The irony that they are hypersensitive to so many things while expecting you not to react to their insults and then tell you that you are too sensitive is not lost on me.
This is never lost on me! They are the most disgusting, judgmental people, constantly doling out indictments of you (and random strangers they just met behind their backs) but God forbid anyone criticize them, they lose their minds like are no other. These are demented, delusional people!
Yes it drove me crazy.. he could talk down on me or call me names, but the moment I called him names (luckily only a few times) he got so angry and agressive.. it was like he became an other person..
that's why i turned the tables and called them out. they don't like it, ooh, they don't - but most of the times, they respect it at some level. maybe because they can relate, maybe because they will not see you as easy narc supply... i find it that, if it's from time to time, it's better to have the tables turned. But that is my experience, with specific narcs.
They are irony incarnate. Walking, talking irony. The irony helps me see the humor in the craziness of their projections. Meanwhile, they’d have you believe you’re the bat shit crazy one. Lol 🤣
My narc husband's ENTIRE family. Totally sarcastic and everyone vying for center stage at family gatherings. And these people are now in their 50s and 60s. It's been going on for my entire 35 year marriage. Ten years ago I just quit going to the events. It took me 3 days to recover from all the toxicity....like a bad hangover.
I had a subscriber like that. They always pwned a lot of people, making fun of them, even going overboard one time and actually hurt some people emotionally and psychologically. But, then when people turned on them and told them they were in the wrong, they didn't want to hear it. It's like in their mind, they could do no wrong.
@@HaleyMary Victim mentality.... they make it seem asif they can do no wrong but they can't see how insecure that actually appears to the "trained eye."
My psychologist said, listen to them, then tell yourself, "this is who they are. It's not your job to fix them, because you can't." It feels so validating to have Dr. Ramani say the same thing. Thank you.
John Hooper......Yes, ‘actions speak louder than words’. Also, law enforcement personnel takes note of body language that doesn’t line up with the words....they say that it’s best to go with what the body language is saying.
Paula Hinton......Sounds like what your psychologist was talking about was ‘projection’. They will accuse you of what they are guilty of. That being the case, then my narcissistic psychopathic sister, that is always tearing into me about my possibly not being our father’s daughter, must mean that she isn’t who or what she appears to be. She has children by 3 different men.....if I wasn’t a full-blooded sister, you would still think she would still want to treat me like a real sister, wouldn’t you? But she is always bringing up whether or not we share the same father.....and she does it with venom, as if I’m somehow in on a plot to deceive her. I look too much like our father. Maybe she is the one who isn’t who/what she should be, if she is ‘projecting’. Narcissists are such demonic creatures, maybe that’s who/what she really is......a tare. Lol!
They'll even devalue/invalidate any achievement, or efforts at future achievement, of yours, because it represents a threat to their fragile ego structure.
YES! Oh my God! Or mess around and don't succeed at something but still walk away from it smiling with your head held high never missing a beat. They get even more offended. Like how dare you not be wallowing and sulking in a cubby hole of self pity like I would!😡 It's so insane like HUH? lol
Pillar Of Light my Marmaduke was a special boy. For some reason, I always thought it would be a great name for a marmalade cat. Channels like this (I like to stick with the professionals) really helped me. When I found out her diagnosis, which she’d been lying about for years, I started researching and realised there was no fixing her. Been no contact for two years now.
@@pillaroflight4363 Going on six months for me and ten weeks with very little contact, no calls, no text and no face to face. Only emails! 7 children and 4 still at home. It's a hard road sometimes but well worth the rewards. Stay strong even if you slip up every now and then. Your life will get better with each day that goes by. Best wishes.
Pillar Of Light I am beaming with joy from ear to ear. So so so happy for you ❤️❤️❤️. I am dreaming for my day to come also... to be free. Again, what a beautiful story! ❤️. Fly little Angel, FLY
it is not so much what somebody is sensitive about... but how they handle their sensitivity (which we all have, that's why we are not psychopaths),... but if you handle it with projection, entitlement, blaming others then you are a narcissistic person, which is a bad thing for yourself and others...
Oh boy, this I can totally relate to. I used to dread making any decisions or suggestions when my Narc husband threw the ball into my court. I had no clue about narcissism while I was still married to him unfortunately. I could never understand his blind rage/overly defensive reactions. I know now where it all came from. Because Narcs operate from a point of deep insecurity, they interpret everything as an attack, criticism or judgement. It’s impossible to keep up with their fragile ego. It was literally like living with a wounded animal which cannot heal. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with any of that anymore.
Good description. It's like they have to be high above everyone, because if they were below even a tiny bit maybe they'd hate themselves so much they'd make themselves go deep below everyone else.
When I was little, I was interested in psychology and was writing a paper in the 4th grade about schizophrenia (this was above what we were learning, but I was ambitious). I asked my malignant mother how to spell "schizophrenia" and she snapped, "WHY, do you think I am???!!!!" And just went back to whatever it was she was doing. I will never forget that incident and how crazy I felt it was even as a small person.
Wow! I'm sorry you had to experience that as a child. My goodness, I feel for children growing up with narc parents. It's so much more widespread than I imagined.
You absolutely cannot win. Ever. You are the enemy. They have to have someone in place to project their garbage onto. What makes them nuts is that they actually believe their own craziness... their crazy thinking, crazy rationality, crazy fantasies and crazy activity. All crazy, all of the time. But it's your fault.
The person who raged felt ashamed that they reacted that way, that they lost control of themselves and you noticed it. The silence was because the person felt ashamed.
He discarded me because I said to him we need to cool off. He immediately told me to let's just broke up wahhaaah he was scared to be abandoned so he ended it like he's the one saying cool off 👏👏👏
That's not complety true if we consider that a narcissist person tends not to be comfortable with giving away any sense of control or power over your feelings and reality, so much so that they continue digging your grave even after leaving you by themselves. As Dr R pointed out, a narcissist's reaction to injury is really significant. It's war and they must get you down with all their resources before they can continue to the next. When you discard them and avoid any contact with them, the same but worse happens; they will hoover over you, they will love bomb you, they will try to regain power. They need you, they use you to regain power. So yes, they don't care about you and can forget you quickly, but before all of that and anything else comes their grandiose ego. Whether it's the flying monkeys, hoovering, love bombing, or just being hurtful, they'll get what they want if you don't have the awareness of narcissism let alone any defence mechanism From my experience, a narcissist will rarely discard you just like that. But if they do, you will quickly see that you're happier without the relationship and are lucky that they left you.
I always felt I was walking on eggshells or a minefield with my husband! Now I understand why, however it got to the point I just don’t care 🤷♀️ if he blows up! He is going to blow up either way.
I have literally lost so much self worth and have developed several mh issues as a result of a narcissistic parent. I'm exhausted trying to walk on eggshells but also trying to protect myself from the rage. It's unbearable
Harmonyhope Me too. From childhood, then other narcs i seem to attract, now from,y siblings. If u can, GET OUT, love your wisdom & strength & survival. 🥰
I’m divorcing a narc. He wants to come back but I know if I let him back in, I’ll NEVER hear the end of my “betrayal” even though he’s the reason we ended. All the lies and secrets and controlling crap is for the birds.
Just remind your self that he doesn't want you back for a valid reason or as a loved one, he wants the "narcissistic supply" you were always giving him !! You don't deserve that you deserve to be loved and appreciated 🙏🏻 may god be with you.
Adenane Safae Very well said. He wants the supply she provided before she realized what he was, which is why people are treated worse if they fall for a hoover. I wish you well DeAnna. Stay strong. It’s going to be tough but you WILL get through it.
Be strong. You deserve better. It WILL get worse if you cave in. Move forward, not backward. And do learn the warning signs. I didn't know, and this is my 3rd narc. Aiyeeee! But I'm better educated now.
I think that maybe because they lack empathy they only see relationships with people in terms of wins and losses rather than connection, partnership and compromise. So maybe they see any type of criticism as "he/see is trying to win so I must defend myself and/or seek revenge."
Well put - I often felt this way, that she was trying to win a game I wasn't playing and didn't understand. When it came up in conversation, she didn't seem to be able to comprehend that I truly wasn't concerned with power, winning or status. I wish I could've understood these things before it all blew up! 💔
@@klev1111 / I agree. I’m 62 with 3 bad marriages, a broken family & just now figuring out what happened. I hope you are younger & have a lot more to look forward to. Best wishes!
Why would you want to stay in a relationship "Riding out their narcissistic injury"!? Being the SCAPEGOAT of their RAGE!? That is why I am SOOOOOO GRATEFUL that I got outta DODGE!!
I think my dad got injured by a quote I posted on IG. It said; "It is when you start seeing that who you are is no longer attached to those who don't _see_ you that you become *FREE.* My Father, I guess sensing this message was directed at him, meaning my identity isn't attached to him anymore, he commented under the picture (of a bird flying out of a cage) saying "...and then she went SPLAT! Right into the window glass! Poor birdie. 😞😞😞" The healthy friends around me saw this for what it was and got pissed. Who's loving father says this to someone let alone their own daughter?!?! For me? It was proof. I screen shot the comment and tucked it into my folder of proof that my dad is the issue~ he has his own issues and it's NOT me. He is the poor birdie 🐦 🐦 🐦
His projection projected himself into that window! (just come from the video about projection and the narcissist). So glad your friends could see and it was validating you being free from that.
Exactly!! Total Catch 22. If I texted my ex narcissist he was upset because I texted too much, if I didn't text during the day he would be mad because I didn't text him. If I complimented him on his looks he accused me of being shallow and that's all I cared about. And if I didn't compliment on him his looks he got mad because I never gave him compliments. If I made decisions without him he accused me of being selfish and just trying to control things. And if I tried to ask him his opinion about making different decisions he would be mad because I was Consulting him and that I should be able to make those decisions on my own. Total crazy making. I am finally healed from missing him. But I'm still dealing with the repercussions of that type of abuse. But I'll get there
OMGosh! YES!!!! If I called him (after not seeing/hearing from him for 12+ hours after going to “work”, then it was ME who was accused of being controlling! Says he needs words of affirmation, but when they were given, I was told my words meant Nothing! So SO moody...& just an overall walking conradiction.
Yes the changing of mind stuff drove me nuts too!! I was sick for a long while that made me need more sleep so he would say, "yes just stay in bed and relax, take your time to get better".. so I did.. but when he got home the same day he would be like "why are you still in bed, you're always in bed, why not go downstairs and do chores etc".. and on some other day he would say "yes if you're tired just take nap during the day, maybe that helps".. and later that day he would say "are you taking a nap again? You're always in bed"... I just didn't know what to do anymore, because no matter what I did it was always wrong.. they just drive you insane (I eventually had chronic sleep deprevation because of all the stress he put me in and never letting me sleep)
This goes to show you that disease and illness begins in the brain at the subconscious level. It's not something you develop for no reason, and it's never something you can "catch".
Hmm. I had back issues all my life, from the time I was about 14, which was when I started to get that haunted and old look on my face. Gradually my back has gotten better, and I look younger the more I deal with this. My younger sister has fibromyalgia.....
So spot on. Darned if you do, darned if you don't. It makes the relationship feel like you're in a game you cannot win. It doesn't do anything good for your self esteem to always lose or to be so unable to be your authentic self and not have to second guess everything.
After 56 years of staying away from my narc parents, they moved close to me. Then I went no contact. These people are so messed up. Thks dr. Ramani, your vids have brought so much insight. Thank you!❤️🙏🏽❤️
Same situation but less years apart ,, they kept calling police on me after there narc attacks gaslighting and deflecting once I got ssi they were on an agenda of getting control of it ,, when I went to the neighbors for help he brutally attacked me and my dog and I got hardcore charges for it
Inflict your first wound and you are automatically on the discard list. The one that I inflicted was a "non-event". I cut her off at the bar. The wound turned into a rage. Then the silent treatment and new supply.
Sometimes, they're just out to rage at you anyway. They come up to you, single you out, say something or ask a question, and at that point you're already doomed because they make it so that EVERY response you could possibly imagine to give them, or even a lack of response, will cause narcissistic rage anyway.
Oh, yes. This is familiar to me. My ex would walk through the world like a keg of gun powder hunting for a match. I think that narcissistic rage brought him release and made him feel powerful, so he looked for reasons to blow up. He would actually smile when he found himself something to feel injured over.
Oh yup. Something my mom would do is ask me really loaded, trap questions that she already the knew the answer to. It would force me to either offend her or tell an obvious lie. And then she’d use my response to start an argument.
This series is really helping me to understand the relationship I'm transitioning out of now. Thank you for putting it together and making the info so plain and comprehensible, Dr. Ramani.
I used to avoid going home after school starting in 5th grade in order to avoid my parents and my brother. I would stay as long as the teacher would let me, usually around 5pm. I was the only child who did this.
When I was with the narc, I leaned to calm him during rages, sometimes avoid, walk on egg shells, strategize around it. It's like being on high alert in war. I can tell you it changed my brain and who I was then and now after being out for four years. I honestly felt like I had a TMI and had to relearn a lot of things cognitively, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It exhausted me emotionally which I eventually broke down. I used various things to escape after years of being with him and living in such chaos, fear, distress, confusion, emotional abuse, triangulation, etc. I used things like meds, tv, food, smoking.. I even felt physically sick and in pain a lot and would go in a separate room away from him to lay down. Weird that I couldn't physically leave him, but yet couldn't take being around him, but still cared about him. Narc abuse is complex and confusing. I am blessed I'm out and have healed a lot. I can say I am a better person than I ever was but still have some funk and junk residue that comes up. I feel very suspicious and distrustful of people and their motives. I live protected because I value who I am and what I have. However, I now am more isolated because of social distancing.
Thank You Dr. Ramani, I'm living on egg shells and walking on a razor blade with my husband ...I avoid any suggestion and follow him like a duckling follows his mother, but I feel myself empty. I'm not economically indipendent because he didn't allow me to find a job, once I had one he accused me of cheating him and every evening became a hell ,so I left. I feel paralized and looking back into my life , I did nothing for me.
Keep watching sugar! Treat him like he's your favorite dumb animal! You're a winner hon, like us, that's why he fooled you! You'll learn, he needs you and not the other way around. I'm so against marriage, kids but he smoothed him into even giving up my career for him, I'm a forest technician, defender of bambies! Now he walks on eggshells as the kids are older, he rarely gets as much from me as he used to, all a waste of my energy anything, he pays for everything, no Monday blues have I and the children (now young adults) are well taken care of. My aim is to snuff out the circle of abuse and I'm succeeding, dickhead!
I had a similar experience. As a nurse I never left work on time. For the few months I worked, there was no peace. I eventually quit my job. I'm planning on getting another job soon.
@Libsnuts I'm so sorry! There is no way to explain the hurt and humiliation. You'll be ok, all we need is life and good health. You can make it! Please keep placing one foot in front of the other.
@Libsnuts I can understand, I'm with you ❤️ also my children are now young adults, he tried to control their lives too, but fortunately he did not succeed because they choose to expatriate. I miss them so much. I'm trying to get a medical license, but he don't leave me in peace, he ask me to supply his needs just to distract me from my duties. This time I will not let him turn down my dream.
So basically, you have to be perfect in your speech, as to not offend them and avoid "Narcissistic injury?" They should have to wear signs that state their condition. Lol
Sherry's Research and Reviews Yes! However, once this disorder is identified, the rest of them are easy to spot. They all do the same thing and use the same language.
@@sarahjohnson8514 Yes. The bible warns us of this type of distorted thinking and helps us to remedy it. Alot of it truly evolves from ego and lack of love for self and others. . Sad, and we need to be careful.
@@sarahjohnson8514 which nowadays is actually possible. Lol. But only select people have access to the tech, mainly military and medical along with the rich. Ramani probably knows about it, but she cant tell us. Even if we can read their minds, they still would have an issue. They need some spiritual healing along with psychological. Psyche means soul in greek. (:
@ Sarah Johnson You are so right! I think that’s why so many had Megan Markle’s number from the jump. So many of us have had to deal with these disordered personalities that we are educated and so recognized the text book behaviors and machinations immediately.
You have just described my husband to a T!! Money is #1 for him!! It's a minefield having a conversation with him!! I never know what's going to set him off & I've been married to him for 30 years! Remember that famous line from Rocky? You can't win!! I tried saying nothing, too & he puts words in my mouth & gets angry at what he thinks I'd say or thinks I'm thinking!!! You nailed it on my rage issues! He could have me a crying, shaking mess with his frequent rages. I grew up in an angry home. Thanks for these very helpful & enlightening glossary videos!!
Please be kind. Leaving is often not that easy to do especially after decades. Lisa, thank you for sharing. Many say ACA is a wonderful place to receive support and understand our patterns for anyone who may be interested in exploring that. Take care. 💗
@@daringtobe thank you for your response. I was upset & decided not to comment after these videos anymore. I thought about it & I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish but being more upset was definitely not my intention.
Im actually glad that I caused a narcissistic injury to my covet ex best friend. I wouldn't know that she is a narcissist because I think she discared me for that (thank God). This people can criticise you all the tims and mock you and laugh at you and put you down but when you say a hurtful thing to them ( even if it was not your intention to hurt them) they will explode and rage and never forget about it. when they revenge and you go no contact they will blame you for being sensitive. Also if someone can't accept the idea that you are a human and you make mistakes then maybe it means the person is having a false and unrealistic concepts and expectations about life and people .
When they find you and see that you are attentive and giving them validation you are literally perfect. They may say that to you "you are perfect". But their excessive anger or even passive aggressive tantrums for even the small situations confuse you. Because, people who love you and call you perfect wouldn't behave this way. You'd expect them to respect and be sensitive towards you. You'd expect them to apologize and change their behavior if they realised they hurt you. But they just don't!!
When they see you made a mistake they will throw those tantrums or go into an all out rage. And then give you the silent treatment. It literally feels like they're punishing you for not behaving the way they want. Or they may simply insult you. They will use that opportunity to project their shortcomings on to you. They expect you to be perfect while they will want to behave the way they want. And they expect you to validate them.
Loll same one day I got mad n said everything that I felt was in my heart n mind about her behavior everything she ruined my name n then after a while she discarded me it was very painful at first but then I realized I got saved thank God.
Im also glade i made a narcissitic injury to my covert friend, he been telling me all the time that is people that have the wrong idea of him, miss understands him and hurt him. He been telling me things what other ppl would say abt him, so in my head i use to say if its not true why is he saying this over and over again, when i pop the question, this man hurt me so bad he said i was the one who hurt him, his like a big baby, he broke down and put on a show just so i can feel bad, and when i apologize he felt better but never apologize for all the things he said to me, judge me and scorn me but his life is secretive. He only said well im.sorry for putting u on the spot. To this day i don't consider him to be my friend anymore
@@len1045678 same . My covert friend always complain and say this one hurt me and that one is bad and toxic. After I went no contact she used a flying monkey that was a mutual friend and washed her brain about me . I became the bad person now. I realised that all the people that she said were bad to her are actually people who saw through her bullshit exactly as I did.
Thank you Ramani for empowering all the survivors. Narcs are deeply injured hence they end up injuring people around.Their injury can never be healed till death,but ours can be healed and we become stronger in all the broken places.It injures them so much.
My narc mom used to get very angry if I sighed , whilst she threw tantrums. I would close my eyes and look down, because it made me feel tired and sad. She'd have me backed against the wall yelling in my face, as if she were a drill sergeant. And in that time, I'd better not sigh or have any micro expressions, during the whole thing. One day I asked her if I did something wrong, because for a while, she was bursting into my room, at 5 am ( when she had to get up for work) and she would be raging about something. It was like she was trying to catch me at a vulnerable state (sleeping) I just wanted to know why she did it and that sent her into a fury.. " I DO WHAT THE F*** I WANT TO DO IN MY HOUSE!! IF YOU'RE FEELING TOO GROWN, GET OUT!!" All I wanted to do was understand why this was happening, but she saw it as me questioning her authority.
Seas _Wallace She sounds more like a borderline personality. Same family of psychological personality disorder called cluster B. My sister is a borderline who goes into same unhinged rages. She is most definitely not narcissistic, but it's interesting how this particular trait is shared among cluster B types.
Narcissist in my life barged into my room multiple times in the morning while I was asleep to open my balcony door to see if her rabbits were still in the neighbours yard. The behaviour was so baffling because we already established that all she had to do was talk to the neighbours and get permission to grab them. There is no need to "check if they are still there" multiple times in the morning. I didn't even mind she did this, it was just she didn't care to make less noise while I was asleep. When I raised that she could just be more quiet she raged at me and asked me why I had no empathy for her situation. I asked her right back if she had any empathy for me, and she answered "No! Because you annoy me." If me sleeping in my room is annoying, then you know everything I did while awake was wrong and therefore, justified her awful treatment of me.
I hope you did get out. Made me think of a situation when I shared an apt with someone. They pulledthat bursting into my room yelling a few times. We really hadn' t even known each other long. They were totallyout of place. Over time it became evident that they were a sociopath, and that wasn' t my diagnosis.
@@annamelanie5151 My oldest child is borderline. I ubderstand how it came to be. It breaks my heart for them because it is very difficult for them to navigate in the world and to maintain any good relationships.
Story of my life. Glad I've gone no contact but sad I allowed myself to live this way for so long. Thank you Dr. Ramani for letting me know I'm not the crazy one 💖
After 34 years I finally know that I’m not crazy. The description of a Malignant Narcissist’s behavior is unbelievably precise to what I’ve experienced. Now, I understand what has been happening to me. For the past month I have binge watched your videos. I’m only sorry I didn’t know about narcissism years ago. Thank you for all your help.
Saying "no" to a last minute request and dealing with extreme rage when you have told them over and over again your boundaries for the request for years. raging is a deal breaker for myself in any relationship and to bad for the adult who tantrums when you say "no". My own teenagers never rage and we communicate about everything. They can have boundary and I respect them and they respect mine as a parent. I LOVE how honest and open our relationship is:) Plus we laugh our loud and proud laughter and I don't care who it annoys anymore.
Thank you Dr Ramani you help me leave my toxic narcissist partner of 22 years I've been watching you for months build myself back and left ...thank you for sharing your great knowledge with us !
My mother and Sister would always pick on me as a child and adult. I got many insults, judgment about my intellect and suffered from a lot of narcissistic abuse because of them. Because of this I became hypereactive and triggered if someone said negative comments to me or made jokes. Sometimes bullying can make someone really reactive; it use to make me feel such shame and humiliation. Now I’m in therapy and I’m much happier :)) Thank you Dr Ramani for a great video x
Hi everyone! I’ve been thinking of summarising my story to you all, and I think I’ve finally found the right video to write it upon. I was in a relationship with a male partner for over three years which resulted in both physical and psychological abuse. Long story short, I unknowingly caused him a narcissist injury while we were talking about his friends. Because I wasn’t aware of all this pathological patterns, what was supposed to be a normal conversation ended up in him trying to strangle me on our sofa. I felt so scared, but more importantly, I was shocked by this other personality of his that I hadn’t met before. He looked like a total different person to me. Being encouraged by my friends and family, I reported him to the police and they arrested him for a period of two days. After that, I pushed him to leave the house which he did unwillingly. I still remember the expression of his face on the day he left. I could see how much he hated me for these two major narcissist injuries he was experiencing. It’s not something I feel proud of; however, what I’m really trying to say is that even the steps we take to protect ourselves can also be perceived as threats by them. Be careful! Once you manage to get out of that miserable hole the put you in, either because you break up with them out they discard you, do never come back. I’m still in the process of healing from such a horrible experience, and I’ve only been able to work on myself thanks to all these videos. The more information you get, the less confused you feel. What I’ve just told you happened three months ago. Even though I might still feel like I miss him somehow, I am damn sure I don’t want him any more in my life. Stay safe!
That relationship was fatal. You should be greatful to God you came put alive. You have a second chance to live. The second you miss him, think of the day he tried to struggle you
Hello! I hope that you are in a better place now than you were two years ago and that today you realize that you can be proud of yourself. You did the right thing. The sentence "it's not something I'm proud of" caught my eye. No need to feel guilty. That is not true self-love. Always put your needs first. Feeling guilty for the sake of defending your life and integrity makes no sense. Be objective.
Im so sorry to hear what you went through. My narc started to withdraw and with held sex. I called them out about the love bombing and the mask slip. I got 2 weeks of silence and then a discard accompanied by a barrage of insults of how it was my fault because of XYZ. They were like ice, dead behind the eyes. Scary, scary stuff. I hope you are healing well.
Every time I watch one of your videos it's like having someone reaching into my subconscious mind and give me just a little bit more order and meaning to the chaos. This gives me so much understanding and validation allowing me to gain more and more peace. Thank you.
After 21 years I now see the exact description of my ex-- whom I finally left 4 weeks ago. Thank you for affirming my intuition. He is a monstrous narcissist abusive to the bone. It nearly destroyed me, but like the Phoenix I rise.
I have this strange dread when I see a new video to watch (because it’s a new revelation of how awful a situation it is I’m confronting - yet still trying to deny...maybe??) Then I am relieved with a sense of overwhelming liberation when Dr Ramani puts my exact experiences/sentiments into plain English, and I remember my dignity. My gratitude for this channel knows no limits. Thank you!
Sharing a genuine concern that would normally be an expression of love or caring, a level of intimacy that a would ‘ normally’ draw people together, build trust.. often has a opposite affect ..a hurtful consequence! It can create so darn much confusion and ultimately, emotional distance. It’s the exact opposite of your initial loving intention. Very sad 😢
Oh my god, you put it into words. I'm a naturally chatty person, but by my teenage years I had gone completely silent. It's the only way to survive in a narcissistic household: say and do as little as possible, as carefully as possible.
It's like unknowingly stepping onto a stage play without a script. There's a drama taking place right in front of you and you are in it. And, everyone else has their part and knows their lines except you. You walk away and feel the curtains slowly close behind you.
As a son of a narcissist I had horrific, terribly scary dreams for decades. They have finally subsided and this last year, at 68, is the best year of my life. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Thank you, Dr Ramani, you literally saved my life! 💗 2.5 yrs of back and forth. Being thrown out, love bombed. Thrown out of his home every 2 mins, left homeless. Finally I lost it, and pushed him. He called the police and I got arrested. He had this evil grin on his face as I was being taken away. Very demonic! 6 years of studying and it has potentially cost me my career. He actually did me a favour because i kept going back, as i was heart broken and would return just to go through the same cycle.. loved up, devalued, discarded. Being on bail actually saved me as I it forced me to stay away. Enough to reflect and go NO CONTACT. Now hes trying to drop the charges...Im devasted i will have a criminal record. But atleast im alive and out of that crazy cycle! He really messed up, because I AM DONE! I would either wind up dead or in prison. There is absolutely NO reasoning with them. I feel sorry for his next victim.. #byefelicia...👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽
Dr. Ramani's videos are bittersweet. Don't get me wrong; I am so grateful for every bit of her content & appreciate all the hard work put into this platform. It's just that they are a sad reminder that for 2+ decades, while alive, I have not been living. The eggshells transformed into shards of glass at some point. I have mentally, spiritually, & physically injured myself by trying to avoid his narcissistic injuries & unpredictable rage. I feel stuck on Survival Mode Autopilot. But I continue to educate myself by way of Dr. Ramani. Her videos give me more clarity today than I've had in a long time. Next up, Dr. Ramani's books! Thank you for this much needed opportunity to express myself. 😌🙏🏽💙
My narcissistic mother used to say herself that if i asked her anything she'd scream and yell in my face first... then she'd actually think about what I'd asked and respond. "You've got to cut people some slack, Eliza. You're far too sensitive." 5 years with complete separation from her has been very good for me.
I'm grateful to have learned so much watching your videos and others like it. I gave her to much power. I gave her my emotions, my heart, my care. I allowed her the ability to control my emotions. My happiness revolved around her happiness and only when she was content, I was content. It all was a facade though. I have come a long way. It's not all her fault, my father taught me to put women first. He taught me to make sure she's happy so that in turn I may be happy. I had to go to therapy to understand that. I had to admit a lot of hurtful but constructive truth. I'm grateful for lessons, I'm grateful for who I am today. I thank you for your videos, for your insight.
Allow me to demonstrate what a narc injury is: My malignant narc brother has been stalking me for years because he's a complete loser in all aspects of life. He had huge potential just like his father, but chose to do nothing with his life and takes his inadequacies as a man out on his only sister who once loved him. He's such a toxic individual and stalks me so thoroughly and constantly, that I am 100% positive that he will see this message within an hour or two. If you point out their obsessive nature, that is also a narc injury.
Holy crap, I feel like you are reading a relationship book on my life! I had no idea money was a narcs thing! He is OBSESSED with money. Looking at the bank accounts several times a day, hiding secret stocks, hiding money. Thank you for opening my eyes.
You are so good at presenting this material with details and making it easy to understand...in an interesting and entertaining manner..You are the best Dr Ramani
She killed my dog as a threat to me. No one believed me. She threatened this for months, then she pushed me against the wall, just hours after my dog died and warned I was next if I didn't do what she said. This was 10 years ago, I still think about it everyday, and she still is walking free, doing this to others. They must be stopped.
TRUST is like a crystal glass that once it's broken its hard to put the pieces back together and when you try to fix them, you might get puncture and get hurt. The crystal glass would never be the same no matter what, that is why it's important to apply wisdom when dealing with our partners and i believe smartness is essential in any relationship. I got help from (Cybertech-tracker) as he helped cloned my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone Text messages, Imessages, Facebook, Instagram, Whats-app, Skype, Kik, Twitter, Snap-chat, Email and social media chats without touching his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist but I'm glad to uncover his deceits, secrets and Infidelity. All I did was share his phone number with (cybertech-tracker) and i was able to read his recent and deleted messages from my phone without laying my hands on his phone and he has no idea his phone has been cloned. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in the UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this great hacker via Gmail (cybertechtracker) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and Whats-app : +1 (202) 697-7171. Thank me, later...#Stay-safe & Stay-home
So true! 💯💯It’s so draining because you never know what causes the injury; any little thing can trigger them. You have to walk on eggshells so you don’t offend them, but you have to tolerate everything they give to you. Also you don’t know offends them until the snap on you, because they don’t feel they should have to explain themselves ever! They are just unhealthy people to be around. 😩😩
This was very validating. I was expecting all the stuff about families and romantic partners, but she also perfectly described my last job, which I ended up needing to quit. Everybody knew this one person was horrible, especially to me. And no one -- not even her superiors -- wanted to confront it because they didn't want to deal with her tantrums and vindictiveness. Even in my exit interview, my boss tried to commiserate with me and I was just internally like, umm, you are her actual boss. Find your balls and do something about her before all your best employees leave, coward. But, honestly, so many offices are like that and they don't do anything about it. The place had relatively good pay and benefits, so I think they were used to people just putting up with that BS. But nothing could make me want to put up with someone like that forever.
Omg. I know what you mean by her superiors not doing anything about it. It's crazy that the person who has more power ends up being at the mercy of such a person. At my last job, my narc supervisor got away with her BS because the manager enabled her nonsense. At our last meeting, she dominated the conversation and the manager just sat there quietly while that woman showed that she was clearly narcissistic. None of the things she said made sense and her behaviour was childish. But the manager just sat there, powerless. To this day I really do think she was blackmailing him behind the scenes because he was a predator. He sexually harassed his staff and would also date some of his staff.
Yes Workplace Bulling is horrible and often the Institution does nothing out of shame. This is a major health hazard as proven by the research. That was smart to get out. Workplace bulling Institute (Gary and Ruth Namie) are awesome!
After living with the narc i see that answers about plastic surgery perfectly suitable. I used to let questions like that just slide but now i dont see them that innocent. Choosing people around me way more careful.
Thank you doctor Ramani for the daily videos. I’m getting a lot of clarity on my social anxiety. I’m now being counselled by an expert in narcissistic abuse. So different from a regular hypnotherapist
Yeah, at this point, I'm kind of understanding where my anxiety and depression has come from. For some of us, I think it was planted in us from the people we were around growing up.
I’m literally crying real tears. When you said to a child dealing with narcissist parents the rage seems like a mystery. Wow did you ever hit a nerve with that one. My whole life was psychological abuse with my narcissistic adoptive grandparents I am really really shocked at how this is so important I watched these videos.
Yes, it takes a lot of extra energy to contend with a narcissist. It's so draining that it's hard to get out once I'm in.. bc I no longer have energy to go
Don't let yourself be a victim, it's not good enough. You're enabling somebody do something they shouldn't and you have a responsibility to yourself. If putting up with this person is draining your energy anyway, use that energy to get out and look after yourself, not him/her. This isn't a situation that will get better on its own, and you'll be glad you got free, even if it's an effort. Life's too short to waste it on people like that.
@J.L.W yes I think I know what u mean when u say 'they dont walk through the front door'. Theres some gymnastics involved. I'm just direct as can be and dont understand it
Thanks, Dr. Ramani! This series has been so helpful! I wonder whether some narcissists actively seek out injury because at some level they enjoy the rage and want an excuse to let it fly because it makes them feel powerful. That's what my experiences with my ex felt like - more a deliberately laid minefield than eggshells.
I wondered the same about my narc ex-bf, I thought at the time that maybe he was an “anger addict” and actually enjoyed his blowups on some level. I didn’t know anything about narcissism at the time.
I wondered the same about my narc ex-bf, I thought at the time that maybe he was an “anger addict” and actually enjoyed his blowups on some level. I didn’t know anything about narcissism at the time.
I’ve seen that rage especially when I stick up for myself and he can’t find his door mat eggshell power source that I was before Dr. Ramani. She helped me along with counceling to realize I was under the control of a covert narcissist. When you finally understand what you’re dealing with you start to take your power back from these defective creatures.
I love hear u talk n how you help us ❤️ .. my partner is narcissist n m BPD .. I struggle to understand myself n understand him or situation .. jus too much
My narc "remodeled " my house (which took 3 years while I paid all of his bills and paid him and he never finished it and didnt do a great job. I finally got him out of my house but we are still in contact (trauma bonded) So i have been hiring people to finish my house as i can afford it (he devastated me financially) I had windows installed-one of the things i paid him for that he didnt do) When he saw them he lost it! Said i was stupid for spending the money, they didn't a terrible job, etc Stormed off and gave me the silent treatment until he needed something from me Thanks to you, Dr Ramani, i knew that I was witnessing a narcissistic injury and although it was upsetting, it helped me to deal with his rage calmly without defending myself
You touched a nerve when you mentioned your spelling bee. Encyclopedia. 2nd grade. Forty years later and I’m still wondering how I missed it. 😅😂 Thank you for the work you do. It’s saving my life. Literally.
I remember my covert narcissistic mother and her evil, screaming,unhinged rages as a child.If i didn't clean her bathroom right.As teenager she would go off on the clothes i was wearing for school even though I was clean and appropriate.You think the has to be an end to this,but only a few years ago when she was in personal care i remember running out of her room when she started with the evil, unhinged screaming.I thought i was so evolved but i still froze. I also remember the work place were people walked on eggshells around tempermental ceos who were lowering standards. In my case it was hospitals. And they did get shut down because the unethical lowering of standards .I cannot begin to tell you how much i appreciate your videos.It almost feels like a miracle that I'm finally getting validated. I always felt i was too sensitive and maybe distorted things but yet know i really didn't. Even therapy never made things this clear to me.
Dr. Ramini, you are my therapeutic go-to whenever I need it to help me navigate through the mire of confusion and oppression with a narcissist family member. I can’t thank you enough for your wisdom and knowledge and just being there to help me on that path. ❤️
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for making this channel! I have learned SO much about a topic that I had no idea about! Narcissism goes much deeper than I ever knew. Thanks for your clarity! Everything that has happened to me in the past 10 years makes TOTAL sense now! I always knew I wasn’t crazy...
Watching this reminds me of something an encouraging friend said to me when I was in teacher's college. "I guess kids can now choose to be like you, and not have to be like their parents." You are one of the best professional parents ever, and proof that no matter what age, you can be of huge benefit to all! Everyone can use your sage advice and learned wisdom sometimes, no matter what age your viewer, and no matter where we are in life. You have helped me and taught me so much! I so look up to you. You are the VERY BEST!!! THANK YOU!!
The irony that they are hypersensitive to so many things while expecting you not to react to their insults and then tell you that you are too sensitive is not lost on me.
This is never lost on me! They are the most disgusting, judgmental people, constantly doling out indictments of you (and random strangers they just met behind their backs) but God forbid anyone criticize them, they lose their minds like are no other. These are demented, delusional people!
Yes it drove me crazy.. he could talk down on me or call me names, but the moment I called him names (luckily only a few times) he got so angry and agressive.. it was like he became an other person..
that's why i turned the tables and called them out. they don't like it, ooh, they don't - but most of the times, they respect it at some level. maybe because they can relate, maybe because they will not see you as easy narc supply... i find it that, if it's from time to time, it's better to have the tables turned. But that is my experience, with specific narcs.
They are irony incarnate. Walking, talking irony. The irony helps me see the humor in the craziness of their projections. Meanwhile, they’d have you believe you’re the bat shit crazy one. Lol 🤣
My Mother used to yank my leg every night I rocked. She was so mean.
"They can dish it out but they can't take it."
My narc husband's ENTIRE family. Totally sarcastic and everyone vying for center stage at family gatherings. And these people are now in their 50s and 60s. It's been going on for my entire 35 year marriage. Ten years ago I just quit going to the events. It took me 3 days to recover from all the toxicity....like a bad hangover.
@@shelleykapp9637 goshhhh I can just imagine my mom in that age. Ewww
Thats not lie, mind was always wondering who was talking abt him
I had a subscriber like that. They always pwned a lot of people, making fun of them, even going overboard one time and actually hurt some people emotionally and psychologically. But, then when people turned on them and told them they were in the wrong, they didn't want to hear it. It's like in their mind, they could do no wrong.
@@HaleyMary Victim mentality.... they make it seem asif they can do no wrong but they can't see how insecure that actually appears to the "trained eye."
My psychologist said, listen to them, then tell yourself, "this is who they are. It's not your job to fix them, because you can't." It feels so validating to have Dr. Ramani say the same thing. Thank you.
John Hooper yes! Talk is cheap and they’re often pathological liars too, in my experience.
Very true
John Hooper......Yes, ‘actions speak louder than words’. Also, law enforcement personnel takes note of body language that doesn’t line up with the words....they say that it’s best to go with what the body language is saying.
Paula Hinton......Sounds like what your psychologist was talking about was ‘projection’. They will accuse you of what they are guilty of. That being the case, then my narcissistic psychopathic sister, that is always tearing into me about my possibly not being our father’s daughter, must mean that she isn’t who or what she appears to be. She has children by 3 different men.....if I wasn’t a full-blooded sister, you would still think she would still want to treat me like a real sister, wouldn’t you? But she is always bringing up whether or not we share the same father.....and she does it with venom, as if I’m somehow in on a plot to deceive her. I look too much like our father. Maybe she is the one who isn’t who/what she should be, if she is ‘projecting’. Narcissists are such demonic creatures, maybe that’s who/what she really is......a tare. Lol!
Paula Hinton
They are 99.9 % unfixable! They will be on the endangered species list if they actually were fixed, healed!
Sometimes you don't need to say anything just succeed in something and they get injured
You got their number! For me it meant her refusal to attend my wedding and others!
That's a great change
They'll even devalue/invalidate any achievement, or efforts at future achievement, of yours, because it represents a threat to their fragile ego structure.
lmao, they really hate that! lol
YES! Oh my God! Or mess around and don't succeed at something but still walk away from it smiling with your head held high never missing a beat. They get even more offended. Like how dare you not be wallowing and sulking in a cubby hole of self pity like I would!😡
It's so insane like HUH? lol
My experience is they never get over it. They harbor resentment for years. Then go from one injury to the next and the next.
TonyaW
For sure!
totally! They keep the grudge for years!!!
TonyaW they will never forgive you
@@tinac3199 Yes, you are right. They live in unforgiveness.
Agreed! My husband was the king of this. Even though he’d always claim he forgave me and I was the problem.
26 years of criticism. I'm not the person she told me I was!!!!
Pillar Of Light I’m curious...did channels like Dr Ramani’s help you make that choice?
Pillar Of Light my Marmaduke was a special boy. For some reason, I always thought it would be a great name for a marmalade cat. Channels like this (I like to stick with the professionals) really helped me. When I found out her diagnosis, which she’d been lying about for years, I started researching and realised there was no fixing her. Been no contact for two years now.
@@pillaroflight4363 Applauding your "20/20" vision...clarity...bravo YOU.
@@pillaroflight4363 Going on six months for me and ten weeks with very little contact, no calls, no text and no face to face. Only emails! 7 children and 4 still at home. It's a hard road sometimes but well worth the rewards. Stay strong even if you slip up every now and then. Your life will get better with each day that goes by. Best wishes.
Pillar Of Light I am beaming with joy from ear to ear. So so so happy for you ❤️❤️❤️. I am dreaming for my day to come also... to be free. Again, what a beautiful story! ❤️. Fly little Angel, FLY
Something the narcissist might be sensitive about? You mean like... literally everything? ;)
Breathing.
Life
it is not so much what somebody is sensitive about... but how they handle their sensitivity (which we all have, that's why we are not psychopaths),... but if you handle it with projection, entitlement, blaming others then you are a narcissistic person, which is a bad thing for yourself and others...
🤣🤣🤣
LOL
Oh boy, this I can totally relate to. I used to dread making any decisions or suggestions when my Narc husband threw the ball into my court. I had no clue about narcissism while I was still married to him unfortunately. I could never understand his blind rage/overly defensive reactions. I know now where it all came from. Because Narcs operate from a point of deep insecurity, they interpret everything as an attack, criticism or judgement. It’s impossible to keep up with their fragile ego. It was literally like living with a wounded animal which cannot heal. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with any of that anymore.
Nelumbo Nucifera it’s a whole new take on “...you never know what you’re gonna get”.
Marmaduke Scarlet Absolutely! Just that this is not a box of chocolates. It’s Pandora’s Box.
Nelumbo Nucifera maybe that’s the real meaning behind the myth: she released the cluster B’s on the world.
Marmaduke Scarlet Wow! Epiphany😃
Good description. It's like they have to be high above everyone, because if they were below even a tiny bit maybe they'd hate themselves so much they'd make themselves go deep below everyone else.
When I was little, I was interested in psychology and was writing a paper in the 4th grade about schizophrenia (this was above what we were learning, but I was ambitious). I asked my malignant mother how to spell "schizophrenia" and she snapped, "WHY, do you think I am???!!!!" And just went back to whatever it was she was doing. I will never forget that incident and how crazy I felt it was even as a small person.
Wow! I'm sorry you had to experience that as a child. My goodness, I feel for children growing up with narc parents. It's so much more widespread than I imagined.
Precious child 😢
It's kind of like the old saying "darned if you do and darned if you don't"
Only way is to run for the hills and leave the narc behind
Quietly exit without them knowing
Omg exactly!
Exactly!
You absolutely cannot win. Ever. You are the enemy. They have to have someone in place to project their garbage onto. What makes them nuts is that they actually believe their own craziness... their crazy thinking, crazy rationality, crazy fantasies and crazy activity. All crazy, all of the time. But it's your fault.
Silent treatment was the typical reaction in my family. Sometimes after an incident of rage, sometimes the precursor. I grew up walking on eggshells.
Mary Kate Begovich me too. You just wait until things calmed down. Constant stress
The person who raged felt ashamed that they reacted that way, that they lost control of themselves and you noticed it. The silence was because the person felt ashamed.
@@melisentiapheiffer3034 silent treatment is used as a way to control others, plus they are sulking
@@ketrin1710 not always. It can be a result of shame, too.
@@melisentiapheiffer3034 not from narcissists
They will also discard you immediately and then ran off like the relationship had never happened! Let’s celebrate!
Do they never return?
@@coolstorm1307 never
@@woopiemiddleman8232 but a lot pf narcicists hoover and try to return. What about them?
He discarded me because I said to him we need to cool off. He immediately told me to let's just broke up wahhaaah he was scared to be abandoned so he ended it like he's the one saying cool off 👏👏👏
That's not complety true if we consider that a narcissist person tends not to be comfortable with giving away any sense of control or power over your feelings and reality, so much so that they continue digging your grave even after leaving you by themselves. As Dr R pointed out, a narcissist's reaction to injury is really significant. It's war and they must get you down with all their resources before they can continue to the next.
When you discard them and avoid any contact with them, the same but worse happens; they will hoover over you, they will love bomb you, they will try to regain power. They need you, they use you to regain power. So yes, they don't care about you and can forget you quickly, but before all of that and anything else comes their grandiose ego. Whether it's the flying monkeys, hoovering, love bombing, or just being hurtful, they'll get what they want if you don't have the awareness of narcissism let alone any defence mechanism
From my experience, a narcissist will rarely discard you just like that. But if they do, you will quickly see that you're happier without the relationship and are lucky that they left you.
"Hi everyone, it's Dr Ramani-"
*clicks the like button*
I sometimes say it randomly walking around the house 😅
Always a comfort
Hi! Thank you! Blessings!💞💖💕👣🙏Your spot on!!!
I always felt I was walking on eggshells or a minefield with my husband! Now I understand why, however it got to the point I just don’t care 🤷♀️ if he blows up! He is going to blow up either way.
Emmerson Sprocket yup!🥰
I have literally lost so much self worth and have developed several mh issues as a result of a narcissistic parent. I'm exhausted trying to walk on eggshells but also trying to protect myself from the rage. It's unbearable
Same ,, both of mine its been an absolute nightmare,,
one of my narcissistic parents died almost 4 years ago and I don't miss her the other is still alive but I have very limited contact with my father.
@@3monsters014 ❤️❤️❤️
Me too. Narcassistic dad and dated a narcissistic ex for almost 3 years.
Harmonyhope Me too. From childhood, then other narcs i seem to attract, now from,y siblings. If u can, GET OUT, love your wisdom & strength & survival. 🥰
I’m divorcing a narc. He wants to come back but I know if I let him back in, I’ll NEVER hear the end of my “betrayal” even though he’s the reason we ended. All the lies and secrets and controlling crap is for the birds.
DeAnna Mayes If you take him back, it will only get worse. Good luck!
Just remind your self that he doesn't want you back for a valid reason or as a loved one, he wants the "narcissistic supply" you were always giving him !! You don't deserve that you deserve to be loved and appreciated 🙏🏻 may god be with you.
Adenane Safae Very well said. He wants the supply she provided before she realized what he was, which is why people are treated worse if they fall for a hoover.
I wish you well DeAnna. Stay strong. It’s going to be tough but you WILL get through it.
Be strong. You deserve better. It WILL get worse if you cave in. Move forward, not backward. And do learn the warning signs. I didn't know, and this is my 3rd narc. Aiyeeee! But I'm better educated now.
Stay strong and resist! No matter how nasty he gets (and he probably will). You'll be so glad you stuck it out when you look back on it.
I think that maybe because they lack empathy they only see relationships with people in terms of wins and losses rather than connection, partnership and compromise. So maybe they see any type of criticism as "he/see is trying to win so I must defend myself and/or seek revenge."
I think you are onto something. The competition rather than caring or even interest in the other person - unless to get something
Bingo. People are only for my liking. Its always on my terms.
and oh how nuts that is...jeese
Well put - I often felt this way, that she was trying to win a game I wasn't playing and didn't understand. When it came up in conversation, she didn't seem to be able to comprehend that I truly wasn't concerned with power, winning or status. I wish I could've understood these things before it all blew up! 💔
@@klev1111 / I agree. I’m 62 with 3 bad marriages, a broken family & just now figuring out what happened. I hope you are younger & have a lot more to look forward to. Best wishes!
Why would you want to stay in a relationship "Riding out their narcissistic injury"!?
Being the SCAPEGOAT of their RAGE!?
That is why I am SOOOOOO GRATEFUL that I got outta DODGE!!
I think my dad got injured by a quote I posted on IG. It said; "It is when you start seeing that who you are is no longer attached to those who don't _see_ you that you become *FREE.*
My Father, I guess sensing this message was directed at him, meaning my identity isn't attached to him anymore, he commented under the picture (of a bird flying out of a cage) saying "...and then she went SPLAT! Right into the window glass! Poor birdie. 😞😞😞"
The healthy friends around me saw this for what it was and got pissed. Who's loving father says this to someone let alone their own daughter?!?! For me? It was proof. I screen shot the comment and tucked it into my folder of proof that my dad is the issue~ he has his own issues and it's NOT me. He is the poor birdie 🐦 🐦 🐦
I love your starling name. And you are right in your comments!
His projection projected himself into that window! (just come from the video about projection and the narcissist). So glad your friends could see and it was validating you being free from that.
Many people including family hate when you finally find your true self and you start cutting them off as if they never existed
Wow...that is an amazing classic narc story.Stay brave.His personality went 'splat' a long time ago and it's not your fault.
This is powerful. Good for you for seeing the truth! Live free now. ❤
Exactly!! Total Catch 22.
If I texted my ex narcissist he was upset because I texted too much, if I didn't text during the day he would be mad because I didn't text him.
If I complimented him on his looks he accused me of being shallow and that's all I cared about. And if I didn't compliment on him his looks he got mad because I never gave him compliments.
If I made decisions without him he accused me of being selfish and just trying to control things. And if I tried to ask him his opinion about making different decisions he would be mad because I was Consulting him and that I should be able to make those decisions on my own.
Total crazy making.
I am finally healed from missing him. But I'm still dealing with the repercussions of that type of abuse. But I'll get there
Ditto
Totally went through all of these same things as well.
OMGosh! YES!!!! If I called him (after not seeing/hearing from him for 12+ hours after going to “work”, then it was ME who was accused of being controlling! Says he needs words of affirmation, but when they were given, I was told my words meant Nothing! So SO moody...& just an overall walking conradiction.
Yes the changing of mind stuff drove me nuts too!! I was sick for a long while that made me need more sleep so he would say, "yes just stay in bed and relax, take your time to get better".. so I did.. but when he got home the same day he would be like "why are you still in bed, you're always in bed, why not go downstairs and do chores etc".. and on some other day he would say "yes if you're tired just take nap during the day, maybe that helps".. and later that day he would say "are you taking a nap again? You're always in bed"... I just didn't know what to do anymore, because no matter what I did it was always wrong.. they just drive you insane (I eventually had chronic sleep deprevation because of all the stress he put me in and never letting me sleep)
This sounds exactly like my husband.... It's ALWAYS a catch 22 and I can never win, per his design.
"Eggshell walking Catch 22." That sums it up perfectly. Thank you.
People who choose to stay in narc relationships routinely develop back problems due to constant self devaluation from the narc.
Degenerative spondylothethisis...yep me
Interesting
This goes to show you that disease and illness begins in the brain at the subconscious level. It's not something you develop for no reason, and it's never something you can "catch".
Back and fibromyalgia
Hmm. I had back issues all my life, from the time I was about 14, which was when I started to get that haunted and old look on my face. Gradually my back has gotten better, and I look younger the more I deal with this. My younger sister has fibromyalgia.....
So spot on. Darned if you do, darned if you don't. It makes the relationship feel like you're in a game you cannot win. It doesn't do anything good for your self esteem to always lose or to be so unable to be your authentic self and not have to second guess everything.
After 56 years of staying away from my narc parents, they moved close to me. Then I went no contact. These people are so messed up. Thks dr. Ramani, your vids have brought so much insight. Thank you!❤️🙏🏽❤️
My mom was a narc. Omg. It was horrible. Horrible ..
Same situation but less years apart ,, they kept calling police on me after there narc attacks gaslighting and deflecting once I got ssi they were on an agenda of getting control of it ,, when I went to the neighbors for help he brutally attacked me and my dog and I got hardcore charges for it
Inflict your first wound and you are automatically on the discard list.
The one that I inflicted was a "non-event". I cut her off at the bar. The wound turned into a rage.
Then the silent treatment and new supply.
Sometimes, they're just out to rage at you anyway. They come up to you, single you out, say something or ask a question, and at that point you're already doomed because they make it so that EVERY response you could possibly imagine to give them, or even a lack of response, will cause narcissistic rage anyway.
Oh, yes. This is familiar to me. My ex would walk through the world like a keg of gun powder hunting for a match. I think that narcissistic rage brought him release and made him feel powerful, so he looked for reasons to blow up. He would actually smile when he found himself something to feel injured over.
Oh yup. Something my mom would do is ask me really loaded, trap questions that she already the knew the answer to. It would force me to either offend her or tell an obvious lie. And then she’d use my response to start an argument.
This woman is more of a father to me than anyone else
This series is really helping me to understand the relationship I'm transitioning out of now. Thank you for putting it together and making the info so plain and comprehensible, Dr. Ramani.
Learn stay aware and spread to help others
Hope you are doing great now!
Watching this is so provocative and mindblowing, almost infuriating, and yet SO CALMING FOR MY SOUL, amiright?
So very right!
I used to avoid going home after school starting in 5th grade in order to avoid my parents and my brother. I would stay as long as the teacher would let me, usually around 5pm. I was the only child who did this.
Sad dealing with narcicissm at 10
When I was with the narc, I leaned to calm him during rages, sometimes avoid, walk on egg shells, strategize around it. It's like being on high alert in war. I can tell you it changed my brain and who I was then and now after being out for four years. I honestly felt like I had a TMI and had to relearn a lot of things cognitively, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It exhausted me emotionally which I eventually broke down. I used various things to escape after years of being with him and living in such chaos, fear, distress, confusion, emotional abuse, triangulation, etc. I used things like meds, tv, food, smoking.. I even felt physically sick and in pain a lot and would go in a separate room away from him to lay down. Weird that I couldn't physically leave him, but yet couldn't take being around him, but still cared about him. Narc abuse is complex and confusing. I am blessed I'm out and have healed a lot. I can say I am a better person than I ever was but still have some funk and junk residue that comes up. I feel very suspicious and distrustful of people and their motives. I live protected because I value who I am and what I have. However, I now am more isolated because of social distancing.
Well-written, Tammy. I can really relate. Thank you.
Thank you for this! I can totally relate too. It's like you just summed up my thoughts.
Keep going, I wish you well
Thank You Dr. Ramani, I'm living on egg shells and walking on a razor blade with my husband ...I avoid any suggestion and follow him like a duckling follows his mother, but I feel myself empty. I'm not economically indipendent because he didn't allow me to find a job, once I had one he accused me of cheating him and every evening became a hell ,so I left. I feel paralized and looking back into my life , I did nothing for me.
Keep watching sugar! Treat him like he's your favorite dumb animal! You're a winner hon, like us, that's why he fooled you! You'll learn, he needs you and not the other way around. I'm so against marriage, kids but he smoothed him into even giving up my career for him, I'm a forest technician, defender of bambies! Now he walks on eggshells as the kids are older, he rarely gets as much from me as he used to, all a waste of my energy anything, he pays for everything, no Monday blues have I and the children (now young adults) are well taken care of. My aim is to snuff out the circle of abuse and I'm succeeding, dickhead!
I had a similar experience. As a nurse I never left work on time. For the few months I worked, there was no peace. I eventually quit my job. I'm planning on getting another job soon.
@Libsnuts I'm so sorry! There is no way to explain the hurt and humiliation. You'll be ok, all we need is life and good health. You can make it! Please keep placing one foot in front of the other.
@Libsnuts I can understand, I'm with you ❤️ also my children are now young adults, he tried to control their lives too, but fortunately he did not succeed because they choose to expatriate. I miss them so much. I'm trying to get a medical license, but he don't leave me in peace, he ask me to supply his needs just to distract me from my duties. This time I will not let him turn down my dream.
@@Maria-jr7sy Don' t let him. Break free and live
Dear Dr R - your online presence has become so warm and real for me. You are an excellent communicator and so in touch.. Thanks for these recent vids.
So basically, you have to be perfect in your speech, as to not offend them and avoid "Narcissistic injury?" They should have to wear signs that state their condition. Lol
Sherry's Research and Reviews Yes! However, once this disorder is identified, the rest of them are easy to spot. They all do the same thing and use the same language.
Sherry's Research and Reviews Don’t forget, we have to be mind readers too. ;)
@@sarahjohnson8514 Yes. The bible warns us of this type of distorted thinking and helps us to remedy it. Alot of it truly evolves from ego and lack of love for self and others. .
Sad, and we need to be careful.
@@sarahjohnson8514 which nowadays is actually possible. Lol. But only select people have access to the tech, mainly military and medical along with the rich.
Ramani probably knows about it, but she cant tell us. Even if we can read their minds, they still would have an issue. They need some spiritual healing along with psychological. Psyche means soul in greek. (:
@ Sarah Johnson
You are so right! I think that’s why so many had Megan Markle’s number from the jump. So many of us have had to deal with these disordered personalities that we are educated and so recognized the text book behaviors and machinations immediately.
You have just described my husband to a T!! Money is #1 for him!! It's a minefield having a conversation with him!! I never know what's going to set him off & I've been married to him for 30 years! Remember that famous line from Rocky? You can't win!! I tried saying nothing, too & he puts words in my mouth & gets angry at what he thinks I'd say or thinks I'm thinking!!!
You nailed it on my rage issues! He could have me a crying, shaking mess with his frequent rages. I grew up in an angry home.
Thanks for these very helpful & enlightening glossary videos!!
Please be kind. Leaving is often not that easy to do especially after decades. Lisa, thank you for sharing. Many say ACA is a wonderful place to receive support and understand our patterns for anyone who may be interested in exploring that. Take care. 💗
@@daringtobe just watch what happenes
@@daringtobe thank you for your response. I was upset & decided not to comment after these videos anymore. I thought about it & I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish but being more upset was definitely not my intention.
Thank YOU, Lisa, for sharing your story.
Im actually glad that I caused a narcissistic injury to my covet ex best friend. I wouldn't know that she is a narcissist because I think she discared me for that (thank God). This people can criticise you all the tims and mock you and laugh at you and put you down but when you say a hurtful thing to them ( even if it was not your intention to hurt them) they will explode and rage and never forget about it. when they revenge and you go no contact they will blame you for being sensitive. Also if someone can't accept the idea that you are a human and you make mistakes then maybe it means the person is having a false and unrealistic concepts and expectations about life and people .
When they find you and see that you are attentive and giving them validation you are literally perfect. They may say that to you "you are perfect". But their excessive anger or even passive aggressive tantrums for even the small situations confuse you. Because, people who love you and call you perfect wouldn't behave this way. You'd expect them to respect and be sensitive towards you. You'd expect them to apologize and change their behavior if they realised they hurt you. But they just don't!!
When they see you made a mistake they will throw those tantrums or go into an all out rage. And then give you the silent treatment. It literally feels like they're punishing you for not behaving the way they want. Or they may simply insult you. They will use that opportunity to project their shortcomings on to you. They expect you to be perfect while they will want to behave the way they want. And they expect you to validate them.
Loll same one day I got mad n said everything that I felt was in my heart n mind about her behavior everything she ruined my name n then after a while she discarded me it was very painful at first but then I realized I got saved thank God.
Im also glade i made a narcissitic injury to my covert friend, he been telling me all the time that is people that have the wrong idea of him, miss understands him and hurt him. He been telling me things what other ppl would say abt him, so in my head i use to say if its not true why is he saying this over and over again, when i pop the question, this man hurt me so bad he said i was the one who hurt him, his like a big baby, he broke down and put on a show just so i can feel bad, and when i apologize he felt better but never apologize for all the things he said to me, judge me and scorn me but his life is secretive. He only said well im.sorry for putting u on the spot. To this day i don't consider him to be my friend anymore
@@len1045678 same . My covert friend always complain and say this one hurt me and that one is bad and toxic. After I went no contact she used a flying monkey that was a mutual friend and washed her brain about me . I became the bad person now. I realised that all the people that she said were bad to her are actually people who saw through her bullshit exactly as I did.
Thank you Ramani for empowering all the survivors.
Narcs are deeply injured hence they end up injuring people around.Their injury can never be healed till death,but ours can be healed and we become stronger in all the broken places.It injures them so much.
‘Egg shell walking catch 22’. Yup! Great video.
Ramani knows her stuff so well, she packs all this info in a short time without missing a beat or losing her track. And she looks sooooo cuddly!
My narc mom used to get very angry if I sighed , whilst she threw tantrums. I would close my eyes and look down, because it made me feel tired and sad.
She'd have me backed against the wall yelling in my face, as if she were a drill sergeant. And in that time, I'd better not sigh or have any micro expressions, during the whole thing.
One day I asked her if I did something wrong, because for a while, she was bursting into my room, at 5 am ( when she had to get up for work) and she would be raging about something. It was like she was trying to catch me at a vulnerable state (sleeping) I just wanted to know why she did it and that sent her into a fury..
" I DO WHAT THE F*** I WANT TO DO IN MY HOUSE!! IF YOU'RE FEELING TOO GROWN, GET OUT!!"
All I wanted to do was understand why this was happening, but she saw it as me questioning her authority.
Seas _Wallace She sounds more like a borderline personality. Same family of psychological personality disorder called cluster B. My sister is a borderline who goes into same unhinged rages. She is most definitely not narcissistic, but it's interesting how this particular trait is shared among cluster B types.
Omg did we have the same mom?!😩
Narcissist in my life barged into my room multiple times in the morning while I was asleep to open my balcony door to see if her rabbits were still in the neighbours yard. The behaviour was so baffling because we already established that all she had to do was talk to the neighbours and get permission to grab them. There is no need to "check if they are still there" multiple times in the morning. I didn't even mind she did this, it was just she didn't care to make less noise while I was asleep. When I raised that she could just be more quiet she raged at me and asked me why I had no empathy for her situation. I asked her right back if she had any empathy for me, and she answered "No! Because you annoy me." If me sleeping in my room is annoying, then you know everything I did while awake was wrong and therefore, justified her awful treatment of me.
I hope you did get out. Made me think of a situation when I shared an apt with someone. They pulledthat bursting into my room yelling a few times. We really hadn' t even known each other long. They were totallyout of place. Over time it became evident that they were a sociopath, and that wasn' t my diagnosis.
@@annamelanie5151 My oldest child is borderline. I ubderstand how it came to be. It breaks my heart for them because it is very difficult for them to navigate in the world and to maintain any good relationships.
Narcissistic injuries become an "EGGSHELL WALKING CATCH-22" for those in relationship with a narcissist. --GOOD ONE Dr Ramani !! So true!
Listening to Dr. Ramani, I'm reminded of that old Roberta Flack song, 'Killing Me Softley'. The lyrics are worth looking me up.
Story of my life. Glad I've gone no contact but sad I allowed myself to live this way for so long. Thank you Dr. Ramani for letting me know I'm not the crazy one 💖
Hi i have a lot of narcisists people in my life i feel alone all my pain and trauma please god protect me and us good people all 😢
@Marcela Araujo hi thank you for now its better i send you a hug 😘
@@adrianoriminucci4446 The comment section in Dr. Ramani' s videos are a great place to find validation and strength. Hope you are well.
@@stompthedragon4010 for now i'm well i'm healing thanks
After 34 years I finally know that I’m not crazy. The description of a Malignant Narcissist’s behavior is unbelievably precise to what I’ve experienced. Now, I understand what has been happening to me. For the past month I have binge watched your videos. I’m only sorry I didn’t know about narcissism years ago. Thank you for all your help.
Dr Ramani , kindly speak about Financial Abuse too
Mala Rai I second this so hard!!!
Yes! And how obsessive they get about money
Saying "no" to a last minute request and dealing with extreme rage when you have told them over and over again your boundaries for the request for years. raging is a deal breaker for myself in any relationship and to bad for the adult who tantrums when you say "no". My own teenagers never rage and we communicate about everything. They can have boundary and I respect them and they respect mine as a parent. I LOVE how honest and open our relationship is:) Plus we laugh our loud and proud laughter and I don't care who it annoys anymore.
Thank you Dr Ramani you help me leave my toxic narcissist partner of 22 years I've been watching you for months build myself back and left ...thank you for sharing your great knowledge with us !
My mother and Sister would always pick on me as a child and adult. I got many insults, judgment about my intellect and suffered from a lot of narcissistic abuse because of them. Because of this I became hypereactive and triggered if someone said negative comments to me or made jokes. Sometimes bullying can make someone really reactive; it use to make me feel such shame and humiliation. Now I’m in therapy and I’m much happier
:))
Thank you Dr Ramani for a great video x
Hi everyone! I’ve been thinking of summarising my story to you all, and I think I’ve finally found the right video to write it upon. I was in a relationship with a male partner for over three years which resulted in both physical and psychological abuse. Long story short, I unknowingly caused him a narcissist injury while we were talking about his friends. Because I wasn’t aware of all this pathological patterns, what was supposed to be a normal conversation ended up in him trying to strangle me on our sofa. I felt so scared, but more importantly, I was shocked by this other personality of his that I hadn’t met before. He looked like a total different person to me. Being encouraged by my friends and family, I reported him to the police and they arrested him for a period of two days. After that, I pushed him to leave the house which he did unwillingly. I still remember the expression of his face on the day he left. I could see how much he hated me for these two major narcissist injuries he was experiencing. It’s not something I feel proud of; however, what I’m really trying to say is that even the steps we take to protect ourselves can also be perceived as threats by them. Be careful! Once you manage to get out of that miserable hole the put you in, either because you break up with them out they discard you, do never come back. I’m still in the process of healing from such a horrible experience, and I’ve only been able to work on myself thanks to all these videos. The more information you get, the less confused you feel. What I’ve just told you happened three months ago. Even though I might still feel like I miss him somehow, I am damn sure I don’t want him any more in my life. Stay safe!
That relationship was fatal. You should be greatful to God you came put alive. You have a second chance to live. The second you miss him, think of the day he tried to struggle you
Hello! I hope that you are in a better place now than you were two years ago and that today you realize that you can be proud of yourself. You did the right thing. The sentence "it's not something I'm proud of" caught my eye.
No need to feel guilty. That is not true self-love. Always put your needs first. Feeling guilty for the sake of defending your life and integrity makes no sense. Be objective.
BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!You should be proud !You got him out of your life!I applaud your bravery.STAY BRAVE!!!
You are lucky to be alive!
Im so sorry to hear what you went through. My narc started to withdraw and with held sex. I called them out about the love bombing and the mask slip. I got 2 weeks of silence and then a discard accompanied by a barrage of insults of how it was my fault because of XYZ. They were like ice, dead behind the eyes. Scary, scary stuff. I hope you are healing well.
Dr Ramani is one of the smartest people in the world!
In some ways, this is the best video on Narcissism - Particularly if you’re an Empath, like me...
Every time I watch one of your videos it's like having someone reaching into my subconscious mind and give me just a little bit more order and meaning to the chaos. This gives me so much understanding and validation allowing me to gain more and more peace. Thank you.
Dr Ramani ,you have changed my life , I’ll be forever grateful.Thank you so much .
After 21 years I now see the exact description of my ex-- whom I finally left 4 weeks ago.
Thank you for affirming my intuition. He is a monstrous narcissist abusive to the bone. It nearly destroyed me, but like the Phoenix I rise.
this is such a compassionate explanation of the narcissist experience of life
When a narcissist screams at someone in public, they think they are winning, but they are actually just making an ass out themself
I have this strange dread when I see a new video to watch (because it’s a new revelation of how awful a situation it is I’m confronting - yet still trying to deny...maybe??) Then I am relieved with a sense of overwhelming liberation when Dr Ramani puts my exact experiences/sentiments into plain English, and I remember my dignity. My gratitude for this channel knows no limits. Thank you!
Fifth grade, misspelled audible. Decades ago and can remember everything at that moment vividly. 😁
As always, much to process. Thank you.
Sharing a genuine concern that would normally be an expression of love or caring, a level of intimacy that a would ‘ normally’ draw people together, build trust.. often has a opposite affect ..a hurtful consequence! It can create so darn much confusion and ultimately, emotional distance. It’s the exact opposite of your initial loving intention. Very sad 😢
Oh my god, you put it into words. I'm a naturally chatty person, but by my teenage years I had gone completely silent. It's the only way to survive in a narcissistic household: say and do as little as possible, as carefully as possible.
It's like unknowingly stepping onto a stage play without a script. There's a drama taking place right in front of you and you are in it. And, everyone else has their part and knows their lines except you. You walk away and feel the curtains slowly close behind you.
As a son of a narcissist I had horrific, terribly scary dreams for decades. They have finally subsided and this last year, at 68, is the best year of my life. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Thank you, Dr Ramani, you literally saved my life! 💗
2.5 yrs of back and forth. Being thrown out, love bombed. Thrown out of his home every 2 mins, left homeless. Finally I lost it, and pushed him. He called the police and I got arrested. He had this evil grin on his face as I was being taken away. Very demonic! 6 years of studying and it has potentially cost me my career. He actually did me a favour because i kept going back, as i was heart broken and would return just to go through the same cycle.. loved up, devalued, discarded. Being on bail actually saved me as I it forced me to stay away. Enough to reflect and go NO CONTACT. Now hes trying to drop the charges...Im devasted i will have a criminal record. But atleast im alive and out of that crazy cycle!
He really messed up, because I AM DONE! I would either wind up dead or in prison. There is absolutely NO reasoning with them.
I feel sorry for his next victim..
#byefelicia...👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽
So much Love and Honor. PLEASE continue to guide our Community in our Collaborative healing!!!❤️💐❤️
Oh ok so are we just going to ignore that “plastic Surgeon comment?” Cause that was hilarious 😂🤣😅 Dr. Ramani you are a Boss 💯.
Narc rage I find when your near the truth of a situation
It makes my day to see you talk. Such a beautiful energy.! Thank you for this knowledge sharing Dr. Ramani!!
Dr. Ramani's videos are bittersweet. Don't get me wrong; I am so grateful for every bit of her content & appreciate all the hard work put into this platform. It's just that they are a sad reminder that for 2+ decades, while alive, I have not been living. The eggshells transformed into shards of glass at some point. I have mentally, spiritually, & physically injured myself by trying to avoid his narcissistic injuries & unpredictable rage. I feel stuck on Survival Mode Autopilot. But I continue to educate myself by way of Dr. Ramani. Her videos give me more clarity today than I've had in a long time. Next up, Dr. Ramani's books! Thank you for this much needed opportunity to express myself. 😌🙏🏽💙
My narcissistic mother used to say herself that if i asked her anything she'd scream and yell in my face first... then she'd actually think about what I'd asked and respond. "You've got to cut people some slack, Eliza. You're far too sensitive." 5 years with complete separation from her has been very good for me.
My son's father took Everything as a Competition. My friends, my family, any of my achievements, etc. He was Out to Win !
I'm grateful to have learned so much watching your videos and others like it. I gave her to much power. I gave her my emotions, my heart, my care. I allowed her the ability to control my emotions. My happiness revolved around her happiness and only when she was content, I was content. It all was a facade though. I have come a long way. It's not all her fault, my father taught me to put women first. He taught me to make sure she's happy so that in turn I may be happy. I had to go to therapy to understand that. I had to admit a lot of hurtful but constructive truth. I'm grateful for lessons, I'm grateful for who I am today. I thank you for your videos, for your insight.
Your eyes speak louder than your words do dr. WOW 😳 THANK YOU for your time and help.
Allow me to demonstrate what a narc injury is: My malignant narc brother has been stalking me for years because he's a complete loser in all aspects of life. He had huge potential just like his father, but chose to do nothing with his life and takes his inadequacies as a man out on his only sister who once loved him. He's such a toxic individual and stalks me so thoroughly and constantly, that I am 100% positive that he will see this message within an hour or two.
If you point out their obsessive nature, that is also a narc injury.
Holy crap, I feel like you are reading a relationship book on my life! I had no idea money was a narcs thing! He is OBSESSED with money. Looking at the bank accounts several times a day, hiding secret stocks, hiding money. Thank you for opening my eyes.
You are so good at presenting this material with details and making it easy to understand...in an interesting and entertaining manner..You are the best Dr Ramani
She killed my dog as a threat to me. No one believed me. She threatened this for months, then she pushed me against the wall, just hours after my dog died and warned I was next if I didn't do what she said. This was 10 years ago, I still think about it everyday, and she still is walking free, doing this to others. They must be stopped.
TRUST is like a crystal glass that once it's broken its hard to put the pieces back together and when you try to fix them, you might get puncture and get hurt. The crystal glass would never be the same no matter what, that is why it's important to apply wisdom when dealing with our partners and i believe smartness is essential in any relationship. I got help from (Cybertech-tracker) as he helped cloned my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone Text messages, Imessages, Facebook, Instagram, Whats-app, Skype, Kik, Twitter, Snap-chat, Email and social media chats without touching his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist but I'm glad to uncover his deceits, secrets and Infidelity. All I did was share his phone number with (cybertech-tracker) and i was able to read his recent and deleted messages from my phone without laying my hands on his phone and he has no idea his phone has been cloned. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in the UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this great hacker via Gmail (cybertechtracker) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and Whats-app : +1 (202) 697-7171. Thank me, later...#Stay-safe & Stay-home
Having to manage difficult personalities was a feature of my adolescence. It was absolutely exhaustng.
So true! 💯💯It’s so draining because you never know what causes the injury; any little thing can trigger them. You have to walk on eggshells so you don’t offend them, but you have to tolerate everything they give to you. Also you don’t know offends them until the snap on you, because they don’t feel they should have to explain themselves ever! They are just unhealthy people to be around. 😩😩
Yup this is a perfect description of my ex-bf.
Exactly my parents.. I’m no contact & life is way less drama. Thanks for your fabulous explanation.
This was very validating. I was expecting all the stuff about families and romantic partners, but she also perfectly described my last job, which I ended up needing to quit. Everybody knew this one person was horrible, especially to me. And no one -- not even her superiors -- wanted to confront it because they didn't want to deal with her tantrums and vindictiveness. Even in my exit interview, my boss tried to commiserate with me and I was just internally like, umm, you are her actual boss. Find your balls and do something about her before all your best employees leave, coward. But, honestly, so many offices are like that and they don't do anything about it. The place had relatively good pay and benefits, so I think they were used to people just putting up with that BS. But nothing could make me want to put up with someone like that forever.
Omg. I know what you mean by her superiors not doing anything about it. It's crazy that the person who has more power ends up being at the mercy of such a person. At my last job, my narc supervisor got away with her BS because the manager enabled her nonsense. At our last meeting, she dominated the conversation and the manager just sat there quietly while that woman showed that she was clearly narcissistic. None of the things she said made sense and her behaviour was childish. But the manager just sat there, powerless. To this day I really do think she was blackmailing him behind the scenes because he was a predator. He sexually harassed his staff and would also date some of his staff.
@@bellam7546 Nowaday its hard for bosses to fire a woman , homosexual, trans and black people without significant reason
Yes Workplace Bulling is horrible and often the Institution does nothing out of shame. This is a major health hazard as proven by the research. That was smart to get out. Workplace bulling Institute (Gary and Ruth Namie) are awesome!
You hit the mark right between the eyes darlin, bravo. The memories this triggers are exhausting to behold.
After living with the narc i see that answers about plastic surgery perfectly suitable. I used to let questions like that just slide but now i dont see them that innocent. Choosing people around me way more careful.
Thank you doctor Ramani for the daily videos. I’m getting a lot of clarity on my social anxiety. I’m now being counselled by an expert in narcissistic abuse. So different from a regular hypnotherapist
Yeah, at this point, I'm kind of understanding where my anxiety and depression has come from. For some of us, I think it was planted in us from the people we were around growing up.
How did you find someone who is an expert in this? I think this may be the reason I cannot ever get “fixed.”
I feel like you’re narrating my entire past relationship right now. The secrecy, bad with money, overly sensitive, rage
What is also nauseating is the Narcissist tactic of seeing the world and situations in Black & White. Please do a video on this topic.
I’m literally crying real tears. When you said to a child dealing with narcissist parents the rage seems like a mystery. Wow did you ever hit a nerve with that one. My whole life was psychological abuse with my narcissistic adoptive grandparents I am really really shocked at how this is so important I watched these videos.
Yes, it takes a lot of extra energy to contend with a narcissist. It's so draining that it's hard to get out once I'm in.. bc I no longer have energy to go
@J.L.W I just try to not argue.
Don't let yourself be a victim, it's not good enough. You're enabling somebody do something they shouldn't and you have a responsibility to yourself. If putting up with this person is draining your energy anyway, use that energy to get out and look after yourself, not him/her. This isn't a situation that will get better on its own, and you'll be glad you got free, even if it's an effort. Life's too short to waste it on people like that.
@J.L.W yes I think I know what u mean when u say 'they dont walk through the front door'. Theres some gymnastics involved. I'm just direct as can be and dont understand it
@@tjw2911 that's a point. Life is short..but it is also long and painful sometimes
This video saved me this morning. So much cognitive dissonance . Thank you. Videos like this have helped so many. God bless
Thanks, Dr. Ramani! This series has been so helpful! I wonder whether some narcissists actively seek out injury because at some level they enjoy the rage and want an excuse to let it fly because it makes them feel powerful. That's what my experiences with my ex felt like - more a deliberately laid minefield than eggshells.
I wondered the same about my narc ex-bf, I thought at the time that maybe he was an “anger addict” and actually enjoyed his blowups on some level. I didn’t know anything about narcissism at the time.
I wondered the same about my narc ex-bf, I thought at the time that maybe he was an “anger addict” and actually enjoyed his blowups on some level. I didn’t know anything about narcissism at the time.
I’ve seen that rage especially when I stick up for myself and he can’t find his door mat eggshell power source that I was before Dr. Ramani. She helped me along with counceling to realize I was under the control of a covert narcissist. When you finally understand what you’re dealing with you start to take your power back from these defective creatures.
I love hear u talk n how you help us ❤️ .. my partner is narcissist n m BPD .. I struggle to understand myself n understand him or situation .. jus too much
My narc "remodeled " my house (which took 3 years while I paid all of his bills and paid him and he never finished it and didnt do a great job. I finally got him out of my house but we are still in contact (trauma bonded)
So i have been hiring people to finish my house as i can afford it (he devastated me financially)
I had windows installed-one of the things i paid him for that he didnt do)
When he saw them he lost it! Said i was stupid for spending the money, they didn't a terrible job, etc
Stormed off and gave me the silent treatment until he needed something from me
Thanks to you, Dr Ramani, i knew that I was witnessing a narcissistic injury and although it was upsetting, it helped me to deal with his rage calmly without defending myself
Dr Ramani, I love everything about your messages. You are gifted and special and such a joy to listen to.
You touched a nerve when you mentioned your spelling bee. Encyclopedia. 2nd grade. Forty years later and I’m still wondering how I missed it. 😅😂
Thank you for the work you do. It’s saving my life. Literally.
I remember my covert narcissistic mother and her evil, screaming,unhinged rages as a child.If i didn't clean her bathroom right.As teenager she would go off on the clothes i was wearing for school even though I was clean and appropriate.You think the has to be an end to this,but only a few years ago when she was in personal care i remember running out of her room when she started with the evil, unhinged screaming.I thought i was so evolved but i still froze. I also remember the work place were people walked on eggshells around tempermental ceos who were lowering standards. In my case it was hospitals. And they did get shut down because the unethical lowering of standards .I cannot begin to tell you how much i appreciate your videos.It almost feels like a miracle that I'm finally getting validated. I always felt i was too sensitive and maybe distorted things but yet know i really didn't. Even therapy never made things this clear to me.
Happens to us all the time from our narc. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I love that summary of narcissistic relationships - egg shell-walking catch-22 😑 so sadly true
Dr. Ramini, you are my therapeutic go-to whenever I need it to help me navigate through the mire of confusion and oppression with a narcissist family member. I can’t thank you enough for your wisdom and knowledge and just being there to help me on that path. ❤️
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for making this channel! I have learned SO much about a topic that I had no idea about! Narcissism goes much deeper than I ever knew. Thanks for your clarity! Everything that has happened to me in the past 10 years makes TOTAL sense now! I always knew I wasn’t crazy...
Watching this reminds me of something an encouraging friend said to me when I was in teacher's college. "I guess kids can now choose to be like you, and not have to be like their parents." You are one of the best professional parents ever, and proof that no matter what age, you can be of huge benefit to all! Everyone can use your sage advice and learned wisdom sometimes, no matter what age your viewer, and no matter where we are in life. You have helped me and taught me so much! I so look up to you. You are the VERY BEST!!! THANK YOU!!