As I'm listening, I can't help but think how truly and completely rotten these people are!! I've dealt with my narc for way longer that I should have without going completely insane. You're so right about the 'no closure' as in my marriage not one argument ever ended with closure. By the time two hours of arguing had gone by, you didn't even remember what the main subject was.
I know what you're saying. I was in a relationship with a narc woman and it was so stressful and hurtful. I didn't understand or know about narcissism until now.
No closure is devastating, especially when you have children and have been married for years. I think it is their cruelest most malevolent tactic. Going no contact is the only form of protection to prevent a successful Hoover attempt. But that in itself is so very painful. These are truly creatures from the dark underworld! Stay strong and thanks for this explanation Paula.
It is the absolutely shocking lack of empathy and sheer callousness that is the real giveaway. Once they determine you are no longer of use to them, they are done. Doesn’t matter if you are on your death bed - literally. The only criteria is if you are of use. Horrifying.
After my discard i thought that i was never going to be able to fit into society again. I am a mentally strong person and I have completed 10 IronnMan events, however these demonic dark creatures operate differently as a normal breakup. I am actually so grateful for have gone through this state of nighmare that i was exposed to. Paula with all your valuable comments and input and other channels i have equipped myself with the knowledge and i have grown to be a better stronger person with Father God's guidance. Thank you Paula. God Bless you.
Turn it around, they are scared cowards. Avoidant because they know what they've done is unjustified. Scared little children caught with their fingers in the biscuit barrel, i.e exposed for who they truly are. Nasty, vindictive impulsive behaviour towards the very person who supported them through life because they're jealous of your authentic qualities. Excellent content Paula, 🎯
@@NarcCon yes thank you, my eyes are wide open thanks to you. I wish I was as eloquent and logical as you are. Do you know how many people you're propelling forward from sooo much pain?
No closure at all. He appeared to take great delight in shoving me out of his life with no willingness to talk about why. He simply indicated I had suddenly become disgusting and sub-human. He was totally justified in getting rid of me so cruelly. When I got upset he accused me of some sort of mental illness that I had deliberately brought upon myself. Just days beforehand, he was all over me and I was his soul mate. Just terrible, no way of ever getting over that!
The disgust and contempt they express is devastating. Suddenly I was not even a person any more, just a tainted, gross "thing" to be trashed immediately to make room for the new shiny thing. Unbelievable.
I noticed that they seemed to lack emotion when I communicated my thoughts and feelings. It was ignored and never reciprocated. It became a pattern and red flag, which I pointed out. They insulted me with name-calling, denying that they were being cold. When they refused to apologise, I said it would be over unless I recieved an acknowledgment and apology for how they'd acted. They ghosted me. I sent messages attempting to end it nicely, and wished him well, but I was stone-walled. I thought they'd calm down about me ending it and get in touch, particularly because we'd known each other in our youths.....but no. Silence. Sometimes, if you are the one leaving (because of their behaviour), you can get ghosted too. As it turned into weeks of silence, I realised that despite how deep I thought our bond was, it was entirely on my side and he felt nothing. His ghosting proved that he was indeed cold. It dawned on me that he was a narcissist and I wish I'd just walked coldly away, not tried to get some kind of nice ending.
They might have ghosted you but I wouldn’t feel too bad about not getting the opportunity to end it coldly. They are like little spoiled brats who have to feel like they won at any cost. It’s not even worth the can of worms that gets opened after you successfully discard them. You were well on your way to the discard phase and it was because you were strong and have boundaries. That was the last ditch effort to leave you first but ultimately still really manipulate you into being there’s. Don’t fall for it or the Hoover that is probably coming.
I can completely relate to your comment. For what it's worth, I had something similar happen to me. I had known this guy in my youth and, for that reason, assumed there would be some basic respect because we shared a partially common past. Like yourself, I tried to end things respectfully/smooth things over/be mature and it blew up. What I realized is this person is not functioning as a mature adult. It was painful at the time but I learned a lot. All the best to you.
@@transitionsnc Thank you, yes you are right. It's totally a matter of respect. I pointed out to them that their behaviour towards me was disrespectful. They wouldn't accept any blame for anything and wouldn't take back names he called me. Towards the end he just seemed empty and cold inside - probably using me. I'm glad I detected it.
Out of all the normal healthy people in the world I got a narcissist! 🤦🏾♂️ But on the bright side she's gone it was a painful discard but a lesson learned.
I understand now, I experienced all of this. It was painful, degrading, humiliating, heartbreaking and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t understand why he was treating me with such cruel disregard. Eventually I had to leave the area and cut all ties. I counted every day with no contact as a success for me; than the months and now the years. Thank you Paula.
Copycats with no sense of feelings,no accountability,not remorseful,hates people and are cruel to animals,no moral compass, no value ,no regard,no heart are bound to destroy anything in its path. Case closed,no ands ifs or buts about it. If taken back in any way shape or form,it will get worse. Actions speak louder than words 💯, you can not unsee what was seen,you can not unfeel what you felt.Forgive them and forgive yourself
One of the scariest first signs of something being “off” about my ex was her sadistic treatment of her 2 dogs when they wet the floor after being locked up for 12hrs! She took unusual joy in yelling and belittling her “babies”, I had to listen to it on the phone for 30 minutes! She laughed at them and described how pathetic they looked and acted. I told her to give them a break. It was disturbing….
Paula, I have a video idea 🤣 Compare all the Narc Tactics to childhood games & behaviors. No Closure = Hide & Seek, Hoovering = Peekaboo, Narc Rage = Toddler Tantrum, Devaluation= Terrible Two's 🤣🤣🤣
“Why should you tell your car that you’re leaving?” “Why should you tell your arm, that you’re going for a walk?” Stunning and so true as to how a narcissist will treat you. 😮
Honestly, when I try to understand this it’s like my brain gets scrambled. I understand it cognitively, I can’t put myself in their shoes. And maybe it’s the same for them when it comes to our ability to connect and feel empathy. They just can’t do it. I just can’t understanding how someone can use someone as an object on a as needed bases. I don’t see humans like this not even animals.
Mine called me 2 days ago just to tell me that she slept with someone. They love to inflict pain. My closure is that she went to far this time. Thank you for your channel. It's been very helpful for me
It is how they get their supply they are dreadful and souless I had a visit yesterday split up over 4 months ago he wanted me to know he was having a female friend round again that he cheated on me with several times when I was with him they are disgusting they get a kick out of inflicting pain
BRILLIANT video Paula SPOT ON this is EXACTLY what happened in my case left dangling while he made up his mind, never got closure and certainly don't want it now, by research and knowledge on NPD gave myself my own closure, God bless ALL on this it is SOOO CRUEL the PAIN AND THE HE'LL THEY PUT US THROUGH and all with a SMIRK on his face DEPLORABLE, will never ever get over the fact of the extent of his CRUELTY, THANK YOU Paula 👏👏👏👏
After recognizing my anti-mother for what she was, she immediately fell silent, had nothing whatsoever to say to me any more, after 43 years of criticizing and attacking and unsolicitedly 'advicing' and terrorizing me, while also sabotaging my life and my relationships with others and slaying my reputation behind my back AND coming to Me seeking comfort for herself at the same time. As I was voicing my indignation at the devastating effects of her horrendous behaviour towards me, her own daughter, she only said: 'What do you want from me?' Like nothing ever happened, like it wasn't even worth mentioning, like she hadn't destroyed my entire life, on purpose. I was chilled to the bone marrow at the blank expression of this creature, and its complete lack of humanness.
What do you want from me - they LOVE saying that. I heard that 100s of times when trying to address some of the cruel and devious insults and put-downs. What do you want from me. As if asking them for an explanation, for a dialogue was some sort of crime. Another favourite was "I don't have to put up with this" after I had just put up with a torrent of gaslighting and abuse. They are unbelievable.
Hi from Australia Paula. You might remember me sharing my journey after a forty year marriage to a malevolent covert narc. I think being blind sided is the most incredulous part of the discard. I simply cannot conceive how you can despise someone, and simultaneously, pretend to care for them as if all is well. Sadly, my daughter and her three year old were recently given the Royal Discard. She was devastated, as we all are, and sought counseling. The good news is that the counselor said she thought my daughter was a victim of narcissistic abuse. She referred her to a Solicitor colleague who specialises in this kind of abuse. My warrior daughter is suing her ex narc for coercive control, domestic abuse and full custody of their child. She has always been the bread winner and the co parent of his two teenage girls from a past marriage. To find out he s been grooming the new supply for six months has been a shock. Understandably, she found it difficult to accept that her father has npd and was abusive to me. I tried to share with her when I found out about npd. I didn't push it cause I had faith that the truth would be revealed. She told me the other day, that she totally believes me and we had a healing weekend. It was a most beautiful gift to me, that after three years, she believes me. 😊
It is the MAGNITUDE OF THE LACK OF EMPATHY SENT IN THE DIRECTION which blows our minds the most to me. Frankly I find it not only astonishing but completely UNFORGIVABLE. THIS has to eventuably end up in PRISON SENTENCE area. Totally humanly UNACCEPTABLE behaviour from one human being to another. Sadistic on every single level. Three words here. NOT BLOODY ACCEPTABLE.
Just went through all of this. Certain that this man is a narcissist. This used to be a rare condition... it seems to not be anymore. Incredible painful .....
When the Narc discarded me 5yrs ago it was so sudden and triggered by me just bringing up a topic of the slightest inconvenience. He said obviously I was not happy and we should just end it and he had been thinking about this for months. I asked how had he been thinking about breaking up for months and not even mentioned it to me?!? I don’t remember his response but I’m pretty sure he couldn’t really answer that. As you said, they feel they can make this big decision without giving you any consideration or closure or even a hint that it’s coming. Really looking forward to this series 👏🏼
If there is an alert voicetone in something that needs done whether it's something unresolved or something happened that threatened or someone threatens your life. They will say the most rude,detached, cold 🥶 responses that only can be from someone who has no empathy, no conscience and no remorse. It is uncanny how they all resemble and sound alike
I can't believe that I found your channel. Your dissection of the evil I've dealt with aligns with how I feel and think about these demons (literal or figurative, I don't care). As others may know, the self doubt and blame when dealing with these narcs is unimaginable and so destructive. So I'm very grateful for your analyses that the deep pain I feel is valid.
Hi Paula. As an empath myself, l won't give closure to my narc dad, as he refuses to admit to his transgressions, including wife-beatings, child abuse, stealing from me, lying to me, and worst of all, telling me l should be more like him! I refuse to speak to him, until he admits it. However, even if he did, l still won't believe, nor trust him, as l now know, and as he has proved himself, he will never change.
they use 'need of closure' to another round of devaluation, gaslighting & reactive abuse. They abuse everything, even closure and will try to convince you that you are the narc. It's a mind game, it's a power game. Once you smell a deception, trust your guts and GTFO ASAP. Protect yourself, you're worth of it.
yeah, life is a chess match to a narcissist.. a few days ago I finally had enough and I'm done. this is a narcissist who was making strong efforts to change by looking at his childhood trauma.. but people.. it is never enough. their default button is narcissism.. it's what they've always relied on and that's what they always will rely on.. and their tactics are definitely very passive aggressive, this is so that you can't call them out on their behaviors because they can easily say.. oh I was in a bad mood, I didn't mean that, I'm constipated.., 😉😉..... whatever the excuse in their head is for their behaviors this is the only minute way that they will own up to their behaviors. and we are just to sit back and suck it up..... because they rely on our empathetic nature which Drew us to them or them to us in the beginning. When a person shows you who they are.. believe them!!
Stop giving selfless love to a narcissist It's a stupid waste of your precious time Its only enjoyed you and is laughing under its breath Gain your strength back and be stubborn about it for yourself To selfishly save love for the ones who need love and truly appreciate ❤🙏
Mine put me, and also the new supply, through an added final twist by sharing how difficult the "dilemma" / second thoughts were. This carried on for over a week till I said I wasn't playing anymore and shut it down. During that week the narc was drunk/bloated/drowsy with the delicious triangulated supply. That smug facial expression is unforgettable. ( but I'm ok).
Paula, I was very moved inside, when you said this sentence: "They like to gather peoples hearts keeping them dangling on a string". Yes its really so true and I suppose this "lost souls" (spiritually speaking) baited and fished by the narcissists are the diverse personalities they can play on later in terms of energy. They suck the life out of you and in my experience karma or energy flow with such people closed when I learned the lesson about myself and found healing. So I am also convinced, they do no closure on purpose to have an energy pool available they can feed on, maybe for the next prey. In fact, I think the key here is not to remain the "lost soul" on the narcissist caused by no closure through him but to cut him off energetically by educating, learning and healing. Many many thanks to you for this precious work!
Thank you for explaining clearly what I've been going thru this year. After 13 years of up and down, abuse and manipulation she said she wanted a proper relationship? I text her to no response and then she blocks me. I write letters that she ignored. After 13 years just silence. Incredible cruelty.
Thank you, Paula, you hit the nail on the head. What you talked about in this video is exactly what happened to me and the feelings I experienced at that time were exactly how you described. It is videos such as this that have propelled me through the confusion and pain and self doubts to where now I can live my life in peace. I hope that everyone that is going through this mess will find their peace as well and learn to thrive.
As I listen I can’t help thinking that you have a male narcissist in mind most of the time. I wonder therefore to wich degree what is being said also fits female narcissists. I got discarded over the phone on the same day we had planned to enjoy a pleasant weekend together at country hotel. - The discard came therefore as a very unpleasant surprise. Two days later I called her and she agreed to meet and talk about the situation - at first she wouldn’t but agreed to this when I suggested that “normal” grown ups would meet and discuss a crisis like this. At the time I was unaware that she was a narcissist and probably had a new supply in hand. (If I had been aware I wouldn’t have known what it meant. I had however for some time been receiving videos about narcissism on my youtube app but didn’t pay much attention to this. I see now that the internet had picked up signs of the problems of our relationship through my / our communication). When we met that same evening at a neutral place - I met a stranger - playing a role - we had a strange conversation where she told me why the relationship had to go this way - and how sorry she was but it was all my fault. I had a strange feeling that the woman I had been with for over two years wasn’t there - and that she who was there was playing a game. I sensed her as fake, as an hollow shell - as somebody who was - but wasn’t there. I was very emotional and affected by cortisol in my veins. - I didn’t understand that it was trauma bonding I had been experiencing since the discard. I didn’t understand what suddenly had happened. My grief and sorrow seemed to give her a great portion of inner fulfillment, a sense of power and personal importance. We sat there outdoors with other people around us for over an hour. Now I realize that what she said was a bunch of half truths and lies and all the “reasons” she gave for the breakup would be non-issues in a serious relationship between normal people. The strangest thing however was the non-closure. When we parted that evening she even tongue-kissed me where we stood by the car and acted towards me as if we were having a foreplay preparing for a sexual intercourse. Suddenly the kissing stopped and she got into her car. When I drove home that evening in my own car I didn’t know what to believe or tell myself. We kept communicating sporadically for a while - she kept breadcrumbing me and used the social media to tell all how happy she now was. I now see that it was the discard itself - her sadistic behavior combined with the fuel she got from other people she was high of. After some time I blocked her completely. This was difficult - but the good and the right thing do. I got rid of a big problem! I am on the path of healing.
I read your comment. I'm sorry you had the experience that you did. Sounds like it's possible your ex had an entity attachment. People with attachments act exactly like your ex. They extract as much energy from others as possible. Also, very interesting that the AI picked started showing you narcissism videos in your feed...I don't know if that's good or not so good. All the best to you. You did the right thing by blocking her and moving on with your life.
Very good as always Paula, I actually reverse hoovered myself In order to just say my piece and make my peace with myself. I wanted him to know how he had made me feel as my anxiety was dreadful. At this point he had ghosted me for 9 months, I honestly didn't expect a reply. What came back was almost straight from a narc handbook. He was apparently so pleased to hear from me, blissfully happy with the new supply, happy despite the fact that he was sorry he had caused me anxiety, he had no idea apparently. Then, shortly after the apology I was gaslit, mirrored, and left in no doubt that his behaviour was as a result of how I had made him behave. My fault, in the end. He took no accountability for anything he did but did throw a breadcrumb about how we may meet again in the future, who knows.... Have not heard from him since, will I, I have no idea, did I find closure? Well I achieved it for myself, got to say my piece but did i get anything from him, genuine remorse, accountability and reasons for his appaling behaviour, no not at all. But I was left in no doubt whatsoever, he is a covert narcissist and this was the proof I believe I needed.
The shock is absolutely horrible. If I think about it, I can see where I went wrong and made mistakes in certain relationships but the discard and its lead up is absolutely horrible, and I know it's not all me. Then there's the trying to figure out what happened and getting peace, and realising you didn't really know this person or these people that well at the end of the day. I'm working toward forgiveness.
I just wanted to pass on to people here, I saw a very helpful article today that explained what having "prudent paranoia" about people is all about. I'm so glad that prudent paranoia is getting demystified and explained and its usefulness in various human situations, especially when we have to interact with people whose intentions are not the best.
I'm just giving myself my own closure. It sucks, but I'll take a cold bed over her silent treatments, phone games, devaluing, and comparisons. I'm grateful that she only got four months out of me instead of several years or even decades. I replace her sooner or later.
At 17:34, Paula, you're describing the narcissist wanting to move on to get the things that they feel they deserve that you're not giving them. I had a "friend" who actually told me in many different ways over a long relationship, (not romantic) that if she couldn't get a person worked up and ready for a fight, it meant that they didn't care enough about her. Her poor husband was long suffering, and buried himself in his work, which infuriated her, but she was very financially dependent on him. He made a lot of money, and that suited her just fine, but the poor guy had to put up with a lot of abuse. Somehow, as I observed him, I saw that he had worked it out within himself how to endure it all.
Being dumped by friends or family for no reason or any explanation, I act as though in doesn’t hurt but it does. It won’t stop me from moving forward. If they want to hate me, that is there issue. I will not, waste my time engaging in there personal issues or insecurities.
4 months with low contact (16 years/8 of marriage)... I ask for divorce 5 times... to sit and discuss the best way for our child... nothing til' now... she faints... just a scene, you know! She feels nothing for me... never felt!!!
When someone leaves you or walk away from you without explain anything, that should be a closure for you to keep it moving and don't go back cuz it ended already once they decided to do that. They don't deserve your closure too. The only thing that kills them deeply is you have your happiness and life you want but without them and don't ever look back.
As a victim of life long family narcissist abuse I had to go no contact. I’m not a narcissist but I can’t be drawn into flying monkey attacks via family/relatives anymore. I’m pointing this out as no contact can be the only way out of abuse also so no contact can be the only way for victims also. It’s important people understand this so the victim is not called the narcissist. Any contact for me will be opening a can of worms where my experiences are repeatedly invalidated by all involved despite mountains of evidence, including recordings, of vile abuse.
The closure for me was the smear campaign coming from her identity projection : i am the narcissist, and she is the victim so she has to initiate the no contact phase. At first it was terryfing, and i was thinking i was that ( because of the reactive abuse, and my issues). Then my eyes opened, facing her cruelty and all the memory of the abuse all allong the relation. Then the no contact and the discard became a true blessing. Now i am enjoying the peace the Lord gave me. The discard is truely a blessing in disguise.
Our biggest fights were always after I corrected him about something he was doing wrong. When he discarded me, I said you arent even going to give me a reason? He said NOPE.
Met a Narc at work and she ghosted me out of the blue and would not explain why she moved on so abruptly, which is heartbreaking because I don’t have clarity- which destroyed my mental health. To make matters work she has been covertly abusing me at such an emotional level that it has broken me. Two years on and I’m still effected despite the abundance of healing that’s taken place after seeing her everyday during that period. Their behaviour is evil and abhorrent and I’m still in disbelief.
Excellent video! Thank you, this helped me understand the actions of a friend with whom I had a relationship for more than 40 years. Her narcissism was not obvious to me until the relationship ended and I tried to reconcile but got nothing from her but vindictiveness. The end of our friendship was over something absolutely ridiculous, so I think she was already thinking of discarding me and the stupid argument we had gave her a reason.
You’re highly articulated in the way you Understand and speak. Something ‘we’ can not find elsewhere (prof. SV included). We’re not just rigid concepts, blueprints, constructs, and the alike. We’re Divine Beings. Black & white thinking has no place in our World … God has Gangsters too. #144.000 I leave it at that for now ✝️💫
Lack of closure is just such a slap in the face of all your attempts at the relationship. Like a thing that did not perform you are tossed aside into oblivion. Of course we learn this is a blessing in disguise, eventually. Thanks for you videos.:)
Great video as always and yes painful to hear....I discarded and walked away from my ex narc in March of this year. I did part with a scathing text (which I now wish I hadn't) but I think it was 5 years of hell that was just bottled up that exploded out of me. As expected the narc ignored the text....I stayed no contact and then bumped into them at the market 6 weeks later...and they acted like nothing had happened at all, and just said to me, I can't believe you just cut contact and left, and send such an awful text how is anyone supposed to respond to a text like that"....she then said "we need to talk, we haven't talked"...my response..."we have nothing to talk about". In a nutshell, they are rotten to the core and yes you are so right will never take accountability for anything, I am healing daily with God's help, and videos like this still hurt to hear but not as painful as they used to be that's for sure. Stay on the journey everyone, healing will come, it just takes time, thank God for providing people like you to help us heal with your channel.🙏
I did once that of stopping social media contact with my crush (a smart beautiful narc.), right after she agreed and we went for a walk, which was not bad, she mostly didn't stop talking about her problems and was quite nervous. I did that in order to force myself to reach her thereafter in real life, cause I was the introvert immersed in computers etc.. She was the toughest personality around, but she did came after me and treated me well many times. In a way I think she knew it, but it was just stronger. In the end she considered my mistakes were too much for her. I think she was the real narc due to the emotionless ways, and not seeing me as a good enough deal. But that's life.
Love, love love! After work today I suddenly realized that the area I live in will never give me closure no matter what I do, and that its time to expand my life and "not care" anymore about the place and its people as I move in silence... imagine what that "environment later on that gives me closure" feels like. ^_^...I know that new place in the future feels cozy and stable and neighborly. ^_^
When we are abused and know it and have done decades of work to try to heal from one form of violence and still become enmeshed with these Narc types because we are not perfect, because we may have holes in our healing, some of us have had to slam the door shut in the face of these Narcs and give THEM no closure because our only immediate form of caring for ourselves is to run away after burning the bridge, I am grateful for these gifts of instruction and healing. I am learning again.
Love it when you said- Diabolic disorder. That says it all. Would like to add that having these demons as partners is like walking on eggshells and therefore, the opportunity to call it quits makes it very difficult because knowing their malignant behaviour and unpredictable reaction, we may simply suck it up, not clearing our lungs out and this gap left, which relates to lack of closure, makes it really difficult to heal ourselves. All in all, the bridge you’re proposing to build is a fantastic opportunity to make us overcome this indescribable pain. What I’m trying to say is- I said to my ex I didn’t want to see him anymore but being fearful of what he could do to me, I felt compelled not to make it a proper closure, demonstrating that I pretended to believe all his lies, manipulations, gaslighting, forms of using me as his ‘chauffeur’, etc etc. Emotional flashbacks are not easy to overcome. Many thanks for the great video.
Paula, for me I did not want official closure because his verbal abuse showed me the evil I was facing, and after the violent physical abuse I decided I never wanted any more to do with him. My feelings & thoughts about him made me more empowered because I saw it happening, with seeing a Psychologist every week for a year, and watched all yours & others podcasts to educate myself. His next supply can deal with him now. I know it sounds cold, but I had to heal & did. Totally happy alone and finally after 12 years can do the things I loved. Art, poetry, line dancing, yoga, helping others but most importantly my faith in God increased and I am at peace. Yes, it was horrible at first because I didn't know what the heck I was dealing with. Knowledge brings wisdom, understanding & closure for me. Am in a peaceful place now, yet still know what to possibly expect from him in the future. Thanks for the knowledge. You help those who were or are now suffering.
Great video. Sometimes I think it can be as simple as they're done with you and they don't feel like giving you an explanation because it's extra effort and they don't want to deal with the emotions of their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. Social media has only enhanced the ability not only to have faux long distance "relationships" with minimal face to face contact, but it also makes it easier for someone to block and disappear with no explanation. This happens so often, it's unbelievable. A friend of a friend was dating a guy for 3 months in New York City. They were seeing each other regularly, sleeping together, etc. when he ghosted. No communication. No nothing. This is getting to be so common because, as Paula said, some people see other humans as cars. No need to tell a car you're leaving, just up and go. You really need to get to know someone before becoming physically and emotionally involved. If they have no moral compass (the absence of which can easily be masked in the beginning of a relationship), it's not going to bode well for those with a conscience. These spiritually vacant people will simply drop you and move on when it's convenient for them. Not saying everyone is like this. They're not. But for the first 6-12 months of a relationship, it can be hard to differentiate those with a moral compass verses those who are acting.
It's devastating to realize that having been brought up by a severely narcissistic mother one has a tendency to pick narcissists as friends, lovers even associates. Is it the familiarity? Or the lesson learnt early that we don't deserve better? Thank you very, very much for these videos. They help me when help is mos
Oh, Krisztina, I had 3 carbon copy narcissist males in my life, 2 married. Now I understand this attraction - the match was there for me to change, to toughen up here. My Mom married my Dad without love. Her coldness and total detachment made my Dad suffer, and I suffered with him. I promised myself, that when I grow up, I will blindly love and take care of all men in my life, to make them feel loved, happy... and this is when Life stepped in, and I got a lesson to learn. Love is the highest Divine energy and it must be earned and deserved. I was throwing these pearls to the swine... (ne dobj gyöngyöt a disznóknak...) and learned a lesson here.
Re: picking narcissists as friends, lovers & associates - It could be familiarity but I also believe it's a very distinctive energy that you need to either break out of or dissolve. If you're raised by a narcissistic parent, that's 18 years minimum in this energy. Children are very open so probably up till the age of 10, all you're doing is absorbing this energy. This energy stays with you throughout life and many don't even realize it. You may say you don't want to attract narcissistic people into your life and then it happens anyway. It is possible to break or dissolve this energy but it takes some effort. All the best to you.
I gained closure on my own without the narc giving me closure after I called the final discard by learning and understanding what the narc is and was always a demon and forgiven myself for being played by the devil and letting the devil in my life but that I did not know and if I did I wouldn’t have done what I done, so it wasn’t my fault. The truth of what they are in the end was all the closure I needed. Super Empaths truly rule this world, with the power of no contact, strong morals, and our capacity to be more ruthless than the enemy is a force to be reckoned with 🙌
Hi Paula . Your so right . They keep it open too see If your contact them again ha . Who needs a Narc anyway . Wicked too the core . I dont care anymore because I know they are cruel and think they are funny . But jokes on them because I've gone no contact and that's the way it will stay . Thank you for helping everyone Paula
I was blamed for everything under the sun. I guess that was closer for him. Brought me to a very very broken place. It was crushing. Still dealing with the pain.
Thank you so much for such a wonderful video, I look forward to the rest of the series. I also am so glad you will be on Spotify! The lack of closure is devastating. I remember trying to talk to him and getting no answer, at all to my question or voicing how I felt. I look back now, and that bugger would just keep me dangling in the event he needed me for something. There was no reciprocal behavior to my kindness or support. There was certainly no empathy for anything going on in my life. I am glad I stopped, went no contact and closed the door on any resource he may have thought I could have been to him.
I have blocked the Narc so as he has found it very difficult to contact me. Knock on the front door two weeks ago one night...of course I didn't open my door. He thought he could disappear for many weeks and just return like nothing happened! No way. His actions gave me the opening to get rid of him....ha ha. I have full knowledge of what he is and I ended up fed up and turned off. Goodbye Mr. Narcissist. So glad to be free!😊
When my ex Narc left me I told him he was nothing to me now and the only time I saw him was in court😊 I have had no contact for 20 years. Life is wonderful🎉😊😊😊 🎉🎉
Mine was so difficult, we rarely argued. I bottled everything up inside instead. One night near the end I put some binaural beats frequencies on my headphones as we lay together in bed for releasing trapped emotions. I woke up choking and wanting to vomit. Even the narc made the connection. He used to tell me to tell him things but I rarely could because he kept me so busy I didn't even have time to access my own feelings and thoughts. The gaslighting and self sacrifice I did in those 14 months was unreal. I don't think I could care less if I ever meet another man again now that I know I was just exploited from start to finish. I was narc bait. Not any more. Now I assess people's intentions quickly and decide fast whether to say goodbye or keep observing. The minute I see a pattern I'm done. Thank you for this one Paula. Was so helpful and I also notice that you are so over your ex narc that you can actually share aspects of your transactionship with us, to help us understand on a deeper level what they are doing and what the situation may look like in our own homes True courage on your part ❤️
This makes me feel like I must be wrong. I have blocked him in every which way possible. Three years of gaslighting and running myself to the ground. Back & forward at least 7 times. I CANNOT go through it again. 😭😭😭 If I don't do this I will go back, he will send me countless crappy messages and then love bomb me! I DO deny him any communication with me as off today because yes I do not EVER go through anymore
I was abandoned with my first child , not realizing he was already grooming my replacement. They later married as she was the perfect woman. No explanation given. It messed up my mind for a long time but let it go so my son could have a relationship with him as he got older.
OMG... I just found you .. I've been looking for someone like you this whole time..I have so many questions that I know I will find threw you.. thank you
Your channel has been a life saver Paula. After the discard I never spoke to him ever again and if he was the last man on the planet I wouldn't take him back! Bless you 🙏 ♥️
What I like about your channel are the many good English written comments. I’m not a native English speaker and reading others stories helps me improve my English skills. There’s a noticable difference compared with other channels.
Narcissists don’t give closure to anything. Not to emotional, mental, financial, divorce. They love to put you in the corner while they’re jumping around free and without a care. They will not stop untill you give closure to yourself, somehow and some way. It sucks. Must take control. Must find the strength and the will to fight.
A friend of mine told me he received a text from his Narcissist girlfriend before Blocking him. One of the worst Iv'e heard " I'm enjoying my own company far too much to have a relationship with you".
They are liars!!! There is NO EXCUSE FOR THEIR ABUSE!!!!!
They aren't accountable for ANYTHING! And the lying is off the charts! They have no empathy for anyone. They only care about their needs.
As I'm listening, I can't help but think how truly and completely rotten these people are!! I've dealt with my narc for way longer that I should have without going completely insane. You're so right about the 'no closure' as in my marriage not one argument ever ended with closure. By the time two hours of arguing had gone by, you didn't even remember what the main subject was.
You can’t win a fight with the ancient diabolical entity that is influencing these people. Their logic is an intentional infuriating labyrinth
Me too. My heart goes out to you. ❤
@@beautifullifesageg.3951 Isn't it just like hell on earth??? These 'people' are just evil'
I know what you're saying. I was in a relationship with a narc woman and it was so stressful and hurtful. I didn't understand or know about narcissism until now.
They bring up things from 10 to 15 years ago to move the narrative off what you asked them. It's always but what about you? Rubbish.
No closure is devastating, especially when you have children and have been married for years. I think it is their cruelest most malevolent tactic. Going no contact is the only form of protection to prevent a successful Hoover attempt. But that in itself is so very painful. These are truly creatures from the dark underworld! Stay strong and thanks for this explanation Paula.
So that means they don't get to see the kids, or is it that if and when they do hoover are they doing it to see the kids or you ?
I'm confused I believe they do use the kids as an excuse when they hoover.
It is the absolutely shocking lack of empathy and sheer callousness that is the real giveaway. Once they determine you are no longer of use to them, they are done. Doesn’t matter if you are on your death bed - literally. The only criteria is if you are of use. Horrifying.
Awful
After my discard i thought that i was never going to be able to fit into society again. I am a mentally strong person and I have completed 10 IronnMan events, however these demonic dark creatures operate differently as a normal breakup. I am actually so grateful for have gone through this state of nighmare that i was exposed to. Paula with all your valuable comments and input and other channels i have equipped myself with the knowledge and i have grown to be a better stronger person with Father God's guidance. Thank you Paula. God Bless you.
Wonderful news 🌹
Me too... 🙏🩷😊
Turn it around, they are scared cowards. Avoidant because they know what they've done is unjustified. Scared little children caught with their fingers in the biscuit barrel, i.e exposed for who they truly are. Nasty, vindictive impulsive behaviour towards the very person who supported them through life because they're jealous of your authentic qualities. Excellent content Paula,
🎯
Thanks Tina hope your well 🥰
@@NarcCon yes thank you, my eyes are wide open thanks to you. I wish I was as eloquent and logical as you are. Do you know how many people you're propelling forward from sooo much pain?
Facts! Facts! Facts!
The narcissist didn't want to give me closure, so I gave it to him by going no contact, forever.
Well done
Amen
I did the same… 👍🏽
The Narc discarded me. Then he did not want to leave. And then ... I filed for divorce. Thats my closure.
The ugliest being I have ever met in my life and I’m 64. I am giving myself my own closure. My life depends on it. I was the one who discarded.
God bless
I did the discard as well.
Best thing I could have done. Good wishes.
No closure at all. He appeared to take great delight in shoving me out of his life with no willingness to talk about why. He simply indicated I had suddenly become disgusting and sub-human. He was totally justified in getting rid of me so cruelly. When I got upset he accused me of some sort of mental illness that I had deliberately brought upon myself. Just days beforehand, he was all over me and I was his soul mate. Just terrible, no way of ever getting over that!
Mine told me I was annoying and too much of a neat freak. He was a total slob.
The disgust and contempt they express is devastating. Suddenly I was not even a person any more, just a tainted, gross "thing" to be trashed immediately to make room for the new shiny thing. Unbelievable.
No closure and no justice. Terrible for survivors of narcisstic abuse.
I noticed that they seemed to lack emotion when I communicated my thoughts and feelings. It was ignored and never reciprocated. It became a pattern and red flag, which I pointed out. They insulted me with name-calling, denying that they were being cold. When they refused to apologise, I said it would be over unless I recieved an acknowledgment and apology for how they'd acted. They ghosted me. I sent messages attempting to end it nicely, and wished him well, but I was stone-walled. I thought they'd calm down about me ending it and get in touch, particularly because we'd known each other in our youths.....but no. Silence. Sometimes, if you are the one leaving (because of their behaviour), you can get ghosted too. As it turned into weeks of silence, I realised that despite how deep I thought our bond was, it was entirely on my side and he felt nothing. His ghosting proved that he was indeed cold. It dawned on me that he was a narcissist and I wish I'd just walked coldly away, not tried to get some kind of nice ending.
They might have ghosted you but I wouldn’t feel too bad about not getting the opportunity to end it coldly. They are like little spoiled brats who have to feel like they won at any cost. It’s not even worth the can of worms that gets opened after you successfully discard them.
You were well on your way to the discard phase and it was because you were strong and have boundaries. That was the last ditch effort to leave you first but ultimately still really manipulate you into being there’s. Don’t fall for it or the Hoover that is probably coming.
I can completely relate to your comment. For what it's worth, I had something similar happen to me. I had known this guy in my youth and, for that reason, assumed there would be some basic respect because we shared a partially common past. Like yourself, I tried to end things respectfully/smooth things over/be mature and it blew up. What I realized is this person is not functioning as a mature adult. It was painful at the time but I learned a lot. All the best to you.
@@transitionsnc Thank you, yes you are right. It's totally a matter of respect. I pointed out to them that their behaviour towards me was disrespectful. They wouldn't accept any blame for anything and wouldn't take back names he called me. Towards the end he just seemed empty and cold inside - probably using me. I'm glad I detected it.
@@lo.p4089 Good for you.
Out of all the normal healthy people in the world I got a narcissist! 🤦🏾♂️ But on the bright side she's gone it was a painful discard but a lesson learned.
Hang in there Chris
I understand now, I experienced all of this. It was painful, degrading, humiliating, heartbreaking and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t understand why he was treating me with such cruel disregard. Eventually I had to leave the area and cut all ties. I counted every day with no contact as a success for me; than the months and now the years. Thank you Paula.
❤
I can relate to all you said and felt....hope you have got through..😊
@@billywilson5276 Thank you, yes I have
The journey was hard, the lessons invaluable🙏❤️
Copycats with no sense of feelings,no accountability,not remorseful,hates people and are cruel to animals,no moral compass, no value ,no regard,no heart are bound to destroy anything in its path.
Case closed,no ands ifs or buts about it.
If taken back in any way shape or form,it will get worse. Actions speak louder than words 💯, you can not unsee what was seen,you can not unfeel what you felt.Forgive them and forgive yourself
One of the scariest first signs of something being “off” about my ex was her sadistic treatment of her 2 dogs when they wet the floor after being locked up for 12hrs! She took unusual joy in yelling and belittling her “babies”, I had to listen to it on the phone for 30 minutes! She laughed at them and described how pathetic they looked and acted. I told her to give them a break. It was disturbing….
Paula, I have a video idea 🤣 Compare all the Narc Tactics to childhood games & behaviors. No Closure = Hide & Seek, Hoovering = Peekaboo, Narc Rage = Toddler Tantrum, Devaluation= Terrible Two's 🤣🤣🤣
Bully= victim. Crocodile tears= pretend. Blame- shifting= tattle tale. Divergent= run away. Wife beating= cowboys and Indians. Lying= wide-eyed innocence. Blackmail= I'm telling on you.
lol God Bless You Erika 😆
@@realitywinner7582 it gave me a giggle 🤣 maybe an adult picture-book would be hilarious 🐱
@@erikavaleries 😂
@@violetskye6863 🤣🤣🤣 finding the humor is becoming necessary for sanity 🐱🐱🐱
“Why should you tell your car that you’re leaving?” “Why should you tell your arm, that you’re going for a walk?” Stunning and so true as to how a narcissist will treat you. 😮
Honestly, when I try to understand this it’s like my brain gets scrambled. I understand it cognitively, I can’t put myself in their shoes. And maybe it’s the same for them when it comes to our ability to connect and feel empathy. They just can’t do it. I just can’t understanding how someone can use someone as an object on a as needed bases. I don’t see humans like this not even animals.
Mine called me 2 days ago just to tell me that she slept with someone. They love to inflict pain. My closure is that she went to far this time. Thank you for your channel. It's been very helpful for me
they do indeed love to inflict pain. you are soo right
It is how they get their supply they are dreadful and souless I had a visit yesterday split up over 4 months ago he wanted me to know he was having a female friend round again that he cheated on me with several times when I was with him they are disgusting they get a kick out of inflicting pain
They love to inflict pain. That is the painfull truth.
Absolutely they never give you closure why your mind feels like your in a hostage situation with rinse and repeat it's very cruel behavior.
BRILLIANT video Paula SPOT ON this is EXACTLY what happened in my case left dangling while he made up his mind, never got closure and certainly don't want it now, by research and knowledge on NPD gave myself my own closure, God bless ALL on this it is SOOO CRUEL the PAIN AND THE HE'LL THEY PUT US THROUGH and all with a SMIRK on his face DEPLORABLE, will never ever get over the fact of the extent of his CRUELTY, THANK YOU Paula 👏👏👏👏
My sentiments exactly 👏👏👏
After recognizing my anti-mother for what she was, she immediately fell silent, had nothing whatsoever to say to me any more, after 43 years of criticizing and attacking and unsolicitedly 'advicing' and terrorizing me, while also sabotaging my life and my relationships with others and slaying my reputation behind my back AND coming to Me seeking comfort for herself at the same time. As I was voicing my indignation at the devastating effects of her horrendous behaviour towards me, her own daughter, she only said: 'What do you want from me?' Like nothing ever happened, like it wasn't even worth mentioning, like she hadn't destroyed my entire life, on purpose. I was chilled to the bone marrow at the blank expression of this creature, and its complete lack of humanness.
my mom is pure evil too
@@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696 Yes, they play it as if they are senile.
They are senile.
What do you want from me - they LOVE saying that. I heard that 100s of times when trying to address some of the cruel and devious insults and put-downs. What do you want from me. As if asking them for an explanation, for a dialogue was some sort of crime. Another favourite was "I don't have to put up with this" after I had just put up with a torrent of gaslighting and abuse. They are unbelievable.
It seems that we have lived a very similar nightmare and I can therefore definitely feel for you. Wishing you all the best moving forward.
Karen
Hi from Australia Paula.
You might remember me sharing my journey after a forty year marriage to a malevolent covert narc.
I think being blind sided is the most incredulous part of the discard. I simply cannot conceive how you can despise someone, and simultaneously, pretend to care for them as if all is well.
Sadly, my daughter and her three year old were recently given the Royal Discard.
She was devastated, as we all are, and sought counseling.
The good news is that the counselor said she thought my daughter was a victim of narcissistic abuse.
She referred her to a Solicitor colleague who specialises in this kind of abuse.
My warrior daughter is suing her ex narc for coercive control, domestic abuse and full custody of their child. She has always been the bread winner and the co parent of his two teenage girls from a past marriage. To find out he s been grooming the new supply for six months has been a shock.
Understandably, she found it difficult to accept that her father has npd and was abusive to me.
I tried to share with her when I found out about npd. I didn't push it cause I had faith that the truth would be revealed.
She told me the other day, that she totally believes me and we had a healing weekend. It was a most beautiful gift to me, that after three years, she believes me. 😊
How beautiful Kerryann 🥰
the one thing you can take solace in is that because you had pain shows that you care and you are capable of real love and they aren't
It is the MAGNITUDE OF THE LACK OF EMPATHY SENT IN THE DIRECTION which blows our minds the most to me.
Frankly I find it not only astonishing but completely UNFORGIVABLE.
THIS has to eventuably end up in PRISON SENTENCE area. Totally humanly UNACCEPTABLE behaviour from one human being to another. Sadistic on every single level.
Three words here.
NOT BLOODY ACCEPTABLE.
Evil .. the more pain they cause a person the better .. evil entities inside a human body
The simplest way to fight evil away..spin the letters EVIL around...and....
...... "LIVE!!!"
Just went through all of this. Certain that this man is a narcissist. This used to be a rare condition... it seems to not be anymore. Incredible painful .....
@@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696 Thank you🥀
Next to the abrupt abandonment, the denial of closure was the worst part of what he did to me and our 2 boys.
Exactly, Paula! Thank God you can explain it soooo clearly. Their narcissistic rage starts out of the blue and they go silent without further word🙈🙈
When the Narc discarded me 5yrs ago it was so sudden and triggered by me just bringing up a topic of the slightest inconvenience. He said obviously I was not happy and we should just end it and he had been thinking about this for months. I asked how had he been thinking about breaking up for months and not even mentioned it to me?!? I don’t remember his response but I’m pretty sure he couldn’t really answer that. As you said, they feel they can make this big decision without giving you any consideration or closure or even a hint that it’s coming. Really looking forward to this series 👏🏼
The actions they take and the things they say really do show that they want to hurt you as much as possible, it's true
If there is an alert voicetone in something that needs done whether it's something unresolved or something happened that threatened or someone threatens your life.
They will say the most rude,detached, cold 🥶 responses that only can be from someone who has no empathy, no conscience and no remorse.
It is uncanny how they all resemble and sound alike
First my X after 20 years of marriage, 2 affairs and then my oldest son. I have no words to describe the anguish their cruelty has caused.
But God does.
🌹🌹
I can't believe that I found your channel. Your dissection of the evil I've dealt with aligns with how I feel and think about these demons (literal or figurative, I don't care). As others may know, the self doubt and blame when dealing with these narcs is unimaginable and so destructive. So I'm very grateful for your analyses that the deep pain I feel is valid.
🙏🌹
Hi Paula. As an empath myself, l won't give closure to my narc dad, as he refuses to admit to his transgressions, including wife-beatings, child abuse, stealing from me, lying to me, and worst of all, telling me l should be more like him! I refuse to speak to him, until he admits it. However, even if he did, l still won't believe, nor trust him, as l now know, and as he has proved himself, he will never change.
they use 'need of closure' to another round of devaluation, gaslighting & reactive abuse. They abuse everything, even closure and will try to convince you that you are the narc. It's a mind game, it's a power game. Once you smell a deception, trust your guts and GTFO ASAP. Protect yourself, you're worth of it.
yeah, life is a chess match to a narcissist.. a few days ago I finally had enough and I'm done. this is a narcissist who was making strong efforts to change by looking at his childhood trauma.. but people.. it is never enough. their default button is narcissism.. it's what they've always relied on and that's what they always will rely on.. and their tactics are definitely very passive aggressive, this is so that you can't call them out on their behaviors because they can easily say.. oh I was in a bad mood, I didn't mean that, I'm constipated.., 😉😉..... whatever the excuse in their head is for their behaviors this is the only minute way that they will own up to their behaviors. and we are just to sit back and suck it up..... because they rely on our empathetic nature which Drew us to them or them to us in the beginning.
When a person shows you who they are.. believe them!!
The whole damn situation is upsetting, but the truth set you free so get to it.
The are broken from childhood
Stop giving selfless love to a narcissist It's a stupid waste of your precious time Its only enjoyed you and is laughing under its breath
Gain your strength back and be stubborn about it for yourself To selfishly save love for the ones who need love and truly appreciate ❤🙏
Mine put me, and also the new supply, through an added final twist by sharing how difficult the "dilemma" / second thoughts were. This carried on for over a week till I said I wasn't playing anymore and shut it down. During that week the narc was drunk/bloated/drowsy with the delicious triangulated supply. That smug facial expression is unforgettable. ( but I'm ok).
Paula, I was very moved inside, when you said this sentence: "They like to gather peoples hearts keeping them dangling on a string".
Yes its really so true and I suppose this "lost souls" (spiritually speaking) baited and fished by the narcissists are the diverse personalities they can play on later in terms of energy. They suck the life out of you and in my experience karma or energy flow with such people closed when I learned the lesson about myself and found healing. So I am also convinced, they do no closure on purpose to have an energy pool available they can feed on, maybe for the next prey.
In fact, I think the key here is not to remain the "lost soul" on the narcissist caused by no closure through him but to cut him off energetically by educating, learning and healing. Many many thanks to you for this precious work!
🙋♀️🙏🌹
Thank you for explaining clearly what I've been going thru this year. After 13 years of up and down, abuse and manipulation she said she wanted a proper relationship? I text her to no response and then she blocks me. I write letters that she ignored. After 13 years just silence. Incredible cruelty.
Thank you, Paula, you hit the nail on the head. What you talked about in this video is exactly what happened to me and the feelings I experienced at that time were exactly how you described. It is videos such as this that have propelled me through the confusion and pain and self doubts to where now I can live my life in peace. I hope that everyone that is going through this mess will find their peace as well and learn to thrive.
As I listen I can’t help thinking that you have a male narcissist in mind most of the time. I wonder therefore to wich degree what is being said also fits female narcissists. I got discarded over the phone on the same day we had planned to enjoy a pleasant weekend together at country hotel. - The discard came therefore as a very unpleasant surprise. Two days later I called her and she agreed to meet and talk about the situation - at first she wouldn’t but agreed to this when I suggested that “normal” grown ups would meet and discuss a crisis like this. At the time I was unaware that she was a narcissist and probably had a new supply in hand. (If I had been aware I wouldn’t have known what it meant. I had however for some time been receiving videos about narcissism on my youtube app but didn’t pay much attention to this. I see now that the internet had picked up signs of the problems of our relationship through my / our communication). When we met that same evening at a neutral place - I met a stranger - playing a role - we had a strange conversation where she told me why the relationship had to go this way - and how sorry she was but it was all my fault. I had a strange feeling that the woman I had been with for over two years wasn’t there - and that she who was there was playing a game. I sensed her as fake, as an hollow shell - as somebody who was - but wasn’t there. I was very emotional and affected by cortisol in my veins. - I didn’t understand that it was trauma bonding I had been experiencing since the discard. I didn’t understand what suddenly had happened. My grief and sorrow seemed to give her a great portion of inner fulfillment, a sense of power and personal importance. We sat there outdoors with other people around us for over an hour. Now I realize that what she said was a bunch of half truths and lies and all the “reasons” she gave for the breakup would be non-issues in a serious relationship between normal people. The strangest thing however was the non-closure. When we parted that evening she even tongue-kissed me where we stood by the car and acted towards me as if we were having a foreplay preparing for a sexual intercourse. Suddenly the kissing stopped and she got into her car. When I drove home that evening in my own car I didn’t know what to believe or tell myself. We kept communicating sporadically for a while - she kept breadcrumbing me and used the social media to tell all how happy she now was. I now see that it was the discard itself - her sadistic behavior combined with the fuel she got from other people she was high of. After some time I blocked her completely. This was difficult - but the good and the right thing do. I got rid of a big problem! I am on the path of healing.
Mine was female and by the comments on here, a lot of them are.
It totally translates between the sexes…check out the female Narc video for a some subtle gender differences maybe? 🌹
@@NarcCon Thank you. 👑
I read your comment. I'm sorry you had the experience that you did. Sounds like it's possible your ex had an entity attachment. People with attachments act exactly like your ex. They extract as much energy from others as possible. Also, very interesting that the AI picked started showing you narcissism videos in your feed...I don't know if that's good or not so good. All the best to you. You did the right thing by blocking her and moving on with your life.
Very good as always Paula, I actually reverse hoovered myself In order to just say my piece and make my peace with myself. I wanted him to know how he had made me feel as my anxiety was dreadful.
At this point he had ghosted me for 9 months, I honestly didn't expect a reply.
What came back was almost straight from a narc handbook.
He was apparently so pleased to hear from me, blissfully happy with the new supply, happy despite the fact that he was sorry he had caused me anxiety, he had no idea apparently.
Then, shortly after the apology I was gaslit, mirrored, and left in no doubt that his behaviour was as a result of how I had made him behave. My fault, in the end. He took no accountability for anything he did but did throw a breadcrumb about how we may meet again in the future, who knows....
Have not heard from him since, will I, I have no idea, did I find closure? Well I achieved it for myself, got to say my piece but did i get anything from him, genuine remorse, accountability and reasons for his appaling behaviour, no not at all. But I was left in no doubt whatsoever, he is a covert narcissist and this was the proof I believe I needed.
The shock is absolutely horrible. If I think about it, I can see where I went wrong and made mistakes in certain relationships but the discard and its lead up is absolutely horrible, and I know it's not all me. Then there's the trying to figure out what happened and getting peace, and realising you didn't really know this person or these people that well at the end of the day. I'm working toward forgiveness.
I just wanted to pass on to people here, I saw a very helpful article today that explained what having "prudent paranoia" about people is all about. I'm so glad that prudent paranoia is getting demystified and explained and its usefulness in various human situations, especially when we have to interact with people whose intentions are not the best.
I'm just giving myself my own closure. It sucks, but I'll take a cold bed over her silent treatments, phone games, devaluing, and comparisons.
I'm grateful that she only got four months out of me instead of several years or even decades. I replace her sooner or later.
At 17:34, Paula, you're describing the narcissist wanting to move on to get the things that they feel they deserve that you're not giving them. I had a "friend" who actually told me in many different ways over a long relationship, (not romantic) that if she couldn't get a person worked up and ready for a fight, it meant that they didn't care enough about her. Her poor husband was long suffering, and buried himself in his work, which infuriated her, but she was very financially dependent on him. He made a lot of money, and that suited her just fine, but the poor guy had to put up with a lot of abuse. Somehow, as I observed him, I saw that he had worked it out within himself how to endure it all.
I dealt with this for 8 long years ,, in my heart I knew that he was evil ,, but I now know the extent of that evil !,,,
I feel my wife and her boyfriend tried to murder me around 5 time before I figured it out.
🌹🌹
Count it as a blessing. Move on and live your best life. The narsacist will never know love or happiness. You do. Go find yours.
Being dumped by friends or family for no reason or any explanation, I act as though in doesn’t hurt but it does. It won’t stop me from moving forward. If they want to hate me, that is there issue. I will not, waste my time engaging in there personal issues or insecurities.
4 months with low contact (16 years/8 of marriage)... I ask for divorce 5 times... to sit and discuss the best way for our child... nothing til' now... she faints... just a scene, you know! She feels nothing for me... never felt!!!
The final discard is very cowardly.. awesome video can't wait for the second
The children are caught in the crossfire and are robbed of their natural family ties and suffer in silence
When someone leaves you or walk away from you without explain anything, that should be a closure for you to keep it moving and don't go back cuz it ended already once they decided to do that. They don't deserve your closure too. The only thing that kills them deeply is you have your happiness and life you want but without them and don't ever look back.
As a victim of life long family narcissist abuse I had to go no contact. I’m not a narcissist but I can’t be drawn into flying monkey attacks via family/relatives anymore. I’m pointing this out as no contact can be the only way out of abuse also so no contact can be the only way for victims also. It’s important people understand this so the victim is not called the narcissist. Any contact for me will be opening a can of worms where my experiences are repeatedly invalidated by all involved despite mountains of evidence, including recordings, of vile abuse.
The closure for me was the smear campaign coming from her identity projection : i am the narcissist, and she is the victim so she has to initiate the no contact phase.
At first it was terryfing, and i was thinking i was that ( because of the reactive abuse, and my issues). Then my eyes opened, facing her cruelty and all the memory of the abuse all allong the relation.
Then the no contact and the discard became a true blessing. Now i am enjoying the peace the Lord gave me.
The discard is truely a blessing in disguise.
Our biggest fights were always after I corrected him about something he was doing wrong. When he discarded me, I said you arent even going to give me a reason? He said NOPE.
Met a Narc at work and she ghosted me out of the blue and would not explain why she moved on so abruptly, which is heartbreaking because I don’t have clarity- which destroyed my mental health. To make matters work she has been covertly abusing me at such an emotional level that it has broken me. Two years on and I’m still effected despite the abundance of healing that’s taken place after seeing her everyday during that period. Their behaviour is evil and abhorrent and I’m still in disbelief.
It still hurts. I wish the pain would
go away. If someone did what he did to me to him, I know he wouldn't survive. He is a monster.
Yes they know you want closure so flip the scrip and dont chase the at all just glow up and watch them crash....
Excellent video! Thank you, this helped me understand the actions of a friend with whom I had a relationship for more than 40 years. Her narcissism was not obvious to me until the relationship ended and I tried to reconcile but got nothing from her but vindictiveness. The end of our friendship was over something absolutely ridiculous, so I think she was already thinking of discarding me and the stupid argument we had gave her a reason.
They REALLY think that they can come back and they speak about it loud ! Xx Thank You ❤
Thank you so much for all your videos Paula! You are a blessing xx
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Right on Paula! Playbook Rule 🙄🙏
we have to give the closure to heal eff them , soul destroying evil entities
thank you Paula again😘💕💕
You’re highly articulated in the way you Understand and speak.
Something ‘we’ can not find elsewhere (prof. SV included).
We’re not just rigid concepts, blueprints, constructs, and the alike.
We’re Divine Beings.
Black & white thinking has no place in our World …
God has Gangsters too.
#144.000
I leave it at that for now ✝️💫
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This has been my entire narcissistic family my ex and all three adult daughters This is the hardest thing of my life to overcome. They all do this
Lack of closure is just such a slap in the face of all your attempts at the relationship. Like a thing that did not perform you are tossed aside into oblivion. Of course we learn this is a blessing in disguise, eventually. Thanks for you videos.:)
Great video as always and yes painful to hear....I discarded and walked away from my ex narc in March of this year. I did part with a scathing text (which I now wish I hadn't) but I think it was 5 years of hell that was just bottled up that exploded out of me. As expected the narc ignored the text....I stayed no contact and then bumped into them at the market 6 weeks later...and they acted like nothing had happened at all, and just said to me, I can't believe you just cut contact and left, and send such an awful text how is anyone supposed to respond to a text like that"....she then said "we need to talk, we haven't talked"...my response..."we have nothing to talk about". In a nutshell, they are rotten to the core and yes you are so right will never take accountability for anything, I am healing daily with God's help, and videos like this still hurt to hear but not as painful as they used to be that's for sure. Stay on the journey everyone, healing will come, it just takes time, thank God for providing people like you to help us heal with your channel.🙏
I did once that of stopping social media contact with my crush (a smart beautiful narc.), right after she agreed and we went for a walk, which was not bad, she mostly didn't stop talking about her problems and was quite nervous. I did that in order to force myself to reach her thereafter in real life, cause I was the introvert immersed in computers etc.. She was the toughest personality around, but she did came after me and treated me well many times. In a way I think she knew it, but it was just stronger. In the end she considered my mistakes were too much for her. I think she was the real narc due to the emotionless ways, and not seeing me as a good enough deal. But that's life.
Love, love love! After work today I suddenly realized that the area I live in will never give me closure no matter what I do, and that its time to expand my life and "not care" anymore about the place and its people as I move in silence... imagine what that "environment later on that gives me closure" feels like. ^_^...I know that new place in the future feels cozy and stable and neighborly. ^_^
When we are abused and know it and have done decades of work to try to heal from one form of violence and still become enmeshed with these Narc types because we are not perfect, because we may have holes in our healing, some of us have had to slam the door shut in the face of these Narcs and give THEM no closure because our only immediate form of caring for ourselves is to run away after burning the bridge,
I am grateful for these gifts of instruction and healing. I am learning again.
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This is a great video. You succinctly sum up the narcissist's view of their victim. This video describes perfectly my experience with my narcissist.
Thanks!
Thank you Peggy I really appreciate you making this donation to support the channel 🌹
Love it when you said- Diabolic disorder. That says it all.
Would like to add that having these demons as partners is like walking on eggshells and therefore, the opportunity to call it quits makes it very difficult because knowing their malignant behaviour and unpredictable reaction, we may simply suck it up, not clearing our lungs out and this gap left, which relates to lack of closure, makes it really difficult to heal ourselves.
All in all, the bridge you’re proposing to build is a fantastic opportunity to make us overcome this indescribable pain.
What I’m trying to say is- I said to my ex I didn’t want to see him anymore but being fearful of what he could do to me, I felt compelled not to make it a proper closure, demonstrating that I pretended to believe all his lies, manipulations, gaslighting, forms of using me as his ‘chauffeur’, etc etc.
Emotional flashbacks are not easy to overcome.
Many thanks for the great video.
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Paula, for me I did not want official closure because his verbal abuse showed me the evil I was facing, and after the violent physical abuse I decided I never wanted any more to do with him. My feelings & thoughts about him made me more empowered because I saw it happening, with seeing a Psychologist every week for a year, and watched all yours & others podcasts to educate myself. His next supply can deal with him now. I know it sounds cold, but I had to heal & did. Totally happy alone and finally after 12 years can do the things I loved. Art, poetry, line dancing, yoga, helping others but most importantly my faith in God increased and I am at peace. Yes, it was horrible at first because I didn't know what the heck I was dealing with. Knowledge brings wisdom, understanding & closure for me. Am in a peaceful place now, yet still know what to possibly expect from him in the future. Thanks for the knowledge. You help those who were or are now suffering.
Beautiful 🌹🌹
Great video. Sometimes I think it can be as simple as they're done with you and they don't feel like giving you an explanation because it's extra effort and they don't want to deal with the emotions of their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. Social media has only enhanced the ability not only to have faux long distance "relationships" with minimal face to face contact, but it also makes it easier for someone to block and disappear with no explanation. This happens so often, it's unbelievable. A friend of a friend was dating a guy for 3 months in New York City. They were seeing each other regularly, sleeping together, etc. when he ghosted. No communication. No nothing. This is getting to be so common because, as Paula said, some people see other humans as cars. No need to tell a car you're leaving, just up and go. You really need to get to know someone before becoming physically and emotionally involved. If they have no moral compass (the absence of which can easily be masked in the beginning of a relationship), it's not going to bode well for those with a conscience. These spiritually vacant people will simply drop you and move on when it's convenient for them. Not saying everyone is like this. They're not. But for the first 6-12 months of a relationship, it can be hard to differentiate those with a moral compass verses those who are acting.
It's devastating to realize that having been brought up by a severely narcissistic mother one has a tendency to pick narcissists as friends, lovers even associates. Is it the familiarity? Or the lesson learnt early that we don't deserve better? Thank you very, very much for these videos. They help me when help is mos
t needed.
Oh, Krisztina, I had 3 carbon copy narcissist males in my life, 2 married. Now I understand this attraction - the match was there for me to change, to toughen up here. My Mom married my Dad without love. Her coldness and total detachment made my Dad suffer, and I suffered with him. I promised myself, that when I grow up, I will blindly love and take care of all men in my life, to make them feel loved, happy... and this is when Life stepped in, and I got a lesson to learn. Love is the highest Divine energy and it must be earned and deserved. I was throwing these pearls to the swine... (ne dobj gyöngyöt a disznóknak...) and learned a lesson here.
Re: picking narcissists as friends, lovers & associates - It could be familiarity but I also believe it's a very distinctive energy that you need to either break out of or dissolve. If you're raised by a narcissistic parent, that's 18 years minimum in this energy. Children are very open so probably up till the age of 10, all you're doing is absorbing this energy. This energy stays with you throughout life and many don't even realize it. You may say you don't want to attract narcissistic people into your life and then it happens anyway. It is possible to break or dissolve this energy but it takes some effort. All the best to you.
Yes the song is Christina Perri Jar of Hearts and it’s a brilliant description of a narcissist!
I gained closure on my own without the narc giving me closure after I called the final discard by learning and understanding what the narc is and was always a demon and forgiven myself for being played by the devil and letting the devil in my life but that I did not know and if I did I wouldn’t have done what I done, so it wasn’t my fault. The truth of what they are in the end was all the closure I needed. Super Empaths truly rule this world, with the power of no contact, strong morals, and our capacity to be more ruthless than the enemy is a force to be reckoned with 🙌
Hi Paula . Your so right . They keep it open too see If your contact them again ha .
Who needs a Narc anyway .
Wicked too the core .
I dont care anymore because I know they are cruel and think they are funny .
But jokes on them because I've gone no contact and that's the way it will stay .
Thank you for helping everyone Paula
I was blamed for everything under the sun. I guess that was closer for him. Brought me to a very very broken place. It was crushing. Still dealing with the pain.
Thank you so much for such a wonderful video, I look forward to the rest of the series. I also am so glad you will be on Spotify! The lack of closure is devastating. I remember trying to talk to him and getting no answer, at all to my question or voicing how I felt. I look back now, and that bugger would just keep me dangling in the event he needed me for something. There was no reciprocal behavior to my kindness or support. There was certainly no empathy for anything going on in my life. I am glad I stopped, went no contact and closed the door on any resource he may have thought I could have been to him.
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I have blocked the Narc so as he has found it very difficult to contact me. Knock on the front door two weeks ago one night...of course I didn't open my door.
He thought he could disappear for many weeks and just return like nothing happened!
No way. His actions gave me the opening to get rid of him....ha ha.
I have full knowledge of what he is and I ended up fed up and turned off. Goodbye Mr. Narcissist. So glad to be free!😊
I created my own closure. Door is closed...sad because it's my daughter but necessary
I love me and I deserve others who truly care
When my ex Narc left me I told him he was nothing to me now and the only time I saw him was in court😊 I have had no contact for 20 years. Life is wonderful🎉😊😊😊 🎉🎉
Mine was so difficult, we rarely argued. I bottled everything up inside instead. One night near the end I put some binaural beats frequencies on my headphones as we lay together in bed for releasing trapped emotions. I woke up choking and wanting to vomit. Even the narc made the connection. He used to tell me to tell him things but I rarely could because he kept me so busy I didn't even have time to access my own feelings and thoughts. The gaslighting and self sacrifice I did in those 14 months was unreal. I don't think I could care less if I ever meet another man again now that I know I was just exploited from start to finish. I was narc bait. Not any more. Now I assess people's intentions quickly and decide fast whether to say goodbye or keep observing. The minute I see a pattern I'm done.
Thank you for this one Paula. Was so helpful and I also notice that you are so over your ex narc that you can actually share aspects of your transactionship with us, to help us understand on a deeper level what they are doing and what the situation may look like in our own homes
True courage on your part ❤️
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This makes me feel like I must be wrong. I have blocked him in every which way possible. Three years of gaslighting and running myself to the ground. Back & forward at least 7 times. I CANNOT go through it again. 😭😭😭 If I don't do this I will go back, he will send me countless crappy messages and then love bomb me! I DO deny him any communication with me as off today because yes I do not EVER go through anymore
I was abandoned with my first child , not realizing he was already grooming my replacement. They later married as she was the perfect woman. No explanation given. It messed up my mind for a long time but let it go so my son could have a relationship with him as he got older.
OMG... I just found you .. I've been looking for someone like you this whole time..I have so many questions that I know I will find threw you.. thank you
Christina Perry Jar off hearts the video is unbelievable Paula🙏❤️🙏god bless us all
Your channel has been a life saver Paula. After the discard I never spoke to him ever again and if he was the last man on the planet I wouldn't take him back! Bless you 🙏 ♥️
It's very hard to learn about this and also very freeing. Thank you. God Bless you all soldiers.
What I like about your channel are the many good English written comments. I’m not a native English speaker and reading others stories helps me improve my English skills. There’s a noticable difference compared with other channels.
You have studied them very well ❤! God bless 🙏 and much love xx
Thank you! You too!
Narcissists don’t give closure to anything. Not to emotional, mental, financial, divorce. They love to put you in the corner while they’re jumping around free and without a care. They will not stop untill you give closure to yourself, somehow and some way. It sucks. Must take control. Must find the strength and the will to fight.
I always got that effect come to think about it. My wife was terribly jealous :)
A friend of mine told me he received a text from his Narcissist girlfriend before Blocking him. One of the worst Iv'e heard " I'm enjoying my own company far too much to have a relationship with you".
No closure is what I experienced...it's horrible