@@luvyatubersand some abused covertly might lash out online in reactive abuse. Lottery winning for the covert narc especially as once again the abused looks like the narc. Something to also consider. Usually it is multilayer. Narcs usually don't commit suicide or even care and usually don't get caught. Dark triad
@@TB.418 , 10,000 %!! Fuck them! Get healing, and move on. It's hard work, but so worth it. And remember, these sadist can MEVER heal the way we can, they're all stuck on there delusional wheel for life! 🖕💀☠️💩🤡👹
I love that line. He told me I was still his best friend when he discarded me for the second time. That same year I was diagnosed with Cancer and was in hospital for two surgeries for a full week. ( bear in mind I stood by him when he was clinically depressed for 10 years and unable to work and also for 5 years after he had a serious stroke and was unable to work) So after 31 years of marriage the same year he left me I was fighting cancer. I was sent flowers, a card and a thoughtful gift by a complete stranger...my narcissist sent me NOTHING. It was the best life lesson ever. His actions made the situation VERY clear to me. Our relationship was what I could do for him end of story.
They act in demonic ways it's the spirit they are human beings they have a disorder in the brain there's no need to demonize this I felt this way too while I was being attacked now that I know more about this mental illness I don't think it's the right word to use I made it through 46 years survive covert narcissism every tactic they use was used on me I thought of it as demonic 2 that's a disordered brain learn mindfulness compassion and forgiveness for yourself to free your mind from the prison that you are in right now
They are severely demon possessed, the Bible states we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers and spiritual wickedness in high places.
Everything she is saying to 2000% true. The ex narc walked out on me when our 1st born was just barely 2 months old….I had no job because we had just moved to another state and my family lived somewhere else. He literally just came in from work and said, “I’m moving out tomorrow”(which happened to be Valentine’s Day). He had already gotten an apartment. They are beyond evil and if you believe you are dealing with one, LEAVE.
I think too that they leave us at the worst time in our lives because they cannot tolerate having to comfort someone else or have the limelight off themselves
This precisely. You're at a low point, you can't get them the supply they need, they don't care if you get better because they don't bother helping at all. Since you're broken and need repair, they have to move to someone else who is shiny and new. It's a parallel with all this Made in China crap we have to purchase. Good items will last if you care for them, but since everything is so cheap, you can toss the broken thing and buy a new one that'll eventually break down too. The cycle ever repeats.
I went thru pure hell after i left him. I was Hospitalized with severe stomach issues which nearly cost me my life. That's not including my broken heart. When an empath gets involved with a narcissist, it's the most painful Breakup bcse you know they NEVER loved you. A "normal" couple can at least communicate, but you cannot reason with a narc. They are TOXIC and when the mask falls off, OMG, it's an evil being that you never want to see again. RUUNNN!
My ex thoroughly enjoyed discarding me, she thought it was funny how upset I was, a few weeks later she tried to Hoover, acting very sweet,I flat out rejected her, and her face changed so quickly from happy and nice, to full on evil and hateful, and then she put on the face of a victim, like I was the cruel one, the whole relationship was from one extreme to the other.
She's just mad that you took away her favorite toy to bat around. Like a shameless child she threw a lame little temper tantrum. Good on you for resisting that hoover!
Before you jump into any sort of relationship-vet them. Narcs are impatient ppl who hate to be told “ no.” Beware- sex and flattery are their trade tools. Protect your Golden Supply- YOU ARE THE PRIZE!
I am 3 years out and have no desire to enter into another relationship, still terrified that I will be fooled again. I sought therapy and the therapist said to me "boy was he lucky to have had you for 5 years" never even thought of it that way, it helped to see it that way, but still no longer want to date, I am 70 years old and didn't need this at my stage of life, never knew these type of men existed. I was married 30 years old and have met nothing but narcissists since my marriage ended 10 years ago..........this is our new world.
When i wasnt interested he would not leave me alone , the more i was interested the further away he would go.Its like a dumb reverse psycological game of cat and mouse.They play with their prey.
this is EXACTLY what my husband’s been doin, for hmm, since 2020. It is a mind numbing game….This current one he’s doing…OH. MY. GAWD! My head is spinning like I NEED an exorcist-Lol…The thing most diff for ME, is when i get deep in dwelling on fixing it, and i convince myself, its all my fault. Thats my current ‘mood’…”Gawsh, Do I do that?, or “Im being too selfish”. But ive noticed EVERY time this happens where I humble myself, then HE IS IN THE limelight, HE is tje savior, and im the pathetic mentally ill one. I REALLY notice how he’s learned to convince family how he helps me with MY mental illness….And then inget paranoia cause i think theyre All Against me, well they are….hes created his little flying monkeys.
@NarcCon you are the best Paula. Just subscribed to your channel all the way from Kenya. 40 years living with a narcissist. After leaving him, hus mental health has worsened.
It was heartbreaking when I realized I was being discarded and never knew that is a thing. Thank you for helping me and many others learn and heal our battered souls.
It should be illegal to mentally abuse another being and entrap control and Withold Resources so trying to leave is Financially made near impossible or debt ridden via court
So true. Painfully true. Experience talking here. No more. I know them for what they are. I smell a narc a mile away now. It’s the smell of sulfer. Trust your guts people. It is called intuition, instinct. Trust it.
Oh thank you for this valuable information. My husband told me that I'd strsighten out in a year when he walked out. I haven't straightened out, instead I have built myself up and am doing good. My best revenge is my success, my joy, my health and happiness. Middle finger to all narcs.
Don't deny yourself ever again If you feel the need to cry then cry for them Control your mind and listen closely to your soul The one true and perfect place where they can never go
Our soul is what they're after... Narcs can't love so they're better able to use it against us by disguising toxic lust and attachment as healthy love and connection. Our soul is comprised of our mind, free will and emotions and is up for grabs by either God or Satan. The devil comes disguised as an angel of light and our heart is an entry way they'll make good use of to steal, kill and destroy our souls. Jermiah 17:9-10 “The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, GOD, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.” 🙏🐍👁️🕊️ Matt 10:16 "Therefore be wise as the serpent, gentle as the dove." King Solomon said it best: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23) 🛡️💓⛲ Our heart is extremely valuable, it is the seat of our soul so narcs aim is to get in via provoking our emotions in order to crack our soul's foundation; they need to break our heart and steal our soul, they snuff out our light so we'll join them in their misery till we become as soulless and heartless as them. We don't guard worthless things. Our heart-mind-gut connection energises our very lifeforce that narcs seek to poison, compromise and misalign. We need to recognise there's spiritual levels to this and that our weapons aren't carnal they're Spiritual, so we can't just blindly follow cultural "norms" anymore, we need to be boldly discerning in testing the spirits and inspecting the fruit of others. ATTACHMENT has the power to completely take us away from the present, keeping us absent by attending either to the past or the future, longing for things to be final or permanent. ❎ CONNECTION, on the other hand, faithfully makes room for the unexpected now. Connection is intimate, serendipitously synced, in harmony and flow, vulnerable and present. ☑️ Joy is an inner feeling. Happiness is an outward expression. Joy endures hardship and trials and connects with meaning and purpose. A person pursues happiness but chooses joy. Caretaking is a hallmark of codependency and is rooted in insecurity and a need to be in control. Caregiving is an expression of kindness and love. ✅ Caretaking feels stressful, exhausting and frustrating. ❎ It is entirely possible to be fully committed to someone without being attached to them, and to feel deeply emotionally connected without becoming entirely dependent on them. In fact, if we want to be in a healthy, connected, well aligned, supportive and loving partnership, it's best to focus on being loving and giving without attachment. Non-attachment 🗝💝👁️💝 “Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.” ~ Hafiz 🌞🌏🌝💞✌️ Ignore those who make you feel you owe them and they own you 💯 Choose those few quality people who grow, encourage and evolve you over those who'd slow, corrupt and devolve you, knowing the difference is wisdom. 🙏👁️🐍🦉🕊️
My jaw is on the floor... this couldn't get more accurate. I am so devastated and distraught I don't know what to do but I'm maintaining an image of strength and haven't reached out in the last 2 months after discard so I am proud of that at least
@@craigy691 man i cant even imagine big bro. That type of shit is what keeps me from ever wanting to get married. Ive seen it happen to almost every man I know eventually. That may just be the way relationships worked before marriage, but i couldnt afford to lose half my shit at any point to any one. Ive been doing Waaayy better since starting therapy minimum once a week, blocking her and getting testosterone injections lol. Hey its helping me a ton, still very long and hard process though. For a week or two i allowed myself to feel hatred for that bitch but i feel myself starting to forgive and feel sorry for her. Oh well i can do thag but as far as give her space in my life? It would be asking her to put a gun to my head
After I had part of my right foot amputated due to a septic shock, it took me about 2 years to fully recover and fight my way back into everyday life. And just when I started to get better, „my“ narcissist almost triumphantly told me he has found someone new and wants to divorce after 24 years of marriage. I‘m still shells-hocked about such a level of cruelty but almost feel relieved now that we‘re seperated.
They know exactly what they are doing and they get off on the deceit and evil ..unbelievable behaviour it's is so hard to experience that there are people like this
I and our 2 very young baby boys were abandoned by a cruel man, my husband. He seemed to take delight in our suffering financially and emotionally. Not only did he abandon us but he took out a hefty loan and used our car and furniture as collateral. I thought I was pretty resilient as a person, but this shook me to my core. If he didn't want to be with me that's fine, what hurt me more was he didn't care how he affected our children. Narcissists are heartless. When you are young you know no better, they woo you, and when it suits them they abandon everything.
That’s why he did it He picked the most horrific pain he could find to wound you as deeply as possible - stuck in the knife and turned it - got a high off of your pain. If something else was more important to you he would have picked that. For divorce - read “slay the Bully” by Rebecca Zung - a blueprint for success. The worm is turning!!!!
To be fair I am now in my forties and I was still duped by a narcissist. Further more she was an old flame from back when I was 18. If you've grown up in a healthy and secure family then you won't have watched this video because you likely never got mixed up with a narc in the first place. So with that demographic out of the picture that just leave us adult children of narcissists, most likely. The abusive childhood he set up for more abuse and primed us for future narcissists, but they won't have educated us about narcissists. Unless you've learnt the hard way what narcissism is then you won't know.
We are still having intimacy and good times the few weeks before .I totally had no clue that this person will just packed up & leave while i’m at work. Reach home to an empty house…pleaded and beg her with tears, met up with her once but i saw the hate in her eyes and she brush me off. Refused to reply any message and call!(I only send one pleading message per day as i know that she is aggressive) In the end, serve me the divorce papers without any mutual discussion and communication. I am shocked and pain beyond words could describe. I never expected someone could treat me in this cruelty way when i alway had her best interest in heart. This person already left nearly 2 years and i’m still in pain every now and then. It really change my life forever.
Stay strong my friend had it done to me everything fine come back from a family holiday boom !!! I’m not happy what do you mean I want a Divorce that’s out of the blue erm no it isn’t unbelievable
Listen to this very wise woman!!! I lived and survived the hell she speaks of in every single word! Wish I had this wealth of information when I married the devil incarnate, a beta male version of my evil, narcissistic mother!
@@NarcCon only thing that has taken me by, slowly away from this hell is a)knowing she´s a demented psychotic being(ill), b) accept that she´s gone, never existed(this frightens of my own self) c)indiference towards the fact that everything was a megacon. d) let loose all its not mine e) concentrate on myself my present...........but Im still in a "refractary" mind state about relations, cause all seem very fake to me. I believe this is the last obstacle to pass. Thanks for your guidance.
Yes during a death, or holiday. He extorted me for money, then started the cruel discard.. I’m in a lot of pain.. I am trying to fight the pain.. and I don’t want to give that to him!
My 3x narc discarded me when my dad was in the hospital with a broken hip and shoulder. She wasn't happy when I spent 2 weeks visiting him and trying to get him back to health.
Thanks Paula.Good notes. I can at least say I turned his preplanned discard & turned it completely against him. He never saw it coming! I got the house, van, & the dog & cat. He literally died 4 years later from fury & rage & alcoholism. His crap family didn't even mention me in his obituary- of which I am eternally grateful 😂🎉!
Before I discarded my narc, he was always asking me to make a will, because everything was in my name and he told me not to leave anything to my kids because they are estranged because of all the dynamics and its effects. I think he was planning to set himself up and leave and give me the death blow... whatever he was planning he's gone now! I'm so thankful to Jesus ❤️
She became in 2 days, my fav RUclips coach, after months of research. The way she's presents and explains, is simply perfect. I wish her community will grow very fast, she deserves it. Greetings from Europe. 😊
I needed this. Thank you. Only a truly sick, evil, person would use their own cancer diagnosis -- not once, but twice -- to try to destroy their child. My mother knew the only thing that would get me to consider another chance was a life and death situation. I was long, long gone. For years. And, given the sadism, life is better without her. You're totally right. They aim to bring out the worst in you, and will use everything they can to do so. And if they can ruin your life, or find a way to end you, that's a bonus. I worked too hard not to become what I hate. She's dead with a pulse. It's time for me to grieve one last time, and leave the dead to bury their own. No more. Thank you. 🤗
Yup My husband of 12 years is a covert, i didn't realize what he is until the brutal discard. He ditched me the day prior to Mothers Day (im a Bereaved Mother). He had been grooming the secretary from his work, he jumped from our home, directly to her house. He HAD a great wife.
I personally find this point as the worst one - how they take your ability to self regulate. Not only it left you unable to feel good again on your own, but also you can't find anything and anyone making you happy except the narcissists. Currently I am struggling with this. I feel like I totally lost the ability to feel good on my own. And these months after discard are just full of frustration and anger + sadness for me. Nothing else bring me joy or good feelings. I feel frustrated with life. Only bad things pilles up but nothing good.
I feel exactly the same way you do. I am so lost, and looking back at who I used to be makes me even sadder. I was discarded after 20 years of emotional abuse...it happened little by little. I did not realize that I had lost the ability to self-regulate. Everything was about him, and I went into survival mode, just being hypervigilant to his moods, his demands, the silent treatment, and the isolation. There was no closure, no goodbyes, and when I tried to reach out to say how I was hurting, he told me he had moved on to a new relationship and would never respond to me again. I am trapped inside a shattered mind and heart.
I hope you can get support from a counsellor who understands Narcissistic Abuse, you really need help to unravel what happened to you and be able to self validate again. All the best to you in your healing journey, things will get better in baby steps the moment you stop beating yourself up and showing yourself the love the Narcissist never gave you. 💞
I haven’t shared my PAIN but it was anourmous , sadism is Real! Managed to Change the PAIN into my POWER !!!!!! I feel Good now, although it took me 3 years to recover after this horrible dystegulation. Thank You ❤
Paula, this is the first time I felt compelled to comment on one of your videos about Narc abuse (I’m bingeing you, Paula; hope you don’t mind, 😉). The bit about calling the police on you to get you arrested to ruin you is so spot on. Almost EVERY single Narc intimate partner, friend, or family member that’s been in my life over the last 2 decades has done that to me to garner control, to “teach me a lesson” or to get me “in-line” and do as I’m told. It’s a literal weaponization of the emergency system to destroy you, and even worse, it is a CRIME committed against you at the ultimate magnitude of brutal cruelty! It is a crime in the USA to falsely call the police on someone and make up lies about the person. For example, if I didn’t shut the F-up and do as I’m told, my ex would physically attack me, break my stuff, and then call the police on me because I wouldn’t stop weeping about something nasty he did to me. It is so Evil and possessed. I must recover from this severe pain constantly ruminating inside me. It’s been 6 weeks since I experienced such an egregious discard by my ex-Narc Psychopath boyfriend who falsely called the police on me where I had to immediately leave the house to avoid the situation of a possible false arrest that could cost me my job, my teaching license- a HE KNOWS THAT- he wants that to happen to me! The realization of that fact is such a deep level of betrayal by a man I’ve loved for 20 years. It is just so so damn painful. I need to get it through my head that these people are sick to their core and I must stay far far away and never have contact again! Thank you, Paula, for all of your insights on the topic of NarcAbuse. You are helping me, and our survivor community, so much! ♥️💐
You bet they are. Your punishment will be increased (each time) for daring to (try and) break free. Absolutely ZIP to do with love...They do not love. It's all a game of different attempts to destroy you. They enjoy hating and you will save yourself a nervous breakdown by NOT trying to figure it out...Trust me, I learned the very hard way. Get away and stay away. And do the psychic work (repeated visualization and prayer,) that it takes to cut chords and remove ALL the ropes, anchors, chains, filaments, roots, ( you catch my drift,) that they have etherically set in you in order to connect to you in order to siphon your energy. Remove every picture, momento, letter, pieces of clothing...received from this person when you are able. I have literally thrown jewelry away in order to be free. Phone calls, also, give the narcissist a renewed chance to trap you again. Same with letters and emails. They adore figuring out how to use your love and hope against you in order to destroy you. Never believe that they have changed...They WILL NOT. EVER. Also, if you won't communicate with the narc, they'll find willing "friends" or family to connect with you in order to gather intel. I've been through it all.
They really turn on the heat at your most vulnerable point. At my lowest I was having an anxiety attack every time my phone rang or chirped. They know when they leave they have drawn all your energy out and then know the program is still running so when they reach back out your in the worst position possible. Then they try to nurse you back to health so they look like the hero.
SUNDAY afternoon, breezy Scotland...loved part 2. Thank you. They are so very fickle and I wonder if the narcissist, in my life, in his 50s, very adept at destruction, plans it all for a big boom discard?? Like a crescendo, a symphonic climax ... he discarded one night stands with colleagues, his kids, his wife, his fiancé's and all inbetween. I am so pleased I never once spoke to him after the New Year/birthday text of " it's not working." He never heard from me again, I never replied to "hello", I didn't say thanks for anonymous flowers months later, I didn't open the front door he knocked at again and again etc etc. It was super hard for a few short months, but almost 9 months later, it's worth it. And NO hoover will EVER drag me back to Hells' circle. Never! Guys going through it, keep stoically distant, it can be done and it is the ONLY way. Paula offers wonderful sanity and comfort. ❤Xxx
In time , as I healed , I found myself feeling stronger and stronger, more empowered. Now, when meeting anyone new, I am careful with my empathy, I wait , I observe, I pay attention . No one will f*#@ with me like that EVER again!
That IS evil. They are attracted to the power they feel they have over you. I once told my narc sister that I didn't want to be submissive to her. She was Shocked that I had figured that out & vehemently denied it. She said that I never help her. That I was oblivious! She was very proud of herself for knowing that word. Oblivious. I am anything But oblivious.
omg! that is exactly what is happening to me!!!! I have been with my narc for 3 1/2 years and am disabled waiting for knee replacement surgery and out of nowhere they just throw me in the trash. He constantly threatened me that he was going to replace me if I didn't do what he said, so I was always living in fear. But now I am just taking back all my power and closing off all my energy to him in order to heal myself. God will bless you if you get this demonic person out of your life!
This is so interesting. One of my ex who was undiagnosed told me that he made a previous girlfriend chase after him naked in an apartment building. I laughed at him and said not me. At the time i was actually in psychology classes and was learning about such individuals. I saw first hand the chapters come to life. I even saw the narcissistic stare which all of them do not have. Was so scary to see. His eyes so wide to take in all of my reactions. It was in that moment it clicked. He asked me why did I have my mouth open like such, when I had realized because they study you and he had never seen me in shock. Remember he was not diagnosed. He did have a ton of self help books. Like he knew something was off and he was trying to figure it out. I wish i never told him. I also told him there is no therapy that will work. On record at least. Just redirecting the negativity but who has time for that? Not me.
Ex covert fiance would relish on exes “still talking” about him and how he ALWAYS seemed to be the one dumping them. So upset for ignoring this red flag. I thought I was just over analyzing as usual.
Yeah, he lost control. He was like a little boy. And I had compassion for him for a second and was like “what the hell? What am I doing? No!”… hell no.
Yes...I've been gone almost 3 years. The truth in this video rings true with the experience I went through with my ex. I begged and pleaded after I left wanting an explaination and closure so badly. In this video it is as if you are holding my hand as you and I take a walk through the dark hallway explaining all his evil ways as they light up. Hopefully I can afford a divorce this coming year.
I was abandoned by my narcassitic mother at an early age, I'd told her of this, I'd also told her that all I wanted " was to be loved by someone", as I had been on my own for alot of my life. I never pleaded or begged after the discard, as I had mini discards alot of the time in which I had begged,pleaded before. And I hadn't done anything wrong ,and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction that she'd hurt me,male pride I didn't have any assets, so don't nw what she wanted from me, I didn't get cruelly discarded,just a "I don't love you any more ,no other reasons. I find it amazing how these ppl set this all up, I think I've dodged a very big bullet, not cos I knew what was happening but I knew that she'd overstepped the mark, and was stubborn with my own pride. Great video Paula, These ppl are sick in the head, I don't understand what they actually get out of pain and sorrow,
Similar but, after my research and, finding what and who both my parents and ex really were, are and always will be...my sorrow didn't just disappear but by now, it's gone.... You see..."all" the "crimes" they made up about me, were real and horrible crimes yes but, they happened decades before I was even born.... ..hence, yes - these people are sick in their heads but, it's much more than that and I have realised, I neither can not will have anything to do with such - pure insanity - only words I could find and, they don't cover. I don't think any human words will ever be able to describe such direct madness..... Believe in yourself and always remember, you are worth your belief and your love 🌹
I think ppl try to work out their reasons and motives why they do these things I realise I was with a female narcassist, but nw try to understand them,but as Paula says you can't work out their motives as they aren't the same as normal ppl, I understand what you are saying I'm healing from this situation,I'm just inquisitive It's like a bank robber, you nw he's robbing a bank for money, these ppl do all this for reasons , I'll never really understand... But as I'm educating myself with these you tube videos, it will hopefully make me wiser and not be in contact with these ppl again, I think as having a narcassitic mother and sister,I tend to attract the female narcs, I nw I have narcassitic traits , but not on that level, Thank you for your message and kind words!
Well constructed content Paula. I went through every aspect of this and so much more after 20 years of this clinically diagnosed demon hiding behind a well constructed mask. Even going no contact, not chasing, deafening silence, and moved 1500 miles away after literally being triangulated with both a therapist and a new supply and abandoned and betrayed in the desert. This…she destroyed everything including the lives of our children, family, and friends. Thankfully, 95% of the attempted smear campaign failed it all was still excruciatingly painful, however, the beast was exposed by her own demise. The flying Monkeys are a plenty but even they are burning in the fire that she set upon her own self. The Narcissist and The Empath is a battle of the soul; armor up! Peace ✌️
I went through this for 20 years as well and was recently discarded in a manner that even after months, I can not fully process. Mine had been my therapist for 2 years, and knew very well I could not handle abandonment. He swore he would never do such a thing. He isolated me from his friends, bad-mouthed me to others, lied, cheated, and reduced me to an anxious mess, always trying to understand what I had done wrong. I lived in the shadows for years. He had gotten sick and I took care of him, after which he had me planning this "better life" out west and I longed for all the things he promised. Hiking, mountains, dry heat, and beautiful sunsets together...he actually apologized! Then he left me flat, without even a goodbye. And this is a therapist! Well respected and successful.
@@DeeCee1878 some similarities for sure. Sorry to hear you experienced the Cluster B $hit $how Circus 🎪 too without knowing. You don’t know, what you don’t know, but when you know, you know. The Cluster B Clowns operate from the same manual and playbook. They are sick individuals who for many reasons should not be out and about in society. What they do to other individuals, families, friends should be a criminal offense and dealt with accordingly. Unfortunately, they have reproduced and multiplied exponentially since early 1900’s and have maneuvered themselves into many professions. In essence, a virus 🦠 no different than one of cancer or COVID metastasizing to epic proportions. This is not going to end well and this is going to get far worse than those of us who have experienced what we have individually. Silence and Shadow are our best friends and never forgive or forget your experience and truth. The way out is in so keep educating yourself in the Cluster B subject matter. Although what we have laid eyes upon, communicated with, touch, felt with appearance of flesh and blood make no mistake… this is a spiritual battle for as if you ever witnessed the Cluster B split, smirk, and their colored eyes shift to black…this is not a human you are dealing with, only a vessel for something else who is in complete control and without a shadow of doubt it’s intentions are not good. Armor up! Stay alert! Stay alive! Stay strong! Peace ✌️
15yrs ago I lost my closest relative and couldn’t say goodbye at the same time I lost the best job I had and developed depression creating a massive abandonment wound, I met the narcissist 2yrs ago, got close to them and I totally opened up and after they did a mini discard I asked them not to do that but then was discarded last year when they got engaged to their new supply which triggered the memory of me loosing my relative. I’m now scared to open up again and had to borrow money to go on holiday to recover from the brain fog.
I am 53 days no contact. Still hurting. My wife discarded me right before Christmas. I can’t really describe the pain. Everyday is a battle to comprehend the inhumanity of the woman I loved and believed that she loved me. Obviously she did not.
The damage these people cause is incalcuable. The death of my narc is all that freed me six years ago - I still struggle with his light/dark sides. Looking back into my childhood, I can see the influences that made me vulnerable to him in the first place. My mother was a narc and never allowed us kids to think for ourselves. We all had to live in service to her. If victims of these demons could only see our vulnerability to narcs, we could spot them upon first meeting. The flattery, charm, helpfulness, and their narrative ( something sad happened to them) are all tailored for us. My sister has recently fallen into the clutches of one of these disturbed guys and she has fallen in so deep, I don’t know her anymore. My only hope is there’s enough survival instinct left in her to get free of him because the first thing they do is ensure you can’t break loose from them, ever.
I put the nail in my own coffin when after a long devaluation period, feeling increasingly confused, hurt and desperate I told him that I didn't take his behaviour personally, sensing there was some kind of disorder at play. I think he wanted me to though, and when he couldn't get his kicks that way, I was history. It takes time to get your head around the way these ghouls think, but it's the key to your freedom. I'm 18 months post discard and loving my life. Don't give up guys, there's light at the end of that tunnel! Thanks for your enlightening content Paula, so helpful in my healing. 💗💪🏻
My eureka moment as well. All at one time it just clicks and you know and realize wow, they enjoy others pain and hurt people in purpose to feel good. Then it's easy to peace out.
just woke up crying from a nightmare that she sent me a text message-we are no contact i need to heal and detox from this person. she totally punished me in our last contact and i totally sold my soul. i have a lot of work to do on my own healing.
Hang in there. I wake up every morning with terrible feelings of wanting to talk to her but she moved onto new supply. We ended on bad terms. It's such a bad feeling knowing she hates me. Sometimes I have dreams/ nightmares we are still together, but wake up and realize that will never happen again. Its hell. I hope your healing process happens quickly.
Pulling the trigger first on the discard was my self preservation moment! It was seriously awful all the same but I was finally seeing the light and IT for what he was, was doing, was hoping for! I've learned what love is not!!!!! I've become the best version of myself and I like me! Was not allowing another human take me down!!!!!!
The creature will never darken my doorstep or my life ever, ever again. Thanks to people like Paula, I've come a long way and I'm never going to put myself through that again. He's going to get his karma soon enough and I'm happy with who I've become and I won't allow anybody to take it away from me. It is what it is and he'll end up sadder and lonelier than he is now. I trust in karma, she always gets paid.
i am so glad i heard and came across this video, it explains so much, so accurately. my ex used to have these strange phrases like "human suffering" and "walking away smelling like a rose". he used to smirk and laugh about such comments to himself in front of me long before i had any clue or idea my own marriage to this individual was a possibility, a well thoughtnout, calculated master plan. somehow i always knew he had an agenda, but i never figured out what it was, of course now i know. it was his exit strategy all along to trash me. and yes, it was a very cruel discard in front of two of my three adult children who went along with it and supported his viewpoint of me. nothing has hurt me more than his insertion of reality between myself and my children. i just hope they see him for what he did, but so far their faith in him as the "good one" remains steadfast. sadly i begged and pleaded with him, i wished i had never done any of that, but i did. hearing the points you've made helps me to process this level of cruelty. it's true evil as we can experience on this earth. what's the spiritual purpose of this i wonder? why must we experience this level of evil? for some, i do believe it can break us, and that is so sad. i've been working so hard to recover from this, for several years now, it's probably the hardest thing in my life i've ever had to gonthrough. i hope one day i reach a place of peace. i hope this for others. i thank you for this. it lets us know we are not nuts and that our experience, our dissonance is real. god bless you and thank you.
Yes, discard happened at a “high” moment, or should have been, and yes, narc sister and mother moved money from one account to another, unexpectedly, and they all met with and hired a lawyer in which they blamed and belittled me. This after I had been helping, fixing a myriad of financial issues, caretaking, etc. (because I was raised to think I was selfish, and shamed into believing that if I wanted a relationship with them (at all) I had to “pitch in”). I was groomed, indeed. Oh my god what a waste of time and life. Even back then I knew I was the frog slowly boiling alive, just couldn’t jump out of tge pot. Thank god for information like this. Get out, get out, get out. Peace and healing is finally mine.
While the Narc chips away at their victims self esteem, What becomes abundantly clear is the lie of your unworthiness that they project upon you. That, was a turning point for me in not believing in their false identity of assumed superiority anymore. That was when the fantasy started to crumble. I knew I was more than worthy of being respected and worthy of love and of being treated well. That was when I knew there was a very deeply flawed and even evil motivation behind the perpetrator narcissist.
Yes you are isolated but that gives you time and energy to find yourself again. Fine some help and do a study to understand what happens. Take your time so the next step will be to really happiness 🌹
So evil! I didn't beg, I did take him back, then when he did it again. I left completely. Changed phone number, and he can not get a hold of me. Still single but starting to date.
The last 1 minute paula was just amazing .. God Bless you Momma .. God brought you here.. you , tudor and narcology uncscripted brought me back.. i feel for all those out there that don’t know about narcissism and are being abused… these people are pure evil… 10 months now and the trauma bond is almost Gone…
I did the discarding however I now understand that he manipulated me throughout our 12 year relationship. He would always say "you did this I didn't ask you to." Referring to wanting something and even if I said no at first he would have a temper tantrum and I would give in, at the end he would say it was my idea.😟
“Can’t you tell I’ve been more intentionally cruel lately” “You’ll always be the villain in my story” “I hate this and you even if I know it was good for me” “You’ve done unforgivable things” “You’re a ridiculous human being” This is just the sprinkles on top.. All I can say , is I’m so blessed to have her out of my life. But also for the enormous amount of people , both self aware narcs and survivors, who make these videos that have put this entire 3 year tail spin into perspective.. I’m such a driven , creative and self motivated person and watching the bloom of creative energy come back is nothing short of a miracle.
Thank you so much for helping us all navigate through this insidious abuse. I never understood Covert narcissism and how traumatising it wasn’t until I finally listened to my body- irritable bowel syndrome, depression and chronic fatigue. The most
Devaluation went on for 3 years. I ended up with fibromyalgia , brain fog and a fried nervous system and in hospital... thats when he moved his stuff out and discarded me 2 weeks later. Charming.
My only child's father is a narcissist, at the very least. He abandoned me and went on a cruise instead of attending my mother's funeral and supporting me at one of the lowest times of my life. Although he nearly destroyed me and my self-esteem. Many years later, many tears and sleepless nights I feel blessed not having him in my life! Thank you for all that you do! 🙏
Paula, you are absolutely correct. Your videos are ALWAYS spot on! They are a different kind of human. Luckily, they are still in the minority. I shudder to think what the world would look like if their kind were to become the majority. Even HG Tudor will say “my kind” when referring to them/himself. They really are a different kind of human. I’m so grateful I’m not one of them and that I have the capacity to love.
Woah!!! That was intense 😮. I WISH I could have explained to a close brother in Christ years ago what was happening to me in my inward person. This was long before God answered my prayers of what i was suffering from. I still have a times, a struggle to articulate the reality of what I went through being married to a covert narc. Yet its people like you sister thats helping me to rebuild myself to the man i was before the narc. Im on the positive side of the attempted demonic destruction of me now. What the demon spirit doesn't realize from her wicked attemp to destroy me, is that not only is God putting me back together as i was, theres major improvements being added to me. Im onto this demon now. Im learning how to make boundaries and stand my ground. Learning to be wise and guard the pearls in my heart given to me by God. No longer do I have a concern of being lonely, for im never alone. God is my Father, and He's always here. He's been taking me into the deeper things of Himself through His word. The very fulfilling, satisfying and lasting joys of truth😊. Thank you again my dear sister for such indepth teaching and wisdom you share. Its priceless. Though it came with your share of scares, its not in vain. Your doing what you where called to do. Scares remain but pain subsides. March on soldier, we all shall have victory over this demon😊.
what ive noticed,at least my situation, no one will tell the narcissist to stop,or fight against any of the wrong behaviors, instead its the target they want to comply,do what they want,right ,or wrong.
Thank you, your videos help alot, especially for healing. Every once in awhile I have a relapse like the discard just happened and the pain comes back. These videos help me get back and align. Its strange my brain wants to deny that they are a narcissist and I get confused, and fall back thinking I caused it. Wow, what a roller coaster. Its usually when Im feeling good and boom here it comes...
I’m here right now straight from my other dimension wondering how I feel like I’m back in this pigshit. Almost two consistent months no contact. First time ever. We do work together. Last summer he was on the I’m leaving her to come back. I said you’re lying he look weirded out and Started to walk away when I said where are you going he turned and looked at me and I said if you really cared about me how can you just walk away without trying? I guess he literally needed to go hide because he knew that I knew he was full of it.
Paula… this is probably the best video you’ve made. Struggling with the deep deep deep urge to reconnect, this video made me instantly uproot those feelings. THANK YOU!
You're only ever interacting with their false self, none of it is real. They're sadists who get pleasure out of others pain and self compromise/demise. Boundaries don't work with them either as they just give the narc info about your weak spots and limits they can push you past.
@@samanthawilliams5520 The aftermath at least has an end which is better than staying in the relationshit that had you confused, dysregulated and feeling : 1. You can no longer think straight and can't recall up from down. 2. Your bank account has been mysteriously drained. 3. You've become dishonest yourself just to appease the narc and have come to believe you are the narc. 4. You don't bother setting boundaries, they've been crossed too many times to make sense anymore. 5. You no longer have any friends as the narc has triangulated them all with you. 6. Your smile is pasted on, your eyes have taken on the appearance of a deer in headlights. 7. You've stopped reacting to anything they say other than to smile, nod then go and do your own thing anyway and headphones have become a permanent fixture. 8. You've lost interest in everything you once loved doing and feel like a cardboard cut out. 9. You've forgotten who you are but not who you were. 10. You realise you're doing double duty to compensate for the narc's lack of capacity and need to play victim and it takes ten times as long because you're drained and exhausted from all their constant dramas and negging. 😩
Love you soo much for opening my eyes to this abuse I didn't understand it. Im a 34 year old and I'm just wowed by this video and it's made me so stronger 💪 be around positive people only life will get better and never blame yourself !!! There have 0 emotions
You really really nailed it . And it's terrifying and your attitude is one the abused need to adapt . Because when it starts it's simply hard to even believe it's so bad
When I was discarded right before he told me that he wanted to date me and gave me a hug and kiss.but I knew by the look in his eyes that he hated me and it BROKE MY HEART...BULLSEYE PAULA.
Yeah, I told him that he’s sick for using my pain to feed his ego. And he was probably laughing behind closed doors at my texts and manipulating his little monkeys claiming I was crazy but in the end, that doesn’t change the cold hard facts. And that is, he’s a manipulative, impulsive, sex hungry, cheating, pathological liar. Honestly, I’m so relieved that he put me out of my misery. I told him I know how he acts normally and in contrast to the way he was acting the last few weeks screamed cheating. I told him he was a coward for not communicating and telling a woman he loved her while simultaneously sneaking around with another woman, and he admitted it. He then tried to deflect and say it was because I was out of his league with too many boundaries and I told him to shut the f*** up with his cognitive dissonance and lack of accountability. Hell no. I grew up around manipulative people. I stayed up all night unraveling all of the lies that stemmed from him cheating. I couldn’t believe the level of manipulation this man imposed on me. I mean, the shamelessness. Using another woman for a place to stay while trying to keep me around for the future. Thank God Jesus Christ’s Word tells about this kind of behavior. It’s right there in proverbs. For the love of God. And he had the audacity to call me from a blocked number after I blocked him and told him I never wanted to see or hear from him again. The lack of respect for boundaries. The selfishness. The lack of empathy and expectation that a person should have to deal with this. It’s insanity. To believe he can treat a person like this and then have rights into their life is sick. Like, idk.
Idk....well said they speak a different language...hope you're ok or are getting better now, that one sounded like mine, left me really tired...hope you are ok now...G...
My ex narc moved a woman in while I was away going to court for my kids. I laughed at him and told him to send my stuff. I was leaving anyway. His reaction was to start threatening me with the police. Hahaha I was not afraid.
For years now I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with my spouse and these RUclips videos of narcissism has been very enlightening for me these past two years I am pretty much convinced now…. One thing that stands out to me very profoundly is that will have an argument and I’ll just cry for days and he doesn’t ever show like any sympathy for how devastated I am and he rejects me in the more I cry and the more reject I feel and in the past I have had suicidal ideation because of my childhood abandonment so when he does this to me he doesn’t have sympathy to try to help me come out of that mental state of mind and he’s used my suicide ideation as a weapon against me when this is something that I really struggle with that’s got to be the most cruel Thing a human being can do to another human being is basically when they know that person has a fragile emotional state to the point where they would rather take their own life but then what is the other person do they uses it against them
i was manipulated like a puppet...damn! Even I got amnesia after the discard... its frightening, and she knew cause she had our daughter n son with her...I was her dang pawn...the errands n chores fool!!! I got dizziness only to remember this.....
I had also suffered severe disociation episodes that i could shut down with meditation learned in group therapy , also quite spooky...like falling down spiralling into oblivion
I need help. I discarded him, and he hasn’t stopped harassing me but he got the message a few minutes ago. Do they really believe that people are so stupid to fall for their nonsense? It’s so apparent. I just felt it in my spirit and confronted him. He had nowhere left to run. Man, I’m in shock. What just happened.
Yeah, when I asked for separation mine pointed his finger at me and said "Just remember You did this!" to justify all the contempt and hatefulness he's displayed toward me since then.
Paula....great info!! The Narcissist Mother in law waited 6 mths after her so ..my narc husband died and discarded me. I led het to believe that I was penny less. So with that info she thought she could abuse me because she had money. Truth....I had money. She verbally abused me, raged and I responded by telling het to leave my home and never come back. Have been No Contact for over a year. Sold all the property ( land) she gave us and sold my home, which was connected to her and his brothers. I moved away!!!!! Broke contact with the entire family ( The Flying Monkeys) and moved forward. Shocked them ALL!!! Slander and stalking had insued since. But I can handle the cowards, which they all are. I had become accustomed to my narc husband's discards over the years. And actually they do you a Great Favor when they discard you. It's an Open Door to move forward. I am thriving and happy....doing well. And Totally Relieved of all the Crap. Thank you!!!
Hi Paula, I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your help, your videos are absolutely amazing and have saved my life. I’m only 5 weeks out from a grandiose discard on my birthday and also found out she has had a steady intimate relationship with her ex for the last two years (all the time I had been with her) I feed so stupid and used - the last two videos have really been my revelation and turning point so thank you once again, blessings 🙏 PS the only thing I did right was to go no contact immediately 🎉
The Narc I have been dealing with uses his spiritual communities to hunt and groom vulnerable women (although he uses men and women for secondary/tertiary fuel too). I was never discarded. He has tried to groom and love bomb me three times, but on each occasion, I sensed aspects of the mind games (triangulations, jealousy traps, lying etc) and withdrew. The third time he made his attempt, I pretended to fall for it to gain aspects of safety and justice for myself and some other victims. As soon as I secured those things, I discarded him. It felt amazing!
People are in mental institutions because of these narcissist. Can you Imagine.
And dead by suicide fortunately some narcs are in prison cuz they abused online
Institution seen or unseen.
@@luvyatubersand some abused covertly might lash out online in reactive abuse. Lottery winning for the covert narc especially as once again the abused looks like the narc. Something to also consider. Usually it is multilayer. Narcs usually don't commit suicide or even care and usually don't get caught. Dark triad
It's criminal what they do. I Pray 🙏 that soon, this does become a true criminal act., punishable by law.
@@TB.418 , 10,000 %!!
Fuck them! Get healing, and move on. It's hard work, but so worth it.
And remember, these sadist can MEVER heal the way we can, they're all stuck on there delusional wheel for life! 🖕💀☠️💩🤡👹
“when someone shows you who they are, believe them”. Such a hard lesson to learn.
Oh you bet!
I love that line. He told me I was still his best friend when he discarded me for the second time. That same year I was diagnosed with Cancer and was in hospital for two surgeries for a full week. ( bear in mind I stood by him when he was clinically depressed for 10 years and unable to work and also for 5 years after he had a serious stroke and was unable to work) So after 31 years of marriage the same year he left me I was fighting cancer. I was sent flowers, a card and a thoughtful gift by a complete stranger...my narcissist sent me NOTHING. It was the best life lesson ever. His actions made the situation VERY clear to me. Our relationship was what I could do for him end of story.
⁰😊
They are not human , they are demons .. and after the final discard they expect you to take your own life
And they are successful I know for sure. They say the person was weak.
They act in demonic ways it's the spirit they are human beings they have a disorder in the brain there's no need to demonize this I felt this way too while I was being attacked now that I know more about this mental illness I don't think it's the right word to use I made it through 46 years survive covert narcissism every tactic they use was used on me I thought of it as demonic 2 that's a disordered brain learn mindfulness compassion and forgiveness for yourself to free your mind from the prison that you are in right now
They are severely demon possessed, the Bible states we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers and spiritual wickedness in high places.
I believe this is true
I have seen whirling black balls after my two Narc partner discards. I absolutely believe this
Narcs Will Turn A Saint Into A Mad Woman
Everything she is saying to 2000% true. The ex narc walked out on me when our 1st born was just barely 2 months old….I had no job because we had just moved to another state and my family lived somewhere else. He literally just came in from work and said, “I’m moving out tomorrow”(which happened to be Valentine’s Day). He had already gotten an apartment. They are beyond evil and if you believe you are dealing with one, LEAVE.
Yea they love to discard on special days. Mine did. Beware. They love to hoover on those days also.
Beyond cruel
Monsters. They have no thoughts for the emotional welfare of people who love them..
Jesus!
That was so cruel. And with a baby!!! 🐥 🍼 These people are evil! 😠
I think too that they leave us at the worst time in our lives because they cannot tolerate having to comfort someone else or have the limelight off themselves
They just want a good time and stuff anyone who gets in the way of that
This precisely. You're at a low point, you can't get them the supply they need, they don't care if you get better because they don't bother helping at all. Since you're broken and need repair, they have to move to someone else who is shiny and new. It's a parallel with all this Made in China crap we have to purchase. Good items will last if you care for them, but since everything is so cheap, you can toss the broken thing and buy a new one that'll eventually break down too. The cycle ever repeats.
They expected us to lay down an die .but it failed ❤
Perhaps narcs think other people are as weak as they are?
I went thru pure hell after i left him. I was Hospitalized with severe stomach issues which nearly cost me my life. That's not including my broken heart. When an empath gets involved with a narcissist, it's the most painful Breakup bcse you know they NEVER loved you. A "normal" couple can at least communicate, but you cannot reason with a narc. They are TOXIC and when the mask falls off, OMG, it's an evil being that you never want to see again. RUUNNN!
When that mask falls and you see those black eyes and a demonic smirk like the Grinch on a non human body you know you've been with a demon. Run
Yes.I said ,"You are wicked aren't you!"
The smile & change in her face,her eyes,Wow!
" Yes," she said.
My ex thoroughly enjoyed discarding me, she thought it was funny how upset I was, a few weeks later she tried to Hoover, acting very sweet,I flat out rejected her, and her face changed so quickly from happy and nice, to full on evil and hateful, and then she put on the face of a victim, like I was the cruel one, the whole relationship was from one extreme to the other.
Yep. That’s a narc for you. It’s like they all operate from the same play book.
@@user-wz1sv3br1lIt's so dark and twisted, I feel really bad for the targets that don't know about Narcissism, trying to figure out the nightmare
@@Turin_TurumbaOh My , that’s the real scary part . You Don’t Know, but once you know all hell breaks … so run 🏃♀️
She's just mad that you took away her favorite toy to bat around. Like a shameless child she threw a lame little temper tantrum. Good on you for resisting that hoover!
@@user-wz1sv3br1lWell they all serve the same devil called Satan.
Before you jump into any sort of relationship-vet them. Narcs are impatient ppl who hate to be told “ no.” Beware- sex and flattery are their trade tools. Protect your Golden Supply- YOU ARE THE PRIZE!
So true
Absolutely true
Fell for that one.
❤❤❤❤❤
I am 3 years out and have no desire to enter into another relationship, still terrified that I will be fooled again. I sought therapy and the therapist said to me "boy was he lucky to have had you for 5 years" never even thought of it that way, it helped to see it that way, but still no longer want to date, I am 70 years old and didn't need this at my stage of life, never knew these type of men existed. I was married 30 years old and have met nothing but narcissists since my marriage ended 10 years ago..........this is our new world.
When i wasnt interested he would not leave me alone , the more i was interested the further away he would go.Its like a dumb reverse psycological game of cat and mouse.They play with their prey.
this is EXACTLY what my husband’s been doin, for hmm, since 2020. It is a mind numbing game….This current one he’s doing…OH. MY. GAWD! My head is spinning like I NEED an exorcist-Lol…The thing most diff for ME, is when i get deep in dwelling on fixing it, and i convince myself, its all my fault. Thats my current ‘mood’…”Gawsh, Do I do that?, or “Im being too selfish”. But ive noticed EVERY time this happens where I humble myself, then HE IS IN THE limelight, HE is tje savior, and im the pathetic mentally ill one. I REALLY notice how he’s learned to convince family how he helps me with MY mental illness….And then inget paranoia cause i think theyre All Against me, well they are….hes created his little flying monkeys.
She's absolutely fabulous at describing "The Narcisstic Personality Disorder" at a level that no other person is able to. Paula nails it every time!
🙋♀️🙏
@NarcCon you are the best Paula. Just subscribed to your channel all the way from Kenya. 40 years living with a narcissist. After leaving him, hus mental health has worsened.
Highly agree!
It was heartbreaking when I realized I was being discarded and never knew that is a thing. Thank you for helping me and many others learn and heal our battered souls.
🙋♀️🙏
Narcs are all about the power ,...the power that WE give to them ! So sad !!
Paula is excellent at describing this disorder, One of the Greats,for sure...
One of the BEST and most accurate lectures EVER.
❤
I think so too! 😊❤
It should be illegal to mentally abuse another being and entrap control and Withold Resources so trying to leave is Financially made near impossible or debt ridden via court
So true. Painfully true. Experience talking here. No more. I know them for what they are. I smell a narc a mile away now. It’s the smell of sulfer. Trust your guts people. It is called intuition, instinct.
Trust it.
Oh thank you for this valuable information. My husband told me that I'd strsighten out in a year when he walked out. I haven't straightened out, instead I have built myself up and am doing good. My best revenge is my success, my joy, my health and happiness. Middle finger to all narcs.
🥰👌
More power to you. xo
Don't deny yourself ever again If you feel the need to cry then cry for them Control your mind and listen closely to your soul The one true and perfect place where they can never go
Our soul is what they're after...
Narcs can't love so they're better able to use it against us by disguising toxic lust and attachment as healthy love and connection.
Our soul is comprised of our mind, free will and emotions and is up for grabs by either God or Satan.
The devil comes disguised as an angel of light and our heart is an entry way they'll make good use of to steal, kill and destroy our souls.
Jermiah 17:9-10
“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, GOD, search the heart and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.” 🙏🐍👁️🕊️ Matt 10:16 "Therefore be wise as the serpent, gentle as the dove."
King Solomon said it best: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23) 🛡️💓⛲ Our heart is extremely valuable, it is the seat of our soul so narcs aim is to get in via provoking our emotions in order to crack our soul's foundation; they need to break our heart and steal our soul, they snuff out our light so we'll join them in their misery till we become as soulless and heartless as them. We don't guard worthless things. Our heart-mind-gut connection energises our very lifeforce that narcs seek to poison, compromise and misalign.
We need to recognise there's spiritual levels to this and that our weapons aren't carnal they're Spiritual, so we can't just blindly follow cultural "norms" anymore, we need to be boldly discerning in testing the spirits and inspecting the fruit of others.
ATTACHMENT has the power to completely take us away from the present, keeping us absent by attending either to the past or the future, longing for things to be final or permanent. ❎
CONNECTION, on the other hand, faithfully makes room for the unexpected now. Connection is intimate, serendipitously synced, in harmony and flow, vulnerable and present. ☑️
Joy is an inner feeling. Happiness is an outward expression. Joy endures hardship and trials and connects with meaning and purpose. A person pursues happiness but chooses joy.
Caretaking is a hallmark of codependency and is rooted in insecurity and a need to be in control.
Caregiving is an expression of kindness and love. ✅
Caretaking feels stressful, exhausting and frustrating. ❎
It is entirely possible to be fully committed to someone without being attached to them, and to feel deeply emotionally connected without becoming entirely dependent on them.
In fact, if we want to be in a healthy, connected, well aligned, supportive and loving partnership, it's best to focus on being loving and giving without attachment. Non-attachment 🗝💝👁️💝
“Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.” ~ Hafiz 🌞🌏🌝💞✌️
Ignore those who make you feel you owe them and they own you 💯 Choose those few quality people who grow, encourage and evolve you over those who'd slow, corrupt and devolve you, knowing the difference is wisdom. 🙏👁️🐍🦉🕊️
I agree.
Just don't give them the pleasure of seeing you cry.
My jaw is on the floor... this couldn't get more accurate. I am so devastated and distraught I don't know what to do but I'm maintaining an image of strength and haven't reached out in the last 2 months after discard so I am proud of that at least
Be very proud..you’ve been through a mind blowing abusive war..🌹
Stay strong brother it’s happened to me 3 weeks ago I moved out I’m healing angry betrayed my wife of 12 years has down this
@@craigy691 man i cant even imagine big bro. That type of shit is what keeps me from ever wanting to get married. Ive seen it happen to almost every man I know eventually. That may just be the way relationships worked before marriage, but i couldnt afford to lose half my shit at any point to any one.
Ive been doing Waaayy better since starting therapy minimum once a week, blocking her and getting testosterone injections lol.
Hey its helping me a ton, still very long and hard process though.
For a week or two i allowed myself to feel hatred for that bitch but i feel myself starting to forgive and feel sorry for her. Oh well i can do thag but as far as give her space in my life? It would be asking her to put a gun to my head
All power to you. Keep going with the no contact, it's the only treatment Narcissists deserve! 💪
These heartless people aren't worth it. Let them wallow in their insanity. Never repeat.
After I had part of my right foot amputated due to a septic shock, it took me about 2 years to fully recover and fight my way back into everyday life. And just when I started to get better, „my“ narcissist almost triumphantly told me he has found someone new and wants to divorce after 24 years of marriage. I‘m still shells-hocked about such a level of cruelty but almost feel relieved now that we‘re seperated.
They know exactly what they are doing and they get off on the deceit and evil ..unbelievable behaviour it's is so hard to experience that there are people like this
Yes! So malicious
They’re not people. I’ll never see another narc and treat them humanely. That’s 💯
So true
They are not people, they are controlled by legions of demons.
I and our 2 very young baby boys were abandoned by a cruel man, my husband. He seemed to take delight in our suffering financially and emotionally. Not only did he abandon us but he took out a hefty loan and used our car and furniture as collateral. I thought I was pretty resilient as a person, but this shook me to my core. If he didn't want to be with me that's fine, what hurt me more was he didn't care how he affected our children. Narcissists are heartless. When you are young you know no better, they woo you, and when it suits them they abandon everything.
That’s why he did it
He picked the most horrific pain he could find to wound you as deeply as possible - stuck in the knife and turned it - got a high off of your pain. If something else was more important to you he would have picked that.
For divorce - read “slay the Bully” by Rebecca Zung - a blueprint for success.
The worm is turning!!!!
To be fair I am now in my forties and I was still duped by a narcissist. Further more she was an old flame from back when I was 18. If you've grown up in a healthy and secure family then you won't have watched this video because you likely never got mixed up with a narc in the first place. So with that demographic out of the picture that just leave us adult children of narcissists, most likely. The abusive childhood he set up for more abuse and primed us for future narcissists, but they won't have educated us about narcissists. Unless you've learnt the hard way what narcissism is then you won't know.
We are still having intimacy and good times the few weeks before .I totally had no clue that this person will just packed up & leave while i’m at work. Reach home to an empty house…pleaded and beg her with tears, met up with her once but i saw the hate in her eyes and she brush me off. Refused to reply any message and call!(I only send one pleading message per day as i know that she is aggressive) In the end, serve me the divorce papers without any mutual discussion and communication. I am shocked and pain beyond words could describe. I never expected someone could treat me in this cruelty way when i alway had her best interest in heart. This person already left nearly 2 years and i’m still in pain every now and then. It really change my life forever.
It's really unbelievable! They will have to answer one day in my humble opinion.
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@@cherylg.3465 to sit on that jury or witness crowd
Stay strong my friend had it done to me everything fine come back from a family holiday boom !!! I’m not happy what do you mean I want a
Divorce that’s out of the blue erm no it isn’t unbelievable
Good riddance, move on don't waste your life, that is your gift not theirs.
True, the narcissist always does stuff starting in November making it difficult to enjoy Thanksgiving, Christmas and new years.
Listen to this very wise woman!!! I lived and survived the hell she speaks of in every single word! Wish I had this wealth of information when I married the devil incarnate, a beta male version of my evil, narcissistic mother!
🙏🌹
Thank you Pola. Narcisists are broken souls and only God can help them.
Don't think God wants to help them, they evil
They chose to do evil.
And they choose to be 😈 Evil
its a no win situation!!!! I feel stuck!! If I fail she wins,if i got stuck she wins, if i dont get over it she wins!!! This is quite hard!!!
When it stops being about her and wining..you win hope that makes sense 🌸
@@NarcCon only thing that has taken me by, slowly away from this hell is a)knowing she´s a demented psychotic being(ill), b) accept that she´s gone, never existed(this frightens of my own self) c)indiference towards the fact that everything was a megacon. d) let loose all its not mine e) concentrate on myself my present...........but Im still in a "refractary" mind state about relations, cause all seem very fake to me. I believe this is the last obstacle to pass. Thanks for your guidance.
Yes during a death, or holiday. He extorted me for money, then started the cruel discard..
I’m in a lot of pain.. I am trying to fight the pain.. and I don’t want to give that to him!
Trying to fight it,is really hard.
You never want to give up & fall in the trap they've set up for you...
My 3x narc discarded me when my dad was in the hospital with a broken hip and shoulder. She wasn't happy when I spent 2 weeks visiting him and trying to get him back to health.
Thanks Paula.Good notes.
I can at least say I turned his preplanned discard & turned it completely against him. He never saw it coming! I got the house, van, & the dog & cat. He literally died 4 years later from fury & rage & alcoholism. His crap family didn't even mention me in his obituary- of which I am eternally grateful 😂🎉!
Same here played him at his own game and got the house the dog and half the savings,made him look good didn't it.
Mine is dead now to. To bad.
Isnt it something .. when we leave, we are concerned how it will affect them
I never did, WHY???
Before I discarded my narc, he was always asking me to make a will, because everything was in my name and he told me not to leave anything to my kids because they are estranged because of all the dynamics and its effects. I think he was planning to set himself up and leave and give me the death blow... whatever he was planning he's gone now! I'm so thankful to Jesus ❤️
She became in 2 days, my fav RUclips coach, after months of research. The way she's presents and explains, is simply perfect. I wish her community will grow very fast, she deserves it.
Greetings from Europe. 😊
Wow, thank you!
@NarcCon You're welcome. 😊
Thank you too!
I agree, I feel so blessed that her videos came up on my feed. God bless you, Paula, and may you be safe.❤
I needed this. Thank you.
Only a truly sick, evil, person would use their own cancer diagnosis -- not once, but twice -- to try to destroy their child. My mother knew the only thing that would get me to consider another chance was a life and death situation. I was long, long gone. For years.
And, given the sadism, life is better without her.
You're totally right. They aim to bring out the worst in you, and will use everything they can to do so. And if they can ruin your life, or find a way to end you, that's a bonus.
I worked too hard not to become what I hate. She's dead with a pulse. It's time for me to grieve one last time, and leave the dead to bury their own.
No more.
Thank you. 🤗
Getting him out of my life improved my life. Such a huge weight lifted!
Yup
My husband of 12 years is a covert, i didn't realize what he is until the brutal discard. He ditched me the day prior to Mothers Day (im a Bereaved Mother). He had been grooming the secretary from his work, he jumped from our home, directly to her house. He HAD a great wife.
Horrific
May God have mercy on the new sources soul.
@robertaturk she's no victim, she knew hes married & helped plot against me
I personally find this point as the worst one - how they take your ability to self regulate. Not only it left you unable to feel good again on your own, but also you can't find anything and anyone making you happy except the narcissists. Currently I am struggling with this. I feel like I totally lost the ability to feel good on my own. And these months after discard are just full of frustration and anger + sadness for me. Nothing else bring me joy or good feelings. I feel frustrated with life. Only bad things pilles up but nothing good.
I feel ya, I’ve been there…very “dark” nights but you can pull through…you WILL heal!❤️🩹
Is coaching an option? 🌹🌹
I'm struggling to find Joy as well after 3 months discarded by my husband of 12 years
I feel exactly the same way you do. I am so lost, and looking back at who I used to be makes me even sadder. I was discarded after 20 years of emotional abuse...it happened little by little. I did not realize that I had lost the ability to self-regulate. Everything was about him, and I went into survival mode, just being hypervigilant to his moods, his demands, the silent treatment, and the isolation. There was no closure, no goodbyes, and when I tried to reach out to say how I was hurting, he told me he had moved on to a new relationship and would never respond to me again. I am trapped inside a shattered mind and heart.
I hope you can get support from a counsellor who understands Narcissistic Abuse, you really need help to unravel what happened to you and be able to self validate again. All the best to you in your healing journey, things will get better in baby steps the moment you stop beating yourself up and showing yourself the love the Narcissist never gave you. 💞
I haven’t shared my PAIN but it was anourmous , sadism is Real! Managed to Change the PAIN into my POWER !!!!!! I feel Good now, although it took me 3 years to recover after this horrible dystegulation.
Thank You ❤
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@aaaalltheway9805 Oh wow 3 years 😢 How long were you with them? Happy you made it through. I’m still healing
@@MYLIFENOW9706 20 years altogether xx
Paula, this is the first time I felt compelled to comment on one of your videos about Narc abuse (I’m bingeing you, Paula; hope you don’t mind, 😉). The bit about calling the police on you to get you arrested to ruin you is so spot on. Almost EVERY single Narc intimate partner, friend, or family member that’s been in my life over the last 2 decades has done that to me to garner control, to “teach me a lesson” or to get me “in-line” and do as I’m told. It’s a literal weaponization of the emergency system to destroy you, and even worse, it is a CRIME committed against you at the ultimate magnitude of brutal cruelty! It is a crime in the USA to falsely call the police on someone and make up lies about the person. For example, if I didn’t shut the F-up and do as I’m told, my ex would physically attack me, break my stuff, and then call the police on me because I wouldn’t stop weeping about something nasty he did to me. It is so Evil and possessed. I must recover from this severe pain constantly ruminating inside me. It’s been 6 weeks since I experienced such an egregious discard by my ex-Narc Psychopath boyfriend who falsely called the police on me where I had to immediately leave the house to avoid the situation of a possible false arrest that could cost me my job, my teaching license- a HE KNOWS THAT- he wants that to happen to me! The realization of that fact is such a deep level of betrayal by a man I’ve loved for 20 years. It is just so so damn painful. I need to get it through my head that these people are sick to their core and I must stay far far away and never have contact again!
Thank you, Paula, for all of your insights on the topic of NarcAbuse. You are helping me, and our survivor community, so much! ♥️💐
Im going through this now ,should of never gone back with her. They are evil people.
You bet they are. Your punishment will be increased (each time) for daring to (try and) break free. Absolutely ZIP to do with love...They do not love. It's all a game of different attempts to destroy you. They enjoy hating and you will save yourself a nervous breakdown by NOT trying to figure it out...Trust me, I learned the very hard way. Get away and stay away. And do the psychic work (repeated visualization and prayer,) that it takes to cut chords and remove ALL the ropes, anchors, chains, filaments, roots, ( you catch my drift,) that they have etherically set in you in order to connect to you in order to siphon your energy. Remove every picture, momento, letter, pieces of clothing...received from this person when you are able. I have literally thrown jewelry away in order to be free. Phone calls, also, give the narcissist a renewed chance to trap you again. Same with letters and emails. They adore figuring out how to use your love and hope against you in order to destroy you. Never believe that they have changed...They WILL NOT. EVER. Also, if you won't communicate with the narc, they'll find willing "friends" or family to connect with you in order to gather intel. I've been through it all.
I also went back and it was worst the second time around, they are prime evil people, focus on yourself 😢❤
me too
Narcissists are gender impartial. It happens only in the human world. There is no such thing with, cats dogs etc, thank goodness, they are pure.
Covery narc women love to get the law involved. Especially against the male gender.
This all happened to me. So sickening.
Me 2
They really turn on the heat at your most vulnerable point. At my lowest I was having an anxiety attack every time my phone rang or chirped. They know when they leave they have drawn all your energy out and then know the program is still running so when they reach back out your in the worst position possible. Then they try to nurse you back to health so they look like the hero.
SUNDAY afternoon, breezy Scotland...loved part 2. Thank you. They are so very fickle and I wonder if the narcissist, in my life, in his 50s, very adept at destruction, plans it all for a big boom discard?? Like a crescendo, a symphonic climax ... he discarded one night stands with colleagues, his kids, his wife, his fiancé's and all inbetween.
I am so pleased I never once spoke to him after the New Year/birthday text of " it's not working."
He never heard from me again, I never replied to "hello", I didn't say thanks for anonymous flowers months later, I didn't open the front door he knocked at again and again etc etc. It was super hard for a few short months, but almost 9 months later, it's worth it. And NO hoover will EVER drag me back to Hells' circle. Never!
Guys going through it, keep stoically distant, it can be done and it is the ONLY way. Paula offers wonderful sanity and comfort. ❤Xxx
In time , as I healed , I found myself feeling stronger and stronger, more empowered. Now, when meeting anyone new, I am careful with my empathy, I wait , I observe, I pay attention . No one will f*#@ with me like that EVER again!
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That IS evil. They are attracted to the power they feel they have over you. I once told my narc sister that I didn't want to be submissive to her. She was Shocked that I had figured that out & vehemently denied it. She said that I never help her. That I was oblivious! She was very proud of herself for knowing that word. Oblivious. I am anything But oblivious.
My Narc left me when I was not able to walk and waiting for surgery. She felt so powerful same as you discribe. Thanks for everything.
omg! that is exactly what is happening to me!!!! I have been with my narc for 3 1/2 years and am disabled waiting for knee replacement surgery and out of nowhere they just throw me in the trash. He constantly threatened me that he was going to replace me if I didn't do what he said, so I was always living in fear. But now I am just taking back all my power and closing off all my energy to him in order to heal myself. God will bless you if you get this demonic person out of your life!
Thinking of you, hope you are OK now.
This is so interesting. One of my ex who was undiagnosed told me that he made a previous girlfriend chase after him naked in an apartment building. I laughed at him and said not me. At the time i was actually in psychology classes and was learning about such individuals. I saw first hand the chapters come to life. I even saw the narcissistic stare which all of them do not have. Was so scary to see. His eyes so wide to take in all of my reactions. It was in that moment it clicked. He asked me why did I have my mouth open like such, when I had realized because they study you and he had never seen me in shock. Remember he was not diagnosed. He did have a ton of self help books. Like he knew something was off and he was trying to figure it out. I wish i never told him. I also told him there is no therapy that will work. On record at least. Just redirecting the negativity but who has time for that? Not me.
Ex covert fiance would relish on exes “still talking” about him and how he ALWAYS seemed to be the one dumping them.
So upset for ignoring this red flag. I thought I was just over analyzing as usual.
Therapy can't cast out demons.
Yeah, he lost control. He was like a little boy. And I had compassion for him for a second and was like “what the hell? What am I doing? No!”… hell no.
Yes...I've been gone almost 3 years. The truth in this video rings true with the experience I went through with my ex. I begged and pleaded after I left wanting an explaination and closure so badly. In this video it is as if you are holding my hand as you and I take a walk through the dark hallway explaining all his evil ways as they light up.
Hopefully I can afford a divorce this coming year.
I was abandoned by my narcassitic mother at an early age,
I'd told her of this,
I'd also told her that all I wanted " was to be loved by someone", as I had been on my own for alot of my life.
I never pleaded or begged after the discard, as I had mini discards alot of the time in which I had begged,pleaded before.
And I hadn't done anything wrong ,and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction that she'd hurt me,male pride
I didn't have any assets, so don't nw what she wanted from me,
I didn't get cruelly discarded,just a "I don't love you any more ,no other reasons.
I find it amazing how these ppl set this all up,
I think I've dodged a very big bullet, not cos I knew what was happening but I knew that she'd overstepped the mark, and was stubborn with my own pride.
Great video Paula,
These ppl are sick in the head,
I don't understand what they actually get out of pain and sorrow,
Sadistic support and "energy" from the wrong team, let's say.
@eagleeye2300 are you talking about the devil, demons etc?
Similar but, after my research and, finding what and who both my parents and ex really were, are and always will be...my sorrow didn't just disappear but by now, it's gone....
You see..."all" the "crimes" they made up about me, were real and horrible crimes yes but, they happened decades before I was even born....
..hence, yes - these people are sick in their heads but, it's much more than that and I have realised, I neither can not will have anything to do with such - pure insanity - only words I could find and, they don't cover. I don't think any human words will ever be able to describe such direct madness.....
Believe in yourself and always remember, you are worth your belief and your love 🌹
I think ppl try to work out their reasons and motives why they do these things
I realise I was with a female narcassist, but nw try to understand them,but as Paula says you can't work out their motives as they aren't the same as normal ppl,
I understand what you are saying
I'm healing from this situation,I'm just inquisitive
It's like a bank robber, you nw he's robbing a bank for money, these ppl do all this for reasons , I'll never really understand...
But as I'm educating myself with these you tube videos, it will hopefully make me wiser and not be in contact with these ppl again,
I think as having a narcassitic mother and sister,I tend to attract the female narcs,
I nw I have narcassitic traits , but not on that level,
Thank you for your message and kind words!
They are demonic.
Well constructed content Paula.
I went through every aspect of this and so much more after 20 years of this clinically diagnosed demon hiding behind a well constructed mask. Even going no contact, not chasing, deafening silence, and moved 1500 miles away after literally being triangulated with both a therapist and a new supply and abandoned and betrayed in the desert.
This…she destroyed everything including the lives of our children, family, and friends.
Thankfully, 95% of the attempted smear campaign failed it all was still excruciatingly painful, however, the beast was exposed by her own demise.
The flying Monkeys are a plenty but even they are burning in the fire that she set upon her own self.
The Narcissist and The Empath is a battle of the soul; armor up! Peace ✌️
I went through this for 20 years as well and was recently discarded in a manner that even after months, I can not fully process. Mine had been my therapist for 2 years, and knew very well I could not handle abandonment. He swore he would never do such a thing. He isolated me from his friends, bad-mouthed me to others, lied, cheated, and reduced me to an anxious mess, always trying to understand what I had done wrong. I lived in the shadows for years. He had gotten sick and I took care of him, after which he had me planning this "better life" out west and I longed for all the things he promised. Hiking, mountains, dry heat, and beautiful sunsets together...he actually apologized! Then he left me flat, without even a goodbye. And this is a therapist! Well respected and successful.
@@DeeCee1878 some similarities for sure. Sorry to hear you experienced the Cluster B $hit $how Circus 🎪 too without knowing.
You don’t know, what you don’t know, but when you know, you know.
The Cluster B Clowns operate from the same manual and playbook. They are sick individuals who for many reasons should not be out and about in society. What they do to other individuals, families, friends should be a criminal offense and dealt with accordingly. Unfortunately, they have reproduced and multiplied exponentially since early 1900’s and have maneuvered themselves into many professions. In essence, a virus 🦠 no different than one of cancer or COVID metastasizing to epic proportions. This is not going to end well and this is going to get far worse than those of us who have experienced what we have individually.
Silence and Shadow are our best friends and never forgive or forget your experience and truth. The way out is in so keep educating yourself in the Cluster B subject matter. Although what we have laid eyes upon, communicated with, touch, felt with appearance of flesh and blood make no mistake… this is a spiritual battle for as if you ever witnessed the Cluster B split, smirk, and their colored eyes shift to black…this is not a human you are dealing with, only a vessel for something else who is in complete control and without a shadow of doubt it’s intentions are not good.
Armor up!
Stay alert!
Stay alive!
Stay strong!
Peace ✌️
15yrs ago I lost my closest relative and couldn’t say goodbye at the same time I lost the best job I had and developed depression creating a massive abandonment wound, I met the narcissist 2yrs ago, got close to them and I totally opened up and after they did a mini discard I asked them not to do that but then was discarded last year when they got engaged to their new supply which triggered the memory of me loosing my relative. I’m now scared to open up again and had to borrow money to go on holiday to recover from the brain fog.
I am 53 days no contact. Still hurting. My wife discarded me right before Christmas. I can’t really describe the pain. Everyday is a battle to comprehend the inhumanity of the woman I loved and believed that she loved me. Obviously she did not.
The damage these people cause is incalcuable. The death of my narc is all that freed me six years ago - I still struggle with his light/dark sides.
Looking back into my childhood, I can see the influences that made me vulnerable to him in the first place. My mother was a narc and never allowed us kids to think for ourselves. We all had to live in service to her.
If victims of these demons could only see our vulnerability to narcs, we could spot them upon first meeting. The flattery, charm, helpfulness, and their narrative ( something sad happened to them) are all tailored for us.
My sister has recently fallen into the clutches of one of these disturbed guys and she has fallen in so deep, I don’t know her anymore. My only hope is there’s enough survival instinct left in her to get free of him because the first thing they do is ensure you can’t break loose from them, ever.
God bless you
I put the nail in my own coffin when after a long devaluation period, feeling increasingly confused, hurt and desperate I told him that I didn't take his behaviour personally, sensing there was some kind of disorder at play. I think he wanted me to though, and when he couldn't get his kicks that way, I was history. It takes time to get your head around the way these ghouls think, but it's the key to your freedom. I'm 18 months post discard and loving my life. Don't give up guys, there's light at the end of that tunnel! Thanks for your enlightening content Paula, so helpful in my healing. 💗💪🏻
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My eureka moment as well. All at one time it just clicks and you know and realize wow, they enjoy others pain and hurt people in purpose to feel good. Then it's easy to peace out.
just woke up crying from a nightmare that she sent me a text message-we are no contact i need to heal and detox from this person. she totally punished me in our last contact and i totally sold my soul. i have a lot of work to do on my own healing.
Calm down calm down sweetie! 😢you will be healed in Jesus name ok? It's all going to take time. We are all with you! There's alot of us..
Hang in there. I wake up every morning with terrible feelings of wanting to talk to her but she moved onto new supply. We ended on bad terms. It's such a bad feeling knowing she hates me. Sometimes I have dreams/ nightmares we are still together, but wake up and realize that will never happen again. Its hell. I hope your healing process happens quickly.
sorry man hang in there 🫂
It's absolutely heartbreaking life altering. The journey to recovery and healing is very hard. Its been a challenge for sure. 💜
Pulling the trigger first on the discard was my self preservation moment! It was seriously awful all the same but I was finally seeing the light and IT for what he was, was doing, was hoping for!
I've learned what love is not!!!!! I've become the best version of myself and I like me!
Was not allowing another human take me down!!!!!!
Paula is so Right! They Don't Care! They Are So Cruel! They WANT you to get hurt! They WANT you to feel pain!!! It Makes Them Feel GREAT!
They are absolutely demonic..
Things started improving as soon as she left funny how things work
The creature will never darken my doorstep or my life ever, ever again. Thanks to people like Paula, I've come a long way and I'm never going to put myself through that again. He's going to get his karma soon enough and I'm happy with who I've become and I won't allow anybody to take it away from me. It is what it is and he'll end up sadder and lonelier than he is now. I trust in karma, she always gets paid.
🙋♀️🙏🌹
i am so glad i heard and came across this video, it explains so much, so accurately. my ex used to have these strange phrases like "human suffering" and "walking away smelling like a rose". he used to smirk and laugh about such comments to himself in front of me long before i had any clue or idea my own marriage to this individual was a possibility, a well thoughtnout, calculated master plan. somehow i always knew he had an agenda, but i never figured out what it was, of course now i know. it was his exit strategy all along to trash me. and yes, it was a very cruel discard in front of two of my three adult children who went along with it and supported his viewpoint of me. nothing has hurt me more than his insertion of reality between myself and my children. i just hope they see him for what he did, but so far their faith in him as the "good one" remains steadfast. sadly i begged and pleaded with him, i wished i had never done any of that, but i did. hearing the points you've made helps me to process this level of cruelty. it's true evil as we can experience on this earth. what's the spiritual purpose of this i wonder? why must we experience this level of evil? for some, i do believe it can break us, and that is so sad. i've been working so hard to recover from this, for several years now, it's probably the hardest thing in my life i've ever had to gonthrough. i hope one day i reach a place of peace. i hope this for others. i thank you for this. it lets us know we are not nuts and that our experience, our dissonance is real. god bless you and thank you.
Yes, discard happened at a “high” moment, or should have been, and yes, narc sister and mother moved money from one account to another, unexpectedly, and they all met with and hired a lawyer in which they blamed and belittled me. This after I had been helping, fixing a myriad of financial issues, caretaking, etc. (because I was raised to think I was selfish, and shamed into believing that if I wanted a relationship with them (at all) I had to “pitch in”). I was groomed, indeed. Oh my god what a waste of time and life. Even back then I knew I was the frog slowly boiling alive, just couldn’t jump out of tge pot. Thank god for information like this. Get out, get out, get out. Peace and healing is finally mine.
While the Narc chips away at their victims self esteem,
What becomes abundantly clear is the lie of your unworthiness that they project upon you. That, was a turning point for me in not believing in their false identity of assumed superiority anymore. That was when the fantasy started to crumble. I knew I was more than worthy of being respected and worthy of love and of being treated well. That was when I knew there was a very deeply flawed and even evil motivation behind the perpetrator narcissist.
Exactly, very accurate, this is my story full of pain after brutal discard, blocking, shaming, punishing me…
Yes you are isolated but that gives you time and energy to find yourself again. Fine some help and do a study to understand what happens. Take your time so the next step will be to really happiness 🌹
So evil! I didn't beg, I did take him back, then when he did it again. I left completely. Changed phone number, and he can not get a hold of me. Still single but starting to date.
The last 1 minute paula was just amazing .. God Bless you Momma .. God brought you here.. you , tudor and narcology uncscripted brought me back.. i feel for all those out there that don’t know about narcissism and are being abused… these people are pure evil… 10 months now and the trauma bond is almost Gone…
I did the discarding however I now understand that he manipulated me throughout our 12 year relationship. He would always say "you did this I didn't ask you to." Referring to wanting something and even if I said no at first he would have a temper tantrum and I would give in, at the end he would say it was my idea.😟
Spot on 😊 sadistic control is their pleasuring 😮😮😮🎉
“Can’t you tell I’ve been more intentionally cruel lately”
“You’ll always be the villain in my story”
“I hate this and you even if I know it was good for me”
“You’ve done unforgivable things”
“You’re a ridiculous human being”
This is just the sprinkles on top..
All I can say , is I’m so blessed to have her out of my life.
But also for the enormous amount of people , both self aware narcs and survivors, who make these videos that have put this entire 3 year tail spin into perspective..
I’m such a driven , creative and self motivated person and watching the bloom of creative energy come back is nothing short of a miracle.
Beautiful 🌹
Thank you so much for helping us all navigate through this insidious abuse. I never understood Covert narcissism and how traumatising it wasn’t until I finally listened to my body- irritable bowel syndrome, depression and chronic fatigue. The most
Devaluation went on for 3 years. I ended up with fibromyalgia , brain fog and a fried nervous system and in hospital... thats when he moved his stuff out and discarded me 2 weeks later. Charming.
Seemed they didn't think you would walk away. They were trying to reestablish their control
It’s so true, and so very sick. Be warned, don’t play into it.
My only child's father is a narcissist, at the very least. He abandoned me and went on a cruise instead of attending my mother's funeral and supporting me at one of the lowest times of my life. Although he nearly destroyed me and my self-esteem. Many years later, many tears and sleepless nights I feel blessed not having him in my life! Thank you for all that you do! 🙏
Paula, you are absolutely correct. Your videos are ALWAYS spot on! They are a different kind of human. Luckily, they are still in the minority. I shudder to think what the world would look like if their kind were to become the majority. Even HG Tudor will say “my kind” when referring to them/himself. They really are a different kind of human. I’m so grateful I’m not one of them and that I have the capacity to love.
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2TIMOTHY 3:1-5, they are abundant now more than ever.
Yes, we are soooo lucky to not be them. I wouldn't even classify them as human.
Woah!!! That was intense 😮. I WISH I could have explained to a close brother in Christ years ago what was happening to me in my inward person. This was long before God answered my prayers of what i was suffering from. I still have a times, a struggle to articulate the reality of what I went through being married to a covert narc. Yet its people like you sister thats helping me to rebuild myself to the man i was before the narc. Im on the positive side of the attempted demonic destruction of me now. What the demon spirit doesn't realize from her wicked attemp to destroy me, is that not only is God putting me back together as i was, theres major improvements being added to me. Im onto this demon now. Im learning how to make boundaries and stand my ground. Learning to be wise and guard the pearls in my heart given to me by God. No longer do I have a concern of being lonely, for im never alone. God is my Father, and He's always here. He's been taking me into the deeper things of Himself through His word. The very fulfilling, satisfying and lasting joys of truth😊. Thank you again my dear sister for such indepth teaching and wisdom you share. Its priceless. Though it came with your share of scares, its not in vain. Your doing what you where called to do. Scares remain but pain subsides. March on soldier, we all shall have victory over this demon😊.
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I cant believe how spot on you are!! You bring me faith and hope!! God bless you!!
So glad!
what ive noticed,at least my situation, no one will tell the narcissist to stop,or fight against any of the wrong behaviors, instead its the target they want to comply,do what they want,right ,or wrong.
Thank you, your videos help alot, especially for healing. Every once in awhile I have a relapse like the discard just happened and the pain comes back. These videos help me get back and align. Its strange my brain wants to deny that they are a narcissist and I get confused, and fall back thinking I caused it. Wow, what a roller coaster. Its usually when Im feeling good and boom here it comes...
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I’m here right now straight from my other dimension wondering how I feel like I’m back in this pigshit. Almost two consistent months no contact. First time ever. We do work together. Last summer he was on the I’m leaving her to come back. I said you’re lying he look weirded out and Started to walk away when I said where are you going he turned and looked at me and I said if you really cared about me how can you just walk away without trying? I guess he literally needed to go hide because he knew that I knew he was full of it.
I relate
same here. Remnants of the abuse linger on for a long time because of their emotionally abusive tactics.
Thank you so much for this ❤ the sudden discard after talking about marriage was crazy. Thank you 💜
My narcs didn't really discard me; they needed my money. But they thought they could convince me that I needed them.
not yet
Paula… this is probably the best video you’ve made. Struggling with the deep deep deep urge to reconnect, this video made me instantly uproot those feelings. THANK YOU!
Beautiful keep going it gets less..connect more with your own life..thanks also for your support here 🌹🙋♀️
You're only ever interacting with their false self, none of it is real.
They're sadists who get pleasure out of others pain and self compromise/demise. Boundaries don't work with them either as they just give the narc info about your weak spots and limits they can push you past.
Yup
@@samanthawilliams5520
The aftermath at least has an end which is better than staying in the relationshit that had you confused, dysregulated and feeling :
1. You can no longer think straight and can't recall up from down.
2. Your bank account has been mysteriously drained.
3. You've become dishonest yourself just to appease the narc and have come to believe you are the narc.
4. You don't bother setting boundaries, they've been crossed too many times to make sense anymore.
5. You no longer have any friends as the narc has triangulated them all with you.
6. Your smile is pasted on, your eyes have taken on the appearance of a deer in headlights.
7. You've stopped reacting to anything they say other than to smile, nod then go and do your own thing anyway and headphones have become a permanent fixture.
8. You've lost interest in everything you once loved doing and feel like a cardboard cut out.
9. You've forgotten who you are but not who you were.
10. You realise you're doing double duty to compensate for the narc's lack of capacity and need to play victim and it takes ten times as long because you're drained and exhausted from all their constant dramas and negging. 😩
Love you soo much for opening my eyes to this abuse I didn't understand it. Im a 34 year old and I'm just wowed by this video and it's made me so stronger 💪 be around positive people only life will get better and never blame yourself !!! There have 0 emotions
You really really nailed it . And it's terrifying and your attitude is one the abused need to adapt . Because when it starts it's simply hard to even believe it's so bad
When I was discarded right before he told me that he wanted to date me and gave me a hug and kiss.but I knew by the look in his eyes that he hated me and it BROKE MY HEART...BULLSEYE PAULA.
Yeah, I told him that he’s sick for using my pain to feed his ego. And he was probably laughing behind closed doors at my texts and manipulating his little monkeys claiming I was crazy but in the end, that doesn’t change the cold hard facts. And that is, he’s a manipulative, impulsive, sex hungry, cheating, pathological liar.
Honestly, I’m so relieved that he put me out of my misery.
I told him I know how he acts normally and in contrast to the way he was acting the last few weeks screamed cheating. I told him he was a coward for not communicating and telling a woman he loved her while simultaneously sneaking around with another woman, and he admitted it. He then tried to deflect and say it was because I was out of his league with too many boundaries and I told him to shut the f*** up with his cognitive dissonance and lack of accountability.
Hell no. I grew up around manipulative people. I stayed up all night unraveling all of the lies that stemmed from him cheating. I couldn’t believe the level of manipulation this man imposed on me. I mean, the shamelessness. Using another woman for a place to stay while trying to keep me around for the future.
Thank God Jesus Christ’s Word tells about this kind of behavior. It’s right there in proverbs.
For the love of God.
And he had the audacity to call me from a blocked number after I blocked him and told him I never wanted to see or hear from him again. The lack of respect for boundaries. The selfishness. The lack of empathy and expectation that a person should have to deal with this. It’s insanity.
To believe he can treat a person like this and then have rights into their life is sick. Like, idk.
Idk....well said they speak a different language...hope you're ok or are getting better now, that one sounded like mine, left me really tired...hope you are ok now...G...
He left me with nothing and nobody to help me. Thank you for your video
My night has placed me into a state of shock I haven’t been in before.
My ex narc moved a woman in while I was away going to court for my kids. I laughed at him and told him to send my stuff. I was leaving anyway. His reaction was to start threatening me with the police. Hahaha I was not afraid.
For years now I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with my spouse and these RUclips videos of narcissism has been very enlightening for me these past two years I am pretty much convinced now…. One thing that stands out to me very profoundly is that will have an argument and I’ll just cry for days and he doesn’t ever show like any sympathy for how devastated I am and he rejects me in the more I cry and the more reject I feel and in the past I have had suicidal ideation because of my childhood abandonment so when he does this to me he doesn’t have sympathy to try to help me come out of that mental state of mind and he’s used my suicide ideation as a weapon against me when this is something that I really struggle with that’s got to be the most cruel Thing a human being can do to another human being is basically when they know that person has a fragile emotional state to the point where they would rather take their own life but then what is the other person do they uses it against them
i was manipulated like a puppet...damn! Even I got amnesia after the discard... its frightening, and she knew cause she had our daughter n son with her...I was her dang pawn...the errands n chores fool!!! I got dizziness only to remember this.....
I had also suffered severe disociation episodes that i could shut down with meditation learned in group therapy , also quite spooky...like falling down spiralling into oblivion
I need help. I discarded him, and he hasn’t stopped harassing me but he got the message a few minutes ago. Do they really believe that people are so stupid to fall for their nonsense? It’s so apparent. I just felt it in my spirit and confronted him. He had nowhere left to run.
Man, I’m in shock. What just happened.
Yeah, when I asked for separation mine pointed his finger at me and said "Just remember You did this!" to justify all the contempt and hatefulness he's displayed toward me since then.
Paula....great info!!
The Narcissist Mother in law waited 6 mths after her so ..my narc husband died and discarded me. I led het to believe that I was penny less. So with that info she thought she could abuse me because she had money. Truth....I had money. She verbally abused me, raged and I responded by telling het to leave my home and never come back. Have been No Contact for over a year. Sold all the property ( land) she gave us and sold my home, which was connected to her and his brothers.
I moved away!!!!! Broke contact with the entire family ( The Flying Monkeys) and moved forward. Shocked them ALL!!!
Slander and stalking had insued since. But I can handle the cowards, which they all are. I had become accustomed to my narc husband's discards over the years. And actually they do you a Great Favor when they discard you. It's an Open Door to move forward. I am thriving and happy....doing well. And Totally Relieved of all the Crap. Thank you!!!
Hi Paula, I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your help, your videos are absolutely amazing and have saved my life. I’m only 5 weeks out from a grandiose discard on my birthday and also found out she has had a steady intimate relationship with her ex for the last two years (all the time I had been with her) I feed so stupid and used - the last two videos have really been my revelation and turning point so thank you once again, blessings 🙏
PS the only thing I did right was to go no contact immediately 🎉
That’s the hardest no contact…don’t feel stupid for someone else’s problem..🌹🌹
So spot on. They will let u lose everything if you let them
The Narc I have been dealing with uses his spiritual communities to hunt and groom vulnerable women (although he uses men and women for secondary/tertiary fuel too).
I was never discarded. He has tried to groom and love bomb me three times, but on each occasion, I sensed aspects of the mind games (triangulations, jealousy traps, lying etc) and withdrew. The third time he made his attempt, I pretended to fall for it to gain aspects of safety and justice for myself and some other victims. As soon as I secured those things, I discarded him. It felt amazing!
Paula, you are wonderful. I am not lovebombing you, just appreciating. This one is so spot-on. Well done!
Thanks Mick