I’ve never been violent, never hit my children, rarely feel rage. People describe me as very gentle, very calm and even whilst melting down. I turn my meltdowns inwards. I do though become non verbal.
Non verbal is something I reach too, when too much happens too soon, and I struggle to process it all as quick as I need to. If things keep happening, I just 'stop' in that sense.
I just saw a case where a 17-yr old youth beat his teacher unconscious, broke her ribs, caused neurological damage. She confiscated an electronic device and that's when he attacked her. He's a huge guy. I thought of this video because his mother is claiming this is a result of his autism and his lawyers are trying to say he should not have to stand trial because he is impaired by autism. They want the teacher to say that this young man should not be facing 30 years in prison, but a reduced sentence and so far she has not caved to this. This makes autism look like a scary and violent thing and is a disservice to autistic people everywhere. I appreciate your clear discussion of this.
I saw that case too. There were serious failings. He shouldn't have responded the way he did, but also shouldn't have been in an environment where he could. I doubt the youth was risk assessed competently which would be the main failing, the rest is tinder to start the fire after that.
When my son was sixteen I took his game system as punishment and he had a meltdown and I had to go to my room and lock the door because he has gotten violent hitting things. He has threatened my life and I do believe he could follow through. He is on antidepressants now and his behavior has improved a lot but I’m still afraid of him. I do believe a student could beat a teacher but there should have been signs of this behavior before the incident.
My meltdowns are primarily internal and they feel like the worst thing when you're not allowed to get them out. It's like imploding and collapsing in on yourself, becoming a withered imprint of yourself. You just end up existing less and less, boundaries and ego consumed by a black hole. You're nobody. If you'd let them out, people would classify them as tantrums and attitude problems. I feel I've been gaslit so much my entire life by the outside world I would hardly be able to tell the difference either, unless the meltdowns are strictly sensory, and when are they really? NTs require this and that of you, demean and disrespect you when you draw boundaries, twist and manipulate you to think your boundaries are just 'challenges' or attitude problems, and you wonder why you end up with any level of demand avoidance. It's so tiring.
Hi Paul. I'm not on the spectrum, but I am a medical student trying to understand what life is like for someone who is, without having to resort to generic textbook definitions and secondhand accounts from other physicians. I just wanted to say you're an excellent orator and I find myself listening to your episodes on the way to work everyday. Keep on keeping on!
As a woman on the spectrum my version of a meltdown is a little different. Likely due to masking. Not sure. But when it’s building up I either have to fight it back all day, or, if I’m able, seek out solitude, in a room I can close myself in, and I just cry, and cry, and try to talk myself through and out of it. Talk to myself about what led up to it. Sometimes I do snap - verbally - and maybe hit something (not someone, though sometimes I hit my own palms), before then needing to shut myself away for at least 20 minutes. Preferably longer. After which I’m utterly exhausted. Though when it happens at work I then have to keep pushing through until I can get home.
Mine is very much the same. Although when I'm at work I will go find a quiet place if possible or step outside for air. However for the longest time I didn't know it was an autistic meltdown. I am in the process now of being diagnosed and it's answering so many questions.
I love how you said autism is dark & EVIL. considering I need to basically fight to live during my weekly depression attacks at work at my warehouse job (which i actually to like) where I'm "taken over" to off myself against my will, I'd agree! And then I feel extra isolated because I'm coping with this unique evil on a regular basis. And the folks around me are stressed out over their remodeling job of their home or whatever. Mouth breathing muggles... I have a love/hate relationship with humanity.
Heat can contribute to meltdowns, too. As a child I remember suffering much more in the summer than in the winter. We didn't have a great heating system and it was often cold, but the heat was worst. Plus, hard to sleep in the heat so sleep loss. You said in one of these that you prefer walking in the winter. So do I, people rarely walk in the winter or during rain, so you don't have too many people. Once it's spring, everyone thinks they should stop you to chat about how beautiful it is. If you wear a big floppy hat, they are less likely to do that, haha.
I'm much more grumpy in the heat. Even today, I just found myself more bothered than usual, and it was the heat. I felt like the Hulk just before he loses it.
I am there with you when you describe the horror of having to socialise in a new team. I think sometimes I would be better off not being "high functioning," life is hard enough, then adding having to do a job where people put their social norms onto you. Your videos have made me feel less alone with this. Thank you
I’ve done all 3 and lost my job due to it. 7 months later I’m still shut down. Im ok though, I needed a huge break. I may not be able to eat more than one meal a day as I have no income now, and only wash if I HAVE to leave the house, which is about once every three weeks. I’m so pleased to not be suicidal every day, just now and then.
Victories don't have to be huge, they just need to be movement in the right direction. I have had about 3 breaks in the last 5 years due to stress related absences. I wish there was scope for breaks that were not related to stress.
A book that helped me a lot is The Truths We Must Believe by Dr. Chris Thurman from Minirith-Meyer Clinic. Just hold on, Love. This is just a season. Find 5 awesome songs that could be theme music for the next session you'd like to move into. Believe that you are an intentional creation by a Creator that cherishes you. Find a few things that you can truly be grateful for every day...even toilet paper and a light bulbs. It helps to give the mind a break and get into a better state. Blessings and peace.
I've had meltdowns that were all over the map: trembling uncontrollably while crying so hard I had to gasp for air, pacing and clenching my fists while muttering under my breath, punching myself in the face or repeatedly slamming my head into the wall, sometimes just sitting down and crying.
You describe a proper 100% meltdown for me. Looking at it afterwards is a nightmare because that kind of behavior is scary as hell too me. Thank goodness it doesn't happen very often. Shut downs and quietly turning in on myself is far more common. None of it is easy to deal with, during or after. Thank you for validating my experience!
been in a relationship for 2.5 years. he knows i have autism. had my first meltdown the other day (as i've basically masked for 2.5 years) because i had been in too many noisy environments and neighbours next door making insane amounts of noise in the garden, i just snapped and opened the window and shouted at them to be quiet. i didn't swear, i just shouted be quiet and told them they had caused an argument (which they had). partner told me i was just a b1tch and using autism as an excuse. said i was 'fu5king crazy' and 'fu5ked in the head'. i spent hours in tears trying to explain it's not and that i have autism. i feel traumatised by it. he even made me write them a note apologising over it. and said he was ashamed of me. he is an intelligent man, with no emotional intelligence. what would you do?
Sorry to hear that. The problem here is that he doesn't realise the severity of masking and needs to educate himself, maybe with your help once he apologises for his outburst. He isn't Autistic is he? So what's his excuse for being so horrible to you? Masking is about blending in to make everyone else feel okay, to our detriment. In this instance, your safe space, your recharge space, was threatened by people not considering you. Your mask is allowed to fall in your safe space. You're not wrong for masking, but he needs to learn about the absolute seriousness of what masking holds up for us and what it holds together. You unfortunately had a meltdown, you will have many more too! Masking is for everyone and everything else, yet you dropped it and was instantly persecuted upon doing so and spoken to like a piece of garbage. He needs an education. You can't just fall back into masking for everyone else's benefit and live hidden. It's not right.
He won't understand the heightened perception and how "regular" (for people with strong sensory filters) environments are intense to deal with and stress building. The other bit that can help people understand is knowing there are not the same early warning system to head stress off before it becomes unmanageable. Plus, he might not know what the stressors are for you and if he doesn't know, he probably cannot spot your stress rising and help with regulation. People who are good to be close with will view you with a gentle and positive kind regard. They make an effort and try to understand and help if they can. Communication is going to be key to sort out what each person's mental state was and what was being thought of. Respect is important, for yourself and for others.
First let me remind you he's a boyfriend and he has no entitlement or in any position to make you write an apology letter to your neighbors!! Sorry but that sounds controlling and could be like psychological abuse. Talking to you in that way is not loving or compassionate nor os it helpful. I've reached a point in my life I no longer make excuses for people like that who gaslight and manipulate to make me think I'm crazy and unworthy. I'm sorry but not sorry but f*k him!! Who os he to treat you like a child and make you write an apology that's jus5 mean. And saying it's just an excuse sounds narcissistic. Please let us know how things are for you. I hope you're doing better with or without him
He needs an education in what autism is and isn't, and if he's not willing to put forth the effort to understand, he doesn't deserve you. Agree with the person who said that his response was abusive, and the fact that he judges you without making an attempt to understand is a very bad sign.
Those kind of outbursts are normal here. We lived in block buildings for 10 years. Not having money to move, nor a place to go made those years Hell. We finally moved last year, to a house not touching any neighbor building. But the PTSD is there. The first months after moving, I freaked at anyone making a bit too much noise. Well I yelled over the hedges. I can still feel the pressure but much less now. Except when people really do need to not ignore neighbors. Special sensitivity or specially noisy or not any of those, we do need to be considerate both ways. Some places are just not right for some people. After a long wait, we rented a small house.
I'm writing this comment at 13:08 and I really really really really relate. I'm still learning about myself and all this. And even though I feel sad that others go through this it's selfishly nice to know I'm not alone. I'm trying to find ways to "handle" a meltdown because it effects my family. I mean I can't handle a melt down. There's no time between 0 and 1. Anyways thank you for your video. What I'm getting is that I have to not even get to burnout... Sigh. As for this guy who half a meltdown and shot a police officer. In my head there's to many steps to shoot someone. Having to get the gun, aim, and shoot. And that's putting it simply it's all to complicated and requires thinking and I know when I'm melting down I can't put anything together in my head I'm just yelling and at worst hitting myself. There's no logical thought. So, like to many steps to plan to shoot someone. I hope that makes sense somehow.
Your content is my favorite content on autism you understand self responsibility, most the content I have found is telling you to make your problems everyone else's
This video made me cry. You described how I have lived for decades. I have 2 college degrees and an excellent career, but I'm so different and have to work twice as hard to succeed. Thank you for sharing and providing details. They are very important for us to hear and learn.
Had to go over this info again. No shutdown for me as gifted, its a complete implosion, and dead stop of everything. Body damage from stress related illness. Long recovery just to function normally. Its about the only thing that turns off my mind. What you talk of can help save me from crashing and taking long term damage. Huge relief as as its a scary experience.
I almost cried hearing you explaining your feelings when melting down it’s exactly what happened to me and how I felt but my alexithymia was in the way of me understanding it ‘ it’s exactly like this I am on thr spotlight and in the front when I need to be anonymous and hidden and I cant do anything about it I cant run or hide, I feel so exposed and it’s horrifying
The memories of meltdowns of long past scare the shit out of me. So close to doing things that woulda put me in prison for life. Devine intervention? Luck? These memories have become a leash to navigate my life around certain triggers.
Only just found your channel and hear of this case, after watching the video he clearly knew what he was doing. After nearly 40 years of meltdowns the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone, from a childhood of trauma caused by becoming violent and hurting others or myself and losing the people I care about the most because of it, I now just want to find a safe space/person where I can feel safe being autistic and stim without being judged whilst it all blows over.
Thanks!🙏 I can relate to everything you’re saying pretty brick wall 🧱 hard with a 🦵 kick in the pants and a right hook to the jaw🥊.Hang in there mate. Sorry for your struggles. I just got done with my second half of autism testing @42. It kicked me good. Made me feel even more stupid than I thought I was. (Not saying autistic people are stupid, just me😂)Might also have to do with 4 concussions. lol I enjoy my recluse life in the woods with my dog, animals, and trees making art and soap. I’m fortunate that way at least. 🙏❤️🩹 Hang in there, friend. Thanks for your amazing videos. They keep me going along with many others. I agree with the other commenter about your great oration skills. Keep it up when you are able. It helps us more than people acknowledge, I’m sure. You’ve gotten me through some pretty tough times. I appreciate you. 🙏 Thanks. Take care.
Wow Paul this video was fortuitous as I am just coming out of a shutdown! Well almost. Very good description of the meltdown process. For me the order is different as a meltdown is the worst for me. Scrunched up in a ball either angry or sad or both! I do agree about the visible component as it is very clear I am melting down. It is nearly impossible to postpone one. Shut downs for me last a lot longer but aren’t quite as crippling. Yesterday was couch day under a blanket and no communication. And then I went to bed early😂. As for the news story I for one can’t function in a meltdown. All that you could get from me is a verbal bashing! Great video!
Thank Bryan. And I agree, the most visible and outwardly action is a meltdown. Shutdowns, I go into my shell and don't want to come out. I just really dispise Autism being brought up as an excuse for behaviour, as if it's an answer to explain poor judgement. We are for the most part so conscientious, respectful, considerate and peaceful, yet the news only wants to let others know we exist when there is a reason to bash us. It's tiring!
They really do, and it's tiring. People need to own their actions. The lack if personal accountability is frustrating. The amount most of us do just to keep our head above water, the part that others don't see, just gets undermined by this type of person unfortunately
I have to differ from you on one thing you said. I think it's important to distinguish that burnout, meltdown, and shutdown can actually mean different things even within the Autistic community. I think people think they all occur for the same reasons. For example, for me, meltdowns, burnouts, and shutdowns are not degrees of each other. And I can have meltdowns and shutdowns without being in burnout. So there are different types of these three things. But this video is excellent.❤
Absolutely. It's why I always say for me that I can only speak for me. I'll have said that somewhere in the video. The one thing I won't do is speak of behalf of others as i cant stand it being done for me. I simply share my perspective, and am clear about that 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I try to do the same as well. I noticed afterwards that you were saying "for me." I really appreciate that so much. I watch a lot of content creators and many of them will say, "Autistic people do this," or, Autistic people do or don't do that." Sometimes it is ok to speak that way but I really always prefer to say that I can only speak for myself. It always especially sounds strange to me when I hear nts talk about what we do and don't do in absolutes. I wish they wouldn't do that all the time. We don't speak about them in absolutes all the time.
I hate being spoken for, especially for an individual difference. I hear it all the time about what 'we' need or what 'we' do. I can only speak for me, and try (if I remember) to always point it out 👍🏻
You are a great educator. I needed to hear that for some reason. I’m not sure why yet but l know it will serve me well. The idea that I cannot blame autism for foolish choices. Yes.
Meltdowns for me are my david banner moments and the worst have always been on my own, no one has ever seen me really go for it properly. No, I dont turn green and no, its never one thing...its an accumulation and what I realise now is its my inability to recognize and respect my own boundaries. Having a bad nights sleep really isnt good for me, its the starting point. Now I know Im autistic ive a little more awareness but its still a battle at times
I think you are such a terrific person - you care, you want to share, and I like your personality and the way you think. Your presentation is so good. I’m not saying I really get the meltdown, but with an anxiety attack, which I get, you freeze, can’t really do anything, stay safe at home in bed, and try to get yourself together by relaxing (yeah, right), listening to YT, playing a solo online game (that isn’t stupid), and maybe take half a clonazepam (I call it my calmer downer :). If you have someone who can tell you to take your time and rest, it’s really nice. Would a friend like that help with a meltdown? I would tend to hold your hand and say it’s okay, but I don’t know if that would be good for you, but I’d definitely understand. I think people with brain chemistry “hiccups” understand each other. You keep that smile of yours, too :) 🐶🌷🌱
For me, meltdowns are something I need to help myself. I have to get out the situation and calm myself down. Any input from others just worsens it. Thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
Excellent description. When you have meltdowns you know a meltdown dynamic. I haven’t seen the case you mention, but I’m sure you are correct Paul. Meltdowns are the worst😢
Hi Paul, I'm a recent subscriber (and considering joining your Patreon). I'm self diagnosed, thanks to YT recommending me autism vids. I brushed them off, until 2 days ago, when an autist RUclipsr was talking about 25 things that happens to him. I scored 20. I couldn't believe it, it was as if I finally found someone as weird as me. I began to take the tests of the embrace-autism site (you know, AQ, FQ,SQ, RAADS-R....) all of them signaling very strong or high probability of autism. So here I am, learning and comparing my life experiences with your life experiences. An official diagnose in my country, Venezuela, is extremely expensive, and the non-profit organizations are understaffed and underpaid, if I even try to ask them, I feel as if I would be taking a valuable spot for a child or teen. I can't do that. So I guess I'll stay undiagnosed until I save enough money or go directly to psychologist specialized on autism. In the meanwhile I listen to many autist YT, including you. You'll see, during my lifetime (I'm 45 years old, male) I always attributed my continuous crying bouts at night to depression, even being violent a couple of times with people that got to me, badly. Until there, nothing abnormal, right? thing is, this happened since I have memory. as a teenager, I spent nights crying in my bed at night, many times at week. I always attributed them to a chronic depression. But a depression that lasts a whole lifetime? Of course I never went to a psychologist. I'm a man, you know? men don't cry, and don't bother anyone with such things. Or at least that was the belief I was raised for. I guess being diagnosed at the 80's was difficult. You point that there is a violence factor in the meltdowns. I wonder if the violence can be against oneself. I'll explain. Back in 2008, I received my HIV+ diagnosis. I was with my mother when I received in the laboratory (they immediately booked me for another visit 3 days later for the meds) I held my mother's hand strongly, but didn't even flinch. I was broken down inside but I couldn't even show it. Afterwards, I separated from my mother, telling her that I would be alright, I was just gonna go to work (bad idea). During those years I worked as a system analyst in an insurance company, and I had to take the subway to get to the office. I should have taken the day off but I couldn't, not yet. Back in the subway, I started to walk like a robot in the transfer hallway between the lines of the subway. I was hating everyone, but, especially, hating myself, for the diagnosis, for everything in my life. Everything was falling apart. My own stigma was overtaking, I couldn't be myself. So I walked like a robot. When I was getting to the train I was supposed to take, I wasn't stopping walking. I was decided to jump and end everything. Lucky for me, I dunno if it was destiny, a train showed up like 5 seconds before I get near, even the wagon was almost empty, which is weird for that hour (it was almost 11:00 AM). I was mute all the day, and I couldn't even take the subway in the back trip to my home. Of course, when I finally got home, cried me for hours. I wonder if that could be classified as a meltdown, it was the first and only time I tried to take my life. I shake while I write this, only my mom knows about this suicide attempt. About the others, I'm still trying to determine the burnouts, but the shutdowns.. I get them when my stress level goes to the max, I find myself freezing when I get into discussions with everyone, like my parents, my ex-boss or ex-coworkers. I want to rage, I want to shout at them but I find myself froze in place only to let them talk to themselves and just walking away, as if my body was a prison. Now I wonder if it was my brain all along. Thanks for your vids Paul. Rafael
Hi Rafael, Whether you are or not Autistic, it isn't detrimental to apply the boundaries Autistic people tend to put around themselves as control measures for the world we navigate. They may help you regardless. It's definitely worth staying on the path of exploration 👍🏻
I am waiting for an assessment. I am 61 and live in Nantwich Cheshire. The more i watch these videos, the more i feel i must be Autistic? ... im trying to understand what happens to the Amygdala, during onset of meltdown? ... i have been told i could have Borderline personality disorder or Autism, as very similar in some ways. Its a very complex process, trying to work out what is wrong with me?
I've had a few meltdowns recently over a relationship. It's always about things I've bottled up, been too nice to people, too trusting, and putting up with being lied to and treated like shit. All this stuff then comes out in very unflattering outbursts. Alcohol is usually involved, and that's one of the 'benefits' of alcohol because it allows these things to come out, because otherwise I'd probably just put up with the bad relationship for longer and store up an even bigger meltdown.
Years back, 3 friends helped me move around in my room. It may have looked messy, but everything had a place. As feared, they understood nothing and began moving things on their own and I was only one and could not keep up with correcting destinations. If a camera was there, you would see me stopping up, breathing heavy and look dizzy. I could not speak loud enough for them to hear. My world was falling apart and I had to stop them. They violated my limits soo bad, ignoring me. Violence seems to wake people, but I should not attack my helping friends, they would not understand. Well the time was now and in my blurred sight I spottede the legs of the one who was best equipped to handle the whole. I kicked his leg hard. There I released it, I send the message and It will be respected. I can slowly begin breathing again. The whole visible meltdow was short, but I had warmed up because I knew there was a high risk of this. This is really what The Incredible Hulk is all about.
There are 3 times I can recall that may have been similar. All in social situations where I felt like everyone was looking at me and I just had to leave... In 2007 I was at Universal Studios home on leave from Iraq, I started to feel weird... My mom noticed and asked what was wrong... I got very angry and just wanted to leave, but I couldn't, I didn't want to ruin everyone else's time there. And I had no vehicle to leave in. Second time was very similar at a state fair. I wanted to see Ted Nugent and hear "Cat Scratch Fever" live. We never made it. We left 15 minutes after we got there. Third time made me feel worse than any other time. It was at my nieces birthday party. This time I had a way to escape and I did... I left way early. Maybe 10 minutes after I got there.
It is a relif to here this discription of what meltdowns are. I know what this is now and its the same thing i experience but i didn't understand it thought of it as a self discipline failure on my fault and despite using introspection and learning methods of mental discipline and communication, if i get so far along in stress that i have this experience...it takes over and even though the rational side of me is still commenting quietly in my head, the reasoning doesnt stop what feels like being stuck in an action to completion. I have a weird version of alexithymia..i cannot spot the signs of stress and so it can build in me without me knowing i should change something to keep from burning myself out...i dont actually know i am burnt out, so it is actually the point after repeated burnout... that experience of hitting a wall that not only crashes you but physically stops you. I am scrambling around trying to design my life and environment to cut out as much stressors as possible. This description is a missing piece i need to catch myself in the early stage so i do not take so much damage. Thank you!
@@Diverse_Interests I know what you mean. As a kid I remember walking up and down the street praying that I could have a temper like my calm father instead of like my volatile mother.
I can see you are worked up in this video compared to other videos I have watched. I can relate so much. The added volume and animation when feeling that anxious stress is so familiar. I found that meltdown point many times when I was younger especially when drinking. People never really understood nor cared. I never knew what was driving me to these points, I would just flip out. I'm glad you mentioned Patreon. I am going join as my birthday present to myself.
Thank you Paul, I do believe that you're right about the Meltdown 'excuse' in this example that you've described, in my experience then my upset would be very apparent. I've not heard of this particular case (as I don't watch mainstream media), but the case that you've outlined does remind me of the example of the Autistic individual who pushed a child off the viewing platform / balcony at Tate Modern a while back. I'm pretty sure that the individual concerned had previously expressed a fascination as to what would happen, and consequently there was an element of planning to what eventually happened when they had the opportunity to enact-it on the occasion that they were not properly supervised. Thank you for making these videos, I always learn something new. Paul
Thanks Paul appreciated. I honestly have a ton of thoughts that I'm deeply curious of the outcome if I followed through with actions. All the way from the meek and mild to the weird and wonderful. I just simply don't do them as consequences are there for a reason! Hopefully de Zoysa will get his 👍🏻
I used to live in Phoenix Arizona for many years. I'd ride my my bike in 115°. I think cuz I'm only ASD1 that I was better to adapt. But that high adaptability may have also contributed to my ability to function that I never thought of before.
I remember at my last job, I already had a job coach but it wasn't because of autism but I already knew I had autism and I told her. I was assigned a job coach for anxiety and stupid substance abuse. I was getting picked on again by a girl(again) and I was also struggling with the work. I was getting in trouble because of calling out a lot. So it was me and my coach and she was trying to talk to me and ask me questions but i just couldn't speak and I noticed she got annoyed at me because I wasn't speaking. Than it was me and my supervisor and a human resource lady and it was intense for me as they wanted to know what was going on. I just couldn't speak and I was just done and had enough. I quit on the spot but not on bad terms. It was hard. I was so shut down. I wish I was diagnosed at that time because maybe I could have been better understood but than again probably not lol smh.
Hi! Just subscribed. I think i need a support of people like me. I have ADHD and recently was diagnosed with Autism, as an added god damn bonus. Trying to learn things about me and sort them in the "right boxes" at the tender age of 50. Specifically the meltdowns and burnouts. Burnouts are kinda covered, i am living in them. Now, the meltdowns...once you said "i will set the world on fire"....that is what i usually say. I feel like i have a melting nuke reactor inside that is going to blow. And just seconds before it happens, suddenly everything turns black, my eyes see differently, hard to explain how. My head is pounding and quiet at the same time and i cannot control what i do. Just brief seconds, but it is just a primitive, carnal rage, when ppl should just run and hide. And the thing is, i have very sketchy recollection what happened during those moments. And then.....i need to sleep. I am empty. And will take looooong to get back to base.
Why is it that I relate more in some ways to male explanations to some aspects of asd than female? I am female.😮 yet, I can see many of the female explanations. Thank you so much for sharing this.
"Stand by mode" is what I refer to as "being paralyzed" and unable to act and/or speak. Other things you said that I've said the exact words: "i cant help but think about them; they keep me awake at night." "The way that it's being taught is not the way that I learn it. So I have to translate." I explain learning for me as taking the information that's being given to me and then filtering it through a go-go gadget decoder device and only then being able to absorb the information and then filtering it back through the decoding device to be able to answer the question correctly. That's a 5 step process with me being in the middle as the processing device (which includes a step). So: 1.) Outside info received by me 2.) Information translated 3.) information processed (problem solving) 4.) Information translated back 5.) Information exchanged, given or expressed by me.
@@AdultwithAutismI don't know one person in person or online that I speak with who understands this process. I'm just starting to peruse the online autistic community.
I struggle with the heat so bad too. I'm also pretty convinced I sweat more than is normal, I only have to move the smallest amount and my whole face and chest is DRIPPING! I'll dry myself and within maybe half a minute it's the same again. It's embarrassing and a complete sensory nightmare. As for the video! 😂 I agree. I have a special kind of hatred (and I don't use that word lightly) for people who; A- Fake disorders and/or glorify disorders including autism cause they think it's "quirky". B- Ignore the existence of hidden disabilities such as autism and are downright hateful and ableist to us. And C- Have the audacity to use autism as an excuse for terrible, horrible behaviour, thus once again stigmatising us. I also came into this video thinking I don't believe I experience selective mutism, but then I remembered how shutdowns/overload feels to me. Especially with how you explained it! In those moments, nothing anybody says to me makes sense, even "Hello", cause it's like throwing another piece of rubbish onto a heaving, overfilled rubbish bin. It just bounces off the pile and lands on the floor. It's impossible to go in cause there's no room. Obviously, if it can't go in, I can't understand or respond to it. That's possibly the closest to mutism I experience. Give beautiful George and Dexter my love 🥰🐾
Yep, using Autism as an excuse is no excuse. Otherwise, where is the line? What is choice, attitude or Autism when it comes to actions? George and Dexter are full of love, although not sure George thinks so now I've had his ball removed.
@@AdultwithAutism Exactly. Plus it gives us all a bad rep. Again! Awh bless his heart 😄💖 I remember you mentioning that George was to have the op. I'm sure he'll be happier in the long run 🥰 Beautiful boy 💓🥰
I had to pause to convert that 20°C to freedom units, and mate, it's 32°C here in my area with 100% humidity, and it's only going to get hotter. I'm envious is all I'm saying 😂. Cheers mate, we'll roast together
@@AdultwithAutism not at night, but 30C is weather that I would open my windows to give the AC a break. The real killer is the humidity. After about 80% sweat stops evaporating, so even once the sun is down the moisture in the air still has a LOT of thermal mass it's a sweaty humid mess.
I had to go to my nephew's wedding , about a 6 hour drive away on roads I didn't know. The only person able to go with me has a traumatic brain injury. I researched everything, found something I could stand to wear that would be acceptable. I paid for everything and found a reasonable Air BNB. On the drive she complained about every rest stop, they didn't have food she wanted. At the Air BNB she was upset because the owner had a confederate flag on his garage where he worked on motorcycles. She was sure he would kill us in our sleep. In reality he was a nice guy. I had researched parks nearby where I could go and walk alone. She NEVER let me be alone, she just was following all the time. I thought she could sit by the bay and let me walk, but no. Then there was a brunch before the wedding. She was all dressed up with her make-up on. She wouldn't believe me that it was informal and I could just wear pants and a shirt. The brunch was very informal. I didn't really know anyone there until my brother and sister-in-law arrived last. My sister-in-law has been a bit of a sore subject for years. She used to sort of look down on us. It's much better now. My sister-in-law was wearing short shorts, a tank top and you could see too much, I would never dress that way! It's fine if she wants to, it's just not something I could do. We left the brunch and my friend turned to me and said: "Your brother married his sister." Who says that? It was the last straw. I barely got us back to the Air BNB before I had a meltdown. She still wouldn't stop and give me space. It was the worst one I had in years. I was slamming my hands into my head, crying, etc. I called my best friend back home and said: " Explain to her about my sister-in- law". He knew everything and totally understood. Unfortunately, he was with the friend who was caring for my animals. I left and walked and walked with tears streaming down my face. I later heard that the one who overheard because she was there for the phone call was afraid now that any tiny thing could send me into a meltdown. I hadn't had one like that in years. It really bothers me that she now thinks I am so volatile. I never made the wedding that afternoon.
@@AdultwithAutism Thanks, I am very blessed in my small group of friends. I couldn't continue my relationship with her after that trip. I managed to excuse everything before then by telling myself " she has a traumatic brain injury". One time I ended up in the ICU for nine days. My friends, unbeknownst to me, got together and made a schedule to take turns caring for my animals. That still brings tears to my eyes. When I got out and found out what they did I started to learn that instead of always being the one helping that I could actually ask for help when I needed it. It still amazes me that they did that for me without even being asked.
In this instance for de Zoysa, he shown zero signs of a meltdown. In or out of a meltdown, he made his choices consciously. Definitely not sensibly, but certainly consciously.
@@AdultwithAutism verily so. I know I can't stop a meltdown but I can certainly stop myself from hurting people in a meltdown. It's not like moral reasoning turns off due to a meltdown or anything so
Couldn't agree more. I've been I many a meltdown, never hurt anyone else physically due to it...and certainly never bought a gun, crafted handmade bullets, consealed the weapon under a search, waiting for the police to return once in the station, and open fired when challenged. It might not have been his intention, but you don't carry a gun for no reason regardless. Nothing to do with Autism 👍🏻
I like these videos as you don't make up things, I saw a person once called Dan that says people with Autism have sleep issues, which is a lie, as I don't have that, that person makes autistic content and half of it, is made up stuff for views.
I have a family members 2 year old party next week found out about it yesturday. I spent all night imagining senarios .....who would be there , how it will be etc no sleep for me it's like I have already been to the party all night in my head!
I have the diagnosis. Not because I asked to be evaluated for autism. I walked in asking to be evaluated for adhd and walked out with a paper stating autism spectrum. I have no idea if they got it right but I won't go through the ordeal of getting evaluated again. So there is that. I don't understand how a meltdown is different from a temper tantrum? Something is offsetting, the person can't downregulate the emotions and out comes a temper tantrum. Maybe for autistic people what's offsetting is different than for normal people and maybe they have an additional problem of down regulating emotions. But it's a temper tantrum. No?
No. A temper tantrum is based around not regulating emotion based on not getting what you demand / expect. An Autistic meltdown is an overload of too much, or something going drastically wrong too quickly. Very different.
I’ve never been violent, never hit my children, rarely feel rage. People describe me as very gentle, very calm and even whilst melting down. I turn my meltdowns inwards. I do though become non verbal.
Non verbal is something I reach too, when too much happens too soon, and I struggle to process it all as quick as I need to. If things keep happening, I just 'stop' in that sense.
I'm the same and this happened to me today and I'm sorry it happened to you too. Thank you for sharing, I feel less ashamed
I just saw a case where a 17-yr old youth beat his teacher unconscious, broke her ribs, caused neurological damage. She confiscated an electronic device and that's when he attacked her. He's a huge guy. I thought of this video because his mother is claiming this is a result of his autism and his lawyers are trying to say he should not have to stand trial because he is impaired by autism. They want the teacher to say that this young man should not be facing 30 years in prison, but a reduced sentence and so far she has not caved to this. This makes autism look like a scary and violent thing and is a disservice to autistic people everywhere. I appreciate your clear discussion of this.
I saw that case too. There were serious failings. He shouldn't have responded the way he did, but also shouldn't have been in an environment where he could.
I doubt the youth was risk assessed competently which would be the main failing, the rest is tinder to start the fire after that.
When my son was sixteen I took his game system as punishment and he had a meltdown and I had to go to my room and lock the door because he has gotten violent hitting things. He has threatened my life and I do believe he could follow through. He is on antidepressants now and his behavior has improved a lot but I’m still afraid of him. I do believe a student could beat a teacher but there should have been signs of this behavior before the incident.
My meltdowns are primarily internal and they feel like the worst thing when you're not allowed to get them out. It's like imploding and collapsing in on yourself, becoming a withered imprint of yourself. You just end up existing less and less, boundaries and ego consumed by a black hole. You're nobody. If you'd let them out, people would classify them as tantrums and attitude problems. I feel I've been gaslit so much my entire life by the outside world I would hardly be able to tell the difference either, unless the meltdowns are strictly sensory, and when are they really? NTs require this and that of you, demean and disrespect you when you draw boundaries, twist and manipulate you to think your boundaries are just 'challenges' or attitude problems, and you wonder why you end up with any level of demand avoidance. It's so tiring.
So on point to what I’m feeling at the moment.
Thank you!
Hi Paul. I'm not on the spectrum, but I am a medical student trying to understand what life is like for someone who is, without having to resort to generic textbook definitions and secondhand accounts from other physicians. I just wanted to say you're an excellent orator and I find myself listening to your episodes on the way to work everyday. Keep on keeping on!
Thank you, I really appreciate that 👍🏻
Thank you for caring! Thank you for being in med school and honestly caring and trying to learn what autism actually is. Wow.
As a woman on the spectrum my version of a meltdown is a little different. Likely due to masking. Not sure. But when it’s building up I either have to fight it back all day, or, if I’m able, seek out solitude, in a room I can close myself in, and I just cry, and cry, and try to talk myself through and out of it. Talk to myself about what led up to it. Sometimes I do snap - verbally - and maybe hit something (not someone, though sometimes I hit my own palms), before then needing to shut myself away for at least 20 minutes. Preferably longer. After which I’m utterly exhausted. Though when it happens at work I then have to keep pushing through until I can get home.
Thanks for sharing that 👍🏻
Mine is very much the same. Although when I'm at work I will go find a quiet place if possible or step outside for air. However for the longest time I didn't know it was an autistic meltdown. I am in the process now of being diagnosed and it's answering so many questions.
sounds identical to my version - autistic woman here as well
I love how you said autism is dark & EVIL. considering I need to basically fight to live during my weekly depression attacks at work at my warehouse job (which i actually to like) where I'm "taken over" to off myself against my will, I'd agree!
And then I feel extra isolated because I'm coping with this unique evil on a regular basis. And the folks around me are stressed out over their remodeling job of their home or whatever. Mouth breathing muggles... I have a love/hate relationship with humanity.
Sounds like how my week's have gone for as long as I can remember. It's why I'm a recluse come weekend, I'm spent!
Mouth-breathing muggles lol
Govt, school,work,religion,capitalism are an autistics greatest enemy.
Heat can contribute to meltdowns, too. As a child I remember suffering much more in the summer than in the winter. We didn't have a great heating system and it was often cold, but the heat was worst. Plus, hard to sleep in the heat so sleep loss. You said in one of these that you prefer walking in the winter. So do I, people rarely walk in the winter or during rain, so you don't have too many people. Once it's spring, everyone thinks they should stop you to chat about how beautiful it is. If you wear a big floppy hat, they are less likely to do that, haha.
Very real
I'm much more grumpy in the heat. Even today, I just found myself more bothered than usual, and it was the heat. I felt like the Hulk just before he loses it.
I’m triggered severely by cold. I love heat. Interesting how different our triggers are
Hi Paul, you have such a gentle and intelligent way. I feel “at home” when listening to you
I appreciate that.
@EpiicxFuziion A short and accurate description of how I feel about Paul! The World NEEDS more Pauls!!!
I am there with you when you describe the horror of having to socialise in a new team. I think sometimes I would be better off not being "high functioning," life is hard enough, then adding having to do a job where people put their social norms onto you. Your videos have made me feel less alone with this. Thank you
New jobs are fine...new people are not. I'd do well if it wasn't for the human side. Glad it helped 👍🏻
I’ve done all 3 and lost my job due to it. 7 months later I’m still shut down. Im ok though, I needed a huge break. I may not be able to eat more than one meal a day as I have no income now, and only wash if I HAVE to leave the house, which is about once every three weeks. I’m so pleased to not be suicidal every day, just now and then.
Victories don't have to be huge, they just need to be movement in the right direction. I have had about 3 breaks in the last 5 years due to stress related absences. I wish there was scope for breaks that were not related to stress.
A book that helped me a lot is The Truths We Must Believe by Dr. Chris Thurman from Minirith-Meyer Clinic.
Just hold on, Love.
This is just a season.
Find 5 awesome songs that could be theme music for the next session you'd like to move into.
Believe that you are an intentional creation by a Creator that cherishes you.
Find a few things that you can truly be grateful for every day...even toilet paper and a light bulbs.
It helps to give the mind a break and get into a better state.
Blessings and peace.
I've had meltdowns that were all over the map: trembling uncontrollably while crying so hard I had to gasp for air, pacing and clenching my fists while muttering under my breath, punching myself in the face or repeatedly slamming my head into the wall, sometimes just sitting down and crying.
Same here
You describe a proper 100% meltdown for me. Looking at it afterwards is a nightmare because that kind of behavior is scary as hell too me. Thank goodness it doesn't happen very often.
Shut downs and quietly turning in on myself is far more common.
None of it is easy to deal with, during or after.
Thank you for validating my experience!
Glad you could resonate 👍🏻
been in a relationship for 2.5 years. he knows i have autism. had my first meltdown the other day (as i've basically masked for 2.5 years) because i had been in too many noisy environments and neighbours next door making insane amounts of noise in the garden, i just snapped and opened the window and shouted at them to be quiet. i didn't swear, i just shouted be quiet and told them they had caused an argument (which they had). partner told me i was just a b1tch and using autism as an excuse. said i was 'fu5king crazy' and 'fu5ked in the head'. i spent hours in tears trying to explain it's not and that i have autism. i feel traumatised by it. he even made me write them a note apologising over it. and said he was ashamed of me. he is an intelligent man, with no emotional intelligence. what would you do?
Sorry to hear that. The problem here is that he doesn't realise the severity of masking and needs to educate himself, maybe with your help once he apologises for his outburst. He isn't Autistic is he? So what's his excuse for being so horrible to you?
Masking is about blending in to make everyone else feel okay, to our detriment. In this instance, your safe space, your recharge space, was threatened by people not considering you. Your mask is allowed to fall in your safe space.
You're not wrong for masking, but he needs to learn about the absolute seriousness of what masking holds up for us and what it holds together. You unfortunately had a meltdown, you will have many more too! Masking is for everyone and everything else, yet you dropped it and was instantly persecuted upon doing so and spoken to like a piece of garbage.
He needs an education. You can't just fall back into masking for everyone else's benefit and live hidden. It's not right.
He won't understand the heightened perception and how "regular" (for people with strong sensory filters) environments are intense to deal with and stress building. The other bit that can help people understand is knowing there are not the same early warning system to head stress off before it becomes unmanageable. Plus, he might not know what the stressors are for you and if he doesn't know, he probably cannot spot your stress rising and help with regulation. People who are good to be close with will view you with a gentle and positive kind regard. They make an effort and try to understand and help if they can. Communication is going to be key to sort out what each person's mental state was and what was being thought of. Respect is important, for yourself and for others.
First let me remind you he's a boyfriend and he has no entitlement or in any position to make you write an apology letter to your neighbors!! Sorry but that sounds controlling and could be like psychological abuse. Talking to you in that way is not loving or compassionate nor os it helpful. I've reached a point in my life I no longer make excuses for people like that who gaslight and manipulate to make me think I'm crazy and unworthy. I'm sorry but not sorry but f*k him!! Who os he to treat you like a child and make you write an apology that's jus5 mean. And saying it's just an excuse sounds narcissistic. Please let us know how things are for you. I hope you're doing better with or without him
He needs an education in what autism is and isn't, and if he's not willing to put forth the effort to understand, he doesn't deserve you. Agree with the person who said that his response was abusive, and the fact that he judges you without making an attempt to understand is a very bad sign.
Those kind of outbursts are normal here.
We lived in block buildings for 10 years. Not having money to move, nor a place to go made those years Hell.
We finally moved last year, to a house not touching any neighbor building.
But the PTSD is there.
The first months after moving, I freaked at anyone making a bit too much noise. Well I yelled over the hedges.
I can still feel the pressure but much less now.
Except when people really do need to not ignore neighbors.
Special sensitivity or specially noisy or not any of those, we do need to be considerate both ways.
Some places are just not right for some people.
After a long wait, we rented a small house.
I'm writing this comment at 13:08 and I really really really really relate. I'm still learning about myself and all this. And even though I feel sad that others go through this it's selfishly nice to know I'm not alone. I'm trying to find ways to "handle" a meltdown because it effects my family. I mean I can't handle a melt down. There's no time between 0 and 1. Anyways thank you for your video. What I'm getting is that I have to not even get to burnout... Sigh.
As for this guy who half a meltdown and shot a police officer. In my head there's to many steps to shoot someone. Having to get the gun, aim, and shoot. And that's putting it simply it's all to complicated and requires thinking and I know when I'm melting down I can't put anything together in my head I'm just yelling and at worst hitting myself. There's no logical thought. So, like to many steps to plan to shoot someone. I hope that makes sense somehow.
He didn't have a meltdown, he made poor choices and tried to use his Autism as an excuse. Just gives Autism a bad name to those less knowledgeable 👍🏻
Your content is my favorite content on autism you understand self responsibility, most the content I have found is telling you to make your problems everyone else's
Thank you. My stance is, Autism is about management. No one else can do that part for us, yet that's the part that makes the biggest impact 👍🏻
This video made me cry. You described how I have lived for decades. I have 2 college degrees and an excellent career, but I'm so different and have to work twice as hard to succeed. Thank you for sharing and providing details. They are very important for us to hear and learn.
Sorry you cried! But glad you could resonate 👍🏻
Had to go over this info again. No shutdown for me as gifted, its a complete implosion, and dead stop of everything. Body damage from stress related illness. Long recovery just to function normally. Its about the only thing that turns off my mind. What you talk of can help save me from crashing and taking long term damage. Huge relief as as its a scary experience.
I am going to do videos on burn out and shut downs too. Hopefully they will help others differentiate if they never did before 👍🏻
I almost cried hearing you explaining your feelings when melting down it’s exactly what happened to me and how I felt but my alexithymia was in the way of me understanding it ‘ it’s exactly like this I am on thr spotlight and in the front when I need to be anonymous and hidden and I cant do anything about it I cant run or hide, I feel so exposed and it’s horrifying
The memories of meltdowns of long past scare the shit out of me. So close to doing things that woulda put me in prison for life. Devine intervention? Luck? These memories have become a leash to navigate my life around certain triggers.
Only just found your channel and hear of this case, after watching the video he clearly knew what he was doing. After nearly 40 years of meltdowns the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone, from a childhood of trauma caused by becoming violent and hurting others or myself and losing the people I care about the most because of it, I now just want to find a safe space/person where I can feel safe being autistic and stim without being judged whilst it all blows over.
Absolutely
You are doing an angels work. You are here to help others connect to themselves in new ways it’s astounding. You are good
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Thanks!🙏 I can relate to everything you’re saying pretty brick wall 🧱 hard with a 🦵 kick in the pants and a right hook to the jaw🥊.Hang in there mate. Sorry for your struggles. I just got done with my second half of autism testing @42. It kicked me good. Made me feel even more stupid than I thought I was. (Not saying autistic people are stupid, just me😂)Might also have to do with 4 concussions. lol
I enjoy my recluse life in the woods with my dog, animals, and trees making art and soap. I’m fortunate that way at least. 🙏❤️🩹 Hang in there, friend. Thanks for your amazing videos. They keep me going along with many others. I agree with the other commenter about your great oration skills. Keep it up when you are able. It helps us more than people acknowledge, I’m sure. You’ve gotten me through some pretty tough times. I appreciate you. 🙏 Thanks. Take care.
Thank you for your kind words, and your life sounds just how it needs to be, and right up my street. The quiet life is certainly underrated 👍🏻
Wow Paul this video was fortuitous as I am just coming out of a shutdown! Well almost. Very good description of the meltdown process. For me the order is different as a meltdown is the worst for me. Scrunched up in a ball either angry or sad or both! I do agree about the visible component as it is very clear I am melting down. It is nearly impossible to postpone one. Shut downs for me last a lot longer but aren’t quite as crippling. Yesterday was couch day under a blanket and no communication. And then I went to bed early😂. As for the news story I for one can’t function in a meltdown. All that you could get from me is a verbal bashing! Great video!
Thank Bryan. And I agree, the most visible and outwardly action is a meltdown. Shutdowns, I go into my shell and don't want to come out.
I just really dispise Autism being brought up as an excuse for behaviour, as if it's an answer to explain poor judgement. We are for the most part so conscientious, respectful, considerate and peaceful, yet the news only wants to let others know we exist when there is a reason to bash us.
It's tiring!
@@AdultwithAutism Well said. I agree. People pull autism out of a hat to explain and or try and get out of something they did.
They really do, and it's tiring. People need to own their actions. The lack if personal accountability is frustrating. The amount most of us do just to keep our head above water, the part that others don't see, just gets undermined by this type of person unfortunately
I have to differ from you on one thing you said. I think it's important to distinguish that burnout, meltdown, and shutdown can actually mean different things even within the Autistic community. I think people think they all occur for the same reasons.
For example, for me, meltdowns, burnouts, and shutdowns are not degrees of each other. And I can have meltdowns and shutdowns without being in burnout. So there are different types of these three things. But this video is excellent.❤
Absolutely. It's why I always say for me that I can only speak for me. I'll have said that somewhere in the video. The one thing I won't do is speak of behalf of others as i cant stand it being done for me. I simply share my perspective, and am clear about that 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I try to do the same as well. I noticed afterwards that you were saying "for me." I really appreciate that so much. I watch a lot of content creators and many of them will say, "Autistic people do this," or, Autistic people do or don't do that." Sometimes it is ok to speak that way but I really always prefer to say that I can only speak for myself. It always especially sounds strange to me when I hear nts talk about what we do and don't do in absolutes. I wish they wouldn't do that all the time. We don't speak about them in absolutes all the time.
I hate being spoken for, especially for an individual difference. I hear it all the time about what 'we' need or what 'we' do. I can only speak for me, and try (if I remember) to always point it out 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I agree! ❤️
You are a great educator. I needed to hear that for some reason. I’m not sure why yet but l know it will serve me well. The idea that I cannot blame autism for foolish choices. Yes.
Meltdowns for me are my david banner moments and the worst have always been on my own, no one has ever seen me really go for it properly. No, I dont turn green and no, its never one thing...its an accumulation and what I realise now is its my inability to recognize and respect my own boundaries. Having a bad nights sleep really isnt good for me, its the starting point. Now I know Im autistic ive a little more awareness but its still a battle at times
Thank you. You have really helped me today. I relate completely
Thank you
Thank you Paul for sharing your experience, I have been on a bit of self discovery and your stories have been very relatable and it helps.
Really glad to hear they help👍🏻
I think you are such a terrific person - you care, you want to share, and I like your personality and the way you think. Your presentation is so good. I’m not saying I really get the meltdown, but with an anxiety attack, which I get, you freeze, can’t really do anything, stay safe at home in bed, and try to get yourself together by relaxing (yeah, right), listening to YT, playing a solo online game (that isn’t stupid), and maybe take half a clonazepam (I call it my calmer downer :).
If you have someone who can tell you to take your time and rest, it’s really nice. Would a friend like that help with a meltdown? I would tend to hold your hand and say it’s okay, but I don’t know if that would be good for you, but I’d definitely understand. I think people with brain chemistry “hiccups” understand each other.
You keep that smile of yours, too :) 🐶🌷🌱
For me, meltdowns are something I need to help myself. I have to get out the situation and calm myself down. Any input from others just worsens it. Thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
Everything you are saying is so relatable!
Excellent description. When you have meltdowns you know a meltdown dynamic. I haven’t seen the case you mention, but I’m sure you are correct Paul. Meltdowns are the worst😢
Knowing my melt down triggers are what design my day, to avoid them as best as possible
Paul your videos have helped me so much! And y'imalright ❤
Thank you, and I am glad y'alright!
Thank you for your videos and sharing your experience and perspectives of the daily life of people with autism.❤
No problem at all 👍🏻
I love your lamp on the left and the content, thank you
Thank you
Hi Paul, I'm a recent subscriber (and considering joining your Patreon). I'm self diagnosed, thanks to YT recommending me autism vids. I brushed them off, until 2 days ago, when an autist RUclipsr was talking about 25 things that happens to him. I scored 20. I couldn't believe it, it was as if I finally found someone as weird as me. I began to take the tests of the embrace-autism site (you know, AQ, FQ,SQ, RAADS-R....) all of them signaling very strong or high probability of autism. So here I am, learning and comparing my life experiences with your life experiences. An official diagnose in my country, Venezuela, is extremely expensive, and the non-profit organizations are understaffed and underpaid, if I even try to ask them, I feel as if I would be taking a valuable spot for a child or teen. I can't do that. So I guess I'll stay undiagnosed until I save enough money or go directly to psychologist specialized on autism. In the meanwhile I listen to many autist YT, including you.
You'll see, during my lifetime (I'm 45 years old, male) I always attributed my continuous crying bouts at night to depression, even being violent a couple of times with people that got to me, badly. Until there, nothing abnormal, right? thing is, this happened since I have memory. as a teenager, I spent nights crying in my bed at night, many times at week. I always attributed them to a chronic depression. But a depression that lasts a whole lifetime? Of course I never went to a psychologist. I'm a man, you know? men don't cry, and don't bother anyone with such things. Or at least that was the belief I was raised for. I guess being diagnosed at the 80's was difficult.
You point that there is a violence factor in the meltdowns. I wonder if the violence can be against oneself. I'll explain. Back in 2008, I received my HIV+ diagnosis. I was with my mother when I received in the laboratory (they immediately booked me for another visit 3 days later for the meds) I held my mother's hand strongly, but didn't even flinch. I was broken down inside but I couldn't even show it. Afterwards, I separated from my mother, telling her that I would be alright, I was just gonna go to work (bad idea). During those years I worked as a system analyst in an insurance company, and I had to take the subway to get to the office. I should have taken the day off but I couldn't, not yet.
Back in the subway, I started to walk like a robot in the transfer hallway between the lines of the subway. I was hating everyone, but, especially, hating myself, for the diagnosis, for everything in my life. Everything was falling apart. My own stigma was overtaking, I couldn't be myself. So I walked like a robot. When I was getting to the train I was supposed to take, I wasn't stopping walking. I was decided to jump and end everything. Lucky for me, I dunno if it was destiny, a train showed up like 5 seconds before I get near, even the wagon was almost empty, which is weird for that hour (it was almost 11:00 AM). I was mute all the day, and I couldn't even take the subway in the back trip to my home. Of course, when I finally got home, cried me for hours.
I wonder if that could be classified as a meltdown, it was the first and only time I tried to take my life. I shake while I write this, only my mom knows about this suicide attempt.
About the others, I'm still trying to determine the burnouts, but the shutdowns.. I get them when my stress level goes to the max, I find myself freezing when I get into discussions with everyone, like my parents, my ex-boss or ex-coworkers. I want to rage, I want to shout at them but I find myself froze in place only to let them talk to themselves and just walking away, as if my body was a prison. Now I wonder if it was my brain all along.
Thanks for your vids Paul.
Rafael
Hi Rafael,
Whether you are or not Autistic, it isn't detrimental to apply the boundaries Autistic people tend to put around themselves as control measures for the world we navigate. They may help you regardless. It's definitely worth staying on the path of exploration 👍🏻
8:49 Omg is that why lately it seems like I get sick every time I have a day off? That has never occurred to me before :0
It's just a theory of mine, but it seems to ring true for me!
Its great for u to have this platform, to release/ express ur emotions and also help others. It shows so much strength. Fair play Paul.
Thank you
I am waiting for an assessment. I am 61 and live in Nantwich Cheshire. The more i watch these videos, the more i feel i must be Autistic? ... im trying to understand what happens to the Amygdala, during onset of meltdown? ... i have been told i could have Borderline personality disorder or Autism, as very similar in some ways. Its a very complex process, trying to work out what is wrong with me?
Either way, it won't be something 'wrong' with you. Simply a difference. When you know, you'll be able to adjust your course accordingly 👍🏻
I've had a few meltdowns recently over a relationship. It's always about things I've bottled up, been too nice to people, too trusting, and putting up with being lied to and treated like shit. All this stuff then comes out in very unflattering outbursts. Alcohol is usually involved, and that's one of the 'benefits' of alcohol because it allows these things to come out, because otherwise I'd probably just put up with the bad relationship for longer and store up an even bigger meltdown.
At least what needed to be said, got said. Very important for the truth to be known, no matter how tough it is to say.
Years back, 3 friends helped me move around in my room.
It may have looked messy, but everything had a place.
As feared, they understood nothing and began moving things on their own and I was only one and could not keep up with correcting destinations.
If a camera was there, you would see me stopping up, breathing heavy and look dizzy.
I could not speak loud enough for them to hear.
My world was falling apart and I had to stop them. They violated my limits soo bad, ignoring me.
Violence seems to wake people, but I should not attack my helping friends, they would not understand.
Well the time was now and in my blurred sight I spottede the legs of the one who was best equipped to handle the whole.
I kicked his leg hard.
There I released it, I send the message and It will be respected.
I can slowly begin breathing again.
The whole visible meltdow was short, but I had warmed up because I knew there was a high risk of this.
This is really what The Incredible Hulk is all about.
There are 3 times I can recall that may have been similar. All in social situations where I felt like everyone was looking at me and I just had to leave...
In 2007 I was at Universal Studios home on leave from Iraq, I started to feel weird... My mom noticed and asked what was wrong... I got very angry and just wanted to leave, but I couldn't, I didn't want to ruin everyone else's time there. And I had no vehicle to leave in.
Second time was very similar at a state fair. I wanted to see Ted Nugent and hear "Cat Scratch Fever" live. We never made it. We left 15 minutes after we got there.
Third time made me feel worse than any other time. It was at my nieces birthday party. This time I had a way to escape and I did... I left way early. Maybe 10 minutes after I got there.
It is a relif to here this discription of what meltdowns are. I know what this is now and its the same thing i experience but i didn't understand it thought of it as a self discipline failure on my fault and despite using introspection and learning methods of mental discipline and communication, if i get so far along in stress that i have this experience...it takes over and even though the rational side of me is still commenting quietly in my head, the reasoning doesnt stop what feels like being stuck in an action to completion. I have a weird version of alexithymia..i cannot spot the signs of stress and so it can build in me without me knowing i should change something to keep from burning myself out...i dont actually know i am burnt out, so it is actually the point after repeated burnout... that experience of hitting a wall that not only crashes you but physically stops you. I am scrambling around trying to design my life and environment to cut out as much stressors as possible. This description is a missing piece i need to catch myself in the early stage so i do not take so much damage. Thank you!
No problem at all. Happy it helped 👍🏻
@@Diverse_Interests I know what you mean. As a kid I remember walking up and down the street praying that I could have a temper like my calm father instead of like my volatile mother.
I can see you are worked up in this video compared to other videos I have watched. I can relate so much. The added volume and animation when feeling that anxious stress is so familiar. I found that meltdown point many times when I was younger especially when drinking. People never really understood nor cared. I never knew what was driving me to these points, I would just flip out. I'm glad you mentioned Patreon. I am going join as my birthday present to myself.
Thank you Paul,
I do believe that you're right about the Meltdown 'excuse' in this example that you've described, in my experience then my upset would be very apparent.
I've not heard of this particular case (as I don't watch mainstream media), but the case that you've outlined does remind me of the example of the Autistic individual who pushed a child off the viewing platform / balcony at Tate Modern a while back.
I'm pretty sure that the individual concerned had previously expressed a fascination as to what would happen, and consequently there was an element of planning to what eventually happened when they had the opportunity to enact-it on the occasion that they were not properly supervised.
Thank you for making these videos, I always learn something new.
Paul
Thanks Paul appreciated.
I honestly have a ton of thoughts that I'm deeply curious of the outcome if I followed through with actions. All the way from the meek and mild to the weird and wonderful. I just simply don't do them as consequences are there for a reason! Hopefully de Zoysa will get his 👍🏻
hey I am really struggling in the heat mate, I feel your pain, roll on Autumn!
Bring it on! The day a jumper can be worn will be a good day indeed!
I used to live in Phoenix Arizona for many years. I'd ride my my bike in 115°. I think cuz I'm only ASD1 that I was better to adapt. But that high adaptability may have also contributed to my ability to function that I never thought of before.
As odd as it sounds, I can deal more with an extreme heat than that of a warm day. No idea why?
@@AdultwithAutism😅 I get it
“You’re alright?” intro is. . . touching? Like, I don’t know if that is normal in the UK or just a you thing, but I love it either way.
It is how we say hello in Manchester. Y'Alright
I remember at my last job, I already had a job coach but it wasn't because of autism but I already knew I had autism and I told her. I was assigned a job coach for anxiety and stupid substance abuse. I was getting picked on again by a girl(again) and I was also struggling with the work. I was getting in trouble because of calling out a lot. So it was me and my coach and she was trying to talk to me and ask me questions but i just couldn't speak and I noticed she got annoyed at me because I wasn't speaking. Than it was me and my supervisor and a human resource lady and it was intense for me as they wanted to know what was going on. I just couldn't speak and I was just done and had enough. I quit on the spot but not on bad terms. It was hard. I was so shut down. I wish I was diagnosed at that time because maybe I could have been better understood but than again probably not lol smh.
WOW..... I HEAR YOU. I ISOLATE TO AVOID PLANNING ANXIETY.
Hi! Just subscribed. I think i need a support of people like me. I have ADHD and recently was diagnosed with Autism, as an added god damn bonus. Trying to learn things about me and sort them in the "right boxes" at the tender age of 50. Specifically the meltdowns and burnouts. Burnouts are kinda covered, i am living in them. Now, the meltdowns...once you said "i will set the world on fire"....that is what i usually say. I feel like i have a melting nuke reactor inside that is going to blow. And just seconds before it happens, suddenly everything turns black, my eyes see differently, hard to explain how. My head is pounding and quiet at the same time and i cannot control what i do. Just brief seconds, but it is just a primitive, carnal rage, when ppl should just run and hide. And the thing is, i have very sketchy recollection what happened during those moments. And then.....i need to sleep. I am empty. And will take looooong to get back to base.
I totally understand what you are saying. I'm 61 and I lose track of what I've said, when I'm ' fire breathing' .. melting down.
Very good points and I agree 100% well said.
Many thanks 👍🏻
Nailed it! 😊 thanks
Thanks 😁
Why is it that I relate more in some ways to male explanations to some aspects of asd than female? I am female.😮 yet, I can see many of the female explanations. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I think the things that tie us together in Autism are not based on much more than how we are on the inside 👍🏻
"Stand by mode" is what I refer to as "being paralyzed" and unable to act and/or speak.
Other things you said that I've said the exact words:
"i cant help but think about them; they keep me awake at night."
"The way that it's being taught is not the way that I learn it. So I have to translate." I explain learning for me as taking the information that's being given to me and then filtering it through a go-go gadget decoder device and only then being able to absorb the information and then filtering it back through the decoding device to be able to answer the question correctly. That's a 5 step process with me being in the middle as the processing device (which includes a step).
So:
1.) Outside info received by me
2.) Information translated
3.) information processed (problem solving)
4.) Information translated back
5.) Information exchanged, given or expressed by me.
Makes sense to me
@@AdultwithAutismI don't know one person in person or online that I speak with who understands this process. I'm just starting to peruse the online autistic community.
would you explain more about that need to be anonymous and hidden? It really sparkt something in me that I just cant seem to put in words
I will try to cover it in a video in the future.
@@AdultwithAutism thank you!
I struggle with the heat so bad too. I'm also pretty convinced I sweat more than is normal, I only have to move the smallest amount and my whole face and chest is DRIPPING! I'll dry myself and within maybe half a minute it's the same again. It's embarrassing and a complete sensory nightmare.
As for the video! 😂 I agree. I have a special kind of hatred (and I don't use that word lightly) for people who;
A- Fake disorders and/or glorify disorders including autism cause they think it's "quirky".
B- Ignore the existence of hidden disabilities such as autism and are downright hateful and ableist to us.
And C- Have the audacity to use autism as an excuse for terrible, horrible behaviour, thus once again stigmatising us.
I also came into this video thinking I don't believe I experience selective mutism, but then I remembered how shutdowns/overload feels to me. Especially with how you explained it!
In those moments, nothing anybody says to me makes sense, even "Hello", cause it's like throwing another piece of rubbish onto a heaving, overfilled rubbish bin. It just bounces off the pile and lands on the floor.
It's impossible to go in cause there's no room. Obviously, if it can't go in, I can't understand or respond to it. That's possibly the closest to mutism I experience.
Give beautiful George and Dexter my love 🥰🐾
Yep, using Autism as an excuse is no excuse. Otherwise, where is the line? What is choice, attitude or Autism when it comes to actions?
George and Dexter are full of love, although not sure George thinks so now I've had his ball removed.
@@AdultwithAutism Exactly. Plus it gives us all a bad rep. Again!
Awh bless his heart 😄💖 I remember you mentioning that George was to have the op. I'm sure he'll be happier in the long run 🥰 Beautiful boy 💓🥰
@shesays1111 he's back to being a silly boy again, so that's a bonus. He went a but weird for a while with balls...like most humans really
@@AdultwithAutism I'm so glad to hear! He's a wonderful boyo 🥰
Haha like most humans 😂🤣 you're not wrong 🤦🏻♀️🤣
😂
I had to pause to convert that 20°C to freedom units, and mate, it's 32°C here in my area with 100% humidity, and it's only going to get hotter. I'm envious is all I'm saying 😂.
Cheers mate, we'll roast together
32 at night?! That's a beast! But do you have Air Con? That's what missing for me...along with my sleep 😴
@@AdultwithAutism not at night, but 30C is weather that I would open my windows to give the AC a break. The real killer is the humidity. After about 80% sweat stops evaporating, so even once the sun is down the moisture in the air still has a LOT of thermal mass it's a sweaty humid mess.
@LunarGlowMedia this weather just turns my grumpy meter all the way up.
I had to go to my nephew's wedding , about a 6 hour drive away on roads I didn't know. The only person able to go with me has a traumatic brain injury.
I researched everything, found something I could stand to wear that would be acceptable. I paid for everything and found a reasonable Air BNB.
On the drive she complained about every rest stop, they didn't have food she wanted. At the Air BNB she was upset because the owner had a confederate flag on his garage where he worked on motorcycles. She was sure he would kill us in our sleep. In reality he was a nice guy.
I had researched parks nearby where I could go and walk alone. She NEVER let me be alone, she just was following all the time. I thought she could sit by the bay and let me walk, but no.
Then there was a brunch before the wedding. She was all dressed up with her make-up on. She wouldn't believe me that it was informal and I could just wear pants and a shirt.
The brunch was very informal. I didn't really know anyone there until my brother and sister-in-law arrived last. My sister-in-law has been a bit of a sore subject for years. She used to sort of look down on us. It's much better now.
My sister-in-law was wearing short shorts, a tank top and you could see too much, I would never dress that way! It's fine if she wants to, it's just not something I could do.
We left the brunch and my friend turned to me and said: "Your brother married his sister."
Who says that? It was the last straw. I barely got us back to the Air BNB before I had a meltdown.
She still wouldn't stop and give me space. It was the worst one I had in years. I was slamming my hands into my head, crying, etc.
I called my best friend back home and said: " Explain to her about my sister-in- law". He knew everything and totally understood. Unfortunately, he was with the friend who was caring for my animals.
I left and walked and walked with tears streaming down my face.
I later heard that the one who overheard because she was there for the phone call was afraid now that any tiny thing could send me into a meltdown. I hadn't had one like that in years. It really bothers me that she now thinks I am so volatile.
I never made the wedding that afternoon.
Sorry to hear that. You explain well how you were being someone for someone else...and not yourself. Take care of yourself, you're important too.
@@AdultwithAutism Thanks, I am very blessed in my small group of friends. I couldn't continue my relationship with her after that trip. I managed to excuse everything before then by telling myself " she has a traumatic brain injury".
One time I ended up in the ICU for nine days. My friends, unbeknownst to me, got together and made a schedule to take turns caring for my animals.
That still brings tears to my eyes. When I got out and found out what they did I started to learn that instead of always being the one helping that I could actually ask for help when I needed it. It still amazes me that they did that for me without even being asked.
thank you paul
many use it as excuse for bad behavior.
Some certainly do, that cannot be denied 👍🏻
I dk about anyone else but I still know what I'm doing in a meltdown soooooo.......
Behind every action is a decision.
Y'arrite
Right 😊
In this instance for de Zoysa, he shown zero signs of a meltdown. In or out of a meltdown, he made his choices consciously. Definitely not sensibly, but certainly consciously.
@@AdultwithAutism verily so. I know I can't stop a meltdown but I can certainly stop myself from hurting people in a meltdown. It's not like moral reasoning turns off due to a meltdown or anything so
Couldn't agree more. I've been I many a meltdown, never hurt anyone else physically due to it...and certainly never bought a gun, crafted handmade bullets, consealed the weapon under a search, waiting for the police to return once in the station, and open fired when challenged.
It might not have been his intention, but you don't carry a gun for no reason regardless. Nothing to do with Autism 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism indeed
I like these videos as you don't make up things, I saw a person once called Dan that says people with Autism have sleep issues, which is a lie, as I don't have that, that person makes autistic content and half of it, is made up stuff for views.
Sleep issues aren't exclusive to Autism, Autism Meltdowns however... 👍🏻
Hm ok
Intestinal issues are common and so sleep issues can be due to that ....I have sleep issues because my head just won't shut up.i am autistic.
I can't sleep because my head doesn't stop either.
I have a family members 2 year old party next week found out about it yesturday. I spent all night imagining senarios .....who would be there , how it will be etc no sleep for me it's like I have already been to the party all night in my head!
How old are you Paul?
I'm an 80's child...that's all I am saying!
GenX
Sgt Matiu Ratana shooting: Killer Louis De Zoysa will never be freed.👍
Nor should he 👍🏻
👍@@AdultwithAutism
I have the diagnosis. Not because I asked to be evaluated for autism. I walked in asking to be evaluated for adhd and walked out with a paper stating autism spectrum. I have no idea if they got it right but I won't go through the ordeal of getting evaluated again. So there is that.
I don't understand how a meltdown is different from a temper tantrum?
Something is offsetting, the person can't downregulate the emotions and out comes a temper tantrum.
Maybe for autistic people what's offsetting is different than for normal people and maybe they have an additional problem of down regulating emotions. But it's a temper tantrum.
No?
No.
A temper tantrum is based around not regulating emotion based on not getting what you demand / expect.
An Autistic meltdown is an overload of too much, or something going drastically wrong too quickly.
Very different.