that EVERYONE would wanna see beautiful George! 😍😄💖 He's wonderful 🥰 Thankyou Paul 🙂 It means a lot to hear that reassurance from someone who truly gets it! In my experience so far, there have been good people who get it 🙂 I'm sorry you're feeling like you're a fine line away yourself with work, but I hope for you that your new job just becomes more and more fulfilling and supportive as time goes on 🙂 I also hope you're able to slow down the spinning plates, if that's something that'd be better for you 😊 I use Facebook a lot more than Instagram still myself, I think the other day was the first time I posted anything to my Instagram in a long time 😅 I'm not massively on social media either, I guess the clue's in the word social 😬🤣 Fuss your beautiful furbabies from me 🤗😊 Edit: I freaking love the word bugbear 🤣
They get plenty of attention...spoilt things they are. George is shattered thankfully today and is having an enforced sleep. He's still too young to realise that sleeping when you're tired is a great thing to do. Always far too curious that he might miss out on food...my food that is.
Thanks for saying the things I've been thinking. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. That I'm ok to feel the way I do when I've been told all my life there is something wrong with me. It's OK to not be 'normal', whatever that is. I'm 56 and I have just recently realized I'm Autistic and for the first time in my life I'm ok with myself. I wish I had known when I was younger so I could have been kinder to myself. Now I'm trying to forgive myself and let all that go.
YES, my birthday....I HATE IT, for the same reasons you do: I do NOT want the extra attention!! It's just another day, period! I had a friend who always used to INSIST on celebrating my birthday, and I was expected to return the attention and accolades, and it just drove me crazy! As far as working, well....due to a serious and permanently disabling injury years ago, I can no longer work, but I still manage to do my own chores, walk my dog, etc., because I still cannot sit for long. Animals, I LOVE animals, and they seem to always gravitate to me Just like you, I don't want to get married, have kids, etc. Also, I don't take vacations/holidays because I prefer not to travel, I hate it, actually... nor do I have the money to do it anyway. Now, I DO have a "fancy" luxury car, an older 4-door sedan, but only because I hate to drive, I absolutely HATE it! I can't stand to drive with windows down because I hate road noise, so that means I need a car with A/C. I'm also VERY irritated by bumps, pot holes, road imperfections, engine noises from the car, rattles, squeaks, vibrations, etc., so that means a senior citizen-style older luxury car, like a Caddy, Lincoln, or Buick; I absolutely LOVE the quiet-as-a-tomb serenity of a softly-sprung freeway cruiser!
Your "keep smiling" remarks at the end play the song "when you're smiling" by Weyes Blood in my head. Nice outro in my mind to your videos. Thanks for sharing and check out the song
people at work don't have to know Ur Bday. u can tell ur managers U wish to keep it Private from all other staff- in ur next position start it off this way. Only HR & Management are required to know.
The amount of realness I find in your videos is insane and amazing at the same time. I don't know if I'm autistic and at this point it wouldn't help me to know, but I do have lots of autistic traits and I find so real what you say in this video, especially regarding my connection with animals and that I care more about an animal suffering than I do about a human or about not understanding social norms, which most are sooo stupid and people act upon them just because that's the standard, even though they end super unhappy.
I just discovered your videos today. Thank you for sharing about your life. I relate to so much. And you express it more concisely than I am able. It's hopeful and comforting to know that we're not alone in these experiences. I'm an adult currently being assessed for ASD by a healthcare professional, it's an intense process.
I was diagnosed (is that even the right word for the experience?) with ASD 2 weeks after I turned 34. I. Hate. My. Birthday. And yes it is 100% specifically the unwanted attention. I don't even want to see facebook notifications of people telling me... or texts or calls from anyone... It's just another other day, please treat it as such. Getting a dog has been the best decision I've ever made. Even though he's had several problems that have made money a little tight at times... He's my baby. My most prized possession. My best friend. And gets FAR better medical attention, and has a far better diet than I do. I will ALWAYS make sure he gets the proper care, because if there's one thing in my life that deserves it... it's my happy little pug.
Interesting, I know these vids don’t actually show us who you are overall. But, from the vids I’d say nothing was wrong at all. You’re honest, articulate, and seemingly moral. I identify as ND, have not been diagnosed yet. But I definitely resonated with your last video you mentioned as well. I’ll never understand it, I wish I had more in my life that were like myself. You have literally said my every thought
Cheers on the mushroom hate! Before I even seriously considered that I could be Autistic, I once tried to tell people that I didn't want any attention or anything for my birthday. The people I managed to tell didn't get it, and there were people I couldn't tell because I *knew* they'd insist that I was upset at getting "old" and would try to tell me that it's OK to be 33, which, yes, it is. That experience kind of taught me that people find it very important that my birthday be celebrated for some reason, and that it's easier for me to deal with that attention than the attention caused by trying to convey "ehhhh can we not?" I guess this ties in to your later section about Social Norms. But I do try to take a holiday on my birthday. And one advantage of work-from-home is that all I get from my coworkers is a text :D No hugs or cheers or anything...
Listening to this and the previous video is quite an eye opener for me. Always been different, thought differently, behaved differently towards others and not surprisingly my closest friends have always been dogs (just lost my amazing 14yr old Whippet a few days ago😞). Always been a pain in the neck to works management, struggle to be around colleagues and they do not understand my need for order and neatness. Twice over the years been referred to as a demon to work with🙄. Currently in the process though of realising that at 50yrs old, I am very likely autistic, and not the oddball that avoids society’s norm’s and people in general. Appreciate people like yourself who have the courage to share, as it helps us less well informed in figuring stuff out.
I love all of your examples! I watched the last video, and agreed with all of them, and now this one too! It was just my birthday and I also dislike my birthday heavily. I actually started to find out about autism around my birthday! Its so relieving to now understand what is going on, and why I am soooooo strange compared to everyone else, but it feels so sensical to me. I dont like my bday bcuz there is a pressure to do something, or to have a good day, and I feel pressured to prove to everyone else that I am normal, I have friends, and have a fun filled life. But a fun life for me is just a relaxing one where I can do art and not be bothered too much. I
I love my birthday because it's 12/12 and number patterns make me feel good lol. However, I struggle so much with saying thank you when it's grand gestures of gratitude. If someone praises my work or gives me an amazing gift or tells me how much they appreciate me, I clam up 😐 That type of attention (although I feel blessed for it) makes me sooooooooo uncomfortable.
I don't do birthdays, or Christmas... because of the expectations, that and I just don't want to repeat the same thing as other people, particularly if I'm indifferent to the celebration as I really don't like to say things I don't actually mean. These days, only close friends and family know when my birthday is so I can fly under the radar at work. If those in the know do try to give a present or fuss, I just remind them I don't "do" [insert name of celebration], and that because I don't have expectations for getting anything myself, I won't give presents (on the expected day at least) either. I've always felt there is no time like the present if you really want to get a present for someone... norms and traditions around the holidays are stupid anyway. Just because it's always been that way doesn't mean it has to be that way. I don't fully understand the need for people to want to "fit in" to do what everyone else is doing and tend to dismiss things/activities if it's too popular... it has to match my interests for me to even consider it. I guess I just want to be "different enough" to not draw attention, while also not being too "normal". Is there such a thing I wonder?
These things are so true, I hate my birthday so much I go to every extreme to avoid it. I love animals, I hate when people mistreat animals ...they are little beings... People make me so angry when they get "tired" of animals. So true with societal norms, I never wanted to have my own children, I worked demolitions, on farms, very much jobs that society says is not a women's work. My spouse and I have decided IF and I say if we get married it will be very small. The bike wheel brain thing is so true....the brain is always going all the time. Thanks again!
The connection with animals has always been the absolute biggest thing for me my whole life. I LIVE for my animals. Ive never felt accepting or like i belong anywhere with other humans but when im with my animals i feel safe. Its always baffled me how many peoplw "own" animals, but dont actually LOVE them. It hurts.
Dude you got me dying about being in the grocery store on a secret mission. I have to stop myself from looking like I'm on a search and destroy mission! lol Blend, blend, blend
Thank you for sharing your views and experiences Paul. It helps :) I can relate so much to just about everything you're talking about. Part 1 as well. I'm a 44 year old woman, currently having a burnout and waiting to get diagnosed for autism. Dogs are the best ❤ Cheers from Holland.
You must either have much fewer choices in the bread aisle (I'm in the US) or you know exactly which brand and where it is located. I am paralyzed by the available selection. Mom sent me in for "a bag of hotdog buns" and it took me nearly 20 minutes....just frozen staring at ALL the options. SO overwhelming.
Dear Paul. I've been listening to your accent and trying to work it out. I was thinking Leeds, but today you said Manchester. But your voice sounds so familiar. It's lovely. Thank you.
Have you found socks you enjoy? Socks made for diabetics have a comfortable rim, stretchy but don't fall down! Medi ped and Dr Scholls brand here are the most common. People choose to watch the amount they are comfortable with! You can waffle away and it's never a waste of time. All very relatable. Thank you for bringing words to thoughts!
I'm just glad some of the waffle can be useful! I've never looked into them, but I will. The only socks that I've ever had success with are these really cheap 'construction socks'. These big thick ugly things...but then they're no good for hot days! I only wear them when I leave the house, I never have any on indoors.
Loved this series. Related to a lot of what you said including the not wanting to get married or have kids part. You also kinda remind me of Karl Pilkington which is another plus point for me 😂 good sense of humour whilst pointing out the bullshit in life we accept and have to go along with to fit into this weird world.
Welcome to the tech world! 😂 In regard to birthdays: 1. My view of this day is that it's my holiday, and that means not doing anything I don't want to do. Having to use a vacation day isn't ideal, but it's worth not having to work on my birthday. 2. With gifts, NTs really want the emotional reaction. It's not about what you're saying, but how they feel about it. Over time, I just decided to go with giving them a hug. It doesn't require masking, and makes them feel like I appreciate the gift.
I don't like my birthday and I don't like other people's birthdays either because I struggle with telling them "happy birthday". Not to mention, I'm extremely forgetful with birthdays, probably because I don't value them. This goes for friends and immediate family, if it's not on the calendar, I'll likely forget all about it.
lmao, I hit all these. But man for some reason, I love getting socks and cloths. Mostly because I work construction, and all my cloths get ruined. Like aaahhh yeah, more cloths to my bucket of cloths that will get ruined, nearly ran out.
How do you go about getting diagnosed, i know for a fact that my GP wouldn't be interested, if they can't write a pill for it they are not interested. Ive always felt different and had difficulty with all types of relationships. Never been a people person but i can play the part, recently learnt this is called masking. U do feel ive spent a lot of ny life pretending I'm OK but never felt i fitted in . Always been an animal person since being a child, I don't eat them either but im not vegan.
If you are in the UK, it isn't up to the GP to make that call without seeing you. You can report them for unethical practice. Most GP's are not trained in Autism, so have an obligation to see you so you can request an Autism assessment via the NHS. Maybe use your GP's website to do an electronic appointment request, as then you will have recorded evidence of a reason for appointment.
Birthdays! Yes!!! Who cares? I’ll add what difference does it make the day I went from my mothers womb to breathing air? If anything, the day I was conceived is petty epic. The saying thank you was in point. I don’t ask for gifts or acknowledgments and I make that known. DONT bother. Dogs. Def can’t do dogs. They are presumptuous and assume to invade my space, lick me, follow me around etc. nope. Love animals though but doesn’t mean I have to have them in my house. Societal norms! Exactly. Makes no sense. Loving your channel brother.
My autostic son hates his birthday too. And other peoples birthdays too. It has been the only time we have ever had problems with his behaviour. He finds it hard to say 'thank you' and 'sorry' even though he is the most emotionally ontelligent person I know. He is so kind and thoughtful but he is autistic. Fortunately me, his dad and his siblings are all autistic too so we get it and we just dont do anything for his birthday but I feel guilty about it because I want him to know that he is appreciated. Lol my other autistic son also never wears anything on his feet in the house. It drives me mad because he does have really wide flat feet and he should be wearing insoles to sort them out and he never leaves the house so he never wears the insoles.But hes autistic too. We also live in a house with 6 cats and 2 dogs. My animals are the most comfort inducing thing in my life. They are unfiltered, their love is real and unconditional and they are just really nice and kind and loving. Yes they are crazy and messy but they are real. I just wish people would leave me alone when I take them out for a walk. I struggle so much with societal norms. I hate the pointless rules and the corruption and money-grabbing. I think that so many of the rules are discrimination against ND people. The education system destroys our ND children from their earliest years. My ex and I got married at 2 weeks notice with no budget, the invite said 'come as you are and no presents'. I wore a black and purple velvet dress and my wedding ring cost £2. We had a great time apart from my family being their NT selves and being offended by everything we did because we didnt follow the rules. Haha, I never use a basket at the shop too. My autopilot puts me into freeze response so everything has to be built up to and needs to be planned but I also have ADHD so trying to plan is a nightmare. I've been sitting here for 3 days building up to having a desperately needed shower. Theres nothing else I can do because I need a shower. But my car is in the garage and has been for the last two weeks because the garage wants to fit the work in when they have an extra five minutes because its under warranty. Please dont say that people choose to be on benefits. Its a horrible life living on benefits. The amount you get is minimal and it causes so much stress and its terrible. The effect on your mental health is awful. I dont think anyone would ever choose to live on benefits. Your videos are the closest I have ever heard to my experience of autism. The way you experience life is so similar yo mine and my childrens lives and it is amazing to hear someone else talking about random things like shoes and shopping baskets. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us
I've clarified in videos, but I will here too, just in case of crossed wires. People who are not employed fall into the 'can't, don't, or won't' categories: Can't - due to disabilities or impairments. Don't - due to jobs not being available, but are looking. Don't - people who choose to be on benefits because they don't want to work. I don't have an issue with the 'can't' and 'don't' people, but I do with the 'won't' ones out there. Especially because I know how hard it is to do it every day. I don't mind clarifying or discussing points, but as with all our opinions, we're allowed them, even if they clash 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism that's an absolutely fair comment. I just get a little sensitive about it because it really is awful being on benefits when you can't work. There is so much judgement but it's also really, really hard and has a massive impact on your MH. But if people are choosing that then I do understand your statement, there is usually an addition income from somewhere if people choose not to work and you are right, why should you pay taxes when others don't and take from the state. But thank you for understanding that there are categories. I hope I didn't offend, I love your content
@gillb9222 no offence at all. I know all too well how hard working is and the impact it has mentally. It isn't the work, the work is simple. It's the social aspect and the politics. The getting stuck in traffic, the not wanting to attend functions and avoid team building things etc. It's a constant struggle. If I didn't have to work, I absolutely wouldn't. It's too much and it's no doubt taken years off my life. So I definitely get it 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I basically had to leave my last job through constructive dismissal as I refused to attend a big social/awards event for the company's anniversary. I was doing a great job, was really happy there but they forced me out both technically and because I didn't want to go back because of this social event. I couldn't be bothered yo argue It this time round because I had just come out of the results of an employment tribunal but I haven't been able to work since and don't know if I'll be able to again as two ina tow jobs that have caused a major shutdown has made me so scared to try again
Really sorry to hear that. Also dismissal due to refusing an event that isn't a mandatory part of work is worthy of a tribunal. I wish you had the energy to fight that, but understand how you feel. My last two jobs I could have taken the employer to court, but I was exhausted.
I think it’s so funny that you don’t like getting socks as a gift. For me personally, I love the feeling of a new pair of socks. I actually would prefer to only wear new socks, but I can’t justify doing that. I’ve learned to deal with the lint infested socks. Maybe one day I’ll find the perfect sock that doesn’t change after it’s washed. Until then, my life is slightly less comfortable, and it is what it is 😅 That being said, I get genuinely excited when I’m gifted socks for 2 reasons. 1: I love the feeling of new socks. 2: it’s a cheap gift that doesn’t burden people as much. People always feel pressured to find something I like or they stress over the forcefulness of spending money. I don’t want that, I dislike everything about birthdays and Christmas…imo both are silly. If you MUST get me a gift, just get me socks and call it a day. Win win/a middle ground. Side note- I really like your videos, I relate to so many things that you talk about. I always find it funny when I have a completely opposite view on something. while we do share a common ground, we are not all the same….but I get you! It makes me feel like I’m not alone…WE are alone 😂
Oh no, I LOVE new socks...just not opening them in front of people! that feeling of a new pair is amazing... Glad it makes you laugh at differing views...I received a joyous email from someone who watched all my videos, disagreed with ONE thing, and decided to tell me how much of a cabbage I was. Oh well! We are allowed to disagree, and then get on with it 👍🏻
The birthday thing! I’ve been taking a day off on my birthday for a very long time for that reason. I don’t want to be the “mandatory fun” center of attention. One or two people going for lunch; sure. Big parties… no.
Haha, this will be the first year in my company where my birthday rolls around, I hope no one knows when it is, but I've purposefully booked solo work on that day in a remote place, but still may take it off and disappear completely!
I loved your video. It put a smile on my face all the way. And besides being married and having kids I can really relate to all your other points. Our marriage was also very small with just our parents and sisters there. Very simple party after. I hate my birthday just like you. Saying thank you is hard. But especially acting happy with something I don't like. I just can't do it. That is why I always say whiskey or beer when they ask me what I want. Since they can't really go wrong. The animal part is true. Dogs and Cats generally really like me. And even if I don't like a type of animal I take care of them the best I can. Because they can't do it themselves and they can't do anything about the fact I do not like the type of animal they are. Shopping example feels relatable and so does the whole money and job thing. I was the same with school and getting a lower level diploma than the maximum I could get. I did not see the point. I'm a janitor at a school while I could theoretically easily be a teacher or even principal. But really only see negatives compared to my current job besides a higher salary. Thank you for this video. It was informative and fun to watch
99.9 exactly my beliefs! The .1?... I have zero problem saying sorry... IF it's my fault. I could listen forever because I strongly agree. Today am possibly too vocal for most people about it. Whatever.
@@AdultwithAutism I have wondered why I don't really know my self at all and why other people were always first,me being last on the list. The feeling of always being selfish if ever I dared to put myself nearer the top of the list. I was also discovered to have ASD at the age 59yrs. So your video was so mind blowing. I thought it was just me that behaved this way. I am trying to look after my self and put me first but I'm quite hopeless at it. You have inspired me. I was so shocked to get a reply too. Really shocked. Bless you, thank you for your videos and honesty.
That's interessting! I also hate my birthday but out of other reasons! I hate it because i do not want the attention and i do not want to give congrats to other people. So not much people will care about my birthday because i do not care about theyrs. Then i feel sad because no one cals/texts me but all other people will receive calls. Birthdays are so annoying!!! I also selfdiagnosed at 34... and this week on Friday my assesment will start... jeeeyyy
Good luck for the assessment. I found I also don't like other people's birthdays too, because I get invited out if they're doing something to celebrate, and it's another invite I have to decline!
It should. And as always, Autism isn't the problem...the problem is how people see Autism. Find the people who see it the right way, and you don't 'excel', you just have room to do you 👍🏻
Totally relate to the animal thing. I have snakes....big ones. My biggest male is a rescue and was in bad shape when I found him.... after 2 years of gaining his trust I am now able to hold him. Someone online offered me $10,000 when they saw a video I posted of him. And I would never even consider giving him up. He's my favorite child... And my human kids know it and accept it.
What can you say to a Happy Birthday that doesn't sound fake in your head...for gods sake don't surprise me with a thankyou gift, especially with an audience
I'm 30 and I always kind of new but just found out recently. It helps hearing someone else talk about their struggles because I know I'm not alone or some one of a kind weird enigma that shouldnt have happened. There are other people who go through the same thing. Cheers mate.
Really can't understand what this has to do with being undiagnosed????? I say "thankyou" constantly and often inappropriately so no problem parroting to accommodate allistic special needs.... But i have a huge issue handing out carte blanche "you're welcome" entitling special needs demanding beyond my ability to comply. I think similar as some social demand, but i am not refusing when i can accommodate or gift/do-for someone inside my ability. Maybe that is being diagnosed very early and being groomed earlier to comply?
The birthday thing, good god...for me its just the stupidity of partying for 365 days. I mean, yes we've traveled around the sun if you want an astrological measure...but for me its just so daft to have a party for that, as we anyway get one day older every day. Every week we become one week older. Like, there is no reason to party such a thing as a year...Its just...weird!
The wedding and birthday part killed me 🤣🤣🤣 I hate them too. And I want to get married just f.cking sign a paper and thats it, I dont enjoy weddings. I love my birthday, but I dont like celebrate it, and whenever I can I dont go to birthday invites. I dont like them.
Weddings make zero sense to me....'Right, we want to pay to carry on doing what we've been doing, but now I want to wear a piece of metal on my finger and sign a piece of paper. So in order to do this, lets spend a fortune on it that we could have spent to do up the kitchen, and invite people we haven't seen for 25 years to eat food and sit with other strangers'. Weird.
Dogs!.. bloody brilliant, totally relate to everything you say and try and stop me walking my dog because that's what they need!..end of!!! ps. Love the smell of dogs ears, the best smell ever!! .. undiagnosed autistic x
Paul, just wanted to say that you are the first person to say what was in my head for me. The way you explain your experiences is right with my own experiences. I just recently found out I was autistic and the comfort it’s given me to know someone else is experiencing the same things as I am is just priceless. Keep talking!
No problem at all, it's good to know some of it helps 👍🏻
Re: won’t work/can’t work. I remember having a conversation years ago (when I was in a well paid job) with a co-worker. She was furious that ‘her tax dollars’ was funding ‘dole bludgers.’ I said that I didn’t mind my tax dollars being spent on unemployment benefits. She was livid and insisted that she should have a say in where her tax dollars went. She had 2 children, I didn’t/don’t have any. I said something along the lines of. “I don’t want to fund your children’s education. Perhaps if it makes you feel better you can look at it like this: Your tax dollar goes to fund your children's education, and mine goes towards unemployment benefits. Problem solved, you don’t have to fund dole bludgers any more, and I don’t have to find your children’s education”. She was not very happy. (I really didn’t really mind my tax dollar going to education, but I was angry and just wanted a quick and easy way to show that every tax payer has different priorities and it’s far too silly to talk about ‘my (Australian) tax dollar’ in that way!!).
Well, I definitely mind my tax going to people who choose not to work, and fund their life, and their offspring. Mainly due to how unfair and unbalanced things are. They get to do nothing all day in a free house with compensated energy bills, whilst I pay a fortune at full prices, have a higher cost of living...and the only thanks I get are more taxes and a higher pension age.
You've set me off now 😂
Same here, for everything you said.
Noteworthy elaboration-
Dialed in: mris in autistic people display consistent findings in hyperconnectivity in the thalamus and hyperconnectivity between the thalamus and parietal, while hypoconnectivity between the thalamus and amygdala, compared to nts.
The amygdala/thalamus connectivity is largely how autopilot works, as well as exposure normalization (repeated stimuli causing the brain to shift the stimuli to subconscious awareness). Both of these things are areas of difficulty for autistic people, across the board.
The thalamus and, especially, the thalamus/parietal connectivity is basically responsibility for how waking, conscious, directed attention is manifested.
It's funny because I was actually thinking about this, a few hours ago... how autistic people are pretty much always consciously alert with everything; we are alert to sensory information - regardless of repeated stimuli, we are consciously alert to people observing us, the confusing actions and behaviors of nts, any discrepancy in details, discrepancies in orders of logic, inconsistencies in schedules, biases that are subconscious for nts are largely conscious for autistic people... all sorts of things that would happen on a subconscious level, for nts, seems to be largely on a conscious level for us and testimony from other autistic people, with my own experience, and neuroscience tend to support this. Of course not everyone is exactly the same but I am inclined to say that autistic people are largely more present in consciousness than nts, for better or worse.
See... before I knew any of this - before I even knew I am autistic - I did commonly explain to others that my thoughts and mind never really seem to me to turn off... I've heard many times people say things like they are 'zoning out', or, when I'd ask what someone is thinking about they'd genuinely confess that they weren't thinking anything at all (in earnest), which I struggled to believe, however alpha patterns are apparently uncommon for autistic people in waking state, according to repeatable studies, and alpha patterns are exactly indicative of an awake brain at rest, which I only ever experience when I'm tattooing or painting, or something similar. As I see, now, and based on research, neurotypicals apparently have many moments where they sort of just turn off their thoughts and just relax their mind and body and, to them, it's perfectly normal to do this. When they take a rest, they can apparently just turn off their conscious thought processes and not even realize that's what's happening. This is amazing, to me... I've never been able to just turn off my stream of thoughts whenever I want. I need to get into hyperfocus or sleep for that. It's alien to me.
I absolutely cannot comprehend how people relax their mind, as it isn't something I have had the benefit of feeling. Even people who go for a massage and say they fell asleep, or managed to relax completely they 'lost track of time'. How?! If I went for a massage, I would be on sensory overload for the fact someone I didn't know was touching exposed parts of my skin. How could I relax in that situation!! 😂
@@AdultwithAutism I tend to not believe people when they say stuff like that and if it weren't for neuroscience confirming actual brain differences I never would. It certainly gives me perspective for the reverse, when nts don't believe me about my experiences... I can see what it must feel like for them when we say that their rock concert at KFC is too loud
Good point. I'm rarely believed over directions I've taken in life or scenarios I've ended up in as people cannot comprehend how I've been in multiple life choices where they may only choose one. I just assume everyone is being truthful until something shows me they're not...although that certainly doesn't mean I trust what they say. Very different.
@@AdultwithAutism I usually am the same way. It's because I'm truthful so I assume everyone is. That's how theory of mind works - it's based on extrapolating and projecting your own experience. That's why the double empathy problem is a problem.
That explains why I feel rotten when I get let down. It's because I push so much to not let others down, because I know how it feels.
I also HATE my birthday. It's my least favorite day of the year. I don't like people making a big deal about me.
I also take a mental health day at work to avoid my birthday being celebrated.
Dude...im so autistic! I never understood birthdays and how poeple can celebrate their own birthday.
What a relief to hear another person who says contentment without marriage and kids is not only possible, but good. So hard to find people like that. As a 40-year-old woman (just recently diagnosed Autistic) - people seem to believe it impossible that I have chosen that way and am good with it. And the comment about animals reacting to Autistic people in unexpected ways...I really resonated with that. Years ago, I went to my friend's house. And not only did her cat "that won't let anyone hold it" sit in my lap, she laid upside down belly fully exposed - the position of ultimate trust. Everyone gave me the strangest look, but that's the kind of kitty vibes I have.
No marriage and no kids is the best decision I will ever make. The reason people don't understand is because generally...it is what THEY want. And no problem at all. Because they want it, they see it is a negative thing if you don't share their wants. Instead of attempting to understand that people are individuals, and are allowed to live their life exactly how they deem fit for them.
I think people don’t understand because the closest thing to them is family and children. I have a daughter about to be diagnosed with autism. I am so sad- I am out of my mind. What breaks me is knowing that i will likely die before her, and leave her alone or in an institution💔
Yes, dogs and horses all seem to know me when we first meet. Even a camel came running up to me and hugged me like crazy, at Arbuckle Wilderness in Oklahoma, USA. I have photos of that moment that my daughter took. I communicate with all animals better than with humans. Humans always have an ulterior motive that animals do not have. Currently, I have 5 rescue horses. Two of them came from a kill auction. I can ride both of those horses that people tried to sell for meat money. I also have 3 rescue dogs. Two of them were going to be killed. You are really helping me know that I should get tested for ASD. I am 52 years old and not sure a formal diagnosis would help me, now.
Blessings to you!
- Stephanie
Thanks Stephanie, I hope your Autism journey is good to you 👍🏻
Hi Stephanie -I wish there were a message board which exists for people who feel they might have some measure of autism, but are not yet diagnosed. It’s not something I feel like I can discuss or even mention quite yet-to anyone in my life right now - but seems all right to mention here in anonymity - temporarily, anyway.
Stephanie, I’m glad for you that you are able to shelter your animals. That’s often tricky with larger animals.. Hope they continue to bring you happiness - i’m sure their lives are much better since you have adopted them.
I feel like I've been going against societal norms for forever. I grew up in a Christian household in a small town but I never believed it. My personal life decisions always seemed to cause problems for me just being me.
In high school I went through a goth phase and that made family members really upset and jump to ridiculous conclusions like I was worshipping the devil or doing drugs. I LITERALLY just liked wearing black.
Then when I met my husband and we started dating he moved in. Now I was "living in sin" and when we had our son it was out of wedlock. I also didn't baptize him because I feel he should make that choice himself. All those choices I got judged for.
Eventually we got married. It was me, my son, my husband, my best friend, and her husband at a public park. Some family members were angry I didn't invite them but I didn't want a big wedding.
What is frustrating to me is that none of my choices hurt anyone but because they aren't what was typically chosen in my family or the small town I grew up in I was bad and wrong. I feel like that I'm still trying to undo the negative self talk in my head because of this.
Great video Paul have a good weekend!
Absolutely correct, none of your decisions were detrimental didn't break any laws, and in fact you did what you wanted to do because it has positive effect for you.
People who are religious need to remember something very important, and that is they want to live that way because its how they want to live, not a problem...but when they want me to do the same, that's when there is a problem.
And black is the best clothes colour anyway 😂
I've been divorced for a while now, but I remember when my ex and I decided to get married, the thought of the wedding itself stressed me out so bad! I felt like a freak, because isn't it every girl's dream to plan her wedding? Nope, not me. I just wanted the whole thing to be over with, and just be married.
I told my fiance that I really didn't want a fancy wedding, I didn't want to invite a bunch of people, have a big party, or spend tons of money. The whole thing sounded like a nightmare to me! Thankfully, he was on board with it, and we ended up just going to the courthouse to get married, just me and him, no guests whatsoever. My family was very upset with me, and hurt that I didn't want them there. Oh well, that was what we wanted, and I'm happy I didn't give in just to satisfy their need to fit in with societal "norms".
This was many years before I was diagnosed autistic, but in remembering that situation, I can totally see my autistic traits!
You speak for those of us who cannot x
For those in the same Autism corner I am in, I try👍🏻
I adore animals.
Adore dogs.
The first time i saw 2 dogs as a baby ( my father had me on its arms ) i was so flabbergasted. They where so beautiful, their eyes and face so unbelievable cute, sensitive. I was allways seecking dogs everywhere. I grew up in different countries in the middle east and i searched for streetdogs. 20 dogs and was so happy. I fed them equally. I was and am in love with dogs. I understand you COMPLETALLY.
I feel a dog.
The connection is so genuine, warm and deep.
Never had this with humans.
How they are treated everywhere is deadly for my life on earth.
This people, who abandon their family member are horrible humans.
I avoid people, if i know they abandoned a dog or do and did things that are in my eyes not done.
Never married, because i wanted a dog sleep on the bed, sit on the couch. Even pulling on a dog on the collar is...I AM DONE.
The list is long and all reasons are valid to stop a friendship in regard to animals, dogs.
I am so happy to have found you.
It means a lot to me to listen to you.
I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic but I feel such care for animals. I relate with animals easily if they are curious or notice me first. Neighbor's dog always sees me from across the street. Dog, named Rambo will do a little dance to me, resisting his unwitting owner's pull on the lead, good Rambo. Big long haired shepherd dog, totally tuned in without me saying anything. I am very affected/ afflicted & disturbed beyond logic by photos of mistreated animals in charity advertisements. Cannot deal with I save the little spider that got carried indoors by accident when I pick the herbs for dinner. I grieve if I dropped it on the way out the door and look for him. My cat & I seem to have a telepathic connection especially regarding sudden or loud noises. I deal w loud noises by this Chinese saying, Loud noise = Good Luck !
For sure a lot of societal norms give me pause. I care about humanity & can cope/relate but being kind w kindred spirit animals has pretty much saved my life beyond all other stories I could write about. I have to dim my emotionality to cope. One saying, Why be so sad about the past or things I cannot help when there's enough sad sorrow in the future to deal with (?) if that makes any sense (?)
Thank you
From the US…I love listening to your accent and enjoy your stories…I get the mental picture of your descriptions of things.
You are a huge help to me.
That's good to know, thank you 👍🏻
I enjoy listening to Paul's voice, too, and also his description of how his mind works. I can relate so much, but I'm often not able to verbalize it as well as he does.
Thank you Paul great help. I feel the same as you concerning animals. I love dogs.
I'm totally with you regarding animals, and people who won't work.
I’ve watched a few of your videos now and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the way they are unedited! There’s no jarring cuts all the way through like most creators, it’s smooth, informative, not waffly like you say (!) (and I chuckle a lot 😄). Hope you continue 👏😊
Thank you. I don't edit that way as I want people to 'see' me, not just hear me. Plus, those types of edits hide the mistakes, and I'm far from flawless!! Only way to be genuine is to not hide who you are 👍🏻
Waffle away Paul! I enjoy it 😊. Awesome video! I find the mood aspect very difficult to manage. It means that avoidance has become a constant friend, it's safer to avoid the dips because it will take a long time for me to get back to content. Sometimes not even hours on my special interest works.
Super involved video games help me when I can't get out of that low
I know that feeling, it's never good when special interests or the usual distractions don't work. That happens to me on weekends sometimes and I don't get my recharge because of it.
I really like the fact that you've mentioned such specific things, when watching other videos I generally hear the same traits but I like how much detail you gave and how you gave specific situations, I can relate to every single one and you helped to make me feel understood and less alone
That's all I do them for, so I'm glad they resonate with the right people 👍🏻
"I don't connect with humans" this feeling is a point in itself.
True
I'm happy to learn that l’m not an alien anymore. It's been 25 years of trying to find what is wrong with me. I'm getting diagnosed soon but i check all the boxes so far. Thanks a lot, you are quite literally saving my life. I'm working toward identifying myself and live my life.
Glad you can relate.
Hi Paul I don’t want to tell my granny how to suck eggs, but I find that list’s are imperative for me, I will write shopping list’s even if I need three items, if I have a day off work and have certain things I need to do i will write a list the day before and put the tasks in the importance that I need to do them, And even when I’m at bloody work devised a task list for which staff are doing what jobs ect I fill this in first thing in the morning normally getting to work 30 minutes early to do this, I think you have got the idea that I would be lost without my damn lists, but this really does help keep my brain on a even keel. I am very much an animal person, I think that this is because we can relate to them on a much basic level and they can sense this, agreed birthdays no thank you and weddings just Awkward including my own, I still have nightmares thinking about the speech I had to give and that was 18 years ago 😂
Haha, the recurring nightmare speech! Must be like my nightmare where I remember calling a teacher 'mum', and the whole class heard!!
I am the same with lists, although i see them more of 'chaos arrangers'. Especially if I'm involved in processes that are messy, I need to create them to have order for myself.
Me too! I totally rely on lists to get through my days. I have so much going on in my mind all the time, so writing things down I need to do, and in what order, helps me to avoid feeling anxiety. It all seems less intimidating when it's on paper, rather than bouncing around in my head!
@@christinelamb1167
Thank you, I'm so glad that it's not just me that needs to do this 🤣
Lol, the 2 or 3 wedding invitations I've received in my life are 1000x worse than getting a jury summons.
Barefoot shoes are the best, not the cheapest, but absolutely worth every penny. They are flat, flexible and wide. Paired with toe socks, after a bit of getting used to, are great too. Vivo barefoot is pretty good in the UK and never any problems with the returns.
I hated birthday's because of the expectation to invite a lot of friends over for a party, but I always had small circle of friends, so I felt pressured that I am doing something wrong. Not the case anymore.
My hubby and I organised our wedding in two months, it is doable, but usually when people get suddenly married it's because of a pregnancy (still kind of tradition in many countries), so some of the guests must have been confused seeing me drinking 😂
Mood switch is a good description.. it may be a good day and then in 1 second complete change. Thankfully it sometimes works the other way too, when I get some really good news or fixate on something then my mood my improve with light speed.
Have a good weekend!
Great remarks. I only wear barefoot shoes as well. I wear Lems. Great shoes!
@@bryanmerton5153 barefoot shoes is a life changing experience, you never want typical shoes ever again!
I will have to have a look at them, I have never heard of them until now. I usually wear fabric shoes from DC (Heathrow I think they're called), they weigh next to nothing and feel like slippers!
I bet people were talking at your wedding...can't believe she is drinking when she is pregnant 😂
Seems I am the last one to know about these shoes! 😂
I’ve never understood why I didn’t like birthday messages on Facebook, so I haven’t entered my birthday to avoid them. Now I understand. I actually avoid FB, find it often to personal. I don’t want to know what other people are doing in their life. It’s boring. And for sure, I don’t want to tell the world what I’m doing or thinking.
That's exactly how I think of FB. I don't have a reason to use it, so I don't have it. I did years ago, but never saw the point.
Never diagnosed, but it gets my attention how many of these traits apply to me. I watched your first video too, with similar results. I've struggled all my life being different, and never fully understanding why or how I was made this way. But looking back over my life experiences (with near-photographic memory), I find incident upon embarrassing incident of 'misbehavior' on which to brood and analyze. To say that I was/am a late bloomer socially and emotionally is no exaggeration. The only things I had in my favor were my intelligence, intuition, and that I always try to be physically fit and healthy. It definitely is a disadvantage to be different in a world that highly values conformity. But there does seem to be some sort of trade-off working in our favor. Nonetheless, I worry for my daughter who is so much like me; I don't want her facing the same obstacles I have.
Unfortunately your obstacles were unknown until you hit them, thankfully you can help your daughter navigate hers👍🏻
This is the best video ever on undiagnosed worryingly I ticked all the boxes. I now understand why people have laughed or mocked me. Not always unkindly.
You’re saying all the things that go around my head all the time.
Awesome...maybe? 👍🏻
Thankyou Paul. Great job at describing the autism experience. Especially the light switch mood flip.
Hi Paul, just in pure chance you are checking comments on your year old video. I made my SO fall in love with silk for summer! On top of being autistic he also suffers with eczema - and we agreed we both do not like short sleeves, so with silk shirt, you can just roll up the sleeves however you want and its cooling and breathable and dry so so fast! (All bought second hand, so very affordable if you have such option).
As in pure silk or a silk mix? I'd definitely stand out if I wore silk outside. Maybe some pajamas?
@@AdultwithAutism Silk as a fiber can be very toned down in appearance. Look up "silk matka fabric" for example, but not only this type. If you imagine only satin finish(very shiny), do not worry, that is not only way silk can look 😀It would never be as shiny as poly fibers that are trying to imitate silk - and I hate that kind of shinyness/standoffishnes too. We have all pure silks, but silk blends would be very nice too.
@kachnickau yes. I had fears of walking the streets looking like an 80s pimp 😂
Non shiny types would be fine.
Vary cool video Paul. Welcome to the 21st century! I hate when I can't pay with the watch or phone! I don't mind my Birthday so much except for the attention. Just a quiet dinner is all that I need.
I so have a connection with animals. I love them. I am the same when I walk up to an animal that I don't know and they love me. People all of the time say "he isn' like that with other people. " I get very sad when I see abuse of animals. I ge more upset when I see animal abuse than with people abuse. I mean I care about people abuse sure. When I was a in my early 20's and was visiting my parents I cam across a rabbit that had been abused by someone. I melted down I was in such despair about the poor thing. Ended up taking it to a vet and it was so badly damaged they had to put it down!
I do not understand social norms! I am completely out of touch with what colleagues are talking about at work. I cannot relate at all. I agree completely about weddings. That ritual is from ancient times. I'll give you two goats and a chicken for your daughter. I also don't care if people do get married but its so strange the they or their parents go into massive debt to have the thing. I am also completely uncomfortable going to them.
I also do not run on autopilot. Everything I do is carefully considered. Plan plan plan!
Light switch moods are me to the max! I have used that analogy my self. I am happy go lucky and boom crash! Sometimes its a build up too detonation and sometimes the smallest thing gets me. I have had meltdowns of what could be construed as the silliest of things.
Wow this was a great video and not sure why I decided to write the Great American Novel is response! This should be helpful to a lot of people! Have a great rest of your Friday!
Thanks Bryan, and the story about the rabbit is such a shame. It should be the people put down not the animals. There has to be something deeply wrong with someone's design who can accept animal abuse.
But what I will say, is I'd much prefer to have goats and chickens than a human, so that's a fair swap to me! Just don't invite me to the weddings 😂
I have never celebrated my birthday voluntarily. As a kid I sneak peeked into Christmas gifts and tried out different facial expressions and how happy was appropriate to be. And I didn’t do it because I was curious about the presents I only did it because I knew my family would be happy if I was normal/showed appropriate response!
That’s why I since I was 11-13 years old started thinking about myself like one of Pavlovs dogs! And later in life when working as a chameleon because I snap up words from those around me and it have helped me immensely.
Take care and keep smiling 🎭
Never celebrated your birthday voluntarily...that's a good way to put it! Same here in that respect. Covid Christmas was my favourite, I had an excuse we all had to live with as to why i couldnt attend anything! 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism exactly 👍
I love your videos, you seem like an awesome person.
I've always been different from most everyone and I've never quite understood why, I was bullied when I was little and it's always been a struggle to connect with most people.
I haven't been diagnosed with autism, but a lot of what you and others have said about what it's like to have autism describes me to a "T" and explains so much.
I know your videos aren't meant to diagnose people, but I'm glad that there are others out there that understand what I'm like.
Thank you
Omg this video made me feel so at home. I fit all of this too the T. Also your voice is super calming, thank you for making these.
Thanks for that, I usually get told my voice is boring 😂
Glad it helped.
You're speaking directly from my own brain. I haven't been diagnosed, 46 years old and reality sinks in for just 48 hours after I stumpled over a random youtube video (maybe not so random, google by now might know more about me than I). Thank you for sharing so much!
Now I need to find out, how to deal with that, as I'm just run out of energy, to keep my mask up, that helped paying the bills all the time, as a "proper" diagnose has a two year waiting list. Only if one finds a list that isn't already closed already.
And this video was for sure no waste of time!
Hey Paul ! Thank you for what you're doing ! It's as though sometimes you're in my head. I'm 59 now and was diagnosed about 2 years ago and now I know why I've struggled all my life. It dosen't really help much to know though. AND I don't dare tell anyone because they'll say they know someone who's Autistic and I'm not. I ask where they received their PhD from. Then I get treated badly because I'm not making THEM feel comfortable.....
A very familiar story my friend! I get told often that I'm not Autistic. I just remind them I am, but they can't see through my mask which is why they think that. It's true 👍🏻
I’ve just fallen in love with your content! It’s incredible how every single example you give in every video I've seen thus far, perfectly mirrors my own thoughts, opinions, and processes. I’ve never encountered someone who thinks and speaks exactly like me- Its uncanny! This is my blowing! Wow, just wow! Super neato! Awesome!!!
Thank you, really glad you can relate 👍🏻
I call the always switched on one O&A. Observation and Awareness. It's a running commentary in my head of every single thing I do.
I don't know why I didn't refer it that as I had it in my mind. Not the name, but the fact its like a running commentary in my mind. The first time I noticed it was when I had to do advanced driving at an old job, and you had to do Commentary Driving, where you talk everything you do and everything you see. I got top marks...but only because I do it internally anyway. And to my own annoyance, still count stairs.
@@AdultwithAutism stairs yep, and how long things take in seconds.
Haha, definitely. And people wonder why my mind doesn't turn off! It doesn't know how to.
Yes, the running commentary in my mind! My mind never, ever stops. I hear my voice in my head constantly, running through the sequence of everything I do.
I also count stairs (and lots of other things like steps, hand motions, etc), and also how long it takes to do things. I have a running "counter" in my head all the time, for everything. It's something I like, though. It makes me feel calm to count things.
I'm not autistic but have a coworker & neighbors who are, so I'm on your channel to see how i can do better communicating with them + I'm curious. But i've had health issues my whole life & it's been tough. I feel like i never have belonged anywhere; I haven't figured out why. I look at the world & feel like nobody cares like I do. I'm a big animal lover, also. I raise butterflies for conservation, & can't even step on a bug. I'm happy in my own company. And i hate weddings- like, why?! As a woman, most find it weird that I don't care about them. I would seriously like to find out why i don't fit in anywhere.
I really do understand & enjoy your videos. You're easy to listen to- your voice & what you mention. So, thank you for the education & conversation. 🦋🐾
Thank you
Thank you Paul. What a pleasure listening to you!
Thank you
Dancing to me is like performing some strange ritual. A non-autistic person could imagine it as if a normal person would have to stand on their hands and clap their feet and make a rooster crow noises to express that they are happy and having a good time at a party. It's just… WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Does not make sense. This is what I feel when I dance.
Nightclubs must be an odd concept then, as people go to pay for overpriced drinks, just to flail their limbs about to usually terrible music! 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Hahaha! Yep!
Amazing video as always, Paul! I can relate to the connection with animals more than I can put into words!!! I got my diagnoses at age 15 and I've always just adored animals 😍💖 I feel like I'm communicating with them through vibes and emotions if that makes sense, and I feel like they can tell how much I love them ❤
Yes, I get that reaction from dog owners a lot 🤣 I've met and worked with many a timid doggo that specifically only comes to me. It's bliss 🥰 They just like/love you unconditionally too, which is beautiful 💓
We people are definitely a poor design 😅 Apparently Elon musk has autism too!
I too can't deal with those who ignorantly walk their dogs in this heat 😑 It's so dangerous for them 🤦🏻♀️ I understand that some people just don't know, in which case they just need to be politely educated, but those that know and do it anyway don't deserve dogs! 😡
I don't HATE my birthday but I do find it a little difficult, anxietifying and exhausting. As for the difficulty saying thankyou, I remember having great difficulty with it too when I was younger 🤔 I don't know when or how it changed but ultimately, I remember the discomfort I used to have around it! Like you, it was never because I wasn't grateful, there's just something so awkward about it.
I'm also of the cynical mindset of 'why celebrate the day you were forced to be a living thing in this world' 🥲😅 A good birthday that goes off without a hitch is always appreciated, but I'm always relieved when it's over and pray for days to myself afterwards to recover.
Most of my thoughts and dialogue seem to be me questioning social norms 😶😂 The path of life baffles me too! I want none of it! I'm a 27 year old woman now and I also know I've 100% committed to never wanting kids 🤣 Couldn't pay me enough to have kids! I have no ill will towards children and I genuinely hope for the very best for them, but I personally can't kids, and I won't change my mind 😂 I have 2 little sisters, one I can cope with in regulated amounts (she's 10, genuinely lovely and tolerable 🤣) and the other is 5 and, awful as it sounds, I'm just not ready for her yet 🙈 give it at least another 5 years 😱 I can't leave her company without a headache 🤯
Marriage scares the life out of me, it's such a risk and the sheer amount of things I'd rather do with the money it takes to get married 😅 I guess I'm happy for people who do it and are genuinely happy, but I'm not one for attending weddings and to me it's just a relationship that's harder to leave 🙈🤷🏻♀️ Why spend the ungodly amount of money just to make your relationship so damn difficulty to leave, should you ever want or need to 🥲 That's a no from me 🤣
I definitely relate to staying dialed in, I feel like when I'm outside (anywhere outside of my little postage stamp lol) I jump between dissociation and hypervigilance. There's no healthy inbetween. I do have to pay attention to every single thing I do and have to carefully plan everything to avoid, your final point, flipping my lightswitch mood! 🥲 I'm guilty of being a pathological worrier of things both in and out of my control.
It's horrible how quickly I can go from okay to meltdown. One of the many reasons I can't stand the question "How are you?" 🤯🤦🏻♀️
As for working, I feel ashamed of myself every single day for it, but I hit a chronic burnout almost 3 years ago and had to leave my awful, overstimulating retail job. I got so bad that I'm still in burnout, just not quite as chronic, wondering if I'll ever be able to work again.
I remember an older video of yours where you say something along the lines of "Try it first. Try working for a good boss, a bad boss..." in different job roles etc and I can confidently say I've done that. Even though I've worked with dogs (and that aspect was wonderful) most of the people I worked with were awful and entirely ruined it for me.
Each of my jobs have been insufferable and near impossible for one reason/aspect or another and I've had some awful experiences from an especially abusive boss. I had CPTSD anyway from adverse childhood experiences, but my work life is the freshest trauma in my mind nowadays.
That being said, I still clean for a friend once a week for a tiny bit of pocket money (lol) and volunteer at a dog groomers on weekends for an (also tiny) bit of money, so I'm not contributing absolutely zero, but I can't bare the thought of changing that set up. Even that feels like too much most of the time and I'm only leaving the house 3 days a week. The cleaning 'job' is only 2 hours.
I recieve Universal Credit and PIP and, though I certainly don't rule out possible self-employment in the future using my illustration degree, I think I genuinely may have to rule out employment ever again. I can't make myself that ill again. I'd never experienced burnout and fatigue like that in my entire life and I need to never experience it again. I thought the worst because of how my health plummeted and it was just my body's response to living like a NT up until that point. It was all from cracking on despite burnout, suffering and straining to meet NT norms and societal expectations.
I still can't accept my diagnosis and I deal with a lot of self hatred (and now the stigma of being an able-bodied young person who can't work). I think about it all the time how I'm just another burden on the government and the tax payers, but I've been so poor in the past that I've thought I was going to lose my home several times, (which isn't an option!!!), but that desperation still couldn't force me to apply for jobs because I knew I was 1 more job away from 'opting out'.
The imposter syndrome is real, every single day, but so is the debilitating struggle and, well, I live in survival mode.
On a brighter note 🤣, I've just thought to have a look at your Instagram, so many apologies in advance for the bombardment of likes that now sit in your notifications 😏🙈 But that's what you get for being so damn awesome and relatable! 🤣 Plus pictures of George!!! 😭😍💖
Your videos definitely help me, Paul! 😊 Sorry about my dissertation once again, but then again should I keep saying sorry for the very person I am? 🤔 There's never any pressure to reply so 🤷🏻♀️🤣 Cheers again Paul! 😁 Keep smiling 🙂
Don't ever apologise for the comments, I am mean if you're good enough to sit though my amount of waffle, the least I can do is have a read!
I hear you with your working situation, and I know myself I am a fine line away from not being able to do it. I keep the plates spinning at such a speed that I need to keep them going or the damage they will cause if I let them fall will be unrecoverable. And you are in the 'can't/don't' work category...not the dreaded 'won't' which is my utter bug bare! You rightly have genuine wellness affecting reasons from actual experiences that have pushed you to a point that impact you negatively. That's your imposter syndrome kicking in! Always remember if there is a genuine reason for why you cannot do something...then balls to what others think. Good people understand!
I will have a nosy at Instagram after responding to messages here, I haven't been on for a bit. I need to use it a bit better, I forget people want to see George 😂
@@AdultwithAutism The waffle is arguably the best part 🤷🏻♀️😄 Always very relatable!!
Oh my, I'd hope that EVERYONE would wanna see beautiful George! 😍😄💖 He's wonderful 🥰
Thankyou Paul 🙂 It means a lot to hear that reassurance from someone who truly gets it! In my experience so far, there have been good people who get it 🙂 I'm sorry you're feeling like you're a fine line away yourself with work, but I hope for you that your new job just becomes more and more fulfilling and supportive as time goes on 🙂 I also hope you're able to slow down the spinning plates, if that's something that'd be better for you 😊
I use Facebook a lot more than Instagram still myself, I think the other day was the first time I posted anything to my Instagram in a long time 😅 I'm not massively on social media either, I guess the clue's in the word social 😬🤣
Fuss your beautiful furbabies from me 🤗😊
Edit: I freaking love the word bugbear 🤣
They get plenty of attention...spoilt things they are. George is shattered thankfully today and is having an enforced sleep. He's still too young to realise that sleeping when you're tired is a great thing to do. Always far too curious that he might miss out on food...my food that is.
@@AdultwithAutism 🤣 Bless his sweet heart ❤ I can barely remember my own days of FOMO, nowadays it's always JOMO! Joy of missing out 🙈😅
Haha, I've definitely got JOMO 👍🏻
Excellent! I love the "mood cliff" analogy.
😁
Thanks for saying the things I've been thinking. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. That I'm ok to feel the way I do when I've been told all my life there is something wrong with me. It's OK to not be 'normal', whatever that is. I'm 56 and I have just recently realized I'm Autistic and for the first time in my life I'm ok with myself. I wish I had known when I was younger so I could have been kinder to myself. Now I'm trying to forgive myself and let all that go.
These videos do help a lot. Everyday I think a should pursue a diagnosis a little more. I’m 34 currently(like you back then) which I find humorous
YES, my birthday....I HATE IT, for the same reasons you do: I do NOT want the extra attention!! It's just another day, period! I had a friend who always used to INSIST on celebrating my birthday, and I was expected to return the attention and accolades, and it just drove me crazy!
As far as working, well....due to a serious and permanently disabling injury years ago, I can no longer work, but I still manage to do my own chores, walk my dog, etc., because I still cannot sit for long. Animals, I LOVE animals, and they seem to always gravitate to me
Just like you, I don't want to get married, have kids, etc. Also, I don't take vacations/holidays because I prefer not to travel, I hate it, actually... nor do I have the money to do it anyway. Now, I DO have a "fancy" luxury car, an older 4-door sedan, but only because I hate to drive, I absolutely HATE it! I can't stand to drive with windows down because I hate road noise, so that means I need a car with A/C. I'm also VERY irritated by bumps, pot holes, road imperfections, engine noises from the car, rattles, squeaks, vibrations, etc., so that means a senior citizen-style older luxury car, like a Caddy, Lincoln, or Buick; I absolutely LOVE the quiet-as-a-tomb serenity of a softly-sprung freeway cruiser!
Your "keep smiling" remarks at the end play the song "when you're smiling" by Weyes Blood in my head. Nice outro in my mind to your videos. Thanks for sharing and check out the song
I will give it a listen 👍🏻
people at work don't have to know Ur Bday. u can tell ur managers U wish to keep it Private from all other staff- in ur next position start it off this way. Only HR & Management are required to know.
It's in my adjustments at work for my birthday date to not be released 👍🏻
The amount of realness I find in your videos is insane and amazing at the same time. I don't know if I'm autistic and at this point it wouldn't help me to know, but I do have lots of autistic traits and I find so real what you say in this video, especially regarding my connection with animals and that I care more about an animal suffering than I do about a human or about not understanding social norms, which most are sooo stupid and people act upon them just because that's the standard, even though they end super unhappy.
Thank you for your kind words, I only want to offer real content 👍🏻
I just discovered your videos today. Thank you for sharing about your life. I relate to so much. And you express it more concisely than I am able. It's hopeful and comforting to know that we're not alone in these experiences. I'm an adult currently being assessed for ASD by a healthcare professional, it's an intense process.
Thank you, and best of luck on your journey.
I have a Yorkie and he helps me when I am pacing x
Animals just know when we need support 👍🏻
I was diagnosed (is that even the right word for the experience?) with ASD 2 weeks after I turned 34.
I. Hate. My. Birthday. And yes it is 100% specifically the unwanted attention. I don't even want to see facebook notifications of people telling me... or texts or calls from anyone... It's just another other day, please treat it as such.
Getting a dog has been the best decision I've ever made. Even though he's had several problems that have made money a little tight at times... He's my baby. My most prized possession. My best friend. And gets FAR better medical attention, and has a far better diet than I do. I will ALWAYS make sure he gets the proper care, because if there's one thing in my life that deserves it... it's my happy little pug.
Dogs are the best, without a doubt.
Your videos help me understand my wife and the ways she is different from me. Thank you!
Interesting, I know these vids don’t actually show us who you are overall. But, from the vids I’d say nothing was wrong at all. You’re honest, articulate, and seemingly moral. I identify as ND, have not been diagnosed yet. But I definitely resonated with your last video you mentioned as well. I’ll never understand it, I wish I had more in my life that were like myself. You have literally said my every thought
Thank you
Cheers on the mushroom hate!
Before I even seriously considered that I could be Autistic, I once tried to tell people that I didn't want any attention or anything for my birthday. The people I managed to tell didn't get it, and there were people I couldn't tell because I *knew* they'd insist that I was upset at getting "old" and would try to tell me that it's OK to be 33, which, yes, it is. That experience kind of taught me that people find it very important that my birthday be celebrated for some reason, and that it's easier for me to deal with that attention than the attention caused by trying to convey "ehhhh can we not?" I guess this ties in to your later section about Social Norms.
But I do try to take a holiday on my birthday. And one advantage of work-from-home is that all I get from my coworkers is a text :D No hugs or cheers or anything...
Mushrooms 👎🏻
Listening to this and the previous video is quite an eye opener for me. Always been different, thought differently, behaved differently towards others and not surprisingly my closest friends have always been dogs (just lost my amazing 14yr old Whippet a few days ago😞).
Always been a pain in the neck to works management, struggle to be around colleagues and they do not understand my need for order and neatness. Twice over the years been referred to as a demon to work with🙄.
Currently in the process though of realising that at 50yrs old, I am very likely autistic, and not the oddball that avoids society’s norm’s and people in general.
Appreciate people like yourself who have the courage to share, as it helps us less well informed in figuring stuff out.
Glad it helps 👍🏻
I love all of your examples! I watched the last video, and agreed with all of them, and now this one too! It was just my birthday and I also dislike my birthday heavily. I actually started to find out about autism around my birthday! Its so relieving to now understand what is going on, and why I am soooooo strange compared to everyone else, but it feels so sensical to me. I dont like my bday bcuz there is a pressure to do something, or to have a good day, and I feel pressured to prove to everyone else that I am normal, I have friends, and have a fun filled life. But a fun life for me is just a relaxing one where I can do art and not be bothered too much. I
Thank you, glad you enjoyed them 👍🏻
I love my birthday because it's 12/12 and number patterns make me feel good lol. However, I struggle so much with saying thank you when it's grand gestures of gratitude. If someone praises my work or gives me an amazing gift or tells me how much they appreciate me, I clam up 😐 That type of attention (although I feel blessed for it) makes me sooooooooo uncomfortable.
I don't do birthdays, or Christmas... because of the expectations, that and I just don't want to repeat the same thing as other people, particularly if I'm indifferent to the celebration as I really don't like to say things I don't actually mean. These days, only close friends and family know when my birthday is so I can fly under the radar at work. If those in the know do try to give a present or fuss, I just remind them I don't "do" [insert name of celebration], and that because I don't have expectations for getting anything myself, I won't give presents (on the expected day at least) either. I've always felt there is no time like the present if you really want to get a present for someone... norms and traditions around the holidays are stupid anyway. Just because it's always been that way doesn't mean it has to be that way. I don't fully understand the need for people to want to "fit in" to do what everyone else is doing and tend to dismiss things/activities if it's too popular... it has to match my interests for me to even consider it. I guess I just want to be "different enough" to not draw attention, while also not being too "normal". Is there such a thing I wonder?
Scheduled events for scheduled fun for scheduled hours with scheduled people present to partake in scheduled activities. What's not to like?! 😂
These things are so true, I hate my birthday so much I go to every extreme to avoid it. I love animals, I hate when people mistreat animals ...they are little beings... People make me so angry when they get "tired" of animals. So true with societal norms, I never wanted to have my own children, I worked demolitions, on farms, very much jobs that society says is not a women's work. My spouse and I have decided IF and I say if we get married it will be very small. The bike wheel brain thing is so true....the brain is always going all the time. Thanks again!
The connection with animals has always been the absolute biggest thing for me my whole life. I LIVE for my animals. Ive never felt accepting or like i belong anywhere with other humans but when im with my animals i feel safe. Its always baffled me how many peoplw "own" animals, but dont actually LOVE them. It hurts.
There are some terrible dog owners out there especially. I won't say what I'd do to them if I could!
I never thought I would see a male version of me. I thank you for doing this. I am not the only one.
Dude you got me dying about being in the grocery store on a secret mission. I have to stop myself from looking like I'm on a search and destroy mission! lol Blend, blend, blend
Thank you for sharing your views and experiences Paul. It helps :) I can relate so much to just about everything you're talking about. Part 1 as well. I'm a 44 year old woman, currently having a burnout and waiting to get diagnosed for autism. Dogs are the best ❤ Cheers from Holland.
👍🏻🇳🇱
You must either have much fewer choices in the bread aisle (I'm in the US) or you know exactly which brand and where it is located. I am paralyzed by the available selection. Mom sent me in for "a bag of hotdog buns" and it took me nearly 20 minutes....just frozen staring at ALL the options. SO overwhelming.
Its definitely knowing what brand and it's location. We have far too many options for similar things!
Dear Paul.
I've been listening to your accent and trying to work it out. I was thinking Leeds, but today you said Manchester. But your voice sounds so familiar. It's lovely. Thank you.
I tone my accent down a bit 😂
Have you found socks you enjoy? Socks made for diabetics have a comfortable rim, stretchy but don't fall down! Medi ped and Dr Scholls brand here are the most common.
People choose to watch the amount they are comfortable with! You can waffle away and it's never a waste of time. All very relatable. Thank you for bringing words to thoughts!
I'm just glad some of the waffle can be useful!
I've never looked into them, but I will. The only socks that I've ever had success with are these really cheap 'construction socks'. These big thick ugly things...but then they're no good for hot days!
I only wear them when I leave the house, I never have any on indoors.
13:00 yes when you talk about animals I get goosebumps!!!!
They're the best 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism definitely 👍
Loved this series. Related to a lot of what you said including the not wanting to get married or have kids part. You also kinda remind me of Karl Pilkington which is another plus point for me 😂 good sense of humour whilst pointing out the bullshit in life we accept and have to go along with to fit into this weird world.
Ha, I get called Karl more than Paul these days.
Welcome to the tech world! 😂
In regard to birthdays:
1. My view of this day is that it's my holiday, and that means not doing anything I don't want to do. Having to use a vacation day isn't ideal, but it's worth not having to work on my birthday.
2. With gifts, NTs really want the emotional reaction. It's not about what you're saying, but how they feel about it. Over time, I just decided to go with giving them a hug. It doesn't require masking, and makes them feel like I appreciate the gift.
I'm not good with hugs, giving or receiving. I've hugged two people all year, and one of those I could have done without 😂
@AdultwithAutism It doesn't have to be hugs. When I was a kid, I used to give out Hugs (Hershey"s kisses) to people instead of touching. 😆
Sounds a plan! Wish they sold them here when I was younger 😂
I don't like my birthday and I don't like other people's birthdays either because I struggle with telling them "happy birthday". Not to mention, I'm extremely forgetful with birthdays, probably because I don't value them. This goes for friends and immediate family, if it's not on the calendar, I'll likely forget all about it.
Same, and then I'm the bad guy for not remembering...
Thanks for sharing. So appreciative.🙏
Thank you 👍🏻
I found out I was autistic at 43 and everything you said in this is exactly like me!! Thank you so much 🙏🙏
Thank you
lmao, I hit all these. But man for some reason, I love getting socks and cloths. Mostly because I work construction, and all my cloths get ruined. Like aaahhh yeah, more cloths to my bucket of cloths that will get ruined, nearly ran out.
How do you go about getting diagnosed, i know for a fact that my GP wouldn't be interested, if they can't write a pill for it they are not interested. Ive always felt different and had difficulty with all types of relationships. Never been a people person but i can play the part, recently learnt this is called masking. U do feel ive spent a lot of ny life pretending I'm OK but never felt i fitted in . Always been an animal person since being a child, I don't eat them either but im not vegan.
If you are in the UK, it isn't up to the GP to make that call without seeing you. You can report them for unethical practice. Most GP's are not trained in Autism, so have an obligation to see you so you can request an Autism assessment via the NHS. Maybe use your GP's website to do an electronic appointment request, as then you will have recorded evidence of a reason for appointment.
We have the same money problem in the USA right now too!
Birthdays! Yes!!! Who cares? I’ll add what difference does it make the day I went from my mothers womb to breathing air? If anything, the day I was conceived is petty epic. The saying thank you was in point. I don’t ask for gifts or acknowledgments and I make that known. DONT bother.
Dogs. Def can’t do dogs. They are presumptuous and assume to invade my space, lick me, follow me around etc. nope. Love animals though but doesn’t mean I have to have them in my house.
Societal norms! Exactly. Makes no sense.
Loving your channel brother.
Haha thanks.
Dogs are awesome. Well, ones that 'woof' are, not the small ones that 'yip'. They're not dogs, they need rebranding 👍🏻
My autostic son hates his birthday too. And other peoples birthdays too. It has been the only time we have ever had problems with his behaviour. He finds it hard to say 'thank you' and 'sorry' even though he is the most emotionally ontelligent person I know. He is so kind and thoughtful but he is autistic. Fortunately me, his dad and his siblings are all autistic too so we get it and we just dont do anything for his birthday but I feel guilty about it because I want him to know that he is appreciated.
Lol my other autistic son also never wears anything on his feet in the house. It drives me mad because he does have really wide flat feet and he should be wearing insoles to sort them out and he never leaves the house so he never wears the insoles.But hes autistic too.
We also live in a house with 6 cats and 2 dogs. My animals are the most comfort inducing thing in my life. They are unfiltered, their love is real and unconditional and they are just really nice and kind and loving. Yes they are crazy and messy but they are real. I just wish people would leave me alone when I take them out for a walk.
I struggle so much with societal norms. I hate the pointless rules and the corruption and money-grabbing. I think that so many of the rules are discrimination against ND people. The education system destroys our ND children from their earliest years.
My ex and I got married at 2 weeks notice with no budget, the invite said 'come as you are and no presents'. I wore a black and purple velvet dress and my wedding ring cost £2. We had a great time apart from my family being their NT selves and being offended by everything we did because we didnt follow the rules.
Haha, I never use a basket at the shop too. My autopilot puts me into freeze response so everything has to be built up to and needs to be planned but I also have ADHD so trying to plan is a nightmare.
I've been sitting here for 3 days building up to having a desperately needed shower. Theres nothing else I can do because I need a shower. But my car is in the garage and has been for the last two weeks because the garage wants to fit the work in when they have an extra five minutes because its under warranty.
Please dont say that people choose to be on benefits. Its a horrible life living on benefits. The amount you get is minimal and it causes so much stress and its terrible. The effect on your mental health is awful. I dont think anyone would ever choose to live on benefits.
Your videos are the closest I have ever heard to my experience of autism. The way you experience life is so similar yo mine and my childrens lives and it is amazing to hear someone else talking about random things like shoes and shopping baskets. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us
I've clarified in videos, but I will here too, just in case of crossed wires. People who are not employed fall into the 'can't, don't, or won't' categories:
Can't - due to disabilities or impairments.
Don't - due to jobs not being available, but are looking.
Don't - people who choose to be on benefits because they don't want to work.
I don't have an issue with the 'can't' and 'don't' people, but I do with the 'won't' ones out there. Especially because I know how hard it is to do it every day.
I don't mind clarifying or discussing points, but as with all our opinions, we're allowed them, even if they clash 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism that's an absolutely fair comment. I just get a little sensitive about it because it really is awful being on benefits when you can't work. There is so much judgement but it's also really, really hard and has a massive impact on your MH. But if people are choosing that then I do understand your statement, there is usually an addition income from somewhere if people choose not to work and you are right, why should you pay taxes when others don't and take from the state. But thank you for understanding that there are categories. I hope I didn't offend, I love your content
@gillb9222 no offence at all. I know all too well how hard working is and the impact it has mentally. It isn't the work, the work is simple. It's the social aspect and the politics. The getting stuck in traffic, the not wanting to attend functions and avoid team building things etc. It's a constant struggle. If I didn't have to work, I absolutely wouldn't. It's too much and it's no doubt taken years off my life. So I definitely get it 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I basically had to leave my last job through constructive dismissal as I refused to attend a big social/awards event for the company's anniversary. I was doing a great job, was really happy there but they forced me out both technically and because I didn't want to go back because of this social event. I couldn't be bothered yo argue It this time round because I had just come out of the results of an employment tribunal but I haven't been able to work since and don't know if I'll be able to again as two ina tow jobs that have caused a major shutdown has made me so scared to try again
Really sorry to hear that. Also dismissal due to refusing an event that isn't a mandatory part of work is worthy of a tribunal. I wish you had the energy to fight that, but understand how you feel. My last two jobs I could have taken the employer to court, but I was exhausted.
I think it’s so funny that you don’t like getting socks as a gift. For me personally, I love the feeling of a new pair of socks. I actually would prefer to only wear new socks, but I can’t justify doing that. I’ve learned to deal with the lint infested socks. Maybe one day I’ll find the perfect sock that doesn’t change after it’s washed. Until then, my life is slightly less comfortable, and it is what it is 😅
That being said, I get genuinely excited when I’m gifted socks for 2 reasons.
1: I love the feeling of new socks.
2: it’s a cheap gift that doesn’t burden people as much. People always feel pressured to find something I like or they stress over the forcefulness of spending money. I don’t want that, I dislike everything about birthdays and Christmas…imo both are silly. If you MUST get me a gift, just get me socks and call it a day. Win win/a middle ground.
Side note- I really like your videos, I relate to so many things that you talk about. I always find it funny when I have a completely opposite view on something. while we do share a common ground, we are not all the same….but I get you! It makes me feel like I’m not alone…WE are alone 😂
Oh no, I LOVE new socks...just not opening them in front of people! that feeling of a new pair is amazing...
Glad it makes you laugh at differing views...I received a joyous email from someone who watched all my videos, disagreed with ONE thing, and decided to tell me how much of a cabbage I was. Oh well! We are allowed to disagree, and then get on with it 👍🏻
Good video and keep the waffles coming. I have them with berries and cream!
Haha, maybe that's how I should refer to my waffles when I have big news!
Maybe I have it. You habe described me in many ways. I overthink everything!
The birthday thing! I’ve been taking a day off on my birthday for a very long time for that reason. I don’t want to be the “mandatory fun” center of attention. One or two people going for lunch; sure. Big parties… no.
Haha, this will be the first year in my company where my birthday rolls around, I hope no one knows when it is, but I've purposefully booked solo work on that day in a remote place, but still may take it off and disappear completely!
@@AdultwithAutism Smart plan. I hope you enjoy the peace and quiet.
I loved your video. It put a smile on my face all the way. And besides being married and having kids I can really relate to all your other points. Our marriage was also very small with just our parents and sisters there. Very simple party after.
I hate my birthday just like you. Saying thank you is hard. But especially acting happy with something I don't like. I just can't do it. That is why I always say whiskey or beer when they ask me what I want. Since they can't really go wrong. The animal part is true. Dogs and Cats generally really like me. And even if I don't like a type of animal I take care of them the best I can. Because they can't do it themselves and they can't do anything about the fact I do not like the type of animal they are. Shopping example feels relatable and so does the whole money and job thing. I was the same with school and getting a lower level diploma than the maximum I could get. I did not see the point. I'm a janitor at a school while I could theoretically easily be a teacher or even principal.
But really only see negatives compared to my current job besides a higher salary.
Thank you for this video. It was informative and fun to watch
Glad you enjoyed it and it put a smile on your face!
Thanks for sharing.
99.9 exactly my beliefs! The .1?...
I have zero problem saying sorry... IF it's my fault.
I could listen forever because I strongly agree. Today am possibly too vocal for most people about it.
Whatever.
Thank you 👍🏻
I’ve been married two times. Marriage isn’t for me. I’ve been single since 2015 and I love it!
And sometimes we have to go through things to know what we want and don't want. You have, and your future sounds better for it 👍🏻
You sound just like me. Thank you for sharing your thought. You are really helpful.
No problem at all, glad you could relate.
@@AdultwithAutism I have wondered why I don't really know my self at all and why other people were always first,me being last on the list. The feeling of always being selfish if ever I dared to put myself nearer the top of the list. I was also discovered to have ASD at the age 59yrs. So your video was so mind blowing. I thought it was just me that behaved this way. I am trying to look after my self and put me first but I'm quite hopeless at it. You have inspired me. I was so shocked to get a reply too. Really shocked. Bless you, thank you for your videos and honesty.
No problem at all, just make sure you take care of yourself 👍🏻
I could only scream THANK YOU when you were talking about trash humans who abuse animals‼️
Facts 👍🏻
That's interessting! I also hate my birthday but out of other reasons! I hate it because i do not want the attention and i do not want to give congrats to other people. So not much people will care about my birthday because i do not care about theyrs. Then i feel sad because no one cals/texts me but all other people will receive calls. Birthdays are so annoying!!! I also selfdiagnosed at 34... and this week on Friday my assesment will start... jeeeyyy
Good luck for the assessment. I found I also don't like other people's birthdays too, because I get invited out if they're doing something to celebrate, and it's another invite I have to decline!
@@AdultwithAutism Thank you so much!
👍🏻
The fact that you are fulfilled with your life without having to rely on other people tells you how underrated autism is. It should be the norm.
It should. And as always, Autism isn't the problem...the problem is how people see Autism. Find the people who see it the right way, and you don't 'excel', you just have room to do you 👍🏻
I never wear socks people buy me. I'm very particular and only wear darn tough wool socks.
I really need ones with wider parts for the calves. But it's either ones that restrict them, or big ugly diabetic socks.
What will it be like, when we neuro divergent types collaborate and create, and do more and more!!
Totally relate to the animal thing. I have snakes....big ones. My biggest male is a rescue and was in bad shape when I found him.... after 2 years of gaining his trust I am now able to hold him. Someone online offered me $10,000 when they saw a video I posted of him. And I would never even consider giving him up. He's my favorite child...
And my human kids know it and accept it.
I am so pleased i know there are others whilo think like me out there. I do not understand this social norm drag stuff either.
Social norms will be the code I'll never crack as to why they genuinely matter 👍🏻
What can you say to a Happy Birthday that doesn't sound fake in your head...for gods sake don't surprise me with a thankyou gift, especially with an audience
I'm 30 and I always kind of new but just found out recently. It helps hearing someone else talk about their struggles because I know I'm not alone or some one of a kind weird enigma that shouldnt have happened. There are other people who go through the same thing. Cheers mate.
No worries 👍🏻
I cried more when my pets died then when people died, even family (like grandparents) 😬 which makes me feel abnormal and like a bad person
Same
Really can't understand what this has to do with being undiagnosed?????
I say "thankyou" constantly and often inappropriately so no problem parroting to accommodate allistic special needs....
But i have a huge issue handing out carte blanche "you're welcome" entitling special needs demanding beyond my ability to comply. I think similar as some social demand, but i am not refusing when i can accommodate or gift/do-for someone inside my ability. Maybe that is being diagnosed very early and being groomed earlier to comply?
Who knows! I'm having a deep dive into the difference of early to late diagnosis currently...it's interesting, but for maybe all the wrong reasons 👍🏻
The birthday thing, good god...for me its just the stupidity of partying for 365 days. I mean, yes we've traveled around the sun if you want an astrological measure...but for me its just so daft to have a party for that, as we anyway get one day older every day. Every week we become one week older. Like, there is no reason to party such a thing as a year...Its just...weird!
Very weird 👍🏻
i feel very uncomfortable on weddings. I always avoid them.
Me too 👍🏻
I have always had an affinity and bond with aminals. I prefer animals to humans.
The wedding and birthday part killed me 🤣🤣🤣 I hate them too. And I want to get married just f.cking sign a paper and thats it, I dont enjoy weddings. I love my birthday, but I dont like celebrate it, and whenever I can I dont go to birthday invites. I dont like them.
Weddings make zero sense to me....'Right, we want to pay to carry on doing what we've been doing, but now I want to wear a piece of metal on my finger and sign a piece of paper. So in order to do this, lets spend a fortune on it that we could have spent to do up the kitchen, and invite people we haven't seen for 25 years to eat food and sit with other strangers'.
Weird.
Dogs!.. bloody brilliant, totally relate to everything you say and try and stop me walking my dog because that's what they need!..end of!!! ps. Love the smell of dogs ears, the best smell ever!! .. undiagnosed autistic x
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