Tipping delivery drivers seems to be a hot topic, so let me explain further... The app I use to order food includes a 'Processing Fee', and a 'Delivery Fee'. Both are mandatory, you cannot opt out of paying them. The 'Delivery Fee' increases the further the delivery driver has to travel...rightly so, to cover their fuel costs, and is also high enough to include a tip e.g., 2 miles = £5. Now if the restaurant doesn't pass on the 'Delivery Fee' to the driver, shame on them. But I have already paid the tip in the 'Delivery Fee'. Most of the time, the 'Processing and Delivery Fee' is an extra 25% of my order. So I've already paid a tip in the delivery fee. If the restaurant doesn't pass it on, I cannot then also pay another tip. Shame in the restaurants. Hope that clears up what I didn't explain 👍
@@AdultwithAutism totally understandable and I'm not flaming or anything. It's not the restaurants that are the greedy ones, it's the delivery partners that take the service charge delivery charge and 30% of all sales from the restaurant. In a ideal world this would be passed on to us but it's not 😂 But yeah I'm in no way trying to give grief over tipping, as I previously said in my other message thread you replied to, but let me clarify, I know who the evil one is, and it ain't the customers not explicitly tipping, it's the providers and their greedy full pockets.
Just a note: my son delivered food for a living for some time. He is also on the spectrum. He wouldn't have survived without the tips. The pay is not good enough to earn a living. He got no part of the fees. But that was in the US. May be different in the UK.
Sounds indeed awfully familiar. I think that one of the strongest clue of undiagnosed ASD is the feeling of being outsider and not belonging to the world. I feel that most people with autism share the same experience of feeling like being in a wrong world and the feeling starts in childhood and continues through the whole life. Great video!
I've had wrong planet syndrome all my life. The first time I recall having the feeling of hearing someone I recognized as being from my home planet, so to speak, was when I heard Temple Grandin on the radio. She articulated things about the way she navigated and experienced the world that I had just taken for granted, that I didn't even know it was particularly different. I hadn't even known why I felt like such an alien, but here was this other person who was telling me why I felt that way. That was 20 years ago, and that was the first time I realized after all the therapy, all the difficulties I had in relationships, in school, accomplishing certain tasks, that there was a very high likelihood that the issue all along had been that I'm autistic. Everything I've learned since has done nothing but confirm that.
I reckon my late husband had autism, it runs in his family. He ticks so many boxes. He had such a unique way of thinking and was an incredible problem solver. He was always making me laugh. Miss him so much.
I clashed with management and lost jobs repeatedly. Could never pander to their insecurities or tolerate bullying or bullshit. Ended up being self-employed
Sounds similar to me. I know the rules in the workplace but not everybody sticks to the rules. They take advantage of you and bend what you say. People can be mean but things are definitely changing for the better with ASD and acceptance in the workplace.
I'm still employed by ASDA though. The managers who was bullies either left because of the bad reputation among colleagues or was sacked. You can bully people, but then you have to live with the consequences of you actions.
I’ve got a little group of bully’s in my block, it’s been nipped in the bud but it slayed me for 2 months just gone. I couldn’t vibe with them once I’d seen all of them. No Thankyou.
I have had trouble in employment also. I now do volunteer work because of my age but the manager hasn't guaranteed she will keep me on. I have been sacked from previous volunteer positions also.
You are absolutely right. Unfortunately society is very judgmental, so if a person dont fit in the small box you are quickly labelled. But as i ask myself, what is normal.
Actually I teach my daughter that we are weird because normal is boring 😃. We embrace beating to our own drum. It's all about perspective. People will treat you the way you allow them to. I've learned that the hard way, as a 44 year old undiagnosed possible autistic. I've only recently realized the name for "Why I've felt this way my whole life", when my daughter received her diagnosis... She is literally my carbon copy all the way down to tip toe walking as a toddler and young child to rocking internally. I'm grateful I can advocate for her and give her the support I never received... To this day my mother is like, "Well, maybe if you didn't talk about it so much in front of her she'll just forget about it" 🙄🤨🧐🤔😂😂😂. That's not how this works 🙆🏻♀️... Says me, an 80's baby...smh Never accept weird as a bad thing 💜
This video really speaks to me. I'm 35, female, and finally after 2 years of regular therapy and an ADHD diagnosis, I'm finally coming to terms with my Autism. Last week I told my doctor that I have a strong gut feeling that it is. My life has been difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Thanks to my superhuman making, nobody noticed that I was isolated, depressed, not functioning. I grew up in a sheltered, religious family that didn't know about mental health disorders. I'm just lazy, shy, a daydreamer. Gullible. Stupid. Now, I think back to every time someone said, "you're so artistic!" as them having really meant, "you're so autistic!" Now I realize I've had many abusive relationships & friendships, and those are few and far between in my life already. My mental health became a topic of interest after the most recent abusive relationship ended, and all my new friends are fellow neurodivergents. I made a particular friend that was already diagnosed Autistic and she said that I was 100% on the spectrum. So here we go. I said to my doctor that I don't know if pursuing a diagnosis would be beneficial. She said "but you're so high functioning". Yeah, I was. Until I wasn't. But there's very little actual support for midlife diagnosis Autists like us. You get a diagnosis and probably a prescription....now what....
OMG can so relate! For one thing I've been cutting my own hair for years! I can't bring !myself to go to hairdressers! Can't stand making small talk, find it exhausting. So many things!
It's something I tolerate, I don't enjoy it. My hair is waist length so I can't trim it myself. I prefer the mobile ones who come to my house I've had her years. The thought of going to a salon ughh! The crap conversation, are you going out tonight, what's your job? Boring! I teach but for a few reasons I trained as a nail tech, it would note me silly doing it as a job.
I cut my own hair, too I can't stand to be pawed about. One hairdresser gave me an unwanted head massage and said "did you enjoy that?" "NO!" My head felt like a bowling ball for the rest of the day. I appreciate her skill in remembering each customer's personal career or family circumstances and constructing a conversation around it all...but just be quiet, get it over with quickly, keep the smelly products away from my hair and don't touch me more than you need to! I'm not there to be pampered, it all makes my skin crawl.
My Aspie daughter can manage her office to the last detail! But in her personal life, my Aspie daughter struggles with getting the cleaning and laundry done. Does Instacart for groceries pick up because she doesn't have to go in the store. Would never neglect her cat's health. She usually spends thousands of $$$$ a year on her cat's welfare ....but, ....will let her own health go for years until it is a crisis.
@@maryrabago9546 As a child she started to read at age 3. She frequently had meltdowns. She did well in school. Had her Aspie click of friends. She went to college. She loves to travel. She does well at her techy job.
!!!! Different specific details but this is me too!!! ❤❤❤❤ Love to you and your Daughter - I am 45 and am so scared of what will be the course of events over the next few months and years that I have to now head-on address & overcome this “autistic” wall that has me dead in my tracks. ❤❤❤❤ Again, though, Love to you and your daughter.
I joined the same club as a woman at 51 yrs old and I can't believe the epiphanies I have now . Everything makes sense now . I still can't get over it, I check every single box on the classic autism and then some
It is a strange feeling! I remember when I was first diagnosed, other people actually resonated with Autism in me more than I did. When I learned more about it, everything I did was around the management of myself to reduce Autism burnouts.
@@AdultwithAutism I hear you, for me it was too late, I've passed it and climbed out of it but 27 years of agoraphobia was the result. I now finally figured out why I get the panic attacks. It's sensory overload, since I did not know where to look before the diagnosis I now do and am able to control it better
That's definitely the good point of the diagnosis. Giving the answer so you can manage the rough times better, and try to avoid. Like my shopping routine for example, only shop late and only shop midweek. Otherwise a simple task of getting bread and milk wipes me put, and every burnout takes longer to recover from.
@@AdultwithAutism I live in The Netherlands which is a lot less car dependent , but America would be a nightmare for me. There are so many obstacles that I've overcome but now understanding them makes it a lot easier , and in fact , now I think I'm not crazy anymore or this unique weirdo , so that is a win
You need to clean your mouth even if you have no teeth. inflammation in the mouth is very dangerous. My sister in law nearly died because of it, had to stay in hospital for two months. Because the bacteria in the mouth goes through the wound into the blood and to the heart and damages your heart. So please everybody, do clean your teeth and mouth.
But if you only understood the difficulty of getting the task done, you would get that he has to forcefully make himself get this simple task done. We aren't stupid, but we struggle with simpler tasks for our reasons, based on the individual who is also autistic. For me, i got fired for being too ambitious and yet not consistently doing "simpler" tasks like emailing. Uhggggg email 😢
@@wwJd703love I know a lot about struggling to do very simple tasks, I have to fight it every day. But some tasks are more important, and usually when I know that something is very important, I’m able to do it. And often I’m exhausted afterwards. I’m not able to work anymore, too tired all the time.
PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING A WATERPIK MACHINE FOR YET AND MOUTH CLEANING!! you’ll start to love it-you said if you could get a little machine-get a WATERPIK!!
I'm undiagnosed, and the number of times I thought "Me too!" while listening to your video convinces me even further that I should get diagnosed at SOME point. Having jeans on and no socks happened to me for some reason and I couldn't even begin to describe, why it is SO uncomfortable. When I'm about to finish a meal, I always have a little bit of everything on my plate so I can decide which aftertaste I want to end it with. I absolutely hate phone calls, and appointments (got an anxiety attack making one recently), as well as I, hate to cook and take a shower. I still do these things because I know I have to but I never got to like doing them. Thank you for this video!
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been so ashamed of myself for not being able to handle all of the little hassles of life. I had no idea that these were traits of autism.
I am 69 and after spending my life not fitting in and feeling, don't belong, I was so glad to see your video. After suspecting for a while I was autistic I ticked most of your boxes. It's helped me understand and accept myself more.
When I lived in Las Vegas I used to go to the grocery store at around 3 a.m., because I felt better when there were less people around and the store was open 24 hours anyway.
100%. Things like brushing teeth, showering etc are annoying to have to do. This guy nails it in terms of daily experiences. I include things like not having many friends, not yearning to mix and mingle with others, not being a sport fanatic. Formerly had anxiety issues prior to meditation. List seems endless.
sounds familiar. many more addresses than average here. haven’t counted all addresses but for addresses it is more than 25 by near to the half century mark. mother responsible for much of the moving in the early years, after that it has been me. as for jobs, held onto core ones forever, very steady and consistently, whatever it took for stability though had side jobs changing frequently. it has been very hard to get new work; not great with interviews. your list made was impressive.
It's not so much about the number of jobs. It's about the ADHD tolerance span. First three months: I'm a manic cult member. Second quarter: real life and other interests catch up. Third quarter: I've lost concentration and I'm not showing up mentally, because my role seems pointless. Fourth Quarter: other people are noticing my behavior. And frankly, everyone else is irritating because I can hear their mouth-noises. So it's 18 month maximum employment, and then about 9 months before I can capture another gig.
I have a very strict grocery routine. I leave very early to encounter as few people as possible. If I accidentally sleep too late past the time I wanted to leave, no groceries that day. Try again tomorrow, lol! I go to the same store and I know where everything is, so I order the items on my list the way I go through the store. Get in, get in done, and get out. It's all about efficiency and avoiding people. ^_^ About making appointments, I've had things sit on my to-do lists for months (and longer...) because I couldn't deal with the interaction required to get them done. Eventually I do get them done, because I get tired of seeing them on my to-do list, but it can take an embarrassingly long time.
Haha, I'm the same with shopping. Same shops for familiarity...and it really annoys me when they change the layout! If they run out of something, then I don't go back the next day...it has to wait until my usual return trip!
This is so relatable . I liked it when I could shop at 3 am but now the store closes at midnight , 10 Pm to 12 am there are still too many people and not enough time to read all the labels. .. I'm no stunner
Teeth are the SEAT of health in the body. Please keep your teeth !!!!🙏🏻 The wrong kind of bacteria in our mouths can lead to stroke, heart attack, and infections throughout the body including cancer. Having fake teeth screwed into our jawbone INCREASES the likelihood of infection, and removal of 8 or more teeth correlates to an uptick in dementia. Health is one of my special interests :) If brushing feels bothersome, oil pulling is an excellent, and perhaps more comfortable way of removing debris, plaque, and bacteria. Many blessings to you for this channel. Your authenticity feels relaxing to listen to.😊
Oh, that's quite shocking information though I'm grateful for it. I didn't have a brace as I should have as my mum asked me if I wanted one and as I've never liked standing out, I said no. That's then caused me to brush them too hard as I wanted them to look as white as possible due to them not being straight so now I have receding gums and I worry about that. 😢
@@phoenixxavier9615You put a spoon of the coconut in your mouth & hold it there, when it melts, you pull it back & forth through your teeth for a few minutes, then gargle & spit ✨ it clears debris & moisturises gums 💫✌️😉
Spot on Paul. I desperately want my teeth and toenails gone. The cooking thing and routine and relationships. When people say “Can’t you just” you know THEY are NOT autistic 🤣
The worse part about toenails is that its impossible for me to get my face close enough to fully see what i'm doing. So I always feel like i'm going in partially blind and just pray I don't nip off the corner of my toe. Or if you don't get it right and start snagging the sheets...
I’m 50, and waking up to being neurodivergent has helped me understand struggles I’ve had since childhood. Knowledge is power. I’ve gone from hating being in the world to learning how I show up in the world and finding my tribe.
I'm 52 and this is "the when" I named this thing...this explanation. I have no tribe and I have no skills in locating one. I've been lost more years than I was ever " found". I fear being lost making the 52 years a huge waste. Brushing teeth- yes. Unenjoyable....I don't do well in small areas-caravans you would call them. Calling a doctor or anywhere for an appointment- ptsd reactions. GOING- slim to no chance of attending. This video is amazing. Thank you
I am 64, and was diagnosed 4 years ago. I cried with the relief. It is so hard to meet people, and friends do just vanish. My difficulty is being too loyal and not recognising when it is not reciprocal. I just cannot read people. When I did my degree it was so hard being 'social', that I became non verbal. Also, I found out all my 'friends', would meet up, for dinners at peoples houses and events, and exclude me from them? Never found out why. I am very honest and speak my mind, maybe that doesn't work in the UK with such rigid social rules.
NTs seem to have a social velcro in their skin that keeps them bonded even outside of special interests. We don't. We can participate in a group, yet not be part of it in the same way as NTs are. There's an unconscious or unspoken "currency" that they trade to mark reciprocity in the relationship, but we don't have it, so when there's no shared event or common purpose we fall by the wayside for them. We also seem to give off an air of social independence or self-reliance that somehow insulates us from them, as though we have a layer of teflon on us. But we don't know any other way...
I can't remember how I ended up here or how the algorythms were «thinking» your channel could interest me, but HERE I AM! And VERY happy for finding you! I'm 72 and for quite a number of years, I have occasionally suspected I am autistic, at least to some degree. I have not been diagnozed, for a number of reasons, but I will include it on my ToDo List! And your honesty, your smile, your sincerity and candor and your voice AND accent: I'm charmed! Thank you for sharing your realities with us. (My first language is French, hence the possibly awkward way I have written this...)
I was so glad when lockdown and shielding came along. I started learning Blender 3D for 14 hours a day and building myself a home sound production studio. I live by myself. I was cool!
Great content and it’s admirable how you give a nice delivery without all those edits that others do. The results, on other channels, are jumpy and jagged with edits and I don’t like loads of sound effects or stock photography. Nicely done.
Hi Catherine, I struggle with the chopping edits too. Like Hunter Hansens channel, I really like what he talks about and his approach, but the edits, change in sound quality or levels, lighting, etc makes them hard to watch for me. Plus, I always said to myself to keep them as they come out so people could watch my mannerisms as another way of seeing my version of Autism...whatever that is 😂
Paul. I just sat here nodding, and grinning all through this video. Please continue to do this. So many people now realise they are not odd/ weird, just differently wired up. Thankyou very much.
I have Asperger’s, which is now on the autism spectrum. We certainly have behavior in common but we are different in some major ways. Paul, you are very intelligent and very well spoken so I would say you also have Asperger’s. No one would think you had a disability. You are more articulate than average. It may be more difficult for people to believe your struggles with minor everyday things. I can relate to what you say. I have that stuff also. I was always a nerd, often called weird and that was true but I never felt I could do anything about it because that is the way I am. I didn’t find the diagnosis until very late in life. Computers saved my life because they were meant for me! I am a computer genius and had a wonderful career in software development. I worked with other nerds. We all spoke nerd. That made me feel better. Of course management is another kind of animal as you said. You may face more disbelief that you have a disability because you are more intelligent and well spoken than average, as I said before. I think that can annoy some people. I was self employed for many years until I became a corporate girl. Of all things! I can’t believe it myself. I went underground. Learned to dress normally, not to say what I am thinking. We cannot be neurotypical. Do you wish to be accepted for who you really are? I find that is only with other Aspies. I am finding some older people who have it but don’t know they have it. I can spot anyone like me now that I know about it. It is a comfort for both of us to be ourselves. Might be good if you can meet up with Aspies. Of course you have the internet community, which is wonderful. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are but that is hard for us because we make people uncomfortable. Consider dating an Aspie woman. I don’t know if you have. I also have the discomfort you describe so well with the physical aspects. I cannot live with another human and I gave up on that idea a long time ago. You are right about marriage and children and all that but regular people have plenty of difficulties with that. I don’t know what your work situation is now but there are many things you could do and be successful such as tax preparer, financial consultant, life advisor. I think you are terrific! I would also suggest that you find a physical activity that you like- maybe bicycle for pleasure. Nothing too strenuous, to relieve stress that builds up every day. I found that helpful. Wishing you all the best. You are a valuable person with much to give and you are helping people with your web videos.
Very true. I get judged harshly, and solely on 30 minute videos. No one sees my life away from here and how I am in my day to day life. But that demonstrates ignorance on the side of others. Thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
As an autistic parent married to a probably autistic parent of children. Being autistic doesn’t mean your experience of ASD will mesh well. I hate touch. My daughter likes very firm pressure. I like one audio stimuli at a time I literally have to turn off everything even white noise like fans to have a conversation: daughter likes earbuds or beats on 24/7 with music blaring.
It looks like I am not the only one who hates shopping - particularly when it is busy. That is why I do it at 7am (opening time roughly) when very few people are there. I get in and out as quick as I can and only get what I need. I do not allow myself to be distracted. I have never been diagnosed as autistic (too expensive) so whether this is a part of autism I wouldn't know.
Wow I relate to so much you said. I really don’t enjoy being around people much either. I haven’t been diagnosed as I just can’t deal with trying to make an appointment with a doctor and talking to them about it. Thank you for sharing your insight. It really helps.
The thing about friends really hit home for me. I have been very sad about it. My older brother was recently diagnosed with autism and he is close to 60 years old. He has always been different and when I heard this I wasn’t surprised .
Thankyou Paul, great video, self diagnosed 25 yo female... As time has gone by all these feelings and things you explain have gotten stronger as I've gotten older, It's exhausting but so liberating to see that there's a reason why we feel why we do & that we can recognise n make adjustments to aid our daily life
Thanks Eloise. Very true, we have ti make adjustments, as they won't be made for us. It's our responsibility to ourselves to make sure we consider what we can for the best possible outcome
One of my very best friends suddenly disappeared from my life a couple years ago. No reason, no contact. That shit damaged me irrevocably. Thank you for sharing, i really enjoy hearing other perspectives as i dive into this to figure me out.
I understand how that would have affected you as a group of friends I'd known since I was 17 dropped me after I stood up for my best friend out of the group. This was before my diagnosis (two years ago at 52). Looking back at some of the horrible things they'd said to me about being on benefits due to my mental health and other things you shouldn't say to a friend, I'm now happier with just the 2 friends I have. I think writing is a brilliant avenue to pursue and I hope you can find out why your friend doesn't want to be there for you even though nothing was explained to me about why they didn't invite me out so even that showed me how unkind they all are.
@@mystifiedmargot1970 I'm glad you're with people who are good for you. My friend's issues, I believe, were my friend's issues. I didn't do anything, who knows, maybe that was the problem. 😏
My very first memory of displaying autism, when I would feel overwhelmed, I would freeze and flap my hands like a humming bird to release the stress. I got so many hidings for doing it. My farther told me he will beat it out of me not to embarrasse him like that. That's when I learned fast that pretense(masked) is to protect myself from punishment. Well, not always. I got beaten for not understanding math. I got beaten for not being fast enough. Long long list why I received abuse .. I now live a complete isolated life for 14years now. At least I have only my loneliness to deal with. 🙂
Remember you're not alone!Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’ Look! All those getting enraged against you will be put to shame and humiliated. Those who fight with you will be brought to nothing and perish. You will search for men who struggle with you, but you will not find them; The men at war with you will become as something nonexistent, as nothing at all.For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, The One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I will help you.’🙏🏽 🌹Isaiah 41:10-13 🌹 God is with you Always 🙏🏽
That description of you getting dressed is so spot on! I do exactly the same, and never thought of it as autistic before now. Just what I felt was common sense and decency 😆. God forbid anyone, or even myself ever catch sight of me in a shirt and no bottoms. And the feeling of my feet with pants on but no socks... can't live like that for more than 60 seconds.
I have always felt like somehow i am a stranger to this place. I love being alone. Have anxiety in groups where im expected to interact. I do my best to act normal. Ive been a registered nurse for 35years and retired. Absolutely loved my job which allowed me to support my family of 4 kids. Did not socialize with work mates.Have one good friend from work for many years. I do certain things in ,what i believe is an efficient order, although do not get anxious if done a bit differently. I need a couple days of notice before appointments to mentally manage anxiety that i may miss the day. All schooling has been anxiety issue, acting normal. Wow! P. S. i'm 73 now.
I m a retired nurse. I memorized the whole PDR when I was an LVN. I couldn’t stay one one type of nurse so I did almost type of nursing areas except anesthesia or nurse practitioner or air transport type bc I have communication problem - hearing disorder that goes off and on without warning hearing it pauses.
I love your videos. And I do SO many of the same things, or similar, as you! I don’t think I realized some of it was autism because I have always done the things the same. I was just recently diagnosed so this helps so much! I’m 44 and just got my diagnosis last week. Your videos are very helpful! Thank you!
I've never thought of how I'm dressing, and I had to put the video on pause to think about it. I just realised I'm dressing exactly the same way every day since I was a teenager, and it's the same pattern than you : underpants, socks, pants, top. That's awesome.
Yes, Paul. It's so hurtful as a woman to feel constantly betrayed by friends. It makes me think, am I boring or unworthy? On top of that, others assume you blew it or there is a deficiency in my character. My esteem as a result is rock bottom. Relationships aaaagh. I've given 100%, just to be taken advantage of and always feel I don't make the grade, no matter how hard I try. I'm not great at housekeeping and was a tomboy as a child. I've been criticised for having a messy flat, even though I hate it as well. I used to cry a lot when I worked because I felt excluded and hurt when my peers would go out together and forget me. Management. Aaaagh! They never admit they are wrong, even when I've come up with a great idea. You must be a better pretender than I. As I was not able to keep it up, I was the excluded one. For a woman who is supposed to be the sociable one, all these relationship difficulties are INCREDABLY painful. I get you Paul. I have a cat who shows more empathy than most humans. I admire you Paul because you stuck it and I haven't. I still want to g
That first part of your message is very relatable. Always wanting to please or even just hit average with others, but for it to be twisted and used against you. Not good at all. I've just become good at making sure I can blend in, but just because I'm better at it, doesn't mean the toll reduces unfortunately 👍🏻
My husband is 66 and my son told me that my husband was autistic. After listening to several speakers and listening to all the traits. I am 100% sure he is, although not diagnosed. It helps me understand him so much better. Still difficult at times, but I love him so. He’s been through 2 failed marriages, but I plan to stay until the end! I’m neurotypical, but I have lots of issues myself and glad he still loves me.
I went from graphic design dealing with people to driving truck where I’m by myself 98% of the time. I love it! ❤️makes masking easier. Pretending to be average is just called surviving for us. We protect our mentals where we can.
‘Rather be fake than be bullied ‘. So sad , but I totally relate - if you’re lucky like I was in this , you are near retirement anyway , and can tell them to stick it and start to enjoy being your true self :D
The getting dressed bit is exactly how i get dressed too lol. Its just the most convenient way. It turns into a routine, same as brushing your teeth, washing your hands or putting on a backpack, tying your shoes or getting in a car, unlocking the front door etc etc...
every time I watch one of your videos I am amazed at how relatable everything you say is. when it comes to work, ive just passed my theory tests for my hgv licence so I can sit alone in a cab all day and see a few people at the end of the journey, im knackered from being asked by customers about some shitty football match I couldnt give a monkey about or how good/bad the weather is. The phoning and appoitment stuff is bang on the money and when I try to explain it to someone else they look at me like im crazy. Shopping is a big one for me, I used to regularly leave the shop when I was with someone else as when they went it was always busy and I couldnt handle it. Everything in my pockets are in the same place always, and on the rare occasion I buy new clothes I make sure the pockets can accomodate my stuff. plus getting into debt has always baffled me, maybe some reasons are justified but most are just bullshit excuses for poor money management. thanks again for the chilled half hour.
Hi Dan, Funnily enough, I thought of getting my HGV for the same reason. Get paid to be on my own, listen to audio books etc! Good to know someone relates 👍🏻
Hey Paul another amazing topic, well spoken and i throughly enjoy what you say, it is so relevant and i agree with about teeth brushing, and showering. I also agree about food and routines
I need to thank you AGAIN!!!! For your absolute transparency and honesty about everything. Every point made I have life’s and felt and literally never understood why but rather get upset and annoyed bc I felt broken. Showering feels like an attack. I am someone who is overly sensitive and aware to my own cleanliness, people never assume or say “oh yeah it’s obvious you don’t shower” rather it surprises them if I disclose it being tough for me. Being fake rather than bullied, yes, same, I have become very isolated due to struggling with masking burn out. I wish I knew these things when I was younger. My burn out meltdown after high school was so bad. At 36 years ago I have learned so much about me these last 5 weeks than I have since I was diagnosed 30 years ago with adhd, and maybe I do have it but it never solely fit. For me that is. I will try to stop typing here but I am so incredibly thankful for your insight. You are affecting 4 lives here. I am mom of three, and in the process of the diagnosing process for my two kids and myself. 🙏
It's nice to hear some of my stuff is helpful, really is. I made the channel to speak openly, as all I want to do is help others. So it's nice to know that it does 👍🏻
Hi Paul,I’m glad it’s not just me that has a routine in getting dressed in the morning, I even go a step further and have certain coloured boxer shorts that I wear on particular days,my wife thinks I’m crazy.
Just wondering about tips in the UK. Here in the US, servers are only paid $2.21/hour and it’s expected that the customer will tip 10-20% of the cost of the meal to make up the server’s salary. In some restaurants, the servers have to “pool” their tips and divide them equally with the rest of the wait staff at end of shift. Those who hustle, or flirt or just got good tipping customers, have to share with servers who are slackers or those who got cheapskate customers who didn’t tip. In some cases, the restaurant manager has to report the meal costs and the servers have to pay income tax on a percentage of that cost even if the customers did NOT tip them! I know someone who is Autistic and worked these kinds of jobs and its horrible. If the cook doesn’t get the order right or is slow, the customers take out their frustration on the server by not tipping. The humiliation of working these jobs is terrible. I don’t know what Uber or other delivery people are paid and whether tips are essential or just a nice gesture. With gasoline prices now, I would think a person who delivers really needs a tip. They are working because they need the money, not just for the joy of knowing you can stay in your nice house in your jammies and slippers.
Hi Nancy, it is VERY VERY different in England. It isn't customary to tip, or share them with others you work with. Some companies won't allow it either. In fact, our Government is so controlling, they expect you to declare it and have it affect your bottom line, so what people give you extra, you lose in your support. The minimum wage between 16 - 23 goes up in increments, but I think it is £9.50 an hour from 1st April for 23+, that isn't a bad wage! Plus, people on minimum wage get topped up with Government aid, discounted bills such as Council Tax etc. As silly as it sounds, people like me are the hardest hit. You work your backside off to make yourself average and get no help or assistance. Instead, my law-abiding existence in a full-time working role sees me heavily taxed, no reprieves, only for my cost of living to also rise, taxes rise to help support immigration, none working households, low-income families, etc., and I still have to pay full contributions, and my pension age keeps rising and rising. The line actually stops people progressing up salary chains, stops people wanting promotions, and the main one is stopping people from working from part-time to full-time as they come out with less money overall once they hit thresholds. Plus as minimum wage rises, the gap between minimum and my wage gets ever shortened, yet they can apply for assistance and I can't. I can't even get financial assistance to go alongside my extra cost of living of what I consider 'Autism costs', such as my issue with food, clothing, cleaning items etc that are barriers within themselves. It isn't that I am just being tight, it's that every penny counts for people like me, who are hit by the same things everyone else is, but there is zero financial support. Absolutely dreading my mortgage renewal as it could put up to £500 a month on top due to the Russian War for some unknown reason. People who rent if they lose work have their rent paid for by the government, I'll be homeless. Hopefully, that paints a bit of a better picture over here. And people wonder why I hate living in the UK.
@@catherinelevison3310 people who work for tips are legally allowed to be paid under the minimum wage due to the expectation of tips. For example, the current minimum for tipped labor federally (according to the US Department of labor website) is $2.13 as of 1/1/22. For general info.
@@mandyhackman9740 … not where I live, where I live minimum wage is $15.00 per hour. That’s what I wrote before. And, again, where I live the minimum wage hasn’t been as low as $2.21/hr for decades.
Uber eats drivers make shit for money per order. Like 2-3 dollars. So i'm really counting on an extra couple bucks here or there or it's not even worth me delivering food
Just found your channel.. omg, I could just cry right now listening here as an undiagnosed 51 y/o female. I've never heard anyone else slew together an entire series of precise shared experiences before. I'm dumbfounded. The internal temperature difficulties as my number 1, I have been telling people since I was a child that I cannot regulate my temperature, it feels like I have too much fire inside. Brushing teeth... I once went an entire year, and yes I'm aware of how disgusting that is, because the idea of it is so abhorrent. Showering is just something I have to force myself to do, washing my hair is exhausting. All of the sensory issues, startling noises, blinding light, putrid smells, overwhelming all day every day, no friends, no relationships. And though I really do not mind being in my own world, the older I get, the more aware I am of how outside the box I am. In some ways I kind of liked being ignorant of how different I really am. But like I often say, once you see something, you cannot un-see it. Anyway.. love your channel. 💛
well, I wanted to comment actually on every part of this video. I try to hold it to the end because otherwise, I just keep coming back in and editing it out. Yes to all the things, and I really like the way you explain it. also, there is a lot to be said for a big strong man to be saying he experiences the same struggles as this small female has always had. thank you 🌸
Thank you for this video! I figured out I’m autistic myself but if I wasn’t sure this video would nail it down. I just thought everyone did these things and it was just what I did, not knowing others didn’t do it! Annoyances of life is the kicker for me, I’ve been to so many different hair stylists because being expected to be there every five weeks is unreasonable, what if I don’t need to go in five weeks, what if I don’t feel good that day, too many things to consider and stick to so I’ll go only when my hair is too long it won’t do what I want it to do which is maybe 3 times a year, and always with a new stylist because they move around and I didn’t know! My friend adamantly thinks I’m not autistic but then she can talk to anyone at anytime, and she’s a germaphobe, I’m not. That’s one of those things that comes easy for me understanding how to stay healthy. So thanks again, now I need to go to sleep and work up the gumption to take a shower tomorrow because my hair feels dirty (was drilling holes in the ground and kicking up dirt today!) but don’t really want to go through all the aspects of dealing with my hair! 🤷♀️🫠
Cheers from a diagnosed AuADHD’er in NYC! We share some very similar characteristics. It’s a relief to have some validation. Finding a “partner who is imperfect but balances me out” nails it. Good luck to us brother🌈🤙🏽
You have linked two phenomena in perhaps a more ingenious way than you realize, and certainly gave me a distinct "aha!" moment, so thank you for that. Like you, I was the kid who never changed. I didn't go through "stages," strangely enough even my physical development (the changes of puberty and all that) was incredibly slow, infinitessimally gradual, like trying to see the hour hand move on a clock. I remember a friend (now "gone") telling me, almost as if complaining at me, as if I should somehow feel guilty about it, "You never changed! Your voice didn't break, you didn't have acne, you just...GREW but you didn't...CHANGE!" Like he was mad at me for it. Which goes, surely, into why we're not friends anymore. My existence, or manner of existence, somehow affronted him, like a personal insult, as if my NOT going through certain stages in exactly the same way he did were some kind of implicit judgement. Which is pathologically absurd, but it seems to be very common. And this comes right back to your linking these two phenomena. Again, like you, I was never interested in wearing a t-shirt with anybody's name or face on it, or having posters of this or that sports figure or movie star on my wall, or nearly any of the other typical phases of adolescence. And I think the way this plays into losing friends is (I wonder whether you will relate to this)--my experience tells me that there are people who unconsciously attach themselves to (I might say "glom onto") an autistic person, with neither that person nor the autistic person needing to be aware of autism's part in all this, precisely because the autistic person presents an impression of reassuringly predictable neutrality, constancy, dare I say stability (regardless of what's really going on inside the autistic person), a kind of blank slate that the other person can project their needs, expectations, troubles, interests, desires onto without the usual "interference" that comes from others in such relationships.The autistic person often, I think (at least, from personal experience) makes an extra-intense effort at manifesting empathy and compassion, largely out of a belief that this is what the social convention requires and also, perhaps, to overcompensate for a deeper kind of distance and isolation that the other person's troubles do not penetrate (and this is something the autistic person guiltily hides as his "deep dark secret," that he doesn't really "care"). Guilt plays no small role in all this. The psychological and physiological cost of this is, of course, gigantic, but that's something the world doesn't see and doesn't care about. Certainly the "friend" doesn't. Which kind of tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it. And then what happens? The person who was, even if somewhat unwittingly (to be charitable) using the autistic person as a resonating board sooner or later moves on, grows out of that stage, is perhaps even embarrassed about it and prefers not to be around anybody who reminds him/her of it, and so the autistic person is...dispensible: your services are no longer required. Now that you know about your autism and, doubtless, have been assimilating the tsunami of accompanying insights that come from it, I've no doubt your "antennae" are infinitely more sensitive to the approach of such types, the "friends" on the hunt for the walking resonating board, and you enjoy a new freedom to shut that down, never even let it start, exercise your prerogative to be "cold" and disinterested (intentionally chose "dis-" rather than "un-"), and thus leave vaster spaces open in your life to establish the genuinely healthy relationships full of potential for authentic mutual understanding. Even one like that is worth more than a thousand of the other kind.
Friendship was always a minefield. I thought your friend was your friend and...that was it! But so many rules to just remain friends. One main reason I fell out of touch with my oldest friend was due to the fact he is money obsessed, and to me it was just a means to an end. He hated that I had no attachment to it, and thought less of me because of it. I mourned the friendship once it was gone, until I paid attention to what I missed, and it was actually nothing at all. He lost a lot more than I did. In fact, he lost what money cannot buy, which was friendship 👍🏻
Another great one Paul! Yes to most for me especially the seeming ordinary things. Always hard for me to go to the market, mall or Costco by myself. Routines I have tons. Also I don’t care for change much. I like to eat the same things all of the time. An example I just packed my food for a work trip. Just PB&J sandwiches for the entire trip! I also wear pretty much the same thing every day. I have to wear a uniform for work so that is great because it’s the same thing every day😀. Great way you expressed everything in a non clinical way. Very real world!
Hey Bryan, man I love CostCo trips 😂 It's hard to do these types of videos as I don't mind 'signs of' videos, but many are very generic. If I cam apply real world to them, I'll do more.
This has been very useful thanks Paul. I do some strange repetitive things when shopping and around the home. Even routine when cycling home is repetitive to the exact point.
I'm 33 and I got diagnosed about 2 months ago. I have found myself dropping the mask and allowing myself to be me. But then I get imposter syndrome and I think to myself, 'Am I just pretending?' It's been quite stressful ...
I have bipolar, addiction, ADHD, but it's not until my ASD diagnosis and learning more from others and being in a support group that I finally met others who HATED brushing their teeth/didn't do it/couldn't do it. ASD made me finally make sense. Same on $$. I can get rigid and have since I was a kid and can save like no one's business.
~ ritakatona - I reckon "thinking that we may have..." is pretty common right?.. especially with so much info available from the Media; I can appreciate ur comment here tho - I feel a lot like u do & also my Father🤔?.. he used to line up his pencils/food on his plate etc & also was 100% self-centred (he died suicide); sorry to be so dismal I'm sure we'll get by ok in life Best Wishes from Italy
Great stuff. The last bite of any sandwich or burger I've ever eaten must be from the center and not from an edge... random new coworkers or friends of my wife (otherwise I don't meet new people) get to slowly notice that my burger keeps spinning around, lol.
Thank you Paul for creating these videos. I just found you a week ago. I find listening to you very comforting for some reason so thank you. I also find it very difficult to just go get a hair trimming/cut. That being said I have to make myself go once a year and have a good amt chopped off. If I need something in between I will do it myself. I just can’t handle the small talk they do when getting a hair cut. It’s just so exhausting and makes me so anxious that I am worrying about it from the moment I make the appointment to when the appt actually is. Also, even as old as I am now, my family just can’t understand that if we have to get together I need to have a good amt of time before hand to prepare and not just a text the day of to get together later that day. So many other thing ring true but I can’t go on and on. So thank you.
Thank you pal, you opened my eyes to why I hate to shower so much. I always thought it was "just" exhausting, but you made me realize that it's more than that. Since I can remember, coming out of the shower felt highly uncomfortable - a feeling a bit aking to feeling guilty, but it confused me, because there was no reason for guilt. Now I understan it's the temperature thing. The hot and cold and water on my skin - it all makes sense now. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Love this video. I totally understand the showering thing and much prefer the winter when I can skip getting all my skin wet. If I have to stay in someone else's house I'll go and hang around in the bathroom every morning with the shower running so they think I've had one. Getting dressed, I can't wear skirts because of the feeling of the material moving against my legs, or the air moving against them as I walk. As a small child, I once threw myself downstairs to try and get out of going out with my mother when she wanted me to wear a skirt. Also socks have to go on first because it feels too weird to push bare feet through trouser legs. I was only recently diagnosed as a middle-aged adult and every video I watch makes me realise I'm not such a weird oddball as I thought. Thanks for some great content, Paul.
Recently something was mentioned to me able possibly having undiagnosed autism which lead me to your video and I check some of these boxes. I hate brushing my teeth unless they feel super weird. I can’t shower unless I’m sweaty or my hair is too greasy. I’ve lost friends over the years just because the relationship fizzles away. I have to do certain things at certain times of the day or I feel wrong. I have to put on clothes in a certain way or it just feels wrong. When I eat I have to eat one thing until it’s all gone and then I’ll go to the next thing until it’s gone, and the cycle continues. I’ve also very much struggled socially since childhood and I’ve also got severe social anxiety. I’m in the process of getting back into therapy so hopefully I can talk to someone about this. Edit: I’ve also struggled severely with keeping jobs, but I’ve been working through that and have kept this one for the longest amount of time in years, it’s still not long at only 8.5 months but it’s still a lot longer than other jobs that I’ve had since I started working; although I did keep a job for a year and a half but that was a dream job and I didn’t have as much stress then so everything was a lot easier. Even still, the job that I have now is the second longest that I’ve had, right after the one I was at for a year and a half.
I feel I have to respond to the first one about friends or the loss of friends. My first question is what is your definition of a friend? Most people call a friend some one that actually meets the definition of an acquaintance rather than a true friend. A friend is someone you can depend on as is there for you any time of the day or night. I am 70% autistic and have one friend. I know a lot of people, but only one friend.
A selfless person who has my best interests are heart. There for me when I need them, and wants me to be okay. The things I give back in equal measure. Doesn't listen to the nonsense about me, feel comfortable in their presence. Actually want to see them and spend time with them without it being a drain on my resource because I can take the mask off slightly...I could go on and on. Like you, I know many people, but today I could could friends on one hand, and still have many digits left 👍🏻
There are several variations of friends, the work friends, casual friends, and real or close friends. All of these types are useful at times. It's worth having a casual friend that lives in your apt. building and can sign for a package if you were out, or let you know someone was asking about you. The work friend could tell you that someone likes you, or someone said something negative about you, or gave you an invite to a film screening. And the close friends are obviously important. It's not so black and white is what I am suggesting. And folks on the AS should try and realize that in order to take stock and advantage of the ok, good, and great people out there. So it's fine to make surface friends as long as we know that is all that there is to them.
@@rockrecordreport7136 I know where you are coming from when you are working for a company and that kind of friendship is important. I work on call, since I am basically retired. They are not friends, but good customers who do classify as an acquaintance. I do not live in an apartment so I do not have that connection either. Being accepted is a very strange term for me in a world of rejection so the word friend would be even stranger, and I have one.
I can relate to what you're saying about all the little difficult things in life. I avoid talking on the phone like the plague and a huge hunk of my life has always been reserved for spending time alone. I hate the feeling of water on my skin the first thing in the morning, it feels like some kind of annoying film on my skin. The thing about water on my skin explains why I've never cared much for swimming and don't like the feeling of cold water or any kind of water being stuck to my skin. If my hands are wet, I have to immediately dry them. I eat the same way you do. If I have a 3 course meal, everything gets finished pretty much at the same time and don't mix my food together, it has to be separated..except for things like spaghetti etc that are supposed to be mixed up. And they like to call us eccentric!
The phone thing is like playing chess, requiring mental efforts and thinking three steps ahead. Before even dialing I think through a possible scenario, how I start, what's their reply could be, what would I say next. I usually end up with a list of points before making a call.
Hearing this has been very comforting, so thank you. The only emotion your sharing this didn't bring up in me is irritation, and that is really saying something! I have a friend who says I remind him of a hummingbird bc of the way my eyes dart around when I'm thinking. When I look around the house as see all the piddly little tasks it takes to keep a tidy home, I want to disappear into something focused and, usually unrelated to anything productive. Shopping? Pfft! Cooking, with the clean up that comes with that? I'd rather go without eating. The memory of lost friends brings on melancholy, and leaves me thinking I must me a very tedious person to be around. The only thing you spoke of I don't relate to is routine, unconscious or otherwise, my ADD doesn't allow me the comfort of that. On a side note, your beard and hair suit you well. 👌
The irritation is something I am continuing to work on. Constantly trying to quantify it to a bigger picture...as I say though, work in progress! Definitely know what you mean though 👍🏻
I can so relate to what you said about rather not eat because of the mess. Once I've cleaned the kitchen in the morning, I'd rather not eat than create a mess. Eating is hard anyway as I have IBS and so that means i can't eat certain foods. Also even though I can be hungry, I don't feel like eating, either because I might feel a bit sickly at the thought of eating food or I'm just not interested in eating. If I could take a pill instead of having to prepare food, I would.
I eat my food like you do because I like the mix of flavours as I eat but , I also recall being taught to eat like that , my entire family ate like that . Food for thought ……..thank you !
Relate to so much of this....losing friends, daily struggles and unconscious routines are spot on. Showering is the bane of my existence, made even worse when I have to shave my legs. It can reduce me to tears just thinking about it. I have a flip-side to the relationships and work though which I think is the other side of the autistic coin...I was in a relationship for 15 years (inc. 7 years married) and in the same job for 12. Neither were right and I was unhappy for a long time but my fear of change kept me in both. Not that I would change the relationship because it resulted in two gorgeous little boys. 💙💙 but both relationship and work ended only when he cheated and I got made redundant and it was out of my hands. I would never have had the guts to end them myself. Still awaiting an autism assessment but have been convinced of it for years now.
This is a great video. It was very revealing and helpful for me last year, before I got my diagnosis this year aged 33. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
So appreciate this video for myself and my family. It is sad to know that maybe if there had been greater awareness of the ball of wax each my children's father and I were born with, then maybe there would have been greater understanding and compassion in place of possible misunderstanding and then built up resentment and hurt feelings. This is why authentic communication is so important, but it does take time to build up that trust. I aporeciate gaining in awareness though and adding to my toolbox though so that I may better support my children and we all can be as supportive and understanding of eachother now ❤
I have a beautiful 27-year-old son. He is the apple of my eye, and the rose of my heart, and he is challenged with autism. His issues with autism do frustrate him sometimes, but we have talked about it, and he accepts that his challenges are what makes him very special, it always has. People with autism or just like anyone else, but they socialize and learn differently than typical functioning people. Honestly, I don’t know what my life would be without my son. Autistic people are changing the world for the better, in my opinion.
Hi Paul! Several of these resonated and a few others were interesting but not a struggle for me personally. That’s ok though since it helps me see how we are all still our own people, right? But dirty dishes in the sink drives me crazy! Hair appointments are HARD. But I love showers since I often sweat from nervous anxiety and I love feeling clean. Thanks for being open, good chat!
Hi Marie, very true. Always interesting to see the other side in some cases! Dirty dishes...hate it. Someone else said cutting their nails, me too. Wish I'd have remembered them for the video 😂
Jebus Crumbs! I never thought of how I get dressed as a routine but I am incredibly inflexible there too. Panties, bra, pants or skirt, top and then socks or tights. Never any deviation. So weird how that sneaks into so many aspects of aspie life without us ever realizing it. Thanks for this video, I appreciated your perspective and I learned a bit about myself as well. 👍
A year late to the discussion, but glad I found this presentation (and your channel). Recognized many of my own experiences by hearing about yours. It's been _so_ frustrating for years on end, especially in the work arena. I can't fake having commonality with people outside of the fact that we all have roles with an employer and need to cooperate. The drama, politics, cliques, and games is what I try to avoid, and then be misjudged for it. It's agony. I just want to survive and be left alone since I genuinely have no desire to impact others' lives in any adverse way, either. What to do? I just don't feel commonlity with others. I realized many people don't want to have any consequential conversations of substance unless they want something from you. I've found that most people seem to just want "fairweather" conversations and friendships, otherwise. I'm now 56 and just can't do it anymore. I'm overwhrlmed and burned out trying to just exist in an environment I don't understand well, am frustrated with, and am not suited to. 😢
My first view of your work. Thank you, Paul. Great video! I am 71 and have self-diagnosed ASD/ADHD. We are very different. However, your description of eating the food on your plate sounded completely normal to me, but once you said it, I realized the way I eat is not "normal". I have subscribed and look forward to seeing more of your videos. I also match 100% with your way of shopping. There are many popular videos on RUclips of young people reacting to songs they have never heard before that were famous a long time ago. I have a twisted sense of humor. I think it would be very funny to see videos of people like me watching one of your videos for the first time. I would be saying how "strange" this guy is and then unwittingly say something "more strange" about myself.
@@AdultwithAutismYes, reaction videos are horrible, why do we want to watch people videoing themselves that aren't giving us any information other than they're narcissistic and can look shocked or surprised 😂
I can relate to what you are saying, even to trying to fit in. Didn’t realise I was autistic until my grandchildren were diagnosed. It made sense to me when explained I could relate to my childhood. Looking back on my life it now makes sense how I felt. In my 60’s I now recognise my quirks. ❤
Omg. You have just described what I call "food math." I never even plan to do it, but all of my last bites have been divided out evenly. It's amazing to know I'm not the only one!
Your experience sounds very similar to mine. Certainly the eating pattern that others have pointed out to me lol But lost relationships has been the biggest pain point. It can be pretty lonely when the people who once seemed to appreciate your quirkiness suddenly seem to be deeply annoyed by you without any clear reasoning.
Wow, I keep trying to prove to myself that there is NO chance I could be remotely autistic, and you just pointed out the subconscious things I’ve done my whole life, I saw as being a meticulously detailed planner. 😮 Thank you for being courageous and sharing your life challenges in a way that I completely relate to. You do an awesome job in giving different examples as to how certain behaviors could be displayed differently. Thank you for increasing my knowledge and clarity. ❤
Well explained. Life difficulties? Yes, just the other day I was waiting for a stream to start on twitch and then realized I had confused the days, so I would have to spent my evening another way, with the effect that I couldn't sleep in the following night, wasn't able to work the next day and got in a fight with someone. Regarding teeth cleaning: I've bought myself an ultrasound toothbrush. It doesn't move or make sounds and I just need to hold it against the teeth, one after the other. No brushing. It can be used like a normal toothbrush too and probably works better that way, but when I really can't deal with the brushing part, I'll use it this way. It's actually made for dogs :D
Hey, I'll use a doggy toothbrush if it works and it takes the monotony out of it...but I'm not using sausage flavour toothpaste!! I'll look into that, I've had electric in the past but it made my teeth worse, so the dentist told me to go back to manual...if that's the right term for a non electric toothbrush 😂
@@AdultwithAutism It's called Megasonex and features a 'normal' electric mode for humans as well. So you can pretty much use it however you want. If it really works from a dentist point of view, I don't know... but probably better than not brushing the teeth at all.
It's because we live on the internet. It's fricking up our minds, social cohesion, relationships and interaction. I show so any signs of adhd and autism now that I never had as a child/young adult. I'm also an avid user of the internet. I spend hours a day isolating myself, my world is rooted in this technology and has done since the late 90's. Overtime all these symptoms and signs started appearing. Especially from around 2009 onwards. I'm pretty sure the way we interact with the world has been stifled. Reminds me of the mouse utopia experiment and the 'beautiful ones' ocd behaviour.
There is a currently study on children under 5 being diagnosed with ADHD, and a new version is caused by technology. For myself however, from a world well before all this existed, I was still the same. Nothing changed. So it was always a part of me.
I appreciate your story outlining autism is not a simple task. I’ve never thought of my peculiarities as more than eccentric and not a medical diagnosis; it’s possible anyone could identify with you on some topics. I would define myself as a loner forever in search of my life purpose and an understanding of other people in this world who for the most part are on a very different journey than mine. It’s good to hear about struggles and challenges that are a little different than the conformity of the general public. I am constantly learning new ways to improve and cope with difficulties and newest suggestion is to wake up in the morning and say wit heart “I am so grateful for this new day” because every day is a new beginning. Thank you and keep the faith that gives you peace❣️
Thanks for being honest & sharing. Compassion, self- care and communication. Being honest about how you are doing with trusted people or in a journal is helpful. If you are able to use your skills to help someone else and vice versa that makes life a little easier. I think alot of challenges are Trauma based. Talking about it is 1st step. Many of us have aspects that maybe different.
....I am currently undiagnosed, but the more I watch videos like this the more I'm thinking I've found my people 😂 I've literally never known anyone else who eats in differing amounts as the food on the plate gets less and less, so I'm left at the end with equal amounts of everything in the last few bites. Had absolutely no idea this was a thing anyone else does and I'm shook 😂 Now I'm about to spiral thinking about what other things I do in patterns I may never have been consciously aware of!!! Thank you for making this content. It's been helpful in getting more positive responses from people I care about than "there's nothing wrong with you" when I've brought up the possibility. Very hard to get the data I need to make a self assessment if the people who know me best won't even consider the possibility. The more I can show them stories like yours, the more I can see the wheels beginning to turn. And they're right, of course. There's nothing wrong with me. It's just a confirmation of how my brain processes information. It's wild to me how many people think that if you don't have a very specific form of autism that you cannot have any form.
AHH yes, the old saving a mouthful of everything for the last bite 😂. There's a good saying which is "if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. It basically means that whilst we are all very similar with our struggles and our coping mechanisms, we are also different with our struggles and our coping mechanisms. I am so glad to have my "official" diagnosis, people tend to be more accepting for some reason, perhaps because it's by a professional, even though WE know we're different and aren't coping or have to constantly mask. Good luck going forward 👍❤
@@mystifiedmargot1970 thank you for the support! I've an appointment in March to get a referral for official diagnosis for the same reason. I've come to the conclusion that I've most likely got CPTSD, autism, or both. There are a lot of overlapping symptoms/behaviors, but I've got some flavor of....something.
Thank you for your videos. I have been studying autism since my counselor suggested I get tested. Now I actually fear the psychiatrist might tell me I am not on the spectrum when everything I am learning ticks all the boxes and explains so much about my life. I am a 73 year old female. I am finding that I do many "automatic" household chores in my "special" way. Especially the ones I don't like to do.
@@sophya5796 unfortunately he wasn't very nice. He used to tease me for the order I ate my food... that was what he meant my strategic. But yes, I used to be a picky eater as a kid and wish I hadn't been called fussy. My kids are picky eaters but I've never labelled it
@@annadayknight Oh, sorry to hear that 🙄 I thought strategic was meant to be a joke, but apparently he was bullying you! That's not acceptable 😕 I hope you don't feel shame for your eating habits anymore ❤️
Tipping delivery drivers seems to be a hot topic, so let me explain further...
The app I use to order food includes a 'Processing Fee', and a 'Delivery Fee'. Both are mandatory, you cannot opt out of paying them. The 'Delivery Fee' increases the further the delivery driver has to travel...rightly so, to cover their fuel costs, and is also high enough to include a tip e.g., 2 miles = £5.
Now if the restaurant doesn't pass on the 'Delivery Fee' to the driver, shame on them. But I have already paid the tip in the 'Delivery Fee'. Most of the time, the 'Processing and Delivery Fee' is an extra 25% of my order.
So I've already paid a tip in the delivery fee. If the restaurant doesn't pass it on, I cannot then also pay another tip. Shame in the restaurants.
Hope that clears up what I didn't explain 👍
@@AdultwithAutism totally understandable and I'm not flaming or anything.
It's not the restaurants that are the greedy ones, it's the delivery partners that take the service charge delivery charge and 30% of all sales from the restaurant. In a ideal world this would be passed on to us but it's not 😂
But yeah I'm in no way trying to give grief over tipping, as I previously said in my other message thread you replied to, but let me clarify, I know who the evil one is, and it ain't the customers not explicitly tipping, it's the providers and their greedy full pockets.
Just a note: my son delivered food for a living for some time. He is also on the spectrum. He wouldn't have survived without the tips. The pay is not good enough to earn a living. He got no part of the fees. But that was in the US. May be different in the UK.
Sounds indeed awfully familiar. I think that one of the strongest clue of undiagnosed ASD is the feeling of being outsider and not belonging to the world. I feel that most people with autism share the same experience of feeling like being in a wrong world and the feeling starts in childhood and continues through the whole life.
Great video!
Many thanks 👍🏻
I've had wrong planet syndrome all my life. The first time I recall having the feeling of hearing someone I recognized as being from my home planet, so to speak, was when I heard Temple Grandin on the radio. She articulated things about the way she navigated and experienced the world that I had just taken for granted, that I didn't even know it was particularly different. I hadn't even known why I felt like such an alien, but here was this other person who was telling me why I felt that way. That was 20 years ago, and that was the first time I realized after all the therapy, all the difficulties I had in relationships, in school, accomplishing certain tasks, that there was a very high likelihood that the issue all along had been that I'm autistic. Everything I've learned since has done nothing but confirm that.
@kimberleyedwards833 it feels so good when you have that relatable feeling 👍🏻
All of it most of the time ❤
Some of us can’t afford the over annoyance of tasks.
I reckon my late husband had autism, it runs in his family. He ticks so many boxes. He had such a unique way of thinking and was an incredible problem solver. He was always making me laugh. Miss him so much.
❤ So Lovely to have had such a wonderful person in your life!
I clashed with
management and lost jobs repeatedly. Could never pander to their insecurities or tolerate bullying or bullshit. Ended up being self-employed
Sounds similar to me. I know the rules in the workplace but not everybody sticks to the rules. They take advantage of you and bend what you say. People can be mean but things are definitely changing for the better with ASD and acceptance in the workplace.
I'm still employed by ASDA though. The managers who was bullies either left because of the bad reputation among colleagues or was sacked. You can bully people, but then you have to live with the consequences of you actions.
I’ve got a little group of bully’s in my block, it’s been nipped in the bud but it slayed me for 2 months just gone. I couldn’t vibe with them once I’d seen all of them. No Thankyou.
@@micheals1992Never saw anyone facing consequences for bullying
I have had trouble in employment also. I now do volunteer work because of my age but the manager hasn't guaranteed she will keep me on. I have been sacked from previous volunteer positions also.
I think people need to realize different doesn't mean weird.
You are absolutely right. Unfortunately society is very judgmental, so if a person dont fit in the small box you are quickly labelled. But as i ask myself, what is normal.
It does in this world. Fit in or suffer alone, that's what I've learnt. Mask it till you make it.
Or wrong
Actually I teach my daughter that we are weird because normal is boring 😃. We embrace beating to our own drum.
It's all about perspective. People will treat you the way you allow them to. I've learned that the hard way, as a 44 year old undiagnosed possible autistic. I've only recently realized the name for "Why I've felt this way my whole life", when my daughter received her diagnosis... She is literally my carbon copy all the way down to tip toe walking as a toddler and young child to rocking internally. I'm grateful I can advocate for her and give her the support I never received... To this day my mother is like, "Well, maybe if you didn't talk about it so much in front of her she'll just forget about it" 🙄🤨🧐🤔😂😂😂. That's not how this works 🙆🏻♀️... Says me, an 80's baby...smh
Never accept weird as a bad thing 💜
This video really speaks to me. I'm 35, female, and finally after 2 years of regular therapy and an ADHD diagnosis, I'm finally coming to terms with my Autism. Last week I told my doctor that I have a strong gut feeling that it is.
My life has been difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Thanks to my superhuman making, nobody noticed that I was isolated, depressed, not functioning. I grew up in a sheltered, religious family that didn't know about mental health disorders. I'm just lazy, shy, a daydreamer. Gullible. Stupid. Now, I think back to every time someone said, "you're so artistic!" as them having really meant, "you're so autistic!"
Now I realize I've had many abusive relationships & friendships, and those are few and far between in my life already. My mental health became a topic of interest after the most recent abusive relationship ended, and all my new friends are fellow neurodivergents. I made a particular friend that was already diagnosed Autistic and she said that I was 100% on the spectrum.
So here we go. I said to my doctor that I don't know if pursuing a diagnosis would be beneficial. She said "but you're so high functioning". Yeah, I was. Until I wasn't. But there's very little actual support for midlife diagnosis Autists like us. You get a diagnosis and probably a prescription....now what....
Your post hit me. I can relate to so much of that. I wish I could find that friend group like you did. Lemon difficult, I like that.
Thank you for sharing, and your story is a familiar one. Just a shame that it is familiar 👍🏻
I hear you, thank you for sharing. 🩵
There’s no drugs to treat autism.
You can treat anxiety and ocd but those are comorbidities.
OMG can so relate! For one thing I've been cutting my own hair for years! I can't bring !myself to go to hairdressers! Can't stand making small talk, find it exhausting. So many things!
I love cutting my own hair! It's tough at first, but eventually you get really good at it!
Same reason I can’t stand the nail salon. Don’t want them touching me.
It's something I tolerate, I don't enjoy it. My hair is waist length so I can't trim it myself. I prefer the mobile ones who come to my house I've had her years. The thought of going to a salon ughh! The crap conversation, are you going out tonight, what's your job? Boring!
I teach but for a few reasons I trained as a nail tech, it would note me silly doing it as a job.
I cut my own hair, too I can't stand to be pawed about. One hairdresser gave me an unwanted head massage and said "did you enjoy that?" "NO!" My head felt like a bowling ball for the rest of the day. I appreciate her skill in remembering each customer's personal career or family circumstances and constructing a conversation around it all...but just be quiet, get it over with quickly, keep the smelly products away from my hair and don't touch me more than you need to! I'm not there to be pampered, it all makes my skin crawl.
I’ve had my wife cut my hair for the last 15 years. No hairdresser/barber.
Hated going to the barber and hairdresser growing up.
My Aspie daughter can manage her office to the last detail!
But in her personal life, my Aspie daughter struggles with getting the cleaning and laundry done.
Does Instacart for groceries pick up because she doesn't have to go in the store.
Would never neglect her cat's health. She usually spends thousands of $$$$ a year on her cat's welfare ....but, ....will let her own health go for years until it is a crisis.
My animals have insurance, I don't, so I know the feeling.
What was her behavior like as a child? Easy going or difficult or very up and down, any examples.
@@maryrabago9546
As a child she started to read at age 3.
She frequently had meltdowns.
She did well in school. Had her Aspie click of friends.
She went to college. She loves to travel.
She does well at her techy job.
!!!! Different specific details but this is me too!!! ❤❤❤❤ Love to you and your Daughter - I am 45 and am so scared of what will be the course of events over the next few months and years that I have to now head-on address & overcome this “autistic” wall that has me dead in my tracks. ❤❤❤❤ Again, though, Love to you and your daughter.
I joined the same club as a woman at 51 yrs old and I can't believe the epiphanies I have now . Everything makes sense now . I still can't get over it, I check every single box on the classic autism and then some
It is a strange feeling! I remember when I was first diagnosed, other people actually resonated with Autism in me more than I did. When I learned more about it, everything I did was around the management of myself to reduce Autism burnouts.
@@AdultwithAutism I hear you, for me it was too late, I've passed it and climbed out of it but 27 years of agoraphobia was the result. I now finally figured out why I get the panic attacks. It's sensory overload, since I did not know where to look before the diagnosis I now do and am able to control it better
That's definitely the good point of the diagnosis. Giving the answer so you can manage the rough times better, and try to avoid. Like my shopping routine for example, only shop late and only shop midweek. Otherwise a simple task of getting bread and milk wipes me put, and every burnout takes longer to recover from.
@@AdultwithAutism I live in The Netherlands which is a lot less car dependent , but America would be a nightmare for me. There are so many obstacles that I've overcome but now understanding them makes it a lot easier , and in fact , now I think I'm not crazy anymore or this unique weirdo , so that is a win
I understand. My diagnosis helped me feel less confused about myself and lack of fitting in. Love the Netherlands.
You need to clean your mouth even if you have no teeth. inflammation in the mouth is very dangerous. My sister in law nearly died because of it, had to stay in hospital for two months. Because the bacteria in the mouth goes through the wound into the blood and to the heart and damages your heart.
So please everybody, do clean your teeth and mouth.
But if you only understood the difficulty of getting the task done, you would get that he has to forcefully make himself get this simple task done. We aren't stupid, but we struggle with simpler tasks for our reasons, based on the individual who is also autistic.
For me, i got fired for being too ambitious and yet not consistently doing "simpler" tasks like emailing. Uhggggg email 😢
@@wwJd703love I know a lot about struggling to do very simple tasks, I have to fight it every day. But some tasks are more important, and usually when I know that something is very important, I’m able to do it. And often I’m exhausted afterwards. I’m not able to work anymore, too tired all the time.
Yes-it’s thought that one of the factors in pancreatic cancer is from germs which enter the body by sinking into the gingivae.
PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING A WATERPIK MACHINE FOR YET AND MOUTH CLEANING!! you’ll start to love it-you said if you could get a little machine-get a WATERPIK!!
if you STOP EATING MEAT-the cooking won’t be so disgusting!! worked for me 😎
I'm undiagnosed, and the number of times I thought "Me too!" while listening to your video convinces me even further that I should get diagnosed at SOME point.
Having jeans on and no socks happened to me for some reason and I couldn't even begin to describe, why it is SO uncomfortable.
When I'm about to finish a meal, I always have a little bit of everything on my plate so I can decide which aftertaste I want to end it with.
I absolutely hate phone calls, and appointments (got an anxiety attack making one recently), as well as I, hate to cook and take a shower. I still do these things because I know I have to but I never got to like doing them.
Thank you for this video!
No worries at all! It's good it's helpful, really is. If it helps tick a few more boxes to assist then I'm glad it's there.
I have noticed that most of your videos include right and wrong good and bad moral and immoral❤
Thank you so much for your effort to help people like me
As much as I only share my opinion on most things, justifying with right and wrong helps me keep it on track...I hope! 👍🏻
No problem 👍🏻
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been so ashamed of myself for not being able to handle all of the little hassles of life. I had no idea that these were traits of autism.
I am 69 and after spending my life not fitting in and feeling, don't belong, I was so glad to see your video. After suspecting for a while I was autistic I ticked most of your boxes. It's helped me understand and accept myself more.
When I lived in Las Vegas I used to go to the grocery store at around 3 a.m., because I felt better when there were less people around and the store was open 24 hours anyway.
I miss when Walmart used to be 24 hours. Going between 12 and 6am was the best
This hit me so hard...im just recently at 46 realizing that my struggles could be Autism.
If you're coming to that realisation, I hope this is the beginning of a fruitful journey 👍🏻
100%.
Things like brushing teeth, showering etc are annoying to have to do.
This guy nails it in terms of daily experiences.
I include things like not having many friends, not yearning to mix and mingle with others, not being a sport fanatic. Formerly had anxiety issues prior to meditation. List seems endless.
Friends are people who except you for who you are, the good and the bad.
Accept. Except means excuse or leave out.
Age 72 female Aspie.
29 jobs.
25 addresses.
In my lifetime.
I've not counted up my jobs or addresses, but there is certainly a lot more than the average.
you actually able to keep count of all the jobs, amazing. many residences, many jobs....know it well.
sounds familiar. many more addresses than average here.
haven’t counted all addresses but for addresses it is more than 25 by near to the half century mark.
mother responsible for much of the moving in the early years, after that it has been me.
as for jobs, held onto core ones forever, very steady and consistently, whatever it took for stability though had side jobs changing frequently. it has been very hard to get new work; not great with interviews.
your list made was impressive.
It's not so much about the number of jobs. It's about the ADHD tolerance span.
First three months: I'm a manic cult member.
Second quarter: real life and other interests catch up.
Third quarter: I've lost concentration and I'm not showing up mentally, because my role seems pointless.
Fourth Quarter: other people are noticing my behavior. And frankly, everyone else is irritating because I can hear their mouth-noises.
So it's 18 month maximum employment, and then about 9 months before I can capture another gig.
Is that all? 😉
I have a very strict grocery routine. I leave very early to encounter as few people as possible. If I accidentally sleep too late past the time I wanted to leave, no groceries that day. Try again tomorrow, lol! I go to the same store and I know where everything is, so I order the items on my list the way I go through the store. Get in, get in done, and get out. It's all about efficiency and avoiding people. ^_^
About making appointments, I've had things sit on my to-do lists for months (and longer...) because I couldn't deal with the interaction required to get them done. Eventually I do get them done, because I get tired of seeing them on my to-do list, but it can take an embarrassingly long time.
Haha, I'm the same with shopping. Same shops for familiarity...and it really annoys me when they change the layout! If they run out of something, then I don't go back the next day...it has to wait until my usual return trip!
This is so relatable . I liked it when I could shop at 3 am but now the store closes at midnight , 10 Pm to 12 am there are still too many people and not enough time to read all the labels. ..
I'm no stunner
sounds like my fella!
I do that too!!!😮
Teeth are the SEAT of health in the body. Please keep your teeth !!!!🙏🏻
The wrong kind of bacteria in our mouths can lead to stroke, heart attack, and infections throughout the body including cancer. Having fake teeth screwed into our jawbone INCREASES the likelihood of infection, and removal of 8 or more teeth correlates to an uptick in dementia.
Health is one of my special interests :)
If brushing feels bothersome, oil pulling is an excellent, and perhaps more comfortable way of removing debris, plaque, and bacteria.
Many blessings to you for this channel. Your authenticity feels relaxing to listen to.😊
Thank you, and don't worry...I still have teeth! I just hate cleaning them, and have real trouble with the dentist!
I do the oil pulling thing with pure coconut oil; my gums feel so much healthier ✨
Oh, that's quite shocking information though I'm grateful for it. I didn't have a brace as I should have as my mum asked me if I wanted one and as I've never liked standing out, I said no. That's then caused me to brush them too hard as I wanted them to look as white as possible due to them not being straight so now I have receding gums and I worry about that. 😢
@@beesknees5441This may be a silly question, but what exactly is oil pulling?
@@phoenixxavier9615You put a spoon of the coconut in your mouth & hold it there, when it melts, you pull it back & forth through your teeth for a few minutes, then gargle & spit ✨ it clears debris & moisturises gums 💫✌️😉
Spot on Paul. I desperately want my teeth and toenails gone. The cooking thing and routine and relationships. When people say “Can’t you just” you know THEY are NOT autistic 🤣
Haha, forgot about cutting nails! How I hate that task. Especially my toes, but think that's because I'm overweight so it's tougher to get there 😂
The worse part about toenails is that its impossible for me to get my face close enough to fully see what i'm doing. So I always feel like i'm going in partially blind and just pray I don't nip off the corner of my toe. Or if you don't get it right and start snagging the sheets...
Haha, I get that. I just have to hope for the best half the time 😂
Yeeeeeees😊😊😊😊😊
@turtleanton6539 😁
I’m 50, and waking up to being neurodivergent has helped me understand struggles I’ve had since childhood. Knowledge is power. I’ve gone from hating being in the world to learning how I show up in the world and finding my tribe.
I'm 52 and this is "the when" I named this thing...this explanation. I have no tribe and I have no skills in locating one. I've been lost more years than I was ever " found". I fear being lost making the 52 years a huge waste. Brushing teeth- yes. Unenjoyable....I don't do well in small areas-caravans you would call them. Calling a doctor or anywhere for an appointment- ptsd reactions. GOING- slim to no chance of attending. This video is amazing. Thank you
I am 64, and was diagnosed 4 years ago. I cried with the relief. It is so hard to meet people, and friends do just vanish. My difficulty is being too loyal and not recognising when it is not reciprocal. I just cannot read people. When I did my degree it was so hard being 'social', that I became non verbal. Also, I found out all my 'friends', would meet up, for dinners at peoples houses and events, and exclude me from them? Never found out why. I am very honest and speak my mind, maybe that doesn't work in the UK with such rigid social rules.
NTs seem to have a social velcro in their skin that keeps them bonded even outside of special interests. We don't. We can participate in a group, yet not be part of it in the same way as NTs are. There's an unconscious or unspoken "currency" that they trade to mark reciprocity in the relationship, but we don't have it, so when there's no shared event or common purpose we fall by the wayside for them. We also seem to give off an air of social independence or self-reliance that somehow insulates us from them, as though we have a layer of teflon on us. But we don't know any other way...
Yep. The social side of things certainly doesn't fall into the 'mandatory' category for me.
I can't remember how I ended up here or how the algorythms were «thinking» your channel could interest me, but HERE I AM! And VERY happy for finding you! I'm 72 and for quite a number of years, I have occasionally suspected I am autistic, at least to some degree. I have not been diagnozed, for a number of reasons, but I will include it on my ToDo List! And your honesty, your smile, your sincerity and candor and your voice AND accent: I'm charmed! Thank you for sharing your realities with us.
(My first language is French, hence the possibly awkward way I have written this...)
You have not written your comment awkwardly at all!
I was 65 and due to my children and grandkids being diagnosed I realised that all my life I’ve been autistic. At last I understand
Votre Anglais est tres tres bien! Embrace your gift of Autism,you probably have many talents, autistic people usually do. Enjoy your journey of life.🙏
Beautifully said. ❤
I was so glad when lockdown and shielding came along. I started learning Blender 3D for 14 hours a day and building myself a home sound production studio. I live by myself. I was cool!
Sounds good! And the perfect time to immerse yourself in a hobby 👍🏼
Great content and it’s admirable how you give a nice delivery without all those edits that others do. The results, on other channels, are jumpy and jagged with edits and I don’t like loads of sound effects or stock photography. Nicely done.
Hi Catherine, I struggle with the chopping edits too. Like Hunter Hansens channel, I really like what he talks about and his approach, but the edits, change in sound quality or levels, lighting, etc makes them hard to watch for me. Plus, I always said to myself to keep them as they come out so people could watch my mannerisms as another way of seeing my version of Autism...whatever that is 😂
Thank you 💥🦡🐢
yes.. so steady sensory thankyou 🙏
Paul. I just sat here nodding, and grinning all through this video. Please continue to do this. So many people now realise they are not odd/ weird, just differently wired up. Thankyou very much.
No worries Graham, glad it got you grinning 👍🏻
Me tooooooo
I have Asperger’s, which is now on the autism spectrum. We certainly have behavior in common but we are different in some major ways. Paul, you are very intelligent and very well spoken so I would say you also have Asperger’s. No one would think you had a disability. You are more articulate than average. It may be more difficult for people to believe your struggles with minor everyday things. I can relate to what you say. I have that stuff also. I was always a nerd, often called weird and that was true but I never felt I could do anything about it because that is the way I am. I didn’t find the diagnosis until very late in life. Computers saved my life because they were meant for me! I am a computer genius and had a wonderful career in software development. I worked with other nerds. We all spoke nerd. That made me feel better. Of course management is another kind of animal as you said. You may face more disbelief that you have a disability because you are more intelligent and well spoken than average, as I said before. I think that can annoy some people. I was self employed for many years until I became a corporate girl. Of all things! I can’t believe it myself. I went underground. Learned to dress normally, not to say what I am thinking. We cannot be neurotypical. Do you wish to be accepted for who you really are? I find that is only with other Aspies. I am finding some older people who have it but don’t know they have it. I can spot anyone like me now that I know about it. It is a comfort for both of us to be ourselves. Might be good if you can meet up with Aspies. Of course you have the internet community, which is wonderful. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are but that is hard for us because we make people uncomfortable. Consider dating an Aspie woman. I don’t know if you have. I also have the discomfort you describe so well with the physical aspects. I cannot live with another human and I gave up on that idea a long time ago. You are right about marriage and children and all that but regular people have plenty of difficulties with that. I don’t know what your work situation is now but there are many things you could do and be successful such as tax preparer, financial consultant, life advisor. I think you are terrific! I would also suggest that you find a physical activity that you like- maybe bicycle for pleasure. Nothing too strenuous, to relieve stress that builds up every day. I found that helpful. Wishing you all the best. You are a valuable person with much to give and you are helping people with your web videos.
Very true. I get judged harshly, and solely on 30 minute videos. No one sees my life away from here and how I am in my day to day life. But that demonstrates ignorance on the side of others. Thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
As an autistic parent married to a probably autistic parent of children. Being autistic doesn’t mean your experience of ASD will mesh well. I hate touch. My daughter likes very firm pressure. I like one audio stimuli at a time I literally have to turn off everything even white noise like fans to have a conversation: daughter likes earbuds or beats on 24/7 with music blaring.
Hello marian do you got instagram or any social media to tell you of my suspicion of asd symptoms.
It looks like I am not the only one who hates shopping - particularly when it is busy. That is why I do it at 7am (opening time roughly) when very few people are there. I get in and out as quick as I can and only get what I need. I do not allow myself to be distracted. I have never been diagnosed as autistic (too expensive) so whether this is a part of autism I wouldn't know.
One unusual thing I noticed here. Most commentors here write well i.e., spelling etc. AND are very articulate.
Good point 👍🏻
Wow I relate to so much you said. I really don’t enjoy being around people much either. I haven’t been diagnosed as I just can’t deal with trying to make an appointment with a doctor and talking to them about it. Thank you for sharing your insight. It really helps.
No problem, glad it helped. I hate the appointment process and the docs too so know the feeling.
I would rather not be bullied either, haven’t learned how to fit anywhere really. Amazing content. Thank you
Thank you 👍🏻
Much respect for you
The thing about friends really hit home for me. I have been very sad about it. My older brother was recently diagnosed with autism and he is close to 60 years old. He has always been different and when I heard this I wasn’t surprised .
Thankyou Paul, great video, self diagnosed 25 yo female... As time has gone by all these feelings and things you explain have gotten stronger as I've gotten older, It's exhausting but so liberating to see that there's a reason why we feel why we do & that we can recognise n make adjustments to aid our daily life
Thanks Eloise.
Very true, we have ti make adjustments, as they won't be made for us. It's our responsibility to ourselves to make sure we consider what we can for the best possible outcome
One of my very best friends suddenly disappeared from my life a couple years ago. No reason, no contact. That shit damaged me irrevocably. Thank you for sharing, i really enjoy hearing other perspectives as i dive into this to figure me out.
I've been an otr o/o truck driver for a decade, and picked up residential trash for 14 years prior. Im going to start writing this year.
Writing is a great way of getting the thoughts out. Strongly encouraged!! 👍🏻
I understand how that would have affected you as a group of friends I'd known since I was 17 dropped me after I stood up for my best friend out of the group. This was before my diagnosis (two years ago at 52). Looking back at some of the horrible things they'd said to me about being on benefits due to my mental health and other things you shouldn't say to a friend, I'm now happier with just the 2 friends I have. I think writing is a brilliant avenue to pursue and I hope you can find out why your friend doesn't want to be there for you even though nothing was explained to me about why they didn't invite me out so even that showed me how unkind they all are.
@@mystifiedmargot1970 I'm glad you're with people who are good for you. My friend's issues, I believe, were my friend's issues. I didn't do anything, who knows, maybe that was the problem. 😏
It could be them, not you. I've dropped relationships because of my own depression, then years passed.
My very first memory of displaying autism, when I would feel overwhelmed, I would freeze and flap my hands like a humming bird to release the stress. I got so many hidings for doing it. My farther told me he will beat it out of me not to embarrasse him like that. That's when I learned fast that pretense(masked) is to protect myself from punishment. Well, not always. I got beaten for not understanding math. I got beaten for not being fast enough. Long long list why I received abuse ..
I now live a complete isolated life for 14years now. At least I have only my loneliness to deal with. 🙂
I'm sorry 😞
I send you caring from my heart and mind. I hope one day we will find our true home.
I grind my teeth and I also got beat for bein too fidgety and not knowing math…
Sorry to hear that, terrible.
Remember you're not alone!Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’ Look! All those getting enraged against you will be put to shame and humiliated. Those who fight with you will be brought to nothing and perish. You will search for men who struggle with you, but you will not find them; The men at war with you will become as something nonexistent, as nothing at all.For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, The One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I will help you.’🙏🏽 🌹Isaiah 41:10-13 🌹
God is with you Always 🙏🏽
it’s always less lonely to realise we’re not the only ones dealing with the issues you described here. ❤
True.
That description of you getting dressed is so spot on! I do exactly the same, and never thought of it as autistic before now. Just what I felt was common sense and decency 😆. God forbid anyone, or even myself ever catch sight of me in a shirt and no bottoms. And the feeling of my feet with pants on but no socks... can't live like that for more than 60 seconds.
It is the unwritten law of getting dressed. It should be universal, and what brings the human race together!
I have always felt like somehow i am a stranger to this place. I love being alone. Have anxiety in groups where im expected to interact. I do my best to act normal. Ive been a registered nurse for 35years and retired. Absolutely loved my job which allowed me to support my family of 4 kids. Did not socialize with work mates.Have one good friend from work for many years. I do certain things in ,what i believe is an efficient order, although do not get anxious if done a bit differently. I need a couple days of notice before appointments to mentally manage anxiety that i may miss the day. All schooling has been anxiety issue, acting normal. Wow! P. S. i'm 73 now.
I m a retired nurse. I memorized the whole PDR when I was an LVN. I couldn’t stay one one type of nurse so I did almost type of nursing areas except anesthesia or nurse practitioner or air transport type bc I have communication problem - hearing disorder that goes off and on without warning hearing it pauses.
I love your videos. And I do SO many of the same things, or similar, as you! I don’t think I realized some of it was autism because I have always done the things the same. I was just recently diagnosed so this helps so much! I’m 44 and just got my diagnosis last week. Your videos are very helpful! Thank you!
Hi Heather, really glad to hear they help...and that I am not on my own! 😂
My 5-Terrible-Ts: teeth (cleaning), tags (clothing), toe(nails), temperature (change), time (mixups).
😄 I’ll cheers you on your list!! Same 5 Terrible T’s here 👋
4 for me. (small)Talk, tags, time, temperature.
I've never thought of how I'm dressing, and I had to put the video on pause to think about it. I just realised I'm dressing exactly the same way every day since I was a teenager, and it's the same pattern than you : underpants, socks, pants, top. That's awesome.
Yes, Paul. It's so hurtful as a woman to feel constantly betrayed by friends. It makes me think, am I boring or unworthy? On top of that, others assume you blew it or there is a deficiency in my character. My esteem as a result is rock bottom. Relationships aaaagh. I've given 100%, just to be taken advantage of and always feel I don't make the grade, no matter how hard I try. I'm not great at housekeeping and was a tomboy as a child. I've been criticised for having a messy flat, even though I hate it as well. I used to cry a lot when I worked because I felt excluded and hurt when my peers would go out together and forget me. Management. Aaaagh! They never admit they are wrong, even when I've come up with a great idea. You must be a better pretender than I. As I was not able to keep it up, I was the excluded one. For a woman who is supposed to be the sociable one, all these relationship difficulties are INCREDABLY painful. I get you Paul. I have a cat who shows more empathy than most humans. I admire you Paul because you stuck it and I haven't. I still want to g
That first part of your message is very relatable. Always wanting to please or even just hit average with others, but for it to be twisted and used against you. Not good at all.
I've just become good at making sure I can blend in, but just because I'm better at it, doesn't mean the toll reduces unfortunately 👍🏻
It's unfair. So do you attract mostly bpd types because of your autism? How did your efforts backfire as you say?
My husband is 66 and my son told me that my husband was autistic. After listening to several speakers and listening to all the traits. I am 100% sure he is, although not diagnosed. It helps me understand him so much better. Still difficult at times, but I love him so. He’s been through 2 failed marriages, but I plan to stay until the end! I’m neurotypical, but I have lots of issues myself and glad he still loves me.
I went from graphic design dealing with people to driving truck where I’m by myself 98% of the time. I love it! ❤️makes masking easier. Pretending to be average is just called surviving for us. We protect our mentals where we can.
‘Rather be fake than be bullied ‘. So sad , but I totally relate - if you’re lucky like I was in this , you are near retirement anyway , and can tell them to stick it and start to enjoy being your true self :D
The getting dressed bit is exactly how i get dressed too lol. Its just the most convenient way. It turns into a routine, same as brushing your teeth, washing your hands or putting on a backpack, tying your shoes or getting in a car, unlocking the front door etc etc...
every time I watch one of your videos I am amazed at how relatable everything you say is. when it comes to work, ive just passed my theory tests for my hgv licence so I can sit alone in a cab all day and see a few people at the end of the journey, im knackered from being asked by customers about some shitty football match I couldnt give a monkey about or how good/bad the weather is. The phoning and appoitment stuff is bang on the money and when I try to explain it to someone else they look at me like im crazy. Shopping is a big one for me, I used to regularly leave the shop when I was with someone else as when they went it was always busy and I couldnt handle it. Everything in my pockets are in the same place always, and on the rare occasion I buy new clothes I make sure the pockets can accomodate my stuff. plus getting into debt has always baffled me, maybe some reasons are justified but most are just bullshit excuses for poor money management. thanks again for the chilled half hour.
Hi Dan, Funnily enough, I thought of getting my HGV for the same reason. Get paid to be on my own, listen to audio books etc!
Good to know someone relates 👍🏻
Hey Paul another amazing topic, well spoken and i throughly enjoy what you say, it is so relevant and i agree with about teeth brushing, and showering. I also agree about food and routines
Hi Gemma, thank you. And glad you enjoyed 😁
I need to thank you AGAIN!!!! For your absolute transparency and honesty about everything.
Every point made I have life’s and felt and literally never understood why but rather get upset and annoyed bc I felt broken. Showering feels like an attack. I am someone who is overly sensitive and aware to my own cleanliness, people never assume or say “oh yeah it’s obvious you don’t shower” rather it surprises them if I disclose it being tough for me.
Being fake rather than bullied, yes, same, I have become very isolated due to struggling with masking burn out.
I wish I knew these things when I was younger.
My burn out meltdown after high school was so bad.
At 36 years ago I have learned so much about me these last 5 weeks than I have since I was diagnosed 30 years ago with adhd, and maybe I do have it but it never solely fit. For me that is.
I will try to stop typing here but I am so incredibly thankful for your insight.
You are affecting 4 lives here.
I am mom of three, and in the process of the diagnosing process for my two kids and myself. 🙏
It's nice to hear some of my stuff is helpful, really is. I made the channel to speak openly, as all I want to do is help others. So it's nice to know that it does 👍🏻
Autistic or not, you are a fine , well spoken and seemingly balanced human
Thank you
Hi Paul,I’m glad it’s not just me that has a routine in getting dressed in the morning, I even go a step further and have certain coloured boxer shorts that I wear on particular days,my wife thinks I’m crazy.
Haha. I have socks with logos on the side...if they ended up on the wrong feet, I'd probably trip myself up. We all have something!
I love what you said about work and the chit chat. I wondered if I was being awkward by not joining in but I can see its probably an autistic thing.
Definitely not awkward...chit chat is just not relevant most of the time 👍🏻
Just wondering about tips in the UK. Here in the US, servers are only paid $2.21/hour and it’s expected that the customer will tip 10-20% of the cost of the meal to make up the server’s salary. In some restaurants, the servers have to “pool” their tips and divide them equally with the rest of the wait staff at end of shift. Those who hustle, or flirt or just got good tipping customers, have to share with servers who are slackers or those who got cheapskate customers who didn’t tip.
In some cases, the restaurant manager has to report the meal costs and the servers have to pay income tax on a percentage of that cost even if the customers did NOT tip them! I know someone who is Autistic and worked these kinds of jobs and its horrible. If the cook doesn’t get the order right or is slow, the customers take out their frustration on the server by not tipping. The humiliation of working these jobs is terrible.
I don’t know what Uber or other delivery people are paid and whether tips are essential or just a nice gesture. With gasoline prices now, I would think a person who delivers really needs a tip. They are working because they need the money, not just for the joy of knowing you can stay in your nice house in your jammies and slippers.
Hi Nancy, it is VERY VERY different in England. It isn't customary to tip, or share them with others you work with. Some companies won't allow it either. In fact, our Government is so controlling, they expect you to declare it and have it affect your bottom line, so what people give you extra, you lose in your support. The minimum wage between 16 - 23 goes up in increments, but I think it is £9.50 an hour from 1st April for 23+, that isn't a bad wage! Plus, people on minimum wage get topped up with Government aid, discounted bills such as Council Tax etc.
As silly as it sounds, people like me are the hardest hit. You work your backside off to make yourself average and get no help or assistance. Instead, my law-abiding existence in a full-time working role sees me heavily taxed, no reprieves, only for my cost of living to also rise, taxes rise to help support immigration, none working households, low-income families, etc., and I still have to pay full contributions, and my pension age keeps rising and rising.
The line actually stops people progressing up salary chains, stops people wanting promotions, and the main one is stopping people from working from part-time to full-time as they come out with less money overall once they hit thresholds. Plus as minimum wage rises, the gap between minimum and my wage gets ever shortened, yet they can apply for assistance and I can't. I can't even get financial assistance to go alongside my extra cost of living of what I consider 'Autism costs', such as my issue with food, clothing, cleaning items etc that are barriers within themselves.
It isn't that I am just being tight, it's that every penny counts for people like me, who are hit by the same things everyone else is, but there is zero financial support. Absolutely dreading my mortgage renewal as it could put up to £500 a month on top due to the Russian War for some unknown reason. People who rent if they lose work have their rent paid for by the government, I'll be homeless.
Hopefully, that paints a bit of a better picture over here. And people wonder why I hate living in the UK.
Just for general info…minimum wage is $15.00 USD per hour where I live in the USA. I haven’t heard of $2.21 per hour in decades.
@@catherinelevison3310 people who work for tips are legally allowed to be paid under the minimum wage due to the expectation of tips. For example, the current minimum for tipped labor federally (according to the US Department of labor website) is $2.13 as of 1/1/22. For general info.
@@mandyhackman9740 … not where I live, where I live minimum wage is $15.00 per hour. That’s what I wrote before. And, again, where I live the minimum wage hasn’t been as low as $2.21/hr for decades.
Uber eats drivers make shit for money per order. Like 2-3 dollars. So i'm really counting on an extra couple bucks here or there or it's not even worth me delivering food
Just found your channel.. omg, I could just cry right now listening here as an undiagnosed 51 y/o female. I've never heard anyone else slew together an entire series of precise shared experiences before. I'm dumbfounded. The internal temperature difficulties as my number 1, I have been telling people since I was a child that I cannot regulate my temperature, it feels like I have too much fire inside. Brushing teeth... I once went an entire year, and yes I'm aware of how disgusting that is, because the idea of it is so abhorrent. Showering is just something I have to force myself to do, washing my hair is exhausting. All of the sensory issues, startling noises, blinding light, putrid smells, overwhelming all day every day, no friends, no relationships. And though I really do not mind being in my own world, the older I get, the more aware I am of how outside the box I am. In some ways I kind of liked being ignorant of how different I really am. But like I often say, once you see something, you cannot un-see it. Anyway.. love your channel. 💛
Thank you for sharing
I agree with everything u say at the moment in hiding under my blanket cuz life just too much
If that's what's needed at times, then make sure you do it 👍🏻
well, I wanted to comment actually on every part of this video. I try to hold it to the end because otherwise, I just keep coming back in and editing it out. Yes to all the things, and I really like the way you explain it. also, there is a lot to be said for a big strong man to be saying he experiences the same struggles as this small female has always had. thank you 🌸
Thank you 👍🏻
Watched this and found myself agreeing with a lot of what you said Paul. I was only diagnosed at 42 after a quite a bit of difficulty in life
Thank you for this video! I figured out I’m autistic myself but if I wasn’t sure this video would nail it down. I just thought everyone did these things and it was just what I did, not knowing others didn’t do it! Annoyances of life is the kicker for me, I’ve been to so many different hair stylists because being expected to be there every five weeks is unreasonable, what if I don’t need to go in five weeks, what if I don’t feel good that day, too many things to consider and stick to so I’ll go only when my hair is too long it won’t do what I want it to do which is maybe 3 times a year, and always with a new stylist because they move around and I didn’t know! My friend adamantly thinks I’m not autistic but then she can talk to anyone at anytime, and she’s a germaphobe, I’m not. That’s one of those things that comes easy for me understanding how to stay healthy. So thanks again, now I need to go to sleep and work up the gumption to take a shower tomorrow because my hair feels dirty (was drilling holes in the ground and kicking up dirt today!) but don’t really want to go through all the aspects of dealing with my hair! 🤷♀️🫠
Every 5 weeks is a lot.
Cheers from a diagnosed AuADHD’er in NYC! We share some very similar characteristics. It’s a relief to have some validation. Finding a “partner who is imperfect but balances me out” nails it.
Good luck to us brother🌈🤙🏽
🤙🏻
You have linked two phenomena in perhaps a more ingenious way than you realize, and certainly gave me a distinct "aha!" moment, so thank you for that. Like you, I was the kid who never changed. I didn't go through "stages," strangely enough even my physical development (the changes of puberty and all that) was incredibly slow, infinitessimally gradual, like trying to see the hour hand move on a clock. I remember a friend (now "gone") telling me, almost as if complaining at me, as if I should somehow feel guilty about it, "You never changed! Your voice didn't break, you didn't have acne, you just...GREW but you didn't...CHANGE!" Like he was mad at me for it. Which goes, surely, into why we're not friends anymore. My existence, or manner of existence, somehow affronted him, like a personal insult, as if my NOT going through certain stages in exactly the same way he did were some kind of implicit judgement. Which is pathologically absurd, but it seems to be very common. And this comes right back to your linking these two phenomena. Again, like you, I was never interested in wearing a t-shirt with anybody's name or face on it, or having posters of this or that sports figure or movie star on my wall, or nearly any of the other typical phases of adolescence. And I think the way this plays into losing friends is (I wonder whether you will relate to this)--my experience tells me that there are people who unconsciously attach themselves to (I might say "glom onto") an autistic person, with neither that person nor the autistic person needing to be aware of autism's part in all this, precisely because the autistic person presents an impression of reassuringly predictable neutrality, constancy, dare I say stability (regardless of what's really going on inside the autistic person), a kind of blank slate that the other person can project their needs, expectations, troubles, interests, desires onto without the usual "interference" that comes from others in such relationships.The autistic person often, I think (at least, from personal experience) makes an extra-intense effort at manifesting empathy and compassion, largely out of a belief that this is what the social convention requires and also, perhaps, to overcompensate for a deeper kind of distance and isolation that the other person's troubles do not penetrate (and this is something the autistic person guiltily hides as his "deep dark secret," that he doesn't really "care"). Guilt plays no small role in all this. The psychological and physiological cost of this is, of course, gigantic, but that's something the world doesn't see and doesn't care about. Certainly the "friend" doesn't. Which kind of tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it. And then what happens? The person who was, even if somewhat unwittingly (to be charitable) using the autistic person as a resonating board sooner or later moves on, grows out of that stage, is perhaps even embarrassed about it and prefers not to be around anybody who reminds him/her of it, and so the autistic person is...dispensible: your services are no longer required. Now that you know about your autism and, doubtless, have been assimilating the tsunami of accompanying insights that come from it, I've no doubt your "antennae" are infinitely more sensitive to the approach of such types, the "friends" on the hunt for the walking resonating board, and you enjoy a new freedom to shut that down, never even let it start, exercise your prerogative to be "cold" and disinterested (intentionally chose "dis-" rather than "un-"), and thus leave vaster spaces open in your life to establish the genuinely healthy relationships full of potential for authentic mutual understanding. Even one like that is worth more than a thousand of the other kind.
Friendship was always a minefield. I thought your friend was your friend and...that was it! But so many rules to just remain friends. One main reason I fell out of touch with my oldest friend was due to the fact he is money obsessed, and to me it was just a means to an end. He hated that I had no attachment to it, and thought less of me because of it. I mourned the friendship once it was gone, until I paid attention to what I missed, and it was actually nothing at all. He lost a lot more than I did. In fact, he lost what money cannot buy, which was friendship 👍🏻
Another great one Paul! Yes to most for me especially the seeming ordinary things. Always hard for me to go to the market, mall or Costco by myself. Routines I have tons. Also I don’t care for change much. I like to eat the same things all of the time. An example I just packed my food for a work trip. Just PB&J sandwiches for the entire trip! I also wear pretty much the same thing every day. I have to wear a uniform for work so that is great because it’s the same thing every day😀. Great way you expressed everything in a non clinical way. Very real world!
Hey Bryan, man I love CostCo trips 😂
It's hard to do these types of videos as I don't mind 'signs of' videos, but many are very generic. If I cam apply real world to them, I'll do more.
This has been very useful thanks Paul. I do some strange repetitive things when shopping and around the home. Even routine when cycling home is repetitive to the exact point.
I'm 33 and I got diagnosed about 2 months ago. I have found myself dropping the mask and allowing myself to be me. But then I get imposter syndrome and I think to myself, 'Am I just pretending?' It's been quite stressful ...
Sounds extremely familiar!
I have bipolar, addiction, ADHD, but it's not until my ASD diagnosis and learning more from others and being in a support group that I finally met others who HATED brushing their teeth/didn't do it/couldn't do it. ASD made me finally make sense. Same on $$. I can get rigid and have since I was a kid and can save like no one's business.
Yep, HATE brushing my teeth!
After listening to this, I think I may be autistic. I can identify with a lot of what you describe. Not all of it but a lot of it.😮
~ ritakatona - I reckon "thinking that we may have..." is pretty common right?.. especially with so much info available from the Media; I can appreciate ur comment here tho - I feel a lot like u do & also my Father🤔?.. he used to line up his pencils/food on his plate etc & also was 100% self-centred (he died suicide); sorry to be so dismal I'm sure we'll get by ok in life Best Wishes from Italy
Just love your honesty! I am laughing out loud - recognizing so much of what you say!
Great stuff. The last bite of any sandwich or burger I've ever eaten must be from the center and not from an edge... random new coworkers or friends of my wife (otherwise I don't meet new people) get to slowly notice that my burger keeps spinning around, lol.
Ending on the middle of a burger is a must. It's retained the heat the most, and it's where everything is! Perfect last bite.
Oh nooo. I can't stand the middle! Too wet!
Thank you Paul for creating these videos. I just found you a week ago. I find listening to you very comforting for some reason so thank you. I also find it very difficult to just go get a hair trimming/cut. That being said I have to make myself go once a year and have a good amt chopped off. If I need something in between I will do it myself. I just can’t handle the small talk they do when getting a hair cut. It’s just so exhausting and makes me so anxious that I am worrying about it from the moment I make the appointment to when the appt actually is. Also, even as old as I am now, my family just can’t understand that if we have to get together I need to have a good amt of time before hand to prepare and not just a text the day of to get together later that day. So many other thing ring true but I can’t go on and on. So thank you.
I am glad you resonate with the videos 👍🏻
Thank you pal, you opened my eyes to why I hate to shower so much. I always thought it was "just" exhausting, but you made me realize that it's more than that.
Since I can remember, coming out of the shower felt highly uncomfortable - a feeling a bit aking to feeling guilty, but it confused me, because there was no reason for guilt. Now I understan it's the temperature thing. The hot and cold and water on my skin - it all makes sense now.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Thank you. Glad it helped 👍🏻
Love this video. I totally understand the showering thing and much prefer the winter when I can skip getting all my skin wet. If I have to stay in someone else's house I'll go and hang around in the bathroom every morning with the shower running so they think I've had one.
Getting dressed, I can't wear skirts because of the feeling of the material moving against my legs, or the air moving against them as I walk. As a small child, I once threw myself downstairs to try and get out of going out with my mother when she wanted me to wear a skirt. Also socks have to go on first because it feels too weird to push bare feet through trouser legs.
I was only recently diagnosed as a middle-aged adult and every video I watch makes me realise I'm not such a weird oddball as I thought. Thanks for some great content, Paul.
Definitely not an oddball, I understand your comment more than you know! Apart from my concerns were not skirt related...thankfully! 👍🏻
Recently something was mentioned to me able possibly having undiagnosed autism which lead me to your video and I check some of these boxes. I hate brushing my teeth unless they feel super weird. I can’t shower unless I’m sweaty or my hair is too greasy. I’ve lost friends over the years just because the relationship fizzles away. I have to do certain things at certain times of the day or I feel wrong. I have to put on clothes in a certain way or it just feels wrong. When I eat I have to eat one thing until it’s all gone and then I’ll go to the next thing until it’s gone, and the cycle continues. I’ve also very much struggled socially since childhood and I’ve also got severe social anxiety. I’m in the process of getting back into therapy so hopefully I can talk to someone about this.
Edit: I’ve also struggled severely with keeping jobs, but I’ve been working through that and have kept this one for the longest amount of time in years, it’s still not long at only 8.5 months but it’s still a lot longer than other jobs that I’ve had since I started working; although I did keep a job for a year and a half but that was a dream job and I didn’t have as much stress then so everything was a lot easier. Even still, the job that I have now is the second longest that I’ve had, right after the one I was at for a year and a half.
Turning 40 next year .. this is the most exciting video I've witnessed that describes who and what i am thru your experiences
I feel I have to respond to the first one about friends or the loss of friends. My first question is what is your definition of a friend? Most people call a friend some one that actually meets the definition of an acquaintance rather than a true friend. A friend is someone you can depend on as is there for you any time of the day or night. I am 70% autistic and have one friend. I know a lot of people, but only one friend.
A selfless person who has my best interests are heart. There for me when I need them, and wants me to be okay. The things I give back in equal measure. Doesn't listen to the nonsense about me, feel comfortable in their presence. Actually want to see them and spend time with them without it being a drain on my resource because I can take the mask off slightly...I could go on and on.
Like you, I know many people, but today I could could friends on one hand, and still have many digits left 👍🏻
There are several variations of friends, the work friends, casual friends, and real or close friends. All of these types are useful at times. It's worth having a casual friend that lives in your apt. building and can sign for a package if you were out, or let you know someone was asking about you. The work friend could tell you that someone likes you, or someone said something negative about you, or gave you an invite to a film screening. And the close friends are obviously important. It's not so black and white is what I am suggesting. And folks on the AS should try and realize that in order to take stock and advantage of the ok, good, and great people out there. So it's fine to make surface friends as long as we know that is all that there is to them.
@@rockrecordreport7136 I know where you are coming from when you are working for a company and that kind of friendship is important. I work on call, since I am basically retired. They are not friends, but good customers who do classify as an acquaintance. I do not live in an apartment so I do not have that connection either. Being accepted is a very strange term for me in a world of rejection so the word friend would be even stranger, and I have one.
I can relate to what you're saying about all the little difficult things in life. I avoid talking on the phone like the plague and a huge hunk of my life has always been reserved for spending time alone. I hate the feeling of water on my skin the first thing in the morning, it feels like some kind of annoying film on my skin. The thing about water on my skin explains why I've never cared much for swimming and don't like the feeling of cold water or any kind of water being stuck to my skin. If my hands are wet, I have to immediately dry them. I eat the same way you do. If I have a 3 course meal, everything gets finished pretty much at the same time and don't mix my food together, it has to be separated..except for things like spaghetti etc that are supposed to be mixed up. And they like to call us eccentric!
Makes sense to me 👍🏻
The phone thing is like playing chess, requiring mental efforts and thinking three steps ahead. Before even dialing I think through a possible scenario, how I start, what's their reply could be, what would I say next. I usually end up with a list of points before making a call.
Hearing this has been very comforting, so thank you. The only emotion your sharing this didn't bring up in me is irritation, and that is really saying something! I have a friend who says I remind him of a hummingbird bc of the way my eyes dart around when I'm thinking. When I look around the house as see all the piddly little tasks it takes to keep a tidy home, I want to disappear into something focused and, usually unrelated to anything productive. Shopping? Pfft! Cooking, with the clean up that comes with that? I'd rather go without eating. The memory of lost friends brings on melancholy, and leaves me thinking I must me a very tedious person to be around. The only thing you spoke of I don't relate to is routine, unconscious or otherwise, my ADD doesn't allow me the comfort of that. On a side note, your beard and hair suit you well. 👌
The irritation is something I am continuing to work on. Constantly trying to quantify it to a bigger picture...as I say though, work in progress! Definitely know what you mean though 👍🏻
I can so relate to what you said about rather not eat because of the mess. Once I've cleaned the kitchen in the morning, I'd rather not eat than create a mess. Eating is hard anyway as I have IBS and so that means i can't eat certain foods. Also even though I can be hungry, I don't feel like eating, either because I might feel a bit sickly at the thought of eating food or I'm just not interested in eating. If I could take a pill instead of having to prepare food, I would.
I eat my food like you do because I like the mix of flavours as I eat but , I also recall being taught to eat like that , my entire family ate like that . Food for thought ……..thank you !
Relate to so much of this....losing friends, daily struggles and unconscious routines are spot on. Showering is the bane of my existence, made even worse when I have to shave my legs. It can reduce me to tears just thinking about it.
I have a flip-side to the relationships and work though which I think is the other side of the autistic coin...I was in a relationship for 15 years (inc. 7 years married) and in the same job for 12. Neither were right and I was unhappy for a long time but my fear of change kept me in both. Not that I would change the relationship because it resulted in two gorgeous little boys. 💙💙 but both relationship and work ended only when he cheated and I got made redundant and it was out of my hands. I would never have had the guts to end them myself.
Still awaiting an autism assessment but have been convinced of it for years now.
Glad it had some points that came across! I'm sure the assessment will be worth doing once it gets here too!
This is a great video. It was very revealing and helpful for me last year, before I got my diagnosis this year aged 33.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Thank you
So appreciate this video for myself and my family.
It is sad to know that maybe if there had been greater awareness of the ball of wax each my children's father and I were born with, then maybe there would have been greater understanding and compassion in place of possible misunderstanding and then built up resentment and hurt feelings.
This is why authentic communication is so important, but it does take time to build up that trust.
I aporeciate gaining in awareness though and adding to my toolbox though so that I may better support my children and we all can be as supportive and understanding of eachother now ❤
I have a beautiful 27-year-old son. He is the apple of my eye, and the rose of my heart, and he is challenged with autism. His issues with autism do frustrate him sometimes, but we have talked about it, and he accepts that his challenges are what makes him very special, it always has. People with autism or just like anyone else, but they socialize and learn differently than typical functioning people. Honestly, I don’t know what my life would be without my son. Autistic people are changing the world for the better, in my opinion.
Hi Paul! Several of these resonated and a few others were interesting but not a struggle for me personally. That’s ok though since it helps me see how we are all still our own people, right? But dirty dishes in the sink drives me crazy! Hair appointments are HARD. But I love showers since I often sweat from nervous anxiety and I love feeling clean. Thanks for being open, good chat!
Hi Marie, very true. Always interesting to see the other side in some cases! Dirty dishes...hate it. Someone else said cutting their nails, me too. Wish I'd have remembered them for the video 😂
Jebus Crumbs! I never thought of how
I get dressed as a routine but I am incredibly inflexible there too. Panties, bra, pants or skirt, top and then socks or tights. Never any deviation. So weird how that sneaks into so many aspects of aspie life without us ever realizing it. Thanks for this video, I appreciated your perspective and I learned a bit about myself as well. 👍
No worries. Although oddly enough, I never mentioned at what stage I put my bra on 😂
A year late to the discussion, but glad I found this presentation (and your channel).
Recognized many of my own experiences by hearing about yours.
It's been _so_ frustrating for years on end, especially in the work arena. I can't fake having commonality with people outside of the fact that we all have roles with an employer and need to cooperate. The drama, politics, cliques, and games is what I try to avoid, and then be misjudged for it.
It's agony.
I just want to survive and be left alone since I genuinely have no desire to impact others' lives in any adverse way, either.
What to do? I just don't feel commonlity with others.
I realized many people don't want to have any consequential conversations of substance unless they want something from you. I've found that most people seem to just want "fairweather" conversations and friendships, otherwise.
I'm now 56 and just can't do it anymore. I'm overwhrlmed and burned out trying to just exist in an environment I don't understand well, am frustrated with, and am not suited to. 😢
My first view of your work. Thank you, Paul. Great video! I am 71 and have self-diagnosed ASD/ADHD. We are very different. However, your description of eating the food on your plate sounded completely normal to me, but once you said it, I realized the way I eat is not "normal". I have subscribed and look forward to seeing more of your videos. I also match 100% with your way of shopping.
There are many popular videos on RUclips of young people reacting to songs they have never heard before that were famous a long time ago. I have a twisted sense of humor. I think it would be very funny to see videos of people like me watching one of your videos for the first time. I would be saying how "strange" this guy is and then unwittingly say something "more strange" about myself.
I detest reaction videos for some reason. Not sure what it is that bothers me about them. But I do understand what you mean 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutismYes, reaction videos are horrible, why do we want to watch people videoing themselves that aren't giving us any information other than they're narcissistic and can look shocked or surprised 😂
Damn your channel is like medicine for me. Subscribed. Love from Sweden
That made me smile, thank you 👍🏻
I just found you THWNKYOU SO EFFING MUCH LIFE SAVING CHANNEL ❤
Really glad you're here too.
I can relate to what you are saying, even to trying to fit in. Didn’t realise I was autistic until my grandchildren were diagnosed. It made sense to me when explained I could relate to my childhood. Looking back on my life it now makes sense how I felt. In my 60’s I now recognise my quirks. ❤
Omg. You have just described what I call "food math." I never even plan to do it, but all of my last bites have been divided out evenly. It's amazing to know I'm not the only one!
Food math, I like it 👍🏻
Your experience sounds very similar to mine. Certainly the eating pattern that others have pointed out to me lol But lost relationships has been the biggest pain point. It can be pretty lonely when the people who once seemed to appreciate your quirkiness suddenly seem to be deeply annoyed by you without any clear reasoning.
And that feeling can happen overnight it seems...making it even more confusing 👍🏻
Wow, I keep trying to prove to myself that there is NO chance I could be remotely autistic, and you just pointed out the subconscious things I’ve done my whole life, I saw as being a meticulously detailed planner. 😮
Thank you for being courageous and sharing your life challenges in a way that I completely relate to. You do an awesome job in giving different examples as to how certain behaviors could be displayed differently. Thank you for increasing my knowledge and clarity. ❤
Many thanks 👍🏻
Well explained. Life difficulties? Yes, just the other day I was waiting for a stream to start on twitch and then realized I had confused the days, so I would have to spent my evening another way, with the effect that I couldn't sleep in the following night, wasn't able to work the next day and got in a fight with someone.
Regarding teeth cleaning: I've bought myself an ultrasound toothbrush. It doesn't move or make sounds and I just need to hold it against the teeth, one after the other. No brushing. It can be used like a normal toothbrush too and probably works better that way, but when I really can't deal with the brushing part, I'll use it this way. It's actually made for dogs :D
Hey, I'll use a doggy toothbrush if it works and it takes the monotony out of it...but I'm not using sausage flavour toothpaste!! I'll look into that, I've had electric in the past but it made my teeth worse, so the dentist told me to go back to manual...if that's the right term for a non electric toothbrush 😂
@@AdultwithAutism It's called Megasonex and features a 'normal' electric mode for humans as well. So you can pretty much use it however you want. If it really works from a dentist point of view, I don't know... but probably better than not brushing the teeth at all.
It's worth having a look into though, so I appreciate it.
It's because we live on the internet. It's fricking up our minds, social cohesion, relationships and interaction. I show so any signs of adhd and autism now that I never had as a child/young adult. I'm also an avid user of the internet. I spend hours a day isolating myself, my world is rooted in this technology and has done since the late 90's. Overtime all these symptoms and signs started appearing. Especially from around 2009 onwards. I'm pretty sure the way we interact with the world has been stifled. Reminds me of the mouse utopia experiment and the 'beautiful ones' ocd behaviour.
There is a currently study on children under 5 being diagnosed with ADHD, and a new version is caused by technology.
For myself however, from a world well before all this existed, I was still the same. Nothing changed. So it was always a part of me.
I appreciate your story outlining autism is not a simple task. I’ve never thought of my peculiarities as more than eccentric and not a medical diagnosis; it’s possible anyone could identify with you on some topics. I would define myself as a loner forever in search of my life purpose and an understanding of other people in this world who for the most part are on a very different journey than mine. It’s good to hear about struggles and challenges that are a little different than the conformity of the general public. I am constantly learning new ways to improve and cope with difficulties and newest suggestion is to wake up in the morning and say wit heart “I am so grateful for this new day” because every day is a new beginning. Thank you and keep the faith that gives you peace❣️
Thanks for being honest & sharing. Compassion, self- care and communication. Being honest about how you are doing with trusted people or in a journal is helpful. If you are able to use your skills to help someone else and vice versa that makes life a little easier. I think alot of challenges are Trauma based. Talking about it is 1st step. Many of us have aspects that maybe different.
....I am currently undiagnosed, but the more I watch videos like this the more I'm thinking I've found my people 😂
I've literally never known anyone else who eats in differing amounts as the food on the plate gets less and less, so I'm left at the end with equal amounts of everything in the last few bites. Had absolutely no idea this was a thing anyone else does and I'm shook 😂
Now I'm about to spiral thinking about what other things I do in patterns I may never have been consciously aware of!!!
Thank you for making this content. It's been helpful in getting more positive responses from people I care about than "there's nothing wrong with you" when I've brought up the possibility. Very hard to get the data I need to make a self assessment if the people who know me best won't even consider the possibility. The more I can show them stories like yours, the more I can see the wheels beginning to turn. And they're right, of course. There's nothing wrong with me. It's just a confirmation of how my brain processes information. It's wild to me how many people think that if you don't have a very specific form of autism that you cannot have any form.
AHH yes, the old saving a mouthful of everything for the last bite 😂. There's a good saying which is "if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. It basically means that whilst we are all very similar with our struggles and our coping mechanisms, we are also different with our struggles and our coping mechanisms. I am so glad to have my "official" diagnosis, people tend to be more accepting for some reason, perhaps because it's by a professional, even though WE know we're different and aren't coping or have to constantly mask. Good luck going forward 👍❤
@@mystifiedmargot1970 thank you for the support! I've an appointment in March to get a referral for official diagnosis for the same reason. I've come to the conclusion that I've most likely got CPTSD, autism, or both. There are a lot of overlapping symptoms/behaviors, but I've got some flavor of....something.
@@nstinnett6869hellofriend what was the official diagnosis?
Thank you for your videos. I have been studying autism since my counselor suggested I get tested. Now I actually fear the psychiatrist might tell me I am not on the spectrum when everything I am learning ticks all the boxes and explains so much about my life. I am a 73 year old female. I am finding that I do many "automatic" household chores in my "special" way. Especially the ones I don't like to do.
Hi Paul, I do that thing with food too! I never even realised until an ex-boyfriend pointed it out and started calling me a strategic eater
Should have responded with 'just looking for the poison'. It's what I say when people point it out 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism that's great 😆 I'll have to try that!
Haha, that's actually pretty funny 😄
"strategic" sounds A LOT better than the usual "picky"! Your bf must be a nice guy 😊
@@sophya5796 unfortunately he wasn't very nice. He used to tease me for the order I ate my food... that was what he meant my strategic. But yes, I used to be a picky eater as a kid and wish I hadn't been called fussy. My kids are picky eaters but I've never labelled it
@@annadayknight Oh, sorry to hear that 🙄 I thought strategic was meant to be a joke, but apparently he was bullying you! That's not acceptable 😕 I hope you don't feel shame for your eating habits anymore ❤️
I can relate to so many of them. Especially the eating methodically. Had me creasing some of your descriptions. Top video bud 👍
👍🏻
I love how you are open and explain everything so well and conversationally.
Thank you