I struggle with sudden, negative, and forced change that has no value, is an imposition, and especially when I lack the most basic resources (family/community, economic stability and resources) to weather a dramatic change.
Paul! Paul is the best. I watch every one of your videos BC of the honesty & genuineness. I think fake positivity makes us autistics cringe. It's just so fake.
I almost talked myself out of going to the psychologist to ask about my suspicions of being autistic. The reason is because, while I felt strongly about it, I was afraid I didn’t meet the criteria, and I would have spent money for nothing. Well, I did go, and I did get diagnosed as autistic. I felt very relieved, and I track with what you said in this video. Now, I’m trying to get those around me to understand that autism doesn’t necessarily look the way people often suspect. Paul, I love watching your videos, and I’m excited every time there is a new one. Be well, my friend!
That's exactly my worry! I don't want to waste the time and money, and I don't fit every trait. But, all of my autistic and aspie friends say I am without a doubt, and, several things completely explain my issue, and I'm struggling so much at work. At this point the money doesn't matter, I need to know wtf is going on, if not autism, then whatever it is will be worth knowing.
Then it's worth doing. Rather get that definitive answer than always wonder about it...that would do my head in completely. I don't do well with the unknown!
It's interesting when I was a small child I remember learning in church about the body and bread of Christ and being mortified I was expected to consume it! 🤣 I also hate the lack of empathy "trait" too! I think the idea comes from people like my son. He's nonspeaking, ADHD and is very much in his own world. I think people look at people like him and assume they don't care for others and their feelings. I think it's more that he can't express it but I doubt that he doesn't feel empathy.
Yeah, it's mad that a human was made out bread and wine isn't it! 😂 Maybe, but then it's just more evidence of how different the condition can be isn't it? Can't just have that 'Autism' label and assume it fits everyone the same way...like the 'professionals' do.
Thank you for your video again ❤️ It was funny to notice that you have also this sense of "knowing someone's name" 😆 We have had a tradition for many years when my children get their pictures from school they come to me and ask me to tell all their classmates names by looking the group photo 😂 Usually my mistakes are only with one letter or the name is otherwise almost correct. Never thought about this any further. Greetings from Finland and keep on doing this important work you are doing! ❤️
I just recently discovered this unbearable emotional response to sounds such as animals licking, eating noises, etc. has a name…. misophonia. My dog licking sends me to a bad place, my brother smacking his food would too. Love ‘em but 😒. Good video Paul! I worked in a building in the ‘80 that had Levi Sample sales.. bought lots of stuff that was comfy because it was too good of a deal to pass up, but wasn’t really my style. That little waffle was a throw back, felt that! I too have always been able to predict what is going to happen next just by reading the person or room or situation. I know what someone is feeling before they do. My kids would say I’m physic lol, no, not at all, just watching and processing the patterns of things. 🤷♀️
I feel empathy far, far too strongly. I feel it for people, animals, plants, and even inanimate objects. I have turn it down, on purpose, because it's exhausting. I can hear someone's sad story, from a random meeting, and I am still upset about it years later. Sad. Helpless. Hurt. From a chat with a stranger, where I felt enormous, paralysing, overwhelming empathy. Because I have put myself in their shoes, and thought.. How on earth would I feel, if what happened to them, happened to me? And that, surely, is the definition of empathy? If it's not, I've misdefined the word!! 😂
I’m 37 years old I just found out I was autistic. I’ve never my life thought I’d hear another human beings speak about the same exact things and have the same exact experience as mine as far as I can tell from this video and your other. I only just found your channel. I’ve watched a few. It’s extremely mind blowing and I never leave comments on anything ever like ever ever. But I felt compelled. This whole journey is unreal. Anyway, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time help me out a lot.
Thank you Paul for another good video. It's awesome that you and I have a lot of the same traits so I understand how you feel when you feel a little off. You explain everything so well and you give examples. All the points you made were excellent. I can't say enough about it. Those are the exact same points I wondered about for myself. Thank you, I've been wondering about these things for a long time now. Being literal to me means, say what you mean and mean what you say. 💖
Another cool video Paul. First off I will state the obvious that each autistic person is different. I would also agree that blanket statements about these traits are bad for everyone. I have a lot of trouble with mind reading as it were. I can’t read peoples facial expressions so I am usually clueless to what people are thinking. When people are talking I usually know what their final thoughts are way before they finish speaking their thoughts. When I was younger I would interrupt so I could add my remarks before they finished as I would forget what I wanted to add by the time they finished their thoughts. That is probably an ADHD thing though. I agree about friendships. I have to admit that I am an odd duck so I have a few close friends who are similar or don’t mind my quirks. I did not get sarcasm when I was young. I just thought everyone was mean. But, thanks to Monty Python I learned sarcasm and now I embrace it to the max. I too love sarcasm! Oh and I love Tom Segura! I am a literal thinker but I am capable learning. The first time I heard its raining cats and dogs I was horrified. I spent a lot of time pondering that there must have been incredible updrafts that would pick up all of the stray cats and dogs around! I really spent a lot of time working that out! I had never heard that story about that saying so that was really interesting! I also agree about empathy. I have loads of it. It can really bring me down. But I sometimes miss when people are sad or scared so I appear un-empathetic at times. I have lots of trouble multitasking! Again that could be the ADHD. I agree somewhat about the change thing. Some changes that I grapple with are things like routines, products that I have used for years being discontinued, things like that. Work changes all of the time and that seems to be ok with me. Though like you, it takes me a bit longer than most to adjust! Sorry you are in a down bit but it didn’t show at all in the video. You were as clear in thought as always! I too get down sometimes without a rhyme or reason! Oh side note, I used “without a rhyme or reason, yet I have no idea what it really means. I know its context but not sure why🤪. Is that an idiom? I use those as well without really no why or how they came into being.
Hey Bryan. Indeed it is, you know me, I never have the audacity to think I can speak for others. Just offering my nonsense from only my perspective as always! I use a ton of sayings, can't say I know what they all mean, but I'm not bad once I learn. I have to admit, 'knock yourself out' has always been the main one that I really can't get! Thanks for offering your perspective, always does a ton if good as it shows just how different the condition can be 👍🏻
God you fucking blew my mind. I thought I was alone with the writing down thing. I used to have to do that as well! I have eaven sealed envelopes with info of what is about to happen just to prove my point.
Thanks for that story about cats & dogs! So here's a story I heard about "break a leg": back in the early days of modern theatre, people had a superstition about "jinxing it" which meant someone would say "oh it'll be easy", then the person they said it to would fail, so instead people would say the opposite of what they wanted to happen, so "break a leg", really means something like "do your best, I'm rooting for you". It still seems like a pretty stupid to me, though.
I heard something different. They would say "break a leg" to actors and dancers before an audition, so you would get into the "cast". (For non-native speakers: It is a wordplay, "cast" meaning the white stuff doctors put on your broken leg so it can heal, and also the list of the selected/approved actors for a play :)
I relate a lot to the things you mention. Being able to read people so well you freeze from the data overload, being able to deduce idioms and sayings even if they make no sense and loving sarcasm, hyper-empathy to the point you feel it's crushing you, not struggling with change if it makes SENSE.. they are just mentioned so often in autism descriptions that people like us easily go under the radar. I like to think of autism as a control room with knobs where some are turned up high, others really low, and they differ for each person. It also seems that the 'aspergers' group, the high-masking group, tend to be very sensitive to picking up social cues, can easily deduce sayings and can be hyper-empathetic (I think the stereotype of lack of empathy usually refers to a lack of mentalization ability, not actually (affective) empathy, the two just gets constantly mixed up), etc.. I think this group in particular is very logic driven, things have to make SENSE, to have meaning, and if they don't, things get really difficult. I'm constantly analyzing, looking for patterns, interpreting the relations between things, and scanning for meaning and sense, and I think this tendency may translate easily into rigid thinking because everyone else doesn't think twice about much, just go with the flow, and so forth. But in the end, it's just what makes the more sense.. and I think if more people had the same crushing empathy (driven by sense), we'd have a much better world, too. Shrug.
Excellent talk. You didn't seem off, and the thoughts and words flowed well. I think you're getting the hang of it! 😜 Not to mention, I laughed several times, so thank you for that. 💙 I actually have never walked without being self conscious of my posture or trying to control what my arms and legs are doing, and I'm sure overthinking the walking is why it feels so awkward, and it probably looks as awkward as it feels. I imagine if I trusted that my body will get me from point A to point B without me interfering, I would also find the flow. You've given me food for thought! And I hope you're feeling better. 🙃🙂
I am always aware of my posture as I bend over like a question mark if I don't! But with walking, every now and again my mind goes 'you're walking on veins you know...squishing them'. And then all of a sudden I can't walk properly. My mind likes to keep my body guessing 😂
@@AdultwithAutism Everything weirds me out if I give it too much thought. Especially the body. Tongues, teeth, eyeballs moving behind closed lids...yeah, I do my best to not think about kissing. 😝 The thought of your dog eating a trachea struck me as hilarious for some reason, and then I realized I was chewing on jerky that I made from a cow's heart. It's all so bizarre. You have to laugh about it. You can't run from the horror. You'd be running on veins. 😆
I cannot control volume and tone when it is most needed. Everyone thinks I'm angry when I'm discussing the most casual subject. Makes you feel like a complete asshole.
Yes! I kept saying no it cant be autism. And then I came across Sarah Hendrickx videos. Oh, yes she is funny and did stand-up as autistic. I did a bit of stand-up myself. Today is my first day of seeing your videos. And you are a very funny guy!
Autistic people are way more interesting than NT's. A blanket statement, but that's been my general experience, always exceptions.They seem to see things as flat. That's why the criteria for autism have been boiled down to a 2-dimensional list that doesn't fit real autistic people, who are 3-dimensional, or maybe more dimensions. I'm thinking of autistic people who must work in multiple dimensions if they can guess names, lol. My name problem is that I'll have a sense that someone looks like a different name than they are, I'll continue to think of them as that name. I'll have to try name guessing for fun. They think people who are engrossed in something they love doing are not good at multitasking. Have they considered that the person doesn't want to do something else? That person is focused! Don't want to be bothered by irrelevancies. I kept thinking of examples as you went through the list. I saw an interview with Temple Grandin where she kept interrupting the interviewer in a way many would consider rude. Yet, her achievements based on empathy for animals have helped more animals be treated better than anyone else has done. She doesn't read social cues well. I read some, but apparently not other social cues. Social cues are not emotional cues. I read all those very well. Social cues seem abstract and not meaningful to me and I'm not overly desirous of fitting in. I don't want to stand out, but being part of some social group does not appeal to me. Maybe that's why I've learned the social cues that are needed not to stand out too much. But the others are too much work for no reward.
I paused as soon as I heard you say you watch My 600 Pound Life. Please know that this show is as offensive to fat people as many of the things you address being problematic to autistics. Shows like this prey on vulnerable people and manipulate them and the circumstances they are in week after week for entertainment. It's cruel and uncalled for. It perpetuates stereotypes and weight stigma, making the world an even worse place for people who are already marginalized. As a fat autistic, I respectfully request that you do NOT make a video about this show. It doesn't need further air time. Don't be the kind of guy who talks about his own struggles as an outsider, then goes on to "other" another group that faces just as much stigma as he does, but he can't see it. (And I hope no one will be ignorant enough to say, "It's their fault. They do it to themselves." Body size is a complex matter with many different factors contributing to it, many of which have nothing to do with what one's personal choices. And regardless of how someone gets to their circumstances in life, they don't deserve to be treated poorly.) I enjoy your videos and just shared the one about how we're not all "a little autistic" with a mental health support worker who actually said that to me.
The 600lb Life isn't really on my list, so don't worry! Just a flippant remark. I'm overweight and in the obese category on my BMI which is 34 currently. So if I did want to do a video on it, I wouldn't be a hypocrite, and I fully understand why I'm the weight I am currently 👍🏻
Maybe the common signs of autism are that unaccurate because the spectrum of autism is that wide. As I know, Aspergers and High Functioning Autism came more into consideration for diagnosis in maybe the last 20 or 15 years? I think we should ask, how the common signs of autism were made up in the first place. I often feel like, that these are very inaccurate too, kind of abstract. I could find myself in them, with a certain level of abstraction. But I always have to take my personal situation into account, to really explain my own intersections with these signs. That, on the other hand, sometimes leaves a lot of space for overthinking and I have to be very careful, when communicating my struggles to the people in my surroundings. I am not officialy diagnosed so I stick to adress just the stressfull situations themselfes (meeting in crowded and noisy places, having too much input in a bigger group at the same time, etc.), instead of throwing around with a suspicion me and my therapist have. Thank you Paul, for your work.I really appreciate your videos, because they show me, what a spectrum really means. I can relate to a lot of things you adress in these videos.
I have a couple of friends and I meet up with them two or three times a year. That's enough for me. I couldn't cope with someone pecking my head constantly to meet up. I can multi-task. Its not so much the multi-tasking but it is what it takes from me energywise. I need a lot of recovery time.
I really like this one, I do understand sarcasm The only thing that trips me up is when a really good friend says something to me very seriously I can usually be taking in. I'm quite gullible but only with really good friends. I do make friends easily but I can leave a relationship very easily. The literally thing interested me the most, of course I don't think I take things absolutely literally, but when I'm talking to someone I care about I can be so rubbish at understanding what they're feeling and what they're thinking, that I really need to hear them explain things very literally. For example if my wife says I need new clothes I will almost always automatically assume she means right that minute, so I need her to actually tell me we need to go shopping in a week or so need some tops and bottoms or something.
Think I'm the same in that when I'm talking about something I enjoy, that i cannot see if they enjoy it...or the conversation either! But hey, I have to listen to everyone all the time about things I dont really feel in life, the least they can do is humour me for 30 minutes per person per year 😂
Change for change's sake is never good. Give me a good reason, give me the details on how it works now, give me the tools to support the change... If it's no good; I'll be the first one to point it out ;-)
I won a national comedy writing contest. People actually enjoy my company when I'm making them laugh! Trouble is they're never around when I need cheering up! If I'm depressed, I just don't feel like being the evening's entertainment!
I didn't get teasing at all as a kid. Didn't get that boys who teased me probably liked me. And the teasing I was exposed to at home wasn't kind so I didn't get that affectionate teasing was a thing until I met my (autistic) guy friend that I live with now. He taught how fun a life of constant teasing and being able to "info dump" without ailienation and having to worry "Am I too much? Am I not enough?" can be. We enjoy sarcasm, dark humour, irony, banter. And we are both autistic.
I know this is an old video now, but not as old as my attempts to get an assessment. 10 years. I've finally been accepted. Now the panic starts. I'm a right, am I wrong, am I wasting time and resources. It'll likely be a couple of years, so I've now got this fear until then. BTW I'm 53. God have I struggled my whole life.
Just be honest, open, and remember the assessment is for you. So if the experience is off putting or makes you feel out of sorts, make sure you say so.
@@AdultwithAutismThank you for you comment. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but after watching probably 100+ videos on Aspergers/Autism I have to say YOUR videos are by far the most relatable. I just found out this week I should have the assessment and results before the end of the year. So not too bad overall.
8:05 OMGGGGGGGGGG THANK YOU! Exactly! I feel people’s feelings and thoughts so intensely, but then i don’t know what to do with that information! It’s so awkward. People open up to me but idk how to help them…but maybe they mostly just need someone to hear them.
I'd say so. It's hard when people talk to you and you try and help, but the advice is so straight forward that it comes across a little uncaring or you haven't heard them. But the reality is we just want to help as quick as possible, so leave out the variants!
@@AdultwithAutism Right. And this might sound selfish or whatever, but other people’s suffering causes ME suffering too and affects me heavily in my daily life, and so i want to help them not only to help them but to also help myself. And i love the feeling of being able to listen to and accept the most personal and painful stories from others, i just hope my ear and compassion are enough.
I know the feeling, which is why I don't read, watch, or listen to the news. I get called selfish for it, but I'd be in a constant state of depression if I did!
@@AdultwithAutism ooooooh ho ho yes, i don’t know how many times i’ve been told i’m selfish, spoiled and uncaring for not watching the news!!! But my question to those who take pride in watching the news is… how are you helping the world exactly by keeping up with the news and then doing nothing about it…?? It’s like when parents tell their kids to finish all the food on their plates cuz there are kids starving in Africa… that was always SO confusing to me.
@user-dn5qo2xh9h haha, good point. It isn't a related argument as it's so detached from you, your life, and what you're doing. The location of hungry people doesn't decide if I want to eat something.
People look like their names!! I thought I was the only person that thought this. I picked up on this a while ago, when I noticed that all the Jacob’s I met were odd and unattractive. So for a while I started going by Ryan to try and change my destiny lol
i loved hearing where 'raining cats and dogs' comes from.. even though I know what these types of syaings mean I still, in my mind always visually see 'cats and dogs coming from the sky' or a leg being broke.. i cannot help but seeing that and sometimes I get a little 'stuck' with the imagery, but I do know what it means, what the saying is conveying.
Absolutely the same. Even though I can translate them, the literal meaning is always the first thing I see. It's why 'break a leg' sounds so harsh every time 👍🏻
My routine before going to bed is watching one of your videos here on yt. I hate, if for some reasons I can't watch it. It's a change. And I'm not happy if the option is watching a video of another youtuber. There is nothing better if I know that this is the best channel. You know what I mean? And it's the same for everything I do. Simply because I just know that it's better. I'm an assessed autistic. I discovered it 4 months ago at 45 yo. Keep going, you cannot interrupt my routine 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ah yes, reading people so well that you know what's going to happen. I view it as a super power! As someone AFAB (assigned female at birth) I feel like this 'psychic ability' ebbs and flows with my cycle, but it's possible that it's more accessible when I'm in a better mood, more of a relaxed state.
Thank you Paul for making this video its so important. I hate all these things as they put it as its supposed to be black amd white but its complex amd theres context amd nuances. Narcissists are the ones without empathy and they can easily feign it when they are preying on people. I have had a couple people ask or tell me im Autistic and now it makes sense because ones who are aware and probably diagnosed or self diagnosed can smell it on others.
Hi Paul, as always I relate to so much that you said. The only one of those items I really hit is the multi tasking. I really do struggle to do more than one thing at a time. Oh and thank you for the ‘raining cats and dogs’ explanation. I always wondered about that saying, as it seemed like nonsense. It makes much more sense now.
"Breaking a leg" is a term used for taking a bow, because when you bow, you bend at the knee. It's basically a way to wish you a successful performance, because you only bow after a successful performance.
@@AdultwithAutism I'm not sure if "take a bow" is used the same way. Just speculating, but I think it's more of an instruction that is to be followed on command.
I'm not good at expressing myself, but your channel is different from the others in a good way. Maybe that's why you get into these social media arguments with the community. I saw a video on what gifts to buy for an autistic person. That's when I decided to take a break from such videos and channels
Thank you. I just have a different view on what is important in Autism. I also find most gifts for Autistic people are not something I would like purchased for me.
@AdultwithAutism fascinating. I think meat is weird. I only eat it periodically so I don't die, but the texture freaks me out. What do you dislike about tomatoes? Is it the skin, the texture? The seeds? My son who is also on the spectrum also can't stand them, but he doesn't know why he doesn't like them. He does like it when it becomes sauce, he just can't eat them fresh.
Too many textures, the middle is a gross core, they're messy, and the worst part is the consistency is too varied. Two can feel the same and taste different also, so there it isn't like you can pick one up and be confident how it'll taste or if its firm, soft etc. I think the variability is a big reason for the dislike to be honest.
@AdultwithAutism ah. You do know there's all different kinds of tomatoes, right? Tomatoes are as varied as humans. It sounds like Roma tomatoes or something along that line is more your speed. You need one without all the seed slime. I grew up in NJ which is America's tomato capital
Haha, yup I do know there are different types. But the same type still had many different ways to present and it causes more stress than its worth. I'm not eating tomatoes! 😂
I struggle with sudden, negative, and forced change that has no value, is an imposition, and especially when I lack the most basic resources (family/community, economic stability and resources) to weather a dramatic change.
Paul! Paul is the best. I watch every one of your videos BC of the honesty & genuineness. I think fake positivity makes us autistics cringe. It's just so fake.
It is, its very blatant and very gross!
I almost talked myself out of going to the psychologist to ask about my suspicions of being autistic. The reason is because, while I felt strongly about it, I was afraid I didn’t meet the criteria, and I would have spent money for nothing. Well, I did go, and I did get diagnosed as autistic. I felt very relieved, and I track with what you said in this video. Now, I’m trying to get those around me to understand that autism doesn’t necessarily look the way people often suspect.
Paul, I love watching your videos, and I’m excited every time there is a new one. Be well, my friend!
Glad it worked out! And thank you for the kind words, always appreciated 👍🏻
That's exactly my worry! I don't want to waste the time and money, and I don't fit every trait. But, all of my autistic and aspie friends say I am without a doubt, and, several things completely explain my issue, and I'm struggling so much at work. At this point the money doesn't matter, I need to know wtf is going on, if not autism, then whatever it is will be worth knowing.
Then it's worth doing. Rather get that definitive answer than always wonder about it...that would do my head in completely. I don't do well with the unknown!
You know it's been raining cats and dogs when you step in a poodle!!!
I am not even going to pretend that didn't make me laugh...
Oh very good. 😂
It's interesting when I was a small child I remember learning in church about the body and bread of Christ and being mortified I was expected to consume it! 🤣
I also hate the lack of empathy "trait" too! I think the idea comes from people like my son. He's nonspeaking, ADHD and is very much in his own world. I think people look at people like him and assume they don't care for others and their feelings. I think it's more that he can't express it but I doubt that he doesn't feel empathy.
Yeah, it's mad that a human was made out bread and wine isn't it! 😂
Maybe, but then it's just more evidence of how different the condition can be isn't it? Can't just have that 'Autism' label and assume it fits everyone the same way...like the 'professionals' do.
I think you know full well in your heart that your son feels empathy, you're his mum. 👍
Thank you for your video again ❤️ It was funny to notice that you have also this sense of "knowing someone's name" 😆
We have had a tradition for many years when my children get their pictures from school they come to me and ask me to tell all their classmates names by looking the group photo 😂 Usually my mistakes are only with one letter or the name is otherwise almost correct. Never thought about this any further.
Greetings from Finland and keep on doing this important work you are doing! ❤️
Haha, good game! I'm pretty sure I used to do the same, have my mum guess people's names from photos.
Thanks Jenna
I just recently discovered this unbearable emotional response to sounds such as animals licking, eating noises, etc. has a name…. misophonia. My dog licking sends me to a bad place, my brother smacking his food would too. Love ‘em but 😒. Good video Paul! I worked in a building in the ‘80 that had Levi Sample sales.. bought lots of stuff that was comfy because it was too good of a deal to pass up, but wasn’t really my style. That little waffle was a throw back, felt that! I too have always been able to predict what is going to happen next just by reading the person or room or situation. I know what someone is feeling before they do. My kids would say I’m physic lol, no, not at all, just watching and processing the patterns of things. 🤷♀️
Haha, I only learnt the condition of noises a few weeks back. Glad it has a name because I felt like I was going mad!
That is the first time hearing the meaning behind the cats and dogs saying. Thank you dude.
I feel empathy far, far too strongly. I feel it for people, animals, plants, and even inanimate objects.
I have turn it down, on purpose, because it's exhausting. I can hear someone's sad story, from a random meeting, and I am still upset about it years later. Sad. Helpless. Hurt. From a chat with a stranger, where I felt enormous, paralysing, overwhelming empathy. Because I have put myself in their shoes, and thought.. How on earth would I feel, if what happened to them, happened to me?
And that, surely, is the definition of empathy?
If it's not, I've misdefined the word!! 😂
I’m 37 years old I just found out I was autistic.
I’ve never my life thought I’d hear another human beings speak about the same exact things and have the same exact experience as mine as far as I can tell from this video and your other. I only just found your channel. I’ve watched a few. It’s extremely mind blowing and I never leave comments on anything ever like ever ever. But I felt compelled. This whole journey is unreal.
Anyway, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time help me out a lot.
Brilliant. Thanks for the positive feedback 👍🏻
This particular video is superb, it's been very helpful. ❤
Excellent episode! Spot on. Thanks for saying it!
Thanks. And no problem 👍🏻
Thank you Paul for explaining things in such a logical way as usual i totally understand how you feel on this topic.
Thanks Gemma, I appreciate that.
Hi Paul,never apologise for being yourself and honest. I have gone through most my life doing this.
Thanks Jason 👍🏻
Thank you Paul for another good video. It's awesome that you and I have a lot of the same traits so I understand how you feel when you feel a little off. You explain everything so well and you give examples. All the points you made were excellent. I can't say enough about it. Those are the exact same points I wondered about for myself. Thank you, I've been wondering about these things for a long time now. Being literal to me means, say what you mean and mean what you say. 💖
Thanks Dawn, I appreciate that! It's always good to know there are people out there with similar traits 👍🏻
Another cool video Paul. First off I will state the obvious that each autistic person is different. I would also agree that blanket statements about these traits are bad for everyone. I have a lot of trouble with mind reading as it were. I can’t read peoples facial expressions so I am usually clueless to what people are thinking. When people are talking I usually know what their final thoughts are way before they finish speaking their thoughts. When I was younger I would interrupt so I could add my remarks before they finished as I would forget what I wanted to add by the time they finished their thoughts. That is probably an ADHD thing though.
I agree about friendships. I have to admit that I am an odd duck so I have a few close friends who are similar or don’t mind my quirks.
I did not get sarcasm when I was young. I just thought everyone was mean. But, thanks to Monty Python I learned sarcasm and now I embrace it to the max. I too love sarcasm! Oh and I love Tom Segura!
I am a literal thinker but I am capable learning. The first time I heard its raining cats and dogs I was horrified. I spent a lot of time pondering that there must have been incredible updrafts that would pick up all of the stray cats and dogs around! I really spent a lot of time working that out! I had never heard that story about that saying so that was really interesting!
I also agree about empathy. I have loads of it. It can really bring me down. But I sometimes miss when people are sad or scared so I appear un-empathetic at times.
I have lots of trouble multitasking! Again that could be the ADHD.
I agree somewhat about the change thing. Some changes that I grapple with are things like routines, products that I have used for years being discontinued, things like that. Work changes all of the time and that seems to be ok with me. Though like you, it takes me a bit longer than most to adjust!
Sorry you are in a down bit but it didn’t show at all in the video. You were as clear in thought as always! I too get down sometimes without a rhyme or reason! Oh side note, I used “without a rhyme or reason, yet I have no idea what it really means. I know its context but not sure why🤪. Is that an idiom? I use those as well without really no why or how they came into being.
Hey Bryan. Indeed it is, you know me, I never have the audacity to think I can speak for others. Just offering my nonsense from only my perspective as always!
I use a ton of sayings, can't say I know what they all mean, but I'm not bad once I learn. I have to admit, 'knock yourself out' has always been the main one that I really can't get!
Thanks for offering your perspective, always does a ton if good as it shows just how different the condition can be 👍🏻
God you fucking blew my mind. I thought I was alone with the writing down thing. I used to have to do that as well! I have eaven sealed envelopes with info of what is about to happen just to prove my point.
Haha, I've done that too.
Thanks for that story about cats & dogs! So here's a story I heard about "break a leg": back in the early days of modern theatre, people had a superstition about "jinxing it" which meant someone would say "oh it'll be easy", then the person they said it to would fail, so instead people would say the opposite of what they wanted to happen, so "break a leg", really means something like "do your best, I'm rooting for you". It still seems like a pretty stupid to me, though.
Ah well, now I know! Consider me educated 👍🏻
I heard something different. They would say "break a leg" to actors and dancers before an audition, so you would get into the "cast". (For non-native speakers: It is a wordplay, "cast" meaning the white stuff doctors put on your broken leg so it can heal, and also the list of the selected/approved actors for a play :)
I relate a lot to the things you mention. Being able to read people so well you freeze from the data overload, being able to deduce idioms and sayings even if they make no sense and loving sarcasm, hyper-empathy to the point you feel it's crushing you, not struggling with change if it makes SENSE.. they are just mentioned so often in autism descriptions that people like us easily go under the radar. I like to think of autism as a control room with knobs where some are turned up high, others really low, and they differ for each person. It also seems that the 'aspergers' group, the high-masking group, tend to be very sensitive to picking up social cues, can easily deduce sayings and can be hyper-empathetic (I think the stereotype of lack of empathy usually refers to a lack of mentalization ability, not actually (affective) empathy, the two just gets constantly mixed up), etc.. I think this group in particular is very logic driven, things have to make SENSE, to have meaning, and if they don't, things get really difficult. I'm constantly analyzing, looking for patterns, interpreting the relations between things, and scanning for meaning and sense, and I think this tendency may translate easily into rigid thinking because everyone else doesn't think twice about much, just go with the flow, and so forth. But in the end, it's just what makes the more sense.. and I think if more people had the same crushing empathy (driven by sense), we'd have a much better world, too. Shrug.
We absolutely would. If people treated others how they wanted to be treated, the world would be a better place overnight 👍🏻
This is brilliant, thankyou for it! 👍👏
I want to copy and save this reply to read it and read it again, but I can't do it for some reason. 😭
You’ve got nice teeth mate
Tell that to my Dentist! 🦷
Excellent talk. You didn't seem off, and the thoughts and words flowed well. I think you're getting the hang of it! 😜
Not to mention, I laughed several times, so thank you for that. 💙
I actually have never walked without being self conscious of my posture or trying to control what my arms and legs are doing, and I'm sure overthinking the walking is why it feels so awkward, and it probably looks as awkward as it feels. I imagine if I trusted that my body will get me from point A to point B without me interfering, I would also find the flow. You've given me food for thought!
And I hope you're feeling better.
🙃🙂
I am always aware of my posture as I bend over like a question mark if I don't! But with walking, every now and again my mind goes 'you're walking on veins you know...squishing them'. And then all of a sudden I can't walk properly.
My mind likes to keep my body guessing 😂
@@AdultwithAutism Ohhh nooo...I'M walking on veins TOO. 🤣
Haha, it's a weird thought isn't it!
@@AdultwithAutism Everything weirds me out if I give it too much thought. Especially the body. Tongues, teeth, eyeballs moving behind closed lids...yeah, I do my best to not think about kissing. 😝
The thought of your dog eating a trachea struck me as hilarious for some reason, and then I realized I was chewing on jerky that I made from a cow's heart. It's all so bizarre. You have to laugh about it. You can't run from the horror. You'd be running on veins. 😆
Haha, I always ask people how they found their partners eyes, nose and mouth attractive 😂
That reminds me, I need to give the dog a hairy cows ear!
I cannot control volume and tone when it is most needed. Everyone thinks I'm angry when I'm discussing the most casual subject. Makes you feel like a complete asshole.
I know I get louder when I'm hyped over something. Then I notice my hype gets more attention than what I'm hyped over! 👍🏻
Oh hell yeah, I have one volume...loud! But I don't really know I'm doing it...😢
Yes! I kept saying no it cant be autism. And then I came across Sarah Hendrickx videos. Oh, yes she is funny and did stand-up as autistic. I did a bit of stand-up myself. Today is my first day of seeing your videos. And you are a very funny guy!
Quite a few of us head to stand up it seems!! 👍🏻
Autistic people are way more interesting than NT's. A blanket statement, but that's been my general experience, always exceptions.They seem to see things as flat. That's why the criteria for autism have been boiled down to a 2-dimensional list that doesn't fit real autistic people, who are 3-dimensional, or maybe more dimensions. I'm thinking of autistic people who must work in multiple dimensions if they can guess names, lol. My name problem is that I'll have a sense that someone looks like a different name than they are, I'll continue to think of them as that name. I'll have to try name guessing for fun.
They think people who are engrossed in something they love doing are not good at multitasking. Have they considered that the person doesn't want to do something else? That person is focused! Don't want to be bothered by irrelevancies.
I kept thinking of examples as you went through the list. I saw an interview with Temple Grandin where she kept interrupting the interviewer in a way many would consider rude. Yet, her achievements based on empathy for animals have helped more animals be treated better than anyone else has done. She doesn't read social cues well.
I read some, but apparently not other social cues. Social cues are not emotional cues. I read all those very well. Social cues seem abstract and not meaningful to me and I'm not overly desirous of fitting in. I don't want to stand out, but being part of some social group does not appeal to me. Maybe that's why I've learned the social cues that are needed not to stand out too much. But the others are too much work for no reward.
I'm better with social cues when I'm one on one, in person. The more distant it becomes, the worse I get
Actually that polo shirt rocks
I paused as soon as I heard you say you watch My 600 Pound Life. Please know that this show is as offensive to fat people as many of the things you address being problematic to autistics. Shows like this prey on vulnerable people and manipulate them and the circumstances they are in week after week for entertainment. It's cruel and uncalled for. It perpetuates stereotypes and weight stigma, making the world an even worse place for people who are already marginalized.
As a fat autistic, I respectfully request that you do NOT make a video about this show. It doesn't need further air time. Don't be the kind of guy who talks about his own struggles as an outsider, then goes on to "other" another group that faces just as much stigma as he does, but he can't see it. (And I hope no one will be ignorant enough to say, "It's their fault. They do it to themselves." Body size is a complex matter with many different factors contributing to it, many of which have nothing to do with what one's personal choices. And regardless of how someone gets to their circumstances in life, they don't deserve to be treated poorly.)
I enjoy your videos and just shared the one about how we're not all "a little autistic" with a mental health support worker who actually said that to me.
The 600lb Life isn't really on my list, so don't worry! Just a flippant remark.
I'm overweight and in the obese category on my BMI which is 34 currently. So if I did want to do a video on it, I wouldn't be a hypocrite, and I fully understand why I'm the weight I am currently 👍🏻
Maybe the common signs of autism are that unaccurate because the spectrum of autism is that wide. As I know, Aspergers and High Functioning Autism came more into consideration for diagnosis in maybe the last 20 or 15 years? I think we should ask, how the common signs of autism were made up in the first place. I often feel like, that these are very inaccurate too, kind of abstract. I could find myself in them, with a certain level of abstraction. But I always have to take my personal situation into account, to really explain my own intersections with these signs. That, on the other hand, sometimes leaves a lot of space for overthinking and I have to be very careful, when communicating my struggles to the people in my surroundings. I am not officialy diagnosed so I stick to adress just the stressfull situations themselfes (meeting in crowded and noisy places, having too much input in a bigger group at the same time, etc.), instead of throwing around with a suspicion me and my therapist have.
Thank you Paul, for your work.I really appreciate your videos, because they show me, what a spectrum really means. I can relate to a lot of things you adress in these videos.
Thank you
I have a couple of friends and I meet up with them two or three times a year. That's enough for me. I couldn't cope with someone pecking my head constantly to meet up.
I can multi-task. Its not so much the multi-tasking but it is what it takes from me energywise. I need a lot of recovery time.
Like you, I couldn't have 'frequent friend's.
I really like this one, I do understand sarcasm The only thing that trips me up is when a really good friend says something to me very seriously I can usually be taking in. I'm quite gullible but only with really good friends. I do make friends easily but I can leave a relationship very easily. The literally thing interested me the most, of course I don't think I take things absolutely literally, but when I'm talking to someone I care about I can be so rubbish at understanding what they're feeling and what they're thinking, that I really need to hear them explain things very literally. For example if my wife says I need new clothes I will almost always automatically assume she means right that minute, so I need her to actually tell me we need to go shopping in a week or so need some tops and bottoms or something.
Think I'm the same in that when I'm talking about something I enjoy, that i cannot see if they enjoy it...or the conversation either! But hey, I have to listen to everyone all the time about things I dont really feel in life, the least they can do is humour me for 30 minutes per person per year 😂
Break a leg = end up in a cast
Haha, very true
I have that same shirt but in blue, it's actually probably my favorite shirt.
It's very comfortable, and was cheap which is a bonus 👍🏻
Sarcasm & innuendos are my preferred language!
Life's too short to stay dialled into seriousness all the time. A bit of sarcasm and innuendos are simple enough to put a smile on my face.
Change for change's sake is never good. Give me a good reason, give me the details on how it works now, give me the tools to support the change... If it's no good; I'll be the first one to point it out ;-)
Haha, me too....then you get called negative or pessimistic for wanting accuracy and the process detailing!
@@AdultwithAutism yup. As if my 28 years of experience makes me some numpty tyro. No respect 😂
Haha, experience counts for nothing to those without pragmatic solutions!
I won a national comedy writing contest. People actually enjoy my company when I'm making them laugh! Trouble is they're never around when I need cheering up! If I'm depressed, I just don't feel like being the evening's entertainment!
Actually a really good point. I've applied that process to me and, same outcome 👍🏻
I didn't get teasing at all as a kid. Didn't get that boys who teased me probably liked me. And the teasing I was exposed to at home wasn't kind so I didn't get that affectionate teasing was a thing until I met my (autistic) guy friend that I live with now. He taught how fun a life of constant teasing and being able to "info dump" without ailienation and having to worry "Am I too much? Am I not enough?" can be. We enjoy sarcasm, dark humour, irony, banter.
And we are both autistic.
Perfect example that all we need is that person who 'gets' us. It matters 👍🏻
I don't get humor or scarscasum
Sorry to hear that 👍🏻
Normal people are desperate to be special.
Seems to be that way today amongst a certain group of peeps out there 👍🏻
I know this is an old video now, but not as old as my attempts to get an assessment. 10 years. I've finally been accepted.
Now the panic starts. I'm a right, am I wrong, am I wasting time and resources. It'll likely be a couple of years, so I've now got this fear until then.
BTW I'm 53. God have I struggled my whole life.
Just be honest, open, and remember the assessment is for you. So if the experience is off putting or makes you feel out of sorts, make sure you say so.
@@AdultwithAutismThank you for you comment. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but after watching probably 100+ videos on Aspergers/Autism I have to say YOUR videos are by far the most relatable.
I just found out this week I should have the assessment and results before the end of the year. So not too bad overall.
8:05 OMGGGGGGGGGG THANK YOU! Exactly! I feel people’s feelings and thoughts so intensely, but then i don’t know what to do with that information! It’s so awkward. People open up to me but idk how to help them…but maybe they mostly just need someone to hear them.
I'd say so. It's hard when people talk to you and you try and help, but the advice is so straight forward that it comes across a little uncaring or you haven't heard them. But the reality is we just want to help as quick as possible, so leave out the variants!
@@AdultwithAutism Right. And this might sound selfish or whatever, but other people’s suffering causes ME suffering too and affects me heavily in my daily life, and so i want to help them not only to help them but to also help myself. And i love the feeling of being able to listen to and accept the most personal and painful stories from others, i just hope my ear and compassion are enough.
I know the feeling, which is why I don't read, watch, or listen to the news. I get called selfish for it, but I'd be in a constant state of depression if I did!
@@AdultwithAutism ooooooh ho ho yes, i don’t know how many times i’ve been told i’m selfish, spoiled and uncaring for not watching the news!!! But my question to those who take pride in watching the news is… how are you helping the world exactly by keeping up with the news and then doing nothing about it…?? It’s like when parents tell their kids to finish all the food on their plates cuz there are kids starving in Africa… that was always SO confusing to me.
@user-dn5qo2xh9h haha, good point. It isn't a related argument as it's so detached from you, your life, and what you're doing. The location of hungry people doesn't decide if I want to eat something.
People look like their names!! I thought I was the only person that thought this. I picked up on this a while ago, when I noticed that all the Jacob’s I met were odd and unattractive. So for a while I started going by Ryan to try and change my destiny lol
Haha, good plan 👍🏻
i loved hearing where 'raining cats and dogs' comes from.. even though I know what these types of syaings mean I still, in my mind always visually see 'cats and dogs coming from the sky' or a leg being broke.. i cannot help but seeing that and sometimes I get a little 'stuck' with the imagery, but I do know what it means, what the saying is conveying.
Absolutely the same. Even though I can translate them, the literal meaning is always the first thing I see. It's why 'break a leg' sounds so harsh every time 👍🏻
My routine before going to bed is watching one of your videos here on yt. I hate, if for some reasons I can't watch it. It's a change. And I'm not happy if the option is watching a video of another youtuber. There is nothing better if I know that this is the best channel. You know what I mean? And it's the same for everything I do. Simply because I just know that it's better.
I'm an assessed autistic. I discovered it 4 months ago at 45 yo. Keep going, you cannot interrupt my routine 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Haha, I'll try and come back to RUclips at some point. Don't want to interrupt the routine!
Ah yes, reading people so well that you know what's going to happen. I view it as a super power! As someone AFAB (assigned female at birth) I feel like this 'psychic ability' ebbs and flows with my cycle, but it's possible that it's more accessible when I'm in a better mood, more of a relaxed state.
👍🏻
It's like I'm hearing my inner dialog, critic, and thought flow....for once I don't feel so fucking alone and invalidated.
This is awesome
That's great Mark. Glad some of it was good to hear 👍🏻
Thank you Paul for making this video its so important. I hate all these things as they put it as its supposed to be black amd white but its complex amd theres context amd nuances. Narcissists are the ones without empathy and they can easily feign it when they are preying on people. I have had a couple people ask or tell me im Autistic and now it makes sense because ones who are aware and probably diagnosed or self diagnosed can smell it on others.
No problem at all 👍🏻
Hi Paul, as always I relate to so much that you said. The only one of those items I really hit is the multi tasking. I really do struggle to do more than one thing at a time. Oh and thank you for the ‘raining cats and dogs’ explanation. I always wondered about that saying, as it seemed like nonsense. It makes much more sense now.
Poor cats and dogs though 😂
I'd probably really enjoy your comedy 😀
You'd be the only one who would 😂
Spot on, thank you for speaking truth!
Thank you 👍🏻
"Breaking a leg" is a term used for taking a bow, because when you bow, you bend at the knee. It's basically a way to wish you a successful performance, because you only bow after a successful performance.
There is the saying already of 'take a bow', so I am not sure why they made a version where it sounds like...breaking a leg. Still sounds sinister! 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I'm not sure if "take a bow" is used the same way. Just speculating, but I think it's more of an instruction that is to be followed on command.
Wow so nice😊 video😊
Thank you 😁
I'm not good at expressing myself, but your channel is different from the others in a good way. Maybe that's why you get into these social media arguments with the community.
I saw a video on what gifts to buy for an autistic person. That's when I decided to take a break from such videos and channels
Thank you. I just have a different view on what is important in Autism. I also find most gifts for Autistic people are not something I would like purchased for me.
@@AdultwithAutism haha me neither. I don't need someone telling me what I need. But cats and ukulele? Yes please!
Haha, I'd prefer your types of gifts too 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism 😃
Brilliant 👏 👏 👏. SPOT ON.
(The only point I disagree with is your comment about tomatoes. )
Tomatoes are weird. I can eat any variation of them EXCEPT actual Tomatoes. Puree, sauce, no problem.
@AdultwithAutism fascinating. I think meat is weird. I only eat it periodically so I don't die, but the texture freaks me out. What do you dislike about tomatoes? Is it the skin, the texture? The seeds? My son who is also on the spectrum also can't stand them, but he doesn't know why he doesn't like them. He does like it when it becomes sauce, he just can't eat them fresh.
Too many textures, the middle is a gross core, they're messy, and the worst part is the consistency is too varied. Two can feel the same and taste different also, so there it isn't like you can pick one up and be confident how it'll taste or if its firm, soft etc. I think the variability is a big reason for the dislike to be honest.
@AdultwithAutism ah. You do know there's all different kinds of tomatoes, right? Tomatoes are as varied as humans. It sounds like Roma tomatoes or something along that line is more your speed. You need one without all the seed slime. I grew up in NJ which is America's tomato capital
Haha, yup I do know there are different types. But the same type still had many different ways to present and it causes more stress than its worth. I'm not eating tomatoes! 😂