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All of this... thank you for being such great communucators of this difficult topic. It pretty much makes 100% sense to me and has helped me enormously. Again, thank you so much!

If the borderline is undiagnosed haven’t you any sympathy for them not knowing how they hurt others? You unfairly didn’t say one word about borderlines that are working very hard to get better. All you did was make us out to be monsters like there’s no chance of changing. I didn’t hear you once say how horrible the things some children go through to turn out to be borderlines. Do you think we enjoy this horrible disorder? Shame shame on both of you! I thought you were both therapists. I used to watch your videos, now I know not to do that anymore. See, we borderlines can do the right things too.

Guys, the intro is so sad and lonely. I love it very much. It was such a sweet lullaby during my estrangement. I was not alone because of you. And even if now I don't give a damn of the estrangement anymore, I pop up and see you from time to time. My friends. And what do I think about this now. That we are normal. We believed in brotherhood. We are great brothers and sisters. This is all that matters.

Cast out I was homeless for 8 months living in my car. My olders sisters passed away. I miss them so much. I was closer to them than my brothers. My brothers sound angry with me if I ask for any help. They only help me at a certain point. The worst was when I was grieving over the lost of my sisters.

Thank you for this video. My excommunication is going on 8 years now. It is an aggravating thing to lose ground in the healing process by small bits of input from my abusers. My younger sister and mother were very deliberate in cutting me out of all things family. At the beginning they seemed smug and almost cocky about it. Now dad’s health is failing and mom is getting a bit “noodly” and demanding that it’s a child’s duty to take her in when dad passes. 🤷‍♂️. Too bad they shunned for years the daughter that was an RN working in long term care for 32 years. Sister who kinda started it all is now doing the whole “Shame on Annette for not calling the parents”. Ugh! These are the times I bite my tongue and ignore them all right back.

It's incredible the decisions I've made about people/situations in order to protect myself from emotional pain/manipulation. Unfortunately my mums a covert narcissist and it was my youngest sister who realised it. She told my sister no 2. We are all estranged from sister 3. Sister 4 then told me. I watched loads of videos. Realised it was true sadly and I was able to give credibility for this to sister no 2. Then I realised (sister no 1) that my mum had been triangulating us daughters forever. We've all been enablers, scapegoat, golden child (grandchildren too). We are quite traumatised with the discovery. We all have our issues anyway. It's a right royal mess. Trust is completely broken down for me. I'm now seeing the narcissist traits in my SIL and it's really painful experience. She has a different style to my mum. My mum is covert. SiL is less discrete. More openly narc (comments). My sister no 2 is similar. I could have protected myself decades ago if only I'd known. I've caused myself so much pain and torment because I wasn't able to handle it. It's a form of bullying. My husband is fantastic. Without him my addictions were out of control (alcohol). We both stopped drinking, got married. 14 years together. I'm nearly 60 and apart from my husband I don't have any friends. I've cut individuals or big groups of people out of my life when I perceive potential harm. I'm super sensitive. Don't think I get it right at all but having a covert narcissist mother I didn't stand a chance. My dad's biggest relationship was/is with alcohol. He's entitled. He thinks his 5 daughters should be there for him even though he's never featured in our life. According to him he changed my nappy so that's why he's my dad. Life is hard. Emotionally painful 💔

Hindsight: You can't ever defend or protect yourself from narcissist traits when you don't know what narcissism is. I wish I knew before so I could have protected myself better. Too late now. I've made mistakes and I'm not the most thoughtful person but I try to do the right thing and be really supportive.

Thank you so much for this! New subscriber and I am going to the blog as well.

My toxic sibling is the devil! Once I seen this, I cannot Unsee it. Going N.C. Was the best decision I ever made. I got there in an instant 100% without effort. Once I realized it was all a LIE, not to mention the abuse, triangulation, Betrayals, character defamation, gossiping, etc. To have stayed would’ve been no point because there ain’t no sense in arguing with a fool.

It certainly wasn't the use of texting or technology which caused the cracks in the foundations of my sibling relationship. 🙄 (eyeroll emoji indicating an upward turning of the eyes especially as an expression of annoyance, exasperation, disbelief, etc.) Values differences between siblings is the issue, particularly in relation to elderly caregiving duties and responsibilities. There is more focus on the in-laws family and their fortune. 💰🤑

I tried from when I was the abused scapegoat at 15 until age 67. I tried, they chose not to see the family pattern or change. So finally I realized the dysfunction was bad for me. They can chose how to be, I chose to let them go with love for both them and myself.

2 Timothy 3 New King James Version Perilous Times and Perilous Men 3 But know this, that in the last days [a]perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, [b]unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth

I usually do t take the time to comment on RUclips content. However, 11 minutes and 33 seconds in I had to pause and comment. Had I been keeping a tally while listening thus far, it would easily be in the double digits as to how many times the two commenters have continuously echoed and reinforced each other’s opinions on the subject discussed with the repeated use of the filler self-affirmational crutch words of “Right.” “You know.” “Yeah.” “Of course.” “Absolutely.” Although the frequency and seemingly unconscious use of these terms lead me to think otherwise, I certainly hope that either of these therapist would not lead a client while in session to a particular conclusions that sides with the therapist point of view. Words can have tremendous weight, especially in regards to psychodynamic therapy or “talk therapy.” It is best for all, but in particular for clinicians, to be mindful of choosing them carefully and with conscious intent.

I think that only 1% of people is normal. 😅 I think that here is the cause.

Great. Now tell me how to get my brothers back. They’re all well aware that our mother is a nightmare, since they continue to deal with her after I backed away.

How many narcissistic parents drove wedges between their children. My mother did.

Two of my siblings passed away, but we really were strange when they moved out and then there’s one that we’ve disowned each other because it’s my fault that mom and dad died. It’s my fault for everything even though she’s been married nine times in the Mormon church so who is without sin cast the first Stone

After 5 years of weekly therapy, I was finally made aware of the narcissistic abuse I had been subjected to for decades at the hands of my 3 older sisters. My choice was no contact as a means of healing and recovery. Best decision, it’s been 4 years on NC wi the one and 1.5 years with the other two. I’ll never go back. The invalidation and gaslighting would never change and I’d rather use my energy for myself and on the people who actually love me.

I had three sisters and a brother, Karen, Karen, Karen and Karen. They are all boomers and I am Gen X. Oil and water….

My sister has not spoken to me in thirty five tears. Only once at moms and dads funeral...then telling me to "pull myself uo vy the bootstraps" wish u luck Ive only tried to be there for her when she was younger. Sometimes i think jesus im so done with my family.

I'm trying to understand the way my brother has treated me and I want to feel that it's not ME that has the problem. I've searched high and low for answers and I've gone back through decades trying to find an answer and now I'm having to watch videos like this to give some sort of definition to the different things I feel. How do you get past the confusion and questioning your sanity?

The lawyer i just spoke with, started out seeming to listen. Then she was repeating and just speaking over. Obviously not hearing me. Not the first time .... Son of a bich ! When does this frickin stop?

It can be true that a person is hsp and their sibling is a complete monster. Calling someone hsp sounds too close to someone saying a person is "too sensitive". Adding words like over thinking and rumination is walking a tight rope of victim blaming. Often being hsp would be a result of having an abusive family. As opposed to being mutually exclusive factors. It's also not easy to understand yourself. So it would be easy to be in this situation and not be aware that the two are connected.

My sibling shouldn't be the least bit suprised that I never wish to speak to them again. Instead they incarnated themself as every single person, animal, plant, insect and bacteria on the planet. Wouldn't you say that is a little unfair and irrational behavior? How do you get away from a sibling like that? How do you get them to take the hint?

I’m currently dealing with my late mother’s estate with my estranged, volatile brother. He remembers every mistake that I’ve made, has already brought up events from 30 years ago. I made one mistake during this process, and I’m waiting for him to throw it in my face.

Thank you to you both for this video! It's comforting and affirming, and mirrors my own experience of having to go NC at age 65, with two sisters and their families. It's brutal but necessary...again, THANK YOU!

THIS is EXACTLY what I am dealing with! My younger sibling hasn’t been diagnosed but her behavior is obsessive in trying to contact me and emotionally and verbally abusive too towards me and I have had to block her and go “no contact!” She doesn’t do this to our other sibs! She is 53! I’ve had more than enough and need to protect my sanity and well-being!

My mother is the real problem and has already alienated others from the family. She also did so to me. I was somewhat of a scapegoat and I tried to stand up for myself and say no, I am in this family and I'm included. My sisters followed her lead and because of it I've been isolated for decades. I feel the love and I feel the need for my family and I'll reach out but most of them won't say anything. It never stops being heart-wrenching.

My hubby is voluntarily estranged from his 4 brothers and i think the brothers are from one another unless the wives make an effort on their behalf. So maybe brothers are more prone to estrangment? As for me, after going through a stressful period where my one sister and i have been working together over our mother's care recently...ive been seeing yet again how one sided our relationship is. Never asking about my life or even visiting me as 2 hours driving is too far for her to even consider it. We have met half way on occasion because we have been trying. And yet ive been driving that 2 hours distance for years to visit and to look after our mother while they didnt do much of that in reality. Her 30 year old 'boys' are also uninterested in me...and ive given my all in this respect to connect with them. Friendly, kind, understanding, the easy going auntie. But now im going to detach a bit from what i feel to be entrenched self centeredness following my mum going into a care home. It put to the test sibling issues! I do feel that inner battle ...one minute thinking I'm being too difficult about it, lacking in generosity of spirit, and then feeling no, ive had enough of being taken for granted, just like in our past. Glad to find your channel which is timely for me.😊

What are the Facebook group they mentioned URLs?

On my birthday 4 years ago my dad's brother died and then my dad stopped talking to me. Two months ago my mom died suddenly of cancer and my family doesn't reach out to me or talk to me. I have been out of state for over 10 years and all of my siblings have stayed very close to Mom and Dad's house It's been really really hard for me to say the least. Everyday I wake up and realize I don't have family And I came from a huge family with all so many niches and nephews. I even have people block me and keep me out of the loop on things so finally I stop reaching out nobody reaches back out to me I guess it's better like this. Really strange how my mom literally was the glue that held the family together. I am so grateful now that I don't have kids I have always been grateful but now in a new brand new way I'm grateful that I don't have kids.

Family are just a bunch of strangers we’re put on this planet with and expected to get along with.

My BPD brother deliberately set my house on fire at 2 am, while I was sleeping. I’m lucky to be alive. To add insult to injury, he’s doing his best to defame me with my extended family and friends - making himself into the victim. Yet, I still feel guilt that there might have been more I could have done.

18:29 Stuffing and numbing are from overload, imo

What about tactics? invasion of privacy, unlawful entry, forgery of documents following, identity theft,,tying knots in eveything(reminiscent of stallag 13). Have experienced ALL of these things and more! Ongoing, and things are coming to a head. Say a prayer for me.

I've estranged from my siblings. They bring drama, stress & sorrow. No need for more of that in my life. Had to prune the family tree.

My sibling continued the cycle of abuse, and I broke it, so …

Hmmmm, I believe siblings growing apart and distant is normal biological behavior. It’s clear that animal siblings adore each other when young but rarely if ever interact as adults. I can enjoy talking to my brother but haven’t done so in years. We text occasionally. Why? Nothing astonishing, no bitterness, but he lives far away, we have little in common, and I have no interest in interacting with his wife who’s a fundamentalist Christian, simple as that. I think people make too big of a deal over “estrangement,” which is often nothing more than a family relationship that’s run its course and is no longer close knit. No hatred or parental dysfunction involved. Don’t get lost in the weeds over this phenomenon.

I love your advice. Factual, straight to the point. Starting with ''avoiding playing the same drama card''..Following on with the advice of ''solidiifying relationships with people around you who KNOW you so that they won't become flying monkeys''...Well when the brother and sister that you brought up and fought for all their lives against the Narc Mother fall under the influence of that Narc Mother and her golden child it is a hard realisation that it IS the people closest to you that you trusted that decide to prop up that family dynamic and get pleasure from isolating that one person that you thought they'd stick up for. .A lack of certain character traits is what's evident here. You know the good ones like discernment, bravery etc. But they are too busy trying to fix the Narc. They think they are doing good and it is her targets fault for speaking out. She plays a good game. They both do. Years of fixating on her problems has people thinking she needs all the help instead of the fact she's creating drama.

My sons no longer have anything to do with each other because of their wives. As a parent I am so heartbroken as these boys were so close. I have said even if your wives dont get on why cant you see each orher alone. I can no longer have my family together. I have grandchildren who do not know each other. I have been told not to interfere and I wont. I love my sons but I am so angry with the wives. One is passive aggressive and the other feels she is always right and very stubborn. All because of covid vaccinations. One didn't want the vaccine whilst she was pregnant which I supported. The other was angry because she had to be vaccinated for work. I told my dil that I was not going to alienate my dil because of her personal choice. So it is also a bit of a strained relationship with her. So very stuck in the middle. I have tried to be diplomatic so my sons are also in the middle. Eventually I feel I will have to say something. I would rather my boys have a relationship and we step back. I am just so desperately sad.

But why did she laugh when you were talking about hikikiomori? Vibes were weird. I appreciate the more curious and compassionate take from the other person.

In a family ruled by a narcissist, emotions are something to be ashamed of when they are not used as means for coertion or emotional blackmail. There can't be fraternity but rivalry.

I appreciate your talk but I had to read the transcription. In order to listen to him I had to high up the volumen and her voice then souns too loud. I think I have some kind of sounds hypersensibility especially with high pitched sounds. Thanks

This guy is doing a very convincing impersonation of Kermit The Frog.

I’ve estranged myself from my lil title sister and don’t know how to get out of it. We had a bad argument and she said I wasn’t a man. It’s been 4 years in the same house and every time I think about talking with her I get overwhelmed with anxiety and panic. I hate myself for this. How do I overcome these feeling and talk to hear and forgive

I lost my last living parent last year and my sibling relationships blew up. I felt the compounded loss as I recognized most of my siblings couldn’t show up for me or each other. It took a long time, lots of support and validation, Fern’s book on sibling estrangement and Ali-John’s sibling estrangement group. So grateful for these resources.

Major compound loss here. How can I contact you?

That first example was business and growing apart. Not the same as estrangement.

I always felt an underlying problem w/my sister (2 yrs younger). At the end of 2022, during a challenging period (vulnerable, underweight & physically ill) -- she canceled my pain mgmt appt w/a new provider, due to my original provider being suspended). She maintained that in practice canceled the appt that day. This canceled my pain mgmt care (that I had had for 30 yrs). My mother supported her & the whole family kicked me to the curb. As her behavior became increasingly aggresive & hostile, I realized that the trust I placed in her was what she used to willing destroy the most important part of my medical care, being a disabled elderly woman (65) meant it was elder abuse, assault (due to the destruction of my physical, medical & psychological wellbeing). I have not been able to reestablish pain care for 2.5 yrs. When my mother was hospitalized (in early May of 2024) her condition rapidly deteriorated & she passed on 5/17/24. This sister blocked me from finding out about her progress (or worsening) from the hospital. I was not allowed to see her at the hospital before she passed . . . The rest of my 5 siblings joined her in freezing me out. 2 days after she passed, a younger sister sent me a message thru messenger w/brief details. I am better off w/o mainly her (& the rest of these abusive siblings) something well inside of me realized how much more important my life is than being dragged down by this journey. I took down messenger/Facebook & know they won't be advising me about her funeral. I will be able to now improve (as much as I am able -- being elderly and disabled. Now, my mom is in a place where she knows the difference -- I only held on to my close 50 yr relationship with her. I hadn't seen her thru these 2.5 yrs. But know . . . That now she knows the real truth & the rest of the story. Trust your gut feelings & . . . Get away from these destructive jerks -- your life is WORTH it. Sorry that this is long (this just happened with the last 10 days.

💯 I appreciate you guys' material SO MUCH. You have no idea... The content, delivery, diction and tone - everything about the organization of this information and channel is so helpful, gentle, validating, elucidating etc. I want you and your collaborators to know that your efforts in dissemination of this information have been a great source of comfort and healing influence in my life, and I can only wish that I had heard these things sooner. Unfortunately, I wasn't ready to stop trying and to stop accepting abuse and neglect then, and I feel so lucky/blessed to have found this right when I needed it. My sibling suddenly has interest in me after years of breakdown in communication/relationship, abuse and neglect because her "better" social options haven't panned out. Your content has helped me approach her attempts at "rekindling" with maturity, gentleness, presence of mind, pragmatism, gratitude, detachment and balance between other and self empathy. Take care!