Sibling Estrangement 101 : Why Are You Estranged?
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- Опубликовано: 25 сен 2023
- Those bewildered by a cutoff with a sibling will benefit from this episode, Estrangement 101. What does it mean to be estranged? Has a sibling cut you out of his/her life? Is it for the best? Reduced communication, avoidance, emotional distance, conflict or tension, and physical separation are characteristics of estrangement. This episode is a primer to these painful sibling cutoffs. Here, we explore what estrangement is, what it feels like, and what you can do about it.
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**Ali-John Chaudhary, Psychotherapist**
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Family are just a bunch of strangers we’re put on this planet with and expected to get along with.
Sibling estrangement always comes down to the actions of the parent(s). They allow or foster the distance between the siblings for their own benefit.
Not mine. Mine cult..ivate enmeshment
Toxic sibling rivalry is the cause of my family estrangement.
We need to allow parents to give up young children without judgement.
My hubby is voluntarily estranged from his 4 brothers and i think the brothers are from one another unless the wives make an effort on their behalf. So maybe brothers are more prone to estrangment? As for me, after going through a stressful period where my one sister and i have been working together over our mother's care recently...ive been seeing yet again how one sided our relationship is. Never asking about my life or even visiting me as 2 hours driving is too far for her to even consider it. We have met half way on occasion because we have been trying. And yet ive been driving that 2 hours distance for years to visit and to look after our mother while they didnt do much of that in reality. Her 30 year old 'boys' are also uninterested in me...and ive given my all in this respect to connect with them. Friendly, kind, understanding, the easy going auntie. But now im going to detach a bit from what i feel to be entrenched self centeredness following my mum going into a care home. It put to the test sibling issues! I do feel that inner battle ...one minute thinking I'm being too difficult about it, lacking in generosity of spirit, and then feeling no, ive had enough of being taken for granted, just like in our past. Glad to find your channel which is timely for me.😊
My sibling continued the cycle of abuse, and I broke it, so …
All these videos are so rich with information and insight. You deserve hundreds of thousands of views for all this effort which I am sure will come your way
Thanks so much for sharing this! I appreciate the support and encouragement :)
@Ali-John, These videos are very helpful! Hoping for new ones soon! Ive been rewatching older ones
I love you guys.
People like you is my tribe. 💙
We're here!
We see you. Thanks for reaching out and being a part of this!
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I’ve estranged myself from my lil title sister and don’t know how to get out of it. We had a bad argument and she said I wasn’t a man. It’s been 4 years in the same house and every time I think about talking with her I get overwhelmed with anxiety and panic. I hate myself for this. How do I overcome these feeling and talk to hear and forgive
I left the circle because i wasn't part of it. Maybe i was being fooled and got showed off when I was a kid then
I never saw the point of having a relationship with anyone where it only involves just holiday or burthday greeting. If its a year or two for a specific reason like someone especially busy thats one thjng bjt decades or.more what's the point. My thing is to try to speak with them about what i see as the problem n urge them to do likewise so it doesn't get that point but if it does id rather have none.
That first example was business and growing apart. Not the same as estrangement.
Consider the possibility that G_D intended you to have the genetics of your parents but did not intend you to share family life with them.
Had problems with my brothers (all acoholic) from Day One and they poisoned my aunts/uncles/cousins against me, so I have minimal contact with my brothers (I have no sisters) and I consider the LGBTQI Community my family of choice.
The 63 year old knew their birthdays? My siblings and I were born estranged. Covert mom made sure we never united, likely her worst nightmare that would uncover the family truth. 6 siblings. Now that's impressive control. I don't call myself estranged, which you touched on. I call it healthy choices on my part. Theirs is protection of the illusion. Make no mistake. Self awareness does not equate to not being the most horribly destructive soulless love abandoned pure ego state of being member of the family. Well, sis may get that trophy. She knows mom was covert. She knows she is covert. She knows I know. It only took one week for her to have the remaining siblings turn against me with her lies. Super impressive skills. If you ever need this service it can be arranged. Oh wait, the estranged thing. It can't be arranged but I suspect you already know someone b/c you are watching this video....ha
It sounds terrible and you should write a book, as all of us could. Think about it. I know I am.
If one sibling is the so called Golden Child n the other is the scapegoat the Golden Child may resist any type of hard conversation especially one that involves accountability for their words n behaviors. For a variety of contextual reasons some people get to a point in life where there far less concerned than the average person with how they treat others n if this is paired with inability to apologize or try to make amends which it often is, things can go south very quickly. The one sibling may not actually dislike the other sibling but really due to distance n differing social/economic class n family status not really have any use for the person either. This can become very problematic if they now start to not only view that sibling as not useful or important to them, but now somehow getting in the way of a feeling they wish to have such as security around the parents happiness. So if the parents have codependent relationships with some of their adult children any time one of the children is not doing all that well financially, career wise,family wise,health wise, they will be thrown into great discomfort themselves. Usually they will then unjustly blame the adult child m judge them under the pretense of trying to help or advise them but mainly so they can go back to feeling less worried. The Golden Child may come to view any sibling "upsetting" or "worrying" the parents as bad n in need of correction which of course will not go over well with the sibling who now begins to feel attacked by.everyone about something that really is their own business despite others who claim to love them occasionally being unhappy with their choices. Eventually the scapegoat will have to put their foot down but no one will ever respect her boundaries bc they are too shame based to recognize what they have been doing n tale responsibility n apologize no matter how many people get caught in the crosshairs. Thank you for mentioning the sadness of losing relationships with nieces n nephews n they lose out on you too.
Thank you for mentioning the ripple effect of destructive relationships n how it can play on us. Fortunately for me, while it was/is still painful, I knew that I was able to sustain relationships friends etc for 20 plus years n then even when I lost some of these in a domino like fashion , it was devastating but I still knew this wasn't all or even mainly about me as personal as it feels. After all if I were so bad none of these people had to continue friendship that long.
Hmmmm, I believe siblings growing apart and distant is normal biological behavior. It’s clear that animal siblings adore each other when young but rarely if ever interact as adults.
I can enjoy talking to my brother but haven’t done so in years. We text occasionally. Why? Nothing astonishing, no bitterness, but he lives far away, we have little in common, and I have no interest in interacting with his wife who’s a fundamentalist Christian, simple as that.
I think people make too big of a deal over “estrangement,” which is often nothing more than a family relationship that’s run its course and is no longer close knit. No hatred or parental dysfunction involved.
Don’t get lost in the weeds over this phenomenon.
Hi @stbaz! Thanks for your comment. Yes, it's absolutely ok that we live and become independent from our family. Some of us can become more tormented by the question of estrangement when something happens that contributes to the deterioration of the relationship. Growing apart due to differences can sometimes happen without it being about a particular incident. There is nothing that's broken here in such cases. It's how we're left with estrangement. Does it create pain or suffering? Is there an incompleteness that occurs within us? Conversations left unspoken? Actions left unjustified? Just with what you've described, there can be potential estrangement with geographical space, which becomes circumstantial. Just as with differing religious beliefs, depending on the degree of flexibility, there can be a need for space here as well. Sometimes, circumstances decide for us, and if we're at peace with that, then great. If not, there are options and help to empower us.
@@SiblingEstrangement I guess what you’re saying is if the distancing/estrangement causes distress, then it’s a problem. I can agree with that!
I think the nuclear and extended family is a fail.